#but I think this sort of thinking can underpin a Lot of reads of especially Villainous Characters

[ganymedesclock]

So I've been manufacturing a take for a while and the take is, I think that it's really tempting for people to blame themselves for things.

The video I just reblogged mostly discusses how the 'law of attraction' can be self-justifying self-defending, "I have good things because I'm a good person and my benevolence spills into the world and fetches me good things," but I think there's a whole other way that it appeals to people too.

Let's say hypothetically, I got a scary doctor's test. (pure hypothetical, I'm fine.) Or I had a friend who I hung out with for years who was extremely hurtful and suddenly I've realized this and have to get over them. (not hypothetical, this did happen to me in the past)

Ironically, sometimes, "this was all my fault!" can be me flattering myself.

The self-loathing component is obvious. I'm absolving that friend of any real wrongdoing, the PROBLEM was just that I mismanaged them. Sickness and disability isn't something that just happens to people because our bodies are extremely complicated things and stagger forwards through a pretty impressive span of time, not to mention wear and tear and genetics- no, it's because I didn't eat enough kale or do enough yoga.

But there's a sneaky reassurance twisted in there. The reassurance is this-

The upsetting thing that happened to me? Doesn't have to ever happen again.

And I think this is the big allure of the Law of Attraction. It can often pull in people who are unhappy or vulnerable just as much as it can people who don't want to feel bad about how good they have it (and quite often these categories overlap) with the seduction that you could prevent every sad thing that's ever happened in your life by doing [x].

It's the same hook that diet culture has (afraid of being treated the way society treats fat people, or afraid of the idea fatness is inherently unhealthy? Well you can control an uncontrollable factor of people's genetics by Simply Doing This One Little Trick), it's the same hook a lot of things have. Take this little bitter pill of self-loathing and blame, sugarcoated in the reassurance that YOU have the power to fix this.

And look. I'm not saying that we never have any ability to change, or culpability related to, what happens to us. Sometimes I fender bender my car because I was driving a little too fast and I have to be more careful in the future. But that's not what people pull out Law of Attraction for. It's the lottery. It's a bonus at work. It's god putting their sickness into remission for them. And those little bitter pills really, really start to add up.

In every context I've seen the law of attraction, I've seen also a concept of the divine plan, that your soul agreed to have some things happen to it for its own good. Which is a handy rationale for why this doesn't work out. What do you mean your hip is still deteriorating? You're such a good person! You prayed the right way! Well, maybe it was a Soul Plan. Your eroding cartilage is basically just a lesson to teach you... something.

But the reassurance that something isn't your fault comes with its own bitter pill. It means, sometimes, there's actually nothing you could have done to prevent it. "You aren't suffering because you're a bad person" can mean "there is nothing you can do to guarantee your current suffering will never touch you again," and it can mean, "the bad things that happened to you weren't selected lovingly for your character arc, they just happened and any good you made out of them, you made. Frida Kahlo and Vincent Van Gogh didn't struggle with agony of one form or another as some kind of seasoning for their artistic journey. Sure, if Kahlo's spinal health was better we would not have had The Broken Column the way that it was, but this does not mean her body was broken by a benevolent god because it was her job to be an artist.

That's actually an upsetting world and not one I want to live in or entertain as a hypothetical. By this rationale, if someone died suddenly in a tragic accident, they might have been chosen to die at this age because their funeral will make something else work out just right... and that's more important than any loose ends of their personhood and feelings.

We are active participants in an unstable world. Not everything that happens to us means we secretly wanted or agreed to it and it definitely doesn't reflect on our ideological worth.

#readmore #death mention #not my usual category of post #but I think this sort of thinking can underpin a Lot of reads of especially Villainous Characters #scary bad man with the red right hand? oh well #his external suffering reflects his internal depravity of soul #it's distressing to imagine a world where something like that could happen to a Good Ordinary Person #so it's more reassuring to suggest he was twisted all along and his outsides will eventually match his insides #because y'know beauty is definitely a privilege born of morality right?

[neonscandal]

Hello, again, Neon...How are you? Sorry I have not log in tumblr for almost 2 month. I'm surprised you got quite a lot of interesting asks when I read your blog....

So, first thing first, now I'm in the middle of watching "Fushigi Yuugi", thanks to you. Now, I'm not really interested in the romance but I really love the story and worldbuilding. It's isekai but so good....Thanks for your rec, Neon....🌻🤩

I always love sorting characters to Hogwarts Houses, and because you said you don't mind, can I ask for : Miaka/Tamahome (classic trope done great), Narumi/Nifuji (cute couple), and Vash/Wolfwood (I'm depress after reading their story), Reki/Langa (just read BL that remind me of them)?

Last question (sorry for this long ask, feel free if you don't want to answer all), because you love Hermione, do you ship Hermione/Ron or Hermione/Draco or other? Why?

Hope you have a wonderful day, Neon. And sorry for late in saying this : Happy Belated Birthday, wish you all the good things in life 💐😄

Hello old friend, welcome back 🌻💛 Never a need to apologize! I dare say you and your many questions may have emboldened others to reach out haha so I suppose I should say thank you for that. And for your kind words always! 🥺❤️

For it to be an older series, I'm glad to hear the worldbuilding holds up! I always loved Tamahome, Chichiri and Nuriko because they were so funny to me when I was younger. I feel like I should revisit the series with you!

Of COURSE I'm gonna address your whole ask in one go. Just remember, fuck TERFs!

ROMIONE vs DRAMIONE

As a smooth brained child, I didn't really ship Hermione until there was more obvious signaling that she and Ron were end game. The books were coming out when I was literally the age of the characters and kids are easily influenced and don't think critically. Not even going into comphet shipping at that age. I also loved redheads or maybe just the Weasleys? As an adult, Ron kinda sucked as a partner for Hermione. He took Hermione for granted, wasn't really supportive of things that meant a lot to her (SPEW, though clearly she changed his mind based on his later concern for the elves), was generally harsh with his words regarding her until the cruft of their adolescence was really broken away but, in my opinion, Hermione outclassed Ron and Harry in a lot of ways. In this pairing, it feels like Hermione made Ron better but Ron didn't reciprocate that improvement where Hermione was concerned. We can say he made her more approachable but that was him and Harry and just general socialization. It's been awhile since I've read the books so I may be selling my boy Ron short here. But also, as an adult, I see brilliant, amazing women end up with mediocre (but somewhat earnest) men all the time so I guess we were adequately prepared in our childhood.

As an adult, I'm not going to say I ship Dramione but I definitely see the appeal more. Especially where fandom fills in the gap because, contextually, we see them at odds and how Hermione is bold enough to challenge Draco. She (similar to Ron in the above), isn't the only reason the Draco undergoes his necessary character development we see through the story but her audacity, I think, humbles him in a way that's different from Harry. This dynamic is also more aligned with ships I tend to gravitate toward where they're a little antagonistic with a soft underbelly. I'm not saying this question justifies sharing this beautiful animation by @lyrablack1883 but… an excuse is an excuse. 👀

Onto the neon Sorting Hat, I guess!

Bear in mind, I'm largely of the mind that where the other houses are fixed, Gryffindor is open to anyone brave enough to ask/insist so, if you don't agree, that's cool, too. I give the primary i think they'd be in otherwise.

Miaka Yuki (Fushigi Yuugi) - Gryffindor with Hufflepuff underpinnings. It's important to note that the tenderness that Miaka exhibits is not without an edge. She may not be strong but she isn't powerless. She is kind and accepting of others and fair with a sense of purpose when chosen to be a priestess and rises to the occasion. She's still stubborn and, in fact, the flaws that more prominently make her a Gryffindor is what endears her to others (and sets her at odds with Tamahome because she's a brat, let's be serious). Still, with the whole world on its head, Miaka doesn't shy away from her duty and grows a lot along the way.

Tamahome (Fushigi Yuugi) - okay this is a bit of a toss up but only because it's been so long since I've seen Fushigi Yuugi that I'm torn between Ravenclaw and Slytherin, for obvious reasons. Tamahome is loyal to a cause and is subsequently very logical about the means to satisfy that end. Character wise, I just can't determine (or recall, rather), whether he could justify any means to that end. I'm leaning toward Ravenclaw with the loyalty to his family and then the Suzaku Warriors but I'm open to your interpretation as someone who may have seen it more recently.

Narumi Momose (Wotakoi: Love is Hard for Otaku) - Ravenclaw. Intuitively, Narumi had a goal in mind and creatively deduced camouflage would be the best means to be successful socially and at work. It's a little dishonest but with earnest intentions. But Narumi is a Ravenclaw in the daffy way the Luna Lovegood is a Ravenclaw. That's not to suggest neither lack intelligence but their focus tends to be elsewhere. Whatever the special interest, they know it all, you know? Good luck trying to be a normie, Narumi.

Hirotaka Nifuji (Wotakoi: Love is Hard for Otaku) - Bear in mind I have one season of Wotakoi under my belt. But the biggest indicator for my determination is that Hirotaka managed to hide his crush on Narumi for the full duration of the season. Cool, and nonchalant but the frenzy when his brother almost blew his cover? Slytherin. Mans had a goal all along and while Narumi seemed to fall in line with that out of convenience, it suited his purposes all along and we only see an aberration in his behavior when that was potentially jeopardized. Harmless as the circumstances were, it's giving Slytherin.

Vash the Stampede (Trigun) - Hufflepuff to a fault with sympathy for the devil. He will do what is right, damn the consequences and the risk of personal injury to himself. He was given a life and seeks to protect the lives of others at all cost. This sunshine boy isn't without shadow, driven to offset his brothers' misdeeds, for sure. But Rem, I think, is a stronger guide in how Vash lives his life. He doesn't do it for the glory, it's simply what must be done. He certainly doesn't go looking for trouble the way a Gryffindor might. It just finds him and he tries to resolve it as amicably as possible with a moral compass always pointing due North.

Nicholas D. Wolfwood (Trigun) - SLYTHERIN. Hat's barely rested upon his head and definitively we know that Nicky D will do whatever's needed to get his desired end. Not saying Vash won't make him question himself but, ultimately, Nicholas will do what Vash can't. His morality rests upon a razor's edge and he's learned that the only way to protect the people he love's are by doing the dirty work necessary. With Vash's influence, he may be tortured about it, though.

Reki Kyan (SK8 the Infinity) - Gryffindor with a strong Hufflepuff alignment (is this why Miya warms up to him?). Not only is he earnestly hardworking and kind, the glue that brings everyone together. But he's also brave, punching well above his weight class to stand up to Adam and protect Miya and, ultimately, to triumph over him because of his own brilliance and ingenuity.

Langa Hasegawa (SK8 the Infinity) - Gryffindor with a spice of Ravenclaw. ✨ Naturally skilled and adept skater (after some serious hard work as a boarder), I think Langa wouldn't have wound up pursuing skating at all had he not gotten swept up into it through the series of events as outlined. But, in the new environment, he's able to leverage his previous expertise critically and playfully and ascend to awe inspiring heights. Doesn't mean he's not still a bit of a himbo. Affectionately, Reki and Langa at their core are idiot 🤝 idiot and we love them for it.

Anon, a BL that reminds you of Reki and Langa!? Drop the rec, bestie! How could you not include? Do I need to make a rules page? Pay the troll toll, guys!

#neon asks #anon asks #anime #manga #harry potter #hogwarts houses #fushigi yuugi #wotakoi #wotakoi love is hard for otaku #trigun #sk8 the infinity #sk8 #trigun stampede #dramione #romione #harry potter au

[emotionallychargedtowel]

9 People You’d Like to Know More

tagged by @wen-kexing-apologist and @thewayofsubtext  <3

Tumblr keeps eating every draft of this post that I write, argh! 

Last Song I Listened To

When I started writing this, I was being lazy and letting the YouTube algorithm pick songs for me and I was listening to this song, Unfucktheworld by Angel Olsen. I've been exchanging song recommendations with a friend for a while now and I guess she has gotten to know me pretty well because this is way up my alley.

But then another song came on--We Ride by Brave Girls (a.k.a. BB Girls)--and that became the new last song I listened to. It's another song that a friend recommended to me. This time it was a friend I've been emailing with back and forth about East Asian pop music. He's a big fan of City Pop, a genre that came out of Japan in the 80s, and he sent me a list of some recent kpop songs that are influenced by/reminiscent of City Pop, including this one. I took to it right away, and it was a big hit with my daughter. 

Currently Watching

I Told Sunset About You - I’m just one episode in to this one and I can already tell it’s going to hit me where it hurts. I took a break due to family visits and related stuff but I’m fixing to dive back in. 

Moonlight Chicken - I got stalled out on this one just as it was getting good, thanks to some life stuff. I need to pick it back up!

Star Trek: Discovery - I’m a big Star Trek fan and recently rewatched everything from TNG through Voyager, but I hadn’t kept up with any of the newest series in years. I’m so glad I decided to start Discovery because it is shaping up to be one of my favorite Star Trek series. There are a lot of reasons for this. Really great LGBT+ representation is a factor. This is also is the first Star Trek series that has inspired more actor crushes in me than DS9. Michelle Yeoh in a corset! Tig Notaro as a cranky engineer! I’m dying over here. 

Minato's Laundromat season 2 - I was looking forward to this as soon as it was announced, but with the usual anxiety that comes with a second season of a BL. I wasn’t 100% sure about the direction of the season at first, but now it’s settling in with some really interesting themes. 

Reservation Dogs - I wasn’t entirely sure about this show when I first started watching during the first season. But not only did it grow on me, it has also been getting better and better. The latest episode, which focused in part on an abusive government-sponsored boarding school (of the sort designed to rob Indigenous kids of their culture), was one of the best of the series so far. 

Edited to add: I forgot about Kamen Rider Geats! My family has been catching up on it and we're almost caught up just in time for the finale. I'm liking it a lot more than I thought I would when I watched the first few episodes, but not as much as my partner (who said he thinks it's one of his favorite Kamen Rider series he's seen). I'm really impressed with the cast, though. I'd especially like to see the actors who play Keiwa and Buffa in more things in the future.

