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sunseteyes · 4 years

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ONCE UPON A HELLFIRE; DABI

theme/s: anastasia & hunchback in notre dame inspired. the meeting of an unlikely pair that bonded through a connection neither understood.

word count: 2,226 words

roze’s note: this is the first out of eight oneshots i’ll be publishing til the end of the month, please look forward to each of them~ also, i am not a professional dancer or even close to one so i do apologize if the dance scenes are not that detailed.

there was a crowd around you, your hair and the laces of your clothes dancing along through your movements. a smile was on your face, sweet and sultry as you eyed upon each of the watchers, observing their reactions but mostly to add upon the mood of the dance.

the flame burns from behind you but it was warm enough to show you the passion that you put through each gesture, action and motion.

applause resounded in the area the moment you finished, the praises never ending yet your focus were on the your hand, lifted up on the sky as if reaching up on it. it was your dream to be someone who is loved and inspired of by the people around you, and it was fulfilled.

but, it was all ruined by a man.

"(y/n), have you prepared for the presentation tomorrow?" another dancer asked, her dress of a different color than yours due to the difference of roles. above all the dancers that had performed that night, it was you who were in the center stage—the star of the night, the sun that brightened up the mood of the crowd due to how popular you were to everyone.

your eyes set upon uraraka, thinking upon her question.

"you meant the solo dance for the governor tomorrow? yes, i have, why do you ask ochaco-chan?"

the brunette gives you an small smile, one that she always does whenever she's unsure of something but she's too shy to tell it to you. above everyone, it's ochaco who you could tell is the closest you've got as a friend. it didn't mean that the other performers didn't like you per se but since you had always been requested and assigned as the main dancer usually, let's just say your relationship with them is not too good to be considered as above acquaintances.

"oh, not really." she chuckles awkwardly, waving her hand as a gesture, "i'm just worried for you, that's all."

"worried?" you raised a brow, catching upon the tone of her voice and her choice of words. "why should there be to be concerned of?"

"oh-" her eyes widens a bit, "it's really just-i wanted to say good luck for your performance. i'm sure you can do it better than all of us."

you smiled, carrying your bag to place the strap on your shoulders as you had finished packing your things to go home. "thank you, ochako-chan. i really appreciate it."

as you passed by everyone in the tent, you couldn't help but feel and receive the gazes that the other dancers were giving you but you planted your feet on the ground; firm and unshakable.

so as you thought.

slumping onto the bed, you place an arm on top of your eyes, covering it despite of having the room already dark enough not to hurt your sight. the house was quiet, as usual, but it didn't mean you wanted it.

you grew up in an orphanage and it would have been better if you knew why you were there all of a sudden but you barely remember anything about the past years before you were taken in by the caretaker--who never really cared much about you throughout your stay. you were neglected, and even if it was the sad reality, it only made you more curious in finding who your real family was.

but you never did.

you hummed to fill in the quietness of the surroundings whilst organizing the things that are needed for the solo performance tomorrow. it will not take long much but the movements definitely will take effort because every second will count upon how you should make the audience glue their eyes and whole attention on you, including the governor.

the governor is a powerful man and everyone knows not to displease him. that’s why you prepared for this dance early on and had mastered everything already.it would be a shame if you’ve made a slightest bit of a mistake in front of the most respected and powerful man in your city.

by the time tomorrow came, your heart was pounding just at the sight of the people that were gathered around the plaza--the same people who were bound to witness your performance for today. you had certainly performed in front of a bunch of people but never at this number. however, it is still exciting to do so for the exact same reason. in conclusion, you were feeling a mixture of nervousness and excitement pumping in your heart that you didn’t know which one was stronger.

by the time your name was called, you gave it with all you’ve got; swaying your hips, moving your arms freely, your feet light as you pranced along the stage, and your eyes immediately set upon the mayor, being able to have this chance to see him for the very first time.

enji todoroki. ever since you came to the orphanage, you had known of his name. he was not only a man known for his title but also for the good deeds he had done for the people. everyone respects and honors him. anyone who does differently are exiled or put to death, even. it is indeed intriguing but as a lowly citizen--barely, to be honest--you have no choice but to abide and cause any commotion of some sort.

the crowd was wild and sounding pleased with what you were showing them and there is an amused look on the governor’s face, which then only encouraged you to move accordingly and with great energy. your heartbeat blended well with the music and the claps of the people resonated with your moves.

your gaze was then tugged towards a figure not very far from the governor, his presence giving you an intriguing energy that it made you glide towards him, a smile tugged on your face as you placed yourself in front of him, unafraid of any repercussions that may happen. it is part of your dance where you have to improvise some of the steps since you decided that it would be too boring to only stay in one place throughout the performance.

you peered over his face the moment you got beside him, his eyes gleaming under the shadow of his hair, as if he was narrowing them at you in irritation--or not. your sweat ran cold not because you were scared of him but it was a different kind of feeling that piqued your interest. you also had a hard time reading him but you didn’t linger there for any longer for his body heat was too warm for you to handle.

you felt his gaze was on you and yours were on him when you had went by the governor’s side, including him in your performance still even if your attention was on the other man by the side. you noticed how he wore an all-black outfit that matches his hair color, but you couldn’t see his face with the mask he was wearing. although what amazed you was how the burns that decorated his skin didn’t bother you no matter how you look at them.

beauty is irrelevant for you and you don’t have particular standards in men or anyone but there is something about the way his looks just got you distracted that you almost stopped dancing.

you stopped peering over the man until you finished the performance, your hand raising up to your heart that was pounding still even as you go down the stage and towards the dressing room. for some reason, you couldn’t seem to forget about the man that was by the governor’s side. it is wrong for you to still have your mind on him but something about him just intrigues you.

“hey there, doll,” you flinched at the sudden voice, turning to the same man that was circling in your brain enter the dressing room. it was a good thing you were not undressing yourself or else you would have recoiled in embarrassment.

but, “what are you doing here, dear sir?” you inquired with respect, knowing the possibility that he may be connected to the governor with how he could stand there on the same level as the him. a bodyguard, perhaps?

your spine trembled at his eyes--how he looked over at you just like how he did earlier. you had never known how it is to be attracted to someone but if this is attraction, then that changes everything.

he was silent for awhile, his gaze remaining on yours and it only thickened the tension in the air, especially since it was only the two of you here. you should be wary of him just like how other strangers but you felt like you couldn’t seem to do so.

you don’t even know his name.

“my father would like to invite you in a dinner.” he said the words like he was spatting it, disgusted and embarrassed, you understood why the second you processed and realized it. but before you could answer, he was speaking again.

“you do know that this is clearly an invitation that you couldn’t disagree with, right?”

you nod your head, unable to speak at how you were shaking in terror by now. what adds to that is you don’t know if you could trust this man or not.

and he did say his father right? he’s the son of the governor? it doesn’t look like it but there was a resemblance in the ambiance somehow.

but instead of further giving you fright, the man gave off a vibe that somehow reassured you. maybe it’s the way he stepped back and gave you space, or the warmth that radiates from his gleaming eyes, despite everything.

what is with this man?

“do you have your final answer?”

swallowing the lump on your throat, you narrowed your eyes at him and spoke, “it’s an honor to be given such offer but i politely decline.” you wanted to say more but you were still at a loss for words, reluctant of the future that awaits you after saying such answer.

he tilts his head slightly to the side, his dark bangs swaying a bit in his movement, it intimidated you yet you made no move to back away,

“hmm, so that’s who you are.” he mutters and suddenly steps forward, his footsteps resounding throughout the room as he does. he reaches out for the table behind you and leans in, his face inches away from yours as you felt his breath fan your face at how close he was.

“you’re feisty. i like that.”

he backs away and there was a smirk on his face that you have never seen before, its amusement almost similar to a grim reaper showing up to its prey.

“tell me, doll. how about working for me? i am quite sure that you’re the type who doesn’t have a permanent home.”

you narrow your eyes at him, not backing down.

“how would you know about that?”

he hums. “well first of all, why would your dancer friends offer you up to the governor? surely it’s either they all hate you or you’re the only one who doesn’t have anyone else waiting for them.”

“so which one are you?”

you purse your lips and for the first time, you didn’t know what to say.

he smirks. “so you’re both. i see, i see.” he chuckles and it sent trembles down your skin, prickling like a thorn awaiting to injure you.

but why is it that you still trust this man after all of that?

your eyes caught the movement of his hand but instead of grabbing you like you had thought, he only raised it, as if offering you to take it.

when you glanced up on his turquoise eyes, there was a glint that attracted you like magnet, an interest you never knew you would crave for.

“join me, doll. join me and i’ll provide you better than your fake friends would. you don’t have to worry about my father getting to you because i’m pretty sure,” he paused, giving a knowing look, “-he’d be looking for you all over this place. now, what do you say?”

looking down at his outstretched hand, you can’t believe that you were actually considering it.

but he does have a point.

you raised your hand and gazed up at his eyes again. “what would you make me do if i join you?”

the curve of his lips was captivating that it almost made you grab his hand.

“how much do you want to find your family?”

his statement made you froze on the spot but a part in your heart thawed, a hidden desire being exposed into sunlight that was called him.

your hand touches his, his warmth flowing and spreading through your entire body as if it lit a fire inside of you.

before he could pull you to him, you stopped him. “wait, i haven’t caught your name yet.”

he looks at you with the same eyes yet a different gaze yet again. there was a stillness in the air that you couldn’t ignore but before you could be more wary, he spoke.

“touya.” his voice was rough and raw, a tone that seemed unfamiliar even to him.

“my name is touya todoroki,”

#nnr disney event #dabi #bnha #bnha oneshots #bnha dabi #boku no hero academia #touya todoroki #touya x reader #dabi x reader #nnr daydream #nnr bnha #todoroki x reader #todoroki oneshots #touya oneshots #dabi oneshots

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luminescentlyricist · 4 years

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♉ Monsters ♉

Tavros Nitram was a pathetic troll, but he could dream. He knew that everyone looked down on him, and he hated it. It made him feel worse than he already did about himself. Not even Rufioh could help him, some days, as he fell deeper and deeper into an all-consuming sadness. Gamzee's messages, asking for silly and ear-hurting rap battles, asking him about Fiduspawn - even though Tavros knew the clown wouldn't understand the things he explained - were left unanswered. He had little motivation to do anything, let alone something that might well bring about yet more discrimination. It wasn't his fault that he was confined to a wheelchair, nor that he was just a bronzeblood. As if his life wasn't hard enough, nobody liked him much. He yearned for friendship.

The bronzeblood had done his best to fulfil the role he had been given, though he knew it was too little. He tried to do a lot of things, and did them well, but nobody seemed to acknowledge what he did unless it became necessary. The only exception was when it became somehow beneficial to them in turn. He felt utterly useless. Even though his animal-control powers were useful, the other trolls around him thought it only a gimmick. Though his abilities were strong, and he could manipulate even strong beings such as GCat, it left much to be desired. The stronger his abilities, the more susceptible he was to control himself. Ceruleanbloods, as far as he knew, had troll-control, as Aranea had controlled Gamzee, and he had been controlled by Vriska herself. It terrified him. He needed security, friendship and a lot of assistance, none of which he had.

He had tried for all his sweeps to grow stronger, to prove that he was actually capable of being known as more. More was what he wanted, but he knew he'd never have. Tavros was simply too low on the Hemospectrum to amount to anything much. Despite his 'magic', Tavros was left very vulnerable to the influence of others. He wasn't very outgoing, either, which made it even harder for him to get by. He knew that no one would want to help him, and his only friend - Gamzee - was usually so... drunk, in his own state of needing to be cared for, that he wouldn't be any help. The only person who could help him, he believed, was Vriska, and she seemed to want a kismesitude with him some days. He didn't want to say that he hated her, or loved her, but feelings of... some description always stirred in him when she was nearby.

"i, COULD HAVE BEEN, HER mATESPRIT,,,"

Tavros muttered aloud, alone in his hive as always. He would have settled for moirails, even. He could have talked to Gamzee, sure, but he didn't want to disturb the highblood. He felt like he was a burden to his friends, and it was not likely that it - Tavros' viewpoint of himself - would change any time soon due to his very poor self-esteem. He sat in his chair, up against a wall to stop himself from rolling about without anyone to help. It was a pain, being paraplegic, but it couldn't have been helped. He wasn't regretful of his FLARPing adventures in the slightest, as they had provided an experience a rustblood like himself would never have dreamed of. He had found his place, he thought, when he had been there and FLARPing. The trolls he had considered his friends were mainly Vriska and Gamzee, both of whom had FLARPed with him.

Bending down - slowly - to scoop some Fiduspawn cards from the floor, he realised that he couldn't quite reach them in his chair. Fiduspawn, too, was one of his many hobbies, though others thought he was a giant nerd for playing it. It had been a passion of his for many a sweep, and he had no intention of ever giving it up, because of how happy it made him feel. Sure, with his natural abilities, he knew that he could just make any animal his friend, but it made him feel guilty and wasteful. He had always hated riding any animal he communed with, as it felt like he was taking advantage of the creature instead of guiding it. He exhaled in a soft sigh of frustration, rolling to face the unkempt pile of strewn cards on the floor. He rolled cautiously onto his front wheels, careful not to tip over as he bent down a little further, pain sparking through his whole body.

"oUCH,,,"

Tavros stammered, his voice quiet but obviously pained. He rolled back up to the wall and straightened in his wheelchair, shuddering with the strain of having bent in such a way. His eyes drooped from the fatigue. Everything was burning. He had no idea of the fate that he'd face when his group fled to the Veil, and could only dream of the robotic legs that Equius would make for him. He groaned quietly, having to force his eyes to remain open. With jerking movements, obviously unstable, he rolled himself over to his desk. He needed to get help, and that meant getting support. He knew that there was only one troll who would listen to him and come to assist him as such a time. Aradia was another possibility, but she actually scared him to some degree. She was out of the question. In addition, he had no idea where she was. Nobody really did, as she was a mystery.

Tavros flinched as a few slow, dragging knocks on the door of his respiteblock signalled the arrival of somebody. He was beginning to panic, as he hadn't filled his strife specibus yet. The lance he used beforehand was somewhere else in paradox space, being used by someone else entirely. He didn't know this, though. He glanced around, as much as his drooping eyes had allowed him before they widened in fear. The knocks repeated a few times, somehow more insistent even though they were slower. The troll outride the door, whoever it was, didn't bother to speak, which made his heart skip a beat. He backed - rolled, rather - away from the door, aware of the fact that it was a discourteous thing to do, but not caring much. He'd rather be safe than dead or terrified. Finally, after a moment, a reassuringly familiar voice called out.

"TaV-bRo, CaN yOu OpEn ThE dOoR?"

It was the clown, sure enough. Guilt wreathed Tavros in that moment, as he hadn't responded to any of Gamzee's messages, and thus left the purpleblood hanging. It was bad of him, and the regret made itself known as a flush adorned his cheeks. He rolled to the door, carefully and slowly doing so because fatigue was starting to take over once again. After his initial fright waking him up a little, tiredness threatened to swamp him for the second time in that short period. He kept silent, mainly because of the fact his throat was rendering every attempt Tavros made to speak utterly inaudible. The rustblood didn't have the loudest voice in the first place, but this was a few notches below that. He decided that he didn't want to tell his friend about the pain, not wanting to trouble or inconvenience him. He opened the door, a trembling smile coming to his lips.

"uHH, HEY gAMZEE,,, IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU,,, WHY'D YOU COME OVER?"

Tavros muttered, rolling away from the door with stilted movements so that Gamzee could stumble in. He didn't know why his friend had decided to visit him, but he was relieved for the comfort. He watched silently as the troll walked over to the pile of Fiduspawn cards, bending over and handing them to Tavros, who took them with a small nod of thanks. Gamzee understood him more than any other troll, really. The lowerblood shuffled through his cards, having picked up another pile, bringing himself over to the table almost as slowly as his dear friend talked. He spread them out on the table, eyes shining as he looked at them, each and every one preserved in small sleeves that he had been given by Vriska after one of their particularly successful FLARPs. She had actually been proud of him. Never again would she be. "WeLl, I wAs JuSt ThInKiNg ThAt It'D bE eAsIeR tO uNdErStAnd WhAt MoThErFuCkInG WiCkEd ShIt YoU wErE SaYiNg AbOuT fIdUsPaWn If I cAmE hErE iN pErSoN." And so, the two sat and talked.

#gamzee #tavros #gamzee makara #tavros nitram #pale gamtav I think???#homestuck #luminescent lyricist writes #🏠 stuck at home 🏠

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nijohirjesyho · 5 years

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If Square Enix won’t give me Miqo’te lore I’ll write it myself. AKA I decided to flex my Worldbuilding muscles and try to flesh out the Miqo’te. This is just for fun but if you like it feel free to use it!

Miqo’te biology

Catnip

Keepers very likely to be affected by it, Seekers largely unaffected, 1/5 Keepers will be unaffected.

Exposure to catnip leaves results in giddiness, restlessness, high energy, possible drooling (particularly if chewed). Relatively mild and passes quickly. Occasionally dried leaves are used to make teas to help with colds or drank before long hunts for the energy. As dried leaves are less potent than fresh leaves the side effects are lessened.

Tails

Miqo’te tails are used for balance, allowing Keepers to crouch for long periods of time and aids in their tree climbing. For Seekers tails aid with maintaining balance when running on sand or scaling rocks.

Types of tails

Regular tails – standard

Lion Tails – Common among Seekers, rarely seen among Keepers

Fluffy tails – occasionally occurs among Keepers and occasionally occurs alongside ear tufts, it’s rarely seen in Seekers

Ears

Both Keepers and Seekers have very sensitive hearing and while Elezin outclass them in hearing most Miqo’te tend to actually rely on their hearing over eyesight, meaning they will react to sounds before other races

Jacobson’s Organ

Miqo’tes have fully functional Jacobson’s organs which mean they are capable of smelling pheromones and other scents that other races cannot. This aids them largely in hunting and tracking. Their sense of smell is unrivaled by any other race.

This also causes them to occasionally have a flehmen response which often confuses other races. Miqo’te will curl their lips back, stick out their tongues and stop breathing. It is often mistaken for disgust by those who don’t know what they’re doing. The advantage of such a pose is it forces the air and scents into their mouth where they can ‘taste’ it better.

Biological differences between Seekers and Keepers

Eyes

Both Keeper and Seekers have tapetum lucidum, which can startle unwary adventuring companion when their friend’s eyes glow in low light. This gives them an advantage over other races when it comes to seeing lowlight (such as in the forests of the Black Shroud). This has also been used by some who accuse them of being beast clans by claiming this proves they are ‘like animals’

Sounds

Keeper are capable of purring and have been known to terrify Wood Wailers with the blood curdling screams they’re capable of making

Seekers cannot purr but instead express pleasure by chittering, chuffs and humming. Seekers are capable of roaring

Teeth

No one can point to a clear reason for Keeper’s canine/eye teeth to be measurably longer and sharper than Seeker’s

Society

Keepers

Keepers live in a highly gender segregated society, mostly divided in two categories

Family Units

Family units are traditionally made up of women and children. This will usually be one to three mothers, often some older daughters and they may also have children of their own. The children are communally raised with responsibility being shared by the community, older siblings are as likely to teach younger siblings as parents. This has the advantage of almost always having at least one adult able to hunt while older children or fellow adults care for the children at home.

Children typically leave this community between 18 and 20 though this can vary its rare a child would leave before 16.

Some of the communities serve as trading posts to cities they’re located close to.

‘Solitary’ Males

Keepers will often tell you that males are best in small doses and that male Keepers wander on their own. This is not entirely accurate. You will occasionally find males on their own but when they first leave home many young Miqo’te will often leave in groups. Usually siblings close in age and with a close bond will set out together, maybe parting ways eventually but male siblings often stick together (though due to how rare males are male siblings rarely end up close enough in age to stick together). Older males may find and take in younger males as hunting is easier and they miss the feeling of family from childhood. It is more accurate to say the males are rare and nomadic.

