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xxstyleart · 5 years

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Chapter 18; Siege and Storm

Heyyooooo, so I’ve adapted a few parts in a particular scene of chapter 18 with Mal, Alina and the Darkling! I’ve been trying to read fanfics and it’s inspired to write my own so here ya go!! *Disclaimer: I’ve adapted the existing scene with a few things I envisioned. Most of the content is original to Leigh. I’ve simply added a few different elements into the scene and developed it the way I thought would create a deeper scene. Also, my content will be written in between double asterisks. Anything outside of that was written by Leigh. & the ‘[...]’ indicate there are additional lines from the book I’ve not included in my post but that I’ve skipped in order to make this post more fluid and concise with my adaptations. Hope that made sense. Enjoy!!!!

(Art credit: nanfe1789)

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He nodded, scuffed the toe of his boot along the floor. “I miss you,” he said quietly. Soft words but they sent a painful, welcome tremor through me. Had part of me doubted it? He’d been gone so often.

I touched his hand. “I miss you too.” [...] He let out a long breath. “Saints, I hate this place.” I blinked, startled by the vehemence in his voice. “You do?” “I hate the parties. I hate the people. I hate everything about it.” “I thought... you seemed... not happy exactly, but--” “I don’t belong here, Alina. Don’t tell me you haven’t noticed.” That I didn’t believe. Mal fits in everywhere. “Nikolai says everyone adores you.”

“They’re amused by me,” Mal said. “That’s not the same thing.” He turned my hand over, tracing the scar that ran the length of my palm. “Do you know I actually miss being on the run? Even that filthy little boarding house in Cofton and working in the warehouse. At least then I felt like I was doing something, not just wasting time and gathering gossip.”

I shifted uncomfortably, feeling suddenly defensive. “You take every chance you get to be away. You don’t have to accept every invitation.”

He stared at me. “I stay away to protect you, Alina.” “From what?” I asked incredulously. He stood up, pacing restlessly across the room. “What do you think people asked me on the royal hunt? The first thing? They wanted to know about me and you.” He turned on me, and when he spoke his voice was cruel, mocking “Is it true that you’re tumbling the Sun Summoner? [...] I stay away to put distance between us, to stop the rumors. I probably shouldn’t even be in here now.”

I circled my knees with my arms, drawing them more tightly to my chest. My cheeks were burning. “Why didn’t you say something?” **Quiet anger rumbled in my chest. How could he not know what was in my heart? How did he not understand that I could not give a care as to what anyone else had to say? I needed him and that’s all that mattered, not what others were speculating about my--sex life.**

“What could I say? And when? I barely see you anymore.” “I thought you wanted to go.” “I wanted you to ask me to stay.”

My throat felt tight. I opened my mouth, ready to tell him that he wasn’t being fair, that I couldn’t have known. But was that the truth? Maybe I had really believe Mal was happier away from the Little Palace. Or maybe I’d just told myself that because it was easier with him gone, because it meant one less person watching and wanting something from me. **Another burden I wouldn’t have to bear. Another disappointment I would avoid. So then, why was there such an aching in my chest as he stood there, staring at me expectantly? What more did he want? Was I not enough? Was I too much?**

He raised his hands as if to plead his case, then dropped them helplessly. “I feel you slipping away from me, and I don’t know how to stop it.”

**His eyes bore into mine with a deep sadness I hadn’t let myself look at for too long these past few weeks. It stung. Maybe because he was right. Maybe because I feared all of this would become too much for him and he’d decide to finally leave for good. Maybe because it was easier to let go first rather than to be left behind like crumbs on a table... Or maybe because it reminded me of the sadness that was growing in my own heart every time he left, because despite his previous declaration in wanting to protect me, I’d felt him slipping away and I hadn’t known what to do about it.** Tears pricked my eyes. “We’ll find a way,” I said. “We’ll make more time--”

“It’s not just that. Ever since you put on that second amplifier, you’ve been different.” My hand strayed to the fetter. “When you split the dome, the way you talk about the firebird... I heard you speaking to Zoya the other day. She was scared, Alina. And you liked it.”

“Maybe I did,” I said, my anger rising. It felt so much better than the guilt or shame. **Times have changed. I’ve changed. I'm not the weak little orphan from Keramzin anymore. I may not be strong, but I am more now. Different. I had to be because of this power, because of all the people depending on it. Why couldn’t he see that?** “So what? You have no idea what she’s like, what this place has been like for me. The fear, the responsibility--”

“I know that. I know and I can see the toll it’s taking. But you chose this. You have a purpose. I don’t even know what I’m doing here anymore.” [...]

