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wakinguponsaturday · 1 year

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Almost a year to the day after first asking @its-sixxers if I could print out and bind Half Light (after figuring out how one actually does that), I've finally finished it!!!

She's 825 pages long, has some of the early pages warped from glue, and blood (?) staining the text block, and I am so excited to fall in love with Nines and Mary all over again. Thanks for letting me do this, it's been a really rewarding project and I got a new hobby out of it!!!

Please go read Half Light and everything else Six has written, she is immensely talented. Mary is my favourite character in Bloodlines bar none and reading her story endeared me to VTMB when the game itself did not. Six's Fallout works are also masterpieces, and I haven't checked out her newer stuff with Elder Scrolls but I fully intend to because even if I've never touched a Skyrim game in my life, I know I'm going to adore it too!

More info about the process under the cut.

SeaLemon was an invaluable resource starting out here because I barely know how to sew and I had no idea how to approach the actual construction of a book. I'm gonna plug her right off the bat because she's very beginner-friendly if anyone else wants to learn.

But before all of that I had to format everything in Word! Chapter by chapter I copied the text over from the downloadable PDF from AO3 and would scan through the fic to ensure the formatting was correct (italicization, bolding, paragraph breaks, etc). I'd do this for about an hour at a time over the course of a couple months, until I decided to do the rest of it all at once after one March night at 10PM where I decided to learn how to bind it all, because fuck it, why not. (Answer: I was freaked out about my upcoming departmental talk and this seemed like a good distraction).

Printing all of it just on regular printer paper (don't know if I'd do that again in the future, but it's what I had on hand) it ended up being 52 signatures, or collections of 16 pages (4 pieces of paper) folded in half. Pierced holes in all of those using an awl and an old phonebook to hold the pages open, and then used my old embroidery thread to sew them together. This part took me maybe two days because I was just so damn pumped about it lmao. I also don't have any kind of bookpress to weight down the pages, so I had made due with old textbooks and MCAT prep material.

It stayed this way for LITERAL MONTHS as I gathered all the other supplies - chipboard and brushes from my local craft store, PVA glue online, and by far the hardest part was fabric. I've since learned that you can make your own fabric using book cloth and basically anything you want (if I had known this book would have been coated in red silk I swear) but for now I just wanted to be sure it was something designed for this purpose, as the woman at Fabric Land assured me it needed something specialized. So binder's buckram! Took a while to find something local and the color selection was pretty limited, I was hoping for a dark red or a dark blue but the green was the best they had in stock. Took even longer to get here. And by that point I had enough going on that it fell by the wayside until uh.... last week.

I glued the spine, again realizing that maybe I should've just made my own bookpress but powering through with textbooks to hold things in place, and let that sit for a couple days to fully dry. Ideally it would be flat, but beggars cannot be choosers. Gave her a lil ribbon too.

Not pictured because I forgot, the final text block with black construction paper glued to it to form the inside cover (would probably use something thicker/crisper in the future, something more like cardstock perhaps?). But then it came to putting the cover together! And that was just cutting chipboard to fit and gluing it correctly onto the fabric, leaving gaps around the spine.

Let that dry, and then I glued the text block in and let everything sit for just over 24h, again with makeshift weights to prevent the fabric warping (it's the second book from the bottom).

And then tada! Finished book! (This one's from before it was pressed but it looks the same now)

All in all extremely cool to hold in my hands and I look forward to the next fic that makes me this insane. If I get permission to do The Sun Is Now Fading I might take a crack at that and make a little set! Follow your dreams and one day you too will be able to take notes in the margins of your favourite Vampire the Masquerade fic.

#vtmb #vampire the masquerade #its-sixxers #bookbinding #mine #cant wait to read this on my flight and pray that no one asks me what it is lest i have to respond with #..... uh are you familiar with the 1991 TTRPG world of darkness and its subsequent media #em.chats

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onlyswan · 5 months

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hi art <3 thought i'd answer your cute lil year-end survey because i just have to talk about my favorite drabble of yours...

but then i was going through the second masterlist and as i was reading each title i went 'oh that's definitely my favorite- no wait- that one, no no that one-' so it's safe to say narrowing it down to my top three was...a challenge.

but! i did my research and found my answers cause you're my favorite writer and you know that saying that's like, 'if i could only paint one person for the rest of my life, i'd choose you?' it's like that for me but with your writing hehehe ♡♡♡

anyway, i'd have to say my three favorite drabbles from the in which collection are probably:

> in which you are jungkook’s religion and he wants to be your passenger princess

> in which jungkook can sleep without you, but he’d rather not to

those two are probably mostly cause i'm sentimental and they were the first drabbles of yours that i read so re-reading them makes me all mushy (and the very obvious fact that damn your writing is amazing)

and the third one is obviously the queen: > in which jungkook can’t sleep, and he can’t stop kissing you either (just now realizing that this is gonna be so long, i'm so sorry T^T)

Next, some of my favorite scenes in your writing are where it's more from jungkook's perspective? it's so cute how he sees oc, and you are really good at painting a picture and making us see them in the same way (and also vice versa for when oc is thinking or talking about jk)

as for some of my favorite paragraphs or lines, there's a specific way you write sometimes that i can't really describe? but it always makes me wanna bawl in a very endeared manner lmao. a few examples are:

"however, for the jungkook of today, control is an abandoned form of self-destruction and he can tell you in confidence that ‘here i am in all my glory. there are unfixable, fractured parts of me and i am laying them out on the floor for you to see- you can take me or leave me, but i know you’ll always choose the former’"

"he wants to get under your skin, let his pounding heart cross the distance and meet yours like two penpals throwing caution to the wind. however, your hearts are prisoners to your vessels."

