#been thinking a lot about boundaries

[inkskinned]

something bad happened to you, and you died, and you came back wrong.

not wrong all the way. the little ways. you forget important dates, stopped going out with friends. it's harder to make you smile. you're apathetic towards things you used to love, afraid of places you used to go to cheer up. quieter. flinching. different.

you came back for love. you're still here for love. what pulled you back was a brightness so loud that even death couldn't outshout it. death heard the call and smiled at you and said okay. go home. somebody is waiting for you.

but you came back different. like lot's wife; you've turned into salt. you used to chirp through life in hops and skips; but now you lose skin just standing up. you have to move slower, skimming across this world without-touching-it. most things feel dull - until they're suddenly all-too-much. life, and being alive just rushes up and over you and you get hopelessly crushed.

you try to explain it to them: it is ugly, but this is what you are, now. the huge golden hoop of your halo now a little bronze ring. you are still watering your plants and wearing the same clothes. after all, you worked hard to come home. this life; so odd and off-color, now that you are wrong.

but they waited for you - it's just that they wanted the "you" that happened before this. the "you" that could sing in the show and hug people tight and look at a blade without breaking down to cry. the you with a smile in pictures. god, holyshit, it's like looking at a completely different person, isn't it. that other-you; the one they actually wanted.

you are the consolation prize. you are the body that forgot the ghost. you are the memory of the bad thing, and the death after; like you are wearing that memory as a banner. you are a fragment, an assembly. simulacrum. you don't make eye contact in mirrors, afraid the light will glance off and your true nature will flash back at you.

you hear them talk about it in their hushed, desperate whispers. sometimes they even admit it to your face; harsh and violent, acid thrown at christmas dinner. god, can you just fucking be normal again. you do not remember what normal is. you had to climb so far to get back here; you are far too exhausted. you want to open the glass door of your heart and show all the gears. can you help resolve whatever got messed up?

you try so, so hard. you came back for them. because you believed they would love you, even when you were so horribly broken. because you believed they would be patient. because you believed unconditional meant "without exception." you cannot do things the same way. you just get tired too quickly these days.

you want to put them on a couch and pour them the tea with hands that shake more than they remember. you want to line them up and draw them a map of where you have had to wander. you want to show every bruise in a backsplash; the little helpless ant of your soul carrying all that weight, over and over. you want to say: yes! it is different! but i did it for love!

you want to say: "i'm not the same, but i'm yours and i'm here. can that be enough?"

#this is very obviously about my battle with #ptsd #but i think it's also like a pretty apt metaphor for a lot of things like setting boundaries or going to therapy or choosing recovery #i was thinking about the 'comes back wrong' trope and i was like. oh no i have feelings about this bc i have mental illness #and once i stopped masking - i was WRONG. i was different #here's the good news: i am now INNUNDATED with love. fucking swimming in it. excelling at it. the people who stayed #learned my new self. my new different body and how i am different but i am trying. they have held me so tightly #and my life no longer feels quiet. it is not based in my suffering. it feels like i have been growing a tree in my chest #and now it is flowering. #it is so lovely to be surrounded by people who have said - oh! you cut off so many branches i was worried you weren't the same. but now... #... this is just a new you. and i love you. and i love that you're different and happy. #(but yeah also im nb so i was absolutely influenced by Trans things)

[magnus-rhymes-with-swagness]

so in love with the way ballister goes from instinctively trying to draw his sword when he initially finds out nimona is a shapeshifter (institute brainwashing taking over) to exasperatedly asking her to be a girl instead of a shark (begrudgingly accepting that she's his sidekick now but not accepting Her yet) to questioning why she’s a shapeshifter (trying to figure her out) to respectfully asking what shapeshifting feels like while making sure not to cross boundaries (fully accepting her as a person and making a genuine effort to understand her better)

