#but holy shit it really seems like he gets a special kind of bullshit slung at him constantly

[justagaycryptid]

Ngl Will is a better man than me because if I had to deal with half the shit he’s had to put up with over the years I would have immediately quit

#hm I've been Thinking and usually that doesn't end well #but goddamn can this man never catch a break #literally there is always someone up his ass for something #like I know that's sort of a part of being a content creator #but holy shit it really seems like he gets a special kind of bullshit slung at him constantly #I mean I'm sure he's thought about quitting before #though if he hasn't then this man is an absolute fucking trooper #like I joke about the ideal creator fan relationship being a pvp warzone #but I don't quite mean it in what ever the fuck that way is #anyways I hope he has a nice hiatus because he absolutely deserves it #and I hope he doesn't mean hiatus in the Markiplier way in which he takes a week off and immediately continues working #lmao he should pull a Tool and then not release anything for 14 years #maybe then his fanbase will grow the fuck up #and of course obligatory will is a flawed person with a complicated past and hasn't always done the best things #but the point is he has worked incredibly hard to improve himself and he so he doesn't deserve to be fucking treated like this #also I'm sure some of his continued working has to do with needing money to live because that's kinda important #but yeah sometimes I really just feel bad for the guy #honestly I'm pretty glad I didn't start listening to his music until I was in my late teens #because then I was actually old enough to appreciate it #although I wouldn't have quite done anything like I've seen other fans do even if I did listen to him when I was younger #because unlike other people I actually have a sense of shame #idk fucking ignore me it's after 9pm and I've allowed myself to think about things too much #shouting into the void #will wood

[writingawaymylife]

Dance Around - Jump Forward Part III

A/N: Had a pretty long message here but thought I’d just cut it down to what it was but shorter haha - this is really long, but you get to see more Higgs! Also, I hope you enjoy this, and thank you so much to everyone that’s read this far! Thank you for your patience!

Part I - Part II

Ship: Higgs/Reader

Warning: Swears, childhood trauma (not anything graphic but related to abuse, I’ll never put detail into those aspects, and there will always be a warning if so, just incase you were wondering), Higgs

Word count: 6245 or 12 pages...

________________

“Why the fuck do you always have to scare the shit out of me, Stalker.” (Y/N) was at the front door of their bunker, porter suit unzipped and chest armor half across the room from throwing it at the asshole in front of them. 

Higgs, after a split moment of surprised, gained back his composure with a chuckle low in his throat as he looked (Y/N) up and down. A small smirk growing on his lips and a jokingly (or at least they hoped) hungry look shining in his eyes. He ignored their question, rather pushing himself from where he leaned on the counter and walking over to them.  

“Ya’ know, I think this is the first time I’ve seen your body outta baggy clothing.” (Y/N) glared at him as he gestured up and down. “You should wear tighter clothing more often.” His smirk grew as (Y/N) stripped out of the suit and tossed it onto the bench beside them.

“Better be careful there, one second you’re enjoying your eyesight, the next you can’t see shit.” (Y/N) walked past him, and let a low growl rumble from their throat at a whistle most certainly directed at their backside. It was astonishing how well he was able to get under their skin.

“Just admirin’, Sweetcheeks, no need to get your panties in a twist.” He was far more flirty today than usual, and when they looked behind them, they realized that he also looked happier than he had in a while. Cloak off and slung over a chair by the island along with his masks, arms behind his back with a soft smile on his lips, and a relaxed sway to his steps. Which, because he never took his boots off, was slowly tracking Chiralium Tar all over the floors. He hadn’t taken his bullet proof vest, or his BB doll off, however. Though (Y/N) wasn’t surprised with that. He never took those off, even when he was just relaxing. It couldn’t have been comfortable. Not that (Y/N) cared or anything.

“Yeah, well, you don’t have to stare to do it, asshole.” (Y/N) sighed, shaking their head as they walked into their kitchen and to their special cabinet. They were going to need a drink if they were going to deal with this today. “Also, take your fucking boots off! Tracking your shit all over the goddamn house...”

The glass was already waiting on the table, as it often was when they got home, and they were quick to pour a couple of fingers of alcohol into it. 

“Think I’m good on that, Darlin’.” They could practically hear the smirk on his face and he continued to walk around the island and follow them. Their hand tightened on the glass till they were sure it was at the brink of shattering.

“Look, Higgs, I’m really not interested in people today, so if you would kindly fuck-” (Y/N) turned around, and stopped short when they saw that he was gone. What was left in his place was remnants of Chiral Matter, slowly disappearing. “Fuck. That was easier than usual.” They leaned against the counter and took a long sip of the burning liquid.

“Sweetheart.” He reappeared beside them, this time leaning against the counter with this chest pressing slightly against their shoulder, his arms crossed. His voice dripping with sarcasm as the word came out. They nearly jumped out of their skin. “You should really learn to be more civil. ‘Ya know how it is. Hard for people to like an asshole and all that.” 

“Higgs, I swear on everything holy that I will beat the shit you of you! Read the fucking room!” They growled, slamming the cup onto the counter and glaring up at him. “I’m not dealing with your bullshit right now, I’ve had more than enough shit pulled on me today, and I really don’t think you want to push to see how far you can take this before I break my promise to never kill.” 

His eyes had widened just slightly, and both of them seemed taken back by the outburst. 

It took just a beat before he opened his mouth again and his composure was back. “It seems you’re pretty close if I say so myself, Darlin’” 

“Oh, you little shit-”

“Alright, alright I’m done.” He let out a laugh, eyes crinkling as he shook his head and took a step back. His hands lifted up in surrender, and he gave a soft nod as his laughing ceased. “I won’t tease ‘ya anymore, cross my heart.” One hand dropped down to draw a cross on his heart, before both dropped with a swing as he took a few steps back and leaned against the island. 

(Y/N) stared at him for a few seconds and didn’t say anything. Just grabbed their drink and moved to the couch, where they flopped down and leaned their head back. 

“You sure you even have one, Fucktard?” 

He snorted. “Most definitely not.”

“You know,” They started, taking a sip of their drink and allowing themselves to melt into the couch more. “I used to think I could never hate anyone, but I think you have challenged that idea enough for me to change my mind.” 

Higgs winked over at them, before he busied himself grabbing another glass and pouring himself some vodka. He always looked so comfortable in here, taking up space and moving around like he had been living here forever. It was odd, to say the least, but (Y/N) wasn’t outright surprised. Higgs was a man like no other, and taking up space and acting comfortable anywhere was his forte. 

They used to be bothered by it, but, for some reason, they found themselves beginning to enjoy the company. Even if it wasn’t with the best of kinds. There were so many times when they would be alone. There was that time when they had a cat, but he had past a few years ago, and ever since it had felt so… empty. 

Now, after having dealt with his antics for nearly a two years, him being here was just normal now. They would never admit it out loud, but it felt nice to have someone to share this space with, even if it was only briefly. Having someone physically there to talk to was a comfort that they never knew they had craved so much. 

They were so stupid for going against everything they had been taught, everything they had taught themselves. But they really did like this guy. 

“You keep believing that, Sweetcheeks. But I’ve gotta feelin’ that you might just love me.” He sat down beside them, hand draping over the couch as soon as (Y/N) lifted their head to look over at him, before rolling their eyes.

“Fucking gross.”

His voice still stuck in their memory. Ingrained in their soul and heart. It was often that it would play in their dreams. Teasing remarks and quips that never ceased to press the right buttons. He drove them through the roof. But in the end, they couldn’t stop themselves from feeling the safest when he was around. He held a power that most feared. It was chaotic and uncontrollable. He was a raging fire that would burn anything it touched - without hesitation or a shred of remorse. 

He was terrifyingly beautiful. A piece of old art, worn through pain and time. 

(Y/N) never felt like the fire would burn them. Never feared it would consume them like it did so many others before and after they met. And they were right, for a time. The fire only surrounded them. Creating a barrier that no one could break through. Protection that as fierce as it was remarkable. 

They had never assumed that the fire would burn them. But it did, and left a nasty scar to prove it.  

He had stained himself onto them. Permanently etched into their soul, and they couldn’t do anything to stop him from doing so. 

(Y/N) had wondered if he knew that all along, if he knew that leaving would be one of the most painful and impactful experiences in their life. They wondered if he took pride in knowing that he would always have a place in their heart, that he could always come back and leave again and again, and the hole would never close. (Y/N) wondered if he had intended for that all along. 

No matter how much he had hurt them, they couldn’t stop loving him and the fire that leaked from his chest into the world around him. Anger, pain, and resentment accumulating into an explosion that would make everyone pay for whatever he had suffered through.

They were always advised to not play with fire. But they were never told that there was one as captivating and beautiful as his. 

Was it worth it? To run headfirst into the fire again?

Something was burning. That’s all (Y/N) knew. Black smoke hung in the air, mixed with a God awful smell of melting plastic. They couldn’t understand why it was smoky in the first place. Mind racing as they tried to think through every scenario from leaving the stove on (which was impossible with the new version, they had thought), to forgetting to blow out the candles that would lead to this much smoke. 

They didn’t even stop to take off their boots or their suit. Bursting through the house as the smoke burned their eyes and lungs, so thick they couldn’t see their hand outstretched in front of them. 

“What the fuck!?” They burst into the kitchen, covering their mouth with their hands in a futile attempt to keep the smoke from entering their lungs any further. 

“Decided to take a scenic route?” A voice, strained from the smoke and from coughing, nearly wheezed out from across the kitchen. (Y/N) didn’t even have to guess to know who it was. “’Bout time you got here.” 

It didn’t take long to see where the smoke was coming from. The open and nearly pitch black oven was stilling burning whatever had been in there.

“HIGGS! WHAT THE FUCK HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HOME!” (Y/N) practically dived into the middle of the kitchen, grabbing a kitchen cloth to cover their face. 

“Before ‘ya ask, it’s just the oven.”

It had taken an hour to air out of the bunker and clean out the oven, all the while (Y/N) cussed Higgs out as he sat on the island, eating directly out of the carton of ice cream and chuckling all the while. He had a nearly proud grin on his face, nodding along and, worst of all, rating an insult whenever (Y/N) would say something particularly creative.

“CHAOS! That’s all you bring into this goddamn house! CHOAS! AND! RUIN!” (Y/N) was exasperated, metal wool roughly held in hand as they scrubbed as hard as they could on the oven. They weren’t in the mood to punch someone today, but they needed to get the anger out somehow if they were going to prevent that from happening.

“It was just a burnt pizza, Sweetcheeks.” He spoke between a mouthful of ice cream.

“EXACTLY! HOW does someone BURN a FROZEN PIZZA to CHARS! AND FORGET TO TAKE THE FUCKING PLASTIC OFF!” He snorted, looking down at the ice cream as he spooned out another bite. “You’re a menace. A complete and utter menace. Why the hell do I allow you into my house!?”

“Have you not realized yet, Darlin’? ‘Ya don’t. I just…” He waved his spoon around, a cocky little grin on his face. “Welcome myself in, eat your food, and leave.” He shrugged, shaking his head with that amused smile still on his face as he finished off the ice cream. 

