#but I can't afford it this month

[sincerity--extreme]

Is it normal to feel like you're not sure where you are?

It's hard to explain, but basically I was ok and kind of out of nowhere my brain started to feel "hazy" and then I was looking around (I was in my room) and couldn't really recognize where I was, I got anxious, my heartbeat was insanely fast which didn't help with the anxiety, but it went away after a bit and I was back... It's weird, my first thought was disassociation but I've had quite a few episodes before (For years now, all of them due to high levels of stress and anxiety) where I disassociate and it has never felt like this before, so idk what that means and if I should worry or not

#I was supposed to go back to therapy this week or the next #but I can't afford it this month #besides I really don't know how to properly explain what happened #don't even know how to tag this #disassociation #idk if it's relevant or not but I'll try diagnosis for #ADHD #asd #OCD #not sure if there's more but at this point I wouldn't be surprised

[thehallstara]

anyways happy pride to all my high risk queers out there, to all my disabled queers for whom events aren't accessible to, to my immunocompromised folks who can't risk attending events where people aren't masked or taking covid precautions! happy pride to my fellow cripqueers that want to be out there fighting and celebrating with their friends and family and can't because it's not safe for them to do so– you're not alone and you deserve to celebrate too. we all do.

#s.txt #okay to rb by the way #ngl this is mostly for myself but it's also something i feel strongly about #especially given everything i've seen lately talking about weighing risk vs pleasure as if they're mutually exclusive #or that there aren't high risk queer folks that deserve to access queer joy as well #i would literally kill to be able to celebrate pride with my queer fam this year and i can't bc i can't afford a reinfection #and it makes me so sad #queer #pride month #covid mention #covid isn't over

[tracle0]

Feast your eyes! My pride stars :)!

#pride stars #origami #paper craft #paper stars #handmade #arts and crafts #so it was my cities pride yesterday and I spent the ENTIRE month of July making these lil stars to give out to people! #it went really well actually #I was saying donations appreciated but not mandatory and some people looked so happy just to have some stars!!! #some people were SO generous too like oh my god???? #I think there was only one experience I disliked during the event where I was vaguely swarmed and people were helping themselves but #yknow we all get excited haha #got a really cute mushroom bracelet as a trade as well!!! #I have a fair few leftover - lots of aro and ace ones #couple of bi and a couple of pan #ZERO non-binary I should've made more!! #nd obvs some rainbow and trans cause I made the most of them #I'd say lmk if you're near me and you can have some but I am pretty sure none of you know me irl so you can't have any I'm afraid #oh also worth saying - I made the stars I could with the papers I had! Bought purple and pink but I did not try more complex flags cause #I mean. I couldn't really afford to haha? #maybe next year I'll try the lesbian flag too! #ok bye xx #trade-marked

[madd-nix]

Emmet celebrates another birthday alone, without Ingo.

This was also a bit of a vent art cuz my birthday is in a week (2/11) and I'm just not really looking forward to it. Another year where I've gotten nowhere close to any goals, my financial situation sucks, and no job wants me while my dad makes me feel like that's my fault for not trying hard enough.

Anyway, as always, why not impart my problems and depression onto my blorbo! Sorry Emmet.

#my art #vent art #pokemon #submas #emmet #subway boss emmet #subway master kudari #i literally can't tell if my current depression is seasonal winter depression or just cuz ive gone nowhere in life #and my dad is constantly making me feel like a disappointment #and of course i cant afford therapy #i remember months ago i had brought up the idea of counseling/therapy and he just said ' #'with what money?' #yeah cool thanks dad you're really helping. not #anyway sorry i just needed to get this all out and of course im gonna give my problems and emotions to the blorbos

[theminecraftbee]

Normally, traitors aren’t frog-marched to the Emperors themselves, regardless of what rank of information they had. These aren’t normal circumstances, though, Techno bemoans to himself. For one, the man is refusing to speak anything but French and a tiny amount of broken Bayesh. For another, on being made, he immediately handed over about three folders of classified information then loudly waited for handcuffs to be put on him.

Phil is lounging in his throne; he’d never been one for propriety. This leaves Techno to be, uh, the actually serious one. The one adorned in uniform, sitting and glowering down. It’s lucky that the traitor isn’t a pigman, because Techno isn’t actually great at glowering, but humans are weird about pigman facial expressions so he should be fine?