**The rage boiled inside, heat rose to my cheeks and ears. “Coward,” I spat as viciously as I could. Surprise swims in his eyes as he registers my verbal attack. Despite the outburst, a door inside me slams shuts. “I chose nothing.” I say coldly. He stiffens at my change of tone. “I did not choose to be born with this power. I did not choose to wage this war. I did not choose to go after the stag,” I twisted the knife.

A mix of hurt, desperation and fear contorts his face. I know he remembers. It was his idea to go after the stag--to get it before the Darkling could so I could be used against the Darkling in time, just as everyone here was planning on doing. He shakes his head in denial.** [...] “You came here for Ravka. For the firebird. To lead the Second Army.” He tapped the sun over his heart. “I came here for you. You’re my flag. You’re my nation. But that doesn’t seem to matter anymore. Do you realize this is the first time we’ve really been alone in weeks?” **Brief shock overcame me.**

The knowledge of that settled over us. The room seemed unnaturally quiet. Mal took a single tentative step toward me. Then he closed the space between us in two long strides. One hand slid around my waist, the other cupped my face. Gently, he tilted my mouth up to his. “Come back to me,” he said softly. **The tenderness in his voice pulled at my heart and thaws it. The door that slammed shut creaked open just a bit. This. This was what I yearned for--what I’ve been missing. Him. His love, his affection. No pride and no barriers to stand in our way. My body relaxed in response.** He drew me to him, but as his lips met mine, something flickered in the corner of my eye.

The Darkling was standing behind Mal. I stiffened. Mal pulled back. “What?” he said. “Nothing. I just...” I trailed off **as fear choked me. I didn’t know what to say.** The Darkling was still there. “Tell him you see me when he takes you in his arms,” **he taunts. His voice was too raw. Too real. It shattered me.** I squeezed my eyes shut. Mal dropped his hands and stepped away from me, his fingers curling into fists. “I guess that’s all I needed to know.” **Panic rose in my chest.** “Mal--” “You should have stopped me. All that time I was standing there, going on like a fool. If you didn’t want me, you should have just said so.” “Don’t feel too bad, tracker,” said the Darkling. **Each word sounded like shattering glass and it was hard for me to not cringe anymore than I already had.** “All men can be made fools.” “That’s not it--” I protested. “Is it Nikolai?” “What? No!” “Another otazt’sya, Alina?” the Darkling mocked. Mal shook his head in disgust. “I let him push me away. The meetings, the council sessions, the dinners. I let him edge me out. Just waiting, hoping that you’d miss me enough to tell them all to go to hell.” I swallowed, trying to block out the vision of the Darkling’s cold smile. **He knows. He knows I won’t say anything more. I’ll let Mal believe this lie rather than tell him what I truly see. He knows I’m too afraid to face that truth.**

[...] “Mal--” **Faltering before I truly begin. He’s slipping. I need to say something. Anything. But what? What can I say to make him stay? Pain strikes me as I realized there wasn’t a better option than nothing.** [...] “I don’t want to hear about [...] Ravka or the amplifiers or any of it.” He slashed his hand through the air. “I’m done.” He turned on his heel and strode toward the door.

“Wait!” I rushed after him and reached for his arm. **Desperation clung to me. I wanted to feel the warmth of his skin on mine. I hoped for it to drive away this coldness I felt inside.**

He turned around so fast, I almost careened into him. “Don’t, Alina.”

**My heart broke. He was already pushing me away. I can see that the distance was much more than the few inches between us.** “You don’t understand--” I said, **faltering again. How could I put it into words he wouldn’t judge me for? How could I think of him so often after all that he’s done? Why do I keep seeing the Darkling? Mal would be disgusted of me.**

“You flinched. Tell me you didn’t.” “It wasn’t because of you!” **I just wished he’d believe me.** Mal laughed harshly. “I know you haven’t had much experience. But I’ve kissed enough girls to know what that means. Don’t worry. It won’t happen again.” The words hit me like a slap. He slammed the door behind him.

