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mitchbeck · 3 years

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CANTLON: PLAYERS AND COACHES ARE ON THE MOVE

BY: Gerry Cantlon, Howlings HARTFORD, CT - It's the time of year that moving companies love when it comes to the hockey industry. Coaches and players are both moving all over the place. Ex-Hartford Wolf Pack/New York Ranger Sylvain Lefebvre. After being hired as an assistant coach for the NHL's Columbus Blue Jackets, he leaves the San Diego Gulls. Lefebvre is the second assistant coach to leave former Hartford Whalers' great, Kevin Dineen’s staff. Ex-Pack, David Urquhart, returned to Montreal to be the head coach at McGill University (OUAAA). Alex Tanguay, an Iowa Wild assistant coach signs with the Detroit Red Wings.

KRAKEN AND CHECKERS WORKING TOGETHER

The expansion Seattle Kraken announced they would have a dual affiliation arrangement with the Charlotte Checkers for their first season in 2021-22 while building a new facility in Palm Springs that's currently under construction. The irony is that current Seattle General Manager and Whaler great, Ron Francis, had a six-year relationship with Charlotte while he was with the Carolina Hurricanes. The Checkers were the Hurricane's AHL affiliates up until last season. They and are now in Chicago with the Wolves. The Kraken will likely send 8 players, but that number could climb to as many as 12 players to the Checkers. Francis has been operating at his North Carolina home since the COVID pandemic started. The team will supply the Checkers with an assistant coach who will likely become the first head coach of the Kraken's Palm Springs (CA) affiliate when they come on board in their brand new 10,000 seat arena in 2022-23. It will be the second straight year that the Florida Panthers will have a dual affiliation. Last season the defending Stanley Cup champions and current finalist, Tampa Bay Lightning, shared the Syracuse Crunch.

NHL DRAFT

The Seattle Expansion Draft is set for Wednesday, July 21 at 8 pm and broadcast on ESPN2 in Seattle. The entire NHL Draft is held and broadcast over two days, with the first round covered across the US by NBCSN. For the second year in a row, the draft will be done remotely. On Saturday, the NHL Network will broadcast rounds 2-7. NBCSN is going to be closing shop soon. The draft broadcast team will be composed of members of their staff and ESPN/Turner Sports, where hockey coverage is going to be moving forward, as well as TSN in Canada talent.

KARMANOS NO LONGER AN NHL OWNER

The NHL announced Carolina Hurricanes majority owner Tom Dundon completed his acquisition of the remaining minority ownership stake of Peter Karmanos. As a result, Dundon is now the sole owner of the team. The transaction formally ends Karmanos' relationship with the Carolina Hurricanes/Hartford Whalers that began in 1994.

AHL NEWS

The AHL Board Of Governors (BOG) approved and announced the sale of the Rockford IceHogs to the Chicago Blackhawks. Read more about that HERE. The AHL BOG then announced that the City of Abbotsford and the Vancouver Canucks had finalized the lease for the AHL team and that the Aquillini Investment Group (AIG) arena management portion of the deal. AIG is the parent company of the Vancouver Canucks. The Abbotsford Centre is a multi-purpose entertainment and sports facility. Aquilini Investment Group will manage staffing, event bookings, ticketing, and food and beverage management. More on that deal HERE. Revenue sharing is also included in the contract. The city benefits from enhanced financial gains by sharing profits if there are an average of 5,000 tickets sold per regular season game.

MOVEMENT

Ex-Pack Brian Gibbons (Salisbury Prep) leaves Lausanne HC (Switzerland-LNA) to play for Linköping HC (Sweden-SHL) next season. Adam Musil, the nephew of former Whaler and Ranger Bobby Holik, switches teams in the Czech Republic, going from HC Liberec to HC Dynamo Pardubice. Ex-Bridgeport Sound Tiger (now Islanders) goalie Kevin Poulin leaves IF Bjorkloven (Sweden-Allsvenskan) and signs a one-year AHL deal with the Laval Rocket. The UCONN Huskies will be getting defensive depth next season in Jarrod Gourley, a grad transfer defenseman from NCAA Divison-1 independent Arizona State University (ASU). He is the 51st NCAA grad transfer in the hectic college hockey off-season that has seen 108 players switch schools via school or grad transfers. Gourley is a left-handed shooter who hails from Calgary, Alberta, Canada. He will be in Storrs in a few months. The 22-year-old is undrafted, and his younger brother, Connor Gourley, is currently playing with Camrose (AJHL) and will be at ASU next year. Quinnipiac University (ECACHL) added veteran coach Mike Corbett as the new assistant coach for the Bobcats. Corbett coached Alabama-Huntsville (WCHA) for the last seven years.

GUITE AND OTHER MOVES

Ex-Sound Tiger Ben Guité, who has been with his alma mater an assistant and associate head coach with the Maine Black Bears (HE) for eight years, did not have his contract renewed. Guite was named the interim head coach in May after the sudden passing of one-time Yale assistant Dennis “Red” Gendron. UMASS assistant coach Bill Barr was hired in early June as the new head coach. Sadly, the WCHA Men's Hockey conference is shutting down after 70 years. They lost seven schools to the new CCHA and saw the University of Alabama-Huntsville and the University of Alaska-Anchorage went dark this year. The University of Alaska-Fairbanks will play as a Division-1 independent next season. It's possible that in the next couple of years that the WCHA will return as a true Western-based US college conference. The WCHA women’s conference will continue as is.

PLAYERS CALLING MOVING VANS

Nic Pierog (Canterbury Prep/Sound Tigers) leaves the Indy Fuel (ECHL) and signs with HKM Zloven (Slovakia-SLEL) for next season. Leaving HKM, the defending Slovak league champion is ex-Pack, Allan MacPherson who departs for HC Kosice (Slovakia). Ex-Sound Tiger, Jesse Graham, leaves KalPa Kuopio (Finland-FEL) and signs with Augsburger (Germany-DEL). On his new team and also switching clubs is Marek Bartunas. He is the cousin to Matej Baca, the nephew of former Whaler Jergus Baca. The younger Baca is returning to HK 32 Liptovsky (Slovakia-SLEL) after being traded last year in mid-season. Ex-Sound Tiger Tomas Malec, who nears the end of his career at age 39, drops down from the Czech Elite League HC Brno to HC Brno-B (Division-3). Former UCONN Husky, Spencer Naas, departs Tranås AIF (Sweden HockeyEttan Division-1) for HC Amiens (France-FREL).

US WORLD JUNIOR TEAM NEWS

The 44-player tryout camp for the United States World Junior Team is set to play July 24-31 in the World Junior Summer Showcase at the USA Hockey Arena in Plymouth, Michigan. Included on the roster for defense is Scott Morrow (Darien). He will head to the defending national champion, UMASS-Amherst (HE), in the fall. Morrow, has played for the Shattuck’s St. Mary’s program for the last three years. A WJC returnee from the Bronze medal-winning squad from last year is Jake Sanderson, the son of former Whaler great Geoff Sanderson. He skates for North Dakota (NCHC). Another returnee, but at forward, is Rangers draft pick Brett Berard of Providence College (HE). He is the son of former UCONN head coach David Berard, now the Director of Administration at PC. The elder Berard played as an undergrad, graduated from PC, and was an assistant coach for twelve years. He is no relation to former NHL’er Bryan Berard. There is also Matthew “Mackie” Samoskevitch (Newtown). He is heading to the University of Michigan (Big 10) in the fall and is NHL Draft eligible this year. Lastly, a sophomore from Quinnipiac University (ECACHL), Ty Smilanic, a draft pick of the Florida Panthers last year. The WJC tournament will run from December 26th through January 5th in Edmonton and Red Deer, Alberta, Canada. USA Hockey named its roster and coaches for 2021 Hlinka Cup in Breclav, Czech Republic, and Piestany, Slovakia. There is just one local name associated with the team, Assistant Coach Jared Walman, from Hamden, Connecticut.

CHL DRAFT NEWS

The 30th annual CHL (Canadian Hockey League) Import Draft that involves the three Canadian major junior leagues was held early this year. Normally it's held a week after the NHL Draft. 85 players were selected, including 52 forwards, 26 defensemen, and seven goalies were chosen by 57 teams compromised of the OHL, QMJHL, and the WHL. The top three countries to have players selected were Russia with 16, the Czech Republic with 15, and Belarus taking 11. Just two players had Connecticut connections. UCONN defenseman Yan Kuznetsov, who left school two years early after signing an entry-level deal with the Calgary Flames, played six games with the AHL Stockton Heat, who, because of Covid-19, played their games in Calgary last season. Kuznetsov was taken in the first round (22nd overall) by the QMJHL Saint John (NB) Sea Dogs. Kuznetsov is 6’4 and 225 lbs. He will not be turning 20-years-of-age until March 2022. He is still Russia WJC eligible, so he could wind up in the Q getting valuable playing minutes depending on the organizational depth in Stockton. 6' tall defenseman David Spacek is the other player selected with a connection to Connecticut. He was taken in the second round (67th overall), is a right-hander, and was selected by the QMJHL Sherbrooke Phoenix. Spacek 18, is the son of former Beast of New Haven defenseman Jaroslav Spacek. He played last year for HC Litomerice (Czech Republic Division-2). He is signed to play for HC Plzen (Pilsner) in the Czech U-20 league this year and is WJC eligible. His father is the national team assistant coach and is also an assistant with HC Plzen with the Czech Elite League (CEL) team. He could play in the Q get playing time like Kuznetsov, but the NHL Draft in three weeks will likely play a factor in where he goes if he is drafted. NATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE HOME Read the full article

#2011–12WestVirginiaMountaineersmen'sbasketballteam #2012BigTenConferenceMen'sBasketballTournament #2013CONCACAFGoldCup #2013NHLEntryDraft #2013StanleyCupplayoffs

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kahran042 · 7 months

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Morgan's timeline

Morgan Rose Urquhart: -Born in Dover, New Hampshire to Robert and Kathleen Urquhart on January 18, 15 years before the events of the series. -When Morgan was eight, a clown tried to grab her at a carnival, exacerbating her already-severe coulrophobia*. Her brother Connor, who was ten at the time, saved her and kicked the clown in the shin. -When Morgan was nine, Connor picked her a flower and said "It’s missing a petal, just like you’re missing a few screws upstairs", yet the flower was beautiful. This event was totally not "borrowed" from a YouTube comment on a Dear Evan Hansen animatic. ;) -Morgan started playing the clarinet in fourth grade. -Morgan's family moved to Foxwood when she was ten. -Morgan befriended Sarah Reinholt in sixth grade. -Morgan was forced to watch Supersize Me in seventh-grade health class. For almost a year afterwards, she insisted on going by Rose because she was too embarrassed to share a name with Morgan Spurlock. However, Sarah was the only one who remembered to call her that, and even she forgot sometimes. -Morgan received her iconic Celtic-knot necklace as a thirteenth-birthday gift from Connor. It was the last time she remembered him being nice to her, because it was around the same time that he started pushing her away. She continues to wear the necklace as a symbol of hope for reconciliation with her brother. -The next year, when she was in eighth grade, Morgan joined the lacrosse team and met Kiera Bernhardt, although they didn't really know each other that well until they were in high school. -Morgan discovered she was a lesbian at fourteen, when she realized that she had a crush on her best friend Sarah and had never really had any interest in boys. -In her freshman year of high school, Morgan kicked Nick Murphy in the groin for harassing her brother, and still considers it worth the five-day suspension she received. -In the summer between her freshman and sophomore years, Morgan got the high score on the Lethal Enforcers machine at the local arcade, which remains unbeaten to this day. -The next year, Morgan joined the jazz choir, mostly because Sarah suggested that she join. *Fear of clowns.

#morgan urquhart #my ocs

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kahran042 · 2 months

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A new batch of incorrect JCGTL quotes

Jonas: What do you do when things don't work out? Richard: Drink my worries away. (Source: Amagi Brilliant Park) (Jonas Corbin, Richard Corbin)

Chloe: It might toughen you up if you were to use more…colorful language. Alicia: Ohh, you're gonna teach me how to talk in colors? Teach me, teach me! (Source: Animal Crossing) (Chloe Seaver, Alicia Ramsey)

Jonas: You’re so great! I love you. Kiera: What did you say? Jonas: Nothing! I said “You’re so great”, and then I just stopped talking! (Source: Friends) (Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt)

Mark: I love it when Chloe's asleep. She looks so peaceful. Mark, getting out a marker: And vulnerable. (Source: Garfield) (Mark Seaver)

Donna: Wake up. Jonas: It's cold. Let me sleep. Donna: Till when? Jonas: Spring. (Source: James Breakwell) (Donna Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Logan: I hate camping. If I’m ever in the woods for three days it means I’ve been dead for two of them. (Source: Modern Family) (Logan Taggart)

Connor: If any of you need anything at all, too bad. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Connor Urquhart)

Justin: Someone at school today asked me if I had an older sister who couldn’t swim. “No,” I replied. “I’m an only child.” *Chloe gets mad at that* Justin: Then someone said, “But don’t you have a weird older brother?” “No,” I insisted. “I’m an only child.” *Now Chloe and Mark are both mad* Justin: And so I go, day after day, dodging questions from curious outsiders. Mark: What else did they say? Justin: Some of the guys over at the playground were discussing crabby brothers. Guess what, I won. They all agree that I have the crabbiest brother in the neighborhood. Mark: I’m a celebrity. *Chloe snickers* Mark: You think I’m crabby now? Wait until I’m 40 or 50. Justin: What about when you’re 90? Mark: Then I’ll be real nice. (Source: Peanuts) (Justin Seaver, Mark Seaver)

Mark: Dude… I service society, by ROCKING. (Source: School of Rock) (Mark Seaver)

Donna: Jonas, what did I say about being a smartass? Jonas: Don't be a smartass. (Source: South Park) (Donna Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: At times like this I guess all you can do is laugh. Jonas: *sits silently* (Source: The Simpsons) (Jonas Corbin)

Mark, to Chloe: You tried your best and in the end you failed miserably. Mark: The lesson here? Never try. (Source: The Simpsons) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Brad: Jonas, I'm confused. Is this a happy ending or a sad ending? Jonas: It's an ending. That's enough. (Source: The Simpsons) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas (to Dan): We're having the best Spring Break of our lives, and we don't need you around nerding it up. Nate: That job is taken! (Source: The Simpsons) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Jonas, trying to talk to Kiera: …do you like stuff? (Source: The Simpsons)

(Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: I don’t want to blame all of my problems on my parents but they certainly didn’t help. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin)

Brad: You look sad today. Jonas: I'm actually sad every day. I just don't have the strength to hide it. Brad: … (Source: Tumblr) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Alicia, walking around the forest: Aren’t these trees beautiful? They’re the tallest known living beings in the forest. Alicia: *bumps into Malcolm* Alicia: I was wrong. (Source: Tumblr) (Alicia Ramsey)

Kathleen: How was your day? Connor: I think you already know the answer to that. (Source: Tumblr) (Kathleen Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)

Jonas: Believe in myself? The same person who got me into this mess? (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin)

Mia: I really got a good heart. I just got a smart mouth and I'm a little mean. (Source: Twitter) (Mia Thompson)

Jonas: *does nothing all week* Jonas: Today is a 'me'-day. I deserve it, I need to relax a bit. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin)

Nick: *points to a field of geese* Look at all those chickens! (Source: Vine) (Nick Murphy)

Brad: Don't go in the living room, okay? Mia: What? Why not? Brad: I saw a spider. Mia: Did you kill it? Brad: I have two arms! It has EIGHT! That's not fair! (Source: Vine) (Brad Thompson, Mia Thompson)

Jonas: Now kids, you may be wondering, “Jonas, how’d you get into this situation?” Well, kids, Jonas doesn’t know how he did either! (Source: Vine) (Jonas Corbin)

Mr. Starovski: My wife and I are having a baby. Jonas: That's gre- Mr. Starovski, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's you, sign here. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Greg Starovski, Jonas Corbin)

Adrian: Once I put a bug in Kiera's pocket, as a present, and she went berserk. Karin: Adrian? Newsflash here… No one likes bugs in their clothes! (Source: Xenoblade Chronicles) (Adrian Bernhardt, Karin Michaux)

#incorrect quotes #jonas corbin's guide to life #jcgtl #my ocs

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kahran042 · 3 months

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Yet another new batch of incorrect JCGTL quotes!

Heidi: Dave, remember how we were worried about Nick's F-U-T-U-R-E? Nick: Oh mom, you don't have to worry about my furniture! David: Oh my god. (Source: Boy Meets World) (Heidi Murphy, Nick Murphy, David Murphy)

Chloe and Kiera are arguing about something Jonas: There's always rock, paper, scissors. Brad: That's a great idea! Chloe and Kiera (thinking): Rock, paper, scissors? I'm good at everything except for that! For some reason, I always pick rock! (Source: Crayon Shin-Chan) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson, Chloe Seaver, Kiera Bernhardt)

Mark: And that's why I don't have a girlfriend. Chloe: You know, I think there’s a lot of reasons why you don't have a girlfriend. (Source: Drake and Josh) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Jonas: My sister is impossible! Samantha: You know I don't like my orange juice with pulp! Jonas: holds up orange juice carton It says right here, "No pulp". Samantha: You and that are LIARS. (Source: Everybody Loves Raymond) (Jonas Corbin, Samantha Corbin)

Jonas: Hey! I'm not a nerd! I'm icy chill… (Source: Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends) (Jonas Corbin)

Connor: Guess what? Mark: What? Connor: I mouthed off to Dad and he grounded me. Mark: So why aren't you home? Connor: Because he grounded me over here. He said if I stayed home he'd just be punishing himself. (Source: Full House) (Connor Urquhart, Mark Seaver)

Jonas: Am I in the wrong here? Nate: Yes. Jonas: Who asked you? (Source: Full House) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Nick: I know you think I should write that down, but you know what happens to a thought once I get it in my head? Mark: It dies of loneliness? (Source: Garfield and Friends) (Nick Murphy, Mark Seaver)

Jonas: In this show, we don't make mistakes. Nick: walks in Hey, Jon-ass. Jonas: Except occasionally in casting. (Source: Garfield and Friends) (Jonas Corbin, Nick Murphy)

Nate: Everyone thinks I'm a coward, and I resent it. Jonas: Nate, you are a coward. Nate: That's why I resent it. (Source: Garfield and Friends) (Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin)

Alicia: If we were all trees, there’d be no more wars. Because we’d be trees. (Source: Golden Sun) (Alicia Ramsey)

Jonas: Sometimes I think, is this all there is? Is life just some horrific joke without a punch line? That we’re all just biding our time until the sweet, sweet release of death? (Source: Gravity Falls) (Jonas Corbin)

Connor: Ugh, another glorious morning… makes me sick (Source: Hocus Pocus) (Connor Urquhart)

Donna: I don't think you're "melon-chested," Jonas. Jonas: Well, maybe "melon-chested" is the wrong word, but I am messed up. Donna: Do you mean "maladjusted"? (Source: Home Movies) (Donna Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Teacher: The question was "Who wrote Hamlet?" You wrote "The Pope's cousin, Count Pope-ula, a magical monster with pencils for arms". Nick: I'll be honest. I made that one up. (Source: Home Movies) (Nick Murphy)

Kiera: Please? For me? Jonas: Kiera. Don’t do that. Kiera: What? Jonas: You think every time you say, “Please? For me?” I’ll do whatever you want. Well, not this time. Kiera: Please? For me? Jonas: Okay. (Source: iCarly) (Kiera Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: I did the dishes. Donna: They're still dirty. Jonas: I didn't say I did them well. (Source: James Breakwell) (Jonas Corbin, Donna Corbin)

Connor and Morgan fighting Kathleen: Can you please just get along for five minutes? Connor: We can get along for longer than that. Kathleen: Good. Morgan: Just not in the same room. (Source: James Breakwell) (Kathleen Urquhart, Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Chloe: I don’t know why people say a double-edged sword is bad. It’s a sword. With two edges. (Source: Magic: The Gathering) (Chloe Seaver)

Alicia: If I fight, I might step on a butterfly. That would be sad. (Source: Magic: The Gathering) (Alicia Ramsey)

Jonas: Saturday is a day for sleeping. And damn it, you will not take that day away from me! (Source: New Girl) (Jonas Corbin)

Mark: You always see the worst in people. Connor: Yeah, because people are the worst. (Source: New Girl) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Justin: about to throw a snowball Chloe: Here's a gentle reminder… if you throw that snowball at me, I'll break every bone in your stupid body! Justin: Saved by a gentle reminder. (Source: Peanuts) (Justin Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Nate (in detention): I had a perfect record. They were making me a plaque. (Source: Pepper Ann) (Nate Kellerman)

Jonas: Boredom is something up with which I will not put! (Source: Phineas and Ferb) (Jonas Corbin)

the entire family is watching a video Samantha picked out Movie: "But- But, without the list of sad little boys and girls, this will become 'The Land Without Smiles!'" Jonas: "The Land Without Brains" is more like it! (Source: Rugrats) (Jonas Corbin)