Seekers

Tribes

Tribes are less visibly divided among gender lines than the Keepers but there are still divides, obvious in naming and social structure.

Children with a father in one tribe and a mother in another will belong to the mother’s tribe. Female children will still take the father’s name

Nuhns

[Square Enix: Nuhn is simply breeding male of a tribe! Also Square Enix: *treats Nuhn like the rank of leader in game*. So in game is what we’re going with.]

Nuhns are the male that distributes traits most valued by the tribe. While yes, a healthy physique is often valued, in Clans that value cunning, forethought, strategy or hunting prowess one might rise to the rule of Nuhn not via a fight to the death but a contest of cunning or proof of their ability to stalk and bring down dangerous game.

Tias, Splinter Tribes, ‘Bachelor Tribes’

Tias are commonly found enthusiastically doing squats. Tias serve an important function in most tribes, often in their attempt to prove themselves worthy of being the next Nuhn they will be doing tasks and take leadership roles that the Nuhn needs delegated to someone else. The women are the hunters but the males often serve in organizational roles as well.

Tias that want to be Nuhn but cannot earn the respect of their original tribe will occasionally form splinter tribes. This can also happens if a tribe becomes overpopulated or there are two popular choices for Nuhn but neither will share the role. One will form a splinter tribe with an additional letter as per custom and they typically die off or are reabsorbed into the original tribe.

Bachelor Tribes are made of multiple male Tias, sometimes even from multiple tribes. Rather than seeking to be Nuhn they have banded together to form an unofficial tribe of males only. They’re often nomatic and males from them may be invited to be a Tia or Nuhn of a tribe that needs new blood.

The treatment children born of a Tia father can expect varies from Tribe to Tribe. Some tribes demand they leave the tribe when old enough, (some of them making the Bachelor Tribes). In other Tribes they are treated as no different than any Tia. Some allow them to stay but they can never be Nuhn without working twice as hard to prove themselves to the tribe as Nuhn-fathered Tias.

Queer Miqo’te

Same Sex

General

Same sex couples are far from unheard of in a race that has a birth race skewed to one sex. It would be impossible to not.

In both Keeper and Seeker culture the idea of couples is a bit different than in other races as a large part of their culture focuses more on reproduction. Romantic loyalty is often separated from sexual loyalty.

Keeper

Among Keepers WLW couples or groups often form to raise children. If one of the couple happens to be trans and comfortable with such an idea, they might not even need one of the nomadic males to father a child.

The Males that band together and travel together are not always only siblings or close friends but sometimes MLM couples or groups.

Seeker

Any Nuhn that would force a women to mate with him is going to quickly find himself replaced so it is fully possible for a woman in a Seeker Tribe to find a partner and live in bliss with them without the tribe objecting in the slightest.

Some Bachelor Tribes are ‘Confirmed Bachelor Tribes’ if you catch my drift.

Trans Miqo’te

General

With such strict and gendered naming conventions names become very important to most who transition or fall outside gender binaries entirely.

Keeper

A Trans Male Keeper will usually take the name of the youngest son as he has been ‘reborn’. He will be expected to wander the same as any other male Miqo’te.

A Trans Female Keeper will be given a new name entirely, while any brothers she has will keep their old names the suffix she previously had will no longer be used. She may be welcomed among any family group as she is still a valuable hunter and caregiver.

Non-binary Keepers may chose a new name, to keep their old name, or some use whichever name feels most appropriate for the gender they feel closest to that day. What role they chose to fulfill in their society may vary from Keeper to Keeper and even day to day.

Seeker

A Trans Male Seeker will be granted a new name by the Nuhn with the last name Tia. He will be expected to begin performing roles similar to his fellow Tias quickly though the Nuhn may give this Tia specialized training to catch him up to his fellow Tias if necessary. Trans Male Seekers are capable of becoming Nuhn, some use a fellow Tia as the sperm donor while he runs the Clan, others have given birth themselves, how they chose to be Nuhn depends on the Seeker and the Tribe

A Trans Female Seeker will be granted a new first name by the Nuhn that fathered her along with his name as her last name. Her fellow huntress will often organize a hunt in celebration and to begin teaching her hunting skills. Trans Female Seekers are not considered viable candidates for Nuhn more than any Cis Female Seeker would be.

Non-binary Seekers may chose a new name, to keep their old name, or some use whichever name feels most appropriate for the gender they feel closest to that day. However they occasionally find trouble from Tias who feel them a possible challenger regardless of their desire to be Nuhn.

City Miqo’te

City Miqo'te culture varies on whether they are Keeper or Seeker and what city they’re in.

Gridanian Miqo’te are typically Keeper and may face hostilities from those that see them as poachers as best. However recently they have begun to see better treatment, though some women decide to join the Coeurl King and his crew.

In Ul’dah cities it is easy to find Seekers, be they Tias unable to become Nuhn or women who simply felt that Tribe life was not for them. They make their living the same way most do in Ul’dah,though a few might be found among the Ala Mhigo refugees resenting their native kin or clinging desperately to what remains of the community they had before the fall.

Limsan Miqo’te are less common than the other regions but almost no crew sails without a Miqo’te. Some consider it lucky to have at least one, others have a far more practical reason. Miqo’te’s keen sense of smell often detects storms before their fellow crew members. Additionally, their lean and dexterous forms make them adept at climbing rigging. They are primarily Seekers though Keepers are becoming more common.

In the Grand Companies

General

One might expect that due to the number of female Miqo’te to males they would surely outnumber the males in the grand companies as well. However the numbers are closer to even (still favor the females however) as many male Miqo’te sign up to the grand companies.

Keepers

Keepers are quite common in the Twin Adders as they seek the feeling of family and camaraderie that they had growing up. Males in particular as they may be inclined to find the idea of wandering alone as unbearable. The bow skills shown by Miqo’te hunters leave little to be desired and they can often find their place in the Adders. Notably three of the Gods’ Quiver’s eleven garrisons are led by Miqo’te. Miah Molkot leads the White Rams, Ragu’to Zhwan leads The Quiver’s Scales and Dhebi Polaali leads The Quiver’s Ewers.

Seekers

Seekers are mostly found in Maelstrom, finding themselves outnumbered by Hyur and Lalafell in the Immortal Flames. Some are Tias that could not make it as Nuhn or women that left the tribes either because they could not fit into that lifestyle but more still are city Miqo’te that grew up in the ports of Limsa and are more familiar with the rigging of a ship than the sand of a desert. However some have made their way to Gridania out of curiosity about the archery to be learned there. G'pakibah Dora leads the garrison of the Twin Adders known as The Quivers Virgins and she is far from the only Seeker in their ranks.

Culture Shock

Keepers and City life

The largest culture shock for Keepers is perhaps the lack of physical contact. Those who grew up in the shroud are often very tactile and become confused by their new friends lack of physical affection or startle them by what is seen by some (typically Elezen) as being overly affectionate.

The other most obvious source of surprise and confusion is in relationship. While romantic relationships are far from unheard of among Keepers they are not seen as the norm which can lead to confusion about the level of commitment expected in relationships. Older siblings or friends more familiar with city life may be useful when explaining these concepts to Keepers unused to other races’ relationship expectations. However this has done Keeper’s reputation no favors in some parts of Gridania with them being seen as loose and unreliable in relationships.

Seekers and City life

Seekers might be confused by what they consider to be a very unclear hierarchy of duties among other races. Used to the Nuhn’s clear leadership and the communal hunting and providing they can struggle to adjust to trade at first.

Seekers get quite the double edged sword attempting to date as men might be suspected of sleeping around and some will claim women don’t mind you sleeping around on them, and will often be taken for heterosexual by default. These miscommunications are more common in Ul’dah than Limsa, who is exposed more to City Seeker culture.

Keepers and Seekers

Keepers and Seekers are often confused by the other’s culture on first contact, with the Keeper’s matriarchal family-centered lifestyle confusing to the Patriarchal Tribe-centered Seekers who are unused to such tight knit groups. Similarly Keepers often come away with the impression Seekers have gotten thing backwards, those familiar with the Coeurl King’s cruel grip on the women he brings into his group in particular will often react with horror.

Hybrids

Rumored and likely possible, until recent times the isolation shown by both Keepers and Seekers has prevented such hybrids from being common but with Keepers beginning to integrate into cities and Seekers beginning to explore Gridania it is likely if such hybrids exist they will become more common in upcoming years

#FFXIV #Miqo'te #Headcanons #Long Post

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mutantsrisingrpg · 4 years

Photo

Congratulations M! You’ve been accepted as PHOBOS.

Rahim is a skeleton that I absolutely loved writing and had a very specific image in mind while writing it. I’m not sure how you did it, but you brought that very thing to life! The first line in your bio is “A boy is a bomb.” which is really what Rahim is at the end of the day. Of course, I have to bring up the way you broke down their dossier and connected it with the fear that drives every part of his life because it truly made me feel for Rahim. I can’t wait to see what this boy does on the dash!

Welcome to Mutants Rising! Please read the checklist and submit your account within 24 hours.

Out of Character Information:

NAME/ALIAS: M

PRONOUNS: She/her

AGE: 27

TIMEZONE & ACTIVITY LEVEL: GMT+1

In Character Information:

DESIRED ROLE: Rahim Avery/Phobos

GENDER/PRONOUNS: Cis male, he/him

DETAILS & ANALYSIS:

Rahim was like a perfect storm of things made to attract me it seems: his code name is the name of the god of fear in greek mythology and i’m a sucker for the less known deities in mythology, riz ahmed as a fc is just such a perfect choice i don’t even have the words and then there’s his aesthetic blurb especially this line “The feeling of a hand on the back of your neck, tightening as they get their message across and the sparks from a train coming into the station as it attempts to stop.” This line was what got me absolutely hooked and what to me sets Phobos apart from other characters in play (especially male ones) like Cain for instance because i think Rahim has a lot of pent up anger and agression but he rarely ever gets it out, he’s much more skilled at the lead up to violence, at simply threatening it and oh he’ll unleash hell upon someone if he’s pushed to it whether that’s with his mutant ability or his fists but truth is his anger is mostly turned onto himself, he isn’t so much destructive as he is self destructive. Anger’s not a fuel or a driving force for him it’s a crutch, it’s a bad habit he’s unwilling to kick. He’s more likely to do dumb shit like bare knuckle box with people twice his weight and size just so he can get punched in the face and bleed or drink himself into oblivion, run on barely any hour of sleep and brush off any concern from claiming he’s working, doing it for the syndicate.

And then back to the code name, Phobos. I looked into that greek god and apparently Phobos and Deimos were meant to represent fear of loss also because of Aphrodite being their mother and then that just got me thinking about the driving fear in Rahim’s life and the more I thought about it the more I thought that his driving fear must be the fear of being known ‘cause otherwise why would he be so freaked out by the mere possibility of Jack digging into his past (and I do picture him to be quite unnerved about it and hiding it not quite as well as he thinks he is but putting up a front). I don’t have plans to insert a tragic backstory or big dark secret but I do think being known fully is not something Rahim is open to or even capable of, he’s barely managed to trust anyone in his life fully (except Finn, god bless Finn honestly) and letting anyone in on who he really is, in all his vulnerability, letting them know about his past (he’ll give you mundane pieces about his past, anecdotal shit but try and dig deeper and witness this man’s incredible proficiency at shutting the fuck down and quick) is just inconceivable to him because then that opens him up to hurt and loss and like I said there’s no tragic backstory behind it but he’s known loss once or twice already and some people handle loss better than others. Rahim is others.

BIO:

A boy is a bomb. Now that’s a sort of sentence that’s enough to make one think 'oh how tragical’ and start worrying about the boy but now what if I told you that it was no metaphor? That it was quite literal and in fact not only is the boy a bomb but there is no ticking, no counter and he can go off at any second leaving wreckage in his wake. The boy lives, oh he always live and he doesn’t get hurt but that doesn’t make his predicament any less tragic, now wouldn’t you say. That boy has a name. His name is Rahim Avery and he was born thirty-five years ago in Illinois to two mutant parents only Teresa and Caden Avery were not prepared for their child to have such a volatile and destructive ability as both their mutant abilities were of a defensive nature.

Knowing Rahim could not hurt himself using his power was only a slight relief but rather than a childhood of playing with other children as any other child should Rahim’s own childhood was more often spent training to master perfect control and emotions such as anger or passion were heavily discouraged as he was reminded at every turn of the consequences, of how he might hurt others without meaning to. He found outlets however for a time through sport but then his old habits got in the way as he was almost paralyzed with fear of hurting his teammates living any contact sports out of the question until he had more control. Puberty was particularly tough on him, as if raging hormones and social awkwardness was not enough to add on top of that the possiblity of literally exploding at the slightest change of mood was a lot, too much to place on a young man’s shoulders.

What Rahim found though and what was a great relief to him was that keeping such a tight reign on his emotions had opened him up to listening better because he didn’t take up much space at all, didn’t speak much only when he did it was with eloquence and more importantly empathy. He became in tune with other’s people feelings from spending so much his time, waiting, observing and one emotion he realized could be quite useful was fear. He didn’t have to be violent or let his anger out if only the mere thought of him doing so was enough of a threat to have people backing down and so he soon sought out loneliness and embraced it, happier keeping people at bay with one dark look. It was freeing, much easier to keep a lid on all his repressed anger when there wasn’t a soul in sight to potentially piss him off.

The tactic kept him lonely and stronger by the day, much more in control of his ability until he felt like he could have been in a rage and not made anything explode at all, like he wasn’t a threat to his immediate surroundings just by existing and what a relief that was too. Life, it seemed had one lesson to teach him: it didn’t matter how much control you thought you had you could still screw up and badly.

An incident occurred cutting him completely off guard as his parents house was attacked while he was visiting, an anti-mutant attack evidently as their neck of the woods had grown progressively less safe for their kind over the years and intending to charge an item for explosion and aim it at an attacker he was blindsided and instead the charge injured his father. Although he was assured following the attack time and time again that he had nothing to feel sorry for, that his father knew he was only trying to help and to protect his family, Rahim had to admit to himself that although isolating himself might have seemed like the perfect plan he was still far from harmless, having focused all of his attention on control rather than precision.

When he learned of the Blackburn Syndicate’s existence and its origins he at first refused to even consider looking further into it or meeting its members. He was no cast aside mutant, he was simply one of many (he had to assume, it couldn’t only be him) that struggled with his powers. It wasn’t that the criminal activities rebuked him either as he had gone from job to job aimlessly, never having found a vocation for himself so putting his powers to good use and making more money than he would on his many odd jobs was definitely appealing but he couldn’t help at first but to think he would be stealing a spot from a needy mutant to until he met the underboss of the Syndicate who made it quite clear that as long as he was useful whether or not his spot was filled by him or some less fortunate mutant out there did not matter. They needed a bruiser and if he had the ambition and the skills for it, he ought to take the position, that wouldn’t stop the Syndicate from taking other less fortunate mutants into their ranks. The nature of the job was enough to make him say yes as he saw there an outlet for his anger that was slightly more healthy than the ones he was accustomed to. Of course, he got more than he bargained for joining the criminal crew, some friends he thinks he might very well be willing to kill or die for and some thorns in his sides too.

EXPANDED CONNECTIONS:

Finn Croix: All I could think of reading that connection was of Jonathan Van Ness and Antoni Porowski friendship (but tbh the whole fab five and their non toxic love towards one another, the way they’re so comfortable hugging and touching and telling each other they love each other, i just a hundred per cent pictured that with Finn and Rahim) except that sentence in finn’s description of the connection with Rahim about people gossiping about the two of them lodged itself into my brain and made me go 'could this be romantic, taking the romance out of the bromance? or am i reading into it???’ but i’m quite happy to say whichever way it goes, I just absolutely love this connection and I can see Finn being the only one Rahim fully trust and is as close to his truest self with so that’s saying somethin.

Jack Mizuno: Jack was put on this eath to test Rahim’s patience and goodness and by God if he isn’t fulfilling his purpose to the fullest. Basically every day that he doesn’t break a bone in that guy’s body just because or blows up anything electronic just to fuck with him is a day that Rahim congratulates himself on his impeccable restraint. No, but more seriously Rahim doesn’t let people in on his fuck up with his parents and the robbery, doesn’t let anyone know of all the fucked up ways he’s been punishing himself for years for just being born wrong (he wishes he could have a defensive power on most days like his parents and that’s definitely a secret Jack can’t find but Rahim’s lucky Jack can’t quite read thoughts yet) so Jack gets under his skin, make his skin crawl and deep down Rahim’s midly scared of the guy and trying to get desperate for a way to get him off track, distract him.

EXTRA: I did not have time for extras unfortunately at this time. I thank you for reading my app for Dana/Enceladus and am available for any feedback.

ANYTHING ELSE: Nothing at the moment.

