#but knowing something bad is happening

[lucy-bladeshield]

Can you imagine how terrified Aelwyn must be? Her baby sister and her dumb friends have just said the name of a dead god and the world went mad, and they went into the briefcase of the one named The Ball and the one with the dead god casted a ward of death on you. And now it's been who knows how long and spell after spell you try and cast won't open the briefcase?

#and gilear weeping over the case wanting his daughter back #and just not knowing what's happening in it #but knowing something bad is happening #and thats your little sister #the only one left in the world who truly understands you and loves you #fhjy spoilers #d20 fhjy #fantasy high junior year spoilers #fantasy high junior year #the bad kids #fhjy #fantasy high #like i dont see anyone else talking about those outside the briefcase #what if theyre stuck in there #and tracker?? shes probably distraught over wolfing out traumatically again and now her ex (who shes still into) is trapped in a suitcase #blade speaks

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[bigfatbreak]

Birds of a Feather previous / next

#my art #feralnette au #birds of a feather #long tags #sorry I went apeshit in the tags #LETS SAY IT ALL TOGETHER NOW #I - M - A - G - OOOOOOOOO #its fun drawing marinette's back to Alya and having her appear stout and unstoppable and totally logical #and then you see her face and she's like two seconds from completely snapping and is keeping it together by a thread #as a note just because mari feels very certainly abt smth doesnt mean she's right. feelings can be valid and also irrational #in the throes of grief she decided it was better to be alone than to lose someone again so she started pulling away #and lila made pulling away very very very easy to do #shes also vaguely aware she's being unfair in pinning this on alya which is why she started spinning the drain on cockmoth again #legitimately all the shit that's happened to her wouldn't have been so catastrophic if he was never in the picture and she knows it #but the bitterness of her bestie choosing a fantastic liar over her at the worst of times stiiiiiings #alya's personal timing was bad but lila really took advantage of the fact that marinette had been acting off and weird #she basically clocked marinette as being unstable from SOMETHING and made up a lie about her #knowing she wouldn't have the strength to defend herself #between her social life going tachy bc of lila and losing fu in a way that felt like personhood death marinette was really put on the spot #and alya doing her thing of busting in there and assuming her bias is correct was a terrible combo #essentially marinette is highly unstable and alya is just realizing that #busting in and giving her a lecture when she's slightly hysterical and definitely delirious from exhaustion is NOT the way #to show her she's self sabotaging #cuz thats just gonna make her double down on self sabotaging. bc marinette will not accept that she is also a CHIIIIILD

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

Lan Wangji Goes To Lotus Pier AU: Part 3: Enveloping Feelings.

(Part 1, Part 2, Part 4 (soon))

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #lan wangji #Yungmeng Jiang training arc AU #I wanted to try out a different paneling style for this one - sorry I'm a day late! (there will still be a post tomorrow to keep on track) #The original 3 panel comic idea was fine but the point of this new schedule was to take time to push myself a bit more. #I was taking a look back through some comic artists I felt inspired by #and I really loved how Lynda Barry fills her gutters with patterns and doodles! #Obviously I'm not going as absolutely wild with it as she does but it was a great exercise! #I truly think the gutters are the most important and most overlooked part of any comic. There's lots going on in that space. #It's the same with timeskips. The implied movement between moments that we don't see changes depending on how wide that gap is #You're here for the funny tags so here's some that ties this time talk together: #I think LWJ was thinking about that second note from day 2 but it took him 7 days of hazing to commit it to paper. #I think he sends it a day later and immediately regrets it. Chasing down the messenger and everything. #You know if something actually happened to his brother he would never ever forgive himself for putting the bad vibes out there. #Third time skip was the hardest because there was so many possible flavours of jokes here. Day 8/9 was a personal favourite. #day 14 was also funny (week by week). I think the debate on 'how long does lwj take to catch feelings' is more or less: #'how long does it take for him to arrive at a particular stage of grief and yearning (and awareness of it all) #This is a symphony. There is an act by act structure. Every day he is fighting to keep his old sensibilities. He is losing so badly. #(I'll be returning to the main comic soon but there is more of this AU to come!)

