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#because hopefully then it'll mean I've hurt everyone who could Ever care for me
3knecrotic · 11 months
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I. Am so. Fucking. Conflicted.
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shyrose57 · 3 years
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2: I will figure it out eventually and that's a promise.
3: Watson is aboustely heart broken and near tears multiple times as well hearing Ran in so much distress and actually crying. Jackie does cry, he attempts multiple times to hug Ran and make it known he's there to comfort him, but it only works sometimes, and when it doesn't work Ran gets scared and tries to get away believing an attacker has gotten him. Grievous is almost like silently grieving, knowing he can't do anything to help his close friend. Cletus feels bad, and since he isnt too good with emotions, focuses on instead attempting to cheer everyone else up. Isaac and Benjamin feel awful as they feel at fault for letting it happen, so to hopefully help they make plans on how to make Ran as comfortable and safe as can be while also getting him to a nearby town they heard about to hopefully reverse it. Charles is doing his damn best to comfort Ran while also distracting him from his own thoughts, which mostly means Charles (and Watson) play the role of story teller for a while. Ranbob is the hardest hit by it, he's suffering so much because he so badly just wants to go over and hug his little brother and comfort him, tell him that it'll all be ok and that Bobby would protect him. But also knows he can't because he knows that would most likely do nothing but make it worse. For a while he spends his time blocking his ears and wrapped in a comfort blanket trying to comfort himself, as everyone else tend to his suffering brother. One thing that makes it harder is that Ran begins to purr to himself in a vain attempt to comfort himself (cause I personally like to think Enderman hybrids are like cats and purr like them, when their happy, content, comfortable, but also to soothe themselves and heal wounds), when Ranbob knows Ran's never purred, so knowing he's so desperate to try it now hurts him. 
You will get some comfort, like Watson manages to convince Ranbob to at least hug Ran, and Ranbob manages to purr alongside Ran a bit, which does actually help to calm Ran down. Ran getting wrapped up with the fluffiest blanket they have and always having Watson, Jackie, or Grievous by his side. With Jackie tending to hold his hand. 
4: All of the above. Sudden touch can be overwhelming to Ranbob at times, especially when he's not doing well mentally. Also while in this state, touch reminds him of the desperate grabbing and touching of the people he killed that tried to escape or fend him off. And Dream was able to hurt Ranbob by starving and dehydrating him of course, but when Ranbob was being particularly disobedient and tried to fight back Dream would often take control and cut or stab Ranbob then gave back control as punishment. 
10: It does get better! Idk if I already said but Kelalen is actually where they get the antidote for Rans blindness potion! And when their given it for free and it works, they become very grateful to Adler and Lucia (the one who actually convinced Adler to give them the potion in the first place cause it was the only one left). And a few days after they arrive they actually decide to explore the town, where they meet Siren and get more information on Dream and who he was, they also get their weapons and armor repaired by them. But while talking with Siren, Cletus and Grievous sneak off and run into Atlas, then Cletus and Grievous agree to help Atlas with his prank. But by the end of their second week in Kelalen the group starts to truly enjoy their stay, Ranbob often saying how it kind of reminds him of Mizu before everything happened. 
12: Thats funny though and is exactly how I'd want to be seen.
13: *CLAPS HANDS* OH BOY DO I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU. I RECENTLY TOLD MY FRIEND ABOUT RANBOB SEEING HIS DEAD FRIENDS AND FAMILY BUT FAILED TO TELL THEM IT WASNT ACTUALLY PART OF THE STORY. SO THEY TOOK IT LITTERALY AND THEY HAVE GIVEN ME IDEAS, WHILE ALSO HELPING ME REALIZE THAT THIS COULD ACTUALLY BE USED TO SET UP FOR RANBOB MOVING PAST HIS TRAUMAS AND CAN LEAD TO MORE FLUFF AND ANGST. SO NOW IT IS PART OF THE STORY, WITH CHANGES THAT IT HAPPENED DURING A DREAM AND HE DIDNT BELIEVE IT AND CONSIDERED IT A CRUEL JOKE BY FATE ITSELF AT FIRST. AND YES BY AT FIRST I MEAN THIS HAPPENS MANY MORE TIMES.
Also my friend has a message for you, "HahA THEY BETTER THANK ME I SET THEM UP FOR MORE MISERY 😈😈 /j" (I wanna be safe so if you don't know /j means that their joking)
14: Im not doing Foolish and Dream brothers because I personally don't like/get it. But I was thinking maybe they meet Foolish after Mripat tells them that there was a member of the SMP who was said to be a god and immortal. And after some long conversations they decide to go hunt for this apparently immortal god. Which takes a while since no one actually knows where he is, just that he likes deserts, and have to go off possible sightings or hints in history books. And when they finally meet him they manage to learn about totems (which they previously didn't know about) and even get some. They also learn that infact even during the SMP time no one quite knew what Dream was, and learns the ways the SMP tried to permanently get rid of him. Foolish is also devastated to know that Dream infact survived and becomes determined to help them. Even offering his help that if they ever go back to Mizu to face Dream, he'll come along and help in anyway he can. 
