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shreddedparchment · 3 years

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A Wife for Thor Pt.16

No One

02/04/2021

Pairing: King!Thor x Reader Word Count: 5,025

Warnings: angst, jealousy, crying, infertility, talk of pregnancy, trouble conceiving, smut, LOTS of fluff

A/N: I’m sorry this one took me a bit to get out. I know y’all tell me not to be sorry but I am still sorry lol I stopped taking my endo meds since I can no longer afford them with no healthcare, I got my period and my endo said FUCK YOU! I was in bed for the entirety of my period with no energy to do anything but lay there and do nothing. Anywho, I hope you enjoy this chapter. I’ve been excited to get to this chapter and I hope it’s worth the wait. Thank you for any comments or reblogs! xoxo

Thor has never been so eager to get back to New Asgard. Even back in the beginning when Jane had been living with him in those first small houses that they’d built when his new Kingdom was nothing but a distant dream.

Even then, this sensation of yearning had not been so strong.

Every moment away from you has been unbearable. The detour he’d taken after just arriving only increased his desire because if seeing Jane has shown him anything it’s that he has indeed made the right choice.

He really hadn’t doubted it, but it’s nice to know that even with Jane standing inches away from him, his heart had not pounded. His breath had not caught. His fingers had not tingled as they once had in their wish to touch.

Her brown eyes, once beyond beautiful, are indeed still pretty. However, they aren’t yours. Yours that look at him with an innocent admiration. Love pours from them so freely. Eagerly.

You’re not afraid to show him how you feel and it takes his breath away how much you’ve given into loving him.

All he can do is try to return your love with the same fervor. So far he thinks he has been doing the job well.

As he struts forward towards your shared bedroom, he reaches into his cloak, down along his left hip to unhook a small leather satchel bulging with its contents.

Smiling down at what he hopes will be a welcome and pleasing gesture, he makes to open the doors to the room but finds them thrust out towards him.

Instinctively his hand twitches around the satchel, almost throwing his palm out to call his remade hammer, but he resists.

From his bedroom spill two beings. One Asgardian, one human. The doors swing shut behind them.

“Doctor Wilson? Alric?” Thor teeters back onto his right foot, completely surprised to see them. “What brings-?”

Both of them look grave and Thor’s heart hits the pit of his stomach. All of the strength in the universe leaves him in one terrifying instant.

“Is Y/N alright? Is she hurt? Injured? Has something happened?”

In his panic he begins to push through them and they move aside for him but before he can open the doors to get in to see you, Alric reaches out to place his hand on Thor’s shoulder.

“Just our monthly visit, nothing to fret about Your Majesty,” Alric assures him and yet, Thor’s squirming nerves are not put at ease. “Unfortunately things do not look well for an heir as of now.”

“They don’t exactly look bad either, Alric,” Doctor Wilson interjects. “We’re in uncharted territory, Your Majesty. We have to play this as it comes at us. I’m sure with Alric’s help we’ll find a way to make it work.”

Their words at the moment aren’t making any sense to Thor. All he wants is to see you.

“Right…” he says on reflex, but his voice is weak.

His mind on you and only you.

“She is a little melancholy after our news so, perhaps it’s best we let you go see her. Until next month, Your Majesty,” Doctor Wilson gives him a curtsy. “If you need us before then, you have our numbers.”

Alric gives Thor a bow and the two of them march off, Alric lugging a strange metal case along with him.

With nothing to hold him back now, Thor pulls the doors open and hurries inside.

He scans the room from the left to the right, expecting you in the bathroom but you aren’t there. Several of the doors to the balcony are open letting in a much warmer breeze than this morning but still very cool.

Thor finally spots you sitting at your vanity, your hand pressed to the inside of your elbow as you hold a small cotton ball against the point at which one of your doctors probably drew some blood.

Even that tiny sting of a needle piercing your beautiful skin makes his heart ache. Any pain you feel is his own and he can’t believe he forgot what today was.

“Cherub?”

You don’t look at him and instead keep your hand pressed tightly, fingers moving in slow and small circles.

He can’t see your face from here. You’re turned away, sitting with your gaze trained on the balcony doors closest to your vanity.

Thor can’t take you not looking at him. He sets his satchel on the chaise at the end of the bed and when he reaches your left side, he squats down so that he can look up at you, his right hand taking gentle hold under your left bicep. His left hand he places over your right one, pressed against the inside of your left elbow.

“I’m sorry about today. I forgot they were coming for your tests,” Thor confesses, feeling so guilty he could leap from the balcony and welcome the pain of any bones he might break.

The silence is heavy and he thinks he might really be in for it and opens his mouth to plead for your forgiveness when you give him relief, “So did I.”

He breathes in deeply and with a wave of relief releases his worries in a gust of air.

“Alric said that things did not look good. You’re not with child?”

Even though he knows, he still needs to hear you say it. He wants to know what you’re thinking to make whatever is making your face look so sad go away.

He takes his right hand and runs it along your lower back instead, rubbing in what he hopes is a soothing way.

Finally, you turn your head towards your vanity and he can see more of your heartbreaking expression. He hasn’t seen that loss of hope in your beautiful face since the night you begged him not to make a fool of you just before dinner on a night that feels a lifetime away.

“No, it-it wasn’t a no. The test was inconclusive.”

“Inconclusive? So, what does that mean? Does that mean they don’t know?” Thor asks, confusion twisting his handsome face.

“No, it just means that the test didn’t come back in any way that they could read it. We’re not exactly the same species even if we are compatible physically, we don’t know if we can even get pregnant. They took more of my blood and are going to do the test with more reliable equipment.

“They’ll call when they know something,” you sigh heavily, leaning back against your seat and trapping his hand between it and your body.

Thor tries to think of what he can say to make you feel better. What can he do?

And then what he has to say doesn’t matter as you turn to meet his gaze with your own full of betrayal and suspicion.

When your mouth parts, your words freeze him and his brain short circuits.

“I saw you with Jane earlier on the tower, Thor. I’m sorry but I-I thought you were going to come find me as soon as you got back, not your ex.”