[turtleblogatlast]

I love Raph and haven’t said that enough so to be more specific I love that Raph is a soft boy who loves bear plushies, a gross boy who eats an assortment of things that are definitely better left alone, a smart boy who is more than capable of taking down villains through planning and fortitude alike, a strong boy who is dedicated to training his muscles and fighting prowess, a teenage boy who loves his brothers but is more than happy to tease and roughhouse with them, an angry boy who sometimes lets his anger take a hold of him to cover the fear, a gentle boy who is generous with hugs and affirmations to those he loves, a capable boy who takes on more than should ever be expected of a teenager, a good boy who just wants to be a hero and slowly comes to realize the cost of that duty, a good boy who has no reservations about putting himself in the way of harm coming to his family, a good boy who’s a great brother and son and person and deserves only the best the world has to offer.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt raph #rise raph #he’s so wonderful frfr #my poor boy is traumatized but still so proud of what they accomplished because they’re HEROES #what started as something fun - Saturday morning cartoon-like heroes vs villains esque - soon becomes his calling #and he loses himself a little along the way #because the world is TERRIFYING now #if they don’t do something about the bad things in the world then worse things will come #and Raph CARES too much to let it happen #even at the expense of his own happiness and youth #and he luckily reigns back that fear - knowing his family is there to keep an eye out with him #and he finally lets himself be a kid again #he’s very well rounded and his flaws are so good because (like the others) they are ALSO his strengths #I like how it’s softly implied that bears are his fav animal too bc that’s cute af #headcanon that he likes them so much because a stuffed bear was the first toy splinter managed to get Raph #but yeah one of my favorite things about tmnt is that the characters are well rounded and rottmnt exemplifies that immensely #with raph being no exception!! #amazing big brother and character #there’s a REASON in my tmnt main character tierlist he’s S tier!!!! #hot take but in terms of who should be leader I think it should be less who’s the better leader- #-and more who’s the better leader FOR THIS SPECIFIC MISSION #bc all four can be great leaders fight me on that #APRIL can as well 100% #doesn’t need a designated leader for them to succeed #they just need ~communication~ #one of my favorite things tying Raph and Leo together is that they both *hide* #I’ve talked about Leo’s many masks a lot but Raph has one too #and it’s the mask of a hero - the mask of the protector

[leon-anna]

Okay so there has been a shockingly small amount of Echo in this last season and I'm a little bit pissed. Don't get me wrong I've been loving every minute of it, BUT!!! I miss my Echo. I miss him. And honestly we have to rectify the situation, so here you go!

And obviously we couldn't not include our boi Tech, who is still alive by the way. We know he looks a bit different in Leon's art style, but that comes with trying to meld Tem's looks with the clone wars style and our own personal head cannons.

#star wars #tcw #swtcw #clone troopers #sw #clones #tbb tech #sw tbb #tbb fanart #tbb echo #the bad batch #anna talks #these boys #they probably are arguing about something stupid #love that for them #you know they both love to be correct 💯 #debates are bound to happen

[the-force-awakens]

Still not used to this life or death situation stuff. That's good, 'cause I'm not either. You never get used to it.

#swedit #starwarsedit #starwarsblr #star wars #poe dameron #flashing gif #nym.gifs #thinking about how in the stuff pre tfa he just. he wants to be a /pilot/ he wants to be a /soldier/ because he doesn't want to have to #carry the burden of the moral calls and the weight of so many people's lives in his hands #especially when strategies go /wrong/ #'point me at the bad guys and let me do my thing' #he works alone SO often. #and there's something so genuinely tragic that poe's just. /so/ good at what he does that he ends up catapulting himself into the position #that. he didn't want. #and the thing that /pushed/ him into joining the resistance to prevent from happening again (losing someone he cares about under his #command /keeps/ happening). and worse he ends up in these positions where he /could/ blame himself for things that /aren't/ his call. #like u know he's got to feel responsible for the village on some level not to mention fuckin /kijimi/ #it was /his/ idea to go there #the world should've protected you. instead you've been chosen to protect it. #what an honor. what an injustice. #not all of these fit this theme but mostly i just wanted to focus on his reaction/responses to some of the bigger tragedies in the trilogy #and tbh there's also. plenty more shots.