The traitor stands before them and grins. In perfect Bayesh, he says: “Finally. It took way too long for you to catch me, bitch.”

Techno pauses. He stares. In Piglish, he barks to his guards: “Everyone out. It’s Leader business.”

They file out. They’ll be waiting outside. Phil straightens in his seat and reaches for his own sword.

Techno, laboriously, drags his hand across his face. He switches back to Bayesh. God, does he regret being fluent in multiple languages sometimes. “What are you doing here, Tommy.”

“Showing you your intelligence weak points, fucker. Do you know how easy it is to slip Bayesh spies in here? I was smooth. A smooth customer. I was hearing classified milkitary secrets—”

“You were caught within two hours,” Techno says.

“That’s—that’s just what you think, innit?” Tommy says. Phil laughs. He’s the real traitor here.

“Tommy. I don’t wanna have to cause an international incident, but I’ve had a really long day, so if you just tell me who hired you to run a spy op, and why you decided it was a good idea to run it yourself, instead of sending one of your experts…”

“No one,” Tommy says.

“Hey, don’t lie you little shit. Techno might not want to start an incident but I don’t care,” Phil says. He grins and holds up his sword. “You wanna wake up in a jail cell and reveal some secrets? We may all be Leaders but it won’t stop torture from hurting.”

“What the fuck, Phil,” Tommy says.

“No one’s torturing anyone. We’ll just bomb them later if we must,” Techno says.

“And I wasn’t lying. It’s—can I take the wig off by the way? It fucking itches.”

“I despise you.”

Tommy takes off the black wig, revealing his blonde hair. “Anyway, I don’t want to work with you guys either, so I figured I’d get your attention by like, acting like we’re enemies and stuff. Got hired for espionage enough back in the day to pick up that much.”

“Who the fuck wanted you as a spy?” Phil asks.

“Fuck you,” Tommy says and doesn’t elaborate.

“Please just tell us what you want,” Techno says. “Please. I can’t handle this much you at any given time.”

“This needs to be Leader to Leader,” Tommy says, and something heavy laces his words. The hairs on Techno’s arms stand up.

“You coulda asked,” he says, in one final desperate bid for normality.

“No, I couldn’t have,” Tommy says. “I think Chip’s dead.”

Techno doesn’t notice that he’s standing until he is.

“What?”

“Yeah,” Tommy says. “Yeah. And, uh, I fucking. Need your help to figure out what happened. Before we get blamed. And I know, politically, you’ve got no reason, but if we don’t figure out—”

Techno sits back down, heavy.

“I know you understand Piglish. Let me talk in my native language. Phil.”

“Yeah, mate?”

“Go get the stuff.”

Phil’s eyes darken. “Right. That. Well, I’ll be back.”

Tommy’s voice, for the first time since Techno met him as a newly-minted Leader, standing on a wooden bench and yelling about executions, is small.

“You believe me?” he says.

“Why else would you come here?” Techno asks. “Not like we like you.”

“Good, because I’m shit at infiltrations. Would have been embarrassing if you, like, didn’t know your enemy well enough to know that,” Tommy says. He’s saying something else underneath it. Techno is neither good enough at Bayesh or at Tommy to guess what.

“Let’s work out an excuse to make a treaty. And you tell me everything.”

#smp earth #WELL THAT'S A TAG I HAVEN'T HAD TO USE IN A WHILE. #a bee fic #anyway have you ever had to excise a story hook that's appeared in your head? #anyway: in which business bay gets framed for murdering chip and unfortunately as much as tommy would like the notoriety #he can't afford to let a guy who could kill chip just run around. also no one believes him. #so he goes to the antarctic empire hoping to ruffle enough feathers to at least get them out of the way #and technoblade immediately goes 'oh god something that incredibly stupid WOULD happen to you. oh no.' #AND THEN THEY ARE FORCED TO WORK TOGETHER TO CATCH THE GODKILLER #for the record. i probably won't write this. #if you're in a certain server with me please ignore how much i've been going 'but i COULD write bedrock bros' recently i PROBABLY WONT #anyway. i thought maybe you all would like this. the worldbuilding is like. ADJACENT to empires earth? with a lot of months in-between #like it definitely has influences from when i was doing the empires earth stuff.

