#being trans myself i see where little issue with that

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for setting a boundary on a Minecraft server that I didn’t want to interact with one of the admins after he quit my partner’s dnd campaign?

I (20, nonbinary) was on a lgbtq+ discord and had become friends with a trans guy (henceforth referred to as A) who was a minor. This was easy to forget as he made raunchy jokes, got drunk and high on call, and I have horrible memory issues (so I often opt to just remember people’s names and topics I should avoid around them via making little notes.)

We would very often end up in a vc together with others from the server, including our respective partners, chilling, playing games, sharing fun things we found. (His partner will henceforth be referred to as B, and mine as C) (I had known his partner before from another server and was happy to see them getting along then eventually getting together)

(C especially would always give advice like “if you’re drinking, make sure to eat/get some carbs, drinking on an empty stomach is bad!” Because they love researching medical effects to make their writing and worldbuilding feel more realistic)

There were a handful of incidents where I believe I was the asshole

I loved showing off games and musicals to people, and this has the unfortunate effect of sometimes unintentionally saying words that anger people.

Incident 1) I was playing a game and mindlessly saying location names- and I got a dm- I pause to glance at it- and I got a message saying “hey remember [redacted] is A’s deadname and he’s uncomfortable that you keep saying it”. I pause, make a mental note of “but. It. Wasn’t directed at him?” Then continue playing, dodging saying the name for the rest of my time showing the game.

Incident 2) I was showing off a musical I like- and there’s a cute scene where a character suggests a name for another character, saying that they don’t need it anymore, and it just so happened to be A’s deadname again.

Incident 3) I was playing Sea of Thieves solo- and struggling. I’d been hit by lightning, and now was being attacked by a shark. A and B were making fun of the fact I had slipped into an accent out of sheer panic so I (enraged and not thinking at all) said “I’ll name the damn shark after you, fillet and gut it!” (A really likes sharks. I also like sharks but apparently not as much as him)

(I apologized for this on call later, saying that I was emotional and mad, and if I’d been thinking I wouldn’t have said that. I also apologized for the previous incident about the deadname)

A and B had also joined C’s dnd campaign alongside another one of our mutual friends, D (who did not leave the campaign, but that’s not important right now). I have reason to believe C told the others they couldn’t be either of the two classes I said my character thought they were, but I don’t know. Things went great (or so I thought) we got some plot trails (one connected to the race of my character, one being D’s character’s family) and everything seemed fine- A was flirting with a lot of the enemies and NPCS (C found the character arts via google images and unfortunately ‘attractive’ seems to be a main character design commonality)

Then one day, I woke up to check the campaign discord because of a ping and noticed both A and B had left the server and there was no new messages- confused, I hopped into call with C- who explained that A had dropped a long list of accusations about Myself and C, essentially insulting us and accusing us of things like ‘sending NSFW things to kids’, ‘acting like the victim’, ‘naming a character A’s deadname’, ‘DM favouritism’, and a whole bunch of other things. I was- shocked.

(A also apparently messaged D and said something like “sorry for ending the campaign like that, if you want to use your character you can always write with me!” And got angry when D said they didn’t leave the campaign.)

(C is also a generally sex-repulsed Asexual. They were forcing themself to become more comfortable with it because of A’s raunchy jokes)

This was followed by some harassment from A and B.

A tried publicly calling out C on social media (which C had only used to make a single post sharing something they had made for someone’s art/design) for “sending nsfw things to minors” and on another platform for “being a fake ass bitch”, as well as both of them heckling a new haircut I’d been nervous but excited to try and get for years and just figured out how to ask for (responses such as “omg no ew why would you do that”), as well as A saying “no I don’t” a picture I shared of C and I going to see a musical together with the caption “you wish you were here!” (All were shared and reacted to publicly on the discord server)

(To be fair about the haircut- the stylist had cut part of it a little too short and it made my face look especially chubby)

This is where I start to feel less like the asshole

So I went on the discord for the Minecraft server and said “hey, I don’t feel comfortable interacting with A after the allegations they’ve been making”. A immediately got defensive and angry about me saying “allegations” and kicked me from the discord before I could defend myself (and C).

I explained the situation to the admin of the server we’d met on, who also owned the Minecraft server, and apologized to them that they had to moderate. Both A and I lost our mod privileges on the discord, and I also found out A had been given multiple “cease and desist”s for… saying/sharing vulgar/nearly nsfw things on the discord before. And they did it again. The reason they were never banned or kicked was that the admin had made it in hopes that A would make friends.

Now. To a part that still horrifies me.

A legitimately found out C’s mom’s number, and called her to insist that C sent NSFW things to minors. (C suspects that they got it from a time C called the police out of genuine concern for A who hadn’t responded to any messages in around a day)

C also told me that the most they had sent A was like. Attractive anime guys from the first page of google images because C really liked big anime man chests. A apparently sent C full on p*rn once.

The problem is- I feel like I was the asshole- even though most of the “incidents” were accidents because I try to not remember someone’s deadname because- it’s? Not their name anymore? And it didn’t help that I genuinely do not remember being told it was their deadname until after incident 1.

Was I the Asshole?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[total-drama-takes-the-squeakquel]

As a young tomboy who was so insecure as to “why couldn’t I be feminine like the other women around me? Is there something wrong with me for not liking makeup or being GNC?”, seeing Jo helped me so fucking much with embracing my gender nonconformity as a girl. And seeing another woman who struggled with hard internalized misogyny and hated being told she looked like a man or was a man because of how she looked, it really made me feel seen and helped me get over my own insecurities. I was struggling so bad for a while that I thought because I wasn’t girly or feminine that that must’ve been I was a boy this whole time. And then just seeing Jo and how butchy and tomboyish she was allowed to be while still having body issues and struggling to fit in with the women around her really helped me so damn much to get over my own insecurities, and I feel so much fucking better just calling myself a tomboy and allowing myself to “look like a man” without that making me one. And it made me feel so much more comfortable wearing clothes that made me feel more comfortable, which happened to masculine, because there’s no way a woman is supposed to dress. And if I don’t want to wear dresses or skirts or wear makeup, that didn’t make me a man. Jo was a really really important character for me to see growing up as a young tomboy, and she’s still important to me even if that sounds dumb.

This is just to me but seeing anyone call her a trans man or transcoded seems like such a kick in the ass and misses the entire point of her character. She’s a masculine woman who’s insecure about the fact that she’s not feminine. She doesn’t want to be feminine but she does want to feel pretty because so many woman are conditioned to think that male validation is the end all be all. That scene where she put on the makeup in ep6 was suchhh a thing. And her insecurities over having body hair (and probably facial hair too) was so fucking relatable to see. She was a tomboy in a cast full of girls who were all feminine and she resents other women for being feminine because she’s projecting her own insecurities onto the women around her. Jo has terrible internalized misogyny. And seeing anyone say that’s gender dysphoria or that she’s transcoded because of it is sooo… it seems like it’s in poor taste. “Tomboy in denial phase” leave such a bad taste in my mouth. The way she does or does not want to dress doesn’t make her any less or a girl or any more of one. The doesn’t want to be misgendered by Lightning because it makes her insecurities about her femininity and how she looks so much worse. Nobody needs to be reminded she’s a girl BECAUSE IT SHOULD BE OBVIOUS SHE IS ONE. If anything, if she were a trans boy, wouldn’t that be validating all her misogyny? She’d go from a girl struggling with beauty standards and her femininity to just another misogynistic guy. Making her a trans boy would make her go from the GNC woman she is to a gender conforming man. It’s not doing what you think it’s doing. Jo is probably one of the most masculine women TD’s ever had and I think she’s an important character. She’s defiantly an important character to me since I had zero butches or tomboys to look up to in my life and it made me feel so othered.

