#emotionally scared for life

[belladonnagecko]

I colored this panel from Cass's comic. I love the silly little guys!

Sorry, it's kinda blurry, Flipaclip doesn't translate well when you mess up the dimensions.

@somerandomdudelmao

Y'all go check out this au, it's totally safe emotionally.... obviously

#rottmnt #flipaclip #Cass'sAU #Cass is absolutely amazing #emotionally scared for life #apocalypse au

[benoitblanc]

no no you guys don't get it. the x files cancer arc was, excuse the pun, a fucking white whale of a tv plotline that would not have worked nearly as well on literally any other show. it was a complete hail mary. the writers' room nearly didn't make it happen because they were worried it would fall too deeply into soap opera territory. and on any other show, it would! but the x files is about four key things: mistrust in the government, faith in both science and the otherworldly, building a life around trauma, and the fine line between love and codependency. it is the only show where the entirety of this situation- a government experiment on an unwilling young catholic leads to a terminal illness that is counteracted by a literal scientific miracle in the eleventh hour due to her partner's refusal to accept her impending death- could both happen at all and happen well. none of the themes in the cancer arc were new to txf at all. they'd all been lurking, to some extent, in the background since the pilot. the cancer arc wasn't merely milking a left-field catastrophe for the drama, it shoved the overarching themes of the show to the front and said look. look what these people are to each other. look how impossible it is to face the darkness alone. regardless of when the plotline was conceived, it was always going to happen. it was the only way the story could have ever gone. they were always doomed from the beginning

#the writers also- and this is going to be a very unpopular opinion i'm sure- did themselves HUGE favors #by keeping mulder & scully still SO emotionally uptight and miscommunicative even though it would be so easy not to #because it feels REAL. this is how these characters would really react to these circumstances #they wouldn't suddenly become all sappy. they wouldn't talk to each other. they wouldn't know HOW #mulder would always just grieve and grieve and grieve and throw his life away to save her #wail silently into her bedclothes so his anguish doesn't burden her further #and scully would always insist that she's fine. she wouldn't leave him for anything not even her own health #she would never be able to tell him that she's scared of what he'd do when she was gone. she loves him far too much #anyway. is this coherent #arwen.text #the x files

[ruhlare]

if you do something that triggers me a few times after I've communicated it, i'll disconnect to the point where i can't reconnect like i did before

#sometimes i wonder how others deal with it when they start to detach emotionally #when i feel weird to my stomach #like when i feel something off in a physical way #i really can't be like before #i can only try to force myself to be normal #but i don't feel anything deeply #and it scares me that i just cut others off when it comes to it #as if they have never existed in my life

[lovelytech9902]

IF THEY ‘PLAN 99’ I WILL NEVER EMOTIONALLY RECOVER

It’s going one of two ways: Tech is alive

OR

Someone is ‘plan 99ing” themselves

#either way i’m not going to emotionally recover #they have me in a chokehold #jennifer when i catch you jennifer #never been so scared for a show to end in my life #tech is alive #like 😭😭😭 #can’t decide if I want it to be Wednesday or not #tbb season 3 #the bad batch #tbb crosshair #tbb echo #tbb hunter #tbb omega #tbb wrecker #tbb spoilers #tbb tech

[daily-hanamura]

#p4 #p4g #persona 4 #persona 4 golden #hanamura yosuke #yosuke hanamura #man yosuke really? more scared than when your own life was in danger in the tv world when your shadow was lashing out? #when you didnt have a persona and you didnt think anyone would do anything to help you? #(i believe it. it's just like yosuke to be like that.) #chewing glass at how invested hes become in nanako and in yu's family I'm honestly just #of course everyone wss terrified for nanako but yosuke describing it as the most terrified hes ever been is really just #also man i wonder what he was going to say when he started trailing off #i bet he was going to say something about how devastated yu was but thought better of it #and im #I feel like for yosuke in that moment when nanako was missing and his partner was emotionally distraught #he must have felt so helpless too #throughout the entire year yosuke took each kidnapping really personally he kept seeing it as a personal failure on his part #when he said he wasnt smart enough or good enough to prevent it even when he knew it was coming #and then to have it happen to someone close #i think yosuke definitely felt all of yu's pain #but he also felt the pain of not being able to do anything more for yu while yu was emotionally falling apart #like hes not just let nanako down but also his best friend too and IM JUST #ok im shutting up now bye #he's good with his queue

[jesuschristt-thatsaprettyface]

it was a little heart breaking watching aussie’s trauma response play out over and over again. the meltdowns. the shutdowns. the dissociation. not being able to communicate or feel safe with your partner bc of childhood trauma.