[naamahdarling]

Have another concerning issue and now we NEED an electrician to come check on things.

I don't even have a credit card. We don't own the house so no loans, and assistance is not available through charitable orgs, and it is dad's second house technically, so he isn't able to access aid either. I live on under $1500 a month. There is no room for this.

I can maybe pay for a service call to come evaluate what is wrong. That's about it.

I'm so tired of this forced poverty shit. I can't save for anything. I'm not supposed to take charity even though there's no living on what I get and they know it. I can't get fucking married. But like a goddamn feral cat I also can't live without the trash they throw me.

If I die, dump half my corpse in front of the Social Security office and half in front of the SNAP office.

#oven and dishwasher and second bathroom are already not working #can't afford rent anywhere #i could pay maybe $300/month if I begged for help every month #but good luck getting a lease when your job is disabled and crowdfunding #this isn't livable #starting to worry it might not be survivable long-term #guess I ignore it until i can get someone to come look

[shima-draws]

Back pain is back. HELP

#GIRL I can't afford another 5 months of PT!!!!! #Shima speaks #Idk why it suddenly started acting up again #I probably haven't been moving as much as I should #I will do stretches when I get home...can't let this beat me a second time... #I'm in a lotttt of pain rn tho. Ahaha. Tee hee hee

[delarverie]

happy pride month! ❤️ winter is just around the corner and we are running out of food, so if you have the possibility to help a lesbian of color and his family to stay warm and healthy here is my paypal. sharing this post helps too! ❤️

#these past few days have been so COLD i swear and we can't afford calefacción until july so yes T_T #thank you so much for sharing and reading >_< hope everyone has a happy month! #maybe i'll pin this post for a while too #mon.txt

[tittyinfinity]

everyone wants disabled people to get a job but no one wants to give disabled people the ability to work a job

#.bdo #no one hired me after about 30 job applications and 4 interviews after a whole year in this job program #back in the day i got every job I applied for immediately #and then when you do work a job they don't make it accessible for you #you get fired just for calling in too many times #even people who are able to go back to work don't #because they'd lose their housing assistance/food stamps/medicaid/utility assistance etc #and if they lost another job it means that they have to reapply for everything #my dr. appointments are $400/mo I get $330/mo food stamps I had $420/mo housing assistance $200/mo utility assistance #so that's $1350 a month in assistance plus my $760 a month = $2110 #so if I go back to work I would have the same amount of money or less. I literally can't afford to work. I CAN'T AFFORD TO WORK. #(no longer getting housing or utility assistance now that I'm at my mom's so I'm currently paying more bills than I was)

[cinnamon-phrog]

I feel too sick to sleep right now, everything's' too cold or too hot and I can't even breathe without thinking I'm gonna throw up

#it's because i've been drinking diluted juice #i swear the shit they put in that makes me delirious with fever #ughhhh so sick wish a nice big strong mechanoid could help me rn :( real shame #gonna drink water till the middle of the night. there goes my plans for a better nights' sleep :< #i do genuinely feel awful and i have been feeling so for a while and it's all my own doing. not eating healthy. stressing out and barely- #-sleeping. i have stretch marks from losing weight and circles under my eyes. everything's fuzzy. i keep forgetting basic things. #i'm worried about my future. i'm too disabled to function with a job but not disabled 'enough' just because i can speak 'clearly' #i've got no irl friends or family to fall back on. i can only travel so far and i get meltdowns far easier now #months ago i was treated like a pet. now i'm an adult before i ever got to be a child. #i want to be held. be loved without even having to say a word to each other. not even by an f//o but by someone who'll be willing to love m #but all i am now is sick and hungry and hot and cold and tired and awake. #i can't imagine how much worse it is for other people though. i've seen awful images and they're not even a taste of how terrible it is #i worry i won't be able to afford food in the future. or have a stable flat or apartment. that social services will let me down again #this year was meant to be a break but i'm constantly worrying about the time i become 18. my autism and lack of any social life- #will impact me and i'll be fucked over easier than ever. and that happens often #college brought me panic attacks where i'd physically harm myself till i got migraines in front of people and they didn't bat an eye #i could be kicking and screaming and begging for help but they'll just ignore me or infantilise me