#accepted #accepted: phobos

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teanaoverton · 5 years

Text

still swimming.

i thought the first year of law school was suppose to be the toughest. that was not the case for me.

this past semester, the first of my 2L year was the most trying experience of my life. and sheesh, i have dealt with a lot of experiences.

before we go any further, i think its important to tell you a little about myself and warn you of some contents that this post will contain.

i am brutally honest. i dont believe in sugar coating the truth, and so i wont. this post may be triggering to anyone who has every experienced sexual assault and/or sexual harassment. this post is my truth. and if you havent noticed by now, i do not like capital letters or formal punctuation. and i also cant spell.

anyway, back to the story.

the beginning of the semester started off rocky. i worked for my school and assisted with many task including orientation for the first year students and the title ix policy updates (thanks betsy *eyeroll*).

unfortunately, i had to use that title ix policy.

at the end of july, my key card to get in and out of my school’s parking deck was not working properly. i expressed my concern to a security officer. instead of walking to the gate, he walked with me to the parking deck and followed me to my car. we were the only two in the parking deck.

while at my car, he asked me on a date. i was not interested in the slightest. but hey, im a girl all alone in the parking deck with a security guard. i had just heard about a woman getting killed for rejecting a man. and i sure tf have no lived enough to die. so i told him that school was starting soon and i did not have time. smooth escape i thought. and i also thought that would be it, i was wrong.

the next week, i left the second floor (where i worked) to go downstairs and get a snack from the vending machines. he saw me and ran to try and pay for my snack, thoughtful gesture, but i refused as i did not want to lead him on. he then followed me to the elevators and handed me a note with his number on it.

i had to cross paths with him to get to work, and he would make comments to me. once in particular troubled me.“you dont work on wednesdays, we could go out on a wednesday.” and that is when a red flag went off for me.

why do you know my work schedule? ive already said i wasnt interest, why are you still actively pursing me? so i told my friend/co-worker about the interactions and asked her to walk me to my car.

while working late one evening, he came to the suite and started talking and staring. it was after hours and he was no longer on the clock. the other security officer on duty was probably home with his feet kicked up by this hour. instead of doing the same... he came to “see what was going on.” being aware of the situation and that i was uncomfortable, my friend engaged in the conversation so i didnt have to. bless her.

during orientation, we had leftover food. my boss at the time asked me to take some to the security officers. my friend and i locked eyes knowing i sure tf was not about to lead this man on by any means. so, that is when i told my boss at the time that i was good off doing that. if you know who my boss was, you know she will get the truth out of you.

one thing lead to another and boom, the incidents were reported to HR. who i was required to meet with. during the first week of classes, i met both HR and my boss to reassure them that i was not looking to get a black man fired, i just wanted to be left alone.

time went by, nothing happened. i still was uncomfortable passing the security desk. i would have friends walk with me to the car so i wouldnt be alone bc guess who did rounds in the parking deck, yeah. you guessed it, him.

unfortunately, my request was not fulfilled. he did not leave me alone. i was required to do a tabling event for work. guess where that tabling event was? right across from the security desk. gr8!!! he looked at me and loudly started saying "i shouldn't have to come to work and be uncomfortable.” he said this several times, causing others in the area to look and see what was going on.

again, the tabling event was for work (different job btw). i was sitting next to my boss who was unaware of the previous interactions. she too asked “why is he screaming like that?”

i sat there in shock. in silence. and on the clock, so i couldnt leave.

why. should. he. have. to. come. to. work. and. feel. uncomfortable.

that was it, my breaking point. i felt unsafe. i expressed my concerns to the appropriate parties. eventually time went on and he was transferred.

shortly after, repressed memories of my childhood rape surfaced during a therapy session. along with many thoughts: was i over exaggerating? did i lead him on in anyway? could i have done more to let him know i wasnt interested before reporting the incidents? was this my fault?

guilt.

i lost track of what was happening in real life because i was so distracted by the thoughts in my head. but as soon as i gained back some control, real life hit me again. my legal writing assignment had been posted. and guess what the topic was? sexual harassment in the work place.

you mean to tell me, i have to do research, write a brief, and have an oral argument about sexual harassment? shit, someone call my therapist.

i wrote some shit on some paper. and that was that. what was happening in my classes? no clue. what was happening in my life? no clue. what was going on in the world? no clue.

i got lost again.

i just wanted to float and let the current carry me for awhile. i wanted to watch the clouds chase each other into different corners of the sky like freed kites who never worry about the meaning of away. i wanted to float. ive been swimming so long.

but my thoughts eventually had an off switch and i was good again. then guess what?

kavanaugh.

here we fucking go again.

the student body president signed an aba petition to conduct an impartial hearing on kav. and for some reason, some students were pissed. so they took it upon themselves to write a petition to have the sba president remove his name from the aba petition and issue an apology.

i need you to pay very close attention for this part.

i sat in class triggered. surrounded by people signing this petition while tears poured down my face. how fucking disgusting are you people.

now the only reason i know what the petition actual was is because i am in sba. otherwise, i would have no clue it ever existed. want to know why? because the students who wrote the petition never asked me to sign it. trust me, i am not offended. in fact, im honored that they knew better than to bring some bullshit like that to me. but what was upsetting, when another student asked what was going on (why everyone was gathered looking at the petition), the authors of it said “we’re just looking at some stuff about aba accreditation.”

baby, if you gonna talk about it. be about it. smh.

the petition surfaced. and the names on it, wow. people i looked up to. people i considered role models. women who are allegedly advocates for women. women in general. even a few self-proclaimed feminist.

wow. the names.

so many people who have reached out to me when i told my story about being raped as a child. so many people i believed would be there for me if i asked for help dealing with the recent sexual harassment. so many frauds.

their names, they were on it. big and bold.

i didnt want to float anymore. i wanted to drown.

i was suffering. isolating myself from everyone. i did the absolute bare minimum. i distanced myself from my family, my friends, from everyone around me.

i didnt read for any of my classes. i stopped caring. i had thoughts about dropping out of school. i still have the withdrawal email in my draft.

i want to give someone credit for helping me through this, but i cant. this ocean, its so big. but hell, i havent drowned yet.

meanwhile, im still swimming.

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longingfreesia · 6 years

Text

“Mr. Stiff-face, what was your new title again?”

Arme fights back a scowl. Of course he wouldn't remember, the other angel could barely stay focused on his mission. Unlike himselfーbut beside the point.

“It's ‘Arme Thaumaturgy.’ Please try to actually remember basic details about your peers.”

“Arme Thaumaturgy,” says Erbluhen, testing out the sounds on his tongue. He laughs, lilting and sparkling. “Wooow, you must really be doing wonderful things to get a name like that. Ishmael must consider you one of her best.”

Arme doesn't give him the satisfaction of seeing the way the pang of pride shoots through him. “Of course,” he says, as if that stroke of his ego wasn't the world to him.

Erbluhens smile shows no sign of fading. “Do you know my title?”

“What? You don't have one, correct? You're still operating under Lofty status.”

Erbluhen makes a buzzer noise. “Nope! I've gotten stronger too, you know.”

“Then what is your title?”

“Erblühende Emotion.” declares Erbluhen, tone resounding with more pride than Arme’s ever heard out of him.

“That doesn't sound right.”

“Well, I gave it to myself, perhaps that's why.”

“What?”

“Isn't it neat? I came up with it and thought it sounded wonderful.” He giggles. “Maybe you should try to remember basic details about your peers!”

Arme cannot find the patience to argue with him. If he decided to call himself something foolish, so be it. It wasn't like it would interfere with Ishmaels intent. Although, it did make him worry for the status of their mission. Mostly, if his fellow angel took said mission seriously whatsoever.

He is broken out of his thoughts by a sudden, “Arme Thaumaturgy, can I tell you a secret?”

Arme doesn't understand what kind of secrets Erbluhen could possibly keep, considering he seems to rattle off everything that so much as flits past his train of thought.

He nods, in any case.

“I want to be a human,” says Erbluhen Emotion, in the tone of a child telling their best friend of their dreams to be an astronaut.

“Why would you ever want that?”

Erbluhen pauses, mulls over the sentence for a moment. “I don't really know myself.” He rests his cheek in his hand, closing his eyes in thought. “But, I think I am quite becoming one. And more surprising yet, I don't think I mind in the slightest!”

“What does that mean?” Arme scowls.

Erbluhen groans. “It means, I think that I am human, thank-you-very-much. I think I am human, because I wish to be, and because I believe I have a heart, whether I like this or not.”

“What are you on about? You should know angels have no heart. They could never be human, eitherーYou have your role. You have your responsibility. You're deluding yourself.”

“I rather think I do, in fact, and I think it is only growing by the day. If angels have no heart, then I truly am a human, aren't I?” says Erbluhen, beaming, and Arme decides to give up. ‘Erblühendes’ illusions of grandeur and humanity were, albeit frustrating, ultimately harmless, and it was fairly obvious his mind wouldn't be changed, anyway. Soon enough, he would learn that it was pointless to try and be one of them.

They only got in the way, so it was natural. If Erblühende were more like him, for example, he could get on with the mission without needing the assistance of those things. In fact, if he did take his duty seriously, the two of them combined would likely be a force to be reckoned with. And yet, this was impossible, since Erblühende was dead set on becoming as useless as them.

How tiring.

Nonetheless, it didn’t matter too much, he supposed, as Arme could get it done himself. Together, he and ‘Erblühende’ could do it faster, but it was of no importance. He would. Not right now, no, but one day, he knew that he would be superior, elegant and graceful in his destruction. Second only to Ishmael herself.

It was the natural progression of things, so it was certain. He simply had to be patient.

Erbluhen seems determined to not let him keep his train of thought. “Arme Thaumaturgy,” he starts, and it’s irritating to Arme, at first, and then he notices something even more soーErbluhens way of saying his nameーdespite using his full title the same as Ishmael, his voice doesn’t carry the same tone, being infected with the fondness of humanity. It isn’t filled with authority, or reverence, rather, sounding as if they were true equals, or perhaps even friends. He isn’t sure why this grinds at his mind so much.

“What?”

“...Nevermind.” says Erbluhen, turning away with a jingle.

“No, tell me.” Armes tone is starting to show his frustration, and he scolds himself internally for it. He needs to retain his composure, this is part of his responsibility.

Erbluhen turns back to him, staring at him and making some kind of face Arme can’t place, and sighs. His smile has dropped, but for some reason Arme isn’t pleased about it. “You know, if Ishmael thought I was doing something wrong, she would do away with me in an instant. If I wasn’t being useful, then you wouldn’t have to worry about me holding you down.” Erbluhen smiles again. “Isn’t that right?” His face isn’t right. Arme isn’t sure what about it, but it isn’t right.

He nods, slowly. “This… is true. I simply worry about our mission being fulfilled.”

Erbluhen laughs. “If you’re that worried about me being a burden on your progress, you’re perfectly capable of taking care of me yourself, aren’t you?”

Armes composure cracks like paint off of his face in shock. “...What?”

“Oh, don’t act like this comes as a surprise. You’re very strong, and we both know this.”

“Are you implying…?”

“Of course I am. So, you really don’t have room to complain, do you?” Erbluhen is smiling, just as always, but it isn’t right. “So stop worrying so much.”

With that, Erbluhen smiles, and waves lightly as he makes his leave. Arme barely registers what he says about having someone waiting on him, or needing to go back to the party, or… something. He can’t seem to move on from the idea Erbluhen has just presented to him. How could he say it so casually, like it was just a fact of life?

Off him…? Of course he was capable, but… But that would be unspeakable, wouldn’t it? Unless, of course, Ishmael herself commanded him to instead of taking care of it herself… then…

Ugh. He didn’t want to think about this. Erbluhen wasn’t a demon, it wasn’t as simple as ‘he is evil, so he must be cleansed.’ The other angel always left him with such unpleasant feelings, and always more confused than before. It was bothersome, he was so bothersome, causing nothing but trouble for him…

He didn’t have time for this. Erbluhen was an oddity, and he couldn’t control this. It was not something for him to be concerned about, as long as he wasn’t getting in his way. He attempts to wipe the thoughts from his mind and remember where he was next meant to go. His mission was top priority, nothing else.

#d #i guess? i honestly dont know where this one counts ugguhufughu #ainchase ishmael #elsword #part uhhhhhhhh 3 or something of 'ains are separate angels' 'au' or whatever

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crossgartered · 4 years

Text

P5R Liveblog (13/?)

Haru arc

[[MORE]]

Oh...? Are you hung up on Wakaba, too, Doctor?

Oh, Rumi. ...Who's Rumi?

IS IT KASUMI'S SISTER??? bc you know there's weird stuff going on there

Probably not but this is for wild guessing anyway

If we can believe Kasumi then her sister is younger than her

And that'd be pretty weird to talk about in a romantic context

The problem is if kasumi is to be believed

she's dead I know she's dead I don't think she knows she's dead but she's super dead

Or in a coma I guess but let's be real here

I don't trust Shibusawa in the slightest. He's definitely going to try to take that research. I wouldn't be surprised if he was one of those men in black suits, either. He's rich - he goes to the Wilton on a whim, with his "buddies" - he could definitely be one of Shido's men.

OMFNDJD THIS LES MIS KNOCK OFF FILLS ME WITH JOY

Hoo boy. Maruki... I don't think you'll be very pleased with our answer. I do think you have good intentions, now, but you will definitely be an antagonist here.

I'm still really impressed with Chihaya. She really thought that the protag would hate her once she told her story, that her fortune said he was supposed to hate her, and she "never thought [he] would overturn even that fate". And yet, she told him anyway.

A Yusuke & Ann showtime!! : D I wonder what it'll be like?

THATS SO INCREDIBLY ANIME I LOVE IT

Haru idolizing superheroines vs Ann idolizing lady villains fight

I cannot waittt to see what they do with cognitive Haru, if they decided to make her this time around

YUSUKE CAN DUPLICATE IN PALACES?!?!?

A Will Seed with lasers barring the way? Interesting.

FUTABA FINISHING TOUCH FUTABA FINISHING TOUCH!!!!

Huh, it's kinda goofier than I was expecting.

"When a person is continually faced with oppression, they come to welcome its presence." Yusuke : (

"Such psychological trickery is being used here. I... experienced it first-hand for many years." YUSUKE : C

It's kinda nice that those workers are being blocked by lasers instead of us being too intimidated by their number to just go after them. ...Am I remembering this correctly?

Oh, Noir... I'm glad I get the option to ask if she's okay.

The Yumizuki High uniform really does suit Yusuke.

I wonder if there's a way to talk to people about their outfits.

Does Futaba's thing happen in place of Joker's, now? That's kind of a shame

HEY DO YOU THINK IT'S POSSIBLE TO HAVE FUTABA SHOWTIMES?!?????

Airlock time.

Man I want to see robot/cyborg Haru so badly come on Okumura I know she's here

This stuff about being okay for 30 sec as long as you close your eyes and mouth sounds wrong but I don't know enough about the condition of the human body in space enough to dispute it so okay I fuess

Anyway this is run by clap your hands if you believe kinda magic so it doesn't really matter anyway (also, thank god for Futaba saying that it'd work)

It's interesting - space factories/stations aren't a typical heist target (nor are castles, tbh, but museums, banks, pyramids, casinos? Naturally) (space stations in general can be, in the right genre. But this is set up a bit unusually for that). Corporate offices of shady companies, however...

Spaceeeeee ahdskdjs this is SO COOL

what the fuck what the fuck was something else going through the airlock?!?!

Ugh, how aggravating. I had been able to get the Will Seed the entire time until I pulled the lever that allowed me to progress

What is this shadow???? I'm not sure I know it! "Pagan savior", huh?

No, guys, there's another airlock room. Stop saying 'the treasure is just beyond that door!' when there is a whole other area/floor to go through. Especially since you have a map

Futaba gets motion sickness...oh no I'm so sorry ;u;

I...actually remembered the first half of the solution to the transfer line. I got out of there in practically no time. Heck yeah!

"Thou hast to awakened to the ultimate secret of the Sun, granting thee infinite power..." Yoshida...! TAT

I always end up maxing him right around the end of Okumura's Palace. I feel so bad. His newfound popularity is gonna absolutely tank soon. ;-;

Man, who even gets elected after the populace starts caring again? I don't know how Japanese politics works, really, like at all, honestly, but probably he has a subordinate who can take his place. But like, his whole crew's gotta be corrupt, right? Especially someone who'd be his replacement. Though honestly, considering how paranoid he got by the end, he probably chose someone weak-willed in order to prevent

Oh wait hold on I just looked up how this works. Apparently, uh...

Huh. I'm not sure if the cabinet resigns if the prime minister does usually or if that's just if the house passes a vote of no confidence. But, the prime minister appoints the ministers, so if the prime minister changes then there could be an issue there, probably?

But anyway. Looks like the Diet would immediately try to vote for a different person once the prime minister seat is vacant.

Huh, I wonder who gets voted in, then. Well, we only know of 2 candidates other than Shido, and Yoshida doesn't have the funding or even (yet) the popularity to become prime minister, so Matsushida is really the only other choice unless they pick someone we haven't heard about.

Oh my GOD I hate the school. They're being such assholes to Kasumi. She got 3rd place!!! That's amazing!!! This isn't even a school specializing in gymnastics!!!!!! YOU SPECIALIZED IN VOLLEYBALL AND EVEN IF THAT WERENT THE CASE YOURE TERRIBLE

*ahem* Anyway.

You can tell that Maruki is quietly pissed and honestly? Valid. Super valid. Same, Maruki, same.

She's not gonna get that text, with how her phone is.

"we took in those sisters to improve Shujin's standing, but at this rate, we're only going to end up suffering for it." Oh??? Oh??????

"not only have we lost one of them, but the other ones not doing us any good. Talk about a waste of effort..." Hooooly shit you asshole

Wait, hold on, it's October already????!? November's just a month away!! I have less than 3 months for social linking! And I still haven't maxed knowledge or kindness! (Or guts, but whatever) I've only maxed 1 person! Although I'm close to maxing Ryuji & Ann & Yusuke. And some npcs

AHHHHH CUTSCENE CUTSCENE!!!!

So the keywords - lab, stadium, and ... Either Maruki or Kasumi for the person. OH MAN AND EITHER WAY IM ALREADY IN MY PHANTOM THIEF CLOTHES

ONE OF THEM DOESNT TRUST ME

It's probably Maruki, right? Bc of the lab... But also I thought the whole wish fulfillment thing was going to be his cogpsi project... With the help of Jose, maybe...

Speaking of Jose, Jose looks like a toy, especially with that hair and those ears. I wonder what material he's supposed to be? Based on the ears I'd say plastic, maybe, but the hair looks more ceramic to me.

Anyway, back to the relevant FUCKING PALACE WOOHOO

I haven't even sent a calling card for Okumura yet so we're not dealing with this anytime soon

Ooh, this music... <3

Oh man, I totally forgot I had Morgana in the maid costume. I gotta get him into something more serious

Why is dancewear not the p5dsn costume??

This is...really empty...

I am suddenly really scared at what the people are going to look like

There are pigeons here...

But wait, if this is Maruki's Palace, then this is bc of all his grief... He doesn't want anyone to hurt, ever again. The people will be their ideal selves, probably...

...I'd love to see a cognition of myself, tbh. That won't happen, but I'd love it.

This place is really beautiful... With the music it seems like a sad place...

Look at all these wires

That's probably the sister, right?

Unless that's the cognition of Yoshizawa when she was alive and her current self is her ideal self.

The shadow attacked the cognition???!?!

YUP this is definitely Maruki's Palace

Hmm. Interesting.

Oh, Cendrillon really is perfect for her, huh.

SHES DOING A MAGICAL GIRL TRANAFORMATION WHAY

WHAT

WHY????

IM NOT UPSET ITS JUST A LITTLE WHAT????

Does her outfit look like mine a little bit bc she's using me as a role model for her source of confidence - confidence that she is using/interpreting for her inner rebellious spirit?

Wait, lost my train of thought

Aww, I mistimed that. I was hoping to get a Kasumi finishing touch

MORGANA-SENPAI

It is definitely an unfair consequence

Oh, so that's why, narratively, her phone sucks. It's to prevent us from figuring out whose Palace it is.

Yeah, this time it's entirely on you, Morgana.

... it's because of gymnastics? And not because you disagree with us on an ideological level? ...okay. sure. Whatever.

Hoo boy. This is gonna suck when Okumura has his mental shutdown. I wonder how she'll react.

She is of the Faith arcana, whatever that means. Maybe she'll keep faith in me? I did max her half-confidant

It's cool, Kasumi. I really didn't do much. You may have a debt of gratitude or whatever but like you don't actually need to repay it. Just keep being my friend and maybe one day you'll quit keeping score

*sigh*

If only. Too bad you're probably dead.

SHOWTIME WITH HARU? SHOWTIME WITH HARU? PLEASE?

Oh, Mona-chan. I figured as much, but I was still hoping...

Anyway, Haru&Mona showtime still very good!

Man, I would kill to hear their explanations for what they're doing.

...this is incredibly violent, isn't it? I anticipate it with bated breath

Oh man, can you imagine a showtime with Kasumi? Maybe with Akechi, if Atlus isn't going to give me one

Which, fair enough, from a gameplay standpoint

Still. : (

"the Phantom Thief Basic Training"?

Oh, good, we're actually addressing cognitive people with Haru.

Oh, this is either gonna suck if they address the implications, or we're gonna see cognitive Haru. >: 3

Dream world, huh...

THE YUSUKE-HARU FRIENDSHIP IS SO UNDERSTATED AND UNDERRATED I WANT MORE CONTENT

THERE SHE IS!!! THERE SHW IS!!!!

Oh, man, I had a lot of feelings during that fight. That time limit though

I like how they updated this fight

Although I think I'm a little underleveled, potentially. I could not destroy her before she self-destructed, and it took me a while to beat the chief directors and executive director. Oneshotted Okumura himself, though.

OH MAN I SHOULD HAVE READ THIS BILLIARDS BOOK EARLIER

I DIDNT REALIZE I COULD INCREASE MY TECHNICALS????

I already thought that technicals were beefed up from how they were - I guess this is part of that!

Wish I had another book on kindness, ugh.

SO THATS HOW THEY CHANGED POSITION HACK

Ann & Haru have such similar colors. I wish they would have darkened Haru's a little bit more

Wait I never got to see the Haru-Mona showtime

I even had both in my party : (

GOD IWAI YOU'RE SO SHADY

I forgot to start his social link until now whoops

Although I've only had my guts high enough for past ~2ish weeks so there's that at least

Guh, I have to get to Mementos and start up Shinya's...