Brad: Get Kiera's attention? What are you going to do, pretend to drown? Jonas: Do you think that would work? (Source: The Baby-Sitters Club) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Morgan: Is Dandy a good watchdog? Sarah: Well, he likes to watch TV. (Source: The Baby-Sitters Club) (Morgan Urquhart, Sarah Reinholt)

Chloe: I'm bossy. Get used to it. (Source: The Baby-Sitters Club) (Chloe Seaver)

Alicia: One time I cried in front of my whole class. Kiera: Oh, that’s so embarrassing for a little kid. Alicia: Little kid! It was last week! (Source: The Baby-Sitters Club) (Alicia Ramsey, Kiera Bernhardt)

Jonas: Being the bigger man is overrated. (Source: The Boondocks) (Jonas Corbin)

looking at a glass of water Kiera: The glass is half full! Connor: The glass is half empty. Jonas: Half full… No! Wait! Half empty!… No, half… what was the question? Nick: Hey! I ordered a cheeseburger! (Source: The Far Side) (Kiera Bernhardt, Connor Urquhart, Jonas Corbin, Nick Murphy)

Mark: Lucky for you, I'm an expert liar. And I'll teach you because you're the coolest, smartest, most capable sister a guy could ever have. Chloe: Really? Mark: No, but now you see how good I am. (Source: The Goldbergs) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Mark: I wish I was dead… Connor: If you say it out loud, it won't come true. (Source: The Oblongs) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Jared: Why shouldn't you put a toaster in a bathtub full of WATER? Nick: Because your toast would get soggy. (Source: The Powerpuff Girls) (Jared Murphy, Nick Murphy)

Nick: Aren’t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa. (Source: The Simpsons) (Nick Murphy)

Kiera: Adrian? Adrian? Adrian: wakes up Uh, what’s the matter? Kiera: I had a bad dream. Can I sleep in your bed? Adrian: …No. Kiera: I’ll give you a candy necklace. Adrian: takes candy necklace and eats it Climb aboard. Kiera: Thanks, Adrian. Adrian: Less talk, more sleep. (Source: The Simpsons) (Kiera Bernhardt, Adrian Bernhardt)

Nate: That summer, I learned a lot. I learned that my head was a magnet for baseballs. (Source: Tiny Toon Adventures) (Nate Kellerman)

Morgan: Mom’s making us have family game night tonight. You know us, the cops will be here an hour after we get started. (Source: Wizards of Waverly Place) (Morgan Urquhart)

Nick: Jared, how are you doing? Jared: I'm fine, Nick. But thanks for asking. Caitlyn: I wish I had a brother or sister. You guys look like a real family. Jared: Well… you're basically like our baby sister. Caitlyn: What!? BABY sister!? Jared: laughs Be careful what you wish for. (Source: Xenoblade Chronicles) (Nick Murphy, Jared Murphy, Caitlyn Larouche)

Jonas: This world is senior's paradise and freshman's hell… (Source: Tiktok) (Jonas Corbin)

Brad: Birth certificates are just receipts for human beings. Jonas: How and where can I return myself? (Source: Tumblr) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: I hate when people ask me, ‘What did you do today?’ Buddy, listen, I woke up at noon and then it was five p.m., okay? I don’t KNOW! (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: Maybe ignoring my responsibilities and daydreaming all day will solve my problems. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: Bad things only happen to me because I’m the main character so it’s only part of the plot. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: FUCK! Donna, running in: Jonas, what's wrong? Are you okay? Are you hurt? Jonas: What? Oh, yeah, I'm fine. I was just screaming at life in general. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Donna Corbin)

Jonas: I think I’m going to become an unreliable narrator. If you see me obscuring the full truth or saying things that directly contradict each other, don’t worry about it. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin)

Lilith: does something cute Kiera: I don’t care. Jonas, narrating: But she did care. (Source: Tumblr) (Lilith, Kiera Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: I wonder how I would be introduced in stories? Chloe: "And then there was this asshole". Brad: A loveable asshole! Nate: But still an asshole. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver, Brad Thompson, Nate Kellerman)

Jonas: I’m the main character. Brad: Jonas, you’re the unreliable narrator. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Mark: Never feel bad about eating unhealthy things like pizza. Use the science of relativity. Pizza is healthier than crystal meth. Take another slice and be thankful. (Source: Twitter) (Mark Seaver)

Chloe: Anyone know when my life is supposed to get better? Mark: It won’t. Chloe: Damn, okay. (Source: Twitter) (Chloe Seaver, Mark Seaver)

Mark: I wish my younger siblings would appreciate how low I set the bar for them. (Source: Twitter) (Mark Seaver)

Jonas: I’m naturally funny because my life is a joke. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin)

Kiera: I just told a story about my childhood that I thought was really funny, but now everyone is really quiet and someone said “I’m so sorry”. (Source: Twitter) (Kiera Bernhardt)

Jessica, to Jadyn: I’ll give you $13 to stop being my sister. (Source: Twitter) (Jessica Beaumont)

Mark: Today marks the 10 year anniversary of the time I fell off the swings at a park and some bitch ass kid said “What season is it? Fall?” I pray that he’s dead every single day. (Source: Twitter) (Mark Seaver)

Jonas: Uno is based on luck. Unless I win. Then it’s based on strategy and I’m a genius. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin)

Connor: Get that tattoo, your family is already disappointed in you. It wouldn’t change anything. (Source: Twitter) (Connor Urquhart)

John: holding up a bread clip Nobody under 40 will know what this is. Mark: Right, because all bread is digital now. I forgot. (Source: Twitter) (John Seaver, Mark Seaver)

Jonas: Where's my fucking keys? Monica: Jonas, Samantha is around, can you say it a little nicer? Jonas: May I perchance ascertain the whereabouts of my fucking keys?! (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin, Monica Corbin)

Jonas: I feel bad for boomers. Their parents taught them rules like, “Wearing a hat at the dinner table is rude”. And they were too stupid to be like, “What? That makes no fucking sense, at all”. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin)

Nate: So what’s the new rule here? Jonas and Brad: No daring Chloe to do stupid stuff. Nate: Why? Chloe, grumpily: Because I have no regard for my personal well being… (Source: Unknown) (Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Alicia: Why me? Chloe: Because people like you. You’re quiet. You say “excuse me”. You look like little cartoon birds help you get dressed in the morning. (Source: Unknown) (Alicia Ramsey, Chloe Seaver)

Brad: Why do you take so many naps? Jonas: Because when you’re sleeping, there’s no lonely times, just dreams. (Source: Unknown) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Donna: Why are you eating Lucky Charms at three in the morning? Jonas: Being magically delicious waits for no one. (Source: Unknown) (Donna Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Naomi, to Adrian and Kiera: This seems like the kind of thing that responsible parents wouldn’t want you to do. Naomi: Good thing I'm an aunt! (Source: Gravity Falls) (Naomi Farrell)

John: I watched Godzilla Vs. Kong. Two monsters attack each other for no reason and make a giant mess while people look on, unable to stop them. It’s the most accurate parenting movie I’ve ever seen. (Source: James Breakwell) (John Seaver)

Valerie: You think I smother the kids? John: Now honey, it’s not your fault. "Mother" is part of the word. You never hear anyone being "sfathered" to death. (Source: Modern Family) (Valerie Seaver, John Seaver)

Dorothy: You're such a nice boy, Jonas. I can see why Mia built a shrine to you in her room. (Source: Phineas and Ferb) (Dorothy Thompson)

Robert: loses Connor in a crowd Robert: Finally. (Source: Twitter) (Robert Urquhart)

Donna: Jonas is in the other room explaining to Leo that even though we are going to bed early, he, the cat, is welcome to stay up. (Source: Twitter) (Donna Corbin)

#incorrect quotes #incorrect jcgtl quotes #jonas corbin's guide to life #my ocs

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kahran042 · 4 months

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Perhaps my biggest batch of incorrect JCGTL quotes yet!

Valerie: Chloe really looks up to you. Mark: She's 5'2", she looks up to everybody. (Source: American Dragon: Jake Long) (Valerie Seaver, Mark Seaver)

Brad: You’re amazingly inept, you know. Jonas: I’m aware. Brad: You’re even aware of it?! (Source: Angel Beats!) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: Get over here, Mark. Being part of the group also means being part of group hugs. (Source: Avatar: The Last Airbender) (Jonas Corbin)

Kiera: Um, you’re kind of exaggerating, Chloe. Chloe: I’m exaggerating?! Kiera: Yeah, I think so, a little bit. Chloe: That is literally the stupidest thing anyone has said in the history of mankind EVER. (Source: Bob's Burgers) (Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver)

Jonas: There’s no such thing as ghosts! Samantha: Fine then, what do you think that noise is? Jonas: I dunno, probably just a murderer or something. (Source: Bob's Burgers) (Jonas Corbin, Samantha Corbin)

Justin: Chloe, listen carefully. Life is a journey. Chloe: Uh-huh? Justin: That’s all I got. I don’t have advice, I’m twelve. (Source: Bob's Burgers) (Justin Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Jonas: You know, sometimes I feel like my whole life is just a series of loosely-related wacky misadventures. (Source: Bojack Horseman) (Jonas Corbin)

Brad: What’s the expression? Fool me once, shame on me. Fool me twice…fiddle dee-dee. Jonas: Fool me once, and I’ll be fooled for a day. Teach me to fool people, and I’ll be fooled for the rest of my life. Chloe: Fool me once, fool me twice, fool me chicken soup with rice. Jonas: I do believe that’s the expression. (Source: Bojack Horseman) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver)

Morgan: Would you be my girlfriend? Lydia: kisses Morgan Morgan: Yes or no? (Source: Boy Meets World) (Morgan Urquhart, Lydia Renfrew)

Mark: This year, I lost my best friend, Connor. Connor: Stop telling everyone I'm dead. Mark: Sometimes I can still hear his voice… (Source: Brother Bear) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Alicia: I don’t believe in weeds. A weed is simply a flower that someone decides is in the wrong place. (Source: Call the Midwife) (Alicia Ramsey)

Chloe, to Mark: What gets out Kool-Aid stains? Justin: We already know that the opposite color Kool-Aid doesn’t work (Source: Community) (Chloe Seaver, Justin Seaver)

Kiera: This conversation would be somewhat less absurd if I could understand you. Lilith: meows Kiera: Oh, really? I hadn’t considered that. (Source: Critical Role) (Kiera Bernhardt, Lilith)

Mark, walking into the kitchen: I smell burnt things. Chloe: There’s a thin line between brûlée and Pompeii. (Source: Cutthroat Kitchen) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Chloe: If you make fun of me one more time, I will tell everyone I know that you named your favorite pillow Mr. Puff Puff. Mark: …Sorry if I offended you. (Source: Drake and Josh) (Chloe Seaver, Mark Seaver)

Jonas: I gotta make sure Kiera knows I'm doing this. I need an event with thousands of people. Something that everybody cares about. Jonas: … Jonas: I might have to leave New Hampshire for this one. (Source: Family Guy) (Jonas Corbin)

Nate: Wanna hear something weird? Jonas: Always. (Source: Friends) (Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin)

Chloe: Hey, excuse me, I can cook! Kiera: Offering people gum is not cooking. (Source: Friends) (Chloe Seaver, Kiera Bernhardt)

Jessica: No, I don’t gossip! Maybe sometimes I find out things, or I hear something, and pass that information on. You know, kind of like a public service. (Source: Friends) (Jessica Beaumont)

Morgan: Good morning, Connor! It’s great to be alive! Connor: Why can’t you wake up grumpy and grouchy like a normal person? (Source: Full House) (Morgan Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)

Shana: Oh, Mom, after Drake's recital, we should hit the big sale at the Fashion Mart. Everything is half off. Carol: Of course, that doesn’t save me any money, because you’ll just buy twice as much stuff, right? Shana: I like your attitude. (Source: Full House) (Shana Levine, Carol Levine)

Kiera: So what’s the plan for tonight? Chloe: Are you sure you want to talk about the P-A-R-T-Y in front of my M-O-M? Valerie, sarcastically: Oh, in times like this I sure wish I could spell. (Source: Full House) (Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver, Valerie Seaver)

Jonas: Why is there yogurt in this cap? Donna: I can explain that. See, it used to be milk. And, well, time makes fools of us all. (Source: Futurama) (Jonas Corbin, Donna Corbin)

Justin: I can’t be late on my first day of school. Do you know what happens to people when they’re late on their first day? Chloe: It’s shorter? (Source: Gilmore Girls) (Justin Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Nate: I have a 5 year plan. Jonas: 5 years? Cool… I’ve got about the next 2 and a half hours planned… then there’s just darkness… and possibly dragons. (Source: Gilmore Girls) (Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin)

Brad: So, wait, Kiera kissed you and you said “Thank you”? Jonas: Yes. Brad: Well, that was very polite. (Source: Gilmore Girls) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Christi: God, I hate him. Ashley: Me, too. Christi: You have no idea who I’m talking about. Ashley: Solidarity, sister. (Source: Gilmore Girls) (Christi Wong, Ashley Cournane)

Kiera: I’m asking you to let it go. Chloe: And I really wish I was the kind of person who could do that. (Source: House) (Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver)

Jonas: Hey, Mom. Chloe: Hi, Mrs. Corbin! Kiera: Hello. Brad: What’s up? Donna: Hi, son, and his friends who never seem to hang out at their own homes. (Source: iCarly) (Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver, Kiera Bernhardt, Brad Thompson, Donna Corbin)

Jonas: I’m just saying that the plan was genuinely dumb, as many of our plans are, I now realize. Chloe: What about your whole speech about ‘I have the grace of a falcon, and I’ll be in and out like a demon’s whisper’? Brad: Dude, you stood up on your chair and said that speech for everybody. Jonas: It was a good speech. It was very persuasive, but I regret it now. (Source: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia) (Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver, Brad Thompson)

Connor: Sorry I'm late. It took longer than I thought to wash the eggs off my truck. Nick: Sorry I'm late. It took longer than I thought to egg Connor's truck. (Source: King of the Hill) (Connor Urquhart, Nick Murphy)

Donna: When I was young, I left a trail of broken hearts like a rockstar. I’m not proud of it. Jonas: You’re kind of proud of it. You work it into a lot of conversations. (Source: Modern Family) (Donna Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: It’s gonna take more than that to ruin a morning that started out with a whipped cream smile on my waffle. (Source: Modern Family) (Jonas Corbin)

Chloe: You know what? We're clever too, smartypants! Nate: Then what's the difference between a gamete and a zygote? Jonas: Don't fall for it, Chloe. He's just making up words. (Source: Modern Family) (Chloe Seaver, Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin)

Lydia: We both look very beautiful tonight. Morgan: You know, if you’d just said I look beautiful, I would’ve said “so do you”. Lydia: I couldn’t take that chance. (Source: Modern Family) (Lydia Renfrew, Morgan Urquhart)

Jonas: It’s never too late! I’m Jonas Corbin and I never say ‘never’! Brad: You just said it. Three times. (Source: Ned's Declassified School Survival Guide) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Jonas: I’m super focused. Brad: You’re not even looking at me right now. Jonas: I thought I saw something shiny. (Source: New Girl) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Jonas: Did Kiera just tell me she loved me for the first time? Chloe: Yeah. Jonas: And did I do finger guns back? Chloe: Yeah, you did. (Source: New Girl) (Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver)

Christi: Please don’t mistake my measured blank tone for calmness, as I am filled with the waters of rage. (Source: New Girl) (Christi Wong)

Mark: What scares you the most? Lauren: Needles. Jared: Snakes. Connor: The unstoppable marching of time that is slowly guiding us all towards an inevitable death. Nick: Connor. (Source: Obvious Plant) (Mark Seaver, Lauren Reinholt, Jared Murphy, Connor Urquhart, Nick Murphy)

Justin: Chloe! I hope you don’t mind I played for you while you were gone. Don’t worry, I only lost twice. Chloe: I was downstairs for 2 minutes. We’re playing Monopoly. Justin: I made a few risky investments. Mark: He tried to build, and I quote, “a tower citadel worthy of my sorcery” by stacking 20 hotels on jail. (Source: Paranatural) (Justin Seaver, Chloe Seaver, Mark Seaver)

Jonas: Whenever Mom asks for the Latin names of her plants, I just give her the names of famous rappers. Donna, in her garden: These Ludacrises are coming in great! (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Jonas Corbin, Donna Corbin)

Kiera: I’ve never seen you buy a salad. Chloe: That’s because I don’t hate myself, Kiera. I’m sorry, but I stand behind my decision to avoid salad and other disgusting things. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver)

Kyle: Quick, Thom, start talking about boring nerd stuff! Thom: You know, nerd culture is mainstream now, so when you use the word “nerd” derogatorily, it means you’re the one that’s out of the zeitgeist. Kyle: Yes, that’s perfect. Just like that. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Kyle Levy, Thom Anderson)

Chloe and Alicia are going through Chloe's emails Alicia: There’s a “top ten Jonas Corbin's butt” slide show. You emailed it to me and Kiera and “The Huffington Post”? Chloe: Yeah, I’m not embarrassed by that. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Alicia Ramsey, Chloe Seaver)

Ashley: Describe your ideal man. Christi: He’s dark and mysterious, and he can sing, and he plays the organ. Ashley: I think you just described the Phantom of the Opera. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Ashley Cournane, Christi Wong)

Connor: Is this gonna be one of those cool parties where things go out of control and we murder someone and then we all have to take a blood oath to never reveal our secret? Mark: Um…no? Connor: Then I might have to leave early. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Connor Urquhart, Mark Seaver)

Justin: I fed all of Mark's emails, letters, and texts into a program and generated a word cloud. The more he's mentioned a word, the larger it appears. Chloe: “Lauren”…And, much larger, “Connor.” He definitely loves Connor. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Justin Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Lydia: Here’s my wall of inspirational women. Shea: Is that a picture of you? Lydia: I’m big enough to admit I am often inspired by myself. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Lydia Renfrew, Shea Renfrew)

Kiera: Why would you eat all that ice cream? You know you’re lactose intolerant. Chloe: I thought if I ate it really fast I wouldn’t notice. (Source: Regular Show) (Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver)

Mark: How are your breakfast burritos? Cashier: Disgusting. Mark: I’ll take a jumbo. (Source: Sam and Cat) (Mark Seaver)

Jonas: May the force be… Nate: … Equal to mass times acceleration! (Source: Saturday Night Live) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Brad: I don’t like spiders. If you see one, I want you to stomp it. I want you to stomp it dead, okay? I don’t want you to put it in a little cup and take it outside because it’ll just find its way back in, okay? They’re sneaky. (Source: Scrubs) (Brad Thompson)

Nate: I am the smartest, most skilled person in our friend group Brad: Is your hand stuck in that vending machine? Nate: I paid for my Rolos, I’m getting my Rolos. (Source: Scrubs) (Nate Kellerman, Brad Thompson)

Christi: Well, I can’t go to a bad movie by myself! What, am I gonna make sarcastic remarks to strangers? (Source: Seinfeld) (Christi Wong)

Chloe: Hey, Mark, your boyfriend is calling. Mark: Connor isn’t my boyfriend! Mark, into the phone: Hey, babe. (Source: Shaun of the Dead) (Chloe Seaver, Mark Seaver)

Chloe: Fine. I admit it, I still can’t swim! I never took those lessons at the community pool. Valerie: Chloe, you promised! Chloe: They wanted to put me in the beginners class with the little kids! I can’t be swimming around with a bunch of five year olds! They can be so cruel when they sense weakness. Mark: That’s why on the first day you have to beat up the biggest one in the yard. Justin: Mark, that’s prison. Mark: Only if you let it be. (Source: Sonic Boom) (Chloe Seaver, Valerie Seaver, Mark Seaver, Justin Seaver)

Nate: I think your calculations may have been off. Jonas: Well, they can’t be off if you don’t do any. (Source: Steven Universe) (Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin)

Landon: I have to ground you. I am grounding you. You are grounded. Lydia: What about school? Landon: Fine. Other than school. And no TV. Lydia: The TV’s broken. Landon: Then no computer. Lydia: I need the computer for school. Landon: Then no… Uh…No Morgan. Lydia: What? No Morgan? Landon: NO MORGAN! (Source: Teen Wolf) (Landon Renfrew II, Lydia Renfrew)

Mark: Why is Frodo on the table? Chloe: He likes to be tall. (Source: That '70s Show) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Lydia: Dad, this is part of my morning routine. Take a bath, brush my teeth, fight with Shea, eat a muffin. (Source: That's So Raven) (Lydia Renfrew)

Samantha: What's a freak show? Jonas: It’s like our family, but people pay to see it. (Source: The Amazing World of Gumball) (Samantha Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: Why is Kiera doing that? Chloe: Love makes you do stupid things. Jonas: I love everything. Chloe: That explains a lot. (Source: The Grim Adventures of Billy and Mandy) (Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver)