#nimona #ballister blackheart #ballister boldheart #nimona movie #nimona netflix #nimona 2023 #nd stevenson #nimona spoilers #i’ve been thinking about his character development a lot recently #and about how he and nimona both learn to accept and accommodate one another #he doesn’t get her at first but over time he actively tries to. which says so much about him #the scene where he asks her what shapeshifting feels like and then corrects himself with ‘sorry - small minded question’ AAA #but by that point nimona *does* trust him enough to tell him (probably in part because he’s actively respecting her boundaries) AAAAAA #that scene is Everything to me. for lots of different reasons #my words

[tierras]

my miu miu harness boots ⋆୨୧˚

#actually my prize possession #i got them for my bday on the loooow probably because the sole is kinda lifting on one boot 😭 #miu miu #j.archive #i'll use this as a life update... school started up again im busy BUSY i have a math class this quarter like?? having friend dama too?? kms #idk im finding that new friends/acquaintances are quick to over exaggerate their place in my life 🧍🏽‍♀️ #so when i put up my boundaries they think i don't like them anyways these friends made one of my bday celebrations not great #i told rebeca about it and they venmoed me money dndndnd because it was that awful #i've been spending a lot of time using my school's fashion archives omg will post some stuff to share 💕

[genericpuff]

I think praising someone (Mongie) considering her incredibly racist comments and disrespectful behavior towards nonwhite fans, simply because she isn’t Rachel, is a bit gross

? I mean, yeah I agree with you, she's acted very immaturely and cruel towards her nonwhite fans. I'm assuming this has to do with my post talking about mongie's announcements at NYCC with her getting an anime? (if not please link me to the specific post for context). I don't really see any of that as 'praising her', more so just acknowledging the fact that she at least had the balls to step away from WT when she knew it wasn't working for her anymore, and the fact that she's managed to succeed separate from WT thus proving that it is, in fact, possible to succeed in this industry without relying on one single platform. The comparison to Rachel was more so just to prove a point that LO is in development hell lmao

I was more so just trying to praise the action in and of itself, not praising mongie for being a good person. I'm very aware of and have talked about her issues involving her racist opinions (the Vicky incident especially), I don't think her not being Rachel makes her a good person or good creator by default and that's not the point I was trying to get across. I'm not interested in continuing to read her work (like with LO I used to be a huge fan of Let's Play until it fell tf off in S3, then I found out about all the racism) but I can acknowledge the fact that she found a way to break out of the mould of Webtoons because I think that's something that should be talked about so that others can see it is possible to survive outside of Webtoons (not just for the aspiring creators, but also for the Originals creators who have spoken up about feeling 'stuck' with Webtoons because they don't feel like they can succeed without WT). It's just a shame it was, y'know, the person who has treated her fanbase like shit and acted out over very valid criticisms of her depictions of nonwhite characters. That's pretty much all I was trying to get across, it's not much more complicated than that lmao Weird analogy but it's like when you smell something cooking that smells really good and then you find out that it involves ingredients you can't stand LOL

But hey, you do raise a good point that highlighting the success of someone who's shitty towards their readers and how they write nonwhite characters is just giving them more press and recognition, so let's use this opportunity to highlight a not problematic creator who also found success in this industry while never once being an Originals creator - Alice Oseman! Heartstopper is wonderful and beautifully written especially in its characterizations and depictions of queer relationships and identities, the Netflix adaption is very warm and comforting to watch, and Alice herself seems like someone who I'd love to have coffee with if I ever had the chance. Go read/watch Heartstopper y'all , and remember to include non-Originals creators in your search for good comics to read <3 I'll probably make an actual post about Heartstopper sometime because I still need to watch the second season of the show and I'm sure I'll have plenty to gush about after I watch it just like I did with the first :' )

