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bookstantrash · 2 years

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A/N: HELLO HELLO GUESS WHO’S ALIVE!! After a long time, I am finally posting the very last chapter of this Pride and Prejudice fanfic (this time for real, it truly is the end). I do not know who still reads my stuff (I really need to update my taglist) but I wanted to thank each and everyone who spared a little of their time to read this fic and left a comment, reblogged and liked it. This is the first multichapter fic I’ve written and successfully finished.

And special thanks to Sim ( @perseusannabeth ) for kindly forcing giving me the idea of writing this. This fic is for you Sim, and also for all the regency lovers out there.

That being said, this chapter finally has some smut, after all that sexual tension and teasing in the last chapters. It is the first time I write smut so I am sorry in advance if it deeply sucks. I hope your inner regency whores can be at least 1% satisfied with what I came up with.

This is also 10K, the longest I have ever written so everyone better be reading this because I will not be doing it again. I got safely rid of Sim’s disease.

Beyond my dreams

One day.

Cassian was getting married in one day.

Everything had been checked and rechecked to make sure nothing was amiss, leaving Cassian with nothing else to do except wait for tomorrow.

He hated waiting.

Hated that he had to sit still and wait for the sun to set and rise again, announcing a new day, so he could stand at the aisle and watch Nesta walk in his direction. Suddenly he missed all the buffet tastings and discussions about different table clothes, if only because that gave him something to do.

He had tried training to blow off some steam, overseeing the capitol’s guard from sunrise until lunch.

He had then gone to the Archeron Manor to invite Nesta for lunch, but her sisters, Emerie and Gwyn had blocked his way, saying he could not see Nesta until tomorrow and that they were going to spend the whole day “preparing her”. Even his sister, Georgiana, was there, waving goodbye at him as the door was closed on his face.

He ended up having lunch with Azriel and they killed some time off going to their favourite club in town, meeting up with Balthazar, which meant Cassian once again was dragged to take part in their ridiculous competitions. He had gone back to his apartment when he had gotten fed up with their antics, trying to read a book to distract himself.

He read sixteen out of thirty chapters when he got bored. Not even a nap made time pass faster. The day before his wedding still had eight hours and forty minutes until it was over and he was running out of things to do to keep himself busy. It was then that he remembered the file package that had arrived by mail while he was away at the gentlemen’s club with Azriel and Balthazar.

Grabbing his letter opener, he cut the package, spilling the block of papers on his table. They were about properties in the countryside, with information regarding their price, size, location and availability to move in. He threw himself over the papers, writing the pros and cons of each one, glad he had something to help him forget about how many hours and minutes the day still had. Cassian was so focused that he did not hear either Azriel or Morrigan getting in his apartment and walking into his study, the sun already setting.

“I cannot believe you brought work to the capital at your wedding week. We came here to invite you out to distract you and we find you working!” Mor exclaimed “Did you not have anything better to do?”

“This is not work Mor” he grumbled, discarding one property due to its location.

“Why are you looking at castles?” Azriel asked, having grabbed one of the various papers in the desk “Do not tell me you bought Nesta a castle as a wedding gift. I thought she liked Pemberley. Besides, don’t you two have enough houses as it is?”

“Give me back that” Cassian said in annoyance, snatching the paper “I have not bought anything yet, I am just looking at it. And it is not for Nesta, I already have her gift in mind”

“Then why are you doing this?” Mor inquired with curiosity.

“I am looking for a castle to gift to Georgie,” he mumbled.

“What was that?” Azriel said with a smirk that meant he had heard his brother vert well.

“I said that this is a gift for Georgiana,” Cassian said a bit louder “as a thank you present for being a good wing woman for me and Nesta.”

“You and Rhys spoil Georgie too much,” Azriel snorted, “first the horse and now a castle. What else are you going to give her?”

“As if you did not import those silks from abroad and asked Emerie to design new dresses for her coming of age ceremony and debut” Cassian said mockingly.

“You three stupid boys spoil that girl too much” Mor intervened before Azriel could reply and they started listing all things they had ever gifted the young girl “Enough of this. Rhys is waiting for us at his and Feyre’s home. God knows how much whining I had to listen to because he was all alone now that Feyre is with Nesta”

“So now we have to go there to listen to his whining too?” Azriel asked with annoyance.

“Of course. My poor ears have had enough. As his brothers you have to share the burden” she gave them a feline smile “My dear cousin also happens to have a rather large wine cellar, which I think we should make use of.”

“You just want the excuse of me getting married to raid his cellar,” Cassian said, but he began rearranging his papers.

Mor only waved a hand, dismissing his words “Semantics, Cass.”

“Nesta will kill you if you show up hungover to your wedding Cassian” Azriel noted, making Cassian roll his eyes.

“I am not stupid enough to drink myself into oblivion and bring Nesta’s wrath on our wedding day.” he raised a finger in warning at Mor “A few glasses and that is it. I am not ruining tomorrow for Nesta.’

“Relax mister groom,” Mor said “You and Rhys can cry together about how much you miss your wifes while me and Azriel drink.”

“Or maybe Azriel will join your sorry asses and whine about how pretty Gwyn looks underneath the theatre lights while I drink the wine all by myself” she added with a sly grin at Azriel, who muttered something under his breath and left the room.

“If you don’t hurry I will leave you both!” he shouted.

“Everyone but Gwyn has already noticed his affections” Mor sighed, lacing her arm with Cassian’s as they followed Azriel “They better marry before the next season is over or I will punch him”

“I can hold him for you” Cassian said with a shuckle, agreeing with Mor that his brother should be bolder when it came to his advances towards the red headed singer.

Maybe after a few drinks he could convince his brother to make his advances clearer from now on.

~•~

Any minute now.

Any minute now Nesta would walk through the doors and the ceremony would begin.

And they would be married.

Cassian was terrified.

“Stop fidgeting” Emerie hissed as she made sure his suit was in place “You will wrinkle my masterpiece and if my masterpiece is wrinkled I will kill you and Nesta will have to marry a corpse.”

“Sorry Emerie” Cassian said, taking a deep breath “I will try to be as still as possible.”

Emerie gave him a soft smile “You got this big guy”

“Oh, and try not to faint when Nesta walks in.” she added with a wink as she moved to her seat.

“Thanks, that makes me even more relaxed,” he grumbled.

You can do this, Cassian thought to himself as he took a deep breath, you survived countless battles and faced much more dangerous things than a two hour ceremony where you marry the love of your life.

“Hey, are you okay Cass?” Rhysand asked when he noticed how pale his brother was.

“I am going to throw up,” Cassian blurted out “Were you this nervous when you got married to Feyre? I should not be nervous, I mean, Nesta already agreed to marry me right? There is nothing to fear”

Rhysand chuckled, putting a hand on Cassian’s shoulders. “I was terrified while I waited for Feyre to walk down the aisle. And I spent the previous night throwing my guts up with nerves.”

“This is a normal feeling, Cass. It is a big step, getting married, even more to someone you feel so deeply about.” he added, squeezing his brother’ shoulder “You know that me and Nesta have our differences, but it is clear as day how much you two suit each other. And I have not seen her less grumpy than when she is with you.”

“Thank you, Rhys. This means a lot to me.” Cassian really appreciated Rhysand’s words. Not only they calmed him down a little but it also made him happy to know that his brother and Nesta were maybe getting along a little better now.

Music started and Rhysand gave Cassian’ shoulder one last squeeze before he went back to his place. Soon after that, Gwyn began to sing and Cassian knew that would be the cue for Nesta to enter.

If he wasn’t so busy getting lost in Nesta’s eyes as she walked down the aisle, he would have noticed that Azriel — differently from the other guests — was staring at where Gwyn was singing from the side of the front row of benches. The prima donna had wanted to make sure her dear friend’s wedding was as memorable as possible and — according to her — no one was up to the task to sing at the ceremony except her.

But Cassian would lose this teasing ammunition against his brother, for Nesta was so breathtaking he could see her and her only. It was as if the whole world had disappeared and it was just him and Nesta, even Gwyn’s heavenly singing fading in the background.

Emerie had really outdone herself with Nesta’s wedding dress, so much so that her earlier remark of him fainting was not so funny right now. As per tradition, the dress was white, but the arabesques and details in gold — not to mention the rich embroidery at the dress’ hem — made it very unique. The off shoulder design with sleeves that ended a little above her elbows and transparent white gloves created the ideal balance of modesty and daring — which was becoming Emerie’s trademark. Nesta’s hair had been braided down her back, the final touch being the full lace veil that was held in place by a delicate tiara.

Those few metres until she arrived at the altar were the longest of his life, and Cassian did not care what his military friends at the ceremony would say about the tears that were streaming down his face as he watched his soon to be wife walk towards him.

“Nes… dear you look stunning” Cassian managed to say as she finally reached him.

“You don’t look bad yourself” she teased, looking with appreciation at his well fitted black suit and combed back hair. Medals from his achievements were pinned to his suit and shone as they reflected the light from church.

“Dear beloved,” began the priest, “we are gathered here today to bless and join Lady Nesta Archeron and Lord Cassian Bardylis in holy matrimony.”

If someone asked Cassian what had happened during the ceremony, he would have to answer that he barely remembered any of it. He tuned out most of the formal chatter, too busy staring at Nesta and trying to catch her attention while she, on the other hand, tried to ignore him and pay attention to what the priest was saying. One moment that he did remember very well — and could never possibly forget — was the moment they exchanged their wedding vows.

“I am not good with words,” Cassian began, the sensation of throwing up having returned with full force “I have the tendency to put my foot in my mouth and say more than I mean or wrongly say what I mean. And then I start to ramble, like I am doing right now”

Cassian chuckled “But this is the most important day of my life. Of our lives. So I spent the whole last week writing and rewriting the perfect speech, one that would make all the guests cry and my beautiful wife ruin her makeup.”

The guests laughed at that and Nesta tried to hold back a smile, the corners of her lips turning up.

“I must have used all the paper I had in my apartment yet I could not seem to come up with what I wanted to write.” Cassian took Nesta’s hands in his, squeezing them “So I come here today, to marry you Nesta Archeron, with no speech but my fumbling words.”

“I come here today to promise you my bleeding heart, which beats for no one but you. Will ever beat only for you. I promise to cherish you, to annoy you with my presence until you ask me to leave and let you read in peace” that made Nesta laugh, her eyes lining with silver “I cannot promise that we will not go through hardships — Cauldron knows what the future holds — but I promise to do everything in my power and beyond to make sure we get through them, together. I promise to always stay by your side, to support you, to protect you.”

“I promise to love you with every fibre of my being. To love you until this life ends and into the next ones after.” Nesta was truly crying now but she was not ashamed of her tears. Let them all see how much she loved this man, how much his words meant to her, more than any riches in the entire world. “I promise you that we will have time to keep falling in love.”

“For someone who claims to be bad with words you did a great job” Nesta sniffed, and Cassian let go of her hands to brush off her tears.

“I should have brought a handkerchief,” he said, his thumbs gently brushing beneath her eyes.

“I also did not expect myself to cry that much so I forgive you” Nesta gently took his hands off her face “Now let me say my vows and make you cry too”

“As you wish” he said, hazel eyes staring deep at her blue-grey ones, as if he could not bear to lose a single thing that she said.

“I am not easy to love. And I do not love easily,” Nesta began, taking a deep breath “But I find myself loving you quite easily, and you in turn have proven to me how easily you love me.”

“When I was a young girl, I dreamed about a love like those in romance books. Dreamed about someone that would love me despite my faults, despite my shortcomings. Dreamed about a knight in shining armour that would protect me” she gave him a watery smile “As I grew up, I started to think that I would never be deserving of such love.That no one would see beneath the social facade I put on and love me for who I truly am, that I was destined for a miserable loveless arranged marriage.”

“But then you appeared with your teasing smile and annoying yet charming attitude. And I began to think that maybe the Mother had heard the prayers of my young self and all this time I had been waiting for you. Because there is no one else for me but you, Cassian Bardylis. There is no one else I would rather trust my heart with than you. I promise to be by your side forever, to support you, to protect you and to love you.”

Nesta had achieved her goal, for Cassian was crying even more than when she had walked down the aisle.

“You made me ruin my makeup,” he joked, Nesta gently brushing his tears away as he had done with her. The rest of the ceremony went by very fast, and when the priest announced that the groom could kiss the bride, Cassian’s kiss was far from the usual proper and reserved kissing at weddings. His army friends had whistled and Nesta had hit him in the shoulder, blushing furiously.

They exited the church with the guests throwing petals at them, gladly collapsing inside the carriage.

“I will find flowers on me until next week, I swear” Cassian said, taking one out of his sleeve and having no idea how it had gotten there “I am so tired. I did not know weddings could be so tiring. I cannot wait until we get home and can rest.”

“Oh, but there is still the reception.” he added “Do you think they will be there for too long or can we kick them out of our house when we feel like it?”

“Our house?” Nesta said, and Cassian started fidgeting, afraid he had said something wrong.

“I mean, I know Archeron Manor is yours and we will live in Pemberley— or maybe we can buy a new house here in the city. I figured we would live in Pemberley because we both enjoy the countryside but maybe you would rather live here because of your friends or will not feel comfortable there and would rather live in your childhood home—”

Cassian kept nervously rambling, but Nesta had stopped listening at the words “our house” and “home”. She had never really thought of Archeron Manor as a home, not thought about it with affection. The manor had been a cold and loveless place, and Nesta realised how alone she felt once her sisters had left, taking the small love and light the old place had held away with them. But the thought of living with Cassian, of having a place to call home and fill it with love… she enjoyed this idea.

“Stop talking,” Nesta said, shutting him up with a kiss. “I can live anywhere as long as you are there with me. We can keep the Archeron Manor as our city house. Or we can use your apartment if you want to and sell the Manor if my sisters do not want it either. And I would love to live at Pemberley with you. I adore that place and your staff.”

“Feel free to shut me up like that all the time, Nes” Cassian said with a dazzling smile.

“I can sell my apartment and we can use the Manor as our city house. I am very happy you like the idea of living at Pemberley.” he added “My apartment is quite small and I plan to have a big place with you where you can have as many books as you want.”

“After all, you only married me because of my library” that comment had Nesta blushing again.

“You will never forget that, will you?”

“Never,” Cassian vowed, taking off a petal that was stuck in her hair and leaning to kiss her.

They had kissed a few times, but Nesta realised that this kiss for some reason or the other was different from their previous ones.

There were the kisses from Before.

Before they were married. Before they had laid their bare hearts to each other.

But now there were the kisses from After.

After they had gotten married. After they had promised in front of their friends and family that they would not love anyone else but each other.

The kisses from Before had been good. Had made Nesta’s knees weak and made her lose her mind.

But there was something from this kiss, their second — the first being the one at the ceremony — After kiss… something that made it different from the rest.

And she liked this feeling. She liked it very much.

Nesta deepened the kiss, plunging her hands in Cassian’s hair, making him groan. She wanted to get closer to him, but her huge dress and the limited space in the carriage was not on their side. Yet it seemed Cassian’s mind was following the same train of thought as hers, for he laid her down on the seat, bracing his weight on one forearm to not crush her.

“This dress is stunning” he whispered against her skin as he kissed her neck “But awfully impractical. I cannot wait to pull it off of you”

Nesta felt heat low in her stomach, picturing Cassian slowly undressing her, his touch leaving a scorching path as he went.

“What are you hiding beneath this huge skirt, Nes?” he inquired, his free hand going under the layers of fabric and slowly trailing up her leg.

“Cassian” her mind had emptied out, she could only think about his hand slowly going up and up, reaching her thigh.

“What’s that?” he said, and she felt his finger trailing the garter belt she was wearing “What are you wearing Nes?”

“You know what it is” she managed to say as his finger kept its path, getting dangerously close to her centre.

“Oh I do,” Cassian murmured in her ear, biting her earlobe “But I want you to tell me what it is”

“I— it is not proper to ask what a lady is wearing underneath her clothes” Nesta said, clutching his suit.

“But Nes,” he said with that voice of his that made her want to follow his every word “I am your husband. And that means that not only I can know what you are wearing but I can also see it”

His hand suddenly left her skin, and Nesta wanted to whine in protest. Cassian pulled her up, fixing her hair a little to make it seem like they had not been making out in the twenty minute carriage ride from the church to Archeron Manor.