15: I like to imagine Edward remembers Ranboo as the young troubled enderman that he basically adopted and took care of. So Edward sees Ranboo in both Ran and Ranbob, so he offers his help and advice. Basically becoming their Grandad, telling stories about everything he's seen. Especially about Ranboo because Ranbob is so curious about his ancestor he just cant help but ask. One convo I've been particularly thinking about goes something like, "Edward: Older one, what do you think your brother thinks about you? Ranbob: I..I think he doesnt like me, and that he wants me gone. Edward: Hmm, your wrong. Ranbob: What? Edward: When I look at Ran, I see a child, not an adult yet, scarred, scared and traumatized. A child that wishes you two were closer, that he could forgive you and wants to believe you, just so you two could be family again. But is afraid too, for he already has a family, that he is terrified of losing, and is scared if he attempts to trust you again that they may leave him. But make no mistake, your brother wants to make amends, your brother cares about you and wants you happy. He knows deep down that he can trust you, and that you are innocent, but you all must help him acknowledge those parts, and stand by him, helping him walk when needed, as he traverses his own nightmares." AKA I really want Edward to be the reason Ranbob realizes that Ran does want to be family again but needs help. Cause if I had to describe the brothers current positions with their trauma it'll be, Ranbob-Knows he has trauma and is trying to get better and live with it, willingly getting help. Ran-Is fucking drowning in trauma cause he refuses to acknowledge he has it and hides it well most of the time, also doesn't ask for help. 
2: I fear the day.
3: Hahaha, ow, ow, ow. That, overall, is...heartbreaking. At the same time though, it’s sweet to see everyone pitching in to do their best and help him. We got it with Ranbob, now we get it with Ran.
I am curious, though. From what you’ve said, Blindness potions don’t wear off immediately? Why’s that?
4: *Chants* Please punch Dream. Please punch Dream. Please punch Dream. How do the fishermen deal with this, and help Ranbob?
10: Oh, god, Ran’s blind when they arrive in town. That’s definitely a high tension situation. Not only have you got him out of commission, but everyone else high strung from it, and probably having their protective instincts in overdrive when they randomly get treated hostilely. What exactly does an antidote for blindness consist of? Do most potions have antidotes, or counters? Is milk no longer used, or is that not a thing in the AU? It does sound nice that they all end up making friends later on though. How does Ran adjust to having his sight back? And, y’know, having everyone see him like that, and his brother comfort him(if they aren’t on good terms at this point, the timeline’s confusing me a bit)
12: Throughout this conversation, every time I read something sad, the image struck me, and honestly, it’s what you deserve. If these keeps up, I’m gonna start inserting these little 🏹s every time you hurt my heart. 
13: I’m being conspired against. Does everyone see this? Brothers Anon and their friend are conspiring to break my heart. Such gremlins. What did I ever do to you two?
Also, you can tell your friend that from this point on, I will closely associate them with a tiny, purple, cackling imp. 
14: Huh. Why do they want to find Foolish? Curiosity? To learn more about the Smp? About Dream? Sounds like it has a lot of potential to be quite the interesting encounter. And, since they didn’t previously know about the totems, they probably wouldn’t notice if one activated in a certain situation where it’s popped...do with that what you will.
15: Anon, I love all of this. Tell me more about Grandpa Edward. Does he fondly look back to Ranboo being polite and quiet while Ranbob and Ran cause havoc in the background? Does he bake them snacks and tell them about Ranboo’s adventures, and how much he loved to mine-which, in hindsight, is kind of funny, considering you just mentioned that so few people follow Skeppy because of the mining, but apparently their ancestor did that thing for fun.
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rixxy8173571m3w1p3 · 4 years
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Good To You
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After a week of reading nothing but other people's fics, I've been here dying to write my own. I used a writing prompt on the @witterprompts blog. It's a great place for writing prompts. Hopefully you guys will enjoy.
In this fic the reader questions Ricks goodness.
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You offered to help him remove the slime which stuck to his hair and clothes, but he insisted that due to its chemical composition, you were likely to get electrocuted if you attempted to remove it by normal means. Today, Rick had become the victim to another one of the guard Rick's pranks, and instead of reporting it to his supervisors, he put up with it believing that it'll resolve itself. You, on the other hand, didn't believe it. “Rick, how are you still so reasonable towards people after they’ve been so… awful to you?”
"Why do y-you ask?"
"I'm asking because it hurts me to see this happen to you."
Going through a cardboard box, Rick pulled out a jar that appeared to have jelly but was, in fact, a neutral slime that would allow him to rinse off the original substance with a garden hose. Once the majority of the awful stuff drained away to the sewer drains, it was safe enough for you to assist him in drying off his hair, even if you did receive a few static shocks in the process. "I-It doesn't make me happy either," he started; sighing as he took a good look at his stained shoes. "but if I got upset every time s-something went wrong, I'd cause more harm t-t-to myself then they'd ever would."
Replacing the drenched towel with a new one, you handed it to him so you could assist him in removing his labcoat; it was going to take a lot more than OxiClean to get the burn marks out. "How so?"
"It wouldn't be conducive to getting my job done, and I - it would be going against everything I've worked my whole life t-t-to become; someone my mother would've been proud of."
"Was she proud of your peaceful nature?"
Dropping the towel he had used to dry off his face and arms, he shifted his body so that he could grab your hand and give it a good squeeze. "She um - she was glad I-I was nothing like my father. He…he wasn't always a-a good man."
Wrapping your arms around him, you didn't care if your clothes would be ruined by the mix of chemicals, slime, or residual electrical charge, but instead caressed the back of his head, cooing warmly. "I see. I'm sorry if I asked too much again. It seems I have a propensity to do so."
"It's okay. I-I wouldn't have told you if I didn't think you should know." he answered solemnly.
"I'm glad you're a good man Ricky. A really good man."