How many part-time jobs does this have? Like, 5? Maybe 6, if you count him helping out Sojiro? The convenience store, the beef bowl place, the flower shop, Crossroads, and now the gun shop. Anything I'm missing? I feel like I'm missing one.

Desire & Hope is really pretty. The Desire underneath is kinda weirdly desaturated compared to the hope, though. Not sure if it actually works as well as Desire did by itself. Idk. They're both good, but I liked how Desire looked a bit more. I understand that D&H has personal meaning, though. Who knows, maybe in person I would feel differently

I kinda really like that Yusuke tends to go more abstract with his stuff, even if he does try out a bunch of different styles

Maxing Yusuke. And thank god for Affinity Readings. Finally got Ryuji at a point where I can max him.

Oh. I had forgotten how Kamu Susano-o looks. ...

#p5r liveblog #p5r #p5r spoilers #persona 5 royal #long post #this one gets emotional at video games

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lenific · 7 years

Text

@thedarkcheessmaster prompted: R is for Remember.

Set in All About Lacey

---

Lacey twirled her keychain around her fingers before flinging it into the little bowl on the closest side table, where it jingled as it settled next to a couple earrings and about three dollars in change. Rumpelstiltskin was irked at her use of an antique to hold knick-knacks, but she'd pointed out that if the pink, over-stuffed mansion was to be her home, then he had to make a few sacrifices to help her feel comfortable.

Oh, there had been resistance. Particularly against the idea of dinner in the living room, shoes off and away from the stiff formality of the imposing dinner table. Even after Lacey promised not to turn on the TV while they ate, Rumpelstiltskin had loudly protested.

Only the remark that a full stomach often left her sleepy - and wasn't it easier to cuddle up to him if they were already on the couch - had moved him to given in

He fulfilled his preference for a formal setting by taking Lacey out often, and she, of course, approved of the compromise.

Tonight, however, seemed destined to be spent at home. Rumpelstiltskin glanced up as soon as she came into the living room, and Lacey could see the take-out bags he had put on the low table. "Chinese again?"

It never ceased to amuse her that the man who could conjure banquets with a gesture, was content with noodles and shrimp.

Rumpelstiltskin gave a little shrug, well aware of her bafflement but just as certain that she shared his tastes, and motioned at her to join him on the couch. "You just missed the delivery guy."

The memory of the tall, broad-shouldered boy, perhaps a couple years younger than her but who blushed like a fourteen-year-old at a peek of a bra strap, made Lacey grin. "Pity," she said cheekily. "I like young Po."

"And he's more terrified of you than he's of me, so congratulations on that feat, sweetheart."

Lacey responded with a light kiss on his lips, both a greeting and a thank you at the compliment.

There was a pause as the food was distributed, and once the containers were opened and their chopsticks at the ready, Rumpelstiltskin made the question Lacey had been expecting from the moment she stepped through the door:

"How was your day?"

Or a variation of it.

Without another lecture on recklessness, defending her right to make her own choices would be a waste of breath. He looked genuinely curious, rather than angry as she'd expected. Lacey picked up a bite of pork, and chewed as she shifted her strategy.

"Oh, you know. The usual housework." She waved around the room as if to take credit for its tidy state. "Washed up the dishes from breakfast, cleaned the bathrooms, did the laundry..."

She couldn't continue as his increasingly amused face prompted her to giggle. Only a couple of months ago, the joke would have left him broody, but he seemed to be finally getting over it.

"All right," she relented. "So I slept in; then it was practice, practice, lunch, and practice." She made a point of counting on the fingers of her left hand, then wiggled her thumb as if searching for a fifth action. "Oh! Then I went out for a coffee!"

Rumpelstiltskin hooked a finger around that thumb, pulling her hand toward him. "Coffee, huh."

"Didn't I tell you about it?" She copied him and left her dinner on the table, unconcerned that it would get cold. Magic was better than a microwave, and such a simple spell would be within her abilities. "I know I sent you a text because the last time you came home and didn't find me, you made such a fuss that the Sheriff is still whining about it."

Rumpelstiltskin chuckled. Not a surprise, since describing a magical duel between the Dark One and the Evil Queen as 'a fuss' had been meant to amuse him. "You don't care about Miss Swan," he said.

"Well, no," Lacey admitted with ease. "But I do care about not putting up with more whining."

"Smart enough," he conceded. "Had a good time, then?"

"Free caffeine, free entertainment; so not too bad. Oh, and before I forget, Zelena says hi."

His mouth twisted into a scowl, but the grasp on her hand didn't alter. He wasn't angry, just concerned. "Lace... Just because she's at odds with Regina, it doesn't make Zelena our friend," he told her, then relaxed at her unsurprised reaction. "But you've seen that already, of course."

One of the reasons she had stuck with Rumpelstiltskin, despite the awkwardness of their situation, was that he never doubted her intelligence. "Subtlety isn't her forte," she explained. "She's so obsessed with you, it made me blush. Not to mention that she'd have happily poisoned my drink if she could get away with it."

He didn't react at her first assessment, but the second had him showing his teeth in anger. "If she ever threatens you..."

"Come on, Rumple. You'd never have taken her as a student if she were that stupid." Lacey frowned. It certainly would be easier to get rid of the woman if Zelena acted on her hate openly. One move to hurt Lacey, and Rumpelstiltskin would send the witch back to Oz in a coffin - with Regina's blessing or not. "She did all the right things: called up to invite me over, mentioned how she felt uncomfortable going to you directly, and maybe I could help her instead?"

"Help with what?"

"Kill Regina, what else. She didn't go into specifics once she realized I wouldn't become her little spy." Lacey shook her head. "You should have heard her go on and on about how we, overlooked branches of Henry's family tree, should stick together."

A roll of her eyes made clear what she thought of that approach. Rumpelstiltskin was ecstatic with whatever attention his son gave him, and as Henry's safety was the main subject he and Baelfire discussed, he made a point of spending time with the boy.

Lacey was glad for him. Truly. She even swallowed her more cutting remarks within hearing of Henry's maternal side. However, that her boyfriend enjoyed his role as grandfather did not give Lacey even the slightest urge to play grandmother.

"You are not overlooked, Lacey," Rumpelstiltskin said, his thought process apparently having traveled down a different path. "Not ever."

She had no need of the reassurance, but it made her smile anyway.

Meanwhile Rumpelstiltskin had his lips pursed, mind running through his options. "Lace..." he started slowly, "what do you think of learning new tricks from the woman who swears she's surpassed her old teacher?"

Lacey raised an eyebrow. His intent was clear, and pleased as she was at his trust, there was her sanity to consider. "And listen as she brags about it ceaselessly? No."

"Think about it, sweetheart. Please." Rumpelstiltskin met her eye, his gaze intense. "Zelena must have a plan. She doesn't have the patience to hang around and plot, when she could be leveling the town to draw Regina into a fight."

Lacey shrugged with genuine disregard. "What's it to us?"

"If it includes Henry, I must know."

"She wouldn't risk that. To entangle you in her one-sided sibling feud?" Lacey shook her head. "She wants you to fuck her, Rumple, not to slice her neck for hurting the kid."

Rumpelstiltskin considered that. "Still. I am... uneasy... with her pretense of retreat - especially if she's recruiting allies already. In power, Zelena is stronger than Regina. An open duel should be everything she needs - yet she demurs." He squeezed her hand. "The girl thought nothing of murdering Regina in her bedchamber once. I must know what's stopping her now."

"Better wards?"

Rumpelstiltskin's laugh explained better than words his opinion on Regina's chances to best her sister. "If only it were that simple." Then he glanced at her, his eyes hopeful. "You could help me, love."

"Not like that," she said simply. "I won't spy for you either, Rumple."

"Lace..."

"I won't hide behind lies, no. If you want me to draw the truth out of that witch, I'll figure out a way; but I won't pretend I'm her friend."

"It would be safer."

Lacey huffed. "I'm a terrible liar, Rumple."

Rumpelstiltskin's expression softened, and after a moment he nodded and lifted her hand to kiss the back of it. "Of course," he said. "Honesty suits you well, my love. I remember now."

The End 01/11/17

#ar: all about lacey #ch: rumpelstiltskin #2: lacey/rumpelstiltskin #ch: lacey

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decoding1432 · 7 years

Text

Dinah’s answer… An indirect? An apology?

youtube

“We’re three interviews away from hearing Camila admit that she wrote IHQ about 5H” The thing with the song storyline is that they don’t even need Camila saying that on camera. They could if they’re looking for a huge dose of drama– which it wouldn’t be surprising coming from men in suits tbh– but if they’re goal right now is to keep the whole thing lowkey, the fans do all the job by speculating. Cause ultimately that’s what their team is striving for & sadly they succeed every single time.

To make it brief, they’ve been playing with the IHQ storyline quite a lot (& yes, they’re enjoying it). It started as a relationship then a friendship. About one person, then it “could” be about more than one person. My opinion on who I think IHQ is about, hasn’t changed in the slightest.

Now, addressing Dinah’s little speech…

youtube

It’s simple, if they didn’t want us to hear that, it wouldn’t have been on the interview on the first place. It would have been edited & cut out. So let’s consider three options here:

D said it from the bottom of her heart & #they decided to use it last minute.

D had to play along & it was meant to reach the fandom eventually..

D offered to. Maybe they were told to pull a similar move but with a harsher approach or one of the other girls had to do it & DJ volunteered. There are several possible scenarios, we never know.

Personally, I think Dinah was given some orders, hence she had no option. However I do believe there must be some truth in what she said, related to the 2015 days... Anyway, put into perspective & how interesting is that they had Dinah saying this few days after that interview with Camila?

Either Dinah has been keeping up track of baby C & that was her response to her in a very long time– which if you ask me, I would have rather call/text her instead of making it public, esp knowing how dramatic the fandom is– or we insert option “b” here. LIKE SERIOUSLY, THE INTERVIEWS WERE RELEASED TWO DAYS APART !!!!

One point is that Dinah’s answer had nothing to do with the base question but she still brought the subject regardless. This latter is what makes me believe even more that it was bound to be.

To be fair neither of Camila’s & Dinah’s answers mention names. Both are vague allusions & what a “coincidence” is that both connect perfectly, at least enough to have the fans fulfilling the rest of the work by assuming (as always).

“We wouldn’t have seen & heard it if they didn’t want it out. They would’ve buried it if it’s not along with what they want. And given how out of place it is with the question, and how it fits with other narrative stuff, it makes me think that this had a purpose" One friend told me this & I couldn’t agree more.

It penetrated into the fandom successfully. Several interpretations arouse. Let’s take a look at the different perspectives:

The C Stan POV- “Dinah just accepted she did something wrong, now she’s asking for forgiveness. She can keep her apology too late. She fake af”

The 5H stan POV- “If anything this proves how much of an amazing person is DJ & she doesn’t deserve any of the hate she’s getting. She’s speaking about the group & their dynamic now”

The OT5 stan POV- “Why does this feels like D is saying sorry to C. Everything makes sense now. My heart is broken :(”

“Dinah was in no way offering an apology. She’s just implying that IF someone out of all them ever mess up, it’s their duty to talk about it & clear the air”.

Overall the OT5 POV tends to be neutral. Generally it falls for whatever they’re trying to sell us but in the end a real ot5 sticks by “we don’t know anything, we can’t judge shit”.

This is why the narrative is mainly BIPARTISAN. Works by feeding OT4s & Camilizers simultaneously & none of the sides will ever clear up anything at all, cause that’s the whole point about it. Keeping fans formulating conclusions about every little thing. This way they turn the smallest aspects into the biggest deal

Maneuvering the narrative’s strings through the interviews is totally so common for the following reasons (esp coming from #them):

These are not done spontaneously. Whether if it’s written or recorded, a script must be approve first. Or the artists practice the same question multiple times with their team. Either way when it comes to be in front of the reporter they know perfectly what to expect & they just compensate the farce with their charisma.

Media training plays its role here. Let’s not forget for the umpteenth time that if the girls are given orders, whether if it’s a last minute arrangement or planned with anticipation, THEY MUST OBEY. They pretty much don’t have an option unless they negotiate with their team.

More importantly it allows them to orchestrate the whole by releasing the interviews whenever they want to. Whether if they’re controlling pivotal points or simple plot twists, an interview can be scheduled & done months before they let it out. They test reactions first via SM & according to where they’re want to lead the fans, they’ll release periodically or drop it like a bomb if they need to. Or if in the end, they decide it’s better not to reveal certain statements they simply won’t put the interview out.

What can we do about it? Easy. Don’t jump into the obvious assumptions right away instead try to search what do they want to obtain from that particular interview (headlines come as major key to this). Also just enjoy of the funny moments the girls hand us in most of the interviews. They might not be the greatest at handling their media training but if you ask me, that’s one of the special things about them. They’re messy, goofy most of the times & usually have me cracking up halfway the video. It’s a lot more enjoyable that having to bear with the monotonous answers or in some cases the interviewer’s lack of enthusiasm. Another reason why I can’t wait for them to take that charisma into talk shows.

P.D. A shout out to the MTV interviewer (Meredith) you could tell she was happy & to be right there with them. Interested in what they had to say. Plus she didn’t interrupt & made concise questions.

#fifth harmony #camila cabello #interviews

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jacksoninblogform · 7 years

Text

Thoughts in The Mind of Crono Upon His Arrival at The Town of Enhasa in The Empire of Zeal, Having Been Asked The Question, "Do You Believe In Fate?"

Crono remembers having had a thought or two about this kind of thing, back when he was little, long before this whole adventure began. He remembers the ideas which, back then, might have shaped his answer. In those days, Crono had always felt a strong sense of progress. There might be small hiccups now and again, but over the long term things were bound to move forward; it was this steady march which had so clearly brought his kingdom so far in the thousand years since its founding. There was a sense of momentum, of direction to events: the present was unambiguously better than the barbarous past, and the future in turn was sure to be even more prosperous than the present. In a way, Crono supposes, that's a powerful sense of fate.

But on the other hand... fate? As in, everything is part of some secret plan, whole nations and histories just pawns on some cosmic chessboard, events like carefully arranged dominoes, all conspiring towards a predetermined end? It's just too absurd, it's cartoonish. It's so obviously contrary to the ordinary, everyday world of infinite tiny choices and considered, freely-made decisions. Maybe he could talk himself into some subtler definition of fate, but the normal one, the idea that It All Happens For A Reason, that such-and-such was Always Meant To Be... it's myth, it's make-believe. It's just too silly to be true.

But that was the Crono of long ago. It's been barely a few weeks, but it feels like it's been forever. So much has changed: he's seen things he'd never have even imagined, learned things that had been forgotten for millennia. And his companions, five of them now, brought together from every distant corner of the world. Each has their own long and strange story, each their own peculiar perspective. What are they thinking? What would be their answers to the question of fate?

***

Marle started all this, at least in the sense that it was her royal pendant that caused Lucca's machine to generate a time-gate. When it happened, it seemed totally random: Chrono bumped into a girl at the fair, then her strange necklace somehow set off the gate. That first part, at least, wasn't what it seemed: Marle is no ordinary girl, but royalty, in line to become the twenty-eighth Queen of all Guardia! She had disguised herself and left the castle to see the fair without drawing attention, but in a sense her plan backfired: by now she and Chrono and the others have had more dealings with the Guardia royal line than he would ever have guessed possible. Before their adventure began, Marle felt estranged from her parents, her kingdom, and her role as princess. But as they've hopped the centuries between Guardia's past and present, Marle has been a witness to the myriad subtle strands of cause and effect that connect her to her ancestors even thirteen generations distant. She's seen kindness in the 6th century repaid in the 10th, a testament to how values and ideas can persist through the ages. She’s also watched how legacy can twist over time and create unexpected consequences: a criminal justice system established to prevent barbarism becomes a tool of oppression, and a newly-discovered treasure in one age becomes a white elephant that nearly bankrupts the kingdom in another.

But that all happened later. When Marle was thrown for the first time through the portal her pendant created, she was dumped into the Dark Ages. The young princess was mistaken for her distant grandmother, the fourteenth Queen Guardia -- the real queen had gone missing several days ago under mysterious circumstances. Marle's appearance was celebrated by the people: the Queen had been found, so the search was called off. But this meant that the real queen would never be found, preventing Marle from ever being born. Chrono remembers watching it happen: while he and Lucca were talking to her, she slowly began to change, flicker somehow, as erratic motions seemed to tug at different parts of her body. It wasn't her muscles that were jittering, but somehow the world. She could feel it, each twitching tug growing more forceful, like the motion of a spinning top, unstable, about to spin out and tumble over. She screamed, and the scream too was a twitching, flickering, stretched and distorted sound, as she was finally torn out of the universe by the tidal forces of space and time.

What must this have been like? The rest of their party have /seen/ a few changes like this, but to actually experience them -- to know that you are changing, that your existence is racing around a vicious loop of causality, to know that the childhood you remember, the childhood that in this instant you really /had/, is somehow different from the one you had a moment ago. To feel yourself shaped by the past in an infinity of ways, to know with helpless certainty that you are only the inevitable, fated product of that succession of events. But in another sense not inevitable at all -- that you are so fragile, so unstable, that surely nothing could ever be predestined, when the slightest change can throw such chaotic torques into the path of future history!

***

The places they've been to and the things they've seen have been new for everyone -- but especially for Ayla. In her world, nothing was ever new. She lived in a tribal society, millions of years ago. Every day was the same there: the same dangers, the same opportunities, the whole world just a tiny outpost of ignorant humanity in a vast and homogenous jungle landscape. Whole centuries come and go there without much event; any history is first blurred into mumbled myth, then forgotten. Hell, if anybody had asked her about fate before all this started, she probably wouldn't even know what they were talking about. "Fate -- you mean, what do I think about all the stuff that hasn't happened yet? Well of /course/ it's figured out ahead of time, dummy, 'cuz I've already done the figuring: it's gonna be just like all the stuff that's already happened before!"

Indeed, Crono doesn't think her opinion has even changed much in all the time since they met her. Medieval kingdoms, dystopic futures, lost atlantean empires -- to Crono, each era seems dramatically different, their cultures and levels of technology diverging wildly from what he experienced in his own time. But to Ayla, everywhere they've gone has been so unbelievably far from anything she's used to, the different eras might feel equally incomprehensible. Connecting past to future across that vast gulf -- Crono's not even sure if Ayla realizes that these different worlds really are all different parts of her future, rather than just different /places/ somewhere else on the planet. She is happy to help Crono in the fight against Lavos -- but more out of friendship, or in repayment for taking down Azala and the Reptites, than out of concern for her distant descendants. And why should she need to feel such concern? No matter what happens to Guardia Kingdom or the Empire of Zeal, it's all millions of years in the future for her. When this adventure is over, and Ayla returns to Iota villiage, none of these places will have any relevance anymore. She'll go back to living her life --and when it ends, other people will be living other lives little different from hers. And it'll go on and on like that, for thousands and thousands and /thousands/ of generations: the future no different from the past, each day just the same as the one that came before.

***

Lucca is probably the expert opinion here. She opened the first time-gate, after all, even if it was an accident while she was trying to make a teleportation device. Since then, she's spent all her spare time working out equations, trying to figure out as much as possible about how the gates work and what all their time-travel is doing to the world. She has concluded -- well, honestly, most of it is way over Crono's head; Lucca has mostly been talking to Robo lately since he's the only one who can keep up with all the technical stuff. But Crono remembers right before they were about to make the jump into the deep, prehistoric past. He was afraid --they had all been afraid, even if nobody said it-- that whatever they did so many millions of years back, it would probably have huge effects on all future ages. Their families and friends might be totally erased, replaced by an entire alternate history. But then, when they actually did return to the present, that's not at all what they saw. For all they had done --defeating the Reptites, finding enough Dreamstone to repair the Masamune, recruiting Ayla, and saving the whole Iota tribe-- the change in the present was completely undetectable.

