#dogtooth review

[wroteonedad]

Dogtooth Isn't A Good Film

Yesterday I logged the original Charlie's Angels onto my Letterboxd. A couple of beers in and watching the original major camp girlboss film. When I was younger, I never had the attention span to be able to sit down and watch an entire film so now I'm a grown adult it means I've been spending the whole time playing catchup with forms of media that I've missed out on. Lots of feelgood films and laughs filled in with binge watching TV shows and exploring the art house genre of film. Watching everything so fast means that I've finally been able to grasp what is good cinema and what is not. Unfortunately, I'm here to tell you all that Dogtooth does not make the cut of good cinema in my eyes.

Dogtooth is one of those films that I've been eyeing up for a little while. I've seen it Mark Kermode's top picks on BFI and I read the synopsis and said to myself, yeah I'm going to watch this. That was 6 months ago. This evening I opened up MUBI to try and find a movie that was different from what I've been watching lately and up comes Dogtooth, a yellow banner across the top reminding me that it leaves the streaming service in less than two weeks. Tonight I was going to make it my mission to finally watch the film.

I don't really know what I was expecting with this film. At first glance into what the plot was about, it seemed to be one of those movies where the kids all live under one roof, they have controlling parents and that it was going to be rather comedic. Maybe when I think of comedy I think of something that is in your face, silly, a loud = funny type of comedy. This film was actually, and pardon my French, seriously fucked up. Almost to the point that my stomach felt like it was turning for a good while after the abrupt ending credits and silence appeared on my screen. If you were a filmmaker and you were mentally ill, had about 50p in your bank account and a cool film camera that you inherited from one of your dead relatives then this is the type of film I expect to see.

The plot follows three children / teenagers / young adults, it's never really disclosed how old these people are. They are placed into what is a lovely spacious home, they live with their parents, their mother being pretty much a stay at home and their father being the real breadwinner of the house. They are completely isolated from the outside world, unable to leave. So as lovely as this home is, it quickly becomes a beautiful prison cell. The entertainment they are allowed to see in the home is subjected and controlled by the family, i.e only homemade family videos, performances are done by the children, they are not allowed to learn words that are deemed 'unsafe' from their safe space. In fact, the cats are deemed the most cruel creatures of them all.

Despite not liking the film, I think the way in which Yorgos Lanthimos tackles controlling parents is powerful. The way in which the plot for Eldest Daughter is experimented is enticing, it's one of those where no matter how awful the film is you can't turn away. The way in which she grows to rebel against her parents, to become meta in realising that she is being controlled by them. I believe that one of the major domino effects as to why she ended up rebelling the way she did was due to her parents forcibly allowing her to sleep with her own brother. Prior to this, the trio of siblings would spend all their days listening to homemade tapes trying to teach them their own vocabulary. Almost like this movie is supposed to be an extreme way of discussing the concept of home schooling and the major impact that it can have on young people's lives upon entry into the real world.

Despite the film having one of the all time lowest budgets I have ever seen, the filmography at times was also quite beautiful. Green and yellow hues in the garden and throughout the home indicating the middle of the summer, a time when most young people are out socialising with one another. But it also stays disturbing in nature, the correlation of the film camera creating the idea of perhaps we as the audience are also there. We are in the corner of the living room as the father puts the VHS into the TV and suddenly it's this film that's rolling, and you're there. It creates the idea of if they're living this forced homemade lifestyle then are we also living that same life by consuming this movie?

The mystery of the characters is also really interesting to me. There is only one character who is revealed to have an official name, that person being Christina who is later on denied entry into the families lives after exposing the eldest daughter into the world of cinema. The only time the eldest daughter is ever given any form of name is when she tells the younger daughter that she wanted to be called Bruce. This creating another underlying layer of the exploration of sexuality between the three children as well. Though I don't want to go into much detail about this because of the nature of how it is described.

Truthfully, I think the main reason why I don't like this film is down to its ethical value. Its narrative is doomed and morbid, it ends on an open chapter so you can decide for yourself what happens to the eldest daughter in the exploration of the world. There are many factors in this film that are just left for interpretation, but it doesn't stop me from feeling disturbed and disgusted. I am angry at the parents for raising them in the way that they had, it seems like a living hell and I can sympathise with the eldest daughter for wanting to escape. I am also angry with how all of the characters were written, though I think it was done on purpose. I don't believe any of these characters were written to be liked, rather most of them were written to be plot devices for the eldest daughter. Ethically, gross. Visually, pretty. I give this film 2 stars out of 5.

Dogtooth (2009) is currently available to stream on both MUBI and BFI.

#writing #review #dogtooth #dogtooth review #movie review

[kacic1]

A todos, boa noite!

Revisitando o visceral cinema grego moderno no Filmes do Kacic, convido vocês para visitarem o site e conferir minha nova crítica sobre este ousado exemplar do cinema do país. Imperdível para os fãs do bom cinema!