#it honestly scared the shit out of me bc i’m like that #i don’t feel emotionally safe w anyone really and i can see myself feeling this alone my whole life #the ultimatum queer love #mine

[willowser]

the thing so sweet to me about step dad!touya specifically is that your daughter isn't being raised in a toxic/abusive household. no, you and her father aren't together, but you both love and care for her, time is split fairly, you two can stand to be in the same room as one another and at events together to support her — so she has no qualms about being like "love you!" to touya and that THROWS him OFF.

#she has no trauma as a seven year old and he's like ?????? #WHY WOULD SHE SAY THAT TO ME ?????? #she's emotionally healthy and innocent ??? and he just. cannot understand LOL #it makes him care about you even more bc he sees how good of a job you're doing #and what makes it different than ACTUAL dad touya is that he IS the father figure and i just can't imagine he does it well in the first few #—years of her life #like no matter the au i never imagine touya as around in the first few years of his first kid #bc he's too scared #and in step dad au she actually had a healthy relationship with her father #and touya is a man that is often in her home taking care of her playing with her driving her places #so she's like — happy father's day :) i love you :) #and he's like SXCUSR ME ???????????? #lmaooo #in a good way #cw children #✿ thoughts: dabi/touya #✿ theme: dad dabi/touya #✿ theme: step dad touya

[rivalsforlife]

for an aroace person I am very ambivalent towards / dislike 90% of aroace headcanons I see

#ramblings #YES my favorite character has textual evidence supporting an aroace interpretation #YES I absolutely refuse to read him as aroace #in general I don't like 'emotionally repressed character = aroace' as a thing #Real Life is a yeah do whatever you want of course #but when it comes to fictional characters I am so gatekeepy #I have a lot of Opinions on fictional aroace headcanons but am too scared to voice most of them this is the closest I've gotten so far #don't want to deal with an 'are you aphobic' 'i'm aroace' 'she's dodging the question' moment

[selfindulgentfandomstuff]

FOUR DAYS TIL MY BIRTHDAY BTW

#I’m trying to force myself to be excited abt it bc lowkey aging scares the fuck out of me #not bc I’m scared of looking old or whatever like that #but bc I still feel like I have the life skills of like. a 10 years old #and I’m about to be 21 #you. you see the problem #anyways #ITS OKAY WE ARE AGING AND THAT IS OKAY WERE GONNA BE HAPPY AND NORMAL ABT IT ALL #also a little nervous bc several ppl in my life have expressed the sentiment that they think I should #take advantage of being of legal drinking age in my country and get drunk #I don’t WANT to get drunk !! #no hate to those who do/gen it just seems like a bad thing for me personally #I just feel like I would be even more emotionally unrestrained and it could be very embarrassing:( #sorry this got off topic lol #anyways… birthday is on the 13th of March so yaa…

[needylittlegirl]

maybe im like old fashioned or something but i dont think i’ll ever be over that all of my firsts were taken from me by somebody that didnt even love me, somebody that did such horrible things to me!

#i think he really set the tone for my entire sex life #just. the first time i was ever With somebody happened because i was too scared to say no #my first kiss and my first time and my first date and just. so much of my youth #i wish i could take it all back #cause it makes me feel so Gross #it makes me feel disgusting just know how much i wasnt ready for any of it but he wanted to so i had to #and then how much he hurt me physically and emotionally?? why did i ever have to deal with all of that #what did 17 year old me do to deserve getting shoved against walls and kicked like i was nothing #i dont know #i dont know i just want to go back and stop it all #where would i be? i was such a brave girl before him i was unstoppable #tbd #sorry im actually fine my car ride has just gotten quiet so im lost in thought

[silenthillbunni]

