#but theyre things that are a part of me and ive liked them for a very long time and they've become something that i really enjoy

[dreamsy990]

some of the less nice thoughts about being aroace

extras below the cut

sketch

closeups on my favorite panels

bonus: adios

#doodles #kingdom hearts #roxas #axel #olette #aromantic #asexual #aroace #do i tag pence. hes in the background of one panel #ehhhh sorry pence no tag for you #also not tagging soriku and namixi #i mean by the logic of 'theyre in one panel so i wont tag them' i also shouldnt tag axel but. he has dialogue so #anyways i have a very irrational love of olette whenever i need a random side character in a kh comic? olette #i think she uses webmd. anyways im done talking about olette #so let me clarify about this comic #im aroace. this is all just things ive thought before #im not saying in any way these thoughts are real. theyre just thoughts #thats why it ends with 'but there isnt. its just me.' there IS nothing wrong with being aroace. even if it feels like it sometimes #im not trying to send a message im just trying to express a feeling ive had for a while #anyways. the aroace community is super positive and i like that. but not everything i feel about it is that positive #sometimes it feels like im missing something yknow #this comic seems like its about roxas. but its about me. congrats youve been fooled #drafted something similar to this for aro week but didnt finish it in time so this is spiritually part of asaw 2024 #btw sorry im not posting as many drawings lately #schools kinda stressful im pretty tired and busy most the time #i am throwing this drawing to you like a slab of meat to a pack of hungry dogs. take this meager ration in these trying times #alright i think thats it bye now

[sluckythewizard]

THEY could give me the surgurey i need (inspired alot by evojellys designs for em. GREAT STUFF)

#THE SUCKENING IS S O COOOOL GUYS VIV N VEX ARE SO FUCKING COOL AND FUNNY... CHARLIES FLAVOR OF DERANGED IS JUST #SO PERFECT FOR THIS CAMPAIGN.. I LOVE HOW HE DOES HORROR AND EVIL AND SCARY AND AAUAUUUGHGHGUUHGHG #their teeht arnt spiked like normal vampires but theyre sharp n smooth like a Beak. in my beautiful heart #ALSO UGHGHGH BIG SPOILERS FOR EPISODE 7 BUT #THAT THING WITH THE MAP. WITH THE DEMONS N VAMPS. THEYRE KEEPING TRACK OF THEM. #'so viv. was that one of mine or one of yours?' IS THIS A PET PROJECT OF THEIRS OR SOMETHING. ARE THEY PULLING MORE STRINGS THAN WE THINK #IS ONE TUGGING AT THE DEMONS AND THE OTHER TUGGING AT THE FANGS? PITTING THEM AGAINST EACHOTHER SO THEY KILL EACHOTHER? #AND THEN ITS EASIER TO TAKE THE BODIES FOR THEIR FUNNY CREATIONS?? IT PROLLY WASNT EASY TO GET SUPPLIES B4 EDWARD CAME INTO POWER #BUT OH MY GOD.. POOR EMIZEL.. THE MEMORY OF HIS CREW WAS TAKEN AND THEN HE WATCHES A BUNCHA THEM GET HORRIBLY DISMATNLED N DISTORTED #HE KNOWS HE CARED FOR THEM AT SOMEPOINT N HE KNOWS THE MEMORIES WERE TAKEN BUT HE JUST. CANT. AUAUUGGUAHGUAHGUAHGUHG #THAT SUCKS SO BAD FOR HIMMM EMIZEEEELL EMIZEL CMERE BABY BOY ILL SMOKE U OUT BOY. GET AWAY FROM THOSE EVIL GUYS I AM BETTER N CAN BE TRUSTE #viv n vex are so cool...theyre fuckin CRAAZYY N SCARYYY BUT ALSO. SO FUNNY... I LOVE A PUNNY JACKASS... 'LOOKS LIKE YOUVE BEEN: DISARMED!' #'IVE MADE THAT JOKE 6 TIMES AND ITS STILL FUNNY EVERYTIME' i gotta draw more of their bullshit... #im already doodling up the 'YOU CAN CALL ME MOMMY!!' bit. i gotta draw more o the monstors n the horrors too... especially emizels sire UGH #I LOVE VILLIAINS THAT ARE SO GENUINELY SCARY BUT SO FUNNY... charlie just does evil ppl like no one else idk what it ISSSS #okayokayoka y im normal im. relistening to the ep n im at the edward part. oh my god. i actually love him. he actually makes my skin crawl #IM DONEthats my rambles for tha day. back into my hole i go. also i have comms open. cmere pspspss i need moneyyy heyyyy cmereeeee #check out my main artblog. GO!!!