Crítica: DENTE CANINO (KYNODONTAS/DOGTOOTH) | 2009

🎬🎞🎥📽📺

#movies #cinema #filmes #geek #popculture #nerd #osfilmesdokacic #review #critica #yorgos lanthimos #dente canino #kynodontas #dogtooth #critica dente canino #mubi #kynodontas review #dogtooth review

[letterboxd-worth-a-damn]

#Dogtooth #dogtooth 2009 #letterboxd #letterboxd reviews

[iamadarshbadri]

Dogtooth: A Bizarre Movie about Manipulation and Confinement

Dogtooth, a 2009 Greek psychological thriller movie directed by Giorgos Lanthimos, is a harrowing tale of manipulative and overprotective parents who have confined their three adult children in their house, barring them from any outside influence. This movie is inspired by a 1972 Mexican film, The Caste of Purity, by Arturo Ripstein, who claims to have based the story on a real-life story of an…

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#adarsh badri reviews movie #bizarre movies to watch #dogtooth a bizarre movie #dogtooth and bizzare movie #dogtooth critic response #dogtooth greek movie #dogtooth movie #dogtooth movie review #how is dogtooth movie #movie review adarsh badri #movies on mubi #mubi movie dogtooth #story of dogtooth movie #what is the review of dogtooth #where to watch dogtooth watch dog tooth.

[jimsmovieworld]

DOGTOOTH- 2009 ⭐⭐⭐⭐

A manipulative and probably insane father locks his children up in the family compound and allows them no contact with the outside world. He lies to them about whats really outside the garden walls and they fear theyd be killed in a horrific way if they leave before theyre "dogtooth" falls out.

The movie is about the bizarre effects this experiment has on the kids and the dynamics between the family members.

The movie is a dark comedy of sorts and has some pretty hilarious moments. The kids are terrified when they see a cat in there garden, theyve never seen one before and are taught its a monster. Later one of the kids attacks the other and when confronted says she saw a cat running out the room with a hammer. That got me pretty good.

One of the weirdest movies ive seen in a while. Very well made, very interesting.

Directed by Yorgos Lanthimos.

#dogtooth #yorgos lanthimos #movie #film #review

[lilaclunablossom]

Dogtooth Review

I saw Yorgos Lanthimos’ 2009 movie Dogtooth, and I completely love it. I’ve become obsessed with Lanthimos ever since seeing The Lobster and The Killing of a Sacred Deer, the latter of which is in my top ten movies ever. However, this may be his best work I’ve seen yet. I say this, even though it’s hands down one of the most disturbing, horrifying experiences I’ve ever had watching a film.

The shot composition is very much Lanthimos’ signature style – cold and distant, yet profoundly beautiful. This is amplified by the gorgeous greenery surrounding the family home the movie is dominantly set at. But, as this is a Lanthimos story, the family has something much darker lurking.

Lanthimos and his co-writers are absolute geniuses at gradually revealing their plots, and this film is the most artfully mind-destroying example of this I’ve seen, so I really don’t want to give away much. But it’s about an abused family, and the extent of the abuse is probably some of the most extreme and disturbing ever put to film. It’s disgusting and vile, I’m not joking. But for anyone mentally well enough to handle it, they’ll find a deeply profound story of control and the concept of family, and one of the most hauntingly accurate portrayals of abuse. As someone who has been through domestic abuse, it moved me to near tears.

Also, even with the movie being in Greek, I could see and feel the raw emotion from every single actor. And after seeing Angeliki Papoulia in a few Lanthimos movies now, I must say, she’s a total fucking legend.

5/5

#Dogtooth #Yorgos Lanthimos #Angeliki Papoulia #movies #film #movie review #film review #psychological horror #psychological horror movies #psychological horror films #2000s movies #2000s film #2000s psychological horror movies #2000s psychological horror films #2000s movie review #2000s film review

[thepalmofyourfreezinghand]

Yes! Thank you for providing us with various joe clips since not all of us have twitter/x/whatever it's been called these days. Thank You!

I’ll feed you!

A couple of screen grabs from the livestream I followed yesterday (notice his profile, unmatched as always).

A few more pics I love:

And, again, Joe and Hunter looking dazzling.

The reviews are saying that the movie is great, that it’s similar to Yorgos’s earlier work (like Dogtooth and The Lobster), that it’s bloody and “obscene”, and that it isn’t easy to digest. There are also some spoilers about a scene with Joe and Emily that I won’t share BUT let’s just say that it will probably be difficult to watch but I’m so excited!

#joe alwyn

[smallishplanete]

Every movie I watched in March ranked and reviewed

ok this is a long list and idk if I'm gonna do this every month but here we go! (also summary is in the tags if you just want to see the ranking for whatever reason.)

17. Baghead (2023)

I watched this with my friend in an almost empty theater on a Wednesday afternoon and it was the funniest theatrical experience I've ever had. Movie sucks don't watch it. 2/10

16. The Help (2011)

Alright before I say anything, I really wanted to like this film. I thought everything about it was pretty good aside from the script, which was so shallow and insincere that I just couldn't connect with it. It's not bad, I just wish it did more. 4/10

15. A Star is Born (2018)

Kind of the same problems I had with The Help. Just an average movie that feels insincere and like it's trying too hard to be an academy darling. 5/10

14. The Little Mermaid / Русалочка (1976)

I'm gonna be real for a second, I didn't mean to watch this . I wanted to watch the Czech film from the same year but me (dumbass who can't tell the difference between Russian and Czech) didn't realize I was watching the wrong film. Anyways it was fine. 5/10

