#ashton meta

[sparring-spirals]

Imogen's immense capacity for empathy for things wriggly and "wrong" and lonely, things grotesque on the outside with a pure sort of want a sincerity, a truth on the inside.

Ashton, feeling fundamentally broken, fighting for good, for a purpose, telling her she has quite a crew of broken things following her. Saying there's a reason for that. Himself and Laudna.

(Ashton counting themself and Laudna as kindred spirits, Ashton looking at Imogen and seeing some reflection of what Laudna sees.)

(Imogen saying - Ashton is good. That they're special. Imogen who does lethal things when it needs it, who has almost taken a level of satisfaction in Ashton's approving assessments of her lethality, her decisionmaking.)

Imogen says she likes the All Minds Burn, she actually does, Ashton agreeing, thanking her for backing them. Imogen and things cast away, things found as horrifying, and an almost inexplicable empathy. Ashton and things to fight for, things to throw their lot behind until the light in their skull goes out.

Its like, both so sudden and also- no i kind of get it. I get it. They're complimenting each other very intensely, openly, they're both laughing with a weird seed of a telepathic brain between both of them, walked into a den of danger and back out again and like. No. I get it.

#critical role #cr spoilers #c3e70 #cr liveblogging #ashton #imogen temult #ive been so excited for them to hang out more but this surpassed my expectations tbh OH THATS SO CRUNCHY #migraine buddies #sorry keyleth!!! #this takes precedence!! #imogen meta #laudna meta #ashton meta #my meta #character meta

[adustbaginturmoil]

This is a thing that many-a-person has said, but I love the development of Ashton into a bit of an unwanted heart of the party. He is surrounded by some of the most presumably positive and/or grounded people, Laudna, Orym, FCG.

And yet, there is nothing more inspirational than reformation.

There is nothing more inspirational then a person who thinks that they are a scrape of the bottom of the barrel telling you that they and thusly yourself can be better, can do something, stand for something.

There is nothing more inspirational than a broken person telling you that brokenness does not mean an end to good.

And there is nothing more beautiful than scars.

#critical role #cr3 #ashton greymoore #cr #critical role campaign 3 #cr laudna #orym of the air ashari #critrole campaign 3 #campaign 3 #cr campaign 3 #marquet campaign #ashton meta #cr ashton #cr meta #I love Ashton so much

[murderless-crows]

I very much love the change in perspective that we can see in Ashton at recent events.

He started with a very "every man for his own" kind of mindset. Every little quip he said regarding companionship and camaraderie was in a profesional way, very impersonal (although the audience knew there was real longing deep down).

And I genuinely thought they were 100% behind that kind of ideology, but maybe seeing three (3!) of his colleagues (friends, they're friends) fucking die made them realise that... they like them. They need them, even. The friendship, the loyalty, the care. And they can actually trust these guys to not run away and leave them behind if anything happens.

Maybe it's something about the stability that Orym brings, something about the playfulness of Fearne, the quiet rage and hurt that resonates with him that lives inside Imogen, the hidden and quiet melancholy of Laudna that he understands so well, the loyalty and feral energy of Chetney, the kindness in FCG.

Maybe they have discovered that they can't afford to lose any of that. That, going against everything life has taught them, they want to fight tooth and nail for these people. That they can show genuine vulnerability and love and not be hurt in return.

I don't know if he has changed so much that faced against odds like C3E33 he would stay and fight, because him running away was a learned behaviour so ingrained it was basically instinct. But something has changed inside that pretty shiny head of his. Something to face his old instincts and fight them, maybe.

#cr ashton #critical role #ashton greymoore #ashton meta #bells hells #critical role c3

[cassafrasscr]

Because I'm having a bad fucking chronic pain day, and feeling some type of way about it, I'm gonna rant more about Ashton.

Can we talk about how Ashton talks about their pain? Or rather, how he doesn't?

I think Ashton's actually mentioned actively being in pain, like... 3 times in the 86 episodes they've filmed so far? The first time that I can remember is during/immediately after Imogen and FCG delved into their mind and actually experienced what it's like to live in their body.

The second time was in the second episode of the Issylra arc, when the group is packing up to move towards Hearthdell, and Ashton mentions off-hand that he was in pain the night before.