You take a deep breath and Thor watches as your nerves spill forward, your lips trembling as you slowly exhale and all of your fears shine out through the depths of your eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~

“Why are you crying, cherub?” Thor gushes, pulling his hand from your back to turn your seat to face him.

He cups both sides of your face, his large thumbs wiping away at the tears that spring forward.

It had seriously messed with you to see him and Jane so happy and close earlier. And then the tests and Doctor Alric and Doctor Wilson had no idea what was wrong with them so that was stressing you out.

All of your jealousy and frustration pours out of you suddenly. So fast and so unrelenting that with just this small bit of affection from Thor makes you shut your eyes tight as you sob two-three times.

“Y/N...no, my love, please. Don’t cry,” Thor begs, his own throat tight as he pulls you towards him.

You let him hold you because as insecure as you feel, as upset as this morning has made you, his love still feels real. The softness in his voice doesn’t sound fake and as much as he is the source of one of the aches in your chest, he’s your comfort now too.

How fucked up is that?!

He caresses the back of your head as you bury it against his shoulder, slumped down a little because of how low he is in his squat.

His other arm is wrapped all the way around you, firm. Possessive and eager to make you feel better. Can you trust this display?

Until this morning you had no reason to doubt it.

“We will have our baby soon, I know it. I can feel it. I’m not only the God of Thunder, you know? Trust me, cherub. I know these things. We’ll have our little one before you know it.”

He sounds so confident, so sure. He’s lost that tightness in his throat a little and he pushes you back so that he can look into your eyes, quickly wiping away at the saltwater stains on your cheeks.

“As for your former worry, I went to the tower because the lights were on. I wasn’t sure who was there so I simply went to check. I wasn’t expecting Jane out of all the people it could have possibly been.

“I’d hoped it was you, finally making use of the tower for your own office to write or perhaps your own personal library?” Thor’s instincts on what you might want a private space to be.

You suddenly feel foolish for doubting him for even a second. It makes you cry again, and you bury your face in your hands.

“No, my love, please don’t cry anymore,” he continues to beg. “Look, I’ve brought you a gift.”

He gets up suddenly and moves towards the package he’d been carrying when he came in. It wasn’t large. About the size of a shoebox.

“I thought of you when I was passing over Paris on my way home. You can eat them all at once or slowly, whichever you prefer,” He flips open the leather satchel and from inside pulls a thick and shiny rust colored box with a satin brown ribbon that delicately holds it closed.

It looks expensive and he doesn’t wait for you to take it since you’re too busy wiping at your cheeks and sniffling to grab it. He pushes the ribbon off of the box then removes the lid and places it underneath while tossing the ribbon onto your vanity.

“I’m not sure what each of them is, but you don’t have to eat the ones you don’t like. I’ll eat them for you,” he pushes fancy gold tissue paper aside to expose the contents within.

Inside the box is a tray of twenty-four chocolate pieces. Some of them have designs painted on them with what is more likely more chocolate in bright colors and patterns. Other pieces look to be decorated in plain chocolate with small embossed hearts, triangles, or teeny tiny bows.

The box is too thick for this to be all there is, so you’re pretty sure there are two trays of chocolates.

“Do you like them?” Thor checks, his voice light and rising at the end gently almost as if he’s talking to a small child which maybe should offend you?

But it doesn’t because you know that’s not what he means by the tone he’s using. He’s being as gentle with you as he can in your moment of sad anxiety and you love him so much for it.

“They’re so pretty…” you hiccup, wishing you weren’t so emotional and crying all over his lovely gift.

“That’s not all,” he tells you, putting the chocolates on your vanity to free up his hands to reach into his satchel again.

You quickly cover the chocolates, pushing the ribbon around the sleek container before they can be ruined.

Thor tosses the satchel onto the chaise with a flick of his wrist but draws your attention to him when he places another box on your lap. This one is much smaller, but wide and square.

“Happy two months of marriage, cherub,” Thor says softly, then carefully lifts the lid of his second gift.

Nestled within lush purple velvet is a beautiful platinum chain, thin, short so that the gorgeous lotus flower with your birthstone gem settled at its very center will sit just below your collarbone.

“It’s so beautiful, Thor.”

All of a sudden you’re crying again.

Thor smiles and rises again, taking the necklace from inside the box which he tosses onto the chaise too before moving around behind you to slip the necklace around your neck.

You reach up to place your fingers on the pretty flower, sniffling and trying not to make your crying too vocal but a sob or two slips out.

Thor moves back around you and takes a long look at your mess of a face before he takes your hand and pulls you to your feet, “Come here, love.”

He waits for you to stand then takes your spot on your seat but then leads you down onto his lap.

Reaching up with his hand, he gives the back of your neck a squeeze while his other hand finds a resting spot on your thigh.

“Is it Jane still upsetting you?” he guesses.

You nod, unwilling to say it aloud.

“Why? What exactly is it that’s troubling you?”

He genuinely doesn’t seem to understand. While he might understand your nerves about her, the reason you’re still crying is lost on him.

You don’t want to say, but Thor bounces you a little in his lap, taking his hand to caress the side of your face and hold your gaze.

“Nothing you can say will make me love you any less.” A promise.

“When I saw you two this morning, you just looked so h-happy,” your lip quivers. “You looked happy. Pleased. You were smiling that one smile that’s only supposed to be mine.”

For some reason Thor’s chest puffs up a little, a proud fix to his chin as he reaches up to grab yours and give your head a little shake.

“It is all yours, cherub. I am completely yours. I was so happy when I was with Jane this morning because I felt nothing of what I’d once felt for her. I had no stuttering in my heart, no butterflies in my belly. I wasn’t taken by her eyes or tempted by her lips.”

“Alright, I get the picture,” you grumble, hating everything he’s describing even though you know he’s telling you that he wasn’t feeling any of it.

He chuckles, bringing his hand down to rest on your hip.

“I was happy because Jane is no longer the source of all of that for me. You are. All meeting her so unexpectedly proved is that I am more in love with you than I ever thought I could be. You were my arranged match. The most I had ever expected was friendship. And when that turned into more, I wondered if it could really be more than what I ever felt for Jane and it is.

