#and im just like oughfgfgggggfghgghg

[kathles]

today i had the thought “maybe i should make more mutuals” but then i realized id have to start following more people to do that and then i thought “oh god, oh fuck”

#julien talks #see i only follow like 9 people #and on my old blog it was like 14 #and i only have two mutuals one of them being my gf #so when i see posts that are like “how many people do you follow/are mutuals with” and peoples replies are in the hundreds im just like #huh #like how do people do that i got bad social anxiety even online #regardless of how much we interact #not to mention i only follow blogs im really interested in following (combined that i dont see anything problematic) #i feel like thats a stronger factor #Like i tend not to follow back not only because of my anxiety but also because im just not interested and like. I dont know the user #Personally i mean #Does that make sense? #unless the person is on my mental dni list #Then i just block them #when i can at least #but then i think abt how that sort of mindset might be in the way of me meeting more people #and im just like oughfgfgggggfghgghg #cuz i think ‘is this a normal set of boundaries or am i self sabotaging’ #because i genuinely would like to make more friends. both online and irl #like idk #if the user was a discord friend i think maybe id be more inclined to follow them back #cuz in that case particularly i know them a little more #and then theres the case where I DO think abt following back even if i dont know em but i like some of the stuff on their blog #And then the anxiety kicks in like a bitch #damn why are my feelings so conflicting #like damn bitch pick a side (bitch referring to my anxiety) #/s btw #vent #? Kinda sorta but not really? Idk