#because all I can see is the picrew icons telling me to listen to them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

coexistentialism · 2 months

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first off, *thank you* so much for talking about your experiences on this blog, and doing it the way you do! as someone who's been questioning and wavering back and forth on it for a very long time, and only really decided to Claim It within the last six months or so, WOW some of this stuff hit me right between the eyes and both made me feel seen and made some things click.

second, one piece of anecdata that occurred to me that might be helpful re: constantly wanting to change icons, urls, etc: you might feel the opposite in some cases, in that you get *really firmly attached* to things like that and not want to change them for a Long Time. or cling to things that otherwise *don't* change (as far as you can tell) and are as literal as possible, to the point where you don't feel comfortable expressing yourself beyond that.

(i may have to split this one in two since both things are Connected but also seem a bit lengthy to explain in their own right and i'm a bit out of it right now askekdjfh, identifier is 'same icon anon' in advance)

with the second one, for example, there is a very specific sort of... template. amalgam of? average between? the most similar parts of my system (and usually most major players), who are easiest to pass for each other but *are* distinctly different under the hood, and which i know the highest number of people in my life have probably put together as their picture of me from the outside. (which catches me by surprise sometimes, because now and then someone will say something to indicate they get a completely different impression of me from the amalgam i was assuming they see.)

my idea of that amalgam is *heavily* based on... not just my physical appearance, but the common denominator *feels* shaped by my physical appearance. it's hard to explain, but there is a very distinct impression of 'ponytail, glasses, physical expression, clothes i currently wear most often, body shape, gait and posture,' and so on when i think about my *personality.* to the extent that it's easy for it to drown out other things, and i have to pay attention and listen carefully--and usually ask--to tell who's actually driving at the time.

and making picrews for example feels, well. a bit awkward sometimes. i don't feel comfortable adding on extra clothes, styles, accessories, what have you that don't feel *exactly* like me on a very plain, literal level; the most i'm usually alright with is like... backgrounds etc. and it really, really bothers me when there's any aspect that doesn't have an option that feels at least Close Enough. this applies even when i feel like hot garbage and feel like my appearance reflects that; it doesn't feel right to sanitize a version of me that's not Accurate to the amalgam, so i either grit my teeth and go with it anyway or just don't post it at all.

i also get deeply, deeply, deeply uncomfortable with games that are structured to try to make the main character an insert of *you,* but lock you in right at the start--especially when it comes to your name--and make me pick between things that don't really fit the aspects of myself that i feel are solidly specific To Me. including when they don't actually give you enough customization options *to* be specific about that. even when i am genuinely kind of bored of using the same name/avatar every time it makes me *grimace* to be stuck with something different that i don't thoroughly, thoroughly, thoroughly know Is Me. it sucks because there are times where i genuinely would like to be able to play/write/etc from a self-insert pov, and it's less bad with some cases than others, but generally just. NOPE. gotta play an OC or canon character from other media or else.

as mentioned taking a break for a bit before coming back to expand on the other half of it, but if you find yourself clinging *really* hard to things that you *do* feel represent your identity best as a whole, that might be a flag as much as changing things constantly all the time. (especially when you *do* change things constantly that *aren't* encompassed specifically by that, and feel uncomfortable not doing so. and *especially* when you get the feeling that if you let go of The Encompassing Thing You are Clinging To then you won't be able to settle on another one.)

Oh I had a ramble about this on my Discord server some time back, I gotta find that again.

We feel really uncomfortable having our Discord icon be something that I don't like in the moment, as another example.

Actually, this made me think of our cat self identity.

This is how my cat identity looks right now, but he has gone through a lot of changes with his design.

At first, he was just an all black cat, no split tail, no split tongue, nothing really. Here's some much older art from him, as far back as like 2019-2020 or so?

Also shoutout to our old ass art lol.

But yeah his design has changed a lot over the years.

He used to just be a black cat with grey eyes. Then it changed to orange eyes and then slowly more changes were made.