This rant got a little personal but yeah. I just think the trans man jo headcanon is in poor taste. It makes her go from a highly GNC woman to a highly gender conforming man and it feelsss weird. Esp considering the gender imbalance in ROTI in the first place and making her a man makes it 5 girls and 8 guys. Yuckkk and we don’t need anymore guys!! But at the end of the day I don’t like to get too butthurt about it. It’s not canon and it’s the only trans headcanon I rlly dislike tbh. Umm anyway yeah!!! I love butches and tomboys and GNC woman and I love women!! Jo is one of the best representations of GNC women who still have their insecurities and I love her for that. I love Jo and tbh she’s probably the only TD character I actually care about. This was cheesy but yeah. This blog might have a problem with long rants about Jo but I’m gonna contribute to this problem anyway because she should be talked about more

-

#long post #total drama #jo td

[johannestevans]

the thing about navigating queer spaces is that like... i'm in very different spaces than i was a few years ago, i'm a lot more in-tune with myself, my needs and my limits

being Assigned Dad by my friends and loved ones: fun, delightful, full of affection, sexy even, adds greatly to life's enjoyment

being Assigned Dad by random strangers w whom i do not have a connection: honestly weird, sometimes an overstep of boundaries, often uncomfortable

like there's such a difference between being out w my friends or home and like... being The Dad about being ~responsible~ or getting things done, or making jokes about how i'm being dad-coded when i'm struggling to send an email bc i'm 97 years old, etc

like esp within the constructed family unit of an intimate queer gathering, it's positive in many ways and comes off as very loving, bc so much of it is based in recognising traits of mine and connecting based off them

when strangers assign me dad traits, or treat me as a paternal figure, like

so there's a sort of labour in some queer communities that's often dropped on the shoulders of butches and trans men and mascs - there's the stereotypical DIY and also acting as "muscle" for other queers

but there's also often an expectation that because we're the "men" in the community (whether all of us are men or not), we have to take a position of being steadfast, less outwardly emotional, less demanding, etc. we're sometimes expected to stoically take abuse and act as shields for other members of the community who are supposedly more likely to be targeted by cisheteropatriarchal violence, and it's also sometimes treated as like...

bc of expectations of a certain toxic masculinity, when we do show vulnerability or emotional, when we express desires to be cared for or treated softly, this is sometimes treated as a negative thing, something that makes us less attractive and less desirable, etc

as a gay man and particularly as a really obvious fruit, i'm cognizant that i don't experience this nearly to the extent of many more masculine trans men, mascs, and butches, and esp those who are primarily intimate with women and fems, but i do see it in my communities and i do experience a little of it

and absolutely like. i do position myself on the outside of groups when we're moving as a crew, i do tend to take the front or back of the group, i'm generally more on the lookout than others; i'm also dad-coded in my tendency to keep ppl to a schedule or en route, i'm good (but cold) in a crisis, etc

but idk, like... i'm not a community dad. i'm not everybody's dad.

there's a certain desexualisation that comes with that that i think makes me really uncomfortable? it's a combination of the label being desexualising, this idea of like... if i'm the "dad" in a group, i'm not being viewed as a sexual being in the context of that group, and it's not about whether i actually want to fuck anybody there bc i typically don't, it's more like

the idea of that aspect of my humanity being set aside, because i'm being reduced to my role as caregiver/potential caregiver to the group rather than in my entire being as a member of the same community

and also, yeah, it's the expectation of that sort of caregiving labour where like... i am so happy to help, so much of the time. i will help when and how i am able to. but i'm also physically disabled, have continuous issues w fatigue, etc, and when ppl continuously bring problems to me when they're perfectly capable of being self-reliant, that's really hard for me, i think

esp now i feel like i'm not being pushed into those dad-esque roles in the same way - a friend of mine might sardonically say "thanks, dad" when i'm being particularly rigid about something, but i'm just as likely to get a "thank you, daddy" when i'm either particularly stern or particularly nice, and daddy i think actually is a lot better even though i'm not a daddy

lots of thoughts, lots of feelings.

#musings

[redfurrycat]

🤠🍈🍈🐓Bosom!Hangman Fic Recs🐓🍈🍈🤠

Check the Top Gun Masterlist post for the latest updated version. 💕

Ao3 Authors: Anonymous, Boobooblue, Default_Lee, Discosleaze, Dracculaura, Ladybundle, Miiichaaan, Notchka88, Perishablealex, PleaseHellMe, ReformedTsundere, Sam_Haine, Tasteofoxidation, WaffleToaster, Welcome_to_the_Badlands, Whoreternal.

PWP {🤠🐓} > The Chicken Peach & the Zenithal Cowboy > The Perched Rooster & the Brooded Texan > Everywhere. Every-Fucking-Where.

‼️Art Visual‼️ ==> Phone Number from Oidingus

Acting on your best behavior by miiichaaan {E}

“You’re beautiful,” Jake whispered and stroked a finger over Bradley’s cheek. Bradley swallowed, his voice thick, “Wanna take this to bed?”

squeeze a little (tease a little more) by dracculaura {E}

Bradley had thought that nothing could test his will more than Jake sitting in his lap shirtless, but that was nothing compared to Jake sitting in his lap wearing his shirt. And leaving it unbuttoned. (or, jake walks around shirtless when the dagger squad goes to mardi gras and it drives bradley a little crazy)

Hotter Than Hell by Welcome_to_the_Badlands {E}

Or, the one with the heatwave and the popsicles.

beggin' you to touch by tasteofoxidation {E}

Jake has issues with wearing shirts properly, Bradley Bradshaw is a tits man. Put the two together--

Feels Like the First Time by ReformedTsundere {E}

"I want to have sex with Bradley Bradshaw." Saying it out loud is a weight off his chest, but then Jake has to worry about Javy because the other man is doubled over, having started choking on his spit.

the good girl faith and a tight little skirt by whoreternal {M}

the one where Jake loses a bet, wears an obscene shirt, [sexual tension] and then gets fucked.

kiss me softly (til I love me like you do) by daydreamingstoryteller {M}

"Jake, you don't have to do anything other than be yourself and they'll love you." Bradley insisted. Jake’s breath hitched. His body started to tremble the slightest as he whispered a confession he’d never said out loud even to himself. "I don't even know how to be myself Roo." Jake "Hangman" Seresin is trans, nonbinary, queer - the works. He just wants to wear a dress and feel good about himself so his boyfriend is there to help.

way too busy for them problems by ladybundle {E}

It's a boring goddamn Wednesday. That’s why the Hard Deck is annoyingly empty. Jake shifts his sweating beer to his other hand, flexing his cold fingers. It’s uncharacteristically humid and the balmy air is making Jake feel antsy and tense (Jesus, I hate being hot). ——— On a night out with the team, Jake worries about who might know.

As You Need Me To by perishablealex {E}

It begins with three words. No, not I love you. Who's your daddy?

I'll Treat You Sweet by Sam_Haine {E}

He imagines himself in the woman's position, on his knees in some dirty back alley, mouth wide open and taking someone's fat cock down his throat. No. He alters the scenario so that it's Rooster he's on his knees for.

I'm looking for a partner (someone who knows how to ride) by boobooblue {E}

Bradley turns to see a mechanical bull in the back of the bar, some girl laughing drunkenly as she's flung across the padded flooring. "Think you could do better?" Jake whispers in his ear as he presses a cold bottle to his hand. Bradley takes the beer and turns to his boyfriend. "Of course." "You sound awfully confident for a man that owns a ridiculous amount of hawaiian shirts." --or, the bull riding fic

We'd Always End Up Here by Default_Lee {E}

Jake always thought their banter was going somewhere, two planes circling that were bound to end up at the same place. He was definitely and unrequitedly in love with Bradley fucking Bradshaw. But he's actually an idiot and Bradley is 100% into Jake too. So Bradshaw gets off his perch to come find Jake in the showers.

watch your honey drip (can't keep away) by Notchka88 {E}

“Distraction is an acceptable strategy in gaining advantage over the enemy,” Jake intones, like he’s reading a tactical brief but his lips are twitching with a barely suppressed smile. Then he does a little shimmy of his hips that definitely doesn’t make Bradley consider the merits of pushing him down in the sand and pulling Jake’s shorts off in broad daylight. (Jake always plays to win, but even when Bradley loses, he finds the competition rewarding.)

You Got Me Walking' Side To Side by PleaseHellMe {E}

"You're burning up. Are you feeling sick?" he asked and noticed how sweat had started to bead against Bradley's hairline, making the bronze curls stick against his skin. When Bradley didn't answer, Jake cradled his cheek and tapped it lightly to gain the Alpha's attention. Bradley blinked his eyes open. It happened so slowly like they felt impossibly heavy to open. The barely opened eyes revealed blown-out pupils that had swallowed the beautiful hazel irises, which were one of Jake's favorite things about him. "Are you going into a rut Darlin’? Is that what's going on?"

homecoming (jake seresin's pierced nipples) by discosleaze {E}

sugar on my tongue

"pierced nipples taste like keys and baby, i'm coming home" - Bradley Bradshaw's pinned tweet, probably. Jake has a pierced nipple. Bradley is incapable of thinking about anything else.

you've got the win in your bag

“I’m going to go in and get something pierced, and if you’re a good boy, it’ll be my nipple. If you’re not, it’ll be my tongue.” Speaking of tongues, Bradley just about swallows his. “Why would that be a bad thing?” he croaks out, not enjoying how amused Jake is, mocking, even. “Well, Bradshaw, because I wouldn’t be able to blow you for weeks afterwards.” Jake contemplates a second piercing, Bradley contemplates nothing.

Here for the Show by ReformedTsundere {E}

Bradley commissions his favorite OnlyFans user for a personal video.

Go to your bosom by Anonymous {E}

Is saying ‘he doesn’t know how this whole thing started’ a cliché? Jake thinks so. Specially because, when he really thinks about it, he does know exactly when this whole thing started. Bradley isn’t subtle, and the way he blushes gives every intention away, and Jake likes the attention he gives him. And maybe he’s liking the fact that Bradley is oddly obsessed with his chest more than he expected it. Or, Bradley is a tits man and Jake feels like he’s slowly descending into madness.

