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corvidiss · 9 months

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idk what this is but courtesy of my brain while i was half asleep last night thinking soft things. woe, brotzly be upon ye

—

“Take control of your life, Dirk.”

Dirk looks at him. “Is that a British accent?”

“I don’t do accents.”

That’s his British accent. That’s Todd’s British accent. It’s brilliant. Brilliantly awful, that is. It’s terrible and it makes Dirk want to jump up and down on the spot lots of times. Instead, he says, “No, I love it.”

And Todd goes… sort of squishy– No, not squishy, more– soft and fuzzy round the edges, like– like a kitten, warming and healing– And then Todd steps up, puts his hands on Dirk’s shoulders and–

Right.

This is, Dirk is aware, what is called “a kiss.” And it’s–

It’s–

It’s not how he expected. Largely due to the fact that he did not expect it at all – but he’s realising, staring at the blurred, headache-close view of Todd’s face, that all those times he’s had Thoughts – of going close to Todd, and, and Being close to Todd, and– general very much Closeness – were all that time quietly keening for this.

And this is…

Well, okay, he’s seen it before, occasionally, in the background, but it’s not like he ever looked closely because that would be weird, and also weird – and it turns out, it’s not– well it’s sort of messy. Kind of. Like– like trying to put two jigsaw pieces together when they come from different boxes and the wiggly bits don’t actually match up, except the wiggly bits are soft and fleshy and–

He should stop thinking about this.

He has, he’s finding out, no idea what he’s doing. Really, really no idea what he’s doing. There aren’t instructions for this, just like there aren’t instructions for anything in any of life which is really quite stupid, actually, but this is extremely very unnavigable and indecipherable and he should get out of this and scuttle away before he makes everything go wrong, but–

Well–

Okay so the thing is. The thing is. Even with the flesh jigsaw and the Not Knowing and the Get Out warnings in his head, even with all of that, it’s, well–

Nice.

Which is weird.

But also, weirdly, not weird. It’s sort of like falling into a shockingly cold pond and then finding, under the surface, right down at the bottom, a little mossy chest of gold you lost when you were five.

Or something.

Todd disconnects himself and takes half a step back. He has an expression which is like expectation, but conditional, and wobbly.

Dirk lifts a finger, opens his mouth, and then discovers that, for once, he cannot think of anything to say.

It’s not that there isn’t anything to say. He feels like there are Many Many things he wants to say but they’re all buried in the static pond at the bottom of his mind and won’t rise high enough to translate into speakable words. So he just. Stands there.

But Todd’s face is sliding towards Fear and Regret with a side of Grilled Concern and he’s taking another step away and something in Dirk Goes Off with a familiar little twing that says This Is Bad, so he steps into the gap Todd put between them and raises a hand and… And realises he still has no idea what he’s doing. So he just sort of puts his pointy finger on the soft bit between Todd’s collar bone and ribcage, and. Smiles.

Todd (thankfully) gets the message.

#dghda #dghda fic #my writing #dirk gently's holistic detective agency #brotzly #i might finish this at some point and post it to AO3 but for now it doesn't feel finished enough to go there #there's More to be Said #question is whether I'll get round to Saying it hfvdsgvgfds

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urlocallesbiab · 11 months

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headcanon: in blackwing, bart never let anyone brush her hair because she didn’t like the feeling, the tugging and tediousness, and no one could force her — because she's bart. in order to manage her hair somehow, they would shave it off every month, keeping it in a short buzzcut; the only person ever able to get close enough to do that was osmund priest. the low buzzing and the steady hand movements were one of their older brother & little sister rituals. she never cared for looks, so she took it fine, but the adults cringed (only a little bit, because they never cared for bart) at how it made her look even more like a prisoner than the others.

after getting out she stopped having it cut, mainly because it's a hassle and she can't be bothered; she hasn't done it once in all of sixteen years since. sometimes, when she finds a knot in her hair big enough to be annoying, she cuts it out with the nearest sharp object, and that's why the hair hasn't gotten past her shoulders in length.