📓🕯️🐇🖤pt.2

#only 30 tags lol i ran out... so furthermore #we only get one life. im gonna try as much as i can to enjoy the little moments. nd to not give up on myself nd my life #i will die one day anyway. why rush it. i'll enjoy as many books and as many walks and songs and tv shows as possible #if i get a loan nd have more money i wanna bleach my hair nd dye my hair green #and later this year i think i might change my name #it was the name i wanted to change to from the beginning. but i was in such a bad headspace i just picked eden at random #i do kinda like it now nd im attached to it but i more feel like this other name actually is me. my birth name nd my current name dont feel #really right. so maybe. i havent decided yet. like i rlly dont know. im also attached to this name for some other reason. like it's who i am #to a person i rlly like and if i change... will i be anything to them? i cant put it into words but that makes me hesitate #but it's unhealthy to stay attached to someone i cant truly have even if i want to. so i mean. idk im just weird abt it #but i do kinda wanna change my name (to embla. my mom wanted to give me that name but my dad was like nooo >.<) i am not 100% sure tho so #when i've been getting used to going to school nd working out at the gym. nd after my surgery nd i have more energy #i will try to face my avpd and try apps for making friends. there r two apps where u can find new girl friends!! maybe i can try that #also like i've never tried apps but i think maaaaaybe i can use bumble to try to find friends and women to date. potentially. idk..... #rn it's hard for me to think in those terms bc. i mean i am hung up on someone!!!! i cant evwn imagine dating or being intimate w anyone els #sometimes i feel like.. they're the only person i've ever felt like it'd even be possible. who i'd event want to do that w #not only physically but emotionally. so ig it's even harder to let go bc im so scared i will never feel like that w anyone else #but i rlly need to try to make the most of whatever life i have. the world will collapse soon anyway #that makes me even more sad that i cant be w who i wanna be w nd do what i wanna do but #all pain will all be completely descimated eventually. it's not forever bc life isnt forever #i've just never felt this before. like i want smth to be real so bad but if it happened once surely it can happen again? right? #i wont spend my life alone without intimacy and love and comfort nd support nd understanding right???? :o hope not #im still so sad nd exhausted rn. nothing in my life is working nd theres no repreive nd no help #it gets sooo hard to endure everything sometimes when everything just keeps piling up and gets so heavy it feels like im drowning #nd atm i dont feel like i have any anchor. nothing that keeps me grounded nd im just floating away nd im constantly being overwhelmed by my #feelings nd emotions. im like a stupid little kid who dont understand how to handle what im feeling. or make rational decisions #i feel so ... stupid and useless. i dont know what im doing. i have no idea. i have no compass. its so scary

[daz4i]

let me preface this by clarifying i am not anti therapy in any way whatsoever and in fact encourage people to get therapy if they can and even go the extra step to help friends find the right type of therapy that may help them

ok now that that's out of the way.

therapy is bullshit man you go to a therapist saying "hey. i wanna kill myself. can you help me stop wanting to kill myself somehow?" and they go "sure! first step, stop wanting to kill yourself" and you say "well i can't. that's why i came to you. bc i don't know. how to stop wanting to kill myself" and they'll say "that's a shame. i can't help you if you want to kill yourself. that'll be 125$ please"

#mad abt my old therapist again #even checked the cost of sessions in usd to make this accessible. came out to be 124$ and a bit. and i did that on a weekly basis for YEARS #and i'm extra mad bc trying to find a new therapist is already hard esp with bpd where your options are very limited as is #but when they ask abt my history with therapy and they ask why i stopped seeing him after years. what am i supposed to say #so that scares them off and they say they can't help me or they're like. scared to go deep with me ig. bc idk. they're scared I'll snap? #what am i supposed to do. hospitalizing myself isn't an option obvs. what is there left. #it feels like a cycle #like. 'i can't help you if you don't want to help yourself'. but i need help even figuring out how to want that #and it's not like ppl in my life know how to help. tbh they usually make it worse. so loved ones aren't an option and professionals aren't - #- an option. so what is there left. how am i supposed to do a thing that comes naturally to others but not to me #even with medication even being in a recovery program i want to kms more than i used to for years #I'm supposedly taking the right steps. but. to get metaphorical ig. the road is crumbling and there's nowhere to go #and that only makes me spiral more. despite taking the right steps i feel like i'm only getting worse. there's no hope for me. lol #vent #suicide // #negative // #ask to tag #i need a good cry like full-on sobbing and screaming but unfortunately. i became too emotionally constipated for that

[uneorange]

🍊

#what is this looming dread I feel? #are things really this hopeless? #is this all there is? this is it? the rest of my life? #I love my job but I don’t want to go tomorrow #I fear I’ll never recover emotionally from this year #Im so tired I’m so frustrated I’m so scared of the future