I stood there, staring at the closed doors. I reached out and touched the bone handle. **I know you haven’t had much experience. But I’ve kissed enough girls to know what that means. His words ring in my head, cutting through me like a double-edged knife.** You can fix this, I told myself. You can make this right. But I just stood there, frozen. [..] I bite down hard on my lip to silence the sob that shook my chest. That’s good, I thought as the tears spilled over. That way the servants won’t hear. An ache had started between my ribs, a hard, bright shard of pain that lodged beneath my sternum, pressing tight against my heart.

**I turned and leaned against the door, gasping for breath while trying not to let the sobs erupt. I see him fully now, standing exactly where he was behind Mal, just before the bed. The moonlight shone against his tall silhouette and illuminated his broad shoulders, his strong arms. I can see his perfect face, a smile no longer on his lips. He had the mercy to not look smug. Instead, his face was stony and cold but there was something dark swirling in his eyes that I couldn’t make out. I pinned him in place with a look, offering nothing but anger, hatred, and resentment.

I brought my hands to my face, my fingers curling and slightly tugging at my roots. Angrily, I spoke, my voice becoming louder with each question. “Why do I keep seeing you? Why are you here? Why must you torture me like this?” I’m nearly begging him for answers. My hands slashed the air between us, frustrated. “Must you make me drive him away?” I can read his face clearly now. The problem with wanting is that it makes you weak.

He thaws and looks at me disgustingly lovingly. His eyes were soft as he wrapped his hands around one of mine then laid it over his heart. The other caressed my cheek. Gently, he answers,“Yes, I do because you must realize that in this world, there is only you and I. There is no one else like us: powerful. Your power is growing every day. As much as you love him, he could never love you without fearing you first. And as much as you want him to be there for you--to understand you, he simply can’t. He is otazt’sya. None of them will ever know you the way I do. None will understand the hunger for more power or the delight we feel when we use it. There is no one who will not fear you or judge you. Only I can understand you. Only I will not fear or judge you for what you are. You are Alina Starkov, my equal. We were made opposites, but are halves to the other. We were meant to be together.”

I try to yank my hand back from his chest, but I am frozen. I try again, but to no avail. His words shake me to my core. Knowingly, he says nothing and silently urges me on. How? How was he able to read me so well? How did he know so much about how I felt? Of all people, how could he know what I was going through when he wasn’t even here with me? Or real? Shame and resentment filled me. We wage a silent battle, looking into each other’s eyes, acutely aware of the other. We stayed like that for a long time, so long, my body relaxed and grew used to his presence.

I finally break the silence.“...Why won’t you just let me be?” My voice broke. He was only a figment of my mind playing tricks on me. He wasn’t real... so why did he look so real? Why did this feel so real? He was an itch that I couldn’t soothe. I keep scratching to try and ease the itching but it only makes things worse and now I’m bleeding.

“If I did that, you’d be alone.” His words felt like a bucket of cold water washing over me. Loneliness? Wasn’t that his fear? You don’t understand, my words to Mal echoed again. I’d meant he didn’t understand that I’d actually flinched from him because of the Darkling, not because I didn’t want him but had I meant something else too? Was what the Darkling was saying true? With this new found power of mine, was loneliness my fear now as well? My blood turned cold at that truth. Yes, it was... ‘Sankt Alina’, they’d whispered during prayers. They’d praised the Sun Summoner without cease but I saw the look in their eyes. Admiration was there on the surface but it was fear that had driven them--fear of me... of my power. I saw the way servants never stood too closely, the way they flinched at my every move. I saw the way peers did their best to dance around me with their words. People claimed to worship the Saint but I saw their pity. No one wants this kind of responsibility or this raw hunger for power in any life.

“Alone...” I whispered. “Is that what we are?” As soon as I let the words out, I felt it: alone. It kicked me in the gut and nearly choked the air from my lungs. Tears well in my eyes again and spilled over without cease. My body gives way to the weight in my heart and I sink to the floor. The harsh reality that no one would ever understand drowns me. The fear courses through like an unforgiving tsunami. Breathing became difficult. No one could ever understand me. No one except the Darkling.**

I didn’t hear the Darkling move; I only knew when he was beside me. His long fingers brushed the hair back from my neck and rested on the collar. When he kissed my cheek, his lips were cold, **and I welcomed it, begrudgingly. We were alone, together.**

#grisha #grisha trilogy #the grisha trilogy #grishaverse #the darkling #thedarkling #alina #alina starkov #alinastarkov #mal #siegeandstorm #siege and storm #nanfe1789 #pangieeyang #grishafanfic #fanfic #siegeandstormfanfic #grisha fanfic #grisha trilogy fanfic

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sserpente · 7 years

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Condolescence (Chapter IV)

Pairing: Adam (Only Lovers Left Alive) x OFC Language: English Rating: M

Read it on AO3!