and oh my goodness there is another one i can't find :'( (my professors would be so disappointed in me not citing my final source lol) but it's an opening for one of the drabbles and i have it vaguely memorized inside my brain but can't seem to think of any of the words for it lmao. i don't even think it was from the second collection but all i know is that it talked about them moving mountains and crossing oceans to see each other and them loving living together. it is very dear to me hehe. (also may i just add, art. i-...stop lying to us all. how much poetry do you have published and listed with the biggest accolades? cause there's no way you just casually write like that and maybe i'm biased, but! if you haven't already received every accomplishment outside of tumblr for your writing it's cause your brain is too good at it for an accolade to even be created that matches it...)

ok, now for the favorite character question, it's not technically an answer but i love jungkook and oc both equally. i espcially love how they are very human. not to put down any other works, but the way you write is incredibly realistic which i really appreciate. just in a 5k word drabble i can instantly feel connected to both characters, what's happening in the drabble, and how relatable aspects of their personalities are. both your writing and the characters are soft and fluffy but also realistic in the way that it doesn't seem like they're in some dream-world where everything is perfect. they both have flaws and acknowledge them and just seem like, people? i don't know how to put it but argh you're very good at writing characters.

as for which year i'd love to see more of, i'd say it'd be really fun to see the earlier aspects of their relationship and them being giddy over one another, but i also love the 2022-2023 stuff when they're living together because i'm a sucker for domesticity and i find reading about them sharing a living space and having bam so endearing. and then for the season i'd want to see more of, i'd say either winter or spring! i think spring is such a pretty time of year and brings so much to appreciate, but winter is my favorite season because the cold and snow are so much fun to me hehe.

okok, i think that's it! sorry for this being so long :O but also just know that if you ever have doubts in your writing, someone just wrote a full 800 words on why they love it and appreciate it sooo....♡♡♡

anyway, i hope you're doing ok and have the time to do things that make you happy! please stay healthy and hydrated and i hope you have a nice day or night <3

-🌙

just know that if you ever have doubts in your writing, someone just wrote a full 800 words on why they love it and appreciate it sooo....♡♡♡

oh, the way this brought me to tears. no kidding 🥲 my writing being worth the time to be also be written about by a person got me so freaking happy and also overwhelmed lol i want to give you so many kisses and huggies!!!! i don’t know what to say 🥹 i’m just so so so so grateful 🥹

oooo and i think the part you couldn’t recall where it’s from is the opening of in which alcohol plus k-drama is equals to your and jungkook’s tears !! 🥰 i rbed it recently that’s why i remembered but i wouldn’t have recalled it too omg it’s only this year but it feels so long ago

(also may i just add, art. i-...stop lying to us all. how much poetry do you have published and listed with the biggest accolades? cause there's no way you just casually write like that and maybe i'm biased, but! if you haven't already received every accomplishment outside of tumblr for your writing it's cause your brain is too good at it for an accolade to even be created that matches it...)

anonie ur such a cutie i love you 😭😭😭 how wonderful would that be <3 in the future though… might have to come up with a pseudonym. i’ll get find out too easily with artemis 🫢

i espcially love how they are very human. not to put down any other works, but the way you write is incredibly realistic which i really appreciate… both your writing and the characters are soft and fluffy but also realistic in the way that it doesn't seem like they're in some dream-world where everything is perfect. they both have flaws and acknowledge them and just seem like, people?

this is something i also very much appreciate hearing 🥺 like this is always one of my concerns, making them feel realistic as a couple and individuals. nowadays we seem to live in a near dystopian world and it’s beginning to feel like long term healthy relationships are seen as unrealistic and it’s honestly sad. it is possible !! between two flawed people who want to make it work !! <3 thank you 😭😭😭

this was one of the best christmas gifts i’ve ever received 🥺 i really didn’t expect to receive such a beautiful message in my inbox. as a writer it’s really so easy to lose motivation but rn i am filled with warmth and pride <3 i love you so much and i hope the year 2024 brings you all the joy you deserve in life! 🫂🩵

#art’s post office ☁️#🌙 anon #onlyswan year-end survey

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smilingformoney · 11 months

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BTS?

And also, because you know I can’t help myself: The Million Dollar Question. The question being what does Lucius do after the last time we see him in the fic? I adored his final interactions but… please tell me he’s happy 😭

BTS: I’ll write a DVD commentary about my personal favorite passage

how am I suppose to pick one favourite 😭 I'm gonna go with the opening passage of chapter 23, I don't know if it's my fave but it's def one I can talk about

---

This plot point was one that has always floated around from very early on. I first came up with Abbie 12 years ago, and initially she was a love interest for Draco. (I did think about keeping that element initially, but I think it was around the time I was writing chapter 4 that it came to me that Abbie was gay.) One of the scenes that formed in my head in the early days was that by the time of this battle, Abbie and Draco would have slept together a couple of times. Lucius would know of this and at some point in the battle, he would mimic the way Hermione was marking the doors they'd been through with an X, and mark Abbie across the torso with an X.

By the time I got to chapter 23, that idea was obviously way out of the window (not least bc Lucius would never slutshame 😂) but I did like the idea of Lucius attacking Abbie and leaving a scar, thus this scene was born.

Initially, this second paragraph began with "Somehow, he did." but I realised that was an unnecessary detail, plus it reeked too much of "Somehow, Palpatine returned."

The room that Abbie hides in is meant to be Sephy's office, which is why Lucius is able to find her, but I couldn't really figure out a way to work that detail in so I left it out.

I actually read this passage aloud for @snapecentric's podcast, and it was very fun to read out Lucius being a nasty lil bitch. I enjoyed reading it out but I don't know if I could do a podfic for the whole thing, I'd be too embarrassed to read out the sexy bits.

In case it's not obvious, she casts a patronus to send to Snape for help. The whole point of the previous scenes of him teaching her to do it was for this exact moment.

