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dwreader · 2 days

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Post-Season 1 IWTV Podcast Transcript

Special Guests: Assad Zaman, Rolin Jones and Mark Johnson

"Armand is someone who comes into Louis's life in the second half of IWTV, they meet in Paris and Armand is immediately like most people completely entrhalled by everything about Louis and what he stands for. He's changed from the person he was before he met Louis, which is a person who's a bit lost in the monotony of his life is the way I would describe it. -Assad Zaman

[intro chit chat with Assad]

Assad: Armand is someone who comes into Louis's life in the second half of IWTV, they meet in Paris and Armand is immediately like most people completely entrhalled by everything about Louis and what he stands for. He's changed from the person he was before he met Louis, which is a person who's a bit lost in the monotony of his life is the way I would describe it.

N: Its been 500 years its definitely been monotonous. [514] Ok yes 514. Ok we get it. You need some love in your life. Now did you know from the beginning like when you got the sides, were you told you were going to be playing Armand.

A: I think if I knew I was auditioning for Armand, I wouldn't be here. I think just the prospect the notion would send me over the edge and I would crumble. I got the audition, a couple scenes with Daniel Molloy, a character named Rashid, I know who this guy is he's highly efficient and he's got skills, very clear part to play in. I kind of went in and did those tapes fairly confidently. Then I got a recall and another scene added, with a bit more subtext. Rashid has a bit of a sting to him with his status. Then I got a third recall and Rolin asked to have a meeting with me on Zoom, give some notes... I was thinking why is he wasting his time talking to me about Rashid when he's got Louis and Lestat to worry about so I'm terrified I get onto Zoom with him and okay okay so basically Rashid is in disguise, he's not Rashid he's actually the vampire Armand and he proceeds to tell me all about Armand. I'm think just don't lose your cool. This has to be a secret and we don't want to leak it but we want to see a bit more from you. And I got off the call and I almost started crying.

N: So how much time did you get then? between that first audition to the recall? You have to go from a no nonsense assistant to I am a vampire king?

A: They gave me maybe 8 or 9 hrs between the call with Rolin and the next tape I sent over. And then I did another 4 rounds after that... it was a grueling process.

N: Once you get to set, everyone knows or its still a secret you're witholding?

A: Apart from the main cast, a lot of the crew didn't know.

N: Sit quiet in a corner and don't attention?

A: That' was my initial approach to Rashid before I knew he was Armand. All he wants is to keep his job and not get killed.

N: Now while you're filming the first season, what convos did you have with Rolin about the plan for Armadn in the show?

A: We did discuss wth events in IWTV and where we're gonna see him in season 2, a lot of that is very important. Where Rolin has curiosity is when we look into Armand's past and where he came from, there's some obvious differences to me in what to explore and to see what we want to pick from it. His story.. its complex. He's messed up. He was messed up even before he became a vampire. The events that makes Armand have to be complex enough to see how he turned into what he is. .... I was also very aware as an actor a duty to the story being told in this moment, it's Louis's story and him recounting it to Daniel, their story is very important as well. As much as Armand is sizzling in the background, I have to honor their story as well. We don't want the audience to draw too much attention to it right now cause it deviates from the story and the themes that are important to explore in the season.

N: When Rashid revealed himself, I screamed. It only works cause Rashid has so cleverly.. you almost forgot about him.. "love of his life"? Louis?? Not another old vampire and this one who can stand in the sun.

A: We hope that he hasnt made the same mistakes all over again.

N: Why is he pretending to be Rashid this whole time?

A: I think it's incredibly painful for the love of his life describing another love of his life. There is also curiosity with Daniel about why he's allowing this interview to happen.

N: And Rashid was there in that first interview so that whole thing makes sense.

A: We actually don't know what transpired in SF, cause he was not there in the book. How far did Louis get and what Armand had to do to stop him? That could also be why this interview is happening.

N: A little taste of what's to come in s2?

A: Theatrics, vespas and romance is in the air. We're in Paris. It's a gorgeous part of the Paris and the journey they take to get to Paris and the showdown that has to happen in Paris.

Highlights of Rolin Jones/Mark Johnson

N: How are you feeling about Season 2? Is there pressure? Is there a feeling that OK we did one and now we can really dig in?

R: Actually I'm just sort of being excited about Season 2 and not being scared out of my mind with it. The second half of iwtv, there's some lovely passages but there's a lot of people sitting around talking.

M: It's a whole new continent, but it's characters Rolin has already created. Im feeling quite confident and excited and abuzz about what we're going to do next season.

N: I'm very curious what attracted you to vampires and the world of AR.

M: I was not familiar with AR to begin with, my excitement has to do with what Rolin did with it for the pilot and thought this is extraordinary and I read AR and realized all of the treasures, of what Rolin took advantage of and what needed redressing.

N: Rolin, can you explain to me the process, you know, how did you pitch yourself as the showrunner of this?

R: I had an overall meeting with them about a list of things I wanted to do and as I was leaving they said we forgot to mention our boss bought the Anne Rice books, I stopped and I put everything and I said we're gonna take another 45 min for the meeting. By the time I left, I knew that's what I was going to do. They put me thru the gauntlet to prove if I was a guy. It wasn't just about whats a good poilot or first season it's what does this look like 8 seasons from now.... I was really excited cause I wanted to do something grand and big. I had some of my theater pals create a visual world.

N: Let's talk about Louis being black. I feel as though we are in this age of adaptation or reboots if there will be a gender or race swap and that's the extent of it. It felt as though you making this change meant you got more story, you were able to mine that fact for more story points and a new dynamic. These two men are famously white... and I'm wondering about the choice to do that and what it was to execute that.

R: I came around to his ethnicity a sort of interesting way which is through Lestat. There's a famous rewrite of Lestat in book 2, he's sort of an aggressively different character than what he was in book 1 and that's the Lestat she carried on for the rest of time. So that's our Lestat. So we tried to take the given circumstances and put him back in this time period, so he had a super emo relationship wtih this guy with Nicki, then he had uhhh a very excitable relationship with his mother as his second companion choice (we'll get into that in season 3 y'all), and then I was like lets give him a legitimate a third attempt at figuring how to be with somebody for the rest of his life and how to not repeat your mistakes. And I started from there so it had to be someone with some money cause he had to be with his own folks and I thought he wanted someone who could fight back and who could be a challenge and would force him to restrain himself. And nobody at AMC was interested in 7 seasons of the regretful plantation owner, so we made Louis come from a lineage that did have a plantation and did own slaves. And the second thing was aesthetic if you take away the ruffle shirts and all the swampy goodness and you wanted to make this new, whats the new hot time and birth of jazz seemed right on. And there was a spot when a black man could get in on some business and have some morally gray thing that owning a plantation would. It all clicked into place pretty quickly. ... and the other thing is you're trying to build as much inherent conflict, enough not to burn thru in a season you want 7-8 years of conflict and distress and vulnerability in both of them. I wanted to load Louis with as many contradictions and things unsettled as possible.

N: How did you decide when to deviate from Anne's books? Were there rules in what you could invent ?

R: There were a couple caveats make it here and now, make it grand and big but we said she wrote a very transgerssive book in 1973 and tried to put her in the room in 2021 making a TV show... there's no point in making it if you're going to make a roughshot of it. You're constantly revisiting the book. That's when you're in draft, in after produciton draft, dropping in as much Anne as we could. We were going to write the heightened language thats in the novel.

N: Can you tell me about how you found Jacob and Sam?

R: Obviously 9 billion people auditioned. It was very clear something very dynamic was happening when they got in the Zoom. For Jacob, there's this genuine warmth, kindness, for a character who's going to make a number of questionable choices, how do you make you want to love him? .

...

N: Did you always know the season was going to end with the reveal of Armand and the "murder" of Lestat?

R: Very early on, we were talking about making this thing in the writers room and pre-production. A lot had to do with lumber and covid. We were wrting scripts for the entire book and we got a lovely call from AMC "is there enough in this story to stay in new orleans this whole season?" So what we ended up doing, we made the first 4 into the first 7. We did that 50 days before we shot our first day.. it was a lot. And it was to the benefit of the show, we made a better product. We were not going to be able to do Europe in the same beautiful detailed way we were doing New Orleans. What was originally 8 episodes is now a 15 episode book. Was that the ending of my season 1? Not originally but it became the ending.

M: Now it's hard to imagine how we were going to pack all that into one season.

N: There's such a movement to that finale.

R: For me, that kind of episode. It's one for the people, the one for everyone else. you're doing twists and turns like a thriller. My favorite scene is the one that stops the action, the balcony scene...

N: Thinking this is all from Louis's memory.

R: Memory is a huge part of the show. We are only 7 episodes into a 15 episode story.

Audience Q: How sympathetic do you think Lestat is? Obviously this man has some major flaws like the whole next book is a whole lot of backpeddaling like he's not so bad he's not so bad. How sympathetic do you think he really is?

R: The more you spend time with it. I find Lestat wildly sympathetic. and the way it's built... You're not gonna see Lestat speaking for himself until season 3. Its a big deal right? You go ahead and have someone else tell the world about you from their POV. Who had the most traumatic entrance into the world of vampires? It's Lestat. You have no idea the baggage going into North America. We are playing with POV. Stick with Lestat, he's got a lot of pain.