“Don’t forget “burrowing” my books, watching MY movies, and playing MY games on MY projector. Gotta love using people, right?” They hissed, scrubbing the last bit of burnt plastic out of the oven, before slowly getting up. They were so sore from today’s hauls. Sore, tired, and now very much royally pissed off. 

“Not using,” He argued, tone light and casual. “Just enjoying, Sugar. ‘Ya never seemed bothered by it before, in fact, I think you might actually enjoy my company.” He sounded so arrogant, chest puffed and the southern lilt in his voice becoming just slightly more pronounced. (Y/N) let out a low growl before composing themselves. 

“You listen here, Stalker-”

“Oh, here we go.” He set the carton on the counter beside him and leaned forward. 

“The only time of ours I’ll be enjoying will be the day I get to throw you in a fucking incinerator!” (Y/N) threw the wool into the sink, and, with arms crossed and an exaggerated huff, looked him dead in the eye. “What do you think about that?”

His face dropped from the cocky smile, and he had the most unimpressed, bored expression they’d ever seen on his face. He rolled his eyes, turning to grab the ice cream again before giving a half-assed shrug.

“’ve heard better insults - prob’ly a three, maybe a four.” He scrapped the bottom of the carton, before getting off of the counter and tossing the, now-empty, carton into the trash and moving around (Y/N) to toss the spoon in the sink. 

(Y/N) stayed silent, closing their eyes and trying to find the last speck of humanity they had left in them, as they slowly breathed in through their nose and out through their mouth. 

He really did make it hard. 

“How the hell did it even get so smokey in here? How did you not pass out?” When they opened their eyes, there looked to be the briefest of embarrassment written on his face. Hand rubbing the back of his neck, cheeks slightly pink. He cleared his throat. 

“I had to leave for some business.” His hand moved from the back of his neck and made a slight brushing off gesture with a shrug. 

“Business.”

“That’s what I said, Darlin’.”

“So you proceeded to put a pizza, with the plastic still on, in the oven-”

“Yes.” He nodded.

“Leave the bunker for at least an hour or two without turning off the oven-”

“Correct.”

“And then proceeded to, I don’t know, wait in the fucking house till I came home?”

“Well, ‘ya see-”

“You lazy motherfucker.”

(Y/N) always wondered if he was bothered with how they had ended their friendship. Had it hurt him like it hurt (Y/N)? Was he able to sleep at night, knowing how their last conversation went?

It was easy to say (Y/N) had gotten out of it easy, that they were probably one of the few that could say they had a bad run-in with him and survived. In all honesty, they should have left it at that. They should be grateful to be breathing air, not hoping to see him again. It was so hard not to crave it, though.  They wished they could talk with him, just one more time. To hear what he had to say. To hear why he did what he had.

The two had their ups of downs, something (Y/N) had to expect with a man like him, but they were happy. Even when they bantered and insulted each other, there was nothing malicious. There was nothing that should have led to that, not between them. Not when things were just beginning to get comfortable.

“I thought I felt DOOMs when I met you.” It was such a simply delivered comment. Casual, like the how you begin a conversation with a stranger about the weather or about how porter life is treating them. He scooted past (Y/N), chest, which had neither the BB doll or his bulletvest on, brushing against their back as he moved to the fridge. 

(Y/N) cleared their throat, frowning as they continued to cut the carrots in front of them. “Don’t most people in our generations have DOOMs?” They peaked over their shoulder, huffing in annoyance when they saw he was eating their ice cream again. How that man stayed so toned and skinny, they would never know. “And you do know I’m cooking dinner, right? You don’t have to eat the fucking ice cream.”

Higgs ignored the second comment - continued to eat the ice cream as he moved to lean on the counter beside them. 

“Not with your level.” He spoke after a mouthful of ice cream. Higgs seemed far more serious than he often was. Deep in thought as he played with the ice cream in the carton. “I haven’t met many people with your level. But, you don’t use ‘em. Why?”

(Y/N) sighed, going back to finishing with the carrots. They were silent for a moment, debating whether or not they should say anything, or just try and change the subject, before giving a slight nod. They waited until the carrots were in the stew, before finally giving him their attention. 

(Y/N) moved to the island across from him and leaned against it. Arms crossed and one heel idly tapping the white tile flooring. Higgs, for the first time in a while, wasn’t wearing his boots, ankles crossed and black sock covered feet against the tile. It wasn’t the biggest of milestones in their relationship with him, but they felt a small amount of appreciation towards it. Progress, though slow and far between, was being made to housebreak him.

They finally broke the silence, voice slightly softer and quieter then it normally was with him. It took them a few seconds before they looked up and into his eyes. 

“How did you find out?”

He glanced up from his ice cream then, taking another bite as he gauged their reactions. “I looked at your file.”

“And how did you find these files?” They probed, a tinge of frustration in their tone as their hands went and clasped the edge of the counter. They hated it when people beat around the bush. 

“’m pretty good with a computer.” He shrugged. 

“Okay, Higgs if you aren’t going to explain, than why the fuck did you bring it up-” He cut them off with an annoyed and muffled swear word, and a “shut up” that had their hands clenching the island tighter than they already were.

“I’ve been able to feel ‘em since I met you. Somethin’ I’ve been able to do with others, but never felt to your intensity. DOOMs practically ooze off of you. Usually that means you would be able to jump, or be able to do what I can do, but I haven’t seen you do anything like that once. Not even when you’ve been in danger.” He placed the carton beside him and jutted his chin out as if to push them to answer. “Why wouldn’t you use that power?”

(Y/N) didn’t even know where to begin. Just like Higgs, they weren��t one for… opening up to people. It was difficult. Terrifying. How do you open up to someone who will most likely eventually leave you?

Opening up to people was something they never thought they would have to do again. Not after last time. But they wanted to, for some odd reason, try with him. He felt safe, like he wouldn’t run away or turn his back. Maybe that was too much to expect from him. Maybe it was some false hope with the slow and steady realization that they missed connecting with people. 

They sighed, hands clenching and unclenching the counter edge before giving in with a soft sigh and nod. 

A small act of sharing. That’s all it was. 

Hands slipped from the corners and, feeling like they were both weightless and falling, quickly went to clasp in front of them with fingers interlocked.

“When I found out about my DOOMs, I was probably about… thirteen? Give or take. I had ran out of the home, nothing too bad, I guess, just not where I wanted to be forever. Being trapped in there, when I’d seen pictures of what outside looked like, I couldn’t bare the idea of staying in some small bunker the rest of my life. And I never did what I was told, not if it went against how I felt. Eventually, they gave up trying to sway me away from that idea, let me leave and didn’t stop me. But they… uh…” They sucked in a sharp breath and let it out just as harsh. “They never let me back in. Even when it began to pour.” (Y/N) looked up briefly, trying to find out what Higgs’ reaction was. He kept his face neutral except for a small furrow of his brow, eyes trained solely on the ice cream he had picked up again, but they could tell he was paying attention. 

“I was out in the rain in nothing but a hoodie and sweatpants for what had to have been... two hours? Clothes turning to tatters and falling apart. The rain eventually got to most of me, but it didn’t do anything. Just… slid off like shower water, except it was tingly like soda - almost stung. Eventually I ran into BTs and I could almost completely see them. It was so terrifying. I didn’t know what to do...

“Eventually this guy, Evan, was driving by in a truck and found me huddled in a small indent on a side of a cliff. Holding the last remnants of clothing I had left and nearly frozen to death. Everyone was astonished. I mean, they hadn’t known anyone to stay in the rain for that long and not suffer any of the effects.” With a big sigh, they gestured their arms out before letting them flop to their sides. Frustration, and the familiar sense of hopelessness, they had felt began slowly bubbling in their chest.

“I didn’t have any parents to fight for me, I was a minor, so I didn’t have a say over myself. You’d think since I was a kid I would be treated with some bit of respect or-or some gentleness, but a lot of the scientists just treated me like an enigma. Ran tests after tests. Trying to find a way to make others immune to Timefall or something, to see what other “special abilities I had”. Eventually, I was old enough to leave their “protective” custody, but they kept me reeled in. They gave me food and shelter, I gave them blood tests, DOOMs tests, and any other kind of test they could think about. 

“Once they found out I could Jump, it was the beginning of the end. They pushed me, trying to see if it was my connection to the Beach that gave me Timefall immunity, but I can’t Jump often. And it leaves me sick for days afterwards. They pushed me particular day, a little harder than before, and I was going to Jump for the third time that day.” (Y/N)’s voice rose in pitch before they cleared their throat. Hands came infront of them and clasped. 

“I don’t know what happened? I just know that I didn’t jump five feet forward. I was stuck somewhere dark and empty for what felt like hours, I was so scared. I thought I had just… stopped existing.” Their voice caught in their throat, and they couldn’t think of anything to say. Eventually they looked up to see him staring at them, eyes showing something they couldn’t explain and jaw working. He looked angry - thinly veiled and nearly revealing itself. It reminded (Y/N) of the clouds before harsh Chiral Storms. 

(Y/N) crossed their arms, tightening them firmly around them in hopes of controlling their quickening breaths. 

“How’d you get back?” He finally asked, voice low and nearly leaving a casual tone to something that matched the look in his eyes. They tried not to think too much of it, just assumed it was them hoping for anything other than apathy.

“I don’t know, really. I just remember sixteen year old me screaming for help until I couldn’t use my voice anymore.” They shrugged, trying to make it seem less traumatizing than it really was. “I… think?-” They sucked in another sharp breath which wavered at the end. “I remember seeing someone else there, and I think I remember them saying something to me before I woke up in the med bay, but I couldn’t remember their face even if I tried my hardest. It just all feels like radio static. Woke up in the med bay, being fed some disgusting Cryptobiote paste. They didn’t really know what happened, but they assumed that I had gotten stuck in a space between a Beach and here.”

“Sounds like a scary thing for a kid to go through.” His voice was back to some form of neutral, eyes searching their face before he spoke again. Jutting out his chin slightly as his brows furrowed. “Still haven’t said shit about why you stopped using ‘em.” He pointed out. 

“Too painful of a reminder, I guess. Fuck, why would I want to think about something that’s caused me so many sleepless nights? And, I mean, I only tried Jumping a few times after that with success. It’s really hard - draining. I can see BTs, I’m immune to Timefall, but I can’t jump worth shit. And I don’t really know about the funky levitating or BT summoning thing, not really keen on seeing if I can.” They swallowed and looked back down to their feet. Their heart was going faster in tempo than usual, breath wavering slightly as their arms dropped and hands clasped the island’s edge again.

Thinking about those years always brought back terrible memories, and talking about it was harder than they tried to make it seem. There was a burn, deep in their chest, whenever they thought back to those times- those places. 

They were just happy they were out of there.

He didn’t say anything for a while, eyes seemingly searching theirs, before he looked down and took another spoonful of ice cream. (Y/N) opened their mouth to say something- or to get him to say something, but stopped when he turned to the side and opened the drawer beside him. He took out another spoon and handed it over to them.

They frowned, but nonetheless took it, looking between him and a utensil before finally saying something. 

“Cool. A spoon. Why-”

He shoved the ice cream into their hands. “How about you shut up and take the spoon, alright?”

They looked down at the ice cream, and with a sigh, took a bite. 