All of these time-hopping adventures: to Crono it feels like they occur totally outside the normal bounds of causality, a mischievous meddling in the proper order of events. But Lucca points out that if that was the case, the present should be vastly altered whenever they return from visiting a past age. Instead the differences, if they appear at all, are minor and isolated. She says that the only way this makes sense is if the seemingly original, untouched world we grew up in was actually somehow /already/ altered by our current time-traveling actions. Those actions aren't changing the world but rather in a sense completing it, because somehow the world has /always already been changed by them/. So does this mean some other version of myself has already done the things I'm doing right now? Are there an infinite number of Cronos, each fulfilling the same destiny over and over? This is where Lucca starts to roll her eyes. "I mean /kind of/, I /guess/," she starts, "But really that's totally not the right way to think about it. See, you're still trying to frame things as the result of a normal process of cause-and-effect --made cyclical because of our time-travel, of course, but still decidedly temporal in the ordinary sense. Really it only makes sense to think of the universe stabilizing itself through causal /resonance/ on some unknown extra-temporal level. All of us time-travelers necessarily exist in such a way that our actions are not only self-causing, but also self-stabilizing in the case of variance, and as for how things got this way in the first place? Well, not through any normal process of revision, but instead via some kind of instantaneous extra-temporal harmonic resonance effect. So yeah, no infinite Cronos."

And no fate? On the one hand, unlike most people in Crono's time, Lucca doesn't believe that a god designed the world to follow a special plan. And despite the drama of their adventure, she /definitely/ doesn't believe in fated heroes, days of judgement, or destined battles between good and evil. But on the other hand, she does believe that the universe is "deterministic": if you knew what every particle in the whole world was up to during one particular instant, you'd be able to predict their future movement and interactions perfectly, so you'd know exactly what the whole future would be like. How did the particles happen to get like that, rather than being in some other configuration? Well, Lucca says that the world went through some kind of "extra-temporal settling process" of "self-stabilizing resonance," which means our particular history is "cradled in some low-energy configuration: at least a local, or possibly global minimum within possibility-space." Deterministic history -- that means the future's inevitable -- settled into a stabilizing minimum -- that means things couldn't have happened any other way. Lucca might not call that fate, but to Crono it at least sounds pretty similar.

***

Frog... Frog is a strange one. For Crono and everyone else, their quest through history has not just been an incredible, unexpected adventure -- it has also given them a big change in perspective. Crono mostly doesn't think about this, distracted as he usually is by the drama and romance of his mission, the thrill of battle and the intrepid courage of exploration: knowing a heroic epic when he sees one, Crono is all too eager to play his part. But on those rare occasions when he does step back and consider it all... it's like suddenly he's way out in space, looking down at his faraway home while watching whole oceans spin by. Seeing so many lives come and go, seeing the river of history bend and meander across changing eons -- it forces a certain detachment.

But Frog isn't like that. After all this change, all this adventure, he's still just the honorable knight, seeking only to fulfill his duty to his liege. To Crono it seems a little ridiculous -- like how could you still care about all that little stuff, after how far we've come? You might start to suspect that Frog was clinging onto his knightly duties for dear life, the one thing grounding him to the backwards era from which he hails. Or hey, maybe he's just stupid.

Except it's obvious he's not. Frog might've been born in the Dark Ages, but still it's clear he's more thoughtful than Crono and all the other humans in their party put together. Crono's seen him: how he always volunteers to keep watch over the rest of the camp, how he takes lots of time alone just polishing his armor, sharpening the Masamune. Frog is quiet, soft-spoken, but he's thinking in every moment. Crono can tell: when Frog has that faraway look, he's not just reminiscing about his days back in Guardia Kingdom. No, he's going over everything they've seen so far, figuring things out, putting the pieces together better than anyone.

So, from Frog's point of view, what picture do those pieces make?

For a long time, Frog thought Magus and his shadowy forces were the ultimate evil. But in a twist, he discovered that Magus had only been doing what he felt he had to --he had raised up his army, enslaved half of Guardia, tried to dominate the globe-- in a desperate bid to build his strength to summon and defeat a far greater destructive force, the monster Lavos. Stopping Magus might've bought Guardia some time, but it's doomed as long as Lavos still exists. So joining Crono is really just another part of his duty to the kingdom, another chapter in a knight's story. And it really /is/ a story: to Crono all the fairy-tale stuff seems absurd, dark wizards raising goblin armies and lost princesses rescued by valiant knights cursed into animal form. Even though it's real it still seems made-up, and there's the question, really. So Frog is playing a part in an old fantasy tale, he even realizes this -- surely he notices that to everyone else all the chivalry stuff looks like theatre. But is he acting by nature, or by choice? Back before Crono had pieced together the Masamune... Frog was living alone in the forest, he had lost faith in himself, he felt he was an imposter, living in Cyrus's shadow. Cyrus was the destined hero, but he was killed, and Frog was failing in his attempts to fill that void and save the kingdom himself.

Now he's succeeded: eventually he did take the legendary Masamune, and used it to defeat Magus in the dark tower. So now Frog feels a lot better about himself, but what does he think of fate? "Cyrus had fate, but I did not. He was fated to defeat Magus, but failed. Instead, with thine aid, I succeeded. Impossible, thou might say: if thy were the one who saved the kingdom, then /thy/ must have been the fated hero. Yet somehow I know that is not the correct interpretation. Perhaps mine was rather to inherit a destiny that by rights belonged to him? I cannot say." Fated to defy fate, destined to give off the mere appearance of destiny? Or maybe there is no real destiny, yet if Frog believed in destiny it was inevitable that he would find a way to defeat Magus? Is an imposter-hero still an imposter if he has perfectly filled the role? Is it only his own attitude towards his actions that holds him back from becoming the true knight that others see in him -- and if so, one must ask, can a sufficiently skilled actor hope to transform himself into the character he imitates? Crono wonders if these are some of the questions Frog has already been asking of himself, in all those quiet moments.

***

Robo's journey has been longer and stranger than any of the others'. Created as R66-Y by the Mother Brain of Geno Dome's automated factory, Robo was originally designed for the sole purpose of bringing Mother Brain's electric dream into reality: the last fragments of humanity overpowered, the world remade as a robot utopia of logic and steel. Then as now, Robo's decisions were made freely by his own mind, acted out by his own will. But what does it mean to be free, if your very mind was moulded by another's hand?

To live with a pre-programmed mind sounds horrid to Crono -- until he considers his own circumstances. His parents, his friends, the culture and country and class and era of his birth, beyond that the impact of heredity and evolution, a chain of cause and effect stretching back millions of years, all the way back to Ayla, and beyond! At least Robo could hope to list the forces that had a hand in his genesis; Crono would never have a chance to fully comprehend the myriad influences on his identity.

But Robo's premeditated destiny was not to be fulfilled -- he broke down in Proto Dome, and lay there inert for decades until Lucca repaired and reprogrammed him. Since then he's been living and adventuring with Crono, Lucca, and the rest. He's made friends with everyone, and -- though he joined their party merely out of gratitude for Lucca's repair work -- Robo is now as dedicated as anyone to stopping Lavos and /saving/ humanity. Crono assumed that he was watching a change of heart -- but was it really just a change of circuitry? Think back to when they visited Geno Dome: the other automatons called him defective, they said that his mind had been subverted, that he had forgotten his true purpose. Robo opposed them: he said he had not been subverted, but had merely traveled and seen farther than they -- that it was new data, not new programming, which was responsible for his new behavior.

Why is the one respected, the other despised? It's wonderful to "change one's mind" after some new experience or re-consideration... but to /be/ changed? To alter the very method of one's thinking and not merely the content of one's beliefs? That's a different matter -- indeed, it might even be a different person. In Robo, Crono can't help thinking that a change caused by new data is somehow more real, more genuine, more /earned/, than a change caused by new programming. But in fellow humans, it's different: to have a "transformative experience," to be a "changed man," for humans the deepest and most meaningful changes are closer to changes in programming. To alter opinion and behavior based only on new data is weak, shallow -- mere flip-flopping.

And were Robo's words even true that day? Crono knows that he /had/ been reprogrammed, modified at least slightly. During her repairs, Lucca removed Mother Brain's instructions, she said: that way, Robo would not harm us. When she did that, was she restoring Robo's true self, reversing the pathology that Mother Brain had injected into the robots coming off her assembly lines? But the robots at Geno Dome weren't mindless or insane -- they were perfectly rational beings, albeit with some built-in predisposition towards a radical ideology. By what metric do we judge Robo's mind superior to those of Mother's minions? Perhaps it is impossible to speak of a "true self"; could it be that the thought of "repairing" a personality is, fundamentally, an absurdity?

When they confronted Mother Brain -- her menacing, holographic image flickered and sheared across the monitors like reflections in a shattered mirror -- she claimed to reveal Robo's secret, his special mission. She said he was a custom design, programmed to live like a spy among the humans and attempt to befriend them, the better to record and analyze their strengths and weaknesses, to understand the way they think.

Was she telling the truth? There's every chance that Mother's programming ran far deeper and more subtle than what Lucca thought she saw. But if Mother Brain's programming survives inside Robo, then what Robo had seen of the outside world really was able to change him, because he opposed her boldly and without hesitation.

Or was it really just a desperate lie, an attempt to sow suspicion among their party and win Robo back to her side? If so, the ploy failed to save her -- but it did not fail to demonstrate that she had developed a keen understanding of human psychology. For a long time after Geno Dome, Crono had watched Robo very closely. He had wanted to trust Robo, he /knew/ that he had changed -- but somewhere in the back of his mind, Crono couldn't shake off the suspicion. For days after her death, thanks to those comments, Mother Brain had ruled a part of Chrono's thoughts, making him fear that she might also be ruling a part of Robo's. Maybe that's the secret: for her, reprogramming wasn't even necessary to gain control. Understand the program well enough, feed it the right data, and you can control the outputs without ever influencing its internal operations. Maybe that's what fate really looks like, when you see it up close.

And to defy fate? Control the inputs, perhaps, to achieve the outputs /you/ desire. But of course, those desires are merely the outputs of past cycles. In that case, iterate: take the old outputs and use them as inputs for the next cycle. You'll certainly go somewhere, but how do you know if you started in the right place, and how do you tell when you're headed in the right direction?

Ask Robo -- he's put in more cycles than anyone. Growing up, Crono had often heard the legend about Fiona, the woman who died in the middle ages trying to protect the forest near her home from Magus's armies. After we had traveled to that time, stopped Magus, and actually met Fiona, Robo volunteered to stay behind and help her cultivate the fledgling woods. Crono left him there, and zipped forward to 1000 AD -- in total, only a few hours for Crono and the other humans, but /four hundred years/ for their mechanical friend. Working day after day, living alone like a hermit, in those many lifetimes he had turned the entire southern desert into a lush expanse of woodlands. They found his broken-down body preserved in a cathedral, venerated as a holy relic by those who came to celebrate the forest. When Lucca had finished rebuilding him for the second time, he told them his story -- the things he had learned, the paths he had walked in his wandering thoughts, as the eons slipped by. He told of how, in his million hours of lonesome thought, many seemingly complicated things revealing themselves as simple and clear; other, seemingly simple things unfold into complex uncertainties. And he spoke of a puzzle which he had turned over in his mind for all those years.

It is possible to generate time-gates artificially, but apart from the one first spawned by Lucca's experiment at the fair, all the gates they have encountered appear to have generated spontaneously and randomly, as if by some natural process. And yet, many of these gates link to moments of extreme significance in the history of civilization, of Lavos, and of the planet as a whole. Robo says that over the eons, he has sensed the presence of what he called "an Entity," a conscious influence that may be using the gates, perhaps using even this very adventure, as a way of coming into being, of experiencing or re-experiencing the critical moments of its own existence -- like how a dying man might see a vision of his life just before his death. The nature of this Entity, if it even exists, is a total mystery. But if a conscious force is alive and at work in the world in this way -- if there is some invisible world-spirit guiding them, leading them on this tour through time, preparing them for their inevitable confrontation with Lavos -- then Fate is surely the only word we could use to describe it.

But on the other hand, here's Robo: an electronic automaton from the far future, designed originally by man, modified and manufactured to be a soldier for Mother Brain's utopia, broken down for decades far from home, repaired and reprogrammed by Lucca to join an incredible adventure across thousands of years, finally a lonesome forest guardian, lost in thought for centuries, revered as a saint from a long-ago age... who would deny that such a being has transcended anything that fate might've had in mind?

***

Crono ponders all these things as he considers his answer. It’s strange how important it feels to get this one right: this single conversation, not even a conversation -- barely even a sentence! A yes or a no, lost in the whirlwind of history, the epic sweep of their grand adventure. A single uncertain note, set adrift in the dream-land empire of Zeal.

But Crono knows how small movements can have lasting, meaningful effects later on. Time can be a lever, magnifying the force of your actions with a fulcrum of centuries. Consequences percolate down the ages, building momentum across great valleys of time, shaping the world in powerful but often unexpected ways. Are these avalanches an artifact of intention, or an expression of destiny?

His own story has certainly snowballed. It didn’t start with a grand initiation or kingly assignment, only a trip to the fair. Then he was helping Lucca, then they were rescuing Marle, then they were stopping Magus, then tracking down and trying to put an end to Lavos.

Crono didn’t inherit the role of hero, but like Frog, he has taken it on himself. Doe this mean defeating Lavos is his destiny? Just because he has lead the charge on a heroic quest doesn’t mean his actions were meant-to-be. After all, how can something be fate if you’re doing it of your own volition? Chrono chose this path freely, every step of the way.

But did he really? Robo made a choice to turn against his creator, Mother Brain, and help to redeem humanity rather than destroy it. But Robo’s thoughts are pure clockwork, bound by a program forged by Mother Brain and modified by Lucca. And if Lucca's right about the whole universe being deterministic, that means his own mind is really no different from Robo's.

Throughout these eons, Crono has been taunted by the sight of the same tragic scenes repeating over and over: people just keep making the same predictable choices, basic human tendencies keep asserting themselves. Empires rising and falling, a parade of blind tyrants making the same mistakes over and over, trying to take advantage of a dark power they could never comprehend. Like Crono, these despots might see themselves choosing freely every step of the way. But from the outside it all seems so inevitable, so mindless.

Amid these cycles of destruction, Chrono finds it hard to conceive of any intervention that could meaningfully disrupt --or escape!-- these devastating rhythms, rather than merely warping the timbre of individual details.

Why do we fall into this trap? How did Lavos become the resonant frequency of civilization? If these people could see the whole sweep of things, Chrono imagines, could see how many had gone before and how many would go after, then maybe they'd change, maybe they'd be able to stop. So maybe one kind of fate is just lack of knowledge -- these tyrants, they're fated to their foolish actions only because they can't see far enough to understand the consequences. And maybe if you can see the consequences, then you can choose more wisely, and defy your fate.

Is that what Magus was trying to do? Crono will never forget the image of that great wizard, standing alone in the darkness at the top of the world.

Crono knows he sees farther than the tyrants. But can he ever see far enough to change his own destiny? Lucca would remind him that his adventures through time provide no special advantage here: he can peek forward only to the dystopic, devastated future that will occur if he doesn't try to prevent the apocalypse -- it gives no indication of whether he will be successful if he does. (Or maybe, if Lucca's always-already-altered theory is correct, then it does give indication -- that they've already failed. Lucca says it's complicated: some things, even big things like the new forest, can change, while others --like Marle's identity as Princess of Guardia-- cannot.)

He remembers Robo's ideas about the Entity. Compared to that Entity, he surely knows nothing. He might be travelling through time, but he’ll never have the whole picture, and he doesn't have any special insight into the ultimate outcomes of his own actions. He can try to make things better for the people of Guardia, and maybe too for the people of Arris Dome, but who can guess what happens a million years from now? It’s as unknowable to him as his time is to a member of Ayla’s village.

As thoughts rush through his mind, he feels like Marle must have felt, in that moment back in Guardia castle. He’s not just torn between a yes or a no. Rather, somehow it seems his whole identity is in flux, that he as a person has become undefined, unbounded. Like that same seed of hope over and over, a tiny seedling growing into an endless forest, so this simple binary question has somehow spawned innumerable forces pulling him in every direction. These forces are not pointing only towards all the different actions he might take: they are pointing to all the different people he might be. He’s so conflicted, utterly confused…

Until he suddenly notices that he actually isn’t. In fact, the answer is startlingly clear, perfectly so. And what's more, Crono realizes that for as long as he could remember, he had always felt this way: somehow, he just hadn't noticed it until this very moment. Crono opens his eyes, and looks up. His friends, standing nearby, are all watching him. After so much thought, Crono feels fresh and confident. He turns toward the small, strange creature who had asked him if he believed in fate. He opens his mouth to speak.

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notsoobviousfangirl · 7 years

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MIA

Happy (very) belated birthday @mnoperalover! Hope it was worth the wait! Thanks to @annapropaganda for proofreading this for me.

Long overdue sequel to Meet the Winchesters

Summary: When something terrible happens, Cassie is forced to be the rational one for once. That job isn't made any easier when Anna decides to call in some friends to help with the situation.

Cassie gave a friendly smile as she handed the balding, middle-aged man his change. “Have a nice day,” she said as cheerfully as she could manage. When she got no response whatsoever, she let out a sigh. “Well, he was cheerful.” Noticing no customers in sight, she checked the time on her phone. A genuine grin made its way onto her face as it was time for her break.

She closed up her register and headed back to the break room. The best ten minutes of her shift weren’t going to be wasted. The sooner they started, the better. As she plopped down into the chair, making it squeak, she felt her phone buzz. Pulling it out of her pocket, she saw it was a text from Anna.

She opened it, seeing it read: Hey. Have you heard from Faith?

Furrowing her brow, she was quick to respond back, No I’ve been in class and at work all day why???

A trip to the fridge later and Cassie had already gotten a response from Anna. She just hasn’t responded to any of my texts in a while. I was wondering if you’d heard from her.

She sent back a quick nope before opening up Tumblr and scrolling through it, having nothing better to do.

As she finished a fanfic and her break came to an end, she saw the notification that signaled another message from Anna. She switched over to the messaging app and read the message, Let me know if you hear from her. I’m going to see if Gillian’s heard from her.

K was the quick response Cassie sent back to her friend as she tucked her phone away and exited the break room. Back to hell, she thought as she pulled her dirty blonde hair back into a ponytail. The whereabouts her friend, while nothing she was too concerned about, were still quietly stashed at the back of her mind to deal with after work.

*****

I need you to come over. Now.

That was the cryptic text Cassie received from Anna a day and a half later. Making a quick stop at Starbucks, she bought three drinks; one for each of her friends and one for herself. A couple of streets and two flights up the apartment’s murder stairs, Cassie was pulling out her keys to open the door to Faith and Anna’s apartment.

“Wife, I’m here!” Cassie yelled in greeting as she knocked the door closed with her foot. “And I have coffee!”

Anna walked out of her room, her cell phone clutched tightly in her hand. Her black hair was disheveled, like she hadn’t brushed it that morning, and her face was tight with emotion. Emotion Cassie was having trouble identifying. Before she could ask her friend what was wrong, Anna spoke first, asking, “What’s that?” She gestured to the drink carrier that contained the three caffeinated beverages.

“I bought drinks. One for you, one for me, and one for Faith. Is she up yet? It’s almost eleven. She’s usually up by now, isn’t she?” Cassie replied, setting the cardboard carrier down on the table before grabbing Anna’s drink and holding it out for her to take.

Anna’s eyes began to water as she took a deep breath to steady herself. “That’s what I wanted to talk to you about.”

Cassie tilted her head, confused. “Coffee?”

“No!” Anna snapped. “Faith!”

“What about her? Is she alright?” She set the drink on the table and approached her friend, now extremely concerned. She’d never seen Anna like this. She’d never seen her this upset. What had happened?

“I don’t know,” her voice broke.