[tianhai03]

some re8 doodles ive done in the past two days

bonus: (featuring dante from the devil may cry series)

#drew that first two ethan doodles bc i saw a lot of people drawing him like that in fanart and i was talking to a friend abt it #they asked for some examples to look at but i couldnt find any so i decided to draw him myself lmao #then people on twitter liked it a lot and asked me to draw more re8 stuff so i figured yea why not #always fun to draw something different every now and then :) #anyway im still in the middle of watching a shadow of rose playthrough i cant wait to see whats gonna happen next #<already knows one of the biggest spoilers it has but still wants to see how emotionally painful the story is gonna be #resident evil #ethan winters #rosemary winters #chris redfield #alcina dimitrescu #karl heisenberg #allyart #cw // blood #forgor to tag the blood my bad

[thewisestdino]

Ivypool, #99

You go and I stay

It's always right person and wrong way

I hate to be right, please, tell me I'm wrong

Please, tell me I'm wrong

#ivypool #fernsong #bristlefrost #flipclaw #thriftear #spotifygame2023 #ms paint #warriors #warrior cats #my art #the thesis of this one is about how ivypool is a hardened character living in a soft world #and shes not used to it and it waiting for something bad to happen #she knows she should be settled with the family shes made but it just feels off : ( #and another trackpad one forgive the scratch ones

[regina-del-cielo]

Maybe it's a 'study finds water is wet' type of thought, but

considering it's an action movie whose overall plot is "immortal warriors Fuck Shit Up™️", I think it's significant that in The Old Guard the thing that makes Copley pull red strings through his Murder Conspiracy Board and say "[Merrick] doesn't care what [Andy]'s done with [her immortality]" is the people they save, not the ones they kill

Most of the Conspiracy Board is him circling random newspaper headlines and faces on old photographs to (more or less realistically) follow the immortals' treck through the world and big historical events. Which is, in-canon, not much different than putting portraits from different centuries next to a picture of Keanu Reeves and saying "they look the same, clearly Reeves is an immortal!"

But then there are the connections. A little girl holding Joe's hand in WW1 becoming the youngest (and first) woman to be awarded a Nobel Prize for Medicine (suck it, Kozak). Or the grandchild of a family that Andy saved from [something] helping people escape from the Khmer Rouge genocide in Cambodia.

They are warriors. They have fought and been in the midst of countless wars, major or minor, throughout history. They must have killed as many people as they saved... and yet.

It's not them taking out a random warlord or dictator or rabidly hateful politician that has tangible repercussions in history. It's the children and families they get out of war zones, save from accidents, protect from natural disasters. People to whom they give a second chance at life, and grow to change the world (or even just their own world), like a mysterious stranger once changed theirs just by holding out a hand or patching a wound.

I don't know I just think it's particularly neat

#my ponderings #the old guard #I know we all love to play the 'if you could go back in time and kill One Person who would it be' game #but I think a movie that makes it EXTREMELY SATISFYING to see the Bad Guys die - #- having 'actually the best and greatest changes happen when people help each other' as its underlying message... #it means something #I also think it connects to Andy feeling like nothing she does changes anything at the start of the movie #for 80% of her life you could Solve A Problem by Taking Out The Guy Causing The Problem #especially in battle! you kill the general and you win. if you win the Problem Is Solved #but then everything becomes More Complex. the Problems™️ are globalized and/or systemic. #and Winning a Battle means just killing people. it doesn't Stop The Problem (nor really end a war) #so it feels useless #and even when they save people... they can’t stay in people's lives for long because immortality #which means they can never know what happens to the people they save #they don't (and can't) have the full picture

[stuckinapril]

i’m literally so bad at telling stories bc midway through i’m always like “no one really gives a fuck about this” and i want to shut the fuck up. how do people do it