[taikk0]

that thing you do when you're forced to share chips with your siblings but your pride won't let you so you grip the bag in between the bag opening and the chips inside so they can't get them

#this is a part of the filipino turtles thing ive been thinking about #theyre wearing basic ph school uniforms #they arent actually filipino ( aka not an au or a headcanon ) #i just like seeing them do filipino things #because im filipino and it makes me happy #i have so many stupid headcanons and i havent drawn them all yet #rottmnt #rise of the tmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #teenage mutant ninja turtles #tmnt #tmnt 2018 #tmnt 2k18 #rottmnt fanart #rottmnt art #tmnt fanart #tmnt art #taikko art

[lunar-wandering]

I genuinely think so many people have forgotten the fact of "there are no toxic fandoms, only toxic people".

When fandoms get big, of course the amount of people u want nothing to do with is also gonna get bigger.

Youre not meant to combat them. Youre not meant to talk about them and expose others to them.

Youre meant to block them at the first signs and continue to enjoy your experience interacting with other people.

Kill the weeds, don't let the seeds spread, reap your wheat and enjoy your bread.

#this post brought to you by #me yet again seeing a 'x fandom is awful and toxic' #whilst ive experienced nothing but joy + made most of my current friends through said fandom #im part of that fandom. youre part of that fandom. that fandom brought us together. #you would insult something that created something so beautiful? #just because theres some assholes ALSO in it??? #i just. i cant STAND it #its such a fucking generalization #im so fucking tired of 'fandoms are bad' mentalities #yes theres some assholes. most of us dont want them here either #yes theres people being 'cringey'. leave them alone theyre just having fub #fun #fandoms are a COMMUNITY #of people brought together via a common love of one thing #we praise fanfic and fanart for being so creative #but those only truly exist because fandom does #u cant love one and then blatantly insult the other #jeez #im just. i get so depressed when i see those takes #its like. sometimes some of these takes really just give 'people cant have fun anymore' #and other times i see a 'fandom bad!!' take and im just like #u do understand fandom is a community that YOU are meant to build right? #its like how people tell people to curate their dashboard. fandom is the same #block the people u dont like. dont engage with drama. dont make callout posts. #(if u must u can PRIVATELY inform your mutuals if theres some asshole in the community) #fandom is meant to be FUN. A discussion of what people love and an exchange of arts #not continuous arguing over what hcs are correct and stuff #just. god. fandoms arent awful. thats like saying all humans are bad. #just block the assholes. let people have fun. and enjoy yourself. #those are the three rules of fandom.

[strangewiggles]

You were spilling all my will out I was bleeding my last brains It's nothing like the nothingness That normally numbs one's pain

