Can you imagine if Jason actually was in a book club during high school and met a person there who very much remembered him like super fondly? Like he comes back to life thinking no one remembers and then this friend from school randomly recognizes him on the street and greets him like an old friend and tells him exactly where they last met and the books they would talk about and says “Hey, I heard you were kidnapped and everyone thought you were dead. I’m glad you’re doing better” and during their small talk this person suddenly laughs and says “You haven’t changed a bit!” and now suddenly Jason is stalking this person for weeks trying to figure out how to salvage the only friendship he apparently ever had in his entire life and somehow completely forgot about.
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and it's like despite all the awful shit he's done and continues to do, like, i get it. he's employed like 24/7/365. he never got to live a life, despite spending a childhood clinging to the hope of having one someday. He knew companionship and love but lost it and can't ever get it back. His circumstances are so anomalous and gruesome that it completely isolates him from pretty much every other human being on the planet. he knows hell is real and he is basically guaranteed to go there if he can't break this demon curse thing.
like it doesn't make the kidnapping and spreading the curse around any better, but i do get it.
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stayed up til 3 when I have an 8am again. I do this because I hate myself so sos sososososososososo much. It's really funny because I don;t fall asleep in class thanks to my meds but I've noticed every time I go to class after 4 hrs sleep people act weird around me which is how I know im acting really weird. And I am so extremely angry at myself. I spent 4 hours. well 8 hours. Well all day. Pretending I'm going to do homework and distracting myself with various other things on my laptop or crying on the phone to my parents. Got zerooooo work done at all i stayed up most of the nihght for literally no gain whatsoever this is pure self harm. Which I do becauase again I hate myself. Because I didn't do my work. Which i won't do tomorrow either because i'll be so tired I wont be able to string a sentence together even though I'm supposed to give a presentation haha. My favorite activity is staring at the clock on my laptop getting later and later and later. new high score etc. Who's a hypersomniac now. Imagine how much easier this semester would have been if I'd gone to bed before 2am ever. I'm so fucking angry at myself I'm not sure I'll be able to sleep now even. If I fail my classes again my parents are gonna make me live at home forever and say im too crazy to live on my own. I know I was supposed to get a therapist but I hate them all so, so, so much. I think people get that job bc they feel powerful telling some pathetic person what to do knowing I literally cannot do it and will come back week after week admittingn failure and paying
I know I was supposed to take the new experimental FDA approved drug for IH but the list of side effects is fucking terrifying and I live and sleep alone so i really don't want to take a super powerful sedative that can make you stop breathing. So I'm gonna keep taking stimualnts and lying to myself that today is the last day I stay up extremely late for no reason.
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I think. I think you should be allowed to change which blog you reblog something to after you fuck up by reblogging it to the wrong one. ESPECIALLY IF IT TAKES YOU TWENTY MINUTES TO NOTICE THAT YOU DID THAT, AND DEFINITELY AFTER YOU SPENT TEN MINUTES WRITING THOSE TAGS. GOD FUCKING DAMMIT.
In other news, guess what I did twice without noticing. And guess what I have to do now after that.
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