Jonas: It’s times like these I wish I’d listened to what my mom told me when I was younger. Brad: Why, what did she tell you? Jonas: I don’t know. I didn’t listen! (Source: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Kiera: I’m going to need everyone to be straight with each other from now on. No more games. Morgan: I'm always straight. Lydia: Oh, man, that’s the biggest lie you’ve ever told. (Source: The Raven Boys) (Kiera Bernhardt, Morgan Urquhart, Lydia Renfrew)

Jadyn: Darn right I’m upset! Susan: Jadyn, watch your language! Oh. You did. Sorry. (Source: The Simpsons) (Jadyn Beaumont, Susan Beaumont)

Chloe: Maybe, just once, someone will call me ‘ma'am’ without adding, ‘you’re making a scene.’ (Source: The Simpsons) (Chloe Seaver)

Mark: Name me a more human experience than prom. Connor: Death. (Source: The Vampire Diaries) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Thom: You can’t beat up everyone you have a problem with. Kyle: I can try! (Source: Vampire Academy) (Thom Anderson, Kyle Levy)

Chloe: I put this stupid chicken in the oven three hours ago and it’s still not cooked! Valerie: Okay, a couple things. You didn’t turn the oven on, this is a turkey, and uh, yeah, it’s still frozen. (Source: Victorious) (Chloe Seaver, Valerie Seaver)

Jonas: I’m just saying, any dude with that many skills has to be hiding something Brad: So I suppose you think Drake is hiding something? Jonas: Oh, he was until I found out. Drake:…what was I hiding? Jonas: That you were born in Manchester! Drake: It wasn’t a secret. (Source: Victorious) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson, Drake Levine)

Nate: Stars: they are just like us! Mostly volatile burning lumps, noiseless in the void of space. Cold and alone. Dying. (Source: Welcome to Night Vale) (Nate Kellerman)

Chloe: I love how we’re always on the same page. Justin: Same page? We’re not reading the same book. We’re not even in the same library. (Source: White Collar) (Chloe Seaver, Justin Seaver)

Mia: Pull over there, I have to get something healthy to eat to calm my nerves. Chloe: That’s a donut shop. Mia: I’ll get the ones with the fruit in the middle. (Source: Wizards of Waverly Place) (Mia Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Mark: There’s always a light at the end of the tunnel. Connor: It’s usually an oncoming train. Mark: Could you not try to kill my vibe for five seconds? (Source: Instagram) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Alicia: NATE! (Winks at him) Nate: … Nate: Are you trying to flirt with me? Alicia: I’ve actually been doing that a lot. (Starts crying uncontrollably, still smiling) But thanks for noticing. (Source: Instagram) (Alicia Ramsey, Nate Kellerman)

Kiera: Today, Jonas said that he was going to cook me dinner. After waiting for the frozen pizza he decided to make for me to be completely cooked, he said “Oh I hate this part”, reached into the oven with his bare hands and took out the pizza, all while screaming. (Source: Reddit) (Kiera Bernhardt)

Morgan: Lydia just texted me “I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock.” Chloe: If you don’t marry her, I will. (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Morgan Urquhart, Chloe Seaver)

Connor, to Morgan: I’m making a will, in it I’m leaving you my skull. (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Connor Urquhart)

Connor: I need Christi there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me. (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Connor Urquhart)

Zane: Evanescent Corruption is life. I once broke up with a girl because she said Evanescent Corruption was stupid. (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Zane Kessler)

Justin: Chloe, I’m gonna put my cookie in the con queso dip. Chloe: That’s disgusting. I’m gonna do the same thing. (Source: Tiktok) (Justin Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Christi: Combine all sports into one sport and call it Ballstorm and maybe I’ll watch it. (Source: Tumblr) (Christi Wong)

Nate: Anybody would be lucky to date me. I was a ‘pleasure to have in class.’ (Source: Tumblr) (Nate Kellerman)

Sarah: If you don’t kiss Pekoe on his soft little forehead, what are you even doing? Lauren: Yelling at him for trying to eat plastic. (Source: Tumblr) (Sarah Reinholt, Lauren Reinholt)

Brad: My blueberry muffin this morning only had one blueberry in it. Jonas: Well, it isn’t called a blueberries muffin. (Source: Tumblr) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: Big fan of walking in the rain. Hate the concept of wet clothes. I’m tired of life and its obscure sufferings. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin)

Connor: I am decayed. My lungs are full of thorns and mildew. My bones are held together by vines. I am fragile. Be gentle with my corpse. Kathleen: Get out of bed. You’re going to school whether you like it or not. Connor: I REFUSE. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart, Kathleen Urquhart)

Brad: Weird Al Yankovic implies the existence of a Mundane Al Yankovic. Nate: He literally had a roommate in college also named Al, and they called him “Weird Al” to differentiate the two. Jonas: So what I’m hearing is, there is a Mundane Al. (Source: Tumblr) (Brad Thompson, Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin)

Kiera: What’s a gender neutral word you could use for your spouse? Wusband? Hife? Wifesband?! Kiera: … Kiera: I may be stupid. (Source: Tumblr) (Kiera Bernhardt)

Nate: I don’t understand people who get bored by dinosaurs. They were giant bird lizards that got murdered by space! (Source: Tumblr) (Nate Kellerman)

Jonas: I’ve changed all my passwords to ‘incorrect’. Kiera: Why? Jonas: So if I forget it then my devices will remind me ‘your password is incorrect’. Kiera: That is the most genius piece of idiocy that I’ve ever heard. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt)

Lauren: I’m never going to die because that would be Bury Your Gays. (Source: Tumblr) (Lauren Reinholt)

Chloe: People keep posting ‘What’s REALLY in your food’ articles like I’m gonna stop eating whatever it’s about. Listen, Death is coming. Death is coming. Pass me a hot dog. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver)

Jared: excitedly How’s the best brother in the world doing? Nick: I don’t know, how’re you doing? Jared: voice cracking I-I’m fine. (Source: Tumblr) (Jared Murphy, Nick Murphy)

Connor: On Halloween, we dress like skeletons, but in reality, the skeletons dress like us. Morgan: I worry about you. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Jonas: How did you two get into a car accident? Monica: Well, we were driving and there was a deer on the road. So I said “deer” to alert Richard and what did you say? Richard: …“Yes, honey?” (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Monica Corbin, Richard Corbin)

Donna: We just ate. Why are you making pancakes? Jonas: They’re for Leo. Donna: Why are you making pancakes for Leo? Jonas: He doesn’t know how. (Source: Tumblr) (Donna Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: We need to talk. Mark: What’s wrong? Connor: Can we get Chinese food? Mark: That’s what you want to talk about? Connor: Yeah. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart, Mark Seaver)

Lauren: Self-care is being unapologetically gay and making straight people uncomfortable. (Source: Tumblr) (Lauren Reinholt)

Jonas: What if giraffes lived for 150 years? Chloe: Nice. Jonas: And they never stopped g r o w i n g? Chloe: N I C E! (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver)

Brad: If I (legally) bought the Mona Lisa, would anyone be able to stop me from eating it? Jonas: Free market, baby. Kiera: Law and Ethics. Nate: I mean…no…but you would be poisoned. Like, very deeply poisoned. I cannot emphasize enough how poisoned eating the Mona Lisa would make you. Brad: But what a way to go. (Source: Tumblr) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt, Nate Kellerman)

Nate: Whenever I hear someone talking about Hannibal I assume they are going to be talking about Hannibal Barca, the Carthaginian general from the Second Punic War. I have never been correct but I am also not letting that stop me. (Source: Tumblr) (Nate Kellerman)

Connor: I’m just saying, when I die in mysterious and unexplained circumstances I want you all to make sure that everybody knows it. Instead of saying how I was “a friend to everyone” and that I “lit up a room” when I entered it, I want people to shake their heads while muttering that I “asked too many questions for my own good” and talk about how they “warned me that I was getting in way over my head” and that I “always had a knack for finding trouble” wherever I went. If you don’t make me a local urban legend you’ve failed me. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart)

Kiera: Date someone who will wake you up at 3 A.M. to look at the stars. Brad: If anyone, and I mean anyone, wakes me up at 3 A.M. to go look at the damn sky they will be removed indefinitely from my life. (Source: Tumblr) (Kiera Bernhardt, Brad Thompson)

Jonas: A black cat crossing your path is actually good luck on account of you get to see a cat. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin)

Kiera: Chloe, please don’t pronounce ‘hors d'oeuvres’ as 'horse divorce’ ever again. (Source: Tumblr) (Kiera Bernhardt)

Morgan: Well, I guess you could say I’ve fallen for you. Sarah: You just fell down seven flights of stairs, how are you even alive? (Source: Tumblr) (Morgan Urquhart, Sarah Reinholt)

Alicia: Raccoons have people hands. Jonas: Or do we have raccoon hands? (Source: Tumblr) (Alicia Ramsey, Jonas Corbin)

Kiera: I love you. Jonas: I love you too. Kiera: I love you more. Jonas: I love you more than you love me. Brad: I’d love it if you guys didn’t do this in the group chat. (Source: Tumblr) (Kiera Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Morgan: Is everything okay? Lydia: Everything’s fine, babe. Morgan: Did you just call me “babe”? Lydia: …Can I call you that? Morgan: You can call me whatever you want :) Lydia: Alright, Lightning McQueen <3 (Source: Tumblr) (Morgan Urquhart, Lydia Renfrew)

Mark, looking at Connor: Guys are so hot… Mark, looking at Lauren: But girls are hot, too! Oh man, why is everyone so hot?! Jonas: Global warming. (Source: Tumblr) (Mark Seaver, Jonas Corbin)

Courtney: Being cute is really hard because even when you’re angry, people just kinda giggle at you and say “Aw you’re so cute when you’re angry” like, no. Stop! Recognise my power! (Source: Tumblr) (Courtney Anderson)

Alicia: If there are trees, you aren’t alone. Jonas: I can’t tell if this is supposed to be encouragement or an ominous warning. Chloe: That’s entirely up to the trees. (Source: Tumblr) (Alicia Ramsey, Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver)

[over text] Chloe: Roses are red, Tony Hawk is a skater. Mark: [auto-reply] I’m driving right now— I’ll get back to you later. Mark: Fuck you. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver, Mark Seaver)

Justin: Damn it. Chloe: Who the fuck taught you how to swear?! (Source: Tumblr) (Justin Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Chloe: Can you at least try to see this from my perspective?! Jonas/Kiera: crouch down Nate/Alicia: kneel on the floor Brad: sits on the ground Chloe: … Chloe: I fucking hate you all. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver, Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt, Nate Kellerman, Alicia Ramsey, Brad Thompson)

Mark: Ugh, why did I eat so much? Justin: Because the sign said ‘all you can eat’ and you took that as a challenge. (Source: Tumblr) (Mark Seaver, Justin Seaver)

Brad: I’m the most responsible person in this family. Mia: Didn’t you set your room on fire yesterday? Brad: There was a spider! (Source: Tumblr) (Brad Thompson, Mia Thompson)

Jonas: Caffeine no longer gives me the rush I need to finish work, so, instead, I have Kiera periodically text me ‘we need to talk’ to give me the right amount of fear and adrenaline to keep me going. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin)

Christi: Life is short. Write that novel. Paint that painting. Try new recipes. Learn black magic. Go into the forest at night. Earn that demon’s trust. Become best friends with it. Brag to everyone else about your new cool demon best friend. Knit that sweater. (Source: Tumblr) (Christi Wong)

Brad: So, you two got kicked out of the movies? What for? Mia: Chloe was yelling diving scores during Titanic as people jumped off the boat. Chloe: That last guy had a solid 8, let me tell you. (Source: Tumblr) (Brad Thompson, Mia Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Kiera: You are very naughty. Lilith: meows Kiera: Okay, but next time there will be consequences. Lilith: meows again Kiera: You're right. Probably not. (Source: Tumblr) (Kiera Bernhardt, Lilith)

Jonas: Is the Kool Aid Man the jar or the liquid? Chloe: What? Brad: IS THE KOOL AID MAN THE JAR OR THE LIQUID? Jonas: Oh god not again. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver, Brad Thompson)

Connor: Wait, did you just flirt with me? Kiera: Have been for the past year, but thanks for noticing. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart, Kiera Bernhardt)

Connor: I just want to do cool teenager stuff, like going to parties and arson. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart)

Christi: When I die, I want my tombstone to say “BRB,” because it’ll be hilarious, but also a vague threat I may return at any time (Source: Tumblr) (Christi Wong)

Lydia: What was the dumbest thing you believed as a child? Morgan: That I was straight (Source: Tumblr) (Lydia Renfrew, Morgan Urquhart)

Mark: I have no fears. Connor: What if one day you woke up and Chloe was taller than you? Mark: I have one fear. (Source: Tumblr) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Christi: Sibling relationships are weird. Like, I’d give Lisa a kidney, but she isn’t borrowing my phone charger. (Source: Tumblr) (Christi Wong)

Lauren: Would you shoot your best friend in the leg for 10 million dollars? Mark: Connor, shoot me. Then when my leg heals we can buy a huge-ass house and sweet cars. Connor: Hey, you can shoot me too, and then we'll have twenty million dollars. Mark: Good thinking. Fuck the system. (Source: Tumblr) (Lauren Reinholt, Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Kiera: Jonas and I are no longer friends. Jonas: Kiera, that is the worst way to tell people we’re dating! (Source: Tumblr) (Kiera Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: You all have permission to come to my funeral and give wildly conflicting accounts of my life. Please. I want nothing more than to be shrouded in a confusing mesh of myth and fact. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart)

Christi: Pros of wearing black: it looks badass. Cons: Everyone knows I had powdered donuts. (Source: Tumblr) (Christi Wong)

Jonas: I have a science headcanon. Nate: Can’t you just say hypothesis like a normal person? Jonas: … Jonas: So my science headcanon is- (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Connor: Why are you looking at me through a fork? Morgan: I'm pretending you’re in jail. Connor: Why? Morgan: It's spiritually healing. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Christi: My aesthetic is “would be suspected of witchcraft by small town citizens”. (Source: Tumblr) (Christi Wong)

Chloe: Do I date tall people just so they can always see me from my best angle? Or is that just a bonus for them? Morgan: I don’t know. How tall are you? That’ll tell you why you date tall people. Chloe: I’m 5'2". Morgan: You date tall people because everyone is taller than you. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver, Morgan Urquhart)

Lisa: How can you be so oblivious? Caitlyn: What? Lisa: Brad gave you a note saying “I like you” and you just asked me what did that mean. Caitlyn: He could be saying he likes me as a person! Lisa: It said “I like you romantically”. Caitlyn: It could be a romantic friendship! Lisa: That doesn’t exist. (Source: Tumblr) (Lisa Wong, Caitlyn Larouche)

Mark: It’s my god-given bisexual right to be dramatic. (Source: Tumblr) (Mark Seaver)

Brad: I bet you can’t make a sentence without the letter ‘a’. Nate: You thought you just did something, didn’t you? Well, sorry to brust your bubble, but numerous sentences could be constructed without using the first letter of the English lexicon. (Source: Tumblr) (Brad Thompson, Nate Kellerman)

Jonas: If the multiverse theory is true, then there’s a universe where it isn't. Nate: The multiverse theory does not cover paradoxical situations. Jonas: Except in the universe where it does. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Courtney: YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I’M CAPABLE OF! Kyle: No offense, but I feel like I’m being threatened by a cupcake. (Source: Tumblr) (Courtney Anderson, Kyle Levy)

Alicia: Can you imagine not being a person and just living out your days as a weeping willow, though? Beautiful? By the water? Unburdened? Ideal. Chloe: I wanna be the one from Harry Potter that beats the shit out of everyone and everything. (Source: Tumblr) (Alicia Ramsey, Chloe Seaver)

Nate: I'm tired of being self aware. I want to be a cloud. (Source: Twitter) (Nate Kellerman)

Jonas: Cars have windows and can move. Houses have windows and can’t move. So it’s not the windows that make the car go, it’s something else entirely. Nate: This is what ancient Greek philosophy is like. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Connor: My level of sarcasm has gotten to the point where I don’t even know if I’m kidding or not. (Source: Twitter) (Connor Urquhart)

Jonas: The Furby’s eyes are on the front of its head, which implies that it’s a predator. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin)

Lauren: Why’d you leave Wrestlemania on for Toby? Sarah: He needs to learn how to protect us. (Source: Twitter) (Lauren Reinholt, Sarah Reinholt)

Mark: Good job setting up the tent. Connor: Ahem. Mark: [sighs] Boneless hotel. (Source: Twitter) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Lauren: I knew I was gay when I was 8 years old, at a girl’s sleepover. One of the girls asked me who my celebrity crush was, and I genuinely couldn’t think of a man so I panicked and said Andrew Lloyd Webber. (Source: Twitter) (Lauren Reinholt)

Brad and Mia: watching a TV singing competition Mia: I could do that. Brad: Sing? Mia: Judge people. (Source: Twitter) (Mia Thompson, Brad Thompson)

Chloe: Every morning before I feed Frodo I ask, “The usual?” before feeding him, and neither of us think it’s funny, but that’s show biz, baby (Source: Twitter) (Chloe Seaver)

Lauren: Look, I may have many flaws, but at least heterosexuality isn’t one of them. (Source: Twitter) (Lauren Reinholt)

Lauren: I’m sorry, I just sneezed and accidentally liked your photo. Jessica: And commented “I’m so gay” on all my selfies? Lauren: I have the flu. (Source: Twitter) (Lauren Reinholt, Jessica Beaumont)

Nick: Another wooden ball. Would it kill the makers of avocados to include a different toy, like a mood ring or a novelty eraser? (Source: Twitter) (Nick Murphy)

Connor: You can’t get arrested if you file a restraining order against every single police officer. (Source: Twitter) (Connor Urquhart)

Jonas: Cheez-Its could easily be used as a cereal, and I don’t think enough people appreciate that. Brad: Damn, you are so right. Chloe: I’m setting this group chat on fire. Nate: Please. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson, Chloe Seaver, Nate Kellerman)

Jonas: What’s your least athletic injury? Chloe: Dislocated my kneecap dancing to “I Fall Apart” by Post Malone. Alicia: Decided to start jogging. Took one step, slipped on a leaf and cracked my kneecap. Nate: Any one of my sneezing injuries. Kiera: I win. I broke my hand throwing away a gingerbread house. Brad: Getting ready to go play some ball. Tied my shoes but forgot to take off my sweats first. Tried to take them off without untying my shoes and ended up spraining my thumb so I couldn’t play. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver, Alicia Ramsey, Nate Kellerman, Kiera Bernhardt, Brad Thompson)

Nate: I need advice. Jonas: eating cookie dough for breakfast You came to the right person. (Source: Twitter) (Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin)

Chloe: Me and my brothers are very close. Mark, from his room: Hey, Chloe, what’s your full name? (Source: Twitter) (Chloe Seaver, Mark Seaver)

Jessica: Not everyone is going to think I’m pretty and that’s okay. They’re wrong though. (Source: Twitter) (Jessica Beaumont)

Donna: I just found out that Jonas fills Leo's water dish, not from the tap, but from the fridge’s water purifier feature. Jonas: He’d do the same for me. (Source: Twitter) (Donna Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Alicia: traps a wasp under a cup Chloe: puts two more cups down Alicia: Please, no- Chloe: starts shuffling the cups (Alicia Ramsey, Chloe Seaver) (Source: Twitter)

Jadyn: Fuck. Jessica: We've got to work on your cursing. Jadyn: Why? I'm pretty good at cursing already. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Jadyn Beaumont, Jessica Beaumont)

Jessica: I actually have a black belt. Nina: In what, karate? Jessica: No, from Gucci. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Jessica Beaumont, Nina Chapman)

Jonas: sneezes Kiera: … Jonas: You’re not even gonna say “bless you”? Kiera: I’ve been sitting next to you all day, you’ve clearly been blessed. (Source: Unknown) (Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt)

Connor: I’ve got a headache, and Google says I’m going to die. Morgan: Why is Google sending you death threats? (Source: Unknown) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Caitlyn: Statistics show that one in four people are gay. And there’s twelve of us on the lacrosse team, which means at least three of us are bound to be gay! Morgan: I hope Kiera is one of them, she's so cute. (Source: Unknown) (Caitlyn Larouche, Morgan Urquhart)

Kiera: I’m sorry to tell you this, but you have a heart and the capacity to feel. Connor: You take that back! (Source: Unknown) (Kiera Bernhardt, Connor Urquhart)

Mia: In my experience, never trust anyone with freckles. Chloe: But… you have freckles? Mia: My point exactly. (Source: Unknown) (Mia Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Morgan: Let’s be something more than friends. Sarah: What, like best friends? Morgan: No, I mean something more than that. Sarah: Mega-best friends? (Source: Unknown) (Morgan Urquhart, Sarah Reinholt)

Jonas: I accidentally ate Connor's sandwich, how long do you guys think I have to live? Morgan: Ten. Jonas: Ten what? Morgan: Nine. (Source: Unknown) (Jonas Corbin, Morgan Urquhart)

Joel: People come up to me and say, ‘Joel, given all that you’ve accomplished, is it hard to stay humble?’ And I say not for me. I’m pretty amazing at being humble. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Joel Beaumont)

Karin: My hands are cold. Adrian: Oh, here. [holds Karin's hands] Karin: … Karin: My lips are cold too (Source: Tumblr) (Karin Michaux, Adrian Bernhardt)

Adrian: Helpful grammar tip: “Farther” is for physical distance, “further” is for metaphorical distance, and “father” is for emotional distance! (Source: Tumblr) (Adrian Bernhardt)

Genie: You have three wishes. Adrian: I wish my ferret could talk. Genie: Done. Adrian: [petting Terra] Hey, Terra, you’ve got two wishes! (Source: Twitter) (Adrian Bernhardt)

Richard: I’m the cool dad. That’s my thing. I’m hip. I surf the web. I text. LOL — laugh out loud. OMG — oh my god. WTF — why the face. I know all the dances to High School Musical, so… (Source: Modern Family) (Richard Corbin)

Monica: Son of a b- Monica: [sees Samantha within earshot] Monica: Penis! Monica: …That wasn’t any better. (Source: New Girl) (Monica Corbin)

John: Where are you from? Stephen: Nowhere. John: No one’s from nowhere. Stephen: Epping. John: All right, that is pretty much nowhere. (Source: Star Wars) (John Seaver, Stephen Bernhardt)

Donna, about Jonas: At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil. (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Donna Corbin)

Donna: One bonus of being an adult is grossly misusing modern slang on purpose and watching my son cry inside. A fine example: the other day I pointed at a piece of artwork and, while looking him right in the eyes, went “Man, is that bae or what, huh?” and the look on his face was something I will treasure for years. (Source: Twitter) (Donna Corbin)

#long post #really long post #don't click the keep reading unless you have time to spare #jonas corbin's guide to life #jcgtl #incorrect quotes

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kahran042 · 5 months

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HUGE new batch of JCGTL quotes!