“Are you… feeling sympathy, Higgs?”

He looked up at them with a scoff and rolled his eyes. “Never.”

“Not even a little bit?”

“Didn’t I tell just you to shut up?” They let out a soft laugh.

“Ah, finally understanding what it feels like to me, aren’t you?”

Higgs didn’t bring any of that up after that, but there was a change in how he acted. Not pity, or like they were a delicate flower, of course - Higgs didn’t even know how to begin treating someone gently. But there was this respect and thought for their emotions and thoughts in his actions - rather than a nearly complete disregard for them. Something really did change after that, and (Y/N) didn’t know whether it was a good or a bad thing. 

What they did know, was that it wasn’t a coincidence that the doctors that went missing a few days later were the same doctors that treated them.

(Y/N) sat in their uncomfortably cold and empty couch. Staring off into the distance with their hands pressed together against their lips. After they had woken up from their “dream” - or whatever it was - merely hours before that they had with Amelie, they had been in constant turmoil. Torn by the good memories - though some of them might not have been the best - and the horrific actions he had caused. It wasn’t their place to say whether someone did or didn’t deserve to die, but with Higgs? After everything that he had done? 

(Y/N) knew that in the end he was dealt a shitty card. That he hadn’t really been given the chance to be the good guy. How many times could someone continue to get beaten down, used, twisted and pulled, before they decided to snap? To become the bad guy so that they wouldn’t be the victim? How long until someone decides to try a taste of the power that people used against him? How easy was it to let that consume you?

“When did you learn to play?” The two had been sitting on (Y/N)’s bed for a while now, with (Y/N) finishing the last of their book, and Higgs gently strumming the guitar he had just found out they had.

It had been quiet, and oddly serene, for a while now. A beautifully delicate atmosphere that seemed far safer than it should have with Higgs in the room. Not that they were complaining, over the past few months everything had gotten... far more comfortable than they had assumed it would. And Higgs, who never showed any emotions other than cocky arrogance and self empowerment, had shown some genuine vulnerability when (Y/N) had found out he could play, and proceeded to convince him to do so.

He looked so… different. The light of the candles seemed to reveal part of him that they had never noticed. Shining through his dark brown hair, which was shockingly clean, and turning it into a mixture of amber and gold. When it hit his eyes just right, golden flecks would sparkle in the steel blue. They had tried to be subtle about their peaking, but it was so hard when he looked so beautiful. 

His right hand stopped its light picking of the strings and he moved his arm to rest across of guitar. He looked almost shy when he decided to glance up at them, and (Y/N) wondered if the candlelight and atmosphere had given him the same comfort in small acts of vulnerability as it had for them. 

Higgs shifted in his spot as he adjusted the guitar on his lap.

“I used to have one a while back.” He turned his head to look over at one of the candles, suddenly seeming very interested in the flickering of the flame. 

(Y/N) nodded, brows lightly scrunched together when trying to pick apart the bad in the memory. “But not anymore?”

He shook his head, looking back down at the guitar and brushing his thumb across the strings. “Nope. Not anymore.” He stayed there for a moment, eyes downcast and lips pulled into a slight frown. Eventually, he lifted the guitar off of his lap and leaned it against the bedside table. 

Silence hung in the air for a moment, and (Y/N) kept pulling blanks in attempt to find out what they should say or not. They felt like they were playing chess. Stuck in a corner where almost every move felt like the wrong one. Emotions were hard for (Y/N), never something they were taught how to handle, even when it had come to their own, and especially it came to comforting someone else, it felt like walking on glass. They didn’t want to hurt people, and most certainly not him. Not now. When he looked so… exposed. But the look in his eyes as he adjusted against the array of pillows and clasped his hands in front of him, like he didn’t know how to sit or act - it was easy to see that he had something dark and heavy on his mind. His brows scrunched as he moved again to leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. He looked so troubled, like an old memory plagued his mind and he couldn’t shove it away no matter how hard he tried. 

It was a scary moment, wondering if he was going to disappear or stay. Not knowing whether breaking the silence or letting it stay would shut him down. The only time he ever stayed even remotely vulnerable around them was when he first visited, though he was quick to hide it. To make it seem like he was just tired, even when his eyes seemed to be drowning in sorrow. Every other time he had ever seemed down, he would run away and come back hours later as if nothing happened. 

But, for the first time in a long time, (Y/N) wanted to truly know someone. Even if it terrified them to do so. 

“Why not?” They winced at the flat question, mentally scolding themselves for not saying anything else. Looking down at their hands, fiddling with their fingers, as they patiently, ans hopefully, waited for him to answer. 

He was quiet for a long time, and when they glanced towards him, they could see he was torn. Bottom lip between teeth and eyes cast downwards. The wall was cracking, and with a soft, gentle sigh, it had broken down just enough for a them to finally catch a glimpse. 

“Music is… hope. It’s meant to create some sort’v relief and happiness- an expectation for a good end to all the bullshit that goes on in the world. But if there is one thing I can know for sure, it’s that this shit ain’t going to be ending with anything other than one. Big. Bang. There isn’t any hope. Not anymore. So why bother.” Higgs’ voice sounded rough. Low and husky, and so dejected. (Y/N) could have sworn there was a crack towards the end, no matter how veiled he tried to make it. He sounded so hopeless… so broken and so alone.

Another silence seemed to hang in the air for a moment, before (Y/N) gave a gentle nod, and sucked in a soft breath. They had forgotten how to comfort people, but they weren’t going to ask to see a wound only to leave it untreated. 

“Hope only goes away when you let it, Higgs. Once you give up on it, once you stop doing anything to prevent a dark inevitability, that’s when everything falls apart.” He was quiet for a minute, and (Y/N) worried that they might have said something wrong, that they had done more damage than good. 

He looked over at them finally, and though his eyes seemed tired and pained, he let one of his cocky smiles grow on his lips as he let out a soft huff of amusement. “You’re really gonna let yourself down with that one, ya’ know that, right?”

They shrugged and gave another soft nod as a deprecating chuckle slipped out. “Probably. But if we really are doomed, at least I had comfort in hope.”

They remembered a quote they had heard before - “they say everyone is born a hero, but if you let it, life will push you over the line until you’re the villain.” Higgs was a bad man who had done truly terrible things, they had no doubt about that. But he also had this light in him that, however dimmed it may be, or he tried to make it seem, shone - even in the oddest of ways. He cared, he wanted to do good, but he was sick of being on the losing side. Sick of being taken from till he had nothing. To be given that ability to take instead of lose, how many in this world could chose the former?

Did he have the ability to come back? To find that light and let it become something? Did (Y/N) truly have the right to judge whether he was capable of good or not?

Everything seemed jaded and oh-so convoluted. They didn’t know what was right and wrong, what was up or down. They felt like they were in a pitch black pool, unable to see the direction of the air bubbles, but desperately trying to find the surface. 

But there was one thing that they knew. If they were to just leave him, when there was an inkling of a chance of saving him, they would have to live for the rest of their life with that on their shoulders. To go everyday knowing that the man they loved so fucking much was gone, and they hadn’t lifted a finger to stop it. 

The thought scared (Y/N) to the bones. The fear of losing him, of just letting fate deal its punishment towards him without even trying to intervene. 

If there was a Beach for the good and a Beach for the bad, it was easy to know that they were bound for the latter no matter what they did at this point. It didn’t matter anymore. 

They nodded. Standing up and rubbing their sweaty and shaking palms onto their pants as the stood in the middle of their living room. 

There was no more hesitation. Even if they feared their powers, feared the prospect of going back to that… place. Even if there was a chance they might never make it to Higgs.

They weren’t going to give up. They were going to get him back. 

No matter what.

#higgs x reader #higgs monaghan x reader #death stranding x reader #higgs monaghan

[allthingskiszka]

Wasted

Josh Kiszka x reader

This was a request: “Running into Josh at a bar” p.s sorry about any errors I will proof-read but may miss something

Request Open

Word Count: 2,000+

Your waiting at the bar for 4 shots it’s currently 9pm your back in your home town of Frankenmuth visiting from college in New York where you study design. You decided to go out with the girls Mackenzie, Sara, and Ronnie. It’s been a long time since you have seen them they are always so busy to come and visit you. The bartender hands you the shots and you got back to the table they are sitting at. You guys cheered and throw the liquid back you feel the hotness run down your throat. Sara and Mac excuse themselves to go to the bathroom. You have been super closes with Ronnie for a long time. You considered her a sister, you were apart of her family and she was apart of yours. You have the biggest crush on her brother Josh and she is always giving you a hard time. You were scared when she found out thinking she wouldn’t want you around anymore but she didn’t mind at all. In fact, she was always encouraging you guys to sit next to each other or do things alone and embarrassing you in front of him. You missed him and the rest of the boys a lot, they were always on tour.

“Are you feeling it, Ronnie? I kinda starting to get a buzz”

“I’m feeling it a little bit, nothing crazy. I missed you like crazy it’s not the same with you gone”

“You should come up to New York and stay that would be so fun”

“I think about it from time to time”

“How are the boys, I haven’t talked to them in forever. We text from time to time”

“They're good, they are actually getting in tonight, so you will see them tomorrow at the cookout, get this Sammy is bringing his GIRLFRIEND” she said with a giggle

“Oh no way, WHY DIDN’T YOU TELL ME. Good for Sam have you met her?”

“Yeah, she is sweet her name is Joy, that just leaves 2 single Kiszkas, Me and Joshy boy. It’s only a matter of time before you two confess your love and get married. I’ll be alone forever” she said smirking

“Shut up Ronnie” you said with a hard eye roll as you finished your drink Sara and Mac came back and you guys headed to the dance floor. You guys were dancing like nobody was watching. You parted ways to go get a drink at the bar as you made your way there you ran straight into a guy.

“Oh sorry little lady” you froze at the sound of the voice looking up shocked at who was standing in front of you it was Josh

“Holy shit, y/n is that you, oh my god how are you?” He asked pulling you in a tight long hug, it looks as if Ronnie didn’t tell him either

“I’ve been good, and yourself Kiszka?”

“Really good, Ronnie told me she was here but she didn’t tell me who she was with. I missed you doll, you look great”

“Thanks, Josh, your not to bad yourself” you said as a blush crept on your cheeks you guys were interrupted by Jake

“Holy crap, y/n Ronnie didn’t tell us you were in town, how’s New York?” He questioned as he pulled you in for a quick hug.

“It’s really good, schools great. It just gets lonely sometimes”

“Oh it’s only a matter of time before you get friends and even a boyfriend, then you won’t be lonely” Jake said with a smirk. You looked at Josh who seemed to be deep in thought looking kind of sad, you took a note to ask him about it later.

“No way that’s gonna happen, Is Sammy here, and Danny?”

