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missjennifercole · 4 years

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I’m at a real loss for words guys...Thank you for everything you have done for us. This has been a ride. Amanda and I have spent years forming this story from the mini series it was supposed to be. I have eternal gratitude for everyone who has loved and supposed our story. Sending all of our love to you. You are the reason we kept writing.

XOXO Jen

EPISODE 50

"I have to say, Rafael, I'm surprised your brother-in-law found me. I didn't think he had the intelligence," Charles said with a chuckle as he glanced at Nevada, who had his gun pointed at him.

"Looks like you don't think much at all, huh?" Nevada taunted. "You could've been on an island somewhere, sipping mai tai's, eating strawberries off some bitch's tits, but you're still fucking around with this guy?" He cocked his head in Rafael's direction. "That's one sad motherfucker right there."

"Do you have any idea how many years it took me to build the life that I had?!" Heeley spat. "Twenty-five years it took me to get to where I was and I lost it all because of your self righteous, do-gooder--"

"--You're a criminal, Charles! I'm a prosecutor!" Rafael exclaimed. "What did you expect me to do?!"

"Right now? Just die," Charles answered.

Nevada shoved his brother-in-law out of the way while he pulled the trigger at the same time as as Heeley. The bullet pierced him in the belly, just inches from where Eddie had shot him. Charles immediately dropped to the deck, having been shot in the face. Nevada fell at Rafael's feet, bleeding profusely from his stomach.

"Nevada!" Rafael shouted, trying to stop the bleeding with his hands. "Nevada, come on!"

But Nevada wouldn't open his eyes or even make a sound. Checking his neck for a pulse, the former ADA was relieved to find one, faint but still present. Rafael moved behind his brother-in-law and wrapped his arms around the man's shoulders, dragging him towards the stern. If he could just find a life raft, he could get them to shore, maybe get Nevada to a hospital before he bled out.

More gunshots sounded, one of the bullets ricocheting off the wall close to Rafael’s head. Dropping Nevada, he ducked behind a barrel while pulling the gun out of his holster. His heart pounded in his ears as he waited for the shooting to slow down, for one of the men to have to reload his weapon. When it did, he peeked out from around the barrel and shot in the direction of the men. He was an ADA, not a cop--using a gun had never been something he’d learned to do. His bullets bounced off pipes and walls, causing chaos between him and the two men shooting at him. One of the bullets hit a target in the chest and Rafael ducked back behind the barrel, sighing as he heard the body thump against the deck.

One more and he could try to get he and Nevada out of here. Inhaling deeply as though there was courage in the air that he could take in, he came up again and fired three more shots, miraculously hitting the other man in the throat.

“Holy shit, Rafael,” he whispered to himself, dropping the gun and going back to Nevada to wrap his arms around him again. Just as he was about to continue towards the stern, he heard a gun cock and felt a hard, rounded object against the back of his head. “Please,” he said in a shaky breath. If he was going to die anyway, he might as well try to reason with his killer. “He needs help, just let me get him off the boat. Please.”

"Rafael?" he heard behind him and turned to meet Jasper’s eyes.

"He's been shot, we have to get him to a hospital!" Rafael replied, still dragging his brother-in-law's body. Jasper pulled Nevada's body and put him on his back, pointing with one hand to the stern, where their boat was waiting.

“Life raft just down there. We need to leave, now!”

They made their way quickly to the back of the boat as more gunshots sounded from behind them.

“Hurry, Rafael!” Jasper growled, bent at the waist from Nevada’s dead weight on his back. When they finally made it to the raft, Rafael climbed inside and helped Jasper put Nevada in.

"Nevada wake up!" he shouted as Jasper returned fire, quickly climbing aboard and casting off.

“You need to drive, Rafael!” the British man yelled as he reloaded and opened fire on the men running towards them. “Now, it’s going to blow! Floor it!”

“I don’t know how to drive a boat!” Rafael shouted back, moving to the wheel and looking at all the buttons in a panic. He spotted the key in the ignition and turned it until the small boat roared to life. “What now?!”

“The lever! Push it all the way forward! GO!!”

Doing as he was told, Rafael grabbed hold of the shiny, steel lever beside the wheel and pushed it away from him, causing the boat to take off, away from the yacht. He could still hear gun fire, both from the vessel they’d just abandoned and Jasper behind him returning fire. He aimed for the boat he could see in the distance, assuming it was how Jasper and Nevada were able to get to him in the first place. They were about halfway there when an ear-piercing, hot boom rocked his entire frame as a high-pitched ringing began in his ears. Looking over his shoulder, he saw the yacht on fire with a dark mushroom cloud forming above it, debri falling from the sky and landing in the water behind them.

THREE MONTHS LATER

You reached for your soft white dress, folding the sleeves behind it and packing it into a neat square before tucking it into your luggage. You couldn’t help but stare at it. Nevada had given you this dress when you returned from prison. You remembered how long it had been. A full year away from him other than the occasional visits. Your heart ached at the memory. You were never a clingy girl, but you always missed him when he wasn’t sleeping beside you at night.

Now he never would again. You swallowed hard, the thought settling deep into your body. You would never hear his laugh, feel his touch, hold his face in your hands even though he hated it. He was gone.

You looked back down at the dress. It was tightly folded as to prevent wrinkles, all but one. You frowned at it and grabbed it, unfolding the fabric and smoothing it out to fold it over again. Left sleeve, right sleeve, crease down the middle before setting it back in the luggage.

It still wasn’t right. You repeated your actions over and over again. Left sleeve, right sleeve, crease down the middle.

“Come on,” you whispered to the dress in frustration as if it were fighting you every step of the way. “Stop wrinkling!”

You heard footsteps before your brother’s voice came from the doorway. “Hermanita? Everything okay?”

“No,” you said, voice a little too loud as you unfolded the fabric with a sharp flick of your wrist, the cloth waving like a white flag before crumpling on the bed. “I keep folding it but it wrinkles! Do you know how hard it is to get wrinkles out of chiffon Rafi?” You folded it again. “It wrinkles and then you need an iron to get it out. I have an iron here but I don’t have a lot of room to pack it. Who knows if the next place I have will have an iron."

"Your iron isn't that big, it'll fit into a bag," he replied. "Or a box--"

"--What if I don’t have time to iron it now? I’ll be busy with the kids and usually when I’m ironing clothing that’s when Nevada is reading them their bedtime stories or watching tv with them and now--" Your breathing became erratic, fingers gripping tight into your hair as you yanked. “And now I don’t have him to help me. I don’t have him to--"

The words caught in your throat as all the air left the room. And now you didn’t have him.

“If it wrinkles I’ll have to take it to mami’s and she’s already done so much I don’t wanna ask anymore.” You shook your head and clutched the dress, the fabric wrinkling beneath your grasp. “Maybe I shouldn’t even pack it,” you whispered. “I can barely look at it.”

You’d bottled it all up for the past three months. There was no time to be sad in between caring for the kids and trying to deal with all the arrests. You knew Rita had most of it covered, but you tried to help Melissa and Gladys as much as you could. You could use the distraction anyway. You’d kept yourself so busy that you hadn’t had a moment to process. Until now.

A wave of nausea hit hard as you shut your eyes, knees nearly buckling when you felt a sob make its way up your throat.

"Okay," Rafael said, taking the dress from your hands and dropping it on your bed. "You need to just slow down. You have a lot on your plate right now. You know you don't have to move all of your stuff all at once."

“I just can’t keep walking around this apartment feeling like I’m going to see my husband around every corner, praying I hear him kicking off his shoes in the living room or scolding the kids. It’s silent now,” you whispered as tears ran down your cheeks.

"So, just take a bag of clothes with you and come back to get everything else bit by bit," Rafael answered, taking a deep breath before asking, "Are you sure you don't wanna sell this place? I know you said you wanted to keep the option of moving back here someday open, but…" He glanced around the room. "Lotta bad memories in this apartment, no?"

You'd had some of your worst times in the apartment you had shared with Nevada and the kids. You'd had a lot of your best times, too, but Rafael had mostly been there for the bad. You couldn't blame him for remembering the place differently.

“This was our home,” you whispered, trying to keep the shakiness out of your voice as you struggled to regain composure. “This was the place we lived our life in. Maybe it wasn’t a fairytale, it was scary and every day was something new fighting against us… but at least there was an us.”

"How are the kids holding up?" he asked.

“The twins aren’t old enough to understand,” you mumbled, folding more clothing. “They just keep asking where he is, why he hasn’t been home. Iliana…” you looked to the side, staring at the flat plane of the wall. “She’s old enough to understand some of it. She knows he isn’t coming back.”

Rafael let a soft sigh blow through his nostrils. "And Eddie? I've tried calling him, but it just goes to voicemail."

“Yeah well if you reach him, please tell him to call me back too,” you whispered and reached a hand out to him. “I’m gonna try to fold the dress again. Maybe the third time’s the charm.” You turned your complete attention back to the dress, as if folding it neatly would bring your husband back. You practically scoffed at the thought. “I just...I want something to be normal.”

"It probably won't be for a while, but…" he sighed, "It'll eventually get better at least." For a moment he watched you pull the sleeves towards the center of the waistline and neatly fold them one over the other. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out an envelope and held it up to you. "I have something for you. Nevada had me draw it up a while back. He also left some money for you and the kids, it's in a trust."

Your eyes fell to the envelope and you shake your head. “No. He wrote that planning on his own death. I don’t want to see what it has to say.” You gave up, shoving the dress into the suitcase, wrinkled and messy.

"It's the last thing your husband left for you. If not now...I hope someday you'll read it," Rafael said, placing the envelope into the suitcase on top of your scrunched-up dress.

“No,” you repeated firmly trying to give it back with shaking hands now. “No. I can’t. If I read that...then he’ll never have another thing to say to me ever again.” Your voice broke, letting out a choked sob again and sitting down on the bed. You buried your face in your hands, shaking with the violence of your tears.

You had dreams when you met Nevada, you dreamed of changing the Heights, of changing him. And you stuck to those for a long time. But somewhere along the way you yourself had changed. It hadn’t been for the better or worse, you’d just...changed. Your dreams shifted to a family, a husband and making a difference with a new opportunity. Nevada had given you so much, maybe even taken more. But you wouldn’t have changed it. You couldn’t. There were a thousand little pieces that fit together to make your paths align. So many things could have broken you apart yet the two of you always persevered. So what was it all for? What was the fighting and the screaming and the devastation for if it wasn’t to keep you both together?

You tried to gather yourself, calming your breathing as your brother stroked your hair. It felt like all the air had left the room the moment Nevada hadn’t come home. You had been struggling to find it ever since.

“I don’t want to see the letter.” You grabbed it, shoving it into your bag. “But I’ll hold onto it for now.” You stared at the floor for a long time. “Is this what I’m going to feel forever? I know they say it gets better, you move on and grow. But how do you do that knowing the person you wanted to grow with is gone?” You laughed at yourself. You sounded like a lunatic. “I’m a widow with three kids and frozen bank assets, all my friends are headed to prison and I’m here. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do Rafi, I’m scared.”

You looked up at your brother the way you had when you were children. But you weren’t afraid of the things in the dark anymore, you were afraid of the things outside of it.

"I know," he replied.

“I have you and Roxie, but you have Liam, you can’t stay by my side and I don’t want you to have that kind of responsibility. I just--" You felt dizzy, starting to get too overwhelmed. You weren’t thinking straight anymore. “I’m gonna throw up.”

"Okay, just sit for a minute, take a breath," Rafael said, leading you to sit on the bed as he knelt in front of you. "Look, I know everything feels helpless right now, but you're not alone. You don't just have me and Roxie and Liam, you have mami and Gladys. We're family, we take care of each other. As for Omar and OJ and the rest of them...I don't know what'll happen, but whatever does happen, we'll get through it together."

As much as he'd hated what Nevada and his brothers did for a living, they were still your family, and so by proxy they were his too.

