#but being the oldest child of four and generally the 'good quiet one' with typically decent grades

[knight-engale]

"you're not traumatized by being raised by parents who were way too young and were raised in shitty families themselves and who never taught you emotional intelligence and isolated you from pretty much all of your non churchgoing peers, you're just a little silly! and you cry whenever you notice any sort of shift in the way someone speaks to you and take it as a personal rejection, whether or not it was intentional, but that's unrelated"

#i know i have it good because my family was never struggling as much as my moms family seemed to #and because my parents were more affectionate and emotionally available than my dads family and parents #but being the oldest child of four and generally the 'good quiet one' with typically decent grades #meant less attention was given to me as opposed to say #the disabled second child or the family baby (at the time) #i genuinely dont remember getting a ton of one on one time with my parents unless i was in trouble #and while i know it did happen #children dont tend to internalize the positive encounters #and it only got worse as i got older and my interests drifted further away from what my parents liked or wanted to hear about #and then they had another kid but not before mom was hospitalized for a month #and dad was working so he wasn't very available so rven thougj i wasnt supposed to play parent #i kinda tried to. i was 14 #and it felt a little like no one was looking out for me #and it still doesn't #i still feel like an outsider and fundamentally unlovable unless im serving some kind of purpose #because if even my own parents dont pay me much mind when im not actively being helpful #why would anyone else?

[dotuindex]

Merla HCs for the soul

General Culture HCs ⭐ Her home planet is called Orulla ⭐ Ever seen that part where Zarkon says “no one knows where she’s from”? That’s because her and her people are from a place akin to VLD’s quantum abyss in terms of how the place functions. Trying to get in is a death wish so the place has yet to be discovered. ⭐ Her race is all one sex, and their secondary sex characteristics are more inline with that of a human female ⭐ But if you went there you might not notice bc gender expression is all over the place ⭐ Gendered pronouns are a wild concept to her bc “why is the gender of the person in question at all relevant, that’s like having a different pronoun for each hair color” ⭐ They do, however, use different pronouns depending on what they’re talking about. They have pronouns used for people, a word similar to “it” for inanimate objects, and another pronoun used for animals. ⭐ Like in Spanish, their language has formal and informal versions of the word “you” ⭐ The only reason they design their armor to overly highlight their bodies is because they realized it freaks other people out to fight an “all female” army and they get embarrassed as fuck when they get their asses beat by a bunch of ladies ⭐ Way more lax about nudity than a lot of other planets. The idea of modesty is more applied to one’s behavior, like their humility, rather than their clothes. ⭐ The most popular colors/materials for clothing is dark green and purple, red, silver, and gold. ⭐ Most of her people have darker hair, ranging from a black or purple color through magenta and dark pink to red. Eyes are typically the same color as the hair, and skin ranges from gray to a desaturated dark blue color. Most have a gray-blue complexion ⭐ Popular makeup trends are lipstick a similar shade to the skin, but darker or more vibrant, and killer eyeliner. ⭐ Her species is actually incapable of blushing, but after discovering it in other species they found it absolutely adorable and now blush is a popular makeup product. ⭐ Body mods are also very much A Thing in her culture. Piercings, tattoos, scarification, tongue splitting, all sorts of things, and they’re very popular. It’s sort of a right of passage, if an unofficial one. Once someone becomes an adult it’s sort of expected to get something done. ⭐ On that note, getting body mods are also seen as highly inappropriate if the individual who has them isn’t an adult. Something as simple as piercing your ears is jaw dropping to them if you’re a kid. ⭐ On her home planet, people aren’t considered adults until age 20 ⭐ Her people’s life expectancy is around 100-110 ⭐ Her people are also known for doing some funky fun hair stuff. Lots of elaborate braids, curling, and such. Shaving down parts of the head and even the whole head used to be really popular, and is now making a comeback in their mainstream culture. Shaving the entire head is seen as a sign of rebellion or mourning, depending on the context. ⭐ Animal motifs are The Thing in their fashion, particularly birds atm, as they are associated with power and royalty thanks to Merla’s affinity for them. So feathers, things shaped like wings, things with wing patterns on them, etc, are in. ⭐ The average adult of their species is about 6′1.5

Merla HCs ⭐ Age 23 at debut ⭐ 6′0 ⭐ Call her vulture ugly and she will fight you ⭐ Her bird is named Onyx ⭐ She raised that bird from the minute he hatched ⭐ Her telepathic abilities only extend to making people want to do things and getting a vague idea of what someone is thinking about at any given moment. She can’t truly force someone to do something and if she uses too much power she gets migraines. ⭐ She gets along better with animals than with people ⭐ Big Lesbian ⭐ Kala from Voltron Force is her older sister but Merla thinks she died a long time ago ⭐ Merla also has a sister 8 years younger than her named Dyla ⭐ Merla herself actually has a rare pigmentation issue. Her whole color palette is much paler than normal. She’s like an albino of her species in a way. ⭐ Merla has multiple piercings, including several in either ear, a septum piercing, and snake bites. She used to have a tongue piercing but then she got her tongue split and it’s kinda hard to have both ⭐ As for tattoos, she also has more than one, but some are more important than others. On her chest she has vulture wings around an “angel eater,” a flower that, in her culture, means “don’t get too cocky, ya lil shit, you’re still mortal.” On the inside of her right bicep she has an old proverb, “the river goes, and with it the stones.” It means that, yeah, people can make you promises, but ultimately as life goes on things could change and the only person you can really count on is yourself. ⭐ Heart breaker. She doesn’t like getting into actual relationships, she finds them... messy. So when she finds someone she actually likes she dips. And as a Queen needing to one day provide an heir, this is troublesome. ⭐ Merla had a good relationship with one mother and a bad relationship with the other. One, Arella, was a kind hearted woman, who died due to complications having her 3rd child. Merla calls her “mother.” Her other parent was a cold woman who was only interested in herself. Merla simply refers to her as “that woman” or by her first name, Zenaran. ⭐ Dyla was born prematurely, but even if she was carried to term she still would have been a sickly child. To this day she is a very delicate girl, who Merla will protect at all costs. She stands at 5′5, four inches shorter than what’s average for her age. ⭐ Merla herself had complications relating to her birth, but Dyla got everything she had, then some, and dialed up. ⭐ Unlike Dyla and Merla, Kala had no issues in regards to her health and birth. Not only that, but she hardly resembles her other two sisters. This has led to rumors that perhaps the three sisters don’t all share the same two parents, but that Kala is actually a half sibling to Dyla and Merla. ⭐ For several reasons, Merla refuses to acknowledge these rumors and has made no effort to look into them. ⭐ Dyla has not left the safety of their home palace in many years, and hasn’t been off-planet since her toddler years. ⭐ Kala and Merla were close. Kala expected the very best of her little sister, and always pushed her to succeed. ⭐ Mama Arella was a usually kind woman who lacked a backbone, but it’s rumored that she slept around outside her marriage and Merla, despite not really wanting to think about it, also has suspicions in regards to her mother’s faithfulness. ⭐ Arella was monochromatic, having black hair and grey skin. She looked like an old school cartoon character come to life. ⭐ Zenaran, much like her wife, wasn’t very faithful. However, she didn’t bother to hide it. As the one of royal blood, she was the one of higher status and could pretty much get away with whatever she wanted. Plus being an execution happy tyrant also helped. ⭐ Zenaran had long, dark red hair and blue-grey skin. ⭐ Kala is 2 years older than Merla and bore a striking resemblance to Zenaran, with dark red hair and blue-grey skin. ⭐ Dyla, age 15, is a bright and kind girl, despite her rough start to life. She has white hair and dark grey skin. ⭐ Dyla and Merla have an odd relationship. Merla is, on one hand, very much devoted to her little sister, but on the other, dismissive of the younger girl’s thoughts and wishes. She sees Dyla as fragile and incapable of taking care of herself, thus needing constant supervision and someone to make decisions for her. Dyla, though she understands where her sister is coming from, grows increasingly frustrated. ⭐ There is only one person alive who knows the origin of Merla’s powers, and it’s the woman who Arella had an affair with. ⭐ Dyla also has powers like Merla’s, but aside from the Muses teaching her how to rein them in, she doesn’t really know how to use them.

Muses HCs ⭐ The Muses of Norn weren’t kidnapped, they came with Merla willingly ⭐ She sought them out in hopes of learning to control her telepathy ⭐ Now it’s just. Merla and her squad of pretty girls. Sappho and her gal pals. ⭐ The Muses of Norn are named Thetis, Sura, Ceralean, Penelope, Era, Josephine, and Melody. ⭐ Thetis is 22 and the leader of the muses. She stands at 5′5 with blue hair and eyes, and a light brown complexion. She is associated with leadership and honorable conduct. ⭐ Sura is Thetis’s younger sister, age 21. She has redish-pink hair and blue eyes and is 5′6. Her complexion, like her sister’s, is light brown but dotted with freckles. She’s the muscle in their team. She is associated with sportsmanship, combat, and strength. ⭐ Ceralean, age 21, functions as second in command. She’s the analytical type. She’s ghostly pale, with dark blue eyes and hair, standing at 5′4. She is associated with academia. ⭐ Penelope is the oldest at 25 and is the mother hen of the team. Blonde, brown eyes, stands at 5′11, and has a lightly tanned complexion. She is associated with domestically, crops, and the changing of seasons. ⭐ Era, age 23. She has red-brown hair, dark pink eyes, dark brown skin, and stands at 5′7. She is associated with liberation, freewill, and is considered the protector of young women. ⭐ Josephine is the youngest at 17. She’s a little bratty, but they love her anyway. She has black hair, brown eyes, light brown skin, and stands at 5′2. She is associated with childhood, rebirth, joy, and is considered the protector of children. ⭐ Melody, age 19, is the quiet, soft one. Stands at 5′5 with blonde hair and green eyes, and a fair complexion. She is associated with the fine arts and humility. ⭐ Note that they haven’t aged since the became muses, so they’re all technically much older than their physical age. ⭐ The Muses were once mortal women, who ascended to a sort of deity-type status. ⭐ Although the Muses cannot age or die of old age, they can still be killed. ⭐ Thetis, Sura, and Ceralean have a strong, familial type bond, despite the fact that the 3rd isn’t actually blood related to the first two. Sura and Ceralean butt heads often, and Thetis has to play mediator. ⭐ Sura and Era tend to be a bit more loose canon than the other muses. They get into all kinds of trouble together. ⭐ Ceralean is rather protective of Melody and in turn, Melody has a bit of a crush on her.

[faedawayyy]

SIBLINGS I DESPERATELY WANT - FEMALES

the back stories are very specific but fc’s are up for debate, i guess. 