And then the third time was e86. When Ashton collapses after dropping his Titan form, and Orym asks if they're okay, Ashton’s response is along the lines of "I'm fine, it just hurts."

You know what Ashton says a lot more often?

I'm so tired. I'm exhausted. We should really take a rest first. Can we please take a fucking rest now?

It seems subtle at first, but as someone who has chronic pain it hits hard. 'Cause most of the time that's exactly what I say.

Because when you're in pain all the time, the healthy/abled/non-chronic-pain-havers around you don't want to hear about it. It makes them uncomfortable.

Being in constant pain and giving voice to it makes you a whiner. A complainer. A wuss. A flake.

Have you tried yoga? Or drinking more water? Or the current fad diet?

So instead, you learn to allude to it in ways that won’t make the ableds uncomfortable. For me, a lot of the time, that takes the form of:

"I'm just really tired."

So, seeing Ashton pushing themself well past their limits to keep up with their friends and doing what the other Hells want - only to end up completely nerfing themself with 2 points of exhaustion... hits very close to home. Especially seeing most of their friends completely disregard their pain until they couldn't anymore.

Orym is really the only one who consistently shows any consideration for their chronic pain - and the boundaries and limitations that go with it. I only had a handful of friends like that when I was younger, and I treasured every single one of them.

As the kid who always got left behind to walk with a chaperone on field trips because I couldn't keep up with the other kids... it brings back a lot of that frustration and hurt to see it playing out like this for Ashton, but also validates it in a way I'm profoundly grateful for.

Anyway. That's all I have to say about that at the moment. I'll climb down off my soapbox now.

(Really slowly though, 'cause my knees are fucking killing me.)

#i continue to have a lot of feelings about Ashton #i'm in a lot of pain right now #and i'm big mad about it #taliesin jaffe is so good at representation #ashton greymoore #cr3 #critical role #critical role spoilers #cr3e86 #chronic pain #meta #character analysis #long post

[stickandthorn]

While Ashton’s mentality comes from a number of places, I feel like there’s a chronic illness/pain angle to it that’s really interesting. When you live with chronic pain, you end up having to put your body in harmful or painful situations to live your life. I and most of the people I know with chronic conditions are always doing a little calculation about what we spend our bodies on. For instance, I have hand and arm issues that make it difficult to write. I know I will be in pain when I take notes in class or write a paper, and I might not be able to use my hands for a little while after, but the level of pain that will cause me is worth it for my degree.

The self destructive/sacrificial mentality Ashton has feels like a very magnified version of that mentality. When you view your health and comfort as a calculation, “is this level of pain or injury worth it for this goal?”, it’s very easy to see how that could spiral into “is my life worth it for this goal?” when you’re in the situation and the mental state that Ashton is. I don’t think it’s the cause of their self destruction, but it feels like it could really play into it. If you already have to view your body as something you have to harm to use, the steps to get to where Ashton is now could definitely become smaller.

#critical role #ashton greymoore #cr meta #bells hells

[deramin2]

Laudna going through a spiral about whether Ashton is a bad person because he wanted the power of both shards and did something stupidly dangerous to do it vs. Laudna deliberately feeding Delilah by using Hunger of the Shadow on Bor'Dor and Willmaster Edmuda.

Absolutely love it. Girl please keep projecting your worst fears about yourself and destructive habits on your friends and get scared of them without ever stepping back and assessing your own actions, it is delicious.

Bonus points that Imogen and Laudna are the biggest enablers of each other and not at all inclined to check each other's negative behaviors. Imogen still has a healthy fear about her powers, though, especially right now.

Meanwhile Laudna is still convinced that Orym is fine and the stable one while no one questions how Orym got Hex or that he's willingly using Ludinus' Quintessence Array to drain Edmuda of her life force. A totally normal stable good guy thing to do. Definitely no nosedive here. Although Laudna is irritated at him for pressuring everyone to keep going and not back down, and that he got the Quintessence Array use and not her. (Because again, she is trying to feed her own need for power.)

Somehow Fearne is the only one who's beginning to think they all might be going too far and getting scared, but they're not really listening to her. She saw her potential to become Dark Fearne and actually reevaluated her life. (Even if she's still a chaos being.)