"Try not to worry about everything going on with OJ and Omar and them. At least for right now. I heard Rita just filed for a motion to suppress some of the witness testimony. Their trial won't even happen for a long while, not with Rita working the DA ragged. Just focus on you and the kids right now."

“NJ and Fi….they’re so young. What if they don’t ever remember Nevada, or what he was like with them. He was a lot of things but he was never bad to those kids.”

"They'll remember because you'll tell them about him," he answered.

You were calming down a bit now, hiccuping occasionally but other than that you seemed to be easing up on the tears.

“Iliana is old enough to remember what he smells like, how he read her stories, she won’t ever get that again, but she’ll know enough to miss it…I can’t tell which one is worse.”

"Nobody will ever replace him, Y/N, but that doesn't mean the four of you won't ever be happy again," he replied, passing a gentle hand over your hair. "He'll always be their father, and you'll always tell them what great father he was to them. How he did everything he could to keep you and them safe. How much he loved all four of you."

You nodded, seemingly sated by his words as you let out a slow sigh. “You’re right. I know you’re right...I was just scared. I feel like I’m always scared lately…” You wiped the tears off your cheeks and take a deep breath. “I think maybe I just need to get some rest and be with the kids, you know?” You looked exhausted, you had always had such hope, even after years but everything about you now felt...dulled. You didn’t feel like you anymore. At least not now anyway. You’d barely slept, hadn’t eaten, you were running yourself ragged with grief, trying to focus on everything but yourself. “They keep asking for their Papi..I need to talk to them again.” Your bottom lip trembled at the thought.

He pursed his lips and pulled you closer, tucking you into his side and speaking into your hair. "Want me to talk to them for you?"

You shook your head but smiled at him sadly. “No thank you Rafi, I’m their mother. They need to hear it from me. No matter how many times they need to hear it.” Everytime broke you a little more. But you’d tell it to them a thousand times before you let anyone else take the horrible weight of telling a hopeful child their father was gone. You wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

Rafael sighed. "Okay...I gotta go, Roxie has to be at the bakery in an hour and she's home with Liam," he said, putting a hand on your shoulder. "The kids are in school till four, why don't you come by for a while after you're done here?"

You smiled and nodded. “Yeah...yeah I’d like that,” you said as you gave him a hug.

"Okay, I'll see you soon?" He got up and held your gaze. "Please come. Liam just started lifting his head up, you haven't seen it yet," he added with a small smile, trying to lighten your spirits.

You smiled a bit at this, warmed by the thought of your nephew growing. “He is? I remember when Fiona started doing that, Nevada was mad, told her not to do that so early...” you laughed a bit, giving a genuine smile at the memory of your husband. A twinge of heartache hit you, but you tried not to bury it. Instead, you took a breath and let it settle in. It was a temporary feeling. “Did you...” you looked back to your bag. “Rafi did you read the letter he wrote to me?”

"No, of course not," he answered, shaking his head. "He wrote it for you, it wasn't my place to read it."

You struggled with the desire to ask him to read it, to make him do the hard part. But the letter is to you. You heard the words in your husband’s voice, already smiling and imagining what he’d say if he heard you wanted your brother to read his letter to you.

"You okay?" Rafael asked. He looked down at his watch. "I can spare a few minutes if you want me to stay with you while you read it."

You licked your lips and nodded. “Yeah… I would like that if you don’t mind.”

"Sure," he replied, sitting as you took a deep breath and opened the sealed envelope. Taking out the slip of paper inside, you knitted your brows.

15%

"Fifteen percent," Rafael read aloud.

You let out a laugh. Your mind didn’t even know how to process it in that moment. But you knew what he was asking of you. Get out. Don’t be another statistic. Go. You felt tears run down your cheeks down as you laughed harder, not even sure why you were laughing. But you didn’t know what else to do.

Rafael arched a brow, corner of his lips curling upward at the sight of you laughing. "I don't get it, is that some kind of inside joke?"

“No, no...it’s him telling me to get the fuck out of this neighborhood.” You smiled. “Even in death...so bossy.” You stroked your fingers fondly over the words. “I love him, I always will.”

"Are you gonna listen this time?" Rafael asked softly with a half smile.

You nodded slowly, thinking the words over. “Yeah,” you said softly. “Yeah, it’s time we go. We’ve all been through enough.” You wiped a few more tears.

He nodded gently and bobbed one shoulder. "I'd love it if you guys lived closer to us. I think Liam would love to have his cousins close by, too."

“Will you help me look for something? I’m not sure how much we can afford now that our main source of income is gone, but..."

"Of course I will," he replied. He looked about to say something else when an unfamiliar ringtone began to sound, coming from the closet.

With knitted brows, you stood and walked the few steps to the double doors, opening them to look for the source of the high-pitched music. Your eyes scanned the whole of the closet before settling on the loose floorboards in the center. Biting your bottom lip, you knelt as thoughts of just after your release from Wilcole Women's Prison flooded your mind, when you'd stashed your wedding dress in the same hiding place. Pulling the floorboards up, you reached inside, finding the box that had once held your wedding gown. Squinting your eyes, you blew hard over the top, dust rushing out into the air as you took the lid off and found one of Nevada's burners.

"Are you kidding me? Why would he hide a phone in there?" you heard Rafael ask behind you, but your attention stayed fixed on the melody and the sideways dance the device did as it vibrated.

"He must've stashed it in here and just forgotten about it, I guess," you said, pulling the outdated phone out and flipping it open. On the screen was a reminder that had been set, though you couldn’t be sure as to when it had been set.

See Britain before you go.

You brows furrowed as you blinked at the message. Was it some sort of code? "See Britain before you go," you said aloud.

You almost didn't want to share the enigma with your older brother, but Nevada was dead. There was nothing to hide anymore. Nothing except for your children to protect.

"Is Roxie from Britain?" you asked, turning to look at him.

He shook his head. "She's from Whales originally, lived in London after that before she moved here."

You frowned, reading over the text again and again. Britain? You tried to think over the words. Your husband was always one for riddles, but you usually solved his puzzles, even if it took you some time. But Britain? Roxie wasn’t from Britain and you didn’t know anyone else that would fit that descriptor. Except yes, you did. Your mind flooded with memories of expensive cologne and an easy but not quite warm, laugh. Jasper. Was he from Britain? He must be. You closed the phone shaking your head.

“Leftover stuff from work I guess,” you said as you shoved the phone into your purse, mind swirling with thoughts of why he would have needed to see Jasper. Maybe Jasper had something that Nevada had needed.

"You wanna head out?" Rafael asked softly, standing.

You barely heard him, blinking as you subtly shook your head and looked back at him. "Um, yeah, why don't you go ahead. I need to stop by and see somebody. I'll meet you at your place in forty-five minutes."

He eyed you for a moment, holding your gaze as he nodded. "Okay."

You kissed his cheek, waiting until he left before getting in your car and driving to Jasper’s office. “See Britain before who leaves?” you mumbled to yourself. Since when did Nevada set reminders on a phone he didn’t even use? And where had he been planning to go?

Jasper had hundreds of contacts from every walk of life and he had been with your husband and brother the day Nevada died. Rafael hadn’t been able to tell you very much except that Jasper had made a phone call on their way back to the dock and that when they arrived back on land there had been a van waiting for them. Jasper had then loaded your husband into the van, gotten in after him and left Rafael to make his own way home.

Your face fell as you as a new thought crept into your mind. You had never seen Nevada’s body. Even the funeral had hardly been a funeral at all, the only thing in the casket was one of his leather jackets and his wedding band. Had Jasper lied? Was your husband alive? Had this been a message from him to tell you as much? Your heart pounded as a glimmer of hope ignited in your belly, and pulling up to the tall sky-skaper, you took several deep breaths and got out, heading inside. There was no use in getting your hopes up. There was no way Nevada could’ve anticipated being shot. Or was there?

When you reached the seventh floor, you marched past the empty reception desk and knocked on Jasper’s door. You’d been doing most things on autopilot lately. You waited, digging in your purse and grabbing the phone, staring the reminder again.

Please be something worthwhile, you pleaded to yourself. You weren’t sure who the plea was for or what worthwhile even meant in this instance, you just hoped solving this mystery would give you some kind of clarity. Some form of closure.

Jasper opened the door, eyes immediately finding yours as he smiled warmly. "Y/N, darling. To what do I owe the pleasure?"

“Please tell me you’re from Britain,” you whispered, hands running through your hair, tugging at it for a moment before remember how your husband had put his hands over yours to stop you from doing that. You stopped.

“Originally, yes,” he replied, holding your eyes for a moment before he stepped aside and pulled the door open. “Come in, please. Are you planning for a holiday with the children?”

You shook your head. “We’re moving out of the Heights. I can’t live there anymore, it’s not what Nevada would’ve wanted,” you answered. “I just want to keep them safe. We’re going to stay with my brother for a few days so I can figure out where we’ll go.”

"Oh, wonderful," Jasper replied, nodding his head. "I'm glad that you have family to help you get through this." He smiled at you, though it didn't quite reach his eyes, and he seemed to be waiting for you to say something. The silence was fast approaching uncomfortable when he broke it in a gentle tone. "Was there something you needed from me?"

“Um, this is going to sound stupid,” you said, shaking your head and holding up the phone, letting him see the text on the screen. “Was my husband supposed to see you?”

He looked from the message back to you, hesitating a moment before he shook his head. "No, as a matter of fact, the last I saw Nevada was at the start of the year."

You knitted your brows, tilting your head. That was obviously a lie. You knew it. He knew it. He knew you knew it. He had been the one to tell you that he had done everything he could to save your husband’s life, that he had held Nevada in his arms as he’d taken his last breath. Why was he lying?

Jasper nodded, as though agreeing with your thoughts. "He loved you very much. You and the children were everything to him. All he ever wanted was to keep the lot of you far from the dangers of this world."

He swallowed and clenched his jaw as his eyes roamed the room, as though he were looking for something while trying to appear not to look for whatever that something was. Your eyes followed suit, darting along the upper corners of the room and scanning the bookshelf along the far wall. Was there someone listening to them? You knew there had been an investigation opened into Nevada’s business dealings, which explained why the office was empty, save for Jasper, who now that you noticed the boxes around the room, appeared to be packing his belongings.

Your eyes met Jasper’s stare again. “He was everything to us too.”

Jasper smiled warmly. "He used to speak about you all the time. He especially enjoyed telling me about that trip the two of you once took. How for even the short time you and he were able to be surrounded by the beauty of nature, he felt the most at peace he'd ever felt." His eyes seemed to speak additional words that you couldn’t decipher, but you saw them, jumbled in the brown of the Brit’s gaze. Another message?

You nodded. “Some of the best moments of my life were spent there, with him."

Smirking softly, his shoulder lightly bobbed. “Perhaps someday you could take the children, share that natural beauty with them. I’m sure they would find it just as special as you both did.”

The corner of your lips lifted into a partial smile. “That’s a good idea. Maybe I will sometime in the future.”

Jasper nodded again. "Do take care of yourself, Y/N." Leaning down, he kissed your cheek. "I hope someday our paths cross again. Perhaps at not so grim a time."

“Thank you, Jasper,” you whispered.

He walked with you back to the elevator, hugging you one last time and giving you a sympathetic smile as the doors closed. When you got back to the SUV, something poked your side as you sat in the driver’s seat. Your brows furrowed and you looked down at your jacket--an old leather of Nevada’s. Reaching into the side pocket, you felt a smooth, paper surface that hadn’t been there when you’d put the jacket on. Your eyes went back to the building as you pulled it out; a small envelope. Tearing it open, you pulled out a slip of paper with an address and a hangar number.

Eyes lifting to stare blankly at the space above the steering wheel, you pocketed the note, started the car and headed to your brother’s apartment.