#honestly a lot of this goes for rachel too #like if she acknowledged how her series got preferential treatment from WT #or spoke up about how WT treats the creators that aren't her #or even took responsibility for how LO has affected the greek myth community #those are things i would respect out of her even if i still didn't like her afterwards #but she HASN'T taken that accountability and there isn't any sign that she ever will lmao #that said idk if i entirely believe mongie's reasoning for leaving WT #she claims it was due to unfair treatment but fr LP was second to LO in how much advertising it got #and she was REALLY pushing the boundaries of what she was allowed to get away with on the platform #i think it's great she's proving that success can be found outside of WT #but yeah it sucks that it's her specifically finding success considering how shitty she's been in the past #there are too many shitty people getting all the glory in these industries #lore olympus critica #webtoon critical #ama #ask me anything #anon ama #anon ask me anything

[polysyndetonaddictsupportgroup]

I don't not mean this offensively at all but is blows my mind that you are a lawyer but also writing jjk fics bc I work at a law firm and cannot for the life of me imagine any of the lawyers that work there writing fanfiction LOL kudos to u seriously I know how busy schedues can get due to court dates haha

im working in like. big city criminal law stuff right now and have been told by people in my office that i come off as a very deadpan and straight-laced legal nerd so i don't think the people who know me from my attorney life are imagining me writing jjk fanfic in my free time either

#I've got a friend who's clerking for a federal judge rn who's also a big fandom person tho she doesn't write #the legal sphere in general really does try to consume your entire life and i sort of hate that part of the business #like i like being a lawyer but i don't like how aggressively it tries to occupy your whole life #it makes offices very cultish #i like having boundaries in life and i have plenty of friends in my office but like. i have a life outside of it too that i want to keep. #and lawyers are so up their own ass about professional reputation that fandom shit is almost never discussed in a legal environment #you could not waterboard it out of me that I write fanfic for fun at work oh my god #it's not that i'm ashamed of it to be clear i'm proud of my stories i just don't know any of them well enough to trust them yet #lawyers are assholes so often holy shit #like not all of us. some of the nicest people i have ever met are lawyers. but the culture breeds a lot of very big and fragile egos #probably more lawyers than you'd think are into fandom stuff but they absolutely do not bring that shit up #i'd like to think i'll be doing fanfic and fandom stuff for years. it's just a great community and i really really love doing it. #i'm also a kick ass lawyer tho so i'm probably gonna be doing some pretty serious shit at work and just also being a fanfic writer. #but yeah court is exhausting and chaotic and i've been in it every day for like two weeks now so feel free to shoot me

[pandoratheprocrasticreator]

saw some art of hunter making a grimwalker of belos to cope and man am i glad the owl crew made belos into a writhing pile of goo so he doesn’t have any more bones to make grimwalkers with. like i can imagine hunter’s mental state getting bad enough somehow that he’d think to do something like that, to raise belos so he’d turn out good. and that’s the same pitfall phillip fell into when creating grimwalkers of caleb.

and damn what a cruel thing to do to a kid. to the grimwalker, hunter-his creator and probably father figure-would have created him to prove a point to himself. that someone evil in his past could have grown up to be good. that hunter could shape the grimwalker into what hunter wanted him to be. and everything the grimwalker does, he would have to wonder if phillip did the same in life, and if hunter would approve.

its the exact kind of existential crisis hunter is having in the show from being the clone of caleb. except the theoretical belos grimwalker would have to live with the fact that his ortet almost committed genocide on his entire civilization. im sure hunter would avoid being an abusive parent the way belos was. he might even be a good dad. but the act of making the grimwalker means hunter is giving the kid the same kind of trauma he struggled through. belos couldn’t accept that caleb left him, so he tried to reshape innocent kids into filling that void. if hunter creates a grimwalker, he would be doing the same with belos. he would have turned into his uncle, which to me is a very depressing way to end his story arc.