Mark: Why isn’t Jonas excited? Chloe: I don’t know, but it’s weird. I’ve seen Jonas get excited over getting a curly fry mixed in with his regular fries. He talked about it for a month. (Source: Austin and Ally) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Mark: I’m going to bed. I don’t remember which room I’m in but I’m sure I’ll recognize the door. Chloe: He’s going to be wandering around up there all night. Justin: Yup, he belongs to the hotel now. (Source: Bob's Burgers) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver, Justin Seaver)

Brad: Count me out. Nate: We can’t count you out. Jonas listens to you. Brad: He also listens to the Barenaked Ladies. Go get their dumb asses to help you. *Everyone gasps* Chloe: Back it up. Nate: Okay, Brad. You are clearly in a bad space today, but Jonas is our friend and the Barenaked Ladies are triple platinum. Are you? Brad: Why does everyone leap to defend that band so aggressively? And how much stuff do we have to go through before my friendship stops being questioned? Chloe: Maybe friendship is about going through a lot of stuff. And maybe BNL has two Billboard Awards to your zero. Brad: Oh, they’re “BNL” now? We need a shorthand for the Barenaked Ladies. That’s how fundamental they are. You know what Jonas probably needs more than anything? Some space. Maybe I do too. Chloe: Maybe we all need some space to pull the knife out of the back of the most celebrated Canadian alt-rock band of the mid-‘90s, you selfish, jaded ass. (Source: Community)

(Brad Thompson, Nate Kellerman, Chloe Seaver)

Samantha: So I have to be good for a whole month. Not a problem. Samantha: … Samantha: This is gonna kill me! (Source: Garfield) (Samantha Corbin) Chloe: Could you ever see us as more than just friends? Jonas: YES! I’m so glad you asked! I can totally see us as dragons! Hang on, let me find the picture I drew… (Source: Instagram) (Chloe Seaver, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: Are you implying that I’m stupid?Brad: Wow, for someone who’s stupid, you figured that out quickly. (Source: Inuyasha) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Mark: Actually, I’m in charge, in case either of you have forgotten. Chloe: No, we remember. We just don’t care. (Source: Legends of Tomorrow) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Kiera: You know those moments when I tell you something isn’t a good idea? Chloe: And then I ignore you? Yeah. (Source: Merlin)

(Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver)

Chloe: If I were off my rocker, would I take a weekly selfie with my hedgehog? (Source: New Girl) (Chloe Seaver) Kiera: I want to be more decisive. Chloe: About what? Kiera: I don’t know, there’s so many options. (Source: Poorly Drawn Lines) (Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver)

Chloe: I hate you. Connor: I know. (Source: Star Wars)

(Chloe Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Jonas (to Kiera): I'm not perfect, but I'll love you with everything I've got. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin)

Adrian: Slartibartfast. Kiera: Huh? Adrian: That was a dude from Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, remember? Kiera: Yeah, what about it? Adrian: Yeah. (Source: Tumblr) (Adrian Bernhardt, Kiera Bernhardt)

Jonas: Hey, Nate, quick question here, how much is 132 multiplied by 42? Nate: Do I look like a calculator to you? Jonas: Yeah. Nate: … Nate: [sighing] 5,544. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Jonas: How old is Frodo? Chloe: I think he's about two or three. Jonas: Thanks. Chloe: Why? Jonas: Do you think he's more magical or he uses full on fist combat? Chloe: Are you guys making my hedgehog in an RPG? Brad: Answer, please. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver, Brad Thompson)

Kiera: What’d you make for Nate? Alicia, staring at the food she just burned: Regret. (Source: Tumblr) (Kiera Bernhardt, Alicia Ramsey)

Jonas: Is there a word that’s a mix between “sad” and “mad”? Nate: Disgruntled, miserable, desolated. Brad: Smad. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman, Brad Thompson)

Robert: Can you come out? Morgan: Okay, gimme a minute. Dad, I’m gay. Robert: I know that, honey. I meant come out to the car. Morgan: Car, I’m gay. (Source: Tumblr) (Robert Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Kiera: *carries Lilith out of her room for being naughty* Lilith: *purrs* Kiera: You are being punished. Please do not purr. I love you. (Source: Tumblr) (Kiera Bernhardt, Lilith)

Connor: Is there any recreational use for asprin? Mark: You could juggle with the pills. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart, Mark Seaver)

Jonas: You could at least ask to have some of my Halloween candy! Mark: You’d say no anyways. Jonas: BECAUSE YOU KEEP STEALING IT! (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Mark Seaver)

Jonas: You’re pretty strong. You should be my bodyguard. Mark: I would love to be your bodyguard. Jonas: I wouldn’t pay you. Mark: I would hate to be your bodyguard. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Mark Seaver)

Shana: What time is it? Drake: I don’t know; pass me that saxophone and we’ll find out. Drake: *plays sax loudly and extremely out of tune* Neighbor: WHO THE FUCK IS PLAYING THE SAXOPHONE AT TWO IN THE MORNING? Drake: It’s 2 am. (Source: Tumblr) (Shana Levine, Drake Levine)

Jonas: Hey, Alicia, what are you writing? Alicia: A fanfic. Jonas: About what? Alicia: You and Chloe. Jonas, blushing: W-what? Why? Alicia: Chloe asked me to. I’m being paid. Chloe: I TOLD YOU TO KEEP THAT ANONYMOUS, IDIOT! (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Alicia Ramsey, Chloe Seaver)

John: Not all construction work is equally enjoyable. For example, enlarging a drilled hole is boring, but fastening pieces of metal together is riveting. (Source: Tumblr) (John Seaver)

Colin: Can I buy you a drink? Morgan: I have a girlfriend. Colin: *counts out his money* She can only get something small then. (Source: Twitter) (Colin Gardner, Morgan Urquhart)

Nate: Did it hurt? When I told you to Google something and I was right? (Source: Twitter) (Nate Kellerman)

Jonas: How petty can you get? Nate: I once edited a Wikipedia article to win an argument I was wrong about. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman) Brad: What’s the plan? We just hide in here forever? Jonas: Not forever. Just until Mark is calm. Chloe: So forever. (Source: Victorious) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver)

Mark: You’re sick. You’re a sick person. Connor: You’re just now figuring that out? (Source: Victorious)

(Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Mark, banging on the door: Connor! Open up! Connor: Well, it all started when I was a kid… Morgan: No, he meant- Jonas: Let him finish. (Source: YouTube) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: Mark and I have the kind of easy chemistry where we finish each other's- Mark: Sentences. Connor: Don't interrupt me. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Connor Urquhart, Mark Seaver)

Jonas: Rules are made to be broken. Nate: They were made to be followed. Nothing is made to be broken. Brad: Uh, piñatas. Alicia: Glow sticks. Chloe: Karate boards. Kiera: Spaghetti when you have a small pot. Jonas: Rules. Nate: … (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman, Brad Thompson, Alicia Ramsey, Chloe Seaver, Kiera Bernhardt)

Chloe: Ok, maybe playing ‘whose family is most dysfunctional’ wasn’t the best idea we’ve had. Jonas has been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can’t get him out… (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Chloe Seaver)

Kiera: I've already sent good vibes your way… they’re coming. There’s nothing you can do to stop them. Connor: This is the most threatening way I’ve ever been cheered up. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Kiera Bernhardt, Connor Urquhart)

Jonas: I love you guys, you're the best thing that's happened to me. Brad: We're the best thing that's ever happened to you? Jonas: Yes! Chloe: I'm starting to feel a little sorry for you. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Chloe: If Justin and I were drowning, who would you save? Mark: You two can’t swim? Justin: It’s a hypothetical question, Mark! Who would you save? Mark: My time and effort. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Chloe Seaver, Mark Seaver, Justin Seaver)

Nate: How did none of you hear what I just said? Brad: I’ve been zoned out for the past two and a half hours. Jonas: I got distracted about halfway through. Chloe: Ignoring you was a conscious decision. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Nate Kellerman, Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver)

Connor: Who the fuck added me to a fucking group chat? Mark: >:O language Jadyn: Yeah watch your fucking language Lauren: OKAY WHO TAUGHT JADYN THE FUCK WORD? Nick: 'The fuck word'. Jared: Are you stupid? You guys use the f word all the time Jadyn: Oh my god they censored it Nick: Say fuck, Jared. Jadyn: Do it, Jared. Say fuck. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Connor Urquhart, Mark Seaver, Jadyn Beaumont, Lauren Reinholt, Nick Murphy, Jared Murphy)

Kiera: I trust Jonas. Chloe: You think he knows what he's doing? Kiera: I wouldn't go that far. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver)

Jonas: Hey, Nate? Can I get some dating advice? Nate: Just because I’m with Alicia doesn’t mean I know how I did it. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Kiera: I told Jonas his ears flush when they lie. Alicia: Why? Kiera: Look. Hey, Jonas! Do you love me? Jonas, covering his ears: No. Alicia: … (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Kiera Bernhardt, Alicia Ramsey, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: Who thinks I can fit 15 marshmallows in my mouth? Nate: You’re a hazard to society Chloe: And a coward. DO TWENTY. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman, Chloe Seaver)

Jonas: Everyone, synchronize your watches. Brad: I don’t know how to do that. Chloe: I don’t wear a watch. Nate: Time is a construct. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson, Chloe Seaver, Nate Kellerman)

Mark: I think we're missing something. Nick: Teamwork? Jared: Cohesion? Kyle: A general sense of what we’re doing? (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Mark Seaver, Nick Murphy, Jared Murphy, Kyle Levy)

Kiera: Why are Mark and Connor sitting with their backs to each other? Morgan: They had a fight. Kiera: Then why are they holding hands? Morgan: They get sad when they fight. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Kiera Bernhardt, Morgan Urquhart)

Jonas: I think Brad was right. Chloe: I'm surprised he hasn't marched in here to say 'I told you so.' Alicia: He wouldn't do that. Brad: You're right, Alicia. For once in your life, you're 100% right. I would never say that. *turns around, the shirt he's wearing says 'Brad Told You So' on the back* (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver, Alicia Ramsey, Brad Thompson)

Brad: Why are your tongues purple? Jonas: We had slushies. I had a blue one. Kiera: I had a red one. Brad: Oh. Brad: … Brad: OH. Chloe: … Chloe: You drank each other's slushies? (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver)

Valerie: While I’m gone, Mark, you’re in charge. Mark: Yes!!! Valerie, whispering: Justin, you’re secretly in charge. Justin: Obviously. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Valerie Seaver, Mark Seaver, Justin Seaver)

Jonas: I really like this whole ‘good guy, bad guy’ thing you guys have going on. Adrian: It’s not an act, it’s just that I’m mean and Karin isn’t. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Jonas Corbin, Adrian Bernhardt)

Mark: Chloe, keep an eye on Jonas today. He's going to say something to the wrong person and get punched. Chloe: Sure, I’d love to see Jonas get punched. Mark: Try again. Chloe, sighing: I will stop Jonas from getting punched. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Chloe: Dumbest scar stories, go! Nate: I burned my tongue once drinking tea. Alicia: I dropped a hair dryer on my leg once and burned it. Brad: I have a piece of graphite in my leg from accidentally stabbing myself with a pencil in the first grade. Kiera: I was taking a cup of noodles out of the microwave and spilled it on my hand and I got a really bad burn. Jonas: … Jonas: I have emotional scars. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Chloe Seaver, Nate Kellerman, Alicia Ramsey, Brad Thompson, Kiera Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin)

#long post #really long post #don't click the read more if you don't have time to spare #incorrect quotes #jonas corbin's guide to life #jcgtl #my ocs

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kahran042 · 5 months

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The latest batch of incorrect Jonas Corbin's Guide to Life quotes!

Jonas: I don't like telling people what to do. Mark: You should, It's amazing. (Source: Bee and Puppycat) (Jonas Corbin, Mark Seaver)

Kiera: Morgan isn't wearing pajamas. Is she not depressed anymore? Chloe: She's still depressed. She's just depressed in pants. (Source: Bee and Puppycat) (Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver)

Mark: When you’re angry, close your eyes and count to ten. Throw a punch on eight. Nobody expects that. (Source: Bee and Puppycat) (Mark Seaver)

Jonas: *sniffling* Chloe: Were you crying? Jonas: Uh… Chloe: Who made you cry?! I'll destroy them!! (Source: Bee and Puppycat)

(Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver)

Donna (to Jonas): You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. (Source: Dear Evan Hansen) (Donna Corbin) Thom (to Connor and Morgan): You both seem to prefer a universe in which the other hasn't magically disappeared. (Source: King of the Hill) (Thom Anderson)

Chloe: Jonas may annoy me to pieces, but he's never lied to me. Jonas: Thanks for the compliment…I think. (Source: Miraculous Ladybug) (Chloe Seaver, Jonas Corbin)

Chloe: What does Jonas see in Kiera, anyway? Morgan: She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge… tracts of land… (Source: Monty Python) (Chloe Seaver, Morgan Urquhart)

Nate: Come on, Dad! Don't be such a Jew! Esther: Nathaniel! Don't belittle your own people! (Source: South Park) (Nate Kellerman, Esther Kellerman)

Mark: Are you sure this is safe? Connor: I never said that. (Source: Star vs. the Forces of Evil)

(Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Lauren (about Mark): You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him. (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Lauren Reinholt) Jonas, after Kiera falls asleep on his shoulder: Hmm, not a bad day. (Source: The Office)

(Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: You're so self-centered. Chloe: Who else am I supposed to be centered on? (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver)

#incorrect quotes #jonas corbin's guide to life #jcgtl #my ocs

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kahran042 · 7 months

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More incorrect JCGTL quotes!

Nate: Do I look like a boy who's concerned with what's cool? (Source: As Told By Ginger) (Nate Kellerman)

before a race in PE class Chloe: Hold on! Kiera, your boobs are 3 inches bigger than mine, so step back 3 inches! (Source: Azumanga Daioh) (Chloe Seaver)

Connor: I love espresso, coffee, caffeinated teas, and then Mark. In that order. (Source: Bob's Burgers) (Connor Urquhart)

Chloe is teaching Justin to play soccer Chloe: In soccer, you can't touch the ball with your hands or arms. See, you can use any other part of your body… even your head! the ball hits Chloe in the face Justin: Yeah, but your face? Doesn't that hurt? Chloe: RRRRGHH! That's NOT what I meant to DO! (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Chloe Seaver, Justin Seaver)

Drake: I play the saxophone because it's hard NOT to look cool playing it. (Source: Diary of a Wimpy Kid) (Drake Levine)

Connor is planning to sneak out Connor: I'm going to bed. Morgan: But it's only 7:30. Connor: Shut up! I mean, early to bed, early to rise. (Source: Doug) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Colin: I hate crossword puzzles. They make me feel stupid. Peter: Then don't do them. Colin: Well, but if you don’t do them, you’re not only stupid, you’re also a coward. (Source: Gilmore Girls) (Colin Gardner, Peter Gardner)

Mia: Chloe! We meet again! Chloe: …I just saw you three hours ago. (Source: Invader Zim) (Mia Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Connor: All is right with the world again… Stupid world. (Source: Invader Zim) (Connor Urquhart)

Mark, while Jonas is narrating: How can you remember something I said if you weren't there? (Source: Invader Zim) (Mark Seaver)

Connor: It's hard work being bitter. (Source: Peanuts) (Connor Urquhart)

Kiera: Happy birthday, Morgan! We made your favorite cake! Chloe: I hope they don't have a dancer coming out of that! Sarah: They asked, but they couldn't afford me. (Source: Phineas and Ferb) (Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver, Sarah Reinholt)

Jonas: Nice driving. Chloe: Thanks! I should get a license. (Source: Pokémon) (Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver)

Jonas: I would say I should quit while I'm ahead, but I'm not. Brad: You're not ahead, or you're not quitting? Jonas: …Both. (Source: Runaways) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Mark: I'd like to offer my moral support, but I have questionable morals. (Source: Someecards) (Mark Seaver)

Morgan: I don't talk to Connor until he's had his first three coffees. (Source: Someecards) (Morgan Urquhart)

Jonas: Sorry for being rude earlier. Nate: Sorry I used facts to explain why you were wrong. (Source: Someecards) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Jonas (to Kiera): I blame your perfect breasts for my inability to focus during our conversations. (Source: Someecards) (Jonas Corbin)

Mark (to Nick): You are proof that evolution can go in reverse. (Source: Spongebob Squarepants) (Mark Seaver)

Mark: Okay, just remember, Morgan, flatter Lydia. Make her feel good. Don’t come on too strong. later Morgan: knocks on Lydia's door Lydia, opening her door: Yeah? Morgan: I love you. (Source: Spongebob Squarepants) (Mark Seaver, Morgan Urquhart, Lydia Renfrew)

Ashley: hesitates You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster. Christi: Is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place? Ashley: Heck, yeah! (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Ashley Cournane, Christi Wong)

Jonas: Guess what I'm doing tomorrow? Brad: Becoming a productive member of society? Jonas: Brad. Come on. (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Nate (looking at Jonas, Brad, and Chloe): You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals. (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Nate Kellerman)

Jonas: This is either the best idea I've ever had, or the worst. Stay tuned! (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Jonas Corbin)

Nina (texting Zoe about her date with Ashley and Kyle): I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and our boyfriend. It's pretty fun. (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Nina Chapman)

Samantha: We should start a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork! (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Samantha Corbin)

Brad: We can’t lose Jonas, he’s the heart and soul of this gang! Chloe: Hey! What am I? Brad: You’re the spleen. We don’t know what it is and we don’t care. (Source: The Simpsons) (Brad Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Brad: Mia's more scared of you than you are of her. Chloe: You're thinking of bears, Brad. (Source: The Simpsons) (Brad Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Chloe: Sometimes I forget my brothers actually have entire lives that they're living and they aren't just my side characters. (Source: Tiktok) (Chloe Seaver)

Mark: Why are girls allowed to say "girlfriend" to refer to a platonic friend, but I can’t say "this is my boytoy twink malewife Connor"? (Source: Tiktok) (Mark Seaver)

Christi: Any wedding can be a fairytale wedding if you serve porridge and release angry bears at the feast. (Source: Tumblr) (Christi Wong)

Connor: All I do is drink coffee and say bad words. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart)

Shea: So who's the older twin? Lyle: We're twins, it doesn't matter. Kevin: Me. (Source: Tumblr) (Shea Renfrew, Lyle Rockwell, Kevin Rockwell)

Kiera: I once flicked my hair so flawlessly that a man exploded. (Source: Twitter) (Kiera Bernhardt)

Adrian: The secret to keeping your hoodies? Buy your sister the exact same one. Kiera, putting on both hoodies: You sweet naive fool. (Source: Twitter) (Adrian Bernhardt, Kiera Bernhardt)

Kiera: Is that what sounds important? Do you know that there are people starving to death somewhere? Alicia: Oh my God, where? We should help them! (Source: Welcome to Night Vale) (Kiera Bernhardt, Alicia Ramsey)

#incorrect quotes #jonas corbin's guide to life #jcgtl #my ocs #long post #really long post

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kahran042 · 7 months

Note

I'd like to hear more about Chloe's backstory!

Ask and you shall receive!