[sanshinexx]

But his doom Reserved him to more wrath; for now the thought Both of lost happiness and lasting pain Torments him: round he throws his baleful eyes, That witnessed huge affliction and dismay, Mixed with obdurate pride and steadfast hate. At once, as far as Angels ken, he views The dismal situation waste and wild. A dungeon horrible, on all sides round, As one great furnace flamed; yet from those flames No light; but rather darkness visible

John Milton - Paradise Lost, Book I

#i absolutely love the red/black colour combination in art so i finally decided to draw something with that too #i've also been having a lot of crosshair feels for the past month for obvious reasons so here have him as a treat #i also used a reference pic for this and was going to link it here but i can't fucking find it anymore so there's that #also sorry the quality is kinda fucked #but my drawing program actually can't handle a canvas of a larger size #it will lag and crash constantly which makes drawing just about impossible #in conclusion yes i need a new drawing program (and device) but i can't afford it so here we are #star wars #the bad batch #bad batch #tbb #the clone wars #star wars the bad batch #crosshair #clone trooper crosshair #crosshair fanart #clone force 99 #the bad batch fanart #bad batch fanart #tbb fanart #the bad batch crosshair #star wars crosshair #smoking #tw smoking #cw smoking #art

[atsuwumus]

I had likely one of the worst days I've had in a vv long while 'n could really use just some kind words or a little pick me up ˙◠˙

#someone hit my car this afternoon and I feel like crying all over again #I got my car back saturday from the panel beater #and now it's fucked again #and guess who hit me? #my boss #after I parked in my designated parking space #and then she blamed me for not being parked properly #I can't afford the insurance #I can't put in another claim #I'm at such a loss I'm so tired #it's been one thing after another these last few months and I'm exhausted #God I want to sob #my sisters hospitalization #changing majors #the first accident #now this too #when will it end #mai mumbles (ꐦ •᷅ࡇ•᷄)

[vaxxman]

I've been reading the emesis blue screenplay whenever I have a bit of free time, and it's so interesting to see the small changes they've made to some scenes.

But also, the knowledge that Fritz was supposed to have visions of being mistreated in prison in that one scene when he has a panic attack at scout's house makes me go hhhhhh

#60 seconds till mission begins rambles #If you can afford it; go support Fortress Films on patreon if you want access to the screenplay too; it's just 2 dollars a month #Honestly the script does clear up a lot of things not because the movie is confusing but because I am bad at listening to dialogues and #having all conversations spelt out with descriptions of the smaller details that are happening in the scene is super helpful #like who is seeing what in the corner of their eyes or what is in the black suitcase at the end when we see it open or #that one scene when soldier is talking to the police officers over radio to find out about who stole the black hearse and where it's headed #I didn't realise the guy who goes “roll down the window; I can't see your face” is the same guy who does the muffled screams 2 seconds late #there's a surprising amount of smaller scenes that were omitted which would have changed the feeling of some scenes a lot #It's only implied in the movie but Fritz puts Scout into the coffin after he's killed; that's actually described in the screenplay but #Instead of having a solemn moment about it the screenplay has him HURL scout into the coffin and then proceed to FIGHT for his life alksjdh #Screenplay Fritz is a different flavour of Fight and Flight and he has some more nightmares; let the man REST for a second #Ok no more spoilers; go read it yourself >:)

[cannibal-of-god]

#Josh Groban #Spotify #this song and this man mean things to me that i can't properly articulate #he's gonna be performing in the area in a few months and im SO SAD i can't afford it. he's so fucking expensive...

[imaginarydaughterz]

everyone at work was so sweet today. the people closest to me however failed at the being nice to me thing and i think today is the first time i've ever cried on my birthday loool

#bestie was giving me shit for no reason + boyfriend told me he didn't get me any gifts for my birthday #but he'll ''buy me anything i want'' on my birthday celebration day #which i explained to him last month is NOT THE SAME THING #also he's BROKE he can't afford to spend money frivolously like that #a fuckin card would've been good enough but thanks buddy