Goodbye, oh goodbye

some closeups for you

#almost forgot to put tags #pathologic #pathologic 2 #my art #pathologic albino #albino pathologic #ill keep my ramblings IN THE TAGS this time . #oomf finished patho2 and we had a long conversation about how the albinos feel like. wasted potential for what they SEEM to symbolize #in the nocturnal ending anyway #this art is of the diurnal ending if that isnt. clear #because TO ME #what they symbolize is. a dying culture. and that seems. like its true? and not just “oh this is how i felt about them” #but some people are bigger pathoheads than me so idk #but they had been presented as fictional or a part of artemy's mind #as theyre first shown in the tumbler human #then the dream #but yknow when things get so unbelievably desperate they have to get out of hiding #and come out of hiding i mean literally cuz i like to think they went into hiding deep in the abattoir #sorry if i am just explaining stuff that is very blatantly in the game . ive been thinking about this for the last few days #let me feel smart okay #“give the albinos a voice” is very on the nose #IN A GOOD WAY!!!!! [SPONGEBOB ROCK FALL IMAGE] #in a WONDERFUL way actually. when i think about the kin too much i start crying #HENCE #THIS DRAWING #i wanna draw some herb brides soon. maybe nara

[harvestmoth]

more rejuv things but its. its just this guy again, im sorry shes all i can draw

#everyday im like i wanna draw :] and then i just end up with this thing on the page #i refuse to draw hands holding. because i cannot and im too lazy to figure it out #oh yea a couple of these i havent posted before because theyre lame to me but ill put them here for now #anyways!! #i was gonna say something about a couple of these but i forgot #oh well #pokemon rejuvenation #does she. lose her ribbon in blacksteeple. i forgot #she still has it to me.. #to me her c15 hair tie is a torn part of the ribbon #anyways again. yesterday i finally figured out what the rejuvrp is. very cool stuff im so incredibly intrigued by it #i have no idea whats going on! but it looks so cool ill try to read it more later. #oh right again about the rejuvrp thing. the character designs ive seen are so so so cool i want to draw them so bad #i think i have to ask about that first though and there is! no way i am going to do that!!! i do not want to bother them #and i think my heart would explode from the fear of it all before i even typed the message. #that and im very lazy! theres a very good chance i wouldnt even draw it in the first place #anyways unrelated but i think if i get another comment from someone on something i Will Actually Explode. #i see someone said something and it kills me on the daily. what is happening... thank you.. i appreciate it very much... #sorry to whoever read all of that. um. hi youre really cool and i hope you have a good day/night #i think being on twitter has done something to me i have to leave it immediately. anyways back to twitter #wait actually i should go back to playing rejuv. im still in the grove from when i first posted the gym leader melia au. im afraid to leave #also play pokemon rejuvenation no i will not stop saying that everytime i post one of these

[ribbononline]

New fic by @silverjirachi out wahoo wahoo! Go support it!!

#my fic commentary remains impeccable <3 (gnawing) #more quick fanfic doobles its more likely then you think >:] #also going through an art style crisis atm dont worry abt it KJHKJSDF #anyways. big fan of spinda that was my fav mon as a bit as a kid. also worried abt spinda considering it was never mentioned in the sequel #please be alive out there buddy #good excuse to draw younger them again :] prequel fics always fun #curious to see where it will go!! also specifically what the end point will be :3c #is it the archie running away in the night plotpoint or. #like courtney has very much alluded to things after that in th already existing sequel fic will we get to see #or will those things be tackled in the last part of the trilogy hmhmm #i like thinking abt fanfics. i like how everyone in the fandom has such different takes on the characters #allows me to take them and put them in scenarios its like free aus for days to play w #<making up so many endings and plotthreads up in my head to every fic i get my grubby hands on #rotating them around like theyre in a microwave #oh back on track i do not remember if the devil and the dead sea ever mentioned eye color of either of them so i just fuckin winged it #perhaps they are inaccurate if so Uhm. Apologies #now we patiently wait for the chapter releases. spinning really hard #TWO fics ive been excited for updating again after a good forever tis a good month

[welcometoteyvat]

jing yuan and yanqing are giving zhongli and xiao if the latter’s canon relationship was Actually fanon’s made up father figure/adopted child dynamic

