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#cuz i think ‘is this a normal set of boundaries or am i self sabotaging’
kathles
·
2 years
Text
today i had the thought “maybe i should make more mutuals” but then i realized id have to start following more people to do that and then i thought “oh god, oh fuck”
#julien talks
#see i only follow like 9 people
#and on my old blog it was like 14
#and i only have two mutuals one of them being my gf
#so when i see posts that are like “how many people do you follow/are mutuals with” and peoples replies are in the hundreds im just like
#huh
#like how do people do that i got bad social anxiety even online
#regardless of how much we interact
#not to mention i only follow blogs im really interested in following (combined that i dont see anything problematic)
#i feel like thats a stronger factor
#Like i tend not to follow back not only because of my anxiety but also because im just not interested and like. I dont know the user
#Personally i mean
#Does that make sense?
#unless the person is on my mental dni list
#Then i just block them
#when i can at least
#but then i think abt how that sort of mindset might be in the way of me meeting more people
#and im just like oughfgfgggggfghgghg
#cuz i think ‘is this a normal set of boundaries or am i self sabotaging’
#because i genuinely would like to make more friends. both online and irl
#like idk
#if the user was a discord friend i think maybe id be more inclined to follow them back
#cuz in that case particularly i know them a little more
#and then theres the case where I DO think abt following back even if i dont know em but i like some of the stuff on their blog
#And then the anxiety kicks in like a bitch
#damn why are my feelings so conflicting
#like damn bitch pick a side (bitch referring to my anxiety)
#/s btw
#vent
#? Kinda sorta but not really? Idk
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