Bell's Hells are great because they're like NPCs who ended up as the B-Team who keeps happening to be in the right place at the right time to be in the middle of all these events leading to this cataclysmic events that are so much bigger than they are. It's FUN that it's happening faster than they can recon with it and they're getting more and more desperate to not go under in a way that is actually making them go under faster.

They're seeing it in each other but not in themselves. That's the tragedy. They're so desperate to win it doesn't matter at what cost anymore. They're all just competing to see who can sacrifice themselves for the cause first while dragging their enemies down with them. They're going to end up being the monsters someone else has to fight, even though they kept trying to do good and fight the darkness.

#critical role #critical role spoilers #critical role meta #critical role campaign 3 #Bell's Hells #Laudna Critical Role #Delilah Briarwood #Orym of the Air Ashari #ashton greymoore #imogen temult #fearne calloway

[druidposting]

"Have you not realized that im a hypocrite?" This. For everyone unironically mad, please realize that this has been the core of ashton's character for eons. The moment he said "i need to be the hero" i knew hed be fucking toast. This is ashton, yall

#critical role #bells hells #ashton greymoore #cr spoilers #cr meta

[caeslxys]

I’ve mentioned this elsewhere but it feels relevant again in light of the most recent episode. Something that’s really fascinating to me about Orym’s grief in comparison to the rest of the hells’ grief is that his is the youngest/most fresh and because of that tends to be the most volatile when it is triggered (aside from FCG, who was two and obviously The Most volatile when triggered.)

As in: prior to the attack on Zephrah, Orym was leading a normal, happy, casual life! with family who loved him and still do! Grief was something that was inflicted upon him via Ludinus’ machinations, whereas with characters like Imogen or Ashton, grief has been the background tapestry of their entire lives. And I think that shows in how the rest of them are largely able to, if not see past completely (Imogen/Laudna/Chetney) then at least temper/direct their vitriol or grief (Ashton/Fearne/Chetney again) to where it is most effective. (There is a glaring reason, for example, that Imogen scolded Orym for the way he reacted to Liliana and not Ashton. Because Ashton’s anger was directed in a way that was ultimately protective of Imogen—most effective—and Orym’s was founded solely in his personal grief.)

He wants Imogen to have her mom and he wants Lilliana to be salvageable for Imogen because he loves Imogen. But his love for the people in his present actively and consistently tend to conflict with the love he has for the people in his past. They are in a constant battle and Orym—he cannot fathom losing either of them.

(Or, to that point, recognize that allowing empathy to take root in him for the enemy isn't losing one of them.)

It is deeply poignant, then, that Orym’s grief is symbolized by both a sword and shield. It is something he wields as a blade when he feels his philosophy being threatened by certain conversational threads (as he believes it is one of the only things he has left of Will and Derrig, and is therefore desperately clinging onto with both bloody hands even if it makes him, occasionally, a hypocrite), but also something he can use in defense of the people he presently loves—if that provocative, blade-grief side of him does not push them—or himself—away first.

(it won’t—he is as loved by the hells as he loves them. he just needs to—as laudna so beautifully said—say and hear it more often.)

#critical role #cr spoilers #bells hells #orym of the air ashari #cr meta #imogen temult #ashton greymoore #liliana temult #this is genuinely completely written in good faith as someone who loves orym #but is also about orym and so will inevitably end up being completely misconstrued and made into discourse. alas #I could talk about how Orym’s unwillingness to allow the hells to actually finish/come to a solid conclusion on Philosophy Talk #is directly connected to one of the largest criticisms of c3 (that they are constantly having these conversations) #all day. alas. engaging with orym’s flaws tends to make people upset #it is ESP prevelant when he walks off after exclaiming ‘they (vangaurd) are NOT right’ #which was not only never said but wasn’t even what they were talking about #he even admits as much to imogen like ten minutes later! that he is incapable of viewing it objectively #which is 100% justifiable and understandable but simultaneously does not make his grief alone the most important perspective in the world #also bc i fear ppl will play semantics on my tags yes the line ‘i hope she’s right’ was said but it was from ASHTON #who does not believe they are at all and wasn’t saying they actively WERE right. orym just heard something to latch onto and ran with it #ultimately there is a reason orym only admitted that he was struggling when he had stepped away to talk to dorian #who has not been around and thusly has not changed once n orym's eyes #and it isn't that the hells never check in or care. they do. they have several times over #it is dishonest to say they haven't #the actual reason is that all of this is something He Is Aware Of. he doesn't mention it bc he KNOWS it's hypocritical and selfish #he says as much! #EXHALES. @ MY OWN BRAIN CAN WE THINK ABT MOG AGAIN. FYRA RAI EVEN. FOR ME. #posting this literally at 8 in the morning so I can get my thoughts out of my brain but also attempt to immediately make this post invisibl