“Yeah they are at the bar” Jake spoke

“Cool that’s where I was headed”

“I’ll buy you a drink, Doll” Josh said breaking out of his trance grabbing your hand leading you to the bar he let go and ran up behind Sam and Danny

“Are you guy even 21?” you said in a serious voice. Their heads whipped in your direction. Their eyes lit up at the sight of you

“You scared us, y/n” Danny said standing to hug you then Sam got up and did the same

“Y/n this is Joy, Joy this is y/n”

“So nice to meet you I’ve heard a lot about you”

“I didn’t know Sammy was such a fan”

“Oh, I’m not. I barely can stand you. Josh is the one leaving raving reviews” Sam said with a booming laugh. Joy just smacked Sam’s shoulder, you looked a Josh and you swore you saw him turning red. He turned and looked at you with a goofy smile, he walked over, throwing his arm around your shoulder

“Shove it, Sam, it’s impossible to not be a fan of y/n and you know it” he said handing you a drink with his other hand. It was your turn to blush now. Danny got up to find Mac and the rest of the group. While you, Josh, Sam, and Joy went to find a booth you took the seat next to Josh and he slung his arm around you pulling you close, you looked at him and he flashed you a smile.

“So y/n how’s school?” Sam asked

“Really good, I love my classes and I’m learning a lot. It’s pretty dope, but it gets lonely from time to time. Believe it or not, I miss you assholes, nobody ever comes and visits”

“I’m glad you are enjoying it, I’m sure you’ll make friends. Meanwhile, you can text or call us, we miss you too, some more than others” Sam said looking at Josh

“When are you heading back?”

“8 days from now, what about you guys?”

“We are on a 3-week break, which is unheard of” Sam said

“Oh that’s nice school starts back up in 3 weeks from now”

“Why are you going back so soon, Doll” Josh asked

“I don’t know, I miss home but this weird thing happens when I come back I just want to leave again. This place grows old fast, I also didn’t know you guys would be in town”

“You should cancel your flight and come to the cabin with us, I told Ronnie to ask you, it seems she is keeping things from us” Josh spoke looking at you with hope in his eyes

“Oh my god, you so should. Just like the old days” Sam said shooting you a smile

“Sounds good to me I just will have to see if I can reschedule my flight, I couldn’t afford another”

“I can cover you Doll if you can’t reschedule. I have missed you so much, I would legit do anything to get you to come” Josh spoke

“Well, in that case, you will be seeing a lot of me. You’ll be happy when it’s time to depart”

“That’s impossible” Josh said looking in your eyes. You looked at him and smiled, he always knew how to make you feel special. Your thoughts were interrupted when you heard one of your favorite songs come on.

“Well this has been fun, but I’m gonna go shake my ass” they all laughed at you. You stood up and made your way to the dance floor. Ronnie saw you and grabbed your hand as you two danced like fools.

Josh’s p.o.v

I was so surprised to see y/n, she is my absolute favorite. I have been in love with her the day Ronnie introduced us. She looked absolutely stunning tonight dressed up for nobody. I wish I had the guts to tell her how I feel, but I don’t want to ruin our friendship. I’m snapped out of my thoughts by Sam and Joy.

“You should go dance with her, dumbass” Sam spoke

“Nah Sammy it’s not like that, she isn’t interested”

‘That totally bullshit Josh, she totally likes you I can see it in the way she looks at you, and I just met her” Joy said laughing

“You really think so”

“For sure, that’s what I’m always telling him. He refuses to listen” Sam added

“Okay, Okay I’ll go see if she wants to dance”

I get up and make my way over to the dance floor and stop for a moment scanning the floor for y/n, Ronnie, Jake, Danny, Mac, and Sara. My eyes lock on the group. I stand there for a moment just staring at y/n trying to gain some confidence. She looks so great they’re so many things I wanted to do to her. The way she just looked so carefree shaking her hips to the beat, laughing every so often was turning me on. I could tell she was wasted but she was having a good time. The song changed and the group got even more hype, it was my time to interrupt their little dance party or was it. Why do I always overthink everything, why does she make me so nervous; I am usually so good with girls besides her. My thoughts were broken out of my trance when I felt a person next to me. I looked over and saw Jake next to me.

“You know it’s creepy to stare”

“Shut up, Jake”

“You should go dance with her my brother, She is longing for someone to dance with”

“Jake seriously”

“Josh nobody shakes their hips like that if they don’t want someone to dance with them”

“You sure?”

“Look she likes you, bro, if you don’t go dance with her I will.” My head snapped in the direction on my brother who was just smirking, I knew he wasn’t kidding. This was all I needed to hear, I made my way over to the group. Ronnie was the first to see me she pulled me into a warm hug, I then hugged the rest of the group. We started dancing, I saw Jake come back with two drink he handed one to y/n and shot me a wink. He moved to the other side of the group. I locked eye with y/n and she was already looking at me. I took her free hand in mine and spun her around, she stopped herself before making a full spin. She then wrapped my arm around her waist and started to grind on me, I was trying to remain cool, calm, and collected but she took her hand up and wrapped it around my neck. It was clear to me she was really buzzed, my face was as red as a tomato. I looked at Jake who had a smirk on his face, as he mouthed “I told you so” I shook my head leaning down to whisper in her ear “I missed you so much y/n” she took her head and turned it towards my ear “I missed you too, Joshy. Have I ever told you how handsome you are?”

“No beautiful, Have I ever told you what you do to me?” I questioned her

“No Josh, enlighten me” she said turning around facing me not missing a beat. She started to nibble my ear and kiss down my jaw. My eye grew wide before I knew it she was kissing me on the mouth, I kissed her back passionately before I realized how drunk she was. I pulled back she looked at me with hurt in her eyes “Doll we can’t do this, you are really drunk” She let go of me before I could grab her arm she was running away from the dance floor. Ronnie looked at me upset & mad

“What did you want me to do Ron make-out with her while she’s extremely intoxicated” Ronnie nodded understanding where I was coming from as she went to go find her best friend. I followed closely behind, we found y/n against a wall outside with a scraped knee, she was crying. Ronnie looked at me and told me to do something. Without thinking I sat next to her and pulled her into a hug rubbing her back, she looked at me with sad eyes

“Hey y/n, sorry I’m a dickhead. I just didn’t want to take advantage of you. We can make-out tomorrow when you're sober”

“I’m such an idiot Josh I thought you liked me, but you don’t, now I ruined everything” she cried putting her head deep in my chest. I looked at Ronnie “Ron, can you go get some water, and tell everyone we should head home” Ronnie nodded turning around.

“Hey Doll, you ruined nothing. The feelings you have are mutual, your just drunk. How about we have this conversation tomorrow. Will you take deep breaths for me and try to calm down” she nodded “Will you sing to me that always calms me down when I’m having an anxiety attack” she spoke softly, “Of course doll, anything for you.” I started lightly singing until she stopped crying and started to softly snore. I just smile to myself, this was going to make it a lot easier to tell her how I feel.

#josh imagine #josh kiszka #josh gvf #josh kiszka x reader #jake kiszka #jake gvf #sam kiszka #sam gvf #danny wagner #danny gvf #Greta Van Fleet #GVF

[artificialqueens]

Until the Flavor’s Gone (17/?) (Biadore) - Kitschy Pixel

A/N: Oh wow, what’s this? An update so soon? So, THIS! This is the original chapter that I wanted to bring you but couldn’t because it just got too long. You’ve got your set up – here’s where the dominos fall. Huge special thanks to @veronicasanders for keeping me from going positively insane and helping me go through several edits of this monster and as always, feel free to hit me up on my sideblog @kitschypixel. If you’re lucky, sometimes I even take prompts.

In this chapter, time has passed and people move forward, but when you hit a roadblock, sometimes the person you want is the least qualified to help you. And then they show up anyway.

Warnings for language, implied drug use, broken hearts, nosy strangers, and a whole bunch of bullshit.

Chapter 17

They were in Boston.

Well, Courtney was fairly certain they were circling the gates of her own personal hell, but she supposed naming that ‘Boston’ would be good enough. She clutched her phone tightly, thumbs poised over the screen. She checked it regularly, trying not to seem frantic. She pressed her teeth to her bottom lip, her mind so far away she didn’t realize she was being spoken to.

She jerked her attention back to the conversation when her knee was lightly tapped. “We just met and you’re already holding out on me?” The Russian accent broke apart half way through the question and Courtney blinked a few times as she tried to translate until she realized it was already in English.

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Your phone! You have like… a death grip. Do you have a… gentleman caller… lined up and ready to pound that pussy into oblivion?” The purr towards the end caused Courtney to laugh before she blew out a breath she forgot she was holding.

“God, I wish. No… I’m actually just waiting for a friend – an actual friend, that’s not a euphemism – anyway. I’m waiting for him to show up so he can take Adore to the hotel…”

“Ahhhh – is this about the – “ there was a couple of snorts and a vague gesture that Courtney felt wasn’t quite as universal as the queen across from her assumed, “you know. Whatever.”

Well, Courtney got the gist regardless and she nodded in response.

“Yes… I kind of wish I knew what it was…”

“Well,” Finger tips tapped across bright red lips as the dishevelled blonde queen squinted in thought. “Do you remember what the guy looked like? You know, the one who did the offering?”

“Mmm… brunette. Square jaw… kind of that few days without shaving look… a bit over six foot with broad shoulders wearing very tight pants…” She watched as the queen nodded and hummed, “Does he sound familiar to you at all?”

“Hmmm?” She blinked the distant look from her eyes before shaking her head, “No. Honestly, I’m just really horny and he sounded like he could be hot.” She bit her lip in a very poor attempt to look at least a little chagrined before she burst with a hiss of snickers she couldn’t be bothered to hold back.

Courtney mentally noted that she should be far more irritated by the fruitless conversation, but she found herself laughing along with the hysteric giggles instead. It helped loosen her grip a little on her phone and get her mind to drift from the rather stressful week and a half of playing mom on tour (not including the numerous weeks prior that had since blurred together). “I’m sorry… I can’t remember your name…”

“Yekaterina Petrovna Zamolodchikova,” she rattled off and punctuated with a snap. Courtney’s eyes crossed a little at the mouthful and tentatively started to repeat it back.

“Ye… yekata.. keta?”

“Katya,” she interjected with wide grin.

“Thank God.”

“That works too!”

Both of their heads spun towards the door when it opened, and Katya groaned dramatically in disappointment. “False alarm, it’s just… that one,” she gestured towards the short goth queen that tried to slink in stealthily, only to nearly shut her own foot in the door.

“Hey!” The queen sniffed indignantly and Courtney greeted her with a soft and hesitant hello before she re-introduced herself. “Laila.”

“Right. Sorry.” Courtney was answered with a shrug as Laila wandered over to where they were sitting and perched herself nearby. “How’s she doing out there?”

“Who? Our little drag star?” Laila batted her eyes with a dreamy sigh before cackling a bit and shrugged. ��Jumped into the crowd to make out with some guy in the middle of a song and then when she tried to climb back up, she tripped and totally ate shit. It was kinda great.”

“Great…”

“As graceful as you are, I can see,” Katya jabbed lightly before Laila let out an exaggerated ‘hah!’ in response.

“I don’t have 100K followers so I can trip all I want and no one sees it.”

“It explains your tips.”

“You know what? Fuck you,” She wrinkled her nose and looked between the two queens before pointing to the phone Courtney still kept clutched in both hands. “What’s with the death grip?”

“Oh! We’re waiting for ~a man~” Katya dropped her voice into another husky growl before Courtney cleared her throat to interject.