#dghda headcanon #bart curlish #osmund priest #blackwing #vikarambles #vika's personal dghda tag #dghda #dirk gently's holistic detective agency (tv 2016)#i blame this post on: 1) @generalized-incompetence for giving me osmund & bart fucked up siblins brainrot with her uncaged;#2) @dont-offend-the-bees for having written the kurlish fics i had read yesterday and gotten bart brain wigglies from

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clockworkcheetah · 4 months

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my fic for the dghda reverse bang 2023 @dghdabigbang! featuring the lovely art of @psychosassicvampire it was a pleasure!

Todd brotzman/dirk gently - 2k - Rated G

#dghda #brotzly #todd brotzman #dirk gently #dghda fic #my fics #dghda reverse bang 2023 #dirk gently's holistic detective agency

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capriciouslyterminal · 1 year

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Self Rec Game

Shout out to @flashyysins for tagging me into doing something I always want to do but NEVER feel comfortable with (talking about my work). Thank you for tagging me!

Rules: recommend three of your own fics (1 most popular, two hidden gems) then tag some people!

Most Popular

It is almost a relief to see that it's Eddie Munson on the chair and not some huge random guy. That is until Eddie's eyes crinkle open and his face goes from blind terror to bemused, the way he's curled up like a bug at the noise slipping into something languid and easy.

It's almost a relief until the prick smiles like a lunatic and Steve has to think of course, this fucking guy, because Eddie Munson may be the weirdest person Steve's ever met.

AKA Two Years of Lifeguarding, One Morning of Finding Eddie Munson Asleep on a Deck Chair

The one that started it all lol. Asshole Steve + Asshole Eddie + The Odd Twilight Intimacy of a shirtless lifeguard and a pot-head who needs to get a watch. They don't kiss but do they need to?

Hidden Gems

The Rowdy 3 is a name they give themselves, stitched together from words they collect in the underbelly of Project Blackwing and the way they live as four in one over the course of five years. It's better than Project Incubus but it starts with just Martin and Cross and Gripps and Vogel. It starts in Project Blackwing. Well it really starts with Martin meeting a suit in a bar.

It starts with Martin on the road. A song in his gut that rhymes with hunger that three other voices know too.

And it keeps going from there, just as The Universe intends.

(AKA The Rowdy Three in Project Blackwing).

Not Steddie but listen I think this is the best thing I've ever written. Okay if you haven't watched Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency then that's a hidden gem for you. It's...the perfect show? Two seasons of the zaniest most well-connected story telling I've ever seen. Featuring The Rowdy 3, some almost vampires who re-wrote my brain chemistry so hard I cry about them whenever I'm like...real drunk. Last summer I kind of...went off the rails and wrote essentially a novel about them/Project Blackwing (a secret government prison). This is that novel, my magnum opus. My manuscript I'd save from vikings because I spent my whole life on it. A friend says I should submit this to graduate school for applications and sometimes I'm tempted lol.

If they had a Van Helsing it was Nancy Wheeler, and if they had a leader Eddie would honestly say Henderson was giving them all a run for their money (God help them when the kid got a drivers license and didn’t need them anymore). And all Steve Harrington seemed to do was make Eddie want to save the world to spite him. To say stand back dipshit this is how you do a heroic sacrifice notice how my hair’s messed up in a way that isn’t tantalizing even while dripping with muck and I’m still wearing my fucking shirt.

So, no, Steve Harrington sailing in at the last possible second wasn’t on Eddie’s death bingo card. And yet, here it was. A one man army. A guy who once earnestly wore a baby-blue sweater wrapped around his shoulders and definitely was part of the goon squad that once flew Eddie’s gym bag up the flagpole and left him naked in the locker-room. One of the last people Eddie Munson would have ever expected to save his sorry-ass life.

And honestly it was kind of hot. This causes its own new kind of problems.

(AKA Obligatory Steve Harrington Sailing in to Save the Day Fic. AKA Eddie Munson develops a crush at the worst possible moment of his life and starts to get it).