13. Eraserhead (1977)

I think movies with shorts scripts just irritate me. I love the atmosphere and the effects and what little script there is is fantastic, but this should've been a 50 minute short film at most. 6/10

12. Immaculate (2024)

This movie has a lot of potential and I think Sydney Sweeney is a very talented actress who seems to be a promising producer, but its first act really drags it down for me. As it goes on it gets much weirder and relies less on cheap jump scares which I really like. It's worth seeing in my opinion. 6/10

11. But I'm a Cheerleader (1999)

I don't really know how to word my thoughts on this movie, but I enjoyed it. Some of the performances and parts of the script are corny and it's not exactly incredible, but it succeeds as a queer chick flick. 7/10

10. Dogtooth / Κυνόδοντας (2009)

This might become a bit of a trend, but I really can't explain how I feel about this film. Please read the IMDB parents guide before watching it for any tws necessary (that applies to most of the films on this list so if they look interesting, check the parents guide or ask me for a list of cws.) 7/10

9. Donkey Skin / Peau d'âne (1970)

Silly and whimsical fairytale movie. Such an enjoyable little film. It's a little slow in some parts but it's very effective at capturing the feeling of a fairytale. 7/10

8. Dune: Part Two (2024)

Ok I know it's unpopular to say that this is worse than the first one but the first like 20 minutes had a shockingly bad script for no reason? The movie gets definitely gets good but that first just was so forced in its humor and genuinely kind of baffling writing wise that it dragged it down. Great movie, just weakened by a lame opening. Also I watched this twice this month. 8/10

7. Blue Velvet (1986)

This film is so cool oh my god. It's slightly repetitive in some scenes, and not in an intentional way, but other than that it's very interesting and it's a very captivating mystery. I watched this film without knowing anything about it and I recommend going in completely blind like I did. 8/10

6. Naked Lunch (1991)

What the fuck??? 8/10

5. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011)

I can't really explain what I like about this movie other than it's just a good movie. It's a little too long and it's a bit unintentionally confusing but genuinely amazing even with those minor flaws. 8/10

4. Dune (2021)

This movie is so yummy. Everyone I've talked to hates that it's a serious political drama but that's what I love about it and the fact that the sequel kind of gets rid of that stuff was a bummer. Incredible effects and just amazing cinematography. I watched this three times this month btw. (Also side note, this poster is fucking atrocious.) 9/10

3. Anatomy of a Fall (2023)

Such an insanely good courtroom drama. Every scene is interesting and there aren't any parts where I was confused or bored. Incredibly well paced. 9/10

2. The Young Girls of Rochefort / Les demoiselles de Rochefort (1967)

La La Land if it was good. 10/10

1. The Zone of Interest (2023)

I don't think I'll ever be able to put into words how this movie makes me feel. Please go check it out and watch Jonathan Glazer's Oscar speech. 10/10

#baghead #the help #a star is born #the little mermaid #eraserhead #immaculate #but i'm a cheerleader #dogtooth #donkey skin #dune part two #blue velvet #naked lunch #the girl with the dragon tattoo #dune #anatomy of a fall #the young girls of rochefort #the zone of interest

[aestheticaltcow]

A sorta 100-follower special, the Carmy Playlist Blurbs.

I used to write fan fiction about pop-punk bands, and music has always inspired my fan fiction habits, so I wrote some blurbs starring Carmy from The Bear that were inspired by some of the music I love and gave me Carmy vibes. Some make a lot of sense, but most are just my vibes.

Enjoy!

Adore You - Harry Styles

Just a little fluff piece about you taking care of Carmy in a way he hadn't expected. Song Link!

boy for the weekend - marc indigo

Carmy comes to visit you instead of being at the restaurant over an important weekend Song Link!

Caffeine - Jack Kays

MDNI 18+ Running into Carmy at a party after not seeing him in who knows how many years. Recreating memories from 11th grade. Song Link!

Chateau - blackbear

Pete plays matchmaker, Carmy thinks something is wrong with you, and you think he's cute enough to take a chance on. Song Link!

Cigarettes - Rozei

You fuck who you want when you want, however you want. Carmy is not your boyfriend. The two of you aren't exclusive. Song Link!

Coffee - beabadoobee

Mikey has been gone for years, why does it still hurt like it happened yesterday? Song Link!

Dogtooth - Tyler, the Creator

MDNI 18+ Carmy is a munch. That's all. Song Link!

Fly - Cemetary Sun

Carmy is just a tinder hookup, why does he want to make you dinner? Song Link!

Irish Goodbye - K. Flay

You pique Carmy's interest after running out of a wedding Song Link!

Loose Control - Teddy Swims

A bad review of The Bear makes Carmy think he's dedicating too much time to your budding relationship. Song Link!

She's a God - Neck Deep

In the great kingdom of Chicagoland, a princess runs into a bear... Song Link!

SPIT IN MY FACE! - ThxSoMuch

MDNI 18+ I've been watching a lot of Shameless, and I want Carmy to have a Lip-esque sex scene. Not this specifically, but I did love the episode where Karen came back, and they were aggressively loud in the bathroom at school. Song Link!

sTraNgeRs - Bring Me the Horizon

CW: suicidal ideation A rough shift at The Bear leads Carmy to ensure you're okay while waiting for your ride. Song Link!