------

The white noise of the waves crashing against the surf served as a backdrop to the occasional chirp that could be heard overhead. A warm breeze blew against his face, the salty smell of the sea flooding his senses. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky and yet the sun felt like an old friend wrapping him in a warm embrace, assuring him that everything was alright. Everything was just as it should be.

It was a far cry from Washington Heights, both in activity and ambiance, one that a person could get used to easily. Out here, in the South Pacific life was simple, the polar opposite of what he’d been used to his entire life. The shift from chaos to peace had been a rough transition, though more than welcomed. One that a rooftop off Amsterdam Avenue could never compare to.

A dull pain in his abdomen grew beneath his white, short-sleeved, cotton button down shirt and his hand instinctively lay over the area. He should’ve been dead--there was no rhyme or reason for him to have survived. Not after everything that had happened, everything that he’d done. He hadn’t deserved the mercy that fate had shown him. The distant sound of a boat approaching brought a smirk to his face as he realized that he could very well still die whenever the passengers got to the dock just past the stairs that led to the house.

He could hear the far-away voices of your children coming closer and his smile grew just as the sound of them climbing the steps met his ears. Turning as you, Lily, Fiona and NJ got to the top, he smirked.

“Hola Mami.”

#cuba v dr #rafael barba #Raul Esparza #Nevada ramirez

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getthecalminggoat · 5 years

Video

The final saga.

@missjennifercole @xemopeachx

#rafael barba #Nevada ramirez #cuba v dr #Raúl Esparza #Raul Esparza

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esparza-army · 7 years

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When you’re going through Cuba V DR withdrawals... @xemopeachx @missjennifercole

#I need mental help #I'm clearly not okay #im sorry #cuba v dr #rafael barba #nevada ramirez #I hate myself

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pyrovilian · 3 years

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Ok I’m rewatching bones and I haven’t seen it in a while and now Andie and Wendell have gotten together and GOSH they’re so so so cute I hope they’re together forever <333

#I really do!!!#andie and Wendell time!! they’re cute cute clock!!!#I really don’t remember what happens I’m v nervous!!#also what’s going on with Michelle!!! we haven’t heard from her in a while and I love her!!! love cam and Michelle they’re so so sweet #hmm trying to remember the other interns #we got fisher he’s ok #that’s smart rude hodgins clone #the red head girl who’s name I don’t remember I like her and Aubrey #I miss Vincent :(#the guy from Cuba dr Fuentes I think?? he’s nice!#arastoo <3333 love that fella #daisy I never really liked daisy but she’s getting better now that sweets dead #don’t know where I was going with this #bones #Anna watches tv

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hraishin · 3 years

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I see you you reblogged the character defensive post...

what ARE your thoughts on movie Charles????

(no judgment, I am v v v curious)

I am very very angry right now cause I had written a wholeass essay to reply to this and my phone glitched because of WhatsApp's backup (Mark Zuckerberg I am coming for you, bitch).

BUT ANYWAY AS I WAS SAYING BEFORE I LOST EVERYTHING, I absolutely adore movie Charles Xavier. I think he's one of the characters with the best character development in the movies cause god knows Erik became the angst factor of "make him angry so he can fight the X-Men teehee" till the very end. But I am a canon-negationist for Dark Phoenix Charles, I'll deny ever knowing him and whoever tries to say he was done right in that movie owns me $5 /j. (but seriously, I personally don't like Dark Phoenix. The visuals are great and god bless Hans Zimmer with that original score, but the story in itself was messy as fuck, mostly due to the many rewrites probably).

But anyway, I do love movie Charles a lot because although I don't agree with the overly pacifist and kinda "we should be nice to humans so they're nice to us" approach he has I do see him having good points and I also admire his hope a lot. People might say "oh he's idealistic" and yeah he kinda is but as someone who's optimistic even in the worst times because I feel like I need to be the hopeful one when no one is, and who in general hopes for good things from people and the rest of the world, I do see myself a lot in him. Most of my liking from him comes from seeing myself in him (and also because of James McAvoy, who I adore) but as a character he's always caught my attention more.

Days of Future Past is the movie that really makes him that much of a better character for me because it's his snapping point, it's him without his normal hope and it's the broken version of that lovely slutty man we meet in First Class and who just had a Bad Time™ in Cuba all those years ago and just kept losing and losing, over and over again. In my opinion they handled Charles' trauma and mental health really well there with the little time they had and the added bonus of him not being kind to Erik in the end felt right after Erik broke his trust again by shooting Raven and by trying to kill the politicians and basically take Raven's place to create the future Logan tried to stop (and that's a whole other thing I could rant about, but I'm here to talk about my main man Charles).

Apocalypse was not the best of movies but of all the characters I still see him having the best character development there with the situation he was put in (not hard to happen when Erik was used as the "villain" once again!) in which he starts trying to keep the fight away from the school because god knows this man just wants some peace for once, only to realize the fighting never stops because there'll always be someone to hurt him or the ones he love. The scene of him in dark lighting as he watches the new X-Men being trained is still great and it pains me a lot because I just see it as him giving in to something he never wanted to happen (even worse because in my head Charles ties this endless fight to Erik and the way he handles things which was never Charles' way, but there's no other way) (and yes I'm bringing my hcs to the table, shhhh).

Dark Phoenix I hate so I will not elaborate on this movie, I will deny the existence of anything other than the train scene and the Paris Proposal. I could agree that certain plot points can be interesting but here's the thing: Movie Charles and Comic Charles are not the same people. Movie Charles is a slutty little guy whom I adore and Comic Charles is this man who won't leave me alone as much as I try to push him away (I can't drown my demons they know how to swim). In Dark Phoenix he's awfully close to taking Comic-Charles-like actions which makes no sense with the character the movies created, and even then Movie Charles differs from BDSM suit comic man. But, well, I don't like that movie or Charles' (and Raven's, and Erik's, and everyone's) characterizations on it, sorry if you do, that's just where I stand on it. And as you know, my opinions on this CB movie is truly important for the world rn /s.

But anyway, I think Charles is a great character, I love writing him cause boy oh boy, he has a lot of angst in that pretty head of his, but I also see myself a lot in him. So there you go.

I'll end Comic Charles myself tho because I cannot stand that man, thank you very much. I do like his catsuit tho, so I'll objectify him.

TL;DR: I just think Movie Charles is very neat and I'd bury Comic Charles alive.

#charles xavier #xmen #ask #i have Many Opinions on my man™#i also won't proof read this #good luck with the typos #long post

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wearevillaneve · 3 years

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While We’re Waiting, What’s Next for...Konstantin?

I love the official BBC America character page for Konstantin Vasilev:

Konstantin is not afraid of anything or anyone (that’s a damn lie!) . He has seen more broken bones and shattered spirits in his life than anyone would dare to imagine. (awww...Konstantin is sensitive. Like a cold toilet seat) He recruits and runs assassins, but none more complex and demanding than Villanelle. He understands that her ego is a beast, and he is constantly walking the tightrope of being able to manage it. He doesn’t always know who she is going to kill, he just tells her she has to (including himself).

He is an opportunist. He tells her that he is devoted to the people who order the kills and she should be, too. But really, he doesn't give a fuck. He just wants money and a roof over his head (this. all this).

Konstantin is not a psychopath, he’s more pragmatic and self-interested than that – he does whatever he needs to survive. He has a slow, masculine pace (because the ladies love his slow, masculine pace, right Carolyn and Geraldine?). He gives off an impression of being a little weary, but when push comes to shove, he will fight for his life harder than anyone (hitting Villanelle with a log proved that).

That said, he also has an aversion to violence – to getting his hands dirty. Which is why Villanelle’s indifference to brutality makes her his most important asset. He’s probably the closest thing Villanelle has ever had to a stable relationship. Although you wouldn’t know it to look at him, Konstantin is a family man (yeah, and he sucks at it).

He’s amused by life and by Villanelle but he’s clever enough to be frightened of her. He is the only person we meet who isn’t powerless to Villanelle’s charms. He knows her too well. After all…he did create her (Frankenstein’s beautiful monster comes back to kill Dr. Frankenstein).

Konstantin's lovable rogue image took a hit in S3 between all his scheming and lying and deceptions. Throw in his unexplained role in Kenny's murder (I ain't buyin' none of this tripped-and-fell-off-the-roof jive) as well as his Big Daddy K and Geraldine shit (BLECH!) and I wanted Carolyn to end him.

I don't see Konstantin sunning himself on the shores of Cuba and even he can't be so cold as to leave Irina in a Russian detention center. He'll have to either go crawling back to Carolyn or to The Twelve. Give them back their money and swear he'll get Villanelle back for them.

Unless Carolyn and Konstantin are running another fake-out like they did in S2 when he popped up hale and hearty after being gut shot by V, I don't see his way back to MI6's good graces. Helene might be a bit more forgiving than Carolyn.

It would not break my heart to see Konstantin take a permanent vacation in hell and Eve being the one to send him on it. She's got a taste for this whole murder/death/kill thing now and Eve doesn’t like Konstantin. She never has. Despite his roguish charms, he has not dented Eve’s defenses at all.

She sees him for what he is: a bullshit artist, plus he’s a cock block between her and her boo. Even Villanelle has had enough of his shit. Their weird father/daughter dynamic of Season One was gone by Season Three due to his multiple betrayals of her trust, and Villanelle doesn’t trust a lot of people. She certainly trusted in Konstantin more than even Eve, and he kept exploiting that trust for his own selfish, self-interests. Not no mo’. Konstantin is a world-class asshole and a terrible misogynist. He thinks of himself as a lover of women, but he only uses and abuses them time and again. Villanelle, Carolyn, Geraldine, Irina and his nameless, faceless wife are all subject to his cynical manipulations. Only Eve recognized him as the sleazy little shit he is from the jump.

Maybe Villanelle will pop under from under the covers but this time to finish what she started. Don’t be so stingy with your bullets, V. Go full John Wick and double-tap two in the brain box to make sure. Can’t put Kevlar around your head, Big Daddy K. Villanelle told Konstantin she didn’t want him to die, but she also threw his “You’re not family” insult back in his face. Eve is family now and if new family says old family’s gotta go, they gotta go. I don’t see Konstantin dying in bed unless that’s where he is when E&V show to punch his ticket. Remember, this is Killing Eve and this is not a show where men pass away in a peaceful, natural way. When a man’s life ends the cause is a woman ending them. The misandry is a nice change-up, wouldn’t you agree?

#Killing Eve #Konstantin #villanelle x konstantin #eve x konstantin #carolyn martens #ke_s4 #kim bodnia #jodie comer #sandra oh #fiona shaw #ke analysis

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sinsiriuslyemo · 4 months

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do you write dark/yandere stuff?

Okay, full disclosure, my dearest anon, I had to google what yandere meant and I'm still a little confused as to what exactly it would look like/mean with the fandoms that I write for. BUT, as far as dark fic goes, yes. I have and do write dark fic/characters (see Cuba v DR <- I think this would be considered dark fic anyway) and I also occasionally enjoy reading dark fic. I hope this answers your questiom

#ask

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thisbluespirit · 3 years

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James Maxwell TV/Film List

More of a guide than a recs list, because old tv/film depends so much on availability. It’s also hard as there’s nothing surviving that’s really like SotT for him (his voice is always slightly different, too & rarely the grand one from SotT) - I found it hard to find where to start back in the day, so I hope this makes it easier. However, I have starred my favourites (rated for JM content only).

I’ve divided things into categories and @jurijurijurious (or anyone) can make up their own mind as to what to go for. (Also @jurijurijurious I have NO idea what old telly you’ve already seen, so forgive me if I’m telling you things you already know.)

Where to find it: Luckily in the UK, it’s not too bad! Network Distributing are the DVD supplier to keep an eye on (they do great online sales), you can find secondhand things cheap on Amazon Marketplace & eBay, and several Freeview channels show old TV & film, especially Talking Pictures. I’ll note if things are on YT or Daily Motion, but they come and go all the time, so it’s always worth searching.