You felt him go rigid at that moment. You wondered if what you said had offended him in some way, but you decided to wait; he'd tell you at some point what was bothering him. It would be a few minutes before he pulled back and considered you with a guilt-stricken look. "How do y-you know?"
"How do I know? You mean, if you're a good man?"
"Mhm."
"Well, that's the thing, I don't know if what I'm about to say will make any sense, but I'll try. When it comes to you, I only know what I know. You…you have always been considerate, kind, and sincere. I doubt there's anyone who could say otherwise. Where others would consider your principles as a weakness or curse, I consider virtues and gifts in love. And while it happens that a good man doesn't always do good things," you paused, cupping his cheek to know you hadn't forgotten him. "it's all about the heart and intent behind his actions that act as a judge of character. To me, it doesn't matter who you prove to be at the end, but you have always been good to me and a person who tries and sees good in others even when everyone else is ready to persecute without cause. I think that's enough for me."
He smiled weakly at you then, soon giving way to tears as anxiety and stress eased away little by little and were replaced with relief as he gripped on to the soft fabric of your blouse. "Gosh, if anyone is good, then it's you. Y-y-your such a good person." he sniffled. "S-so good."
You would've said otherwise, but it wouldn't have improved the situation. So, you kept silent.
_________
"Whenever you're ready," you softened. "I'll run a bath for you so you can relax. Just let me know when."
"O-okay."
"Also, I couldn't do anything about your shoes. I think we're just going to have to get you some new ones."
"In the meantime, I guess I'll have t-to use my old pair."
"If you're referring to the ones I glued back together, then you'll be sure to find them in the blue shoebox in the back of the closet."
By now Rick was much calmer and had gotten most, if not all the stains out of his clothes and was waiting for them to dry while you brushed the dried bits of slime out of his hair. "Y-you won't leave, will you?" he asked. "I know it's getting late but I-"
"No," you interrupted. "I'll be in the house if you need me. When you're all nice and clean and have changed into your pajamas, I'll have a cup of tea ready for you."
"Gosh, y-you don't have t-to do all that. I just hoped you might consider staying long enough for dinner. I have your favorite casserole in the oven."
You couldn't believe how he could afford to be this sweet despite all the trouble he had gone through this week, let alone today, but you were determined to make sure that the rest of the day wasn't going to disappoint him. "I'd love to have dinner with you. I bet it's going to be wonderful."
"If you're tired, then it's okay if you'd rather go home. I've kept you long enough as it - as it is. I'm sorry if I've been selfish today."
Leaning down, you pressed a kiss to his cheek. It surprised both of you when you received a static shock, and he was apologetic, but you didn't care; you kissed him again, and again to remind him that he wasn't asking for too much and that it was only natural. "Don't be silly. I'm not going anywhere."
"Are y-you sure?"
"I'm sure."
And as you headed towards the door that would lead you out the garage and into the kitchen, you answered. "Ricky, I'll stay as long as you need me to because I just wanna be good to you. As you have always been with me."
Fin
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devilgod247 · 2 years
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This will be 3rd time lucky trying to post here, it's one of those days where it submits but doesn't actually lock in to put on my page ...
It's coming up to Xmas and we're all freezing our asses off here in the UK. Pass the blankets out, get the kettle on and get the cuppas going whilst you're wrapped up tight and snuggly.
A new year is coming up and with it comes endless possibility and wonder. We always go into the new year with fresh optimism and hope for a better year than last year but at some point during it you start to question what's really different.. you're older, hopefully more wise and craving more for comfort. Be it food, bed, a partner etc. We all fall by the wayside during it but why,Reason: we all need that boost from that something or someone to keep us going, your internal strength will only get you so far.
So how do we change the go about it, I found a little gift to myself always gives me a mini boost to keep smiling. It doesn't need to be a bought item, it could be as simple as making time for myself to go out and see the sights or to finally catch up on a boxset/film but whatever it is remember to always give yourself a pat on the back from time to time . We are our biggest critics and we never ever give ourselves the credit for doing sometimes the most impossible thing to date for yourself or others. Stop being hard on yourself. You're doing great.
Now trust me, I've not always been like this. I used to lack so much confidence to even speak up from the bullying and the being treated as an outsider/unwanted person. It took a long while to even build up the confidence to express my true feelings be it romantically or other. As a kid I fought a lot otherwise I would be targeted, I wasnt big or tall. I didn't fight to hurt people , I fought to defend myself and others who also got bullied for many different reasons. Still to the day I will always try my best to help others and it's not because I'm trying to be some sort of Saint, but it's purely because of these reasons;
1/ I hate to see others who struggle (who like I did) and not have anyone show genuine care
2/ my grandad and my mother raised me to give my all, no matter how big the challenge
3/ a past event where I lost a friend In a time where I couldn't be there for them during a night I was unwell . It still scars me to the day to put my health first ahead of others
I wear my heart on my sleeve and it's my biggest strength/weakness. When it comes to my feelings on someone I rarely show my full prowess as I didn't get that "spark" with them . I've only ever had that twice in my life and I'd like to actually stay in that place with that person one day. That side of me can conquer any difficult challenge or obstacle that stands in front of Me or them. I have fears but when im in that moment knowing I must fight for them, I don't waiver. I put my head down and get on with it, no matter how scary it may be.
There's times where I wish I could be the bad guy so I don't feel these pains that I do but I keep having to remind myself to keep on the path as the right person will be there with you to tackle all these challenges. I must be true to myself. I will always have a feeling for everyone I come across and they each get a side of Me that best fits their character and how we interact. Over time it can develop depending on how we develop that relationship.
