#but in the end i always get so scared

[atsu-i]

.

#ya know #when you can do so much more into smth but decided not to coz in the end #you will just end up being in that situation again #so you just decide to just let it go #coz ya know...you will never change your ways overnight lmao #honestly...how do I face all my weakness and shit....like...need a lot of courage #but in the end i always get so scared #i dont have to be..ik that...but yeah i dont wanna explain lmao #just feel sorry for myself coz I cant just let myself feel things????without being so scared of it...idrkcif am making sense tbh #*sigh* #am aware yes and its a good thing...but the next step is really hard lmao #personal #idk i just gotta put this thoughts somewhere #coz am tired of being like this #ha #i wanna do smth but i havent done anything to progress from this shitty feelings either

[chiricat]

acheswan 🔥

#cat’s art #penacony #honkai star rail #hsr #hsr fanart #acheron #black swan #acheswan #it's been a while... alas #i've either been super busy or having generally less than pleasant feelings about my art ... #enough about that though #MY PROTAG NUIS CAME!!!! THEY ARE SO CUTE AND LOVELY AND SOFT #and i'm almost finished with p3re! I'M SCARED... EVERYONE ALWAYS SAYS THAT THEY WERE BAWLING AT THE ENDING SCENES #also what is wrong with ryomina. RYOJI IS SO FUNNY LIKE BRO... BRO? ARE YOU G #will i be able to ryomina or will i get paralyzed by “they're too beautiful and i could never do them justice” ... find out next time

[somegrumpynerd]

I think one of the few times Dust actually laughs - like genuinely really laughs - is when Killer hurts himself. Not like when he's out of control and gets hurt or anything, but just when he like falls over without meaning to or something.

Like 90% of the time he's focused in on his guilt and self hatred and can force himself not to even crack a smile, but every now and then he sees Killer eat shit and it just breaks him

#UTDR #UTMV #My Art #I dunno why this was in my head tonight but here you go #I'm talking a full on laughing fit like tears in his sockets by the end #It scared the shit out of them the first time because they'd *never* seen him like that before #It takes the edge off being laughed at a bit for Killer because it's nice to see Dust smile for once #(And also he loves the attention so y'know) #They can get him in on little laughing fits here and there too now that they're all closer #But this one always catches him by surprise

[canisalbus]

AU where there is some sort of zombie-like (maybe something like a rabid vampirism?)

Where one of the boys is bit/infected and desperately wants the other to join them, while also wanting to resist?

.

#oh that sounds so sad #I feel like in tragic scenarios like this Machete is always destined to be the weaker link #simply because the thought of Vasco unraveling and losing his mind legimately upsets me #like if Machete has rough time that's typical and he's used to it #but if they lose Vasco then they're both doomed #you know #I've always been really sensitive to zombie stories that deal with the concept of your loved one getting infected #and not quite knowing when they've gone too far and if there's still some of their former self left or not #they never end well but the idea of a person delusionally clinging to the hope of them both making it just #a trope that cuts deep instantly #anonymous #answered #now that I'm thinking about it this probably affects me so much because I have a massive fear of dementia #it runs in my family and I've seen what it can do to a person's psyche and personality and it scares me to death

[possamble]

do you have any particular thoughts regarding marcille being a half-elf? its interesting to me considering the fact that she seems self-conscious about being a half-elf, but denies it when its brought up

i remember marcille looking visibly uncomfortable over laios simply asking her how old she is, which i think the only reason she might feel nervous about this is because it might reveal her as a half-elf to him.

she's never corrected anybody whose called her an elf either.

never mind the circumstances of the reveal, in which thistle goes on about how half-elves are inferior and accusing her of wanting to become full blooded elf, she seemed particularly upset like he struck a nerve-

i wish the half-elf thing was built upon more. also, underrated marcille line:

okay so i revisited this sequence just to make sure I could back myself up and it's just... man. there's a lot going on.

the first reaction we get from Marcille is this huge panel that takes up half of the page

she is viscerally affected. flushing to the tips of her ears with the intensity of it. and we see it again, a few pages later

so it might seem like she's embarrassed about it and lying to herself, but... I really think it's just that Thistle is accidentally hitting sore spots. If you really look at what he says to get these reactions

"you'll live out your entire life [...] and die that way too"

"a hundred years from now, nobody will be there"

Hear me out. I think, if he stuck to harping on about her inferiority without bringing up how terrifyingly long-lived she is, she wouldn't have been as bothered. But right now, Thistle is accidentally hitting all the marks on Marcille's deepest fears-- and this is after the Winged Lion promised her that her dreams could come true in an extremely vulnerable moment, so it also hits her slightly guilty conscience as well.