[masterqwertster]

A difference between Ashton absorbing the Spark and Fearne absorbing the Spark that I haven't seen discussed is that Fearne had the ability to ripcord out until the end of the 6th round/start of the 7th round while Ashton only had to the end of the 1st round.

Now by "ripcord out," I mean they could have halted the absorption process by either removing the Quintessence Array or potentially pulling the Spark out of the Array's funnel. Essentially, the Spark's crystal vessel had to still exist and be a separate receptacle, much like how the Quintessence Array cannot fully transfer a creature's magical essence without proper absorption time.

For Ashton, the Spark's crystal crumpled to nothing by the end of the first round via CON Saves (Ashton's early rounds were weird in that Matt rolled multiple damages against him instead of just one, especially the second CON Save round). All they had were those initial moments where it didn't seem impossible, didn't seem like anything they couldn't handle, to back out. 36 Damage and unaware they had to go for 9 more rounds where one pulse of Damage could do up to 60 Damage.

Fearne, on the other hand, besides having a much gentler time of it with zero CON Saves and able to use her own magic to help keep herself up from lower Damage rolls, had until the end of the sixth round or the start of the seventh round before the second Spark crystal finished crumpling into nothing. She had time to assess if it would be too much for her to finish, time to say "No, this was a bad idea. I don't want it."

I'm sure part of that difference is Ashton jumped in on a bad idea and was being forced to deal with the Consequences while Fearne's was a much more measured decision and the "safe" route. You know, game mechanics and penalties.

But consider it narratively.

The way I read it, one of two things happened: Ashton's body is so attuned/ready to be a vessel of great powers that it just slorped the Spark right up, no hesitation. Or, Rau'shan was so eager to move in with his old partner, that he jumped right in (and later backed out because it was too crowded to be tenable). And honestly? Both have interesting implications.

If Ashton is just a higher power absorbing machine, that can mean some interesting things for how he ended up with the Shard of Ka'Mort. Like that the Hishari ritual wasn't meant to bestow the Shard to anyone, but through whatever fuck up happened, Ashton chomped it up. Or that it was about bestowing, but Ashton was such a better vessel that it fucked up the ritual. And the Potion of Possibility giving them a half-beacon brain just happened. There's no explanation as to why it didn't just give him a Mote of Possibility to essentially reroll a Death Save into stabilizing himself rather than die, which makes sense with what the Potion does. Instead it made Ashton a permanent well of dunamis. Maybe that happened because Ashton is titan-blooded. Maybe it's because they are uniquely suited to being a vessel of great powers, that they possess a body hungry to hold more power.

On the other hand, if Rau'shan wanted in to reunite with Ka'Mort with all haste, that makes Ashton his first choice of vessel. Then Rau'shan backed out because three's a crowd and a quality vessel does no one any good if it breaks trying to use that power (because Ashton did manage to contain it all). And maybe he goes a little slower when a second vessel attempts to hold his Spark, just to make sure she's not going to blow up on him.

Or even Fearne just doesn't have the same draw for the Spark as Ashton, so it crumbled at the rate the Quintessence Array drained it at instead of being sucked straight through to it's new home.

I'm just saying, it's a very interesting difference that didn't need to exist to show how much easier absorbing the Spark is for not-Ashton.

#MQ blathers #critical role #cr meta #c3e77 #c3e80 #ashton greymoore #fearne calloway

[essektheylyss]

To no one's surprise, I have more thoughts on Ashton's feelings about faith and begging for divine intervention and never receiving it, because... well, look at what's in their head.