I will continue to follow my heart and that doesn't mean love, but it means to follow the feel good and push for that forever happy . Yes there are days where you can't always be on the up but we all need days to reflect .
Yes, I still have feelings for someone who I talked to in great depths with and maybe she was right. Right person, wrong time . That's the thing about serendipity, if it's meant to be, it'll come back to you.
I've yacked for a while now, so I'll leave off with have a merry Xmas, keep warm and safe through these Baltic and freezing conditions. Tell your loved ones how much they mean to you, cherish every moment you have . I'm about to pour some hot ribena in my mug before I go see Mr. Llama again on my walk.
Have a lovely day and take it easy
Your friend
Chris
P.s. if you ever want to talk or need some help with anything I will stop what I'm doing and help you however I can(within reason obviously).
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Nancy & Rio
Nancy: I know you're here Nancy: So wherever you're hiding, Ollie, Ollie Oxen Free Nancy: You can come out Rio: Okay Rio: Do I need to wave my white flag first? Nancy: Depends if you wanna see my brother or me Rio: I want to see you Rio: If you will Nancy: Sure? I think he'll need you after that convo, if he ever does Rio: Right Rio: Purpose of me not being there was so it could be just between you two but Rio: are you both okay? Nancy: I don't know how you want me to answer that Rio: Just honestly Nancy: I have no idea how Buster is Nancy: I don't know him very well these days Rio: I know Rio: Don't worry about him, how are you? Nancy: Do you actually care or are you just trying to feel better? Rio: Of course I care, Nance Rio: I wouldn't be here if I didn't Nancy: You'd be here for him Rio: Yes but we're here to tell you Rio: Because it matters what you think, to me and him Nancy: That may be true of you, but he's never cared what I think Nancy: That matters Nancy: You not knowing better what he's like Rio: I know he's done things, lots of things, that would make you think that Rio: and righly so Rio: but he does care Nancy: Maybe. But not enough not to do this Rio: We didn't mean for this to happen Nancy: He never means for anything to happen. That's the problem Nancy: He's hurt you and leave you and ruin everything, don't you know that? Rio: He could Rio: but if that happens, it happens and I'll deal with it, it doesn't need to change anything else Nancy: He will. And I'll be in the middle again Nancy: That's what he does Rio: That's not totally fair Rio: Chloe wasn't totally his fault, a lot of it was her Nancy: He still could've said no instead of thinking with his dick as per Nancy: And what about Erin. Look how long that lasted Rio: I know, and he knows too Rio: He regrets that for a lot of reasons now but he can't take it back Rio: He was trying to do the right thing with Erin, what he thought everyone wanted Rio: doesn't make it right but again, it wasn't just what it seems Nancy: She didn't deserve that. She was nice. Nancy: And you definitely don't deserve what he's gonna do to you Rio: True Rio: I trust him, and I don't want to not be with him on the chance that it'll end badly Nancy: Okay Nancy: He says you love each other. Do you? Rio: Yes Nancy: That's new for him Rio: That's what he told me too, yeah Nancy: Maybe I should be telling you not to hurt him Rio: You can Rio: I promise I'm not going to Nancy: How can you promise that? I'm not trying to be a bitch, I just don't understand Rio: No, its totally fair Rio: I know I've not got a spotless history, neither has he Rio: but no one can promise that and know without a doubt they won't Rio: but I love him, I only want what's best for him, to make him happy Nancy: Okay Nancy: I get that. Love, I mean Rio: Yeah Rio: You know this hasn't just come out of nowhere, right? Rio: Its been nearly 2 years, and we stopped ourselves from going there a long time before that Nancy: I know you're not me, pulling feelings out of thin air Nancy: He explained as best I'd let him Rio: I didn't mean it like that Nancy: It's fine, that's all over and done with Nancy: And nothing to do with this Rio: Okay Rio: I know its Rio: well Rio: unbelievable but Rio: it is the truth and it is happening Nancy: Yeah Nancy: Unbelievable things can happen, I know Nancy: I held onto it for a long time myself Nancy: And if he's willing to say out loud to me that he loves you it must be serious Rio: Yes, I think it is, know it is Rio: We truly wouldn't be putting this out there if we didn't need to Rio: and not just to save our own skin, I don't mean Rio: if it was just a fling, there would be no need Nancy: I understand Nancy: When it's serious, keeping it a secret, that hurts Nancy: I can't blame you for wanting to be honest, it'd make me a hypocrite Nancy: Chloe turned on me for being gay but I couldn't lie just to stay friends with her Nancy: Even if she'd been as good of a mate as I thought she was once Nancy: What happens next? He tells mum and dad and you tell yours but what then? Rio: That's how I was feeling, exactly Rio: it isn't the same thing, not saying it is Rio: but it was making me...sad and bad and just insane, keeping it in Rio: I think we're both better off for her attempts at bitchery, yeah? Rio: Hopefully, everyone is okay with it and we can be together properly Rio: That's all that's changing Nancy: It's essentially the same. People are gonna be judgmental as hell to you for it too Nancy: And nobody wants you to feel sad for something you can't help or change Nancy: Because it's like you told me when you were there for me about Sian, we don't get to decide who we love Nancy: But don't get me wrong, I'm not doing cartwheels that you acted on your feelings when you didn't have to, just like I didn't Nancy: That was a decision Rio: I'm just glad you get it Rio: I'm not expecting any more than that, honest Rio: Its harder to not act, when you know the other person feels it too Rio: Still a choice nonetheless Rio: One I can't regret, I'm afraid Nancy: I don't know, but I'll take your word for it Nancy: I know Buster when he wants something Rio: You don't hate us forever, then? Nancy: Nothing's ever that easy, just like nothing comes