HADLEE QUINN TW: SEXUAL ABUSE 

21 or 22  OCCUPATION/STUDYING: up to you. SEXUALITY: up to you.

hadlee and brielle always had a rocky relationship. yes, brielle was the child of teen parents but they had hadlee four years younger at just 13/14. she’s gotten used to growing up with the bare minimum and still idolises her parents.  when brielle opened up about her dad, she refused to believe her. she idolises their parents and thought brielle was just attention seeking as usual. this fractured their relationship and bond even more.  now that brielle has moved out, she is starting to experience some of the stuff that her younger sister did. she’s just too proud/afraid to admit it because she feels like if she pushes away her parents, she’ll lose everything. personality: creative, individual, a little quirky at times, friendly but also quite emotionally detached and distant. she always wanted that picture perfect life in high school but was also sympathetic to the fact that her parents were poor and doing their best.

NATES SISTERS: THIS FAMILY IS SO PRECIOUS OMG.

LILIANNA ‘LILLIE’ HARWOOD

27  - 6TH MARCH, PISCES  OCCUPATION/STUDYING: it’s your choice SEXUALITY: asexual   lilianna is the oldest of the harwood siblings and she’s that cool older sibling that the other sisters so desperately wanted to be. she’s the trend-setter of the family and it’s pretty clear to see that taylor, posie, nate and evie have adopted personality traits of hers. she spent her teen years having to fight them off and lock her door to stop them from pestering her.  other than being witty and sarcastic, lilianna was born an over-achiever. she was the only one out of her siblings to attend a private school outside of the springs because she got the grade for a good scholarship. she then set her sights on cambridge for university to study medicine. nobody knows why, but she would put insane amounts of pressure on herself to be a good role-model for the others and was almost like a third parent.  in her second year at cambridge, she eventually burnt out and her mental health broke down. she couldn’t help but feel like she’d spent her early and mid-twenties working, stressing and over-achieving and she missed out on all of the messiness that comes with it.  a secret of hers is that despite being open about her sexuality since she was around 18, she’s never had a boyfriend or girlfriend. it’s just never happened for her and now she’s seeing her younger siblings date, she’s starting to feel pressured to find somebody. however, she feels like in such a sex-positive generation, it’ll be hard for her to find somebody who accepts her for who she is. she still lives at home by choice and nate’s parents are eager to normalise that young adults/twenty-somethings CAN still live at home. with lilianna’s anxiety still pretty rocky, they’d prefer it that way anyway.

TAYLOR HARWOOD 

26 - 21ST APRIL, TAURUS  OCCUPATION/STUDYING: acting and modelling  SEXUALITY: heterosexual 

if lilianna is the cool, trend-setting older sister then taylor is the *spice* in the family that her other siblings could sometimes do without. it shouldn’t be mistaken; ALL of the harwood siblings love each other and they’re probably as close as families come, but from the moment she was born, taylor had it clear that she was the star. think kim kardashian vs. her sisters; she’s the stand-out and loves to have all eyes on her. she’d be the one signing up for her school’s productions, forcing the others to put on shows for their parents and constantly stealing lilianna’s clothes to sneak out of the house in.  taylor was in stage school from a very young age and during her first year in high school, her mother agreed to fly out to los angeles with her and her agent to audition for different productions; this is where she landed vicotrious. everybody was excited for her and taylor was sure she’d got her big break. as everybody knows, victorious was a huge success and she became a household name at a very young age.  taylor dropped out of school and was schooled on set while she worked. their mother spent most of her time in los angeles while the other siblings stayed home with their dad. in what would have been taylor’s last year of high school, victrious was cancelled and ended. since then, it’s been a struggle to get any work and she eventually moved back home. this was a hard transition for taylor. she felt as if she was washed up at 18 and had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. she went back to school for her final year but was severely bullied by jealous girls and people who were eager to see her downfall from the start. one girl even rewarded her the “biggest has-been” award which completely humiliated her at her graduation after party. unlike lilianna though, rather than retreating and taking some time for herself, she threw herself into more smaller projects. she has a determination to make it and when she got into st judes, it felt like a new chapter for her. she’s already moved out and has her own apartment downtown but happily comes home to see her siblings as much as she can. her life’s goal is to make sure that nobody ever forgets taylor harwood.

POSIE HARWOOD 

25 - 5th AUGUST, LEO  OCCUPTATION: model SEXUALITY: heterosexual 

posie was named after her grandmother; josephine ‘posie’ harwood. compared to her other siblings - nate included - she’s always been more laidback. her parents (and lilianna) more or less dragged her through school kicking and screaming. she rarely had motivation to do anything and just wanted an easy life. more or less the complete opposite of lilianna and taylor.  since posie grew up under two huge personalities with big ambitions, she definitely got to fly under the radar a lot and neglected typical responsibilities you have to remember when you grow up. for example, she got away with dropping ice-skating when all of her siblings were made to stay in extra curricular activities, her grades were never as good as her sisters and all in all, she wore the ‘family disappointment’ badge with pride. she’s quite content with riding their coat-tails for as long as she can.  although lazy, posie is also extremely social and loves meeting people and having fun. she had the most typical teenage years with fake i.d.’s, a string of good for nothing boyfriend’s and riding on temporary highs. her siblings know her as soft and loving, but to people outside the family, she definitely has the label of being the more argumentative one.  when taylor was being picked on in school, it was posie who put things to rest by punching the girl in the face. when a boy broke evie’s heart, it’d be posie to serve him revenge. on top of that, she’s aware that she’s beautiful and her favourite thing to do is string people along, get what she needs from them and then move on to the next best thing.

EVELYN ‘EVIE’ HARWOOD  TW: GROOMING

18 - JANUARY 4TH, CAPRICORN  OCCUPATION: you pick.  SEXUALITY: you pick.

evie is the youngest of the family and adores every single one of her siblings, although by default she’s probably closest to posie and nate. like most little sisters, she’s got a bit of each sibling in her.  but alongside this, she’s also struggled to find her own identity and would often cling to the others in order to feel included and like she had direction in life. evie struggles with dyslexia - a common learning disability - and never found school easy. she’d always had tutoring and that was ramped up when it came to her exams. all of her siblings also pitched in to help her; lillianna with science, posie with english and nate with maths...taylor was a little too busy, but offered the moral support. she passed her exams and she still has it down as one of the best days of her life because she definitely thought she’d be the first one in the family to fail.  after seeing how much fun posie and nate were having at st judes, she decided to try her luck and was even more surprised when she was accepted there too. for the first time in her life, it felt like she was getting somewhere on her own and she was.  her first year at the school has been quiet and she’s struggled a little to form friendships without the guidance of her older siblings. the bigger personalities have definitely overwhelmed her but she’s slowly finding her feet. one person who has particularly been a good support system for her has been her tutor, who helps her manage her dyslexia when lectures and assignments come around. he’s always boosting her up and has at times let her get a better grade than she would’ve got by editing her assignments for her. there have been a few times where she’s been invited to his home; usually with a study group but the last few times have been just her.  she’s starting to feel slightly uncomfortable around him. especially since he’s been making the work harder so that she needs to rely on him more; he also sent her a christmas present this year in the form of a revealing dress and jewellery for her ‘christmas party’..which she isnt sure is fully appropriate.  while she doesn’t feel like she can open up and (quite frankly) is afraid to, it’s made her cling to her other siblings more than before.

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Mount Everest Ain't Got Shit On Us (Fezco x fem!reader, Part 1.)

Description: You were always told that your life will be as you wish it to be if you'll study enough. That it will pay off if you work hard. And some people were given you like the scary example of what will happen when you don't obey. But sometimes it feels good to disobey.

A/N: Man, Fez is just my main bitch from Euphoria. I just adore him the most. His breakfast is consistent with Respecting Women Juice™️ and Keeping His Shit Together Juice™️. He might not be the brightest man around, but I think he's gentle and caring. Like hell.

A/N: The reader is around 17 to 18 years old, not further explained, attending high school. Rue and the gang are around the same age and since Fezco's age was never actually clarified, let's go with 23.

A/N: This takes place in a universe where Jules was away for a while, but after a few months she came back to Rue.

Warnings: Talking about drugs, drug addiction, smoking, drinking alcohol. You know. Basically the normal lives of today's kids.

Word count: 3 K +/-

Masterlist and declaration: H E R E

Ever since you were a kid, the adults always told you that you can be whatever you would like to be. When you were five, they lied to you - they told you that you can be a pirate or a princess, or an astronaut or a zoo animal keeper for that matter. 

When you were ten, they usually started to be critical to you just as you started as well. You slowly realized that being a plumber or a social worker is maybe the place you were supposed to be, you started to base your imaginations off the reality. 

When you were fifteen, it all came together - you knew what should you do, what is off your limits and what stays in your boundaries. You could still be something even if you weren't the smartest or the funniest in your class, or the best of bureaucracy. 

And when you go to college you most likely know what you'll do with your life - that you would be a nurse, a teacher, a biologist or you know that you will not go to college at all. Sometimes the young people didn't even continue to college. Sometimes it just doesn't work out. It simply happens.

But they were the other ones - the people who weren't destined to have a normal life. Those who dropped out of high school and just started to live by their own rules and who tried their best to go through life without some bigger problems. 

Your mums usually told you not to be dumb, not to hang out around these people, stay out of their presence and ignoring them as well as you could. But some of them weren't that bad, they weren't the garbage of the society as your mums told you. 

Every one of them had a reason to be as they were - usually it was a reality-based reason, something that made a perfect sense when explained, a serious social issue. You just had to ask them - some of them became gang members to help their family financially, others had committed prostitution, some of them were part of the black market with guns. Most of their fates circled around money. Money, the thing you need to survive in this cruel, cruel world. 

Love meant a lot to those who wanted it. But money mattered way more. You needed money to survive - it was to survive or to be killed. No other options were remaining. 

You lived in a small town since you were born. Everyone knew everything about everyone. It was just as simple as that. It took you by surprise when your parents told you that you'll be moving out of your birth town in the next few weeks to some strange suburb on the other side of America. 

You heard that it actually snows there during winter which was a pleasant change from the hotness of Arizona. Also, it was nearer to the bigger cities of the United States - and you were pumped to visit them with your mum and siblings or cousins. To shop, to see something new, to actually get some experience.

“It isn't that bad. I like this place.” - Your little brother Cal called out as he stepped out of the truck. You carefully took the box out, almost tripped because of you untied old Converse shoes you still wore even after they tore apart near the base. You had an old, rainbow t-shirt on, it basically hung on your body because of how oversized it was, it covered your Adidas shorts completely. 