#toh #the owl house #shut up pandora #i do like the au where belos made another grimwalker after hollow mind and hunter finds it #in that case hunter doesnt cross an ethical line bc he didnt make the grimwalker #but ye in here i can see hunter having a really bad episode and making a belos grimwalker bc he wants to prove his uncle can be good #but that kid is going to HATE him when hes old enough to understand the implications of that #like if the point of the au is that hunter crossed an ethical boundary and has to grapple with the repercussions of ruining his sons life #sure even if its a little too depressing for me #the specific au i saw though seems to be mainly fluff and how HUNTER is sad about it? #which no it should focus on how the people around him ESPECIALLY the grimwalker is sad about it #also the au was so mean to willow like #apparently she didnt want a kid in the first place and then her husband brings home a clone of the guy who tried to kill her multiple times #and she ends up graciously accepting a kid she never wanted and immediately forgiving her husband for ruining her new sons life #and its supposed to be romantic? #i wont say the specific person who came up with the au bc ive been dunking on them #i am just grumping #im sure they have a lot of ideas about their au but i personally think it looks iffy from a first glance

[hella1975]

idk how irl celebrities handle fame at a young age like at seventeen i had a couple hundred people regularly interacting with me and putting me on a pedestal and that almost made me crazy. i see new writers getting attention in fandom and i immediately have to put myself in front of them and start barking. get behind me girl

#I FEEL LIKE THIS SHOULD BE TALKED ABOUT MORE LMAO LIKE EVEN THOUGH IT'S A VERY SMALL AMOUNT OF ATTENTION #COMPARED TO LIKE. ACTUAL CELEBRITY #IT'S STILL INSANE LIKE FOR THE PAST THREE YEARS IVE HAD RECURRING INSTANCES OF PEOPLE BEING WEIRD #AND PUSHING BOUNDARIES AND GENERALLY FORGETTING IM AN ACTUAL REAL LIFE PERSON #AND EVEN A LOT OF THOSE WHO AREN'T - ACCIDENTALLY OR INTENTIONALLY - NEGATIVE ABOUT IT #STILL VERY CASUALLY TALK ABOUT ME LIKE IM SOME SUPERIOR FORCE #LIKE IM JUST A GUY ACTUALLY #AND EVEN THOUGH IM ONLY TWENTY I CAN HANDLE IT A LOTTTTTTT BETTER #BUT SOMEONE NEEDS TO DO A STUDY ON THIS SHIT FOR YOUNGER PEOPLE #BC AT SEVENTEEN I REALLY REALLY CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH HOW BAD THAT SHIT WAS FOR ME LMAO #and now i just go crazy overprotective of newer/more unsure writers/artists in fandom #if ur reading this and ive done this to you then my bad <3 #like if we're in the same circle and you get a mean ask/comment/experience then it's truly a matter of time before i descend from the sky #sorry <3 it will happen again <3 #someone ive interacted with maybe one time: i got a mean ask- #me immediately seeing red: do you want me to kill them for you #nothing triggered this post btw it's just something that's on my mind a lot #i feel like a war veteran and im literally a student. ive been in the trenches besties. i have suffered more than jesus i think

[tennessoui]

Just to clarify, I was the one who was all "Wait, people LIKE WIPs??" and I am someone who for my mental health has to be really careful with unfinished stories. It's great for those of you who like them! It's just hard for me to understand in anything but the super abstract. :)

thanks for adding some context to that ask! it was a bit jarring to receive, as someone who continuously works on wips and has strong opinions about their importance to fandom.

i do think that not liking wips or not reading them is a worryingly fast, growing part of fandom which can spell pretty grim things for writers' longevity in fandom and even their longevity writing fic in general. we need to be encouraging and welcoming and reading fics that aren't finished; we need to get invested in fics that only have ~3k works so far; we need to recc wips to other people and cheer the writers on, or we're really not going to see a lot of people writing wips anymore.