POINT IS his design has changed a lot. And overtime, every time I found myself seeing if I could made purposeful changes to his design, it never felt right. The design changes had to come naturally, if that makes sense? I find myself still, sometimes, if I'm drawing vent art or want to draw vent art, or not even vent art, sometimes I find that it doesn't feel 'right' to draw (he's referred to as eef cat lmfao) eef cat.

Like the other day, with the vent art I shared about my GI issues, it didn't feel right to draw eef cat.

I'm not sure if this is similar to what you're describing, but it made me think about it :3

There's definitely more examples similar to this, but I can't think of them rn lol

#my posts #inbox

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j-mysticalien · 3 years

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🔫 the oc content, hand it over /lh

you don’t have to if u don’t want to lol I just saw you said something about ocs and 👀 I am interested

FIRST OF ALL 🥺🥺🥺

SECOND OF ALL OKAY OKAY HERE TAKE IT

(I ended up dumping a lot ... I saw the opportunity and ran with it I didn’t mean to oops)

These guys have been in my head for y e a r s and even though I'll abandon them for months at a time, there are plot points I've forgotten, it’s very very unfinished, and clearly influenced by my freshman year interests, they're some of my favorites to imagine and write like every time I do a picrew chain or something I make them too for myself okay okay-

So. Exposition. For ages the demons and dark things have slipped between the veil and into the world. As evil rises, so do those who stand against it. In some parts of the world The Order was established not to eradicate or wage war against the demons, just to keep everything in their proper dimensions and destroy those who refuse. Members of the Order work in groups with assigned roles, often passed down generations. 1: trained in the physical aspects of fighting creatures, they have the unique and mysterious ability to survive in the other dimension-at least better than the average mortal. 2, “Alchemist”: Usually a witch, human descendant of a magical being, or a particularly skilled mortal even. they provide the magical aid since the other cannot perform magic themselves. (Though Witches tend to form their own communities or work with the demon realm which historically has caused tensions) While fewer and well hidden, this secret society guards the mortal realm to this day...

There’s a small, quiet town in the northeast. Nothing much happens- the power may go out or the weather may turn within seconds and figures may appear and shift into the shadows but it all turns out fine eventually. Nothing to worry about. But those who know a little too much know where to go when things need to be taken care off. Bloom’s Florist and Garden Shop, a sweet little store in the middle of town staffed by the owner’s two teenaged kids. They’ve got a lovely selection of flowers and herbs. If you hear noises from their basement, best to ignore it. If you see the kids sprinting down the street, best to stay out of their way. If they tell you to avoid the woods one night, you listen...

OCS MY BELOVED HERE THEY ARE

Dante Achilles Sindweller. He is type 1. He’s tall, thin but muscular, almost dangerously pale. His hair is blue, eyes blue though they sometimes look red. Riddles with piercings and pale scars. Cocky bastard but well deserved. Friendly and deadly all at once. He’s good at what he does and is always up for a challenge. Low key high key losing his sense of humanity. You see actually being in the demon dimension is draining because of the pure chaos of it but returning to reality is rough too. Because of the hunter’s ability (I’m pretty sure they have this ability bc the og demon hunters secretly fucked a bunch of demons so Hunters have demon blood and cannot “die” in the hell dimension but idfk at this point) they can adapt to the word with a combination of demonic attributes and idealized forms that disappear when he gets back. So um the mental toll is very much a thing that he hides very well...at least at first. He doesn’t actually have to travel too often thought, just during emergencies and later he genuinely visits some chill demon friends there.

Cordelia Emerys Bloom, “Cordie”. 5′2″, dark brown skin, black hair she keeps in two short braids, round rimmed glasses. She’s the alchemist. a few of her far off ancestors were fae. Her own magical battery is low so she’s become skilled in working with. potions and magical plants. She’s the most serious member. of the trio. She knows the job, she has a rhythm, she doesn’t like change. This group had three braincells and 90% of the time she has all of them. She likes her plants, her books, and Dante. She’s a little high strung and stubborn but she’s clever, intelligent, and really warm person once you get past her shields. She grew up way too fast and with all her adult figures gone, Dante slowly slipping (though she denies it to the point where Alice bright it up and they didn’t talk for a week), and this irritation turned fear that Alice’s presence is temporary leaves her with some issues but it’s okay im determined to let her be happy, she just has to let herself accept happiness.