Chloe Michelle Seaver: -Born in Foxwood, New Hampshire to John and Valerie Seaver on March 31, 15 years before the events of the series. -When she was three, her brother Justin was born. -When Chloe was eight, Jonas Corbin moved in next door, and they became friends. -The next year, Chloe met Jonas' best friend Brad, and they became a trio. -At around the same time, Valerie opened a flower shop and started teaching floral design classes. -Chloe's older brother Mark befriended Connor Urquhart when he was twelve and Chloe was ten, and Chloe took an immediate dislike to him for unclear reasons. However, she did befriend Connor's sister Morgan at around this time. -When Chloe was twelve, Justin stuck a piece of ABC gum in her hair, leading to her current short pixie-bob style, which she actually prefers to having long hair. -When Chloe was thirteen, she took some of her mother's floral design classes. As much as she hates to admit it, she actually enjoyed it. -Chloe received her pet hedgehog Frodo as a fourteenth-birthday gift from her parents*. Frodo was the first name she could think of that wasn't Sonic. *To clarify, they gave her hedgehog supplies, and then took her to a pet store to pick out a hedgehog, which she had been wanting for a while. They didn't just give her a hedgehog out of nowhere.

Sorry there’s not much more, but if I think of anything, I’ll be sure to let you know! :)

#chloe seaver #my ocs

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kahran042 · 7 months

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The latest batch of JCGTL quotes!

Mark: Have you noticed how hot your sister's gotten? Connor: glares Mark: …because I have not! (Source: Arrow) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Jonas: Yeah, but as far as plans go, this is not a good one. Brad: Jonas, this was your plan. Jonas: I didn't think you'd actually say yes. (Source: Arrow) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Thom: Croquet is a gentleman's game. Mark: That's hard to believe. I've played before and I can tell you the temptation to misuse these things is awful. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Thom Anderson, Mark Seaver)

Zane: Can you take me to the mall to get a dress? Cynthia: Okay. First of all, I'm so glad you felt comfortable enough to come to me with that, and you know what? If this is something you want to explore- Zane: Oh, it's not for me. It's for Sarah, but you handled that really well. (Source: Dr. Ken) (Zane Kessler, Cynthia Kessler)

Connor: Morgan… Please wait for me… And…please… …don't let a lecherous young jock, who shall remain nameless, near you. Mark: Connor! Chloe: Mark… Aren't you EVER going to grow up? (Source: Final Fantasy VI) (Connor Urquhart, Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Alicia: I mean, why can't you all just get along? Mia: Because we hate each other. Chloe: That's kind of how rivalries work. (Source: Gravity Falls) (Alicia Ramsey, Mia Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Jonas: Can I be excused? Teacher: You need to go to the restroom? Jonas: Nah, I just hate this. (Source: iCarly) (Jonas Corbin)

Samantha: Jonas, can I have a story? Jonas: Once upon a time, there was a little girl who made her brother so crazy, he decided to sell her to a circus. Samantha: An evil circus? Jonas: No, a nice one with monkeys. Samantha: Thank you. (Source: Malcolm in the Middle) (Samantha Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Samantha: What do you mean the moon is gonna make me bleed? I’ll make the moon bleed! (Source: Moone Boy) (Samantha Corbin)

Alicia: I don't want to hurt their feelings! Jonas: Hurt their feel- Do you just walk around all day, thinking about other people's feelings? Alicia: Yeah, don't you? Jonas: No! How do you get anything done? (Source: New Girl) (Alicia Ramsey, Jonas Corbin)

Nate: I’m usually one of those people who likes the first day of school. You know, new pens, new books, new backpack. Jonas: A nerd. Nate: Exactly! (Source: One Tree Hill) (Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin)

Nate: I know you're not used to this, but maybe you should just try to keep it chill and see what happens. Chloe: Great advice. Impossible to follow, but great advice. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Nate Kellerman, Chloe Seaver)

Chloe: A cookie just tastes better when it's someone else's. Justin, from another room: WHAT HAPPENED TO MY COOKIE? Chloe: smug grin as she takes another bite (Source: Rugrats) (Chloe Seaver, Justin Seaver)

Jonas: Why does everybody always assume Nate has a plan? Maybe someone else has a plan. Nate: Good. Go ahead. Jonas: Oh. That was just hypothetically. (Source: Runaways) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Morgan: You actually rank the girls in this school by their appearance? Mark: Calm down, twelve! Morgan (to herself): Yes, top twenty! (Source: Scrubs) (Morgan Urquhart, Mark Seaver)

Kiera: You've got to apologize. Chloe: Why? Kiera: Because it’s the mature and adult thing to do. Chloe: How does that affect me? (Source: Seinfeld) (Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver)

Mark: Don't you sometimes hate yourself? Connor: Constantly. (Source: Sunset Boulevard) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Jonas is giving Kiera a piggyback ride Kiera: wearing a skirt If you turn around, I'll slap you. Jonas: This doesn't seem fair. (Source: Sword Art Online) (Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt)

Jonas: When you look up at the stars and realize what an insignificant speck of lint you are compared to the humongous immensity of the infinite universe, you’ve got to ask yourself…how much does a final paper really matter, anyway? (Source: The Adventures of Pete and Pete) (Jonas Corbin)

Brad: We can't accuse Mark, we don't have enough evidence. Chloe: You're right. Let's plant some! (Source: The Loud House) (Brad Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Ashley: gives Christi a friendship bracelet Christi: What is this bizarre shackle? (Source: The Loud House) (Ashley Cournane, Christi Wong)

Jonas: My friends have always got my back. Except for Chloe. You never turn your back on Chloe. (Source: The Loud House) (Jonas Corbin)

Chloe: Something's wrong with Jonas! We are his friends, so we all know what we're gonna do! Brad: Respect his privacy? Chloe: No! (Source: The Loud House) (Chloe Seaver, Brad Thompson)

Jessica: I'd like everybody's attention. Christmas is canceled. Nina: You can't cancel a holiday. Jessica: Keep it up, Nina, and you'll lose New Year's. Nina: What does that mean? Jessica: Ashley, take New Year's away from Nina. (Source: The Office) (Jessica Beaumont, Nina Chapman)

Brad: Would you please not Jonas this into a situation worse than it already is? Jonas: Hang on, did you just use my name as a verb? (Source: The Switch) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Morgan: Who hurt you? Connor: Do you want a list? Morgan, cracking her knuckles: Yes, I do. (Source: Tumblr) (Morgan Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)

Jonas: I've got 99 problems and 98 of them can be attributed to poor time management and self-control. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin)

Nate: Things I love: space, the ocean. Things I am terrified of: space, the ocean. (Source: Tumblr) (Nate Kellerman)

Mark: We should all appreciate the small things in life. picks up Chloe You are appreciated. Chloe: Put me down now or I swear I'll kill you in your sleep. (Source: Tumblr) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Lydia: Once I had a crush on a girl and I didn’t know how to deal with it, so I just wrote her a letter that said “get out of my school.” Morgan: That was you? (Source: Twitter) (Lydia Renfrew, Morgan Urquhart)

Donna: My handsome son, I would cross oceans and move mountains for you. I would fly into the darkness if I knew it would make you happy. Jonas: Can I have a Dorito? Donna: I'm sorry but these are, unfortunately, my Doritos. (Source: Twitter) (Donna Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Kiera: I wasn't done talking. Chloe: I was done listening. (Source: Victorious) (Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver)

Mark: Even our friends don't want us around. Connor: Lauren's not my friend, I only tolerate Thom, no one likes Nick, and Kyle's basically a pet. Kyle: Arf! (Source: Victorious) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart, Kyle Levy)

Jadyn: Whatever I did, I have proof I didn't do it. (Source: White Collar) (Jadyn Beaumont)

#jonas corbin's guide to life #jcgtl #my ocs #incorrect quotes #long post

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kahran042 · 8 months

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…and another gargantuan batch of incorrect JCGTL quotes!

Stephen and Deborah Bernhardt are renewing their marriage vows Stephen: I promise, when you start to sag, to subject you to risky elective surgery. Deborah: And I promise to be with you only if you make money and stay healthy. Stephen: Alzheimer's runs in my family. Deborah: You'll be dealing with that solo. (Source: American Dad!) (Stephen Bernhardt, Deborah Bernhardt)

Morgan: Oh, so suddenly you DON'T have a death wish? Connor: Morgan, I've never had a death wish. It's just that I don't believe that I personally even can die. (Source: Archer) (Morgan Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)

Adrian: Kiera is full of sunshine and sweets and hope, and every time I try to tell her the world is on fire, she just hands me a marshmallow to roast. (Source: Arrested Development) (Adrian Bernhardt)

Thom: I lose at everything. I even lost my glasses. Courtney: staring at the glasses on his head I’ll help you find them for five dollars! (Source: Arthur) (Thom Anderson, Courtney Anderson)

Jonas: I'm not jealous! I just get this weird burning feeling in my chest whenever I think about Kiera being with someone else! Brad: Yeah, that's jealousy. (Source: Austin and Ally) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Nick: Hey, cool glasses. Thom: Thanks, I need them to see. (Source: Bob's Burgers) (Nick Murphy, Thom Anderson)

Adrian: We should make Mom a Mother's Day card. Kiera: Okay, I'll draw a picture of her on it. Adrian: Hmm…make her mouth bigger. She usually looks angrier than that. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Adrian Bernhardt, Kiera Bernhardt)

Jonas: Another gorgeous, brisk fall day in New Hampshire. What a waste to be going to school on a day like this. Donna: What would you do if you could stay home today? Jonas: Sleep right through it. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Jonas Corbin, Donna Corbin)

Valerie: John, have you seen my glasses? I can't find them anywhere. John: I haven't seen them. Chloe enters, wearing her mother's glasses. John and Valerie look shocked Chloe (in Valerie's voice): Chloe, go do some stupid girly thing you hate! Being miserable builds character! (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Valerie Seaver, John Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Samantha: What's this story you're going to read me, Dad? It doesn't have any violence in it, does it? Richard: Uh… Samantha: Edit it out if it does. I hate violent stories. Does it have any boring description in it? Richard: Well… Samantha: Skip it if you see any. I like my stories fast and gripping. It doesn't have a moral, does it? I hate being told how to live my life. Skip the moral, too, ok? Richard: Does her majesty prefer color pictures, or black and white? (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Samantha Corbin, Richard Corbin)

Monica: I can't get a baby-sitter anywhere! What should we do? Richard: We won't be gone long. Couldn't Samantha be left for a couple of hours unsupervised? Richard and Monica: Ha ha ha ha! Ho ho ho hoo hoo har ha ho! Monica: wiping tears of laughter away Seriously, what should we do? (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Monica Corbin, Richard Corbin)

Justin: Bad news on your campaign to stay dad, Dad. John: Oh? Justin: Yep. The latest poll of twelve-year-olds in this household shows that they don't care about issues this year. It's character that counts. John: So why the bad news? Justin: Who's the bimbo with you in this old picture? John: That "bimbo" is your MOTHER! Valerie: Who's a bimbo?! John: Pretty funky hairdo, Mom! (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Justin Seaver, John Seaver, Valerie Seaver)

Brad: Someone has to go to Nick and Jared and confront them. Chloe: I vote we all look at Jonas at the same time. (Source: Community) (Brad Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Kiera: You're like the mom I never had… Valerie: You don't have a mom? Kiera: I mean, I do, but she sucks. (Source: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend) (Kiera Bernhardt, Valerie Seaver)

Mark: You gloss over everything with a cynical joke and no one knows what you really believe in. Connor: A-ha. So my evil plan is working. (Source: Daria) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Chloe: We have some things in common. Mia: Breathing. (Source: Daria) (Chloe Seaver, Mia Thompson)

Samantha (after getting in trouble): I'm only five! (Source: Diary of a Wimpy Kid) (Samantha Corbin)

Jonas: Uh oh. I just had a bad thought. Nate: What? That you might grow old, never get married, and die alone? Jonas: No…but thank you for pointing out that possibility. (Source: Drake and Josh) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Morgan: Where have you been?! Connor: Emotional hell. (Source: Friends) (Morgan Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)

Chloe: I hate you with every inch of my being. Connor: That's not a lot of inches. (Source: Fullmetal Alchemist) (Chloe Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Zoe: I’m back! Did you miss me? Nina: Yes, I did, Zoe. In fact, I wasn’t done missing you. Would you mind leaving again? (Source: Garfield) (Zoe Chapman, Nina Chapman)

Chloe: Hey! I was here first! Mark: On the planet? No? I win. (Source: Gilmore Girls) (Chloe Seaver, Mark Seaver)

Chloe: Yes! We did it! hugs Jonas Jonas: is confused Chloe: quickly releases hug Um…can I pay you to pretend that never happened? (Source: Gravity Falls) (Chloe Seaver, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: So, is this thing between Morgan and Lydia supposed to be a secret? Mark: Pfft…hardly. The only people who don't know Morgan and Lydia love each other are Morgan and Lydia. (Source: Grey's Anatomy) (Connor Urquhart, Mark Seaver)

Mark: What's with you and Connor? Chloe: Oh, don't. Mark: Do you have a thing for him? You know there's a thin line-- Chloe: No, there is not a thin line between love and hate. There is, in fact, a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every twenty feet between love and hate. (Source: House) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Kiera: Hi. Connor: Don't touch me. (Source: Jem) (Kiera Bernhardt, Connor Urquhart)

Monica: Jonas, I think it would be nice if you took Samantha with you tomorrow. Jonas, narrating: I offered a convincing argument. Jonas: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! (Source: Life with Loopy) (Monica Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Brad: You’ve gotta be nice to people. Mia: N-nice? Brad: Yes, nice! It's not that hard. (Source: Miraculous Ladybug) (Brad Thompson, Mia Thompson)

Tristan: Yeah, tell me something I don't know. Adrian: Um… female kangaroos have three vaginas. (Source: Musical Hell) (Tristan Markham, Adrian Bernhardt)

Connor (to Morgan): Those kids at school tease you because they’ve never tasted hell. Today, we turn the tables! (Source: Mystery Science Theater 3000) (Connor Urquhart)

Jonas: You're like an angel with no wings. Kiera: So like a person. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt)

Kiera (about Adrian and Karin): Wow, you guys are really cute together. Adrian: Kiera, I'm cute together with everybody. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Kiera Bernhardt, Adrian Bernhardt)

Alicia: You're nice. I can see why Kiera likes you. Jonas: Wha -- When did she say … Likes me? (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Alicia Ramsey, Jonas Corbin)

Mia: doing something nice for Brad They could throw me out of the little-sister union for this. (Source: Pelswick) (Mia Thompson)

Jonas (about Mark): It’s not what you think. We’re not enemies, we’re just bad friends. (Source: Phineas and Ferb) (Jonas Corbin)

Richard: Sometimes being an adult can really suck. That’s why we’re allowed to drink alcohol! (Source: Puella Magi Madoka Magica) (Richard Corbin)

Alicia: Sometimes it takes a more mature person to stop a fight than one who started it to begin with. Chloe: Right, Alicia. Why don't you go home and watch more of those Mister Rogers reruns? (Source: Rugrats) (Alicia Ramsey, Chloe Seaver)

Jonas (about Kiera): Oh my god, here she comes. Okay, this is easy, just compliment her. Tell her she has a square head. Wait, that’s not a compliment! What shape is a compliment? Triangle? Uh, pyramid? Circle! Circle head! Oh my god, you’re stuck on shapes and Square-Head’s almost here! (Source: Scrubs) (Jonas Corbin)

Robert: Aren't you too young to be bitter? Connor: No, you can be young and bitter. (Source: Seinfeld) (Robert Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)

Chloe: Can the young woman break the glass ceiling and prove once and for all that a female can be just as good an athlete as a male? Nick: You know, Chloe, anytime someone calls attention to the breaking of gender roles, it ultimately undermines the concept of gender equality by implying that this is an exception and not the status quo.” everybody stares at Nick Nick: What? Just because I’m a meathead doesn’t mean I’m not a feminist. (Source: Sonic Boom) (Chloe Seaver, Nick Murphy)

Lydia: Pass me a napkin, please. There really is no way to eat spaghetti in a dignified way. Kiera: eating one noodle at a time Not if you do it right! (Source: Spork of Creation) (Lydia Renfrew, Kiera Bernhardt)

Adrian: Look, I'm not really good at, actually I'm terrible at, expressing…I don't know what you'd call it-- Karin: Feelings? Adrian: Yeah, sure, okay, the point is I don't really have good, uh… Karin: Social skills? (Source: Stargate Atlantis) (Adrian Bernhardt, Karin Michaux)

Nick is about to beat Jonas up Nick: Do you have any last words, Jon-ass? Jonas: …You're a jerk. (Source: Suikoden II) (Nick Murphy, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: What the fuck is wrong with you? Connor: Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically? (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Jonas Corbin, Connor Urquhart)

Jasmine: Describe Jonas in one word. Mia: Mine. (Source: That's So Raven) (Jasmine Kessler, Mia Thompson)

Jonas: My love for Kiera burns with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. But I can’t tell her that. Donna: But I can, thanks to my parental battering ram! It’s the latest thing in tough love parenting. typing Burns with white hot intensity of a thousand suns, SEND. (Source: The Fairly Oddparents) (Jonas Corbin, Donna Corbin)

Mark: The only way to get rid of a bully is to stand up to them. Trust me, I’ve bullied a lot of people. (Source: The Office) (Mark Seaver)

Chloe (skiing): Okay, don't panic. Remember what Coach said. an image of the ski team coach appears in a thought bubble Coach: If you get in trouble, all you need to do is… an image of Kiera in her ski gear pushes aside the coach Kiera: Feels like I'm wearing nothing at all… nothing at all… nothing at all… Chloe: Stupid sexy Kiera. (Source: The Simpsons) (Chloe Seaver, Kiera Bernhardt)

Jonas: I’m not jealous, I’m envious. Jealousy is when you worry someone will take what you have. Envy is wanting what someone else has. What I feel is envy. Nate: checking a dictionary Wow, he's right. (Source: The Simpsons) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Mia: Alright, Chloe. I don't like you and you don't like me. Chloe: I like you. Mia: Um, alright. You like me but I don't like you. Chloe: Maybe you'd like me if you got to know me. (Source: The Simpsons) (Mia Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Kiera: Dad? Stephen: Yes, son? Kiera: … Stephen: I mean…girl-son. (Source: The Simpsons) (Kiera Bernhardt, Stephen Bernhardt)

Nate: I have a life! Zach: chuckles (Source: The X-Files) (Nate Kellerman, Zach Kellerman)

Kiera: You've read this book forty-two times? Adrian: Yes. Kiera: Doesn’t that make you sad? (Source: The X-Files) (Kiera Bernhardt, Adrian Bernhardt)

Connor: Why would I make them so uncomfortable? Morgan: Probably has to do with your reputation. Connor: I have a reputation? (Source: The X-Files) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Chloe: Studies have shown that putting on your best judgmental frown while checking out your crush means they are less likely to figure out you like them. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver)

Jonas: I would take a bullet for cheese fries. Brad: …Who the hell would shoot a basket of cheese fries? (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Mark: Only geniuses can say these words really quickly. Eye. Yam. Stew. Peed. Jared: Oh, come on, no ones’s falling for th- Nick: IAMSTUPID (Source: Tumblr) (Mark Seaver, Jared Murphy, Nick Murphy)

Mia (about Chloe): I really hate that girl. Jasmine: She didn't even do anything. Mia: She's here, she's breathing, that's enough. (Source: Tumblr) (Mia Thompson, Jasmine Kessler)

Jonas: Valentine’s day is just a time when greeting card companies and candy companies get a boost in sales and couples get all mushy and gross with each other. Kiera: I made you a card. Jonas: shoves everything off the shelf and gently places the card there I’m going to frame this and look at it every day! (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt)

Chloe: I’m sorry I hurt your feelings. Connor: I’d take that more seriously if you didn’t put “feelings” in air quotes. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Jonas: Today is just such a beautiful day. The sun is shining, the birds are- Brad: Kiera texted you "have a good day", didn't she? Jonas: With three heart emojis. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Mark: You know, you can solve your problems without violence. Nick: Okay, but consider: I'm really, really good at violence. (Source: Tumblr) (Mark Seaver, Nick Murphy)

Jonas: My friend thinks you're cute. Kiera: Really? Which friend? Jonas: Me. I'm the friend. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt)

Jonas: Yeah, you're my best friend, but I would fuck you if you asked. Brad: What? Jonas: What? Chloe (eating chips in the background): You said you would fuck him if he asked you! (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Brad: Jonas, we need to talk to you! Come out! Jonas: I'm bisexual! Brad: Not what I meant but I still support you! (Source: Tumblr) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Kiera: Adrian! I can fit the whole world in my hands! Adrian: That's impos- Kiera: cups Adrian's face Adrian: …Get the fuck off of me. I have a reputation. (Source: Tumblr) (Kiera Bernhardt, Adrian Bernhardt)

Mark: When I was born, God said: “Too pure, much perfection.” Chloe: Wrong. When you were born, the devil said: “Ooh, competition!” (Source: Tumblr) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Mark: How have you been coping with everything? Connor: With sarcasm, mostly. Mark: Has it been working? Connor (sarcastically): Yeah, it's been super great. (Source: Twitter) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Alicia: You are not alone. There’s bugs. (Source: Twitter) (Alicia Ramsey)

Mia: I’m a cold-hearted bitch. Nothing gets to me. Jonas: Hey! How’s it going? Mia (internally): OH NO, HE'S CUTE. (Source: Twitter) (Mia Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: How am I sensitive and an asshole at the same time? (Source: Twitter) (Connor Urquhart)

Peter: Who are you? Nick: I'm you, but stronger. (Source: Twitter) (Peter Gardner, Nick Murphy)

Jonas: Sorry I’m late. I broke down on the way. Kiera: Oh, is your car OK? Jonas: What car? (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt)

Jonas: Who ate all the cookies? Samantha: Ninjas. Jonas: I didn't see them. Samantha: No one ever does. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin, Samantha Corbin)

Jonas: Name a way to be nice to others. Mark: Don't kill them. Jonas: …Setting the bar a little low, but I'll allow it. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin, Mark Seaver)

Morgan: What am I going to do for Halloween? Colin: I'd love to go as your boyfriend! Morgan: Thanks, I'd rather be dead. (Source: Vine) (Morgan Urquhart, Colin Gardner)

Lauren: Mark's not really my type. Sarah: What is your type? Lauren: Girls, mostly. (Source: YouTube) (Lauren Reinholt, Sarah Reinholt)

Jonas: You wanna beat me up? Then do it. It's not gonna change things. Nick: It'll change your face. Jonas: Touché. (Source: Zoey 101) (Jonas Corbin, Nick Murphy)

Connor: I wear trench coats to look mysterious and scary and powerful and-- Morgan: You wear them to look like a prick. Connor: Did I ask for your sass? (Source: Unknown) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Adrian: Jonas, would you do me the honor of becoming my brother-in-law? Jonas: Did you just propose to her FOR ME? Adrian: Someone had to do it, Jonas! (Source: Unknown) (Adrian Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin)

#incorrect quotes #jonas corbin's guide to life #jcgtl #my ocs

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kahran042 · 8 months

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A metric ****tonne of new Jonas Corbin's Guide to Life quotes!