I do truly believe that Marcille isn't bothered about being a half-elf the way that people assume she'd be bothered by it. To her, the biggest problem with being a half-elf is that it's isolating.

On one hand, it's not hard to imagine why she'd distance herself from elves in the west. A lot of them can clock her as a half-elf on sight, unlike other races, and therefore she's always branded with this weird stigma of being Othered -- I would even say that she considers herself lucky for being born outside of elven culture instead of having to grow up in it. I mean, just... look at the way elves talk about her.

Skipping past the uncomfortable implication of what 'not tolerating the existence' of half-elves would actually entail, this is incredibly fucking annoying. You can see why she wouldn't want to be around elves much. You see a lot of Marcille reacting badly here, but honestly, almost all of it can be attributed to her freaking out that her bluff completely failed. She's honestly more paying attention to Izutsumi's footsteps and trying to coordinate an opportunity to escape.

And in the end, you see her built-up frustration at being asked if she wants to be a full-blooded elf like 2-3 times in a row.

Yeah, yeah, "the lady doth protest too much," and all. But we know Marcille. We know that she's a lot more embarrassed and horrendously unconvincing when she's being prodded about something she's actually self-conscious about.

Moving onto the flipside of things, it might seem weird that she "pretends" to be a full elf around other races, but it's not really that strange if you think about it. Again, people are weird about her being infertile or whatever, and a lots of them don't even know much about what sets half-elves apart from everyone else. I mean, look at how uncomfortable Laios is just asking her about it

and look at how exasperated and resigned she looks

And like... she's right. Where would that come up in normal conversation? Why would she go out of her way to tell them? She's functionally a normal elf to other races anyway -- got the ears, the abnormally long "childhood", and the huge mana capacity. Unless it's directly relevant or important for people to know, I don't think it's all that strange or indicative of insecurity that she prefers not to bother with it.

(This combined with her sense of being an "outsider" to elf culture also explains why she thinks elf superiority is embarrassing. She sees the way elves treat short-lived races from the "outsider" perspective nonetheless, and thinks it's obnoxious; especially more so because she usually has to play the elf around short-lived races and deal with the reputation of arrogance that elves have built up.)

The sad thing is, this all means that... she doesn't actually fit in anywhere. She doesn't like going out West much because of how elves treat her. But she's also an outsider in the continents she was born in, treated like this exotic long-lived alien choosing to live among short-lived races for some reason. She is always an outsider, the Other, no matter where she goes. Add in the fact that she'll live longer than literally anyone she knows, and it's honestly kind of heartbreaking.

And I think that's the crux of it. Marcille really doesn't act like she's at all self-conscious about being a half-elf because of any feelings of inferiority or being half-made or whatever. She considers herself a perfectly legitimate being and might even, in some ways, consider herself superior to normal elves because she's not blind with elf supremacy or whatever. (And whatever "elven biases" she displays, all of them are born more out of the fact that she's kind of bad at conceptualizing how other races age and mature compared to herself, not that she actually considers herself better or more mature simply for being an elf.)

I think that whatever self-consciousness Marcille has about being a half-elf is, instead, related to terror and loneliness. The reminder that it ensures she'll never truly belong anywhere for the rest of her very long life. The reminder that, in truth, even she's not actually sure how old she is by other races' standards (hence the discomfort when asked how old she is). She doesn't want to not be a half elf, or be a full elf or full tall-man-- in her ideal world, she's still a half-elf. She just gets to live out her life at the same pace with the people she loves and doesn't have to say goodbye again and again and again until she dies.

and one last very important panel, right after Mithrun tells her that all her desires would be devoured

In her ideal world, she's still a half-elf and reality magically starts marching at her pace. But failing that, the second best thing is that she's still a half-elf-- but one who is able to accept reality and let go of her fear.

(But the rest of the story pans out the way it does because, to Marcille, taking reality apart and reshaping it was less scary than simply and fully reconciling with it.)

