#but it's part of the process I suppose

[floating-in-waves]

So this is what they call mid-life crisis?! I'm not sure if I am early or late to the game. Is there even a timeline of when this shit hits? Is it the time in life when you find yourself again after dedicating yourself to raising children and satisfying some imaginary adult checklist? Is it grief because your children are at an age where they are not out of the nest yet, but you know it's coming. Is it when you realize how fast life can change at any given moment and you want to live just a little bit more. Middle fingers out and fuck the system?I don't know what the fuck this. It's thrilling

#my thoughts #journal shit #things I would never post #but it's part of the process I suppose

[rabbits-of-negative-euphoria]

hot take I think the sexes would be much happier if we just accepted each other as mysteries instead of constantly shaming one for not being more like the other.

like, personally, in my own life, the whole idea of romance & marriage became way more exciting and attractive when I ditched the notion that men are just bigger stronger women, or women are just smaller prettier men.

like. not only is it okay that men are from mars and women are from venus, it's good.

do I know what's going on in my guy friend's head? I used to think I did, but it turns out I don't. Turns out I've never known what was going through the heads of any of the men in my life. And you know what? what a relief. he can do or say things that don't make sense to me, and they don't have to make sense to me. I know he's a smart, good-hearted guy; I can safely assume he had a reason for saying or doing that thing. And if I listen to him over time, I may even start to understand what that reason was. But I don't have to. What I can recognize instead is that each sex has a wisdom in their way of thinking and doing which befits given situations. More often than not, a situation requires both.

But you simply can't get both from one person, and you shouldn't demand it. And what a relief knowing my guy friend doesn't expect guy thoughts and behavior from me.

#- HK #I think this is why I used to be so into foreign guys and the idea of an international marriage #because I was under the impression that men and women are fundamentally the same in the head #but I knew SOMETHING about marriage was supposed to be mysterious and exotic and self-denying #cue a language/culture barrier #M/F #x #(an added bonus is that I have gotten WAY better at writing dudes) #I think the focus on toxic empathy in our culture has played a part in this as well #where empathy is the process by which you put yourself INTO THE HEAD of the other person #well no one can do that. but that especially can't be done between sexes. AND WE DON'T HAVE TO #COMPASSION does not require the plumbing of someone's mind / heart

[averlym]

don't wanna feel anything for anyone ever again

#ok so the thought process was kinda bonkers and it started with i wanted to Make a Piece #and so i went to look at my pile of refs and there's this song and specifically insta reel and it's #'you ruined love for me' song which i bookmarked as khoward vibe #and also the artist has this stunning short pink hair do you get where i'm getting at!! #go check out the song perhaps.. bethmaymccarthy.. #sjdhhdfhhfhfh anyways! howard angst ig! this is such a contentious subject matter bc i assume everyone is attached to her ponytail:OOO #but consider.. short hair khoward with a tiny high ponytail yknow! eventually i'll draw it to prove my point take this as a part one #wow the style on this is a mess. it's ok. i'm remembering slowly how to put effort into this. pretend the mess is an artistic choice or smt #six the musical #six the musical fanart #katherine howard #self indulgent as ever i suppose :>

[tootditoot]

You see the end goal was to draw my fav characters holding hands, but I am somehow better at illustrating cats lmao

#random toots #WE ARE CAT ILLUSTRATORS NOW JESSE #I am going through a silly art identity crisis #I just cant seem to draw humanoid faces the way I want them to y'know? #all is fine btw but I am not quite content when drawing humanoid characters since I cant really capture what they are supposed to look like #like sometimes I would debate myself whether or not to delete an art post because I didn't like how it looks or turned out #Its part of the art process I guess #just letting it out in the tags hehehe #definitely need to study the basics more #sorry for the lil rant :3 #traditional art #sketch #my art #illustration #artists on tumblr #cat #beginner artist

[eerna]

I just think that............. *gestures wildly to how Harrow experiences attraction* you know??????