#idkkkkkkkkkkkkk who looks at zx and is like 'you know what. this is a healthy parent child relationship' #like girl by fitting them into father son boxes you are actively making their relationship imbalance Worse #if you do that and dont shy away from it i respect that but if you say dad/son makes their relationship more wholesome or whatever like WHY #now i wont deny shippers might do that too but i see the dad son version so much i think im just averse to it by default #also because i think father son makes people actively Try to make their relationship something that its not and it erases a bunch of subtlet #subtleties in it. it's the nuanced r/ship -> entirely unproblematic and flavorless r/ship that i hate #also the number of people who'll block if you ship zx. like damn thats crazy you guys really think theyre father son (fake)??? #at their peak they're like. 4000 year old guys who have too much history and repression and some weird entanglement of 'nah im bothering him #too much' and 'gotta protect him w my life' complexes. and then this devolves into theyre never gonna kiss until 3000 more years have passed #listen they just Contain Multitudes idc if you dont ship it just dont make it into dad and son and we will be so gucci #jing.yuan and yanqing are like different i think mostly bc yanqing is actually like a minor and jing yuan is also a normal ish person #plus the light cone and the abouts?? yeah this is an actual like adopted parent/child thing #also good or bad news i caved and am now playing hsr. the plan is to pull yanqing and then go on infinite hiatus in the game 👍 #JWKFLJWEK i dont think theres really any draws for me besides him. personally neutral on turn based combat and the open world isn't giving #the only saving grace i have rn is 1) ive gotten to the part where bron.seele is real and man theyre gay 2) trailblazer trio 3) tall female #mc 4) everyone has way better emoting abilities than genshin 5) su.shang's really cute <3 #the story doesnt really interest me though its like cool but not mindgrippingly interesting #tbf i think genshin is the same way storyline wise (at the beginning) but the difference is that turn based combat isnt really my thing LMAO #ramblings! #zhongxiao #if you want to filter it out ??

[puppyeared]

sworn rivals 😳

#IDKKKK idkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk i dont watch dcmk i just really like em #ive seen like. clips and stuff but its just me reading fanfiction guys. sorry if u thought i know anything abt the show #im just a kaito enthusiast. because hes a magician thief its literally the best thing ever #also there is one fanfic writer im a big fan of bc i love their stories its really good. i wanna draw one of the scenes from my fav fanfic #of theirs but idk if ill post it on here. just for me to look at and squeal with joy? #BUT ITS SO SOFT.... I literally. theyre so cute the way theyre written there *holds them gently* #if ur curious its always ends in a hazy shower scene on a03... OK THATS ALL IM EMBARASSED NOW AHAHAA #fair warning its like rated M for sex scenes peppered in but im just here because THEY LOVE EACH OTHERRR........ COHABITATION MY BELOVED #for the record my favorite part is the one in the bathroom he takes the time to tell him why he loves him and then they go to sleep AWWAAWA #OK. OK IM DONE. WHY AM I SO INVESTED IN THIS I DONT EVEN GO HERE AHSDSFF #my art #myart #detective conan #magic kaito #kaishin #kudou shinichi #kuroba kaito #kaitou kid #dcmk #dcmk fanart #case closed #fanart #kaito #shinichi #btw this is supposed to be a reference to the airwalking scene from howls moving castle. because i can <3

[leafeonb]

sometimes i think about the armor they're a little sad

#i like that their story is just a concept but i keep thinking of the possibilities #i want to give them friends i had this concept for a character who makes/fixes armor pieces that would be a friend of the armor for a long #time already but also idk if the armor goes around telling people they're actually empty or if thats something noticeable or not... maybe #only friends or people they want ro scare the shit out of see that (help) #the armor is kind of funny to me because they went through basically all stages of grief they're chill now but at some point they were #kind of an asshole scarying people in dungeons and doing pranks and stuff (HELP) so sometimes they look back and its like #that wasnt even them because it was so long ago and they probably dont even have the pieces of armor they used to have at that time #the armor of theseus... talking so much about ocs these days its how you know i have other stuff to do but theyre haunting me #actually ive been thinking about this one other old oc story and slightly changing parts that one is the true oc story of theseus #to me because i keep changing it. but also this time im like why didnt i add this thing here... i need it... #like when you give a character a specific trait and now because of that they mean the world to you yeah 🫶 #lulu.txt #thinking about ocs. blows up it feels embarrassing sometimes so tumblr post not even about the ones that are making me blow up