Currently Reading

I’ve been listening to the audiobook version of The Method: How the Twentieth Century Learned to Act by Isaac Butler for a while now, but I’m having an annoying situation where it keeps getting returned to the library even though I’ve renewed it. I could just start another book, but I don’t want to! This one is really interesting. 

The vast majority of people spend a significant amount of their time watching (non-documentary) movies and TV series, which involves watching actors engage in this specific art form. And we have opinions about what constitutes good or bad acting. Yet most of us know so little about how acting is done, what kinds of theories underpin acting practice, how actors prepare for roles and scenes. I wanted to not only find out more about that, but also dig a little deeper into the differences between approaches and how they’ve branched off and clashed and so forth. 

So far I’ve gotten a lot of good background and plenty to think about, even though I’m just getting to the point where the Method/System/whateveryoucallit is starting to take on in the US. I’m guessing it’s going to get even more relevant from there.

Current Obsession

I’m always obsessing about lots of things so I’m probably never going to be able to identify just one. Some currents ones are:

waiting for Utsukushii Kare: Eternal to be available with English subtitles somewhere, somehow

foraging blackberries, making jelly out of them, and baking biscuits to go with the jelly

waiting for it to be fall already because I hate sweating and I love wearing layers

finding my Animal Crossing character some decent glasses

thinking about possible BL/Jane Austen parallels for tumblr posts

finishing a post about psychological aspects of Utsukushii Kare that I’ve been writing off and on for months and that has gotten so long it will probably have to be split up into 3-4 posts

Serge Lutens Jeux de Peau perfume (my beloved)

I didn't tag anyone. It makes me anxious and I think pretty much everyone I know on here has been tagged! Except @porridgefeast, who's welcome to do it if she feels like it but (of course) no pressure.

#9 people meme thing #uncharacteristic self disclosure #not that I mind self-disclosure but it doesn't come up that often with the stuff I do here #angel olsen #brave girls #bb girls #isaac butler #The Method: How the Twentieth Century Learned to Act #blackberries #biscuits #serge lutens #jeux de peau #go utsukushii kare fansubbers go I believe in you #itsay #moonlight chicken #star trek discovery #reservation dogs #minato's laundromat 2 #minato shouji coin laundry 2

[hollers-and-holmes]

2, 8, 12 for the writing meme!

Thank you for the ask! This has been fun.

I think I did 2 already but here it is again…

2. What is an area in your writing you’re proud you’ve grown in?

I think I’ve gotten better about crafting a solid narrative instead of just chasing a feel or an indulgence, but as a result when I work in that feely or indulgent scene, it has more impact because the underpinning narrative structures are actually there to give it more weight.

8. Is music a part of your writing process?

Certain songs can flip the writing switch but I really don’t do well with music playing while I write, it makes me feel sort of overstimulated. I think I used to write after practicing violin a lot, because thinking about presenting a piece of music in a thematic way could often get the writing pump primed, and especially when I was playing a ton of Celtic stuff.

12. Do you have any writing rituals?

Sometimes I’ll prop a chair under the doorknob, really primes the muses.

I’m kidding. Coffee is usually involved, though. And at this point the process of getting everyone occupied/settled down/put to bed probably serves as a ritual. I usually read over whatever I was working on last, but sometimes this bites into the writing time too much.

[testudoaubrei-blog]

Content note for discussions of eternal damnation, and all sorts of other shit that will trigger a lot of folks with religious trauma.

Before I get started I might as well explain where I’m coming from - unlike a lot of She-Ra fans, and a lot of queer people, I don’t have much religious trauma, or any, maybe (okay there were a number of years I was convinced I was going to hell, but that happens to everyone, right?). I was raised a liberal Christian by liberal Christian parents in the Episcopal Church, where most of my memories are overwhelmingly positive. Fuck, growing up in the 90’s, Chuch was probably the only place outside my home I didn’t have homophobia spewed at me. Because it was the 90’s and it was a fucking hellscape of bigotry where 5 year olds knew enough to taunt each other with homophobic slurs and the adults didn’t know enough to realize how fucked up that was. Anyway. This is my experience, but it is an atypical one, and I know it. Quite frankly I know that my experience of Christianity has very little at all to do with what most people experienced, or what people generally mean when they talk about Christianity as a cultural force in America today. So if you were raised Christian and you don’t recognize your theology here, congrats, neither do I, but these ideas and cultural forces are huge and powerful and dominant. And it’s this dominant Christian narrative that I’m referring to in this post. As well as, you know, a children’s cartoon about lesbian rainbow princesses. So here it goes. This is going to get batshit.

"All events whatsoever are governed by the secret counsel of God." - John Calvin

“We’re all just a bunch of wooly guys” - Noelle Stevenson

This is a post triggered by a single scene, and a single line. It’s one of the most fucked-up scenes in She-Ra, toward the end of Save the Cat. Catra, turned into a puppet by Prime, struggles with her chip, desperately trying to gain control of herself, so lost and scared and vulnerable that she flings aside her own death wish and her pride and tearfully begs Adora to rescue her. Adora reaches out , about to grab her, and then Prime takes control back, pronounces ‘disappointing’ and activates the kill switch that pitches Catra off the platform and to her death (and seriously, she dies here, guys - also Adora breaks both her legs in the fall). But before he does, he dismisses Catra with one of his most chilling lines. “Some creatures are meant only for destruction.”

And that’s when everyone watching probably had their heart broken a little bit, but some of the viewers raised in or around Christianity watching the same scene probably whispered ‘holy shit’ to themselves. Because Prime’s line - which works as a chilling and callous dismissal of Catra - is also an allusion to a passage from the Bible. In fact, it’s from one of the most fucked up passages in a book with more than its share of fucked up passages. It’s from Romans 9:22, and I’m going to quote several previous verses to give the context of the passage (if not the entire Epistle, which is more about who needs to abide by Jewish dietary restrictions but was used to construct a systematic theology in the centuries afterwards because people decided it was Eternal Truth).

19 Thou wilt say then unto me, Why doth he yet find fault? For who hath resisted his will?

20 Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus?

21 Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour?

22 What if God, willing to shew his wrath, and to make his power known, endured with much longsuffering the vessels of wrath fitted to destruction:

The context of the allusion supports the context in the show. Prime is dismissing Catra - serial betrayer, liar, failed conqueror, former bloody-handed warlord - as worthless, as having always been worthless and fit only to be destroyed. He is speaking from a divine and authoritative perspective (because he really does think he’s God, more of this in my TL/DR Horde Prime thing). Prime is echoing not only his own haughty dismissal of Catra, and Shadow Weaver’s view of her, but also perhaps the viewer’s harshest assessment of her, and her own worst fears about herself. Catra was bad from the start, doomed to destroy and to be destroyed. A malformed pot, cracked in firing, destined to be shattered against a wall and have her shards classified by some future archaeologist 2,000 years later. And all that’s bad enough.

But the full historical and theological context of this passage shows the real depth of Noelle Stevenson’s passion and thought and care when writing this show. Noelle was raised in Evangelical or Fundamentalist Christianity. To my knowledge, he has never specified what sect or denomination, but in interviews and her memoir Noelle has shown a particular concern for questions that this passage raises, and a particular loathing for the strains of Protestant theology that take this passage and run with it - that is to say, Calvinism. So while I’m not sure if Noelle was raised as a conservative, Calvinist Presbyterian, his preoccupation with these questions mean that it’s time to talk about Calvinism.

It would be unfair, perhaps, to say that Calvinism is a systematic theology built entirely upon the Epistles of Romans and Galatians, but only -just- (and here my Catholic readers in particular will chuckle to themselves and lovingly stroke their favorite passage of the Epistle of James). The core of Calvinist Doctrine is often expressed by the very Dutch acronym TULIP:

Total Depravity - people are wholly evil, and incapable of good action or even willing good thoughts or deeds

Unconditional Election - God chooses some people to save because ¯\_(ツ)_/¯, not because they did anything to deserve, trigger or accept it

Limited Atonement - Jesus died only to save the people God chose to save, not the rest of us bastards

Irresistible Grace - God chooses some people to be saved - if you didn’t want to be saved, too bad, God said so.

Perseverance of the Saints - People often forget this one and assume it’s ‘predestination’ but it’s actually this - basically, once saved by God, always saved, and if it looks like someone falls out of grace, they were never saved to begin with. Well that’s all sealed up tight I guess.

Reading through these, predestination isn’t a single doctrine in Calvinism but the entire theological underpinnings of it together with humanity’s utter powerlessness before sin. Basically God has all agency, humanity has none. Calvinism (and a lot of early modern Protestantism) is obsessed with questions of how God saves people (grace alone, AKA Sola Fides) and who God saves (the people god elects and only the people God elects, and fuck everyone else).

It’s apparent that Noelle was really taken by these questions, and repelled by the answers he heard. He’s alluded to having a tattoo refuting the Gospel passage about Sheep and Goats being sorted at the end times, affirming instead that ‘we’re all just a bunch of wooly guys’ (you can see this goat tattoo in some of his self-portraits in comics, etc). He’s also mentioned that rejecting and subverting destiny is a huge part of everything he writes as a particular rejection of the idea that some individual people are 'chosen' by God or that God has a plan for any of us. You can see that -so clearly- in Adora’s arc, where Adora embraces and then rejects destiny time and again and finally learns to live life for herself.

But for Catra, we’re much more concerned about the most negative aspect of this - the idea that some people are vessels meant for destruction. And that’s something else that Noelle is preoccupied with. In her memoir in the section about leaving the church and becoming a humanistic atheist, there is a drawing of a pot and the question ‘Am I a vessel prepared for destruction?’ Obviously this was on Noelle’s mind (And this is before he came out to himself as queer!).

To look at how this question plays out in Catra’s entire arc, let’s first talk about how ideas of damnation and salvation actually play out in society. And for that I’m going to plug one of my favorite books, Gin Lun’s Damned Nation: Hell in America from the Revolution to Reconstruction (if you can tell by now, I am a fucking blast at parties). Lun tells the long and very interesting story about, how ideas of hell and who went there changed during the Early American Republic. One of the interesting developments that she talks about is how while at first people who were repelled by Calvinism started moving toward a doctrine of universal salvation (no on goes to hell, at least not forever*), eventually they decided that hell was fine as long as only the right kind of people went there. Mostly The Other - non-Christian foreigners, Catholics, Atheists, people who were sinners in ways that were not just bad but weird and violated Victorian ideas of respectability. Really, Hell became a way of othering people, and arguably that’s how it survives today, especially as a way to other queer people (but expanding this is slated for my Montero rant). Now while a lot of people were consciously rejecting Calvinist predestination, they were still drawing the distinction between the Elect (good, saved, worthwhile) and the everyone else (bad, damned, worthless). I would argue that secularized ideas of this survive to this day even among non-Christian spaces in our society - we like to draw lines between those who Elect, and those who aren’t.

And that’s what brings us back to Catra. Because Catra’s entire arc is a refutation of the idea that some people are worthless and irredeemable, either by nature, nurture or their own actions. Catra’s actions strain the conventions of who is sympathetic in a Kid’s cartoon - I’ve half joked that she’s Walter White as a cat girl, and it’s only half a joke. She’s cruel, self-deluded, she spends 4 seasons refusing to take responsibility for anything she does and until Season 5 she just about always chooses the thing that does the most damage to herself and others. As I mentioned in my Catra rant, the show goes out of its way to demonstrate that Catra is morally culpable in every step of her descent into evil (except maybe her break with reality just before she pulls the lever). The way that Catra personally betrays everyone around her, the way she strips herself of all of her better qualities and most of what makes her human, hell even her costume changes would signal in any other show that she’s irredeemable.

It’s tempting to see this as Noelle’s version of being edgy - pushing the boundaries of what a sympathetic character is, throwing out antiheroics in favor of just making the villain a protagonist. Noelle isn’t quite Alex ‘I am in the business of traumatizing children’ Hirsch, who seems to have viewed his job as pushing the bounds of what you could show on the Disney Channel (I saw Gravity Falls as an adult and a bunch of that shit lives rent free in my nightmares forever), but Noelle has his own dark side, mostly thematically. The show’s willingness to deal with abuse, and messed up religious themes, and volatile, passionate, not particularly healthy relationships feels pretty daring. I’m not joking when I gleefully recommend this show to friends as ‘a couple from a Mountain Goats Song fights for four seasons in a cartoon intended for 9 year olds’. Noelle is in his own way pushing the boundaries of what a kids show can do. If you read Noelle’s other works like Nimona, you see an argument for Noelle being at least a bit edgy. Nimona is also angry, gleefully destructive, violent and spiteful - not unlike Catra. Given that it was a 2010s webcomic and not a kids show, Nimona is a good deal worse than Catra in some ways - Catra doesn’t kill people on screen, while Nimona laughs about it (that was just like, a webcomic thing - one of the fan favorite characters in my personal favorite, Narbonic, was a fucking sociopath, and the heroes were all amoral mad scientists, except for the superintelligent gerbil**). But unlike Nimona, whose fate is left open ended, Catra is redeemed.

And that is weird. We’ve had redemption arcs, but generally not of characters with -so- much vile stuff in their history. Going back to the comparison between her and Azula, many other shows, like Avatar, would have made Catra a semi-sympathetic villain who has a sob-story in their origin but who is beyond redemption, and in so doing would articulate a kind of psychologized Calvinism where some people are too traumatized to ever be fully and truly human. I’d argue this is the problem with Azula as a character - she’s a fun villain, but she doesn’t have moral agency, and the ultimate message of her arc - that she’s a broken person destined only to hurt people - is actually pretty fucked up. And that’s the origin story of so many serial killers and psycopaths that populate so many TV shows and movies. Beyond ‘hurt people hurt people’ they have nothing to teach us except perhaps that trauma makes you a monster and that the only possible response to people doing bad things is to cut them out of your life and out of our society (and that’s why we have prisons, right?)