Chloe: Say it! Alicia: I am a tough…whispers bitch. (Source: 13 Going on 30) (Chloe Seaver, Alicia Ramsey)

Sarah: Here, Lauren. I got you this book. It’s called “New Hampshire's Best Lesbian Hikes.” Lauren: Now I can walk and kiss girls at the same time!! (Source: 3rd Rock from the Sun) (Sarah Reinholt, Lauren Reinholt)

Connor: No need to apologize. You’re stupid; I’m rude. See you tomorrow. (Source: 3rd Rock from the Sun) (Connor Urquhart)

Jonas: Give me one good reason why. Chloe: I’ll give you five good reasons. counting her fingers as she curls them into a fist One, two, three, four, FIVE! Jonas: Those are good reasons. (Source: A Charlie Brown Christmas) (Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver)

Nate: Who would care about a loser like me? Jonas: Losers like us, that’s who! (Source: A Very Potter Musical) (Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin)

Principal Mazlish: Jonas Corbin, why do I get the feeling this has something to do with you? (Source: Aaahh!!! Real Monsters) (Viktor Mazlish)

Mia: I'm Mia, and I'm back to answer more of your letters! Our first letter comes from Claudia Thomas of Clear Lake, Iowa. Claudia writes, "Dear Mia,"- that's me! "Dear Mia, I live in a two-story house and my room is upstairs. Every morning when it's time to go to school, I jump out the window. So far, I've broken my leg seventeen times. You have any help or suggestions for me?" Well, Claudia, I do have a little suggestion for you. USE THE STINKING STAIRS! THE STAIRS, EINSTEIN! "I'm Claudia! And I jump out the window because blah dee blah dee BLAH!" JUST USE THE STINKING STAIRS! MAN! ARE YOU SURE YOU BROKE YOUR LEG? BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU FELL ON YOUR HEAD AND BROKE YOUR STINKING BRAIN! heavy breathing (Source: All That) (Mia Thompson)

Principal Mazlish: I don’t make the rules, I just enforce them! Jonas: But you did make the rules, they’re called “Mazlish's Rules”! Principal Mazlish: Darn right! And I stand by them! (Source: Amphibia) (Viktor Mazlish, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: It’s no big deal. Jonas, narrating: This was a very big deal. (Source: Amphibia) (Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: Aren't you even a little bit scared? Nate: Why should I be? Science is on my side. (Source: Arthur) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

Monica: You can stay up when you're Jonas' age, Samantha. Samantha: But I'll never be Jonas' age! He's always gonna be ten years older than me. (Source: Arthur) (Monica Corbin, Samantha Corbin)

Jared: I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think it’s too late for violence. (Source: Bob's Burgers) (Jared Murphy)

Chloe: I have a hypothetical question. Suppose a kid at school called me a nasty name… should I kick him real hard in the shins? Mark: No, I don't think violence would be justified. Chloe: Here's another hypothetical question. What if I already did? (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Chloe Seaver, Mark Seaver)

Samantha: They say Santa knows if you've been good or bad, but what if someone had been sort of BOTH? I mean, suppose some kid TRIED to be good… at least, well, most of the time… but bad things inexplicably kept happening? Suppose some kid just had terrible luck, and she got blamed for a lot of things she did only SORT of on purpose? Jonas: Who exactly might we be talking about? Samantha: This is a purely hypothetical case, Mr. Smartypants. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Samantha Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: looks up at the stars I'M SIGNIFICANT! (A few minutes pass) Connor: …screamed the dust speck. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Connor Urquhart)

Adrian: I’m not dumb. I just have a command of thoroughly useless information. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes) (Adrian Bernhardt)

Connor: I won't be sorry to see this day end. Morgan: You say that every day. (Source: Daria) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Thom: Connor, do you have to look at everything in such a negative light? Connor: Could you possibly be referring to the harsh light of reality? (Source: Daria) (Thom Anderson, Connor Urquhart)

Marissa: …I should get back before Thom and Kyle kill each other. Donna: Yeah. You wouldn’t wanna miss that. (Source: Daria) (Marissa Anderson, Donna Corbin)

Colin: I love your hair. Morgan: What? Colin: No…I- love the…air. (Source: Dr. Horrible's Sing-Along Blog) (Colin Gardner, Morgan Urquhart)

Jared: Why are you going to be on the news? Did you get locked in the monkey cage again? Nick: Hey, those chimps tricked me! The big one took my corn dog and I had to go in there and get it back! (Source: Drake and Josh) (Jared Murphy, Nick Murphy)

Thom: I’m not cool, alright? Why do you think old people like me so much? (Source: Drake and Josh) (Thom Anderson)

Jonas: Excuse me, but I know when a girl likes me! I’ve imagined it a thousand times! (Source: Drake and Josh) (Jonas Corbin)

Teacher: You were supposed to hand in an essay on current events. Nick: Yeah, which I did. Teacher: No, this is today's newspaper with your name written on it. In crayon. (Source: Drake and Josh) (Nick Murphy)

Jonas: opens his bedroom window and looks out YOU HEAR THAT, FOXWOOD? JONAS CORBIN'S TIME HAS COME! SO LOOK OUTSIDE- falls out of the window (Source: Drake and Josh) (Jonas Corbin)

Mark: looking at a picture of himself Who's that good-looking guy? Connor: Get some glasses, Mark. (Source: Ed, Edd n Eddy) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Kiera: (eating a sandwich) Mmm. Chloe: What kind of sandwich is that? Kiera: Peanut butter egg and jellybean. The week after Easter so rocks. Chloe: I need to start making MY lunches. (Source: FoxTrot) (Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver)

Chloe: Mark, I don't even know HOW to play Wayfarer! Mark: That's OK- you can read the instructions while I'm setting up. Chloe: Where are they? Mark: In my big bookcase upstairs. Chloe: Could you be a little more specific? Mark: How so? Chloe: Top shelf? Bottom shelf? Middle shelf? Mark: Look, if time's a problem, you can skip volumes 18 and 31… (Source: FoxTrot) (Chloe Seaver, Mark Seaver)

Zane: Jazz, if you were Sarah, what would you want for your birthday? Jasmine: Hmmm. Am I mad at you? Zane: A little. Yeah. Jasmine: Diamonds. Big ol' rocks. Zane: What if you weren't mad at me? Jasmine: Hmmmm… Diamonds. Big ol' rocks. Zane: Never mind. (Source: FoxTrot) (Zane Kessler, Jasmine Kessler)

Kiera: Okay, well, I guess I just never think of money as an issue. Chloe: That's because you have it. Kiera: That’s a good point. (Source: Friends) (Kiera Bernhardt, Chloe Seaver)

Nate: That's a mean question! I'm not answering that! Chloe: Come on, it's just a question. If you had to punch someone in the group- if you HAD to- who would you punch? Nate: I'm not answering that. We're all friends. Why would I punch anyone? Chloe: It would be Jonas, wouldn't it? Nate: Yeah, but I don't know why. (Source: Friends) (Nate Kellerman, Chloe Seaver)

Peter: I’m older. Colin: I’m younger. Peter: I’m taller. Colin: I’m shorter. Peter: I’m smarter. Colin: I’m…not falling for that. (Source: Full House) (Peter Gardner, Colin Gardner)

Connor: Tell me something I don't know. Morgan: Yesterday, I dropped your toothbrush in the toilet. (Source: Full House) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Richard: Am I the raddest, baddest dad a kid could ever have? Jonas: You were until you said that. (Source: Full House) (Richard Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Richard: Now you can have your ice cream and chocolate milk, but no cookies. Samantha: Boy, are you strict! (Source: Full House) (Richard Corbin, Samantha Corbin)

Kathleen: You can’t just sit here in the dark, listening to music. Connor: Well, I could have if you hadn’t turned on the lights and turned off the speakers. (Source: Futurama) (Kathleen Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)

Jonas: My back hurts from sleeping for eighteen hours. Brad: For you, that would be considered a work-related injury. Jonas: Shut up. (Source: Garfield) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Mia: Look, Brad, look! Look! Look! Look! Brad! Brad! Brad! Brad! Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! Look! Brad: ALL RIGHT! WHAT IS IT?!! Mia: Made you look. (Source: Garfield) (Mia Thompson, Brad Thompson)

Donna: (looking groggy) Oh, boy, what a night. I ate too much, I drank too much, and I danced half the night. You're lucky you're a kid, Jonas. You don't have to put up with all that. Jonas: (yells) RUB IT IN, WHY DON'T YOU?! (Source: Garfield) (Donna Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Robert: I'll never understand you. Connor: I like that. Connor Urquhart: Boy of Mystery. (Source: Garfield) (Robert Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)

Mark: I think we’re lost. Connor: We don’t get lost, we go exploring. (Source: Generator Rex) (Mark Seaver, Connor Urquhart)

Principal Mazlish: Mr. Kellerman, I need one minute of your time. Nate: I’ll give you two because you scare me. (Source: Gilmore Girls) (Viktor Mazlish, Nate Kellerman)

Mark: I'm madly in love with you. Lauren: Well, good luck with that. (Source: Gilmore Girls) (Mark Seaver, Lauren Reinholt)

Jonas: Who wants to hear a joke? Connor: Not me. Jonas: Yeah you do, here goes. (Source: Gravity Falls) (Jonas Corbin, Connor Urquhart)

Justin: Despite my best efforts, NASA rejected my application letter three times. Each letter said the same thing: “We thank you for your interest, but you’re twelve.” (Source: Gravity Falls) (Justin Seaver)

Connor: If there's no pot, I'm going home. (Source: Grey's Anatomy) (Connor Urquhart)

Jonas (to Samantha): No offense, you know that you’re my sister and that I love you, but let’s face it, you’re a nightmare! (Source: iCarly) (Jonas Corbin)

Morgan: What’s up with you? Connor: What do you mean? Morgan: You have been nice and helpful and considerate all day. What’s your game? (Source: iCarly) (Morgan Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)

Chloe: The only thing I give for free is attitude! (Source: Jem) (Chloe Seaver)

Morgan: Clowns are not normal people. (Source: Junie B. Jones) (Morgan Urquhart)

Brad: You should be ashamed of yourself. Mia: You're right. I should be ashamed of myself. But I never am. (Source: King of the Hill) (Brad Thompson, Mia Thompson)

Richard: I know Samantha is very sorry and didn't mean it. Samantha: Very sorry. Richard: See? Samantha: But I did mean it. Richard: Samantha! (Source: Lilo and Stitch) (Richard Corbin, Samantha Corbin)

Chloe: Why is your mom so mean? Kiera: I guess when you find something you're really good at, you just stick with it. (Source: Malcolm in the Middle) (Chloe Seaver, Kiera Bernhardt)

Mark: Guys, Halloween isn't a date on the calendar. Nick: Yeah, it is. It's the 31st. Mark: No, Halloween is in your hearts. Every time a little kid cries in fear that's Halloween. As long as you carry the spirit of destruction and vandalism in your hearts, every day is Halloween. Jared: pointing to a calendar No, look, it's the 31st. (Source: Malcolm in the Middle) (Mark Seaver, Nick Murphy, Jared Murphy)

Mark: What's the matter, Mom? Valerie: What does it say on this jar? Mark: "Valerie R. Seaver." Valerie: Well I'm glad someone around here can read. The jar holds fourteen pickles. I had three yesterday, two for lunch today, and one and a half for snack. And now there are six and a half pickles in this jar. Simple math indicates… Mark: Are you counting the one in your hand? Valerie: Okay, false alarm. (Source: Malcolm in the Middle) (Mark Seaver, Valerie Seaver)

Valerie: At what age did you just accept that your life is a piece of rotten garbage and always will be? Donna: Twenty-two. (Source: Malcolm in the Middle) (Valerie Seaver, Donna Corbin)

Connor: Am I in hell? Morgan: No, Connor. If you were in hell, you’d be on a throne and the devil would be packing. (Source: Married… with Children) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Connor: Mark always seems like Mr. Slickster Cool-guy, but he’s actually hiding his emotions under a very thick layer of Axe body spray. (Source: Modern Family) (Connor Urquhart)

Mia: Sorry I aggravated you. But just so you know, a lot of people think I’m adorable. (Source: Modern Family) (Mia Thompson)

Everett: You know, I raised two fully functional daughters. Nina: You have two daughters I don't know about? (Source: Modern Family) (Everett Chapman, Nina Chapman)

Valerie: Chloe likes to win. When she was 8, a little Girl Scout friend of hers bragged she could sell the most cookies. Damned if Chloe didn’t walk the neighborhood till she got blisters on her feet, and won by 10 boxes. Best part is, Chloe wasn’t even a Girl Scout. (Source: Modern Family) (Valerie Seaver)

Jonas: Mia! Were you following me? Mia: Yes- I mean no- I mean, maybe! (Source: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic) (Jonas Corbin, Mia Thompson)

Alicia: I'm so frustrated, I could just kick something! lightly taps vase with her foot, barely making it rock (Source: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic) (Alicia Ramsey)

Adrian: I am a father. Kiera: Terra's a ferret, Adrian. Adrian: She is my blood! (Source: New Girl) (Adrian Bernhardt, Kiera Bernhardt)

Morgan: Feeling better? Connor: The yelling’s on the inside instead of the outside now. (Source: Paranatural) (Morgan Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)

Chloe: When people get too close to me, I like to call them by the wrong name to let them know how I really don't care about them. Jonas: Fascinating. Chloe: Glad you agree, Joseph. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Chloe Seaver, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: I can't go because I don't want to. (Source: Parks and Recreation) (Connor Urquhart)

Kiera: Terra, this has been a very bad week for me. What can you do when everything seems hopeless? Terra: licks Kiera on the cheek Kiera: That's good advice! (Source: Peanuts) (Kiera Bernhardt, Terra)

Nick: I'm gonna have to think about that. Mark: Great. Then I'll never know. (Source: Pelswick) (Nick Murphy, Mark Seaver)

Kiera: Chloe's been suspended! Jonas: For what? Kiera: Violating school code number 74. Jonas: Um, "don't ever have fun doing anything, ever"? Kiera: That's 73. It's the dress code. Jonas: Foxwood has a dress code? (Source: Pelswick) (Kiera Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin)

Jared: It's a stop sign, Nick. It doesn't change to green. Nick: Oh… oh yeah. (Source: Pelswick) (Jared Murphy, Nick Murphy)

Stephen: Adrian, don't you think you're being a little harsh with your sister? Adrian: No. I know what boys are like. I'm one. (Source: Pelswick) (Stephen Bernhardt, Adrian Bernhardt)

Nate: It’s called polarity! You can’t have two positives or two negatives. Kiera: Oh, you can have two negatives. Just look at my parents. (Source: Phineas and Ferb) (Nate Kellerman, Kiera Bernhardt)

Jonas: Care to come with us? Connor: And spoil my carefully calculated air of selfishness and unconcern? Not until the last second, thank you very much. (Source: Phineas and Ferb) (Jonas Corbin, Connor Urquhart)

Chloe: Mark, are you crying? Mark: No, I'm sweating through my eyes. (Source: Phineas and Ferb) (Chloe Seaver, Mark Seaver)

Mark: Promise me something, Nick- NEVER BREED. Nick: I'll try. (Source: Pinky and the Brain) (Mark Seaver, Nick Murphy)

Jared: Aw, what?! I wanted to be player one! Nick: Jared, I'M player one. YOU'RE player two. Jared: I don't wanna be player two! He just digs with the sucky pickaxe. I want the one with the shovel. Nick: Jared, they're exactly the same! Jared: Then why don't YOU be player two? Nick: scoffs I'm not using that stinky pickaxe. Jared: HAH! SEE?! (Source: Regular Show) (Jared Murphy, Nick Murphy)

Zane: After what happened to Aya-chan that last episode, I couldn't sleep for days. Sarah: Zane, have you talked to a psychiatrist about this? Zane: He didn't understand. (Source: Rugrats) (Zane Kessler, Sarah Reinholt)

Jonas: If you wanna be a winner, you have to learn the four Fs of leadership: Fearlessness, Fairness, Firmness, and Control. Nate: "Control" isn't an F. Jonas: Well then it's…three Fs and a C. Chloe: Sounds like your report card. (Source: Salute Your Shorts) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman, Brad Thompson)

Mark: You know what makes us a team? Nick: We all wear the same color tank tops! (Source: Salute Your Shorts) (Mark Seaver, Nick Murphy)

Jared: Um, Nick, Mark just gave half the peace sign to Principal Mazlish back there. Nick: Which half? (Source: Salute Your Shorts) (Jared Murphy, Nick Murphy)

singing at a school assembly Nate: Foxwood High… Kiera: We hold you in our heart… Brad: And when we think about you- Jonas: It makes me wanna fart! students laugh Principal Mazlish: It's "I hope we never part"! Now get it right or pay the price! (Source: Salute Your Shorts) (Nate Kellerman, Kiera Bernhardt, Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin, Viktor Mazlish)

Mark: I'm sorry I ate your Skittles. Chloe: I’m sorry I pushed you off the bench. Mark: It's okay. Wait. When did you- Chloe: pushes Mark off the bench Mark: I deserved that. (Source: Sam and Cat) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Brad: Have you asked Kiera out yet? Jonas: Well, technically not yet, but in my mind, we already have children. (Source: Saved by the Bell) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: If someone is standing in front of me in line at the coffee shop and they can’t decide what they want in the half an hour it took to get to the register, I should be allowed to kill them. (Source: Scrubs) (Connor Urquhart)

Mark: Hey, idiot. Jonas: turns around Mark: Heh. I said "idiot" and you turned around. (Source: Scrubs) (Mark Seaver, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: I feel like my old self again: totally inadequate, completely insecure. (Source: Seinfeld) (Jonas Corbin)

Adrian: I never think of myself as being a ferret owner. Terra's more like a friend. (Source: Snoopy Come Home) (Adrian Bernhardt)

Alicia: I’m going to start being more assertive, if that’s okay with everyone. (Source: Someecards) (Alicia Ramsey)

Chloe (to Connor): ♪ Here he is, the biggest douche in the universe. In all the galaxy, there’s no bigger douche than you. You’ve reached the top. The pinnacle of douchedom. Good going douche, your dreams have come true. ♪ (Source: South Park) (Chloe Seaver)

Chloe: Tell him off, Alicia! Assert yourself! Alicia: That's my ice cream cone. Chloe: Great, now let him have it! Alicia: You can have it. (Source: Spongebob Squarepants) (Chloe Seaver, Alicia Ramsey)

Kiera: Jonas…I'm not perfect. Jonas: See, you have to say that because you're modest, which is just another aspect of your perfection. (Source: Stargate SG-1) (Kiera Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin)

Nate: You should've done this earlier! Jonas: In my defense, I forgot. (Source: Steven Universe) (Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin)

Jonas: I thought you didn’t like to play the hero. Mark: Doesn’t mean I don’t know how. (Source: Teen Titans) (Jonas Corbin, Mark Seaver)