Nothing had changed since the last time Tal had been in his big and ancient house in the suburbs. He had led her to his car, an impressive white Jaguar XJ-S from 1986 and, after assuring her that he hadn’t drunk a single drop of alcohol, she had allowed him to open the door for her. They set off, away into the night on the lonely streets until they reached their destination.

“Adam, I can’t stay long. My landlord is cross with me already. If I’m absent tomorrow morning...” Telling him about the fact that with losing her job, she wasn’t able to pay her rent anymore, seemed inappropriate, for last time, the mysterious stranger had slipped her a twenty dollar bill just for her to get home by bus. The ticket had cost her mere five bucks, leaving her with fifteen dollars she had spent on a warm meal the day after. It had been the first one in a long while, minus the delicious pizza Adam had ordered for her.

“There is no way I will let you be on your own tonight. Have you contacted the police about your ex-boyfriend?”

Tal shook her head, unsure of whether she should feel guilty about her confession and making Adam sigh as he offered her to sit down on his couch. He quickly removed the expensive e-guitar from it to place it next to a pair of speakers before he joined her, minding to create enough space between the two of them.

“I didn’t think they would believe me… I have no evidence, after all.” She continued, eyeing the spot he had placed his guitar at. Curiously, she noticed the equipment he used to produce his own music with before she looked him in the eye again, fighting to keep her composure as they tarnished her perception.

“How old are you?” Adam didn’t know where all those questions were coming from. He found himself interested in the human girl, more so than during their first encounter, where she had spent hours sleeping in his bed.

“Twenty-two.”

“And you live in Detroit all on your own?” She had told him she had moved here only few months ago. But there had to be family she could go to, acquaintances she could hide at. She didn’t know yet that she still had to be saved. That the monster she would regret to trust was sitting right next to her in this very moment.

Tal nodded again. “Work has been really exhausting. I haven’t had time to meet new people yet. And then I met Chris. He’d been so nice and… helpful and then…” Quickly, she blinked her tears away.

“You certainly have chosen the wrong place to be at tonight.” The vampire frowned. There were so many tremendous spots she could have gone to, to meet people who shared her intellectuality and her intelligence she obviously seemed to have but instead, she had chosen to join the drunks who had unlearned to appreciate the true meaning of music.

“Isn’t there someone else you could find accommodation at? What about your parents? Do they still live in Massachusetts?”

Instantly, Tal’s face darkened at the mention of her mother and father. Adam frowned once more and he knew before she opened her mouth and explained to him. She had no parents left.

“My… my mum and dad died only a year ago… there… there has been a shooting near where my father worked and my mum had gone to visit him to bring him lunch but… but neither of them returned home that day.” So that was why she carried all that painful grief with her at all times. Adam could feel it, it was almost tangible. This girl had lost her vitality. Very similar to himself.

Her eyes were watering once more as she spoke, with salty tears soon running down her cheeks and wetting her beautiful face. Adam said nothing. He knew what it was like to see someone one held dear die, probably more than anyone else was able to. Battling himself, he resisted placing his arm around her shoulders to comfort her.

“I… I was an only child.” She continued, sobbing heavily in the process. “My parents had no siblings either and my grandparents died when I was a kid. I… I had no-one left in Massachusetts, so I decided to start anew and come here.”

Tal didn’t quite understand why she would unburden herself to this intimidating man who, technically, was still a stranger to her. Tonight, she had once more watched him defying strong men without even blinking and she had willingly let him bring her to his house again, whereby she was sure that he wouldn’t have accepted any contradiction.

Somehow, albeit it felt right to open up to him. He wouldn’t tell anyone.

“It’s fucking painful to be alone. To feel lonely.” The vampire finally said, his voice only so loud. Tal had to listen closely to comprehend his words. “A long time ago, I lost what I loved the most. The one thing that kept me going in this decayed world full of greed and spitefulness.” He looked up, locking eyes with her once more. “The only reason I still live is to not disappoint her.”

“I am so sorry.” Tal sniffed, the back of her hands reaching up to her cheeks to wipe away her tears and rub her eyes. “That is terrible. You must have been very close then.”