And so Catra’s redemption and the depths from which she claws herself back goes back to Noelle’s desire to prove that no person is a vessel ‘fitted for destruction.’ Catra goes about as far down the path of evil as we’ve ever seen a protagonist in a kids show go, and she still has the capacity for good. Importantly, she is not subject to total depravity - she is capable of a good act, if only one at first. Catra is the one who begins her own redemption (unlike in Calvinism, where grace is unearned and even unwelcomed) - because she wants something better than what she has, even if its too late, because she realizes that she never wanted any of this anyway, because she wants to do one good thing once in her life even if it kills her.

The very extremity of Catra’s descent into villainy serves to underline the point that Noelle is trying to make - that no one can be written off completely, that everyone is capable of change, and that no human being is garbage, no matter how twisted they’ve become. Meanwhile her ability to set her own redemption in motion is a powerful statement of human agency, and healing, and a refutation of Calvinism’s idea that we are powerless before sin or pop cultural tropes about us being powerful before the traumas of our upbringing. Catra’s arc, then, is a kind of anti-Calvinist theological statement - about the nature of people and the nature of goodness.

Now, there is a darker side to this that Noelle has only hinted at, but which is suggested by other characters on the show. Because while Catra’s redemption shows that people are capable of change, even when they’ve done horrible things, been fucked up and fucked themselves up, it also illustrates the things people do to themselves that make change hard. As I mentioned in my Catra rant, two of the most sinister parts of her descent into villainy are her self-dehumanization (crushing her own compassion and desire to do good) and her rewriting of her own history in her speech and memory to make her own actions seem justified (which we see with her insistence that Adora left her, eliding Adora’s offers to have Catra join her, or her even more clearly false insistence that Entrapta had betrayed them). In Catra, these processes keep her going down the path of evil, and allow her to nearly destroy herself and everyone else. But we can see the same processes at work in two much darker figures - Shadow Weaver and Horde Prime. These are both rants for another day, but the completeness of Shadow Weaver’s narcissistic self-justification and cultivated callousness and the even more complete narcissism of Prime’s god complex cut both characters off from everyone around them. Perhaps, in a theoretical sense, they are still redeemable, but for narrative purposes they might as well be damned.

This willingness to show a case where someone -isn’t- redeemed actually serves to make Catra’s redemption more believable, especially since Noelle and the writers draw the distinction between how Catra and SW/Prime can relate to reality and other people, not how broken they are by their trauma (unlike Zuko and Azula, who are differentiated by How Fucked Uolp They Are). Redemption is there, it’s an option, we can always do what is right, but someone people will choose not to, in part because doing the right thing involves opening ourselves to the world and others, and thus being vulnerable. Noelle mentions this offhandedly in an interview after Season 1 with the She-Ra Progressive of Power podcast - “I sometimes think that shades of grey, sympathetic villains are part of the escapist fantasy of shows like this.” Because in the real world, some people are just bastards, a point that was particularly clear in 2017. Prime and Shadow Weaver admit this reality, while Catra makes a philosophical point that even the bastards can change their ways (at least in theory).

*An idea first proposed in the second century by Origen, who’s a trip and a fucking half by himself, and an idea that becomes the Catholic doctrine of purgatory, which protestants vehemently denied!

**Speaking of favorite Noelle tropes

#she ra horde prime #she ra #she ra catra #she ra spoilers #redemption arcs #toxic religion

[onlydylanobrien]

Dylan O'Brien - NME Magazine Interview

Dylan O’Brien: “I was in this transitional phase – close to a quarter-life crisis”

From YA heartthrob to legitimate leading man – how the 'Maze Runner' star hit his stride after a whirlwind decade

Definitely!” hoots Dylan O’Brien when NME asks if he still has to audition. “I’m not Tom fucking Hanks, bro.” He’s clearly amused by our question, but forgive us for thinking the 29-year-old actor gets cast on reputation alone. A decade into his career, and he’s making an impressive transition from teen TV star and YA franchise hero to charismatic leading man.

New York-born O’Brien cut his teeth on MTV’s hit Teen Wolf series, before landing the lead in the Maze Runner film trilogy based on James Dashner’s hugely popular novels. Leading a band of bright young things that included ex-Skins tearaway Kaya Scodelario, Game Of Thrones’ Thomas Brodie-Sangster and Will Poulter, he honed his craft while racking up nearly a billion dollars at the box office. “My career is a constant acting class,” says O’Brien. “To be able to do the Maze Runner movies simultaneously with Teen Wolf was amazing in terms of getting in reps and working my [acting] muscle.”

Now for the sometimes tricky bit. Many actors struggle with the post-breakout period, but O’Brien is making it look easy so far. This year’s Netflix hit Love and Monsters proved he can carry an old-school family adventure, and new film Flashback (out next week) reveals an appetite for weirder, more cerebral work. He stars as Fred Fitzell, a young man reluctant to buckle down to life as a nine-to-fiver with a boring corporate job and a long-term girlfriend (Mindhunter‘s Hannah Gross). When he runs into a freaky-looking acquaintance from his teenage years, Fred becomes obsessed with finding an old high-school friend he used to drop a mind-bending experimental drug called Mercury with. It’s difficult to say any more without entering spoiler territory, but Flashback is a wild ride underpinned by the idea that we can exist in several realities at once. Even if you follow every plot twist, you might not fully understand the end. “Oh, it’s definitely a headfuck,” O’Brien agrees. “There’s not totally an answer to figure out. There’s a lot of different things that people can take from it.”

Speaking over Zoom from his LA home, O’Brien is bright, thoughtful and really good fun to talk to, especially when he relaxes into the interview, but he clearly knows where his line between public and private lies. When he first read the Flashback script, written by the film’s director Christopher MacBride, his “mind was blown” by just how much he related to Fred. “I felt like I was in this transitional phase of my life that was, you know, sort of close to a quarter-life crisis type thing,” he says. “For whatever reason, it was like me and this script were meant to be. I remember reading it and thinking: ‘I am this guy right now.'”

“There were a lot of things in my personal life that were neglected for a while”

When we ask why O’Brien felt as though he had reached a “transitional phase”, he gives an answer that’s vague but not exactly evasive. For understandable reasons, he doesn’t mention the incredibly traumatic motorcycle accident he sustained while shooting the final Maze Runner film in March 2016. O’Brien suffered severe trauma to the brain and said in 2017 that he underwent extensive facial reconstructive surgery after the accident “broke most of the right side of my face”. Tellingly, he’s never really revealed what happened on set or how it affected him.

Today, O’Brien dances around the details of the accident and other issues he was dealing with at the time, but doesn’t shy away from discussing his inner conflict. “You know, it was a lot of personal things combined with at-a-point-in-my-career things,” he says after a brief pause. He says he’d have been going through some of this stuff anyway, simply because of his age, but it sounds as though success intensified it all. “It was like this whole fucking storm of shit,” he continues. “I was simultaneously so fulfilled and happy about these, like, otherworldly and surreal things that I had experienced in terms of where my career had brought me. I had all this confidence and fulfilment and beautiful people [in my life] – such amazing things to experience at a young age. But at the same time, there were a lot of things in my personal life that were unchecked and sort of neglected for a while.”

O’Brien says that in time, he realised he had to “stop for a second” and “re-explore how I wanted my life to look going forward”. In fairness, you can see why he needed a breather: his career took off while he was still a teenager. After his family moved from New Jersey to Los Angeles County when he was 12, O’Brien contemplated a career as a sports broadcaster – his Twitter bio still bills him as a “no longer suffering Mets fan” – then began posting YouTube videos as moviekidd826. A funny, slickly edited skit titled ‘How to Prepare for the SAT in 45 seconds’, shared when he was just 17, shows he was a born performer and storyteller. YouTube success led to him getting a manager, but his breakthrough role in Teen Wolf still came out of the blue. At the time, he was treading water at a local community college and taking auditions on the side.

Still, he has since taken a rather fatalistic view of this career-making moment. “It’s totally weird because, when I think about it now, I don’t see how it could have happened any other way. I can’t picture myself doing anything else now,” he told Collider in 2011. “It was really sudden and a little random, and not provoked by anything. It was just out of nowhere. It wasn’t my intentional doing.” Today, O’Brien summarises his skyscraper career trajectory succinctly. “I guess I just graduated high school and started acting,” he says. “And then I felt like I was just flying by the seat of my pants and never got a chance to stop.” Thankfully, straight-out-the-blocks Hollywood success hasn’t taken away his sense of perspective. When I say how easy social media makes it to compare yourself unfavourably to others, O’Brien jumps in: “Yeah, that’s very true. I was watching the Billie Eilish doc the other day, and I was like, I’ve done nothing. I’m not an artist at all!”

“No one thought ‘Love and Monsters’ was going to be good!”

O’Brien is also self-deprecating when he talks about being cast in Flashback, suggesting it happened because he had such an intense connection with Fred. “I was honestly like, ‘Who is watching me right now?’ That is the best way I can describe how I was feeling when I came across this script,” he says. “Chris [MacBride, director] and I had this conversation that went so well in terms of [my] understanding this script that I think he’d sent around a lot and [that] very commonly wasn’t understood. I think Chris has even said that the night before shooting, he suddenly had this thought, like, ‘Wait, do I even think he’s a good actor?'”

Though O’Brien has firmly ring-fenced elements of his private life, he’s actually pretty frank about his acting vehicles. He readily admits he was expecting a snobbish response to Love and Monsters, a CGI-heavy hybrid of post-apocalyptic action and romcom that dropped on Netflix in April and topped the streamer’s daily most-watched list. “It means so much that Love and Monsters has gotten the response that it’s gotten,” O’Brien says. “No one thought this movie was going to be good.” His blunt honesty makes me laugh out loud. “No one did though!” he says in response. “And so, fuck that. You know, most of the people who say something to me about the movie, they’re like: ‘I watched Love and Monsters, and it was… good?’ And honestly, that just cracks me up.” For obvious reasons, we hastily decide not to share our response to the film – namely, that it was a whole lot better than expected.

In Love and Monsters, O’Brien plays Joel, a survivor of a so-called “monsterpocalypse” that has bumped humans to the bottom of the food chain. Though he’s known in his colony as a bit of a coward, Joel sets off on a treacherous 80-mile journey to find his high school sweetheart Aimee (Iron Fist‘s Jessica Henwick), which means evading the hungry clutches of various supersize grizzlies including a giant monster-frog hiding in a suburban pond. It’s a simple but pretty out-there premise that wouldn’t work if O’Brien’s performance was even slightly condescending. Instead, his unselfconscious sincerity really sells a film that has as much in common with the family-oriented Robin Williams movie Night at the Museum as darker fare like The Walking Dead.

His obvious affection for the project really comes across during our interview today. “When I read the script, I just thought it was so sweet and funny and smart and unique, but at the same time reminiscent of all these movies that don’t really get made any more,” he says. That’s a fair point: Love and Monsters is neither a fail-safe superhero movie nor a slice of classy Oscar bait. “And when they were talking about how to market this movie, it was so funny hearing all these conversations like, ‘How do we actually get people to watch it?'” he adds. “But that’s a big part of the reason I wanted to do this movie: because it felt like something I missed seeing.”

“I’m lucky to be surrounded by people who want to make something out of love”

So in a way, Love and Monsters was a risk for an actor seeking to establish himself outside of a bankable movie franchise and a hit TV show. O’Brien has only made four films since his final Maze Runner outing in 2018, and insists he hasn’t been tactical with his choices. “I don’t have anyone saying, ‘We need to get you in an Oscar vehicle’, or any of that kind of shit,” he says. “I’m really lucky to be surrounded by people who think like me: that you should do what you’re drawn to, and make something out of love.”

He’s recently finished shooting a mysterious crime thriller called The Outfit in London with Mark Rylance. Directed and co-written by Graham Moore, who won an Oscar for his screenplay to Alan Turing biopic The Imitation Game, O’Brien calls it “quite possibly one of the most special pieces of writing I’ve ever experienced”. He first read the script on a plane and says he “actually stood up and clapped” when he got to the end. Considering O’Brien probably wasn’t flying Ryanair, this reaction presumably attracted a few baffled glances.

Anyway, it must be pretty intimidating walking onto set with Rylance, a multi-award-winning actor revered by his peers – Al Pacino once said he “speaks Shakespeare as if it was written for him the night before” – but it sounds as though O’Brien took it all in stride. He says he’s confident in his abilities, but admits to having a slight wobble whenever he begins a new project. “I’m always sort of re-questioning everything – like, ‘Can I even act?'” he says. “But I think there’s something very natural about that. I think even Rylance could relate to that feeling. Acting is like starting a new year at school every single time.”

At this point in his career, O’Brien has made peace with the fact that some people will have preconceptions about him based on what he’s known for: Maze Runner and Teen Wolf. “People will put you in a box no matter what,” he says. “There was definitely a time when that would get to me, especially when it felt like somebody had a perspective on me that in my soul, I just felt wasn’t accurate.” Still, there’s no doubt he wants to show us what’s really in his soul with more films like Flashback. “If anything,” he adds bullishly, “it just makes me think: ‘Right, I’m really gonna show them now’.”

‘Flashback’ is out on digital platforms from June 4

#dylan o'brien #love and monsters press #flashback press #the outfit press

[phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust]

i think this is one of the quotes anon was talking about: https://thegilly.tumblr.com/post/29568742275/the-beatles-and-me-by-neil-aspinall-scanned

(Link) (CW eating disorders)

That magazine article actually breaks my heart - the way that he’s legitimately torturing himself is just so upsetting. And in reading about John dieting the way he did, I can especially empathise with him because ive had a lot of the same experiences.

Some points I took note of from the article are:

1. John ate one meal a day, which was steak with a large salad - that means he was probably eating less then a 1000 calories a day, and id guess he was maybe only getting about 800 (?) calories a day at most with that diet. 800 calories or less is literally starvation.

2. “John wont even look at bread” - this is the definition of an ‘unsafe food’. People with restrictive ED’s do eat, but they tend to have “safe” and “unsafe” foods. I suspect John considers bread unsafe because he knows its a binge food, and a food that he thinks will cause him weight gain - again, its just so sad that he would put himself through this misery. I also think that he probably felt meats were probably relatively safe for him to eat.

3. He had two different suits - one for when he was at his normal, healthy weight and another for when he had lost weight. He would bring them both on tour with him because his weight would fluctuate so much.