Vicodin - CBZ

Carmy is a workaholic, and you try to remedy it when you can. Song Link!

Wallow in It - Dreamers

Natalie Berzatto to the recuse! Song Link!

#the bear #aestheticaltcow masterlist

[james-stark-the-writer]

the only movie to ever actually get Mary Shelley's Frankenstein and realize that the real monster is Victor but also that it's a little more complicated than that, and this isn't even a Frankenstein adaptation. i haven't even seen all of them but this is actually better than every single Frankenstein adaptation. this is a sci-fi movie if it was made in the 1920s, this even often looks like a colorized expressionist film (where the fuck were you people getting "surrealism" from????? this is absurdist, just like every other Lanthimos movie, just bc there's some hazy landscapes that doesn't make it surrealist. it's also probably his single funniest film) from back then. Yorgos Lanthimos's (almost) feminist masterpiece. Bella is a favorite of all time, i love her more than words can explain. i think this honestly might be my second favorite Lanthimos after Dogtooth (although technically this is a spiritual successor to Dogtooth, this is also about the controlling of information by the people in power and what that does to people). also, ik i need to separate art from the artist but i don't think i'll be able to watch TASM2 in the same way ever again tbh. Men (2022) wishes it had the range this does. this is also weirdly the most hopeful Lanthimos movie?

My ★★★★★ review of Poor Things (2023) on @letterboxd:

#james talks #poor things #yorgos lanthimos #poor things 2023 #letterboxd #movie review #james reviews things #james reviews stuff

[bambamramfan]

Year in Review

This year I wrote two LARPs, went on more than a few road trips, started Lexapro, went to one con, and otherwise did not accomplish a lot that can be measured, except for watching a truly absurd number of movies. Fortunately Letterboxd makes it a lot easier to record that.

By my count, I watched 469 movies this year. This does not count rewatches. When this counts television, it is only for an entire series counting as one movie. Many of the movies - basically anything 1.5 stars or less - I did not finish because they weren’t worth my time.

Full movie list here, because it's too large to fit into a Tumblr post.

I would say none of the movies I watched this year were truly great, S-tier movies, compared to last year which had two (EEAAO, and Vengeance.) However, I found this year had a good variety of movies at the A-tier below that (some of which I still need to see.)

But this makes choosing “the best” difficult. Instead I will hand out awards:

The “Hold a Gun to my Head and Threaten Cronenberg Style Violence on Me to Pick 2023’s Best” Award goes to Infinity Pool, by Brendan Cronenberg.

The Studio Ghibli Award for “I Meant to See This but my Theater Stopped Showing It” Award goes to How Do You Live AKA the Boy and the Heron.

The “I Can’t Believe Three Contenders for Best Movie of the Year Were All Released on the Same Day” award goes to Oppenheimer, Barbie, and They Cloned Tyrone.

The “Dogtooth” Award for Yorgos Lanthimos Sure Does Like Fucked Up Sexuality goes to Poor Things. Also a recipient of the “Cruella award for Damn Emma Stone is Fine” Award.

The Don Glover Award for “Black Made Movie that Manages to Hugely Offend the Identity-Left” goes to Antebellum.

The Most French Award goes to Holy Motors.

The First And Only Time Directing Awards are split. The “I Really Want to Be Nicholas Refn and Everyone Hated It” Award goes to Lost River by Ryan Gosling. The “If You All Liked It So Much Why Hasn’t Anyone Hired Me to Make Another Movie” Award goes to Emma. 2020 by Autumn de Wilde. (Though Don Jon by JGL is a runner up.)

The Alice Krige “Borg Queen, Controlling Mother of a Cult Leader, Vengeful Hollywood Witch - What Can’t She do?” Award goes to She Will. 

The Brit Marling “Creates a Cult Following Also a Cult” Award goes to Broadcast Signal Intrusion, by Jacob Gentry.

And finally, the Zack Snyder “Everyone Hates This but C’mon It is Clearly Amazing Camp” Award goes to Saltburn, by Emerald Fenell.

#films #2023

[cosmic-navel-gazin]

YOU

Question 3 and 5 for the movie ask 👀

3.What is a film you absolutely despise and why?

Oh man I think The Lion King 2019 (and all those disney """live-action""" remakes in general). Some are more egregious than others but god like, just the staggering soulless, corporate, intellectually and emotionally lazy aura of them. They smell like bleach and plastic to me.

so many things to despise :D LIKE

the fact that so many extremely talented artists and workers in general whose creativity and talent and passion is being wasted on these things hurts my bones and crushes my soul

the fact that this thing is so blatantly a 'product' meant to be consumed once and then forgotten about

the no imagination or attemps at doing new and different things and when they are trying to do improvements or something new they show how they fundamentally don't understand what makes the originals work and what made them so beloved in the first placed

how manipulative it is, the unabashed exploitation of people's nostalgia and love of the original

the way a company plagiarizes itself like a greedy ouroboros

the way it wants to piggy-back off the hard work of the original while also wanting to replacing it

the way these things help perpetuate that 2d animation is old and outdated and for kids, while this new gritty no colour, no heart, no soul, no emotion, no sincerity, no vulnerability, no rawness, live action remake is much more mature and ´real´ and waaaaayyyyy better I mean who needs characters to act and emote when we can render all these fur textures…

It's just insulting to me and the entire human race overall

one of the only good things about it is YMS's review on it:

that and that their existence makes me appreciate the originals way more.