Lydia: Morgan! I'm going to try to beat the world record of most spaghetti eaten in one hour. Wanna be my official witness? Morgan: Um… (Source: Teen Titans) (Lydia Renfrew, Morgan Urquhart)

Kiera (about Samantha): Her threats seemed pretty legit for a five-year-old. (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Kiera Bernhardt)

Connor (to Mark): You know, I appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person. (Source: Texts from Last Night) (Connor Urquhart)

Stephen: Kiera, we need to have a talk, as father to daughter. Kiera: Oh, don't worry, Dad. Adrian already had that talk with me. Deborah: faints (Source: The Adventures of Pete and Pete) (Stephen Bernhardt, Kiera Bernhardt, Deborah Bernhardt)

Kiera: Your sister is something else. Brad: We're still trying to figure out what. (Source: The Angry Beavers) (Kiera Bernhardt, Brad Thompson)

Principal Mazlish: Miss Beaumont, do you have something you would like to tell me? Jadyn: Do you want the truth or my side of the story? (Source: The Brak Show) (Viktor Mazlish, Jadyn Beaumont)

Chloe: Being awesome makes me hungry. (Source: The Goldbergs) (Chloe Seaver)

Chloe (about Jonas): He annoys me so much, I just want to kiss his stupid face. (Source: The Goldbergs) (Chloe Seaver)

Brad: What'd you do, Jonas? Jonas: Something stupid, but I don’t want to talk about it. Chloe: Good! We don’t want to hear about it. (Source: The Lion King) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin, Chloe Seaver)

Jared: Oh, Mark, it's just you. Nick: We were afraid it was someone important! (Source: The Lion King) (Jared Murphy, Nick Murphy)

Mark: Chloe? Chloe: Yeah? Mark: I miss Connor. Chloe: I don't. (Source: The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack) (Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver)

Chloe: I would never say this to Jonas' face, but he is a wonderful person and really smart. Alicia: Why, why wouldn’t you say that to his face? (Source: The Office) (Chloe Seaver, Alicia Ramsey)

Susan: We're off to the Parent/Teacher conference. We'll bring back dinner. Jessica: What are we gonna have? Paul: Well, that depends on what the teachers say, if you've been good, pizza. If you've been bad… uh, let's see… poison. Jessica: What if one of us has been good and one of us has been bad? Jadyn: Poison pizza. Paul: Oh no! I'm not making two stops! (Source: The Simpsons) (Susan Beaumont, Jessica Beaumont, Paul Beaumont, Jadyn Beaumont)

Paul: You can’t say that about my kids! Or at least two of ‘em. (Source: The Simpsons) (Paul Beaumont)

Richard: Uh, I'd like some flowers. Valerie: What kind of flowers? Richard: You know, pretty ones, not dead. Valerie: We have some beautiful long-stem roses. They're $55 a dozen. Richard: One, please. (Source: The Simpsons) (Richard Corbin, Valerie Seaver)

Kiera: Why don't you let people see the good in you? Connor: Because when people see good, they expect good. And I don't want to have to live up to anyone's expectations. (Source: The Vampire Diaries) (Kiera Bernhardt, Connor Urquhart)

Jonas: If being cool is a crime, then you can call me- Brad: A law-abiding citizen. (Source: Tiktok) (Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Jonas: Can someone tell me why my five-year-old half-sister is such a savage? (Source: Tiktok) (Jonas Corbin)

Chloe: Someone needs to explain…no, seriously. Someone needs to explain…why in the world…is my hedgehog so CUTE?! (Source: Tiktok) (Chloe Seaver)

Adrian: I wouldn’t need to learn how to manage my anger if more people would manage their stupidity. (Source: Tiktok) (Adrian Bernhardt)

Kiera (looking at the stars): Isn't it the most beautiful thing you've ever seen? Jonas (looking at her): Yeah, I guess so. (Source: Tumblr) (Kiera Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: A bad reputation is better than no reputation at all. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart)

Mark: How do you keep an idiot waiting? Nick: I don't know, how? Mark: I'll tell you later. Nick: Okay. 30 minutes later Nick: Wait a damn second… Mark: laughing (Source: Tumblr) (Mark Seaver, Nick Murphy)

Chloe: eats shrimp Mark: Cannibalism. Chloe: I will punt you through a window. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver, Mark Seaver)

Valerie: Who spilled orange juice in the kitchen? Mark: Not me. Chloe: Not me. Justin: Not me. Valerie: What, so the orange juice just spilled itself? Mark: I never did trust that orange juice. (Source: Tumblr) (Valerie Seaver, Mark Seaver, Chloe Seaver, Justin Seaver)

Colin: Are you ever going to listen to me? Peter: Yes. Absolutely. Colin: When? Peter: When you're right. (Source: Tumblr) (Colin Gardner, Peter Gardner)

Connor: I feel weird, like someone took all my problems away and everything is good in the world. Mark: …That's called happiness, Connor. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart, Mark Seaver)

Mark: See, the problem with getting older is you get in more and more trouble for decking your siblings. (Source: Tumblr) (Mark Seaver)

Jonas: Why’s Alicia crying? Kiera: She thinks she stepped on a ladybug. Jonas: Thinks? Kiera: It was a red M&M. (Source: Tumblr) (Jonas Corbin, Kiera Bernhardt)

Kiera: picks up Lilith Explain to me why you’re so cute. Lilith: Meow. Kiera: Fascinating. (Source: Tumblr) (Kiera Bernhardt, Lilith)

Mia: Lovey-dovey bitch syndrome is destroying my brain. (Source: Tumblr) (Mia Thompson)

Brad: Who would have thought you have a soft side, Mia? Mia: I don’t. Brad: shows her a picture of Jonas Mia: lips trembling Fuck. (Source: Tumblr) (Brad Thompson, Mia Thompson)

Chloe: I’m short, which means that all my rage is concentrated. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver)

Lauren: No! You don’t get any pets after peeing on the carpet! Dandelion: climbs in her lap Lauren: … Lauren: starts petting Dandelion You're lucky you're adorable. (Source: Tumblr) (Lauren Reinholt, Dandelion)

Chloe: Do I look like I give a fuck about you? Jonas: You're holding my hand and gazing into my eyes. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: First of all, don’t you ever accuse me of having morals, narrative or otherwise, ever again. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart)

Connor: punches Morgan in the shoulder Morgan: Ow! What was that for? Connor: I don't know yet, but I'm sure you've done something. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Connor: You're annoying. Morgan: But you love me. Connor: Doesn't make you any less annoying. (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Chloe: Request for you not to be a bitch. Mia: Request denied. (Source: Tumblr) (Chloe Seaver, Mia Thompson)

Morgan: Connor, you’re my brother and I love you. But you are a great big bag of dicks. (Source: Tumblr) (Morgan Urquhart)

Brad: Please, Jonas…after everything we went through together. You can’t do this. Jonas: I'm sorry, Brad. Brad: I'm begging you, don't do it. Jonas: It has to be done… Brad: … Jonas: … Brad: … Jonas (placing a Draw-4 card): Uno. (Source: Tumblr) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: I’m much more than a pretty face. Chloe: Since when do you have a pretty face? (Source: Tumblr) (Connor Urquhart, Chloe Seaver)

Morgan: Sibling fights don’t end in apology. Connor and I just walk around the house and don’t talk to each other for a couple hours and then one of us will pop our head in the other’s room and ask if we want food. (Source: Tumblr) (Morgan Urquhart)

Nick: The fact that I’m considered an adult is both terrifying and hilarious. (Source: Tumblr) (Nick Murphy)

Zane: carves "Zane + Sarah" into a tree Sarah: What a nerd. adds "4-Ever" (Source: Tumblr) (Zane Kessler, Sarah Reinholt)

Mia: How come Jonas still doesn't understand that I like him? Jasmine: All you do is stare at him like a creep, and when you’re actually talking to each other, you’re mean to him. Mia: I'm not mean. That's me flirting. Jasmine: Oh boy. (Source: Tumblr) (Mia Thompson, Jasmine Kessler)

Morgan: You need anger management classes. Connor: You need shut the fuck up classes. (Source: Tumblr) (Morgan Urquhart, Connor Urquhart)

Morgan: When I was six, my brother told me that old people sag because they’re being pulled to hell and I cried. (Source: Tumblr) (Morgan Urquhart)

Nate (bad at flirting): I like your name. Alicia (equally as bad): Thanks, I got it for my birthday. (Source: Tumblr) (Nate Kellerman, Alicia Ramsey)

Alicia: I have to do something scary today. politely asks for something incredibly reasonable (Source: Twitter) (Alicia Ramsey)

Mark: People be like “it cost $0 to be kind” like being mean isn’t free too. (Source: Twitter) (Mark Seaver)

Nate: My problem is that I expect everyone to have common sense, and they don’t. (Source: Twitter) (Nate Kellerman)

Kiera: Cat logic is so simple yet so effective. Don't like something? Smack it as far away from you as possible. Flawless reasoning. (Source: Twitter) (Kiera Bernhardt)

watching a movie Samantha: What's happening? Jonas: I don't know. Samantha: Why not? Jonas: You keep asking questions. (Source: Twitter) (Samantha Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Donna: Help me fold the laundry. Jonas: Why? Donna: So we can put it away. Jonas: Or we could just leave it in the laundry basket and pull it out as we need it. Donna: There’s a flaw in your plan, but I’m not seeing it. (Source: Twitter) (Donna Corbin, Jonas Corbin)

Kiera: I tell Lilith “I know” whenever she talks to me, but truthfully? I have no idea. (Source: Twitter) (Kiera Bernhardt)

Connor: I hate to brag, but I can make a therapist anxious. (Source: Twitter) (Connor Urquhart)

Nate: I swear I'm the only one here with a braincell… Jonas and Brad: ALL HAIL the keeper of the sacred braincell! (Source: Twitter) (Nate Kellerman, Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson)

Principal Mazlish: We have a ten dollar fine for swearing on campus. Connor: Shit. Principal Mazlish: Pay up. Connor: hands him a twenty Keep the fucking change. (Source: Twitter) (Viktor Mazlish, Connor Urquhart)

Lauren: As an older sister, I can confirm we are the backbone of society and deserve financial compensation. (Source: Twitter) (Lauren Reinholt)

Jonas: Whoever said that all women are delicate and friendly obviously never met Chloe. (Source: Twitter) (Jonas Corbin)

Connor: Anything that comes out of your mouth is stupid. Morgan: Connor. Connor: internal rage (Source: Twitter) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Thom (watching the news): Some idiot tried to fight a squid at the aquarium. Kyle (covered in ink): Maybe the squid was being a dick. (Source: Twitter) (Thom Anderson, Kyle Levy)

Kiera: When I woke up this morning, I meditated, did 50 push-ups, drank green tea and went for a 30-minute walk. Jonas: When I woke up, I spent an hour just waking up. (Source: Twitter) (Kiera Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin)

Connor: Today was awful. Morgan (trying to be positive): Tomorrow is a new day! Connor: Is that a threat? (Source: Twitter) (Connor Urquhart, Morgan Urquhart)

Kiera (babysitting Samantha): Hey. Let’s play a game. It’s called “See who can be quiet the longest.” Samantha: Cool! My mommy and daddy love that game! (Source: Up) (Kiera Bernhardt, Samantha Corbin)

Connor: I’d ask why you’re upset, but I don’t care. (Source: Victorious) (Connor Urquhart)

Lauren: I'm a lesbian. Jessica: I thought you were American. (Source: Vine) (Lauren Reinholt, Jessica Beaumont)

Mia: I saw you hanging out with Jonas yesterday. Chloe: M-Mia! It's not what you think! Mia: I WON'T HESITATE, BITCH! cocks toy gun (Source: Vine) (Mia Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Sarah: There’s only three things guaranteed in life: death, taxes, and a group of theater kids eating at Denny’s after their last production of Hamlet. (Source: Vine) (Sarah Reinholt)

Kiera: When playing Mario Kart, there's that one friend. Jonas: Alright! Let's do Rainbow Road! Brad and Chloe: … Kiera: Don't be that friend. Jonas: screams as the gang lock him in a closet (Source: Vine) (Kiera Bernhardt, Jonas Corbin, Brad Thompson, Chloe Seaver)

Mark: Please, be nice to my siblings. I’m the only one allowed to torment them. (Source: Winx Club) (Mark Seaver)

Jonas: I love when you pretend to be mean. Mark: Well, I’m not pretending, but thank you. (Source: Wizards of Waverly Place) (Jonas Corbin, Mark Seaver)

Brad: God, I love Nephilim, there is no one better. Jonas: Wrong, Kiera is the most amazing person in the world. (Source: YouTube) (Brad Thompson, Jonas Corbin)

Lydia: I wonder who invented the meatball. Morgan: What do you mean, 'invented'? Lydia: Well, some guy back in the fifteenth century must have said, "Yes, meat is good, but it would be even better in ball form." (Source: Zoey 101) (Lydia Renfrew, Morgan Urquhart)

Jonas: Are you an ‘arr’ pirate or a ‘yo ho ho’ pirate? Nate: I’m a ‘I’m not paying $600 for Photoshop’ pirate. (Source: Incorrect Quotes Generator) (Jonas Corbin, Nate Kellerman)

#incorrect quotes #jonas corbin's guide to life #my ocs #long post #really long post #don't click the keep reading unless you have time to spare

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kahran042 · 11 months

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Incorrect Jonas Corbin quotes

Quotes that had to have been said in Jonas Corbin's Guide to Life, right? RIIIGHT!?

Jonas: *singing* I’ve got less than an hour and when this is ended, I’ll either be famous… Principal Mazlish: *singing* …Or you'll be suspended! (Source: A Goofy Movie)

Nate: Are you sure that's a wise decision? Jonas: I never made a wise decision in my life, and never will. (Source: Ace Attorney)

Jonas: Difficult-looking math books stand in a formidable row. They mock me. I tried reading one and it made my head hurt. When I closed it, it slipped out of my hand. Then my foot hurt too. (Source: Ace Attorney)

Kiera: Chloe, did you eat my food again? Chloe: Why, is there still some on my face? Kiera: No. Chloe: Then no. (Source: American Dad!)

Mark: I’m gonna go check out the situation. And you guys can check out my ass as I walk away. I think you’ll be pleased. (Source: American Dad!)

Thom (to Kyle): I hate you. I say that not out of anger, but simply as a fact. It’s 67 degrees outside and I hate you. (Source: American Dad!)

Jessica: I may be blonde with great cans, but I'm pretty smart when I've had my eight hours. (Source: American Dad!)

Connor (to Morgan): Please don't talk anymore, okay? It's only gonna upset me. (Source: Anastasia)

Morgan: My brother? You?! What can *anybody* see in him? Kiera: Look, will you help me or not? Morgan: Fine. If you like basket cases, I'll help you get him! (Source: Angel Sanctuary)

Nate: If you have ten cookies and someone takes half of them, what will they have? Chloe: A broken hand. (Source: Animaniacs)

Jonas: Early to rise and early to bed makes a man healthy but socially dead. (Source: Animaniacs)

Nick: You won’t like me when I’m angry. Connor: I don’t like you ever. (Source: Aqua Teen Hunger Force)

Jared: I don't need no instructions to know how to rock! (Source: Aqua Teen Hunger Force)

Jonas: Lacrosse?! Kiera: Yeah, it's Algonquin for…bloodsport? Nate: It's not Algonquin for anything! (Source: Archer)

Kiera: What's your blood type? Adrian: How would I know? Kiera: How would you not? Adrian: Who am I, Karl Landsteiner, discoverer of blood groups? Kiera: You don't know your blood type, but you know who discovered them? (Source: Archer)

Jonas: What did you draw? Samantha: A stick. Jonas: A stick? Samantha: A stick from the park where you PROMISED TO TAKE ME TODAY! (Source: Arthur)

Richard: Isn't it amazing what brothers and sisters learn from each other? Samantha: I learn a lot from Jonas because he makes so many mistakes. (Source: Arthur)

Kiera: Chloe cheating? It doesn't seem possible. Jonas: Are you kidding? She copies off me all the time. Kiera: Then how come she gets better grades than you? (Source: Arthur)

Morgan: Connor, can I ask you a question? Connor: Sure. Morgan: What’s the matter with you? (Source: Arthur)

Samantha: Maybe there’s a race for lonely children! Jonas: That’s “only” children, Samantha. A lonely child is what you’re gonna be when I sell you. (Source: Arthur)

Nate: Having fun isn’t hard when you’ve got a library card! (Source: Arthur)

Nick: People think I can't write a poem, but they are so wrong. I CAN write a poem. I wrote this one, I wrote this poem, and I gave it the title "Nick's Poem". So shut up! The end. (Source: Arthur)

Sarah: Morgan, are you gay? Morgan: The correct term is lesbian! Uh, not that I'm a lesbian!! (Source: Azumanga Daioh)

Chloe (mocking): Oh, you're amazing, Connor! I want to marry you so I can be Mark Urquhart. Mark: I wouldn't take his name. (Source: Bob's Burgers)

Jonas: You don’t want to mess with my half-sister. She’ll wear down your self-esteem over a period of years. (Source: Bob's Burgers)

Alicia (looking at Kiera and Connor): They make a great couple, don't they? Chloe: They certainly are standing next to each other. (Source: Bob's Burgers)

Jonas: Brad, we tried things your way. Brad: No, we didn't. Jonas: I tried it in my head and it didn't work. (Source: Bob's Burgers)

Kathleen: Believe me, Morgan. You don't want to end up like your brother. Without, you know, any friends. Connor: Hey! I do have friends. Kathleen: Nooo… Morgan: Connor has friends. There's Mark… Kathleen: … Connor: … Morgan: I shouldn't have made that sound like I was gonna have a list. (Source: Bob's Burgers)

Mark: I'm being blackmailed. Chloe: Blackmail? No one blackmails our brother but us! Justin: Messing with Mark is a privilege, not a right! (Source: Bob's Burgers)

Morgan: I made this friendship bracelet for you. Chloe: You know, I’m not really a jewelry person. Morgan: You don’t have to wear it. Chloe: No, I’m keeping it forever. Back off. (Source: Bob's Burgers)

Alicia: So, what do you think of Connor? I'm pretty sure he's into you. Morgan: Connor's my brother. Alicia: Ohhh, I was wondering why you both said "Bye, Mom" to the same lady. Still, there's something there… (Source: Bob's Burgers)

Mark: So I'm guessing you two have worked things out? Chloe (opening her door angrily): Mark, you’re going to have to choose- me or Justin? I lost one brother today, am I gonna lose another? Mark: I won't take sides, I'm like a sexy Switzerland. (Source: Bob's Burgers)

Chloe: Danger is my middle name. I spell it M-I-C-H-E-L-L-E. (Source: Bob's Burgers)

Donna: Someday I hope you have a kid who puts you through what I’ve gone through. Jonas: Yeah, Grandma says that’s what she used to tell you. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes)

Brad: I've been thinking… Jonas: On a weekend? Brad: Well, it wasn't on purpose. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes)

Jonas: Today for "Show and Tell", I have a souvenir from the afterlife! Yes, you heard right! Equally amazing is my own story of yesterday afternoon, when I actually died of boredom! I was doing my homework, when I suddenly collapsed! I felt myself rising, and could see my crumpled body on the floor. I drifted up in a shaft of light and entered the next world! Eventually, my heart started again and I came back to life… but not before bringing THIS back! Teacher: A yo-yo? Jonas: It was pretty boring THERE, too. Teacher: Let's have a look at that homework. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes)

Jonas: You can’t turn on creativity like a faucet. You have to be in the right mood. Brad: And what mood is that? Jonas: Last minute panic. (Source: Calvin and Hobbes)

Jonas: The fact that Mark and Connor don't have girlfriends is one of the seven wonders of this school. (Source: Cardcaptor Sakura)

Nate: What I want to know is, if the witch can fly, how come she needs to climb up Rapunzel's hair? Jonas: Who brought you? (Source: ChalkZone)

Nate: Nothing can beat science! (Source: Chrono Trigger)

Brad: Is it weird to be the first person in history to break their arm from jerking off, or do you consider that an honor? Jonas: That's not… Brad: Let me paint the picture. You're in your bedroom, you've got Kiera's Instagram up on your weird off-brand cell phone… (Source: Dear Evan Hansen)

Morgan: Connor is a… complicated person. Chloe: No, he's a bad person. There's a difference. (Source: Dear Evan Hansen)

Jessica: I've been living a lie… Lauren: You mean you’re not a natural blonde? (Source: Digimon)

Connor: Sorry I'm late. I was supposed to get a haircut, but when I looked in the mirror, I realized my hair was already perfect. Morgan: The only thing is, he was staring in the mirror for over an hour. (Source: Digimon)

Mark: Don’t keep things bottled up inside! It’s not healthy! Connor: Don’t tell me about not being healthy. I’ve been not healthy my whole life, so I’m an expert, and if I want to keep things bottled up, I will. (Source: Digimon)

Alicia: I’m gonna sit here and stare at the flowers until everybody starts getting along! (Source: Digimon)

Connor: I tried thinking positive once, and I was positive about one thing- I positively hated it! (Source: Digimon)

Nate: In order to succeed, you have to work hard every single day! Jonas: Wow, that sounds awful. You just talked me out of wanting to succeed. (Source: Dilbert)

Monica: Where's Samantha? Jonas: What am I? Her keeper? Monica: Yes. Jonas: …Backyard. (Source: Ed, Edd n Eddy)

Kiera: Chloe, I apologize for all the bad things I've said behind your back. Chloe: And I apologize for the ones I said to your face. (Source: Elena of Avalor)

Brad: Face it, you're a sucker for a woman with blue eyes. Jonas: Aha! Her eyes are gray! Brad: Aha! Thank you for proving my point! (Source: Family Guy)

Connor: You don't remember what it's like to be my age! Morgan: I'm two years younger than you! (Source: Family Guy)

Jonas: Hey Brad, can you listen to this song I wrote for Kiera and tell me what you think? Brad: What's it called? Jonas: "Kiera". Brad (sarcastically): Wow, a song named after a girl. There aren't a million of those already. Jonas: Name 20! Brad: "Rosanna", "Roxanne", "Michelle", "Allison", "Sarah", "Angie", "Brandy", "Mandy", "Gloria", "Cecilia", "Maggie May", "Jessica", "Nancy", "Barbara Ann", "Billie Jean", "Layla", "Lola", "Polly", "Helena", "Jenny from the Block". Jonas: …Name 6 more! Brad: "Sherry", "Laura", "Wendy", "Maria", "Peggy Sue", "Minnie the Moocher". Jonas: …Name 5 more. Brad: "Tracy", "Jean", "Jane", "Mary Ann", "Eleanor Rigby". Jonas: … Jonas (storming out): Go fuck yourself! (Source: Family Guy)

Mark: Do you know what the capital of this state is? Nick: Um, New Hampshire City? (Source: Family Guy)

Mark: If something happens to me, all the world's women will grieve! (Source: Final Fantasy VI)

Nick: You're Thomas Anderson, aren't you? Thom: Hey! Call me Thom, or I'll rip your lungs out! (Source: Final Fantasy VI)

Connor: I have nothing to say. Morgan: That's okay, it was probably depressing anyway. (Source: Final Fantasy VII)

Jonas: It's noon-thirty! People are trying to sleep! (Source: Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends)

Principal Mazlish (to Jonas): I dislike you with great intensity. (Source: Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends)

Nick: No stupid little brother of mine is gonna tell me how stupid I am! 'Cause I know how stupid I-

Jared: *smiles*

Nick: …SHUT UP!