4. His regular weight was about 159lbs; apparently he was around 139lbs when he died (at least, thats what a quick google search tells me, so I don’t know how true that is. But certainly he was far thinner by the time he died).

5. “Right before a tour, he’ll do everything he can to lose weight” - this appears to speak especially to the theory that Johns ED might have been sparked largely by the pressures of fame and publicity.

6. “John hardly touches his salad, and he wont even look at the other boys eat.” - He’s eating the most miserable meal on the planet guys :’(

7. “John begins to look at me apprehensively. He has hunger pains in his eyes! Finally, when he is about to “break down” I…pull out the meat sandwiches.” - He was in actual, physical pain because he was so hungry.

8. “John takes the meat out of the sandwiches and eats every tiny sliver he can find. Then he stuffs the leftover slices of bread into a bag, which I take from him (so that he wont break down again and eat those).” - I would constitute this behaviour as a “binge”, because to me a binge is not based necessarily on the quantity of food you eat, or the amount of calories you take in, but more so about how in control and contented you are during and after eating. John wasn’t in control here, and its because its his bodies natural reaction when its in starvation mode.

9. “[Johns] main complaint is ‘How come Paul never gains an ounce — and he eats twice as much as I do?’”

10. “John is sure some kind of curse is set on his head — or is stomach as it were!”

Im not going to judge everyone for seemingly not making any real efforts to help John recover from his ED, because I don’t think ED’s became something that the general public were aware of until about the early 80s with Karen Carpenters death - and its taken years for people to even really begin recognising that a lot of men also suffer from ED’s! And so im not going to criticise them for not recognising that John legitimately was displaying symptoms of an ED, but I do think its just really sad that they were all watching John starve and torture himself, and couldn’t really do anything about it. And because they weren’t recognising him as mentally ill here, they probably all just accepted his diet as a bit of a laugh, whilst still knowing there was something more sinister underpinning it.*

(*I wonder however what Paul might have thought about all this, because we know that Paul was prone to being a sort of caretaker for John, and in a lot of ways “mothered” him. I feel like Paul would’ve recognised that only eating one meal a day was a problem, and maybe sort of laughed it off a bit because he couldn’t have known it was a legitimate mental illness - but also, I hope he would try to encourage John to eat. Id like to hear him talk about this in an interview someday, though I doubt anyone would ask him about this stuff)

This is just genuinely one of the most depressing things ive ever read about John, and if its a topic you feel comfortable reading id encourage anyone to give it a read (although if you think it could be damaging for your mental health, id say avoid it!).

And overall, im just really surprised that no biographer appears to have ever really spoken about this topic in a nuanced manner.

#cw ed #cw anorexia #cw eating disorder #john lennon ed #john lennon #johns psyche #this just makes me so so sad #he reminds me so much of ME #and thats just sad #like reading about seeing hunger in his eyes #<<< i know that pain!! i know that hunger! #@sergeantpeppa

[celticcrossanon]

BRF Reading - 17th of June 2021

This is speculation only

Cards drawn 17th of June, 2021

Question: Will Harry attend the statue unveiling?

Background: The energy on this reading is a bit lighter than Tuesday, but it is still very heavy. The cards did a lot of sticking together and having to be shoved together when I was shuffling, and the final pack had rough edges. So there is still a heavy and reluctant energy to these readings.

Interpretation: Yes. As sources have confirmed, Harry will attend the statue unveiling - and ask for money from his father at the same time.

Card One: Six of Wands. This is a card about success in a venture. A goal has been achieved. Wands can be PR, so this may be a something that has been achieved through PR.

The card shows Jason with the golden fleece raised triumphantly above his head, while his companions cheer in the background. As a card of success, it says that yes, Harry is going to attend the statue unveiling.

The success meaning of the card refers to the event itself, Finally, after years of planning and commissioning and arguing about how it is going to look, the statue is ready to be unveiled. The project is coming to a successful conclusion. Harry will be present as one of the instigators of the project, to cheer as it s unveiled. With respect to the card, the statue is Jason, and Harry is one of the companions in the background.

With respect to PR, I keep thinking of the articles that said Meghan was going to the statue unveiling, and then they were contradicted by Victoria Ward, who people have said is a reporter who is sympathetic to the Sussexes, so in effect the rebuttal came from the Sussex camp. I am wondering if this is what they count as a PR success - a way of saying to the palace 'You don't have to keep a check on us, we do it ourselves'.

Card Two: Temperance. This is a card of balance, of moderation, of taking the middle path. This comes across as advice to Harry - don't go to this statue unveiling full of yourself, or full of grievances. Be moderate, be patient, take the middle path. That will do more to achieve harmony with your family than strutting in like you are the best thing ever. Be Temperance, and not the Six of Wands (the triumphant, swaggering hero).

Harry will be back with his immediate family for this event, so it would be nice if they could achieve some harmony or balance together. Unfortunately, I think the opposite is going to happen - that this event will show just how out of harmony the family is, due to the unbalanced behaviour of Harry and Meghan.

It is rumoured that when Harry returned for the funeral of Prince Philip, his first words to William were "How did you like that?", referring to the recent Oprah interview. I would not be surprised if he displayed a similar attitude at this event - joking around and full of himself, with every joking statement designed to rub in his supposed power over his family. This unbalanced behaviour is the opposite of that recommended by the Temperance card.

Card Three: King of Wands. This is a fire sign, particularly a Leo, and here it represents Meghan, a fire sign Leo. As it appears in the middle of the spread, this card says that Meghan is behind both Harry's behaviour and attitude at this event, as shown in the Temperance card, and she is behind his behaviour as shown in the card ahead of this one, the Six of Pentacles.

Card Four: Six of Pentacles. This is a card of material success, of having enough wealth to give away, or in having success in asking for wealth. The card shows Daedalus being given money by his patron, King Minos. While he is at the statue unveiling, Harry is going to ask for money, status, titles etc. Unlike Daedalus, I don't think Harry is going to be rewarded, and he will come away empty handed.

Harry is also looking for a royal connection - links to Diana, links to the BRF - that he can use to boost his profile in the US. In this area I think he will be much more successful, as the vent is a public and royal reminder that Harry is the son of Diana, Princess of Wales. While we have had many public reminders of this before, mainly from the Harkles, the royal element has been missing. Attending an event with the future king in the grounds of Kensington palace will provide that missing royal element.

This card has come up before for Harry. The repeated image of Harry begging his father for money reinforces the idea that Harry is broke and living beyond his means.

Card Five: The Emperor. The Emperor is a card of a male authority figure, the ultimate patriarch, the boss of everyone. The card shows Zeus, the chief god, in all his glory. This card is coming across as Prince Charles. Coming after the Six of Pentacles, it tells me that Harry will be asking for wealth and power/status from his father at this event (i.e. not from Her Majesty the Queen). Prince Charles is represented here as the head of his family, and as such the person who can accept or deny Harry's request. The energy here is about money, wealth, and as Prince Charles is the one with access to money from the Duchy of Cornwall and he could, if he was so inclined, use some of that money to pay off Harry's debts or give it to Harry, as he has done in the past (although not recently), it makes sense that he is the one Harry approaches with his requests.

Underlying Energy One: Six of Cups. This is a card of childhood, looking back on the past with nostalgia. The card shoes Psyche sitting on a rock, looking over her past with her husband before she takes action in the future. Harry is doing the same thing - reviewing his memories of the past. They may bring him pleasure, but they may also bring up all the real, imagined and misunderstood slights and hurts from his childhood. I am getting half and half energy from this card - some memories are happy ones, some are making Harry feel resentful and angry. I would not be surprised if he turned up in a sulky and petulant mood, blaming everyone for the death of his mother. The memories will almost certainly be aggravating any issues he has around his mother and his place in the royal family.

Underlying Energy Two: The Hermit. This is the card of Virgo, and Harry is a sun-sign Virgo, so this card stands for Harry. The card shows Kronus, Saturn to the Romans, the god associated with time who ruled the Greeks in a mythical golden age. I think Harry is looking back at his childhood as a golden time when nothing went wrong and all his wants were met, which may not match with the reality of his childhood. I feel that the message here for Harry is to take time to sort out his memories, to keep the nostalgia if he likes it but to also look at the events as they appeared to his brother and father - to get different perspectives on what happened. This especially applies to the death of his mother, as per the scythe carried by Kronus, an instrument of Harvest associated with the figure of death. Unfortunately, I think that Harry will be on such a tight schedule that he will not have time to do this.

Major Arcana Cards: Temperance, the Emperor, and the Hermit. These are the main energies of the reading - patience and moderation, Harry, and Prince Charles. I think Harry is going to use the statue unveiling to ask for things from his father, and he will not be temperate in his requests.

Conclusion: Harry will be returning for the statue unveiling. As one of the initiators of the event, he wants to see the final event. He may be returning in a mood of moderation and reconciliation, but it is far more likely that he will return in a mood of sulky, swaggering triumph, underpinned by all the resentments from his childhood and over the death of his mother. He will most likely use this event to ask his father for money, and he will not be successful. Due to the royal nature of the event, he will be far more successful in using it to show himself to the world as a royal, the son of the loved princess who died so tragically. It would be an opportune time for him to discuss the death of his mother with his father and brother, to see things from their perspective and to possibly heal some hurts from her death at the same time, but I don't think he will make the time to do this.

[felassan]

Article: ‘Mass Effect & Dragon Age’s cast members on how BioWare builds dynamics’

I spoke to several figures from BioWare juggernauts Dragon Age and Mass Effect, to get a clearer idea of how those iconic team dynamics we associate with the two titles were created. [interviews]

This article is a really neat read. :) Contains character insights, behind-the-scenes info and some reflections on representation.

Some excerpts under the cut due to length:

A huge theme of these interviews, naturally, was BioWare themselves. As well as general praise for the support, the working environment, and the success of the finished product, many singled out individual directors by name, and credited BioWare’s focused approach with getting the best out of them. Hale even claimed they were “the unsung heroes,” that underpinned the whole Mass Effect trilogy. [...]

“Usually there’s almost always a BioWare writer on the line with us, usually up in Canada, when we’re recording. So you’ll have the director, me and one or two BioWare head honchos up there supervising. That’s the way that’s the way it worked on Inquisition too. There’s a really collaborative vibe.” [...]

This consistency across the recording process is likely why the calibre of performance is so high across both trilogies. “The team of writers of BioWare are extraordinary,” Nick Boulton [Male Hawke] says. “So they keep you on track pretty well. The key was having Caroline Livingston, who was directing most of it – all of it, in fact. She would be there to give context notes, and also keep me on the straight and narrow, as far as characterization went. So we were led through very well by the BioWare team.” [...]

Insight on Jack:

Courtenay Taylor describes Jack as being “a very comfortable pair of old stinky sneakers to step into,” and explains that her connection to Jack’s story was a core way she was able to bring it to life. “[Jack has] a pretty familiar psychology that I had. She was very reminiscent of how I was, to some degree, in high school. She’s putting up a barrier to get people to prove themselves, so you have to run the gauntlet in order to get the good stuff. When you’ve been abused as badly as she has, then psychologically one of the tracks you can take is ‘I will not allow myself to be vulnerable’. And that really resonated with me.”

Taylor also says that this guard Jack puts up meant that, ironically, many of the players found it easier to connect with her. “I got really great feedback from a lot of people about struggles that they had had in their personal lives,” she says.

“I think [Jack’s change between Mass Effect 2 & 3] is a smaller story, but it’s a big story for a lot of people. I have a lot of friends who had addiction problems. And quite a few of my friends give back by going back to the community that they’ve come out of, and finding people that need help. At its core, that’s a big, important through line for Jack – every one of us is worthy of love. And it doesn’t matter how difficult you are or how troubled you are or what has happened to you or what someone has done to you. You are worthy of loving and being loved.” [...]

Taylor also saw something personal in her own performance, especially since there weren’t a lot of women like Jack in popular media when Mass Effect 2 launched. “There was a huge amount of love for her because gender/appearance wise, she is something that I felt at that time had not been explored. And I know that some of the things were cut, but in what we originally recorded [Jack was pansexual], and in 2008 or 2009, there weren’t a tonne of conversations about being pansexual,” she says.

“She was a counterpoint to a lot of the other female characters. She was sort of the far end of the spectrum. You’ve got Miranda who’s beautiful and pulled together, but that only serves a certain population. And there are a lot of people that identify as women who could relate to having these feelings and these emotions – she’s not gender specific. To me, she’s angry. And I don’t know that there had been, at that time, a female character who was so not typically female, who was capable of such a range of emotions. She ended up being the permission to a whole group of people who don’t identify with that kind of woman. Because in entertainment, where did that bald girl with a flat chest who was pansexual go? Where do you fit in? And that really resonated with me. If you don’t relate to Miranda, Jack can be a really nice option.”

Insight on Josie:

It’s a sentiment echoed by Allegra Clark, who used a major tragedy in her own life as motivation for the siege of Haven in Dragon Age: Inquisition. “I think the first time you really start to get to know [Josephine] as a person is when she talks about Haven after the attack. That conversation she has about the first people to jump in and protect people being the workers, and how she’s just watching everything be destroyed. I was actually thinking about 9/11, as a New Yorker. So that was a very personal moment for me. But it was those little moments where she starts to open up and blossom that you get to see her as a person.” [...]

For Clark though, those boundaries were much more personal. “When I was told I had booked Josephine, I was just like, ‘I’m a companion in a BioWare game, and a romanceable companion at that’,” Clark says. “I recognised going in that people were going to connect really hard to this character. People are going to have entire playthroughs that are based around romancing Josephine. She helped me explore my own bisexuality, and that is always the thing that that warms my heart the most when people come to me about my LGBTQ+ characters, and say ‘they helped me understand parts of my own identity’. I actually wasn’t out of the closet publicly, or even to parts of my family when I started recording Inquisition. So it was interesting, getting to tell essentially part of my story as well. Before even being able to say to the world ‘hi, I’m bi’ – though all the signs were there. I was in a relationship with another woman at the time. It’s like ‘oh my God, they were roommates!”