#asks #it's also the same with gifmakers and artists #and people have been talking about this issue for a really long time #and i havent said anything other people haven't said before and better #and i did mention in the tags of another ask that i do respect that it's different for people who have mental health boundaries #i very much respect that #i just think it's a stance that is becoming more and more the norm for a lot of people #who just would rather have the instant gratification of the quick binge of a fic #instead of waiting and dithering about #for the author to come back #and i take that a bit personally obviously #but anyway thank you again for coming back with some context for that ask #please know you always can clarify if i read an ask or tone wrong #but i do hope people understand where im coming from with the answer i gave

[iliveinprocrasti-nationn]

trying to get better is so fucking frustrating

#i will do it. because i owe it to myself and i also want to do it partially out of spite. fuck them for thinking that i wouldnt get anywhere #it’s also like. doing this is making me change. realising more of my self worth is making me change. thinking more about my words and #actions is making me change. all of this is making me into a new version of myself. and it’s not a bad version or a worse version but it is #different. the hardest thing is going to be setting boundaries because i have people in my life that need to work through their own stuff #and i know setting boundaries might hurt them but also it needs to be done #ive been talking to my mum a lot and it’s just been nice in a lot of ways. i’m more honest now about some of my boundaries #but i can also talk through things with her that ive realised recently. and holy shit have i realised a lot #it’s a process. it’s frustrating and it sucks but it’s not as and it needs to be done #that last tag was supposed to be ‘it’s not bad’ not ‘it’s not as’. oops

[synthshenanigans]

there’s one on here currently and they’re bringing back up old controversy (jashshipping)

Yeaa I saw that. They also seem to post a bunch of CJ related things, so I might make the daily photos one since there isn't one for just CJ screenshots/photos

#im gonna be a fait bit busy today so I cant make it rn #also wont be making it tomorrow as there's another strike happening then [ill make a post on that later too btw] #but i want there to be an account just of stuff from the vids or of the ones he posts on twitter #as for the shipping thing #i wish ppl wouldn't be so rude with things sometimes man #my stance is basically the same as CJs. interpret it however you'd like just don't show it to ppl who are uncomfortable with it #also don't harass or be a dick to people who do or don't ship it #im glad it died down since then at least & that there's not a bunch of hate going around #this fandom is simultaneously really nice to be in & also really draining sometimes #tho it definitely isn't the worse. ive been in a lot of ones that are a LOT worse than here. big & small #place is actually quite nice mostly. despite some things that deserve needing to be called out [like some of the ableism toward Heart] #I think things would be a lot better if people just let others do their own thing. as long as its not like. fuckin illegal or offense #or against CJs boundaries. just let others vibe out in there own corner #ain't that what we all said when TH purists complain about CJs covers? No ones forcing you to consume the content. is all good #just stay where you're comfortable! if anyone's forcing you to look at their stuff then they're the issue. and that goes both ways #again just listen to what the guy said. don't show it to people that don't like it. don't harass people who do it don't like it. an like #just be groovy #sorry for the rant this has just been on my mind for months now #im generally very neutral on things but i hate everyone just yellin at each other when there doesn't need to be yelling in the first place #again this place is hell of a lot better than other spaces ive been in #its a main reason this is the first fandom I've actively participated a shit ton in #im actually using discord & talking [a bit] to other ppl for once lol #idk man i like it here. Just don't make a reason for people not to like it here #again apologies for the rant op. this has just been on my mind for some time & i really don't want shit being blown up again #also apologize if anythins spelled wrong or sounds like nonsense #shitty keyboard + dyslexia + not being able to edit tags can make dumb results lol #moss rants #[atlas asks]

[inkybinkyboink]

today i rented a guitar.

#i think im worried about going into a bad headspace again this summer because summer is kind of a tricky time for that #i dont like not being at school #i think i always need to be doing something #so i rented a guitar from the music store and im going to attempt to learn over the summer #i was noodling around for like an hour and it sounds so relaxing #ive been “playing” ukulele for a few years now and its a lot trickier than ukulele because there's more strings but knowing how its mapped #out from already knowing how a ukulele works is super helpful #its nice having something to work on for the next little while #but im more excited about the prospect of just having been able to do that #like i walked into the store and went “i wanna rent a guitar” and the dude was like “how old r u” and i went “twenty" #and then i filled out the paperwork and now i just have a guitar #and it only cost like 20 bucks #thats so cool to me #idk i guess they're just little things that remind me that being an adult is scary but it can also be kind of fun? you kind of realize that #when everyone else tells you that you have free will now it doesnt just mean being able to drive whereever you want whenever you want #it means being able to rent things and stuff too #and having the authority to say “i would like to do this” and being totally allowed to do it (within ethical boundaries ofc ofc 😌😌😌) #its like...deeper than the kind of rebelliousness of driving past midnight or getting tattoo or driving to a bar #its a weird sense of control thats oddly reassuring #delete later probably #tig rants