***

Film serials (ITC mainly)

British TV made on film in the US mode with transatlantic cash, so generally pretty light, episodic (continuity is almost unheard of) etc. Some turn up on ITV3 & 4 on a regular basis (colour eps).

*** Dangerman “A Date With Doris” (ITC 1964) James Maxwell is a British spy friend of Drake’s (Patrick MacGoohan) called Peter who gets framed for murder. Drake goes to Fake Cuba to rescue him by which time JM is dying from an infected wound and faints off every available surface, including the roof. It’s great. On YT. (The boxset is v pricey if you just want 2 eps.)

“Fair Exchange” (ITC 1964) JM is a German spy friend of Drake’s called Pieter who helps him out on a case. Not as gloriously hurt/comfort-y as the other, but it does have some excellent undercover dusting. (Why Patrick MacGoohan has JM clones all called variations on Peter dotted around the globeis a mystery.) On YT.

The Saint “The Inescapable Word” (ITC 1965) This is pretty terrible, but entertaining and James Maxwell plays the world’s most hopeless former-cop-turned-security guard. With bonus collapsing. On YT.

“The Art Collectors” (1967). JM is the villain of the week. It does include a v funny bit, though, where the Saint (Roger Moore) goes for JM’s fake hair (and who can blame him? How often I have felt the same!) This one’s in colour so should pop up on ITV3 or 4.

The Champions “The Silent Enemy” (ITC 1968). Surprisingly good JM content as the villain of the week who drugs sailors and steals their clothes before realising that maybe he should have worked out if he could operate a sub before he stole it.

The Protectors “The Bridge” (ITC 1974, 30 mins.) Not worth seeking out on its own, but ITV4 seems fond of it and James Maxwell gets to do some angsting and wears purple, so it’s worth snagging if you can, but too slight otherwise.

*** Thriller “Good Salary, Prospects, Free Coffin” (ITC 1975; 1hr 10mins, I think). James Maxwell moves in with Julian Glover and runs an overcomplicated murdery spy ring where they bicker a lot in between killing girls by advertisement and burying them in the back garden. What could possibly go wrong?? Anyway, it’s solid gold cheese, has bonus Julian Glover and a lot of natty knitwear. What more does an old telly fan want? (tw: Keith Barron being inexplicably the very meanest Thriller boyfriend.) On YT but tends to get taken down fast.

***

Films

Design for Loving (1962; comedy). Can be rented from the BFI online for £3.50. Isn’t that great or that bad (or that funny either), but does have JM as a dim layabout beatnik, which is atypical.

***The Traitors (1962). This is a low-key little 1hr long spy B-movie, but it’s also thoughtful and ambiguous with a nice 60s soundtrack and location work (it’s a bit New Wave-ish) and the central duo of JM and Patrick Allen are sweet and it all winds up with James Maxwell going in the swimming pool. One of the things where JM is actually American. (Talking Pictures show this occasionally & it is out on DVD as an extra on The Wind of Change.) The quality of the surviving film is not great, though.

***Girl on Approval (1962). A Rachel Roberts kitchen sink drama about a couple fostering a difficult teenager. It’s dated, but it’s also really interesting for a 1950s/60s slice of life (and very female-centric) & probably the only time on this list JM played an ordinary person.

***Otley (1969). Comedy that’s generally dated surprisingly well & is good fun, starring Tom Courtenay +cameos from what seems like the whole of British TV. JM is an incompetent red herring & there are more cardies and glasses as well as a random barometer.

Old Vic/Royal Exchange group productions

(Surviving works made by the group that JM was involved in from drama school to his death, made by Michael Elliott or Casper Wrede. I like them a lot mostly, but they are all slow and weird and earnest & not everybody’s cup of tea.)

Brand (BBC 1959). The BBC recording of the 59 Company’s (the name they were then using) landmark production, starring Patrick MacGoohan. This was a big deal in British theatre & launched the careers of everybody involved. It’s very relentless and weird but interesting & I’m glad they decided it was important enough to save. First fake beard alert of this post. It won’t be the last. On YT & there is a DVD, which is sometimes affordable and sometimes £500, depending on the time of day.

***Private Potter (1962). The original TV play is lost and this film has an extraneous storyline, but otherwise has most of the TV cast & gives a pretty good idea of why as a claustrophobic talky TV piece it made such an impact. Tom Courtenay is Private Potter, a soldier who claims to have had a vision of God during a mission & James Maxwell his CO who needs to decide what to do about this strange excuse for disobeying orders. Tw: fake eyebrows (!) and moustaches. Only available on YT.

[???]One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch (1970). Again, no DVD release (no idea why), but it is on YT. I haven’t seen this yet, but it’s another Casper Wrede effort starring Tom Courtenay and apparently JM is especially good in it. (I’m just not good at watching long things on YT and keep hoping for a DVD or TV showing.)

Ransom (1974). A more commercial effort starring Sean Connery & Ian McShane; it gets slated as not being a good action movie, but is clearly meant to be more thinky and political with the edge of a thriller. JM’s part isn’t large but Casper Wrede shoots his friend beautifully, & it’s a pretty decent film with nice cinematography, shot in Norway, as was One Day. I liked it.

[I think this post might be the longest in the world, whoops. Sorry!]

Cardboard TV (the best bit, obv)

One-off plays etc./mini-series

Out of the Unknown “The Dead Planet” Adaptation of an Asimov short story; this is very good for JM, but hard to get hold of unless you want the boxset. I think someone has some of the eps on Daily Motion. (His other OotU ep is sadly burninated.)

The Portrait of a Lady (BBC 1968). Adaptation of the novel; JM is Gilbert Osmond, so it is great for JM in quantity and his performance, but depends how you feel about him being skeevy in truly appalling facial hair. Do the bow ties and hand-holding make up for it? but he’s in 5 whole episodes, and Suzanne Neve, faced with Richard Chamberlain, Edward Fox, and Ed Bishop as suitors, chooses instead to marry the worst possible James Maxwell. Relatable. XD

***Dracula (ITV 1968, part of Mystery & Imagination). JM is Dr Seward, fainty snowflake of vampire hunters, who falls over, sobs and can’t cope for most of the 1 hr 20 mins. More facial hair, but not as offensive as last time. Suzanne Neve is back again, although now JM is nice, she’s married Corin Redgrave, who’s more into Denholm Elliott. Anyway, I love this so much because it turned out that I love Dracula as well as shaky old TV with people I like in getting to fight vampires and all be shippy. Good news - TP keep showing M&I, the DVD is out, and there are two versions of it up on YT.

The Prison (Armchair Cinema 1974). This is the one with Lincoln in it, but it’s not that great & JM isn’t in it that much, so depends how curious you are for the modern AU! (But my Euston films allergy is worse than my ITC allergy, and I watched this when very unwell, so I may have been unfair.)

Crown Court “Fitton vs. Pusey” (1973) - part of the Crown Court series, set in a town full of clones who all keep returning to court. JM is on trial for his behaviour in (the Korean war? I forget?) although he ought to be on trial for his terrible moustache. It’s not that great, but it is nice JM content. He probably did it, but for reasons, and he wibbles & panics whenever his wife leaves the courtroom. Also on YT.

*** Raffles “The Amateur Cracksman” (ITV 1975) - He is Inspector Mckenzie in the Raffles pilot & is a lot of fun. At one point when there was a Raffles fandom someone in it claimed he was too gay for Raffles, which I’m still laughing about, because Raffles. Anyway, watch out if you try to get the DVD because it is NOT included in S1, whatever lies Amazon tells. It is up somewhere online, though, I think.

Bognor “Unbecoming Habits” (1981). Some down marks for possibly the worst 80s theme & incidiental music ever, but fun & has been shown on Talking Pictures lately. JM is an Abbot running a honey-making friary that is actually a hotbed of spies, murder, gay sex and squash playing. This is the point at which he chooses to strip off on screen for the first time, because strong squash-playing abbots do that kind of thing apparently.

Guest of the week in ongoing series/serials

Since even series with a lot of continuity tended to write episodes as self-contained plays (like SotT), these are usually accessible on their own.

Manhunt “Death Wish” (1970). This is one of the most serialised shows here, but this episode is still fairly contained. WWII drama about three Resistance agents on the run across France. JM is... a Nazi agent & former academic trying to break an old friend (one of the series’ three leads, Peter Barkworth) with kindness, possibly?? (Manhunt is very angry and psychological & dark and obv. comes with major WWII warnings (& more if you want to try the whole thing), but it’s also v good.) Up on YT, I think.

Doomwatch “The Iron Doctor” (BBC S2 1971). “Doomwatch” is the nickname of a gov’t dept led by Dr Spencer Quist that investigates new scientific projects for abuse/corruption/things that might cause fish to make men infertile etc. etc. JM is a surgeon who comes to their attention because he’s a bit too in love with his computer for the comfort of one of his more junior colleagues. (I think it’s perfectly comprehensible & a nice guest turn, but it is hard to get hold of outside of the series DVD. Which, being a cult TV person, I loved a lot anyway, but YMMV!)

***Hadleigh “The Caper” (S3 1973). Hadleigh is a very middle of the road show, but watchable enough (lead is Gerald Harper, who’s always entertaining) and this is pretty self-contained as it centres around an old con-man friend (JM) of Hadleigh’s manservant causing trouble by pretending to be Gerald Harper, for reasons. JM seems to be having a ball.

Justice 2 episodes, S3 1974. He guests twice as an opposing barrister & gets to be part of some nice showdown court scenes. Again, a middle of the road drama, but stars Margaret Lockwood, who was still just as awesome in the 1970s as she was in the 1930s & 40s. On YT.

Father Brown “The Curse of the Golden Cross” (1974). JM is an American archaeologist getting death threats; stars Kenneth More as Father Brown. Just a note, though, that 1970s TV adaptations tended to be really really faithful and this is one of the stories where Chesterton comes out with an anti-semitic moment... (JM was unconscious for that bit and, frankly, I envied him.) But otherwise lots of angsting in yet another fake moustache about someone trying to kill him.

The Hanged Man “The Bridge Maker” (1975). Confession time, I have v little idea what this one was about apart from Ray Smith being an unlikely Eastern European dictator, as this whole series went over my head and was not really my thing. (Ask @mariocki they’re cleverer than me and liked it & can probably explain the plot!) I don’t know if it’s available anywhere off the DVD but on a JM scale it was v good/different as he was a coldly villainous head of security & it wouldn’t be too bad to watch alone, but there was an overarching plot going on somewhere.

Doctor Who “Underworld” (1978). This is famously one of the worst serials in the whole of classic Who, but largely because of behind-the-scenes circumstances, not the guest cast. There is some nice stuff, though, esp in Ep1 (JM is a near-immortal alien who’d like to lay down and die but still the Quest is the Quest as they say... a lot) & it’s bound to pop up on YT or Daily Motion. The DVD has extras that include v v brief bits of JM speaking in his actual real accent (which he otherwise does in NONE of these) & making jokes in character. Honestly, though, this is the only DW where the behind-the-scenes doc is genuinely the most exciting bit as they desperately invented whole new technologies & methods of working to bring us this serial, and then everybody wished they hadn’t.

*** Enemy at the Door “Treason” (LWT 1978). This is a weird episode but I love it lots - from a (v v good) series about the occupation of the Channel Islands. (So obv warnings for WWII & Nazis.) JM is a visiting German Generalmajor, but he’s come for a very unusual reason - to ask for help from his brother-in-law, a blackballed British army officer (Joss Ackland). It’s all weird and low key and JM is doomed and nevertheless probably my favourite thing of his that isn’t SotT.

