#because why not destroy myself

[devine-fem]

if i could speak to the child me, i’d tell them they’re the strongest person i know

#i justtttt #went through a lot of shit #and just i thrived. i don’t know why or how but i did #so much hurt but i survived #like i turned that pain and turned it into power #im so proud of myself #the things ive been through would had destroyed anyone else had they been in my shoes #but not me. i didn’t allow it. #the only reason some people hurt me is because they know i can take it. that i’m stronger. and i am strong. thats why they hurt #me #they think im a threat. #which is fine. because they never were. not to me. #. #i think i’m going to be alright. #i’m just so proud of myself. #vent? not really

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#i'm done i'm so fucking tired #i want to burn the internet to the ground #i want to destroy my computer chuck my phone into a river and go live in the middle of nowhere #no wifi no 4g no nothing #i want to die because we cannot fucking escape this shit #meta using my art to train ai and refusing my request to stop #my computer not being able to run glaze or nightshade or any of those ai poisoning thingies #spam emails and text messages and whatsapp messages and bots in the comments #and just EVERYTHING TRYING TO SELL ME THINGS WHILE ALSO STEALING WHAT'S ALREADY MINE #i hate it i hate it i can't fucking stand it anymore #and you'll be like ''then why don't you go offline then... nobody's making you have an instagram account'' #and you'd be right... if it weren't for the fact that i chose the one fucking career that DEMANDS online presence #i already struggle to find work as an illustrator WITH social media and POSTING MY ART ONLINE #how the fuck would I do it if people don't see my art?! #and sure people have illustrated books way before the internet existed... sure... BUT IT DOESN'T WORK LIKE THAT ANYMORE #i'm so fucking angry and tired and frustrated that there's no way out of this #the internet is becoming unusable yet life demands it #my only option right now it to fuck myself and my beliefs and let companies steal my hardwork for the benefit of..? #having no notes in my posts except for the bots commenting ''see 👀my hole 🍑 daddy 💦 kitten 😻 ready 4 u 🤤 subscribe🔥 pay 💲 me'' #i'm sick of this #i don't want to delete everything i ever posted online because A. at this point that's useless and B. again. how the fuck would i get work? #also even then... emailing my clients their finished illustrations goes through google drive or gmail... #do we think google is nice and doesn't steal images to train generative AI? #''talk to your representatives they need to make laws about this'' my fucking president is currently chumming it up with elon fucking musk #while people here are starving to death #we're literally going to freeze this winter because the genius goverment has fucked up our gas supply and that's used not only for heating #but for ELECTRICITY PRODUCTION #so we won't have a wat to heat our houses cook or even fucking SEE AT NIGHT #and you want me to ask them to make copyright laws?! #i want to die

[xhanisai]

god, one of the main things i hate the most is when archives and books that are filled with knowledge and documents regarding the history of the countries are destroyed by shitty ass monsters with way too many weapons for their own good therefore erasing what's happened in the past!!!!!

#free palestine #free gaza #israel is a terrorist state #israel is a genocidal state #israel is an apartheid state #often i always think to myself #how much history and knowledge are we lacking because of archives being destroyed??? #like imagine how much MORE we would know now if they were looked aftered #!???? #and it hits me hard too because my ancestors dealt with genocide too #and it's why we know so little about my family ig

[koschei-the-ginger]

I knew I was gonna regret this but I was curious what was David Duchovny doing between his phd and the x files 😞. He was busy creating the term manwhore

Working Girl (1988) - five second cameo right in the first 10 minuts of the movie, thank you for saving me 2 hours of my life <3

Ney Year's Day (1989) - first speaking role and he's already playing a guy obsessed with sex and screwing anything that moves, I'm out of words. Miloš Forman is there, somehow.

Bad Influences (1990) - 3s background character thank you for saving me 2 hours of my life <3

Denial (1990) - he came, wore a cowboy hat, rolled around in the mud for 10 seconds, and left.

Julia has Two Lovers (1990) - David Duchovny manwhored long before that term even existed. That's literally the plot.

Don't Tell Mom the Babysitter's dead (1991) - they don't make homophobic gays like this anymore

The Rapture (1991) - david plays a very excited swinger turned christian turned dead meat. there's not a single actor in the world that's worth watching a christian movie for. Not even if they give him a mullet wig.