5. What is your favorite genre of film?

Aaaarghhhhh I don't know if I can choose, it's like choosing which one of your children is your favourite, it's evil to choose!

But here's some I'm genres I'm weak for: psychological horror, character studies, sci-fi, intimate small scale conflicts that are a microcosm of a larger more general and timeless conflict, dark comedy, historical periods!!!, fantasy and mythology, all sorts of animation but especially the crazy experimental ones (claymation and stop-motion for example), and just weird stuff in general

And I really like a film that can juggle polar opposite genres/emotions like a comedy/horror or comedy/tragedy in a way that enhances the whole thing and not subtract from it, it's one of the toughest things but oh that's the good shit right there when it's done right like:

A Field In England 2013

The Banshees of Inisherin 2022

Dogtooth 2009

Parasite 2019

or Coen Brothers' films

#taonpest #sorry for the late response friend but thank you for the ask!! #asks/replies #ask game #movie ask #movies

[letterboxd-worth-a-damn]

#Dogtooth #dogtooth 2009 #Letterboxd #letterboxd reviews

[deadlinecom]

[deadcactuswalking]

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 22/04/2023 (Lewis Capaldi, David Kushner, Post Malone)

To my surprise, and seemingly everyone’s, Lewis Capaldi takes his third #1 of the album cycle with “Wish You the Best” thanks to CD sales, dethroning “Miracle” by just a couple thousand sales – hey, you can’t say it’s not an exciting chart this week... and it really is in some ways, so prepare for that. Welcome back to REVIEWING THE CHARTS!

Rundown

So, yeah, we had a bit of a shake-up this week, especially at the very top of the chart. Regardless, as always, we start with our notable drop-outs – songs exiting the UK Top 75, which is what I cover, after five weeks in the region or a peak in the top 40 – and whilst there many dropouts this week, not many are all that notable. My favourite may be that due to the three-song rule, wherein the UK Singles Chart allows for only three tracks by one lead artist (usually) on the chart at a given time, Lewis Capaldi’s “How I’m Feeling Now” – his best song – has dropped out of the chart entirely on what would have been its biggest sales week, which really does make me question why they don’t extend the limit to five – it’s very possible that a standard pop rollout ends up promoting four simultaneous singles, and as we see from these random dropouts, tends to happen. I think that a five-song limit would actually do its job at preventing album bombs for the most part, though big artists of course will still score five debuts in one week. Otherwise, we say farewell to “DOGTOOTH” by Tyler, the Creator, “River” by Miley Cyrus, “Red Ruby da Sleaze” by Nicki Minaj, “22” by JayO, “Shut Up My Mom’s Calling” by HOTEL UGLY and also due to the three-song rule but declining anyway, “Lavender Haze” by Taylor Swift. There’ll be on both Taylor and Nicki later on.

As for what filled up the space, well, we have two re-entries – one normal as “The Kind of Love We Make” by Luke Combs squats down at #75 and one irregular as “Heat Waves” by Glass Animals shoots back to #24 thanks to an ACR reset and what purpose do we have on Earth other than to suffer? Outside of... that, we do have a small batch of gains: “Flip a Switch.” by RAYE at #48 (expect this to go even further), “Snooze” by SZA at #39, “Never Felt So Alone” by Labrinth making the top 40 at #33 (that’s awesome), “Peaches” by Jack Black at #28 (that’s... something) and “Cupid” by FIFTY FIFTY at #26.

Our top five starts relatively normal with “Eyes Closed” by Ed Sheeran at #5 and “People” by Libianca at #4 but then we have David Kushner of all people debut at #3 with “Daylight” before of course, “Miracle” by Calvin Harris and Ellie Goulding dethroned at #2 by Capaldi’s “Wish You the Best” at #1. We’ll talk more about those two songs afterwards, but for now, I’ll say that I honestly have more expectations for longevity with Kushner than Capaldi. Before we even think about those songs anymore, however, we have our list of new entries to work through.

NEW ARRIVALS

#74 – “live more & love more” – Cat Burns

Produced by Jordan Riley and Stuart Price

It seems like Cat Burns is finally revving up for that second single after “go” was a massive hit last year, and since singer-songwriter types tend to be slow burns – no pun intended – it’s no surprise that this has debuted pretty low, but does it deserve to get higher? Well, it’s inoffensive, but almost offensively so, with writing that feels so basic it’s practically patronising. It’s a self-empowerment anthem with plucky guitars that sound really cheap over some of the grossest percussion I’ve heard in pop, as a really sandy, non-existent snare is for whatever reason amplified in the mix so heavily that it is actively distracting from the otherwise muddy, compressed ocean of a mix. I can get behind the sentiment of spending more of your time loving and following your dreams but if she’s having to point out the cliché in the bridge, maybe she shouldn’t have released the bloody song. Also, “your life can start when you choose it to” is a lie, just flagrantly – the attitude in the song paints with such a broad brush that it seems like Cat Burns wants to ignore all external factors that would potentially hinder someone’s life. There’s zero nuance to this and whilst that may work on the radio, it makes for an unflattering second single that honestly kind of puts me off Cat Burns, who I thought was otherwise promising. This is just toothless garbage.