Q: Why is Louis truly doing the interview? He says I wanna redo, but yet he's doing the same thing, he's dodging, cagey. Why did you bring this man to Dubai to do this?

R: It is absolutely THE question. IF you wanna know what we're still digging out, it's the why of it. There's a reason why this is the second interview. The first interview is very important. Something signifcant life altering happened in 1973 but they weren't the right people to do back then. There's a lot if meat on Louis's side, Daniel's side and most important Armand's side.. who's become the most fascinating character of season 2. There's a lot in Dubai left to be revealed.

Q: Do we think we've seen the end of Lestat and Louis's sexcapades?

R: So it's AMC, we are trying to sliding as much under the door as we possibly can. We are interested in the whole thing - the sex sure, the love story, the psychological torment, we are trying to write a love story that doesn't disappear after book 1. There's Armand coming..

N: Can we talk about what's to come? You're hinting this show can go on for many seasons, how long?

R: The real reason I wanted to do this show.. season 3. The Vampire Lestat. I really know how I wanna do The Vampire Lestat and I couldn't be more excited about it... and as goofy as body switching is, I think there's something in the tale of the body thief. QOTD... you gotta think on that one, how to do such a massive object, if you do it in one or two seasons.

#vampterview #rewind the tape

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oozeandgoo-art · 3 months

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alex casey has a normal conversation with my normal oc

#red rambles #rex's concept of 'fictional' largely means 'not a time traveler' so its really got him hung up that casey seems so horrified and alarmed an #confused and worldview-fucked to be being told he's fictional in a way that he cant quuite argue his way out of.#like hes just confused he's like. well obviously we're 'fictional' thats why life is so annoying. is yours not #alex casey #rex #oc #alan wake 2 #alan wake 2 spoilers #i guess?????#sketch #monochrome #lineart #why did i draw casey like this. i know i spent most of this doodle trying really hard to find any excuse to not draw his face #but still #he looks so off #remind me to add alt text again i know this is utterly indecipherable without a transcript #daytime edit: added alt text

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skrunksthatwunk · 10 months

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ok so. kiwami 2. rooftop scene. the ending. it's a bit of a clusterfuck but i wanna talk about one detail, a problem they bring to your attention by Fucking. Talking About Her.

haruka is watching all of this unfold.

[this post is like 4.5k words long + pretty critical + has spoilers for kiwami and kiwami 2, and really minor/vague ones for a couple others. they're not that bad though, trust me (and i added a warning in the one place it is major)]

ALSO CONTENT WARNING i'm gonna talk about kiryu's passive suicidality a good amount in this one, so stay away from this if you think that might affect you negatively/you'd be better off skipping it. i'll also make a tl;dr (which i will highlight in red) at the very end if you really wanna know what my point is that will exclude those elements <3. i am also going to use a lot of choice-based language in regards to kiryu's contemplation of suicide because i think it's the lens through which the games treat the topic, but i personally don't find it a productive or realistic way to look at suicide or suicidal ideation at all. someone dying by suicide absolutely does not mean they don't care about their loved ones enough to fight on or whatever. i love you, and proceed with caution on this one.

(also i'm using the kiwamis as my point of reference because i uh. don't have a ps2? those are the games that i played, and though the differences are likely slight, i wanna be clear about that. also,, ignore the watermark on these screenshots,, i didn't notice them and i'm not retaking them. we're all gonna have to settle for youtube cutscene comps for now xoxo)

first, we have to talk about the ending of the first game.

[note: i am Really Really Confident kiryu has a conversation earlier in the game about his going to jail in nishiki's stead being him running away and choosing not to resist his two options (go to jail or let nishiki go to jail) and define his own path, fighting his way against fate to make it happen. part of why i'm so confident it exists is because it made such an impression on me at the time. it's pretty important to my interpretation of things but i also can't find it for the life of me, so uh. sorry ✌️ i really tried. this post's takes/analysis will be dependent on this scene existing, so keep that in mind. if anyone knows where to find the scene/screenshots of it, lmk and i'll add a follow-up with it]

kiwami stuff

so as she's dying, yumi tells haruka this:

that she may be dying (painfully, and right as she's getting everything she wanted), but she doesn't regret it, because at least she did something rather than running away from it all. that you shouldn't run away, ever.

shortly thereafter, when the police find kiryu and haruka, this exchange happens between him and date. here's the play by play:

date tells kiryu he can get him out of trouble with this, and that if he doesn't, he'll get life in prison; kiryu declines his help:

kiryu is so devastated (understandably) by the back to back losses of the three people closest to him that he resigns himself to life in prison, and the death-in-effect that would be. he would prefer to waste away rather than struggle through a life without them. prison was monotonous and isolating, but coming back after a decade was overwhelming, and coming back to everything being so warped and twisted, and then losing the corrupted scraps he had anyway, well. he wants to go back to sleep. he doesn't want to be in a world where everything's the same except he's on his own. better to return to safety, to die slowly in a hell he knows well than weather a new one where he has control and agency, and thus one where he has the ability to fail and to lose anything at any time. he explains to date that that loss is why he can accept his death:

date shakes him and asks him if there's really nothing left for him, no reason to keep living at all:

then echoes yumi's advice to haruka:

which makes an impression on kiryu:

date gives him a reason to live in the form of haruka, saying she'll be on her own again if he goes to jail. he hijacks kiryu's tragic protector complex to keep him alive, because she needs him, and because she's someone precious to him:

after the dust has cleared,

kiryu and date also have this exchange, where date tells him to stay away from the cops (and presumably arrest and a return to prison, the aforementioned fate akin to death), and kiryu cites haruka as his reason to stay away, one he holds to with no uncertainty (showing again that he's accepted date's logic, that his reason to keep living even when it's incredibly difficult is to care for the more vulnerable haruka). given the weight of the consequences, to me, it feels like date's telling him not to be alone with his thoughts or something. it's almost frightening:

so, what's our takeaway from kiwami?

kiryu lost everything and hit rock bottom, but he chose to fight, and to live life on his own terms, even when it got difficult. that's the narrative life lesson he had to learn to avoid repeating the events of 1995. he made that choice for haruka's sake. it's seen as growth.

and without him, haruka would've just returned to the orphanage (assuming she could make it back to sunflower at all) with no one who knew or understood what she had been through, no one to mourn with her, and no one to give her the attention, care, and protection she needs. kiryu knows what it's like to be an orphan with a limited parental figure who only checks in every so often (kazama, "aunt" yumi), and what someone will do for attention/affection from that person (via both himself and nishiki swearing up, climbing the ranks, etc. arguably haruka coming to kamurocho by herself to find "mizuki" is similar), and what it's like to lose them anyway (again, kazama, yumi). their situations parallel each others' somewhat, and that binds them further. and after losing everyone (which he blames himself for to some extent, as one can probably assume from this and 2, and something key to his arc in later games), he chooses to protect her. and this time, he won't fail. at least partially because failing would hurt him, too. he'd have nothing left again.

okay. now we get to kiwami 2.

if you forgot, the context is basically:

everybody's fighting on the roof of a building which i'm sure will not be a running theme or anything as the series goes on

there's a bomb that's about to go off and they don't know how to/can't defuse it

ryuji shot the twist villain to death, but took fatal hits to do so

sayama's like hey!! let's get out of here!!! and kiryu and ryuji are like nooo we have to settle this oughh it's punchin time and they stick her on an elevator and send her down so she doesn't have to watch

ryuji loses. sayama returns, they have a cute sibling heart to heart, and ryuji dies in her arms. sad

kiryu is in rough shape as well, and there's like 2 minutes left on the bomb's timer

here's the scene itself:

sayama tells kiryu they have to run, and kiryu says he can't. the gist is "let's run!" "you go without me" "i'm not leaving you!" "i'm in no condition to run" "i'll carry you then!!" sayama: *sees how fucked up kiryu is, realizes he's Going To Die Anyway* "ok, then i'm staying with you!" and then further bickering about that, before they give up and make out (as one does i guess)

date (he's here now) yells this at them from a helicopter:

before someone else in the helicopter tells date this:

we get this shot of haruka calling out to kiryu as the helicopter swerves away:

and kiryu and sayama have this exchange about haruka where they say they let her down, but that she'll understand:

then they hug and the bomb ticks to zero right when the credits hit. in post credits it's revealed that the twist villain defused the bomb when they weren't looking, betraying his co-villain for reasons i truthfully do not remember and am unwilling to look up. it's not about that right now.

so, how does this scene interact with the ending of the previous game?

the short answer is "badly <3" but here's the long answer:

it's about choices.

the thing about fiction is that anything you want to have happen, as a writer, can happen. it may not be effective, internally consistent, or logical, but you can write it regardless. audiences suspend their disbelief for the sake of engaging fully with your fiction, but everyone has a threshold past which they will stop being engaged in a story and either become uninvested or annoyed. writers usually have lines they're unwilling to cross as well. but in almost every story, there's at least a couple of places where they stretch reality a little to make the narrative they want happen. this is not a bad thing at all. that's how stories get told.

now, i'm gonna be real with you. i don't care about how feasible plots are like 95% of the time. it's not something i think about much, nor is it something i prioritize. i am a very character-centric media consumer, so if world building and/or plot are a bit stale or contrived, that doesn't really bother me much so long as i'm invested in the characters involved. some people can't stand plot holes or the ways musicals burst into song or whatever, and that's fine for them. but it's not something i tend to find that all that important.

this is all to say that i have a sorta affection for rgg's flavor of bullshit pulling. and it is a powerful flavor, maybe even an acquired taste, but i can and do rock with it so long as it doesn't damage the characters too much. this is why i'm not making a lengthy post howling into the void about joji kazama or the second joon-gi han or how many secret relatives there are. those things are silly and endearing and a clumsy yet heartfelt part of a series i care about very deeply. i'll joke about it, but i don't consider it much of a flaw. it's more like personality. flaws are texture, and they help a piece's identity. point is i am very, very willing and able to suspend my disbelief for these games in exchange for a good time, particularly via good characters.