#asks #dungeon meshi manga spoilers #marcille donato #manga panel analysis #this is probably riddled with typos sorry #readmore cut bc it got long lmao #i ended up babbling about it bc it's such an important character detail to me #bc like... wow. she's so normal about it. she's literally just chilling. #the only thing that really bothers her is the material reality of it and how people treat her #the stereotypes the stigma etc. etc. #otherwise it just.. #literally doesn't factor into her criteria for self-worth at all #the basic truth is that marcille likes herself on a fundamental level #she's not plagued by a deep and festering self-loathing the way a lot of characters in her archetype are #she likes herself and is proud of her successes and accomplishments #its just that shes terrified of failure and can have *episodes* of self-loathing when she fucks up #but who doesn't yknow #i know its a very slight nuance that makes very little difference in how her 'overachiever' problems manifest but its there #the sword of abandonment issues that hangs over her head has nothing to do with her self-worth or self-esteem or meeting her own standards #it has to do with the fear of not living up to *other* people's expectations and not being useful enough to be worth keeping around #she's good enough for herself but she's always so so so scared that she's not good enough for other people #i wont say much about what ryoko kui is saying using this as an allegory for real world racial biases but #dungeon meshi's treatment of marcille's relationship with her being half-elf is so incredibly important to me because it gets it so right. #a trauma about inferiority or being a half-being isn't inherent to the experience of being 'of two worlds' at all #that's something that's unfairly drilled into people by their environment #the *inherent* anguish is the loneliness. the constant longing. the fact that you are always homesick no matter where you are #always just a little bit of an outsider and never fully at home #and dungeon meshi gets that. #edit: cleaned it up a little

[amygdalae]

My presentation in class 2day went super well I made every1 really want 2 read Annihilation ^u^

Anyways now that that's over with I can smoke weed again without getting scared

#presentations make me so nervous i always end up too scared to get high the days leading up to em #but they always go super well even tho i literally finished my outline an hour before i presented. thats the power of loving a book so much

[wolframpant]

I, Claudius Episode 3 Waiting in the Wings

This is your doing, isn't it? Don't think I don't know. You think you're very clever. You think that by discrediting me, he'll bring your son back from Rhodes. You're so transparent. You want that precious son of yours to follow him when he dies so you can come into your own. But I have two sons. And they both come before yours. So make your mind up to it, Livia. When my father dies, you won't be wanted anymore. So take my advice and climb on the funeral pyre with him!

#bbc i claudius #i claudius #perioddramaedit #augustus #brian blessed #sian phillips #livia drusilla #tiberius #george baker #julia the elder #agrippa postumus #antonia minor #so many great scenes in this episode i had problems to choose just 10 gifs #julia's speech to livia is something #and the ending of this episode always gets me #postumus saying he was scared and calling his brother and mother #and camera panning to old claudius sitting at the same spot but 50 years later and alone #augur: claudius will be protector of rome #livilla: yikes hope i will be dead by than #antonia: go to your bedroom without dinner #and it all ends up happening #ancient rome

[psychofreakforc]

Ooooh a little something could be Christina lowkey being scared of sam since she was a kid because she's a loomis, and so she took her anger on tara that -luckily- was born a really sick and weak child.

#based on nothing but. #i don't think christina was actually scared because in my head she knew billy was a psychopath and she liked that side of him #then she lost him because of sidney fucking prescott #but sam reminds her of him. a lot. #and she's scared that she might snap and end up dead just lile her father #so she was always trying to keep her calm #but then tara was born and god. so much trouble #but sam loves her #actually sam loves her more than anyone else. #and that is upsetting because why does christina always come second huh? first sidney. now tara. #she wants to get rid of her but she can't #so she makes her life a living hell. #tara carpenter #sam carpenter #carpenter sisters #fuck christina carpenter club

[funnywizard3000]

Sunbreaker

#trying out something new because i always end up trying to get things 'exactly right' with my art #and ironically that unachievable “goal” ends up squandering my artistic potential for any specific piece 🥲 #so I'm trying to split the difference by letting myself go off model and onto having fun and smiling and grinning and #this was just a doodle that i colored 🫶💖❤️ having fun #destiny the game #destiny 2 #destiny #destiny titan #d2 #my #im happy with the colors but i just slapped them on there and made 80092937 layers with different effects so its like #im scared i dont know what i did but i did good and i smile #YEAH.