The mishap in medicine by WaffleToaster {E}

A mistake with his medication causes Jake’s body to show some interesting side effects. Or rather it’s mostly Bradley who finds it interesting while Jake has to suffer for it. Otherwise known as: the weird kinky get-together story of two idiots involving Jake’s pecs and Bradley’s growing obsession with them.

#Bosom!Hangman Recs List #hangster #sereshaw #hangaroo #bradley rooster bradshaw x jake hangman seresin #bradley rooster bradshaw #jake hangman seresin #🐈red🐈furry🐈cat🐈tag🐈

[calamitys-child]

good faith thought: do you not worry that vehemently rejection of a kilt being a skirt is a bad look though? like, I always said that growing up too "IT'S A KILT NOT A SKIRT" but I'm kinda wondering now whether that's because supposedly wearing a skirt makes you a girl. And that would be so terrible that we have to insist it's not a skirt? But I dunno, maybe I'm being a little too "chronically online" 😅😅🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

For my money, as a queer genderweird person who wears clothes commonly associated with various genders, its an issue on different axes.

"It's a kilt not a skirt" is a Cultural axis: my culture and my experience within it is one which is often seen as Lesser by an imperial machine working on "anything different is bad". The reason I emphasise a kilt isn't a skirt, on this axis, is that I'm rejecting imperial ideas of what types of clothing look like.

As a feminist and as someone who believes clothing =/= gender =/= value in any regard, I think if anyone wants to wear a skirt, hell fuckin yea if that's a nice outfit you're wearing then wear it babey, it's everyone's individual prerogative and it's not remotely appropriate for anyone else to decide what that means about the person wearing any garment. That said, the energy of someone wearing a kilt vs wearing a skirt is someone bringing a different intended presentation, which is to be respected

As specifically a genderweird trans man who wants to do more drag, it gets personal - to use an example from my life, its common for me to post a picture of myself in my cultural masculine formal dress, feeling handsome, feeling masculine, feeling connected to my life and history, and have strangers on tumblr comment Well-meaning but Deeply Wrong shit like "wow its so good to see afab guys in skirts!". In those cases, while I agree more people of any gender should get to wear skirts, they are undermining both my gender expression as a masculine person and my culture as one where men wear Kilts. They're calling me feminine while I'm presenting as a man. This hits the same buttons as people being transphobic.

My basic, one-sentence takeaway is: I'm a camp Scottish trans binary man in drag, and if you think I'm wearing a skirt, I want it to be unequivocally clear I'm doing that on purpose.

[thelostgirl21]

I wish there was a way to clearly say:

I'm personally comfortable being called a "woman", only because I have the sexual dimorphism typically associated with a female of the human species, and that's how other people see me as when they look at my physical appearance; nothing more.

While making 100% sure not to accidentally bring any harm to the trans community, or making it sound like one's gender identity should always match their physical appearance, when that's far from being the case.

Because, until very recently, I'd always been calling myself "a girl", or "a woman" exclusively based on how I physically look.

To me, defining myself as "a woman", has always been the equivalent of describing an external characteristic of my body that others are able to see.

- I'm a woman.

- I'm 5'7''.

- I have brown eyes.

- etc.

It's always been exactly the same to me. It's what you can physically see, not who I am.

Somehow, it's like I completely forgot to develop a sense of personal identity tied to "being a woman" while I was growing up.

I could wake up tomorrow with a body that has the sexual dimorphism of a male of my species instead, have everyone call me a man and suddenly have to live my life as one, and I'd have only ONE problem with it.

Just the one.

My partner is a heterosexual man, so that would be a challenge.

But otherwise, I think I'd just be really curious to explore the physiological differences between my prior body and my new body, and then move on with my life without changing a single thing to the things I like, my behavior in general, personal interests, probably the way I like to dress, too, etc.

I'd just be "looking more masculine" while doing it.

It would be like having blonde short hair instead of my current brown long hair.

The rest of the world would treat me differently as a man, sure! But that wouldn't reflect how I identify or feel inside about who I am.

Just how others now see me as and choose to socially treat me.

My gender, to me, is something that's always existed outside of myself.

I have no personal use for it, nor is it a part of my personality.

I guess I've often been gender-non-conforming, too, not because I was attempting to rebel against my own gender, felt a need to distance myself from the binary, or anything... But just because I've never seen the point of it.

I've had boyfriends telling me that it was like I wanted to be the "man in the relationship", and being upset that I wasn't letting them play their role at times (that hasn't really been an issue with women, oddly enough); and I broke up with them without looking back, because what the fuck was that even supposed to mean?

I wasn't trying to behave like a man or a woman, I was just being myself, and adopting the social roles and behaviors I'm comfortable with. If you can't love me as I am, then what am I supposed to do?

Younger, I've had little boys back at school telling me that "it was weird for a girl to like certain things or express herself a certain way", and my response has always pretty much been to shrug, go "guess I'm a weird girl then", and then continue doing things my way.

(Yes, I'm aware that I've been very privileged to live in a world where I've merely been occasionally bullied or suffered verbal micro-agressions for ignoring the social standards set for "little girls"... Then again, I've probably embraced some of them!

I loved playing with my "He-Man and the Masters of the Universe set", or walking around with a lightsaber pretending to be Luke Skywalker... But I was cool with "My Little Poney" (the originals) and "Rainbow Bright", too!

Like I said, I wasn't trying to be "non-conforming", I just liked whatever I liked!

I was also lucky enough that my parents fully allowed me to go for what I enjoyed in terms of toys, games, activities, playmates, etc., regardless of gender.

And my physical appearance as a child occasionally had people mistaking me for a boy. So, perhaps, the other adults that saw me behave as one in public assumed I was one, and thus put less pressure on me to behave in a way that would have been deemed more "feminine" than "masculine".

By the point I really started looking more "feminine" (like I do now), I guess I'd moved past caring about it, and/or had reached a point where it made no sense to me that it would suddenly have been upsetting that I occasionally behaved "as a boy" or enjoyed "boy things" now when, until then, it had always been perfectly fine and well accepted that I did!

I guess there's something to be said about the influence of early socialisation, and how adults in the social environment of a child respond to a young child's gender, in the level of importance they might instinctively give to it later on.)

Like, I'm pretty sure that, if I were to ask you to determine my gender based on my looks alone (while fully giving you permission to do it), especially when I'm performing on stage wearing makeup, you'd go "you're a woman!" with a fair level of confidence!

But that's just it! To me that's just the way I look. A stylistic choice based on the way my body chose to develop, if you will.

What drives me nuts, though, is that I have zero problem empathizing with the trans community and their need to express their own gender identity, because I know what it feels like to need to be seen and respected as one's authentic self!

You tell me you identify as a woman, a man, agender, genderfae, etc., and/or feel a need to express it? Be yourself, and rock that gender! It is who you are, and it is your right to own it!

The fact that I feel like I don't have any particular use or need for gender doesn't mean that it can't be important for others, and that they don't have a use or need for it themselves.

Just because I don't intimately understand it, doesn't mean it doesn't exist or doesn't matter. It doesn't mean that I can't support, and actively advocate for proper gender recognition and respect in schools and other public places.

I "get it" without "getting it", if you will.

The problem, however, is that I am extremely uncomfortable with the idea that, if I identify as a "woman", people will assume that it means more to me than "I physically look female".

That it will be assumed that I emotionally and psychologically connect with my gender, and feel a need to express it, or a sense of attachment and belonging to the woman gender.

After having called the way my physical body "looks" to others on the outside "being a woman" for decades, it's hard for me to suddenly go "being a woman is not the same as passing for a woman, it's about the gender you identify with inside..." and stop calling myself a woman, because I feel like I've no gender identity inside of myself.

But "agender" doesn't quite feel right to me, either, because I'd never had any problem with the idea of being a woman, until I learned that I was supposed to give a damn about being a woman, and personally connect with my gender, that is.

And "gender non-conforming" doesn't sound quite right, either, because I'm not trying to avoid conforming to the woman gender, or expressing a different gender than the one that was assigned to me at birth.

They basically gave me a gender based on my genitalia when I was born, and I went "Yeah, sure! I guess I can look the part... Why not?"; while ignoring the whole social instructions booklet and guidelines that went with it.

So lately, every time someone has asked me what my gender is, or what gender I identify with, I've had a tendency to freeze, panic, and mentally go:

Like the idea of my having a gender makes no internal sense to me. It's not something I can relate to, "vibe with", or identify with.

Is there a way to respectfully say "I'm calling myself a woman for convenience's sake, because that's the gender traditionally associated with the way I look, and I'm okay with having grown into a feminine appearance by default? But please, don't assume it means anything to me beyond that, or expect me to behave, dress, or do anything according to the woman gender."

I've been using "gender apathetic" in an attempt to convey it, but is that really what it means, and how most people understand it?

Basically, I feel like my answers to these questions would be:

- What physical look do you most resemble? Woman / feminine / female.

- What gender do you identify with? None.

- Do you feel comfortable being called a woman, and her / she pronouns, based on the way you look? Yes.

How do you freaking call or define that?

Non-internalized cisgenderism?