“New boys. New girls. Fresh start. No history. I love it,” - Francis, your older sister, said out loud. She came out of the closet four years ago and since then, she has dated numerous girls and boys. She was going to attend local college but you were sure that sooner or later, she will introduce you to another love of her life. - “And what about you, my little bean? You feel comfortable out here?” - She hung an arm around your shoulder and you gave her a nod. 

You weren't exactly the happiest about moving out of the town you have known your whole life so well, but both of your siblings were right. The neighborhood seemed to be quiet, safe, clean and nice, just an ideal place to base a family life in. Bikes were thrown around, the kid's screams of amusement could be heard just as the birds sang and the wind around you felt wet and yet warm in a nice way.

“Come on, you golden trio. You are unpacking your things for what seems like a whole eternity! We brought some pizza and Thai if you want some!” - Your mom shouted out of the front door with a huge smile, holding the plastic bag as proof for you. 

“Go.” - Your sis patted your shoulder and got into the truck to shut the back door completely, preventing stealing. You did not wait for her, you looked at your legs, how the fresh green grass breaks under your feet and the soles of your shoes, being careful about not fall down. 

Your mum always told you to tie your shoelaces but you never really listened since you were a small kid. It resulted in a lot of falling down, bruises, abrasion and you crying loud. But you learned how to walk with your shoelaces undone. It was your own choice, after all, you chose not to tie them - and they told you all along that your life depends on what you want and what you don't want. 

Your parent always told you how easy it actually is to live in your generation - that you can use cellphones, that you can use the internet, that they are taking care of everything you could probably need. 

You thought about it a lot - and you came to an opinion. It was not easy at all. To live in your age. It felt more like surviving than living for real. The drugs were easily accessible for the younglings - even your big sis was a serious stoner back in your hometown and you knew that it will not take long her to find the local dealer and become friends with him. The cyberbullying was a serious issue that made a lot of people's life worse, the bullies could easily find your personal information, your old photos, they could make fun or a living nightmare of you and your life. And when your nudes leaked out? Holy shit, you were fucked like hell.

Yeah. You were a high-schooler. But let's face it - almost everyone who tried to make a move with someone or who was in a relationship had sent a nude at some point in their life. It was some kind of a norm for the children your age. 

You were constantly in danger thanks to the great internet and that was a fact. The adults tried to teach you how to behave on the internet... But truly, did any of you actually give a crap? Every one of us took it as bullshit, not taking them too seriously. Who was actually safe around you? Drugs, alcohol, sex, porn, cigarettes, money everywhere around you. 

It was so easy to become corrupted. Just like everyone around you. 

You were not that innocent at all as well - your big sis was really popular back in your hometown - she was truly smart, she was funny, she used drugs and smoked, drank regularly. She was invited basically to every party in the town. Some of them were wild, some of them were pretty muted thanks to weed and ecstasy which was always distributed there. 

You smoked at the parties and did some shots - that wasn't so bad. Kids your age did a way worse thing at those parties. 

Your mum and dad knew that you and your sis attended some parties but they didn't know that there were drugs and alcohol present. You were the Sunday church raised children after all (which didn't mean that your parents discriminated or turn their backs to their oldest child when she said she's into girls a lot), they trusted you.

They often laughed that they have done it too. Sure, you smiled usually, but did you see a girl who is dozed off after Lexauryne, have you felt the actual fear about her life? Have you ever seen what shit Valium or heroin does to someone? Have your friend almost jumped off the roof when they took too much LSD? But you never said anything out loud. 

You have seen things. But everyone did. It wasn't easy to be a teenager in your age. 

Every one of your friends slowly became one of those types your parents always warned you about - at least a part of them was just like the people they talked about to scare you off. Maybe you were one of those people as well. What could you know?

You had your dinner with the typical witty sense of humor of your parents and the usual bickering between you, your little bro and older sis. You felt safe at those moments, away from reality, just chilling with your fam. 

The next morning was your first actual day of school after a weekend of moving in. Your dad went to his new workplace for the first time and your sis and your mum stayed home to continue with unpacking.

"You should get up or you seriously will not go to school on time." - Your mum peeked into your room and you just mumbled something in response when Fran took your bed with her monster attack as you called, tickling you, kissing you into your hair and laughing along with you.

"Get your lazy ass off the bed, ma's right. I'll ride you to school." - She laughed and laid next to you, looking you in the face. You smiled at her, smoothed your hair and yawned. - "Ah shit, you thought about that again, didn't you? You'll be just fine. This is a good neighborhood, ma and pa told us yesterday. Nobody will shove a knife on your neck and threaten you to do drugs or take your money. Nobody will take your pics while you pee. I swear. You'll be alright, baby girl." - She kissed your forehead tenderly.

Fran always said that you worry about too many things. And she often said that you're way more adult than she'll ever be. But she didn't forget to mention that it's harming you a lot in a way.

"So that's how you make girls fall for you. I see it now." - You teased her. She took a pillow and smacked your head with it. But she laughed. Then Fran stood up and stopped at your door to take a last good look at her baby sister. - "Get your lazy ass up and have some good breakfast. We have something about forty-five minutes before you, I and the last shithead would have to go. Go get 'em, tiger!" - She yelled and clapped her hands, letting you alone.

You got the smallest room - Fran demanded the one on the second floor, saying it was for her study purposes. She lied. It was the only room with a balcony and she needed to smoke weed somewhere. Your brother had the second room because he could be a little brat and a pain in the ass sometimes. So you and your parents had the room on the first floor.

But you liked it. It was easier to make it comfortable and you could open a big window to look out on the street. And you had a big bed nonetheless so you were just fine about your new room.

You better did what Fran said - took some of your other shorts from your wardrobe, then you took out your favorite Lion King oversized t-shirt with Rafiki printed on it and you completed with a big ass hoodie which reaches up to the middle of your thighs. You put on some high socks on because you loved the look of them rolled down to your Converse shoes.

You cleaned your face and brushed your teeth and hair, putting it into a bun which was all over the place as always, then you tried to make your face more appealing with some eyeliner and mascara but in your eyes, you looked like a mess. You put your old, torn apart but trustworthy backpack over your shoulder and took off to the kitchen. Everyone was already eating, dad reading the news on his phone as he always used to.

"I don't want bacon!" - Cal yelled almost frantically and that almost freaked the living hell out of you. He loved bacon. What was his deal?

"What is it, young man?" - Mum asked and looked at him. Thanks to Fran's shit-eating grin you knew that she's the one responsible.

“I must declare that I am a proud vegetarian from now on.” - Cal said with a serious face and you just burst out of laughing. Cal was always like that. Smart pants. But he never was socially awkward. He just used some words that were too complicated for a boy his age.

“Oh really?” - You mum asked with a surprised face, watching all of you with her witty jokes prepared face. - “And why is that? Y/N will love to have some more bacon.” - And so it was. Another three slices to your empty, hungry stomach. Maybe Cal's sudden vegetarianism had some plusses to it. 

“Fran told me that it will make me more appealing in front of the girls. And I am a ladies man.” - Cal told with a serious face and that was the moment Fran’s grinning face bursted out of laughter as well. 

“You're also only thirteen years old, pal. No girls until you're at least sixteen. But you do you.” - Your dad said all of a sudden. You loved them so much it sometimes took you by a surprise. 

Then, when the breakfast was over, you went out to your sister’s car. Your dad had one and Fran was given your mum’s car. Your ma said shell take the bus to work so it's ok for Fran to have her own car to do her business with. 

“Okay, shithead one and shithead two. Are you ready for your first venture to the big, scary world?” - Fran joked and waves to ma when you were doing your seatbelt on the co-driver’s side.

“Bring it.” - You said, turning the radio on. It was a station you didn't know, some new hip hop songs. But it was enjoyable, so you just let it play, rolling the window down, leaning your crossed elbows into it. You were aware that your hair will be even messier after that, but you wanted to feel the actual atmosphere and energy of your new hometown.

You felt free from your burdens once again - the hip hop was almost screaming out of your car, the air felt cold between your hair and the sun shined on your skin gently. You were watching the new, strange people who lived there, walking in schools direction, groups of friends, some alone kids, some kids were riding bikes. 

It seemed to be like your old home yet it didn't feel like it. Something was just out of its place and weren’t sure if you can put that thing back. 

The car slowly drove next to some gas station or a small shop, you couldn't tell. But something caught your eye - a boy standing with his back turned to the car, in a long sky blue shirt with some clouds painted on it, jeans and a seriously short hair which color you couldn't figure out. You stuck your head out of the window, inhaling that view until you could. 

Something drawn your eyes in his direction, something told you that you should watch him. He was smoking, that was for sure, and moving his hands, probably talking with someone. 

The boy slowly disappeared because of some other building but you would swear that he turned in your direction as well. The air you were holding in slowly came out of your lungs as you slowly leaned to your seat. Francis was watching you but remained silent, just smoked her cigarette with her right wrist out of her window.

When the car stopped, Cal was almost immediately out of it, saying goodbye to you and Fran, but you remained there, leaning more and more down, trying to be invisible for the others.

“Chop chop, out of the car. You will have a great first day at your new school and you will find some friends.” - Fran told with a smile, smoothing your naked knee with her palm. 

“How can you know?” - Your gaze fell on the big hall leading to the main entrance, to all of those strange people there. That didn't feel right. You were scared for your life - new surroundings, new people, new feelings. How many of them tried some drugs? Will you even find someone to be friends with? The feeling inside you felt like exploding, the unsureness, the unknown, the fear. 

“Because I know your little bratty ass since the fucking day youve been born, dumbass.” - She laughed and undid your seatbelt, opening the door for you. - “Show those bastards who you are and that you are not afraid.” 

And with that, you got up and watched as Fran waved you and took off in her car. And you felt lost.

#fezco #fezco x reader #euphoria #imagine #series #drug addiction #drug dealing #dont do it #it will not do you any good #rue bennett #rue #jules

[bytemycupcakes]

Got a headcanon about Al's parents (And the rest of the hotel for shits and giggles)

I initially had alot of Alastor parent hcs before he was confirmed to be mixed race, I’ll keep them a bit vague since I haven’t altered them yet.

I will go into other characters, Overall warnings for abusive/neglectful parents

~~

Alastor

-Alastor was always a mamas boy, she was the best thing of his relatively decent childhood.

-His father usually pretended he didn’t exist, favoring the pet dog since he didn’t want a child.

-Alastors mom was incredibly sweet, and believed that every human should learn any skill, thus taught Alastor many typically feminine chores. Sewing and cleaning are examples

-When Alastors parents died in the horrid cold of a blizzard, Alastor couldn’t stand to look at or accept his mother was gone.