[todayisafridaynight]

I’m fairly new to the fandom, but I do have a question if you can answer it! Why do people ship Daigo with Aoki / Masato? I tried looking to see if they’ve interacted before, but couldn’t find anything! Sorry for asking I’m just </3 dumb AND I LOVE YOUR ART OF THEM!!! Nerd looking ahhhhhh

hi ! welcome to the community i hope you're having a lovely time so far and ty for enjoyin my stuff :) no need for apologies it's a very fair question to have :]

i cant speak for everyone (all. ten people into masadai anyway) but Personally To Me i just think the idea of them together is very funny. thats quite literally it im afraid..

#snap chats #//twenty page google doc in the background// ignore that. it's mostly for comedic purposes #might also be my fault idk sorry about that. allegedly. idk ive had like three people tell me they started to ship them cause of me 🧍‍♂️ #@mementoasts is another person who's drawn masadai and whose stuff i love and am inspod by .. i love their disneyland fic sm ... #there was another artist on twitter who posted a neat drawing of them but i cant remember who they were and i didnt bookmark it //screams// #recently there's been ANOTHER masadai artist ive started following on twitter - @wifekiryu. his account's n/s/f/w fyi before you go looking #he has a tumblr too @foxdies. i say cause i realized as much recently vjeaKLGJALKGJ #oh but I GUESS ill get deeper into why. /i/ personally ship masadai or whatever #first off they're opposing factions yet their character alignments Do Not Match their roles. stereotypically anyway #aoki who leads the 'surface' of society and is meant to be an admirable figure and someone 'just' when really. he sucks LMAO #though that's not atypical of politicians but just from a stereotypical This Is A Respectable Individual perspective of his role #daigo on the other hand leads the 'underbelly' of society- yk comprised of dangerous criminals and outcasts and whatnot #yet as we know him daigo's compassionate and considerate of his men- he doesnt treat them like tools like aoki does #if put in a room with the two daigo would be most people's choice of person to hang out with. probably open a trapdoor on aoki tbh #and i think thats really cool and epic i always love that kinda Subverting Expectations thing #theres also the fact they both started off like. edgy/angsty in the franchise and then brush up down the line #masato does a stronger 180. publicly. obviously but its still really funny they both have to get their act together #if you wanna talk about in-text reasons. there really is none LMAO I TELLS YOU masadai is pure crack #but if i wanted to pull a muscle reaching then there's daigo being on aoki's side while everyone else is on arakawa's during the funeral #im lying of course. mitsu was behind him. rgg tryna make me forget mitsu exist .... put him back in y8 .... #and ofc ichi joins that side to even out the seating but moving on another Goofy Reason is arakawa being like #'the chairman and my son are like p much the same age Surely he knows how he thinks :)' #and then i just think daigo being all smarmy about outsmarting aoki is really goofy and im choosing to interpret that as personal #they both also have issues with their dad. s. dad/s/. anyway. #tbh the google doc tag was a joke but i really could sit here and list every dumb reason why i think theyre funny together #like i started going over the tag limit so uhhhh yeah needless to say i have a lot of. dumb reasons 💀💀💀💀 #one day ill use the main text for long rambles like this but todays not that day Point Is my imagination is rampant im afraid #so the short and sweet of it is I Think It's Funny. And They'd Be Terrible Together. Which Is Why It's Funny. #and the unfortunate part is anything i find funny i obsess over for a year so. //gestures to the mountain of bullshit thats my masadai tag/