#Gender theory #Non-internalized gender issues #Gender apathetic #Agender #Transgender #My posts #My thoughts #My very very confused thoughts re: whatever my gender identity is meant to be! #Hopefully none of what I've written will be perceived as dismissive or offensive. #I'm genuinely trying to figure out where I stand or fit in all of this... #Personal

[fandomsoda]

Y’know I actually think we really need to talk about how more fem/less masc presenting characters are treated by the utmv fandom.

Because characters like Ink, Dream, Blue, and Lust have had a very disturbing pattern in how they’re treated. There are usually three really bad pitfalls that happen with portrayals of their characters.

infantilization/uwuification

villainization/yandereifiction

fetishization/hypersexualization

With these tropes often overlapping.

The version of bastardization we’re all pretty familiar with is infantilization/uwuification, where the characters are treated as overly innocent/cute and are often denied their maturity or agency in things. We all know the Bluwuberry situation and how Ink was treated pre-2018 and how Dream is still often treated today with very little push back, all of these characters are treated as innocent or demure simply for presenting less masculine or being “good guys”. But this can also be deliberately done in an attempt to “save” a character from preexisting misconceptions. See the #SaveLustBean situation from 2020-2021, where people (primarily on the utmv side of YouTube, usually young creators) tried to dispel the negative connotations around Lust’s character by… basically infantilizing him. It’s right in the hashtag, calling him an “UwU Smol bean” instead of just- saying #SaveLustSans or something like that that is more definitive. Their intentions were very noble, but their methods were misplaced.

Now on the other end of the spectrum, villainization. We’ve all seen it with Ink being treated like an unforgivable monster post 2018, we’ve all seen Lust being characterized as a gross pervert or deviant when he’s not, and we’ve all seen the villainization and uwuification compound to make yandereification with how Blue was treated in the early days. Even Dream is starting to be villainized in very upsetting ways. The issue with these portrayals isn’t that they portray these characters as dark or complex or as villains, I myself find darker interpretations of Dream and Ink fascinating. It’s about either the extent to which they misrepresent and mischaracterize the characters or the way the behavior is presented. With Ink and Dream especially their actions are often treated as irrational and hysterical, to the extent of playing into common tropes of the “unstable fem person who can’t control their emotions”. On the other hand there is Lust, who is villainized and ostracized because of his femininity and often is forced into a more masculine role, with the way his fem presentation is gawked at often resembling the way people forcefully masculinize and ostracize trans women. He is treated like a weirdo creep because of his nonconformity compounded with his proximity to suggestive themes and it’s… not fun to witness.

Now finally, the hardest of these to talk about and the least talked about of these topics, fetishization and hypersexualization. If you are sensitive to these topics/discussion of suggestive themes I suggest you skip this section, though know that nothing will be described in detail here. This is not about people simply ethically depicting these characters in suggestive ways or as people who have sex lives/appeal, that’s not at all what I’m referring to. I’m talking about the way that these characters often have sexual themes forced upon them, how all of their traits are often sexualized, and how these things are specifically done because of their femininity. Ink’s neurological issues are often fetishized with people treating him as mindless or helpless and then somehow trying to make that something they can exploit. Blue’s infantilized and yandereified nature are often accompanied with heavy sexualization, especially in the earlier fandom days. Dream is very rarely given proper attention beyond potential sex appeal and being a goody two shoes, with his own damn creator infantilizing him and then putting him in deeply upsetting situations. Lust especially is often not given room to exist outside of sex and is treated like nothing more than a suggestive deviant.

And a lot of people will ask me how all of this relates to their femininity and will claim it’s not exclusive to them, but if you look at how people treat the other characters that’s just not true. The bad guys are allowed to be complex and interesting, they are allowed to take on respectable archetypes, the stars and Lust are often not.

And whenever people try to remove them from these bastardizations they often do one thing that is very telling: they remove the non-masculine or unique traits of the characters.

People make them more masculine, less cute, more sanitized, they take away what makes these characters special, as if masculinity and a lack of cuteness and being nonsexual is what is required to deserve respect or proper characterization.

All of this to say: just because we are the fandom of gay gender nonconforming skeletons does not mean that there isn’t deep-rooted misogyny we need to unpack.

Obviously if you’ve ever made a mistake in portraying these characters or accidentally participated in bastardization you’re not suddenly a misogynistic monster, I just think it’s good to take a closer examination at how we have historically and continue to portray certain characters and may accidentally perpetuate certain harmful ideologies.

Feel free to discuss, just keep it civil.

Shoutout to @letsatomicbanana for bringing this to my attention.

#text post #soda talks characterization #semi serious post #utmv #undertale au #utmv fandom #ink sans #dream sans #blueberry sans #swap sans #underswap sans #lust sans

[sciderman]

hi sci, happy december! i really admire your pride and openness about being queer, i think it really reflects in your depiction of wade and peter. i find myself relating to pete a lot. i just really wanna ask how i can be more proud of being queer and more comfortable in my own skin?

i think you’re super cool!! thank you for your comics they make me so happy 🙏

happy december, anon!! it's – it's kind of funny, actually, that you'd say that. it made me think of a distinct memory of mine, from ages ago. where someone outed me as queer in a facebook post (without my permission!) and i got so nervous and apprehensive about it that i asked them to take it down. so it feels kind of funny, you talking about my pride and openness about being queer. when i don't know - i feel a lot like peter, too. trying to embrace these truths about himself, but still not entirely comfortable yet. personally i still don't like the label "queer" - it isn't something i'd label myself - i prefer "gay" - and it's inexplicable. maybe queer has deep-seated connotations to me. when i've heard it, it's always been derogatory. queer means weird. that's not always a good thing.

i love those who can reclaim it and scream proudly, but – i'm one of the nervous ones. and when people call me "queer", i feel nervous. i don't feel proud. but gay - gay means happy. gay is a celebration. i can proudly claim i'm gay. that feels right. i'm gay. not "weird". it's so pedantic and silly. but it's where i've found my comfort.

i'm still not exactly the most out-and-proud, in my day-to-day. i really want to be. but i haven't really found a community in the real world that makes me feel that safe and honest - lgbtq+ spaces don't always feel accommodating to everyone (least of all someone as socially anxious and repressed as i am) - and i'll be honest, i'm scared. a lot of very out-and-proud people make me nervous, they're so loud. and i'm so, so quiet. up until very recently i was terrified of lesbians. they still scare me a little. on a daily basis i ask myself "am i homophobic?"

i still live in a home where being honest about who i am is kind of a complicated issue - not that i'm under the risk of being rejected but - i kind of have to always filter myself in a way to make myself simple and uncomplicated for the people i live with. trans is complicated. bisexual is complicated. just stay plain and simple, and nobody will get scared or confused.

forming this community online definitely helped with me being able to embrace myself - seeing so many people embrace and love wade and peter and all their funny gender and sexuality experiences feels like, in some way, i'm being embraced and loved too, through them.

i feel like the most important way you can learn to embrace yourself is to be embraced by others - to find people who celebrate you, for what you are. i think it's bogus, the line of thought that "you can't be loved if you don't love yourself" - it's the complete opposite. it's so much easier to love yourself when you're loved. find people who celebrate you. who celebrate colours, and celebrate whatever you are, as you are. maybe that means getting louder. maybe that means going out and meeting people like you. maybe that means finding community somewhere, somehow.

if you're looking for a place for weird, weird gender beans, the ask-spiderpool discord server is a beautiful, wonderful place full of beautiful wonderful people with beautiful wonderful feelings.

#sci speaks

[genderqueerdykes]

I’m a short, plus size trans guy. I have a pretty hard time with masc clothing due to it not fitting right or at least not how I wish it did. Fem clothes usually fit how I want them to so I stick with them, plus skirts are fun and surprisingly help with the bottom dysphoria cause there’s no indent of where my dick should be like pants do, so I have 2 questions.

1: is it ok for me as a trans guy to still be upset when misgendered while wearing feminine clothing?