#this ALWAYS happens like i’ll be telling someone something and in the back of my mind i’m like do you even really care #logistically i think people do care but my assumption is always in bad faith idk why #i do really care but anyone who knows me knows i get very engaged in knowing what people are up to #which i don’t think is the default for most people #is this normal. is this anything #p

[erikkarlsson]

the 92 million dollar man answers the important questions in his return to san jose

#this happened a while ago but you know how it goes i can only resist the siren song for so long #erik karlsson #returning to my roots...if you want something done right you really do have to do it yourself #miss him so bad i actually cant do this

[alfairy]

They really dropped that on us and never elaborated on it again huh

#rottmnt #i wanna know what happened why does he do that #did something bad happened in the past????

[sorrelpaws]

no offense but i genuinely fear that their potential dynamic will go severely underutilized

#rick and morty #morty smith #prime rick #my biggest fear continues to be 'morty gets kidnapped by prime to bait c137' #because i think it could just. be so much more neat if morty and prime actually formed some kind of relationship independently. good OR bad #like idk imagine if morty is coaxed to join primes side out of some misguided attempt to protect his family #would sure be fitting for a character that clearly values his family and their safety idk!!! #and like. god imagine what morty mighjt think of prime #like he currently only has rick's perspective of prime. and obviously whether he wants to or not he sort of Has to rely on what rick says #idk imagine morty meets prime and hes like damn this dude is pretty cool. whether its because prime is putting on a deliberate act #or morty just Genuinely Thinks he's cool #ohhhhhhh imagine this is how they bring the morty mindwipe thing back. #prime would b like 'did you know c137 left the parts of you that disagree with him in a video game? isnt that fucked up morty' #theres just so much TO DOOO and im so terrified of NONE of this happening #bcs the writers seem to be physically incapable of prioritizing anyone but rick #LIKE GOD PLEASEEEE i know they only care abt the redditor audience BUT PLEASE do something ANYTHING with morty im about to start crying #went on a little rant lol sorry. can you tell i really like morty.

[coolnonsenseworld]

Samurai and Ninja in crappy pics because December here is under a constant cloud and I just want y'all to see them all golden and cute without learning how to take aesthetic pictures 🥴 💙❤️😆🥰

linktr.ee/Mezzy

#klance #can i tell everyone to look away before i write tags to someone privately lmao no? damn #anyway yes i meant music!! and thank you for sharing something!! #baking seems like a hyperfixation #like i know you said you baked once but then look at me #...i was thinking if i could make salads.... i gotta be medicore at least at one food thing #its a joke its a joke #i will one day get used to focusing on more complicated kitchen work than heating up meat or cooking things in salt and water #anyone else had trouble getting out of bed this december? #once i do i try to pick physical activities that dont require creative thinking because man #at the post office i had small talk with a lady waiting in line she didnt speak polish so u know me it happened #and she recommended light therapy lamp #im very tempted to try it becase i had record bad thoughts sleepless nights and jerking awake this month #it might be rooted in economic instability growing inflation costs of living and shitty working conditions while still trying to buy gifts? #but hey there are things we cant have control over and there are things we can #ive got winter wonderland comic coming though #i will try my best to speed-finish it as a christmas gift aight #i hope its going to be a nice thing!! #wow thats a long set of tags

[latenightsundayblues]

Billy's way of showing affection is a bit... Unorthodox.

(it will happen again)

Stu is probably way more pleased about the discovery than any other sane individual would be

#get yourself a bf that vehemently denies any connection to you but still breaks into your home to sit in a corner and stare at u in ur sleep #catboy coded #unrelated but I need to talk abt this #i just got a haircut and im like. fucking RABID about it #i finally look pretty in that masculine way if you know what i mean #im the guy you see exiting a starbucks that makes you instantly think “what a fruit” #im so fuckin happy im in tears I feel truly comfortable for the first time in a while #in other news I accidentally spilled green apple monster energy all over the pork I was about to eat #if I had a nickel for every time I mentioned something bad that happened to me related to monster energy #srry for rambling I just feel great about myself #scream 1996 #stuilly #billy loomis #stu macher #billy loomis x stu matcher #latenightsundayblues art tag