[needylittlegirl]

surely it isnt a bad idea to watch romcoms when im already on the verge of tears just because i want to be held

#im fine its just the sunday yucks #and like baby fever from being with my niece #i want to be loved and i want to be held and i want a a family and i dont want to be scared of everything anymore #i know im young and its too early for all of that but im just tiiired if i could just fast forward just a few years i would #people always tell me like i’ll regret wanting to grow up so fast and i should cherish this age or whatever #like its my prime i shouldnt wish away my youth #but like #i never liked being a kid i was miserable then #ive Always just wanted to grow up and get it all over with so i dont have to be afraid of the future anymore #like if i get it over with and grow up and even end up living a life i hate atleast I’ll Know #like i wont have to wonder #and the guilt i feel now of like knowing that i Could be changing everything for the better but im too scared to do that #i wont have to have that guilt anymore cause it’ll be over and done with #tbd

[pillowspace]

Fascinated by how many people are picking the Daycare Attendant on that poll, I would have been soo scared of Sun

#i think sun would've liked me though which is a fun thought #i was always like the least chaotic to the point of always having to wrangle in the other kids my age #some of my earliest memories are... demanding a toddler my age to drop a sharp object #running after my friend who was ringing all the doorbells while i apologized to every person who answered their door #stopping a for-fun rock fight. twice at least #walking my friend home and comforting them after they got hurt #my mum also told me i've never thrown a temper tantrum in my entire life #oh telling my friends not to play by the fast river or frozen pond. yes i KNOW it's ice. it can BREAK. AND THE POND'S ON PRIVATE PROPERTY #[softly] why are you climbing so high up the tree #ohhh right yeah i forgot i also ended up having to help that kid get back down off the tree. just remembered #i was not the fuck around and find out kid. i wasn't about to let anyone else find out either #I COMPLETELY WENT OFF COURSE INTO NOSTALGIA. EXCUSE ME. my point WAS... i would have made it my goal to help with Sun's job #still wouldve been a little scared of him though

[dutybcrne]

Imagine if the remaining Khaenri'ahns, due to the influence of the curse or affliction of Abyssal energy they've been exposed to are able to see like. Warped visions of their old comrades/people via the leylines or in domains from first glance, where it would take others direct exposure or even special abilities to even begin to see them-

#☆ ┆ ( .ooc. ); #//Kae as a kid seeing like. Spectres hanging around a domain and being creeped out #//Meanwhile bby!Luc is nonethewiser and happily tromping on over to pat the door of the domain to Prove he ain't scared of NOTHIN #//Kae trying not to scream and pull Luc away as he unknowingly makes the spectres part around him (bc his Vision) on his way #//Kae finally breaking through his terror and rushing forward to wrench Luc away when the spectres start acting weird and crowding him #//Cringing as he can almost feel them touching his head; whispering abt his role as Khaenri'ahs last hope while Luc yells at him #//Kae; older now; going to that same domain & being almost greeted by Them as he heads inside to investigate just What was going on there #//Getting a NASTY slew of Visions and torments bc he was WHOLLY unprepared for what they were tryna show him #//Dainsleif being Haunted by all the spectres in the Chasm; seeing shadowy figures everywhere he looks/walks #//Stalking him; whispering to him; calling his name; his title; begging for mercy; to be Saved; when he can scarcely do so for himself #//Bc that Abyssal device drained the HELL out of him; and with it amplifying the energy afflicting him; he can almost make out the faces #//Of each and every shadowy spectre coming at/near him. Can almost SEE the tormented faces of the Husks as they Challenge him #//Of HIS comrades; HIS people; hearing their dying; agonized screams through the agony of the Abyss's corruption #//The more affliction with Abyss energy; the clearer yet more Gruesome the images get #//As if it was always TEMPTATION in order to get the person to corrupt themselves more with it all along #//Baiting the person with things they can be intrigued by; be Desperate enough to seek out; feel GUILTY of and try to 'save them' #//Only to end up Ruined themselves when they fall far too deep into its clutches- #//Eh; idk where I was going with this lmao #//An attempt at horror plottings perhaps #//I do miss being able to fully; tho got a lil practice running Boo.thill hcs

[mymp3]

Aigis and Minato are like escalators.