out of nowhere Nancy: I'm tried so often to hate him and I still don't Nancy: But if Jay gets hurt over this, we will have a problem, yeah? Rio: Could you tell him that? Not now, if you don't want Rio: and not even in so many words Rio: but I don't think he knows Rio: Trust me, I'll be the first to come for me if I let that happen Nancy: He's a straight man of course he doesn't have a clue. So oblivious Rio: Mhmm, its a fulltime occupation caring for 'em Nancy: I don't want to imagine Nancy: If you were going to fall for one of us, you could've made better decisions like Nancy: I'm a catch Rio: Duh, s'why I've gotta let an actual cute gay girl net you Rio: I like dick and the men attached to 'em, for my sins Nancy: Gross Rio: 😂 Nancy: Does that mean you don't wanna stay here with me for a while? Rio: I wish I could Rio: I don't think we can trust Chlo to let us enjoy some peace and quiet, though Nancy: Or trust yourselves to keep it PG so I don't throw up in my mouth Rio: I mean Rio: You brought it up Nancy: Disgusting Nancy: Do you want me to tell Billie? Nancy: Or June? Rio: Are you okay with that? Rio: Because if yes, then it'd be a help Rio: My plan is to tell my 'rents and let them tell all the sibs, let them know they can come to me if they want/need Nancy: Are you okay if I don't keep my heterophobia to a minimum? Nancy: Because I can't always control that Rio: Do what you must Rio: Lay it on thick with June, he doesn't need the deets there either Nancy: I will Nancy: He'll be shielded Nancy: Sweet boy Rio: Truly Rio: Do you think they'll all be okay? Nancy: I don't know Nancy: But they still need to know Nancy: If you're coming out there's no point keeping one foot in the closet Rio: I know you're right Rio: I don't want to fuck up things with them but Rio: I just have to hope they'll be okay with it, because I'd not turf them out over this if it was the over way 'round Nancy: And they'll know that Nancy: They love you and it's mutual Nancy: They may not throw you a party like we all want when we come out but they won't ever go too hard the other way Rio: It's okay Rio: Been partying hard enough for everyone Nancy: It's a relief though, isn't it? That someone finaly knows Nancy: And you can talk about it Rio: Absolutely Rio: and don't get me wrong, it'd be nice for people to be happy but I know I can't ask for that Rio: so I'm not gonna expect it Nancy: I'm happy for you Nancy: That you're happy, anyway Nancy: Maybe I wish it wasn't with my brother but I still want that for you Rio: Thanks, Nance Rio: Back at cha Rio: not that I think you and Junie are an item, I'm not that obliviously straight, don't worry Nancy: He is my love but Nancy: I'm so mad I didn't realise what was going on with you two Nancy: How dare Chloe figure something out before me Rio: You're such a stereotypical gay Rio: Wanting that tea before anyone else Rio: She's obsessed with your Brother, she probably knows when he shits, like Nancy: Before her, thank you Nancy: If I was a stereotypical gay I'd be trying to get you and Indie together Rio: Oh hell no Rio: that'd be so wrong Nancy: How is that wronger? Nancy: You love Buster Rio: I know how it sounds Rio: but she's a child! Nancy: I'll give you that Nancy: I'm not letting Jay date until she's like 35 Nancy: She might have taste which turns out the same as her mum's and yours Rio: Very Freudian Rio: Saying nothing *sips tea* Nancy: I'm saying no fuckboys allowed Nancy: That's all Nancy: Or girls Rio: We can but hope, babe Nancy: Whatever we have to do. It's a team effort now. You're in this Rio: I don't want to be too dramatic or presumptious Rio: but even as a pseudo auntie/whatever the hell I am Rio: I really care about Jay Rio: I'm going to look after her Nancy: She makes that happen Nancy: I tried really hard not to care about her before she was here but as soon as she was Nancy: I'll be dramatic and say I'll do anything for that girl Rio: Yeah, same as Buster really Rio: You can't not Rio: well, I don't see how Rio: People manage it Nancy: Don't tell him I'm still on his side Nancy: He's got a big enough head Rio: Secret's safe with me Rio: you know he just talks a big game though, yeah? Nancy: I do fucking hate him a lot of the time too, that's no secret Nancy: Don't we all Nancy: I could say I'm busy in answer to how I am and you're leave it there because it's true enough but it's not everything Rio: Do you wanna say more? Nancy: Now's not really the time Nancy: That'd be such a stereotypical gay move, make it all about me Rio: Trust, don't mind Rio: Not just 'cause anything to take the heat off, like Nancy: Just making my peace with dying alone, as standard, when even my prick of a brother won't Nancy: Casual angst Rio: I thought the NYC gay scene was poppin'? Nancy: It is Nancy: I'm not Rio: Babe Rio: Want to go hit the town before I have to go? Rio: I'm the best wingman Nancy: It'd take more than you Nancy: Oblivious hetero, remember? Rio: What would it take? Rio: You're a catch, remember? Nancy: But it's not about what I look like Nancy: I'm also an oblivious gay Nancy: I can't read signals. Or trust myself. Rio: Fear of straight girls Rio: Hit up the specific apps and put yourself out there Rio: Let them come to you first Rio: Then you can't make that mistake Nancy: Mhm I could Nancy: It's about me not them Nancy: Just because they want something doesn't mean it's the same as what I want Nancy: And anyway, all I want at the moment is to not get my heartbroken again Nancy: There's an easy solution there Rio: I feel you Rio: Some things not as easy to find as others Nancy: And when you want conflicting things, like not being lonely but also not getting hurt, it's just Nancy: Stupid Rio: You aren't alone on that one Rio: and I'd certainly be lying if I said I had any useful advice Nancy: How did you do it? Nancy: Put yourself out there with Buster of all people Rio: It didn't start like this, obviously Rio: Sometimes you put yourself out for less than you're after, or think you want Rio: and you still end up where you wanna be Rio: not saying that was my plan here but do you get me? sometimes you just have to see where shit takes you Rio: I know its hard to allow that when you've been burnt before Nancy: Sometimes that's so dangerous Nancy: Especially when you're an idiot like me Rio: Preaching to the choir, babe Rio: think, what's the worst that could happen? Rio: its probably happened, yeah? Rio: and like, arguably, this situation with me and Buster is really bad but Rio: doesn't feel it to us, so Nancy: I just don't think I can do it Nancy: It hurt so much losing someone who didn't love me back Nancy: If someone did and I messed it up Nancy: I think I'd die Rio: Yeah, its scary Rio: you know the old adage exists for a reason though Nancy: Does it? Rio: Definitely Rio: What's life without love? Rio: Not just romantic though, of course Nancy: True. Always got that fuckboy brother of mine Nancy: Like it or not Nancy: Teach him some respect would you please, lord knows I've tried Rio: And the rest of us Rio: I'll do my best Nancy: Jay's already helped, because he's that stereotypical straight man Nancy: And he's getting another daughter soon so Rio: He'll get there Rio: He's not as bad as he puts on Nancy: For your sake he better not be Rio: Come on Rio: I might be in love but I still have self-respect Nancy: Just checking, honey Nancy: Making sure you're still in there Rio: Please Rio: No man's changing me Nancy: Glad to hear it Nancy: Unless it's for the better, my mum vouches for that so often I wouldn't be surprised if that's why I'm gay Rio: 😂 Rio: Such a natural-born rebel, babe Nancy: Who can compete with a love that real? Best not to attempt Nancy: Or to look at it another way, I win, because I'll be the greatest without ever letting a man touch me. Sorry mum. No offence like Rio: That's the spirit Rio: Sure she'll be proud Nancy: We can only hope Rio: You don't think she is? Nancy: Maybe when I finish uni. I haven't done anything 'epic' yet Nancy: Haven't had two children though, so by degrees. Sorry Buster. No offence either Rio: Less black marks, for sure Nancy: We've both made it this far, she'll be happy with that Nancy: People have dropped out over less than what Buster's had to handle thanks to Chloe Nancy: So much drama Rio: Yeah, I'd bet on it Rio: She's no fool Rio: Some of us never even start, like 😜 Rio: Chlo must be fuelled by it, no other need to love it so very much Nancy: She is Nancy: I've never known anyone better at twisting things than that girl can Nancy: Hence I gave up punishing him fairly quick. She's better at it than I'd ever be Rio: Can't disagree Rio: She's got a knack for it Rio: and a lot of time on her hands to dish it out Rio: Bless her Nancy: How much did she see? Nancy: I don't want gross details I'm just trying to figure how she'll spin it Nancy: If she decides to Rio: Nothing like that, you're precious gay sensibilities are safe Rio: I don't know, obviously she was early and unannounced so we weren't on guard Rio: I clearly looked too comfortable for her liking? Nancy: God forbid you weren't hanging from the ceiling like the villain she thinks you are Nancy: And she'd be the type to bring your clothes into it, not being happy unless you were wearing a turtle neck or something Nancy: As if that can't still be sexy, excuse her Rio: Nail on the head, babe Rio: Your teacher fetish is showing shh Rio: but yeah, I'm basically a whore of Babylon here and she is taking the moral highground as a 'Mother' to act like that's why she's angry about it Nancy: Stop. I have to avoid the library and claim it's down to the dyslexia Nancy: Yeah Buster said she called you a prostitute Rio: Its chill, I've got hundreds Rio: and you're legal now, way more of a sexy grey area Rio: Not the first time I've heard that one Rio: Never from anyone I give a shit about though so, meh Nancy: Buster was so angry Nancy: Far from meh Nancy: I haven't seen him like that for a while Nancy: He must care Rio: I told you he's not that bad Nancy: Time will tell Nancy: The baby's due soon. How do you feel about that? Rio: I Rio: I don't know, to be honest Rio: Excited for him, glad Erin won't be as much of a nightmare about sharing as Chlo Rio: but I'd be lying if I said that didn't make me a tiny bit insecure, because she isn't as obviously not right for him, you know? Rio: He's done his best to make me not feel that but its still there, shh Nancy: I don't think she wants him back but it won't be easy having her on the doorstep Nancy: And newborns are harder work than one year olds so they really are gonna need each other Rio: She doesn't Rio: Yeah, I know Rio: I'll have to deal, like Nancy: She doesn't have the same family support as Chloe from what I've seen Nancy: I think there's just her mum Nancy: I don't know where she lives but it's not here, just Erin's uni is Nancy: I feel bad for her Rio: Yeah Rio: She hasn't done anything wrong, of course Rio: and I'm not going to begrudge her the help Rio: not that bitch Nancy: Get me saying here like I'm still a Dubliner Nancy: You're good, too good for him, but I can't stop you loving the prick Rio: Can't deny that heritage, ginge 🍀💛 Rio: Nah Rio: on both counts 🤷 Nancy: I really can't, everywhere I go in this city they go on about my accent Nancy: Well, I surrender. Just be happy, alright? Rio: Oh, Yanks Rio: How many of them have told you about their roots like you give a fuck? 🙄 Nancy: Honestly Rio: On it, you too, yeah? Nancy: I'll do my best Nancy: I can't help loving you, but it's platonic at least. No need to add to your drama Rio: The love triangle no one asked for Rio: I love you too, lots and lots Rio: Thanks for being you and decent about this Nancy: That or, Me, the librarian and the cat Nancy: Has a more lesbian phrase ever left my mouth? Nancy: Thanks for being you and not letting Buster turn you into a prick Rio: Never change Rio: and I won't either Nancy: Great Nancy: We can definitely go from there Rio: ✌💋 Rio: Lemme know when you fancy hitting up dem gay bars and I'll be back to party Nancy: I'm not bringing you, you'll turn every head Nancy: Especially if you borrow my clothes again Rio: N'awwh! Rio: I'll wear my own whorey attire, don't worry Nancy: That's not better Nancy: They'll all want you or think you're the stripper Rio: I can work with that 😏 Nancy: Face it you aren't coming and stealing my thunder if and when I decide I wanna bring it Rio: FINE Rio: Just tell me all about it yeah? And grace the 'gram with your beauty Nancy: The second part at least Rio: Boo! 😜 Nancy: Don't pretend you want all the ins and outs of whoever takes my virginity Rio: I am extremely nosy Rio: and caring, tah 😎 Nancy: And inappropriate but who am I to judge like Rio: Potayto potahto Nancy: That was beautiful Nancy: It made me homesick Rio: Not long 'til Christmas, babe Rio: or my Bday but not angling, like Nancy: I'll bring the finest of what NYC has to offer Nancy: When I decide what that is Rio: Who Rio: 😉 Nancy: 🙄 Nancy: Speaking of, go find Buster, sure I made him cry like Nancy: Standard Rio: On it Rio: Anything you wanna say to dry those tears, or cause more, not taking sides here Nancy: So neutral I felt it Nancy: You can tell him to expect a text when he gets home safe Nancy: You too Rio: That's me Rio: Cool Rio: Well, better free up my texting fingers for this drama Rio: Catch up soon? Nancy: Yeah Rio: 💞