-Once he was able to he burried her respectfully behind their home, while the remains of his father were left out for the forest animals until they became unrecognizable, then burried and unmarked.

-His father is in hell, his mother is hopefully in heaven, according to Alastor himself. He can’t imagine his mother would ever end up in Hell, but he didn’t know her that well, so he can’t be certain.

Angel Dust

-We all know that Angels father isn’t the best guy.

-He’s good when he wants to be, and was even incredibly doting on his wife after each child was born.

-Henroin treated Angels mom like she was a fragile piece of glass.

-The siblings dont know much about their mother, but Arackniss says she was kind, pretty, and overall the best mom ever. Sadly Henroin never talks about her, becoming quiet and prone to lashing out (more than usual) when shes brought up.

-After their mother dissapeared shortly after Angel and Molly’s birth, Henroin became incredibly protective of his kids for just a few years.

-Once Molly and Angel began developing personality, Henroin distanced and became harsher.

-He had done the same to Arackniss, and it worked on making him an obedient and cold hearted child, he wanted the same out of Angel and Molly.

-Yet that never happened.

-Angel and Molly both ended up being very happy children, Henroin seemed to soften up at Molly since she was his little girl... But Angel...

-Angel liked Molly’s things too much to be accepted.

-Henroin had no problems with having happy and hyper kids, they weren’t his favorite, but he would be able to manage two hyper twins if thats what he was stuck with. But no, of course it cant be easy for him, He’s stuck with two hyper and incredibly femine kids! And one of them is a boy!

-So he cracked down on Angel, and the stress of being a single father of three and running a mob added ontop of having a dissapointing son... He ended up lashing out at Arackniss and Molly too.

-He’s always known he was a bad father, and he apparently wanted to fix that, but he never “found the time”.

-Yet.. In hell, with all the time in the world? He still never changed.

-Really none of the siblings are surprised about that, he’s always been stubborn.

-Angels mother is in heaven

Vaggie (I have two dif hc sets for her, I’ll go with the one that lines up with older hcs of mine, if yall wanna know the other set feel free to ask)

-Vaggie doesn’t know anything about her dad. She never has, and it doesn’t bother her that much

-She was raised by her mother ever since she could remember.

-The two struggled for money often, and it just got worse when her mother ended up having her twin half brothers from a hook up.

-Of course they were excited to have more family, but that also meant more mouths to feed.

-Vaggie eventually lost cound of how many jobs her mother had, Vaggie having to take care of her little brothers whenever her mother was working.

-Despite the struggle they were happy, her brothers grew up and seemed to excel in elementary school.

-Vaggie took up whatever jobs she could get once she was able too. Her mother inststed she had no need to do such a thing, but Vaggie wanted to help as much as possible.

-Her mother was grateful, at her old age she needed to drop a few jobs for her own health. She has two young boys! She cant die on them. (Or on Vaggie, but she’s practically an adult, she can care for herself while the boys cant)

-Sadly this all spiraled and Vaggie was eventually killed during some of her more questionable work.

-Vaggies mother is still alive, as are her brothers. She mourns Vaggie every day and has a locket with Vaggies picture inside on her person at all times.

Niffty

-Niffty doesn’t remember much of her mom. Though she died when Niffty was 6, Niffty’s memory is just too bad.

-Thanks to her father.

-Niffty’s father, while generally loved by the town and her brothers, was an awful man to his wife and daughter.

-Niffty’s mom having died from the abuse, and Niffty being driven to suicide at the age of 22 from the same thing.

-He ran a small toy buisness, training his four sons to take it over when he passed.

-Toy making and buisness weren’t the only things he taught his sons. As each one was just as abusive as him.

-To their own wives, and to Niffty

-Niffty’s father was prideful, stoic, and incredibly harsh.

-Niffty has no idea where her mom could have ended up, but is pretty damn sure that her father (and brothers) ended up in Hell.

Husk

-Husk never knew his mom. He CAN become sensitive about it, but usually doesn’t mind.

-Husk adores his dad just as much as Alastor adores his mother.

-Husk was raised by a single father and casino staff.

-His father was a joyful magician and an excellent buisness man, owning his own small casino.

-He was a loving father, always scooping up Husk, doing cheesy magic tricks, and making his adored son laugh.

-But nothing can stay happy for long.

-Husks father ended up losing the casino, breaking Husks heart by doing so, but he was far more attached to his magician work.

-Even so Husks father was depressed, losing his joyful attitude and growing distant with his son.

-In only a few years after losing the casino, just months before Husk was to turn 18, Husks father became ill and died.

-Husk assumes his father ended up in Heaven, the man wasn’t perfect, but he was by no means as sinful as Husk.

-If it turned out Husks father was in hell, he’d probably be totally heartbroken, even if that meant he got to see his dad again.

Rosie (Because Im in a big Rosie mood)

-Rosie had a loving mother and a cruel father.

-Well, cruel to his family at least, otherwise he was a fairly respected man

-Rosie was the oldest of five daughters, and helped her mother raise the others.

-Her mother was rather soft spoken, and lacked confidence, something Rosie is very grateful she didn’t inheret, even if all her other sisters did.

-Rosie being the oldest was supposed to inheret her fathers fortune, but any time she tried to talk to him about it, he would dodge the topic.

-It was clear he wanted a son to inheret the name, but after five children, Rosie’s mother was in no place to have another child.

-Luckily he was able to accept that. Yet still refused to let Rosie take the family fortune, even when she tried to say her future husband will take it rather than her.

-He was a stubborn man.

-Keeping his wife and daughters in line as much as possible, it seemed Rosie’s whole family turned on her.

-Mother and sisters begging her to stop bringing up the issue, just fall in line and maybe he’ll be kind.

-Rosie refused to back down, but knowing it was a losing battle, and unable to convince her sisters or mother to be on her side, she broke into her fathers safe, stole as much cash as she could fit in her hand bag, and ran away. She chose to live her own life, rather than being a “perfect daughter” in fruitless hopes that her father would give her the family name.

-Rosie is unsure of her parents whereabouts, She assumes it’s likely both ended up in hell. Even with her mothers kind nature, she believes her passive nature would have lead her to commiting enough sins to fall.

#Hazbin Hotel #Hazbin Hotel Alastor #hazbin hotel angel dust #Hazbin Hotel Vaggie #Hazbin Hotel Husk #Hazbin Hotel Niffty #Hazbin Hotel Rosie #Hazbin Hotel Molly #Hazbin Hotel Arackniss #Hazbin Hotel Henroin #Hazbin Hotel Headcanons

[hookuhms]

               * ╰  milena  tscharntke  ;  17  ;  she / her  ——  wow,  daisy  hookum  sure  has  changed.  i  guess  she  is  feeling  isolated  from  the  other  ravenclaw  members.  guess  you  can’t  really  blame  them.  i  still  remember  them  being  so  insightful  &  pragmatic,  now  they  just  seem  acquiescent  &  cynical.  guess  being  a  half-blood  isn’t  helping  matters  much  either.  i’m  hopeful  though.  they’ll  be  just  fine.

𝐛𝐚𝐜𝐤𝐠𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐝.

daisy  hookum,  oldest  (  and  only  )  child  of  theodora  and  wendell  hookum.  you  probably  HAVEN’T  heard  of  them,  much  to  her  parents’  chagrin.  daisy,  unfortunately,  HAS  heard  of  them.  not  that  she  doesn’t  love  her  family  —  she  does  !  it  just  gets  a  bit  tiring  hearing  the  same  thing  over  and  over  again  about  her  ancestors  and  how  noble  they  were  and  their  important  connections  and  how  pure  they  were.

the  punchline  ?  due  to  a  halfblood  marrying  into  the  family  generations  ago,  daisy  is  not  technically  PURE.  something  which  drives  her  parents  mad.  they’re  always  on  the  edge  of  pureblood  society,  no  matter  how  much  they  try  to  elbow  their  way  in.  daisy  grew  up  being  dragged  around  to  different  pureblood  society  events  where  they  didn’t  quite  belong,  standing  uncomfortably  to  the  side  as  her  parents  embarrassed  themselves  trying  to  rub  elbows  with  people  who’d  never  accept  them.

daisy  has  a  much  more  realistic  worldview  than  her  parents,  which  gives  her  the  luxury  of  seeing  so  clearly  what  they  cannot  —  that  they  will  never  be  fancy  enough  or  wealthy  enough  or  pure  enough  to  really  count  for  anything.

DEATH  TW  //  daisy  wasn’t  always  the  oldest  (  and  only  )  child  of  the  hookum  family.  she  had  a  brother,  much  older  than  her,  although  she  never  really  got  to  know  him.  he  died  when  he  was  fifteen  and  daisy  was  three.  it’s  been  seventeen  years,  and  grief  is  not  part  of  daisy’s  life  (  not  that  she  was  grieving  much  in  the  first  place  –  again,  she  was  only  three  )  but  she  still  gets  the  feeling  that  her  parents  sometimes  look  at  her  and  expect  to  see  him.

they  don’t  talk  much  about  him.  they  don’t  talk  much  about  anything  that  upsets  them.  she’s  managed  to  piece  together  that  it  was  because  of  a  muggle.  a  drunk  muggle.  and  a  car.  she  wonders  if  her  parents  would  be  so  obsessed  with  distancing  themselves  from  their  muggle  blood  if  he  were  still  alive.  she  wonders  whether  if  he’d  be  better  at  this  whole  pureblood  thing  than  her.  the  planned  son,  the  golden  boy  who  never  was.  so  even  though  she  knows  her  parents  are  ridiculous,  she  goes  along  with  them.  it’s  her  way  of  apologizing  for  what  she  is  not.

𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐭𝐲.

daisy  is  very  much  your  typical  Girl  Next  Door.  she's  never  really  the  centre  of  attention,  instead  preferring  to  remain  in  the  shadows,  quiet  and  unassuming.  she’s  definitely  an  introvert  and  values  her  time  alone,  but  she  isn’t  shy,  and  she  has  such  an  immense  tenderness  for  her  friends.  the  sidekick  to  her  friends’  superheroes,  she’s  always  the  one  listening  to  their  wild  stories  and  patiently  taking  care  of  them  when  they’re  drunk.  

her  sense  of  humour  is  hard  to  catch  sometimes  if  you  don’t  know  her  very  well.  it’s  dry,  and  subtly  sarcastic,  and  kind  of  self-deprecating.  after  years  of  watching  her  parents  take  themselves  much  too  seriously,  daisy  knows  how  to  laugh  at  herself.

she  is  realistic.  down  to  earth.  sometimes  bordering  on  the  verge  of  cynicism.  no  —  frequently  bordering  on  the  verge  of  cynicism.  she  prefers  to  keep  expectations  low  rather  than  be  disappointed.

her  greatest  flaw  is  probably  that  she  is  not  the  best  at  confrontation.  she  hates  making  a  fuss  and  inconveniencing  people,  so  when  she’s  upset  or  when  she  disagrees  with  something,  she  just  keeps  it  to  herself  and  deals  with  it  internally.

she’s  also  much  too  self-sacrificing.  she  would  give  up  her  whole  self  for  the  people  she  loves.  it’ll  be  nearly  midnight,  and  she’ll  have  two  tests  tomorrow,  but  if  her  friend  is  feeling  sad  she’ll  drop  everything  and  be  there  for  them.

very  quietly  pensive  and  philosophical.  she  just  thinks  a  lot.  she’s  very  interested  in  ethical  dilemmas,  and  the  purpose  of  life,  and  whether  human  beings  are  inherently  good  or  bad,  etc  etc  etc.

she’s  actually  very  interested  in  muggle  studies,  something  her  parents  don’t  really  approve  of.  but  it’s  an  easy  o,  so  they  let  her  do  it.  she’s  just  fascinated  with  how  other  people  live.  if  hogwarts  offered  a  psychology  class  she  would  be  all  over  that  tbh

a  year  ago,  daisy  fell  in  love.  she  wasn’t  planning  on  it;  she’d  never  been  much  of  a  romantic,  and  she’d  certainly  never  thought  of  him  in  that  way  before  she  agreed  to  a  hogsmeade  date.  but  what  started  as  giving  him  a  chance  with  a  heart  full  of  doubts  turned  into  a  couple  awkward  dates,  turned  into  staying  up  late  laughing  together,  turned  into  a  stomach  full  of  butterflies,  turned  into  genuine  trust  and  admiration,  turned  into  love.

and  then  four  months  ago,  gideon  prewett  disappeared.  and  suddenly  daisy  was  the  girl  with  a  missing  boyfriend.

daisy  is  used  to  having  low  hopes,  but  she’s  never  had  reason  to  hope  as  fiercely  and  desperately  as  now.  it’s  a  new  sensation  for  her,  choosing  to  believe  when  it  would  be  so  easy  to  give  up,  when  the  old  daisy  would  have  given  up.  but  all  she  knows  is  that  he  would  never  have  given  up  on  her.

#incantareintro

[whitewitchdani]

Infinitely Different: Chapter 13

Read Chapter 12 Here

Word Count: 2,912

Pairing: Winchester!Sister Reader x ???

Warnings: angst, fluff, canon typical violence

A/N: I told you chapters would start coming out steadily again. :) I hope you guys enjoy chapter 13! Let me know if you’d like to be tagged and please give me all the feedback on this series!

Infinitely Different Masterlist

“Well, you know all about my family, tell me about yours.”

Your head shot up from looking at the empty cup in your hands, “What? No. Trust me you do not want to delve into the mess that is the Winchester family.” 

You had been talking for a while and heard the full story of the Original vampires and the amazing lives Elijah and his siblings had led over the past 1000 years. You had countered with the story of how your brothers jumpstarted Judgment Day the first time. But to tell him the story of how you became a Winchester? That was one can of worms you would prefer remained tightly sealed.

“Nonsense, my family is an absolute train wreck. I doubt there is anything you could say that could make me think any less of you. After all, you can’t change your family.”

You sighed, “It’s not that I think you’ll think less of me, more that it’s kind of painful to talk about. And also after I tell you everything about my family, John should be happy he’s already dead. The last time I told anyone about my family was to Damon and he was dead set on kicking my dad’s ass afterwards,” you said with a dry laugh.

Elijah smirked, “If you don’t want to tell me that is quite alright, I understand. I just wish to know you better, understand you more. Perhaps knowing your background will give me insight into why you are the way that you are.”

You looked at the Original vampire in front of you and let out a long sigh. There was no reason for you to not tell him, you trusted him and well if you were being honest with yourself, you kinda liked him. NO, you can’t think about that right now. Until you were able to sit down and think you liked no one.

“Well, I don’t know how much you know about the Winchesters but we have an interesting story. Firstly, I am not Sam and Dean’s full sister.”

“I knew that already.” Elijah interrupted.

You looked at him confused, “What? How?”

“Your blood smells different to me than theirs. It’s obvious you only share one parent, father most likely.”

“Oh, well, yeah. John is the boys’ dad, and mine. I’m about two years younger than Sam. My mom was a hunter and met dad when he was still kind of a rookie, sort of saved his ass on a nasty vengeful spirit case outside Indianapolis. After that, there were drinks at a little hunter dive nearby and then... bada bing, bada boom. Nine months later, Y/N Winchester makes her appearance in the world.”

Elijah smiled at your colorful description, holding out his hand, “Would you like another cup?”

You looked down at the empty teacup and back to the vampire with a sheepish expression, “No offense, but if you want me to continue with the Winchester Sagas I’m gonna need something a little stronger than English Breakfast Blend,” you said with a sly smile.

Elijah smirked, taking your cups and leaving the room. When he returned he carried two crystal glasses and a decanter of amber liquid. He poured two generous portions into each glass and handed you one of them. When you took a sip you smiled. 

“Whiskey. Didn’t take the Mikaelson’s for whiskey drinkers,” you smirked as you took another drink.

“Not typically. But we have spent quite a bit of time in America and developed a taste for it. It was mostly a guess if you’d enjoy it, but hunters as a demographic tend to lean toward that type of liquor.”

You laughed, “I’m pretty sure we helped invent it and now keep most of the manufacturers in business.” 

He began to laugh with you until it died down into a somewhat uncomfortable silence; the only sound the fire crackling in front of you. You knew what came next in the story, and part of you didn’t want to tell it. Stefan didn’t even know. The only people who knew the full story about your mom and your childhood were the people who were there for it: Sam and Dean. You had told Damon bits and pieces during your late night drinking sessions, but never the full story. But here you were, about to spill your guts to someone you were supposed to kill on sight. Real smart, Y/N.

“In the first six years of my life, I only met John twice. The day I was born and the day I turned six, because apparently he was nearby. I really had no desire to meet him, Mom talked about him like he was a complete bastard and after I lived with him for a couple months I understood why,” you huffed a small laugh.  

“But John showed up the day I turned six and spent the day with me and after that I had this glowing view of my father. He was my hero. My dad saved people just like my mom and to me that was the best thing in the world. I wanted to be a hunter just like my parents. My mom never hid what she did from me, because she wanted me to be prepared for what was out there and because monsters and their families tend to be revengeful types. And she was right. Because that’s what took her from me.”

You were quiet again and suddenly found your glass to be incredibly fascinating. Again, all that was heard were the embers crackling in the fireplace. You could feel Elijah’s eyes on you but you knew they weren’t full of pity, rather admiration of the strength he had already seen in you. Now he was learning where it had come from. 

Without looking up you continued, “Um about four months later I was sleeping when I heard a noise downstairs. I sat there for a minute until the noise turned into a loud crash. I raced downstairs to find my mom wrestling with a werewolf on the floor of our living room...

“Y/N RUN!”

“MOM NO!” 

You watched as your mother continued to fight against the wolf holding her to the floor. The little training you had began to kick in and you bolted for the arsenal under the stairs, grabbing a gun and silver bullets. When you came back, the wolf now had your mother pinned to the wall. You pulled the hammer of the revolver back, loading a bullet into place. The sound of the gun cocking caused the werewolf to turn and look at you.

“My beef ain’t with you kid. Do what your mommy said and run, I don’t wanna hurt ya.” 

While the wolf was distracted your mother had pulled the spare knife she kept from her boot. She went to stab him but the wolf was quicker, grabbing her wrist and turning it back around on her, causing the blade to go into her own stomach.

The wolf must’ve been a pure-blood, as he drew back his claws and his eyes returned to normal. He stalked toward you but your wide eyes were still locked on your mother’s slumped form against the wall. When he got close you finally noticed his advance and began to back up, dropping the gun as your back hit the wall behind you.

“You got someone you can call?”

You nodded.

“Good. Here, this was hers.” He handed you your mother’s cell phone, which you took with a shaking hand. “Now, don’t ever let me catch you hunting or I won’t be as nice next time. Understand?”

You nodded again, a tear streaking down your cheek.

“That’s a good girl.” He patted your head a couple times before walking out of the front door like nothing had even happened. 

You stared at your mother’s body. You couldn’t find it in you to go over to her, so you looked down at the phone in your hand. There was only one person you could call and you hoped like hell he would even answer. With shaky hands, you dialed the number your mother made you memorize for this very instance. You thought she was being overzealous and paranoid, if you had only known.

The phone rang four times before a gruff voice answered, obviously upset at being woken up at the late hour, “What?”

You were silent. You had only met John twice and had literally just watched your mother get murdered; you were entitled to a bit of a freak-out.

The voice on the other end huffed, “Hello? Who’s there? How’d you get this number?”

Thinking your only family was about to hang up on you jolted you into action, “Hi,” you said in a small voice, “Is this John Winchester?”

“Yeah, who’s askin-” he paused as he thought he recognized the voice and when he checked the number that had called, he recognized that too. “Wait, Y/N?”

“Hi, Daddy.”

“Baby, why are you callin’ me at 3 in the morning?”

You sniffled, trying to keep the tears at bay, “I need you to come here.”

“Y/N, what’s wrong? Where’s your mom?”

The tears had managed to escape and were cascading down your face in full force, “Just come here please.”

“Where’s your mom, Y/N?”

“A man got into the house. There’s blood. Daddy, please.” You begged, crying hard at this point.

John sprung into action, waking his oldest son to get his youngest together. “Okay baby, I need you to go upstairs to your room and get into your closet and shut the door. Don’t come out for anyone but me, understand?” John thanked whatever powers there were that he was only an hour away from your house; with a Winchester driving it could be made in about 20 to 30 minutes.

When he arrived he rushed into the house, ordering his sons to stay in the car until he returned. He entered the house and cringed at the sight he saw; he and your mom may not have always seen eye to eye but she was the mother of his child and because of that, whatever did this was going to pay.

He ran upstairs to his daughter’s bedroom and tore open the closet door, finding her small form sitting on the floor hugging her knees and sobbing. Thankfully, she had no blood on her and looked unharmed. Physically at least. John knew it was going to be difficult for her; Dean was only four when Mary died and it took months to get him talking again.

He crouched down to her level, “Y/N/N?”

You looked up at him with red-rimmed eyes, “Daddy?”

“Yeah, baby. It’s me. C’mon, let’s go.” He scooped you into his arms and carried you out the front door, making sure you didn’t see the scene in the living room again. They were close enough to Bobby’s that he could drop off his children and then return to deal with this mess.