2: any advice on how to find masc clothes that fit properly on a fat and short guy?

hello there, thanks for taking the time to ask this! sorry for the delayed reply, but i hope you've been doing well in the mean time!

it is absolutely okay for you to be upset for being misgendered regardless of what clothing you're wearing; cisgender people get misgendered while wearing their preferred clothing, as well, many butch women get misgendered and called men when they are very much women who prefer to dress, act and look masculine. cisgender men often get misgendered if they choose to wear feminine clothing, or even men's clothing that's too "fruity". if cisgender people can get upset over this, you can too.

i feel like it's 200% impossible to know what a stranger's gender is just by looking at them and that as a society we would truly progress if we stopped assuming the genders of strangers by how they dress and avoid using gendered terms until that person reveals that information, if they so choose.

as for where to find clothing that would fit well, this one can be a bit tricky. i am tall and fat, i'm about 5' 8" and 280 lbs, so i unfortunately haven't much experience in the height department on that end, but i can tell you that wearing men's pants can be a bit tricky if you have wide hips. i have 48" hips and it can make wearing men's pants uncomfortable. if you haven't already, measure your hips (at their fullest point) and your inseam, which is the length from the crotch of your pants to the bottom of the pantleg. men's pants are sized by these two measurements, with the hip width being the first number and the inseam length being the second. my example for myself is that i wear 48x32 men's pants whenever i do buy them.

here's a guide on measuring your inseam:

here's a guide on men's clothing sizes (in both inches and centimeters) and how to measure yourself for different garments:

i will say that in the past i've thrifted most of my clothing. i'd like to be able to get to a place where i can buy myself some new clothes but up until this point most of my clothes have been thrifted. i will say if you live in a smaller area finding good clothing in plus sizes is a nightmare and you have my condolences. however i can suggest looking into men's fashion and seeing what styles you like to get an idea of what kinds of clothes you're looking for. before transitioning into buying clothes from the men's section you can always look to see if there are similar cuts of clothing (like cargo pants, for example) that are sold in the women's section for the sake of finding clothes that fit your proportions a little better at least until it's easier to figure out what size men's clothes fit you

most shirts and tops shouldn't be too much of an issue as they're made to be pretty loose fitting and don't conform to one's figure- if sleeves are too long they can be hemmed or rolled up, tails of shirts can be tucked into pants, etc. be very careful with button-up style shirts, these fit me so weird due to being intersex and i find that a lot of bigger people in general don't fit into them super well. they're not made for our proportions they just size up the shirts made for thin people and don't take into consideration how our bellies, chests and shoulders look.

button up shirts (when buttoned up, lol) can also make one's chest more prominent and create stress on the buttons that draw the eyes to the chest- i never button up these types of shirts and instead wear them open. this is a very masculine look, especially with a men's t-shirt underneath. this was my go-to in my early days of transition.

as for specific stores to look at, this will vary wildly depending on where you are in the world. i would recommend being highly cautious of buying mens' clothing from places online like Amazon, Temu, Wish, etc. that have a lot of China-based sellers, because often times you will see a 2XL+ garment and buy it thinking it will fit only to realize that that is Chinese sizing and therefore much smaller. shopping online for clothes while fat can be very hard, so i urge you to shop in person when possible

anyone have more concrete suggestions for this guy? i'm totally blanking on good suggestions of where to look for clothes.

good luck out there, stay safe, and take care of yourself. i hope you're able to find more clothing that helps you feel like yourself! thanks for stopping by

#asks #answers #transmasc #transmasculine #trans man #trans men #trans guy #wardrobe #clothing #clothes

[definitely-not-indecisive]

So I found you through your batfam/Spiderman fic and I was wondering if you could make a rec list?

Hey there! Thank you for checking out my blog and for reading my fic! I love seeing that you've commented on a chapter in my inbox.

As far as a rec list goes, I've never actually written one before. But I assume you want ones that are specifically spider-man/batman crossovers?

It's a whole new way of looking at [daddy issues] by spaghettiash: This a series of two little one-shots that I absolutely loved. It's another Peter gets transported to the DC universe with Dick Grayson looking exactly like Richard Parker. Love this one.

Help Me, I Don't Feel Like Myself Anymore by Astra_Nova_Kat: This fic was amazing, this was my bookmark comment exactly "I need this, I need this like I need oxygen, like I need love. This is so well written, I could cry. I need it injected into my veins and tattooed on the inside of my eyelids, omg." Again, much like the one above, Peter is transported into the DCU and stumbles across alternate versions of Richard Parker and Ben Parker. I loved it.

Aunt May and the Justice League by Anonymous: This fic is great, if you love the idea of Aunt May being kick ass and -fade to black- sleeping her way through the Justice League in a super classy way, and being such a supportive mum to her dear nephew Peter in the DCU. Very much open relationships, though the main plot doesn't really start to kick in until a few chapters in.

Green, through and through by another_fucking_robin: I love this one, particularly because it's trans Peter Parker. There just aren't enough of them, and when it's well written, it plucks at my heart strings. Plus, the Lazarus Pit is an ally, and I love that for them. This fic just starts off so good, I was in love with it from chapter one.

rot with all the burnouts in the cell by magnuschases: This fic is really entertaining. Like, Dick Grayson, you are the father! And Peter's responses were just great. Awkward grandpa!Bruce will always have my heart.

Singing In My Blood by LialeeEderian: This one is cute. Peter literally falls into Dick Grayson's life. Dick Grayson is clearly his alternate universe dad, and everyone can see it.

a shining spider web by Selador: an alternate spin off of Dark Matter by mysterycyclone. In this fic, the nice guy on the subway that gives him sunglasses during his migraine, clearly Jason Todd, takes him home and adopts him. Very cute and sweet.

Homesick by NotSoSweetHeh: I adore this fic. Peter convinces the Batfam that he's actually an alien, rather than a dimension traveller. Seems easier to him, that way. And it is very easy for him to pull off.

Harry Potter and the Great Custody Battle by dajgen: Okay, say what you will about JKR, she's TERF piece of shit and I hate her. However, I do not hate Dajgen and their work (that would make me a hypocrite, considering my work Wildflowers in the Spring, with is also a HP/DC crossover). Controversial to add a HP related fic, but I feel like I should add it anyway, because I genuinely enjoyed it. It's basically a fic where Harry is related to both Tony Stark and Bruce Wayne. Harry needs them to get out of the Triwizard Tournament. So, a threeway crossover. I won't give anymore spoilers, should you choose to read it.

I hope you liked my picks, I've never actually made one of these before, so I hope I did it right 😅 feel free to hit me up if you want to share your thoughts about my recommendations. I tried to pick fics that were in a similar vein to mine, since I wasn't sure exactly what you were looking for. Thank you for this ask, it was really fun putting this list together! Shout out to all these very talented writers. There's plenty more, but I don't want to inundate you. If you want more recommendations at a later date, feel free to ask me again 💕💕

#definitely-not-indecisive #theneonghosts #fanfic rec #my recs #Spider-Man/DC crossover list

[narrator-navigator-storyteller]

Y'know, this might be me talking out of my ass, it's like midnight, but I keep seeing this whole thing where radfems are so afraid to acknowledge that intersex people can be women. Like, even outside of their transphobia, especially their transmisogyny, they just have this idea that intersex = not woman. And I think I've figured out what brand of intersexism this is.

The parts of conservative society radfems love, specifically the bioessentialism, are the same parts that hate the idea of intersex people not only existing, but being mixed in with 'normal' people. With women, or those perceived as women, that pretty much means that we are entirely boiled down to the fact that we have a uterus. Hell, radfems even love using the term 'wombyn', and uterus imagery has become synonymous with feminism.

As such, these people, when they hear 'intersex', do not think of them as being capable of having a uterus. If you have a uterus, or have ever had a uterus, you are a woman. And so when conditions like NCAH, PCOS, and other non-obvious-at-birth conditions are referred to as intersex, this scares them, because people with these conditions can, in some cases, still have children. These disorders being intersex would mean that they cannot filter intersex women out into another sector of society by possession of a uterus, or ability to have children.

This hits people from two sides. On one side, you have the obvious, more widely acknowledged (within queer and specifically trans spaces) issue, which is that not everyone with a uterus is a woman, and not every woman has a uterus. This is, and still remains, an incredibly important point to combat transmisogyny; we cannot let feminism boil down to bioessentialism.

But on the other hand, these radfems are also being absolute idiots, even by their own standards, because they're alienating so-called 'true women'. Using myself as an example, I was born with perfectly normal AFAB anatomy. However, excessively high cortisol levels paired with insulin-resistance related hyperandrogenism made me develop a mixed puberty, and multiple doctors have agreed that my chance of having a normally-functioning uterus is shot. And let me tell you, there is fucking grief when you want to fight for women's rights, and do still consider yourself to partially be a woman, and the imagery around you is all surrounding something you can not have.

These people are scared because with non-obvious-at-birth intersex conditions, they cannot immediately recognize us and make us conform. By the time we're aware of our condition, we will have opinions on how to treat it. And so they try to take away what little community we have by saying we're not really intersex, and that these are normal conditions (especially those sentiments are targeted at female-related conditions like NCAH and PCOS), while simultaneously making their spaces incompatible with us.

I don't know, I got a bit ranty, but I'm getting really sick of being told that I'm "just like every woman" when I have not been allowed to be a woman since I was in 5th grade.

#intersex #intersexism #edited because midnight wording is Fucked

[earthstellar]

More Thoughts on Prowl in Earthspark

I think it would be fun if Prowl has a little bit of a tough time integrating with the Terran Team, which I talked about previously in another post

Like, if it starts out rough, understandable-- And then the "lesson" for the intended audience (kids) can be something along the lines of learning how to get along with others that may be different from yourself, how to integrate into a different culture by trying to make friends and being open to learning, how to meet people halfway when you might be personally hesitant, etc.

But I have some more thoughts...

Real World Concerns: ACAB Still Applies

Keeping in mind that Prowl's a cop and there are some real world implications of that which are even more highlighted as the Maltos are a non-white family who live in the USA, I can understand the concerns I've seen some people have about bringing a "tough cop" type of character into a show that has heavy emphasis on diversity and reflecting that diversity fairly realistically.