* The Racing Game 2 eps (1979). Adaptation of Dick Francis’s first Sid Halley novel Odds Against (ep1) + 5 original stories for the series. This is an interesting one - JM plays Sid’s father-in-law & they have a lovely relationship that’s central to the book BUT Dick Francis loved this adaptation and Mike Gwilym who played Sid and was inspired to write a sequel Whip Hand, which he tied in with TV canon - and adopted at least three of the cast, including JM. Which means that all the Sid & Charles fanfic is also JM fic by default and it’s quite impressive. (There’s not much but it’s GOOD.) On YT.

Bergerac “Treasure Hunt” (1981). Not a major role, but pretty nice & it’s one a Christmas ep of the detective show (also set on the Channel Islands) that involved Liza Goddard’s cat burglar, which was always the best bit of Bergerac.

His guest spots in Rumpole of the Bailey (1991) “Rumpole a la Carte” and Dr Finlay (1994) are both really just cameos, but both series come round on Freeview; the Rumpole one is funny and the Dr Finlay one his last screen appearance before his death the following year.

Not worth getting just for JM: Subway in the Sky; Bill Brand and Oppenheimer.

These films only have cameos but some quite fun ones and they come around on terrestrial TV: The Damned (1962), The Evil of Frankenstein (1964) & (more briefly) Far From the Madding Crowd (1967). (I think his cameo in Connecting Doors must be at least recognisable as someone spotted him in it just based off my gifs, but it’s not come my way yet.) I’ve never been able to get hold of any of his radio performances, not even the 1990s one.

ETA: I forgot The Power Game! This is the one surviving series where he occurs as a semi-regular (at least until halfway through S1 when he went off to the BBC to be in the now-burninated Hunchback of Notre Dame). This isn’t standalone, but it’s a good series and it is on YT. See how you go with crackly old TV before you brave it but it’s the snarkiest thing ever made about people making concrete and stabbing each other in the back. JM is a civil servant who tries to run the National Export Board and is plagued by Patrick Wymark and Clifford Evans as warring businessmen.

***

[... Well, now I just feel scary. 0_o In my defence, I have been stuck home bored & ill for years, and often unable to watch modern TV while trying to cheer myself up with James Maxwell, so I didn’t watch all of this at once. It just... happened eventually after SotT. /waves hand

But if anyone feels the need to unfriend my quietly at this point, I understand. /o\]

#james maxwell #masterlist #rec list #well sort of #1950s #1960s #1970s #1980s #there are some things i haven't seen #and some things i know to be extant but unreleased #everything else is burninated or status unknown

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2020goofball-blog · 4 years

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hobbyspacer · 10 months

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The Space Show this week - July.10.2023

The guests and topics of discussion on The Space Show this week: 1. Tuesday, July. 11, 2023; 7 pm PST (9 pm CST, 10 pm EST): We welcome Matt Bille with Kerri Westburg on the Guardian Scout project for Space Force launching and training. 2. Hotel Mars - Wednesday, July. 12, 2023; 1:00 pm PST (3:00 pm CST, 4:00 pm EST): Anatoly Zak of RussianSpaceWeb.com will talk with John Batchelor and Dr. David Livingston about Roscosmos training Russian troops for the Ukraine war. 3. Friday, July.14, 2023; 9:30-11 am PST (11:30 am-1 pm CST, 12:30-2 pm EST): We welcome Manuel Cuba of Helix Space in Luxembourg. 4. Sunday, July.16, 2023; 12-1:30 pm PST (2-3:30 pm CST, 3-4:30 pm EST): We welcome Dr. Arun Sharma of Cedars Sinai in Los Angles to discuss their program for sending stem cells to space for basic medical and science research. Some recent shows: ** Sunday, July.9.2023 - Stephanie Thomas of Princeton Satellite Systems gave fusion industry updates plus the latest on the fusion Princeton Satellite is working on. We talked about fusion in general, the government and fusion, other private companies, fusion in space and more. https://thespaceshow.com/sites/default/files/shows/4051-BWB-2023-07-09.mp3 ** Friday, July.7.2023 - Jean-Francois Gauthier of the GHGSat (Green House Gas Satellite) project discussed methane and other gas detection satellites, the industry seeking such leak detection, data usage including for climate change purposes and much more. Other topics of interest also discussed. https://thespaceshow.com/sites/default/files/shows/4050-BWB-2023-07-07.mp3 ** Hotel Mars - Friday, July.7.2023 - Dr. Jeffrey Hoffman of MIT talked with John Batchelor and Dr. David Livingston about ... MOXIE, the experiment making O2 on Mars. Our two segment discussion was wide ranging regarding O2 and its needs on Mars, plus timing for possible commercial Mars operations and humans to Mars. https://thespaceshow.com/sites/default/files/shows/4049-BWB-2023-07-07.mp3 ** Sunday, July.2.2023 - Open lines program covered Lots of different topics, many callers, several program emails. Great discussions on a variety of space subjects and events. https://thespaceshow.com/sites/default/files/shows/4048-BWB-2023-07-02.mp3 ** Friday, June.30.2023 - Dr. Angie Bukley and Dr. Josef Koller from the Aerospace Corporation discussed space safety involved in "all segments of the space industry plus we spent time on rescue". https://thespaceshow.com/sites/default/files/shows/4047-BWB-2023-06-30.mp3 ** Hotel Mars - Wednesday, June.29.2023 - Anatoly Zak of RussianSpaceWeb.com talked with John Batchelor and David Livingston about "the upcoming Russian mission to the Moon with their Luna-Glob lander finally ready for prime time having been started back in the 1990's". https://thespaceshow.com/sites/default/files/shows/4046-BWB-2023-06-28.mp3 ** Sunday, June.25.2023 - Dr. Seth Shostak of the SETI Institute discussed "SETI news and updates, using radio and optical seti for searches and more". https://www.thespaceshow.com/sites/default/files/shows/4045-BWB-2023-06-25.mp3 ** See also: * The Space Show Archives * The Space Show Newsletter * The Space Show Shop The Space Show is a project of the One Giant Leap Foundation.

The Space Show - Dr. David Livingston === Amazon Ads === When the Heavens Went on Sale: The Misfits and Geniuses Racing to Put Space Within Reach === Critical Mass (A Delta-v Novel) Read the full article

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missjennifercole · 6 years

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Welcome back to another episode of Cuba V. Dr. guys! This one has some big drama for ya.

EPISODE 6

In the morning you got up and changed into everyday clothes before you looked down at Nevada. You smiled as he groaned and pulled his pillow over his head to block out the sunlight.

“Why does it get harder every day to get out of bed?” you grumbled.

“You look like you got out just fine,” he replied, rolling over and letting out a tired sigh.

You opened the door to NJ who was standing at it, clearly waiting for you to be awake.

“Mami, I help make beck-fast?”

“Of course you can, mi amor.”

Nevada waited a few more minutes before he got up as well and pulled some jeans on, going down the stairs and kissing Fiona and NJ’s heads. He went to the stove to start the coffee and began preparing the measuring cup with sugar.

“You guys sleep good?” he asked, scratching idly at his belly.

“Si,” NJ answered with a smile.

Looking back as he waited for his daughter to answer, he arched a brow as Fiona just laid her head on the table, looking tired.

“You didn’t sleep,” Nevada said to Fiona with a smirk. “Y Lily? Still in bed?”

“Yeah, Lily seep,” Fiona mumbled and yawned, nose pressed to table.

“Oye, wake up, no sleeping on the table,” Nevada said, snapping his fingers.

Fiona glared daggers at her father, lifting her head and yawning again. “No.”

“Como que no? You wanna sleep, go back to bed,” he replied as he whipped the sugar and coffee to make foam.

She got up, sleepily shuffling back to her room as NJ smiled up at both his mother and father. “I help!”

“Good, mijo,” Nevada replied, fixing the coffee and pouring himself a cup. “You want some of this?” he asked you.

You nodded and lifted NJ up so he could flip the pancake. He leaned a little two far in his attempt to turn over the pancake and dropped it on the floor. He looked like he'd killed someone, eyes filled with the unfiltered sorrow only a child could have about a lost pancake.

“Don’t worry about it, sweetie,” you said as Nevada poured you some coffee and left it beside the stove for you.

“OYE!! LET’S GO, FLOOR PANCAKES!!!” Nevada called out to the two sleeping girls upstairs.

You giggled at that, grabbing the pancake off the floor and tossing it in the trash. “Let's try again, yeah?”

NJ smiled and nodded, this time flipping it perfectly.

“Bueno, mi amor. You're so talented!” you cooed.

Lily and Fiona came sauntering downstairs, the former grimacing as she looked at you. “Are we really eating floor pancakes?”

“No, mi amor. Your dad is just being silly,” you answered.

Lily and Fiona both sat as NJ helped set the table, smiling up at you while you nodded in approval. You served everyone breakfast and ate while the twins asked about the different types of pancakes.

“Oye, guys, when we’re done, you’re gonna have to go play in your room, okay? Me and mami gotta talk to Lily,” Nevada said.

The twins both nodded as Lily shook her head. “No, thank you.”

“Mama,” Fiona asked softly.

“Yes, my love?”

“All done.”

“Alright, put your plate in the sink and head on upstairs.”

“I’m all done, too,” Lily said, putting her plate in the sink and beginning to walk towards the stairs.

“Lily come back here, ahora,” Nevada said. “We wanna talk to you.”

“I don't want to,” she said flatly.

“I don't care, now, Iliana.” You narrowed your gaze, showing her you meant business.

“No!” Lily shouted, crossing her arms defiantly.

“Oye, you heard us. Right now,” Nevada said again.

Lily glared but moved back to the table, sitting down. “What?” she snapped as NJ ran after Fiona.

“Oye, don’t what me, me entiendes?” Nevada replied. “What’s going on with you? You’ve been treating me like I have the measles, you’ve been telling your mom you don’t wanna come home from school. What’s wrong?”

“I don't want to talk to you,” she said with narrowed eyes.

“I don’t care. Start talking,” Nevada replied, narrowing his eyes right back at her.

She just crossed her arms, turning to you.

You sat beside her, taking her hand and smiling. “Mi amor, what's the matter?”

“Is papi bad?” she whispered.

You shared a glance with Nevada who had his brows knitted above his eyes before you looked back at Lily and thought for a moment. “No and yes. In the movies, people are always good or bad. But that's not exactly how real life works. Most people are both. Sometimes good people, do bad things. But that doesn't make them bad.”

“Is papi dangerous?” she asked.

“No, mi amor. He's never dangerous to you. Ever.”

“But tio Rafael said that we get hurt because of papi’s job,” Lily replied.

Nevada’s face fell into one of understanding as he sighed and looked up at you. Turning his eyes to Lily again, he bit down on his bottom lip.

“Princesa, the world is a dangerous place whether I have my job or not. Sometimes bad things happen, and people can’t help it,” he said.

“Tio told buela that you do bad things and that's why bad things happen to us. Tio said that bad people hurt us because of you. Cause you're dangerous.”

This time Nevada stayed silent, he couldn't exactly say it was a lie, because it wasn’t. Still, Lily was way too young to understand the complexities of his world, which left out his option of simply telling her the truth. Again he bit down on his lip and looked up at you.

You didn't miss a beat, smiling as you took her hands. “Mi amor, tio and papi do two very different things. Do you remember when you told Ella that she was wrong for painting her picture blue because purple was your favorite color? You were so sure she was wrong.”

Lily nodded. “Yeah, I remember.”

“Well that's like this. Tio doesn't like what papi does, so Tio thinks it's wrong. That's why he's not happy with it. Because of that, sometimes Tio says things he doesn't mean.”

“Oh…”

Nevada bit down on his tongue to keep from pointing out the flaw in your analogy. It wasn’t illegal to color a picture, what he did sure as hell was.

“And look at me Lily,” you whispered and cupped her cheeks. “Do you honestly think your papi would ever let you get hurt if he had any control over it?”

She thought then slowly shook her head.

“Mi amor, papi does work that many people don't understand. Because of that, sometimes people are going to call it bad,” you whispered to her, stroking her hair. “But what did I teach you your whole life? If you see someone doing bad, you head in the other direction and tell an adult. Do you think I would be with your papi if he was dangerous to us?”