“Jane was always a dear love but you are family. It’s only been a short time since we married but you are more my love than Jane ever was. You’re my cherub!”

He doesn’t wait for you to recover from his little speech. He hooks his hand behind your neck and pulls you down for a kiss.

It quickly changes and shifts and the lonely night you’d spent tense and worried, missing him, explodes you onto him. You’re both a frenzy of movement, Thor ripping away at his armor until he’s in the plain dark undershirt and a very small pair of black briefs.

You’re about to push him onto your bed when he suddenly grabs you and tosses you around his massive body and onto the bed to bounce as you land with a gasp.

He shoves his briefs down, still kicking them away as he steps towards you and gathers the long skirts of your dress higher and higher around your hips.

“Thor…” you whisper, a gasp of anticipation which drives him a little wild as he yanks you closer to the edge of the bed and thrusts into you with a shaky groan.

He goes still for a moment, hooking his hands around your thighs more securely. He bottoms out, sheathing his cock within you until you reach down to scratch at the bottom of his shirt then his hands as you fall back against the bed.

“Please,” you plead and he quickly obliges.

He pumps into you, filling you to the brim with no intention of ever stopping.

~~~~~~~~~~

You and Thor eventually come out of your room. You dressed in your carefully chosen dress and Thor a little less regal in a pair of crisp dark jeans, and layered up in a green sweater over a blue button up collar shirt over a plain white t-shirt.

Honestly though, even in his slightly more casual ensemble, Thor screams royalty. He’s so beautiful.

Both of you giggling like giddy kids, he pulls you closer and loops your arm through his.

It makes you happy that he likes you close by. He proves it now as he leans down to whisper so that only you can hear him as the palace staff moves about cleaning and fixing up the rooms that have been used throughout the day.

“I’m a little glad you’ve decided not to use the tower for a workspace.” Thor confesses.

“How come?” you wonder, turning your face to look at him, genuinely curious as to the change of mind. He’d been so insistent before about you having your own personal space to work in peace where no one could bother you and you didn’t have to give up writing your stories even if you were now Queen of New Asgard.

“I don’t know if I could stand having you that far away from me. Our night apart has only driven that home for me. I want you always at my side.”

His sentiment is sweet and you stop to turn and face him, reaching up to place your hands on his bearded cheeks to smoosh them because he’s so damn adorable. He’s massive so you have to push yourself up, lifting your heels a little to do so comfortably.

“Do you have any idea how incredibly lovable that makes you?” you ask.

He smiles despite you morphing his face, beaming down at you with a look that must mean he loves you. Everything he says has to be true. The more you think about it, the more you realize that your jealousy, while founded, doesn’t make any sense now that you’re married.

Not after everything the two of you have shared and been through. Not after all the time you’ve spent building this foundation with him.

“Quite a lot more than I was before?” he guesses. “Only, maybe not when I go to the bathroom?”

Through your smile you tilt your head to the side a little, confused by his amendment to his desires.

“Why?” What difference does it make?

He drops his voice to a whisper and leans down a little closer to you, “Sometimes I have smelly poops.”

You’re not expecting that and throw your head back as a loud unfiltered laugh rips through you. The movement pulls you down flat onto your feet but Thor catches you with one arm around your waist to pull you back up onto your toes and against his hard body.

He’s laughing too as he dips down and kisses your laughing mouth, silencing you a little so that it’s only air slipping through your lips as you kiss him back.

It’s just a long held peck. He’s relishing in the feel of your lips against his as your body shakes with more laughter.

Still laughing with you, Thor pulls back and gripes, “Stop laughing and kiss me!”

You drop your head against his chest as you keep laughing, unable to help it because the cuteness of him being self-conscious about his smelly poops is too much for you to handle.

Especially considering that you’ve both already been in the bathroom together when the other is using the toilet.

He loosens his arm around your waist so that you fall down a little further but keeps his hand resting on the small of your back while the other hand he places on the back of your head, caressing it as you chuckle weakly from laughing so much.

The sound of a clearing throat brings both your heads turning to the end of the hallway.

Your visiting trio stand there, Tony smirking, Bruce smiling shyly, Jane averts her eyes.

“Uh, get a room?” Tony suggests, but you can tell from his tone that he’s only teasing.

“Where do you think we’ve been all morning?” Thor grins, readjusting with you to hook your arm on his elbow before leading you towards your guests.

“So that’s what those screams were,” Tony counters.

Thor wiggles his eyebrows at them but your neck burns and your mouth pops open in surprise and embarrassment.

You start to fret, hands fluttering up towards your new necklace as you look from Tony to Jane, who’s looking at her shoes, to Bruce who is smiling with his own laughter in his eyes.

“Was I-? I didn’t mean to-! Thor, I didn’t know that I was being-” your panic is real and your heart is thrumming a million miles an hour.

“He’s teasing you, cherub, don’t worry,” Thor assures you, dropping your arm from his elbow to wrap his own arm around your waist to pull you into his side again.

You turn to Tony and he’s laughing a little. Not maliciously, just purely entertained by your reaction.

“I-a joke?” you ask him, still uncertain.

“Sorry,” Tony says, nodding. “Just a joke.”

You swallow hard, trying to settle your heartbeat.

Thor kisses your head and like a switch is flipped, all of them shift into work mode.

“Have you started installing the security system?” Thor asks Tony and all together the five of you move down into the lowest level of the palace which actually happens to be a dungeon?

You’re not really listening to their conversation as you move with them, still flustered about you possibly letting all of your sex noises reverberate through the halls of the palace for everyone to hear, but when you reach a large vault-like door, you start to focus again.

As the heavy door slides open like part of some futuristic spaceship, you’re thrown into a large room about the size of the throne room where you’d had your wedding reception only it looks nothing like the rest of the palace.

This place looks more like the Avengers compound. High-tech stations line the walls, large monitors with readings you don’t understand and camera footage from places you recognize from around New Asgard and the palace itself.

There’s a full crew working all of the stations, Asgardians and humans, all of them wearing the same charcoal gray uniforms, splashes of gold and red like Thor’s cape on their shoulders and chests.

As you and Thor enter, they stop what they’re doing to stand at attention, bowing to both of you as Thor leads you to the center of the room where a large stone table is set with schematics of plans that you don’t understand.