(if you want another example of where i draw the line from within rgg, the answer's the YAKUZA 4 SPOILERS INCOMING rubber bullets twist, because i think 1) it's actively horrifically stupid (especially retconning a scene we SAW HAPPEN. WE SAW BLOOD ON EACH IMPACT, AND RUBBER BULLETS DON'T OFTEN BREAK SKIN THAT DEEPLY (THEIR DAMAGE IS MORE PERCUSSIVE THAN PENETRATIVE). THESE EVENTS HAPPEN IN THE SAME GAME YOU DON'T HAVE TO RETCON IT JUST REWRITE IT. OR DON'T SHOW THE HIT AT ALL SO THERE'S MORE PLAUSIBLE DENIABILITY. DON'T DO THIS JUST TO HYPE UP YOUR SHITTY VILLAIN NO ONE CARES ABOUT. and 2) (a bit more importantly) i think it actively removes saejima's primary internal conflict for that game, that being his intense guilt over the 18 murders he thinks he committed, one i was invested and interested in. but this isn't a rubber bullets post.)

characters in this series walk off a lot of life threatening injuries. they survive miraculously, they escape in the nick of time, and they pull through in the end. kiryu still somehow hasn't killed anyone. almost every game in his saga ends with an "is kiryu gonna make it out this time?!?" shortly followed by a "yeah lol. lmao" postcredits reveal. kiryu fucking punches a marble statue into dust in the first game. having a story that asks you to suspend your disbelief so much and so often means that when a decision is made, it's not the writers saying, "well, this would have to happen so we are obligated/forced to write it happening" so much as "we wanted this to happen for some reason(s)," because you already know that they're not guided solely by logic. again, this is true of all writers, it's just amplified in stories like these because they've already given you so many hard mode suspension of disbelief moments (they've broken you in like leather, yeah? or like how obvious internet scams allow for self selection by being so obvious that only the most vulnerable people would fall for them. they curate an audience willing to play along with their bullshit flavor so they can tell a story that's more likely to satisfy that audience. in a good way, in a fun way! mass appeal is overrated). there is not much limit to what this series is willing to try and sell you.

so when ryuji takes lethal damage taking out the big bad, that's a choice. when he doesn't die immediately, that's a choice. when ryuji and kiryu send sayama away in the soon-to-be-forgotten elevator so they can settle this like men or whatever despite the literal actual bomb about to go off, that's a choice. when sayama comes back, that's a choice. when ryuji does die, that's a choice. when kiryu determines that he can't escape in time, that's a choice. when sayama is unwilling to leave him, that's a choice. when she says she'll carry him out and there's an elevator right fucking there and then she's like never mind i guess i won't anymore we're dying together right now kiryu like they're not gonna even try?? wouldn't distancing themselves from the blast give themselves a better shot, something that's super possible given the 2 minutes they have with that elevator??? sayama you met him like a week and a half ago why are you ready to die with him that's not a plot hole i just think that's kinda strange whatever anyway, that's a choice. when kiryu stops arguing with her so they can kiss (next to her brother's corpse), that's a choice. when date shows up, that's a choice. when the helicopter can't save them because the bomb was going to go off too soon, that's a choice. when they put haruka in that helicopter and take her away, let her only impact be reminding kiryu and sayama that they can't help her, that's a choice. when they spend their last moments talking as if they're already dead, then simply waiting, that's a choice.

they're all choices that the writers made for the characters, and we are asked to believe them for the sake of achieving the writers' vision, as with any story. the only problem is that the writers' vision here fucking blows.

i'm not saying it would be realistic for kiryu and sayama (and even ryuji) to make it out alive, but it wouldn't be out of character for the series in the slightest. kiryu is suddenly unable to power through here, and that's a choice. so, what is their vision?

put simply, i think they wanted a romantic last stand for kiryu and sayama, a tragic scene of doomed, devoted lovers. and i think they wanted an edge-of-your-seat fake out death. they wanted spectacle.

here's how some specific choices they made undermine all that shit we talked about earlier from the first game.

once again, kiryu is called by date to live, to pick himself up and keep going, no matter how impossible the odds are. he's even reminded by haruka's presence, his one anchor in keeping himself going. the growth he had in the parallel scene in the previous game is challenged, and he fails.

it's not enough this time. and that's a choice.

it's also one i can't think of a good reason for, and that's the real kicker.

characters can have developmental backslide just like people do, and if they're given good reason for it, it can be just as, if not far more compelling that purely linear growth (i am a chimera ant arc enjoyer, and that's all i'll say. sorry if you haven't seen hunter x hunter. uhh. i am also a zuko avatar enjoyer if that helps). but i can't think of anything that happened in that game that would cause this from a character perspective. if anything, kiryu should be less likely to do this intentionally. he's spent around a year raising haruka, and a year has passed since he lost his loved ones. at the very least, the pain should be more dull, though it is established through an early nightmare sequence that his ass is (justifiably) not over it yet. given that their deaths were the initial motivation for his willingness to rot forever, theoretically, he should be more motivated to stay alive than before now that he's got more investment and stability in his life outside of them, particularly when it comes to haruka, his reason for surviving. and if the ongoing nature of the trauma was the motivator for this, then they should've had it affect him more past that nightmare scene (it really serves more as a recap of the last game than anything else) so it didn't come out of nowhere. so the reminder of the lesson that saved his life and then guided it for at least a year afterwards, one that the whole resolution of the previous game relied on heavily falls flat for... some reason.

i think this is a good time to mention that, generally speaking, you don't write arbitrary choices into characters. sure, people in real life are often sporadic, but when analyzing fictional characters, every choice is filed into a portfolio of characterization that can and should be analyzed. going for pure realism can obfuscate their development, motivations, themes, etc. their choices and reactions may be unorthodox, but they must be internally consistent. this is very related to how i view plot contrivance as well. characters drive the plot, not the other way around. stories are about the ways characters affect their worlds/lives and vice versa, and they're the human face to the themes and ideas the writers are trying to explore and express. maybe my stance on this seems hypocritical. i don't know if it is. but to me, plot issues are usually a matter of engagement and investment, while character issues are a matter of substance.

i hope this doesn't feel patronizing explaining all of this, but i want you guys to know where i'm coming from in my analysis. starting at my base philosophy on writing is the easiest way to do that, i feel. defining the terms of the debate, and all that. anyway

and i mean, look. they survive because "it was defused the whole time we just didn't see it happen", so it's not like narrative tension or realism or whatever was THAT big of a priority overall. if it was gonna be a cop-out anyway, they should'nt have ruined kiryu's development too, yeah?. and sayama fucks off to america after this game anyway, so it's not like the doomed lovers thing had much payoff or meaning after this one (though you could argue that's more an issue with yakuza 3 than yk2, which has some merit to it). which means that they chose to sacrifice kiryu's prior development and internal logic for the sake of cheap tension for their finale that was both kinda illogical in and of itself (the elevator!! the elevator!!!) and a romantic climax that neither required nor really benefitted from this staging. (like. you coulda had them make out and then get saved by date, or kiss on the elevator in a "it's moving, but will we make it in time??" way or whatever. look i'm not saying those are great options either but they're SOMETHING okay. it would remove/reduce the amount of time wasted on characters sitting around with their thumbs up their asses for no reason in this finale).

instead the message of this finale is that, actually, sometimes it is impossible to change your circumstances and fight for your own way out of an awful situation. and what should you do about this unfortunate truth? uh. die! i guess. it's the exact opposite of the encouraging, optimistic message of the last game. zetsubou chou pride my ass.

note: i feel i should mention that when suicidality is brought up within the series (particularly in substories), it is always something someone has to overcome themselves through wanting it badly enough. they simply need the inspiration and the motivation to keep going. it's arguably treated as a moral obligation. frankly, the series is broadly very meritocratic (<- bad) when it comes to this topic (and others, but that's a Whole Other Thing. see akiyama's weird loan shark tests as well). sheer will and resolve is enough to conquer any problem, be it physical or mental/emotional, and it's irresponsible to act/feel otherwise. this is the logic the games operating under, and kiryu is often the mouthpiece for this bootstrap-pulling "tough love" sentiment. so when kiryu "chooses" to die, yet faces no emotional fallout from date, haruka, or anyone else, it feels very out of place. it's not just an odd choice; it's specifically, once again, an odd choice to make in context of the game/series/character it appears in.