He opened the carriage, exiting and offering his hand to help her down. Meanwhile all Nesta could do was blink, her mind still fogged with desire.

“Are you coming, Nes? Or will I have to eat the five layer chocolate cake all by myself?”

At the mention of chocolate cake her mind woke up, and she cursed her body for falling so easily for her husband’s charm.

“As if,” she took his hand, their wedding rings shining in the afternoon’s last rays of sun.

Her ring had a ruby of considerable size, with two small dark green stones beside it, whereas Cassian’s had a blue diamond.

“The exact shade of your eyes,” he had said, low enough only for her ears as they exchanged rings “I spent a long time searching for it.”

“And what about my ring?” she had asked, arching an eyebrow.

“Why, it’s my favourite colour surrounded by the colour of my eyes” he had answered, innocently blinking his hazel eyes.

Nesta had rolled her eyes at him but her traitorous smile gave away how much she had liked their rings. Wedding rings commonly marked that the person who wore them had a partner, that they were taken. However, Cassian had taken it a step further, making their rings reflect the other… another claiming of its own.

She had been married for less than a day, yet she was finding out that her husband was more romantic than he let on.

~•~

“Ems, this is scandalous!” Gwyn shouted, her face getting red.

“That is my goal in life,” Emerie said with a snort.

“But… is it bad? Do you think I might have gone overboard?” she added hesitantly, fearing having ruined Nesta’ special day.

“Of course not!!” Gwyn said hastily, easing her friend’s worries “This is the perfect kind of scandalous. You are a trend setter, Emerie. I am sure all the other newlyweds ladies in society will want this design once you officially put it in store.”

“Thank you,” Emerie felt her worries getting lighter at Gwyn’s words. She had designed this lingerie set specially for Nesta, and it was very different from the other pieces of the current time.

“How long are you two going to talk as if I am not here?” Nesta inquired with a raised eyebrow “I feel like a doll being dressed up.”

“Forgive us, your ladyship” Emerie said, doing a mock bow. As it was customary, after the wedding reception had ended Nesta had gone up to the dressing room while Cassian waited in their bedroom. Emerie and Gwyn were the ones who would help her get ready for the wedding night, Feyre and Elain having helped her get ready for the wedding ceremony. She had thought her friends would be less noisy than her sisters had been, but maybe she had put too much faith in them.

“You are all set Nesta” Gwyn declared, making the finishing touch in her hair, which had been arranged in a simpler manner, without all the billion pins to hold the hairstyle.

“I will not walk there wearing only this” Nesta said, indicating the scandalous design “I need something to cover me up. What if Cassian does not like this or what if he finds me lacking in some way, I—”

“Nesta, I would have thought you out of all people would not be nervous” Emerie said with surprise, touching Nesta’s arm “It is clear as day how infatuated with you Cassian is. For Mother's sake, he would never find you lacking in any manner”

“He has a bigger chance of fainting when he sees you than anything. And you will end up needing to call the doctors on your wedding night” Gwyn pointed out, but she took a silk robe out of one box “But if it will help you feel less nervous, Emerie had prepared in advance this silk robe”

“If anything, when you take off the robe the impact will be even bigger” Emerie teased.

“Thank you, for everything” Nesta said, feeling a little stronger now her body was covered up. She had always been a confident woman, yet the idea of someone seeing her in such a vulnerable way made her feel extremely anxious. Suddenly she could not help but wonder if her toned legs from her years practising ballet and ballroom dancing were considerable “sexy”, if her breasts were not weirdly shaped, if the freckles on her shoulders and back were too noticeable or if she should have applied foundation on it to get the spotless skin most ladies at society aimed for.

“You look amazing Nesta” Gwyn assured her “Now go! Poor Cassian has waited a long time to be with his wife after all”

Nesta stood in front of the door connecting her dressing room with the bedroom a few more minutes after Emerie and Gwyn had left through the common door that led to the hallway. Her nerves were coming back, slowly creeping up on her, and she did not know if the knots in her stomach were butterflies or the sudden need to throw up.

Taking a deep breath, she opened the door to find Cassian lazily lying down on a chaise lounge, eyes closed and a glass of what Nesta supposed was scotch on his hand.

“I can’t believe we’re finally alone,” Cassian sighed as Nesta entered their room, closing the door behind her.

She snorted, trying to ease the tension and nervousness she felt.

“Men. They only have one thing on their mind” she hugged her silk robe tighter around herself, cursing Emerie for making her wear that to her wedding night with Cassian.

“What do you mean Nesta?” Cassian asked, setting his glass on the small table near him and sitting up.

“Please, I am not that naive to not know that on their wedding day there is only one thing on every man’s mind” Nesta remarked with a roll of her eyes.

“What?” Cassian frowned, standing up and walking towards her. He was barefoot, having ditched his overcoat, vest and tie, wearing only a white shirt with the first buttons undone, the sleeves rolled up.

Nesta got momentarily distracted by his attire, especially when he stopped in front of her. The last time they had been together unchaperoned had been their night at the theatre, the hurricane of wedding preparations having fallen on both of them again after that. And of course the dinner party that Elain and Lucien had organised at their new house.

It had been a small reunion, just for the new couple to celebrate their wedding among family and close friends. Nesta had arrived a little earlier than the other guests, but she had yet to see Cassian even after an hour since the official starting time. She had been coming back from the powder room when her fianceé had finally decided to appear.

Nesta was turning down the hallway when she collided with a hard surface. She’d have fallen had not said hard surface moved and stopped her.

“Missed me so much you had to throw yourself at me at the first opportunity Nes?” Cassian had teased with a smirk, his arm around her waist holding her tight against his body.

“Keep telling yourself that” she had said, trying to not blush as she felt a rather large bulge through his pants, her dress’ skirts doing nothing to block it given how close to each other they were.

They had kissed more than once, and after that day in her office and their kiss at the library Nesta wanted to scream at her body for still reacting the way it did when it came to Cassian.

Cassian had only shaken his head and righted her, leaving a tender kiss on her cheek.

“Let us return then, my dear. I am sure the other guests at least are missing my shining presence” he had said with a wink, and Nesta only rolled her eyes in fake annoyance as he escorted her back to the party.

“Nesta, look at me” Cassian stopped in front of her, gently grabbing her chin and making her look up.

“You are not wrong to say that I was anxious for our wedding night.” he said “Yes, we have to consummate our marriage and I do know that there are men out there whose only thoughts in their minds at their wedding day is the consummation. But I was also really looking forward to being alone with you because Cauldron, it has been so annoying having chaperones with us all the time when all I want is to talk to you on your own.”

“Oh,” Nesta felt shame for having raised back her ice walls and assuming the worst from Cassian when she knew he was not shallow and rude like most men.

“My dear stubborn wife, now that we are married no one can stop us from being alone because it is not considered inappropriate any longer. And that is what I meant when you walked in.” Cassian flicked her nose, grasping her hand and tugging her towards the chaise lounge “I asked for a bottle of that wine you like to be brought. Unless you would rather drink scotch with me”

“I will take the wine, thank you” Nesta twisted her nose at the idea of drinking scotch. Her alcohol tolerance had grown, and she had tried a couple of new drinks with Gwyn and Emerie since they came back to the city, but she still could not stomach such hard drinks.

Cassian poured her a glass, getting back his glass and clicking it with hers.

“Cassian, can you turn away for a moment?” Nesta asked, the wine giving her the final push she needed to take a leap of faith.

He promptly turned away “Whatever my wife wishes for shall be done”

“No peeking!” Nesta warned, and she could hear Cassian mumbling something beneath his breath, but he stayed put and did not look.

She tossed off the rest of her wine, unting her robe and letting it fall to the floor.

“You can look now” her voice was barely louder than a whisper, but Cassian heard it nonetheless. He turned around, choking on the scotch he was drinking and almost letting the glass slip from his hands. He put it beside her now empty wine glass, his eyes not leaving her for even a second.

“Please say something” Nesta was a minute away from snatching her robe back and hiding under the covers.

“I—” Cassian ran a hand through his hair “I am afraid I lack words to describe just how absolutely stunning you look”

Placing his hands on her waist and tugging her close, Cassian took his sweet time looking at her. Nesta wore an almost transparent lace bralette in white that left little to imagination, supported by three strings that highlighted her generous cleavage. The bralette had a short strap that connected to a transparent lace short skirt, which partially hid the rest of the matching set.

“I suppose I have Emerie to thank for the incredible attire my wife is wearing,” he said in a reverent voice, his thumbs drawing lazy patterns on her waist.

“I am glad it reached your expectations,” she tried to appear unbothered, yet his reaction filled her with satisfaction.

“Nesta darling, you could never disappoint me” he promised, brushing his thumbs on the bare skin of her waist “If anything you always manage to surprise and leave me speechless”

“My goal in life” she replied, her fingers playing with his shirt’s buttons “But I wish you would not call me darling”

“Why?” he asked with curiosity.

“Because that is what Rhysand always call Feyre when they are being sickly affectionate in public” she twisted her nose in disgust.

“What endearments am I allowed then?” he inquired.

“Well let me think,'' Nesta unbuttoned one of his buttons “Nes, for everyday” pop, another button “My sweetheart for Sunday’s” pop pop, two more buttons off “And Goddess divine. But only on very special occasions” pop, there went the last button.

“And what shall I call you when I am cross?” Cassian barely moved as Nesta slowly trailed her fingertips over his very very defined abdomen.

“Can you really stay cross at me?” she asked, and Cassian took a sharp intake of breath when her fingers got dangerously low.

“Touchè,” trying to get back the upper hand on the situation, he moved his hands higher, now skimming the underside of her lace covered breasts “What shall you call me when you are cross? For we know that I excel in getting a raise out of you”

“That is true,” Nesta said with a small smile “What about... Mr.Archeron?”

“No,” Cassian replied, moving one hand to tuck a stray hair behind her ear “No”

Being born as a low commoner from a single seamstress, Cassian did not have a surname until he had been adopted by Rhysand’s parents and given their surname: Bardylis. An old surname, from an old family with old riches and plenty of history. Cassian had been grateful for being given a warm bed, more food than he could possibly eat and a surname that allowed him privileges such as an education and recognition in high society. But even though he loved his brother, his sister and adoptive mother, he had never felt like a true Bardylis, like part of the family. Never felt that sense of belonging.

Yet with Nesta he felt that. Felt that he belonged. Felt like building a family with her. And he would like to have something that would identify him as hers that went even beyond their wedding rings.

So when they got married Cassian had taken Nesta’s surname and became Cassian Archeron. Nesta would still be head of the house and manage the family business, but now she did not have to do it alone. Now she would have Cassian to lean on when things got difficult.

“You may only call me Mr. Archeron when you are completely and perfectly and incandescently happy” he said, his eyes so full of adoration that Nesta could not imagine being happier than she was in that moment.

“Well then,” she got on her tiptoes, her hands moving to cup his face “how are you this fine evening… Mr. Archeron?”

Cassian smiled, and Nesta repeated her last words, kissing his chin “Mr. Archeron”

“Mr. Archeron” she said again, kissing his nose, and she could feel Cassian tightening his hold on her, supporting her.

“Mr. Archeron” a kiss on the corner of his lips “Mr. Archeron” she finally kissed his lips and Cassinan was thankful he would be the only man in Nesta’s life for she had gotten awfully good at kissing in such a short time. Nesta was gifted in a lot of areas, and if she did not know how to do something she would practise until she excelled at it. And Cassian was indeed very pleased with himself that he was the subject of her practice.

Nesta nipped his bottom lip, making Cassian groan. She was getting too good at kissing.

Her hands left his face, returning to their wandering over his body, going to his shoulders and pushing his shirt off. Cassian briefly let go of her to help discard his shirt — which ended up on the floor near her robe — but his lips soon found hers again, unable to leave her for too long. The atmosphere changed, all those months of longing and the past few weeks of waiting crashing down over them at the same time, the desire and passion they held for each other out in the open. And this time no one was there to stop them. There was no need to bear in mind the proper etiquette they should have, for they were married at last.

Cassian’s hands went to the back of Nesta’s thighs, and this time he did not have to tell her what to do. As if it was second nature, her legs wrapped around his waist and he carried her over to the bed, the gentle way in which he laid her so at odds with their passionate kissing. Nesta moaned when she felt all of Cassian against all of her, being able to feel how hard he was. She moved her hands to his pants, wanting him to get rid of them, but Cassian had other plans.

“Eager aren’t we?” he chuckled, grabbing her hands in one of his and pinning them above her head, his grip firm but not so tight that she could not shake him off if she wanted to.

“I have had a very long time to think of what to do with you, Nes” he added in a murmur, grazing his nose over her neck “I am a very generous lover, and I plan to take my sweet time pleasuring you”

“So I need you to be a good girl and behave. Can you do that for me?” Cassian asked, kissing that spot behind her ear that drove her mad. His words made Nesta hot all over, and she felt herself relaxing, obeying him.

“Such a good wife that I have” he let go of her hands, slowly moving down her body. He unhooked the strap that held the skirt, discarding it on the floor. Cassian spread her legs apart, softly kissing her inner thigh “While I was waiting for you I found a very interesting book on your bedside drawer. Who would have guessed that Nesta Archeron read such dirty books”

Nesta mentally kicked herself for forgetting to lock her drawer, the last minute wedding preparations making her careless. They would be staying just one day at the city before departing for Pemberely, so Nesta had felt like it was not necessary to prepare the main suite — which had been her parents and had been locked gathering dust since her father’s passing — when her room had a bed big enough for both of them. She was now regretting her choice.

“You looked through my things?” she hissed, both angry and embarrassed.

“I was getting bored,” he shrugged “I wondered if you had any books left unpacked to help me pass the time”

Cassian had read barely five chapters before closing the book. Picturing Nesta as the female lead while reading the smutty scenes was definitely not helping him control himself, and he had opened the scotch bottle in hopes that the alcohol would calm him down a bit before she arrived in the room.

“We should do a book club,” if that book had been good for anything is that it had given Cassian an idea of what kind of things Nesta might be interested in “I could help you recreate some of your favourite scenes”

“Shut up Cassian, I am divorcing you” Nesta snarled, although the thought of Cassian doing to her the same things that the male characters in her books did to the female leads made her toes curl.

“You will not be saying that once I am done with you” he pulled her flimsy undergarments down, throwing it aside and burying his mouth between her legs. The first flick of his tongue against her clit had Nesta moaning, hands grabbing his hair.

Her imagination and her own hand could not do justice to what Cassian was making her feel. He kept his promise, taking his time with her. He ran his tongue downward in an unhurried sweep, and when he slid his tongue straight into her core Nesta pulled on his hair, the action only making him double his efforts in pleasing her. He grabbed her thighs, placing them on his shoulders so his tongue could reach even deeper, curling into her.

Nesta whimpered, and she did not know if she was pulling his hair to bring him closer or push him away. All she knew was that she felt hot all over, her body tingling with pleasure.

“Do you like this?” Cassian sucked her swollen nub, teeth nipping “Tell me what you like Nes” he flicked his tongue again and again there.

“I— Cassian don’t stop” she moaned, her body grasping for that mind blowing release that drifted closer and closer with his actions.

“Would not dream of it,” he said against her, pushing a finger inside her.

Nesta cried out, the sensation different from when she used her own fingers. Cassian kept pumping his finger in and out of her while his tongue went back to teasing the spot at the apex of her legs.

More more more, that was all Nesta could think about, her mind going blank and her body acting on its own. She was so lost in pleasure that she could not muster enough shame to feel embarrassed by the way her hips ondulated against him, driving his finger deeper.

“I wanted to take things slow Nesta,” Cassian sighed, withdrawing his finger and making Nesta cry out in protest “but you are making it very hard to hold myself back”

“But if my dear wife wants more….” he plunged back in with two fingers, and Nesta gasped, the stretch bordering the thin line between pain and pleasure “then she shall get it”

She truly let go then, not caring if she was too loud and someone heard her. She rode his hand, his face, grinding into him, all while Cassian tasted and savoured her, those fingers of his — thicker and bigger than hers, reaching places she could not and driving her mad with pleasure — stretching and filling her.

