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theintuitivewildflower · 5 years

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Bitterness is the sign of a soul that refused to stay broken.

Sounds backwards right? Let me explain. Until we are broken we are guarded, hidden and able to keep our light just dim enough to not draw attention to ourselves. We're still unsure, still shakey and still struggling to find our place and those that will resonate with our story and struggles. When we become broken we become vulnerable. We develop self-compassion and learn to power through pain. We become strong enough to show a weakness and slowly we allow our light to shine bright through the cracks in our soul. Bitterness stems from trying to hurry and bandage, cover or hide our brokenness. Bitterness tries to cover for healing but it really broadcasts the fact that we skipped the most crucial step in our soul work; our soul purpose.

My message here is this: we are all gonna break more than once in this life; you know, we hit a peak and then we get a valley. I recently experienced another soul break, another lesson, another old thorn from the past that was never removed. These days I love coming out of a dark night of the soul experience. Gone are the dark nights where I placed blame and tried to brush through quickly to avoid any painful emotion. Now, I'm still in these moments. I listen for my lesson and crave clarity and healed hurts.

I turned 42 in October and so I am just past the two year mark of the beginning of my spiritual awakening. In that time I've had about 7 or so dark night experiences that I was conscious for. They get easier to recognize and I've gotten better at being me so I've gotten better at embracing them. Seven sounds like a lot and well it kind of is but here's the deal....I had a lot of cracks to my soul over time and in my family we don't broadcast these things we brush them under the rug. Therefore, I had hidden my brokenness under bitterness for years and it was ugly y'all. Each dark night had a different purpose, a different break to address. Each one has been unique and brought a certain lesson or take-away for me to wrap my mind around. Over time, I have come to find three key points that always remain constant for me throughout the process.

1. There is a definite connection between science and spirituality; undeniable.

2. Suffering is vital to our Spiritual Growth. Until we suffer we are selfish.

3. Our purpose is almost always born from our pain. Our biggest blessings often come from our most serious and painful breaking; a broken heart, mind, body, relationship, friendship, life or home.

Until this breaking of our spirit happens, spirituality is just religion, just words. Until we struggle Faith is questionable and mysterious and our soul is not yet prepared to start fulfilling our purpose.

Until we complete our own chapters in suffering we will be lacking in compassion and empathy for self and others. It is often our toughest, ugliest experiences that make us grow the strongest. Struggle has a way of refining us into better versions of ourselves but only if we are willing to face ourselves; our pain, hurts and traumas.

Healing, self-love and personal growth aren't experiments you wade into undecided either. Once you commit it's a done deal and you kind of have to be all in, ready or not. It's a leap of faith really and only you can unleash the power hidden within that beautiful broken soul. Don't glue it back together in an attempt to hide the flaws; your bitterness will tell on you. Those scars are your battle wounds and you just became a warrior rising; so stand tall in your breaking and the blessings will begin to flow into your soul; igniting a fire within you to continue.

Two years ago I wouldn’t have felt this way. In fact, in my past, I attracted toxic people. I was unhealed, bitter and toxic myself. Now, It’s painful to watch the discomfort within someone else. It is uncomfortable to feel their unhealed & unspoken pains & hurts. It is annoying to have to pretend I don’t notice the baggage that weighs them down or the bitterness that they bring along. I am often expected to engage in & enjoy small talk when I'd rather say this for example....

However, after personally working through my own hurts and hang-ups I find it difficult and painful to waste time pretending I don't notice that someone else has unhealed hurts. The first sign or red flag is always the same; victim mentality and bitterness. I recognize them like long lost friends everytime because I myself held on to them both for security for so long.

Why?

“Knowing your own darkness is the best method for dealing with the darkness of other people.” -Carl Jung

The terrain I seem to tread now often seems rocky and unstable as I'm determining how to protect my own energy and continue my own healing process, while helping others (who want to) heal; all the while letting them navigate their own spiritual journey, growing pains, shadow and dark night of the soul experiences.

So is suffering necessary? Depends who you ask and who you want to be! You can avoid suffering, feed the ego and keep the mask on or you could be authentically you, accept all of who you are and let your soul shine.

Choose wisely. Neither choice is easy street but one of them will leave you bitter and the other will leave you better.

Karyn

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