I've been wrongfully detained back when I was a teenager and was taken across a state border then had to sleep in a cell overnight thanks to the NYPD myself as a trans person, which happened only four weeks after my black partner at the time was harassed by a police officer when a cop straight up just walked into my dad's house with no warrant because apparently a black person and a trans person gardening together is "suspicious behaviour".

My dad's house is in Pennsylvania, which is where Earthspark takes place. Me and my loved ones have been harassed by cops that are quite literally the actual cops you'd see in Earthspark, in Witwicky. Same police department/region in Pennsylvania, given their proximity to actual Pennsylvanian locations in the show.

So I know these fears well and I understand-- Nobody has a good experience with the American police. Every interaction is terrifying, and those of us in any minority group are far more likely to have experiences like this having never committed any crime or wrongdoing at all. Seeing any cop, even a fictional one, can trigger some bad memories or prior trauma for a lot of us, and it might be hard for them to work around.

I'm thinking that's part of why they've changed his alt-mode, from what we can tell from the toy photos.

Earthspark Handles Real World Issues Fairly Well: Writing with Sensitivity

At the same time, the themes of the show are fundamentally family, friends, learning, growing, and teamwork, with some emphasis on developing emotional intelligence and social/cultural awareness.

It's important to remember that Prowl is a Cybertronian cop who took a cop car alt-mode back in the G1 days because it was simply what fit his own role best and made for the most effective cover while on Earth-- He may not be working with local human police forces, but if he is, we'll see how the show handles that.

I think it's notable that they've changed up Prowl's alt-mode design here, despite having shown him in his police vehicle alt-mode in the G1 flashback sequence. You don't see "POLICE" written across his doorwings, these days. They're not selling him as a "cop car toy" anymore, which I think most of us can agree is a good thing.

I think Prowl absolutely has a place in Earthspark, and it'll be interesting to see how they utilise his character-- For all we know, it'll be a totally unique take on the character unlike any specific prior iteration of him, which would also be interesting!

But I do think that they know they have to be careful with introducing a cop character. They've handled subjects like xenophobia in Earthspark very tactfully in a way that suits the intended audience of children, and hopefully they continue to use the same tact when interpreting Prowl's character for this same audience, given that he's a cop and there are implications to cop characters in general that are going to lead a lot of people to be a little less forgiving and a little more suspicious of him.

More Conjecture/Thinking Out Loud, Since All We Have is a Photo of a Toy At This Point

That having been said, almost no story can happen without a hero's journey in some shape or form, and it would be interesting to see Prowl have some initial difficulty dealing with the Terrans and humans in general (or something similar that might cause some level of conflict) to be resolved as time goes on.

It would be interesting if the show touches on Prowl being a cop and how American kids realistically react to that.

I was always taught to never speak to a cop and how to do so very carefully if I ever absolutely had to etc. when I was a kid, and I'm sure the Maltos have had that same conversation with their children. It's a safety issue; Unfortunately, most American kids get "the cop talk" pretty early.

Maybe Prowl shows up and Robby immediately grabs Mo to get her behind him and he tells his Terran siblings to "let him do the talking", since he's the oldest one and a little more aware of the risk that police officers can present. Since Mo is usually outgoing, and she might be more quiet here because she would understand the potential risk whenever cops are involved, the Terrans would take the hint and be wary of Prowl.

Or perhaps Prowl is introduced as an "enforcer" by Optimus, and when the kids ask what that means, Optimus translates it as "police officer", which might be what causes Robby and Mo to react a little negatively/suspiciously to Prowl. So it wouldn't be as immediate of a reaction, but once they find out he's a cop, they react appropriately-- With caution.

Which might serve to alienate him a bit, as he wouldn't understand why they were just outgoing and friendly and now they're suddenly not-- From Prowl's point of view, he might not fully understand their reaction.

If he'd been working on trying to investigate the bot fighting rings etc., then he'd be aware of the general public's xenophobia towards Cybertronians and how that can manifest as real violence, and might think the kids were being biased against him. Which might be worsened by the fact that to him, as far as he knows, they evidently don't like enforcers specifically-- Which may even lead him to overthink it, as he is technically designed to do in most continuities, and he might assume their anxiety around him comes from some kind of criminal history on their part.

This could be handled partially comedically, as the audience knows the kids are good and haven't done anything wrong (and this would also introduce Prowl's capabilities as an investigative officer while framing him as a "silly adult bewildered by kids just being kids" for the younger viewers)-- -But it needs to be treated respectfully and with reasonable seriousness as well.

This type of assumed guilt is often what leads to wrongful arrest, miscarriage of justice, and serious abuse from actual police. There is a real world body count for this exact kind of assumption, and these assumptions are often based in racism, homophobia, transphobia, etc.

And this is a kid's show, so I don't think they'll go too deep-- But I do think they'll address the "cop in the room" in some kind of way.

There could be some serious misunderstandings that go both ways, as the kids might then interpret any upset from Prowl as being inherently hostile.

It would take work to get them to trust him, and Prowl would need to come to understand why being an enforcer in this context is something that registers as a threat to the Maltos and by proxy the Terrans as well-- Who haven't had good experiences with authority figures either, given the whole GHOST situation.

And given that he might not start out too enthused about the situation altogether (we don't know how he might be coping with being forced to live on Earth), it might be interesting if they take this approach (or a similar one) to introducing Prowl.

Keeping in mind this is a show for kids, and you don't want kids to implicitly trust cops. In America especially, that's just not a safe lesson to teach.

So it would be hard for them to pull something like this off, in a way that both 1) solidifies that cops can't be safely trusted and also 2) Prowl is good not because he's a cop, but because his genuine interests are to protect and serve in his own way, and it's not just some kind of fake creed that he doesn't follow like every other cop.

But like I said, you can't teach kids that cops are good. So it'll be interesting to see how they handle his role as "enforcer".

He might be misguided sometimes, or he might need some fine-tuning, but Prowl shouldn't be directly malicious or intentionally mean to the kids. Maybe he's accidentally rude, or doesn't understand how he comes across to others (especially humans/the Terrans). Maybe he's having a hard time being on Earth, and it shows in his behaviour or demeanour.

But he can learn, and adapt as best he can over time. The show is about learning and growing with each other.

I Don't Think He'll Dislike the Kids Too Much: Teaching Time with Prowl

It'll be interesting to see how Prowl gets along with the kids, but I do think he eventually will, at least to some degree.

I don't think Prowl is a child-hater. I think he might need time to acclimate and socialise a little more effectively and understand a little more. And the kids might need the same, when it comes to Prowl.

I can't see him as being mean to them, not once he realises the Terrans are essentially sparklings and the human kids develop and grow on a totally different scale. We don't know what interactions Prowl might have with humans in general, or how experienced he is with younglings of any kind.

There might be a learning process, or Prowl might even take up helping to tutor the kids a bit-- He could help teach them investigative techniques, or logical problem solving, or how to evaluate complex situations (like calculating battle outcomes and assessing threats in the field-- a safety lesson as much as anything else). Things along those lines.

We've already seen the kids learn from various adults, so why not Prowl too?

I can see him wanting to protect them and do what he can to help them, but he might not be a super-involved parent-type, and that's totally fine.

He would likely make for a strict but effective teacher, using his skills of observation to notice when the kids need some extra assistance or would benefit from a different approach.

He might also struggle to teach at first; Maybe he attempts to treat it like an enforcer academy, which the kids might not respond well to. Bumblebee could provide some input to help Prowl adjust his approach, as he has the most experience with training them so far.

He Might Not Be a Cop at All

Maybe he's not an enforcer at all anymore, in this continuity.

Maybe he's struggling to find an identity for himself after realising the enforcement system on Cybertron was corrupt (as Megatron in Earthspark has given us some hints that the background setup to the war might be similar to IDW 1 in some regards), and after finding Earth's police are no better, he's at a loss for how to make himself useful.

He could possibly be working as a kind of private investigator, carrying out missions assigned to him by Optimus. He doesn't wear the GHOST badge, so it doesn't seem like he's been working with them somewhere this whole time.

Part of any irritation from him might be, essentially, an identity crisis. What does he do now, and how does he do it, with almost no resources and very few Cybertronians left to collaborate with? Does he even want to collaborate with anyone at all, at this point?

He might be more of a solo actor in Earthspark, off doing his own thing. With or without missions assigned from Optimus.

But he does still wear the Autobrand, which is interesting if this is the case.

More Disability Representation: Prowl is Essentially Neurodivergent With a Syncope Disorder

He might not be too good at socialising, but this shouldn't be taken as a sign of being a "mean cop"-- Prowl is canonically neurodivergent in some continuities (owing to his unique tactical/statistical processing, he is also prone to crashes), and any social problems he's depicted with are at least in part a result of his thought processes and perception of things being fundamentally different.

It would be interesting if they brought this aspect of his character back for this iteration of Prowl; Maybe he sees the Terrans for the first time and his processor struggles to understand what's going on and what they are at first, and it might trigger a crash.