The last bit was plagiarised by some rando at some point, they posted it and changed Abbie to Y/N. It was hilarious 'cus they literally put it in the gen tag, where I live, and didn't expect me to recognise my own writing?!

I don't know why I'm so obsessed with Snape carrying Abbie like this, but I am. I also loved paralleling it with Abbie carrying him the same way after Nagini's bite. 😀

The Million Dollar Question - what happened to Lucius?

FINE. I should have known you'd make this about Lucius somehow 😂 If you must know, he and Narcissa divorce very amicably. They still meet up often, and they co-grandparent Scorpius when he's born. And just because it amuses me, Lockhart makes a full recovery from his addled mind and gets together with Lucius. When gay marriage is legalised, they have the most Extra wedding the wizarding world has ever seen.

#sevsnapes #frillions #severus snape #soul of ice #dad snape

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canichangemyblogname · 1 year

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Congrats on one year! You have such a thoughtful, detailed approach to everything you write/theorize. Do you have any particular research you do when writing, or do you outline what you’re going to write?

IRIS! Thank you so much!! ☺️

I am so glad that people find my lil essays and whatnot to be thoughtful. I don't *feel* like I put a lot of thought into them, but I've learned that's because all the things I learned during my education and/or through reading have more-or-less become knowledge.

When I'm writing a little analysis on, say, the symbolism of Syril Karn trading in a brown shirt for a suit and tie and how this relates to the "new" uniform of white supremacy, I am writing about something I have knowledge in. I do sometimes link sources or further reading, but this is Tumblr and I want to write about the things I know and their representation in Star Wars without putting in all the work to create a bibliography.

I do have two shelves full of all the (second hand, paperback) books I had to buy for school over the years. My favorites- the only ones I bought new (they didn't have used)- are the "A Very Short Introduction" books from Oxford University Press. It's like an academic's version of "for dummies." It introduces you to the topic and some essential things to know before introducing you to further reading. Sometimes, I do reference the books on my shelf or look back to them for something specific I'm thinking about when I'm writing.

Now, if I were writing an essay for a program or lecture there would be lots of research and well-cited sources. If it's a research paper, specifically, my outlines are extensive because I have to hit such things as a literature review and a methods, etc. If the paper is just a narrative or a non-research based paper, my thesis statement in the intro paragraph lays out the rest of the paper well enough, imo.

Because of this, I used to feel as if I were always pulling papers and writing out of my ass. I'd spend several hours writing something the night before it was due, turn it in the next morning and would get it back with, like, a 93 on it. I just figured I was bullshitting my way through school. I was not, but I still felt like I was a terrible and incompetent student. It took me a lot of years to realize that maybe I had developed a skill in writing.

When it comes to creative writing, like stories, my outlines and research depends on the length of the story. I put lots of planning into my novels. I'll have a story outline plus profiles for each important character and important location and each important event. There is often a good bit of research that might go into this, depending on how realistic and detailed I'm going for. Reader's don't need to know the intricacies of how cast iron is made, but I do need to know whether a story taking place in 1500s England could have any cast iron (the answer is yes).

My favorite tools when I'm writing are a thesaurus, an encyclopedia, and the delete button (or the cut function). Sometimes, I need to find a different word. Sometimes I need to look up whether a flintlock pistol existed yet. Sometimes I just need to start over.

And that's what I do. A lot. No matter what I'm writing. I start and restart sentences. I cut or delete entire paragraphs. I cut and move stuff around. If I can't make it work; if it still sounds "off" or awkward, I just get rid of it. I probably delete more than I write, even before I get to an editing process. If I had the time and the will, I could write about a chapter or about 2,000-4,000 words a day. I had a week off once and ended up hyper focusing on a project and I wrote some 18,000 words in 6 days. I cut that down to just under 11,000 after some tweaking and editing.

If I'm really attached to a piece of information or a scene that I wrote into the story, but need to cut for the sake of length and cohesion, I have a separate word document titled "misc excerpts" with a table of contents and a title for each scene. That document is longer than my actual projects, sometimes. I also do this (kinda) if I'm stuck. If I'm stuck, I'll cut the scene and paste it into a separate document and then start working on it from this new document.

I also highlight things as I go along. If it needs fixing, I'll add a little [FX] at the end of the sentence with a comment attached like: "awk" or "unfired gun?" or "who tf is this?" or "why? do you need this detail?" or "this is too convenient," etc. I'll also leave comments along the way for background. If I introduce a character, I'll leave a comment by their name explaining their further relevance to the story. If I introduce a Chekov's Gun, I'll leave a note explaining how I'll use this detail later. My goal is to not have any extraneous details or plots or features in my stories.

I feel all of this makes editing quicker and more efficient later, especially as it's real easy to search up [FX] and find everything that needs an immediate fix before I get into the weeds of editing for grammar.

#thank you for asking!!!#ask game

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barry-j-blupjeans · 2 years

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Ok, you don't have to answer all of these because there were too many good ones and I still ended up with 6 after trying to shave it down lmao:

3, 12, 18, 34 (there is a right answer btw lmao), 38, 40? :O

(weird writer questions - send some in if u want!)

now you've made it a challenge and i HAVE to answer all of them!!! I am gonna put it under a read more, tho, bc it's gonna be kinda long sdlkfs

3. What is your writing ritual and why is it cursed?

My writing ritual is "oh fuck that's a Good Idea, I need to write it down!" and then instead of writing it down, I do the entire thing in one sitting. And if I don't get to it in one sitting, the chances of me finishing it are maybe 30% out of a hundred. I am getting better at breaks tho, so maybe my ritual still has a chance to change and actually work more than five percent of the time sdfsdf

12. If a genie offered you three writing wishes, what would they be? Btw if you wish for more wishes the genie turns all your current WIPs into Lorem Ipsum, I don’t make the rules

Hmm! First one would probably just like... "I wish to have the patience and understanding to do all the research I need to do to make this good". Bc too often I shy away from things bc I don't exactly know what's happening and I don't wanna get it wrong. So I'd like to be able to learn better, please!