[healingheartdogs]

People who don't know dog body language who have pushy sketchy dogs are so awful to be around. I told our housemates that their dog Klaus doesn't like me when we went out to watch the eclipse earlier today because I didn't want to go in the fenced yard with him out and they were like "oh no he's fine don't worry." When he saw me he charged up to the fence, high flagged tail, snorting and barking and jumping at the fence and they still were like "oh he's friendly, he just wants to smell you, see his tail is wagging". Like my dude... tail wagging does not mean friendly, and what about the noises he's making rn sounds friendly to you?

Selene's sister grabbed him and I thought she was going to take him inside because she acted like she was going to, but instead she stopped halfway and just held him back while I came into the yard and then let him go to run up and sniff me, which he had very stiff body language the entire time he did so. For a while after that he ignored me because of the kids calling him away and was chill, but still kept coming over and sniffing me occasionally and was very tense each time so I just tried to stay calm and sweet talk him and didn't try to touch him to help defuse the situation.

Then I walked a little away from the group to point out a plant in the yard to Selene's mom which was a mistake because once I was out of the little circle we were standing in he started body blocking me, tense face, stiff body, whale eyeing, and then jumping at me and barking. They tried to call him away and were like "oh he's just trying to get you to play, sorry he's so demanding of attention." I started trying to walk toward the gate to leave because he very much was NOT trying to get me to play and I did not feel confident in their ability to control him, and he immediately did it again. And again they tried to call him away. And I got maybe another two steps before he turned right back around and did it again. And they called him away again saying he was just trying to play. Rinse and repeat for a total of like six times of him body blocking me, tense and whale eyeing, and then jumping at me and barking. All while they're just laughing like "Sorry, Klaus just really loves playing". Dudes your dog is actually behaving aggressively toward me right now, please get control over him so I can leave he is NOT TRYING TO PLAY WITH ME.

This is the second time I've been invited into the yard while Klaus was out and the first time they kept telling me the same thing but he was actually following me around growling at me then and they were still like "oh it's just cuz he doesn't know you yet, he'll warm up to you, he's friendly". YOUR DOG IS SKETCHY. I DONT WANT TO INTERACT WITH HIM. HE DOESN'T LIKE ME. PLEASE JUST PUT HIM INSIDE WHEN I'M IN THE YARD WITH Y'ALL. And PLEASE learn some dog body language because nothing about his right now says "friendly" at all!!!!! Not even a little!!!! TAIL WAGGING DOES NOT MEAN FRIENDLY, ESPECIALLY A HIGH FLAGGED TAIL.