Zevran:

While all were full of praise for BioWare’s writing and working environment, the love of actually playing the game was exclusive to Clark. Most others admitted they had never played at all; Curry confessed he had no idea if Zevran was even alive [as he hasn’t played]

Sam Traynor:

“I think Traynor was revolutionary in what she was doing at the time,” Wilton Regan says. “What was so different about Traynor was she wasn’t romanceable for either gender, you had to be playing as FemShep to choose a lesbian love option . And that was so brave of them to do at the time. But it brought us leaps and bounds forwards, because having that inclusivity then makes it just easier for the next game, and for the game today. And now it’s a standard – you should be representative of all sexualities if there are romance options in your games, and increasingly major games pretty much always have some sort of gay, bisexual, lesbian or heterosexual choice. It might not be as fluid as all of the spectrum of sexual choices, but you’ve got a strong variety in comparison to where it was 20 years ago, for example.”

Sam Traynor and Josie:

Part of representing groups that don’t often get representation in video games is that your character gets to become a role model, and that’s something Wilton Regan and Taylor have particularly fond experiences of. “It’s quite flattering and quite lovely to think about,” Wilton Regan says. “I’ve had a lot of lesbians who are coming out of the closet or coming to terms with their sexuality, who’ve come up to me and said that playing FemShep and romancing Traynor was a really big part of that. And lots of bisexual women as well. There’s something just very beautiful about the idea that BioWare has put so much faith and trust in me over the years with these really pivotal roles, and these big, beautiful characters. I feel very humbled by that. Very, very humbled.”

Meanwhile, Taylor wasn’t even sure people would like Jack, so finding out how deeply people related to her was a huge surprise, and she suspects that’s because Mass Effect allows her to be angry without being written off as a stereotypical, hysterical woman. “People didn’t like her when the trailer came out, and I was like, ‘Oh God, everyone’s gonna hate her!” Taylor laughs. “I was really surprised to be at a convention and have someone come up and say, ‘Can I introduce you to my nieces? They’re six and eight, and they love you’. I’m glad they have a good female role model in Jack.”

#dragon age #bioware #mass effect #video games #mass effect: andromeda #lgbtq #long post #longpost #feels

[possibilistfanfiction]

it was really interesting to read your last few asks about the uswnt. i’m an english football fan so most of my football world is mainly about the PL/WSL + our national teams (rife with our own issues ofc), and my awareness of uswnt players in anything more than a general sense is only for those that play/ed over here.

c@rli has always given me sketch vibes and i’ve never known why, so nothing you wrote actually surprises me.

from the outside, it seems christen has been overlooked by the set up for years - is it a case of the system not supporting/recognising her (or even actively diminishing her) or were there genuinely people who merited selection above her?

getting to see christen + tobin play in matches over here last year was exciting af, i’ve developed a weird defensiveness over them lol (calling tobin a himbo? perfection)

(😂 toby is the most devoted wife i mean himbo in the absolute fondest most positive way lmao i love her & relate, it’s great to get to just vibe w your wife who is more competent than u in all ways lmfao)

& i mean discounting abby wambach who is definitely one of the absolute best players of all time, & kind of an anomaly, i think it’s sort of both the “way” the uswnt “likes” to play & also cp just being diminished or dismissed, like u brought up — as a 9, alex seems more built for what the us wants sometimes bc she’ll sit in & draw fouls. it’s not particularly productive a lot of the time, & she’s been terrible at club for a while. cp was a better player in college & club & then waited years for a uswnt call up. i don’t think in any world that alex (or arod, even, early on) are better players than her.

cp is also like…. incredibly smart & tactical & just brilliant off the ball, which i’m sure u know lmao. the us has relied for a long time on sheer athleticism to win games (which, now, is why u see the rest of the world beginning to catch up — teams are smart & tactical & incredibly athletic at the same time, & it pushes us to have to be the same). cp is all of those things — precise, terrifyingly fast, lethal around goal, when shes given consistent opportunities in systems that make sense, & with teammates who understand (& adore) her style of play.

what’s frustrating to me (& i’m sure this isn’t a new take) is that alex has gotten tons of accolades & that’s mostly bc jill just constantly played her. she’s also white, straight, wealthy, not even particularly liberal — the all american girl next door, prolific queen of sponcon, etc. of course that’s the kind of player the uswnt LOVES, especially pairing her w wambach (i love abby infinitely, to be clear, she’s just less palatable a person to the american dads who pay for their daughters to play soccer). it’s not even an alex-only thing obviously, the 99ers kind of set up uswnt to look & be one way — female athletes who were entirely non-threatening to femininity.

i think if u look at alex, who works in a “traditional” kind of us play, u can kind of say like oh maybe she’s just a more traditional kind of player. but tobin isn’t at all a traditional kind of player (in the BEST way) but she’s always been a uswnt darling. tobin is like hot & soft butch & Clearly presenting as queer now (& she seems SO deeply happy!!! love that for her) but when she was younger she was actually also pretty femme a lot of the time. it looked so uncomfortable but she fit the bill of like. what a uswnt should look like, dress like, etc: thin, white, wealthy, able-bodied, relatively conservative, christian, patriotic, not out as gay (i’m not abt to say tobin was straight lmao but u know what i mean).

& so i think ur hitting on both points — the us system favors a particular kind of bruising play that is becoming less & less effective, & that’s why you see cp THRIVE when systems are smart & encourage off the ball movement, especially out on the left wing. (she can kick ass at a 9 tho). but there’s a rly gross underpinning of a lot of just gross racism & lots of other intersections. it’s not just cp obviously but i think she’s probably the most glaring example of a brilliant player who has never been honored for her incredible skill (crystal too) — even listening to commentators talk about cp & crystal, mix them up sometimes, describe their play as “fast” & “aggressive” Only, etc, just sheds light on how widespread & deeply rooted an underpinning it is.

however, if u look at cps goal involvement over minutes played, she’s actually prolific as hell!!! i genuinely cannot imagine how difficult maintaining her level of play within such harm has been, & she seems truly happy & peaceful & emotionally/mentally well on top of that (w her wife aka a golden retriever). seriously tho i gain more respect for her all the time. she’s a little neoliberal for my politic sometimes but like. she’s pretty fucking awesome

#love this q #tbh if i had lots of time & money i would go get a random MA #just to write a thesis abt how the image of the 1999 uswnt #created a bizarre racist queerphobic & anti-fat vortex in womens sport #but here we are lol

[orenonahaichigoda]

More non-Ichigo character thoughts. This time, Rukia.

Sleving the ones who are actually permanently children for whatever reason completely unexplained at least before the novels, haven’t been following the novels. Like the Digimon Adventure universe movies, the only other cartoon I like on its own merit and not because it’s tied to my cartoon-loving dad who died of racially motivated fetishistic abuse against Asians, the same which most fandom exhibits, the Bleach novels seem like they’re mostly there to justify the poor rush job that the epilogue was. Again, same as the Adventure epilogue. Just, the literal twelve-year old fans decided to hop on the family computer and type up some fix-it fic to post on their Geocities rather than the terrible-twos-esque temper tantrums we saw from some Bleach fans.

Anyway, so, you know, there was definitely a deep love between Renji and Rukia that appeared when Renji was fighting Ichigo, though not in the early stuff, because seat-of-pants writing. Been there, and I think anyone who’s written fic has.

However, not only do none of their interactions ever read as romantic, they don’t read as the same maturity level except for the early jail taunting bit.

Renji reads like a lot of his peers, except that his childhood as a street urchin haunts him especially hard.

Remember episode one? The first thing Rukia gets mad about ends with her claiming she’s ten times Ichigo’s age. When she binds him, she takes time to draw on his face before going to do her duty.

I just mentioned the whole problem of characters’ trajectories veering wildly onto a completely different road. Shoot, look at early Gin and end Gin. (Leaving aside early Orihime who wants to be a cyborg and wants to fight to protect Tatuki like Tatuki always protected her, and her veering into Nurse Nancy In Distress Orihime, which compounds sexism because yes, the work is sexist and all sorts of queerphobic. I really would’ve loved to see a follow-up on when she decides to destroy the Hogyoku, honestly)

However, Rukia… never really moves past or gets veered off the course of her early characterisation. Even her very sweet scene with Orihime in the early Arrancar arc—it frankly read *way* more like possibly shippy peer content between them.

There are totally adults that size—I’ve known white, black, and non-white European cis men under four foot nine and Rukia’s height and build is not at all uncommon for E/SE Asian women. Her and Momo both look like just short women, not the same as, say, Hiyori or Tousirou, who are clearly just perma-kids. The average Japanese woman is five foot two/157 or 158 cm, but that height and build is not uncommon. (And though mine was racially motivated because I’m Asian enough, furthermore, Japanese enough, Momo seriously needs more love—takes a DV survivor to know a DV survivor. Clearly Aizen has groomed probably even her sense of self out of her, and neither canon nor fandom is particularly kind to her. There is not much explicit about what went on between them, but I honestly see no other possible reading for her)

Just…Rukia doesn’t ever end up reading like someone who would make a good parent. Yes, the parents of all Bleach teens are absolutely dysfunctional—the adults in positions of authority over them in Karakura all are somehow. However, what little we see in the new SJ Bleach chapter, which I actually bought at my local Japanese language bookstore, so I’m going off the original in my native language, thankfully, they’re not just repeating the dysfunction. (Though I’m very curious why there does seem to be formal kinship terms despite the fact that Kubo unimaginatively rolled with current Japanese law—thank the LDP, America’s favourite—and Rukia married out instead of Renji marrying in, as evidenced by their name plaque at their door. Clearly, there is some Kuchiki influence in their family, though… scratching my head)

It’s another undeveloped, inexplicable thing, just, I mean, while the read I got was Orihime seeing Ichigo as her hero when abuse is on all sides, totally reasonable, and Ichigo seeing Nurse Nancy in Distress Orihime as a *responsibility,* and that is just never the underpinnings of a healthy relationship. I don’t even care if you’re talking a D/s relationship, you don’t start off on that foot and expect to last, at least there was *some something* going on?

Renji and Rukia just don’t read romantic, and furthermore, Rukia just doesn’t read mature enough to be a mother at all. Rukia looks like she could be in her twenties, but she acts like a teenager throughout. Any time she’s not in line of duty mode, she just acts like Ichigo’s age. So that development was absolutely a curveball.

(And “people can be born as ghosts” is just a whole another issue and posts. Artificial bodies being capable of reproduction resulting in living children? OK. Ghosts having ghost babies…? Stretching a little too far for my taste)

#out of body #bleach #kuchiki rukia #rukia kuchiki #character development #bleach canon #my own two cents

[magicofthepen]

Romana II for the character asks 👀

thank you for the ask!! <33 as you can see, I really like talking about Romana 😊 

favorite thing about them: ….I’ve realized it’s quite hard to answer this question for one of your all-time favorite characters, oh wow there’s so much I could talk about. (gallifrey Romana II is exactly my Favorite Character Type, but I actually first fell for Romana II while watching the E-space stories.) but okay one thing that really Gets me about her is how deeply she loves? both in an ‘big picture’ sense and in a personal relationship sense. she genuinely cares about the people of her world and other worlds so much, and gives so much of herself to try to protect them and make their lives better….which becomes a mix of something very admirable and something very unhealthy that’s really complicated and interesting to unpack. and I’m so weak for stories of lonely characters slowly discovering friendship, and all of Romana’s friendships are such interesting and important dynamics in different ways, and she just. loves her friends so much, even when she’s struggling with how to be a friend, and the stories of these relationships (both on tv and in audio) are such a big part of my attachment to her character.

least favorite thing about them: I’ve talked a bit about this recently, but I’m very picky about Romana-as-villain arcs, and sometimes in the audios the writers have her do terrible things, and it feels more for the sake of being ~dark and edgy~ than something that has solid characterization backing it up? for example, on one hand, I really like how the Imperiatrix arc shows how she falls to the point of becoming a tyrant, shows how her intentions get twisted, and how circumstances and manipulations and her own character flaws lead her to make the choices that she does. on the other hand, the “destroyer of worlds” thing in series 4 doesn’t emotionally back up her choices and feels a bit like “we’re going to have this character do Terrible Things just so she can feel guilty over how Terrible she is.” and tbh I do side-eye the overall obsession of the EU of making her a darker and more power-hungry figure (in contrast, something like Time War 2 has some of my favorite Romana characterization, probably because she’s on the side of “stubbornly standing up for what’s right.”)

(I’ll probably skip favorite line for most of these because alas I’m absolutely terrible at picking one.)

brOTP: ….is it cheating to say Leela and Narvin if I also ship them? ….okay I’ll leave them for the otp section, but those two friendships are just so so important to Romana, and I love them as committed platonic relationships too! (especially since sometimes I get very into thinking about Romana as aromantic - this is not a consistent headcanon, obviously I do write a lot of shippy Romana fic in which she’s not aro, but I do think there’s solid backing for it, and I like exploring different headcanons and interpretations of relationships.)

but I want to use this section to ramble a bit about Romana and the Doctor! (I used to ship them a fair bit - in a “I love this dynamic as either a romantic thing or a platonic thing!” way - but lately I’ve been more into their relationship as a platonic thing, so I think they fall much more under brOTP for me.) they’re such a Team when they’re traveling together, and I love that understated fondness they have for each other, the way they genuinely enjoy each other’s company. and I love how they’re like. constantly holding hands and standing very close together and just being very softly affectionate. (and not to make everything about Skin of the Sleek/Thief Who Stole Time, but the way the Doctor both gives Romana space and looks out for her in those audios is so good?? they’re really soft together and I melt every time I listen to those audios.) And I love how they part on good terms, with a deep undercurrent of mutual respect and care….and I have a lot of painful feelings about the crumbling of their friendship later in life. it does make sense that they’d grow apart - they end up making very different choices when it comes to Gallifrey - but also that layer of sharpness/coldness in their interactions in Neverland (and Zagreus)….oof that hurts. (and going back a little further - the first time I heard their conversation at the end of Apocalypse Element where the Doctor leaves her, it was a gut punch - the way she so badly needs a friend, and he….doesn’t stay.) so my Doctor & Romana II feelings are a combination of “oh my gosh I love them” and “oh my gosh they break my heart.”