Ruby 1992 - another very important role, a cop receiving lap dance, is this type casting or is he picking these roles intentionally? I have so many questions

Baby Snatcher (1992) - yes kitten, I will leave my wife and kids to marry you and be with your kids. I'll never do the same to you, I suppose <3

Chaplin (1992) - literally the first movie where he isn't the sex-obsessed freak, this time it was RDJ's job

Beethoven (1992) - get tied to a chair by a dog and dragged through the street, idiot

Red Shoe Diaries (1992) - I'm gonna ignore all the soft porn and just remember this extremely homoerotic basketball sequence

Kalifornia (1993) - it's not good but it deserves a reboot with the main protagonist being a 2020s true crime podcaster

#david duchovny #my own #yes i did it again sadly #but this marathon gave me the answer to the question id been asking myself for months - why tf does his face and face seem so familiar to m #its because when I was six Id watch beethoven religiously until my brother threatened to destroy the tape. #and he was in it and you know his name is impossible to overlook and difficult to forget

[kanonavi]

I am once again tagged by @radellama, thanks a bunch!

~

Last Song: Song of the Ancients / Fate, by Keiichi Okabe

Currently Watching: Still Trigun (1998), I am unfortunately too busy to watch much else (Though I do sometimes think about how much I want to rewatch TGCF season 2....)

Three Ships: Xiao/Venti, Feng Xin/Mu Qing, Minamoto Kou/Mitsuba Sousuke

Favorite Color: Still cobalt!

Currently Consuming: Nothing at the moment, last thing was some chai tea. Now I'm thinking about grilled cheese again tho...

First Ship: Leo/Takumi from Fire Emblem: Fates

Relationship Status: Unfortunately, no

Last Movie: I genuinely don't remember... It was either Spirited Away or a combined Megamind/How to Train Your Dragon movie night

Currently Working On: A lot of my current angst is actually over the fact that I'm too deep in the schoolwork trenches to actually work on any of my own personal creative projects. But, my other project besides the Genshin Poetry Gala fic that I've been working on for months now is a TGCF essay about how the main couple are representative of the story's main themes. They make my brain explode <3

~

Tagging: @hollyisanonymous, @rubberbandballqueen, @tempests-bards-and-birds, @sl33pyr3v3ri3, @stardustdiiving, @h4msanta

#tag game #I think I'm gonna just let tag game be its own tag now lol #I haven't actually been listening to much music for the past two days #I've been on more of a talking audio kick if anything at all #As for the ships aside from the obvious I ended up putting feng//qing because I cannot see myself writing hua//lian fic #Cuz the books have everything I need from them lmao #But for those two bozos? There's a reason why my roommate and I have spent hours talking about all the stupid gay shenanigans they could ha #And kou//tsuba is just because I caught up on js//hk recently and they are still destroying my heart (sob) #I can't wait until school is done so I can get back to being creative #That's what will fix me I'm not even joking lmaooo #Thanks for the tag these are always fun!! (even though it was a little similar to the last one with some of the prompts lolol)

[crescentfool]

i have become the very thing i sought to destroy

#splatoon #splatoon 3 #inkling #splatoon oc #lizzy does art #I STILL DO NOT KNOW HOW TO TAG SPLATOON STUFF... and this guy still doesn't have a name it evades me. #anyways. before you chuck tomatoes at me for picking up the community 'favorite' (sarcasm) weapon. im going to try 'redeem' myself #aka this is my. my origin story. of my. villain arc? yeah. let's call it that #so fresh season introduced neo splash and i was like. 'ok i'll try it' since i wanted to try most of the weapons #and unfortunately. i fell in love with the fucker. so then i was like 'WELL WHAT ABOUT THE REGULAR KIT' #it was simple curiosity. the curiosity of a single squid. that destroyed the universe. and created a new one. #i wouldn't call this thing my main because i've yet to dive back into rank but Ough. i am understanding why the splash crab factory exists #also the fast fire rate of the splash has made it hard for me to go back to ttek.... ttek my beloved im so sorry... 😭 #ANYWAY THATS MY MONTHLY SPLATOON MEME... i want to draw more squid kids in proper sometime but idk when LOL

[nightfallsonmanhattan96]

after watching barbie 2023 i think i had a realization about the term 'fascist barbie' in the 2018 brazil elections for middle class women who voted for bolsonaro. it really can't be anything but that (for me)

#i did have one barbie doll growing up #but i preferred other toys than her because she was too 'perfect' for my destroying-hunger child taste #when i was a kid my favourite way of playing was breaking shit and overthrowing the status-quo (haha) #but rly. i remember my typical imagination was always putting my toys on some sort of post-apocalyptic world #thinking back on it of course i didn't fucking like the barbie movie #why did i even kid myself #layna struggles #barbie