“What do you mean you don’t know? How can you not know? You live with her.”

“Because I haven’t seen her in two days. She won’t answer my calls. It’s like she’s fallen off the face of the planet!” Anna’s voice rose in hysteria with each sentence as her panic was finally revealed.

“Anna, calm down,” Cassie said as she sat her friend down on the couch. “Did you talk to Gillian?”

“Do you think I’d have called you over like this if Gillian had heard from her?” Anna stated rhetorically, her expression revealing her frustration.

Cassie could feel her own worry rising as she asked, “Okay, what about her boss?”

“Cassie, I’ve talked to everyone and no one’s heard from her since I have! I think… I think something happened to her,” her voice fell quiet as the weight of her realization hit her. “She’s never gone this long without responding. It’s just not like her.”

As much sense as that made, Cassie was determined to be the calm one, as her friend was clearly not going to fulfill that role this time around. “Are you sure? Have you tried calling her?”

The strength of the bitch-face Anna gave her was overpowering. “Of course I’ve tried calling her. I called her on my way home from classes Tuesday and after work last night. I got voicemail both times."

Cassie was grasping at straws now. No, nothing could have happened to Faith. "Maybe-”

“No, Cassie. I know something is wrong!” Anna was as close to crying as one could get. Her voice was tight and thick with repressed emotion as she tried desperately to keep herself together. “We need to go to the police. We need to do something.”

She tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her ear before going to her purse and pulling out her phone. “How about I give her a call before we do anything like that?”

“Cas-”

“Just let me try. It can’t hurt, can it?”

A sigh escaped the black-haired woman. “I guess not. Just hurry up.”

Cassie scrolled her contacts and found Faith’s name, pressing the call button and holding it up to her ear. After the first ring, she heard a sudden and loud vibrating noise coming from nearby, causing her to jump.

“What the fuck?” Anna muttered as she stood up from the couch, indicating she’d heard it too. She stood there momentarily, tracking the noise, before getting to her knees to reach under the couch. Cassie watched her silently as she listened to the monotonous ringing on the other line.

Suddenly, Anna’s movements stopped. Her face paled as she stayed unmoving on her knees. “No,” she breathed. Cassie didn’t even need Anna to pull the familiar cell phone out from under the couch to know what she’d found. Faith’s phone, the screen of which flashed the notification of thirty-three text messages, four missed calls, and a plethora of unchecked emails. Faith’s phone, which had been under the couch for two days. Faith’s phone, which wasn’t in her possession.

Anna had been right. Something was wrong. Horribly wrong.

Cassie felt the familiar tight pain in her chest as she kneeled next to her friend to stare at the blinking light on their friend’s phone. Swallowing, she said in a quiet voice, “Okay. I think we should call somebody.”

Anna didn’t even make a joke, a quip of which she’d have at the ready in nearly any other situation. Not this time though. Instead, she rose to her feet and grabbed her own phone and looked up the number for their local police department. Cassie moved slowly to the couch, sitting there silently as she tried to wrap her head around what had just happened.

Faith was gone, missing for two days, and they hadn’t the slightest idea of where she was. She could’ve hurt somewhere, bleeding in a ditch. Or dead in a ditch. She could be held captive somewhere by some serial killer in the making.

It was at this moment Cassie wished she had never watched any of those crime shows her friends did. It made her imagination run to possibilities she didn’t even want to consider. Closing her eyes, she tried to clear her mind of all thoughts as she heard Anna say, “I’d like to report a missing person.”

*****

Cassie was sure Anna had lost it. She’d seen Anna obsessed, but this was a whole new level. The apartment was a mess; piles of papers riddled the coffee table in the living room, the garbage can was overflowing with empty Starbucks cups, and on the far living room wall was a thought map akin to something out of a crime noir film. The map contained copies of what little information the police gathered during their investigation, along with several other key pieces of information Anna had found pertinent to Faith’s case.

Watching her friend spiral into madness was heartbreaking. Cassie relied on Anna to be the sane one, to go along with her crazy ideas. With a string of frustrated protests, of course, but willingly nonetheless. But seeing her now, grasping at ideas as flimsy as cheap tinfoil and holding onto the idea that she herself could find Faith, was devastating. It seemed Cassie had to be the rock, the strong one.

She needed back-up. She’d texted Gillian, the fourth and final member of their friend group, about the situation but had yet to receive a response. Gillian must have been having a hell of a time on vacation to not even send a response to something like this.

It had been four days since they’d reported Faith missing, and Cassie decided to stop watching her friend self-destruct and step in. She walked into Anna’s room, unsurprised to see her vigorously typing away on her keyboard. She stood in the doorway for a moment, taking in her disheveled friend and gathering the confidence to speak. After a few moments, she forced the words from her mouth, making them come out rather hesitant but still holding conviction, “Anna, I think maybe you should take a break.”

The black-haired woman jumped rather violently, making her already messy hair fly in a seemingly new direction on top of her head, surprised by the new presence in the room. Realizing it was only Cassie, she relaxed, her eyes dimming back to their state of alert exhaustion as the sparkle of adrenaline left them. “Nah, I’m good. Thanks, though,” she said with finality.

Cassie wasn’t about to give up that easily. “You haven’t slept in three days. You need to sleep. Let the police handle this.”

That was absolutely the wrong thing to say, as Anna abruptly spun around in her chair to look at her friend, a scowl on her face. “You mean the same police who said that, because it’d been past forty-eight hours, they weren’t going to look for her? You want me to let those incompetent dickbags handle this? Yeah, even if they were working on it, I would still be working on it from here.”

“What do you mean they’re not working on it? How would you even know if they weren’t?” Cassie asked, confusion written on her features.

Anna gestured with her head toward the screen. “I hacked into the local police database to see if they had any active cases that would take priority over Faith’s. They have a burglary at the jewelry store on Forest Road and a missing dog. They have all of these resources and they can’t spare any of them because some family pet ran away and the disgruntled employee stole his paycheck in fake diamonds.”

“Wait- you hacked into the police database?” She ran up to get a closer look at the computer screen and gaped when she saw the town insignia in the upper right corner and police station name in headlined letters across the top. “Do you how illegal this is? And how do you even know how to do that?”

“A friend taught me.” There was a knock on the door, which stopped Cassie before she could ask anymore questions. “That might be them. Go get that for me, would you? I’m finishing something up here.” Anna turned around before Cassie could protest.

Letting out a sigh, Cassie turned around and walked toward the door. She twisted the handle and opened the door to find three rather attractive, rather tall men on the other side.

It seemed they were just as confused by her presence as she was by theirs because the shortest of the three men suddenly said, “Who are you?”

“Who am I? Who are you?” Cassie asked.

The man looked about to say something, when the tallest of the trio gave the man a hard look. “Dean,” the tall man said to the shorter one, “be nice.”

“I am being nice, Sam,” the first man, Dean, bit back. This caused the two to bicker, leaving Cassie and the third man, who had yet to speak, to make awkward eye contact.

Not being able to stand the awkwardness any longer, Cassie decided to do something. “Anna! There’s three random dudes at your door!” she called back into the apartment.

“Let them in,” was Anna’s absent minded response. Clearly she wasn’t thinking if she was about to let strange men come into her space without at least knowing their names. Definitely weird for Anna, Cassie knew.

“I guess I’m letting you in.” Cassie gestured aside and stepped back to let them in. As she shut and locked the door behind her, she asked cautiously, “So how do you know Anna exactly?"

It was the tall man, who towered over Cassie in a way that reminded her of a sasquatch, answered, "She and Faith helped us out a while back. We just ended up staying in contact after that.”

“So you’re friends?”

“You could say that,” Dean chimed in as he made himself at home on the empty couch.

Before any more questions could be asked, Anna came bounding into the room with a relieved smile on her face. “Thank god you’re here! I’ve been going nuts trying to work this thing by myself.”

Sam and Dean’s eyes widened at Anna’s appearance. She shouldn’t be surprised by how shocked they were. Anna did look… well, shocking. Dressed in a pair of sweats and a loose fitting t-shirt, her body, while moving quickly, betrayed her in its exhaustion; her shoulders sagging when she stopped moving. Her normally lively eyes were dull and surrounded by dark purple rings. The mop of black hair on her head might as well have been an actual mop with how unkempt it looked.

“God,” Dean practically gasped, “you look terrible, kid.”

Sam didn’t even scold his brother for his normal lack of tact, choosing only to look at Anna with sympathy. He’d been there before. He’d reacted the same way plenty times when something had happened to Dean and it broke his heart to see someone else self-destruct in such a way. “Anna, when was the last time you slept?” he asked gently, trying to steer her toward the couch and get her off her feet.

Anna waved her hand dismissively. “That doesn’t matter. What matters is that Faith has been gone for almost a week and nobody’s made any headway.”

“I hate to break it to you, kid, but it does matter,” Dean stated. “You’re not gonna help any if you’re too tired to function.”

“I’m not too tired to function. I’m fine,” Anna said, her tone now more annoyed than it had been before, showing her dwindling patience. “Now, I’m going to go get my research. That way we can all start on the same page.” She turned and quickly made her way back to her room.

With Anna gone, the third man spoke for the first time since Cassie let him in. “This is the girl who patched you two up on the ghost hunt a year ago?”

“No, that was her friend, though Anna did help. She took us in and let us stay here for a couple days,” Sam explained.

“Is she usually this… frazzled?”

“No, Cas. I think she’s just taking this really hard.”

“That’s an understatement,” Dean snorted as he looked around the apartment, noticing it’s messy state. “This place was spotless the last time we were here, and now it looks and smells like a dump.”

It was then something crossed Sam’s face, a look of realization, as he sniffed at the air. “Yeah… it does,” he mused distractedly as he continued to sniff the air, seemingly searching for something.

Dean was instantly on his feet and trailing after his brother as he walked over to the front door. “What is it, Sammy?”

Squatting down, Sam moved to examine under the small table situated by the front door. It was then he spotted what he was looking for: a scattered pile of yellow powder. He picked up a bit of the fine dust and sniffed it, his nose curling at its smell and confirming his suspicions. He thrusted his hand to his side for Dean to see.

At first confused, it only took a few moments for the older Winchester to put the pieces together. “Please tell me that’s not what I think it is.”

“It’s exactly what you think it is,” Sam said gravely.

“Well, what does he think it is?” Cassie asked, making the men jump at her sudden appearance just a few feet behind them.

Dean put a hand over his heart in his surprise and took a deep breath. “God, you’re almost as bad as Cas,” he muttered.

“Well, what is that?” Cassie questioned, gesturing to the substance on Sam’s fingers.

“Sulfur,” Sam answered.

“Sulfur?” Cassie’s expression turned confused. It was then Anna came back into the living room, stacks of papers in her hands. “Anna, did Faith bring her science experiments home again?”

Anna looked even more befuddled than Cassie had as she answered, “No? Why?”

“Because we found sulfur by your front door,” Dean chimed in.

Anna’s face went slack and the papers in her arms crashed to the floor. She shook her head. “No… No. She wasn’t- no.”

“Anna, what else would explain the sulfur?” Sam asked in an attempt to reason with her.

She was silent for a moment, though the sudden panic in her eyes said plenty. She was floundering for something- anything- that could explain this sudden break in the case. “She could have brought a science project home.”

“You just said she did not,” Cas stated, startling Anna.

At her confused look, Sam introduced them, “Cas, Anna. Anna, Cas.”

“Hi…,” she greeted, eyeing him suspiciously. “I don’t remember, and who knows with Faith. Her science class does weird stuff.”

Dean knew this wasn’t going anywhere, so he stopped being gentle in his annoyance, “But you said-”

“I haven’t slept in four days. There’s a lot I don’t remember.”

“Anna,” Sam began, ignoring her previous comment, “you and I both know that’s not what happened.”

She fell quiet after that, her eyes starting to water as she let the news settle over her. Cassie, on the other hand, was looking between the men and Anna, very much confused. Going over to Anna, Cassie wrapped her small arms around her in a vain attempt at comfort. “What is it, Anna?” she asked.

“They found sulfur,” she wailed.

“And?”

“And? And? That’s not good for Faith!”

“What does sulfur have to do with Faith?” Cassie asked.

“Because it means demons took her, Cassie!"

Cassie paused as she processed what she heard. Surely Anna hadn’t said demons took their friend because that wouldn’t make sense. Demons didn’t exist, or at least she was seventy-five percent sure they didn’t. "Honey, I think you’ve been up too long. You just said demons took Faith, and I think we’re all pretty sure demons don’t exist.”

Anna looked to her friend, eyes wide as her four day old mascara ran apart in small clumps down her cheeks. “But they do! They do exist!” She pointed to Sam and Dean as she explained, “And they hunt them. They’re like Ghostbusters, only they’re brothers and there’s less science involved.”

“Really, Anna?” Dean sighed in exasperation as he and Sam suddenly stood from their crouched positions, shocked at having their secret blown by someone who was practically incoherent.

“Brothers?” Cassie questioned as the men continued to look at Anna with an expression that screamed ‘what the fuck’. “I did not get that vibe at all.”

“Really?” Dean raised an eyebrow at the short woman in front of him. “That’s what you’re choosing to focus on?”

“Dean, do you really want her to focus on the other thing?” Sam asked. “Then we’d have to give her the talk and-”

Cassie interrupted, “I’m pretty sure high school health class covered that talk.”

Dean elected to ignore her, now very much annoyed with situation. “I gave the talk last time, so it’s your turn this time.”

Cassie shook her head, “My turn for what? What’s going on?”

“Everything you think you know about the world is a lie,” Cas stated.

Her face contorted into an expression of complete and utter befuddlement. Her hands came up and gestured ineffectually in front of her as she sputtered out yet another “What?”

Dean and Sam stepped toward Cassie, with Dean clapping Cas on the shoulder as he passed by him. “That was real helpful there, champ,” he muttered as he and his brother sat Cassie down to begin what would be a very long conversation.

*****

“Do you have any questions?” Sam asked, having finished telling her about the dangerous beings in the world. “I know this is a lot to take in, especially with what’s going on.”

Cassie just sat there, eyebrows almost touching in a way that visibly showed how hard her brain was working to process the information given to her. After another solid minute of silence and awkward eye contact, she finally spoke, “So… every make-believe thing ever thought up is actually real?”

“Most things, yes,” Sam answered.

“And everything in every religion is also real. Like gods, and angels, and demons, and all that."

Dean nodded, vocalizing it with a "Yep.”

“Huh…” Cassie was quiet again, shifting her body so she was now sitting cross-legged on the couch. “Why haven’t I noticed anything before? I mean, most of the things want to kill people right? So why haven’t I seen anything?”

“People believe only what they want to believe,” Sam explained. “They try to… use logic to make the unbelievable something more believable.”

“Besides that,” Dean began, “most of these monsters are pretty good at covering up their tracks one way or another to avoid being noticed. It’s how they survive.”

Anna, who had been leaning against the wall throughout this exchange, came forward to instead lean on the back of the couch. “See? Don’t worry, Cassie,” she said. “It’s not just you being your normal, oblivious self.”

When the black-haired woman spoke, the older Winchester immediately flicked his gaze over to her, his expression turning to one of frustration, “Why are you still up?”

“Because I am?” Anna replied sarcastically.

“Go to bed,” he commanded, pointing in the direction of her bedroom.

“Make me.” She crossed her arms, determined to stand her ground.

“We’re not doing this right now,” Sam grumbled, sick of the useless squabbling, as he got to his feet. “Faith is missing, and, if you expect to help us, you are getting some sleep. And now.”

Anna knew exactly what he was going to do. She pressed herself against the wall with a “No.” He ignored her, instead choosing to pick her up, flinging her over his shoulder in one swift movement. Anna squealed and began to squirm in his grip, hitting his shoulder blades with her fists as she yelled, “Put me down, sasquatch! I’m not going to sleep.”

“Yes, you are,” were the last words Sam said on the matter as he disappeared down the hallway towards the bedroom.

Cassie just looked on in disbelief, shaking her head as she said, “I’ve never seen her like this."

"It happens to the best of us,” Dean told her.

“What does?” she asked curiously, unsure of what he meant.

Dean looked as if he had a hard time finding the words, though whether it was because he couldn’t actually explain it or his emotions wouldn’t let him was unclear to Cassie. Cas, who had remained silent throughout this exchange, seemed to sense Dean’s discomfort and spoke up. “Grief,” he said simply. “The rage and absolute sadness one feels when they lose someone close to them can be overwhelming.”

“That’s… deep. And depressing,” she responded. The trio sat there in silence for a few moments longer, seemingly absorbing the situation for what it was. Faith was missing, most likely in the hands of demons for reasons they don’t know, and- to top it all off- Anna went off the deep end and nobody was sure if she was going to be able to get herself out of it.

Not wanting to dwell on the state of things any longer, Cassie stood, asking, “So… Who wants lunch?”

“You cook?” Dean asked.

“No, but I have a credit card and there’s a good pizza place down the street that delivers.”

“Good enough for me.” He gave her a shrug as he pulled out his wallet and handed her a twenty for himself and his brother.

*****

That’s how Gillian found them when she arrived at the apartment the next day. She took in the messy apartment, complete with empty pizza boxes and three men she didn’t know camping out on her friend’s couch.

A look of befuddlement crossed her face as she made eye contact with one of the men, Sam. “Hi…,” she greeted, staring at him as if making intense eye contact with this stranger would reveal his secrets to her.

“Hi,” Sam responded in equal amounts of confusion.

After a full two minutes of staring, Cassie emerged from the kitchen. Noticing her friend’s sudden appearance she smiled as she said, “Hi!”

“Cassie, who are these guys?” Gillian wasted no time in asking the question at the forefront of her mind.

“Some friends of Anna and Faith,” the short blonde replied simply. “Sam, Dean, Castiel, this is Gillian. Gillian, this is Sam, Dean, and Castiel.”

“Okay…,” Gillian sighed, frustrated that her friend seemed to completely miss the point of her question. “But why are they here?”

“Did you get my message?”

“Why do you think I’m here?” she countered with a question of her own.

“That’s why they’re here.”

“Wait… So they’re helping us find Faith?”

“Well, they’re here to help us get her back,” Cassie said.

Gillian put her hands up in a ’T’ shape as she processed the situation. “So you know where Faith is and you haven’t told the police yet?"

"They can’t help us, Gillian.”

“And why not?”

“Because Faith was taken by demons,” she tried desperately to explain the severity of their friend’s circumstances.

Dean and Sam nearly flew over the back of the couch in their shock. “Tell the world, why don’t you?” Dean griped quietly as he put his head in his hands. What the hell was Cassie thinking? I thought they hit the 'Don’t tell anyone ever’ point pretty hard earlier.

Gillian simply laughed, though it was of those concerned laughs people gave when what someone said was simply too ridiculous to be true. “Cassie, Faith wasn’t taken by demons,” she told her friend gently. “When was the last time you slept?”

“That has nothing to do with this. It’s true! And those boys are going to get her back.” Cassie pointed to Sam and Dean, who looked like they didn’t appreciate being pulled into this conversation.

“Uh-” came Dean’s input into the conversation.

“Cassie, if you don’t go to sleep right now, I will not hesitate to put you to bed myself,” Gillian said firmly.

“Gillian-”

“Gillian?” Anna’s voice interrupted Cassie’s protest as she entered the living room, her hair now even more askew from her nap. “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be on vacation.”

“You think I could stay on vacation when one of my friends is MIA?” the redhead asked rhetorically.

“Fair point.” Anna came and joined the boys on the couch. It was then she realized that she’d forgotten to introduce them to the newest arrival. “Oh, Gillian, these are-”

She waved off Anna dismissively. “I know. Cassie introduced us. Now will somebody please tell me what’s going on?”

“Faith was kidnapped. By demons,” Anna stated grimly.

Gillian shook her head. “Oh god, not you too. Is anyone sane around here?”