Tony moves over to them and starts to sift through the many scrolls all laid out for viewing while Thor nods to the crew.

“At ease, my friends.”

He’s so nice. The crew fall back into their respective jobs.

One of them moves towards a large screen against the wall, a TV you realize, playing different news footage from all over the world.

He flips to another channel and you pull away from Thor to walk and stand beside the crewman who stands taller once you’re beside him.

He turns to you and gives you a quick bow, “Your Majesty.”

Turning to him, you smile and then look back at the screen, “To monitor any weird things happening around Earth?”

“Yes, m’am,” he asserts then flips the channel again.

This time it’s a documentary style report, you see a familiar scene. New York in shambles as Iron Man, Hawkeye, Black Widow, the Hulk, Captain America, and your Thor fight off the invading Chitauri.

Slowly another body settles beside you, its warmth drawing your attention to it.

“I still remember that day, sort of,” Bruce says gently, his voice always so easy and calm.

It’s hard to believe he can turn into the giant Hulk in seconds.

“Was it scary?”

“Sort of. I think for me, I was just worried that Hulk would hurt someone other than the aliens. But by then I think he understood what side we were on.” Bruce nods.

“But, aren’t you the Hulk?” His words confuse you a little.

“Well, yeah, but also no. He’s like another half of me? If that makes sense? I haven’t worked out how to combine both sides yet. I’m there, I’m just...it’s like someone takes who you are and reduces you to your most basic instincts.

“We’re almost like two different people but we’re also the same person. I’m working on understanding our connection better. Underneath the Hulk, I’m still me. I’m still there I think. I’m just trapped for some reason.”

The two of you watch the screen in silence for a moment then Thor shows up, blasting the Chitauri with his lightning. He looks a little different because he has both eyes and his hair!

“Thor had long hair,” you realize, gushing a little.

“Did I look better with long hair?” his deep voice slips into your right ear and you jump not having been expecting it.

“Not better,” you promise him, smiling at him before turning your eyes back on the TV. “Just different. It suits you.”

“Should I grow it back?”

With excitement, you turn to face him and he chuckles at whatever look you have in your eyes, “Would you? Wouldn’t it bother you?”

“If it will make you look at me the way you’ve been staring at me on that television, I will go out and buy a wig.”

You laugh and Thor leans down to give you a quick peck.

“It’s that time of year I guess,” Tony says, sliding over to stand on Bruce’s other side where Jane is already standing having moved over at some point.

She still hasn’t said anything.

“What time of year?” You wonder.

“Oh, in Spring they always start to play footage on some of the news channels about Loki’s party days in New York. Some type of anniversary celebration or something? Only it’s more like a wake.”

“It’s a memorium,” you realize, then look at Thor who seems to sense your upset.

He wraps his arm around you and settles in beside you, kissing the top of your head again.

“Where is Loki?” you ask him, frowning with worry and wondering if it must upset him to have one of his biggest mistakes thrown in his face for weeks.

“He’s tending to business with the guard. He’ll come find us when he’s finished,” Thor promises.

After a tense moment, Tony claps his hands and then pats Bruce’s shoulder, “Shall we? Pepper wants me home by Friday so that we can explore the wonderful art of tantric massage.”

As Bruce turns to follow Tony back to the center table where a new console computer has come from a panel at the center you hadn’t noticed, he gives him a skeptical look.

“Pepper? Are you sure it isn’t you pushing the tantric massage?” Bruce sounds like he already knows the answer.

Tony shrugs, “I’m not the bossy anymore.”

You look back at the TV, your worry only spiking at the thought of Loki coming down here and finding all of you watching.

“Change it to something else,” you tell the crewman. “Make sure no one puts it on that channel again.”

“Yes, m’am,” he bows his head in obedience and quickly changes the channel while moving to a small box hooked up to it where a small screen comes out and he quickly goes about pressing buttons hopefully blocking any and all sources of that footage so that Loki doesn’t accidentally have his face shoved into his past.

“Don’t worry, my cherub. Loki is well aware of what the Earth grieves at this time of year. He won’t be blindsided by it.”

“I still don’t like it,” you insist, unable to shake the frown from your face.

“Thor?” Jane’s voice interrupts you both softly.

He looks at her and you give her a glance before turning to look at the news reports on the TV.

“I’m gonna need one of these mainframes for the telescope. Which one can I take?”

“Right,” Thor nods, “Of course. Let’s find you a place to work.”

Before he leaves you he leans in and kisses the side of your head again, squeezing your hip before he moves with Jane away towards the many workstations in the very large room.

After getting everything sorted out this morning, your heart doesn’t even sway towards jealousy and even though you’re worried about Loki, you breathe a sigh of relief that your realization about Thor’s loyalty has really engrained itself into you.

He loves you and nothing will change that. Even as they laugh somewhere behind you, your confidence doesn’t waver.

You reach up and touch the lotus on your necklace, a shining reminder of Thor missing you on his very first night away from you since your wedding.

You’re sure now that no one will ever come between you and Thor.

No one.

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lanadelreyfiles-blog · 7 years

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Dreams Unwind: Lana Del Rey in conversation with Stevie Nicks Lana Del Rey muses with collaborator and self-proclaimed 'witchy sister' Stevie Nicks about the forces that shaped her anthemic new album—and her very own lust for life. Pre-order V108 here. "It's just time," whispers Lana Del Rey on her end of the telephone. "Time has brought me here." When Del Rey returned with 'Love' this year—the first song from her fifth album, 'Lust For Life', out July 21—a tonal shift was immediately apparent to anyone familiar with the singer’s notoriously dark discography. Beginning with her first record, 'Born To Die', Del Rey’s previous four releases have been rife with references to ill-fated romance, tragedy, and betrayal. This song, however, resonated with a new note: hope. In the accompanying video, Del Rey serenades a generation of kids who are quite literally reaching for the stars, cooing lines like, “The world is yours and you can’t refuse it” and “Don’t worry baby” (the latter being a nod to the 1964 Beach Boys song) as she beams from ear to ear. Time itself is an ever-present theme in her work, though how she interacts with it has changed on her new album. With 'Lust For Life', she revisits sounds and visuals from her early work with a mature perspective while bridging the past and the present both personally and politically. “Coachella—Woodstock in My Mind,” a song that draws parallels between two musical gatherings set against times of conflict, is a perfect example of this. It is only fitting, then, that the inquirer on the other end of the phone line is Stevie Nicks, fairy godmother to Del Rey’s genre of enchantingly romantic pop rock, who was on her way to becoming the voice of her own generation when Woodstock took place nearly five decades ago. As it turns out, time—and a series of seemingly unrelated events throughout the courses of their lives—is also what brought these two kindred spirits together.