A non-human becoming a person, a person becoming something all but. One's starting their journey at the bottom, and the other at the top. At the end of everything, Aigis is on ground level, with SEES as her newfound friends in the same boat, with the same mindset. Minato meanwhile, starts at the bottom, with everyone, all of the people, and slowly leaves until nobody can reach him anymore.

Their journey's intersect but they're not headed to the same place.

They briefly touched, but in the end, they were just at the wrong place at the wrong time.

#compendiumnotebook #ive been thinking about this for a while #i hope this makes sense #but Aigis who needs a person #Aigis who is a person at the end of everything #she loves life and humanity so much and she's ready to live #Minato never got to live a life he wanted but he loved everything and everyone and he's ready to go #I firmly believe that Minato's his happiest when he's dead at the end of the game #not that he's not scared #because of course he is. he's deeply scared. just also deeply depressed. #Minato sees himself as a monster. He loves humanity but they could never love him #Thats why at the end he gets to fight for something he wants to #he gets a choice #He was always going to die but he could actually choice for the first time in the entire game and that choice was provided by the monster- #-who lives and shares his soul #also if you think that him growing up like that means he's a fully adjusted person with absolutely no trauma im not sure what to tell you #that boy has complexes for days. #anyways #minato getting to become the thing he always thought he was and finds comfort in (a giant fucking Eldritch door with NINE WORKING EYES) #while being with the one thing he feels that understands him how he is (Ryoji) at the end of the game is such a happy ending for that boy #even if you say it out loud its quite possibly the saddest thing youve ever heard #but thats Minato's life baby! #persona 3 #minato arisato #aigis persona 3

[pk-freezer-burnt]

Thinking bout that part in the manga where ???% looked so scared confronting ritsu ;-; and then when ritsu tore apart the bouquet he didn't attack him back just fell to the ground all sad

#before this was adapted in the anime i always thought that ???% was actually trembling and looking scared because- #of the fact that he WAS confronting ritsu and he was scared of hurting him again #the anime makes it look like mob was holding him back from moving (which i get was also happening) #but yeah #i still think this tho #especially at the end before shigeo and mob shake hands- shigeo was only scared thinking about the time he hurt ritsu #i have so many feelings still ;-; #the ice cubes speak #???% #kageyama ritsu #kageyama shigeo #mp100

[candyheartedchy]

Sometimes I wonder if certain fandoms are familiar with my work due to me self shipping with certain characters and how much that actually terrifies me.

#ANXIETY ACTING UP AGAIN SORRY #but fr tho I always feel like I’m embarrassing myself in front of other fans #like I’m that person who they all ‘😒 it’s her again’ type of thing #like I don’t mind fandom blogs following me but at the same time I wish I was more active with interacting with other fans #like I don’t want to bother folks either or have them think I don’t want to interact #I just get so nervous and scared #so I end up just keeping to myself but I want to interact so badly #ventish #maybe??? #💬 chy chatter 💬

[stonerzelda]

Something i wish i knew as a kid is that no matter how scary it seems to know in x amount if time you'll be x age, when that time does come, whether you know it or not you will be ready for it. I spent my entire childhood living in fear knowing how fleeting it all was, trying to soak up every last moment and detail to memory, but in doing so I missed out on precious time mourning what had already passed. I may not feel 25 right now, but I know in just a couple years time I'll reflect and realize how young I still was, and I hope I don't hold it against myself for not appreciating it. There really is nothing to fear. I'll be different, but I'll still be me, I haven't lost all the versions of myself I aged out of, I've just grown to hold more of them.

Basically once you reach the age you were so scared you won't be ready for, you'll realize there was nothing to be scared of! Time has a way of making the pieces fall in place, regardless of whether you see the puzzle completing.

#idfk you get it tho i . hope lol #i always took it seriously when adults told me to not rush childhood and i myself knew i wasnt Ready to stop bekng a kid #but i kind of robbed myself when what i really wanted was just to be understood and not looked down upon for appearing immature #i was a hashtag gifted old soul kid that grew into a depressed teen that still felt 10 #and then i lost everything by the end of my teens and when i look back now #all i want is to give myself a hug. i want to take that kid and hug them and protect them #i have to remind myself if no one else does i can still hold my own hand ykwim #basically once you get to the age youre so scared you wont be ready for youll realize there was nothing to be scared of!