#as you could probably tell by my fanart today i am having a Night #this funky repressed nun chose the object of her worship to double as her imaginary gf #she cuddles her she calls her beloved she tries to make a move on her #all completely imaginary of course. she doesn't feel any of that but likes to imagine she can feel it. #the object of her worship is also the death of god the monster he defeated once but couldnt defeat twice who resides in a tom under her home #a tomb harrow herself was conceived at the price of 200 innocent children to keep shut #she is the symbol of harrow's power as a necromancer she is the proof harrow deserves to live even if the price was so horrible #and then there's ianthe who is also a brilliant necromancer. who understands attraction at the level harrow does and uses it against harrow #how the only two times harrow even considered giving in to ianthe was when she was either at the end of her rope and insanely powerless #or when she felt at the top of her game like the powerful necromancer she is supposed to be and somehow isn't anymore #their touching is always threatening and uncomfortable and makes her feel on edge #and then there's gideon who just. has nothing to do with any of that. gideon exists on a completely different level. #she reduces alecto to ''ice lolly bimbo'' and ''big slut'' and ''bullshit dead girlfriend'' without breaking a sweat #she forgives harrow everything. things harrow had no part in and things she had. it doesn't matter she forgives it all #she holds harrow's hand she hugs her she kisses her she is REAL and the FIRST PERSON TO EVER PROPERLY TOUCH HER WITH AFFECTION #and it stuns harrow so much she is incapable of even processing it. she completely shuts down every time. we dont know how she feels aboutit #just. harrow and attraction and desire. holy shit #tlt liveblog

[einsatzzz]

OC Crossovers (1/3): Tea Time with Myr and Lidija (@myrmyrtheorca 's OCs!) Kurumi may or may not be telling Lidija about shoujo manga while Myr is just chilling there and relaxing from the nice atmosphere.

#khr #khre #khr oc #oc #einart #ninomiya kurumi #khr killer whale #myr killer whale #lidija killer whale #myrmyrtheorca #ninomiya kanako #me trying to cope from the hell level temp that is a SEA country temp #by imagining it's around the transition of autumn to winter there #and they're having warm tea while discussing various topics in a kotatsu #i say while suddenly remembering how i opened the faucet earlier and the supposed cold running water is already preheated by the weather #ALSO THE 1/3 COUNTER IS FOR REAL THIS TIME I ALR HAVE 2 OTHER SKETCHES WITH OTHER FRIENDS' OCS PROCESSING IN GL4ZE RN #bc the other times i put a counter it didn't end up having a next part sdjfbsdfjhbds #also yeah those tea are csp 3d assets lmaooo if im gonna be fr here i only know how to draw beautiful wome--- i mean people #plus my body pain is flaring like crazy the past few days i keep passing out #so i can't do full colored pieces too much ueueueue #BODY PAIN WON'T STOP ME FROM DRAWING OCS THO #anyway i hope i was able to draw myr and lidija correctly; did my best to do so sdjfshjvf they're so 🥹🥹💖💖 #i esp think lidija and kurumi would get along a lot #then myr would often get caught off guard by kurumi's compliments hehe #kana is just sizing them up and observing from afar; she's just very wary like that #wow im glad they do those “see more” thingie for tags so i can go free real estate in here

[wall-e-gorl]

got comm'ed to draw haiphie kiss like the atelut rian kiss gif i did! only pose not gif cause i dont do gifs as comms* but its coming out SO cute. i need to wrangle pose a little bit more and fiddle more with ephie face (its not as 3d as it should be >:T) but i need yall to look at it anyway.

#my art #crows nest crew #have we even told tumblr that hai and ephie are like. going to be a thing #have we told tumblr that ephies boyfriend is going to die for narrative reasons and we are already invested in haiphie asdfas #DID WE TELL TUMBLR THAT HAI AND SIL TALKED AND HAI OFFICALLY BROKE UP WTH SIL?? #FOR CLOSURE ON HER PART?? #HAVE WE TOLD TUMBLR ABOUT EPHIE HAPPY EAR WIGGLES #we need to keep you guys UP TO SPEED and i dont think we have #this is what happens when you have hit after hit in every session i suppose #edit i did a whole * and didnt explain #i did a comm for crows dmsona and made it also a gif cause theyre my best friend and i wanted to do something extra for him #thats the only gif comm ill do lol #its be way too expensive. my process is too complicated and fucking bad to do a reasonable price for

[hobbinch]

Every time I see a new dentist I explain that im v genetically resistant to/tolerant of local anesthetic. And they're like "oh huh ok ill try to use more." And then they start working and i stop them to say I still feel things and they're like "Oh WOAH ok" and have to stop and use EVEN MORE. Every guy.