OTP: ot3 my beloved <33 so Romana/Leela is my og Gallifrey ship, the one that was so so inevitable because their dynamic is very much my ship type (wlw opposites attract)…and then their chemistry (“There will be a place for you with me, for always.” / “I need you” / “I have lost a great deal. I have lost you.” / “You never will be alone.” etc. etc. etc.) and the overt parallels between Leela’s feelings about Andred and her feelings about Romana, and the way the story uses the narrative structures of romance w/ them (dramatic breakup! pining!)……yep I was definitely going to ship this. I’m utterly in love with how they’re both so alone in different ways at the beginning of Gallifrey and yet they end up reaching out to each other and finding a home in each other. I’m endlessly interested in unpacking the messy complicated dynamics of their relationship - the ways their individual pain and grief clashes, the ways they cling to each other too tightly, the ways they fail to communicate - and the ways they get better at communicating, the ways they choose each other and keep fighting for each other and for their relationship.

(and whoops this is gonna be two paragraphs now) and Narvin/Romana is my other otp for Romana, and that was a surprise, because m/f enemies-to-friends is My Thing, that’s exactly the kind of platonic relationship that Gets Me. and I do love the entirely platonic take on their relationship so much, but I also definitely really ship them?? it’s the combination of “complicated devoted longing and messy power dynamics” in the middle seasons, and “oh my gosh they’ve figured out how to talk about feelings??” in the later ones. so it’s not so much “enemies to friends to lovers” as “enemies to one-sided pining/friendship with complicated power dynamics to more balanced, healthy friendship to lovers”? sort of? basically there’s so many different interesting shippy dynamics to explore with them, ranging from “oh god they do care about each other but this is a mess” to “they’d genuinely be so good together,” depending on when we’re talking, and I love that. I love how their relationship is always changing and growing, and how once they get close, they really share the same sense of duty and care for their world and the universe and the work they’re doing together. I love that they’re two people who have their own individual struggles with forming personal relationships, and so it seems like they shouldn’t ever work, but they do? and I do have a tremendous soft spot for them in the Time War audios in particular….they have such old married couple energy and I love exploring that kind of romance dynamic - warm and settled and really not that different from a committed friendship.

all in all: I’m very much an ot3 shipper, I love the idea of all three of them together (I’m really into exploring poly relationships and it’s super great how open this fandom is to poly shipping!) I probably ship Romana/Leela more consistently than Romana/Narvin, but those two relationships (romantic or platonic) occupy pretty equal amounts of my Gallifrey brainspace? so I’d say both fall into the “otp” category.

(the rest of this is going under a cut because this is so long oops.)

nOTP: nOTP isn’t exactly the right term for my feelings about Brax/Romana since I do read (and enjoy!) fic about them? (but with Gallifrey, I’m very open to reading whatever, I easily fall for good writing even if I’m not into a ship.) but Brax/Romana is definitely not my thing - I think I just have a personal discomfort about teacher/student relationships (and yes, she’s older in Gallifrey, but that mentor-figure dynamic still underpins their relationship, and the whole “your old teacher is romantically interested in you” thing is apparently something I personally nope out at). (obviously I’m not judging anyone who does ship them…heck I have a Romana ship that’s way more toxic. it’s just this particular romantic dynamic is Not For Me). but like I said, I do read fic about them! (It’s just a bit tricky because sometimes a fic will really hit those nope buttons, and sometimes it won’t? hard to say why….but broadly speaking I tend to be more interested in Brax/Romana fics that lean into “there are some unhealthy power dynamics here” rather than away from it - and I tend to compartmentalize even the Brax/Romana fics I like into a different universe in my head to avoid running into that I’m uncomfortable feeling). 

random headcanon: ooh which one should I ramble about this time…how about this: Romana II has very particular feelings about touch. unexpected touch from people she doesn’t know/trust is uncomfortable and jarring. and it’s always been somewhat of a thing in this incarnation, but it really became a big deal post-Etra Prime - and even more so post-Pandora crisis - being touched without warning by most people brings up all these feelings of not having control over her own life and body (and mind, since touch also has links to telepathy). however, with the handful of people she does deeply trust, touch is a comforting and grounding thing (and something she really craves), a reminder that there are people who are there for her, people who care for her.

unpopular opinion: ….I told myself I wasn’t going to talk about this on Tumblr because the audio is so universally beloved, but welp it does say unpopular opinion. so, um, the short version is, I can’t reconcile Romana’s characterization in Erasure (aka the Bellescon thing) with Neverland or early Gallifrey or my general interpretation of her character (and I tried! like “wrote a fic to try to make it work for me” tried!). so after I kept running into a wall when trying to write a different Erasure-related fic, I decided, in Doctor Who tradition, to just throw out the bits of canon that don’t work for me. (in other words: Erasure’s not part of my personal canon anymore. which is really unfortunate because I do love so many other parts of it, and it’s a great Narvin audio and great performance. and I can enjoy it as a self-contained thing, but I’ve stopped trying to make it fit with Romana’s characterization elsewhere.) (although I do have an Erasure-related fic that I’ll post one of these days - it’s a section of that fic that hit a wall that I think works well on its own!)

song i associate with them: All the King’s Horses by Karmina / We Are Dragons by Karmina are my top songs for Gallifrey Romana (well, more specifically post-Apocalypse Element Romana). the two songs are variations on each other and they’re just so spot-on for her?? All the King’s Horses gives me major post-Etra Prime feelings (Free to go back on my own / But is it still a home when you’re all alone? / All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put me back together again), and We Are Dragons is such a Gallifrey Romana song in general (Do it all for the love of my kingdom / And here’s to dying for life worth living / And here’s to hoping we bleed for something / I’m not done fighting for what I believe in).

favorite picture of them: anything in her Horns of Nimon outfit or Shada outfit, I love those looks so much! And for fanart: some of my favorite Romana pieces are this three Romanas art by @aethira, and any of the Gallifrey covers by @joycieillustrations (who paints Romana II so incredibly!!)

#thanks for indulging my urge to ramble about romana ii <33 #swinging stars from satellites #ramblings #romana #asks

[togglesbloggle]

So, @argumate is up to some more prosocial atheistic trolling.  As is usual with such things, the conversation isn’t particularly elevated, but it does make me nostalgic for the old bbc days.  So I thought I’d be the Discourse I’d like to see in the world.  This is the post that kicked things off; correctly noting Platonism as a philosophical foundation underpinning most versions of Abrahamic faiths.  And it’s probably the most useful place for me to target also, since hardly anybody just identifies as a Platonist but most westerners are one.  So, without further ado, a halfhearted and full-length defense of Platonism:

Well, strike that.  A little bit of ado.

I’m not a Platonist myself, so this is a devil’s advocate type of thing.  Or maybe you could call it an intellectual Turing test?  As I discuss here, my philosophical commitments are mostly to skepticism, and for instrumental reasons, to reductionist materialism.  That combo leaves me some wiggle room, and I find it fairly easy to provisionally occupy a religious mindset, so I can generally read and enjoy religious polemics.  I also have a fairly deep roster of what are often called ‘spiritual experiences’; I’m probably in the set of people that are by nature predisposed to religion.  I am not religious, and I approve of Argumate saying things like ‘God is not real’ a lot.  This is in no way a retread of the arguments in The Republic or Plato’s other writings; you can go read those if you want, but I’m going to play around with stuff that I think is better suited to this audience.

Attention conservation notice: yikes.  This got pretty long.

Anyway, on to the argument.  Argumate’s main point is pretty clear, I think: ‘forms’ in the Greek sense are a function and product of the perceiving mind.  Birds don’t conform to bird-ness; instead brains naturally produce a sort of bird-ness category to make processing the world easier, and to turn a series of wiggly and continuous phenomena into a discrete number of well-modeled objects.  Basically, we impose ‘thing-ness’ on the wavefunction of reality.  And there are some good reasons to think that it might be true!  Our understanding of categories gets a lot sharper when reality conveniently segregates itself, and whenever that boundary gets a little blurry, our ability to use categories tends to break down.  If the recognition of animal-ness came from contact with a higher plane of reality, you wouldn’t necessarily expect people to get confused about sponges.

But.  While there’s certainly plenty of support for Argumate’s position, it doesn’t strike me as anything near self-evident, or necessarily true.  So what I’ll argue is that Platonism isn’t obviously false, and that if we ever converge on a true answer to the question of our reality, then that truth could plausibly be recognizably Platonist.  My opening salvo here is, predictably enough, mathematics.

‘Mathematical Platonism’ is a whole other thing, only distantly related to Classical Platonism, and I only really mean to talk about the latter.  But nonetheless, mathematics really actually does appear to be a situation where we can simply sit in a chair, think deeply, and then more or less directly perceive truths.  Basic arithmetic can be independently discovered, and usefully applied, by almost anybody; ‘quantity’ comes naturally to most humans, and the inviolable laws of quantity are exploited just as often.  It’s also very hard to argue that these are ‘mere’ linguistic conventions, since fundamental natural behaviors like the conservation of mass depend on a kind of consistent logical framework.  In most chemical reactions, the number of atomic nuclei does not change, and the atoms added to a new molecule are perfectly mirrored by the loss of atoms in some reactant; this remains true in times and places where no thinking mind exists to count them.

There are a lot of debates about what math is, fundamentally.  But inevitably when we study math, we’re studying the set of things that must be true, given some premise: we’re asking whether some proposition is a necessary consequence of our axioms.  The so-called ‘unreasonable effectiveness of mathematics’ suggests that the phenomena that Argumate mentions- hotdogs and birds and whatnot- are observed only within the auspices of a sort of super-phenomenon.  Loosely speaking, we can call this super-phenomenon self-consistency.  

We treat phenomena as having a natural cause.  Platonism, at its crunchy intellectually rewarding center, represents a willingness to bite the bullet and say that self-consistency also has a cause.  Plato himself actually provided what might be the most elegant possible answer!  Basically, posit the simplest thing that meets the criterion of being A) autocausal and B) omnicausal, and then allow the self-consistency of the cosmos to follow from its dependence on (in Platonist terms, its emanation from) that single, unitary cause.  The universe is self-consistent for the very straightforward reason that there’s only one thing.  Any plurality, to the extent that plurality is even a thing, happens because ‘the only real thing’ is only partially expressed in a particular phenomenon.  To skip ahead to Lewis’ Christian interpretation of all this, you’d say that humans and moons and hotdogs are distinguished from God not by what they have, but by what they lack.

And for present purposes, I do want to take a step back and point out that this does feel like a reasonable answer to a very important question.  Materialism fundamentally has no answer to the question of self-consistency and/or the presence of logic and order, and that is (for me) one of its least satisfying limits.  We’ve got things like ‘the origin of the universe’, sure.  But we probe the Big Bang with mathematical models!  That’s a hell of an assumption- namely, that even at the origin of our universe, self-consistency applies.  It’s not like materialism has a bad explanation.  It just remains silent, treats the problem as outside the domain.  If we’re adopting the thing for utilitarian reasons, that’s fine.  But if we’re treating materialism as a more comprehensive philosophy, a possible approach to the bigger questions, then it’s a painful absence.  In that domain, far from being self-evidently true (in comparison to Platonism), materialism doesn’t even toss its hat in the ring!

Which, uh, gets us to the stuff about Forms and shadows in Plato’s Cave and all that- the intermediate form of existence between the omnisimple core of Platonism and the often chaotic and very plural experience of day-to-day life.  And frankly, we’re not especially bound to say that the forms are exactly as Plato described them, any more than atomism is restricted to Democritus.  Whether there is some ‘bird-ness’ that is supra- to all extant birds might be contestable; however, it’s easier to wonder whether ‘binary tree’ is supra- to speciation and the real pattern of differences between organisms that we map using Linnaean taxonomy.

But, this is an attempted defense of Platonism and not Toggle’s Version of Platonism that He Invented Because it’s Easier, so I’ll give it a try.  Fair warning to the reader, what follows is not fully endorsed (even in the context of a devil’s advocate-type essay), except the broader claim that it’s not self-evidently false.  And on the givens we came up with a couple paragraphs ago, this is a reasonable way to tackle what necessarily follows.  So let me see how far I can defend a very strong claim: in a self-consistent (or: mathematical) cosmos, beauty cannot be arbitrary.

Remember that Plato never argued that his Forms were arbitrary, or even fully discrete as such; their apparent plurality, like our own, emanates from the unitary Thing What Exists.  And so, bird-ness is treated as a contingent thing, not an absolute.  It’s just not contingent on human experience.  And so for us to believe in ‘bird-ness’ is to believe that there exists some specific and necessary pattern- a Form- which any given material bird must express.

Let’s take an obvious example: any flying bird will, for fairly simple aerodynamic reasons, tend to be symmetrical.  Usually, this means two wings.  In theory, you could… have one in the middle?  Maybe?  Even that seems rather goofy to try to imagine, but you could probably get away with it if you were extremely creative biologically.  And if we see a bird with only one wing (without a prosthetic or other form of accommodation), then we will tend quite naturally to recognize that something awful is in the process of happening.

A fully materialist explanation of our reaction here would say: we think of the one-winged bird as problematic because A) we have been socialized to recognize and appreciate two-winged birds, and spurn deviations from that socialization, or maybe B) because natural selection has given us a set of instincts that recognize when a body plan has failed in the past, so things like ‘being crippled’ or ‘being sick’ are recognizable.  

Platonism, I think, would offer a third option, that C) we recognize (as emanations of The Real Thing) that a one-winged bird body is insufficiently reflective of The Real Thing, and that accordingly it lacks the ability to keep existing.  Plato had some… basically magical ideas, about how Forms are recognized, but here I’ll point out that ‘deduction’ is a completely serviceable kind of magic for our purposes.  It is, after all, our direct experience of the self-consistency of the cosmos, which follows from the fact that we are ourselves an expression of that same self-consistency; it meets the criteria.  