As he plopped you down in the front seat next to him, you turned to look at the two boys in the back seat, both older than you.

You turned to look at your father, “Who are they?”

He sighed, this wasn’t how he wanted to do this, “Y/N that’s Dean and that’s Sam; they’re your brothers. Dean, Sam, this is Y/N, your sister. She’s going to be staying with us from now on.”

The flashback played like a movie reel in your head as you told the story to Elijah out loud. It was strange; actually telling the full story to someone felt kind of... good? Freeing? Sort of like a weight had come off of your shoulders. Sam and Dean knew everything of course, but had always walked on eggshells around you when the topic came up. Something told you Elijah wouldn’t.

“I know this is not helpful nor any consolation to what you’ve gone through, but I am truly sorry. Losing your mother that way...”

You looked up at the Original vampire in front of you and smiled, “Thank you Elijah. You should know that you’re the only person who knows the full story besides Sam and Dean; I’ve never told anyone.”

“May I ask why?

“I didn’t want their pity I guess? Also I guess I’ve always felt sort of guilty. I could’ve pulled that trigger and saved my mom but I froze. It’s my fault she’s dead.” A lone tear streaked down your face.

Elijah moved closer to you, a bit hesitantly at first to see if you’d stop him, and then moved right next to you when you did not. Using his thumb, he wiped the tear from your cheek.

“First, you were six, merely a child when she was killed. Parents are meant to protect their children, not the other way around. You were incredibly brave for a child of your age, mature in your actions and thought processes.”

You laughed, “My mom always used to say you could’ve plucked my brain from my skull and dropped it into the body of an 18 year old and no one would’ve been the wiser.”

He smiled, “She was most likely correct. You should not blame yourself for her death, Y/N. If the blame lies with anyone, it is with the creature who took her from you.” He cupped your cheek after wiping another tear away.

“He’s dead.” You whispered into his hand.

“How do you know?”

“Because I killed him.”

Elijah pulled back and looked at you, “When?”

You sighed, “When I was 14. Dad came back from a hunt one day and said he had found the wolf that had killed my mom and that it was time for me to put everything he had taught me to the test. So he took me to the house the pack was holing up in and he took out the other two and left he one who killed my mom for me. He recognized me too. Cursed me for turning into my mother: a hunter, a cold-hearted killer. And then I put a bullet in his heart. John was so proud, I don’t think I spoke for a week.” Remembering the alcohol you had in your hand, you downed it in one fell swoop. 

The room was quiet again. Tears were flowing down your face in full force now. You hadn’t cried in years, not since Sam had left for Stanford, but you had ended up on his heels anyways. You went to wipe the tears but two hands beat you to it. Elijah cupped your face and wiped the tears away with his thumbs. 

“He was right. We’re all killers. Why we claim to be better than the things we hunt I’ll never know. I tried to leave this life, I did. But everyone always gets pulled back in. Even when I tried to leave I ended up here, a town made up of 75% supernatural beings. John made his children into killers, Dean never asks questions; it’s always so black and white for him. I never followed John’s orders like he does, even less than Sam did. No wonder Dean resents me so much. All I did was come into the family and piss John off basically with my existence as I got older.” 

You were still crying at this point. Why were you spilling your entire guts to him? What the hell was happening to you? Oh yeah, this is why you didn’t want this can of worms unsealed, because it was so damn difficult to keep them all from crawling out. Now you were basically having a breakdown in front of someone you barely knew.

Elijah brought you into his arms and you instantly relaxed in them. He held you tightly and you wrapped your arms around his neck, reciprocating it. You felt your breathing begin to even out as one of his hands rubbed your back and one cradled your head. 

“It may not mean much, but from what I have seen and heard you are an incredibly strong woman.” You both pulled back from the embrace but stayed close. “You protect yourself and others but know that there is a line that should not be crossed, and that there are shades of gray when it comes to people like me. To deviate your beliefs from those of your friends and family I know is not easy. From what you have told me you have overcome insurmountable ordeals and dealt with events no one else will most likely ever experience. Yet you still dropped everything to come aid your friends here in Mystic Falls.” 

Elijah moved even closer to you, your noses almost touching, and you swore you completely stopped breathing. You knew what was coming, and even though you knew you should, you were making no effort to stop it.

“You are an amazing woman, Y/N.”

With that, Elijah closed the space between you until your lips finally met. The kiss started slow and gentle; you could feel the care he had for you behind it. Then it became a bit harder, more passionate. He cupped your face and you drew the lapels of his jacket into your fists. Your lips moved in sync and the rest of the world seemed to melt away. You didn’t know how exactly you felt in that moment; all you knew is that you never wanted it to end.

Oh you were so screwed.

Read Chapter 14 Here

Tag List:

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#supernatural #supernatural fanfiction #Supernatural fanfic #supernatural fandom #Supernatural Crossover #SPN #SPN FANDOM #spn fanfic #spn x reader #supernatural x reader #the vampire diaries #the vampire diaries fanfiction #TVD #winchester sister #winchester!sister #winchester!reader #dean winchester #dean x sister!reader #Sam Winchester #sam x sister!reader #damon salvatore #damon x reader #elijah mikaelson #elijah x reader #infinitely different

[qonqr]

Thanksgiving

It is tradition in the US to often pause during the Thanksgiving holiday and reflect on what we are thankful for.  While I write this, I am sitting with my parents at our family farm.  After doing some chores, my father handed me a newspaper clipping from 99 years and 9 month ago.  My uncle found it while doing ancestry research. I had known the story, but had never seen it in print before.

McGregor, Feb 16 – Special: Yesterday the fourth member of the George Davis family to die in a week of influenza was laid to rest in the little country cemetery south of McGregor. Nine others of the family are in bed with the disease. Ten days ago the entire family, father, mother and eleven children were found sick with influenza by a McGregor physician. It was impossible to secure nurses for three days, and by that time the disease has assumed a virulent form with several of the family.  The youngest, a two year old boy, was found dead by the physician the third morning and the father delirious and beyond help. He died that afternoon. The oldest son, a young man of twenty-three died Friday.  Yesterday the mother passed away. This leaves nine children, five boys and four girls, ranging in age from twenty-one to four.  It is believed that the disease has passed the crisis with all of these and they will recover, though grief and shock are aggravating their condition.

Mr. Davis was a McGregor who started with nothing and by the hard toll and self denial of himself and wife and their children, as they became old enough to help, gradually got ahead. At the time of his death he owned two good farms and a large amount of livestock. Two years ago he built one of the largest barns in this part of the country. Since then the family has been saving for a new home.

 My grandfather Clarence was the seventh child, and the second youngest surviving boy in this family. He was 9 when his parents and youngest and oldest brother died.  My father tells the story of how my grandfather relived the sickness. He was one of the first to recover from the illness. He said it was his job to take care of his 4 year old sister for days, fearing she would die overnight several times that week.

Clarence survived a hard childhood, got married, and had 4 children of his own. Sadly he lost one of his daughters at 3 months old to pneumonia, and his wife died from complications caused by rheumatoid arthritis in her 40s. My father was only 15 years old when he lost his mother, but she was hospitalized for much of his youth.  

I had a special bond with my grandpa Clarence who lived down the hallway from me growing up. Clarence lived to be 76. He died on my 11th birthday after suffering a heart attack while working on the farm.  When I visit the farm, I sleep in the room that was once his.

While tragic, these stories of loss to illnesses that are very treatable today, are especially impactful for me this year.

For players who have been around the game for years, they likely felt like I have been missing for much of this year.  It has been 6 months since my last blog post, twitter and Facebook have been very quiet, and when was the last time the apps were updated?

One partial reason for the lack of activity is that I have been working on the most challenging game update I’ve ever attempted for most of the summer and fall.  It is nearly ready to release and there will be more information in a blog post I will probably publish in a week or two.

However, this has been a tough year for my family.  My wife had minor surgery earlier this year to correct a problem that plagued her for months. While by today’s medical standards, the procedure was very simple, the same condition was a contributing cause of her great grandmother’s death. More troubling this year, my teen daughter has been fighting intestinal issues since March. We have seen so many doctors, and had so many tests. The summer has been a whirlwind of appointments and stress. A 3 day visit to the Mayo Clinic finally eliminated some possible issues, including the need for surgery. Doctors now believe the most probable path to recovery will take some work developing new routines and habits, which has its own kind of stress, but it was a positive outcome that nothing terrible was found.  When I think of all the things we’ve gone through this year and the top notch medical treatments we have experienced, it is hard not to think about what could have been had we lived in our grandparents, or great grandparents generation.

QONQR took a back seat to other priorities for much of this year. For the first time in nearly 5 years, QONQR wasn’t priority #1 for me.  

In February, my developer who had been with the company for 3 years, who I hired while he was still in college, decided to take a new job.  It was time, and we talked for months about his goals and when he might leave. When he started at QONQR, nearly all the technology was brand new for him.  When he left, he was a developer with experience building a multi-lingual mobile app on three different mobile platforms, with cloud development experience for building systems at scale.  He had outgrown QONQR and the salary I could pay. I was proud to have prepared him for the next step.

I had decided I would wait a few months before looking for his replacement, but then the health issues began.  The timing could not have been better. It would have been difficult to manage the work of my former developer while everything was going on, and there would have been absolutely no way I could train a new person.  Call it fate or what you will, but it was definitely the best time for me to be running QONQR on my own. With no employees, no one tethered me to the office during regular business hours, giving me the freedom to do the other things that needed to be done during the day.

In early summer, a very large company approached me asking for help with their mobile app after seeing a talk I gave on mobile security at a local conference. Some of you may even have one of their vehicles parked in your garage.  Normally I would have said no to anything that took me away from QONQR. However with insurance as it is today, and enormous deductibles, I took a 1 day a week consulting engagement to help this company. This gave me the opportunity to earn some extra money to help with the new bills, and was beneficial to me in two ways.  A temporary change of scenery is nice.  It rejuvenates a developer to jump into a new project and work with new solutions every once and a while. Additionally, it has become an opportunity for me to interact with several developers on a regular basis, trading tips and techniques that make us better at what we do.

This summer has been one of priorities and tradeoffs.  The summer, which stretched into the fall, has been good for me.  I’ve spent more time with my family, and purposely removed much of my work stress by letting QONQR “coast” at a moderate work pace.  For much of this year, I have only worked 25-40 hours a week on QONQR, instead of the typical 60-70 hours a week of the previous 4 years.

QONQR could have very easily entered a slide that was unrecoverable.  Sometimes customers lose confidence when owners disappear.  Every entrepreneur fears that their business could crash the moment they take their eye away to focus on something else.  You didn’t let that happen.  You kept things going, even while I was distracted with more important things.

