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love-l-e-t-t-e-r-s · 3 years

Text

“I’m not afraid of you anymore. I’m taking back what’s mine and God is on my side”

-vent ahead !

-TDLR : FUCK MY ABUSER HE CANT CONTROL ME ANYMORE . THANK YOU GOD ART AND FRIENDS.

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This drawing is very important and meaningful to me. For so long I struggled with PTSD from an abusive relationship I was in from highschool. I used to be so scared of that person and what they would think of me now and how they used to verbally and emotionally abuse me. For the longest time I’d have nightmares about this person and wake up anxious and scared. I also had conflicting feelings about him. I would secretly wish for him to come back to me, even if he would just use me, but the thought of seeing him made me so anxious. Sometimes I’d see someone in public who looked like him, and I’d feel so sick yet secretly wish it was him. I had avoided even looking at photos from that time of my life because I knew he was in my life then and it made me feel disgusting and anxious yet I’d think about him a lot. I couldn’t let go for the longest, I felt like I needed him in my life and I needed him to control me. After some time I’ve come to terms that I don’t want to be used. I realized that he didn’t love me and that he just saw me as a plaything and easy because I was naive and willing to do a lot for him because I thought I loved him. I was 14 and he was 17 when we met. I was lonely and thought that his attention would help me feel less alone. He took advantage of me and my body. Once I was became older and gained weight he lost interest in me. I know he only kept me around because he was lonely. Im happy I left him, Even though he begged me to stay and said he needed me. He didn’t need me because he easily found someone new and that’s none of my buisness anymore. Im free, And as of recent I haven’t thought about him as much and the thought of him hurts me less. Art, friends and religion helped me a lot in this time. I still have some days where it hurts but I’m starting to get away from these feelings and move on. After 4 years I’m starting to feel like it wasn’t my fault and that I’m stronger now.

Now for me to explain what’s going on in the drawing because I can :3c

First characters +

These characters represent real people but when I explain the whole lore and story I’ve made for them ,it is an allegory of my experience with the abuse from my abusive ex and how I’m coping with it. The events in the story don’t line up with reality so some of the lore can be fictional but this is how I cope. The abuse was real for me.

The characters are Voile(the girl demon ) and Seth (the red demon)

Voile represents me ( she has a whole story tho tbh it’s a lot and maybe I’ll explain another day but not today) she is a nymph.

Seth represents my abuser and is literally a devil.

As I mentioned voile is a nymph who lives and works in purgatory(and occasionally Heaven) but the reason she looks so beastly is because the more time she spends with Seth (in hell) the more it makes her beastly because of his influence of her. That’s all I’ll talk about rn with the characters.

Surroundings and details

There are lilies around them , The lilies represent death, rebirth , purity and the soul of the departed has received restored innocence after death.

Death : the death of an era of voile (me) suffering under Seth.

Rebirth :Voile is a new person and will move on even though she had to deal with the abuse and live with her own mistakes that caused her pain. She will do better and learn to forgive herself.

Purity: To me my purity was based on love. I didn’t get to experience pure love with my abuser. They just used me for lustful purpose and I mistook that as love because I didn’t know any better and thought that was how you get someone to love you.

the soul of the departed has received restored innocence after death: the death of an era where voile is no longer haunted by Seth has brought Voile some peace and hope to regain some innocence and not fully blame herself for what happened to her.

The blood on the lilies represent how purity was tainted by wanting flesh and lust

The clean lilies in voile’s hair represent the innocence she is regaining and the purity she is learning

As for the single Lilly by Seth , it represents death for him ( quite literally In the photo) but for my abuser the death of his control over me.

The heart

.Voile ripping out his heart is because of the resentment she has towards him and she has to kill him to be free , for me it’s a metaphor of breaking free and taking control of myself

The heart itself represents control of how I view and value myself and my love.

The halo like glow

Represents how me getting in touch with my religion has helped me come to terms of my self worth .

Actions

Seth is trying to push voile off of him so he can control her.

Voile is crying because she has conflicting feelings on Seth. She thinks she loves him but hates him too for all that he has put her through.

If you actually read all that thank you for your time.

#me #art #oc #vent #oc lore #tw: blood #tw: g0re #personal #Voile and Seth #symbolism #allegory

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