“Cassian— I am so close” Nesta pleaded, and he doubled his efforts, fingers pumping and pumping, tongue and lips moving against her, as if he was a starved man and only Nesta could satiate his appetite.

“Let go Nes,” his teeth grazed against her “I got you sweetheart, I want you to come on my tongue, let go”

His words were what made her finally go over the edge of her pleasure, back bowing off the bed with the force of her orgasm. Cassian did not stop until she had collapsed against the mattress, her body limp and reeling, her breath coming out in gasps. He removed his mouth and tongue from between her legs, sliding his fingers out of her and leaving her aching and empty.

“You are exquisite,” he brought his fingers to his mouth, groaning as he sucked them clean. The action made Nesta’s body grow hot all over again, heart pounding.

Cassian peppered her skin with kisses, slowly making his way up.

“Do you still want to divorce me, my love?” he asked, grazing his nose on her neck, “Or was I better than your books?”

“It was satisfying I suppose” she tried to appear unaffected, to call forth her unbothered mask, but her racing heart and breathless voice betrayed her.

“Satisfying,” Cassian laughed against her skin, his hands moving to cup her breasts “I better turn that satisfying into something better, don’t you agree Nes?”

“I would like to see you try” she said, raising her back so he could take off her bralette.

“Cannot wait to see you begging” he whispered, his hands slowly making their way to her back to undo the clasp.

“I do not beg,” Nesta said, the picture of an imperious queen even while laying down.

“That is something that shall be changed then,” Cassian remarked, letting the last piece of his wife’s clothing finally join the floor with the rest.

And Cassian almost came in his pants right there. To finally see Nesta naked… It was a vision he did not know if he would ever recover from.

“My goddess divine…” he said reverently, his hands slowly caressing her breasts “you have no idea what you do to me Nesta”

“I beg to differ, if the way you have glanced at my gown’s neckline in multiple occasions is any indication” she let out a soft whimper as Cassian palmed her breasts with a little more strength “You are not as subtle as you think you are, husband”

“You cannot blame me for ogling you, sweetheart. And I plan to ogle you plenty now that you are my wife”

Whatever comeback Nesta had planned died on the tip of her tongue the moment he closed his mouth around one perked nipple, his other hand busying itself massaging her other breast.

He took his time worshipping her, switching between her breasts to demonstrate how much they drove him mad with want. He sucked her nippples, runned his tongue around it, twisting and pinching them until she finally cracked and begged.

“Cassian please please” she pleaded, her second climax building fast.

“Be a good girl and give me one more, Nes” he said, his teeth gently biting her nipple, his other hand having moved down her body, expertly rubbing those tantalising circles in her clit again.

She came with a cry, throwing her head back. Cassian could feel her heart racing and he left a tender kiss in her breasts before looking at her flushed face.

“So much for not begging,” he teased, and Nesta glared at him.

“Divorce is still on the table, General” she gave him a sly smile “Did I say that your performance was above satisfying?”

“Cruel Archeron, you wound me. Do you need another demonstration?” Cassian tugged at her earlobe “I can taste you all night if that is what you want”

“I think it is now my turn,” Nesta said, surprising him “It seems unfair that you are still clothed while I’m laid bare before you”

Her hands moved to his breeches and Cassian stopped breathing. Her deft fingers unbuttoned them, and she raised an eyebrow at him.

“Let it not be said that I denied my wife anything on her wedding night” he said, getting up and discarding his breeches.

Nesta was sure her eyes must have been double their size as she looked at Cassian.

She had never seen a cock before, had only her imagination and what she had heard maids whispering when they thought she was not paying attention. Nesta was sure that they were not supposed to be that big, despite the fact that she had felt it through her dresses twice now when Cassian had stopped her from falling. Had grinded against it that day in her office.

But nothing could have prepared her for seeing it without his clothes confining it.

He was enormous. Hard and absolutely enormous. She did not know if he would fit at all inside her and she supposed that should scare her. Yet she felt herself getting wetter.

“Enjoying the view Nes?”

She sure was, but she was not going to give him ammunition to his already big ego.

“Lay down,” he did as she instructed, the picture of perfect arrogance as he settled down among the pillows.

She would take that smirk off of his face soon enough.

Settling between his legs, Nesta trailed her finger down the v of his hips, her eyes settling on a small stopwatch on his thigh, near his groin.

“What is this?” She asked curiously, her finger circling it.

“It is a tattoo. I got it after my first battle,” his voice was quiet, remembering darker times “It is a reminder not to waste time.”

“Do you have any others?” Nesta hoped her question took his mind out of painful memories.

“Wings” she arched an eyebrow at that “on my back.”

Nesta realised she had never seen Cassian’s bare back. She had seen his broad chest countless times, but not his back. She’d have to change that. She wanted to see his other tattoo. She wanted to see all of him.

She wanted to touch all of him.

Because he was hers and she was realising that there were things she did not know about him. And she wanted to know them all.

Her finger left the tattoo, moving to his thick, long shaft, and she marvelled at the feel of it. The skin was soft — something she thought was so at odds with how hard he was beneath. She wrapped her hand around his cock, fingers barely able to reach around him completely.

“How do you like it, husband?” she gently squeezed him, her touch feather soft “Gentle?”

He gritted his teeth, willing his body to stop acting like he was a greenboy being touched for the first time.

“Hard?” she stroked him again, her grip slightly harder.

Cassian was fucked. He was utterly and completely ruined as Nesta kept stroking him. His brain had turned into a puddle of melted words, beyond forming coherent sentences. And she had only touched him.

Remembering what she read in one of the books Emerie and Gwyn had gifted her, Nesta pumped him a third time, squeezing hard and letting her nails graze the sensitive underside of his shaft.

Cassian let out a curse, hips arching into her hand.

She chuckled, doing it harder still, twisting her fist as she reached the round head, her thumb brushing the slit at the top.

“Like that? You like that, don’t you?” she repeated the action, spreading his pre cum “What is wrong General? Cat got your tongue?”

“Yeah, just like that” Cassian clenched his jaw, breathing heavily.

Seeing Cassian at her mercy — for once the one so uncomposed — did things to her. Nesta felt powerful, bold, her initial shyness and insecurities having faded as if they never existed.

And it was that new found boldness that made her take him in her mouth.

“Fuck,” cursing under his breath, he leaned his head back, dark hair a stark contrast against the white sheets.

Nesta had him in her mouth for maybe a minute before she was pulled up, Cassian rolling them so he was on top, crushing their lips.

“Was it not good?” She asked, arching her neck as he showered her with kisses.

“It was too good” he looked deep in her eyes, pupils so dilated that the brown had overtaken the green, dark with desire “So good I risked coming in your mouth”

“I would not have minded,” Nesta said, feeling Cassian getting even harder.

“Do you see what you do to me?” He groaned, letting his cock slip between her folds “I am so hard, so fucking hard for my beautiful wife,”

“But, as pleasurable as it was, I would rather leave it for another time. Today is about you and you only” he kissed that tender spot behind her ear “I am but a humble servant whose sole purpose is to love and serve you”

“Look who is suddenly a poet,” Nesta said.

“You are a very inspiring woman. My Nesta. My wife. My goddess divine ” Cassian kissed her deeply, but his voice took a serious tone.

“I cherish you more than I can ever put into words. So if you do not feel comfortable I need you to tell me now and I will stop. We can wait how long you need, there is no problem at all.”

Nesta found Cassian’s concern over her well-being both endaring and frustrating. On one hand, she was glad she had married someone as honourable and gentlemanly as him, after her distasteful experience with Tomas. On the other hand, after everything they had done - how much he had made her blood sing and her body light up on fire - she could not believe he was really considering stopping now. It was something unimaginable to Nesta.

“I want this. I want you, Cassian.” Nesta raised a hand, tenderly cupping his cheek “Do not ask me to wait any longer for you to make me yours in every way possible.”

“Are you sure you want this or are you just saying that because you have seen my library?” he said with a smirk, playfully nipping at her hand.

This cannot be happening, Cauldron I married a clown, Nesta thought to herself.

“Yes, Cassian” she snapped “I want you to fuck me because of your splendidly library. Now can you get on with it or do you want me kick you out of my bedroom”

Cassian had never heard Nesta cursing, never heard her using any kind of crude words at all, so her words came as a great shock to him. That strangely turned him on.

And made him decide to make sure that Nesta was very vocal about what she wanted from him from this point onwards.

“As my wife desires” he said, lining himself at her entrance and slowly sliding in. He did not want to hurt her, this was her first time and he would damn sure make it as mind blowing and perfect as the scenes in her books.

He eased himself in just an inch, halting at her sharp intake of breath. Cassian knew he was large enough that the stretching was edged in sweetest pain.

“Nes, look at me” he breathed and when she did he let all the love he felt for her show in his eyes.

Intertwining their hands, Cassian let himself slide another inch, retreating nearly to her edge. He pushed back in, a little farther this time. His eyes did not stray from hers for a single moment, holding her gaze through each small trust, each retreat, until he was resting against her maidenhead.

And when he plunged forward — and he could not believe just how good it felt to be buried completely within her — his mouth took hers, slowing her small gasp of surprise.

“Are you okay, my love?” Cassian asked, not moving to let her grow used to the feeling of him inside her.

“Yes, I—” she moaned when he moved to adjust his arms, holding himself above her so as to not crush her “Please, do not stop. Keep moving.”

And being the obedient husband that he was, Cassian did not, indeed, stop.

He set the pace, smooth and deep, Nesta utter perfection beneath him, her hips rising to meet his, tentatively at first, then with a vigour that matched her rising passion. Her breaths were coming faster and faster, and each moan and gasp inflamed his passion even more. Cassian wanted to possess her, to own her, to hold her beneath him and never let go.

“Fuck,” he moaned, and she tightned around him, her inner muscles squeezing him harder.

“Fuck, Nesta,” he repeated, scrapping his teeth over her neck.

“Do you see what you do to me? How you make me lose my self control?” he shifted, and his cock plunged even deeper, rubbing against a spot that made that fire inside her ignite even stronger.

“Cassian,” she moaned, wrapping her legs around him.

“Do I feel good to you?” his hand drifted between her legs “Do you like how I fuck you, Nes? Do you need me as much as I need you?”

All she could do was whimper in confirmation, far too gone for words.

“You take me so well, sweetheart. Every inch, just like that”

“Cassian, please” Nesta pleaded “I need… I am going to…”

The rest of her words were lost when his free hand moved to pinch one of her nipples.

“I love when you beg for me. Strong, powerful and beautiful Nesta Archeron, begging so sweetly for me” he moved to her other breast, nipping and sucking at the skin “You want to come one more time my love? Do you want to come all over my cock?”

“Yes,” Nesta sobbed, clenching around him.

“So come for me, Nes” he pinched her clit, and Nesta came with a scream, her orgasm travelling down her body in electric waves.

“Good girl,” Cassian kept trusting, drawing out her release until he wrung every last drop of pleasure. And only then did he come with a loud groan.

They stayed there for a while, panting and blissed out. When their breaths finally slowed, Cassian eased off her, and Nesta whimpered at the sudden emptiness.

“I will be right back Nes,” he said, leaving a kiss on her temple.

He returned moments later with a damp cloth, which he used to gently clean her up, mindful of how sensitive she was. Nesta somehow managed to get under the cover, holding it up for Cassian, who was quick to join her, tucking her to his side.

“I shall not divorce you,” she murmured sleepy, nuzzling into his chest “Congratulations on having avoided it, for now.”

“Thank you for your kindness, sweetheart,” Cassian gave a weak laugh, running his hand through her hair in soothing motions.

Soon, they were both asleep, happy and at home in each other’s arms.

~•~

Three Years Later

“My Lady, you really ought to get down. I can get the book for you”

“Mrs.Potts, rest assured that I am capable of climbing a few steps to get the book myself” Nesta replied, getting on her tiptoes and reaching for the book “Besides, I already told you to relax and enjoy your vacation. You really do not need to nanny me”

Nesta smartly let out the fact that even though it did not show, Mrs.Potts was getting old. Her climbing a narrow stair to grab a book on the highest shelf would also not be advised.

“But my Lady, the Lord said—”

“We both know that my husband is a mother hen” Nesta rolled her eyes, finally reaching the book and tucking it under her arm so she could climb down the stairs “Besides, he is busy at headquarters so if we do not tell he will never know.”

“I will never know what?” a deep voice filled with amusement said.

“My Lord! You are back!” Mrs. Potts exclaimed, motioning to Nesta to hurry up and climb the rest of the stairs down.

“Yes, I could not possibly miss afternoon tea with my wife,” Cassian said, arching an eyebrow as Nesta descended the last steps, walking in his direction “And what do you think you were doing?”

“I was getting a book, Cassian” Nesta replied, shrugging “Mrs.Potts can testify that I was perfectly safe and sound doing it.”

“Can she now?” he inquired, and the old head maid begrudgingly nodded in affirmation.

“If you will excuse me, I shall retire to my quarters and rest for a bit” Mrs.Potts gave a pointed glance in Nesta’s direction “As her ladyship said, I am on vacation”

Mrs. Potts left the room muttering that now she had two strong headed employers who could not listen to reason, much to the employers’ amusement.

“We should increase her salary,” Cassian said, his arms going around Nesta’s waist and hugging her close to him “Soon there will be another person to drive the poor woman mad.”

“Which is why you should be resting, as I have been telling you to do,” he added.

“Cassian, I am three months pregnant, not nine” she rolled her eyes again “I do not need rest. What I do need is a husband who lets me climb stairs to get books”

“I can get any books you want, Nes” Cassian kissed her, making Nesta melt on his arms “I am just a bit worried about my girls, sorry if I am being too overbearing.”

“Girls?” she asked with confusion.

“You and our little princess of course,” he placed one hand on her abdomen “I think that she is going to be just as fierce and incredible as her mom.”

“How can you be so sure that she is a girl?” Nesta laughed at his conviction that their child would be a girl.

“I just know it,” he shrugged, “I have a strong gut feeling.”

“As you wish then, Mr.Archeron,” she said with a smile “Now, I believe I heard someone saying something about afternoon tea?”

“With all of your favourite pastries,” he declared with pride, kissing her again.

“Oh, you truly are the best husband, General Archeron” Nesta squealed when he suddenly gathered her in his arms princess style, exiting the library and walking towards the outdoor patio. It was a lovely day for a picnic.

“I can walk! Cassian!”

“See how your mom likes to boss me around and argue?” he ignored Nesta, directing his words to his unborn child “Will you do the same when you are born I wonder?”

And six months later Cassian got his answer when a healthy little girl with light brown skin, curly dark hair and her mom’s eyes was born. Little Cynane indeed had Cassian wrapped around her little fingers, her father not missing a single afternoon tea with his daughter and all of her dolls.

•

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Reblogs are always welcomed!!

#nessian #nesta x cassian #cassian x nesta #nesta archeron #cassian #pride and prejudice au #sarah j maas #sjmaas #sjm fanfic

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acourtofthought · 2 years

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I just came across something in the Pro Elain tag that almost looked like it was a rebuttal to my post (or maybe someone else's?) about the lack of depth Elain and Az have in their conversations as well as the fact that Elain and Az don't really challenge one another.

Which I still stand by. After two years, they still tiptoe around one another and speak with uncertainty which should not be the case if you've actually had meaningful conversations which leads to a real connection. They should be greeting one another with enthusiasm and a level of comfort.

Elain doesn't push Az to discuss anything that makes him uncomfortable and Az is the same with Elain. And no, those beautiful, in depth discussions would absolutely not happen off page if we were meant to see them falling for one another. No SJM main couple has ever fallen in love "off page" but apparently Az and Elain are the first? I don't buy that.

The post went on to say that Az has lied to Gwyn during conversation while he's never lied to Elain.

To that, I say au con·traire.

Az's entire personality around Elain is basically a lie. He's so sweet and gentle and polite with her, right? Yet that's not who Az is. Az scares Rhysand sometimes. I think there are over 10 references throughout the series as to the rage that exists within him. Rage that comes out around every other member of the IC BUT Elain though Rhys is still the only one who really understands the depths of it.