[bmpmp3]

one of my favourite character relationship dynamics, platonic romantic or anything, is when two characters are absolutely the bestest of best friends and when one is hurt or something the other will scream and cry and wail and explode and when the other is in danger then the first one will go on some kind of silent terminator-esque rampage about it. besties (do no separate)

#i havent watched more than season 3 of x files but i rewatched season 2 recently #and that entire season along with the first half of season 3 (where i am now LOL) have been entirely this #literally like. mulders the screaming crying throwing up type and scullys the terminator one #its awesome #another far less obvious and possibly less intentional example but recently ive been reading some villainess manwha called #a villainess no more and like. the romance is kinda sweet and gentle and cute and all but like #i kind of really loved in the early parts where they kinda just became besties at first sight #like bro......they are BEST FRIENDS #rn in the story ive gotten to the point where theyre best friends And lovers which is sweet #its interesting though normally im a huge sap who loves romance in like everything but like...i kinda preferred them just as besties? #not something that happens to me often (nothing wrong with purely platonic relationships im just a romantic dweeb) #(theres exceptions of course. speaking of scully and mulder i like them best not as romantic or platonic but a secret third thing) #(theyre relationship is: scully and mulder. you know. thats their relationship status) #but this is a case where i really loved the platonic married besties dynamic a LOT #are there any comics or something about two besties being married platonically. maybe im craving something i never knew i craved #besties wedding. besties wedding #but i guess its no surpirse that i love besties dynamics if you remember all my complaints about certain routes in certain sengoku era otog #i think shingens route should have had more goofing around. i think mc and shingen should have become besties before romance #sometimes i cant buy romance unless they become best friends first. become BUDDIES before u put a ring on it #if that makes sense. who knows what im talking about. hold your besties real close tonight.....for me #(a transparent version of me smiling is overlayed over the night sky before i fade away into stardust)

[orcelito]

My druid has "fuckboy" written all over her

#speculation nation #shes a druid but she does Not look it. nor does she act like it really. #druid stuff exists to beef myself up as a front liner (spores druid ftw) #and to act as an excuse like 'whaaaat why r u so suspicious of me im a druid 🥺🥺🥺 i just want what's best for nature 🥺🥺🥺' #meanwhile here i am hogging ALL the worms we manage to find (or. well. most of them.) #bc im going full ham into my powers lol theyre so useful #this is a game of pressing Every button and seeing what happens. yet still going along the lines of good? approximately? #it very much does feel like the kind of thing a druid drow would do. willing to consort with the darkness #but still ultimately striving for peace and order. #i am just perhaps a little bug-brained to accomplish this :3 #ive been playing a Lot of bg3. progressing well through act 2. everything is so very scary and i am just 1 druid 🥺 #(i say as if i havent killed literally every single enemy ive come across. im so fucking good at this game.) #the house of healing was by far my least favorite part (so far). that boss battle was TERRIBLE but i managed to get through it. #according to my friends they just talked their way out of it. not me tho. i saw that guy strapped to the table and i was just like #'GET FUCKED BRO' *casts moonbeam* *proceeds to get the shit stabbed outta me* #holy shit he did so much damage. and he was focused ONLY ON ME....... #took me and shadowheart both healing to keep up with the damage he was doing (while astarion and karlach did most of the attacking) #but i did it! hes gone! but holy shit poking around his stuff has been so. eugh. #im in the towers now. so scary. just barely started them tho. gonna look for the prisoners and then proceed from there. #that ketheric dude is fucking terrifying. so big scared about him. but All Men Die The Same 😈 #.....well maybe not exactly the same given his 'immortality' thing 😂 but i'll figure it out. #anyways yea check out taltana im going for a mixed feminine and masculine kinda vibes with her. and enjoying it very much. #bg3 spoilers/

[munamania]

i dont wanna be a dick and act like i have no responsibility in this but after a point dont u think if all you ever say to ur friend is Omg you never make it out why dont you ever come out with us you bail all the time youre such a flake etc. dont u think that person (me) is like. not gonna feel so inclined to. be there