Of course, the kids would react like how most kids do; Sort of panicked and worried that it's their fault somehow. Prowl could provide some situations that would be a good opportunity to teach kids a little more about disability and provide further representation for any neurodivergent kids watching the show, which would be great! And a "crash" could be comparable to anything from some types of seizures to syncope disorders to narcolepsy etc.-- Any health condition where fainting or collapse might occur.

We rarely see syncope etc. disorders portrayed in media, let alone kid shows, so it would be great to see in Earthspark as an opportunity for both inclusion for disabled audiences and education on disability for non-disabled audiences.

It would be interesting if a "crash" were portrayed somewhat realistically, no immediate recovery, maybe some dizziness, lingering fuel tank upset, maybe he even sustains some damage from falling over. It might take him a bit to fully reboot. He might regularly need to be a little more careful, to avoid processor loops or logic system issues that could lead to a crash.

Maybe he has a crash at a critical moment, and is out of commission for a battle or situation where he could have been helpful. If the kids are lukewarm towards him at this point, maybe seeing him laid out on a berth still recovering after they return from the fight would encourage them to step up and reassure him that he's not any less capable-- They would understand.

They've likely seen their mother struggle now and then on days where the phantom limb nerve pain is too much for her to go on that hike they had planned, or days where the prosthetic just isn't the vibe so she goes without and gets around the house a little differently on those days, or maybe even days where they see Dot looking at her prosthetic with a little sigh, and that's just how it is. Not every day is a feeling good day, some days the prosthetic just isn't wanted, some days the prosthetic is harder to put on than others. Disability is variable, and how people deal with disability fluctuates.

The kids would be good about understanding that Prowl has "those kind of days" too.

The show's not about Prowl-- There is an ensemble cast and plot/storylines to progress. But it would be a nice little scene if they want to do a one-off bit about this, that could also serve to show that Prowl, as hard-ass as he might come across, does actually have some vulnerabilities.

It could be the thing that encourages the kids to at least try to work with him, if they have any initial hesitancy-- Especially following their experiences with Robbie's illness previously.

If the kids might think Prowl's demeanour is a little off-putting because he's not as outwardly emotive, might be more literal than others, etc., maybe one of the other adult bots could help explain to them that Prowl's processor just works differently, and that he struggles with being social. The kids would likely be understanding of this, and it would be a nice parallel to teaching abled kids how to interact with autistic peers, while also making Prowl relatable to autistic kids watching the show.

(This would also provide a potential opportunity for a medic character to be introduced... I'm just saying. We all want Ratchet to show up, lmao.)

Earthspark is good about disability representation so far, and it would be nice to see that it's not just humans who can be disabled.

----

Anyway, yes, there's a lot of potential for Prowl in Earthspark, but it will have to be handled with tact, which I think the writers have proven themselves to be pretty capable of so far.

So, we'll see! We have no information right now aside from the toy photos, but the hype is real, and it will be interesting to see how they bring Prowl into the show and what, exactly, he'll be doing.

#tfe prowl #earthspark spoilers #long post #just thinkin' #tw police mention #tw police violence #tagging this stuff just in case #maccadams #maccadam #disability in media

[molsno]

I feel like it's foolish of me to fantasize about getting this job that a recruiter brought to me today.

it feels too perfect. my passion project for the past 5 years has given me the exact skillset they're looking for, after all.

the pay is unbelievable, beyond anything I've ever dreamed about. literally double what I was getting paid before, at minimum. on top of that, it comes with full benefits and unlimited vacation time. sure, it would require me to stay in this area, but would that really be so bad? how could I not fantasize about a job like this?

but part of me knows that no matter how qualified I am for it, they'll still find a way to turn me down. I don't have the privilege to deserve a life like that. even if they checked out my passion project and realized just how talented I am, I have a feeling that my hopes will be dashed. one interview is all it takes for an employer to realize I'm not what they're looking for.

can they see it in my features, I wonder? do I look a little too clocky for their liking? can they hear it in my voice? I genuinely can't tell, but there has to be something. there's no other explanation I can think of for why every time I get an interview, even when I think it went really well, I get ghosted, or if I'm lucky, I receive an email weeks later telling me the position has already been filled. I know it's not my skills that are the issue.

it's funny. people seem to think that people like me have "male privilege". that I'm a "tech bro" whose "male socialization" puts me ahead of the rest of the community. I wonder what they would think if they knew that my last and only job was a predatory contracting firm that forced me to move across the country with less than a month's notice under threat of legal action, and that I knew exactly what I was getting into when I signed a contract with them because it was either that or nothing. the best I could get as a tranny was the absolute bottom of the barrel in the industry I decided to dedicate my life to.

sometimes I think about how much easier it all would have been if I was a man. my accomplishments would be taken seriously, my appearance wouldn't be judged, my personality would be viewed as "eccentric" instead of "incompetent". I could be making even more than what this job offers me. wouldn't that just be wonderful?

sometimes I think back to when I was first considered the possibility that I might be trans, the sleepless nights where I was paralyzed with terror over how I would be treated. I was always told I had a future, but there I was, considering ripping it all away. I couldn't imagine why on earth I would give up my "male privilege", and yet I wanted to anyway.

the more and more I thought about it, in fact, the more I came to realize that holding onto it was a guarantee that I would have no future. I had already decided that I would kill myself when I turned 30, for no particular reason at all. maybe I could regain some economic opportunities if I detransitioned, but there is no belief I'm more certain about than the fact that if I did, I would end my life sooner than I originally planned to.

in other words, to me, the only privilege that would come with being male is that I would no longer have to live under capitalism.

so, maybe it's unrealistic to believe I could still attain such success. but I'm a trans woman. that's all I've ever been, and that's all I ever will be. and because of that, I have to believe that I have a future. transitioning was not an act of destruction. it was, is, and will always be an act of creation, the synthesis of life itself.

even if it's foolish to dream, I'll do it anyway. because that's what it means to be alive.

#personal

[imrowanartist]

The other day I was thinking about Gaz being a few weeks post-partum and not feeling great about himself and Price telling him how gorgeous he thinks Gaz is, so I ended up writing a snippet for it :)

Tags: past trans pregnancy / mention of c-section and post-partum body / (mildly) suggestive, but still SFW / mostly fluff but with a dash of self-image issues on Kyle's part.

Set in the Rosie AU

-

John looks up from the news article he’s reading on his phone, to see Kyle walk into their bedroom, nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist.

Kyle’s skin is still damp from the shower and John lets his eyes linger on him for a moment, taking in his partner’s body and all its scars and blemishes.

They’re beautiful to John, they’ve always been beautiful to him. Even now, with the way Kyle’s stomach is still soft and stretched from carrying their baby, John thinks he’s the most beautiful man he has ever seen.

Kyle seems to notice his staring and turns away, his cheeks flushed a dark red. He quickly steps towards the dresser and switches the towel for a pair of boxer briefs, pulling out a t-shirt too.

“Why do you do that?” John finds himself asking and Kyle looks over his shoulder at where John’s sitting on the bed, shirt still in his hands.

“Do what?” he asks.

John puts his phone away. “Hide from me,” he says, resting his hands in his lap, “you never used to do that.”

Kyle doesn’t say anything, staring at the shirt in his hands instead. He’s never been shy about his body before, not with John at least. Has actually always taken pride in it, the way he has honed his body to be a perfect weapon. Even the top-surgery scars were something he’d never shown any shyness about with those he’s close to.

Kyle sighs. “I just feel…not great about myself right now.” He hesitates, then adds, “Kinda flabby?”

John hums, then gestures for him to come over. “Flabby,” he repeats as Kyle steps into his space.

He pulls his partner in closer, until Kyle’s standing between his legs, the shirt forgotten on top of the dresser.

“Yeah,” Kyle nods softly, allowing John to ghost his hands along the sides of his legs, then rest them on his hips.

Searching Kyle’s eyes for permission first and receiving it with a slow blink, John then leans forward to place a kiss on the soft bump that still graces Kyle’s lower belly, the pink line of a fresh scar underneath.

“I think you’re fucking gorgeous,” he mutters against his partner’s skin, and he feels Kyle’s stiff posture relax a little under his touch.

“I also think,” John adds, sitting back and looking his partner in the eyes again, “that it’s only been four weeks and you should cut yourself some slack.”

He knows how tired Kyle is of his body limiting him in what he can do. First by the pregnancy itself and now by the barely healed incision site of his c-section. He has never enjoyed sitting still for too long.

Kyle hums, resting his hands on John’s shoulders. “Can you repeat that first part, boss?” he asks, and John can’t help but grin at his cheekiness.

“I think you’re bloody gorgeous, Sergeant,” he repeats, “Now more than ever.”

He’s about to say something else, but Kyle interrupts him by pressing him down on the bed on his back and kissing him deeply. John shifts his arms to his partner’s back, feeling the muscles shift under his hands as he returns the kiss, savoring the feel of Kyle’s soft lips.