“No,” she whispered.

“Right. Your papi loves you so much, mi vida. He would never hurt you and he will never be bad to you, entiendes?”

Lily nodded and looked to Nevada cautiously before flinging herself in his arms, burying her face against his chest.

He hugged her back tightly, still being careful not to disturb her cast too much. “I love you so much, princesa,” he whispered against her hair.

“I love you too, I'm sorry papi,” she whispered, tears dripping onto his chest.

“It’s okay. Come on, don’t cry,” Nevada replied, stroking her hair and kissing the top of her head. Pulling her back gently, he cupped her face and used his thumbs to wipe her tears before he pressed a kiss to her forehead.

She looked up at him and sniffled. “Are you mad at me?” she whispered.

He snorted softly as he shook his head. “Are you kidding? I could never be mad at you. You didn’t do anything wrong, me entiendes? Pero if you ever have questions or you’re confused about something, just ask me and I promise I’ll never lie to you, okay?”

She smiled and nodded, cuddling against him. “Papi, will you watch The Little Mermaid with me?”

“Yeah, sure I will,” he replied. “Why don’t you go to your room and find the bluray? I’ll be right there.”

She nodded and ran upstairs as Nevada looked up at you. When his daughter was well out of earshot, he inhaled deeply. “Why’d you lie to her?”

“I didn’t lie, I just skated around the truth. She’s too young to hear it point blank,” you answered.

“I know but that thing about Ella and color her picture purple or blue or whatever the fuck, that’s not the same thing and you know it,” he replied. “She’s too little to know the truth, but I don’t want her ever thinking that what I do and her tios do isn’t wrong.”

You nodded with a sigh. “You’re right, so we need to figure out a way to explain it to her without giving her the full reality. She’s eight--”

“I get it,” he replied, nodding. “I’m glad we got her to talk.”

You nodded back. “Me too,” you said softly before getting up going to start washing the dishes by hand. Your blood was boiling with fury for your brother.

“Oh shit,” Nevada mumbled. “What’s wrong. You usually only do dishes yourself when you’re pissed.”

“I'm furious! How dare Rafael say that stuff?!” you hissed, trying to keep your voice down so the kids wouldn’t hear.

“At least he didn’t say it to her face,” Nevada replied as he bobbed his shoulders.

You said nothing, washing the dishes with a glare, as if that would solve your problems.

“Mira, we already knew Rafael doesn’t like my job,” he said.

“Yeah, I guess now we know where he stands,” you said coldly, not looking up from the dishes.

Nevada sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. “I don’t know if he did it on purpose. I don’t think he knew Lily could hear him, cause as much as he hates what I do, he’d never do that to his niece.”

“It doesn't matter to me, Nevada. He said something wildly inappropriate to my mother and because of it my child thinks her dad is the reason she was shot. I'm beyond angry.” You took a breath and went to him, lowering your voice as you said, “Go watch a movie with Lily, okay?”

“Don’t send me away like I’m one of the kids,” he replied, knitting his brows.

“I'm not, I just don't want my anger misplaced at you.”

“Look, I get it, he fucked up by not making sure the kids weren’t around, but I don’t think he did it on purpose,” Nevada said.

“It doesn't matter! It really doesn't matter what his intentions were. Because it caused our little girl to think you would be capable of hurting your own daughter.”

“She never thought that, come on,” he said.

“You don't know what she thought,” you hissed slamming down one of the dishes in the sink, causing it to shatter. The noise made you flinch. “Fuck.”

More than anything you were hurt that your brother would say those things at all. You weren’t surprised, but you still wished he hadn't. You rubbed your temples and sighed loudly.

“Oye, take it easy with the dishes,” Nevada said as he stood and helped you clean up the broken ceramic. “She told us what she thought. She never said she thought I would hurt her.”

You just clenched your teeth. “Yeah, well what else is he going to say? Next time it might not be so easy to explain.” You tucked your face in Nevada's neck.

“Alright, calm down,” he said, rubbing your back with one hand. “It could’ve been worse, right?”

You nodded, relaxing against the feeling of his hand on your back. “Right,” you whispered softly.

“Alright...I'm gonna go watch this chick get her some stems so she can explore dry land and get laid,” he said, kissing your forehead and going upstairs.

You went back to washing dishes, anger dulled but still present. You and Rafael were going to have to talk.

------

Amber set Fallon down in her crib for her nap, kissing her goodnight before she turned back to her mother who had finally relented to letting Fallon point at pictures and say what they were. As she moved with Cecile back into the living room, they both sat down.

“Would you like something to drink?” Amber asked.

“A glass of wine would be wonderful,” Cecile answered.

Amber nodded and went to the cabinet getting two glasses and a bottle of red wine before pouring herself and her mother a glass. Sitting back down, she smiled softly at Cecile and handed her a glass.

“I'm glad you let Fallon read to you,” Amber said softly.

“Honey, she wasn’t reading and if I were you, I would stop calling it that or it’ll just confuse her,” Cecile replied.

“Mom, she's trying her best. She loves to do it and she won't be confused. So will you please, just play along for her sake?” Amber replied.

Cecile rolled her eyes and took a sip from her glass. “There’s a lovely couple next door who have a son about Fallon’s age,” she mused with a smile. “Wonderful people. Amy and Jeff and their little boy is named Jamie. Fallon would adore him.”

“Next door? Oh, well maybe we'll set up a play date then. Their baby is so quiet, I didn't even know they had a kid.”

“Oh I meant next door to our house upstate,” Cecile replied.

“Upstate?” Amber said with furrowed brows. Troy had mentioned her mother's crazy idea but she was hoping it would be dropped. “Huh, well that's great. We'll have to bring Fallon up and let them meet,” she said with a smile.

“I agree,” Cecile replied. “You know, Troy and I were talking earlier at the park, and I was telling him how much Fallon would love it up there. The schools are amazing, too. He said he would speak to you about possibly moving up there to be closer to your family.”

“He did speak to me about it, he's a man of his word,” she answered slowly.

“Oh good! How soon were you thinking of making the move?” Cecile asked.

“Just because we spoke doesn't mean I'm going to pack up my life. I know that you want us to live closer mom, but I'm not sure. I have spent my life feeling like the unwanted kid because I did what was right,” she said softly. “Forgive me if I'm hesitant to run back to anyone with open arms.”

“Amber, I’ve been willing to let go of my anger towards you. Stop playing the ‘victim’ card, it’s unbecoming and frankly ridiculous,” Cecile replied.

“Mother, you shouldn't have any anger towards me. And I don't feel sorry for myself. I'm not a victim. But I'm cautious. Because I don't want my daughter walking into a life where she is loved only to be shunned when it's no longer convenient,” Amber said.

“You always did have a flare for dramatics, Amber. I suppose that’s why you always wanted to be the one telling a story,” Cecile said as she took another sip of her wine. “Did it ever occur to you that we’d like for you to live closer so that I can have a chance to know my only granddaughter? Honestly, would you have even told me you were pregnant if I hadn’t found out on my own?”

“Honestly? Last time we spoke you said you wished it was me who had been shot. So no, I wouldn't have told you, mother.”

“I never said anything of the sort,” Cecile replied, waving a hand dismissively. “Regardless, to not tell me I have a granddaughter was just cruel and vindictive.”

“Wonder where I got that from,” she mumbled before sipping her wine.

“Well you got it from your father, of course,” Cecile replied, taking another sip of wine.

Amber clenched her jaw. “Mom, I want you to have a relationship with Fallon. But if you're in it, you have to show up to things and be a real part of her life. That means coming down to Manhattan if this is where I choose to live.”

“Well how can I be part of her life if you live so far away?” Cecile replied.

“You come down, we come up, it's about compromise.”

“That is ridiculous, Amber. Besides, what kind of future does she have here, with no family around? The schools are so much better in our district. She would have access to one of the top educations in the country, not to mention uncles and a grandmother to help you when you need it,” Cecile replied. “Don’t you want what’s best for Fallon?”

“I do want what's best for Fallon. She also has family here. She has a support system here. And the schools here aren't going to be a concern for two or three more years.”

“The school districts in New York City are abysmal. Even the private schools, there are reports of drugs being passed around as though it’s candy,” Cecile replied. “As far as her...family here, it’s not as though you couldn’t come visit them a few times a year.”

“She's grown used to having her abuela and her tias around constantly.” Amber sighed and looked at her mother. “Mom, I want her here, she belongs here in Manhattan. Maybe in a year or so, when the school system is a factor, I'll consider it.”

“Tias? Omar doesn’t have any sisters that I’m aware of,” Cecile replied. “Unless you mean Troy’s family. Is he ever going to adopt Fallon?”

“We aren't there yet mom. And I mean Omar's brothers’ wives, they treat her like family. Plus my publisher is here,” she said honestly. “And my editor who is irreplaceable.”

“No one is irreplaceable, dear. You know that, you replaced Omar with Troy, which if you ask me is an upgrade. Besides, I know lots of writers who utilize the internet to stay in contact with their publishers and editors,” Cecile said. “I’d also like to point out that treating someone like family is not the same as being family.”

“They are his sisters in law which means they are legally family,” Amber pointed out.

“Well, yes, but you’re not married to Omar anymore,” Cecile replied, adding under her breath, “thank God.”

“Omar was a good husband, I love him very much. We just aren't in love, that doesn't mean he isn't important to me. So please, watch your comments.”

“How could you possibly have him in your child’s life? From what I saw before you were even married, he associates with criminals. For all we know he is one. How could you allow that around your daughter?” Cecile asked. “I knew all along that marriage wouldn’t last.”

“He doesn't bring that life to the door when Fallon is here, he knows if he did, he would be out on his ass in a hot minute. But he loves this kid, and he knows that what he can't provide, Troy and I will, we are a team, that's what parenting is.”

“So he’s a deadbeat? Honestly, and then people wonder why there are stereotypes,” Cecile said.

“He's not a deadbeat mom, he helps out as much as he can. And he makes sure she is taken care of. He loves her. Now that's enough about Omar. I'm serious.”

“I agree, let’s talk about something less drab,” Cecile replied. “I would like you to move closer to us. It’s a better environment for Fallon to grow up in and you’d have family close by.”

“I promise to take it into consideration, but I'm not making any guarantees. Okay? That's the best I can give you right now, mom.”

Cecile arched her brow, taking a sip from her wine as Sebastian and Troy came in through the front door.

“Hey, your brother is great with kids,” Troy said. “He was a hit at the center.”

Sebastian smiled. “Just because I don't have them doesn't mean I don't love them. You sure know how to pick ‘em Amber. I might marry this guy if you don't,” he joked and Amber rolled her eyes as she heard the baby from the other room.

“Mama! Here!”

Amber smiled. “Duty calls,” she said. For someone who had never wanted children, she flourished when it came to Fallon.

“Well, I’m glad you boys had fun,” Cecile said with a smile.

Amber came back with Fallon who reached out towards Cecile. “Hugs!”

“Yes, my little darling,” Cecile said, taking Fallon from Amber. “Wouldn’t you love a great, big backyard to run around in?”

Fallon snuggled into her grandmother, just content and happy as she looked up at the woman. “Yeah.”

“Aww well, then we just have to convince mommy to buy a house outside of this city so you can have a backyard with a swing set, and a doggie,” Cecile cooed.

“Woof,” Fallon answered in response.

“Mom, she'll say yes to just about anything if you say it in an excited voice.” Amber placed her hands on her knees and smiled at Fallon. “Hey monster, do you wanna eat grandmas left leg?”

“Yeah,” Fallon said in response.

“Amber, that’s disgusting! Don’t teach her to be a cannibal,” Cecile scolded, looking back at Fallon. “Say, ‘bad mommy.’”