Alice Barnet. A witch. Thick, bright red hair, hazel/ blue eyes. Absolutely stunning. and a fashion icon. She moved to attend to uppity private school right outside of town. She stumbled upon the shop and immediately sensed the great power hidden in there. So she just walked in- because of the dimensional portal not because the girl at the register she saw through the window was so pretty what are you talking about it was witch instinct only- and announced herself and offered her services. She’s a flirt, though a sincere one. She projects a confident, fun vibes even if she doesn't actually feel it. Fake it until you make it I guess. Coffee addict will memorize your birth chart, Starbucks order, and all the little behavioral things. Most of my early drabbles with her involve her sitting on Cordie’s desk sipping her iced coffee while Cordie is like “how tf did you get in here” “good question. Better one: they didn’t have the black tea you like is green okay?” She actually is part of an informal coven but that’s a whole side story with its own cast of characters I haven’t touched in ages

Dynamics dynamics so Cordie and Dante are siblings in all but blood, they’ve been together for almost their entire lives. (Cordie’s parents are almost always away-either on Order business or just vibing idk they’re cool though. Dante’s parents are dead but only Dante himself seems to know that-Something about demon blood and dimension hopping doesn’t let their kind live long) They’re really close. If they met at this point in life they probably would never have been friends and Cordie probably would despise him but as they are they love each other and *know* each other. Technically Dante is older but Cordie is the eldest sister of the relationship.

The two of them have opposite reactions when Alice enters their life. (This entrance is one of the few *full* scenes I actually wrote down) Dante is allured-not by her but by the potential adventure she represents. She states her case and he’s like oh this’ll be interesting. They become best friends almost instantly. Their sass, confidence, and more adventurous sides click harmoniously- much of the time to Cordie’s dismay. To Cordelia, Alice is something unknown, something potentially dangerous. She makes her assumptions (prissy, incompetent, entitled, inexperienced) and tolerated her. Alice has had a crush on her since day 1. She was determined to prove herself to the group and really she’d just like to get her trust and friendship at some point, gushy feelings be damned. They fall in love slowly, they learn to trust and be weak and learn to know each other and be themselves Alice is genuinely interested in all the stuff Cordie knows about the magical world and Cordie gets to try to be a person outside of that world. The recent stuff I’ve actually written down involves a lot of sleepy conversations and whispered confessions and soft touched and hhh

Some of the non-human characters

“Lady”: the ghost that haunts the basement/ Order base. She can’t really speak and isn't always visible, never fully. They don’t know who she was or why she’s there. She helps out when she can though. Might help Dante in the very end.

All of the actual demons are off ideas. Like each deadly sin has it’s own demon (they didn’t realize some humans had grouped them together for some time but they think it’s funny, sometimes they hang out just because of that) The gang doesn't directly meet a lot of them but

Curiosity aka “Apple” aka “Heather” aka “Bee”aka...:The spark that fuels innovation ne the spiral of a downfall. frequently visits human world, team switches between stopping them from blowing up a building to playing Mario kart together. Like he definitely causes trouble and should not keep escaping through the portal but like...he’s fun to got to the mall with. Funky Lil dude who’s there for a good time and some chaos. Changes aliases all the time.

Nostalgia aka “Honey-Lavender”: the kind that leaves the ghost of a smile on your face, the kind that drowns you in the past, the kind that makes you want to go back, or forget. mostly stays in hell. One of the demons Dante visits and is acquainted with. They lay and talk. She can be a downer but he doesn’t mind, he appreciates the company and some days she keeps him tethered to his life and sanity (on the bad says she has the opposite effect, she can’t help it)

OKAY AHAHA THATS ENOUGH OUT OF ME THERE THEY ARE THANKS

#OH BOY UM OKAY #j mysticalien ocs #I’m cringing putting some of this on here but #j mysticalien speaks #Dante Cordie Alice

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thespearandthecrown · 4 years

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Name: Carmen Dos Santos

Age: 20

Place Of Origin: Sonoma, California, USA

Occupation: Biology Major with a speacialty in Botany at NYU

Orientation: Bi as fuck boiiiiiiiii

Species: Witch

Descriptive Traits: She’s averaged height around 5ft 9. She has an hourglass figure and wide shoulders. She has velvet black hair that she usually ties up into a messy bun. Parts of it stick out and it is very easy to brush behind her ear. When you look into Carmen’s eyes all you see is deep oak brown pools that will center and calm you. Her caramel complexion is very sun kissed with dark freckles on the tops of her shoulders. You will usually see her in flowy skirts, croptops, linen blouses, losse fitting button ups. Usually standing guard at her side is Grim her familiar who, yes, is a hellhound and yes, a very good boy.