“It’s…” She lifted one finger, taking a moment to pause before continuing her thought, “… not as suggestive as Katya makes it sound…”

“Is he hot?” Laila swung her legs a little, while Katya snapped a few times.

“Oh! Yes! Asking the real questions here!”

“No.” Courtney scoffed, almost like a reflex. She wrinkled her nose as she started to quickly backpedal with a sound akin to a deflating balloon, “eeee-weeeell… okay. I mean… he’s not ugly. He looks fine… so… yeah, okay he is kind of hot… like I wouldn’t say no if I didn’t know him… but… yeah, no. Okay… ummm….” She pressed her lips together tightly, “It’s complicated.”

“How is that compli–” the question got cut off when Courtney’s phone buzzed and she checked it with a sigh of relief before jumping up and spinning around to face the other two.

“Okay. He’s here. Behave! Especially you!” She pointed a finger at Katya who snapped at it with her teeth while making snarling noises. With another spin she darted towards the door, keeping it propped open with her back as she caught sight of Roy being let in through a nearby exit.

Courtney waved him over and wrapped him into a tight hug the second he was close enough with a soft ‘thank God’ punctuated by a deep inhale.

“Not God, but close… did you just sniff me?”

Courtney pressed her nails into his back, “No.”

“I think you did.”

“You know what? I’m not going to argue with you. I’m just glad you’re here. Come on.”

She pulled him into the dressing room, watching as Laila and Katya both perked up at his arrival. She didn’t have a chance to get another word out before Katya raised her hand.

“Excuse me, but how is this yes/no complicated hot?”

Roy’s eyebrows shot up and Courtney rolled her eyes before she gestured with her best Vanna White hands, “This is Roy,” she cut off the coy ‘hi Roy’s with a quick follow up. “And Bianca del Rio.”

“Oh? Oh. Oooooooh! Okay. Yes/no complicated it stays.”

Courtney pulled Roy off to the side as he still mused on the ‘yes/no complicated’. “Roy. Please. Focus.”

“I would but this doesn’t seem like the same kind of emergency you described over the phone. Where is she?”

“Adore?” Courtney waved in the general direction of the floor before she started to text rather rapidly, “She’s still on stage.”

Roy frowned at Courtney’s rather frantic texting, clutching the carry on bag slung over his shoulder close, trying to match up what Courtney’s ominous message meant to him with what was actually going on. “So, she’s on stage? Then she’s okay. You made it sound like she was dying.”

“Not dead yet, but she’s trying,” Courtney held up a finger at Roy’s inquisitive ‘what the fuck does that mean?’ and closed her eyes to try to keep her thoughts from spiralling off into different directions. “She’s high.”

“Good for her. Think she’ll share?”

“Roy,” Courtney snapped and gave him a stern look, “I need you to be serious right now.”

“I am being serious! What the fuck is with you? Since when are you a prude?”

Courtney sucked in a breath and stared at Roy for a long moment, just to level out her increasing annoyance at his ignorance of the situation. He had re-routed his flight and delayed his trip to New Orleans (that he was taking with his boyfriend, she mentally noted) in order to come to Boston at her request out of the concern she’d raised about Adore’s current state. He wasn’t the type to fully understand this level of heartbreak, so she pressed her lips together tightly as she tried to find words he could comprehend.

Gathering up her last bit of patience, Courtney gripped Roy by the shoulders, looked him in the eye, and began to explain – slowly. “I’m not worried about the drugs. I’m worried about the motive,” the way his eyes shot up with a sigh was enough to register that he understood what she was implying, so she moved on. “She’s got one more song and an encore, but she’s so fucking out of it, who’s to really say… I’ve alerted our driver to be on standby to take you guys back to the hotel. I just need you to keep an eye on her.”

“Why me?”

“Because she really wants to see you… and if I try to handle it anymore, I might lose my entire mind.”

“Courtney needs a strong drink and a good dick?”

“Fuck you, but yes.”

She reached out and clamped his lips shut with the tips of her fingers as she heard Adore stumble through the door, palms clamping down on her shoulders as Adore struggled to keep upright. A hoarse laugh erupted with a quiet ‘sorry’ and Courtney forced a smile and a quiet ‘it’s fine’ as Adore breezed past them both. She wagered Adore wouldn’t even have been aware of either of them if she hadn’t tripped into them. So, she cleared her throat and raised her voice a little to catch her attention.

“Adore? Look who’s here!”

Courtney lightly slapped Roy’s shoulder when he winced at the shrill pitch of her voice and shot him a really good death glare when he grimaced as Adore came closer.

“Holy fuck… are you supposed to be here?” Roy still hadn’t turned around instead craning his neck a little far when Adore wrapped her arms around him from behind and pressed her nose in the crook of his neck. “I thought you were supposed to be… to be… somewhere not here! What are you doing?”

“I… uh…” Roy looked to Courtney who shook her head and he faked a cough. Neither of them really had enough time to come up with a plausible story as to why Roy would be here and at this point, at least Roy assumed, that the truth wouldn’t be swallowed very well. So without a convincing lie, he was left floundering a little. He stopped just short of using his boyfriend as an excuse when he felt another stern look before he finally settled, rather lamely with, “I could swing it… so I’m here– wait, are you bleeding?”

Adore looked down and laughed, pointing at her knee, “Oh yeah! I need to get something for that…” She wandered over to Laila who was holding up a box of Band Aids, “Oh! They sparkle! Gimme!”

Roy got cut off from whatever smart remark he had loaded and ready by Courtney grabbing his elbows in a vice grip and a firm ‘don’t you dare’ with a growl in her voice and fire in her eyes.

“Careful, or people will know you’re a man,” Roy shot off, wrenching himself from her when she squeezed. “Owowowow!”

“I’m dead serious right now, Roy and I am begging – absolutely begging – for you to do your best to scrounge up a little self awareness and some empathy. Please.”

“Are you sure she’s not dead? She smells like she’s rotting…”

“Roy!”

“What?”

Courtney shot a look to Adore, who was still fussing with… something… she couldn’t tell what before she grabbed Roy and steered him closer to the door, dropping her voice again. “Please. Just… do this.”

“Okay, fine… but she needs to like… bathe.”

“Well, if she drowns, that’s your responsibility.”

“Really?” Roy’s jaw dropped as he shot his own appalled look at Courtney, “Are you saying you wouldn’t help me hide the body? What kind of friend are you?”

“The kind that wouldn’t let a friend accidentally drown–”

“– who said it would be an accident?”

“Roy!” Another hiss. “Empathy! Please!”

“Fine! I’ll drown her in empathy, how’s that? Now go get fucked before you become an even bigger bitch and I have two bodies I need to deal wiiiii – hi!” He slapped Courtney’s shoulder with the back of his hand when she snorted at the way his voice cracked and they both turned to face a blinking Adore. They all stood awkwardly before Courtney finally spoke up.

“So… um… Adore… Roy’s going to take you back to the hotel, okay?”

“Why?”

Roy quirked an eyebrow to see just how Courtney was going to spin this without sounding like she was trying to be Adore’s mother. It took a few long seconds before she finally managed, “Well… I mean… I figured you two might want some time to yourselves? Catch up? I mean.. It’s been… how long?”

Roy didn’t get to answer because Adore seemed to fold rather quickly, nodding quietly before offering a smile that failed to reach her eyes. “Yeah… you’re right. It has been awhile, hasn’t it?” She bit her bottom lip, eyes rolling back in thought before she shrugged one shoulder. “I’ll just get my stuff.”

Not much else was said, there was an “I told you” dancing across Courtney’s tongue but she managed to keep it bitten back. Roy and Adore left in silence but everyone in the room noticed the firm hand pressed in the small of Adore’s back as they did. Courtney sighed from relief, trying to shake off the lingering guilt for getting a little bit more involved than she probably should have – but in her defense, she hadn’t betrayed Adore’s trust outright. Roy still didn’t know the details as Courtney knew them, she’d kept the exact circumstances of her call close to her chest.

She was doing the right thing.

“That hug seemed to linger quite a long time…”

Courtney jumped with Katya at her shoulder and she closed her eyes. “It’d been a while since we’ve seen each other.”

“And did he smell good?”

“He smelled fantastic.”

Katya nodded sagely as she spun Courtney around, took her hands and patted at them gingerly, “Don’t worry, you’re in my hands now and I will take very good care of you. Do you like go-go boys with great asses and even better dicks?”

“Please.”

“Perfect.”

–––––––––––––––––––––

Adore hit the bed hard with a groan, twisting up into a ball and just staring up at the ceiling. She waited for Roy to say something first and when he didn’t, just sighed. She held onto the silence until it started to become painful, blurting out the first thing that came to mind. “So what’d Courtney tell you to get you here?”

She heard the hotel bed creak as he sat down near her at the foot of the bed, her eyes sliding to his back as she waited for him to answer. She watched as he rubbed his face before tilting his head slightly to the side. “She made it sound like it was pretty serious… so I said I’d meet you guys in Boston.”

“Okay but like… what’d she tell you?” Adore pushed herself up onto her side, staring down at the bedspread and tracing the pattern with her two index fingers, squinting a little at how the cheap, thin comforter rippled under her touch and the light scratching noise of her nails against the fabric. “Your… what’s his name… know you’re here?”

“She didn’t really tell me much, Dan–” he cut himself off with the way Adore’s lips twisted a little. The ‘sorry’ so quiet on the exhale, she was almost sure he didn’t say it.

“It’s fine, you know,” she replied anyway, pulling at her wig, “It doesn’t matter. Still me no matter what, right? Just a wig and make-up.”

The scoff was harsh and the way the pins pulled at the hair underneath as she tried to rip the wig off her head made her whine. She batted at his hands as he tried to help before he tried to soothe her with a very gentle “You’re making it worse, asshole. Hold still.”

She fidgeted as he finally finished unpinning the wig and pulled it off with a very soft ‘Christ’. Her eyes stayed on his face as he grimaced, running his hand over the tangled wig that reeked of sweat and stale perfume before he looked it over and asked, “You have a brush for this thing?”

Adore shook her head, “Too punk rock for that shit.”

“Right… and what about your own hair?”

Another shrug and Roy rolled his eyes before taking the empty ice bucket and flipping it upside down, using it as a temporary wig stand before he pointed to the bathroom. “Get up. Go. You’re disgusting. Go!” He waved her to the door until she finally stepped into the bathroom and she got a good look of herself in the mirror. Her hair was greasy and her scalp felt raw, and there were signs where she’d simply just sweated off her make-up and then reapplied for the past couple of nights. “Take your clothes off and get in.”

Standing in the harsh white light of a hotel bathroom, she suddenly didn’t have the energy to really argue. She struggled out of most of her clothes before she turned to the bathtub. “It’s empty.”

“Good job, genius. It’s for the best. Get in.”

Rolling her eyes felt gritty, so she rubbed them instead and did as asked, knees bent, hands on the cold porcelain as she stared at the tile. She scratched a little at the grout before following it with the pad of her finger, pursing her lips and looking pensive as she followed the maze of lines.

The ice water hit her scalp first, ran down the back of her neck and down the center of her spine, making her suck in the myriad of curse words before expelling them in a string of very loud insults, “What the fuck, you rotted cunt? Shit!”

“Keep your voice down. It’s three in the morning.”