[vulpinesaint]

"how do you handle conflict with people you love" well that's very simple. i just very specifically pick people that i know i will never have any conflicts with ever and then if i do i either avoid it as if it didn't exist or end the relationship in my head entirely. no conflict to handle. very simple

#yes this is healthy. i prommy [ actively destroying relationships as we speak ] #is it really toxic if you just let a relationship fester in your mind while putting no emotional weight into it so it peters out 🙄 #not even ghosting just like. i no longer initiate conversation. i no longer say i love you a thousand times. #i no longer put that emotional labor into our interactions. #if you had enough of an issue with losing that relationship with me you would try to fix it. and nobody has so far #^^^^^ hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate #anyway all of my dear beloved close people are people that i do not argue with because we're just good for each other. case closed #in my heart i believe i will never ever have something to argue over with miffy we're just too perfect for each other 👍 #realistically we would resolve issues before they even started i can't see us arguing #realistically or emotionally. that shit would break my heart. #need more bitches with an anxious preoccupied attachment style in my life those mfers are the only ones that get me ‼️ #(other people who are also scared to death of losing people and dislike conflict) #realistically i could work out any problems annelise and i have. but anytime we have an actual Issue to resolve #which is always SUPER minute honestly not even worth mentioning #it fucks me up for Days. and lives with me after. #not uh. not healthy but. dgjkfh that's what we're rocking wit #is anybody out there is anybody listening is anybody perceiving me #valentine notes #relationship posting

[badolmen]

So funny how trauma will just kick you in the fucking teeth with the most random triggers.

#ra speaks #personal #watched the most recent quintin reviews vid which like yeah I went in with expectations of the content #and it’s not like I actively avoid stuff that depicts/discusses abuse I’ve been going to therapy long enough to know my most sensitive #triggers and stuff. but…idk something abt when he got to the drake bell section just set me off something fierce. #I’m all nerves and stress and self loathing/misplaced guilt from my own past bullshit #like brain can we please cool it we’ve been over this for years why you freaking the fuck out now? (I mean. logically. I know why #and how trauma works and that I’m just having emotional flashbacks but still. ugh.) #brain please be real niceys to me I have a meeting in an hour we cannot be having a panic attack. #you’re safe you’re good it wasn’t your fault etc etc can we please go back to being an adult more than a decade past all that? please??? #survived my meeting so I’m gonna vent abt this a bit more bc. let’s be real. #I don’t rememember a solid 3 years of my adolescence and it fucks w me sometimes. #I remember things before 4th grade. I remember 4th grade. then bam I’m in 8th going to high school. and like #I know logistically what happened. I know emotionally I hated/was so fucking scared of [redacted] until I finally left that fucking school. #it’s just. frustrating bc if I remembered maybe I’d feel more justified letting myself get upset abt it. but I don’t so suck it up buttercup #it probably wasn’t even that bad if you don’t actually remember it so pull it together. #hell for all you know it had nothing to do with [redacted] and you were just on bad meds/depressed and forgot three solid years of your life #after meeting [redacted] <- I am not convincing myself unfortunately.

[eggpunkhouses]

the death of art the death of education the death of childhood the death of narrative the birth of christ as we believed he was a zombie and our father

#talks #anyway im having some sort of reaction to seeing a lot of people discussing the collective trauma of gen z #as it correlates to nostalgia for corporate products and the exploitation of children #i feel odd being in this position as i feel like ive already emotionally unpacked this with introspection of my own childhood experiences #and current day struggles with parental abuse & emotional neglect #but what im mostly scared of is the idea that people will refuse to reclaim what once brought them joy through a dark period #as well as a loss of hope that im starting to see manifest in real life and on social media #the last thing id want is for people to give up on art because of what they fear may happen if they do #if somebody gets hurt because of it #keep it in your mind that ​hollywood was built on voyerism and exploitation #(aside—please read laura mulvey’s visual pleasure & narrative cinema) #(and bell hooks oppositional gaze) #but personally im not waiting on any internship applications so I can one day make it to LA and maybe get my cartoon produced #with 500 pages of censorship notes from S&P #im making my cartoon now because ive worked hard to get here and i have the resources to do it #it will be free for everybody to watch on youtube. i just want people to see it and have a good time with it #also i might just be wiccan now