This brings me to what I am thankful for.  Family and health. When I look back at the tragedy that impacted my family only one and two generations back, I understand how fortunate my family is today.  I’m thankful my wife has a good job. I’m thankful she tolerates my work schedule. I’m glad I have the flexibility to shift my time as I need it. I’m thankful my career has given me the skills and experience that present opportunities I need when times are tough.

For you the QONQR player, I am very thankful for you.  In the past year, revenue has stayed steady.  Player growth is slowing increasing. I’ve seen an increase in the community collaboration. I’ve seen “retired” players return to the game with energy and enthusiasm.  Yes we may have been “coasting” through the summer and fall, but thanks to you, we were coasting up hill.

When I look back and think about how we got here, I see struggle. I see week after week of absurd hours and work days that end at 2am multiple days a week.  I see years of receiving no pay, and living on bank debt. I see the fight to keep the servers stable and the game a positive experience. I see all this, and I see where we are now.

I see QONQR. I see a game the chugs along without the need for me to closely monitor servers or player interactions. I see players that create community and family from strangers. I see passion and excitement.  I see players being creative and pushing themselves to find new and interesting ways to enjoy the game.  I see people that make it possible for me to keep living this crazy life of an entrepreneur, even when that life won’t let me be fully engaged with my business. I see friends.

Stay tuned for more blog posts. I have a few more things that are almost ready to share. Things are getting back to normal for me, and I’m looking forward to new things we have planned.

Thank you! You make QONQR possible. You make QONQR great. Together we will do more.

 -Scott (aka Silver)

[spryfilm]

“A Quiet Place” (2018)

Thriller/Horror

Running Time: 90 minutes

Written by: John Krasinski, Bryan Woods and Scott Beck

Directed by:  John Krasinski

Featuring: John Krasinski, Emily Blunt, Millicent Simmonds, Noah Jupe

Evelyn: “Who are we if we can’t protect them? We have to protect them.”

Critical Commentary:

Thanks to various decisions as well as new production companies, I am looking at you Blumhouse, there seems to be more and more quality horror movies being produced each year, as well as finding success with audiences and critics, most importantly this is happening in theatres. It appeared that with last years “Get Out” (2017) which was produced for US$4.5 million dollars and generated over US$255 million at the box office as well as being nominated for a slew of Oscars (winning Jordan Peele the best screenplay award) the limit may have been reached for measuring success in the genre – it appears that the top has not been reached for this genre, not even close. Now comes the release of not only a great horror movie but of a great film, in “A Quiet Place” (2018). Firstly, surprise of surprises this is not a Blumhouse film, it is a production company known for Horror remakes, Platinum Dunes who counts director Michael Bay as one of its main owners, as well as counting its biggest success as the remake, “A Nightmare on Elm Street” (2011) – not a great pedigree at all or an example of the promise of producing what must be the Hollywood movie of the year so far, at least on a par with the critical and box office success of “Black Panther” (2018), look for a possible screenplay nomination come awards time for Krasinski and co.

“A Quiet Place” owes much of its success in terms of quality to co-writer, director and star John Krasinski whose talent he seems to have been hiding in even though he has written and directed other projects. He seems to have shinned the idea of making genre movies which after this home run appear that he has a natural talent for as well as a calling. This movie is so well written and directed that it is an almost perfect genre film feel, not only that it has a great central idea with much of the narrative naturally built around it as well as taking it further to producing something truly rare, an original monster movie that is actually hard to compare it to any other film of its kind. It cannot be understated how impressive this movie is as well as the incredible job that Krasinski has been able to pull off not only with an original script but also with a relatively low budget that is shot on location with some studio work. Not only that but one of the central aspects of the film is the use of sign language and Krasinski as well as his producers have done something that few have done before, that is to actually cast a deaf actress in the part of a deaf character, making that person the central character that not only the narrative is based around but the plot is as well. “A Quiet Place” is an example of taking a script, casting it perfectly, operating within a low budget as well as creating a visual style that suits the genre.

The film is set in 2020, most of Earth’s human population has been wiped out by sightless creatures with hypersensitive hearing and a seemingly impenetrable armoured shell that attack anything that makes noise. The Abbott family — husband Lee, wife Evelyn, congenitally deaf daughter Regan, and sons Marcus and Beau — silently scavenge for supplies in a deserted town. Though skilled in American Sign Language, the family must nonetheless be vigilant lest they make accidental noise. Four-year-old Beau is drawn to a battery-operated space shuttle toy, but his father takes it away. Regan returns the toy to Beau, who unbeknownst to her has also taken the batteries his father removed. Beau activates the shuttle when the family is walking home through the woods, near a bridge. Its noise makes him an instant target for a nearby creature, and he is swiftly killed.

There is no doubt in my mind that this movie is perfectly cast with a mixture of experienced as well as great actors, juxtaposed with some new talent that prove themselves to be well chosen as well as being able to match talents with the more experienced cast members. As well as John Krasinski in the role of the father there is his real life wife Emily Blunt in the role of the mother. Krasinski is just wonderful as the father who only has one job, protect his family at all costs; he is a smart resourceful man who speaks very little, as all good actors do conveys emotion as well as plot details through his face as well as sign language. Emily Blunt as the mother of the family has more speaking parts but also carries much of the emotion of the film; she also has to do a lot of physically nuanced acting which is a challenge in its own right. It would not be fair to the other cast members to say she is the central character or hero of the piece but she as an actress is rewarded by a great script as well as a solidly written character. The cast is rounded out by three children Millicent Simmonds, Noah Jupe and Cade Woodward who are all excellent as well as perfectly cast, but it is Simmonds who steals the movie as the oldest child as well as the chief agent of change who really comes through by the end of the movie. Simmonds is also really deaf so of course there is an authenticity to her role, which informs the entire film as well one of the main reasons the family, has lasted so long, surviving on wits as well as intelligence. She is also a revelation although she has appeared in other movies before it has to be said that “A Quiet Place” is one of those special films that allows her to show a full range of emotions as well as acting both physically and emotionally in a very good movie, one of the best of the year so far.

Whilst this is definitely not Krasinski’s directorial debut there was little hint that he had a film like “A Quiet Place” within him or ready to be made. It is an old adage that film is a visual medium but when the subject of the movie is being is silent then there is no room for endless exposition, which has become a hallmark of Hollywood movies in recent years with exceptionally lazy film-making. In fact from the opening scene this movie represents itself as something that has seldom been seen, an English language movie that uses American Sign Language as its language with the need for almost total sub-titles throughout. The conceit that almost any noise could be met with death is an almost primal feeling of what could be represented as isolation. Imagine being surrounded by people but not being able to speak, not being able to communicate the most basic pieces of information – even though you are with someone it is isolating bur anything else will effect everyones survival. The question remains is that without human communication do we survive or just prolonging the inevitable. From the very beginning we realise that something has happened to the world, the family we see is terrified, it is not until the use of newspapers as prime information both in the streets as well as at the family’s home do we know what is occurring, as well as the reason why there is fear of noise of any kind which has been replaced by silence, deafening in a way.

What Krasinski has done is to take a conceit like aliens or monsters hunting through the use of sound and expanded on that with many issues and solutions that are extremely well thought out as well as being told in a very compact and economical way. I will not spoil anything but there are many situations that have been mapped out in full, with obstacles as well as solutions, which fit well with the overall narrative as well as plot. This is something many genre movies could learn from, come up with a story that will fit within a narrative then realise the strengths and weaknesses of any antagonist as well as the protagonists – exactly what Krasinski has done as co-writer and of course director.

In many ways “A Quiet Place” does nothing that hasn’t been seen in many genre movies before but where it deviates from a vast majority is to take the typical monster movie, then give it a twist in terms of not only its narrative but the way the rules operate in its particular universe. It also heightens the mood and atmosphere by making this a family drama not as a result of the invasion but making this the central aspect of the plot, which again differentiates itself from other genre movies. The themes of family protection as well as the idea of familial loss and the ability to move past tragedy is as important as fighting the aliens or surviving in a hostile world. I recommend “A Quiet Place” highly and am not being original or alone as one of the best movies of the year so far, go and see it in a cinema where hopefully the audience will play along with the great narrative.

Technical Commentary:

Vital Disc Stats:

“A Quiet Place” arrives on 4K Ultra HD Blu-ray as a two-disc combo pack with an UltraViolet Digital Copy. At startup, viewers are taken directly to a static screen with the usual selection along the bottom and music playing in the background.

The Video: 

“A Quiet Place” has a great-looking HEVC H.265 encode that offers an excellent step-up over its Blu-ray counterpart. The difference is obvious, notable and extremely enjoyable, making it the endorsed medium for viewing the movie.

Coming from a 35mm source that was later mastered to a 2K digital intermediate, the freshly-minted 2160p transfer is highly-detailed for a majority of the runtime, exposing each element that is available in close up as well as a depth of field like few low budget movies around. However, there are a few moments that noticeably dip in resolution, most of which are extreme long shots and likely the result of the creative choices. Nevertheless, a visibly thin and stable grain structure, which can be a bit more prominent during several wide shots at night, which is a big chunk of the movie, provides a beautiful film-like quality.

Presented in its original 2.39:1 aspect ratio, the 4K presentation comes with a slightly warmer than normal contrast balance, which tends to lightly bloom some of the hottest areas. This appears to be a deliberate visual style meant to reflect the family’s hot country surroundings. In either case, whites are crisp as the brightest spots are revealing especially with the times during the day, however as the movie heads into darkness these become rare.

Thankfully, brightness levels are not affected by the stylized photography, which is important in a movie mostly unfolding at night. Deeply rich and silky blacks are in abundance and show distinct gradational differences between the various shades, providing the image with appreciable dimensionality. Meanwhile, inky, dismally bleak shadows penetrate deep into the background, but sadly, the finer aspects are occasionally engulfed by the pitch-black darkness.

Audio:

“A Quiet Place” arrives with a reference-quality Dolby Atmos soundtrack that takes full advantage of the object-based format. The design utilizes silence and noise for generating a particular experience. It’s not meant for bombarding the audience with the typical loudness as well as brute force expected of the genre, of which there are a few, but for creating a sense of dread and apprehension. So, various ambient effects, like the rustling of leaves, birds chirping or crickets singing in the distance, are endlessly occupying the surrounds and the ceiling channels. The better moments are those when the creatures are on the prowl or to give a greater sense of their menacing size. Their hungry growls and slow, determined footsteps flawlessly pan from the sides and rears into the back heights and continue directly overhead into the fronts.

The Supplements:

Reading the Quiet (HD, 15 min): Standard EPK-like featurette made of BTS footage and cast & crew interviews discussing the plot, its themes, the performances and other aspects of the production.