(Source: Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends)

Zane: It's Freshman-Free Day! It's Freshman-Free Day!

Jasmine: "Fair", Zane! Freshman FAIR!

(Source: FoxTrot)

Brad: Jonas, are you sure this isn't another one of your dumb hare-brained schemes? Jonas: No, Brad, this is one of my smart hare-brained schemes! (Source: Fraggle Rock)

Connor: You know, Mark, out of all the friends I’ve ever had…you’re the first. (Source: Futurama)

Jonas: Hey, wait! I’m having one of those things- a headache with pictures! Brad: An idea? (Source: Futurama)

Connor: Live fast, die young, leave behind a pretty corpse. That’s what I always say. Mark: You should say something else. (Source: Futurama)

Kiera: (is crying) Jonas: If those aren’t tears of happiness, please stop crying. Do you need me to fight someone? 'Cause I’ll fight someone! (Source: Futurama)

Brad: Are you sure this is a shortcut? Jonas: Not as sure as I was an hour ago. (Source: Futurama)

Chloe: When you were a kid, what was your biggest fantasy? Kiera: To be loved by my parents. Chloe: Whatever. The correct answer is to have super powers! (Source: Futurama)

Chloe: What’s your favorite color? Jonas: Kiera. Wait, what was the question? (Source: Gravity Falls)

Thom: We need to just learn to hate each other in silence. Kyle: You mean, like…what girls do? (Source: Gravity Falls)

Nate: I scheduled some fun last month, but I had to cancel. (Source: Hey Arnold!)

Kiera: Don't you feel better that you did the right thing? Chloe: No, not really. (Source: Hey Arnold!)

Jonas: Kiera. So moral. So compassionate. So giving. If only I were good and kind like that. But I’m not. So that’s that. (Source: Hey Arnold!)

Morgan: *thinks she's dead* Well, that's it. I must be in heaven. Oh, no! Connor's here! This must be the other place! (Source: Hey Arnold!)

Jonas: Would you just go to bed? Samantha: It's 2:00 in the afternoon. Jonas: What did I tell you about talking to me? (Source: King of the Hill)

Morgan: Connor, you’re my brother, I’ve known you my whole life. Connor: You don’t know me, I am unknowable. (Source: King of the Hill)

Nick: Jared! Get out of the hot tub! We're stealing a news van! Jared: It's the perfect crime! How will they ever report it? (Source: King of the Hill)

Nate: You have to understand my position. I'm a coward and Principal Mazlish scares me. Jonas: What kind of position is that? Nate: No position! That's my point! (Source: Labyrinth)

Nate: I didn’t get any studying done yesterday. Jonas: I actually put in a lot of effort this time. Brad: How much studying did you do? Nate: Only four hours. Jonas: A whole four hours! (Source: Lucky Star)

Jonas: Me? Sad? No way! Sadness is for softies, and I'm one happy dude! (Source: Monster Rancher)

Jared: There's a man at the door with a mustache. Nick: Tell him I already have one. (Source: Monty Python)

Jonas: I'm the main character! Brad: I didn't vote for you. (Source: Monty Python)

Chloe (to Kiera): You are pure pureness in its purest form. It's almost irritating. (Source: Moral Orel)

Jonas, narrating: I was bearing the situation with my usual grace and poise, of course. Jonas: Why? WHY do these things ALWAYS happen to ME!? (Source: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

Chloe: Now, what have we learned? Alicia: Loss of control… Chloe: Good. Alicia: Screaming and hollering… Chloe: Yes. And most importantly? Alicia: Passion. Chloe: Right. So now that you know all the elements of a good cheer, let's hear one! Alicia: *breathes in; quietly* Yay. Chloe: Ugh. You're going to cheer for me like that? Louder. Alicia: *quietly* Yay. Chloe: Louder! Alicia: *quietly* Yay. Chloe: LOUDER!!! Alicia: *deep breath; quietly* Yay. Chloe: Ugh. Alicia: Too loud? (Source: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

Nate: I've prepared our things! There are snacks, books, blankets, books… Jonas: You said books twice. Nate: …There are a lot of books. (Source: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

Kiera: Adrian and I have always been close. He’s my BBBFF. Everyone else: *confused stares* Kiera: Big Brother Best Friend Forever? (Source: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

Nate: *walking into an argument between Jonas and Chloe* What's going on? Jonas: Chloe thinks Alicia's a tree. Chloe: I do not think she’s a tree! I was just— Nate: Did you say she was a tree? Chloe: No! Well, yes, but not exactly. Nate: You know she’s not a tree, right? Jonas: She’s not a tree, Chloe! Alicia: *butting into the conversation* I’d like to be a tree. (Source: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

Chloe (to Morgan): I don’t really hate your brother. I just really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really dislike him. (Source: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic)

Chloe: Ah, yes, reading. That’s what they did before they invented fun. Nate: I heard that! (Source: Phineas and Ferb)

Jonas: See? One day you're gonna look back at this and laugh. Chloe: I personally assure you, for the rest of my life, every time I look back on this, I will drive to your house and slap you. (Source: Phineas and Ferb)

Brad: Only you can nerdify a great sport like baseball. Nate: Brad, hitting a baseball involves the basic principles of velocity, force, and geometry. Brad: You’re visualizing numbers in the air again aren’t you? (Source: Phineas and Ferb)

Brad, looking over his contacts: Nate, Kiera, Chloe, Alicia, Jonas. Nate, Kiera, Chloe, Alicia, Jonas? Nate, Kiera, Chloe, Alicia, Jonas?! How can I only have 5 friends?! And one of them is Jonas! (Source: Phineas and Ferb)

Kiera: Well, has Jonas been wrong before? Brad: How wide are we willing to open this up? (Source: Phineas and Ferb)

Chloe: What kind of fun can we have when it’s raining? Alicia: We could talk about our feelings. Chloe: Ok, I’ll rephrase it: What kind of fun can we have when it’s raining? (Source: Phineas and Ferb)

Jonas: Well, this is a cartoon. Nate: What did I tell you about breaking the fourth wall? (Source: Phineas and Ferb)

Nick: Prepare for trouble! Jared: And make it double! (Source: Pokémon)

Morgan: Stop running away! Connor: Stop chasing me! (Source: Pokémon)

Connor: There was something in my life that prevented me from having friends when I was a little boy. Mark: It must have been your personality. (Source: Pokémon)

Nate: Have you come up with code names? Jonas: My name is Tom Ato. Chloe: Well, my name is Anne Chovy. Brad: And I'm Caesar Salad. (Source: Pokémon)

Jonas: Don't rush me, Nate, I have to think! Nate: Well, this is going to be a brand new experience for you! (Source: Pokémon)

Brad: Rejected by the girl I loved! I'll never find another one like her again! Jonas: Don't worry, Brad! You'll find plenty of other girls to reject you! (Source: Pokémon)

Jonas: Can't you guys have a little confidence in me? Brad: We have as little confidence in you as possible. (Source: Pokémon)

Jonas: Whenever I'm around Kiera, I get this weird feeling in my stomach. Am I sick? Nate: Hmm. Maybe you harbor an infatuation with her. Jonas: Infatuation? Is that contagious? (Source: Recess)

Morgan: [watching an old video of herself] Man, did you see that catch? That was in my prime! Kiera: Morgan, that was 2 weeks ago. (Source: Recess)

Principal Mazlish: The criminal always returns to the scene of the crime. Jonas: But Principal Mazlish, you dragged me here! (Source: Recess)

Alicia: So you see, if we’re not nice to Mother Nature, she’ll kick our butts. (Source: Rocko's Modern Life)

Jonas: What do you think I am? An imbecile? Brad: Wow, Jonas! And it only took you fifteen seconds! (Source: Rugrats)

Kiera: *looking in a mirror* You look even prettier than you did yesterday! Adrian: You look the same to me. (Source: Rugrats)

Chloe: Do you always do what your parents tell you? Kiera: Yes. Chloe: Well, cut it out! (Source: Rugrats)

Jonas (facing the camera): This is dangerous, kids, so don't try it at home! Brad and Chloe: Like they could?! (Source: Slayers)

Sarah: Morgan, if we walk in here holding hands, everyone's gonna think we're gay. Morgan: Well, that's your problem. (Source: South Park)

Connor: I don’t *want* to go, I won’t know anybody. Robert: Well, it’ll be good for you to make new friends. You can’t just hang out with your buddy Mark all summer; people will think you guys are- you know- funny. (Source: South Park)

Mark: Wow! Nick and Jared really hate us, Connor. Connor: Yes, perhaps they're homophobic. Mark: But we're not gay, Connor. Connor: We're not? (Source: South Park)

Morgan: I just… I really need the support of my best friend right now… Sarah: Who’s your best friend? Morgan: You are, Sarah! We’ve always been best friends! We know everything about each other! Sarah: What’s my last name? Morgan (walking away): Goddammit… (Source: South Park)

Jonas (to the rest of the Core Six): You know, I've learned something today. Family isn't about whose blood you have, it's about who you care about. And that's why I feel like you guys are more than just friends. You're my family. (Source: South Park)

Chloe: It's a vast, swirling wonderland of sparkling white pleasure. Let it fill your senses with cascading, fluffy pillows of excitement and comfort, as you've never felt before! Kiera: Wow, Chloe, that was beautiful! Chloe: What? I was just reading this candy wrapper. (Source: Spongebob Squarepants)

Chloe: Bye, Jonas! Bye, Kiera! Bye, Brad! Bye, Nate! Bye, Jonas! Alicia: You said “bye, Jonas” twice. Chloe (dreamily): I like Jonas. (Source: Spongebob Squarepants)

Connor: Shut your mouth, you mediocre clarinet player. (storms off to his room) Morgan: …Mediocre? (Source: Spongebob Squarepants)

Chloe (to Alicia): I respect that you don't eat meat. Please respect that I don't eat fake meat. (Source: Teen Titans)

Brad: Winning isn't everything. Chloe: It's just the only thing that matters. (Source: Teen Titans)

Morgan: Would it kill you to smile? Connor: *with a visibly forced smile* Maybe. (Source: Teen Titans)

Jonas: I may not be smart enough to do everything, but I’m dumb enough to try anything. (Source: Teen Titans)

Jonas: So we really are friends? Chloe: Yes. Jonas: And you really think I’m funny? Chloe: Don’t push it. (Source: Teen Titans)

Connor: I’m not creepy. I’m just different. (Source: Teen Titans)

Chloe: Let’s go out and get buffalo wings! Do you like buffalo wings? Kiera: More than life itself. (Source: Teen Titans)

Morgan: How's my favorite sibling this bright and beautiful day? Connor: Shut up. (Source: The Angry Beavers)

Jonas, narrating: That's when it hit me. The best idea I ever had in my entire life! Brad: That's the worst idea you ever had in your entire life. (Source: The Boondocks)

Justin: How come you get to be in charge? Mark: Because I’m the oldest. Justin: Yeah? Well, you’re also the gayest. So I think I should be in charge. (Source: The Boondocks)

Morgan: I love Connor, almost like a brother. (Source: The Boondocks)

Jonas: It was my idea. Nate: No, it was my idea! Jonas: Well, it was my idea to take your idea! (Source: The Fairly Oddparents)

Nate: Who’s the brains of this outfit? Jonas: Uh… Nate: My point exactly. (Source: The Lion King)

Connor: Mark, Mark, I'm only looking out for the well-being of my best friend. Mark: Yeah, right, I'm your only friend. Connor: All the more reason for me to be protective. (Source: The Lion King)

Jonas: I’m sorry, guys. You believed in me and I let you down. Brad: Come on, Jonas. We never believed in you. (Source: The Oblongs)

Chloe: *about Connor* Don't fall for him, Kiera. That boy is scum. Kiera: Then call me Mrs. Scum. (Source: The Simpsons)

Jonas: There's three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Jonas Corbin way. Brad: Isn't that the wrong way? Jonas: Yeah, but faster. (Source: The Simpsons)

Valerie: You'll never get a husband by being sarcastic. Chloe: All right, no husband. (Source: The Simpsons)

Principal Mazlish: I'm surprised at you, Jonas. Surely you knew as you were writing your name in forty-foot high letters on the field that you would be caught. Jonas: Maybe it was one of the other Jonases. Principal Mazlish: There ARE no other Jonases! Jonas: Whoops. (Source: The Simpsons)

Mark: They're cooking kids in our school cafeteria! Valerie: Listen, kids. You're fifteen and seventeen years old now. I can't be fighting all your battles for you. Chloe: But, mom- Valerie: No "buts". You march right back to that school, look them in the eye, and say "don't eat me". (Source: The Simpsons)

Peter: Sometimes, I forget how young you are. Colin: I'm only a year younger than you. Peter: Oh look, you're getting cranky. You haven't had your juice. Colin: Well, my straw broke off in the carton- that's not the point! (Source: The Simpsons)

Connor: What's your mom got against me? Mark: She says you're a bad influence. Connor: Bad influence, my ass! How many times have I told you not to listen to your mother?! (Source: The Simpsons)

Adrian: Kiera, I'm going out. If I don't come back, I want you to avenge my death. Kiera: Alright! (Source: The Simpsons)

Connor: I’d kill for you. Please ask me to kill for you. Mark: No, Connor. (Source: The Simpsons)

Teacher: Connor, what exactly are you rebelling against? Connor: What have you got? (Source: The Simpsons)

Mark: I am the perfectly capable and responsible big brother of the group. Chloe: Can Justin and I have a can of frosting for dinner? Mark: Sure. (Source: The Simpsons)

Mark: I feel like I'm going to die. Connor: We're all gonna die, Mark. Mark: I meant soon. Connor: So did I. (Source: The Simpsons)

Connor: Inside every person is a struggle between good and evil that cannot be resolved. Also Connor: ♫ I am Evil Connor! I am Evil Connor! I am Evil Connor! I am Evil Connor! ♪ (Source: The Simpsons)

Jonas: I'm not a nerd, I'm a jock who's too cool for sports. (Source: The Simpsons)

Lauren: Mom, am I a butch or a femme? Allie: Honey, you can be anything you wanna be. (Source: The Simpsons)

Chloe: Mark eats like a pig. Justin: I don't know… pigs tend to chew. I'd say he eats more like a duck. (Source: The Simpsons)

*At one of Morgan's jazz choir concerts* Mark: Hey, Connor, keep an eye out for the guy with the peanuts. Connor: There's no guy with peanuts, Mark. (Source: The Simpsons)

Newscaster: We interrupt this program to bring you an important announcement. Jonas: It must be really important for them to interrupt a video game! (Source: Tiny Toon Adventures)

Connor: I’m 17 years old and I’ve already wasted my entire life. (Source: Undertale)

Jared: Nick! Pick up your sock! Nick: Okay. (picks up the sock and puts it back down) Jared: Don't put it back down! Move it! Nick: Okay. (moves it two inches) Jared: You moved it two inches! Move it to your room! Nick: Okay. Jared: And don't bring it back! Nick: Okay. Jared: It's still here! Nick: Didn't you just say not to bring it back to my room? Jared: Forget it! (Source: Undertale)

Connor (to Jonas): You're funny, but keep it up and you'll piss me off. (Source: Xenogears)

*Peter and Colin get into a fight* Zane: Come on, you guys. There’s no reason to fight over this. Sarah: Maybe we should stay out of it. I think this is their bizarre way of showing each other they care. Zane: Oh, okay… I just hope they don’t care about ME that much. (Source: Yu-Gi-Oh!)

---

Mark: You know the friendship's real when there are rumors that you're gay dating. Connor: "Friendship" my ass. (Source: Tumblr)

Connor: Anyway, sorry for being mean and gay. Sike! (Source: Tumblr)

Nate: You're living. You occupy space. And you have mass. You know what that means? You matter. Jonas: That's the most inspirational pun I've ever heard. (Source: Tumblr)

Kiera: I kinda have a crush, but I’m a little embarrassed to tell you. Chloe: C’mon Kiera, you know I’m not gonna judge. Just rip that bandaid off. Kiera: It's Connor Urquhart. Chloe: You put that bandaid back on. You put that bandaid back on and you let that wound fester. (Source: Tumblr)

Jonas: Good morning, mother figure. Donna: Good morning, problem child. (Source: Tumblr)

Jessica: It's a truth universally acknowledged that I’m 100% that bitch. (Source: Tumblr)

Nate: 'Knowledge' is knowing that a tomato is a fruit; 'wisdom' is not putting it in a fruit salad. Jonas: That was deep. Chloe: ‘Philosophy' is wondering if that means ketchup is a smoothie. Jonas: That was deeper. Brad: 'Common sense' is knowing that ketchup isn't a damn smoothie, you nasties. (Source: Tumblr)

Kiera: Michelangelo painted this. Chloe: I'm not stupid, Kiera. I know the Ninja Turtles aren't real. (Source: Tumblr)

Chloe: Small creatures are way more vicious. It’s because there’s less room to contain their anger. Nate: That’s ridiculous. Name one example of this. Kiera: Wasps. Brad: Spiders. Chloe: Terriers. Jonas: Samantha. (Source: Tumblr)

Connor: My gender is “pretty boy”. (Source: Tumblr)

Jonas: We played Scrabble. It was a nightmare. Brad: Scrabble? Scrabble's great. Jonas: Not when you're playing with Nate, it's not. He puts down words like "iridium" and I put "pig". (Source: Tumblr)

Connor: I am made of sarcasm and homosexuality. (Source: Tumblr)

Connor: *wears dark gray* Morgan: I see you're breaking out the spring colors. (Source: Tumblr)

Kiera: I'm straight. Karin: Hey. Kiera: So it turns out I'm not straight. (Source: Tumblr)

Alicia: Roses are red, violets are blue…sunflowers are yellow…tulips come in all kinds of colors…daffodils are also yellow. Kiera: Was that supposed to be a poem? Alicia: No, I just like flowers. (Source: Tumblr)

Nate: Being the smartest kid in class is like being the only kid in class. (Source: Tumblr)

Connor: I love you like you're my little sister. Morgan: Connor, I don't mean to scare you, but I am your little sister. (Source: Tumblr)

Nick: Truth or Dare? Mark: Dare. Nick: I dare you to kiss the cutest person in this room. Mark: Hey, Jessica… Jessica (blushing): Yeah? Mark: Could you move? I'm trying to get to Connor. (Source: Unknown)

#ocs #incorrect quotes #jonas corbin's guide to life #long post #really long post #don't press the keep reading unless you have time to spare #my ocs

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