#71 – “Maria Maria” – TECH IT DEEP

Produced by TECH IT DEEP

So, this is a bit of a bizarre one. TECH IT DEEP is the pseudonym of Essam, a Dutch festival promoter and I guess DJ, though this is to date his only song on streaming services. It’s also a remake of the classic Santana track of the same name featuring The Product G&B, mostly known for its iconic guitar solo, which originally peaked at #6 in 2000. I question why then that the guitar solo, the most widely known part of the song, mentioned by the lyrics themselves, and heavily sampled later on in DJ Khaled’s “Wild Thoughts”, is simply not included here. Sure, there are other important parts of “Maria Maria”: The Product G&B have nasal voices yet the melodies in even the verses are immediately recognisable and they play off the Latin guitar incredibly well. The groove synced up with the clap is a slick rhythm, and of course, the guys actively shout out the guitar played by Carlos Santana before that solo which acts as the refrain. It’s also a kind of bizarrely-structured song, with the chorus being incredibly long, the bridges being out of rhythmic mantras and... Wyclef Jean being there for some reason. It’s not as good as “Smooth”, sure, but what is? This remix by TECH IT DEEP has literally none of that, and I’d usually appreciate something that has the gall to completely recreate a song from scratch, but it immediately starts with the slap house groove coated in echoed, processed vocals that again, actively shout out the guitar played by Carlos Santana... which doesn’t play, there’s no remnant of it. There is a Latin guitar riff but it’s clearly not Santana, and once it gets to the build-up, it occurs to me that... “Maria Maria” could have easily been a dance song. Its original groove was inspired by a Wu-Tang Clan beat, its bridge has that rhythmic vocal line that is essentially already percussion, and the guitar solo acts much like the main lead in an EDM drop. Why TECH IT DEEP decided to move the song around like they did is beyond me – it feels kind of arbitrary and random where each verse or refrain ends up which, to be fair, is the case with the original song, but the original also had that one thing driving it all: the solo, and the bass drop in this version is not nearly climactic enough to replace it. What a butchering of something that could have been a cool idea.

#68 – “Karma” – Taylor Swift

Produced by Sounwave, Jack Antonoff, Taylor Swift, Keanu Beats and Jahaan Sweet

I think we’re going to get a new fan favourite off of Midnights hit the chart ever so often depending on the success of the Eras Tour as we kind of have intermittently, but “Karma” may be the most bizarre choice yet... mostly because it sucks. I don’t mind Antonoff’s buzzy synths here, giving off a lot of chillwave vibes, but the drums do them no justice and Taylor absolutely doesn’t, with a combination of some of her most heavy-handed delivery and awkward lyricism ever. Midnights is full of moments just like “Karma”, but this song in particular doesn’t do anything new in presenting itself as anything other than annoying and unlikeable. The harmonies are alright, but they contribute to the childlike, sing-songy nature of that embarrassing chorus – I mean, “flexing like a Goddamn acrobat”? Seriously? Taylor portrays karma as her companion and she has said that it is the most important life lesson to be learned, but it also makes her blissfully ignorant if she’s going to make poetic leaps in the verses and basic analogies in the chorus over chintzy synthpop. It doesn’t make her sound like a badass or a cheeky karma fairy going around stealing teeth, it just makes her sound aggravating. I’m not completely against songs from Midnights still picking up traction, but I much would have preferred, say, “Midnight Rain” or “Vigilante” over this nuisance and tonal clash of a song.

#60 – “Try Me” – Jorja Smith

Produced by SANDAME

R&B singer Jorja Smith is back with a new single after what honestly feels kind of like forever – she’s been only intermittently releasing singles, mostly collaborations, since 2021 and this potentially could be the lead single for that sophomore album, finally, and it would be an interesting one, given how percussive it is with the rumbling drums and jingling percussion that starts off the track before moving into a fluid groove with some incredible bass guitar and background shrieks that further the intensity of this song, which transitions into the chorus through a bloody gun sound effect – that’s how confrontational it is. To be honest, I don’t fully think that Jorja adds much to the song – I love the backing vocals and the mantra of “change” and it makes perfect sense for her vocals to be so heavy in the mix, but the chorus melody isn’t all that flattering and she kind of gives up on her most fittingly percussive flow in the second verse. The lyrics also feel incredibly vague, which takes me out of really understanding why the song is so confrontational. The outro is gorgeous, with Jorja merging her belting with a falsetto over string stabs and backing vocal riffs that merge into the melting pianos as her mantra continues to cascade over an increasingly incoherent, paranoid instrumental. The atmosphere is immaculate but I don’t think as a full song that the delivery and lyricism lives up to SANDAME’s top-notch production. It’s still good, but this could have transcendent.