Adore sputtered as a damp washcloth was dropped on her head. She took it and wrung it tightly in her hands, staring at it. “What the fuck am I doing?”

“Whore bath for a whore,” Roy spoke as if it was the most obvious thing in the world as he sat down on the floor, with his back against the tub, setting aside the water glass with the sample sized shampoo and conditioner that had been displayed on the counter. He handed her the make-up wipes he’d found with them, giving her a place to start. She took the hint and removed her lashes, pressing them against the edge of the tub.

It took a moment for him to speak again, as she pouted and scrubbed at the layers of make-up on her face, and when he did – it made her pause.

“So what’d you take tonight?”

There was a twinge of curiosity that cancelled out the usual judgemental tone a question like that usually carried. But she acted as if it was still accusatory, just because she wanted to.

“What’s it matter? Sure it’s nothing compared to the shit you’ve done, right?”

She couldn’t see the way he pressed his lips together, but heard the way he clicked his tongue. “Yeah…” he remarked, slouching a bit and tilting his head back a bit. “Probably right…” Another click and he tilted his head to the side again. “I’m gonna offer you some advice, though…”

“I’m fine.”

“Fact that you smell like a stale bag of Fritos says different, now shut up…” he held up a finger before he sighed. “I’m not gonna tell you what to do, because this is your load of bullshit to deal with… but know what the fuck someone is giving you. Just… in case.”

Adore stared at the foundation streaked make-up wipe before she started to rub furiously at her eyes. “So Courm told you about Cleveland…” she squinted in thought before muttering, “Or was it Philly?”

“No.” Roy raised an eyebrow as he pulled the make-up wipe from her hands when she couldn’t seem to stop staring at it as she twisted it tightly one way and then another. Adore grasped at thin air a few times and then turned to face Roy, resting her chin on the edge of the tub and looked towards his face with wide, puppy-like eyes.

“Can you help me wet my hair?”

They both shuddered at that hollow, rubbery ‘flomp’ sound of skin sliding against the barely damp tub surface. Roy was still wincing as Adore got herself situated, followed by a sheepish ‘sorry’. “It’s fine,” Roy remarked before he turned on the facet to a slow trickle, palm pressing against Adore’s forehead to keep her from knocking it against the metal when she reared upwards when it made contact. “Careful! You don’t need a head injury, Jesus…”

“Are you trying to burn my scalp off now?” Adore seethed and Roy helped her sit up so he could check the water temperature.

“You’re lucky I’m not scrubbing you with Lysol, now quit complaining!” He got the temperature down to just below scalding before he helped Adore lean back again. Her eyes rolled upwards and she closed them for a moment, just letting his fingers press against her scalp before she started sniffling.

“You okay?”

The question sounded stiff and rehearsed with genuine concern bleeding through just enough to soften it.

“Yeah… yeah I’m just…” She sat back up slowly, pressing her fingers into her forehead before a sob burst forward. She sucked it back quickly, palms to her eyes as she forced out a laugh. A hand to her shoulder made her lift her head, and she took the small shampoo bottle that was offered. Clutching it in her fingers, she just stared at it as reality seemed to snap back with harsh lines and sharpened edges before blurring out with the tears that pooled in her eyes.

“You wanna pick an emotion, there?”

“Pathetic and embarrassed,” Adore blinked slowly, letting the tears fall before hiding her face with her knees.

“So normal. Good. I was almost worried.”

A soft giggle shuddered forward, weak and breathless. It made her chest hurt and her heart felt raw but that smile still managed to reach her eyes as she shook her head and hoarsely whispered, “You’re such a fucking dick.”

She lathered up her hair making it stand up straight before looking over at him again. “This would have been so much easier if you’d just let me take a normal shower.”

“Maybe,” he let her lean back, a hand shielding her eyes as he helped her rinse the shampoo from her hair, “But Courtney said she wouldn’t help me hide your body if you drowned, so I couldn’t take that risk.”

She dropped her jaw and looked appalled as she sat back up and sputtered, “You would hide my body? Why not call 911?”

“I’m not going to risk potentially going to jail just because your ex is an asshole… now tip your head back, you’re not done.”

Roy pressed the side of his hand to her forehead as he finished rinsing out her hair. She blinked upwards a few times before closing her eyes. “How do you know he was the asshole? Do you even know what happened or why we broke up? I could have been the one who like… cheated on him or whatever.”

“I know I’ve been busy, but I’m not completely oblivious and I know how social media works. I got the gist of what happened… please don’t start crying again, Jesus Christ.”

“Sorry! I’m sorry… I just…” Roy let her sit up and wipe at her eyes, still sniffling. He looked downward to the floor, letting her compose herself. She swiped her hands across her eyes before sniffling and offering a very weak smile, “You think I’m stupid, don’t you?”

“Yes. But not for what’s…” he made a vague gesture in her direction, “…going on right now…” He tossed a fluffy white towel at her and sighed. “Get out, dry off… find some clean clothes and I’ve got something to show you…” He paused a beat as he caught a very familiar spark in her eyes, “Before you say anything, let me ask you… do you really think it’s a good idea to crack a joke about my dick right now?”

“Well, not when you take the fun out of it like that.”

“Just get dressed.”

–––––––––––––––––––––

Drying off, and feeling kind of clean for the first time in probably four days, he looked in the mirror and saw… Danny. And with Danny came the ugly realization that he was a complete wreck of raw emotion and tangled up heartbreak that he’d been trying to ignore for all of these weeks and was doing a really piss poor job of doing so.

And he started crying again, before he even had a chance to stop it. He was sitting, doubled over, on the lid of the toilet with the towel balled up against his face when Roy came back to check what was taking him so long. His eyes were puffy, his face felt tight, and he was trying to wipe the snot from his nose as he caught sight of Roy loitering in the doorway, fingers tapping rapidly on either side, looking down at the floor.

“Think you’re going to make it or are you living in the bathroom now?”

Danny’s lips twitched and he leaned forward, reaching for Roy and wrapping the fabric of the man’s shirt in his fist before pulling him towards him. Roy complied, letting Danny close the gap between them to wrap his arms tightly around his middle.

“You smell good.”

“It’s called showering regularly. You should try it.”

“Be nice to me or I’ll cry.”

“Hah! Like that’s stopped you so far…” Danny closed his eyes and smiled as Roy lightly played with his hair, ruffling it as he took a step back. “Okay, seriously. This bathroom is making me depressed, can we go now?”

Danny nodded and used Roy to hoist himself back up onto his feet. He shuffled out of the bathroom to his suitcase, dug through it for some underwear and a clean t-shirt, and got dressed as Roy sat on the bed, back against the headboard. He crawled into bed, sliding across the comforter and curling up at Roy’s hip, arm across his lap.

“Sobering up a little?”

There was a non-committal grunt in reply before Danny rolled onto his back, pressed his fingers to his eye sockets for a moment and just stared up at the ceiling. “Fuck…” her muttered before closing his eyes tight. They burned a little from crying. He sniffled again before he finally managed to slide his focus back to Roy. “You said something about a present?”

“Yup,” Roy reached over and grabbed the small carry on bag he had with him and dug around it before producing a Ziploc bag that he tossed onto Danny’s chest. Danny pushed himself up on his elbows and squinted a little as he slowly sat up and opened the bag, removing the stack of papers – no. wait. photos – from inside.

“Oh my God…” He gasped and grinned as he recognized a few of them from Roy’s Facebook. “No way…” he started to rifle through them before his grin broke and softened into a genuine smile. “You brought me baby Bianca pictures?”

“I thought you might get a kick out of them.”

“Holy. Shit…” He couldn’t control the elated giggles, soft and raspy in pure delight as he flipped the photo in his hand over to look at the back. “They’re even dated, you fucking nerd!”

“I can take them back.”

“Noooo!” Danny whined and curved over them to shield the small pile he’d made with his body. “I’m looking!”

He righted himself up and gathered his pile, flipping through each photo, pausing at the ones he hadn’t already seen. He let out a low whistle at one from Bianca’s Cher impersonating days, “Damn, you use to be fucking hot,” he lightly smacked Roy’s thigh at the answering scoff. “Shut up, you know you were hot…” He grinned at the way Roy’s lips twitched to one side and pointed, “See? You know.” He laughed when Roy fell silent and didn’t offer any argument.

Danny thumbed through the pile rather quickly, pausing at some of the photos. There was one he’d set aside to come back to once he got through the rest of the pile, leaving it out as he slid the rest of them back into the Ziploc bag and then handed it to Roy. “Tell me the story on that one…”

Roy raised an eyebrow as he took the photo in hand and tilted his head. Danny wrapped an arm around his middle again, chin on his shoulder and he smiled a little. “Not much to tell…” he mused. “It was… 2001, so I was still in New Orleans. It was a photoshoot that had two other queens… both of them were late as fuck…”

Danny hummed and smiled, “Let me guess… you were on time?” Roy offered him a side glance and a confirming nod, but nothing else before he cleared his throat and shrugged.

“But yeah. That’s really it. This was taken while we were waiting for them. Why do you ask?”

Danny shrugged one shoulder as Roy handed the photo back to him – Bianca looking off into the distance, dressed in white with black hair, the lighting soft and surreal. He took it back and cradled it in his hands. There was something ethereal and warm and very different from the heavy handed camp clown that Bianca had aged into. It made Danny’s heart skip a couple of beats and he held his breath for a second or two before he shrugged again and replied with a fresh smile. “You just look really beautiful, that’s all.”

“Then keep it.”

“Really?”

“What am I going to do with it? If you like it, just have it.”

Danny felt a weird flutter somewhere in his chest, a sense of relief that jumped around a couple times before settling back down and making him feel a little lighter. His smile got wider and sweeter before he leaned in, hugged him and kissed his cheek, before nuzzling his shoulder and sighing from content. “You’re the best. Thank you.”

“Mmhm.”

“I’m serious. Really. Thank you.”

“It’s just a photo, Danny.”

“No. It’s more than that and you know it.”

They sat in silence for a minute or two before Danny got up to put the photo under his phone so he wouldn’t forget it. He settled down, head on the pillow and looked up at Roy before asking, meekly, “Are you happy?”

Roy cocked his head to the side to consider the question, “Do you really want to know?”

“Yeah.”

There was a long sigh before he gave up a nod and a very weak smile that didn’t quite tell everything. “It’s… not really easy right now, but overall? Yeah.”

“Are you in trouble for coming to visit me?”

“No. That’d be the last thing on the list of things I could be in trouble for…” his voice trailed and he shook his head at Danny’s perplexed expression, “I don’t want to get into it tonight.”

“Okay…”

“I’m serious, Danny.”

“Okay! I’m serious too. Subject dropped…” He couldn’t tell if he was being extra touchy just because of whatever leftover effects of… whatever it was that had been offered to him… or if it was just natural for him when he was this close to someone as familiar as Roy, but he found himself fiddling with the belt loop on Roy’s jeans, just picking at it and hooking his finger on it before little it go. Roy didn’t stop him and they stayed in another stretch of silence that Danny broke again.

“When do you have to leave?”

“In a few hours.”

“So if I fall asleep, you’ll probably be gone when I get up?”

“Yeah. Sorry.”