#i will not be going back into the yard while he is out #i only did this time because they made it seem like they were going to put him inside #but then didn't #i do not trust that dog #and they are oblivious and just laughing while he is actively menacing me #cant tell them shit about it though because they act like we're criticizing their parenting if we do and get offended #and then be like 'well your dogs are out of control so what do you know' because my dogs bark at strangers #like... okay your dog growls at and menaces strangers???? mine just bark at strangers who talk to them and try to rile them up #and i dont correct them for that because its not worth correcting and also not their fault #your dog is actually dangerous and you dont have control over him #my dogs are not dangerous and when i tell them to be quiet and get inside they do #so who doesnt have control huh???? #theyre just mad because theyre the strangers my dogs bark at sometimes and since i dont like how they interact with my dogs i allow it #because they are rude as fuck and do not respect my dogs' boundaries at all #and think that dogs shouldnt be allowed to have boundaries because they should be 'kid safe“ which really means shut down from punishment #thats how they are with klaus which is a big part of why i dont trust him too #because they have created a dog who gets punished for setting boundaries so that the kids can 'safely' climb all over him and annoy him #and to me that is a recipe for a dog that doesnt give a lot of warning before becoming aggressive because hes been punished for it #i do not trust dogs who have been punished for having boundaries #and i dont trust their owners either #also them doing that means their kids think they can do whatever they want to dogs and interact very rudely with them #so i dont let their kids interact with my dogs at all now because even with me constantly correcting them they ignore me and are rude #and that definitely is something theyre also salty about because their kids want to play with my dogs #and they also want my dogs to play with Klaus and there is mo way in hell I'd allow that which they also dont like #hes an intact bully who they have admitted can be 'really fiesty' with other dogs #and Hermes is an intact male who seems to have a 'kick me“ sign on him for other dogs and i just wont risk it #and it drives them crazy that i dont trust their strange dog not to be aggressive to my dogs and wont let them all be 'friends' #DOGS DONT NEED TO BE FRIENDS WITH STRANGE DOGS THEY DONT KNOW OR LIVE WITH #I hate ignorant pet owners that make their ignorance my problem #rant

[grox-empire]

Hey reminder to people!! Please don't just... Randomly try to be my friend. I have severe social issues and this is very, very uncomfortable for me.

#I can't believe I have to say this but someone decided to be fucking weird on my deviantart #and this has happened in the past #If you want to try to be my friend please please don't force it #I'm really not good at making friends and I don't like it when people just go up to me and ask without me knowing them prior #A lot of people have been overstepping my boundaries lately and I think it's about time I say something about it

[scattered-winter]

horrifying self recognition through the other aside this has been an actually not terrible start to The Family Gathering tbh

#my cousin who i havent really seen in a while came up to me and asked abt my pronouns because i came out to the fam a while ago #and he didnt really remember what id said (which. fair. its a big family w lots of things to remember) #and so he asked what my pronouns were and i told him and he promised that if he ever messed up i needed to make him #do like 5 or 10 pushups lmao #and ngl. its the sweetest thing anyone in this family has ever said to me abt that #everyone else has kinda just. moved on. and either forgotten that im not a girl or purposefully ignoring it. #and idk maybe i should stand up for myself a little more but ive been practically a doormat all my life #and idk. its hard using my voice and establishing boundaries when ive let ppl bulldoze over me for almost 20 years. #sigh. anyway. #im gonna be thinking about that all day tbh it was genuinely so sweet #and i am also being consumed by The Loneliness again <3 #just. i want someone to just talk to about all this??? someone who isnt in my family because they all have stakes in it too????? #we're all grieving. i aint special. #i just want to talk to someone about it in person so they can hold my hand while i cry myself to sleep because ngl #thats what it looks like we're doing tonight #im just. tired of feeling alone in this enormous family where it seems like im the only odd man out #and also ykw the Not Having Any Irl Friends loneliness too. thats also pretty significant. #not saying my internet friends arent great i love yall so so so much but it has just been . #a really really long time since ive had a good cry n hug session w someone. #sigh. im tired i need to go to bed #winter speaks #personal

[no1ryomafan]

Another very specific tangent but I had another very specific realization.

For awhile I was so indecisive on whether or not I’m a “mecha” fan because there’s so many shows I haven’t watched, or just the fact I have a preference for sentient robots even if mecha has a handful of those, but I think I finally come to a conclusion: I *am* a mecha fan because I enjoy the genres history and do want to watch a lot of shows even if they don’t fall under my personal robot preference, since I’m okay with a robot being used to metaphorically represent the pilot as robots or the robot can be characterized through fights even if it’s not in universe sentient- But I still don’t like to be called a “mecha fan” because people will assume “oh you watched this/these shows, your bound to like this one!” Because I am not a fan of having recommendations shoved in my face.