#59 – “J’adore” – Strandz

Produced by Strandz and Henry Pritchard

Strandz is back with his follow-up to the breakout “Us Against the World” and it elevates a trend that I’ve found kind of fascinating: UK rappers going back to the 2000s G-Unit sound with their production. In this one in particular, Strandz straight-up sounds like 50 Cent occasionally which is partly impressive considering the difference in accent. The sparkling flutes in the sample are drowned out and chopped up in a pretty great, hard-hitting beat that is stiff in the best way, yet with a better, more technical rapper it would definitely feel more worthwhile, as Strandz murmurs his way through rapping about his love for his girlfriend – mostly because she wants to learn about economics, apparently. I don’t know, it’s a bit of an awkward one – the great beat, which Strandz produced himself, doesn’t mesh all too well with his delivery but not awfully either. The chorus is a pretty cool idea, having the female vocal come in, but she just reinforces Strandz’s lines and it’s still mind-numbingly repetitive and basic, which is particularly annoying for a song that is still under two minutes. Much like “Us Against the World”, I feel like there are vaguely good ideas that go to waste not because of lack of talent but just lack of people helping him fully formulate these tracks. I will always root for independent artists, but a second co-producer or feature, preferably a woman to give extra balance and depth to the track, would really help out for now until he can refine his sound even further with this 2000s throwback style, which I will say is pretty unique. You know what isn’t?

#46 – “Waffle House” – Jonas Brothers

Produced by Jon Bellion, Pete Nappi, Tenroc, Ido Zmishlany and Daniel Tashian

Waffle House, Inc. is an American restaurant chain with over 1,900 locations in 25 states in the United States. Most of the locations are in the South, where the chain is a regional cultural icon. Waffle House is headquartered in Norcross, Georgia, in the Atlanta metropolitan area. The first Waffle House opened on Labour Day weekend in 1955 at 2719 East College Avenue in Avondale Estates, Georgia. That restaurant was conceived and founded by Joe Rogers Sr. and Tom Forkner. Rogers started in the restaurant business as a short-order cook in 1947 at the Toddle House in New Haven, Connecticut. By 1949, he became a regional manager with the now-defunct Memphis-based Toddle House chain, then he moved to Atlanta. He met Tom Forkner while buying a house from him in Avondale Estates. Rogers's concept was to combine the speed of fast food with table service with around-the-clock availability. Forkner suggested naming the restaurant "Waffle House", as waffles were the most profitable item on the 16-item menu. On 17th September, 2019, customers who ate at a Waffle House in Goose Creek, South Carolina, were exposed to hepatitis. I shall provide no further comment.

#22 – “Princess Diana” – Ice Spice and Nicki Minaj

Produced by RIOTUSA

Ice Spice has given someone the remix treatment and now is granted it by the Queen of Rap herself who has massively cosigned and well, literally signed, Ice Spice as the newest up-and-comer when it comes to female rappers. I get why they chose “Princess Diana” – it doesn’t have an expensive sample to clear, but it still has a recognisable, basic guitar line and more resembles average trap in its groove than New York drill. It also completely blows as a solo song, with Ice’s flow never changing and the rhyme scheme staying consistently uninteresting and basic, though she – in the chorus – decides to pronounce similar sounds in very, very slightly alternating ways, which flips the rhyme scheme on its head a bit in a really awkward way when she could have just made them all rhyme. It sounds like a nitpick, and it is, but it also really throws me off – and probably only me – every time. There’s nothing of interest in her flexing and she sounds practically dead rapping it. The beat is perfectly fine, though, so with less Ice Spice and more Nicki, this could be alright and well, yeah, it is: the version in the video and the most-streamed version is a bit weaker in my opinion when compared to the extended version, simply because it makes the song feel more complete with a third verse from Nicki... and well, what do you know? You add a great rapper on a bad song and even through her opening ad-libs, I’m more convinced. She adds a lot of energy and her verses as always are full of charisma. Her first verse – and only verse on the original – is bonkers, starting with a brief spoken interlude, “grah” ad-libs that clip in the mix, counting in Spanish, and finally she starts rapping and comparing herself to Popeye... before switching the flow to compare herself to “the gamers”. She continues to change her flow and rhyme scheme effortlessly and constantly, but she keeps to the second for long enough for the verse to feel like it has focus, and it seems like a little detail but the “grah” ad-lib helps it feel cohesive. I’m not the biggest fan of Nicki but once she brings out the British accent, it’s just over for anyone else on the song – she probably should have had this beat and chorus to begin with because she completely takes over the song. Some people may want the two to trade bars but whilst even Nicki’s verses are mostly empty flexing, I think having the two compare bar for bar will show the drastic disparity in personality, lyrical dexterity and general skill, so having Ice work as a build-up for the Nicki verse is definitely a better way of going about it, and honestly completely changes my opinion on the song. Again, not a big fan of Nicki by any means but she has a certain presence about her that bulldozes a lot of the competition, male or female, and I’m glad she finally brought her A-game again to this. “Red Ruby da Sleaze” had even better versions but an awful chorus, so I’ll settle for slightly worse verses and a catchy if mind-numbing chorus that actually fits the instrumental. When’s that next album coming though, Ms. Minaj? Hopefully in the next decade. Now for someone who I think we’ll be treated to an album from very soon...