#like. yeah i was bad last semester i get it. and probably i shouldve tried at least once or twice to push thru #but i was so exhausted. and every time they would bring up hanging out it was on my longest days #and when i casually brought this up they were just like Well we have long days too. Okay! #and i love and miss these friends and i know for the most part. or at least think. theyre just teasing #i hate being seen as the flake like any time i do have to be like Oh i cant make that or Shit im sorry i have to bail #i try to offer an alternative???? and they never compromise on that. how is that fair like im not just outright rejecting u all the time #not to mention most of the time last semester it was always gonna be somewhere super easy for them to get home and far from me #im not like constantly holding this against them btw but i feel like they're holding it against me and i dont have any more apologies in me #anyway. that said. if theyre somewhere really expensive and far from me tn and i get out of work early #i. probably will not make it. lol! if theyd be willing to come a little closer to my place to one of the dives or some shit thatd be great #and like im not doing much today until class and work so really like. i WILL try. but i think they could sometimes not go for the most #expensive and inconvenient option as well. and these r all things ill say if it becomes like a problem problem or smth #but rn im not gonna be a dickhead and shit on their plans #but also! ok whatever im not gonna keep going on i just feel shitty im not 100% better from being sick and im just frustrated #about having to fuckign grovel over and over and over. i meant it the first few times now im just like #u could try not to be an asshole to me for five seconds too. like. i am very clearly not someone trying to secretly stop being friends #w yall. things happen #abby talks #and maybe this is an esp sore spot bc like ive certainly had some of you bail on me or be flaky or whatever before. and i didnt throw #a fucking fit to your face about it. probably bc it actually did feel more mean spirited sometimes #OK im sorry im not trying to make my friends sound evil and its mostly just the one and like im working on forgiving her for it cause it #was years ago but also like christ!

[toastsnaffler]

everyone say thank u to my roommate for going to visit her parents this weekend so I can jack it loud and nasty 🙏

#i love her but there are some benefits to having the flat to myself.... love getting to wander around in just my boxers + a tshirt too #things i could do while she was still here if i wasnt a pussy 🙄 #jk itd just make her uncomfortable and im too respectful for that #having a lowkey crush on her is an endless comedy to me bc we would be so woefully incompatible romantically #and also sexually.. historically ive only ever stone topped bc ive never been comfortable enough w anyone to let them fuck me #despite very much Not being stone or exclusively a top. and i think shes some form of sex repulsed anyway so like. sits there dead silence #and also shes so in love with her other friends and i showed up late to that party.... ive been feeling kinda guilty lately bc ik- #she misses them a lot and wishes we'd be able to stay roommates w them too. and im a pretty poor replacement for them tbh #and i love spending time with her but whenever i do i feel kinda painfully aware im not them like i could never fill that space #and asking to hang out more with her always feels like im taking away from time she could be talking to them. or even being alone ik she- #likes her own company and i get that a lot too so its chill but ahh.. man #i dont mean this in a bitter or jealous way at all like theyre all such sweet ppl i couldnt ever hold it against them #theyre kind of a 3 headed cerberus type situation and im like. the stray puppy they found on the side of the road #theres nothing they can do differently i was just born to be alienated from other ppl forever until i die. and someday i hope ill- #finally get used to it and accept i wont ever feel like im enough for anyone else or feel like anything else is enough for me #old wounds healed over 5082 times that still hurt to touch but i cant help pressing my fingers into them anyway bc its a familiar pain etc #anyway lost where i was going with this its just been on my mind again recently. i hate to be pitied i hate to feel like im only included- #bc they didnt want me to feel left out i hate feeling like a shoddy secondhand stand-in and its been a lot of that lately #also been a little annoyed bc sometimes it feels like shes trying to micromanage my social life and girl. we're not close enough for that #im sure its well intentioned but im not part of what they have going on i cant compete in that ring so dont try to push me into it.. #ahhh. its all ok tho one of the guys is coming to visit next month which will be rly fun but ill try to give them some space too #its good at least im doing this processing now bc group situations can be spike traps of triggers for me sometimes #regardless of how good friends i am w ppl and ive already had a wobble a few weeks ago w how i cope and i dont want it to become a #fully fledged regular issue again bc its so hard to crawl back out of that pit. anyway losing coherence here im gonna stop rambling #and go make myself an early dinner and then back to drawing........ #sorry for long tags if ur reading this blows u a kiss but go find a better use of ur time girl!! #.diaries