I tend to take the view that the Luxon as a divine entity does not necessarily have conscious intent in granting divine favor; it is closer to a foundational force of reality, with the rather nebulous thought that might accompany a living entity associated with that kind of force. So not inert matter, but not exhibiting the will and motivated action that the Pantheon or even the Primordials do. The Primordials are closer, in that they are active, but I think they are less willful. This isn't particularly relevant to this discussion except as evidential comparison, though, so I digress.

What this view of the Luxon results in, in practice, is the bestowing of power by seemingly random chance. The beacons are where they are, and any movement of their worship or use is in the hands of mortals who convey that—whether that's the expansion of dunamantic arcana in Aeor and possibly the larger world in the Age of Arcanum, or the missionary efforts of the Kryn Dynasty, or simply one person passing it to someone with ill intent who exploits another worker to expand its use and turn it into a weapon instead.

And what happens is that these smaller exchanges create ripple effects, and the path of this force being conveyed continues, which is how it has come to Ashton—by a series of circumstances that, when looked at individually, look like mundane random chance, but taken as a whole, are so unlikely that they seem meaningful in the end.

I think this gets to the heart of what the Luxon seems to rule—the world may be governed by chance and circumstances, but when those circumstances are accumulated—into an event, or a nation, or a life—they create not destiny but meaning.

Ashton's circumstances are a series of misfortunes that feel almost fated in how perpetual they are—when he spells out the course of his life, and says that he can count on his fingers how many genuinely good days he's experienced, the weight of that misery feels like an oppressive fate.

But within the amalgamation of that misery, they've also happened upon—one might say were bestowed with—power. This is the power that lets him decide to be a hero and decide to save his friends. And, by some accounts in Exandria, it would've been granted to them by a god, without even asking anything in return. It's not verbal, so it's not a concession or meant to be placating, which wouldn't do much in the long run—it's the means by which Ashton has been able to wield control over his own destiny.

So if there's any meaning to circumstance, maybe it means that when Ashton prayed, something already answered.

#this just in: marble tomes office of export controls actually just the missionary arm of the kryn dynasty. #luxon blogging #critical role #cr meta #cr spoilers #ashton greymoore #me: meta doesn't have to be super polished or formal stop worrying so much about it #also me: if I don't explain my methodology for this analysis I'll fucking die.

[tangledbean]

Ashton Greymoore has chronic pain.

Ashton Greymoore lifts a bust out of Jiana Hexum’s house and carries it across Jrusar because Fearne wants it.

Ashton Greymoore picks up Orym after Orym fell from the airship and carries him downstairs to safety.

Ashton Greymoore carries Laudna’s body to Joe’s, and then to Eshteross’s house, and then to Whitestone.

Ashton Greymoore carries their family teammates as a way to show love.

Ashton Greymoore is strong enough to show love even though it hurts, perhaps even because it hurts.

Because nothing in their life has been easy or painless. Especially not the good things.

#ashton greymoore #orym of the air ashari #laudna #bells hells #critical role #chronic pain #critical role spoilers #cr3 spoilers #spoilers for episode 34 #i guess if you haven’t started the campaign it’s spoilers #episode 34 #thoughts #spoilers for episode 35 #cr meta

[sparring-spirals]

i already wrote a post like this at some point (edit: found it!) but i wanna say it again that like. its so interesting watching Ashton speak about things they care about. because when they make up their mind on something it solidifies for him, it turns from a passing wave into an immovable rockface. its how confidently they proclaim things to be bullshit, how they decide to do things and talk about them like foregone conclusions, even if they can't be guaranteed, even as he states opinions warpes by his experiences like worldly facts.

It makes them so nice to listen to, when you are shaking, when the world is shifting and you look for solid things to hold onto. Something so reassuring about having everything burning and an assured "None of that shit matters, here is what matters." "Well, everything is awful, but we can do this." "We can't fucking do anything about all of that, so lets do this. This is what matters".

It is so integral to how Ashton lives, to how he survives, to how they took a million hard hits in their life and still kept going, finding new things to hold onto. Ashton has a way of saying things like they're facts, and even when they aren't, when they can't be, sometimes you really want to believe it, need to have something to believe- to lean up against steady stone, have something to fall back on.