When it comes down to it this is my favorite of my babies so far just in how specific the detail work is and how...pretty it got to be. Super shout out to this just being born from the fact that Eddie would be a horn dog for Aragorn and how he visualizes his fictional crush would entirely be changed by someone actually saving his life. Also just the work I got to do with Wayne.

And that's all of them. I'm tagging @fastcardotmp3 @courtjestermunsonestereddiemunson and @sparklyslug (though if you've been tagged before it's my bad and if you wanna be tagged just let me know).

#my fic #fic rec post #Stranger Things fic #Dirk Gently fic #my precious too wordy babies #Thank you for tagging me!

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littlestoneinspace · 3 months

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Sketches for fic

#brotzly #todd brotzman #dirk gently #dirk x todd #dghda fanart #dghda #dghda fic #sketch #dirk gently's holistic detective agency

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oneprotagonistshort · 6 months

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fic: hopeless, breathless, burning slow

Pairing: Todd Brotzman/Dirk Gently Rating: E Words: 5274 Summary: Dirk is so rarely still that he often forgets what it feels like. Even when he’s not physically in motion, the wheels in his head never stop turning; some intrinsic part of him is always listening for the stream of creation like he’s a radio telescope waiting for a distant ping to give him somewhere new to turn his attention.

Inexplicably, sex is the only thing he’s encountered so far that can shut it all down. It’s not just calm, it’s quiet. It’s bliss. Author's Note: Don’t mind me, this is just a horny little treatise on how Dirk experiences stillness, trust, inner peace, and getting railed so hard he forgets his own name. Emphasis on “horny.”

A million thanks to @r-dtoblack for the beta, the way you immediately responded "YEAH" when I asked was beyond validating. I also cannot have an author's note on a Dirk Gently fic without acknowledging that deep down all of this is so @mangoamango will think I'm cool. read on ao3

#dirk gently's holistic detective agency #dghda #brotzly #dghda fic #not me out here finishing the random pwp instead of any of my big projects #if you recognize the title I fucking see you

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generalized-incompetence · 1 year

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“Hey, Dirk,” says Tina, sniggering, “you ever heard of this movie Goncharov?”

Dirk drops a stack of five plates.

“Oh, no,” he says.

(Read on AO3 here)

Tina runs for the nearest broom as Dirk runs for the nearest computer. By the time the plate shards are swept up, Dirk has opened about sixty tabs. “This can’t be happening,” he says, clicking on five more links. “It’s not possible.”

“Mm,” says Tina, “seems around you, just about anything’s possible.”

“But Goncharov,” says Dirk, desperately. “It doesn’t exist.”

“Well, duh,” Tina shrugs. “It’s an internet joke. Crowdsourcing a made-up movie. There’s a pret-ty hot love triangle, too - wanna see?”

“No!” says Dirk, flinging up his hands. “It does exist, it just - it shouldn’t. It can’t, not anymore. I already solved that one.”

Tina stops looking for fanart. “Wait,” she says, “Goncharov is a case?”

—

“The mind wipe,” Dirk announces, half an hour later, “has failed.”

Tina, Farah, and Todd blink at him. “What mind wipe?” says Todd finally.

“The Goncharov mind wipe,” says Dirk. “It’s wearing off. Oh, I told Thor it wouldn’t last!”

“Thor?” says Farah.

“Wearing off?” says Todd.

“Wait, so there’s real footage of the hot love triangle?” says Tina.

“Focus!” says Dirk. “This is important! Clearly, the repressed memories are already bleeding through - if this spreads, who knows what will happen!”

“Not us,” says Todd, “since you haven’t told us anything about it.”

Dirk glares at him. “It’s very simple,” he says. “Loki, god of mischief, weaseled his way into a theatrical re-release of Martin Scorsese’s most famous mafia movie, in an attempt to spread his mind-controlling message to a wider audience - and also possibly for a chance to star alongside famed actor Robert DeNiro, though I have to say, Loki’s acting chops were nowhere near as professional –”

“Loki is in Goncharov?” says Tina, bouncing up and down. “Who is he? Not Andrey? Oh - Katya?”