STEVIE NICKS: Helloooo? Is this you? LANA DEL REY: It's me! SN: How are you from your little perch in the 'H' of the Hollywood sign? LDR: [laughs] Oh, I'm good. I'm sitting comfortably up here. It's a clear evening, so I can see what everyone is getting up to down in the City of Angels. Thank you for asking. SN: I was wondering, do you think that maybe I could rent the 'W'? LDR: You know it is so crazy that you're asking me that because I was thinking you would actually love to move into the 'O'. SN: Well, the reason I picked the 'W' is so that I could have an A-frame place, with a big, high ceiling. So, now I've decided that if I'm going to live in the 'W', then we're going to be like witchy sisters, so I have taken on a new name: Marina Del Rey. But wait, it gets better! You know the little Yorkie we brought to the studio? Her name is Mana. She's gonna be our witchy Yorkie and her name is gonna be Mana Del Rey. LDR: [laughs] Oh my God. It wouldn't be right if we didn't have a little witchy guard dog. SN: So, let us start here on your new record. But let us first touch on the fact that your first record was called 'Born To Die'. Now this [record] is 'Lust For Life'. In between that, what is it that affected you enough to go from 'Born To Die' to 'Lust For Life'? Because 'Born To Die' is pretty dark and 'Lust For Life' is pretty light. If you have a lust for life, that's a pretty strong statement. LDR: Yeah, they're complete opposites, and it's funny because when I chose the title, I didn't think about it right away. It was the title of the first song I wrote for this record. But there are so many things that have gotten me to the point that I'm at now. One of them is just time. And because I do write everything myself, I just wanted to chronicle how I was feeling honestly, in the moment, for each record. So, I had a lot of stories that I wanted to tell that I hadn't told yet up until this point. And now, through the last four records, I got out a lot of those stories and a lot of those feelings, and for the first time, I've caught myself up to real time. And now, I'm at this place where I feel like I'm really present, and when I'm reading the news, I'm really reading it, whereas before I was a little bit in my own head. So, there's definitely been a feeling of freedom and lightness being in the present moment. That brings on that lust for life feeling, when you don't have all of those feelings about the past weighing you down. I remember an interview that you did once where you said, "Around every corner there's an adventure waiting to happen," and I'm kind of in that zone right now. I just feel like whatever each day brings me is something that I need and I want. It's just time. Time has brought me here. SN: The way that we write is like we're writing a diary as our songs go. If I listen to all the songs from 'Bella Donna', and then I listen to all the songs from 'Wild Heart', all the songs from 'Rock A Little', and then I get to 'The Other Side Of The Mirror'...I was just thinking about this one song called 'Doing the Best I Can (Escape from Berlin).' It goes [begins to sing] "It's all right, baby, I'm doing the best that I can." I named it that because of this idea of escape. Something horrible was going on in Berlin, and I was also finding my way. I was in a drug-filled fog at that point, fighting for survival. I look back on it and go, You were really trying to survive in 1989. And then I actually went to rehab in 1994 to get off that horrible tranquilizer, Klonopin—from there, I start watching my life come back around, starting with a record I did called 'Sweet Angel', which was about the aftermath of rehab and coming back into the real world. And from then on, my path started to go up. And if I had not written all those songs, even reading all my journals from that time, they wouldn't have really told the story, but the songs really told me the story of how bad that whole thing was. And I could watch, through the songs, my life start to come back to me. I think that we put out this running commentary on not just what's going on in our lives, but what's going on in the world at the same time. It's a parallel thing. So, I see you doing the same things I did. LDR: It's a delicate balance because you're chronicling your own story and then you're also reflecting back what you see. It can take work not to let your world get too small, so that you're still in both worlds. You've got your world with your own inner dialogue and your own narrative and the way that you write, and then there's everything else. It's funny, it's been a minute since I've gone through my records, but I did do it recently and I hear so much of my own self and my own stories, but I don't get as much of the outside world as I thought [I would]. This record is really different. When there were the women's marches, I was writing about that. There was enough space in my mind to really absorb everything. I think I was very much in the mix of culture in California over the past five years, but it feels good to feel more connected to a wider world. SN: I think we're all much more connected with what's going on right now. LDR: That's true. Regardless of where someone is at personally, the current landscape jolts you into being present, if you're not crazy. If you're a normal person, you're suddenly aware and watching everything. SN: And you're getting up every day and waiting to find out what new thing has happened. I have never been that way before, ever, until the last two and a half years. LDR: It's a very different time for everybody. Because there is something new every day that you read and you're like, Oh my God, is that real? SN: My mom used to always say to me, "You're on a mission here. People out there who are hurting or are sad or have something horrible going on in their lives, when they walk into your house of love or your house of music, you are going to take them on your own little adventure that's going to pull them out of their life for a minute. And hopefully, when they leave you, they're going to take a little bit of you with them and they're going to feel better the next day." LDR: I love that. SN: I think as songwriters right now, there's a lot of songs I'd like to write that wouldn't be very nice songs, but I'm not going to do it because we're not going to help anybody by doing that. Then we're just going to be in with the masses and we're not going to be above the fray. Write your songs, but remember that we're the ones that are here to lighten, to lighten life, to light the lanterns and the little fairy lights, and try to keep people going. We have to have hope. We have to believe that this will all end up okay and that we'll all end up okay. Because we don't do it, then who the hell is gonna do it? LDR: You're right, there's no other way. As far as I'm concerned, there's really not another way to sensibly think about it. I was never a huge self-editor—I wrote songs and then I felt like, Okay, well that's that. And now, I've found