Az also waits until Elain leaves the room to really say what he thinks because he's not capable of telling her to her face. For two people who are apparently so comfortable around one another, he can't look her in the eye and mention that he doesn't like the idea of her going after the Trove? That's a lot bigger of a deal to me than a little white lie from telling someone you're just getting to know that your night was "fine" because you're not prepared to unload the fact that your High Lord pulled rank on you because you were about to make out with a female with a mate in the house who you couldn't even admit to having feelings for beyond your sexual fantasies but were prepared to risk a political alliance over because you're bummed out you didn't get to complete the trifecta of three brothers with three sisters.

I'm not saying Az can't be full of rage and also sweet but the fact is, he's not just one thing or the others. He's a combination of things yet he only shows the best parts of himself to Elain and that's not love. Love is opening yourself up and letting someone see the good, the bad, and the ugly.

An article from Psychology Today states:

"Most people begin their dating relationships by putting their proverbial “best foot” forward. We do this to entice the other person to like us and possibly fall for us. If the relationship succeeds the courtship typically declines over time as the routine sets in. The months may turn into years and eventually one or both people may claim, “You’re not who I thought you were.” Of course not, how can we possibly know each other when we’re selectively hiding particular aspects of our being?"

That's exactly what's going on with E/riel. Az is absolutely hiding a big part of himself from Elain and it's insane to think the little white lie he told Gwyn is a bigger deal than his entire situation with Elain.

#antie/riel #anti e*riel #anti e/riel #antielriel #pro gwynriel

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ofduskanddreams · 1 year

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10, 13, 24. Give it to me ROUGH

Well, you asked for rough. Buckle up because you knew what you were doing feeding me these specific ones MB.

10. worst part of fanon

There are a lot of ways I could answer this one... I think I'm going to (take the meta route) say that my least favorite part of fanon is the tendency of shippers to bend characters out of their canonical forms in order to make them "better fit" the ship so, over time the fanon character simply becomes "the character" in the mind of the fan.

Everyone does this to some degree, it's inescapable. Especially because, at least in this fandom, many of the characters people are interested in are the ones who have not yet been main characters (Lucien, Mor, Elain, Eris, Azriel, Gwyn, etc.) Naturally, you have to read into them, flesh out their characters, and explore their potential in order to write about them. And, if you're writing a specific ship, of course you're going to draw parallels between the characters being shipped.

Where it becomes the "worst part" is when people get so stuck in their fanon interpretation of the character that it blatantly disregards the canon... but they don't seem to care that it does? This part always confuses me. Maybe it's because I'm relatively new to fandom spaces but, in my opinion, I feel like fanon characterizations can reach a point where I no longer recognize that "version" of the character. At that point, to me, they aren't the character anymore but someone's OC. I've spoken about this in regard to some of the fandom's heteronormativity when it comes to writing Eris as a part of the Azris ship (read more about this here.)

13. worst blorboficiation

I'll be honest, I had to look up the definition of this one and the internet seems conflicted on what it means. For the purpose of this question, I'm going to interpret "blorboficiation" as when a fandom takes a character and adores them to the point where they often overlook the character's potentially unsavory sides.

Clearly the answer is Azriel. I love him (I'm saying this as a very pro Azriel person) but canonically he is a mess, not even a hot mess, just a mess. He's done a lot of shitty things, he's emotionally immature, and has what I suspect to be a boatload of unhealthy coping mechanisms. That's just to name a few.

Azriel is allowed to be dark and messy. That's the part of his blorboficiation that bothers me. People often smooth over a lot of his faults (I'm not exempting myself, I've done it in the past but I try not to do it now) in order for him just to be the tall, dark and handsome alphahole. Like... if you're going to love Azriel then love all of him and do it honestly. There's nothing wrong with enjoying a morally gray, rather fucked up character. Just please don't try to pretend like he isn't.

24. topic that brings up the most rancid discourse

Really anything that calls people out on their prejudices. I feel like that's where things tend to get super toxic. Folks need to learn that criticism isn't a personal attack and, if they do take it as an attack, then that's just confirming that they are prejudiced because they feel a need to defend themselves. It's not fun to admit when we're wrong, or when something we've done/said has caused harm. But listening to criticism, acknowledging the harm and apologizing for it, and working to dismantle that prejudice is a far better use of someone's time than getting into a fight on the internet that usually only ends up hurting more people in the process 🤷‍♀️

#my asks #ask game #pro azriel

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abraxos-and-ataraxia · 2 years

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Hey just want to let you know I’m really enjoying your story. Danae is a joy and fascinating to read. We see she’s past the loud stage of her anger. She’s now calm and in the acceptance stage. She’s accepted the fact that her high lord is trying to rid his hands of Illyria but what wants them under his thumb. 500 years is plenty of time to change things but he just has 500 excuses for her. But when you are calm and angry that’s when it gets taken to the next level because now you’re calm and fed up, rational and able think things through. She’s weighed the pros and cons and knows what she wants for her fellow Illyrian kin. Change is not pretty, easy, or done with pleases and thank you’s. Poor Emerie has drank the inner circle kool-aid but hopefully Danae was able to plant some seeds in her head to get her to second guess the half ass attempts that Rhysand and co. have done for her people. I know emerie extended the Valkyrie invitation but with Danae had no interested in fighting for her high lord? Danaes stance is that their options shouldn’t just be between cannon fodder or wives or live in constant fear of their own high lord and other Illyrian men. Emerie shows what Danae could have had but Danae would not be satisfied because then she would see that she would just be one lucky Illyrian out of all the other unfortunate ones who don’t have the luxury of being close to high lords family. I hope their talk made Emerie realize that letting Illyrian women serve as soldiers is a false liberation because now they are given the choice of being slaves that die for the high lord or slaves in their homes.

Hey nonnie! Do you see these tears? They’re for you and this feedback because I’ve been dying for discourse *cracks knuckles* alright here we go:

Danae is...impulsive and easily pissed off. She really does just blurt out her unfiltered thoughts, but she’s not always wrong. Her perspective as a twenty-something Illyrian who’s never actually met her High Lord and only really lived during Amarantha times is one we haven’t gotten yet, and one I was dying to write. I mean, consider all of the WACK stories she must have heard, whisper down the lane, from Under the Mountain. And that’s legitimately all she knows. If that High Lord came up to me and smiled, I’d be terrified. And she is! Rightfully so! Even before Amarantha, Rhys was fueling those horrible rumors. He spent hundreds of years playing the Nightmare. If anything, I’m surprised at how easily some of the acotar characters have just....accepted that he’s a nice guy. It took Feyre longer than a lot of these side characters, and she’d only seen him be Mr. Scary for a few months, not centuries.

Emerie (ilysm babe) was a really good way to showcase how Danae hasn’t had enough time to learn to be quiet. Danae hasn’t learned to accept “the way things are” yet. She hasn’t grown accustomed to really questionable history and behavior in the Night Court. Emerie is older (that’s the impression I have, anyway) and has lived her whole life in Windhaven, the only place anyone seems to visit in Illyria. Her opinions have skewed over time, and that’s not her fault at all. At some point in time, she stopped asking questions, and when she joined the Valkyries, nothing really changed, because who was going to remind her that things could be different in Illyria? Nesta knew nothing about the place, and neither did Gwyn. The inner circle isn’t going to suddenly start brainstorming reforms over dinner without some kind of spark, so why would Emerie suddenly start questioning her High Lord or Illyria?

To sum up, Danae is basically that kid you babysit who won’t stop asking “but why?” Rhysand is the babysitter tiredly answering “because I said so, that’s why.” And Emerie is the kid who just woke up from a nap and is hella confused. There’s a debate going on?

#this fic is an adventure in perspective #and also an adventure in morally grey characters #spoiler: pretty much everyone in this fic is solidly in the grey zone #everybody makes mistakes *cue britney*#thanks for stopping by nonnie :)#crown of ash and blood #putting a break because i accidentally wrote an essay oops #ask box

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vidalinav · 2 years

Text

Stu(died)- Chapter 4

Summary: Nesta weighs the pros and cons of dating Cassian ft. Tailgating

Nessian Modern AU-university setting.

Masterlist, Stu(died) Chapter List

AN: On second thought... don’t care to edit this. It is what it is.

"Do you want to go dinner?” Cassian yawns, stretching from where he sits across from her, his arms reaching toward squared ceiling tiles. Nesta watches as that hoodie pulls over his chest. All languid muscles taut and tight.

His words are nonchalant, a bit casual, but they still make Nesta gape as if he says something shocking. Nesta’s gaze quickly returns to her book.

Chemistry. Biology. Genetics... What are they learning today?

“Why would we do that?” Nesta asks. She tries to say the words with as little feeling as possible, but a crease forms between his brows. She knows her words must sound strange. Panicked and high-strung. Nesta coughs, clearing her throat as if that might erase her tone—explain her pitch.

Still, the silence of the library makes her think of confessions... of warm soup and consistency. She tries to think of his grades instead. His penchant for showing up late. His terrible habit of staring at her lips instead of paying attention.

It was a fever dream, Nesta reminds herself. Her temperature rising so high who knows what really happened in her room when she set her arm on his.

“Because we’ve been here for four hours,” Cassian drawls, raising a brow, “and I know for a fact you haven’t eaten, and I obviously haven’t eaten so let’s go get food!”

“Together?” It’s an obvious conclusion, and the word seems idiotic coming out of her lips. They’ve gotten food together before.

His favorite restaurant, in fact, is a Thai place tucked behind two apartment complexes. Beyond potholes and construction, in dark corners where their respective residences are. No one even knows it’s there most days, but Cassian knows. He finds it somehow. Like pulling some random book off the shelf, discovering every beloved word as he turns the next page. Cassian suggests going there every chance he gets. The flavors never boring or abysmal.

Nesta wants to ask him how he makes decisions so easily, how he can stick with something once he’s made up his mind. Why choose this one out of all the rest?

Cassian seems to pause at her question and Nesta forgets which one she’s asked. He’s probably wondering if she’s still sick from his look of concern.

Perhaps she is.

The act of breathing weighs heavily on her chest, her face is hot at the cheeks.

“I was assuming we’d go together. We always have.”

We is an intimate word and Nesta’s not sure if she likes that sound. It’s intimidating and secretive, as if they share stories over brunch when the two of them are only meant for study session in libraries.

“I’ll see if Gwyn and Emerie can come,” Nesta says in a rush. She grabs her phone, already swiping through apps. Heaven forbid, she be alone with this man at a restaurant.

“Alright... We can go to Belinda’s then.”

“Why would we go there?” Nesta sputters.

Cassian frowns outright at her question, “because you haven’t gone all week...”

“So?”

“You go every week. It’s your favorite place.”

Nesta knows that but how does Cassian know that?

"I’m assuming you haven’t gone, since you were still sick last week.”

She hasn’t. He’s right about that. She was sick and she had to study. She was sick and he was there... he was watching--confessing.

“Do you feel sick?” Cassian asks. She doesn’t even notice him moving towards her, but suddenly his hand is on her forehead.

Nesta slaps it away. “What are you doing?”

“Checking your temperature.”

Nesta shakes her head, already gathering her things. “Let’s just go before I change my mind.”

She watches as Cassian does the same, putting away notebooks and pencils he’s barely touched. He doesn’t act as if anything is different, but he should. She’s not the one who confesses feelings better left unsaid.

Why does he mention it at all, Nesta wonders. He must know she’s going to say no, pull away, push past him. It annoys her that he gets to stand there, picking up notes that she’s filled. All nonchalant, because he doesn’t have to contemplate any of this.

It makes her want to scream at how calm he is... so she heads for the nearest exit, instead. Cassian brushes against her, and Nesta punches at the elevator keys like she holds something against them.

“You’ll tell me if you feel bad, though. Right?”

His gaze surveys her, up and down as if looking for any sign that something is wrong. A headache or a fever or a temper gone hot.

Something is wrong, she wants to say.

But Nesta crosses her arms, clenching her teeth.

No sense in giving him what he wants.

Gwyn looks tired as she lays her head in her arms. Nesta supposes she shouldn’t have begged them to come. She shouldn’t have told them it was an emergency. Not when Gwyn has been up these past nights for essays or Emerie has her multitude of clubs. But Nesta can’t help it. She’s panicking.

Gwyn groans, “Why couldn’t we come on Saturday like usual?”

Nesta doesn’t know how to explain the situation without revealing what Cassian’s said and she doesn’t have much time. He goes to the bathroom as soon as they come in and the restaurant is small. Nesta lowers her voice, afraid he might hear beyond wallpaper. “Because I need you to see if you notice anything different.”

“Different how?” Emerie asks, frowning.

Nesta tries to find the words, trying to think of something romantic for her analogy. All she can think about is soup. “Like he’s going to buy me roses...”

Emerie turns to Gwyn with a quizzical brow and they both look at Nesta like she’s grown two heads.

“Or sing serenades,” Nesta continues, “Or... buy me a dog so I’ll be forced into a co-parent relationship that I’ll have to spend fourteen to sixteen years not regretting for the sake of its mental wellbeing.”

Gwyn rests her chin on her palm, pursing her lips. “Are you still sick? Do you need to go home?”

“Cassian said he likes me!” Nesta blurts. The volume of her words has her peering over her shoulder, but he’s still nowhere in sight and for that she breathes a sigh of relief.

Emerie snorts. “Is that news to you? Please tell me you’re not serious.”

“Well, it wasn’t serious, but I can’t stop thinking about it!”

Nesta thinks about it when she tutors him on Monday and Wednesday. When they walk back home after each session. When she looks out the window to the frat house next door, no matter how belligerently stupid she thinks all of them are. She wants to know if she’s going insane. If the flu killed off a few brain cells. The ones that thought rationally. That put classes before everything else.

“Do you like him?” Gwyn asks, her voice cautiously curious.

“No,” Nesta says almost too fast. She shakes her head as if that might convince them. “Of course not.”

"But could you? Like him I mean.” Emerie shrugs a shoulder, and Nesta can tell she’s trying to hide away a teasing smirk. “He is dreamy, even I have to admit... Do you dream about him Nesta? All those muscles and the tight shirts. That floral scrunchy that can make panties drop.”

“I hate you.”

Emerie laughs a bright, loud sound. Nesta crosses her arms. She can feel the heat rising to her cheeks.

“What’s so funny?” Cassian asks.

Nesta shirks back at the sound of his voice.

“Nothing!” They call out together.

Cassian looks at them strangely, but Nesta doesn’t say a thing. Instead she grabs the menu, setting it up to hide her face.

She shouldn’t have come tonight. Shouldn’t have told him she’d eat with him or invite them. She could have just told him she was tired. He would have understood. Cassian was always so understanding...

No, Nesta thinks. She shouldn’t think of such things.

“So, Cassian, how tall are you?”

Nesta shoves down the menu to stare at Emerie who waves her away with a slight of her hand. As if to say go back to your menu.

She hates them. She’s serious.

“6’3... Why?”

“Just wondering,” Emerie shrugs. “It’s the perfect height for reaching tall places like... bookshelves. Especially when you’re short as Nesta.”

“I’m 5′7,” Nesta scoffs. “I’m tall.”

“That’s a pretty average height, actually,” Gwyn says, taking a sip of her water.

“The average height is 5′4.”

Emerie waves her off, “barely a difference.”

“Nesta’s tall,” Cassian agrees. “If not by her height, then for her attitude. She’s seven feet in my eyes.”

Gwyn tilts her head at that, looking to Emerie. Emerie frowns as if that confuses her. Nesta doesn’t know how she feels about it either, so she manages a, "thank you?”

“Oh, it’s definitely a compliment. I’ve never met anyone as sure as you.” Cassian smiles. A little too genuine for a inane conversation about height. “You walk through this world like you know exactly who you are and what you want. I admire that... even wish I was more like that sometimes.”

Nesta forces herself to pull away from his gaze, those warm hazel eyes that say too much and too little, all at once. She returns to looking at the menu. Sticky beige and brown. Words floating on pages. Absolutely no pictures that she can focus in on and pretend she doesn’t hear what he says.

It means nothing, she thinks. So he... fears her. She’s intimidating and he admires that. Good for him.

"Are you all ready to order?”