kiryu's just like eh, haruka'll watch her only family die right as she gets some sense of tentative stability and lets her guard down after a devastating month the year prior (and a relatively dismal upbringing before that) that we trauma bonded over. sure, she likely came to view me as the one who would stay no matter what, who was too strong to be taken out, who she could always rely on, and so i know that dying would hurt her immensely, but she's smart enough to know it'd happen eventually. her eventual recovery means it's okay for me to do this (somehow, in a way it wasn't in the first game). it's an excuse within the narrative's logic, and one it is uncritical of simply because it's kiryu. he gets a pass.

and i think with the previously mentioned passive suicidality and general series-long mental health issues kiryu displays (i mean. yakuza 5's literally his depression arc), this could be retroactively seen as an interesting choice, like a piece in that particular narrative. i don't even dislike that viewing, especially in terms of fan approach. but (assuming this went down the same in yakuza 2), they likely didn't have that in mind. all they had then was the first game and the movie. and they took the first game's Entire Message and contradicted it for nothing but a scene they wanted to have happen because it'd be suspenseful and/or emotional (without actually doing the work to earn it). and they're not fans trying to analyze his character, they're the ones making choices for him. and they chose to massacre my boy. and if the subject of kiryu's mental health was a priority of theirs, why didn't they explore that? haruka and date's feelings on him not resisting and their words not being enough (whether that blame is justified by the narrative or not (it shouldn't be btw)), the uncomfortable drifting that resigning yourself to death and living afterwards anyway often brings, literally any conversation about it besides the minimal shit we get post credits of date being like "did you know about the bomb not having a fuse?" which like. bad answer either way (which is why they weren't straightforward about it, the cowards). you can't just be like "oh uh. idk he just gave up this time. yeah he was gonna die on purpose for some reason. good thing the bomb was fake lol" and then pack up and go home!! that's stupid!! any merit the idea of kiryu dying by suicide in this scene and in this way could have had from a character-based perspective loses its weight because 1. it didn't happen (for kinda stupid reasons), which makes it fall flat and 2. no one is really affected by the fact that it almost did, including him. they sacrificed his ass and replaced it with nothing, even when there could have been interesting outcomes to it.

so the narrative effectively chose to kill him by making the situation impossible, and this impossibility is ultimately arbitrary, given the series' usual approach to miraculous, illogical escapes. that, or the choice to stay was up to kiryu and sayama, one that 1. doesn't make sense and is actively regressive in context of kiryu's arc in the only other game in the series (as well as his whole saga in retrospect) and 2. one that contradicts how the series sees/treats resignation to death/death by suicide in all other contexts without being addressed, challenged, or condemned in ways it would in all other contexts. because they don't want you to think about it like that. they want you to think he (and the narrative) had no choice, that it made sense to do that. but it didn't. it doesn't.

and look, honestly? if i was bleeding out and had like 2 minutes to live, there's a non zero chance i'd say fuck it and kiss a girl too. i get it. but i am (and this is crucial) not a fucking yakuza character. and i'm certainly not kiryu kazuma.

tl;dr (basically just rephrasing the second to last main paragraph)

there are not sufficient character reasons for kiryu and sayama not trying to escape. additionally, because the narrative regularly facilitates even less likely escapes, it's not so constrained to logic and reality that it couldn't pull this one off. the choice to let their situation be impossible this one time was a cheap and arbitrary way of forcing a scene they thought would be cool and dramatic, and in doing so they chose to cannibalize a key emotional note of the previous finale (namely kiryu's mission to dedicate his life to protecting haruka) for hollow last minute stakes-upping in this one. it is then completely disregarded anyway. god damn.

#got so into this post that i used tumblr on my laptop for the first time to surpass mobile's image limit #i also added transcriptions in the alt text (which i should do more often)#actually thinking about it in the movie kiryu teaches haruka that lesson about stumbling on.. and she's the one to ask to follow him... hm.#just interesting given that the movie came out before 2. i don't think it makes much of a difference to the post it's just neat to me #one of my favorite parts of writing this was skimming through a bunch of yk1/yk2 cutscenes and noticing how often kiryu pats haruka's head #it happens a lot more than i remembered and it's very sweet to me. get bonked little one <3 #another good thing was realizing you can edit tags when you're not on mobile.... fucking life changing. i have lost hours to mobile tag #editing and i'm not even kidding about that #speaking of editing this one took like 6 hours.. my brother used “yakuza autism” (verb) for me earlier and it's so true. source: this post #i did have a short break to get food bc i hadn't eaten all day but that's mostly because i woke up at 3pm. anyway #also if you like kiwami 2's ending you're not even remotely alone. i looked at the comment sections of the scene comps and ppl love it #and more power to you!! i like it when people enjoy things. and tbh i DO have feelings that i'm supposed to about that ending #i just also have feelings you're not supposed to. like. anger. i guess.#rgg #ryu ga gotoku #skrunk meta #aww yeah it's a new tag babeyy #yakuza kiwami 2 #kiwami 2 #yakuza #like a dragon #yk2 #kiryu kazuma #sawamura haruka #sayama kaoru #maybe my thoughts'll change after replaying the games...? it's been like a year and a half since i beat yk2 so i am a bit fuzzy on it #yakuza kiwami spoilers #yakuza kiwami 2 spoilers

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martyrbat · 1 year

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[ID: Batman punching a criminal as he fires his gun in the air from shock. The sound effect above them has been edited to say 'cock' instead of 'sock'. END ID]

shoutout to that anon that told me bob kane is rolling in his grave bc of my posts. personally i like to think he had the gift of prophecy and made batman specifically for me to make dick jokes <33

#oh hey while youre here and thinking haha what wild tags will ransom have this time bc surely you all except the usual comedy genius (/s)#maybe consider looking at the transcript i did instead :) its the first (technically 2nd but sh) work in my accessibility project to make #comics available to a bigger audience. especially bc comics are a visual heavy medium that usually excludes an entire group of ppl #and if u have any requests for future works pls lemme know #anyways back to your regular batman pussy and balls posting #i think the anon that wrote that said it in response to my tags saying bruce airs out his pussy to attract selina #bc i woke up to it (and it made me laugh!)#however i have written much worse tags and will continue to do so forever and ever amen.#posts from the crypt #c: detective comics | i: 627 #c: detective comics | i: 27 #shit in the crypt #batman

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lesbiten · 2 years

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youre telling me this entire time there was an after credits scene of rigsy being the one who paints the tardis in claras memory. this whole time

#i only realized because i opened up that transcripts website #and it mentioned an after credits scene. and i was like. wait what #This Has Been Here The Whole Time?#look. SHOULD i have assumed rigsy was the one who painted the tardis? yes #DID I? NO! I DID NOT. BUT THIS IS SO. MAN #rigsy :(#he probably never found out what happened to clara .......... man #he probably still thinks shes dead because of him. god #simon says

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crossbackpoke-check · 2 years

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Hi! Its the Anon re Mo and Zegras hanging out. So I got this from the interview of Mo on the spitting chiclets podcast (which...I really dont like spitting chiclets but I had to listen bc Mo). But if you want to listen to it, the interview (either podcast or youtube version) as a whole is like an hour and is incredibly interesting and the part re zegras is brief at 2 hours 1 min if you would like - Mo apparently chilled with the U18 USNDTP guys so it fits your story! Thanks again for your lovely thought spirals!

😪 literally just listened to the broadscast round table discussion on hockey media today lmao so my ire for sp*tting ch*clets is even more than normal! which is quite a lot! thank you for your service (✊😔 listening to That Podcast and sharing the important information so the rest of us may have content without suffering)

on a better note OH MY GOD i’m???? no words. how would they interact the dynamic this now gives the calder contention why did no one talk about this before 🤌🤏🫴🫰mo & z FRIENDS? frenemies?? is zegras mentioned by name?? which usntdp u18s were named or was it just mentioned as the entire (gestures towards amoeba in a FUCK OR DIE t-shirt) vague conglomerate Entity™️ that is the usntdp??