#critical role #cr spoilers #c3e59 #cr liveblogging #ashton #character meta #ashton meta #back on it!!! aaaa #my meta #god i wish he and deanna had gotten to meet.... #the flipside of this is how terrifying and infuriating it is when you DONT agree with it. truly the epitome of arguing with a brick wall #because its something they are rooted in so deeply and so strongly its like #where do you even start #how do you even start #it underlies the foundatuins of what they do and say

[vethbrenatto]

breaking all That down a little

honestly c3e78 was just a FASCINATING roleplay episode so i'm doing a little train of thought meta on different people's reactions to the events of c3e77:

most of the group is angry at ashton, obviously. but for different reasons. fcg & imogen seem to carry concern largely for ashton themself and fear his self-harming tendencies. both go in on him directly, but also seem to be the ones who are openly the kindest towards them after they reject the second shard.

conversely, laudna and chetney are mad at ashton for hurting fearne (and in laudna's case, feel specifically betrayed). they both feel his crime is the effect his actions have on others.

which is fascinating, when paired with fearne's reaction, because fearne also blames ashton, but just as heavily blames herself. others like chetney and laudna rage in her honor, but she's mad at herself for going along with it. for making the "wrong" choice. for letting her feelings for ashton cloud her judgment.

and circling back around, we get to what ashton is feeling. regret, sorrow, immediate attempts at amends. but there's something in their conversation with chetney that really got me: when they state that when chetney inevitably fucks up at some point in the future, they will stand by chetney and give support. that he will show grace in that situation.

to which chetney says, just words. which maybe. but it's so in line with what ashton wants- family, belonging, unconditional love. going all the way back to the nobodies, this is what ashton is about. i think he would show grace, and i think he has in situations when others in the party haven't. there's something hard to swallow about the reactions to ashton in this episode, not because they're wrong from the other members of the party, but because in ashton's rebuttal to chetney, it feels like what ashton needs is for someone to say, "you fucked up, but we still love you." which they sort of get around to by the end of the episode, but we're not quite there yet.

insane RP episode, 10/10

#critical role #critical role meta #bells hells #ashton greymoore

[difeisheng]

in a drama that pays SO much attention to and is deliberate about giving each character a very distinct silhouette, it has been driving me absolutely fucking insane for several weeks now that some of jiao liqiao's outfits are cut like li xiangyi and li lianhua's robes.

you can see the visual similarities between jiao liqiao's most-worn outfit and li xiangyi in the general form of the robes, but particularly in the drape of the sleeves and where they fall open at the shoulders (sorry, i don't know the technical term). it's harder to see here but both outfits also have bracers that match the robes in a very integrated way and colour-wise, with the same fitting to the sleeves.

here, if not for the colours and material of jiao liqiao's outer layer, this would be something li lianhua would wear. the fit of these robes are the same. the pleats at the lapels even match. jiao liqiao is visually paralleled with li xiangyi and li lianhua, mirroring the man she's forever seen as competition for di feisheng. it's as though in truly every way, she's trying to replace him. maybe if she tries hard enough, di feisheng will finally look at her for once.

i mean hell, think about how even more interesting this scene gets— jiao liqiao's "i'm the victor in this game of love" moment— once you realize she's taunting li lianhua about having a place beside di feisheng while emulating the image of li xiangyi, the man di feisheng cannot leave behind. ("maybe you could still have had him now if you'd stayed like this. if you hadn't become what you are now. it's too bad i stepped in all those years ago, and so you're in this state, isn't it? i've won, li xiangyi.") mysterious lotus casebook already did a stellar job in everything else in establishing jiao liqiao and li lianhua as rivals for di feisheng, but this visual aspect just elevates some of these character interactions throughout the show.

#the way i described jlq's lxy robes at first was ''lxy but if you added more wedding gold to them'' #i haven't been normal since #sorry ive been too lazy to look for screenshots before but I didn't want to post about this without them #rewatch has proved so fruitful to me #mysterious lotus casebook #jiao liqiao #li xiangyi #ashton originals #mlc meta #mlc costume meta

[cassafrasscr]

I continue to have so many thoughts about Ashton.