They turn to the waitress and Nesta sighs in relief at the blessed distraction. She never did like being the center of anyone’s watchful eyes. If it was up to her, no one would even know her name.

Nesta orders her favorite. The same thing she always gets, but Cassian probably knows that already. She swears he sees him mouth the words as she says it.

Cassian knows too much. An unfair advantage... she’ll have to dig up dirt on him just to catch up.

So, Nesta watches him as he talks, beaming up at the waitress like they’re old friends. Cassian is better at casual chit-chat than she is. If she was him surrounded by people he really couldn’t call his friends, she’d be looking at her phone, to the window, her notes. Anything that makes her look busy, so she isn’t forced to smile when she needs to... not that she ever smiles when she should.

Socializing is exhausting, but Cassian makes it look easy. His face is entirely too expressive. If he ever wants to lie, he wouldn’t be very good. Maybe that’s a good thing--a bad thing for him--but a good thing for her, because he’d never be able to deceive her.

That thought brings her comfort, somehow.

“I’ve been trying to convince Nesta to go to the game with us.”

Nesta grimaces at the mention of her name. She isn’t paying attention and her Emerie raises a mischievous brow knowing exactly what has caught her eye.

“Come tailgating with me! All of you!”

Nesta’s keen on objecting, but when she opens her mouth, Emerie is already answering. “We’re in!”

“No. I am not in.”

“What? Why not?” Cassian asks, as if he doesn’t already know.

“I have to work!” The words sound loud and Nesta forces herself to take a breath. She must sound frustrated for Emerie looks sheepish and Gwyn puts on her understanding face. The one that says she’ll placate her by telling her of other things they can do when she’s free, because Nesta misses everything for a shift.

Cassian scoffs. “You work at 3. Come before then, the game doesn’t start until then anyways. I doubt you’ll be sticking around for that.”

“Excuse me if I don’t like sporting events.”

Anyone else would have been perturbed at her voice, but not Cassian... Oh no, Cassian raises an indignant chin. “You don’t tailgate for the sport. You do it for the food.”

“I feel like someone would punt you for that,” Gwyn mumbles.

“There will be food...”

And Nesta’s hungry enough to imagine all kinds.

“Steak. Hot dogs. Chicken wings.”

It sounds good enough that she almost accepts... if only for Emerie and Gwyn who wait for her response with unsuppressed glee.

But Nesta has never made an impulsive decision in her life.

“I’ll think about it,” she says.

Nesta sees the yellow notification, but she doesn’t open the message. She’s seen her screen brighten six times now and she refuses to look.

Emerie holds up her phone, “Cassian’s texted the location.”

“That’s nice,” Nesta says. She stares up at the screen, flipping through the channels. There’s nothing new to watch and she’s quite possibly bored, but she’s not going to look at that phone.

“You’re going to have to look eventually.”

Nesta can hear Gwyn laughing in the kitchen. They’ve been laughing all day at her pouty face. Her indecision. Will she or won’t she. She’s been weighing the pros and cons. Even made a chart.

“I could be sleeping. He doesn’t know.”

“Everyone knows you go to sleep at like 3 am.” Emerie comes to sit beside her, setting down her text books. “So why don’t you want to talk to him?”

“He’s just not that interesting.”

Gwyn hums her agreement as she makes her way to the living room, a cup of tea in her hands.

“I thought you guys were friends.”

Nesta scoffs, “of course not. We don’t match.”

She ignored the look Gwyn gives to Emerie. She knows it’ll be something like disbelief, because, by all means, they’ve had this conversation before.

“When’s his birthday?” Emerie calls, “we’ll settle this right now.”

Nesta blinks, shrugging, “Why should I know?”

“Fine. I’ll ask him.”

Emerie grabs her phone, talking as she types. “Hey C, what’s your B?” Emerie snorts a laugh, “Lol.”

“Did you just say lol instead of laughing?”

“Hush, Mama’s typing... He doesn’t know what ‘B’ means.” Emerie rolls her eyes.

Nesta can’t say she blames him, but the situation is just odd enough that she sets down the remote. She’ll say it’s the curiosity.

“Birth-day.... Now he’s asking me why I’m asking. I think your boyfriend has trust issues...” Emerie taps a finger to her chin, “Such a Scorpio move.”

"Now you’re just guessing,” Gwyn says.

“Well,” Emerie shrugs, “I only have twelve options. Eliminate Taurus over here," She gestures to Nesta and Nesta frowns, “And obviously he’s not a Virgo. So, ten left. Wait—he sent ‘who’s asking?’ I think he thinks you’re secretly digging for information.”

“What are we in fifth grade?”

“We are digging for information though,” Gwyn says, shrugging a shoulder.

“Okay. He says it’s December 16th. Yikes a Sagittarius.” Emerie nods, looking to the TV, “Actually that makes sense. Good for him.”

Nesta looks to Gwyn, but Emerie watches the show. She picks up the remote flipping through the channels. She settles on the food network... big surprise there.

“And?” Nesta calls.

“Oh, your relationships fucked.”

"See!” Nesta affirms. “We’re not meant to be together.”

“You’re not meant to be together? I thought we were discussing friendships,”

“Yeah, Nesta,” Emerie sings. “I thought we were discussing friendships.”

Gwyn blinks as if she honestly can’t believe it. “Do you want to date him?”

Before Nesta can respond, Gwyn’s waving a hand as if erasing the conversation entirely. “Zodiacs are nonsense.

Emerie huffs, “you say that because you’re Capricorn.”

"Well that settles that, then,” Nesta says, sinking into the couch. “We shouldn’t go.”

“Oh no, I think we should go.” Gwyn rolls her eyes. “And not just for the food or the experience.”

Emerie snorts, “but you hate Cassian.”

“I don’t hate Cassian... I’m just wary of Cassian. If we go, I can sus him out. Find out what he really wants.”

“He wants Nesta. Naked, probably.”

“I’m going to choose to ignore that for a second, and say, you know you guys can go without me. I’m sure Cassian wouldn’t mind.”

“He wouldn’t,” Gwyn says, holding up her phone as if to say check your messages. “He’s told us that.”

“But we’re not going without you. Come on, Nesta. Hoes before bros.”

“Think of it as a science experiment,” Gwyn offers.

Emerie laughs, “How many ways are Nesta and Cassian not compatible?”

Gwyn shrugs, “if nothing else, free food from the frat boys who are most definitely loaded.”

Nesta rolls her eyes, but the excitement already thrums through her chest. The anxiety, too. But... Gwyn and Emerie will be there, and they’ll have a good time. And she won’t miss out on something for once.

“Fine! But I’m not painting my face or sticking ribbons in my hair and you can’t make me!”

“There’s so much food!” Emerie calls out, brightly.

There are hot dogs and steaks and corn on the cob. Wings and chips and potato salad. Abundance is what Nesta sees. Abundance and money thrown on the table. Who could possibly eat all this?

“What are you talking about?” Emerie scoffs. “You eat for a table of five. I guarantee you could eat all of this right now... and if not you, I will.”

Nesta rolls her eyes, a bit perturbed that she’s said her thoughts aloud. It’s become a bad habit of hers lately and one she’ll soon have to squash. No one needs to know what she’s thinking.

Cassian watches them all, the perfect host grinning wide.

She’ll ignore how good he looks in red. She’ll even ignore the way he smiles at her ribbons. Two tiny ribbons woven into the braids at her temple.

“I brought my own sweater this time,” Nesta says, flicking at the white lettering.

Cassian’s gaze shifts to her chest. When Nesta raises a brow, his face turns a pretty shade of pink. There’s nothing about the sweater that’s particularly alluring. She bought the largest size she could find, so Nesta doesn’t understand what makes his cheeks flush.

“You won’t have to use mine then.” His words sounds casual, but Nesta swears she hears a tone of disappointment in his voice. Cassian gestures to the table and then to them, “I have to man the grill, but you guys can sit and I’ll get you something when it’s done. How do you like your steak?”

“Bloody,” Gwyn answers, her tone deadened.

“That wasn’t ominous at all,” Emerie says, setting her things on the picnic table. “But medium, please!”

“You got it!”

Nesta watches as Cassian winks at her friend, and then turns to her. His smile seems sweet. Even fond. There’s something about his face that softens when he looks at her. “How about you, Nes?”

“That’s not my name... but medium well.”

Cassian lips raise lightly as he nods, and Nesta shuffles towards the table. She feels like she needs to walk around a bit, wiggle her arms. There’s this nervous energy she can’t seem to get rid of.

Nesta resists looking back at Cassian... but she admits, it’s difficult. She can feel his gaze, his presence. Five feet or five miles. He’s there and he doesn’t seem to go away.

She doesn’t know if she likes that.

“I hope you’re making enough for all of us.”

Nesta pauses at the feminine voice.

She definitely doesn’t like that.

“Oh.” Nesta turns at the sounds, just as Emerie and Gwyn do. “You invited people.”

“Mor... Az... this is Nesta, Emerie, and Gwyn.” Cassian gestures to the three of them and the silence is palpable as they eye each other.

To be fair, Nesta should’ve seen this coming.

Nesta should’ve known. Some things are just too good to be true, and Cassian is a friendly guy. Cassian makes friends with waitresses and cashiers. He surrounds himself in a frat house with strangers and disease. Why else would he be manning the grill but to feed his friends and family?

It can’t possibly get worse, she thinks.

But then another one of them appears seemingly out of nowhere. He holds up a bag, waving it around like a flag. “I got the pie! Oh!”

He glares where he stands, “Nesta.”

“Rhys-and.”

Cassian looks between the two of them, “you two know each other?”

“Not by choice,” Nesta remarks.

“We were in the same class last semester.”

“We were in a group project,” Nesta explains further, gritting her teeth. That should say enough, but Cassian looks confused. Of course, he is.

She’s not going to elaborate, so Nesta turns back to the table.

She can hear a scoff from the bag boy, but Cassian wishes to appease as always. “Well, settle in. Bond over food or... something. I don’t know.”

He sets a plate in front of her with a steak the size of her head.

“It’s the biggest one,” he whispers loudly. Like she’s in on a secret. Like it’ll make her happy to know.

Cassian sets down the other two plates for Gwyn and Emerie and Emerie grins widely. “I love tailgating!”

Nesta does not love tailgating.

“So, how did you meet our brother?” Rhys says, eyeing her as he would a mortal enemy.

Emerie snorts, but the other two don’t laugh.

“Oh, you’re actual brothers?”

Azriel shrugs, going to sit across her. “I’m still waiting for the DNA report, but yes.”

“How do you all know each other?” Nesta asks, ignoring the question Rhys throws her way. He glares at her for that, and his look of annoyance brings her joy.

It’s Mor, with her bottle blond hair, perfect even in this wind, that says, “we’re all legacies.”

“We grew up on the same block,” Azriel adds, “went to the same schools. Our parents went to this school and so on and so forth.”

Mor tilts her head as she looks at her and Nesta doesn’t know what she wants to find by staring at her like that. But she seems to be evaluating her. Head to toe. “Did you grow up around here?”

“No,” Nesta answers, not offering any more information.

“Where did you grow up?”

“Here and there.”

“What do your parents do?”

“This and that.”

Nesta can’t keep the irritation from her voice. Rhys, stupid Rhys, looks amused by that.

The steak doesn’t even taste good as they watch her, and she blows away a piece of hair that falls in her face. Stupid wind. Stupid braids. Stupid Cassian... and tailgating.

“You want to borrow my hair tie,” Cassian asks. His voice is soft. Soothing as he looks her over. That assessing gaze. The one he keeps since she was sick.

Before Nesta can object, he’s already pulling it off his wrist. He holds it out for her, and Nesta looks to her fork. The plate of food.

“Here, let me,” he says, reaching up behind her.

His hands run through her hair and Nesta can barely speak. She doesn’t know if she should shove him off or yell. Lecture him about personal space.

Nesta doesn’t really want to do either.

His hands are large, and his fingers are soft, and the movement feels... nice. He doesn’t tug. In fact, his hands gently gather her hair into a ponytail, all of it neatly pulled from her face by his floral scrunchie.

The others watch him as he does it, there eyes wide as if it means something.

It means nothing, she wants to scream.

But it means something... because Rhys scowls at the action.

Nesta throws her head back, meeting Cassian’s gaze. He smiles at her as he pulls the band tight.

“Who is this, Cassian?”

Nesta straightens at the tone. Cassian grins widely at the man dressed in all sorts of red and white. A true fan.

She sighs, taking another bite of her steak.

Tailgating sucks.

Nesta’s just gotten the smoke smell out of her hair when she hears a knock at the front door.

Emerie’s gone grocery shopping. Something she likes to do at night. Less people, she says, and Gwyn’s gone with her this time. Nesta stays behind because she can’t handle any more forced outings.

One is enough for the day.

So she expects Gwyn and Emerie, probably with a handful of bags and lost keys somewhere. She isn’t expecting Cassian, who runs his hands through his hair as if he’s nervous to see her.

“Hi,” he says, waving a hand.

Nesta notes the way he rocks back and forth on his feet. A habit of his, when he’s anxious.

“Hi.”

“Nesta, can we talk for a second.”

Cassian gestures beyond him, to the frigid open air and Nesta’s scowl deepens.

“I’m in my pajamas.”

In the tiniest top and shorts...

Cassian looks at her clothes just as she does, and he quickly averts his gaze. His face blooms a deep shade of red, but Nesta finds his expression amusing so she lets it slide without a snarky comment about frat boys and boobs.

He rubs at his neck, another habit that Nesta knows well.

“So am I,” he says, gesturing to himself. Indeed, he’s wearing pajama pants and a flannel that has reindeer on it.

It’s not even close to Christmas.

“Let me go grab my coat,” she says.

Hell no is she standing outside when it’s 50 degrees and windy, just because Cassian wants to say something he can’t on the phone. But hell no is she letting him inside her house, when she’s alone and there’s this... thing between them.

Nesta pauses.

What if he’s going to confess again?

She fiddles with her coat on the rack, looking to the door where Cassian waits.

He’s going to confess again and she’ll be awake...

Oh no. no. no. no. no.

Nesta glowers at the man who has no problem inconveniencing her. Turning her life upside down must be entertaining to him.

“Here’s your hair tie,” Nesta calls, practically shoving the floral pattern in his hands.

“Oh, you could have kept it. I have more.”

So it wasn’t even special.

“It’s fine. What did you need to talk to me about? If it’s about your test on Tuesday, I’m sure we can iron out a study plan that might work.”

“It’s not about the test.” Cassian’s brows furrow, and Nesta watches as he bites his lips. So many habits, Nesta’s memorized. She can’t help but hold her breath, bracing herself for the proclamation.

“Do you want to spend Thanksgiving with me and my family?”

What?

“I heard when you said you don’t usually do anything, and that’s fine if that’s what you want, but I make a ton of food, and my family is... well they’re honestly insane, but they’re welcoming,” he rambles.

Nesta doesn’t know what to say. She can only stare at him wide eyed. Cassian talks with his hands, she’s noticed, and he gestures wildly as he speaks.

“You’ve met my brothers and my dad already, so that’s most of the family. You might not even like Thanksgiving. Bloody history aside, it does promote gluttony and wastefulness.”

Nesta nods, and she tries to hold back the smile that appears on her face. The laugh that wants to burst out of her lips.

“But I don’t like that you’re alone, and I know that you like to be alone, but holidays are for family gatherings more than anything, even if you’re family is bullheaded and makes you wish you had a new one. And so I’m offering, just in case... you would rather spend it with me.”

Cassian takes a breath, holding up his hands as if to say I’m done. He begins to walk backwards, waving goodbye because he knows she needs to sleep on it. She never makes an impulsive decision.

Cassian’s half way down the stairs when Nesta peaks over the railing.

“Yes,” she calls out into the night. “I’ll spend Thanksgiving with you.”

Tagged:

@arinbelle @my-fan-side @sophilightwood @nestaarcher0n @duskandstarlight @soitsgorgeous @swankii-art-teacher @lordof-bloodshed @thewhelk @daisy-in-danger @highqueenevankhell @lovelynesta @sirendeepity @champanheandluxxury @ladynestaarcheron @moodymelanist @teagoddess99 @spoilersteph @angelic-voice-1997 @bo0kmaster69 @drielecarla @generalnesta @cozycomfyliving08 @confusedfandomslut @dread3r @sv0430 @unhealthyfanobsession @simpingfornestaarcheron

I think you should know that I lost my sanity, gained it back, and than lost it again, a few more times really, all while writing this fic... I had about four mental breakdowns. So I suffer for my art.