#me seeing you in my inbox again: HI BESTIE HOW ARE YOUUUUU #i’m not debating listening to it just for mo i’m not (mo reilly voice: willpower)#but i might google a transcript. or someone’s highlights post of the interview but i want the character information but i hate b*rstool 🤬#liv in the replies #i’m so. i’m so. ????????????????????????????? babe ur kids leave for one summer & you’re having empty nest syndrome #where did i put. hang on did i post it yet somewhere i had a moment about the couch poem i’ve got to find it i’m out here like i refuse #but also it just lives in my brain now the mold is in the tupperware folks & it’s not coming out hEY DO YOU EVER THINK ABOUT HOW JOE VELENO #IS CANADIAN AND SO IS JAMIE DRYSDALE HOLD ON LET ME GOOGLE SOMETHING #HAND OVER MY MOUTH SCREAMING FLAILING ALICE YOU’RE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE YOUR HOCKEY TEAMMATES WEBSITE IS THE 👌🧑‍🍳💋✨ BELOVED BEAUTIFUL PERFECT #S H R I E K I N G i. i typed in joseph veleno because i was like ‘official prospect right like they’d full name him’ & it went ‘ha that #doesn’t exist’ & i’m like oh no have i found the man that this system doesn’t even know?? but we’re not that niche ! joe isn’t !! & tHEN I #TYPE IN JOE & IT POPS UP & JOE&JAMIE PLAYED CANADA U20 ‘22 TOGETHER I CAN SPIN A NARRATIVE HERE SOMEHOW but i just about fell out my chair #i’m not retyping that tag but i mean 2020 which is the year z won gold & jamie was PISSED at him about it & at this point mo & joe had #already been playing together on the griffins & somehow?? z & mo saying hi after the draft running into each other at worlds OH MY GOD THE #FULFILLMENT OF THE NARRATIVE THAT’S THE EPILOGUE THEY HAVE THAT COUCH MOMENT & THEN A YEAR LATER EPILOGUE THEY’RE BOTH IN LOVE WITH BOYS ON #TEAM CANADA STANDING DOWN BY THE GLASS AT THEIR PRACTICE IN THEIR DIFFERENT COLORS JUST LIKE THE DRAFT mo in wings red z in anaheim black #but now mo in germany black z in usa rw&b somehow there’s something there about them reversed colors but idk yet & maybe it’s nothing more #than a nod a hello the gentle knowing of each other in companionable silence z looking up after joe shoots a puck at mo on the glass & z #says ‘that’s yours? your island?’ & mo says yeah & of course trevor hasn’t quite found his yet but there’s a comfort in knowing that someone #else has gone before you someone else made it through & maybe it’s just that jamie catches his eye here & dramatic irony we the reader know #the future here but of course trevor doesn’t mo’s smiling stupid big & z’s watching them skate around gets caught on number 6 (trevor’s no.9 #& somewhere in my brain there’s a thing about reversed tarot cards/flip sides of a mirror/mo & z parallels more like tangent lines but #jamie/z sine waves collapsing idk it’s just brring up there we’ve got mo/z NARRATIVE FOILS OKAY) & of course what z actually says to mo #what he calls joe is a poignant callback to the couch island discussion which i have not written & thus cannot properly state bc. no context #love to fully go off the rails about something unrelated to literally anything & also does not make sense unless you’ve read the post #i’m talking about which i will reblog in one moment see above and/or below i don’t know chronology it’s a poem bUT OH IF I KEEP BABY MO & Z #AS HOCKEY PLAYERS I CAN HAVE DYLAN HAVE A CONVERSATION WITH THEM as the au pair when they’re twelve & do you think everything would be #different if they could’ve known when they were twelve that it was okay for hockey not to be everything to have someone sit them down & tell #them they are loved & good enough & i’m not saying this like it’s bad right now but also i’m thinking about that one post that talked about #how we do not love men & now i am projecting onto au pair dylan who maybe burned out of hockey but takes care of these kids now can take

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hua-fei-hua · 2 years

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there’s such an odd feeling to transcribing what my eighth grade diary has to say about being ~plagued~ by the feelings and experiences of having a crush, since i reflect on prior crushes and treat the situation like there will be an inevitable new, other crush someday, but i really did not turn out how the me at the age of thirteen imagined i would.

#some of the metaphors i used are pretty interesting to the me of right now #comparisons to a wild animal in a cage who is ultimately unsure if they truly wish for freedom while screaming for it all the same #now who does THAT remind me of //laughs as i affectionately pat my anime sonboy #a lot of the experiences are also described as kind of frightening and frustrating and terrible with the blame placed on the crush itself #like not the object of my unfortunate affections but the feelings i had that made up my crush on him #i was a Crush Apologist at the time if you wanna word it that way lmao #the volume i'm transcribing rn also seems to be the start of my calligraphy fiddlings AS WELL AS the dawn of my friendship w/nat #it's so easy to look at this version of myself and say i was naive at the time and i was #but there was also this intensity to the way i lived that i miss and admire #there's this bleeding-heart feeling knowing that this child grows up to be me. i love them and i believe in their strength n ability SO much #and ofc i empathize with their experiences bc they're my own and i was right i did learn from them!#but someday it will not be so close. someday the me at the age of thirteen will have the distance from these events that i have now #i kind of wish there was a word for this feeling. i don't think nostalgia or empathy fully cover it but they're aspects of it #nostalgia empathy hope and love... it's just a bleeding-heart feeling and i think i'll make up a word or smth for it later #花話 #but for now i'll get back to transcription hahaha

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orcelito · 11 months

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oh transcripts time

#speculation nation #itnl shit #the nebraska family shit doesnt matter. it's starting different than it did in the manga so i dont care #but where meryl and milly come in it's at least Partially just like canon #so im taking a transcript to know what to base it on #vash's responses are going to be different & that's going to change how the scene goes in the end #he's 10 years older after all & has been through a LOT. many things about how he reacts are going to be different.#but the others are nearly the exact same. just meryl's got a bit of a uh. thing. im going to be exploring.#turns out there r effects to showing up & giving a girl a meet-cute before fucking off again lmao #meryl: so uhh am i gonna see you around?#vash: Maybe :) (lying)#meryl is PISSED about Vash lying slkdjfsldkjf poor girl got her hopes up. and then she was confronted immediately with How He Is #im looking forward to writing them actually properly meeting. so the talking one to one will be different #on the bell tower tho it's gonna be nearly the same. and thus. transcript.#i get so annoyed by transcripts tho slkdfjsldf i had to take one for the first chapter of ITNL too.#just switching between tabs as i record word for word what's being said. soooo annoying.#but it'll help me later. i dont write well on my computer so i gotta write on my phone. for my concentration.#i need the transcript so i can work off the canon text w/o having to actively reference it. bc that just would not be efficient lol

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ham1lton · 5 days

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‘cause i’m that bitch.

pairing: charles leclerc x fashionista!reader.

warnings: nothing! just reader being a bad bitch.

faceclaim: rihanna.

summary: charles keeps trying to tell everyone he’s in a relationship with you, the it girl of the fashion world. yet, no one believes him. he’s very keen on changing that.

— part two of my 500 followers celebration ♡ —

liked by vogue, zendaya and 3,822,728 others.

yourcompanyname: our boss y/n l/n at the cfda gala last night where she was awarded the fashion icon award. pictures of her arriving to, during and after the event.

ynswife: ‘do my tits bother you? they're COVERED… in swarovski crystals girl!’

-> user1: oh she ate this look up so bad.

user7: i remember when she was still interning for vogue and now she’s one of the biggest makeup and clothing moguls in the world 🥺

-> yourcompanyname: thanks for being with us since the beginning!! check your dms for a surprise! 🙈

user5: that’s my favourite fashion designer!

user6: did y’all see the post-award interview? she was giggling saying she was going to celebrate with someone after getting the award…. i wonder who it was.

-> user9: probably just her best friend. they’re really close and she helps her get ready for events like this.

𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃

PARTIAL TRANSCRIPT.

— phone conversation between CHARLES LECLERC and Y/N L/N.

CHARLES LECLERC: they don’t believe it! they don’t believe i’m dating you!

Y/N L/N: they’re probably joking babe-

LECLERC: they called me a french twink! i’m not even french!

L/N: i know babe.

LECLERC: we need to ramp it up. can i wear one of your designs? maybe they’ll understand when i’m dressed in your fashion.

L/N: i have the perfect outfits for you. i’ll send them tomorrow!

𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃

liked by yourusername, landonorris and 1,383,937 others.

gqmens: charles leclerc is our new cover boy, dressed in yourcompanyname’s menswear from head to toe.

landonorris: can you get me some clothes 😩

-> user6: BUY EM 🤨

user2: idc if he’s a stalker, he’s sooooo fine i’m sorry.

-> dumbass1: he can stalk me deadass. go all joe goldberg on me 😍😩

user89: he’s really trying to make us believe that he’s dating her…. we’re not that gullible dumbass!

𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃

liked by yourcompanyname, vogue and 1,728,727 others.

y/nsfanpage: last night y/n was seen at the movie premiere of ‘material girl’, the second film that she’s produced under her production company!

user3: queen!! don’t know what looks better, her or the movie!

user8: some vroom vroom guy is saying he’s dating her….

-> user9: imagine 😭

user7: he’s even buying clothes to pretend he’s sponsored by her that’s crazy 😭😭😭😭

-> user5: she needs a restraining order i’m so serious.

user6: she looks so good!! 😍

𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃

PARTIAL TRANSCRIPT

— phone conversation between CHARLES LECLERC and Y/N L/N.

LECLERC: we need to pull out the big guns.

L/N: if you’re sure…

LECLERC: i just want people to understand and believe i’m dating you. i don’t want people to believe i’m a weird stalker.

L/N: oh babe, i’m so sorry. you know what? i’ll take the day off tomorrow, we can go out and spend all day doing what you’d like to do.