#dentist tw #it turns out i have bad dental trauma because as a child I assumed every part of the process was Supposed to hurt even after novacaine #the dentist probably would have helped me if i spoke up but i literally didnt know my experience wasnt normal #i was just like ''oh yeah this shit is why everyone talks about hating dentists''

[gotham-daydreams]

I'm over here waiting and eating up any lore things u drop while ur answering asks from other anons, i feel like a detective trynna figure out how the next part's gonna be and it's fun:D!

Awww! I'm glad :D

Thank you so much for your patience! It's very much appreciated, and now that the weekend is here for me, I'll definitely be prioritizing writing part 3 so hopefully it'll be out soon :]

#talking daydreams #lets see how well i can do part 3 with the ideas i have #just have to have faith i suppose- and trust the process #but we'll see :]

[thelastunison]

No longer yours to control

#koito otonoshin #gk koito #golden kamuy #Bennett's drawings #went through a bit of a process with the choice of the metal handcuffs on this one #first wanted him to cut himself free with a knife so I could have part of tsurumi's face reflected in the blade #but I wasn't sure what he was supposed to cut through #couldn't be a leash because 1) that'd be too kinky for the vibe I was going for with this #2) I felt it could be too reminiscent of another koito fanart someone else did #didn't make much sense to have tsurumi pull him by a leather strap attached to his wrist #so that left me with handcuffs as the only choice that made sense and would symbolically work #THEN the problem was that I couldn't have him cut through the metal with a knife because that would just look silly #so it had to be a metal saw instead. Still tried to have Tsurumi's face reflected on one of the surfaces but it just. didn't work

[tj-crochets]

I put a sticker on my new phone case! It’s from @lilaeleaf ‘s store

(I don’t know if the sticker is meant to be a reference to a specific something, I myself am just a salt goblin for medical “need more salt at all times” reasons lol)

#other people’s art #salt goblin sticker #I don’t think I’ve called myself a salt goblin before #but I have called myself sodium georg? #for people who might’ve missed my various posts on it: #my body processes salt very wrong #to the point where I’m on a medication to help me retain salt and am STILL supposed to aim for 10 grams of salt per day #grams not milligrams. I take a lot of salt pills lol #as for the goblin part who doesn’t love a good monster? especially the adorable ones! #but yeah if this sticker (and the rest on the sheet) are a reference to a specific something I did not get the reference lol

[sailforvalinor]

…well, turns out changing to a Jo pfp is fitting in more ways than one.

#yeah turns out I’m going to be having a Jo and Laurie on the Hill moment. hopefully not to such a dramatic degree but #I went out with The Boy yesterday and I was dreading it so much #and it was fine but then at the end he asked if we could make it official that we were dating #and I asked him to give me a little bit of time to think (which he was super sweet about he did literally nothing wrong) #but yeah I just came to the conclusion within ten seconds of leaving the restaurant that it wasn’t going to work. like I felt nothing when #he asked me that question. and I wanted this to work so bad! it makes so much sense on paper but I’m just not feeling it #and I talked to my dad about it and he said that because the part of the brain that processes emotions is not connected to the part that #processes language aren’t connected that people who are married struggle to put into words why they married their spouse #so if I can’t put into words why I don’t want to date this guy it’s perfectly valid #and I suppose he’s right I just feel terrible about it. like how often do you find a guy this courteous and genuinely good? and like I #think maybe part of what’s bothering me was that there was almost no romance to this. like never at any point did he tell me that he even #liked me. it was just ‘hey we’ve hung out a few times now should we say we’re dating?’ and I’m not trying to rag on him he’s probably just #shy but it rang a little like a business proposition to me #but ugh. now I have to call (because I’m not going to do it over text) and break this poor boy’s heart #it’s a really good thing I have the play and my novel to distract me otherwise I’d be a mess #anyway prayers would be appreciated

[saltpepperbeard]

you ever feel trapped? like you’re just treading water, waiting to drown?