#Stu(died)#nessian #nesta archeron #cassian #vidalinav writes fanfic #this fic is so boring #The only way I make it entertaining is by shoving random things in there #like an arch nemesis plot #don't count on the next chapter being better

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talkfantasytome · 3 years

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'Twas Never Meant to Be - An Opinion

I have a lot of thoughts about this, and really need to get them out. So, let's talk about Elain and Azriel.

First off, I want to warn you, this post is a beast. Like, over 7.5k words beast. It just kept going. I'm sorry, but I didn't know what to take out and, honestly, I didn't want to spend a lot of time heavily editing it. Tread knowingly. I will not be offended if anyone chooses not to read it, or not to read it all.

Secondly, I want to say that this post is not meant to be a pro-Gwynriel or pro-Elucian post. Regardless of my personal ships, I want to explain why I, personally, do not believe Elain and Azriel would be right for each other. And these reasonings go far beyond "because I'd prefer them with someone else". In fact, these beliefs and feelings are first and foremost in my mind when considering all three of these ships, and any feelings I may or may not have on other ships are always second to my belief that they would not be right together. I will do my best to keep Gwyn and Lucien out of the comparison, unless using them as a way to point to something that would be wrong between Elain and Azriel - versus stating any reason why the other would be right.

The first two reasons I will share are ones I have been holding on to for quite a while, and have only become stronger with more content (Silver Flames). I have, personally, not seen much around these two thoughts, but recognize that they may be out there already, as there is no new thought under the sun. So, here goes:

Step Away From the Characters

Honestly, my first reason really has nothing to do with the characters themselves at all, but it's something I can't get out of my head. It's a personal thing, I know, as everyone might see it differently, but I can't help but feel like the three brothers ending up with the three sisters would be too perfect, too convenient.

I know that it's a shit argument when talking about an SJM book, and the more I read about the series, and the more books that come out within it, the more I recognize this. It makes me sad. But personally, I can't get behind this storyline, this ending that is so perfect it makes my skin crawl. It's not how life works, and it doesn't really make sense. If it were three adoptive sisters, as the bat boys are, it would actually make more sense, because it would stand to reason that you would have a two groups that mirror each other. That one girl who mirrored Rhys, let's say, then befriended to the point of sisterhood ones that mirrored the boys that Rhys befriended to the point of brotherhood. But Nesta, Elain, and Feyre are sisters by blood, not by choice, and so it isn't an automatic that they would be that reflection to the boys. And even though the boys lived together, and weren't fully brought together by choice as much as Mrs. Rhys's mother, they still chose to stay together and be brothers.

We have never, not fully, seen the Archerons make those same choices. These boys live together (or used to), work together, truly share their lives. The Archerons don't. The girls were disconnected before becoming Fae, and they are still disconnected after it. You see it more clearly with Nesta, of course, trying to stay away from the group, stay separate. But you see it with Feyre and Elain too. You see how Elain practically gives up on Nesta, and how Feyre discredits and dismisses Elain as anything more than just a kind soul who likes to garden. You can't, for two seconds, convince me that the Archerons have as similar or as bonded relationships to each other as the bat boys, and that alone tells us that we should not expect them to mirror the boys.

I would also like to note, looking back at the characters for a second, that it has been observed by others how Feyre and Nesta do seem to have similar energies a lot. On top of that, you could argue that Nesta mirrors all three bat boys in one way or another. It's one theory as to why she and Rhys struggle so much with each other, because they're too similar. And, you can't convince me that Az and Nesta don't share a bond because of their own similarities. Nesta's fire was cold as ice. Rhys once observed Azriels rage as an 'icy rage'. I don't think I need to mention how Nesta mirrors Cassian, but it's there too. So, the fact that she would be the sister who ended up with a mate from the Night Court, one of these three brothers, just made a lot of sense. But Elain, who is so different from her sisters, she doesn't have that same energy. It's not a bad thing, but it helps make sense why she would be the one with a mate from outside this Court.

Beyond this, however, I still struggle with the three and three come together concept. And that's coming from someone who actually has, within her family, a story of two brothers marrying two sisters - my great grandparents (or great great, I can never remember). So, I know stuff like this does happen, though admittedly my only experience is with two and two, and naturally I do believe that the likelihood of the full group being with the full other group goes down with each additional number. Regardless of that, though, it is an author's job to tell a story that we can connect to, and having such convenient and perfect endings makes it difficult to do just that. Because life isn't like that.

So I struggle with the concept of this. Like I said, the more I get to know these books, this series, the more I understand that this is not a great argument for why Elain and Azriel aren't endgame considering how other things have played out, but I still think it's a good argument for why they shouldn't be. However, I would also say that the argument that they will end up together because it's three brothers and three sisters is completely off base and illogical, for reasons I've mentioned above. What is the purpose of that? How does that drive the plot and the story and world? How does it connect us to them better? It doesn't. All it does is be just a convenient little bow that has no true purpose, unless there is true purpose as to why each sister ended up with each brother. And I don't really see a purpose as to why Elain would end up with Az except that they're both the last sibling, and that they currently like each other. But that doesn't mean they're right for each other, and I don't see how them being together will spur the story and the world forward the way Feyre and Rhys did, and the way Nesta and Cassian can and/or will.

As someone who dabbles in writing, I have thought about these types of things, and I'm always adjusting plans and thoughts when I realize I've gone into that too perfect la la land, and I'd like to believe that all writers do that. SJM has had some convenient endings, but I will say I've not yet felt like any ending was just too perfect. The closest was, of course, ACOWAR. But even then, you still had threads, misunderstandings, questions, and things you weren't happy about. Yes, the ending felt a bit perfect, but we still lost the Bone Carver, Mr. Archeron, the Suriel, etc. There were still things that made it less than completely perfect. And much of what was done in the ending did move this story forward, and provide the opening for what we are now getting. And, in the same vein, I like to think that SJM would recognize how this would be too much. But, I don't hold out a lot of hope on this reasoning alone, it's really just something I had to get off my chest.

Share Life With Me

This next point is huge for me, in my mind. Again, it is based off of my own personal opinions of some characters, as well, so I do understand that some people may not agree with this argument. That's fine, but you will not sway me.

It all comes down to one thing. What does Az want?

In the Az POV chapter we are finally told, out right, that he does want Elain. But, my question - does he really?

I have been thinking about this since long before Silver Flames, since we all knew Az had a crush, but it wasn't as cemented until Silver Flames came out, and we saw how Nesta and Cassian would develop as a couple. Because, and here's the kicker, I don't believe Az actually wants Elain.

Yes, you read that right. I know he thinks he wants Elain. I know he believes she's kind and beautiful. And I recognize that there was a sexual tension there - I'm not blind. But I don't believe that Elain is the end goal Azriel is actually looking for.

I believe that she is a representation of that end goal.

This mostly comes down to his conversation with Rhys, his belief about the Cauldron:

"The Cauldron chose three sisters. Tell me how it's possible that my two brothers are with two of those sisters, yet the third was given to another." He had never before dared speak the words aloud.

Okay, first - Az, please see point above. Also, I can't help but feel like SJM put that in here almost to show that this isn't actually a valid argument.

Second, let's dissect that argument for a moment. Now, perhaps Az is just trying to find what he considers a more 'objective' reason for why Elain should be his, why they should be together. However, if that were the case, then why would he have never dared speak those words aloud? Most likely because he knows it's not a solid argument, and logical Az knows this. But this is 2 AM, you just stopped me from kissing the girl I fancy Az, and he definitely is not being his most logical self.

It's also not a logical or good argument because of one simple word. Given. "…the third was given to another." Az, you're better than this. I truly want to believe you're better than this. I understand that the mating bond is weird, and inherently at least slightly sexist, but that doesn't give any male the right to really look at it that way. Especially when you consider the explanation that the mating bond will be present between two perfect equals. This is seen in ACOMAF when Feyre can't believe Rhys would be her mate, because that's what it would mean, that she's his equal. This also paints Elain as an object, which, no matter what anyone's feelings are toward the character, is not okay. She is a person. A fictional one, but still a person, she cannot be given unless she chooses to give herself. The Cauldron simply dictated who it believes is best for her, and vice versa. I'm not saying the Cauldron was right, or that she and Lucien would be good together, but that's what the mating bond is. To argue that the Cauldron was wrong because two brothers got two of the sisters, but the third was given to another is inherently wrong, because Elain cannot be given away.

It also shows that maybe Az really isn't truly seeing Elain for who she is, if he is thinking of it this way. I do believe that Az is a feminist, or, at least, more of a feminist than most of the males in Prythian (which, sadly, doesn't seem to be saying much). So I don't believe this is a comment based on a sexism in Az we haven't seen yet, I truly don't. I believe that it is a comment made by someone whose judgement is clouded, and who is, as I stated earlier, using Elain as a representation of what he's really looking for. He seems to idolize her, put her on a pedestal, believe that she is all light, all good. (Az, please see my previous post on that little nugget.) He objectifies her not because he truly believes she is an object, but because she has become a symbol in his mind - she is not the person Elain to him. She is the one he should have, the one who will bring him what he wants. Note I didn't say the one he wants. Whenever a person puts another on a pedestal the way Az has with Elain, whenever someone idolizes them, or believes that said person will fix all of their woes, they are subconsciously objectifying them. That being is no longer seen as a true person, with all the flaws and struggles and ugly parts. They are something else. And those types of feelings about another person never end in a good relationship, because at least one side is always expecting too much from the other, and they rarely learn to cope with what they didn't expect. And, for the record, you should never really be 'coping' with your partners flaws, but that's a conversation for another day.

Beyond being not a truly logical argument, and showing us how Azriel has actually objectified Elain in his mind, I also believe this statement gives us insight into what Az actually wants. He could have said a number of things to express a belief (or desire) that the Cauldron was wrong. He could have talked about his feelings for Elain. About how he thinks their personalities are too compatible for them to not be rightfully mates. Pretty much, he could have said something about Elain, and how they are right together because of who they are.

But he didn't.

Instead, Az brought up his two brothers and their mates. How they each got one, so surely the third should be his. And why did he do this? Again, maybe 2 AM Az who had lost his logic just thought this was an objective reason. But I think there's more to it than that. I think he brought up those other relationships as a way to point toward what it is he really wants. Because that's what's on his mind. It's not that Elain is perfect for him, that she is everything he could have ever hoped for in a female. It's that she is the sister of his brother's two mates, and he wants what his brothers have. So, clearly, that must mean that it's Elain who can give him that.

Again, Az, please read my first point. Because that's not a guarantee just because they're related.

Now, I imagine most people are saying, "Well, duh. We all know he wants what they have. He said so earlier on in the chapter." And he did:

Azriel couldn't stop it. The envy in his chest. Of Cassian, and Rhys.

So, it's not new. But, this argument he provided highlights that so specifically. He wants what his brothers have. Not a mate, per se. No. What they have.

But, wait, a mate is what they have. What are you saying?

Yes, a mate is what each of them have. But, as we know, not all mates are perfect for each other. Rhys and Feyre, and Cassian and Nesta are both examples of how right the mating bond can be. But, let's instead look at what they both have, in points, instead of just saying they have a mate. Here are, from my interpretation, the main common aspects of these two relationships:

Love. Sure, Nesta and Cassian hadn't said it yet. But, yes, they love each other, they're just both stubborn and scared and maybe not ready to say it.

Heavy sexual attraction and chemistry. This may not always be the most important piece of a relationship, but it's blatant in both of theirs, and it's clear that Az wants that as well. Which is fair.

Friendship. It's hard to see it at times, because these books are so much about the romance, but I do believe that both couples are truly friends who like to spend time together. Who can have fun together. We don't get to see this enough - and I do wish we saw more of it - but it is there. It's there when Cassian throws his head back laughing at something Nesta said. Or when Rhys is thrilled when sassy Feyre appears. And yes, it is in part the mating bond, making them want to be near each other, but they still enjoy that time together. Mates who aren't right for each other wouldn't.

True partners. In these two relationships, they are more than just each other's mate, lover, friend. They are and/or are becoming partners. In their relationships, Rhys and Cass have found a female who they can share their lives with. Completely and fully. In Feyre, Rhys has found a High Lady, a female who is his true equal, who can rule the Court with him. They work together, plan together. And Rhys can come home at night and tell her everything about his day. In Nesta, Cass has found someone who, I believe, will grow to command with him. Likely female units, but she is still mirroring Cass in that way. She may not become his true equal in terms of being Commander of the Night Court, but she would still be his partner. He will still be able to strategize with her, the two working together to determine where each unit will go. He will command the Illyrians, and by his side she will command the Valkyries. And he can come home, at the end of the day, and tell her everything about his day.

It's this last piece that I want to really dig into, because that is what separates Rhys and Cassian's relationships from others we have seen, in my opinion, and thus that is what Az wants. It's not just a mate, he wants what his brothers have, a true partner who he can fully share his life with. Because that is what makes their relationships so special.

And, in the end, I do not believe Elain can be that for him.

I am not trying to discredit Elain, or say that she is simple, or that she can't do anything but garden and be a housewife. No. That is not my point. I do think, however, that what it would entail to be a true partner to Az is something she does not want to do. And that is okay! It is okay for her to want to garden and bake. It's okay to not wish to be involved in all of the plotting and planning and little missions and quests that the Inner Circle does. It's okay to not want to train. To be happy as you are.

But she can't do both. She can't be a true partner to Azriel and remain as she is. Now, perhaps she does want more, and I have misread her. It's possible, I am not infallible. However, she hasn't ever truly shown us anything that tells me otherwise. And, no, I don't believe her offering to find the Dread Trove in Silver Flames counts as I don't believe she offered to do so out of the goodness of her heart or because she wanted to do it. I believe she wanted to prove Nesta wrong. (Again, you can see this in my previous post.) So, to be a true partner to Azriel, she may have to change everything that she is. And that's not fair to her.

And, even if I am way off on a lot of this. Even if she does want to do more for the Night Court. There is one thing that we have learned about Elain:

She does not wish to fight, she does not wish to train.

I'm sorry, you can't convince me otherwise. Not when she has had ample opportunity to do so in the year, year and a half since Hybern, and still hasn't. It was different with Nesta, who was dealing with a lot of other things, but Elain has been, for the most part, fairly healthy. Her not training is her choice because of who she is.

Again, this is okay! I am not insulting Elain for this, not at all. I get it. I don't particularly love working out - the main exercise I get is from rock climbing twice a week, that's it. So I get it. However, you cannot work with Azriel and not be trained, not know how to fight. Even if Elain could be silent, or infiltrate courts easily, and learn secrets, you need those skills, even if it's just a fallback to ensure you can escape should something go wrong. But it also helps to understand these types of things, to understand battle and politics and everything else. It's not about whether she can do this, it's about whether she wants to do this, and I'm not sure she does. So she would either have to change who she is, and be unhappy to become Az's partner, or she wouldn't be able to be that. And, admittedly, if she were unhappy, he still wouldn't have what his brothers have.

However, on top of that, I also don't know if Azriel would let Elain be his true partner. Think about when they're at dinner, talking about how Nesta needs to scry, and how they'll have to rely on Elain if she doesn't - what Azriel says.

“There is an innate darkness to the Dread Trove that Elain should not be exposed to.”

Sidebar - I've not seen anyone talk about how Cassian was absolutely in the right for defending Nesta. So I did. You can see my soap box here.

Now, back to the point. This is one example of how Az is constantly trying to protect Elain from, well, kinda everything. So, even if Elain did want to do all of those things, would Az even be okay with it? He obviously can't stop her from training or anything like that - and if he tries should she ever want to, he's dead to me. But, would he really share his life with her? Tell her about those 'unspeakable things that sullied his hands far beyond their scars'? I don't believe he would. I don't believe he could truly handle her working with him because, again, he has put her on this pedestal of beauty and grace and goodness (that she may not have). And the things he does are not good, at least not by his standards. He wouldn't be able to truly include her until he started to look at her as her own person again, which I also don't see happening. And, even then, he still wouldn't want to share with her all he'd done, believing her likely to judge those things, to be too pure to even hear about them. Regardless of whether that is true or not about Elain, it would hinder him from being able to have a true partner in her. When Azriel comes home at night, he would not tell her everything about his day.