in the last two years that I've really been editing some of the language of some of the songs in light of the political landscape, [because] I don't want to be a part of anything that adds to that negativity. SN: And your record, do you have favorite songs? Do you have ones that have your biggest messages or ones that you think are the most helpful to all the people that love your music? All the old women like me and the little girls who are listening? LDR: I knew that the first song I wanted to put out was 'Love' because of everything you and I have been talking about so far. It's just the age-old thing: love is all there is. And I really was feeling that way. I made a lot of records for myself, chronicling my own stories, and I've played so many shows now, I've seen all the same kind of kids and grown-ups coming to the shows, and I really wanted to make a record for them. And then, I've been friends with Abel [Tesfaye] from The Weeknd for a long time, and I knew I wanted to put the title track, 'Lust For Life', out second because we have so many mutual fans and I knew they would love it. And then 'Coachella—Woodstock in My Mind' I wrote on my way home from Coachella when things were getting hostile between North Korea and U.S., and all those failed missile launches, which happened the day after the first night of the festival. I feel lucky to be able to speak my mind through music right in the present moment. I think one of my favorite tracks on the record is called 'Yosemite.' The chorus is [begins to sing] "We did it for me, we did it for free, I did it for you, you did it for me, we did it for the right reasons." SN: I love it. LDR: And that's been the theme of my record: being in touch with what it takes to do things for the right reasons. All the actions that you need to take beyond just all the words and all the decisions I knew I wanted to make this year. And that song is special because it's really a song about surrounding yourself with people who put their art and love first, who did it for the right reasons, not just the money. And I have a couple of songs like 'God Bless America,' and another song called 'When the World Was At War We Just Kept Dancing,' which is about what we've been talking about: trying to stay positive and just believing that things are going to be okay. And if it feels like they're not going to be okay, we'll try to make them okay individually and then together. SN: I have not heard all these songs. LDR: I want to play them for you the next time I see you! And I'm so proud of the song that we did, 'Beautiful People, Beautiful Problems.' I just love your performance on it. The people reading probably don't know that you know my longtime producer Rick Nowels from high school, basically. SN: I've known your producer since he was 13 years old. LDR: He loves you so much, you know. SN: I do. It's because we've been through so much together. My friend Robin [Anderson] died of leukemia and her brother got this terrible brain tumor, so Rick, Lindsey [Buckingham], and I are the survivors of those five people. And then, Rick went on to be this totally famous producer and songwriter. He started with me in 1985 on 'Rock A Little,' when Jimmy Iovine dumped me and the record into Rick's lap and said "Goodbye, good luck." LDR: Which is so full circle because he ended up being the head of Interscope, which I'm signed to. There are so many full circle moments. SN: I think all of these little things, in a really fairy tale way, lead me to you and lead you to me in a strange witchy way. It's set up, like all of these things that happened with my friend Robin, and her brother, and Rick, and everyone moving down here, me being Jimmy Iovine's girlfriend from 1980 to 1984, then him giving the record and me to Rick, basically saying "Here, take them both and go." All of this led to me meeting you and singing on your record. The butterfly's wings flap in Africa and something is achieved by that butterfly across the world. That's this story started, I think. LDR: I don't know if you said it in the same interview I mentioned earlier, but at some point you said that sometimes you wonder, Does anyone even notice? Sometimes you wonder when you put something out, Does anyone even notice? But it all matters. Every little thing that each person does in their individual life, even when it feels like it's not a big decisions or not a big move, matters. Just being open to beautiful things happening creates them. SN: That sentence was about how sometimes over the last 10 years I would say, "Does anybody really notice that I'm a really good singer now? How much better my voice is than it was 20 years ago?" You have a beautiful voice and I've already learned things to add to how I sing from you. Working on your song has changed me forever because I've learned from you. We are witchy sisters and that's it. That's where 'Beautiful People, Beautiful Problems' comes from, because we are trying to ride above all the problems and have hope in everything else, but it's still a world filled with problems no matter how hard we try to change it. LDR: That's what the song is about. It was such a special moment. It just goes back to my favorite song on the record, 'Yosemite,' and doing it for the right reasons. Here we were in the studio, and when Rick and I were talking about who the other singers should be on the record, you were the only person we could both think of because of your intention and [how] that always comes through in all the music. That really closed the door on the record in the right way. It was the perfect last moment, so thank you for that. SN: Well, I am so happy that the butterfly wings flapped at the perfect time and it made it happen because I think that, in our lives to come, we'll be able to work on many more songs together, because you know I don't just want to sing with anybody. I just want to sing with the people that I think can make me better and make something that's better than both of us singing by ourselves. That's the only reason for solo artists to sing together. LDR: Amen to that. SN: You know, I think I told you this, but as I travel around the country [touring], I do get to sit down in between [shows] with my friends and hold their hands and laugh about the past, and my one friend that I wrote my first song about—the 'I've Loved and I've Lost' song I told you about—his name is Steve. I always dedicate the song to him because I was so crazy about him when I was 15 and a half; my parents gave me this guitar and I wrote this little song about him. And I can honestly say that I was as in love with him as I have ever been in love with anybody. LDR: That's such a beautiful thing to say. I feel the same way. Obviously when you're at different stages in your life, things hit you harder, or just in different ways, but the way I love has always been the same. I don't know if that's just wholeheartedly or maybe you're only attracted to a certain kind of person, so when that type of person comes around, you really feel it, but when these 15- and 16-year-olds are going through heart break, I really feel for them, because it's real. SN: It's totally real. And what I was going to say to is that it's funny, because this guy knows it, and I know it, and his wife knows it, and it's fine because it doesn't mean anything except that real love never dies. LDR: It's making me smile hearing you say that. Because that's what makes life beautiful. Just having that open heart and