#11 – “Chemical” – Post Malone

Produced by Post Malone, Louis Bell and watt

This is technically a single from a greatest hits compilation, but given the under-performance and transitional nature of his last record, I wouldn’t be surprised if we get a sort of damage-control follow-up, and this is a pretty safe example of what that could sound like. Honestly, the guitars sound like complete ass, but they essentially fade into the monogenre, reverb-drenched production which gives Post free reign to warble, even if he feels like he’s slightly straining here. The drums are typical “indie” fluff and nothing feels substantial as he once again balances his drug addiction with his relationships, making some vague parallels that have been done a lot of times before. This would be a perfectly serviceable song if the percussion wasn’t so pattering and kind of irritating, or if the guitars had any more rock grit to them than they do (current amount: none). There’s not even a bridge here, just a vague inflation of tensions with keys and Post repeating himself. It’s honestly kind of a sad and pathetic retread that back-tracks a lot of the progress he made on his previous album, which isn’t even one I particularly liked. ‘Tis a shame.

#3 – “Daylight” – David Kushner

Produced by Rob Kirwan

David Kushner, whose debut EP only charted in Lithuania and was an opening act for LAUV, which is perhaps the most embarrassing and degrading position in the pop music industry possible, could have been #1 this week. He definitely had the streams, yet was just a bit far from “Miracle”... and then the CD sales came for Capaldi and his chances – for now – were blown away... but this particular song is still yet to slow down all that much. You may remember his random 2022 hit “Miserable Man”, which peaked at #39 and was aptly miserable. Apparently he had another top 75 hit in the UK, which means I must have reviewed it... but its name is, I’m not joking, “Mr. Forgettable”. What perfect coincidence that is. Okay, let’s calm down on the jabs and give the song a chance – after all, people must have seen something in this to get an otherwise unknown to #3 – and I kind of get it. The chair rocking and squeaking over the pianos is a nice ambiance touch, and Kushner has a uniquely deeper voice compared to some other singer-songwriters... but then I realised that this was basically a Hozier song. He sounds like Hozier, he has the same distorted harmonies and backing falsettos that mix with a deep croon. He has a tendency for Biblical imagery too, and integrates some electric guitar, even if it all ends up being just part of another monogenre ballad that doesn’t have an effective climax, partly because it’s about... nothing? The lyrics demonstrate a paradoxical desire... what one? I don’t know, I don’t think it matters, but the problem here is that he expects me to care about a song that is explicitly about vague ideas rather than any constructed narrative like Hozier would have done, but it’s basically an “in the style of Hoizer” prompt, so I’m forced to question where the narrative is and sure, if he wants to do a song about vague concepts, feel free to, I like abstract lyrics when done well...  but he doesn’t say anything that provokes much nuance or interest, and his unchanging vocal delivery doesn’t do a pretty boring song any favours, especially once we get to that muddy faux-climax that is just melodramatic, echo-drenched Hell. In a world where Hozier literally just released an EP with a good lead single, I don’t understand why the public are craving for this disposable derivative.

#1 – “Wish You the Best” – Lewis Capaldi

Produced by Lewis Capaldi and TMS

Well, Capaldi really impressed me with “How I’m Feeling Now” so maybe this newest #1 showcases some more of those signs of improvement... and yeah, it kind of does, but it transposes them within the “Someone You Loved” mould, as it’s a dire piano-based post-breakup track where he struggles to accept the relationship is over. He’s particularly manipulative and guilt-tripping in this one, which really hits a sour note considering how seriously I’m supposed to take this, but it’s not nearly as bad as his earlier tracks. He underplays the verses, has some genuine lyrical detail in them as well, whilst playing to some of the frailer emo-esque touches in his voice during the breaking falsetto in the pre-chorus and rough belting in the chorus. These are good elements, but I don’t think they fit within the more typical, expected Capaldi track – the man needs to use more guitars is what I’m saying, essentially, and allow for rougher production so he doesn’t need to iron out his rougher voice. You can at least tell that Capaldi cared about the writing, considering how the chorus changes in its final iteration that better fits the new tone, and I kind of like the subtly distorted strain he puts on in order to reach the song’s climax... but still, it just feels a bit watered-down and awkward. It’s a transitional-sounding song for Capaldi, I think, but it is a shame that he may have to continue making renditions of “Someone You Loved” to get #1s when I know he can do better.

Conclusion

That really wasn’t a great week, huh? I didn’t find much to care about and at worst, the songs felt like they have this weird, commercial distaste for their own audience, with all of the bad songs here and Hell, even some of the more okay and decent ones, presenting a version of the artist or song with much less potential than they actually have, which is a really sad trend honestly. Regardless, the Best of the Week goes to Jorja Smith, I suppose, for “Try Me” but it’s mostly for the production, with the Honourable Mention going to, let’s be honest, Nicki Minaj for injecting some life into “Princess Diana” by Ice Spice. I think I’m going to give Worst of the Week to Cat Burns for “live more & love more”, mostly because of its gross lack of awareness, with the Dishonourable Mention being a bit tougher. I think I’m going to tie it between “Chemical” by Post Malone and “Maria Maria” by TECH IT DEEP because they share this irking distaste or disrespect for the audience’s expectations that makes the artists and/or song seem disappointed and unsatisfied with their own work. Oh, and Waffle House of the Week goes to “Waffle House” by the Waffle House Brothers. Thank you for reading, and I’ll see you next week!

[criticfilm]

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