Love Yourself, Az

This, I know for a fact, is not a new revelation. I have seen a lot about this, and have seen some posts that even helped me along with this as well, but I can't not address Az's shadows. I would link to the first post I saw about this but, admittedly, I can't find it. So, just know, I'm not the only one thinking this, and I recognize that some of this may come off as similar to others, but I couldn't not talk about this because it just feels so important.

Elain sucked in a soft breath that whispered over his skin. His shadows skittered back at the sound. They'd always been prone to vanish when she was around.

It wasn't until the Azriel POV chapter that I fully understood what lay behind the fact that Az's shadows would retreat around Elain, when we get a direct comparison to how they react to Gwyn's breath:

"How was the party?" Her breath curled in front of her mouth, and one of his shadows darted out to dance with it before twirling back to him. Like it heard some silent music.

Before this, I didn't realize how bad a sign it is, for his shadows to retreat. I just thought they did that when he was around someone he was attracted to, almost as a sense that the other person lightened him up. But, with this comparison, and in general what we see from Az when around Elain, I see just how wrong I was. His shadows hiding isn't a sign of him lightening up - no, it's a sign of him retreating more into himself, trying to be something that he isn't around that person, in the hopes that they'll accept him if he is.

In the end, it's toxic.

He can't be who he truly is around Elain. That's not something that will lead to a healthy, happy relationship. He may have the girl he thinks he wants, but he won't have the relationship we all know he is desperate for. Whereas, around Gwyn, we see his shadows reach out to another person, jump out, dance with her breath, sing to her. He is able to fully embrace who he is around her. He will be able to be himself with her, love himself with her. And whether or not Gwyn is the right person to him, what this tells us is that Elain can't be that person. That she, like Mor, would be toxic to Az.

On top of that, I can't not point out the word usage here.

While I did observe this on my own, I am not the first to point it out - pagesofmoonlight talks about this in detail, about the usage of the term 'skittered' in regards to how the shadows retreat from Elain. It's not just a general hiding, or even a 'lightening' of Az, as I once thought. It's a gut reaction to her, her breath. They run from her. When I read that word, I literally picture a wave of something, and the shadows seeing it and running from it in fear.

Similarly, in comparison, with Gwyn's breath, the shadows 'darted' out to it. That, also, is not just a general they reached out to it for warmth or contact. Now, they darted - that is a very quick move, often done with a need or desire to get to where you're going as quickly as possible. The shadows needed or wanted to be with that breath, so they darted to it.

Like I said, this post isn't meant to be promoting one ship over Elain and Azriel. But what Gwyn provides here is a comparison, is a sign of what could and should be, whether with her or another person. Even if she isn't endgame, she shows us this problem between Elain and Azriel.

Home is Where You Shine

This entire post, which has become MASSIVE, has been very focused on Azriel, and why Elain is not right for him. But I want to touch on a reason why Az isn't right for Elain.

Azriel is a part of the Night Court. It is his home. It is where he belongs. He fits here, it is right for him. He can and does fine here. I don't think anyone can deny this. But Elain - she does not.

First, let's look at when Nesta is in the Spring Court.

Nesta’s throat constricted, and she surveyed the swaying cherry blossoms overhead. Elain would love this place. So many flowers, all in bloom, so much green—the light, vibrant green of new grass—so many birds singing and such warm, buttery sunshine. Nesta felt like a storm cloud standing amid it all. But Elain … The Spring Court had been made for someone like her.

I'm not saying Elain will end up in the Spring Court, but I do believe it is telling that Nesta would think about another court this way. We've not, to my recollection, really ever seen another character think about how well someone would fit in a different court. Feyre did, if I remember correctly, mention enjoying other courts at times, thinking they were beautiful, but never did she think about how right someone within her court would be in a different court. Because no one else in the Inner Circle would fit so well in another court. For whatever reason it is, everyone else is perfectly suited for the Night Court, and they can handle it.

It takes a lot to be a part of the Night Court. The masks they all wear, the reputation they have, the responsibilities that fall on their shoulders. It's not an insult or an attack on any character to say that they may not fit there, that they may be more in tune with the beauty of Spring, the warmth of Summer, the light of Day. And Elain, who is gentle and kind and not one to pretend to be what she isn't - likely because she's never felt the need to - I can understand how it would be hard.

Secondly, and I know it's a point of contention, and a well-discussed piece of Silver Flames, but I do want to talk about the Solstice Ball, and Cassian's observations.

Elain in black was ridiculous. Yes, she was beautiful, but the color of her long-sleeved, modest gown leeched the brightness from her face. It wore her, rather than the other way around. And he knew the cruelty of the Hewn City troubled her. But she hadn’t hesitated to come. When Feyre had offered to let her remain home, Elain had squared her shoulders and declared that she was a part of this court—and would do whatever was needed. So Elain had let her golden-brown hair down tonight, and pinned it back with twin combs of pearl. He’d never once in the two years he’d known her found Elain to be plain, but wearing black, no matter how much she claimed to be part of this court … It sucked the life from her.

I will try not to go too far into the information about Elain in the black dress, as it's been discussed a lot from both sides, though I do think it is telling, because Cassian isn't just saying it's the one dress. It's very specific about how Elainin black was ridiculous, not that dress. It may seem shallow, but in the end, black is a crucial color in the Night Court, and that type of symbolism is often used to depict things just like this. It would not be the first time, and it certainly won't be the last that a writer uses color this way. However, I have seen a number of posts about this, on both sides, and I do understand both arguments, even if I disagree with one because I don't think it's meant to just be a skewed POV.

I would like to note, however, that the main argument I've seen is that there was once another time Elain was described in a dress that did little to complement her, but it's a very different description. That other time, it's mentioned specifically that the dress and color/shade of the dress did little to complement her 'sallow skin'. First of all, this is specifically discussing how the color didn't work with her skin, not how the color 'drained the life out of her'. Secondly, I would say it is very important to note that 'sallow' means "of a sickly, yellowish or lightish brown color". It is not discussing her skin as it typically is, but how it is when she was in the midst of her own depression after becoming High Fae. It's not that the dress didn't complement her, it's just that it didn't help make her skin look better than the sickly state it was currently in. Whereas, in this reflection, Elain is healthy, and still the black is draining her. Not the dress, not the shade - black. Point blank.

It's also important to recognize that this isn't meant to insult Elain, I believe it is a symbol of how she doesn't shine in the Night Court, how this court could potentially 'suck the life out of her'. Yes, it's just a dress. Yes, there's a chance they wanted her to look plain, but I don't believe that.

They were always going to have Nesta dance with Eris, and they all knew that, despite Elain's beauty, and no matter how lovely she looked, Eris would gravitate to Nesta. He'd already shown interest in her, he'd already become intrigued. He looked at Elain first, I believe, to get a look at his brother's mate. Because he wasn't looking at Elain with interest. No, it was an 'assessing gaze'. There was no reason to make Elain look plain. In fact, there was every reason to make sure she looked just as beautiful as Nesta. Think about what Cassian said just before this:

Both sisters wore black. Both walked behind Rhys and Feyre, a silent indicator that they were a part of the royal family. Had mighty powers of their own. They’d planned it that way, wanting Eris to see for himself how valuable Nesta was.

Why would they want her to look plain, considering this? They wanted Nesta and Elain to walk in the procession behind Feyre and Rhys, as a sign, a symbol. Yes, they wanted Eris to see and understand how valuable Nesta was, as it is said, but they didn't want Elain to look any less valuable. First, doing so would have made Nesta look less valuable by comparison. But, on top of that, I highly doubt they had any fears that Eris would prefer Elain - if they believed Eris about Lucien, then I think they'd believe that Eris wouldn't wish to take away his brother's mate. In fact, I imagine Eris would more likely help Lucien with Elain - but, that just be my Eris stan status coming out.

What is clear is that it was purposeful that they put both Nesta and Elain in black, as a symbol that they are a part of this family. My guess is that they found a dress for Elain that did her the most justice, and that she was comfortable wearing but, in the end, black just doesn't work on her. And is that fact not telling when that is the color of the family?

While this was in draft mode, I also found this post from yazthebookish, who goes deeper into this, and how it wasn't just Cassian who observed how ridiculous Nesta looked in black. So, for those who want to talk about how it is a skewed perspective, there were actually three that made this observation, and I absolutely agree that SJM wouldn't shove this in there solely to say that they purposefully tried to make sure Nesta outshone Elain. As they pointed out, Nesta is gorgeous in her own right. Cassian met her and Elain together, and he was instantly drawn to Nesta. As I mentioned earlier, Eris has been intrigued by her since long before this - see the High Lords meeting in ACOWAR. Helion would gladly get into her leathers, and while I'm aware that's not saying much, his focus on her is slightly higher than you see it on others he would also slide into bed with. She doesn't need Elain to dull herself down to shine.

I also think the one observation about how the black 'wore her' matters. It makes me wonder more about this court, both the general Night Court, and the people in the Inner Circle. Is the court wearing her? Is it sucking the life out of her? Is this why we don't see as much spine from Elain? We got some in this book, but it was all in an attempt to prove she belongs to this court. Something she feels the need to do, as we see in Cassian's reflection:

When Feyre had offered to let her remain home, Elain had squared her shoulders and declared that she was a part of this court—and would do whatever was needed.

…but wearing black, no matter how much she claimed to be part of this court … It sucked the life from her.

First of all, just quickly, I want to mention the ellipses before it says 'it sucked the life from her', and what came right before that. Is Cassian talking about the black? Or is he talking about being a part of this court? I don't have the answer, just food for thought.

I can't help but notice that Elain seems to feel the need to constantly prove, declare, and claim that she is part of this court. She has to push her way through, and while I know it's in part because so many people try to protect her, I think it's more than that. I believe Elain wants to be a part of the Night Court, but in the end it's not suited to her, and so she has to force her way in, when even Nesta, who everyone has been so displeased with, manages to fall in much easier. It's not because they don't like Elain, that's obvious. I believe it's because, in the end, they all see it.

It reminds me a lot of Tywin Lannister's quote from GoT (TV series, I won't read the books until George RR Martin finishes them):

Any man who must say, "I am the King", is no true king.

Could you not adjust this to: "Any person who must say, 'I am part of this court', is not truly part of this court."

I don't think Nesta has once said that. Feyre, maybe, but not in the same way as much as in letting certain people outside the court know. But, to have to say that within the court - it signifies that either you, yourself, don't believe yourself part of the court, or that maybe you aren't truly. Or that you are, but you recognize that maybe it's not the right fit, even if you really want it to be.

In the end, while I don't think Elain can't fit or find a nice life in the Night Court, the final point is that she doesn't shine in the Night Court. And that's not the same as saying she fully doesn't belong. But, shouldn't home be a place where you shine? Where you can be everything you are, and it is absolutely right? Isn't that what Nesta found in Silver Flames, in the House, with Cassian, and Gwyn, and Emerie,…and the House? She didn't have to be anything other than who she was, with any of them, and she still found a place that not only provided her comfort, but where she could truly shine. And she's found it in the Night Court, as well.

Elain hasn't. And maybe that's just because we haven't seen her story play out yet. I'm not so stuck up to believe there's no way I could be wrong. In fact, what bugs me the most about a lot of posts around these different beliefs is the use of 'when' instead of 'if', because no one wants to admit that, at this point in time, no matter what side you're on, it very much is an 'if'. None of us know what SJM has planned. All we can do is use the information we've been given to make as educated a guess as possible. This is mine, and SJM may prove me completely wrong, and that's okay. She may end up giving Elain a more similar arc to Nesta, and show how she develops and grows into someone who flourishes in the Night Court with Az by her side, and should she do that, I hope it's in a way I can understand and not something poorly developed and difficult to grasp.

A Mate is A Mate is A Mate

I won't talk too much about how she and Azriel aren't mates and how that automatically means they couldn't work. It could, in concept. I won't address the theories about her ending up with multiple mates. I do not agree with these theories, as they conflict with the canon we have. Until SJM puts out canon information that can explain a contradiction to what we've been given, any theory that truly contradicts the canon provided I will not consider, whether I like it or not. Multiple mates is not a thing. Being able to sever the mating bond so that someone can have a new mate is not a thing. I do recognize that females can reject the mating bond, and I am not saying whether or not I think Elain should or shouldn't do this with Lucien. Nor am I saying that having a story where someone does reject the mating bond to see how that plays out wouldn't be great.

I will point out, however, that it is often discussed as a thing females do. Females reject the mating bond. Males who have a female that rejected the mating bond grow incredibly uncomfortable, and they truly struggle.

...there will always be a ... tug. For the females, it is usually easier to ignore, but the males ... It can drive them mad.

I'm not going to include all the stuff about males thinking their mate belongs to them. Grow up, Prythian. Get with the program. But, considering this, considering the other pieces we get, I do not know if a male can be with another person, truly, in a loving relationship if he has a mate. Maybe one day, years and years and years after the rejection. Or maybe, if his mate doesn't fit his preferences - if that is a thing (and honestly, we don't yet know the status of same-sex mates, but if they are a thing - please let them be - then I have a harder time believing that those who have specific preferences would end up in a mating pair with the wrong gender).

I am not saying this to say that Elain and Lucien should be together. I am saying this because, considering all these things, right now, canon information essentially tells us that, should Az find his mate, he will go to her, need to be around her. Think about Cassian when Feyre asked why he bothers with Nesta:

Because I can't stay away.

Think about how Lucien couldn't help but try to find Elain, despite direct orders of being told not to. Or about how the second Rhys heard Feyre say 'no' in her mind to Tamlin, he was there to take her away. They just can't help it. The mating bond has a stronger pull on males.

And, maybe Az would be able to deny the bond. To reject it himself, who knows. But, based on everything we've been told, that would be incredibly difficult. And, considering how much he wants what his brothers have, would he want to?

Obviously, there is reason to believe Az does have a mate, and we've met her. And I know some people disagree with this. I would be interested to hear any theories about why he and Gwyn aren't mates, so long as they don't involve Elain. It's not that I have anything against her, it's just that those arguments don't actually point to Gwyn and Az not being mates, just that the person believes Elain and Az belong together regardless, which is not an argument for why they're not mates. But if there are any reasons or signs found in the books and canon information that distinctly point against Gwyn and Az being mates, then I'm open to hearing those points. And, as I mentioned, I do not entertain any canon-conflicting theories, such as the multiple mates one.

As it stands, though, I do think we have been directed toward the idea that Gwyn and Az are mates, and can believe that the mating bond will snap into place. Once it does, I have a hard time believing Az will actually be able to stay away. And that, even if Gwyn ends up rejecting that bond, I don't know that he'll be able to be with Elain after it, knowing Elain isn't his first choice.

Final Thoughts

Like I said earlier, I'm not against Elain rejecting the mating bond, or anyone doing so. I will say this, though - how much more powerful would it be to have someone reject the mating bond not because they wish to be with someone else, but just because they do not wish to be with that person? Is it not more empowering to see a female (or male, if they can do it) choose to be single, and live their life as they are solely because they just do not wish to be with that person? Instead of it being more of an, 'well, it's just, I'd rather be with him'. Sadly, I do not think Elain is set up to be that person. Gwyn could, potentially, be, though I'll admit I don't believe it, considering the attention Gwyn pays to him. But I do think it's worth noting that, in my opinion, the mating bond can be rejected even if there is not another male in the picture.

However, despite all the questions and uncertainties, until we get answers, this is my personal view, based on what I've seen in the books, and how I've interpreted it. I personally feel that, regardless of who I hope ends up with whom, SJM has placed a number of clues and hints to show that Elain and Azriel aren't meant to be together, that they wouldn't be right together. And that, if they were to be together, the relationship would likely be unhealthy, and potentially toxic.

---------------------

This post is also not meant to insult or attack Elain in any way, nor Azriel. Nor am I trying to insult or attack those who ship them together. We are all welcome to our own opinions. I promise to respect yours, please respect mine.