Second one would probably be "I wish to be able to write consistently" bc Wowza nothing kills the man (me) more than writer's block sldfsdf

Third, and final, I wish for Support. I crave validation consistently. Nothing makes me want to write more than validation /hj (and getting ideas when I should be sleeping sldfksd).

18. Choose a passage from your writing. Tell me about the backstory of this moment. How you came up with it, how it changed from start to end. Spicy addition: Questioner provides the passage.

From Tedious Familiarity “Your name is Barry Bluejeans,” the coin said. “But unless you find ### somehow, your name is Sildar Hallwinter. Stupid name, I know. You probably get the refs, though, right? Sildar, like Silly’s Rockets? I think mom hated that awful toy as much as I did, we could never get it to shut up. And Hallwinter, ugh. You remember Mr. Hallwinter, right? Sorry, Doctor Hallwinter. Hate that guy, hate his class, hate his teaching. But lucky for you, Barry, hate is exactly what you’re gonna need for this mission. So until we’ve got all our shit sorted out, we’re gonna be Sildar Hallwinter.

This whole fic, but this paragraph especially, was based off an idea I had in like,,, December? That I never fully got to. The original work went a lil further into that name choice and also just built up a lot of resentment, not only towards the persona of "Sildar Hallwinter" but for what Barry's doing in the first place. Like he doesn't wanna spend all his time looking for Lup. But he's gotta and he's never gonna give up. Discord screenshots of those two bits are below:

34. Thoughts on the Oxford comma, Go:

I mean, I use it when I can? Like, if I'm listing things, the only reason I wouldn't put the comma is if things were obviously connected, like two people arriving together. So if Lup and Taako showed up as a pair, I'd put "Magnus, Merle, Lup and Taako". But if they showed up separately, or if they weren't meant to be connected in that scene I'd put "Magnus Merle, Lup, and Taako". Idk if that makes any sense sldfsdf

38. What is something about your writing process YOU think is Really Weird? If you are comfortable, please share. If you’re not comfortable, what do you think cats say about us?

I mean, my whole process is wild lsdfsdf. As stated above, I usually try to finish everything in one sitting. Like, I will set at my desk for hours and crank out a 6k fic. I did once stay up for 24(ish) hours just to finish a 13k fic, post it without ANY editing, and then pass the fuck out. I barely ate or drank anything, which wasn't great sdlfsdf

Also just the fact that I can't write if I'm listening to something? Even just rain or anything besides my Room Noises, I will get too overwhelmed. I also tend to write too fast for my hands to keep up with, and end up skipping half a sentence and not noticing until I go back (if I go back at all).

Also also, I don't edit that much?? Or rewrite? With fanfiction at least. I feel like I should, because everyone else seems to, but if I'm writing a fic, I usually say what I want to say and there's maybe some rare moments where I'll rewrite a scene. Maybe I'll add/take away some bits but??? Idk! I don't edit or revise that much!

40. Please share a poem with me, I need it.

Struggled to find a poem small enough to not make this ask longer than it already is, but here's one I wrote earlier in spring:

the sun is a little bit brighter today than it was before i think just the idea of spring is enough to open my curtains every day we're deep into it now, the sun setting later with each passing night i wanna make flower crowns with the weeds growing back up in my garden i wanna plunk up a wishing flower and let it tear away before i've had the chance to think of a wish i think if i got the time, if i prepared ahead, i'd just ask for spring to last a little bit longer this year i was hibernating before, but now im awake and the sun feels so nice on my face

#asks #tentatively positive 3 #weird writer asks #ise cube answers #i am speaking

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themediatorfriend · 4 months

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20's in 23.

(TW: ugly thoughts)

(To you who might read this, I don't want you to feel sorry for me. I'm writing this mostly as a reminder to myself and most of all, a lesson. allow me to be raw. But a favor pls, I welcomed you here because I trust that you'll never judge and you'll KEEP THIS TO YOURSELF)

A lil' bit late here isn't it? Coz, this acc serves as my journal, so ofc, imma write a whole paragraph. Sadly, I find myself unable to do so. I've lost so much in '23. Words. Smile. Health. Life...and the worst thing is, my will to live.

I am honestly scared to write this. Because if I did, I am admitting how the words of some shattered me. I am admitting how damaged I am. I am admitting how pathetic I lived this year. But I realized that this is also a proof that I survived 365 days of surviving, not living.

Funny isn't it? The reel seems like I was living a happy life. Personally, I was also shocked that I smiled more than I could remember this year. Creating this reel brought mixed feelings—of the memento that there were times I felt happy this year, of how dubious the film reel is.

If I were asked what is the thing I would definitely remember in 2023, it is that I cried ocean of tears; that there were times I could no longer cry because my default every single day is desolation. And if I had to, I needed books to feel something and shed tears coz I couldn't recognize anymore my own pain because of its familiarity.

2023 is a battle of survival—me against myself. I fought this alone and we're able to survive alone. That's one of my greatest achievements this year. I managed to survive 365 battles alone (shout out to those 71 books who were a great company).

To future me, when you see this again, you could survive whatever you're doing—alone or not. I am writing this right now because the world didn't end when I was 17. I hope you could say the same because you see? the world didn't end when you were 20. You may see that you were happy in this film when you were 20, but remember that you've cried more than you've laughed in 2023. I hope, to whatever age you are rn, you'll remember how your survival in 2023 brought you there.

Always go back to what you have survived at 20. Remember what you've gone through...

December '22 was the hallmark of my health decline. The stress I felt was too much, I never realized I was on a journey of self-destructing. At that time, I had to heal fast, coz apparently I have no right to be dramatic. Before I was able to process the pain, I was told to stop feeling the pain.