LECLERC: all i want to do is be with you.

𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃

liked by ynswifey, charlieeupdates and 2,628,982 others.

ham1ltonshaderoom: after initial disbelief from the internet, business mogul and it girl y/n l/n has been spotted cosying up with formula one driver charles leclerc in an art gallery in paris. how are we feeling about this new couple ham1ltons?

user7: HE STOLE MY WIFE!!!!!! BOOOO

user6: i apologise mr leclerc i was unfamiliar with your game.

-> user7: don’t ever doubt the game of a peculiar white dude.

user78: she looks so good even blurry.

user67: that outfit is crazy he looks like a mime.

-> user23: he’s never beating the french allegations.

user12: first pic is actually so cute!!

user34: i still think it’s photoshopped.

𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃𓂃

taglist: @lemon-lav @firelily-mimi @formulaal @sya-skies @namgification @raevyng @ajvaix @demvnsriot @blupblupfish @ravisinghs-wife @f1kenzzz @d3kstar @wildflowermarns @ironmaiden1313 @evie-119 @decafmickey @nichmeddar @casperlikej @cuteskz @charlesleclercsonlywife @booksandflowrs @mxdi0 @alexmarie29 @iloveyou3000morgan @fate-posts @luckyladycreator2 @23victoria (don’t see yourself or wanna be removed? send an ask!)

— don’t wanna miss an update? join my taglist!

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whatsnewalycat · 2 months

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RUTHLESS

Stepdad Joel Miller x Reader

Rating: Explicit (18+ ONLY)

Word Count: 5.1k+

Warnings: DDDNE, literally just a fucked up stepdad/mom's bf fantasy, could read "mom" as tess but I don't name her or assign physical features to her or reader, post-outbreak, reader is def over 18 but not by much so yeah age gap, NON-CONSENSUAL, power imbalance, unethical d/s dynamic, slapping, spanking, punishment, orgasm delay/denial, humiliation, degradation, face fucking, anal sex, little to no aftercare

A/N: Category is "That old man would fucking never... but if he did..." Please be mindful of the warnings and don't read if it might trigger you. Sorry, mom. Sorry, God.

[ my masterlist ] [ taglist ] [ AO3 ]

------

Within the secluded world of your big noise-canceling headphones, you scan through silence on the CB radio, pausing for a few seconds on each channel before moving on to the next.

Channel 11: Nothing.

Channel 12: Zilch.

Channel 13: Nada.

When you turn the dial to channel 14, though, you pick up chatter and start transcribing.

Channel 14 7/17/22 19:56

—got a bundle of carrots today. Budaydas, onions, too. Want me to come by tomorrow and make some stew? Over.

Got enough for the kids? Over.

And leftovers. Over.

I’ll be at Margie’s around supper time. Over and out.

The air goes silent.

After a minute goes by with no follow up transmissions, you glance at the clock. 7:58. Almost time for check-in.

You tune the radio to channel 32 and review your transcription.

Many people speak in code, encrypting their messages in seemingly benign conversations. To the untrained ear, they’re normal exchanges, people making small talk about jobs and rations and kids. Goodnight calls and check-ins that use predictable inquiries to convey messages.

—got a bundle of carrots today. Budaydas, onions, too. Want me to come by tomorrow and make some stew?

Most of it you can translate from memory. The drug traffickers that use channel 14 have frequented the same lingo for years. Likely because of the high turnover rate of personnel. There’s less confusion that way. Confusion in communication raises more alarm bells for eavesdroppers than using the same code words across the board.

You flip through your cipher for channel 14, searching for budaydas, but find nothing. Scrunching your nose up, you say the word out loud, “Budaydas. Buh-day-das.”

Carrots, onions, budaydas in a stew.

“Oh,” you nod in understanding, then jot down your translation, muttering under your breath, “Fucking Boston accents.”

(Someone) picked up tranquilizers, benzos (budaydas = potatoes), and opioids. The caller wants to meet up and trade as previously agreed.

The rest of it is easy enough to interpret without the use of a cipher. You probably don’t need to write down the translation, but do it in case your mom or Joel need to reference the notes at a later date.

There’s enough to distribute product across their network of dealers in Boston QZ, plus more to stockpile. They’ll meet at their hub in Area 1, Margaret St, at midnight.

You exhale through slack lips, glancing at the clock as it ticks over to 8:00, then pick up the microphone and hold down the speak button.

“Radio check.”

A few seconds go by before you hear a familiar gruff voice crackle over the radio waves into your ears, “Loud and clear. Over.”

Your nostrils flare when you hear him. Joel Miller. The bane of your existence. Your de facto stepfather, only because you don’t really remember life without him by your mom’s side.

This isn’t to say he’s a father figure to you by any means. The two of you never shared the kind of heartwarming paternal bonding moments you read about in books. That would require warmth and vulnerability, which he distinctly lacks.

Once, when you were maybe 11 or 12, you made the mistake of calling him Dad. The way he looked at you made you feel like dirt. Fire burning behind his dark eyes, he corrected you with one stern syllable that taught you your place: “Joel.”

You sit up straighter and take a moment to gather yourself before responding.

“Did you get your message from Uncle Paul? Over.”

“I did. Over.”

“How’s the weather in Kansas City? Over.”

“Cloudy. Over.”

Fuck.

You swallow around nothing, then clear your throat and ask, “And Grandma, how’s she? Over.”

“Fine, just busy is all.”

You exhale a sigh of relief that melts the tension between your shoulders. Joel continues.

“Anything new with you? Over.”

Tapping your fingers on your notes, you answer, “Rumor has it the market is gonna be busy tomorrow. Harvesting time, I guess. Other than that, same old same old. What about you? Staying out of trouble? Over.”

It feels strange, having a casual conversation with him like this. Even if it’s just a data exchange dressed up as a casual conversation.

There’s a long pause, then he says, “Fine, yeah. Well. See you soon. Over ‘n’ out.”

Stiff as a board. Cold as ice. Joel Miller, everyone. Round of applause.

You snort, rolling your eyes as you unplug the headphones and toss them on the table. It takes a moment for you to re-acclimate to your surroundings.

The dingy two-bedroom apartment is quiet and still. Outside, the setting sun casts the world in a dark golden haze. A FEDRA patrol vehicle roars down the street, broadcasting the curfew alert from a loudspeaker. Faint shouting from a few units down momentarily piques your curiosity before you decide it’s none of your business.

You stand from the chair and reach your hands above your head, lungs expanding in a powerful yawn, then take a lap around the apartment to stretch your legs.

Something catches your eye when you walk by the entry. A note slipped under the doorframe. On the outer fold, your name is written in a familiar scrawl.

Your heart skips a beat.

You pick it up and unfold the paper, revealing an invitation.

I miss you. Come over when you’re done surfing the airwaves. XO, Bert.

Warmth trickles down between your thighs. A smile spreads across your face. You glance up at the door, then to the CB radio and scanner on the desk.

Indecision churns in your belly.

You are explicitly forbidden from leaving the apartment while your mom and Joel are out on runs. A safety precaution you’ve protested dozens of times to no avail. They expect you to stay put and warn them if you notice any signs of potential danger. In return, you receive a cut of the profit and a roof over your head. Security, in short. Which is more than most could say.

That being said… You break this rule from time to time, when the circumstances allow.

Like when the Fireflies and FEDRA have been quiet for weeks and there are no smoke signals in sight. Like when you’re five nights into a seven day seclusion and think you might die of boredom if you don’t get the fuck out of here. Like when your boyfriend slips a note under the door and asks you to come over.

You look down at the paper in your hands, re-reading the words I miss you.

Fuck it, what’s the worst that could happen?

—

Just before midnight, you wander down the hallway to your unit, jelly knees wobbling with each step. As you absentmindedly trace your tingling lips, still puffy from kissing, you unlock the door and push it open, then frown.

The lights are on.

They were off when you left, you’re sure of it. When you step further into the apartment, your foot catches on something. A backpack. This faint buzzing starts behind your ears as you blink at it, wishing it would go away.

Motherfu—

“Where the fuck have you been?”

Your stomach plummets to the floor when you hear his voice. A thick knot of panic tightens around your windpipe as you look up to find Joel standing just a few paces away in the living room.

He stares you down, dark eyes glowing with fury, and questions you again, “Where were you?”

“N-nowhere.”

The blatant lie sits sour on your tongue. His lips purse, so you fumble out another, “I went for a walk.”

“A walk,” he repeats, tone disbelieving, “You went on a walk after curfew wearing that?”

You look down at your clothing. A short skirt and tank top. Your throat bobs in a guilty gulp, then you meet his eyes again and nod.

“And when did you leave on this ‘walk?’”

Your mind whirs as you try to come up with an answer. It feels like a trap. You try to calculate an answer that will provide minimal blowback.

“I don’t know, maybe twenty minutes ago?”

“Try again.”

The electricity humming through you takes on a red, frustrated edge, and you snip, “I don’t fucking know, dude. It was a while ago, I wasn’t paying attention. Where’s my mom?”