The Sound of Darkness (HD, 12 min): As the title implies, a short piece on creating and editing the sound design with particular attention on the film’s creative effects, lack of dialogue and the ominous musical score.

A Reason for Silence (HD, 8 min): Devoted to the specifics of designing the alien creatures

“A Quiet Place” is in cinemas now.

4K Blu-ray review: “A Quiet Place” (2018) “A Quiet Place” (2018) Thriller/Horror Running Time: 90 minutes Written by: John Krasinski, Bryan Woods and Scott Beck…

#a Quiet place #A Quiet Place 4k #A Quiet Place 4k review #A Quiet Place bluray #A Quiet Place bluray review #A Quiet Place dvd #A Quiet Place dvd review #a Quiet place review #Bryan Woods #emily blunt #horror #john krasinski #michael bay #Millicent Simmonds #Noah Jupe #Sci-Fi #Scott Beck

[childlifer]

    One week post-election, I found myself bound for Mexico City, ready to teach and learn in alongside my adventure colleague, Maria Busqueta. Marifer, (as I call her) hosted me in her home town, where she is a child life specialist, psychologist and educator. It was a whirlwind couple of days, as we visited the General de la Raza Hospital, learned about the Ayudarme a Sonreir ante el Cancer Foundation, The Vuela Foundation, taught a class on play techniques for adolescents, and attended a two-day conference on palliative care. Phew!

My first impressions of Mexico City and Marifer’s neighborhood: Unexpectedly cold and wet. Lovely hills rising up from the urban center. Cypress trees in plenty and Bougainvillea in bright, fuscea explosions amongst the trees and spilling down high stone retaining walls. Hilly, winding roads with speed bumps everywhere instead of stop signs. Heavy and erratic traffic. Cold mornings and nights. Marifer’s house has many levels to it, all encased in gingerbread auburn ceramic tiles. Like my home, the kitchen and living room are on the upper level, with bedrooms below. Marifer’s jaunty beagle, Duncan, lords over the front yard and threatens escape with each coming and going of a human being through the iron gate. Marifer’s mother cooks for us several times a day, filling me with homestyle Mexican fare. It is mere moments before I feel like family.

We are up bright and early my first full day there, ready to pay a visit to the Hospital Raza. Lisette Garcia Urenda, the founder of the Ayudarme a Sonreir ante el Cancer Foundation (which translates as “We help you smile after cancer”), is hosting us, and we meet her outside of the largest and oldest public hospital in all of Mexico. The sidewalks surrounding the building team with merchants hawking their wares, everything from pork roasting in a cauldron to magazines and fruit. We weave past the stalls and in through the back emergency entrance to the hospital. As we enter the foyer, several pediatric cancer patients and their families are exiting the hospital, bundled up for discharge and eager to be home. But they stop to hug, kiss and chat with Lisette. They shake our hands and offer “mucho gusto” as Lisette introduces us.

It is clear that the children and their caregivers adore Lisette. And it is easy to see why – she is all brightness, high energy and love. One teenage boy jokes for me to take him back to the United States with him. The younger children glance at us shyly.

There are three events planned for the day, two presentations to patients and a therapeutic art activity to be conducted on the inpatient ward. The foundation grants wishes for pediatric cancer patients, and families have gathered to witness Lisette’s presentation of a wish to a young girl. They sit in tiny, child-sized plastic chairs around the parameter of an open roofed waiting area. The children sport face masks, bald heads, hats, and winter coats with good reason. It is cold.

The child is brought to the center of the room, and Lisette introduces her to everyone. I am regretting in the moment that I don’t understood more Spanish, but it seems that she is telling them how well the girl is doing post bone marrow transplant. With great flourish, Lisette hands the girl a large present. The child opens it with excitement and beams at its contents, an “alien” doll that  is apparently quite the rage. It’s hard not to note what a child with cancer might have in common with the toy. Both are bald; both might need to be isolated because of threatening germs in a hostile environment; both may need to be fed through a tube in the stomach. And, any child who has such a diagnosis may often feel like a misunderstood species hovering over the more typical lives of healthy peers.

The child hugs Lisette. The onlookers clap, and I wonder if they are envious of her.  Lisette explains to me that most of them will have a wish granted at some point, so that no child feels left out. Later, the child’s mother is crying in the hallway, sharing bad news with her social worker. Her daughter has relapsed. The bone marrow transplant didn’t take.

Lisette says that many of these children die, and that in order to do her work, she must get lots of therapy and continually study and obtain higher degrees. This is why she is a current student of Marifer’s. She does the work because when her father-in-law died, he told her that she must work for the forgotten children. She says that many of these children don’t have electricity in their homes.

The next planned event is the presentation of a natural hair wig made from five individual donations of hair. The recipient is a six-year-old girl. She is very shy and quiet. We are in a hall outside of the infusion clinic. The floors are buckled and seams of cement overflow the protruding tile. I wonder if this is from an earthquake. Nurses wear white and institutional green uniforms, donning plastic nursing caps in the same colors. I feel like I have stepped back into the 1950’s, except for the fact that they are all taking photos on their cell phones as Lisette presents the wig to the child.

Lisette speaks with the girl for quite some time. She reassures her that she needn’t speak if she doesn’t wish to, that they can communicate with their eyes. Lisette tells the child about the beauty of her heart, that the wig is just an accessory, that her beauty is not dependent on whether or not she has hair.

You must say to yourself every day in the mirror: “I am beautiful!”

The child tries on the wig and looks in a mirror provided by Lisette. Everyone poses for photos with her. In the end, her mother repacks the wig carefully in the box, and they are on their way.

Lisette leads us through a chaotic and crowded hallway to a packed elevator that carries us to the inpatient  pediatric oncology unit. In the hallway between two separate wings (one designated for solid tumors, the other for liquid), is a small but well equipped playroom. Siblings and patients mingle at child-sized tables. There are floor to ceiling shelves laden with cause and effect toys, a toy hospital, dollhouse, action figures (“for boys” says the playroom coordinator), blocks, puzzles, games and art materials. There is a large dollhouse in a corner, a kitchen play set, and several large bookcases overflowing with books. Lisette’s foundation supplies the  DVD lending library. One child sits with an adult working on a puzzle. Another plays with the dollhouse. A mothers group meets in the waiting room next door. The only thing I feel is missing is a medical play corner and sensory play materials. A flatscreen tv plays a Disney movie overhead.

Lisette has plans for an expressive arts activity. She brings us to the liquid tumor wing, into a room with six beds. Five children between the ages of two and fourteen seem excited to see Lisette and very open to our visit. The six-year-old boy is talkative and funny. After some quipping back and forth, Lisette hands out art paper to the children with a body outline on it.  But before she can begin to explain the instructions, the two year-old’s mother leaves the room, and the toddler begins to cry loudly and  inconsolably . She sits in her cage-like crib, crying desperately, reaching both arms up as if asking her absent mother to pick her up. Either that, or she is imploring the Gods to bring her mother back!

Lisette approaches with kind words, but the toddler is having none of it. She screams louder. Lisette offers her crayons and a “Frozen” coloring book. The child cries “No!” and turns away. Lisette is unperturbed. Using the surroundings, she jumps quickly into a bit of improv. The room has been newly decorated with a brightly colored mural on all four walls, ceiling to floor. It is a nature and farm scene. Near the girl’s bed, close to the floor, a mother duck swims with her three ducklings on a bright blue pond. Lisette launches into a conversation with the ducklings, turning her back on the toddler, lessening the child’s stranger anxiety by ceasing direct eye contact. She engages everyone in the room in asking the names of the ducks. She suggests the proffered names, and the little girl shakes her head in protest at each one. But she has stopped wailing and is watching Lisette intently. Lisette blocks the child’s view of the mother duck and tells a tale of the ducklings searching for their mother. She reassures the girl that her mommy will always return. We all sing the song “Five Little Ducks”. Lisette offers the coloring book again, asking, “May I put it on your bed?” The child accepts and begins to color.

Lisette conducts the art activity with success. She speaks to the children about the variety of emotions we all have. She says they will play a coloring game based on a game called “Basta!” (enough). She takes turns calling out emotions, and each time they must grab a crayon and color within the body outline to represent where and how much of that emotion they have until Lisette yells, “Basta!” Lisette is very lively and whips the kids up into a coloring frenzy. She begins with the emotions of fear, anger, and sadness, and ends with love and joy. I am sitting with the toddler, who is methodically drawing many tiny, blue circles on each page of her coloring book, while she listens and glances at the other children. She watches closely as a nurse enters the room and approaches the six-year-old. The boy grins and says, “It’s good that you are here. My IV is backing up.” The nurse adjusts his IV, then moves over to the toddler, preparing medicine in a syringe without a needle. The toddler opens her mouth complacently to receive it without complaint.

The fourteen-year-old has gone for a walk. I had noticed when I entered the room that she didn’t appear physically ill. She has all of her hair, and is not connected to an IV. She wore a contented, cheerful expression while she chatted on her cell phone. Soon, it is time for us to move on. The teen has returned to her bed. We all pose for photos. All the children except the toddler smile. She still appears a bit somber.  I am the first to leave the room, and the teen’s caregiver follows me and grabs my arm in the hallway. She asks if I understand Spanish and begins to pour out a story to me that even with my broken Spanish, I can piece together. She is not the teen’s mother, but her aunt.

Two weeks prior, she, her two sisters and family members were traveling by car in a caravan. There was a horrible crash. The teen’s mother and father were killed. Her brother lies in critical condition in the ICU. Although the teen was unharmed, the tests she underwent at the hospital revealed that she has cancer. She had only just learned of her parents’ deaths the day before. I struggle to match that news with the image of the calm, smiling teen I’d met. Was she in shock? Denial?

The aunt shows me photos on her phone of her family, as well as a video about a teen whose mother dies. She says she is a Jehovah’s Witness and believes that we will all see our loved ones again after death. I tell her that I will carry her family in my heart.  I think about how much good healthcare in hospitals involves helping patients and families to tell their stories. This seems true in every country I visit. And in every country thus far, families don’t hesitate to share their stories with a stranger. Perhaps it is easier to tell a stranger. But it is more than that. This woman, and others I have met, seem compelled to share their narratives, as if we couldn’t stop them if we tried.

Leaving the hospital, I am sad, exhausted and hopeful in equal measures. Lisette’s work makes a mark. Listening makes a difference. The children won’t be forgotten by us. Shared stories tear down cultural walls.

Building Bridges Instead of Walls – Teaching & Learning in Mexico City One week post-election, I found myself bound for Mexico City, ready to teach and learn in alongside my adventure colleague, …

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