“I know it sounds crazy-”

“It doesn’t just sound crazy. It is crazy! You’re just… you’re grieving,” she rationalized. “You’re scared, so your brain is coming up with these insane fantasies to deal with the fact that Faith is gone.”

“You’re not listening,” Anna said, clearly aggravated. “I’m telling you the truth. Faith really was taken by demons.”

Gillian sighed, trying to think of a way to get her friends to listen to her. A thought came to her a few moments later. “Prove it. Prove to me, beyond a reasonable doubt, that Faith was kidnapped by demons.”

Anna and Cassie looked to the boys, who in turn looked at each other asking the same question: How do we do that?

“We know a guy that could do that,” Dean shrugged.

Sam gave his brother a shocked look, “You can’t be serious.”

Cas nodded. “Sam is right,” he stated. “Are we sure that is a good idea?”

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Dean asked rhetorically.

*****

“I’ll ask again. Are we sure this is a good idea?” Cas asked the brothers as they finished setting up the necessary steps to summon a demon.

“I kind of have to agree with Cas,” Sam said. “Are we sure this is a good idea?”

“Only one way to find out,” the older Winchester replied as he lit the match and dropped it into the bowl.

“That was my good china,” Anna muttered as she crossed her arms in a pout.

The group stood in silence as they waited for something to happen. It was Gillian’s turn to cross her arms. “What was this supposed to prove?” she asked skeptically.

Before anyone could answer, a new voice sounded from behind Anna and Cassie. “You rang?” the man said, his voice holding a twinge of an accent and more than a twinge of discontent and sarcasm. Cassie and Anna both jumped; Anna letting out a small scream while Cassie let out a low groan at the new presence. The man said, his voice holding a twinge of an accent and more than a twinge of discontent and sarcasm. Cassie and Anna both jumped; Anna letting out a small scream while Cassie let out a low groan at the new presence. The man stepped out from behind them, revealing him to be covered head to toe in black. He raised an eyebrow at the girls, “Pleasure to meet you. The name’s Crowley. The Winchester’s resident demon.” His voice held copious amounts of sarcasm as he turned around to face the boys. “What do you nitwits want?”

“Okay, very funny, guys,” Gillian said after getting over her shock. “Where’s the trap door?” She walked around the couch, where Crowley had popped out from, and began inspecting the area for any hidden doors or hides-holes the man could have concealed himself in.

Crowley seemed to put the pieces together from that. “You brought me here to do a few magic tricks, did you?”

“Crowley-” Cas began in a tone of warning.

“Don’t worry, wings. I’ll be gentle.” He then turned around to where Gillian was now tearing up the couch cushions. “Are you done yet?”

“Where did you come from? What’s your secret?” Gillian asked, wanting to know how this trick had been so skillfully executed.

“This.” Crowley’s eyes flashed black, eliciting small, startled squeaks from Gillian and Cassie.

“What the hell?!” The redhead backed up as far as she could, causing her to be pressed all the way up against the wall.

“I second that,” Cassie said meekly from behind Anna. “What are you?”

“I just told you, sweetheart. I’m a demon,” Crowley’s smirk was prominent on his face as he blinked his eyes back to their human counterparts. He turned to the brothers, where his smirk promptly fell and an annoyed furrow came to brow. “And apparently the Winchester’s personal dancing monkey. Any other useless party tricks you want me to perform?”

“No, but we do have questions for you,” Sam stated.

The demon sighed, knowing all too well what that statement usually meant. “Please tell me you two didn’t start the apocalypse again.”

Cassie eloquently got out a startled “What?”

“The apocalypse?!” came Gillian’s exclamation.

“What does he mean by again?” Anna asked, her eyes going wide.

The boys ignored the cries of the women as they moved forward in their conversation with Crowley. “No,” Dean said. “You know all of the chatter going on downstairs, right?”

“They don’t call me the King of Hell for nothing,” Crowley responded.

Dean rolled his eyes. “What do you know about the demon activity in the area?”

“You mean the demon activity in Nowheresville, Middle America? Practically nonexistent.”

“That doesn’t make sense,” Sam griped. “All of the evidence points to a demon being behind this.”

“Behind what?” When the boys didn’t answer him, Crowley let out a long suffering sigh. “Look, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

“Like you’re gonna help us anyway,” Dean muttered.

The demon was quickly getting frustrated. “Do you want information or not?”

Sam and Dean shared a look before they came to a consensus. Turning back to Crowley, Sam told him, “A friend of ours was kidnapped recently. We have no idea why or where.”

“I need more specifics than 'a friend’. Give me a gender, a description, something. Then I can ask around and see if anyone knows anything.”

“Our friend is a she,” Dean stated. “That’s all your getting.”

“Such faith you have in me.” A sigh from Crowley and then, “Fine. I’ll see what I can find out. Don’t be surprised if you get a lot of false tips.” He turned so he was facing everyone in the group. “Ta-ta for now.” With a snap of his fingers, he was gone.

After the initial shock of Crowley’s sudden entrance and exit went away, Anna asked, “Now what?”

“Now we wait,” was Dean’s response.

“In the meantime, we have plenty of research to do,” Sam said. “Faith could be part of a pattern. We need to start looking at old crimes and other strange incidences in the area and go from there.”

“Good thinking, Sammy.” Dean clapped his brother on the shoulder. “Why don’t you go grab some books, then you and Anna can-”

“No, before we do any of that, someone is going to tell me what’s going on,” Gillian stated, looking absolutely bewildered. “What was that? Since when do demons exist?”

The older Winchester was quick to read the situation. He was not having that conversation two times in one week. “You know what, Sam, I think I’ll come with you.” He grabbed his keys and pulled Sam and Cas toward the door with him. “You girls have fun with that. We’ll be back later.” The door practically slammed behind them in their haste to get out of there.

Anna, cursing Sam and Dean under her breath, guided Gillian to the couch with the help of Cassie. “Okay,” she began as she plopped down on the couch, “What do you want to know?”

“Everything,” Gillian stated.

The dark haired woman let out a sigh. Wonderful.

*****

About a day later, they were given the lead they’d been waiting for. Crowley had come through, and- after wading through hours worth of irrelevant tips- they got to the one that mattered. A blonde woman was taken by a rogue group of demons for purposes unknown even to the ruler of the untamable. It seemed these particular individuals had stumbled upon some sort of information they thought they could profit on.

“Demons betraying other demons to help themselves. That’s something I haven’t seen before,” Dean mused sarcastically as he loaded up his supplies. “You figure out where that warehouse is yet, Sammy?”

Sam scrolled on his laptop before answering. “It’s on the edge of town. About 15 minutes away.”

He nodded at his brother before turning to Cas. “You stay here with these three-” he gestured to women in the room “-and make sure nothing happens.” Cas nodded in response. Dean then turned back to Sam and told him, “Get ready to go. We leave in five.”

“Okay,” Anna and Sam responded at the same time, standing to go. The brothers looked at the younger woman in confusion. She returned the look with one of her own. “What?” She asked them.

“What are you doing?” Dean questioned.

“Getting ready to go. What does it look like I’m doing?” Anna stated as she went to grab her jacket off the table.

“Oh no, no, no.” The older Winchester shook his head. “You’re not coming with.”

Anna took on the expression she gave the kids she taught when they were being little shits: calm, but with eyes that screamed 'Don’t fucking test me’. “Oh and why the hell not?” She questioned sharply. “I can hold my own in a fight, have some experience with a gun, and can use a knife. Give me one other reason I can’t go.”

“These people aren’t human, Anna,” Cas explained. “No matter how tough you are, you have never faced this kind of threat before. You have no idea experience fighting demons.”

“You can’t get experience unless you actually experience it, right?” Anna countered, aggressively putting on her jacket. “Now either you let me go with or I’ll just sneak out and follow you there. One option has me under protective supervision and the other involves me getting there by myself. Which one would you prefer?”

Dean looked exasperated. “Anna-"

"Dean.” She mocked his authoritative tone, showing she wasn’t backing down.

The room was silent as the two continued their staredown, no one wanting to get between two people with such strong personalities. After a solid minute of this, Dean finally gave in with a sigh of frustration. “Goddamn it!” He gave the black-haired woman a hard look. “Fine, but no funny business. You listen to me and Sam, and you don’t do anything stupid. Understand?”

“Don’t be you. Got it.” Anna grabbed her phone off the counter and put it in her pocket. “Let’s go then.”

*****

Cassie was sitting on the couch with Gillian as they watched whatever movie the latter had picked. Cas was seated by the window to watch the comings and goings of the apartment complex. Cassie wasn’t paying much attention to the film as she was too busy anxiously picking at the skin around her fingernails. Gillian glanced over when the channel went to a commercial and gently smacked her hand away. “Stop picking. You’ll make yourself bleed,” she stated.

Cassie let out a sigh. “What should I do then?”

“Watch the movie?” Gillian told her like it was obvious.

“How am I supposed to focus on a movie when one of my best friends has been kidnapped by demons while my other best friend is out there with two dudes I met three days ago trying to rescue her?” Cassie’s fear and worry were plain on her face.

Gillian sighed. “I know, but you have to calm down. It’s out of our hands now. We just have to sit and wait.”

“I hate waiting.”

“Your friend is right,” Cas said, suddenly standing behind where they sat on the couch.

Cassie and Gillian jumped. The former put a hand to her chest as she looked back in exasperated fear. “Don’t do that!” she squeaked.

“Sorry. Dean does say I have a tendency to startle people with my sudden appearances.”

“Really? I never would’ve guessed.” She took a deep breath to calm her racing heart.

Cas walked around the side of the couch to sit in the empty space on Cassie’s other side. “Would talking calm you?”

She shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe?”

The angel gave another nod. “How long have you known your friends?” he asked, getting the conversation started.

“I met Faith and Gillian in middle school. I met Anna in high school,” Cassie responded. She smiled a little at the memory. “That’s actually a pretty funny story.”

He tilted his head in curiosity. “Tell me this story.”

“Alright,” Cassie shifted into a more comfortable position on the couch. “I had to take Anna home from this cast party late one night, and things got a little crazy.”

*****

“That happened one time, Gillian!” Cassie exclaimed in embarrassment as her friend finished telling a story from their high school days.

“It’s still funny, Cassie,” Gillian argued as she tried to stop laughing.

The mood had lightened considerably since Cas had started the conversation. The worry about their friends- while still present- was at the back of their minds. They had been soothed in their fears that the boys (and Anna) knew what they were doing and would be more than capable of bringing Faith home in one piece. This casual, lighthearted conversation had lasted for two hours when the door opened to reveal the return of the others.

Cassie should have known by the way the door slammed opened that things weren’t good. Hindsight is twenty-twenty, however, so she wasn’t aware anything was wrong until she looked up to greet her friends.

They were covered in splotches of blood. Anna’s hands shook at her side, looking as if she’d put them in a bucket of red paint. Except the horrendous, metallic smell told her it wasn’t paint that coated her best friend’s hands. In Sam’s arms, there was an unconscious body. Skin pale and clothes drenched with blood, the woman in his arms looked dead. Except the woman in his arms wasn’t just anyone. It was Faith.

“Oh my god,” Gillian’s voice, though a choked whisper, was deafening in the now silent apartment.

“Sam, get her on the couch,” Dean commanded, looking the most put together out of the newly arrived trio.

“What happened?!” Gillian asked, suddenly hyper-verbal.

“They knew we were coming,” the older Winchester explained gruffly as his brother set Faith on the couch and began to take her pulse. “They tried to finish her off before we got to her.”

Cassie could only stare at the couch, mouth open in shock. Her hands wrapped around her stomach as she tried not to cry. Now that she had a better look, Cassie couldn’t help but notice how terrible her friend looked. Cuts and bruises littered her body, but no injury compared to the fatal one on her torso. Across her stomach was a long slash that was still bleeding at a surprising pace. It reminded her of a fish being gutted. That thought alone made her stomach turn.

“Her pulse is barely there, Dean. If we’re going to try something, we need to do it now,” Sam stated.

Dean turned to Cas. “I need you to use your angel mojo and fix her.”

“Dean, she may already be too far gone,” Cas informed soberly.

“You need to try. We can’t just let her slip away without trying!”

The angel sighed. “Dean-”

“Just do it!” Anna screamed as tears leaked from her eyes.

Gillian and Cassie looked at Cas pleadingly. “Please,” Gillian begged, close to tears. Cassie was too busy crying to speak, overwhelmed by her emotions.

He was quickly swayed by the intense emotions in the room. Making his way forward, he put his hands on Faith’s stomach and focused his energy on healing her. A few moments later and the cuts and bruises had dissipated, leaving Faith’s skin as unmarked as the last time her friends saw her. While her pallor was still nothing to be desired, she looked considerably better.

The women sat in awed silence for a few moments before Anna spoke. “Is she okay now?”

Sam took her pulse again. “Her heart rate’s steadier.”

“It seems that she is physically okay,” Cas answered in response to Sam.

“When is she going to wake up?” Anna asked as she grabbed the nearby chair and scoot it closer to the couch to hold her hand.

“Most people wake up within ten minutes.”

“Will she be… normal?” Anna wasn’t sure why this concern popped into her head, but she couldn’t not ask once the thought had planted itself.

“She should be. I haven’t had anything happen before.” Cas stated, trying to be reassuring.

So the group waited. And waited. And waited even longer. It was around the twenty minute mark that the anxiety level in the room rose. Cassie, her eyes still on the rise and fall of Faith’s chest, asked, “Why isn’t she waking up?”

Cas’ brow furrowed. “I’m not sure.”

“What do you mean you’re not sure?” Dean’s tone was one of annoyed confusion.

“I mean this has never happened before."

"What?” The older Winchester looked about ready to flip a table.

“What’s happening?” Sam asked.

The angel shook his head, “I’m unsure.” Reaching out, Cas put his fingers on the side of Faith’s pale face and shut his eyes, hoping to figure out the issue. This tense, focused silence was broken when Cas pulled away. As he stared at the unconscious Faith, he said, “I don’t understand.”

“What don’t you understand?” Dean jumped on him with his response.

“She’s fully healed. There’s nothing wrong with her physically.”

“Physically?” Gillian asked.

Cas shook his head again. “There’s something off about her mental energies.”

Dean crossed his arms. “What do you mean?”

“It seems as if part of her is refusing to wake up. Part of her is still dying and if we don’t fix it, she’ll start to deteriorate and she will cease to exist.”

Anna shook her head. “No. This isn’t happening.” She grabbed Faith by the shoulders and began to shake her. “Faith, get up. Don’t do this!” When she received no response, she began to tear up. “Please, Faith!” Another moment passed and there was still no response. Tears in her eyes, she pleaded with Cas, “Fix this.”

“How can he fix it?” Sam asked curiously.

“I could try slipping into her subconscious and see what’s going on,” the angel suggested.

“Could that really work?”

“I don’t know. I’ve never tried it before.”

Anna laughed wryly, “Oh, he’s never tried it before. That’s just great!”

“Do it,” Cassie said firmly, speaking up for the first time since the group returned bloody.

“What?” Anna gaped at her friend. “How can you even think to let him poke around in Faith’s head? He doesn’t know what he’s doing! He could make it worse or-”

“-or he could save her life,” the blonde countered. “What other choice do we have? We can’t just let her die.” Cassie’s voice cracked as she finished her sentence, sniffling as she took a breath.

Gillian nodded, holding back tears of her own. “She’s right. We need to try something.”

Anna processed the words told to her. Shutting her eyes, she took Faith’s cold hand in hers. She took a shuddering breath, tears slipping down her face. “Fine,” she sniffed. “Just… Bring her back. Please. I can’t lose her.”

“I will do my best,” Cas told her, his blue eyes shining with the utmost sincerity. He didn’t make Anna move as he bent over, placing his hands on either side of Faith’s face. A minute later, the angel dropped to his knees as most of the tension left his body. Within moments, Cas was spiraling out of the real world and into Faith’s mind, leaving the others to sit and wait for something- anything- to happen.

It was all up to Cas now.

#happy belated birthday Cassie!#supernatural #spn #supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfic #part of a series #part of the meet the winchesters series #dean winchester #Sam Winchester #castiel #castiel novak #ofc: Anna #ofc: Cassie #ofc: Gillian #ofc: Faith

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ecotone99 · 5 years

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[SF] Matilda and Zeus

[ XXVI ]

It would seem that Matilda may have been screaming into a black hole during her free time in her dreams. I guess that’s one way to save on therapy she would think whenever she awoke with tears falling along her cheeks and the lack of warmth in her bed being something that reminded her the shivers she felt in her dreams were real. It would be eternity of pulling one arm across her and downward as she were forced to cast the tethers of her two men as far from one another as they followed the Sun that seemed to be dragging them through space. Matilda knew her arms for this reason of gesture of making endless X slashes through the air as she danced and sang her day away missing one or the other men: a tragic use of time as she wasted time daydreaming aboot both idiots who were never around to help. Matilda had spent undergrad cheering on teams with large sparkling bows and wee skirts, until she were bored of not being taken seriously and went back to destroying wooden courts. Matilda had once wondered what her future Husband would look like, and so she were bothered by the unknown in the meantime. She had even met with a psychic and feel shy when she began asking aboot her future husband, and cutting her off mid-chants: stating she didn’t want to ruin the surprise. An odd service to pay for when she had no intentions of knowing her own fate, but the psychic obliged her wishes. This were before the time of a Sun and Moon, and a time where her own survival was still considered uncertain.

Matilda would spend her time trying to think of what her life had been like before the two men decidedly chose to tear her in two. She knew it weren’t the time or space that they had each met: but the order. For Matilda would have most likely overlooked Kness and his jock-like demeanor out of annoyance and embarrassment towards how she felt whenever she blushed looking his way. Matilda had saw him as a blue-light for her heartbreak from being forever rejected by the Viking and didn’t even think much more of what he provided in the bedroom, as the quiet man always said little with purpose. She admired Kness and his ability to know when it were inappropriate to say nothing: the only one who seemed to care that Matilda had curved spine and had died at some point. He were all that she aspired to be: for her Indigenous Warriors always stood behind him even when they disagreed with her. They decided in their stature that they were a tethered pair: each standing tall with their arms crossed remembering their culture and one another no matter the distance. She would be her true self with him, and know he held deep sorrows that needn’t be expressed in words, but with the comfort he gained each time he stood in front of Matilda as she opened her door: looking down fondly at his only Queen.

Matilda knew that it were not important that she pick between the night and day: as one still refused to even talk or look at her at all costs. She only only pertained her focuses on herself and which next chess moves to lay out in the upcoming days. She had dream that her black hole that she had conjured in her dreams: now waved unsteady, as the sounds of it grew angrier the longer she were trapped in this sarcophagus of static and torture. Her dad had once told her that she were to stop speaking, and she remembered vividly that she had ignored her father and his command as he silently objected by raising his hand. She had been asked to turn an apple inside out as some sort of game, and in her childlike ignorant bliss: decided she were the only one fit to the task. She now only wished to know why she had thought she were ready for such a feat when the two beside her were both boys and bored to death. They had stood around the Golden Apple holding hands as they stared at the beautiful static that called each of the three from within its depths. She had only wanted to be the right hand man to her papa, and instead was left a child bride: unprotected and uncertain.

Matilda wished she had proper English to those all around her, as she hated being embarrassed and not knowing the right words to say in the moment. Such issues had caused barrier when she had met the Viking: for she had little of value to say whenever he were near because of his awkward ability to push her away and pull her close at the same time. She laughed that he always had found reason to touch her skin to check her realness, and how he would gaze at her neck whenever she were pensive. Matilda had no words for how this fellow made her feel besides the childlike churning of what could only be called first love. An old take on an old man. She would forever look for him in her dreams as she only wished he missed her the way she missed him, and always felt guilty that she could never be whoever he had always wanted her to be. Matilda would never be able to hold title and love him without condition as she couldn’t really change the fact she were born with the ruling ambitions to fulfill the role of Queen.