Materialists, obviously, would agree that deductive reasoning could allow a person to recognize the problems inherent in a one-winged bird, but as I said a few paragraphs up, their(/our) explanation of this process is rootless.  “Yes, logic and a few high-confidence assumptions let you assume that a bird with only one wing is in trouble,” they might say.  And we might ask- “what makes you so sure?”  And then the materialist must respond, “Well, let me be more clear.  It always worked in the past, and my Bayesian priors are strongly in the direction of the method continuing to bear fruit.”  True enough, but it’s not an explanation and doesn’t pretend to be.  The universe just does this weird thing for some reason; it works ‘by magic’.  So why not call it that?  Theurgy for all!

So, consider.  We recognize (deductively, let’s say for the sake of argument) that a one-winged bird is on the road to becoming nonexistent, absent some change in circumstances.  It may keep going for a little while, but it’s not in homeostasis.  And if we reasonably admit this very basic duality to our thinking- things which can persist, and things which cannot- then we start to recognize a sort of analogy between physical phenomena and mathematical propositions.  A lemma can be right or wrong, albeit sometimes unprovably so.  Basically, it can follow- or not- from the axioms we’re working with.  And in a softer but very real sense, that one-winged body plan is wrong analogously to the lemma’s wrongness.  Not ‘wrong’ as in ‘counter to cultural norms’, but ‘wrong’ as in ‘unstable given the premises, given the Thing That Exists Most’.  Look up research on fitness landscapes, if you’re so inclined- actual biological research isn’t totally unacquainted with the notion.  There exists a surprisingly discrete ideal or set of ideals, both for flying birds as a whole and subordinately for any given flying bird species.  And we have discovered this using magic.

Insofar as beauty is something to be admired, or pursued, or is otherwise desirable, then our sense of beauty must necessarily correlate with those abstract, and dare I say supra-real, qualities which allow things to persist, and which can therefore be understood deductively.  And that set of qualities does, effectively, meet the Platonic criterion of a ‘form’.

The immediate materialist objection is: hey, wait a minute.  The supposed ‘objective’ criterion of a bird is contingent, not absolute!  It follows from the strength of gravity, the thickness of the atmosphere, the availability of food sources, and on and on.  This is one of the most important reasons why genetic drift and speciation happens in the first place, because the ‘ideal’ bird depends on an environment that’s in constant flux.

True enough.  But!  How do you think the atmosphere got there?  It’s an old trick in religious discourse, but in this case I think a valid one.  The rightness of the bird depends on the atmosphere, the rightness of the atmosphere depends on the planet, the rightness of the planet depends on the solar system, and ultimately it all depends on that necessary self-consistency which (we proclaim) implies our unitary Most Real Thing.  This does mean that we can’t really think of Platonic forms as wholly discrete objects, unconnected to one another and without internal relation among themselves- unfortunately, that’s part of the original Plato that I don’t see as defensible, even with maximum charity.  But there’s such a thing as a ‘ring species’, and if we admit Platonic Forms of that type, a kind of dense network of paths being traced through higher-dimensional spaces that correspond to the shadow of That Than Which There Is No Whicher, then it’s more than salvageable.  It’s both satisfying to imagine and, I think, quite consistent with the spirit of the original philosophy.

One thing this doesn’t mean.  Even if we were to accept all of this, we aren’t obliged to resign ourselves to the lot of that one-winged bird.  Indeed, if anything this gives us a rich language by which to justify a prosthetic wing or other form of accommodation: we can talk about ‘making the bird whole’, and can see how our compassion for that bird might lead us to create the conditions of homeostasis once again.  But it does mean that if we take a position on the merits of existence- if we’re in favor- then we don’t treat a one- and two-winged bird as coequal scenarios.

Anyway, this has gone on hideously long already for what’s basically an intellectual exercise, so I won’t dive into immortal souls or any of the other ancillaries.  I mostly want to reiterate that, far from being obviously false, I do think that (some forms of) Platonism are quite defensible, and can provide coherent answers to questions that I A) care about very deeply and B) can’t resolve to my own satisfaction.  Of course, it is not obviously nor trivially true, either.  But one can be Platonist without being willfully wrong.

[tyuiopsd]

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[aqvarius]

[REVIEW] Her Love in the Force: Shusuke Soma - Who I Once Was

Guys, I’m supposed to be dieting during this quarantine period but Voltage is keeping me FED with all this new amazing Soma content. 

HLITF fans, we have been blessed with amazing Soma content recently. Soma’s S3 Love’s Battlefield route was probably one of, if not the, most memorable HLITF routes I’ve ever played. I also adored his PoV despite it not covering all the moments that I personally wanted to read. (I understand disappointment over it, but I found that the bonus scenes they gave us made up for it, and it allows me to play with my own imagination a bit and potentially write up some fic for the scenes not in his PoV hehe.)

Like the manic Soma fan that I am, I had to IMMEDIATELY buy and read this route. I love him so much I am willing to do anything just to understand him even a little bit better. To my delight, I’m not even a little bit disappointed. And the route even made me spend 300 more coins to buy Goto’s Episode 0 so well done Voltage lol. 

I will summarise my thoughts on this story and then get into some more detail in the cut below. With that said, if you know Soma’s back story already, there isn’t much information to spoil. But I’ll leave some of the more surprising details under the cut.

This story shows us an unfamiliar Soma. This is a Soma that is far colder than even when we first meet him as a Special Instructor at the Academy. He battles with his conflict over his future and what he feels like his life’s purpose is, which is all sparked over his sister Kurume’s comment that she sees him as a hero. Throughout the route, he struggles with aimlessness and his futile attempts to investigate the metro gas attack even while doing his work in the Criminal Affairs/Investigations department, where he becomes the mentor for new recruits Ichiyanagi and Goto. That’s RIGHT, we finally get the Soma/Goto/Ichiyanagi Criminal Affairs dynamics that I have been waiting for years for ever since finding out that they all worked there together! (The only thing missing is Hayase but I guess he’s from a different timeline lol). 

This is something that makes the route super enjoyable to read because we get to see a Soma who isn’t as gentle and reticent as the one we know. He’s a bit colder, a bit harsher, and has less tolerance for antics. We also see Soma as a mentor before he became an instructor and it’s so cool to realise that Goto and Subaru are so capable partially because of the harsh but fair mentoring of Soma and the way that he’s not only drilled the fundamentals of police work into them but also supported them emotionally through the trials of losing a loved one. This route really helps you understand why Goto has so much trust and respect for Soma (and I’d like to see more Soma/Subaru interactions!) 

We also get to see Kurume for what I believe is the first time, which is incredible to be able to put a face to the name. I am such a sucker for big brother Shusuke and seeing more of his life with Kurume really adds depth to our understanding of his character and why/how losing him has made him lose perspective of his own life and identity. 

(I don’t know if I can explain in words how devastated seeing the two of them together made me feel...)

The route also gave some more insight into the Goto/Kazuki situation which was used really well to offset Soma’s own situation regarding vengeance and unresolved grief. We also get to see more of the relationship between Soma and Goto and how much Goto respects him as a senpai even though Goto transferred to Public Safety first (on the recommendation of a certain elite ;)). There are also some great Ishigami/Soma moments which I’ll elaborate on under the cut, as well as some things I discovered while cross referencing between this story and Goto’s Who I Once Was. 

I love that there’s a theme running throughout the story, which is about defining a hero. This is a crucial question which underpins Soma’s incessant yet pointless attempts to figure out his identity and purpose in life. I love that we begin to see him figuring out what being a hero means to him and that Goto’s own grief and slow road to recovery, and the way that he’s affected Goto’s life, is what sets him on this path towards figuring out where to go from here on out. This path is then what leads him to his MC, who we can see is someone who grabs him by the hand and pulls him ever forward. 

To put it briefly, this is a route you’ll enjoy if you love Team Ishigami. You get to see both Soma and Goto pre-trauma (you get to see a younger Goto than in his own episode 0), but then you see both of them forced to confront grief head-on, and then you can see how they both help each other to move forward in their own subtle ways. This story also showcases the best of Ishigami, a man who is collected and analytical but is always thinking of how he can help those around him who are hurt. Like how Ishigami and Kaga are saved by Namba, I would say that Soma saves Goto, then Goto returns the favour, and then Ishigami saves them both. 

Keep reading under the cut to see my further thoughts on Soma: Who I Once Was. I provide extra details about the story and provide some analysis on his relationships with his colleagues and his MC with lots of screenshots for evidence!

Okay so first off: Soma’s parents are ALIVE??? Why have we never met them?! You would think that they would come to Kurume’s grave on Soma’s birthday to see their children at least. For some reason I genuinely thought it was just him and Kurume but no it turns out that he’s had parents this whole time?! Either way, it’s so wonderful getting to see Soma’s home life from back when he was a teenager.

In the past, I’ve made joking comments about Soma being confused over familial and romantic love and wondering if he just cares for his MC like he cares for Kurume because how can you have sex with someone and then still wonder if you just care for them like a SISTER. But this story definitely helped me understand his mindset a bit better and why he sees similarities between his MC and his sister.

So I think we’ve discovered quite early on that Soma’s sister died on his 19th birthday. We also see scenes of them when Kurume is in high school and already having to fill out forms about her future. So she would be 15 at the very least while Shu would have been probably in his first year of uni? I think he’s mentioned that Kurume and his MC would be around the same age but I was really reminded of that in this route.

Honestly it devastated me to read that conversation because her future was just stripped away from her like that. And to see her get all excited about all the possibilities her future held just wrecked me emotionally. She was considering being a florist or a baker or a pharmacist. She would have been around the same age as the MC :’( To see Shu suggest that Kurume could consider studying agriculture made my heart ache because it made me think of how much care Soma puts into maintaining his plants and how much it means to him that his MC takes care of them for him when he can’t, especially because that’s what Kurume did. I also now believe that Soma is so invested in doing whatever it takes to guide his MC towards the best possible future for her because it’s his way of almost atoning for Kurume never being able to live out her dreams and future.

So rather than mistaking familial and romantic/sexual love, I think it’s rather that Soma sees his MC as symbolic of how his sister might have grown up. Rather than thinking of his MC as his sister, he wonders if he’s just fond of her because she’s similar to how she might have been, sort of like how you might make friends more easily with people that remind you of other friends or siblings/people close to you. That’s why he gets so confused when he feels more beyond just affection and can’t control his emotions, because he’s never felt love beyond just worrying and wanting the best for someone until his MC.

On a side note, Soma did a 4 year degree at a university before joining the police academy? What did he study?!?! I want to know!!!!!

I also love that we got to see Soma not really wanting to be a mentor. We get to see him at his most candid, and at a time in his life where he’s still figuring himself out and doesn’t have any goals except for getting to the bottom of the Crimson Wings case. So when he has to take two rambunctious young men under his wing, it’s so amusing to see how much they annoy him at first with their bickering. In the main stories, we only really get to see a bit of this when he deals with Kurosawa but when he does that, it’s kind of jokey and snarky but man Subaru and Goto really pissed him off at times LOL. Like I mentioned, we’ve only seen him as a seasoned instructor who goes out of his way to help you develop, but he is so reluctant to look after these kids at first. He calls them goons, the gruesome twosome, annoying, a pain in the ass… It’s so funny seeing this side of Soma.

I did think it was so cute that Subaru immediately jumped to calling him Shu and Goto was so polite and called him Soma-san but then somewhere down the line ended up calling him Shu as well (which is what he still calls him to this day. I would literally DIE to see some present-day Subaru/Soma interactions – will someone who’s played Goto’s Adversaries let me know if the two of them interact? Subaru is so alpha male especially now, I’d love to see him defer to Soma in the present day.) It was also so cute that they tried to throw him a birthday party (but also very tragic because his birthday is also the anniversary of Kurume’s death and none of them knew that).

I also loved seeing Soma’s response to Kazuki’s death and the way that Goto’s loss and Soma’s loss kind of play off each other. He knows how it feels to lose a loved one, he’s been dealing with the repercussions of it for at least around 5 years at this point with frankly very little progression. If Goto was not able to move forward because he was stuck in time, Soma is not able to move forward because he is lost. Goto’s grieving puts in in a static place where he can’t move, but Soma’s grieving has him constantly moving, but without direction. He’s haunted by Kurume’s words and even says as much: “I had no idea where I was supposed to go… I just let myself float along”. 

This is why Soma scolds him both in his own story and in Goto’s story, and it is Soma’s experience that allows him to guide Goto towards his growth. It’s also (at least partially) because of Soma that Goto ends up in Public Safety.

Ishigami approaches Soma for an evaluation of Goto, stating that “students raised by an elite teacher are elite themselves”. Soma’s evaluation sets the stage for Goto to eventually be able to confront his grief and develop as an undercover specialist through Ishigami’s guidance; Goto even calls him his “benefactor”. In Goto’s story, he says “It has to be him. The one who found me on the neon-lit street” and Goto then mentions a line about being blinded by revenge that I’m pretty certain is something that Soma said during their nighttime (and thus presumably neon-lit) back alley chat. So I’m not 100% certain who Goto has in mind but 95% he’s thinking about Soma, especially since he later thanks him for the transfer. 

 We know that Soma essentially helps Goto without trying because he’s confused when Goto calls him his benefactor. In evaluating Goto to Ishigami and cornering him in that dark alley, without even knowing it, Soma effectively helps to push Goto into facing his future – the two facets that Goto says makes someone a hero. 

We also discover that Soma is recruited to Public Safety through a recommendation by Goto, who is presumably “the elite who nominated” him.  I love that if Soma pushes the frozen-in-time Goto into moving forward, Goto helps the lost Soma begin to find some direction.  

For years, Soma has been chasing this elusive concept of “being a hero” without even knowing what that means, which is why he never gets closer to fulfilment, because he doesn’t know what it’s supposed to be like to “feel like a hero”. No matter what he himself does, he is never able to see himself as a hero either because he couldn’t prevent the death of the one person he wanted to save. I will say probably that the thing that first changed Soma into making him feel like he has more sense of purpose in becoming one step closer to the “hero” that Kurume said he was is that Goto basically called him his hero. I think it’s so special because here we can really see the links drawn between Goto’s life, Soma’s life, and the narrative theme of being a “hero”.