[s0fter-sin]

criminal minds/call of duty crossover where a serial killer is targeting sets of brothers. the bau think it’s ghost after finding out he’s on leave and looking into him and finding out about his abusive childhood. they think being military, getting held by the cartel and his family’s murder made him snap and he’s trying to recreate a perfect childhood with perfect brothers but they’re never perfect enough

he’s arrested when he can’t provide an alibi for the nights of the murders. the interrogation is rough, even with his resistance training. he can’t fight back, he can’t wait out the clock until price rescues him bc it’s not ghost being interrogated, it’s simon. getting his family and childhood thrown in his face, being questioned about his time with the cartel, forced to remember everything he went through and the entire time he can’t hide behind his mask bc they took it the second they brought him in

he’s being moved from interrogation to a cell when soap bursts in, screaming and swearing at them, how dare they think ghost would ever hurt those boys, after everything he’s survived, all the people he’s saved, do they really think he would ever do something like that, what the fuck is wrong with them!!

he sees how rough ghost looks, sees they took his mask and is two seconds from throwing hands with morgan. ghost’s just been quietly saying his name as he rants, trying to get through to him before he gets himself arrested too until he finally barks, “sergeant mactavish!” and soap instinctively freezes and falls to attention. he tries to make him leave but soap tells the team that ghost was with him on the nights the boys were killed and he had security footage of him coming and leaving his apartment, as well as pictures from throughout the night

the team don’t believe him, asking why ghost would lie to them, he could be charged with murder if it went far enough, why hide his alibi? he stays quiet until soap finally says, “he was protecting me. it doesn’t look to good to be gay in the military. or to seduce your superior officer.”

“you didn’t seduce shit, johnny,” ghost argues back and the team realises they were trying to dodge a dishonourable discharge not hide a murder habit and releases him. they end up stealth helping them solve the case bc even if he didn’t do it, seeing all of these boys, these brothers getting killed was getting to ghost in a bad way

#the extra pictures are absolutely from soap blowing ghosts back out #outside perspectives are one of my favourite things in the world #the interrogation specifically is making me lose my mind the conversation theyd have about how to go about it? #should hotch play to his obvious daddy issues and come at him heavy and aggressive? should rossi do the same but with a sympathetic approac #or go the other way a military man probably with mummy issues too so send in emily or jj and see if hes misogynistic #they think hes killing boys should reid go in and ramp up his age and vulnerability? #ghost would see through them all with his training but each approach would tear at him in different ways #that they think they can get to him by treating him like something damaged or playing to his supposed prejudices #rossi acting anything like price would fuck him up something fierce #ghost is the king of repression and being confronted with all of this? hed be losing it #and the way he protects his sergeants (roach is alive bc i said so) as if theyre his little brothers? how he goes hard on the recruits to #make sure they live? #to be told they expect him to be killing these kids? it breaks him down a bit #it stabs at a part of himself that calls him a monster and unworthy of love and affection #his fathers son #and soaps just furious that anyone could ever think ghost is capable of something like that #that they dug up his trauma and saw a man to condemn instead of a boy to be saved #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #we’re a team. ghost team #criminal minds #spencer reid #call of duty #soapghost #ghostsoap #ghost cod #simon ghost riley #soap cod #john soap mactavish #ghost mw2 #save post