This is a general issue in a lot of fandoms-or quiet honestly, just a people issue lol-so I don’t put the blame on mecha fans specifically, but I noticed this mentality a lot which has turned me off from wanting to watch certain shows. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being passionate about liking a show and encouraging others to watch it, but the issue I tend to see a lot of the time is people just say a show is good without specifying *why*. Not every person will eagerly get into something unless they really have no preferences and will try everything, but if your going to recommend something make sure you *know* why someone likes something and than rec it if you think it’s similar enough.

But even then, I’m not really huge on “oh this show inspired this other show so you HAVE to watch it” because it’s taking away the identities of both individual properties. I see this happen a lot with getter and gurren, the latter becoming a huge turn off for me next to a few other minor factors. I’m sure the show is great, but I don’t like a factor of it’s identity is tied to getter because of its influence when visually it already seems like a different show from Getter. Just because something took a lot of inspiration from something doesn’t mean it’s a carbon copy, so someone is not bound to like one or the other even if they share similar elements because to one person one show might’ve just did it better than the other. (And I have seen this happened with the gurren and getter debate funnily enough, but I also say this from having personal experience with this happening with something else recently)

I also don’t like how with this mindset your assumed you like a show when you actually don’t. I can’t even get into the specifies with this one because I always fear of judgement of which mecha I couldn’t click with given its positive reputation but if the point above wasn’t clear: just because all mecha shows share at least the element of robots fighting and some were direct influences, does NOT mean someone is bound to like or wanna watch every single one. I personally have a lot of mecha I still want to watch but I’m keeping my taste to very specific choices. Mecha as a whole is a niche group as is, but if I can’t find individual communities within mecha I’m less likely to want to try a show. That doesn’t mean I can’t like a show that doesn’t have a fandom-I arguably pioneer the getter fandom in the last two years-but do I really wanna watch a random obscure 70s mecha that only one country remembered and will probably not get a new show if it didn’t get one during the mecha 2000s boom? Not really.

Also I’m just- at a point where I need to watch more 20+ ep anime as is so my ass is NOT gonna be able to stomach larger mecha’s which is why gundam and braves been out of my radar, even if the latter I would probably like a lot. I’m honestly so spoiled with fast pacing that I need to mentally prepare myself for slow burns since I understand some stories need to actually take their time and draw things out because there’s a lot they need to cover-though a lot of the time with longer anime it’s just a product of filler… albeit it’s not the case with mecha given how I don’t think there’s a single accurate manga to anime adaptation besides ig getter arc but more so specific longer mecha’s are episodic-but at the point I am I cannot do that so that limits my options.

But a tldr since I know a lot of people aren’t gonna read this: please do not recommend me mecha unless I ask or your someone I consider a close moot/friend. While I care a lot about the genres history so I want to be as knowledgeable as I can and I plan to watch a lot more shows for potentially years to come, I personally like choosing what to watch since I know more than anyone what I like. Much appreciated.

#meg text #mecha rambles #FYI this is not calling out anyone specifically even if I’ve had this happened with people I talked to #this has just been on my mind and wanted to finally speak about this even if only I was thinking about it #I overthink everything so that’s the real reason I was in denial until I realize “big robots doing things makes my brain go YIPPIE” #regardless if that robot is piloted by 3 idiots or a normal ass man or has any form of sentience #also I didn't wanna say this in the post because I again don’t mean to call anyone out but I need to say one thing here: #do not drag me into the real v super bullshit. Please #I’m aware I *do* need to watch a real robot show and there are some that do look interesting #but don’t fucking be weird to me for not doing it sooner because some people have #I wouldn’t feel so insecure about a lot of this stuff if people didn’t treat watching specific shows as life or death #I’ll refrain from making any further judgment though because AGAIN I’m not trying to be hostile #just setting my boundaries because this is something I don’t do enough as is