John can feel Kyle’s intensity as he gasps into his mouth, and John realizes how much he has missed Kyle’s touch. He can feel the warmth between them as Kyle explores his mouth, and John moves his hands lower at the appreciative moan Kyle lets out.

With the baby, their focus has been on her wants and needs, overshadowing their own. This is the first time that Kyle has initiated anything beyond a kiss, and John can’t deny the heat he feels at the thought of having Kyle completely again. He knows they can’t go all the way yet -doctor’s orders, but there are certainly other things John can do.

When John teases the edge of Kyle’s boxers, Kyle grunts and John pulls back for a moment.

“Can I?’’ he asks, pulling his hand back, and Kyle takes a deep breath before nodding at him.

“Please,” he mumbles, before grabbing John’s hand and guiding it to his hips, giving him all the permission he needs. John noses at Kyle’s collarbone, taking in his sweet scent, then dips his fingers below the waistband.

He’s about to pull the fabric away, Kyle’s breath hot against his neck, when a cry interrupts them and they both freeze.

John pulls his hand back as Rosanna’s cries grow louder, and Kyle sinks his weight on his chest with a sigh before rolling off him with a chuckle.

They lay next to each other for a moment, both still flushed, then John looks at Kyle and they burst into laughter together.

“This is gonna happen all the time now, isn’t it?” John grunts fondly, and Kyle snorts before pressing a kiss to John’s shoulder, already moving off the bed to tend to their daughter.

“Yeah,” he says with a grin, holding out a hand to help John up, “Yeah, it is.”

#kyle gaz garrick #captain price #pricegaz #gazprice #call of duty #modern warfare #Rosie Garrick price #rosie au #ro writes #trans pregnancy #c section

[polyamorouspunk]

Curious what your thoughts are on ppl being "obligate" polyam?

I ask because I've been debating if maybe I might be because I feel so in love with my gf rn, but... I still feel like I'm missing something. Like. She feels like a single flavor of food that I like. But, as much as I do I couldn't live off of just that one thing yk?

It scares me though, because she's explicitly monogamous, so I can't really go out and explore and try it out to see if it's for me without losing her. I don't really know what to do. Or how much longer I should stay still feeling like this. Or if I should just dismiss it as baseless anxiety and just let myself enjoy being with her.

I'm so scared to break her heart.

And like, how can I do this? How can I seriously be considering losing her just to try something I don't even know if I need or will even like.

It feels wrong, I love her this is stupid. But I just can't seem to dismiss it. I mean, I'm literally typing this in the middle of a New Years Eve party because I just can't get it out of my head.

I think what you’re calling “obligate” polyam is what I call “inherently” polyam, where, it’s like, I WILL fall in love or at least crush on other people and want to date them at the same time no matter what, it’s not a choice it’s just how I feel.

I started this blog as an outlet for my anger issues which I now realize probably stem from my bpd and just to talk about polyamory- correct the RAMPANT misinformation people were spreading, but also, to talk about the stuff no one else seemed to talk about. I’m really lucky that my polyam mutuals post about all the wonderful things about polyamory- the love, the amazing partners, the memes, etc. But that left me needing a space to talk about what I felt the most- shame.

I came out at 17 as polyam and it was awful. I was terrified I was going to lose my partner over it. I was filled with this awful feeling of being a horrible person for not “loving my partner enough” and so worried they were going to see it as them “not being good enough for me”. I mean I was seriously broken up about it.

But my partner took it in stride. We made it work. But I still felt this deep shame that ended up leading me to decide to be monogamous just for them after a while.

I even started dating my now-again-gf while dating my primary partner at the time, and although she literally dated me while I was dating someone else and quite literally knows I run this blog, I still haven’t re-brought-up the fact that I’m polyam, and that’s 100% hanging over my head, especially with how infatuated I am with someone else right now, though we’ve talked about that a little.

I’m really lucky I have people like @eevyerndracaneon and the people in my polyam discord server to talk openly about the shame and guilt that I still to this day feel about being polyam despite running one of the biggest polyamory blogs on this website.

If there’s one thing I’ve learned though, it’s that monogamous people can be a lot more open-minded than you’d expect. I’ve never actually dated anyone polyam. All of my partners have been monogamous. And all of my monogamous partners have been fine with me dating other people while also dating them.

And a few years ago, my brother came out as polyam! And it was even harder for him than coming out as gay! And once again I was lucky enough to ride on the tailwind of him coming out first as the older one and also come out as polyam. Even my best friend and I have talked about dating and having an open relationship in the past.

It’s funny, and wild, how many polyamorous people you’ll meet out in the open once you come out too. My first semester in college, I was sitting in front of two older trans guys when I heard them talking about polyamory, and shyly I turned around and asked if they were polyam and they said yes, and they were the first polyam people I had met (that I know of).

Just a few months ago I was at a concert and sat next to a group of 3 people that were all really touchy and flirty, and since they were all really obvious about it I just asked if they were all dating and they explained their polycule to me and I was just like… me! That’s me! Me too! And they were SO happy to meet me back!

A lot of the other polyam blogs on here will tell you the same thing: it’s unrealistic to expect one person to fill every single want and need you have, and can put a lot of pressure on that person to do things they maybe aren’t comfortable with.

It’s not as unusual and shameful as you might think. It’s really all about conquering that inner polyphobia, which can be really hard, and is a process. Hell, I’m 24 now, and run this majorly successful polyam blog, and I’m STILL in my discord server like “guys idk how to tell my gf I’m polyam… again… uh… imma just not rn”.

Only you can decide what the best course of action for you is. I know I’ve lived fine with choosing monogamy and feeling like I’m missing out on some of my wants/needs as a sacrifice for a wholesome relationship I wanted to keep. A compromise, if you will. I also know that not coming out to my partner as polyam was eating me up inside at the time. And that when they did end our relationship and I was able to be with someone else I did realize things I was missing from that relationship and how GOOD it was to finally have those things.

Be optimistic. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, really, it’s that there’s more of us out there than you think, even if we go by different names, but also that monogamous people really can be open-minded and willing to share a partner.

#punk gets mail #polyamory #polyam #polyamorous

[your-queer-dad]

Hey Queer dad, I only just found this blog, but I'm writing you anyway, I Don't want to be anonymous, I want my name attached to my story I fear that I'm probably going to explain myself poorly but here goes anyway I am going to be 24 years old this May, I've been on E since 10 - 2020 Ive had to move out to live with my boyfriend of 3 years and it feels like I've all but abandoned my dreams of going through college as an engineer, things were hard to keep up with when covid struck and now I'm a trans-woman living in Georgia USA, I understand that its not as good as my home-state of New York on trans issues, but I have my BF and his Family who are supportive... I'm SCARED as of late sure I live in a fairly chill part of the state, but i'm SCARED like big time, its making my mental health journey harder, and I'm finding a lot of VERY bad thoughts creeping in, mostly about my appearance and all that, I don't look all that fem when i have trouble taking care of my day-to-day hygiene,

My dad is ""Supportive"" as far as accepting the fact that I'm his daughter now, but he and most of my extended family still doesn't use my pronouns or chosen name. My mom, well she left this world, and me alone in it, sure she was never the best to me, but she would have been the one person to support me. When she left I promised myself and her that I would take the little support I spit on and ground into the dirt as a teenager and actually be true to myself.

I know that at this point I am rambling, but I want to put meaning and journey behind my words THANK YOU, for being here for us. THANK YOU for providing a space for us to ask questions, and get parental style advice when we have no-one else and I ask of you this, how does one find community in this world when one struggles to navigate the fear she feels from the world around her?

Hi!! Thank you so much for reaching out. Honestly, it sounds like you've had such a rough time and I am really proud of you. Thank you for sharing your story, I appreciate it, and I'll do my best to help out.

Personal story time: I myself was (and still am sometimes) in a very similar situation myself. And it is scary, it's really isolating to see so much hate from others just for being yourself, and it makes you want to withdraw and hide. And I hid, for so long- it's really hard to show your true self in a world so full of hate and fear.

But I did, slowly, step by step. A little bit every day. Us humans, we're not supposed to be on our own. We're pack animals, like wolves or lions, we thrive off other people's company (some more than others). With mental health, when all you want to do is hide and let the world forget that you exist, what helps you the most is finding others who feel like it and can help.

Easier said than done right?

I'm still working on it, and there's never going to be a stage where you're perfect at it- but every day, just actively trying to engage with others around you, I found helped me. Not running away when people offer help, speaking to new people, finding my local queer community- just actively being aware of my surroundings and gently pushing myself to talk to new people.

The worlds a lot less scary when you have an army of support behind you.

It takes time, and energy. It's hard. And definitely baby steps, small steps. But there are so many good people out there, who will love you and accept you and value you, you just have to find them.

I'm really proud of you, I'm always here if you need someone to talk to and feel free to reach out anytime. Everything will be okay.

- dad x

#ask a finch! #what a lovely ask #lgbt #finch rambles #lgbtq #lgbtqia #trans #transgender #queer positivity #trans joy