So, I healed myself—that's what I thought. Unfortunately, I was not healing. I pretended in my head that I was healed and gaslighted myself that I am already over it. My first betrayal to myself. And honestly, it worked—but for a short period of time.

I remember that December I badly needed a diversion. It wasn't a want. It's a need. So when i heard that I'd be able to go back home, I was so relieved. I would not be isolated anymore with my ugly thoughts with only the four corners of my room witnessing my whimpered cries. At least, I'd find myself having mundane but entertaining conversations with cousibs.

I was so excited to go back—until I wasn't.

January felt like a slap in my face. I was greeted with criticism (to put it mildly). My countenance and physique was an easy subject for disparaging words and heedless comments. I heard the worst words a man or woman could say to another being. There I feel myself slowly getting dragged at the bottom. It was the first time I hated myself. I never had a high-esteem in the first place but I was content with my appearance. I never considered myself a beauty but I wasn't dramatic about it. Coz I am CONTENTED.

But u could never know how words could damage a person beyond repair. I was already a cracked vase who was glued to life. And in that moment, I was broken again for another reason—body shaming.

With my autopilot self, I tried to get over it. I willed myself to do so. Unfortunately, the words already started festering in my mind. I was a wound that needed to be closed but we're left open.

For months, I tried various things to close the wound. But I have already become an open wound that was dripping the floor with blood. Infection started to spread in my system, I failed to notice that it was already feeding to the disease that was already starting to form in my body. The stress partnered with pretensions wasn't a good match for my health. They form a good synergy until it became the autoimmune disease—a graves' disease.

With already preexisting mental battles, now my physical health has already started to fail me, they were already attacking me too.

Stress is a good feed for graves. Unfortunately, I had to carry all the stressors at the same time with no one to hear my thoughts and aid me. Stress from: academics, unhealed pain last year, failed friendship, body dysmorphia, self-loathing, and a deteriorating belief system. It was a tough battle—one I had survived, but barely.

This is the worst part. I am aware that it was an ugly truth and I should have never ventured in it, but I was not able to stop myself. I betrayed myself and become one of its perpetrators; I started to hurt myself. Truth to be told, I am self-aware. It shouldn't have happened. But I was a weak human being. It became a natural response when the voices in my head are screaming. I don't even understand what they're. Help? That's one thing. But it's not the loudest. The loudest was the ugliest—my will to live which is close to none.

I know I needed to get out—of my bed, of my room, and of my head. I needed to open the windows but I couldn't find my energy. For months, I was gaslighting myself and romanticized the idea of being a homebody. With my limited human interactions, I isolated myself once again with my thoughts. I was betraying myself again. I knew I needed interactions. But I have no one. That's the struggle a uni student has to survive.

November was at least a little bit considerate to me. I've lost a loved one, but Alhamdulillah, I found comfort with some cousibs. I finally was able to interact with homies. Unfortunately, nothing changed. My appearance was once again an easy topic for jokes and criticisms. I tried so hard to put out a strong front. Yet, I failed miserably. I shed a tear in front of my cousin. One of the things I've started to hate. I don't want them to know that their words are blowing me to pieces. I don't want them to think their words are my downfall...I don't want them to feel bad. I knew I was betraying myself yet again. I've told myself I would voice for myself to draw a boundary. And I did try. I spoke. Yet, my overthinking won. I feel like I offended them. Another failure, I allowed them to step on me.

The good thing was I didn't broke down. Honestly, I don't even know if she knew I cried that time. If she pretended that she didn't notice, I appreciate that. I hate to be seen as flawed and weak. Even though, I am already hanging on a single thread.

December come once again. My body failed on me. I was told I would not be back to my usual look. A sad truth. Up until now, I am coming to terms with that. I have to remind myself everyday I would never be the same again. I can't keep living in the past and what ifs. I hated Decembers. It is a reminder of the things I have to fought.

A silver lining happened in the midst of my visitation in the hospital. Alex, who was a nurse who assisted me, was the one who made me realize things. "You're beautiful," she said. I hated compliments like this because it was though a charity phrase. I am aware of my look. I was told many things already, which I started to believe and I see myself in the mirror everyday even though I hated looking at my reflection.

As someone who was still picking up her pieces, to hear these words from a stranger made me realize this. I was looking at myself in a limited lens.

There are billions of people in this world, yet I welcomed the lens of the few. It's cliché but I realized the truth of choosing which people to accept in your life and hurt you.

You've suffered enough—not because you're a damaged portrait. It's because all this time, you were using the wrong lens to look at your life. There are thousands of lenses that exist in our sphere. Some are broken and old. Some are transcendental and new. You always have the choice which of these will you use and accept in your life. Let go.

Now I am at the process of deconstructing. I know I needed a company and change of scenery, but in life, the only constant company is yourself—so don't ever lose it. I needed a vacation in December in order to heal, but we don't always get what we need. And that is the gist of survival. You have to learn to survive alone.

-daylight

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nemjun · 5 months

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please tell me every detail of u and tsukasa because I am beyond obsessed with you two

would you believe I had 2 whole ass paragraphs written when i switched tabs and lost it all??? this is hell, tumblr is hell.

annyways YES OK SELFSHIP SATURDAY LETS GO, UNDER A CUT BC IM SHY AND IM GONNA BE RAMBLY. TLDR, summed up as Me and the Bad Bitch I pulled by Being Autistic

I GOTTA BE HONEST, tsukasa was not it for me when i first started the series, but i was also busy chewing furiously on senku bc he's Neat. but I was sunk after we found out about Mirai he loves her SO MUCH. big stronk man good with children is an instant K.O., i was smitten so quick.