[anne-bsd-bibliophile]

I’ve realized that it’s hard to change after being told it was selfish and wrong for me to talk for most of my life. I don’t even consider telling anyone most of what I think, and I don’t even know where to begin bringing up a topic of conversation. I always let other people do most of the talking in social settings or it’s a work related conversation. Even here on Tumblr, I mostly just post quotes from books I like or reblog stuff. I don’t know if I even have the words to express myself and I have to borrow what other people have said. It feels really awkward because I really have no idea what to say and I don’t have any confidence that anyone would want to hear my thoughts or opinions. Now that my father is dead and he’s not going to punish me for talking I still have a long way to go before I will be able to express myself the way I want to. Even if I want to open up, I can’t think of how to do that and I’m scared that I will just be annoying and awkward the whole time.

#coping with narcissistic abuse #I wasn't allowed to exist as myself #so my father tried to kill who I was and make me into what he wanted me to be #which was just something to make him look good and allow him to live vicariously through me #and when that didn't work I became the scapegoat #everything was suddenly my fault and I was the selfish daughter who was destroying the family #all because I wanted to enjoy Shakespeare plays and be an honors student instead of being a cheerleader and a social butterfly #I would always ask my mom and my counselor what I did wrong to make me a target #and they kept saying I did nothing wrong #none of it made sense until I learned more about Narcissistic Personality Disorder #when I learned that they hijack your super ego and brainwash you it made more sense #me being myself and not letting him control every aspect of myself was what I did /wrong/ in his mind #and that was reason enough for him to make my life a living hell #and that is also why no matter what I did I could never earn my father's love #nothing could have made him love me for who I am

[kheprriverse]

Ganon wip...

Went a little too crazy on this next mini comic and I've gotta take a break for it. So here's a wip! Just to show I'm doing smth before I disappear for an unknown amount of time.

I've got the whole page done, especially in a style/layout I'm not really used to. And I plan to maybe make one more page? Hopefully? It'll finish off this little mini-story/introduction so I should finish it.

#wip #carpal tunnel is a bitch and I’ve been pushing myself too hard lately #EPSECIALLY with this wip and you’ll see why whenever it goes up #because good lord did it just destroy my hands #Kheprriart

[dazais-guardian-angel]

went to my first con in 4 years on Friday to meet Kaiji Tang and got a Dazai autograph + video recording of him reading to me. He was the sweetest person (as I knew he would be) and interacting with him was lovely, but also at the same time oh boy it sure was an extremely stressful, ugly wake-up call of what it feels like to live in a world now where everyone around you has blissfully moved on from covid and can enjoy things normally and happily, while you'll forever be trapped in a hellscape of perpetual fear 🫠🫠🫠

#like. to be clear this was the first time i've been literally anywhere but doctor's appointments in 4 years #not just because of the pandemic but because of mental and physical exhaustion #so it was a Big Mistake to go from 0 to 100 and not ease myself into it at all #but at the same time........ it was a fucking hellscape of people. i don't think any kind of buildup could have prepared me for it at all. #it was so much less crowded in 2020 (ironically the very last place i ever went; literally on the BRINK of covid) #and now idk what it's become. a monster con. it was unbelievable. #but i was only there for less than an hour but i was so so so terrified that i very nearly left before even seeing him #i couldn't even fully enjoy meeting him as kind as he was because i was so anxious and distracted #and when i got back to the car i just fucking cried......... #the last five days i've just been sitting in fear waiting to feel Any sort of symptoms #i wore two masks and again was barely there for long but Still #and everyone around me was so chill as if everything was normal and No One was wearing a mask :))))) it's not fucking fair man :))))) #insert the 'they don't know' meme; they don't know how much covid can destroy your body even if you get a 'mild' case #i would never want to be that ignorant even if i wasn't disabled and didn't have reason to worry (but everyone has reason to worry!!!) #but also. ignorance is bliss and it just really fucking sucks man. #it really fucking sucks. why do they get to be happy and enjoying life and not /me?/ #why can't i do just ONE thing for myself without having it tainted by anxiety and fear that i'm going to die horribly??? #while they get to do fucking EVERYTHING??? #if they all just wore masks we could all enjoy ourselves much more comfortably than some of us are now #but no that's too much to ask from people 🙃🙃🙃 #shit sucks man. the world sucks. something that should be a happy memory for me was simultaneously the most awful experience #and i don't know how to feel about it now that it's over #he knew that i was afraid and at the end he told me that he hoped to see me again at another event someday #and that made me cry because it felt like dazai telling me to live. and i want to. but i don't know how to when the world is like this now. #i desperately want to be able to see him again someday but right now after how terrifying that was i never want to go to a con ever again.. #i wanted to ask him things about the manga and about dazai but i was being rushed and stressed so i couldn't ugh #(and doing that is hard enough anyway cause disability and i have to talk with my phone bahhhh) #at least i was able to give him my note *sigh*