“Your mom sent me here to make sure you were alive,” he says pointedly, taking slow, deliberate steps towards you, “We’ve been tryin’a reach you for three hours. I got here an hour ago. That’s a helluva lot longer than twenty minutes, ain’t it?”

Shrinking into yourself, you search his face. Jaw set, eyes boring into yours. Waves of anger roll off him as he approaches, and you remember all those rumors you heard about him on the radio. The fear you heard in grown men’s voices when they recounted run-ins with that bitch and her guard dog.

You remember what Bert said about him: He’s fucking ruthless.

“You aren’t supposed to leave the apartment when we’re outside the QZ.”

“I know.”

“Then why did you?”

Your heart thuds against your ribcage.

Joel has never directed this kind of outright anger towards you. Sternness, sure. Contempt, maybe. But this is different. You’re in fucking trouble.

There has to be a way out of this conversation.

You drop your gaze to the floor and ask, “Is my mom ok? Did something happen to her?”

“Don’t change the subject.”

Righteous indignation straightens your spine and wills you to meet his eyes again, “I’m not saying shit until you tell me what happened to her.”

“She sprained her ankle, but she’s fine. She’s safe,” he tells you, then takes another step forward, “Why did you leave?”

You respond by rolling your eyes.

“Answer the question.”

With an irritated sigh, you search his face, then tell him, “You don’t know what it’s like to be here. Isolated for days or weeks at a time. I fucking hate it. It’s so lonely and boring, I feel like I’m losing my mind—”

“Oh, cry me a goddamn river.”

You scowl at him, staring him down, “Fuck you.”

“Watch your fucking mouth, you disrespectful little shit.”

Red flashes through your field of vision, hot and angry and defiant. You gather the moisture in your mouth on your tongue and spit at him. It splats on his cheek.

His face twists up with fury for one second before he charges, closing the distance between you. The impact pushes your back to the door with a thud.

He grabs your jaw, fingers digging hard into the soft flesh of your cheeks. His eyes are hot coals, burning into you. The muscles in his jaw twitch, nostrils flaring, breath shaky.

When he speaks, it’s through gritted teeth, “You don’t know what it’s like out there.”

“No, because you won’t let me fucking leave—”

“You should be fucking grateful, you know that? Being here is a fucking cake walk. Your mom ‘n’ I have seen things, done things—horrible things you couldn’t even imagine,” he husks, searching your face, grip tightening so hard it makes you whine. “We keep you safe, and all we ask is that you stay put and keep a lookout for us when we’re gone.”

Even if you wanted to respond, you can’t. The vice grip he has on your face renders your mouth immobile.

All you can do is stare back at him, studying his furrowed brow and clenched jaw. Full lips pinched thin as he glowers at you.

You notice how close his broad body is to yours. The heat radiating off his tightly-wound muscles onto your skin. His ragged breath scatters across your face and wafts into your open mouth. You taste the bootleg whiskey on his breath and your pulse jumps.

Warmth drips down your spine and pools at the center of you, a horrifying sensation that makes you squirm.

“Were you with your little boyfriend? Hmm?” he asks, eyes darting around your face, trailing down to your body for a moment before returning, “That boy downstairs? Figure you musta been, on account of how you’re dressed.”

You don’t say anything. You can’t. But it doesn’t matter, because it’s not really a question.

“Abandoning your post to go out and get fucked, is that it?”

A whimper slips from your throat as heat swells beneath your skin.

He wouldn’t be treating you like this if your mom was here. He wouldn’t say these things or be this close to you. Knowing this, you understand that whatever is happening right now is wrong.

You also understand that you like it.

You hate that you like it, and hate him for making you like it, but you like it all the same.

Letting go of your face, he demands, “Answer me.”

“Fuck you.”

Before you even realize what’s happening, you feel a sharp, hot sting on your cheek and yelp.

He fucking slapped you.

“Wrong answer.”

“What the fuck is wrong with you?” you retort, bringing your hand to the welt forming on your cheek, “I’m gonna tell her.”

“Yeah? You gonna tell her I found you sneaking in at midnight, too? That you compromised our safety to go out ‘n’ get dicked down?”

You harden your gaze on him, lips pressing together with disdain.

“She wouldn’t like that, would she?” he asks, the smallest smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth, “She’d probably kick you out on your ass.”

“She wouldn’t. You guys need me.”

“And you need us,” he counters, searching your face, “So what do we do to make sure this doesn’t happen again? Hmm?”

A dozen inappropriate images flash through your head, each more lurid than the last. An electric, tingling feeling shoots out from the base of your spine and works through your extremities.

You swallow hard and shake your head, “I won’t do it again.”

“If I don’t punish you, you will. You’re fucking disrespectful. Selfish. You need discipline.”

Again, a flash of frustration taints the world red. Crossing your arms over your chest, you scoff, “Just because you’re fucking my mom doesn’t mean you’re my dad. I am an adult and you are not the boss of me.”

He sighs and takes a step back, planting his hands on his hips. His gaze drifts around the empty apartment, jaw gnashing back and forth for a moment before he returns to twist the deadbolt closed and grab your arm.

“What the f—” you swat at him and dig your heels into the floor, but it does nothing as he drags you by his steel grip, pulling you stumbling along behind him into the living room.

He sits on the couch and forces you to lay over his bent knees, one big hand securing your wrists behind your back while the other flattens against the swell of your ass cheek. As soon his touch leaves, it returns, a sharp snap tingling across your skin.

Shocked doesn’t even begin to describe the chaos throbbing through you.

“You’re right, you’re an adult. And I’m not your dad,” he asserts, lifting his hand. Your whole body clenches in anticipation. “But as long as you live here, I am the fucking boss of you,” he slaps your ass again, “Do you understand me?”

It surprises you when you hear yourself sob, “I’m sorry—”

He does it again and again, hissing, “Yeah, you’re fucking sorry now, aren’t you?”

Each firm slap he lays down is firm, unflinching. Ruthless.

It overwhelms your senses and becomes the only thing you feel. The universe world narrows down to just his palm on your skin. The reliable and exquisite pain ringing through you. Smack. Smack. Smack.

Every time he draws his hand back, you don’t think you can handle it again. But you do.

Soon, you start to crave the impact. His skin on your skin. You can’t feel the start or end of it. It’s just him and you. Pain and pleasure. Sobs and moans, all blended together.

Far away, you hear him chide you for not wearing underwear beneath your skirt. Then he asks, “Are you fucking enjoying this?”

Too ashamed to admit it, all you do is whimper in response.

Smack.

He sucks in breath through his teeth, then grabs the meat of your ass and rumbles, “You do, don’t you?”

When his grasp on your wrists releases, you pull your elbows beneath you and look over your shoulder at him, watching as he spreads your cheeks apart and stares down between your legs. You’re probably shiny and wet with the evidence of your desire.

His lips form an ‘o’ when he kneads you back together and spreads you apart again. The motion teases all your hungry nerves and makes you moan. It feels so fucking good.

You realize then that he’s grown stiff against your belly, hard cock leaving no mistake.

“You fucking like it, too, don’t you?” you ask him, your voice breathy and amused, “I can feel how turned on you are.”

Slipping a hand between your bodies, you press against his strained zipper. His cock jumps at the contact, and he groans, dragging his fingers through your slick lips.

“Oh my god,” you gasp, eyes fluttering closed as you nod in approval. He works your clit in steady, firm circles while you smooth your hand along the big bulge in his pants, letting out a string of whines at the bubbling pleasure inside you.

You lose yourselves here, both of you squirming and panting and petting the other. So wrapped up with how fucking good it feels that you forget to feel ashamed.

When he smacks your ass now, you croak through clenched teeth, “Fuck yes.”

He likes that you like it. You can tell by the way he groans and throbs beneath you. This knowledge inspires your pulse to pound and your muscles to tense.

“Joel,“ you whimper, opening your eyes to meet his heavy-lidded gaze, “I’m gonna fucking come, don’t stop—”

“Did I give you permission to do that?” he asks, slowing his touch to a torturous rhythm, “Did I say you could come?”

You shake your head and whine, “Please, Joel, please—”

“Are you sorry for what you did?”

“I’m sorry—”

“Are you gonna do it again?”

“No no no, I won’t, I promise, I’ll be a good girl—”

He groans, tossing his head back as you frantically rub at the bulge in his pants. Your palm chafes against the stiff denim, but you don’t stop. You would do this for eternity if it meant he’d let you find your release.

“Oh yeah, you’ll be a good fucking girl for me?” he asks, touching you just soft and slow enough to twist your nerves ragged, but keep your orgasm out of reach.

“I will, I promise. Please, Joel,” you whisper, holding his gaze as your face gets all hot, “Please make me come, please please—”

“Show me you mean it.”

He doesn’t need to explain what he means. While he takes off his jeans, you scramble off his lap and kneel between his spread knees. His eyes stay glued to yours as you slide your hands up his thighs.

Batting your lashes at him, you wrap your lips around his swollen cock. He fills your mouth. He feels smooth but hard against your tongue. He tastes salty and heady and when you inhale the musk of him, you moan around his girth.