Dr Stone is actually the first series i ever Blatently self inserted into! it was a really good fit and I felt that i could just, genuinely suit the story setting bc 1) ADHD has blessed me with sprawling random curiosities and an accumulation of trivial but Useful knowledge and 2) I literally studied archaeology for my B.A. and bc I live in Canada most of our archaeologoy is based on the Indigenous population who was still using stone technology when first contact with europeans occurred. random note for anyone who might be parusing, the 'ages of history' such as stone, bronze, and iron, didn't occur across all of civilization unilaterally, and the technology used by people is not an indication of civility or advancement of a social group. Anyways.

My real life plan for after I finished Uni was to go and teach english in asia! This didn't happed for various reasons, but it presents a good opportunity for bending realty into fitting me into the series, ehe. I genuinley think it would be really funny if I got revived by the Tsukasa empire by complete accident, busting outta the stone speaking minimal japanese and being a literal scientist by education - i was put here to cause problems on purpose. Tsukasa and I would absolutely start out as bumping heads, not quiet immediatley but as someone Anti smashing people and pro science it gets hostile fast. Arguments are conducted largely thru translations via Ukyo, who i quickly grow attached to as the only person capable of commincating in fluent english (we also have birthdays close together and I Adore that, we're birthday buddies, v cute stuff) I gotta sidetrack for a second bc as much as I love this series theres SO MUCH STUFF THAT JUST ISNT ADDRESSED AND I GET ITS JUST A MANGA BUT IM A WEIRDO. like, what about the bees??? they were just chill after having simbiotic relationships with humans for thousands of years?? sure y not. k sorry

I do wonder tho, if Tsukasa would see me as a threat to the stability of his Empire. Even with poor communication with the majority of the group, I've got a decent set of leadership skills and a lil bit of charisma, and who wouldn't like me really - esp with all the useful knowledge i can bring to the table (yes im hyping myself but its also true, i know how to do pottery and i've experience with stone tools & the types of stone you can use). I think even if he did, I'd really only get put in time out if I was causing problems, and like Taiju and Yuzuriha I might have someone keeping an eye on me. Thing's between me and Tsukasa start to change when we manage to find common ground, using him to practice japanese and finding out about his sister and his feelings about wealth etc - admittedly this was Not Well convayed in the anime, but when he's beaten up while getting seashells on the beach, the adult is yelling at him bc he doesn't want kids running around and stealing from 'his' beach. And his mom sucks too. I think that's something we could bond over, having lousy times growing up. I think he'd also be sensitive to the fact that I'm so far from Home and all my friends and Family, he's very thoughtful like that.

Man this is already reallly long and i dont feel like I've really said much, but I think when it comes down to it, Tsukasa and I just share a lot of the same values. He's strong and kind and good hearted, and that makes me feel safe. He's just very caretaker coded to me and after thinking about it the last few days, i think thats something I'm really looking for in a partner. I think I also balance him out a little bit, make him look at a bigger picture and slow down to enjoy simpler things. When we start to get along a little bit, I like to think that I'd accompany him on simple outings to forage or something, or maybe I'd be able to drag him away for a little while to show him something Neat, or getting to teach him something. He teaches me how to fight a little bit as well, so that I'm better able to take care of myself.

I think that's all I've got for now, but it's nice to sit and think about it and write it down, maybe I'll do a lil more writing over the next few days :3 OH I ALMOST FORGOT, i did a star chart love compatability thing and what I got to read for free was SO FUNNY like, he's enchanted by my whimsy lmao

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mario8th · 1 year

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I don't know if I'm writing this post out for anyone really, I think I just need to see it written out. Mario In Review is set to finish March 10th, and I really don't want to take a break. I mean, I really, really do, but also really really don't at the same time. So I've been hard at work* writing scripts to fit into this gap in scheduling. *trying and bashing my head against writers block So after MIR I think I'm going to try and get a review about Tunic out. I think I know what I want to talk about, but I'm having a really hard time writing it all down. Even me writing this is to procrastinate writing the actual script, although I made decent progress today having now finished Two(2) whole paragraphs. Then I want to do a review of the 1993 seminal hit Super Mario Bros, and the scheduling works out perfectly so the next video can be a review of the 2023 probably questionable but undoubtedly financial hit Super Mario Bros After that's more of a wash. I've got ideas for Psychonauts 1 and 2. Splatoon 3's single player. And I'd like to write about how Lil' Gator Game takes inspiration from Breath of the Wild while incorporating it in a much smaller scale game.

Different topic, I just started watching the second part of Jojo Stone Ocean after putting it off for some reason. I always forget how much I love JoJo until I'm watching it, but man is it some good Anime. Definitely gonna talk about it on my pod next week Also today I got my final part to what will soon be my new PC, so tomorrow I think I'm gonna try and "build a PC" which is still incredibly scary to me.

And I just realized that as of tomorrow I've been making Youtube videos for 2 years now. February 3rd I released my 2020 GOTY video, a couple weeks later I put out a video on the Paradise Killer soundtrack, an album I am listening to literally right now as I'm writing this. And I wasn't entirely consistent that first year, but as of January 22nd 2022 I've kept a consistent schedule of every other week (except for Christmas where I went a week early, and now I'm going to weekly again, plus I started a podcast in there too) But other than one week where I missed a podcast I've been remarkably consistent. I think that's a big part of the reason why I want to get a video out in between Mario In Review and the Mario Movies Reviews. Even though I'll have been going weekly for 6 weeks I want to keep to the base schedule. Also just in general I've spoiled myself by having so many videos done in advance, now knowing I only have a little over a month to finish the next feels, I dunno, bad. This is tangential but I've started receiving more thumbs downs on my videos than before. Someone disliked my 21 GOTY, and my most recent podcast. And as it turns out dislikes really suck. There's literally nothing I can take away. Did those people just not like me? Did they not like my opinions? Did they not like my production? Cannot say, it's just a number. But a number that I wish didn't affect me as much as it does. I think in the end I'm just telling myself I need to keep doing it, but it's certainly disheartening.