Something that I thought was missing was how Goto (and potentially Subaru?) finds out about Soma’s past. We never see him tell him about it, but I wonder if that’s the reason why he nominates Soma to join Public Safety? We know that Ishigami knows about it, but I think Goto would probably have found out through Soma himself?

On another note, I actually wondered why Soma, Goto and Kurosawa all have fairly similar strategies and strengths as detectives while Kaga and Shinonome have more specific specialties. Now I realise it’s because Goto trained under Soma, and Kurosawa trained under both Goto and Soma.

These two routes made me realise that Goto needed Soma, Soma needed Goto, and they both needed Ishigami and Public Safety in order to be able to keep walking forward without being trapped in neverending grief. I just need to talk for a little bit about how incredible Ishigami is. Ishigami’s judgement in picking his team is amazing. The fact that he finds these people who have personal vendettas who are working covertly and independently to achieve vengeance and then sees how they evaluate each other shows that he is actively building a team that respects each other and work well together. He sees that they have the skills for Public Safety work but also that they have personal issues that Public Safety can help them deal with, and then he does everything he can to help them attain their peace. Ishigami is unbelievably supportive. He works quietly and diligently within the system to get his subordinates to where they need to be and I LOVE THAT SO MUCH.

Okay with all this said, I cross referenced between Goto’s Episode 0 and Soma’s Episode 0 and found some timeline discrepancies? Right after Kazuki’s death, we know Goto spends a while completely depressed until Subaru drags him up to go to Kazuki’s funeral. Then after her funeral, he becomes obsessed with working independently to try to avenge her death. This goes on for long enough (weeks) that Soma has to corner him in a back alley to lecture him (which by the way happens surprisingly often with Soma lol). Goto transfers to Public Safety soon after Kazuki’s funeral. We know this because he transfers and we see him start doing work for Ishigami but when he goes to see her grave and Subaru says that he’s transferring to SP department, this happens on the monthiversary of Kazuki’s death (not even her funeral). Then, it says that Soma transfers to Public Safety a few weeks after Goto’s transfer (meaning it would have happened within a couple months at most after Kazuki’s death).

In Soma’s route, we know that he goes to see Goto a few weeks after Iijima (Kazuki)’s funeral with the bananas. This occurs while Goto is still at Criminal Affairs because Soma references “the other day” when Soma lectures him about his personal life getting in the way of his job. I’m assuming this happens after the back alley lecture when Goto has returned to normal life for that one week before he gets called to transfer to Public Safety. However, later Soma, still working in Criminal Affairs, says “Years have passed, but the one responsible for [Kazuki’s] case wasn’t caught”. This suggests that Soma was still at Criminal Affairs for years after Goto’s transfer to Public Safety rather than weeks? So what’s the TRUTH?

I also just briefly want to gush about how much I love the CG. We see those typical important Soma elements (his hair and the bonsai) but I just love the look on his face. I mean he looks impossibly handsome, but he looks so serious and determined while at the same time still lacking the warmth that we see in later CGs that he only develops after meeting his MC. Am I reading too much into this? Maybe, but let me PRETEND. 

Finally, I want to end my thoughts on how this relates to his relationship with his MC. Soma says that she’s helped him to face the future. As I previously discussed, I genuinely believe that part of this is because his MC lets him see glimpses of what Kurume could have been. Soma is attracted to her brightness, her bravery, her diligence, her conviction and her optimism. (He also starts enjoying everyday life with her when they pose as a married couple and let’s not forget that he does find her physically attractive even before he falls in love/realises he’s in love lol). But more significantly, I feel like this is because of how important he is to her.

Soma has previously said that he doesn’t trust Public Safety, but for some reason they seem to trust him. This reveals that he’s not sure of what his value is to his department or to his colleagues. While he has moved forward, he’s still working towards being that “someone who pushes you to face the future” and “helps people without trying”. Even though Goto basically implies that Soma is the one who has helped him face his future, Soma sort of interrupts so he doesn’t explicitly voice it. However, when his MC confesses how important he is to her with that unwavering conviction of hers, I believe in that moment he suddenly realises his own worth. His MC, who in some ways is a vicarious symbol of Kurume’s potential, helps him see that he has already been a “hero” to those he has saved through his Public Safety work and to his colleagues. This, combined with her trust in his colleagues and them actually coming to the rescue, is what makes Soma able to trust his colleagues. Because he finally knows his own worth, he can finally see how significant he is to his colleagues and how far they would go for him. I think this is also what makes him believe in Public Safety as an institution. For years, he’s been unable to trust or forgive Public Safety because of what happened to Kurume, but now he can finally see that they as an institution have actually helped people and saved people’s lives, and this is partially due to his own involvement.

Finally, the last facet of his relationship with his MC that I want to talk about is how mutually important their relationship is. I’ve already discussed how his MC sees him as a hero by those guidelines that Goto helped him set down, but by those same guidelines, his MC is also his hero. I mean first off, he first became conscious of her as a woman when she gave a ridiculous display of bravery. But more importantly, if a hero is someone who helps people without trying and someone who pushes you to face the future, she has done both of those for him. He says so himself: “With her, I think I can focus on the future and moving forward”. And she has helped him just by being herself. This theme really comes to a head when she literally throws away her own future to help him finally get closure. When he decides to cut his hair, he says this:

“I’ll make the cut, draw the distinction between the past and the future, because I love them both.

I have to let go of what I’ve lost and look to what I can still gain.”

He learns this because of her.

Soma: Who I Once Was is an incredible story that really helped me to understand my favourite character’s psyche, history and relationships just a little bit more. For that, I’m so thrilled and so grateful. I’m so pleased at the quality of this content and all the insight it provides, and I’m excited to see how Soma and his relationships continue to grow and develop in the future.

#shusuke soma #seiji goto #hideki ishigami #subaru ichiyanagi #her love in the force #hlitf #voltage #voltage inc #voltage otome #otome game #otome blog #otome romance #love 365 #love 365 find your story #snow writes #review

[bard-llama]

I apologize for using "being needlessly mean to people (specifically, you) on the internet" as a means of venting, but I'm still gonna do it anyway

Fuck it fam, I’ll jump off anon since you called me out on it. At least now I can write a proper response since I’m not trying to cram my wording into an ask’s character limit. Maybe now I can focus more on my actual points instead of spending 75% of the space reaching my post-ly Asshole Quota™

Also, there’s a TL;DR one paragraph from the bottom, in case you’d like to be Spared My Bullshit™ without skipping it entirely.

Anyways, responses to numbers:

1: Who chose it then lol, given that this exchange stemmed from a post about chosen names. You say you’ve “professionally been Llama for over a decade”, so it obviously isn’t your birth name. And if you say “X person suggested it to me”, then -you chose- to use that suggestion.

2: Fine, let me be more clear: “Obligation to respect someone’s name” only goes as far as recognizing it as their name. I’ll gladly call you Llama if that’s what you say your name is, but I’ll still say Llama was a hella dumb name choice given that the animal the word refers to is most well known for having ugly teeth & spitting on people. (And you can’t even say ‘akshually, there’s another, better-as-a-name meaning of the word and that’s how I chose it’, given your profile pic). Criticism, however harsh or mean-spirited, isn’t disrespect. You wouldn’t say “you can’t call out right-wing Christians on their homophobia because that’d disrespect their religious beliefs!”, y'know?

Also lol, as someone whose own non-English name constantly gets mispronounced by rightey-whitey Americans, I can tell you that I actually take language & culture of origin into account for this stuff. Like as an example, “Daiben” would both be easy to pronounce and not read as “silly-sounding” to an English-only speaker, but it’d be a -fuckawful- name for a Japanese person given that it literally means “shit” in that language. In turn, I’m sure there’s some language out there where “Poopoo” translates to “full of energy” or something similarly nice, meaning even though it’d sound ridiculous at first to someone who only speaks English, it’d be a perfectly fine name for someone who grew up in that language’s culture.

I only make fun of people who pick existing words whose meanings make for utterly terrible names for a person, or people like Elon Musk who name themselves/their kid a literal keysmash. People who make fun of “foreign-sounding” names just cuz said names sound silly to them are assholes in the “irredeemably bad” way, not the “tough love” way.

3: So I guess by your view, it’s inherently wrong to call Nazis absolute pieces of filth who’d be better off dead if they can’t be re-educated, because in doing so we’d be being an asshole to said diehard Nazis?

Also lol, I -absolutely- have a right to decide what being an idiot means to me. I’m allowed to have opinions, lol. And while I may not be -obligated- to try to stop what I perceive as idiocy, it’s certainly within my personal autonomy to decide to try anyway for whatever underlying reason I want.

And yeah, my whole point was that just because they aren’t openly being a dick to you about it doesn’t mean they don’t privately think it’s a dumb name lol. Unlike those potentially-dishonest people, if I think someone is doing something dumb I’m not gonna hold back saying so just for the sake of their feefees.

TL:DR Obligated respect only goes as far as recognition, criticism isn’t disrespect even if said criticism is snide/assholey/etc. I can recognize & respect that your name is Llama while still saying “but seriously dude that was a -terrible- choice”. Also, remember that on this site we’ve pretty much collectively agreed that rather than respond to their calls of “calmly debate me!”, it’s better to insult & punch & generally be assholes to Nazis to get them to stop their bullshit. You’d be foolish to try to label that as “inherently wrong” action to take.

Also PS: As for the “Why this”, it’s because very nearly all of my time is “free time” nowadays, so I no longer have any sense of task priority. Something grabbing my attention enough to inspire my own response (such as the initial post chain on this topic) is liable to cause me to remain engaged with it longer than most folks would, simply because I literally have nothing better to do. Granted, there’s a lot of fucked up shit underpinning how I got to that point, but I’m not gonna send you a TMI wall-of-text explaining the psychology & trauma that goes into someone becoming my sort of internet troll, at least not unless you go “no fam actually I’m -really- curious as to how someone gets that fucked in the head.”

--

Wow, this is a ride, buddy. You’re a self-admitted asshole, so I don’t imagine that my response will do much but WOW.

1) Not that it’s any of your business, but the name Llama was given to me. 

2) You literally admit that you make fun of people for their name. What the fuck is wrong with you??? You’re a fucking bully and you sound proud of it. 

“Criticism, however harsh or mean-spirited, isn’t disrespect.” Yes it is???? First off, there’s no criticism here. Criticism is intended to help someone improve, especially in skills. My fucking name isn’t something you can criticize. What you’re doing is just straight up being a dick and yeah, extremely disrespectful. 

“Also lol, as someone whose own non-English name constantly gets mispronounced by rightey-whitey Americans, I can tell you that I actually take language & culture of origin into account for this stuff.” So what you’re saying is you’ll respect people whose names you view as “valid”, but no one else. Which boils down to the same thing - you’re a fucking dick. You don’t get to decide whose name is valid and whose isn’t. You don’t get to decide that a name is only “good” when it comes from one language vs another. It’s literally not your fucking business where people’s names come from??? 

What’s funny to me is that people have no problem using “silly nicknames” on the internet, but as soon as it’s applied to reality, suddenly it’s untenable? Guess what? Some people actually go outside and experience reality and when it comes down to it? They don’t fucking care how “silly” your name is, they’ll just use it because it’s your fucking name.

Like, I really don’t know how to emphasize this more: making fun of someone’s name FOR ANY REASON makes you a bully and an asshole. Period.

“People who make fun of “foreign-sounding” names just cuz said names sound silly to them are assholes in the “irredeemably bad” way, not the “tough love” way.” There is no difference here. Literally, both categories of asshole are bullies and are out of line. Additionally, I don’t fucking know you and you have no right to apply your ‘tough love’ bullying.

3) “So I guess by your view, it’s inherently wrong to call Nazis absolute pieces of filth who’d be better off dead if they can’t be re-educated, because in doing so we’d be being an asshole to said diehard Nazis?” Where the fuck did you even get this take from?? What I said is that everyone deserves to have their name respected. Period. How you bring that to nazis says more about YOUR views than mine. But for the record: deciding that some people “deserve” to have their names made fun of makes you no better. One hopes that you aren’t advocating for the elimination of marginalized groups, but frankly, your views are the first step towards that. When you decide that there is a group for whom it’s “acceptable” to bully and make fun of, you are taking a first step towards what is called eugenics when it’s systemic. Fortunately, I imagine you have no power to make things systemic, considering you get your jollies harassing people on the internet.

“And while I may not be -obligated- to try to stop what I perceive as idiocy, it’s certainly within my personal autonomy to decide to try anyway for whatever underlying reason I want.” No??? Like, what the fuck??? You perceive my name as idiocy and therefore try to... what? Make me ashamed of it? Make me hate myself? Exactly what gives you the fucking right? You have a right to personal autonomy, sure. That also means that you have to face the consequences for that autonomy. And here are the consequences for this: you bullying people over their names makes you a fucking jackass. It doesn’t matter where the line you say is “acceptable” for a name is - you’ve arbitrarily decided that YOUR autonomy is more important than theirs.

“Unlike those potentially-dishonest people, if I think someone is doing something dumb I’m not gonna hold back saying so just for the sake of their feefees.” Once again, this is called being a dick. Period. First off, you have no idea what the people in my life think about my name. Secondly, there’s this little thing called courtesy wherein you aren’t a fucking asshole to people. Sounds basic, I know, but apparently this is beyond you.

Literally, what someone calls themselves isn’t your fucking business. Your obligation is to use someone’s name as they present it and THAT’S IT! You don’t follow it up with “hey, by the way, your name is stupid”. Why the fuck would you do that? It’s not about “feefees” it’s about being a respectable member of a community. Because guess what? When all you do is insult other people, you find yourself ostracized from the community and on your own when you need help.

But what would I know? I’m just a “stupid” Llama.

Also? Get a fucking life. It takes 0 effort to just keep scrolling rather than reach out an insulting people for no fucking reason. I never asked for your opinion and frankly, I don’t care what you think. 

tl;dr: You’re an admitted asshole who bullies people who you decide do not deserve respect based purely on their name. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Existing in society, in a community, means having basic respect and care for others - and means NOT bullying people over shit. Like, literally, just keep your thoughts to yourself??? It’s not that fucking hard???