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Conversation
Never A Dull Morning
Clare: didn't let boys see her undergarments. Even though she'd starting buying more interesting bras and panties last year, it was for herself not them. Of course Dakota hadn't actually done anything wrong. "It's just private." She explained. "Thank you for understanding." Her cheeks were still pink as she got dressed. Clare wasn't going to explain her weird logic in front of Emi. How she could go without wearing a bra in front of him but wasn't ready for him to see it. Clare was a little shocked after she succesfully beat up Bren. She'd learned how to do that after the whole Fitz threatening her and Eli with a knife incident because it was important to be able to defend herself. Had she gone too far? Bren hadn't actually touched her. Emi was here though and she needed to know it wasn't okay for boys to talk to girls like that even ones who weren't strangers. (Although to Clare, Bren was.) Bren didn't get a free pass. Especially after behaving like that in front of a five year old! He should be ashamed of himself! Besides Clare knew she couldn't hurt Bren badly, she didn't know how to do more than (hopefully) get him to leave her alone from now on. She stepped outside with Kota and slowly breathed in and out trying to calm down. "Is he always like that?" Clare asked. "No problem. I don't want to confuse her. Foreign languages aren't easy for me. I always want to pronounce words exactly how they are written. But in Spanish a J is prounced like an H, in Russian an I is pronounced like an E. So on and so forth. I guess that's why I like French, it's the same alaphabet as English so it's slightly less confusing for me. The difference is the French use diacritics." Clare shrugged. She didn't give up easily and at least she had been right about how to say sushi after all. She felt better by the time they went back inside. Clare smiled at Ash and Emi. "Emi did a good job. He's still down." She knew that wouldn't last much longer so she gladly escaped to the living room with Kota and Emi. Clare sat down on the couch. She bit her lip when Emi asked about purity rings. This was part of the reason why she felt like it was necessary to shut Bren up. Emi didn't need to hear about anything that pretained to sex. Of course she had questions now. Kota was lucky she only asked that one and didn't seem to care that he didn't give her a real answer. Clare winced soon as she heard the name Jenna. Maybe it was a different Jenna? No, soon as Kota got to the part about her trashy short shorts and her purposedly bending over (so everyone could see her buttcrack), Clare knew Dakota was referring to the her former friend. Who stole K.C from her using that exact tactic. He wasn't worth keeping and neither was Jenna's friendship. "I didn't know big mouth already told you all of that before we started hanging out." Clare said softly. "I guess she's still bragging about it. She's been trying to get with every guy since K.C got sick of her. Alli's brother, Sav, turned her down too. She's going to get the baby taken away from her because she won't stay home with him and there's no one else to watch him. I'd feel bad for Jenna but Owen threw my best friend Adam through a glass door for being transgender so...if that's who she wants to be with her baby deserves better." She squeezed Dakota's hand as he confessed to Kelly about his false reputation. Clare knew people might get the wrong idea when they found out she was dating Dakota especially if someone learned about their sleepover(s) but she didn't care. Anyone who mattered wouldn't believe a rumor over the truth. If Jesus Club did to her what they did to her sister, she didn't need to be part of it. However, she hoped they'd changed along with their name. Clare smiled back at him and chuckled because she'd always been able to take care of herself and now she could stand up for herself too. Well, by doing more than slapping boys and making a scene by yelling at them. The other girls at school needed to learn how too instead of relying on Kota to play superman. "I like you just the way you are even if you're reckless. There are some situations you can't get out of alone, she needed a friend." Clare reassurred him after Kelly left. "Just give them the card from now on. Kelly's right. Her dad could've killed you." She shuddered. Clare scooted closer to Dakota when Bren came in. "Do you even realize that was sexual harassment and if you keep doing it, someday a women will press charges against you and you'll go to jail." She said seriously. "You can't grope girls because you like the way we look, just like we can't do it to you. Or each other. Or a guy to another guy." She shook her head. Bren had Genesis all wrong. They were still living with the consequences of Adam and Eve's betrayal. The bible also said that outside of marriage sex was a sin. Even if you didn't believe that, there were other reasons to wait and she didn't plan to do something she'd regret. "Yeah! Let's go after breakfast before it gets too hot. Outside." She frowned. "The only problem is I don't have any exercise clothes here." Clare didn't want to wear her new outfit to the park. She supposed she could make do with what she'd worn over to Kota's in the first place.