letting it be exciting in the moment, just having that energy between two people. SN: Every time I see this guy he goes "You need to come and visit us because we don't have a lot of time. We're both in our 60s, and time doesn't go on forever." So I'm living in the moment. I just jump on a plane and I go and do this, and I go and do this, and I come back and I do this. And I'm like, Why don't I get a day off? But the thing is, if you stop, you stop. LDR: I know. It's such a big decision when you decide to become an artist because once you're in it, you're in it. And then there is a certain level of momentum that you want to keep. SN: It's a very big commitment. You know, Lana, my dad used to always say about me, "She's never going to get married." And I'd look at him—I was in my 30s—and I'd go like, "Why would you say that, Dad?" And he'd go, "What you do is too important to you. And you are never going to be the kind of girl to have somebody say 'You can't,' or 'You're not going to go back on tour, are you?'" LDR: Do you think that the fact that he said that switched something in you and made you think, I'm not going to get married? SN: I think that my dad knew me really well. And for me as an artist, I was always going to want to follow my muse. And that muse was writing songs and going on tour. And so for me, I tended to say, "Well, I'm not going to be able to [get married]. I will have love affairs and I'll meet many great men in my life, but I probably won't commit to a relationship." Look at me. I'm 68 years old and I just finished 48 shows—two-and-a-half-hour shows—which were preceded by 220 three-hour Fleetwood Mac shows. What kind of relationship could somebody like me have? LDR: You know what, though? There's billions of people in the world, but there are a handful of people that have that special, strong relationship with their own muse. For some people, it's the biggest part of their life and the biggest relationship: following that energy, that muse, and the serendipitous twists and turns of life. The amazing thing, too—and not just with romantic relationships—is when you find other people who know exactly what that life looks like, you know? That it's just not going to be straight and narrow. It's such a blessing when you run into people who don't color within the lines, that do the same things you do. SN: I want to add, having said all that, I would never believe that it is not possible that coming right around the corner is the man of my dreams, at 68 years old. It's possible, and I accept the possibility of that completely. LDR: A hundred percent. And you know, life is short, but life is long, too. And there are so many things for everybody that have yet to come. SN: Because after everything we've talked about, if we can honestly say that love never dies, if my heart can still flutter when I see my boyfriend from when I was 15 and a half, I cannot honestly say that there is no chance for real love in my life somewhere in the next 15 or 20 years. Because I believe that there's always that possibility. I never want people to think that I'm some cold woman who thinks that love may have existed all those years ago when I was younger, but doesn't exist in my dreams now, because it does exist in my dreams now. But I'm also really good not having it because I'm not lonely, I'm not bored. I have so much to do that I can hardly get three hours of sleep. LDR: You have a beautiful relationship with yourself. SN: I do. And I never get tired of it. I know people who are bored stiff, and that'll never be me. I could never be bored in this world. Because of what we do, whether you have a relationship or don't have a relationship, you balance it. I have to say that there have a been a few men in my life that have liked what I do, and have liked my friends, and have liked the fact that I like to stay up late and sit at the piano and light the candles, and were happy to lay on the couch with a book while I was doing that. They were few, but they were there, they did exist. And sometimes, I thought that the great loves of your life are the ones that just make you crazy, and say they're coming to your house and don't show up, and the phone doesn't ring, and you just want to kill yourself. And then there are the ones who actually just dig what you do and who you are, and you put them in the second category of great loves. And then the nutcases of your life are the ones that were in the first category of your great loves, but they're the ones you could never have lived with! LDR: Absolutely. There are two different types of lovers. There are the crazy ones and then there are the ones who are really there. SN: Exactly. And I still know all of my loves—all of them. I'm like Catherine Deneuve in The Hunger with all the vampire boyfriends. LDR: [laughs] I can't picture you getting into a relationship with someone who, on some level, doesn't have an extremely strong connection to you or a strong commonality that wouldn't span decades or eras. I'm still dear friends with my first boyfriend, and we didn't have it all in the moment, but he was the world's nicest guy and he's still in my life. And that's been the same with a lot of my boyfriends. I feel like, for me, it wouldn't make sense to get involved with someone who I didn't think could be either some type of really close confidant or someone who just really got me on some level. SN: I think you'll find, as years go by, that some of those men will matter to your more down the line, because they're the ones who really seem to know you. So, it's good. Lana Del Rey, I think we've filled up their entire magazine by now. LDR: You're amazing and I can't wait to see you. Maybe it'll be when you move into the 'W'. SN: That's definitely going to happen soon, like next week. LDR: That's the dream. SN: That is our dream and we make dreams come true, so it's going to happen. I can't wait to see you, too. I hope when people read this interview they know that kindred spirits find each other along the way and that love never dies.

#Lana Del Rey #Stevie Nicks #V #V Magazine #Magazine #Interview #Editorial #July 2017 #2017

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franruto · 7 years

Text

sasuke + the mountain goats songs

if this read more doesnt work on mobile im so sorry

so i was thinking about how many tmg songs could be applied to sasuke and i decided to make a list. tmg has an absurd number of songs and im doing this just from my fave albuns + a quick check so this list very probably isnt even complete. also, some of these songs are more sns than just sasuke but o well. if u have suggestions to add lmk

- no children: this might be the most sasuke song ever made. im going to put just the last part here but please listen to the whole song

I am drowning, there is no sign of land You are coming down with me, hand in unlovable hand And I hope you die I hope we both die

- autoclave: i lov this one and all of it is sasuke too so listen to the whole thing

When I try to open up to you, I get completely lost Houses swallowed by the earth, windows thick with frost And I reach deep down within but the pathways twist and turn And there's no light anymore and nothing left to burn I am this great, unstable mass of blood and foam And no emotion that's worth having could call my heart its home

- heel turn 2:

Get stomped like a snake Lie down in the dirt Cling to my convictions Even when I get hurt

(...)