I think that's enough of that. To recap, Mario in review for the next 6 weeks, then bi-weekly hopefully a video (about Tunic, maybe lil Gator Game), then the Mario Movies. And I'll keep doing the podcast for now too. Okay bye!!!!!

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myfalsedevotion · 2 years

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supposed to be editing huh vicky 🤨🤨🤨 im kidding let's do this 😌 how about 2, 7, 15, 17 & 22! ok that's a lot but i have restrained myself from sending all of them so be proud of me 💙

I'm always proud of you, Maya 💙💙 And yup, I've started the editing process 🤭🤭 (I still am fighting with a couple paragraphs from the end scene, so I decided to start editing and let my brain work it out in the background hahahah)

Let's do this (under the cut so I don't take over people's dashes):

2. talk about a notable time a narrative or character has looked you dead in the eyes and said “fuck your plan, here’s what we’re actually doing.”

Okay, this is fun. There's been a couple times. Can't talk about the most recent one before tomorrow, but. In Hourglass. Cashton were never supposed to be a thing. It was a one-sided crush side plot. And then Ashton looked me dead in the eyes and was like "did you really think you could put Calum next to me for an extended period of time being his cute and talented self and I wouldn't develop fEeLiNgS???" so... 😅

Oh, and let's never forget Ashton growing a sudden tragic past when I was writing what I thought would be a fun lil christmass-y one-shot fic that would later be known as All The Hues Of Blue 🤭 He was just "well, you see, I'm a bit broken. So this is not going to be just a fun one-shot. It's going to end up being a huge ass series. You're welcome 💙"

7. tell us about one of your characters who’s an absolute joy to write

LUCIFURR. Gosh he's so fun. Although I've never written him, him. Always about other character's perceptions of him hahahah. And, of course, Otto, my beloved 💙 Otto's always a joy to write. Can't wait to write more of him. Eventually. Some day. He's such a sweet character, I can't 🥺

15. in an ideal world where you’re already super successful and published, would you want to see a tv or movie adaptation of your work? why or why not?

Mayaa, you know the answer to this one 🤭🤭 YES! I'd love to, but. I'd also love to be involved. I have a degree in film, if in this hypothetical world they offered me the chance to work on the script, or helping the casting, or being a part of the creative team? Sign me the fuck up. Athob for example is huge on colour symbolism, I'd absolutely love to explore that in an actual film 😍😍 One can dream hahahahah

17. at what point in the process do you come up with titles, and how easy or hard is that for you?

It is the hardest thing sometimes. I spent two months with Hourglass as "Batman fic" on my drafts, trying to look for a title then deciding on using the name I had given the animation studio on it for the title.

For my one-shots, unless I've had a clear direction from the beginning (Kokology), it's been hard. Then they end up being named Crayon Record Store because there was a record store on the fic and since it was Cake I wrote for my best friend's birthday, who I have saved as "Crayon" on my phone –she misspelled crying and wrote crayon once and I will never let her live it down–, well, I just put two and two together.

Then there's All The Hues Of Blue, which working title was "Christmas is all around" up until the moment I was about to post the first chapter, then the title just came to me. Funny thing, because it ended up being the thread that bound together that entire story, part of what gave it meaning. And it just... came to me. And Rare as Gold came to me when I was reading about neutron star collisions and how they're believed to be the origin of all the gold found in our galaxy (at this point I already knew what the last words of ATHOB were, and chose the title for the sequel knowing that). And... it will play a big part on the final scene 🤭

22. talk about a writing experience that has pleasantly surprised you. or talk about several. seriously, writing is cool. you’re making up whole stories out of your brain, revel in that shit.

Pleasantly surprised me? 🤔🤔 There's been a lot. Of course all the friends I've met through writing, that's the first thing that comes to mind.💙 Even though I don't think that question refers to that, but. It's the most important thing.

Another thing is how writing is such a powerful tool for self-reflection. I literally, subconsciously wrote things into fics over three years ago that I'm only just now picking up on and understanding that say a lot about what I was going through at the time, or about who I am. It's so cool to be rereading something I wrote and then go "...huh." 🤭

#thank you for the asks Maya! this was a nice break from editing 💙#ask games #writing #athob

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monsterbrush · 6 years

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Hey there, it's the same anon who asked about Slit's love for lizards! Your headcanons were so so cool, I'd love to see more from you! I love the description of how Slit supports his male lizard buddies when they're attempting to present for a female lizard and eventually mate. This mental image made me think, though: if Slit were trying to impress someone, how would he act/what would he do? Once again, your headcanons kicked butt! Thanks so much! :D

I am thrilled you enjoy my ramblings of the crazed Lizard King! So thrilled in fact that I will take this as another opportunity to spew my headcanon thought-gush all over the place!

How does Slit impress someone??? Why, he does pushups of course! Well, maybe not pushups exactly, but regardless of his intentions, whether he’s trying to impress, flirt, or intimidate, it usually involves some display of Slit’s physical prowess. War Boys are all about physical strength and domination, to the point of toxicity, and Slit is no exception, in fact he may very well be the epitome, or something close to it. Nothing Slit does is ever without a little aggression. He is an ever-changing ratio of temptation and aggravation, and it fluctuates with his mood as much as with his environment.

This got a little long. Under the cut is a bunch (like, seriously a lot) of paragraphs of my attempts to study the bizarre social habits of the Lizard King in his natural habitat:

So Slit wants to impress somebody? Maybe that one Imperator whose crew gets all the good privileges? He’ll showcase his skills like an anole showcasing his bright red dewlap, wooing the Imperator and warding off the other War Boys with the best of his abilities to prove his worth. Like a big flashing advertisement from Before, Slit conveys his message through interpretive dance body language “Look at this! You want this! You need this! My skills are useful, LOOK! LOOK! LOOK!”, while at the same time the back of the billboard of Slit is like “Challenge at your own risk. You know you don’t want to mess with this. Messing with this will mess you up. It will make me look better. I want you to mess with me, so I can make you look worse. Do it you fucker! Make my day! FITE ME!”