“Bah mommy!” Fallon waved a hand and looked back up to Cecile with a big smile. “Agua,” she mumbled and signed the symbol for water.

“What did she say? What is that movement?” Cecile asked with knitted brows.

“She wants water, mom,” Amber said softly, making a ‘w’ with her fingers and tapping it three times to her chin. “This means water.”

“Oh, wonderful,” Cecile deadpanned.

Fallon repeated the action as Troy went to the kitchen and came back with a sippy cup for her.

“Here you go, honey,” he said with a soft smile.

“Well, if you taught her English, everyone would understand her,” Cecile said.

“She knows both, mom.” Amber watched Fallon chug down her water and lay her head back on Cecile's chest. “Do you want to tuck her in tonight,” Amber tried as a peace offering.

“Alright,” Cecile replied, walking straight into Fallon’s room.

“Everything okay?” Troy asked.

“Yeah,” Amber answered, forcing a smile. “Everything’s great.”

----------

Rafael carefully hung the framed painting on the freshly colored wall in the nursery and took a step back to determine whether it was straight. Izzy had made the piece for the baby, being sure to use colors that were both gender neutral and able to be paired with almost every existing color so that it could always hang in his child’s bedroom, even if the decor changed. He smirked as, for a moment, he thought about his son or daughter hanging this in a new nursery of their own someday, not that he was anxious for that day to arrive any time soon.

Roxie came in behind him and linked her arm with his as she let her head rest against her husband’s shoulder. “It’s beautiful,” she said.

“It is, isn’t it?” he replied, smiling as his arm went around her. “How was your nap?”

“Somewhat satisfying,” she said with a soft laugh.

“Why is that?” he asked in a chuckle.

Roxie shrugged. “I think I’m just not used to the belly yet.”

Rafael grinned as he laid a large hand over her stomach and kissed her temple. “You’re almost at the halfway mark, mi amor.”

She sighed and nodded as she closed her eyes. “I've been thinking, we should tell my parents about the baby.”

He grinned, looking down at her as he rubbed her shoulder. “I think that’s great. Your mother did say to call her when she was going to be a grandmother.” He kissed her forehead. “I’m really glad you’re getting along with your parents. I know it wasn’t easy for you to give them another chance.”

“They're trying,” she said, looking up at him. “That's all I can ask of them. Who would we be if we couldn't forgive the ones we loved?” Her hands moved down to her belly as she smiled at him. “Shall we give them a call?”

“Right now?”

She nodded.

“Yeah,” he replied, kissing the side of her head and following her into the living room.

She had already set up her laptop on the coffee table, and opened it to start a video chat. Her husband sank down on the couch beside her, draping an arm along the back of the couch as the ringtone filled the room.

“Roxanne?” Mrs Hume answered, smiling at the both of them. “And hello to you as well, Rafael.”

“Hi, Mrs Hume,” he said, smiling back.

“How are you both?”

“Great,” Rafael answered, forcing a smile. It was a half truth. He was excited about the baby, but was in turmoil over the fact that his job was still up in the air.

“Mum, we have some news,” Roxie said with a smile as she put her hand on Rafael’s knee.

“Oh?” Helena looked almost nervous as she waited for her daughter to continue.

“I'm pregnant,” Roxie said with an excited grin. “You're going to be a grandmother.”

Helena’s eyes lit up as she put a hand over her mouth. “Are you having a go at me?”

“No, Roxie’s almost 15 weeks now. We’re having a baby,” Rafael answered.

There was a shine to Helena’s eyes and Roxie smiled, recognizing them as tears. “That’s wonderful! I’m so excited for you! Oh, your father will be so pleased to hear the news. Did the midwife say anything in regards to...you know, the last time? Are there any problems?”

Rafael shook his head. “No, she says everything is perfectly normal. Baby’s heartbeat is nice and strong, growing right on schedule.”

“Yes, everything is perfect,” Roxie said.

“I’m so happy for you both,” Helena replied, placing a hand over her heart. “Now, Roxanne, when are you due? I’d like to make arrangements to come and stay with you for a week or so after the baby is born, if that’s alright of course.”

“I would love that mum. I'm due in July, it would be wonderful for you to come down.” She smiled at Rafael, touched by her mother's sentiment. “You’re sure you can take the time off work?””

“Absolutely. I’ll start preparing for my absence now, I’ll be there in July before the birth, and stay for a bit after,” Helena replied.

“We would love that,” Rafael said, gently stroking Roxie’s shoulder.

“That's wonderful mum, I'm so excited.” She truly was, the idea of her mother coming to connect with her was something she had only ever dreamed of.

“Do you know whether it’s a boy or girl yet? Are you showing?”

“I show just a bit, but no, we don't know just yet.” Roxie smiled and squeezed Rafael's hand. “I'm so happy, mum. Rafael has made me so happy,” she whispered and looked at him.

“I can see that,” Helena answered as Rafael kissed his wife’s hand. “Darlings, I have to run and meet your father for dinner. He’ll be so thrilled with the news! I’ll ring you next week to see how you’re doing!”

“Alright, I love you mum,” Roxie said softly.

“I love you too, darling girl,” Helena said with a smile before ending the call.

Roxie settled against Rafael, holding him close. “I'm glad you talked me into speaking with my parents,” she said. “Inviting them to the wedding and now this. I feel like I’m beginning to have a real relationship with them.”

“I’m glad,” he replied, kissing her forehead as one hand settled on her little bump. “You deserve it.”

She smiled at him, leaning her face towards him to snuggle in before finally speaking.

“Oh Rafi, I almost forgot, I have an event I would like to go to. It would be good for the bakery if I attend, I'd like to bring you as my date. Would you be able to come?”

“Well, I’ll have to look at my schedule,” he deadpanned.

“Are you sassing your wife, who is pregnant with your unborn child?” She quirked a brow expectantly, though there was a faint smirk on her lips.

“Pregnancy doesn’t exempt you from sarcasm if its warranted, mi amor,” he replied with a smirk as he shook his head.

She rolled her eyes with a smile. “Well I'd like you to come with me as a date.”

“So, I should just look pretty and speak only when spoken to?” he teased.

“It would be ideal,” she quipped and kissed him softly. “It's a big deal to me. Huge baking brand sponsors go to this.”

“Of course, I’ll go. How should I dress?”

“Business casual,” she said and rubbed his back. “Darling, will you do me a favor and make me some tea?”

“Yeah. When is it?” he asked, standing to go into the kitchen.

“A few weeks from now,” she said as she sighed, putting a hand on her belly. “I'm exhausted.”

“Go back to sleep,” he suggested as he put the teapot on the stove. “I was thinking maybe I could make dinner for you tonight.”

“Really? What do you plan to make me?” She smiled at him, curious and eager. Normally she'd prefer to make the meals, but she could’ve used a break that night.

“I thought maybe a Cubans-on-a-budget classic, not because we’re on a budget, but because it’s so damn good I am convinced they serve it every night in heaven. Llevo frito y arroz,” he said as he poured her tea into a mug.

“What’s that?”

“Fried eggs over white rice,” he answered, setting her tea down on the coffee table as he sat beside her.

“Hmmm alright, as long as we have syrup.”

“Syrup? On eggs?” he asked, arching a brow.

She shrugged and yawned before shuffling towards their bedroom with her tea. “I'm going to sleep a bit more, but then I need to work.”

“Okay,” he replied in a chuckle.

--------

Later that night, you and Melissa were in the kitchen working on the rice and beans while your mom and Gladys prepared the yuca and tostones. The kids were running around, playing and yelling as if your apartment was a park. The guys, of course, had retreated to the roof to roast the pig and drink beer.

“Mami, por favor, los niños,” you called out as the twins ran in between your legs. You sighed and looked down at them. “Calmete, ay dios mio, you two are too hyper!”

“Como que ‘mami’? They’re your kids. Oye, yo estoy preocupada,” your mother replied.

“I just don't want to spill anything on them,” you said with a groan. “Please?”

“Niña, don’t you see me doing la yuca?” Lucia asked, looking at you and gesturing to the vegetables in front of her. She looked over at Gladys. “Oye, pero esta niña está pensando en las mariposas.”

“Ya tu sabes,” Gladys answered as she sliced more platanos.

You set down the pot, grabbing the kids and carrying them to the living room, flicking on the tv for them.

“Y/N, their brains will melt if all they do is watch TV!” your mom called out. “Oye! Niños, go upstairs and play. Imagine something, please.”

Melissa snorted loudly, her chest bouncing as she tried to contain her laughter.

The twins jumped off the couch and chased each other up the stairs, giggling and running into Lily’s room.

You sighed and moved back to the kitchen, going back to work with the pot you had set down. You loved family dinners but they were a big hassle at times.

“Can we trust them to play by themselves up there?” you asked Melissa, who shrugged.

“If someone gets hurt, we’ll hear the screams,” she replied.

“I'm more worried about when it goes silent.”

You moved to the door when you heard the loud knock, opening it and grinning when you saw Amber. “Hey you,” you said with a smile before holding out your arms. “Gimme my baby,” you insist.

“Your baby?” Amber teased. “Coño, my apologies mommy dearest.”

“Amber, Spanish? Really?” Cecile mused, scrunching her nose. “You’re German and French, dear.”

“Mom,” Sebastian groaned, rolling his eyes.

“Cecile, always such a pleasure,” you said as you smiled at her. “Did the rest of the Third Reich come along too or is it just you?” You giggled. “Only joking of course. Make yourselves at home.”

“How perfectly typical of you,” Cecile said with a pained smile before she shifted her gaze to Amber. “Some best friend she is. I guess she doesn’t know we’re Jewish.”

Sebastian shook his head and rolled his eyes again, sighing heavily.

“I’m sure she didn’t mean it that way, mom,” he mumbled.

“Yes, I suppose it’s possible that her English isn’t perfect. Her people do have a tendency to mix up words,” Cecile replied.

“Wow,” Troy mumbled under his breath.

“Hi Troy,” you said as you kissed his cheek. “Please all of you make yourselves at home. Troy Bastian, the guys are up on the roof.”

“Hey Dama,” he gave you a big hug and sneaking Fallon away from you. “No hogging the adorable baby,” he teased.

“Oh come on, Fallon and I were working on her Spanish. Right baby? Can you say Mi abuela es una mujer amargada y quiero vivir con mi tía?”

“Y/N! No seas sabio!” your mother called out.

“Tia,” Fallon said with a smile.

“Yes my love,” you cooed and covered her in kisses.

“You’re letting her believe she’s related to these people?” Cecile asked, arching a brow at Amber.

“Oye, Y/N!! El arroz!!” your mother called out as Omar came into the kitchen from the rooftop.

“Damn it’s loud in here,” Omar mused with a chuckle as he went into the fridge and grabbed another case of beer. “Surprised que ustedes no estan sorda.”

You politely excused yourself as you patted Omar on the back. “Your baby and the wicked witch are here.”

“I thought she was your friend,” he replied in a chuckle as he set the beer down and turned to say hi to Fallon and Amber. His brows shot up on his head when he saw Cecile and Sebastian. “Oh hey...you’re here. Great.”

Cecile forced a smile. “Hello to you too, always pleasant to be reminded that her father is just a little spandex short of Nacho Libre.”

Amber's jaw dropped. “Mother, enough.”

Fallon reached out to Omar. “Papi! Ven!”

You quirked a brow and smirked. “Bueno, mi amor, your Spanish is getting so good.”

“We work on it with her a lot at home, I'm learning it too.” Troy said with a grin.

“Oh, wonderful, so you’re trying to turn your new boyfriend into your ex-husband,” Cecile mused to Amber.

Omar hugged Fallon and set her down. “Go play upstairs with the other kids.” Fallon immediately ran up the stairs.

“Well, that doesn’t surprise me, that he got rid of the child just as soon as he could,” Cecile mumbled before she smiled at Omar. “It’s nice to see at least one of you are involved in your child’s life.”