Spend too much of my life Now trying to play fair Throw my better self overboard Shoot at him when he comes up for air Come unhinged Get revenge (...) Let all the trash rain down From way up in the rafters I’m walking out of here in one piece Don’t care what comes after Drive the wedge Torch the bridge

- game shows touch our lives: gives me sad sns feelings

Shadows crawled across the living room's length I held onto you with a desperate strength With everything With everything in me And I handed you a drink of the lovely little thing On which our survival depends People say friends don't destroy one another What do they know about friends? Thunderclouds forming, cream white moon Everything's going to be okay soon Maybe tomorrow Maybe the next day

- oceanographer’s choice: this is one so fucking sad, it makes me think about sasuke trying to break his bond with naruto

I don't know why it's gotten harder to keep myself away Thought I'd finally beat the feeling back, it all came back today And then we fell down and we locked arms, we knocked the dresser over as we rolled across the floor I don't mean it when I tell you that I don't love you anymore Look at that, would you look at that? The way the ceiling starts to swerve What will I do when I don't have you? When I finally get what I deserve

- up the wolves: i really like this one for sasuke & i love john darnielle’s comment on it too so i’m going to include it here. “Part of me wants to say look it's about revenge, but as soon as I say that... no, that's not quite it. Part of me wants to say it's about the satisfaction of not needing revenge... and I say no, thats some new age stuff. I think it's a song about the moment in your quest for revenge when you learn to embrace the futility of it. The moment when you know that the thing you want is ridiculous and pompous and a terrible thing to want anyway. The direction in which you're headed is not the direction in which you want to go, yet you're going to head that way a while longer anyway cause that's just the kind of person you are.”

There's bound to be a ghost at the back of your closet No matter where you live There'll always be a few things, maybe several things That you're going to find really difficult to forgive

(...)

I'm going to get myself in fighting trim Scope out every angle of unfair advantage I'm going to bribe the officials, I'm going to kill all the judges It's going to take you people years to recover from all of the damage

- cry for judas: listen............

Some things you do just to see How bad they'll make you feel Sometimes you try to freeze time 'Til the slots are a blur of spinning wheels But I am just a broken machine And I do things that I don't really mean Long black night, morning frost I'm still here, but all is lost

(...)

Sad and angry, can't learn how to behave Still won't know how in the darkness of the grave

- outer scorpion squadron: ok this is darnielle’s comment on it again and he says it better than i could:��“This is a song (...) for people like me, who have a strong indwelling evidently permanent urge to damage themselves or cut themselves off prior to some accomplishment or arrival at a place of comfort and happiness. I didn't succeed in my goal to not bum everyone out, but... In short, this is a song about trauma, and surviving it”.

If you really want to conjure up a ghost Cultivate a space for the things that hurt you most Rake the sands until they surface Bind their tiny eyes Stake out your position, let your armor fall Stay put 'till they find you, it won't take long at all Rake the sands until they surface Up they come, gone translucent They're coming up no matter what Fools rush in and the doors slam shut Ghosts of my childhood, stay with me, if you will Find a place where there's water, hold you under 'till you're still Rake the sands until they surface Don't let anybody call them ugly

- the young thousands: ok this one makes me think of pre timeskip sasuke who continues to live in his parents house and also has a lot coming in his future

Boats ease into the harbor bearing real suspicious cargo And the sunlight on the water sets a switch off in your brain The things that you've got coming will consume you There's someone waiting out there in an alley with a chain The ghosts that haunt your building are prepared to take on substance And the dull pain that you live with isn't getting any duller There's a closet full of almost-pristine videotape Documenting sordid little scenes in living color (...) The things that you've got coming will do things that you're afraid to There is someone waiting out there with a mouthful of surprises The ghosts that haunt your building have been learning how to breathe They scan the hallways nightly vainly searching for a sign

- hebrews 11:40: this is one of my faves tmg lyrics. think sasuke w/ orochimaru period

Bright candles in the manor Where the curse takes hold Bodies reassembling down where the worms crawl Make your own friends when the world's gone cold It gets dark and then I feel certain I am going to rise again If not by faith, then by the sword I'm going to be restored Build fires to keep the beacon flashing where the earth lies flat Blood calls to blood as the hours draw down, invent my own family if it comes to that Hold them close, hold them near Tell them no one's ever going to hurt them here

- deuteronomy 2:10: this one is esp relevant bc of The Last Uchiha stuff

Feel in my bones just what the future has in store

I pace in circles So the camera will see Look hard at my stripes There'll be no more after me

I have no fear of anyone I'm dumb and wild and free I am a flightless bird And there'll be no more after me

I sang all night The moon shone on me through the trees No brothers left And there'll be no more after me

- absolute lithops effect: i like to think of this one as sasuke healing

After one long season of waiting After one long season of wanting I am breaking open My insides are pink and raw And it hurts me when I move my jaw But I am taking tiny steps forward

After one blind season alone in here After one long, sweltering summer I'm going to find the exit And I will go to the house of a friend I know And I will let myself forget With a little water and a little bit of sunlight And a little bit of tender mercy, tender mercy

- rain in soho: i might just be indulging here because i listen to this song 10 times a day and its overall feel reminds me of sasuke

No promise sweeter than a blood pact Nothing harder to go through with than a vanishing act No morning colder than the first frost No friends closer than the ones we've lost Nothing sharper than a serpent's tooth Nothing harder than the gospel truth Though you repent and don sackcloth and try to make nice You can't cross the same river twice

(...)

No town more barren than our town No haven safer than the one they tore down No greater love than to lay my life down for a friend No sweeter pleasure than to see the credits clear through to the end

ok so this is the moment where i give up because holy shit. some honorable mentions that im too lazy to go into detail (keep in mind some of those have just like one line that reminds me sasuke): this year, the house that dripped blood, old college try, choked out (i SWEAR no double meaning intended), prowl great cain, magpie, heretic pride, all up the seething coast

@yondaiime hello im tagging u here

#im so tired im going straight 2 bed now #sasuke

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