[just-slightly-chayotic]

how am i meant to write an essay when all i have in my head are today's pictures of jeff, the video of jeff kissing a kitten and kimchay

#kimchay as a whole and also a couple of fics i read yesterday #OH FUCK NOT THIS SONG #WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF #i need to stop putting my kimchay songs in my other playlists because they destroy me #also this is entirely too many essays to be writing #i don't want to do this #please #oh and also someone should put me in no jeff jail if i continue writing my essays in english and translating them to spanish #because TWO of my exams are essays this semester and i will die if i don't practice actually writing in spanish #i do NOT have the time to translate in an exam hall #why must i do uni when i just want to think about kimchay and jeff satur #*sigh* #tea's ramblings

[monards]

everytime i think about that one idea of alice being an elysia i am so inflicted. I shot in the brain except it's genuinely sucha conflicting sort of shot that i dont know whether or not its good or bad what is foing on THIS is why idont go near the expy wars

#reasons crepe lets the dedicated hi3 fans (lee ninglans) talk about the hi3 expys instead of herself. reason 1 #LMAO #i understand the lore esp after actually playing and interacting with the fandom #im jst not sane enough to make connections because it'd literallybe like one of the red string boards #i thinkk it'd be sweet; considering most the things we know about alice so far #but i do want alice to be independent #plusy her being an elysia expy sort of destroys elysia's existence. last i check #i think #i will have soo many thoughts on alice if she is. but i sort of doubt it. once again. LMAO #THIS IS WHY I DONT TALK!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #all expy argument you willever hear me make is that rhinedottir is NOT an eden expy. #dont.. pelase hoyo ill shoot myself./.

[lochlot-moved]

i got bored so I doodled my siblings yuck

#couldn’t go to bed because I destroyed myself via lactose so this was all I had to keep me up #ibis paint #my iPad is refusing to charge… sweats #digital art #siblings #who the fuck is in the siblings tag #fanart #lol funny #i hate watch these guys #atrocious people #sketch #digital sketch #doodle #sketches #portrait sketches #why am I even tagging this #hi Alex I bet ur the only one who’s gonna see this on here #sorry I haven’t opened ur messages yet I was shitting my brains out and now I’m too tired to give a decent voice message #muchch love

[unchartedthelostlegacy]

Tchia cured me

None of you will EVER understand

the trailer doesn’t do its amazingness justice just play it. Play Tchia I am chewing the pipes beneath your home

#tchia #i will stop chewing the pipes if you play Tchia #video games #indie games #why am i proclaiming myself cured if i'm still chewing your pipes? because i'm doing it in a self-care way now <3 #some people destroy infrastructure to COPE #lgbt gaming #lgbt representation #ps4 #ps5 #new caledonia #pacific islands

[space-pirate-alex]

I want to move out of this fucking country

#if shit gots the fan next year how the fuck can I afford to travel all the way to Canada?? #I’m fucking terrified of what could happen next year #I don’t wa t to live in a countering to be a Chr*st*an dictatorship destroying all our rights #I live in ca and I literally arm myself every day I leave the house because assholes STILL exists even in the good states and I’m afraid of #being attacked by these people #seeing assholes on the corner with vote for t**** signs in CA OF ALL PLACES #reasons WHY I still don’t feel safe

[branmer]

really wish people on twitter would understand that having depression or anxiety doesn't make you an expert on psychosis or paranoid delusions if you have experienced neither

#no i have not experienced it myself either #but a close friend of my mum suffers from paranoid delusions because of her bipolar #so i have seen what it does to people and what it can make them do #i think people have uwu'd them into believing mental illness is just quirky #but in its severe forms it can utterly destroy lives if left untreated #it nearly destroyed my mum's friend #people lose themselves to their mental illness #why the fuck do you think the phrase 'losing your mind' exists #tw mental illness #and no im not defending kw #but the discourse around this whole thing is full of people being like #'i have depression and it would never make me /lists common symptoms of psychosis and paranoid delusions/' #and idk i think the depression and anxiety and adhd havers should sit this one out maybe