Nodding, he anchors his grip behind your head and bucks his hips, forcing his dick down your throat. When you gag, he doesn’t let up, but thrusts into the sensation, grunting, “Fuck. Yes,” before letting you pull off, gasping for air.

You wrap your hands around him, all shiny and slick with drool, and pump his length for a moment while you catch your breath, then take him in your mouth again.

This time, you sit up taller. You relish the stretch of your lips as you bob up and down. Savor the tug of his fingers curled tight in your hair. Memorize the sound of his huffs and grunts as he fucks your face. The wet squelching gurgle of his cock squeezing down your windpipe.

“Look at me,” he orders, so you do.

He’s all blurred from your watering eyes, but you can make out the dark irises and stay locked onto them while relaxing the muscles of your throat to take him easier. When you make an enthusiastic humming noise, he groans. It’s wanton and lusty and lights a fire in your belly.

Joel has never treated you this hard or soft. His regard for you has always been callous. Closed-off. Indifferent. With your assistance on the radio, he treated you like a tool for survival. Before that, or even in-between smuggling runs, he treated you like some kind of a household pet he had little regard for. Your mom’s responsibility, never his.

For years and years, you ached for more.

When you were younger, you used to sit up nights and wonder if he’d ever consider you his daughter. He wouldn’t, though. He won’t.

But this is something.

Distinctly, you want to please him. Be the best he ever had. You want to sink your claws into his brain and leave your mark for years to come. You want him to look at you after this and feel a flicker of desire and self-loathing. You want him to think of you when he fucks your mom. You want him to hate how you made him feel.

When you pull off him and start to work his soaked length with your hands, you pant, “Does that feel good? Am I doing a good job sucking your cock?”

“It’s good,” he nods, lets out a groan that pinches his eyes shut, then meets your gaze again, “So fucking good, Jesus Christ. Is this what you were out doing tonight? Sucking cock?”

“Not tonight.”

“But he fucked you, didn’t he? That boy?”

You nod, stroking him slower. His eyelids flutter.

“Did he fuck your pussy or your ass?”

The question sends a jolt through your middle. You recall the sex you had with Bert. Barely an hour has gone by since he pulled out of your cunt to shoot his load on the mattress, but it feels like a lifetime ago.

“My pussy,” you answer, then gather a thick, hot wad of saliva on your tongue and spit on his cock. You spread it with a slow churning motion, watching Joel’s face twist up with pleasure.

“Were you bein’ smart about it at least?” he asks, studying you, “We don’t need you getting knocked up.”

“He pulled out,” you shrug.

He grunts in acknowledgment, then sits up and pulls on your arm to join him on the couch, “C’mere.”

You follow his guidance, lying back on the cushions as he strips off his shirt.

The only times you’ve seen him shirtless were accidental and slightly embarrassing for both of you. But now, you notice how his smooth chest glows in the dim light. Now, when you drink in the sight of his big arms and broad shoulders, heat bubbles up your spine.

While you pull your tank top off over your head, he tugs your skirt down your thighs, asking, “You ever taken it up the ass?”

You shake your head.

His eyebrows jump a little like he’s surprised. A sadistic kind of smirk plays across his lips as he pushes your knees up to your chest, then spreads you apart, the head of him nudging at your backdoor.

He doesn’t ask for permission. He doesn’t ask if you want it this way, or if you want him to be the first. He doesn’t even warn you about the initial shock and pain you experience when he rocks his hips forward and breaches the tight hole.

You yelp and try to lurch away from the sharp pain, but he grabs you and holds you there.

Sitting up on your elbows, you cry, “That fucking hurts, Joel.”

“Wouldn’t be much of a punishment if it didn’t hurt a little, would it?” he murmurs, disinterested, watching your asshole stretch to accommodate the head of his cock.

The sensation is overwhelming. Like being stabbed or split open. At first, you hate it. You sputter and gasp and shake your head as he pushes himself in further and further.

Then he pauses the invasion, releasing his steel grip on you to tilt your chin up and meet his gaze, “Just relax.”

His eyes burn into yours, making your pulse jump. You bear witness to his heaving chest and parted lips and feel him twitch inside you. Sparks sizzle across your body, but you still scowl at him.

“It hurts, I don’t like it.“

“It’ll get better, you just gotta relax,” he coaches.

“Why can’t we just have normal sex?”

He grunts, thinks about it for a moment, then tells you, “First off, this is not normal sex,” he points between your chest and his, “This will not be a normal thing, you understand?”

It stings a little, if you’re being honest. But you nod, “I understand.”

Nodding, he licks his lips. He throbs inside you, hips jerking a little in reaction. This time, the friction feels good enough to make you whimper.

“Second, we don’t need another mouth to feed around here,” he says, searching your face, “We’re stretched thin enough as is. You know what I mean?”

“But if you—”

“Pulling out can still stick. This way’s tried and true, trust me.”

“Trust you,” you scoff under your breath and roll your eyes.

“What’s that?”

You meet his hardened gaze, feeling emboldened enough to ask, “Do you fuck my mom in the ass?”

“That’s none of your business,” he warns.

“So, what, you can interrogate me about my sex life, but I can’t do the same?”

“That’s right,” he barks, “Know why?”

In response, you glare at him.

He takes this moment of bitter silence to drag his knuckles up your slick, swollen lips. The light touch branches out beneath your skin and makes your heart pound. You gasp a little, but try to hide it. He clocks it immediately.

“There we go,” he murmurs under his breath, almost as an aside, smoothing the pad of his thumb in soft circles on your clit. Pleasure churns beneath the touch, hot and hungry for more. When you whimper, Joel’s eyes go wild for a second, then he says, “I am the fucking boss of you, understand?”

You swallow a moan as he arches forward and starts to roll his hips. It feels better now. Good. Fucking amazing, almost. Electric and gooey. He fills you so completely with each thrust, you wonder how you can even breathe.

“So if I tell you to be home, that’s where you’ll be. If I ask you where you’ve been, who you were with, what you were doing—you tell me the truth. Understand?”

Nodding, you gasp, “I understand.”

“You don’t get to ask me about your mom. You don’t tell your mom. You don’t sneak out to go get fucked by some boy who doesn’t even know what to do with you—”

“Holy shit, Joel I’m gonna—” you gasp at the pressure building at the base of your spine, spreading thick and hot and delicious across your body.

“And you don’t come without my fucking permission. Understand?”

“I understand I understand,” you cry, literal tears burning behind your eyes at the ache of trying to keep the ecstasy at bay, “Please can I come, please please please—”

“Are you sorry?”

“I’m sorry, I’ll never do it again—”

“That’s right, you’ll never fucking do it again. Why’s that?”

“You’re the boss,” you beg, your voice so raw and pleading it sounds foreign. He pounds into you now, a wet slap that echoes off the apartment walls. It takes all your concentration to keep your pleasure contained, to not spill over the edges, but you hear yourself babble somewhere far away.

“You’re the fucking boss. I’m sorry I’m sorry I won’t disobey you again I’ll be a good girl I’ll do anything just please give me permission to come daddy please please please—”

When he moans, loud and depraved, it just about breaks you, but you manage to keep your resolve long enough for him to pant, “Go ahead, let it go.”

With a choked sob, you untether your pleasure and allow it to expand, growing hot and wide and unlike anything you’ve ever felt. Every muscle in your body tenses up as the sensation swallows you whole, then spits you back up, sending wave after wave across your body.

“That’s it, that’s a good girl,” he grunts, taking his hand from your clit to hold your knees down and fuck your ass hard and fast and ruthless.

It surprises you when heat starts stretching out from the middle of you again. Your heart starts to race as the feeling grows.

“Ffffuuuuck,” you whimper, “That feels so fucking good—”

“I told you, didn’t I?”

“You did you did holy shit,” you meet his eyes and nod frantically, “I love it I love it—please can you come in my ass?”

“Is that what you want? Want me to come in your tight little asshole?”

A feral noise escapes you, and you sob, “Yes—”

“Do you wanna come too?”

“Yes—oh my god, yes, please please please daddy—”

“Come with me, baby.”

You let the feeling overtake you again, gasping out, “thank you thank you thank you,” as it takes you strong and fast. Pleasure pulses through your body, causing you to convulse and strain against Joel’s grip spreading you open. He releases a moan from his belly and gives you a hard, deep thrust that he holds for a shuddering moment. After emptying himself inside you, he pulls out, falling back to his seat on the couch.

Chest heaving, you prop yourself up on your elbows and study him. He pinches his eyes shut and catches his breath before meeting your gaze again.

His expression goes soft long enough for something dangerous to flicker between you.

Then he turns away and starts getting dressed.

“Get yourself together, I’m gonna go get your mom.”

As you sit up, you fold your legs into your body and watch him button his shirt.

“Joel—”

He looks at you, searching your face expectantly, but your brain goes static and you’re not even sure what you were going to say.

“This stays between us, understand?”

His tone is firm but gentle. You swallow hard and nod, “I understand.”

Nodding, he glances down at your lips, then back to your eyes. He rises to his feet to leave, but before he does, he leans down to press a kiss into your forehead.

“Good girl.”

[ NEXT PART ]

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