Kota: nodded when Clare reassured him after Kelly left and kissed her cheek. "Thank you." he whispered and listened to her chide Bren. He knew that they've been there with him. "Yea, I know. That's why I ask to touch a girl's breasts. They taught me about sexual harassment in school and as long as I don't touch her without permission the most the girl will do is beat the crap out of me. So much easier in Bristol." Bren whined. "Yea, he's got a hard head. He went to Bristol and into a night club where he made a friend. She took a pill, made out with him for about ten minutes, then her boyfriend came and we got a call from the hospital. Bren had to get stitches and had a broken arm. We just sort of gave up after that." he explained to Clare. "The guy had a hard punch, once the girl realized he was beating me up, she called the cops, grabbed him and ran. I'm friends with her on facebook, she asked when I'm going back to Bristol." Bren explained to Clare. "And didn't her boyfriend threaten to kill you if you ever touched her a fourth time since you had to go find her after you go out of the hospital?" Kota asked looking at him. "Yea, but that's just a threat." Bren stated and Kota rolled his eyes. "I wish I could just beat the shit out of you right now, but it'll be futile. I only continued to help because I thought you were done with that girl and could actually change. She's fucking strung out on drugs. That night you were in the hospital she was too, an hour later she tried to kill herself because of the drugs she took. Does that really mean nothing to you, do you not see how much she's calling for help?" Kota asked. "So what she just needs to stop taking whatever drug made her want to die. If she were mine and came to me every night I'd be the happiest man alive regardless if she's strung out or not. They can help the suicide thing." Bren shrugged and Kota got up seeing the headphones still on Emi. "Bren, sex isn't worth your life nor is a girl. Who cares if she got strung out and made out with you, she's fuck-" "I don't care." Bren yelled back and Kota felt a hand on his shoulder to see his mom. "From the first time I held you, I knew you'd be trouble. You acted out more than any of your brothers and never wanted to stay. You were always trying to leave to go wherever, soon that changed and you started going after girls not caring about anyone, but you. I had these papers printed out and money put aside. They're emancipation papers, if you really want this I won't stop you anymore." She said holding his suitcase in hand and he took the papers. "I know you don't care what happens to you, but we do. I think you may need this, to go on your own for a bit and come home to us. Maybe this will help you be a better man." she said as she signed the papers after him and handed him his suitcase and passport. "There's money in there with an address book to friends I've made and keep in touch with in various countries." she said. "And I can be with Iona?" he asked curiously. "This was only an act to be with her?" Kota asked. "Well yea." Bren answered. "If that's what you want." His mom said and Bren took his things and left. "He never unpacked his things. I knew he didn't want to stay." his mom explained and he sat back down. "Maybe this will open his eyes." Kota breathed and laid his head on Clare's shoulder. After she mentioned going to the park after breakfast, he watched as Kelly bought out a plate of pancakes while Dallas carried the plates, Stacy carried sets of silverware wrapped in napkins and Ash and Dom carried sides. Without a word, Kota went to the kitchen and grabbed bottles of juice for everyone, then sat next to Clare and Emi. "Kelly, do you still have those yoga shorts that were too small?" he asked looking at her. "Yea." she answered. "I need them for Clare." He said honestly. "They're in the same place in my room. Also you're on wash duty later after Dallas does the basics. I have Victoria's Secret lingerie that needs to be washed and you're the only one who doesn't shrink them besides Stacy and she has to go home. I also have work." Kelly said and he nodded. "Ok, Stacy do you need your Victoria's Secret lingerie washed?" he asked looking at her. "Yea. Dallas will get them for you when you're ready to do the laundry. Dallas cut some of the tags off mine so that should help a bit. My bras and other items have tags." Stacy explained and he nodded as he ate. "Dom is helping me separate the Victoria's Secret from everything." Dallas stated. "Ash and I will do the dishes then." Stacy stated honestly. "Ok, that leaves Kota and Clare to the floors after dinner." Kelly said. "I wanna help." Emi stated. "We just pick up big items and leave the rest to the roomba." he informed Clare as he continued to eat. After breakfast was done, Kota went and got the shorts for Clare and one of his shirts too. "I'll go change in Dom's bathroom." he smiled at her as he handed her the clothing and kissed her chastely before going to change.
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