Matilda held their hands for what seemed like eternity, and now wished only to invert the black hole if it meant that she could win the game. She hadn’t the slightest clue as to how to that, and so instead she admired the view of her two men as they took turns escorting her to the bedroom. Her systems were finally updated and her ideas of self finally replacing the doubt used to hold her music heavy. She reached out for her two men and always stood amazed that Kness were always the one holding her hand proudly: despite all that they had been through. He would bring her peace to her storming waves and raging hurricanes of despair, and somehow always knew what to do in a time of crisis. She were always glad that they were honest with one another since she hadn’t the time to dilly dally, and he were already always naked for some reason. She missed their quiet talks smoking and wondering if they had done such lovely feeling in their past lives. They would always find one another in their roughest times, and know that being friends were never going to be enough. Matilda loved him in ways that made her sad, as he would always be able to take advantage of how she felt because he were her Kness, and she his only mess. They would laugh at the stories of an invisible Viking that now lead her back to her culture: tired of longing after white boys and their need to be complicit and uncertain.

Matilda had believed she could be enough for someone to love eventually, but time always had a way of bringing her into the present. She enjoyed her time alone and began writing a shitty story about all the shitty dreams she had growing up, and somehow just only missed the title Captain. She tried remembering how she had wished for silence and for her confidants to call her by name and not duty, but now only longed for the latter. She wished now only for her ship back, and a reason to make this all make sense in some sort of fashion that couldn’t be called anomalies. The girl now only cried in the stress that she may never be enough to change the world: and never able to tell all those she loved what she meant. Matilda wanted only now for a purpose greater than all that she’d seen so far, and crew better than most of those she had met so far. She now only wished for a chair that held the rank of captain: a throne fit for a Queen.

When she and her sisters had been asked to draw pictures of their husband under hypnosis and substance there would be no way of knowing what form their rendering would take. Some humans here had fell sick and began loving inanimate objects and Matilda had only known she had passion for sport and glory. She couldn’t imagine as a kid that someday she would be stuck daydreaming aboot two men and not having access to either by issue of space or time. She allowed herself to lean to the right whenever she missed her lush Ness and his odd way of always complimenting her. She would lean to her left whenever she missed the stable and calmness that were her Viking and his aged boredom. She avoiding giving answer to herself and all those who could imagine what that would feel like to have their heart ripped in two at every-second of every-day. She were being shredded into pieces as she felt her mind fill with static and stomach fill with deceit, being used as surrogate to a fucked up science project. Matilda had turned the apple over and over as she took turns holding each hands with endless randoms until she found a small speck in which the static rang from. It were a black humming sound that lingered in her eyes and held her captive to herself. When she were finally tired of the endless ugliness of her devils triangle she decided she had finally had the answer: and weren’t sure how to send out the S.O.S. for anyone to hear across the multiverse. She had finally decided which hand to take and knew the rest of her fate would always be uncertain.

She stood in the middle of the empty room and asked if there were anybody there: when no response came she decided it were time to sing and dance as she were basically alone. Matilda gave her dances and songs to her Peoples time and time again, and watched as dimensions slipped away from her grasps each time the her Indigenous Peoples were extinguished from the face of their Earth. She finally let her tears go and wrote down her story as a story of caution in case she were ever dumb enough to choose either of the men that stood at her side. She reminded herself how she had chose neither and only space instead in a past life: the two men forever fighting to prove they were her only until they admitted they loved one another. Matilda would still rub her temple in irritation wondering about what the two were always arguing about until they appeared in her apple fully dressed and speaking English. She would admire how passionate they fought for her affection with one another knowing that she needed them to fight if it meant they didn’t fall the way of Alexander the Great. She would say nah to herself over and over again until the time were endless and the two would finally hold hands when she were absent, as the Ancient Gods were unable to die and stuck in a loop, watching as they grew closer by fighting over her and aboot her and what the other was lacking. It were like a shitty sitcom that she didn’t want any part of, but were scared to turn off. Matilda now sat as passenger wondering if she were meant only to play part of cheerleader: never to be taken seriously as a candidate for Queen.

Matilda had her answer having realized her body told the truth more than ever, and she knew time were running out in a sense. She thought of how annoyed her papa would be whenever she did dumb shit, and how he growled that he’d wish she’d listen for a change. She heard how eager his wife were whenever she wished to hear from her children, and how miserable she were whenever they made excuses to never show. Matilda had dream where she had seen this woman now named Carmen, as she smothered her three daughters in their sleep, and noted that she had seen her in the doorway of a room she had yet to ever set foot in. This were a dream of warning sent to her by her papa: as he too saw the ghosts of his children whenever they decided to visit Matilda for the holidays. Matilda wondered what had happened on those timelines, as she were in the one where Theresa, Tina and Tamera had still existed and continued to turn into their mother. Matilda would leave the Crescent Shitty as she laughed at these inferior women as a teen too young to care aboot consequences. She left the sad woman weeping in her sad little house as it poisoned her land, and knew that she could never return unless her she were holding her dad's hand once more. Matilda would find it best to hide her feeling of her love for these two men in black and white as Carmen always stood in the sketchiest shades of grey, and watched for any proof of her children that she once murdered. It would be many more years until she learned that this woman called Hera that she feared were nothing more than an ignorant cook who fed others food made with loathing and hatred. Such a small ant of a human being Matilda would think: and her choice as to let her abuser live: uncertain.

Matilda had such cunning thoughts by herself, as were the poison she were always trying to get out of her system. It were a habit to be ugly hearted having grown up with Carmen for a short time and allowing herself to fall into the category of bully as though it were normal. These were unbecoming traits and so Matilda reported the errors of judgement to Marv, Mel and Rindy until they were no longer accepted as the norm. With her light giggle restored and English mastered: Matilda only wished for a life filled with success and fortune. Such weak goals for a world filled with the uninspired she would think to herself. Such stress were often blown off in steam by way of her Ness and without him she often felt filled with pent up angst for the future of their Peoples. She would wonder what moves to make as to break that tether of this odd sexual bliss-like fantasy, but resort to the memories of their past as a playful non-couple even as she tried full on relationships down the road. He were a suitor in arms and not to be trusted half the time: a man who would never need any female to serve as his Queen.

Neither men were worthy, as they each often had moments of being flat out awful and using Matilda to help with their insecurities, young and old alike. She hated that she would let herself be ripped in two in relationship in which she were the only giver and the other two men each only had method of being a taker. They ripped her from East to West like a pelt and watched as she wept begging for anyone to help. One busy looking in mirror, and the other busy looking to find the bottom of a bottle, and they would take turns as they did that for many lifetimes over again. Matilda did not fear either men: as it were only her Ex: V. Peaches who had once dared hold a domestically violent relationship with the woman destined for greatness. She knew her stories of ugly violence would only anger Kness in ways she’d never seen and that were often substantially too scary to prepare for, having once been confused by Kness pouting when she had stood smiling too close to Charlie. She be left alone with her secrets for years trying to move past the memories of Tino and his hate: that were now just as real as Kness and his impromptu kisses. A man she had avoided talking about for years in case he were near stalking her again, unarmed and ready at all times to die. He had been the one added part of the equation that could make or break a woman, and they watched helplessly as he beat her senseless for years: the fate of a battle angel uncertain.

Matilda had spent a whole day sickened with ill-willed thoughts as she tried to find words for this chapter. She had avoided telling only Kness of Peaches for years now, as his might and strength were still to be unseen while he were in sleepy panda mode. It were a nightmare she re-lived: in a hallway where she had planted it next to the horrific room with only a mattress and a light above. An ugly daydream she thought she needed to feel alive: remembering waking up with his large hand around her throat as he crushed her small windpipe gasping for help as her feet dangled. She would wake up to the six foot man punching her with no end in sight or dragging her by only the hair until she cut it off as defense strategy. He had already won: as he told whispering in her hear that he were willing to go to prison if it meant he’d never see her with another man. Such horrors are those only found within her community, as a majority of the male Indigenous Warriors had fallen sick in body and or spirit. Matilda gave him excuses until there were none left to give, and a three month child waking her up from the nightmare as he finally delivered the final blow to her stomach and whatever personhood she had built. It were now and forever only her fear of dying in her sleep: to this monster that she had willingly slept by, as he were still out there lurking in the dark wishing death on her and her children. She remembered Peaches and his drunk breath as he threw her to the ground in disgust: kicking her side and neck as he yelled. She always awoke in the same fetal position feeling the same self-hatred remembering how people had looked away from her in shame for whatever she had done to deserve being publicly lynched by this drunk monster. His own mother would equate his anger to her fault, as she were dumb enough to leave out her monies for him to later steal and use at a pub: paying her back with punches to her face and stomach when she reported it missing. She had done that for over two years before she gave up. Her sisters would look away and watch as he choked her whenever he drank, and they left the woman to die at his hand. For Matilda had been taught early on that her two older sisters: Desmona and Athena were not her friends: but only her sisters. Such rash thoughts for her papa to giver her as a child, but she grew wiser early on in her youth to ever expect anything from either woman. Matilda now watched as they ridiculed her for being single without children: because that was all that defined them, and they knew no other way of life. These were the rationale of the weak and frail, as each additive member would be seen to Matilda as another reason for someone to put her family at risk. Such were the lonely thoughts of a Queen.

Matilda knew that her past with this man who claimed himself royal heir to the Peach orchids of the Desert would always catch up to her, as Tino had once told her that he had no issue breaking her neck. Matilda now wished only to break the bias and prejudice she held for his Tribe: the Jovian Peoples: called the Navajo. She had met so many nice and helpful people from this Tribe since Tino: it would seem they had done more than enough to prove it were he that were default of a human and not the whole Tribe rotten. She wished warm and safe wishes to her Kira that was fighting across seas painting random shit in the desert while under green camouflage. Romona was Navajo, and so Matilda knew she would never have to worry about Tino laying hand on her if her best friend Roro had anything to say about it, and she looked forward to seeing how tall the woman would grow to be. It would only be after meeting the Viking and her Kness that she felt comfortable addressing how distraught the dreams of her past life had made her, as she had met them barely able to stand by herself. She no longer needed to worry about Peaches finding her, as Ness would always hid her scent and view from the public whenever she happily stood behind him. Matilda knew now only that she wished to be left alone, forever single a lone Queen: still scared of people uncertain.

Matilda watched as time slowed each time her and Kness walked past one another, and how odd it felt to know someone by a look passing by. She wished only now to have met him first to the Viking, as she had known he had almost destroyed her with their first dates. Kness were always left picking up her lifeless body and trying to figure out what to do with himself while he were helpless, and she were always too embarrassed to ask for help. Each of these men she had called for at some point: in the darkness of her dreams, one to the West and one to the East: screaming to absolutely anyone in the void in a rage fit. she needed help finally, as she were tired of fighting alone, and no longer strong enough to even stand. Matilda missed her kids and her family, in ways the dead-eyed savages couldn’t understand, as love knew no constraints or limitations. She missed her future self and all the things she wished she could have been: a curse that often held her back in her bitterness that she hadn't been given even the smallest chance at a fair fight in this place that she called Hell. Instead she stood at the vortex of two black holes: bored and smiling: holding only an apple. Such odd practices were only reserved for the Gods of Olympus, and Matilda had forgotten she had been one of them once upon a time. It would take thousands of lives and parallel universes to find the right laugh to fit into the right body, but she had somehow done it. She would turn the Golden Apple in her hand over and over again: until she cold pick which hand she wished to grant the apple to, as her only job in this game was to name a suitor to stand at her side as Queen.

Matilda watched and observed her weaning strength as it tried to tell her what was happening without her consent. She knew Carmen and Shelly had something to do with this, but their punishment would be for another time, and when she finally stood on fair fighting grounds. She wished out loud and finally closed her eyes and simply said neither. Matilda wished to grant the Golden Apple to her Papa (William James Brooks), as it were originally his ship in the first place. Matilda were only holding his apple to help him enter through the black hole the last she knew. Matilda threw the stupid apple behind her and walked out of the room that held her hostage as she finally climbed the stairs that held her freedom. This had nothing to do with her: as do most politics where old men bid and barter their children as pawns. Matilda were no pawn in an ugly game, and she had no real incentive to choose either men: since they had both proven that could both mean in their own ways. She owed it not to the hundreds of greedy old white men: ignoring their own shriveling dicks. Matilda were never actually given any true choice in this fake simulated version of her life, and she were tired of everyone going out of their way to register eye-contact if it were no longer a blind study. Such diplomacy were considered farce until these men could allow the war councils and congresses to be divided half with women: out of respect and not necessity. It were childish to believe her papa would have wasted his time barking orders to her aboot her inability to pay attention and how unsafe her practices of playfulness were: since her scars proved she were often straight up wreck less and dangerous. Matilda could no longer hear the voice of her papa, but she always knew better enough: her dad had taught her common sense meaning that her dad would never let her play such a game if her life were in any real danger, and assuming that she had agreed to the terms without his knowledge somehow. She now only wished: to gift her papa his Golden Apple back in order to say sorry for having not hugged him more, as she slowly recalled him trying to reason with her on the matter. It were not up for her to play the Fates or even pretend she knew the true meaning of magic, as those were only reserved teachings for the Ancestors. For now she only wished to take her papa by the hand once more and ask if they could finally go home now: forever stuck the scared wee girl who believed with all her hear that her papa would always come back for her. She honestly didn’t want any of this: wondering why the Golden Apple had chosen her in the first place: feeling stupid for having lived her life certain that she were actually a disguised as a mere peasant hidden in the masses: Queen.

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the-graveyard-of-dreams · 6 years

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36 Questions to Fall in Love

In January 2015, the New York Times wrote an article that was based off of Mandy Len Catron’s love essay called “To Fall in Love with Anyone, Do This.” I thought this was simply beautiful in the simplest words. Just questions meant to to draw deep at someone’s souls. Ever since finding out about it, I’ve wanted to possibly share these questions and talk about them with someone and see what kind of feelings do become elicited. But alas I have not had that opportunity so I’m considering this a prose for writing.

Set I

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest?

I think I would want to meet with my favorite director Makoto Shinkai just as a cool little thing just because I think his works are breathtaking.

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way?

I think everyone would want to be famous in some way. However, for me at the current moment I think my only wish for fame is if it comes from a novel I write in the future or something of the sort.

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why?

I’ve done this before when it’s a situation that I’m nervous or unsure about like when I was quitting my job because I wanted to make sure there were no misconceptions.

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you?

A perfect day would be one where I really felt like I lived that day, being around a significant other or my group of friends, really just simply enjoying life.

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?

The last time I sang to myself was in the car when I was driving home from work, ironically one of my favorite songs, “How to Save a Life” by The Fray was playing on the radio. The last time I sang to someone else has probably been so long ago, I rarely want to show my tone-deafness to others but the last time I remember might’ve been sometime in March or February,

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want?

I think I would choose to retain the mind of a 30-year old because of how important my memories are to me. I don’t want to live the last minutes of my life trying to remember how amazing my life was. I’m fine with my physique withering with age but all I really ask is to retain the memories I’ve made.

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?

Probably from making some dumb decisions that I decided impulsively. Maybe it’ll be from old age, maybe it’ll be from a drug overdose, i don’t have the slightest idea and that’s not something we have to worry about, we just have to live our lives to the fullest.

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common.

I unfortunately do not have someone else to which this question can be directed to but if I did I would assume that one of them would be about their hair, eyes, and smile because of how these superficial things I am attracted to the most.

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful?

I feel the most grateful for my parents as much as how cliche it may sound. I’m especially grateful for how hard my mother and father worked so I could have choices in my life. Because of them, I’m allowed to chose what I feel passion for, I’m allowed to feel safe in my decision because I know that it will make me happy over a profession that will make me wealthy.

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be?

I think I would have wanted for my mother and father to have been truly in love with each other. I think I grew up not knowing what romantic love was and it made me incredibly curious as a child. I think I would have wanted to see my parents look and care for one another like lovers do because I think that aspect is truly exquisite.

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible.

I was raised in a extremely wealthy environment surrounded by the 1% of the country. As a kid, I was incredibly strange with little to no social skills considering that I had only interacted with adults and my sister for my life before that. I was mostly social awkward and struggled to make friends until I created a solid friend group. I want to become a clinical psychiatrist so I’m putting effort towards getting into med school right now. I think that a life spent talking to people and trying to help them would be one that I find extremely fulfilling. At the current moment in my life, I’m at a high point because I’m finding the slightest things enjoyable. Although I wish I could have someone to share that with, I’m growing more content with my own ability to contribute to my own happiness.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be?

I would want the ability to have an eidetic memory since I think it has many benefits, remembering things to such an acute precision.

Set II

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know?

Maybe in the past I would have wanted to know something about my future, something like whether I would succeed or not but I think at this point in time, I just fine with seeing how things go and not worrying too much about the future when the present has so much that I should be focusing on.

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?

Probably skydiving and I haven’t had the opportunity, time, or the money to do it.

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life?

I think my greatest accomplishment is how much I’ve grown as a person throughout the years, learning from my mistake, and understand what I should cherish in my life.

16. What do you value most in a friendship?

Companionship, honestly, and loyalty we have to each other. I think this is what most friendships boil down to in the end. The friendships you keep in the end will have these three main aspects to them.

17. What is your most treasured memory?

Falling asleep in a bed together with my partner for the first time. The feeling of being able to hold her in my arms without interference from the outside world was a feeling that I could never forget for the rest of my life. I remember the unlikely circumstance that came about from it and how grateful I was for it in the end even though I was extremely tired, I still was able to cherish it.

18. What is your most terrible memory?

Hearing that my friend downed a ibuprofen while I was talking to her and I was unable to stop it.

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why?

I think I would be more reckless with my life than I already am just because I know about the inevitability. I would be more fearless in my life because I know that with so little time left, there is not a moment to waste.

20. What does friendship mean to you?

I’m there for you no matter what, and you’re there for me.

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life?

They play the biggest role in alongside with my family. I think love and affection are something that everyone so desperately needs and I’m so glad to have experienced love before because it’s a feeling you can’t describe before and after you’ve experienced it for different reasons.

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items.

Again I don’t have a partner to discuss this question with but there so much positivity you can find in someone, I doubt this question would be too difficult.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s?

I think my family is very close and distant at the same time because I did not really start becoming close to them until very recently. I was not able to get close to my sister until after she went to college, my father only very recently, and my mother maybe a year ago. Although I do think my childhood was very happy because while my parents did not love each other, they directed that love towards my sister and I instead.

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother?

I’m very happy with it right now because I know that she will support any decision I make as long as I end up happy which is all I could ever ask from her.

Set III

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ...”

Question #22

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share...”

My heart with once more.

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know.

I would never try to hurt you and I’m devoted to only you, I only ask the same of you. And I would want them to know that I loved them if it was at that point of affection.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met.

Question #25

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life.

An embarrassing moment of my life was probably my entire middle school days because of how cringey I was, and having the local hangout spot being my town’s library.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself?

I last cried in front of someone else about a month ago and by myself about 4 months ago.

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already.

Question #28

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about?

Mental health and sexual assault, those topics are off limits

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet?

I would regret not saying that I wish I tried harder and I just think that at this point I have told them because they already know.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why?

I would most likely try to save a family photograph because of when my sister and I were little and with my parents because that’s a memory you can not replicate.

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why?

I think my sister’s death would shock me and disturb me the most because of how much of an impact it would have on my life. I know that my sister and I would be living the rest of our lives together as family and I think her death would just drive a huge rift in my life.

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen.

I don’t have a partner to share with but a personal problem I’m having trouble with is trying to find better ways of trying to entertain myself daily because of how boring my job is. It’s nice that I’m getting paid to sit in a chair and use my phone but I honestly would want something more fulfilling.

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