“Er,” says Dirk, “frozen… Steve?”

“Ice pick Joe?!” says Tina.

“Wait - back up,” says Farah, getting off the couch and heading for one of the six whiteboards scattered around the agency (Dirk refuses to erase any “essential records,” which includes Mona’s doodles, Farah’s grocery lists, Todd’s drunk-after-midnight song lyrics, and Dirk’s confusing string walls, so in lieu of reuse, they just keep buying more). “Mind-controlling message? About - what, exactly?”

“World domination,” says Dirk. “What else?”

“What, like, make way for our mythological Norse overlords?” says Todd.

“Todd,” says Dirk, “the art of mind control is that of subtle insinuation. The smallest nudge to a person’s most seemingly innocuous impulse might one day bring about Ragnarok itself. The pathways of the human brain are far beyond any of us to begin to fathom.”

Todd exchanges glances with Tina. “So…” he says.

“So “Make way for our mythological Norse overlords” was embedded in the credits, yes,” says Dirk.

Farah pauses halfway through busily scribbling a semi-coherent list of Dirk’s far-from-coherent retelling. “If it’s just the credits,” she says, “couldn’t you replace that segment? Instead of mind-wiping the entire human race?”

“Yeah, who watches the credits, anyway?” says Tina. “Farah, you don’t count, no one else cares about the back-up apprentice costume designer.”

“Yes, that was my suggestion,” says Dirk, “but I was, er, overruled. Thor doesn’t generally go in for half-measures, in my experience.”

“And how extensive is that experience?” says Tina.

“We’re getting off-track,” says Dirk quickly. “The important thing is, the mind-wipe wore off. And if everyone suddenly remembers Goncharov, they’ll also remember the credits. And if they remember the credits…”

“Make way for Loki,” says Todd gloomily.

Everyone stares at the whiteboard.

“Okay,” says Farah, clapping her hands together, “so all we have to do is find Thor, find the mind-wipe technology, debug the mind-wipe technology so it works this time, figure out how to deploy it correctly, and get Thor to mind-wipe the entire human race a second time, before everyone remembers Goncharov and Loki comes back. If he’s not back already.”

Everyone stares at Farah.

The doorbell rings, and then the door bursts open. “DIRK GENTLY!” roars a voice. “Hail and well met!”

—

“You broke the mind wipe box?” says Dirk, aghast.

Thor squirms on the couch. Thor is the only one on the couch, because he takes up most of the couch. Farah is still by the whiteboard, and Todd and Tina are standing by Dirk, completely failing not to stare.

“I didn’t break it!” Thor protests. “I simply - misplaced it. Onto a chair. Which I then sat on. Which was, honestly, far worse for me than for that box, given all the unpleasantly sharp components.”

Todd shakes his head and wishes Thor didn’t sound so much like Dirk, with a deeper voice and a slightly different accent. It’s hurting his brain. He tries and fails to stop looking at Thor’s bare arms. They take up an unfair amount of his field of view.

“Thor,” says Dirk, putting his hands on his hips, “we’ve talked about this. You must be more careful where you sit.”

“Again,” says Thor, “I did not know that hat was valuable.”

“It was cursed!” Dirk squawks.

“Can everyone focus!” says Farah. “Thor, do you have the box with you?”

Thor shifts slightly and pulls out a mangled cube. It looks like a movie prop that, well, someone has sat on. The translucent blue sides are faded and dusty, and wires are poking out of the middle.

“...Sorry,” says Thor.

Tina squints at the box. “You’re tellin’ me this thing is why I forgot the boat scene?” she says. “I dressed up as the boat scene for Halloween!”

“...You were a boat?” says Todd.

“I was six,” says Tina, “and in retrospect, the homoerotic overtones went way over my head. Cool costume, though.”

Farah, meanwhile, examines the box. “This isn’t too bad,” she says. “It should definitely be fixable. Probably. Almost certainly.”