#OFMD #had to channel my inner ed because i just shdklsjdhks #jodi's no good very cranky day #here's the tea sis #i left a comfortable yet somewhat annoying job for a job that is currently VERY annoying and distressing #annnnddd i'm feeling that PARTICULARLY hard today #it also doesn't help that part of that stress feels like it's coming from neurodivergent burnout/issues and that can't be like #easily ~*~Explained~*~ to people #like the lack of structure/communication/transparency is driving me BANANAS because i very much need stability/cut and dry processes #annnnnd upper management is supposed to be fixing that #but it seems like they're making it Even Worse #so it just feels extremely overwhelming right now #and i can also feel everyone ELSE'S stress?? #and it seems to be upping my own because yaaaaayyy empathy (derogatory) #IDK man sorry I don't normally vent #But my health is starting to get affected by all of this l m a o #And the thought of having to uproot AGAIN if it doesn't improve is just #I feel like it's an unending loop of going from job to job to job where the spaces are toxic and no one communicates and> #<efforts are not respected #Soooo I'm just gnawing on my arm and wishing I very much could ZOOM AWAY ON A PIRATE SHIP SHDKLS

[spookygibberish]

oogh editing stuff into a nicer format/actual document and i need to synthesize contradictions... shit... i guess this is the official reminder that the lore i post on this blog is not NECESSARILY the final version of it and stuff is likely to change and get moved around.

#THE WORST PART about sharing my writing lmao #when i do this privately i write down ideas and change them and smash them together or discard them all the time.. but doing that publicly. #consider this blog a process blog i suppose #babbling

[your--isgayrights]

i was trying to find notes i have about like a different project and ran into some comics? notes? from before the recentest update of wall fic lmao. Idk if i posted them before? so :

^ YSA and KDJ on break at the start of 4.3

^ then I think I had to draw this to psych myself up to write the scene at the end of 4.3

#Looking in this journal is a bit funny bc I forgot drawing was a big part of my creative process for a while i don't do it a lot these days #Sigh I am supposed to get jobs in my field of study and apply to grad schools or something but honestly i just kinda want to get out of #undergrad alive and make enough money to live with my friends and have time to draw and write and pursue my interests... #... which i haven't had for a solid portion of this year haha... #wall fic #orv

[eleonkraken]

I think actually the decision to do this with the Doctor puts my enjoyment of the whole trilogy in limbo a little bit. Because I love what RTD did with the Doctor's characterization in these episodes. The Doctor has always been the type of person who hides their pain until the moment when it becomes unbearable to do so, or until showing their pain is necessary for the sake of the universe. Examples being Nine in Dalek, Ten in The Last of the Timelords, Eleven in The Angels Take Manhattan, Twelve in The Zygon Inversion.

But the pain is always there. And Fourteen brought it to the surface. Here we have an incarnation of the Doctor who is walking with that pain all the time. It reminds me of Nine, but Nine was a lot more in control of his repression, I feel. Fourteen is coping, but it's there all the time, and he can't quite hide it even if he tries. That's such an interesting and fresh and exciting take on the Doctor, I think. It feels like a step forward, much like Nine did at the time. It feels like something that makes me excited for the future, or it would, if I didn't kind of think RTD just ended it. By splitting the Doctor into two, the pain may have just been excised entirely. The character development and emotional foreshadowing of The Star Beast and Wild Blue Yonder may have no bearing whatsoever on the future. That would make me like it a lot less. (Obviously every regeneration's story is self-contained to a point but the big stuff is supposed to, and has, transcended regenerations).

Honestly, if I were RTD and I was trying to reboot Doctor Who, back to a season 1, in a way that makes the show entirely accessible to a completely new audience, the same as in 2005, this is what I would do. It makes sense. If we divorce the Doctor from all this painful messy history we can start over a little bit.

The (Tennant) Doctor's ending with the Nobles is an ending for the character as a whole. I get it. But I think the only way I don't hate that is if the new series still feels like a continuation the same way that Rose did. You have to keep both accessibility and continuation, otherwise you've just bisected the show. Ended it, in some ways. I don't think RTD would make that mistake, I think he loves the show too much, but I will be worrying. I won't be sure how much I like any of this until I see how it is handled.

#and of course this crazy thing leaves us open for spinoffs and guest appearances by everyone's favorite tennant #which may have been part of the decision making process i suppose #writing this post was like going to therapy #doctor who #doctor who spoilers #the giggle #rtd