“Omar is a wonderful father,” Troy says gently. “Fallon is lucky to have such loving parents.”

“Thanks, Troy, but I’m a big boy. I can fight my own battles,” Omar replied with a half-smile before he looked back at Cecile. “Okay, it was nice catching up. If you need us, you know where we are. The guys are upstairs if you two wanna hang out instead sticking in here with the hens,” he added, looking to Troy and Sebastian before he went to grab the beer and go back upstairs to the rooftop.

“Que malcreado,” Gladys said in a chuckle, shaking her head.

Sebastian and Troy followed after Omar, both eager to get away from Cecile.

“Cecile, you are welcome to come with us to the kitchen,” you offered before moving with Amber back to the kitchen.

“Oh...how lovely,” Cecile replied, grimacing as she glanced around the house.

“Look who I found,” Omar said as he reached the rooftop. He went over to the cooler and put the beer inside.

“No shit,” OJ replied with a smirk.

“Getting white as fuck around here,” Nevada mumbled as he looked at OJ before he turned and smiled at Troy and Sebastian. “What’s up, Sebastian? How’s it going?”

“Wonderful to see you,” he said, smiling. “Wonderful to see anyone other than my mother really,” he said with a chuckle.

“I will drink to that,” Troy said as he grabbed a beer and took a few big swigs, it was clear Cecile unsettled him as well.

“Yeah, I don’t feel bad for either of you,” Omar said in a chuckle.

“She's so mean,” Troy mumbled, finishing off his beer. “How is...what you do, going?” he asked with a half smile.

“What the hell do you mean, what we do?” OJ asked, his brows in waves as Nevada marinated the pig.

“I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you, I just don't exactly know what any of you do,” Troy said honestly.

“You don’t gotta know that,” Nevada replied.

Troy shifted from one foot to the other before he looked at Omar. “I'm sorry if I insulted you back there, I was just trying to help.”

“No insult, but I was standing right there, you know? I can stick up for myself, that old bitch doesn’t scare me,” Omar replied, shifting his eyes to Sebastian. “No offense, man.”

“I say worse in the obituary I write for her when I meditate,” Sebastian said with a shrug.

“You write your mother's obituary for fun?” OJ smirked, looking at Omar. “That’s my kinda guy. So is the whole family batshit or just the ones we've met?”

“Fuck are you looking at me for?” Omar asked. “I met the same ones you did.”

“Our aunt Grace is something else. She’s the black sheep,” Sebastian replied.

“What could she have possibly done?” Troy asked with wide eyes.

“Joined the Peace Corp,” Sebastian answered matter-of-factly.

Troy stared for a moment before downing more of his beer.

Downstairs you chatted with Amber as the two of you worked on dinner, her mother eyeing you both with distaste.

“So, you do this every Sunday?” Cecile asked.

Gladys smiled as she looked back at her. “Si, every Sunday.”

“How lovely,” Cecile said with a pained smile. “Do you ever get up to the Hamptons? We often have summer parties there, and we’re always looking for good help.”

“Mom! Do not speak to her like that,” Amber snapped, more protective of Gladys than she was about anyone else.

“It’s okay, mija, I can handle myself,” Gladys replied, smiling at Amber before she turned back to Cecile. “No, we don’t do Hamptons. Our services are exclusive.”

“Yep, Sunday dinner and Noche Buena,” Melissa chimed.

“Oh Nochie Bueyna, what is that? Is that a Mexican Nacho festival?” Cecile asked.

Melissa snorted a laugh, earning a hard nudge from Lucia.

Amber shot them all an apologetic look as you smiled and pattern her back. “Cecile, would you like to help?”

“Oh, no, dear. I don’t do that,” Cecile replied, shaking her head.

“Yeah, and her gringa hands might fuck it up. Why do you think we always put Amber on bread detail,” Melissa chortled.

“Aye, niña, por favor,” Lucia groaned.

“Hey, I can make some of this thank you very much,” Amber said with a chuckle.

“You can follow a recipe, but nobody makes hispanic food like hispanics. It’s not like you have classical training or whatever,” Melissa snarked back, poking her tongue out playfully.

Amber stuck her tongue out as well, smiling as the door gave another loud knock.

“I'll get it,” you said as you rinsed your hands and moved to the door, opening it.

Rafael grinned as Roxie charged inside, giving you a quick hug and going immediately into the kitchen. She tried to take a piece of bread but had her hand swiftly slapped by Amber.

“Don’t touch my bread, bitch,” she teased.

“I’m hungry,” Roxie groaned.

“You know the rules,” Gladys replied as both she and Lucia looked over their shoulders at her. “Nobody eats until everybody eats.”

Roxie rolled her eyes. “Alright, what’s my job?”

“Do the corn,” Gladys said.

“Right, corn--”

“Hey, how come she isn’t on bread duty? She’s not hispanic either,” Amber complained half-heartedly.

“Classical training, mi vida!” Melissa replied, bumping Amber’s hip with hers.

“Sorry about Roxie, she finally got to take a good nap and woke up hungry. Mind you, she had three granola bars on the way over,” Rafael said to you as he came in and went in to give you a hug.

You held up a hand to stop him. “We need to talk,” you whispered.

“Are you okay? What happened?”

You looked at him, blinking back angry tears to keep from freaking out on him. “My daughter heard what you said to mami,” you hissed. “She thinks Nevada is dangerous to her, she barely spoke to him for over a week, she's just now finally talking to her own father again,” you moved away from him. “How could you do that?”

His mouth fell open and for a moment he was silent. “I didn’t know she was listening, it was an accident.”

“You were in my house, bad mouthing my husband.”

“I was worried about you,” he said. “She’s our mother, it’s not like I was talking to a stranger. Besides, you’ve always known how I feel about what Nevada does and how I hate that you got caught up in it. It changed you,” he replied.

“Yes, I've known how you felt for a long time, you know who didn't need to know? My daughter! The risk of talking in a house full of kids is always there, she can never unhear that. She spent a week tormented; she barely ate, she shut us all out.” You gritted your teeth, trying to stay calm.

“I didn’t. Know. She was listening, Y/N,” he replied. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean for her to hear any of what I said, you know I’d never do anything to hurt that little girl,” he replied. “As far as I knew, she was asleep in her room. How was I supposed to know?”

“You shouldn't have needed to know, you should have just kept your mouth shut in my house!” You stormed back into the kitchen.

“Y/N!” he replied, chasing after you. “I said I was sorry, I don’t know what else I can do short of turning back time and I can’t do that.”

“You can't do anything Rafael, not now. I have to pray that my daughter doesn't hate us because of what you said. She's fine now, but what about when she's older?”

“What's going on?” Roxie frowned as you held up a hand to silence her.

“This is between me and my brother.”

“She’s not gonna hate you, Y/N,” he replied. “And if we’re being frank, if you think you’ll be able to keep her oblivious to what her father does forever, you’re delusional. It’s not like I said anything that wasn’t true. You don’t think she’s gonna figure it out sooner or later?”

“It's not for you to decide when she knows about things! How would you feel if I did that to you? Just decided when your secrets should be out! Mami, have you asked Rafael about work lately? You should.”

“What about it, mija? It’s always the same answer. Fine,” your mother replied, not even looking up from her task.

“I didn’t decide anything, Y/N! I didn’t know she was listening!” he exclaimed, widening his eyes at you.

“You made the choice to talk in my house, and because of your actions my daughter was hurt. I can't trust you in my house,” you said. “I love you, but I need you to leave for now. I can't even talk to you.”

“Y/N!” Lucia exclaimed, turning to look at you. “It’s Sunday dinner, whatever little fight you two are having, have it some other time. Ahora es el día de la familia. That means, we’re all together. ¿Pero, qué te pasa, chica?”

“Rafael get out or I am going to tell her,” you hissed.

His face fell in disbelief as your mother spoke up again. “Oye, Y/N, stop it! He’s your brother, and he’s not going anywhere.”

“What’s going on?” Amber asked, no longer able to keep from asking.

“Yes, pray tell, what has gotten you all twisted up inside?” Cecile asked delightfully. “I’ve never seen a Mexican fight.”

“They’re Cuban,” Roxie said.

“Even better!” Cecile replied.

“You wouldn't do that to me,” Rafael said to you.

“Y/N, your acting insane,” Roxie said as she moved to stand by her husband. “Whatever he did I'm sure it was an accident.”

“Hey mami, did Rafael tell you that he was suspended?!” you exclaimed. “Did he tell you he was accused of sexual harassment and there's tons of evidence against him?!”

Rafael stared at you, mouth agape and eyes wide and filled with betrayal and hurt while Lucia looked from you to her son.

“Rafael, is that true?”

“Tell her,” you egged, crossing your arms in front of you.

Rafael shook his head. He should’ve known better than to ever trust you again after what had happened with Amber all those years ago. Looking down at his feet, he bit down on his bottom lip. “Yes, it’s true,” he whispered, ashamed.

“Oh my...you have been a busy boy, haven’t you?” Cecile asked as she eyed Roxie’s stomach.

“Mom, can you go check on Fallon?” Amber said sternly.

“Oh no, dear, this is just getting good,” Cecile replied.

“Rafael, why have you been lying to me?” Lucia demanded.

He frowned, unsure as to what he could possibly say.

Roxie moved in front of Rafael. “Enough! That was deeply personal information that he should have been able to tell in his own time. And you!” She pointed in your face, glaring daggers at you. “That was not your secret to tell, I don't care what he did to you! You should be ashamed of yourself! You pretend to be this innocent school teacher but you're worse than your husband! At least when Nevada stabs a person, it's in their front!” She tugged at Rafael's hand. “We're going.”

“Aye dios mio,” Gladys mumbled as she took in Rafael’s hurt and embarrassed expression.

“Good! Get out!” you shouted after them, anger still fueling your words.

“Whoa,” Amber mumbled, looking at Melissa.

“Never a dull moment in this family,” Melissa mused.

“Yes, that was quite something,” Cecile said with a smirk.

Roxie tugged Rafael out of the apartment, she had to get out of there before she slugged her sister in law. As they got into the elevator, Rafael pinched the bridge of his nose and rubbed the hand down his face.

“I can’t believe she sold me out like that.” Again. “I get that she was upset, but I apologized, what else did she want me to do?”

“No this is not your fault, your sister is--” she cut herself off, you were still his sister. She just let out a breath of frustration and growled.

“I probably shouldn’t be surprised,” he mumbled to himself, bobbing his shoulders. “Least now my mom knows...that’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?”

“Not like this,” she said gently and rubbed his back. “I wanted her to know because you told her in your own time.”

“Yeah, well…” He shrugged. “Y/N took care of that for me.”

The elevator doors opened, revealing Eddie, Greyson and Izzy. The youngest Barba sibling furrowed her brows at her brother. “Hey, where are you guys going?”

“Yeah, it’s Sunday dinner,” Eddie chimed.

“Not for us it isn’t,” Rafael mumbled as he pulled Roxie out of the elevator.

“Rafi!” Izzy called out, but Roxie only turned to give her sister-in-law an apologetic glance as Rafael pulled her out the door.

“What the hell?” Eddie wondered aloud as the three of them got into the elevator.

“Something really bad must’ve happened,” Greyson mused.

“I heard Amber’s mom is in town,” Izzy offered with a shrug. “Maybe she offered to buy their baby or something.”

“Why would she do that?” Greyson asked.

“I don’t know, rich people collect weird shit,” Izzy answered with a bob of her shoulders.

Eddie rolled his eyes as they got off the elevator and walked down the hall, entering your apartment. Izzy didn’t waste any time in going into the kitchen.

“Hey why did Rafi and Roxie leave?” she asked, looking first at Lucia, then Melissa, then you.

You slammed a set of dishes down on the table and moved to head upstairs to check on the pig.

“What’s up her ass?” Izzy asked no one in particular.

#cuba v dr #Nevada ramirez #rafael barba #Raul Esparza

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