#acotar #acomaf #acowar #acofas #acosf #sarah j mass #azriel #elain archeron #nesta archeron #cassian #feyre archeron #rhysand #gwyn berdara #lucien #gwynriel #elucien #anti elriel

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captainninej · 2 years

Note

How do you feel about the ship war/discourse that appear on that anti tag?

The whole pro/anti elriel and pro/anti gwynriel thing.

hey!

honestly, i couldn't care less lol

i think ship wars in any fandom get far more intense and ugly than they have any right to be. but with these two, it's both funny and fascinating to me how passionate people are about ships we literally have nothing about. like. to the point they're bullying and harassing people over them.

i think people like to project themselves onto characters like azriel and gwyn and elain, because these characters (with perhaps the exception of gwyn) are so underdeveloped it's laughable. it's been five books with elain and four with azriel and we still barely know anything about them. we don't know what their motivations are, we don't know their goals, their dreams, their growth - so there's literal crumbs to go on to decide whether or not they would be good for each other in a relationship.

i could not give a single fuck who azriel ends up with because really i don't care for his character, especially after that bonus chapter in acosf. if anything, after that i want to keep all women away from them because the way he thinks about them is so disgusting.

i do find it irritating that the ship wars leak over into the anti tag just because sometimes they get so petty and stupid, but i do think most of that comes from the immaturity of the source material both ships come from and the knowledge that no matter the 'hints' people find for either relationship, sjm will ultimately go for the most boring, toxic route which imo will likely be elriel since cassian is with nesta and rhysand is with feyre.

again, stans and antis being more creative than the author lol

#anti sjm #anti elriel #anti gwynriel #anti azriel

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gimme-mor · 3 years

Text

ACOTAR THINK PIECE: ELAIN AND THE CONCEPT OF CHOICE

*DISCLAIMER*

Please take the time to read this post in its entirety and truly reflect on the message I am trying to send before commenting. My goal is to use my background in Gender and Women’s Studies to deconstruct the behaviors and comments I have seen on Tumblr and Twitter, and, more importantly, bring awareness to the ACOTAR fandom. I WILL NOT tolerate anyone who tries to twist my words and say I am attacking people and their personal shipping preferences. In fact, I AM CRITIQUING THE ARGUMENTS THEMSELVES NOT THE PEOPLE USING THE ARGUMENTS.

As someone who has been a long time lurker on all sides of the ACOTAR fandom, the growing toxicity and hostility has become more apparent to the point that civil discourse is, for the most part, entirely lost. More times than not, the cause of the communication breakdown centers around Elain and the relationships she has with those around her. Before and after the release of ACOSF, I’ve noticed that when the fandom expresses its opinions about Elain and her development as a character, whether in a romantic light or generally, the conversation wholly hinges on the concept of choice. Common examples I’ve seen include:

Elain has been stripped of her choice for a majority of her life

Elain should be able to make her own choices

The King of Hybern took away Elain’s choice to be human when he had her tossed into the Cauldron

Elain did not choose the mating bond for herself, instead it was forced upon her

Elain feels pressured to choose Lucien

Elain should have the choice to stray away from what is expected of her

Elain and Azriel being together represents a different and stronger type of love because she’s choosing to be with him

If you ship Elucien, you’re not Pro-Elain because you’re taking away Elain’s right to choose who she wants to be with and forcing her to accept the mating bond

Elain chose to accept Azriel’s advances in the bonus chapter

When Rhysand called Azriel away after catching him and Elain together, Elain was stripped of her choice to be sexually intimate with Azriel

When Azriel and Rhysand are talking in the bonus chapter, Elain’s choices aren’t at the center of their conversation

If you suggest that Elain should leave the Night Court, you’re stripping Elain of her choice to remain with her family

If you suggest that Elain should be friends with someone else, you’re ignoring Elain’s choice to be friends with Nuala and Cerridwen

Why is the concept of choice exclusively tied to Elain and everything surrounding her character while simultaneously ignoring that other characters in the ACOTAR series have, to varying degrees, been stripped of their choices at some point in their lives? And why isn’t the concept of choice connected to these characters in the same way that it is connected to Elain? For example:

Did the High Lords strip Feyre of her choice to consent when they turned her into a High Fae?

Did Tamlin and Ianthe strip Feyre of her choice to consent when they started to control every aspect of her life in the Spring Court?

Was Vassa stripped of her choice when the other Mortal Queens sold her to Koschei, which resulted in her being cursed to turn into a firebird?

Was Feyre stripped of her choice to know the risks involved in the pregnancy?

Did the King of Hybern strip Nesta of her choice to be human when he had her tossed into the Cauldron?

Was everyone stripped of their choices under Amarantha’s rule?

Was Feyre stripped of her choice to just be a daughter and a sister when the Archeron family failed to contribute to their survival, which resulted in Feyre being the family’s sole provider?

Did Lucien’s family strip him and Jesminda of their choice to be together when they killed her because of her status as a Lesser Faerie?

Are Illyrian females stripped of their choice to consent when their wings are clipped?

Did the Hybern general strip Gwyn of her choice to consent?

Did Ianthe strip Lucien of his choice to consent?

Did Keir strip Mor of her choice to consent to her engagement to Eris?

Universally, femininity is synonymous with weakness and women often face discrimination because the patriarchy is part of an interactive system that perpetuates women’s oppression. Since the ACOTAR universe is set up to mirror a patriarchal society, it’s clear that the imbalance of power between males and females stems from sexism. The thing that sets Elain apart from other female characters in the ACOTAR series is the fact that SJM has portrayed Elain as a traditionally feminine character based on her actions and the ways in which Elain carries herself. Compared to them, Elain is inherently held to a different standard because her femalehood takes precedence over other aspects of her character in fandom discussions. These conversations indirectly place Elain on a pedestal and hail her as the epitome of traditional femininity; and when her character is criticized in any way, it’s seen as a direct attack against women, specifically women who are traditionally feminine. Also, these conversations fall back on Elain’s femaleness when analyzing her character since it can be assumed from a reader’s perspective that Elain, despite being the middle sibling, is coddled by those around her because her ultra-feminine nature is perceived as a sort of weakness in need of protection. However, the fact that the concept of choice is used as an argument to primarily focus on Elain’s femalehood highlights the narrow lens through which Elain, as a character, is viewed. It implies that Elain’s femaleness is all her character has to offer to the series overall and insinuates that Elain’s character development is dependent on her femaleness. To suggest, through the choice argument, that ACOTAR’s patriarchal society constrains Elain’s agency and prevents her from enacting her feminist right to choose while failing to examine the patriarchal structure of the ACOTAR universe and its impact on the female characters in the series, the choice argument ultimately falls apart because it shows that it’s only used to focus on Elain’s femalehood. Furthermore, the implication that Elain’s right to choose is, in itself, a feminist act in the series indicates that the concept of choice as an argument is used to promote choice feminism.

Feminism is a social movement that seeks to promote equality and equity to all genders, and feminists work toward eradicating gender disparities on a macro-level, in addition to challenging gender biases on a micro-level. Historically, feminism prioritized the voices of white women, specifically white women who were cisgender, able-bodied, affluent, educated, and heterosexual. But over the decades, the inclusion of women of color and other marginalized women’s voices has broadened the scope of feminism and caused it to take an intersectional approach when discussing social identities and the ways in which these identities result in overlapping systems of oppression and discrimination. On the other hand, choice feminism, a form of feminism, greatly differs from what feminism is aiming to accomplish. In the article “It’s Time to Move Past Choice Feminism”, Bhat states:

“Choice feminism can be understood as the idea that any action or decision that a woman takes inherently becomes a feminist act. Essentially, the decision becomes a feminist one because a woman chose it for herself. What could this look like? It could really be anything. Wearing makeup is a feminist act. Not wearing it is also a feminist act. Shaving or not shaving. Watching one TV show over another. Choosing a certain job over another. Listening to one artist over another. Picking a STEM career. Choosing to dress modestly or not. The list goes on. At first glance, there does not seem to be an apparent negative consequence of choice feminism. A woman’s power is within her choices, and those choices can line up with a feminist ideology. For example, a woman’s decision not to shave may be her response to Western beauty standards that are forced onto women. Not shaving may make her feel beautiful, comfortable, and powerful, and there is nothing wrong with that. Women making choices that make them feel good is not the issue. The issue lies in calling these decisions feminist ones. Choice feminism accompanies an amalgamation of problems‒the first being that this iteration of feminism operates on faulty assumptions about said choices. Liberal feminism neglects the different realities that exist for different women‒especially the difference between white women and women of color, transgender women and cis women, etc. Not all women have the same circumstance and access to choices, not all choices made by women are treated equally, and not all choices are inherently feminist” (https://www.34st.com/article/2021/01/feminism-choice-liberal-patriarchy-misogyny-bimbo-capitalism).

Just as white feminism ignores intersectionality and refuses to acknowledge the discriminations experienced by women of color, choice feminism and arguments supporting choice feminism have, by default, made the concept of choice exclusionary. The individualization of choice feminism glorifies the act of a woman making an individual choice and, by extension, gives the illusion that women’s liberation from gendered oppression can be achieved by enacting their rights to make personal, professional, and political choices. Herein lies the problem with choice feminism: it (the argument of “But it’s my choice!”) stifles feminist conversations from exploring the depths and intricacies of the decision making process because it’s used as a way to shut communication down entirely, shield arguments from criticism, and condemn those who criticize choice feminism for its disconnection from a larger feminist framework. Contrary to what choice feminism advocates for, it lulls the feminist movement into complacency because women’s individual choices do nothing to alleviate gendered oppression. Choice feminism’s leniency towards choice fails to address the limitations of choice in regards to women’s intersectional identities and enables society to shift the blame of women’s oppression away from the societal and institutional structures in place to women themselves for making the wrong choices that ultimately resulted in their circumstances. Choice is not always accessible to every woman. For instance, choices made by white women are, in some way, inaccessible to women of color, in the same way that choices made by cisgender women are inaccessible to transgender women. Choice is one of the founding concepts of the feminist movement and it “became a key part of feminist language and action as an integral aspect and rallying call within the fight for reproductive rights‒the right to choose whether or not we wanted to get pregnant and to choose what we wanted for our bodies and lives” (https://www.feministcurrent.com/2011/03/11/the-trouble-with-choosing-your-choice/). When choice, in a feminist context, is framed as something that is solely about the individual as opposed to the collective, the feminist foundation on which it stands “leads to an inflated sense of accomplishment while distracting from the collective action needed to produce real change that would have a lasting effect for the majority of women” (https://www.jacobinmag.com/2017/03/i-am-not-feminist-jessa-crispin-review/).

By linking the choice argument with choice feminist rhetoric and extreme acts of progressiveness, it plays into today’s negative understanding of a social justice warrior and normalizes fake wokeness. In its original conception, a social justice warrior was another way to refer to an activist and had a positive connotation; nowadays, the term carries a negative connotation and is:

“. . . a pejorative term for an individual who repeatedly and vehemently engages in arguments on social justice on the Internet, often in a shallow or not well-thought-out way, for the purpose of raising their own personal reputation. A social justice warrior, or SJW, does not necessarily strongly believe all that they say, or even care about the groups they are fighting on behalf of. They typically repeat points from whoever is the most popular blogger or commenter of the moment, hoping that they will ‘get SJ points’ and become popular in return. They are very sure to adopt stances that are ‘correct’ in their social circle” (https://fee.org/articles/how-the-term-social-justice-warrior-became-an-insult/).

Today’s perception of the term social justice warrior is directly tied to fake wokeness because both are performative in nature, fueled by the drive to be seen as progressive, and derail necessary conversations from taking place by prioritizing toxicity. According to the article titled, “Three signs of fake ‘wokeness’ and why they hurt activism”, it states:

“. . . social media did not create activism: it did, however, create a legion of hashtags and accounts dedicated to issues . . . Sadly, fake woke people will use these hashtags or create these accounts, see that as contributing to a cause, and just call it a day; these same people tend to shame those without the same level of interest or devotion to a given cause . . . Ironically, as open-minded as the fake woke claim to be, they struggle to deal with opposition. More often than not, those who fit the fake woke bill will ignore, misconstrue, or shutdown anything remotely opposing their stances . . . Now yes, human nature often leads us to possess a bias against that which contradicts our views, but human nature should not serve as an excuse for irrational behavior. Opposition to our stances on issues helps activists more than it harms: it allows them to look at the causes they champion from a perspective they possibly ignored before, further enlightening them. More importantly, by discovering information that may refute what they believe, they can find and eliminate any flaws in their reasoning and strengthen their arguments. Activism involves opening up to change, something one stuck in an echo chamber can never achieve” (https://nchschant.com/16684/opinions/three-signs-of-fake-wokeness-and-why-they-hurt-activism/).

Rather than critiquing ideas, thoughts, and theories about Elain and her character development with textual evidence, the concept of choice as an argument is used to silence opposing viewpoints. This is similar to choice feminism because the conversations start and end with the concept of choice, leaving no room for a critical analysis of Elain’s character. Although the concept of choice as an argument is intended to shed light on how ACOTAR’s patriarchal structure limits females’ agency to some degree, the fact that it’s only applied to Elain invalidates the point of the argument because it doesn’t include the experiences of other female characters when examining the impact of sexism in the ACOTAR universe. The failure to do so calls the intent of the choice argument into question. As it stands, the concept of choice as an argument frames Elucien shippers and those who are critical of Elain as woman haters, misogynists, and anti-feminists, especially if they identify as women. The belief that a woman is anti-feminist or a woman hater any time she dislikes another woman suggests that women have to be held to a different emotional standard than men. If men are able to dislike other individual men without their characters being compromised, why can’t women? Feminism and what it means to be a feminist do not require women to like every woman they encounter. One of the many things feminism hopes to accomplish is granting women the same emotional privileges afforded to men.

Terms like “oppression”, “the right to choose”, “feminist”, “feminism”, “anti-feminist”, “anti-feminism”, “internalized misogyny”, “misogyny”, “misogynist”, “sexist”, “sexism”, “racist”, “racism”, “classist”, “classism”, “discrimination”, and “patriarchy” are all used in specific ways to draw attention to the plight of marginalized people and challenge those who deny the existence of systems of oppression. Yet these words and their meanings can be twisted to attack, exclude, and invalidate people with differing opinions on any given topic. When social justice and feminist terms are thrown around antagonistically and carelessly to push a personal agenda, it becomes clear that these terms are being used to engage in disingenuous discourse and pursue personal validation rather than being used out of any deep-seated conviction to dismantle systemic oppression. The personal weaponization of social justice and feminist concepts is a gateway for people who oppose these movements to strip these terms of their credibility in order to delegitimize the societal and institutional impacts on marginalized people.

It’s important to question how an argument is framed and why it’s framed the way that it is to critically examine the intent behind that argument: is it used as a tool to push a personal agenda that reinforces dismissive, condescending, and problematic behaviors, or is it used as an opportunity to share, learn, enlighten, and educate? The concept of choice as an argument is extremely problematic because: it limits fruitful discussions about Elain within the fandom; enables arguments that oppose opinions about Elain and her narrative development to masquerade as progressive by pushing social justice and feminist language to their extremes; normalizes the vilification and condemnation of individuals who are either critical of a ship, Elain as a character, or prefer her with Lucien; encourages an in-group and out-group mentality with differing opinions about Elain’s development resulting in politically charged insults; exploits social justice and feminist terms; ignores that harm done on a micro-level is just as damaging as harm done on a macro-level; and cheapens Elain’s character and her development.

There is more to Elain than her being a female who is traditionally feminine. Elain has the potential to be as complex of a character as Feyre, Nesta, Rhysand, Lucien, Cassian, Azriel, Amren, and Mor, and to reduce her character to her femalehood in fandom discussions is a disservice to Elain as a character, the ACOTAR fandom, and SJM’s writing. So I ask this: is there a reason why the fandom heavily emphasizes the concept of choice when discussing Elain that goes beyond a simplistic analysis of her as a character (i.e. using the concept of choice as an argument to reinforce Elain’s femaleness), or is the concept of choice used as a shield to prop up one ship over another?

gimme-mor library

#elucien #elain archeron #acosf #acotar: fandom critical

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