“It’s fine. Used to it…” he trailed a bit and wrinkled his nose, “That wasn’t supposed to…”

“Nah. I get it. I know.”

Yet another pause in conversation and Danny started to settle further, “Hey…”

“Mmm?”

“Are you at least going to stay for those few hours?”

Roy nodded before he tilted his head to Danny. “Yeah. I can, if you want.”

“I want…” Danny closed one eye and wrinkled his nose again as he tried to piece together his next request, “Um… can you…? God, this sounds stupid and needy but…” he bit his lip, the words just not falling into place quite right. “Never mind…”

He turned onto his side, back to Roy, until he heard shuffling behind him. He turned over to see Roy settling under the hotel comforter, glasses off and hat removed, a hand under his head and eyes closed. He stared at him for a long moment before Roy cracked open one eye and waved Danny closer. “Stop gawking, asshole. If you want me to stay, I might as well get comfortable.”

The invitation was clear and Danny joined him under the covers, curling up to him and cuddling close. A single arm wrapped around him and one hand rested on his shoulder, that newly freed up spot in his chest filling with a comfortable warmth as he closed his eyes.

“Hey, Roy?”

“Yeah?”

“I hope things work out and you can stay happy.”

“Thanks.”

“Um… Roy?”

“What?”

Danny pressed a light kiss to Roy’s cheek again and whispered to his ear, “Thanks for showing up.”

“Well… it was either show up or listen to Courtney whine until this fucking tour was over, but you’re still welcome.”

Danny hummed and closed his eyes, halfway to sleep before he murmured one more time. “And Roy?”

“What now?”

“You’re so great.”

That got a laugh, a set of fingers pushing back his hair and lips to his forehead. “You’re not so bad yourself. Now get some sleep.”

There was a nearly inaudible ‘okay’ in reply as Danny finally managed to drift off comfortably for the first time in a number of nights that he’d lost count of.

And it wouldn’t be until he half woke up as Roy moved him with a whispered apology so he could gather his stuff – when he was still groggy and still full of sleep, with a cloudy brain and weighted limbs – that he latched onto the pillow that still smelled a little like Roy’s shampoo. It wouldn’t be until he croaked out a slurred ‘good-bye, I miss you’ to Roy’s whispered farewell and he heard the automatic lock on the hotel door click closed and he was finally left alone that a portion of his brain, one caught in between consciousness and sleep, in that sweet limbo where the blankets feel just right against your skin and the temperature in the room is just right and your buzzing brain feels at peace, that Danny could finally feel it.

That rotting, heavy, benign bitterness he’d been toting around for months had finally jarred loose and melted away and the sweet, warm content that had blossomed hours before had decided to take root.

He finally felt okay.

#rpdr fanfiction #flavor #utfg #kitschy pixel #adore delano #bianca del rio #courtney act #biadore #au #alternate meeting au #queen au #angst #crude language #sexually suggestive #tw alcohol use #tw implied drug use #submission

[a-walk-in-silence]

Falling For You (One)

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield x Fem!Reader

Word Count: ~4.2k

Summary: You’d only known Haz as a voice over the phone. A close friend to one of your close friends. But one night, the two of you start talking alone. What happens from there?

Warnings: Cursing, anxiety, major flirting, pretend death, pretend affairs, pretend drama (fellas it’s a murder mystery party idk if these require warnings but I’m tagging them any way)

A/N: So the prologue didn’t get quite the attention I wanted it to get. It really discouraged me from writing this, but I finally think I can write this. I can only hope that it gets the recognition I want it to. So, as a reminder, I ask that if you read this to please leave likes and comments! They are really appreciated!

Masterlist | Prologue

You stared at your reflection in the bathroom mirror. The person staring back at you was... almost unrecognizable under all the makeup that one of Ana’s friends had done for you. If you recalled, you were certain it was something along the lines of Laura, but you couldn’t quite remember.

In the past hour alone, you’d met a handful of new people who had previously been hidden away under avatars. You didn’t know these people in real life.

And you still had another three handfuls or so of people left to meet.

Luckily you did have a little bit of a kicking stone in your advantage. You had previously met Tom and Z, but only briefly. Still, it was better than nothing, you supposed.

The person staring back at you had lips the color of both every berry and none at the same time. The color screamed berry and yet it had no natural berry tones in it at all. Your face had been contoured and highlighted. Your eyes had been darkened by eyeliner and given a surprisingly elegant smokey eye. But it just wasn’t you, in that reflection.

And the clothes... God, how did you ever convince Ana to let you wear this getup? You felt silly in a crop top tee, booty shorts, black fishnet leggings, and a witch hat. You never dressed like this normally. The shorts... maybe. But the crop top? Fishnets? Why did you ever think this was a good idea?

You sighed to yourself before slowly emerging from the bathroom. An entire crowd of people were now milling around. Everyone had a red solo cup in their hands as they chatted lightly among one another. In the background played Rocky Horror Picture Show, filling in the occasional silence with the sound of music and screams.

The moment you stepped out, you were greeted with the overwhelming feeling of panic. You had gone into the bathroom when there had been about 4 people besides yourself and Ana. And now?

You felt extremely suffocated in this group. Was the room this tiny before? You couldn’t really tell at this point. Maybe if you just... laid on the floor for a moment... then...

“Woah there!” shouted someone, catching you before your body could hit the floor. You were suddenly snapped into awareness, eyes wide open from shock. Your savior smiled at you, a boyish grin sitting on his otherwise beautiful face. His baby blue eyes smiled at you with all the warmth of a thousand suns, and his blond curls beckoned to be woven into by your fingers. “Hey now, I’m used to beautiful girls falling for me, but not in the literal sense.”

There was a familiarity to his voice that suddenly snapped you into complete spacial awareness. “Harrison!” you shouted, jumping to your feet. “Holy shit, I almost didn’t recognize you!”

“Oh, Y/N?” His eyebrows scrunched together in confusion as a playful smile took over his features. “You look different. Maybe because the only pictures I’ve seen are you are the weird ones Ana sends. You look great thought!” He was quick to correct himself before smiling and glancing down at the ground. He grabbed your witch hat, which had fallen off of your head, and placed it on his own. “What’s up with the hooker getup and how much are you for the night?”

You rolled your eyes in feigned annoyance, snatching your hat from his head and placing back on it’s perch. “Cute. As if you could afford this.” You glanced over his shoulder, staring at the crowd that seemed oblivious to the fact that you had almost fainted. Typical. You were as invisible as ever, even with the large ass witch hat to show your location. “It’s not a hooker getup. I’m a witch... kind of. I don’t know. Ana said this would be a cute modern witch idea and it turned into-”

“A three dollar hooker,” Haz finished for you.

“Exactly.” You sighed and leaned back against the wall, staring down at your purple converse. “I feel silly and like I’m about to get suffocated by this crowd.”

You glanced back up to see those bright blue eyes studying you with curiosity. “Claustrophobia?” he asked, studying your face for a reaction. You shook your head and he seemed to ponder for a moment longer. “So it’s a fear of crowds...”

You cleared your throat to get his attention, and he acknowledged you with a small tilt of his head. “It’s called Enochlophobia. And yeah, a recent fear actually. I’m sure Ana’s mentioned it. She’s known for spilling everyone’s information.”

Harrison chuckled at your small quip before cautiously offering you a hand. “I can get you to somewhere less crowded and not in the middle of the fray. It just means you’ll have to stick to me like white on rice. Can you handle?”

There was a moment of hesitation as you studied him, unsure of just what to make of him. Sure, you knew Haz. You knew the part of him that had been retold to you through stories and in short conversations online. But now he was here, holding out a hand to you, and you were hesitating. Why?

He seemed to sense your hesitation because he only chuckled and lowered his hand. “I’m just gonna drag you over to the dining room, I promise. No small broom cupboards or anything, love.”

Love. Wow, what a name to be called within meeting for the first time in real life. You shook the thought from your head and cautiously entwined your arms with his own, pressing your body against his side. “Okay. Anything to get away from here.”

A beautiful chuckle came from him. It was deep, deeper than you thought it was possible for one human being to possibly go. As he managed to skillfully weave through the crowd, you took a moment to take in his attire. He wasn’t really dressed for a Halloween party. In a blue plaid button-down and shorts, this was the most casual outfit he could have possibly picked. Slung around his neck was his camera, dangling precariously in front of his midriff.

“You take photos?” you managed to ask, making sure to focus solely on the back of his head and not at the people milling about. “I do a little bit of photography myself. Maybe you could help me get better.”

He threw a cheeky grin at you as the two of you finally emerged at the other end of large room. The two of you stood in the doorway that separated the large living room from the dining room, watching as everyone milled around and talked casually. “Yeah, happily. Did you bring a camera or are we going to have share mine? I don’t mind of course, it’ll just be a tight squeeze with both of us under the lanyard.”

You rolled your eyes once again before motioning to the dining room table where your bags were currently sitting. Your camera bag, a simple black square bag was sitting with your purse propped against it. “It’s on the table.” You unwound your arms from his as you moved over to the table to assemble your camera and show it off.

A loud whistle came from Haz as he examined your camera, admiration sparkling in his blue eyes. “A Rebel Canon? What a beaut.” He snatched your camera and examined, his eyes twinkling with joy. “This is a really good camera. Tom’s brother, Harry, would be jealous.”

“It was a birthday present for my 17th birthday, actually. It was the only thing I got ‘cause it’s expensive as hell but it’s really good. Just really persnickety. The flash always turns itself on  unless I have my camera on the “no flash” setting, which means I can’t do any kind of special features without it turning on.” You held out your hand patiently, waiting for him to finish examining your camera. In the meanwhile, you decided to talk more about your camera. “I use it primarily for landscape and nature photography. I need to get better with taking photos with artificial lights without the camera doing weird shit.”

He finally looked up from your camera, having toyed around with it thoroughly. His eyes flickered over to your outheld hand before he smiled with all the cockiness of a fuckboy as he took a step back, holding your camera up to his eye. “Say cheese, beautiful.”

You gave him a stern and unamused look as you listened to the shutter go off, accompanied by the bright light of your flash. You blinked rapidly, trying to regain your vision from the blindspots that had developed due to the flash in the otherwise dim living room. “And that’s why I don’t use the flash,” you grumbled, rubbing at your eyes in the hopes of getting rid of the offending spots in your vision.

Once you stopped furiously rubbing at your eyes, he handed back your camera and you opened up the gallery to see just how horrible you looked. However, when you finally managed to get to the most recent picture, you were moderately surprised to see that Haz had managed to find a photo composition that both made you stand out without being overwhelmingly present. “Wow,” you mumbled awkwardly, staring at the photo. “Not bad. Too bad your subject wasn’t very into it. Could have been cute.”

“I think my subject was very cute, actually,” he chided in. You flipped the camera around so he was looking at the picture he took. “A bit of editing on the lighting and this really could be an award-winning photo. Beautiful subject and all.”

“A modern day DaVinci. Of course.” You shook your head before turning off your camera and slinging the lanyard around your neck. “So, how does one go around taking stellar pictures like a pro?”

He opened his mouth, ready to spew some bullshit about just taking your time to line up the perfect shot with the perfect photo composition, when Ana came bursting into the dining room with Tom in tow.