This time it was Adam who nodded mutely, pressing his lips together as images of his dead wife flashed before his eyes. She was dancing in between stacks of her beloved books, enjoying his music as he silently watched her. She turned around, a pleasant smile on her lips when she took his hands into hers and pressed her body against his, appreciating his presence.

The vampire blinked, banning the sorrowful thoughts from his mind. It had merely been a decade since her passing. Eve would have wanted him to move on and now, there was this strange human girl he seemed not to be able to get rid of. Maybe she had sent her to him. Maybe she wanted him to feel luck again, to remember what it was like to love and to be loved. Or maybe in the end, his disgusting hunger would get the better of him. Speaking of which.

“Are you hungry?” Adam himself had had breakfast before he decided to leave for the one club he had occasionally visited with his now dead wife; and the more he pondered over it, the more he believed that she had indeed sent him there tonight. To give him a new purpose in life; becoming the guardian angel to a girl who had lost everything. A girl who was as lonely as he was.

Somehow, there was a connection between them. A connection Adam couldn’t quite explain, a connection he had never felt before, not even when he had first met Eve those thousands of years ago.

“No… no, thank you. I just… could I get a glass of water? That would be great.”

“Of course. Wait here.” He left the room, having Tal look around in awe in the meanwhile. The many instruments and music equipment in the room didn’t fail to impress her once more, having her wonder whether he produced his own. The reason she had gone to this club in particular was that she liked the kind of music they played there. The dark sounds of e-guitars were thoroughly bewitching and now Adam seemed to like this kind of music too. Maybe they had something in common. Maybe he did produce his own music.

Tal mentally made a note to herself to ask him about it later.

It was then the vampire returned with a glass of water, handing it to her without a word.

“Thank you.”

She forced herself to smile as she took it from his hands, cupping it with her palms and taking a few sips. Adam kept forgetting how water was as essential for humans to survive as blood was to him.

“Why are you being so nice to me?” She suddenly asked. “You don’t even know me.”

“It is a matter of course to aid a young woman in adversity.” He choked on his whether they are zombies or not. “You are right, I don’t know you. But I want to get to know you.” Startled, he sat down again as she emptied the glass. It was true. He did want to get to know her. See where it would take him. If she happened to endanger his existence at some point, he could still get rid of her. His heart ached the very thought of it.

“You are my guardian angel.” She murmured with a shy smile on her lips.

Adam snorted mutely. She’d said it exactly like he had put it before. He inched closer to her, a severe expression on his face. Resisting her was impossible. There was a craving lust burning deep inside of him, a hunger that, when defeated and given in to, wouldn’t only satisfy his aching fangs.

How could he possibly feel this way towards a human girl? A zombie? How could his heart begin to pound in his chest like a steam hammer, every cell of him wanting to be close to her?

“I was trying so hard to stay away from you. But I can’t.” He admitted quietly, his gaze never leaving hers.

Unable to look away, the fascinating sparkling in her beige eyes confused Adam. His heart softened when he looked into them and he felt the sudden urge to touch her, to connect his cold skin with hers. And so he did. Slowly, he brought up his right arm to cup her cheek with his palm, his cool fingertips brushing against her skin.

For a zombie, she felt incredibly soft. So pure and untouched, not only on the outside but more so on the inside. She must have been a virgin as well.

“Then don’t.” She whispered equally quiet as her lips parted, allowing Adam to lean in even closer to her. Way closer than he should have.

His hot breath brushed against her lips, their faces only mere inches from each other.

With a mute sigh, he pressed his mouth onto hers, holding back a relished moan as he finally tasted her. So sweet, like honey or the fruitiest strawberry. Her lips were smooth, soft and so innocent, her movements inexperienced, he noticed, when she hesitantly moved her mouth against his, trapping his upper lip between hers.

Adam stifled another moan. Carefully taking the breakable glass out of her hands and putting it on the small table next to the couch, he placed his hands on her waist to pull her closer. She felt incredible. Ravishing, even. He didn’t want to let go ever again, for she tasted like a drug he was addicted to now, so perhaps he just wouldn’t.

Perhaps, he would keep her with him to seek for her touches, to press her close whenever he longed for it. He wanted her. It was the only thing he could muster in this very moment.

➡️ Find all chapters on my masterlist!

#adam #adam olla #olla #only lovers left alive #tom hiddleston #tom hiddleston vampire #adam olla fanfiction #condolescence #chapter 4 #adam only lovers left alive

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