Now say some other War Boy is stepping on Slit’s turf, sittin on his rock, climbing on his (lancer’s) perch? A challenger approaches! I’m sure we all remember what went down between Slit and Nux when Slit tried to step on Nux’s turf by taking his wheel. All that head bumping and growling? That was pure Slit. That was Slit’s threat display. Now, granted it didn’t work on Nux, and Slit stopped there for REASONS, but I like to imagine Slit does this to other War Boys as well, and if they hold their ground unflinchingly like Nux (which I doubt they would cuz Nux saw it coming and they probably don’t and that shit’s scary he is big and fighty), then Slit would probably escalate the situation into a full blown brawl right there and right then. At that point the victor is whoever comes out on top. Slit is big, strong, healthy, and mean, so he’s got a lot of good things going for him, but fights can be very unpredictable. These fights probably fuel someone’s gambling addiction.

Alright, so now Slit’s tryin’ ta woo somebody? Well, what kind of somebody? Doesn’t really matter to Slit right then. Unless he’s got some seriously significant motivation he’d most likely approach this sort of thing the same way he does with everything else. Hissing, growling, intense eye contact, and lots of flexing. He probably puts a lil something extra in the hips when he moves, sways a lil more, struts a lil more, banking off of what he’s best at like he would when he tries to impress an Imperator. He is an efficient, powerful machine. His billboard is now promoting a sports car to an insecure middle-aged man going through a mid-life crisis with money to spare. “You would love to get with this. Getting with this will make you look good. It will be great. You will be great, because I am great.” He might even move a little slower than he normally would, to give the object of his “affections” the chance to admire his physique, linger a little bit, like a flashy slo-mo reel of that sleek sexy sports car driving through rain in the middle of nowhere—mmm car metaphors…

All that being said, there’s probably a lot of mixed signals, misunderstandings, miscommunications… Slit’s display is equal parts a show and a warning. He’s coming for someone, he is going to get very, very physical, and they don’t always know why. A lot can go wrong. “Is he tryin’ to start somethin’? He’s tryin’ to start somethin’ isn’t he?” Slit is always DTF, be it fuck or fight. It is either one or the other, the odds are 50/50 and they’ve just used their last Before coin as shrapnel for a thunderstick. Someone might end up getting punched—probably Slit, but I cannot imagine a lil tap in the jaw would be enough to turn him off, given that he is a Nasty Lizard who just won’t quit. His off switch is dysfunctional. It is equally possible that a tap in the jaw would turn him on more. Communication is probably severely lacking among War Boys. It will take several more “taps” for Slit to get the message and back off, but I’m sure the recipient of Slit’s wooing will have probably caught on to his intentions by then and decided whether they want the wooing or not. If it is someone familiar with Slit, they will most likely catch on much sooner and (hopefully) have a technique to deter him. Nasty Lizard.

Now, clearly Slit’s sexy lil billboard is aimed at War Boys in the above scenario. They like cars, that’s why I used a car metaphor, I am a literary genius I know, bask in my glory yes har har har, I am secretly a fool. But, back to the topic at hand. This advertisement strategy won’t work on other target audiences like, shall we say, a woman recently freed from an oppressive sexually abusive tyrant, single and not all that ready to mingle, who is probably very not okay with large lizards climbing on top of them and hissing, take that for what you will.

Now, depending on if all things go as right as they possibly can in this scenario, Slit is committed to a long haul wooing and subsequent relationship with aforementioned lady, Slit must change his marketing strategy to appeal to this new audience. The benefits of this are similar to impressing an Imperator, extra privileges go to the ones on their crew but these privileges are extra, extra good, so it’s kinda like Imperators with Benefits which I’m sure Slit would be All For, and it’s probably worth rolling over for someone softer than he is.

Unfortunately this is very not easy for Slit who likes being big and bad and scary and mean. But the power of love lust must prevail! Slit cannot resist showcasing his “assets”, again he must bank on his physicality, but he must do a different sort of display, appeal to what this new target audience wants.

He is very strong and healthy. Why does she not like that? That can’t be right. Maybe he is too scary? (a very conflicting sentiment for Slit). But what if he was only scary to other people and not her? She doesn’t like it when War Boys approach her, so maybe he should stop them from approaching her because he is so scary! Yes! Genius! Such a smart lizard! Look at that impressive dewlap! The sleek sports car becomes a dependable minivan with plenty of trunk space, seats, and a heavily armored, reinforced chassis with spikes to ward of potential threats!

“Look at this!” the billboard of Slit proclaims! “Getting with this will stop anyone else from getting with you! Still not good enough? Well, getting with this will also stop other people from getting with your friends too! Now comes with a bonus feature of messing people up so you don’t have to, and I’ll throw in this complimentary knife so you can gut me if you are displeased with the product and want a refund!” If that doesn’t work, Slit is doomed to extensive, tedious, invasive, possibly painful character development, which I know we all love.

Disclaimer: these headcanons do not apply to everything. Alternate headcanons that emphasize different aspects of the Lizard King are equally valid and some will not support these musings. Things like these and differing character development can easily change the headcanons I have made, and I am totes magotes okay with that and Down To Explore alternate variations of Slit, and I used ‘totes magotes’ completely unironically because that is how passionate I am about this.

#inbox stuff #slit #mmfr #mad max #rambles of cha #mad max headcanons #my headcanons #i use car metaphors and lizard metaphors #the lizard king is a complicated creature #totes magotes okay to reblog

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