“If only we still had Patrick’s lab,” Dirk sighs.

Farah’s eyes twitch sideways. “Well…” she says.

The door opens again. “Farah!” yells Lydia. “Have you heard of this movie Goncharov?”

—

“Of course I can fix it,” says Lydia.

Everyone sits forward on their respective couch, couch armrests, chairs, or, in Dirk’s case, table. “You can?” says Thor.

“Yeah,” Lydia shrugs. “This is all 80s tech - it’s built to last. These transistors are comically huge. If you want, I can swap it out for new stuff - might take a little longer, but it’d be, like, credit card sized.”

“Could you really?�� says Dirk. “Is this one of those Boring Law things?”

“Whatever’s fastest,” says Farah, before Dirk can fall down another endless hole of knowledge he’ll forget till his next case. “Lydia, do you have everything you need here?”

“Yeah, it’s all at my bench. Give me a sec.”

Lydia takes off towards the workbench Farah set up two months into Lydia’s Belize stay, and the rest of them sit back to wait. Dirk hums something under his breath. Farah goes back to writing on the whiteboard.

“So,” says Tina to Thor, after a moment of silence, “did you two ever…”

“I’ll order a pizza,” says Todd, shooting up.

—

Todd barely gets back off the phone before Lydia returns with the repaired device.

“That’s it?” says Tina, frowning at the cube.

“It’s an ancient artifact of my people,” says Thor.

“Which you sat on,” says Dirk.

“Something I learned from my dad,” says Lydia, “is that sometimes the smallest things cause the most problems. Even when the tech is ancient. Maybe especially then.”

She sets the cube on the table and taps something on the side. A blue glow creeps up the sides. The cube begins to pulse faintly, seeming to draw space in around it. It’s mesmerizing, in an unsettling sort of way.

“...Yeah, I hate that,” says Tina.

Dirk shudders. “Thor, can you…” he says.

Thor places one large hand over the cube, cutting off the hypnotic light. “I shall need a higher vantage point,” he says. “Wait for my signal.” He’s out the door before anyone can say anything else, to possibly everyone’s relief. A second later, there’s a flash of lightning, and a resounding boom of thunder, and everyone jumps as though they’ve been shocked.

“Well!” says Dirk, shaking himself and standing up. “That was… a thing.”

“Wait - that’s it?” says Todd. “We met Thor, and now he’s just… gone?”

“Yes, that’s how he generally operates,” says Dirk over his shoulder. “It’s part of the reason we… well.”

“Part of the reason you what?” says Tina.

“Popcorn, anyone?” says Dirk.

“Popcorn?” says Farah. “Why?”

“Why, for the movie, of course,” says Dirk, then pauses. “Er. I think.”

“No, there was a movie,” says Todd. “Wasn’t there? Something about - um - shit.”

Tina props her legs up on the table. “Hey, Far,” she says, “what’s up with your handwriting today? That whiteboard’s a mess.”

Farah looks at the whiteboard, where a whole square of notes has gotten completely smudged. “...Huh,” she says. “Must’ve slipped.”

“Pizza’s here,” says Lydia from the doorway, where none of them heard a knock.

“Pizza!” exclaims Dirk, and everyone entirely forgets what they were ever worried about.

(And somewhere, deep underground, Loki sighs and logs offline, thwarted again from his latest and nearly successful plan to escape at last.)

#i am SO sorry everyone this came out of nowhere and i haven't proofread it At All and i know i'm like four months behind the bit but #i couldn't NOT write it in fact it wrote itself so. i know i am often like 'this is the stupidest thing i have ever written' but this is #ACTUALLY the stupidest thing i have ever written but it went in directions i Did Not Expect in its short length so i hope u enjoy it too <3 #dghda #dghda fic #dirk gently's holistic detective agency #dirk gently #todd brotzman #lydia spring #farah black #tina tevetino #goncharov #my fic #(also for the record this is Sandman Loki who's underground waiting for ragnarok except instead of getting his liver eaten he's #chilling on tumblr which may be an equal amt of torture idk.)

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