I've seen a handful of posts accusing Ashton of being selfish and power-hungry, and I don't think that's completely inaccurate, per se. I don't think it's fair to frame it as Ashton just wanting power for it's own sake without considering the larger context of the threat they're facing.

Let's look back on the Hells' first battle with Otohan.

Ashton was almost completely useless in that fight. He got knocked out twice in the space of a few rounds. Which, no shade. With her Echoes in play, Otohan was almost able kill Keyleth (a level 20 Archdruid, plus her elemental Wildshape) in a single round.

Ashton's whole job is to tank hits and deal damage. With an enemy that can deal out enough damage in one round to put the tank out of commission, his ability to mitigate damage to the rest of the party is severely hampered (if not cancelled out completely).

The only reason Ashton didn't also die in that fight is that his friends healed them enough that they could get back up again, and they were able to make a run for it before Otohan started going back to kill the PCs she had already knocked out.

And that was just Otohan. One of Ludinus' right hand generals, sure, but still nowhere near as strong as Ludinus himself (or even Predathos, if it gets released). Even once they defeat Otohan, the fight that's still in store for Bell's Hells is near insurmountable.

Taliesin has said in a previous 4SD (don't remember which one, sorry) that this fight was the moment that Ashton realized just how invested with this new group they had become. The moment he couldn't protect his friends was the moment he realized that he finally had the family he'd been missing... and by then three of them (Orym, Laudna, and Fearne - probably the PCs Ash was closest to at the time) were dead.

Not only could Ashton not protect his friends, he also ran. He left his friends behind and half of them ended up getting killed. I think Ashton may feel they left their friends for dead in that moment, the same way the Nobodies left him for dead after the Hexum Heist.

Now, I'm not sure I would necessarily equivocate these two situations - this is just where I think Ashton's head might be given recent events. I don't think he would see any significant difference between the Nobodies leaving him after his fall, and him running for his life during the Otohan fight. If I'm remembering correctly, this is also around the time that Ashton really started to double down on their "Nobody gets left behind" rule.

Now that Ash is aware of how much he cares about the other Hells, he will do absolutely anything to keep them. Bell's Hells is too invested in the fight against Ludinus to turn back, and Ashton is never going to leave them again. So if the Hells won't abandon the fight, and Ash won't abandon the Hells, their only option is to get strong enough to keep their friends safe.

So of course Ashton took the Shard of Rau'shan when Fearne didn't want it. No one else seemed able or willing to take it, so Ashton charged ahead with his decision the way he tends to do.

Was it arrogant and hubristic? YES. Was it a power-hungry thing to do? YES. Was it wrong to keep it secret from the rest of the group? YES. But there's not a single force in Exandria that will make Ashton regret taking that shard if it helps him protect his friends even a little bit.

It also feels fitting to me that one of the few things Ashton can't protect them from is his own poor decision making.

#also i think ashton wildly overestimated his ability to survive absorbing the shard #he's already survived so many things that should have killed them #he was told multiple times before this that it was a miracle he was anywhere near functional #why not throw more nonsense into the mix? #i will be chewing on this genasi forever #ashton greymoore #cr3 #cr3 e77 #critical role spoilers #meta #long post #critical role #i have so many thoughts about ashton

[immult]

oughghh feeling some type of way looking at This bottom table rn

feeling some type of way that all three of them—Fearne, Imogen, Ashton—have now met reflections of their terrible selves one way or another.

Fearne, at the gate, meeting face to face with her mishappen twin who was sad and angry and everything she didn't want to be. Fearne worrying whether that version of her was a possibility or a promise.

Imogen having to face someone who looks exactly like her be consumed by search and purpose that whatever reason her mother began with became an excuse to clean leftover conscience.

Ashton who met Ashton in a dream of possibilities where everything went well for the Hishari, Ashton with elven ears and normal skin who gets to inherit every bit of destiny and more. but so cruel, so vicious.

it is Fearne running from a future, Imogen fighting the present, and Ashton mourning a past.

#in MY opinion at least. :) #call me a snapping turtle the way i'm BITING BITING BITING them. #ashton greymoore #fearne calloway #imogen temult #cr3 #critical role #critical role spoilers #cr spoilers #thunk tag #c3e78 #this is technically not a meta this is a plea for a Bad End AU fanfic with these fuckers i love them.