Ana was dressed up as one of the workers from the Haunted Mansion ride at Disney, one of her favorite rides. She wanted to be a ghost host for tonight’s Murder Mystery, so she decided to take the roll to the extreme. Tom, meanwhile, was dressed in a dark gray tee with a black jacket and black pants. His hands were squished into fingerless gloves, and his dark brown curls were lightly tousled.

“Y/N! There you are!” She sighed in relief before wrapping an arm around your shoulders and tugging you further away from the crowd of people in the living room and kitchen. “Hey, we need to start the murder mystery. Can I pull you back to Z’s room so we can finish up some last minute details?” She threw a smile over her shoulder at Tom and Haz who were studying the two of you with curiosity. “Sorry fellas, I have to still Y/N. You can flirt with her later, Haz.”

The blond rolled his eyes as he leaned against the kitchen table, fiddling with his camera. “I wasn’t flirting,” was his only response as Ana dragged you the long way to Z’s room.

When you entered, you saw the dark-haired girl hunched over on the floor, scribbling words onto the back of a puzzle. One of the clues that you and Ana had specifically planned for the murder mystery. “Alright, how can I help?” you asked, causing Z to jump before looking up at you.

Her dark brown eyes instantly softened as she glanced around the room. She studied everything for a moment before shrugging. “I actually can’t think of why we needed help. Ana just said she needed to find you.”

You threw an accusatory look over your shoulder at Ana who was shifting awkwardly on her feet. “Ana, what gives?”

“I need to see where your loyalties lie,” she mumbled awkwardly before glancing out the bedroom door and into the busy living room. “By loyalties I mean... you were 100% flirting with Haz! What gives, dude? I thought you were sworn off men?”

Your jaw dropped at her accusations. Flirting? With Haz? “As if! He’s not my type. He’s a player. Slept with more people than you can possibly count. Hell, he’s slept with more people than people I’ve had crushes on. Why would I ever want to flirt with Haz?” You shook your head before offering her a smile. “He was trying to help me with my camera. I promise. Nothing is happening between us. Just casual banter.”

“Casual flirting, you mean,” Zendaya joked as she finished with the puzzle. You turned to look at her, eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she jumbled up the puzzle and tossed it into a plastic ziploc baggie. “Oh come on, Y/N. I’ve met you once and I can tell that you were flirting from what I saw. It’s fine. Just don’t go around getting hurt. Don’t want the two of you causing a split in our friend group, ya feel?”

You rolled your eyes before plopping down on Z’s bed. “No. I could never be with Haz. It wouldn’t work. Not with who is and who I am. Relax, girls, I’m still sworn off men and women. I want to be single for a little bit.” You glanced to your left and caught sight of the stack of cards with Haz’s sitting at the top. You grabbed it, and a pen, and scribbled one more “secret” onto it. “Like, am I flirting? Maybe a little. But it’s all just for fun. Nothing will come out of it.” You returned his card back to the pile.

Sitting up, you watched as the two shared a look before moving with synchronized ease. They pulled your feet and handed you the rules list for the Murder Mystery. “Well, since you made the rules, you get to read them. Then we can start the party,” Ana said. “And Z, you should hand out everyone’s cards.” She handed the stack of index cards that the two of you made to Z, who escaped out of the room. You were about to follow her when Ana stopped you, offering you a soft smile. “Just be careful, okay?”

“I will be. Don’t worry. I’m not keen on getting my heart broken again.” You pulled your best friend into a hug before following her out of the room. The two of you moved to the front of the living room, where Z was finishing up passing out all the cards. She handed you and Ana your cards before going to rejoin the crowd.

“Good luck. I’ll do my speech once you’re done,” she mumbled before slipping into the crowd and cuddling into Tom’s side.

A moment of panic struck you as you looked out into the crowd of people who were now staring at you expectantly. Kneeling in the front, though, was Haz, camera poised as he snapped pictures. You forced a momentary smile before glancing down at the paper in your hands. The further you stared at it, the sooner you realized that your handwriting was fucking illegible.

You sighed before looking back at the crowd. “Hey everyone,” you said awkwardly, waving. “Some of you only know me from Discord, but I’m Ana’s roommate back at college. Together, with Z, we are here to bring you the Murder Mystery. There are a few rules that I want to go over before we get started.”

Your eyes flickered down to Haz, who was smiling at you with all the light of a thousand suns on a cloudless summer day. Or maybe a billion moons shining down on you on a midnight stroll, guiding your way home in an otherwise dark world. There was something about the way that he smiled so calmly and warmly at you that put you at ease.

“The first is your card. On it are secrets about who your character is, whether your a victim, bystander, police man, private investigator, or the murderer. Whatever your card says is your secret.” You finally glanced back at the crowd and smiled warmly. “You don’t get to share your secret, otherwise we could all just talk right now and figure out who the murder is with the first clue and everyone’s secret alone. The only people who can are the police officer and the P.I.’s, and that’s because they’re supposed to be spear-heading the investigation by asking questions. However, for the rest of you, your card does give you some people you can talk to about your secret. Say, if you’re a drug dealer and someone in the party is your boss, the two of you could subtly talk about drugs to one another.

“Every roll is important, and there will be many red herrings. Work through the clues as a team and you’ll do fine. Just remember to have fun, most importantly. This is for you guys, and if you aren’t having fun then what’s the point?”

A few seconds of silence followed the ending of your small speech before everyone cheered and started to get hyped up from the event. The overwhelming noise that hit you made you laugh nervously before escaping to curl up on the couch and hide away from the crowd. The moment you stepped away, Ana came to the front of the crowd and began her speech.

You tried to pay attention, but your heartbeat was hammering through your chest and you felt so overwhelmed. You curled your knees up to your chest, staring intently at your laces.

“Hey,” Haz muttered, pulling you from your trance. He sat down on the floor right in front of you and continued to take pictures of Ana and what was happening at the front. “When I’m panicking, I find things to ground myself. 5 items you can spot with your eyes. 4 things you can immediately touch. 3 sounds you can hear. 2 you can smell. That kind of thing. It helps me, maybe it’ll help you.”

At his advice, you decided to try and focus your mind on the simple task. You could spot the television, and the clock chiming in the distance. You could smell the hot pizza and the bubbly coke in the cup sitting on the coffee table to your left. You could also smell Haz’s cologne, and god, it was so intoxicating-

Ana started to cough at the front of the room, and you remembered that her speech was coming to an end with her death. You instantly jumped to her feet and ran to her side as she collapsed. “Holy shit! Ana!” you shouted, grabbing at her arm and testing for a pulse. It was strong as day, but this was all pretend. “Guys! She’s dead!”

Everyone instantly jumped into the investigations, looking for clues that would point towards the killer. Ana sat up and shook her head, smiling at you. “How was my speech?”

“It was great, you got your lines perfectly,” you said before sitting down on the floor next to her. “I guess I should cuddle up to your man since he decided he wanted to have an affair. I’ll go make sure they find the letters.”

Ana shot you a dirty look as you talked about cuddling up with Tom but let you leave nonetheless. As you walked back to Z’s room, you set the letters that detailed the affairs before an idea popped into your head. You took the letter you wrote to Tom and hid it in your shirt, choosing to hide it on Tom and get suspicion for him as the murderer going.

“What’d you put up your shirt?” Haz asked, poking his head into the bedroom. You jumped before sighing in relief. “Just a ghost, sorry.” He chuckled before holding out his hand. “I’ll be taking that evidence, love. Don’t want you hiding important information.”

“You’re going to have to pry it out of my cold dead hands, Mister Murderer.” You smirked up at him before relaxing onto the bed. “Besides, you can’t read the letter. Not yet.”

He closed the door and joined you on the bed, smiling happily in your direction. “As the murderer, I could just kill you and take the paper from you. Besides, who says I would spill your dirty little secrets to the group? No, I think I’ll keep it as bargaining chips.”

You leaned really close to him, studying his face for a moment before settling on his lips. “Well then...” You leaned over and gingerly pecked him on the lips before leaning away from him. “I guess you’ll have to kill me for it. After all...” I pulled out my card, covering everything besides the word “VICTIM”. “My fates already sealed.”

I pulled the letter out of my shirt and walked over to the door, smirking at the stunned look that had settled over Haz’s face. “I’m sorry I don’t make the rules, Mr. Osterfield. All I’ll ever be in a victim in your eyes. This letter is my last testimony of setting up a red herring. It’s needed for the story to be good. Did you read your card fully?”

He gave you a weird look before pulling out his card and reading over it. “Wait, when did you add this? Ana told me what was on the card earlier and I-”

“Your girlfriend has a big secret, bud. It’s all written here. If you want it, you’ll have to take it from Tom and then kill me for it.” You winked at him before escaping back into the  main room.

You smiled to yourself, happy with how you left Haz near stunned with the kiss. Was it really a kiss though? Just a small peck. But God, it felt so god to leave him speechless.

The fact that you could feel his eyes on you as you left the room was almost empowering. The way you could feel his blue eyes burning a hole into your back was almost exhilarating.

A thought occurred to you, though. What if this went to far? What if you both ended up catching feelings while having some meaningless fun? What if you got hurt from this?

You pushed the thought from your mind as you rejoined the group at the Murder Mystery.

The night went on about as expected. Everyone found the letters, pieced together who was sleeping with who and who was responsible for what. You died a dramatic death once your affair with Tom had been made public, and Haz was the one to read the letter. The two of you fought, as any “couple” would, and then you went off and died from poisoning. Everything eventually boiled down to where the murderer was revealed.

And then the party went on as it had before. People drank, played a game called “Werewolf”, where three people were werewolves, and everyone had to figure out who before they killed everyone in the town. Horror movies played in the background, and socialization happened inbetween games.

“Hey you,” Haz said, pulling you away from the crowds, thankfully. He found a remote little corner in the dim dining room where no one was at currently. “I have to get going. Issues with roommates and all that. ‘Pparently Allison had an allergic reaction and I gotta get going.”

“Oh.” The joy you had been feeling from the party and finally relaxing around the crowd slowly depleted at his words. “Okay. Well... will you be at the Christmas Party? I’m helping plan that one, too.”

He gave you a cheeky smile and draped his arm across your shoulders, tugging you into his side snugly. “I’ll try to be. Walk me to my car?”

You nodded and the two of you sneakily escaped from the party and to his car. It was, admittedly, a very run down convertible that you weren’t quite sure if it should be able to run. You were about to make a snarky comment about his car when he surprised you with a kiss. You were so taken aback that you weren’t able to fully process just what was happening until he pulled away.

“I... what-?” You were at a loss for words and could only muster a jumbled sound of random vowels and consonants. He only chuckled and walked around to the driver side door, ready to just leave you standing on the sidewalk with a shocked look on your face. “Wait, hold on! What was that?”

Haz, who already had the door open, leaned against the hood of the door and smiled at you with what could only be described as an award-winning smile. “Think of it as a promise. I’ll text you.”

With that, he ducked into his car, slamming the driver-side door shut behind him. You watched as he easily pulled away from the curb and drove off down the road. You crossed your arms across your chest, watching as he turned the corner and left.

What the hell were you supposed to do now?

TAGS:

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