Family: Mother: Maggie MacKenzie (Scottish,Witch, 43, Head witch of Scotland, Partnered Owner of Witch’s Wink wineries)

Father: Gael Dos Santos (California,USA,Human, 44, Paterned Owner of Witch’s Wink Wineries)

Grandparents: Carmina MacKenzie (Maggie’s mother, Deceased) Milo Dos Santos (Gael’s Father, 68, Owner of Dos Santos Garage and Customs)

Personality: Have you ever met the witch embodiment of a sunflower? Carmen loves to be out doors, to be around trees, vines, flowers, grasslands beacuse most of her magic is natural and plant based. And for all the love that she gives plants, they give it back to her. This young witch has a lot to learn about the world she just entered, so there is a bit of childlike wonderment when she encounters magic in it’s raw form. But with a bit of naitivity, Carmen actually has a lot of wisdom. She is very rational in the emotional sense. I know that sounds like a double standard but trust me it’ll make sense. Carmen is very intune with her emotions and isn’t afraid to explain how and why she is feeling them. This is what having an upbringing with a very communicative family looks like. Can’t relate. Anyways, she is able to analyse how people are feeling and get them to rationalize those feelings. She has a very calming vibe about her and her wide bright smile is very contagious. She will cut you though, so don’t be fooled by the calm. When you cross Carmen Dos Santos, you will pay for it. That’s why those plants have been dying around you, or why eating salads gives you the worst shits of you life. Do not in any way, shape, or form fuck with Carmen Dos Santos. However, if you have not fucked with her, and you need a day to destress or get things off your chest, Carmen is there with a cup of her herbal tea (Proudly her concotion of the tea leaves and herbs she grew by herself) and a listening ear. She may even hold your hand and read your tea leaves if you’re lucky.

Languages: English, Spanish, Old Norse Cants [Spell speak, Owen calls it]

Likes: The Sun, Moscow mules, her cactus named Julio, fucking adores girls studying (I can hear her sighing wistfully), trees and plants (this is obvious), giving grim belly scratches, late night pizza runs in NY, walking central park, a good fucking rave!

Dislikes: Being a disrespectful twit, arrogant assholes, people who have no regard for others, people who don’t believe in climate change (that one really gets her)

Vices: Human contact, sex

Fears: Never fall in love and make a proper connection with someone, being captured by hunters.

Quote: I am pretty fearless, and you know why? Because I don't handle fear very well; I'm not a good terrified person. - Stevie Nicks [C’mon Carmen’s a witch, I gotta make a Stevie reference somewhere, don’t tell me how to live.]

Song: Tell Me - No Mana

Thank you Picrew for the lovely icons -> Picrew.me And for @sangled and @Makowwka for their icon maker! Ty!

#Witches #wlw witches #bi witch #wi bitch #i had to #LGBTQ+ Witch #the spear #Ocs #my ocs #carmen dos santos #I love her #she is like all of my friends put into one #listen #since youre here reading #let me give you a lil something #Owen and Carmen do this whole friends with benifits thing #Carmen catches feelings and cuts it off cause that's not alright and she can't worry about a relationship while in University #she has finals!#Anyways they are really really good friends and Carmen keeps Owen level headed when things go down #plot things #Also Carmen likes Nore alot and tells Owen to kiss her ffs you useless lesbian #I could say more things #but that's spoiling #let's just say #Ben is a good boy #and Owen has a TALK with him #because if that hunter son of a bitch thinks he can hurt Carmen #oh buddy #you do not want the crown on your ass amigo

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