#as with many details of my childhood

[bumblinfool]

I will never forgive my father for selling my Pokémon card binders without my knowledge

#pokémon #it’s the not knowing that kills me #my memory is so bad I could not accurately recall which cards I had #as with many details of my childhood #so having those artifacts would have been nice 😵‍💫 having some sort of established sense of little me outside of the trauma would be nice #even my diaries are lost forever #the baby blankets the Polly pockets #besides the small box he cruelly mailed to my moms address with random forgotten tidbits #no return address #I bet he sold as much as he could to make it a little worthwhile #vents #childhood

[echo-does-art]

This month I coincidentally found my favorite frog drawing I made when I was ten, so I decided I'd redo it for today's prompt!

#many times earlier in the month I actually tried recreating this from memory :) #I was definitely missing details but that's still better than I expected considering I hadn't seen this piece in many years #frog #frogs #redrawing childhood art #amphibians #amphibiuary2023 #redo #my art #traditional art #digital art #daily prompt

[tending-the-hearth]

Bail saying that Leia is just as important as Luke nearly made me cry, because she IS just as important as him, she is JUST as powerful as he is, thanking the Kenobi show for the Leia content we deserve 😤

#sassy leia my beloved #listen if all we see of luke is just that little moment of him pretending to fly a speeder?? #i'll be absolutely happy with that #he was the main character of the og trilogy #so i'll be more than happy if leia is one of the main focuses of the kenobi show bc she deserves it #we know so much abt how luke grew up and his relationships with everyone #but leia's childhood doesn't have many details #so i'm so excited to see more of her #leia organa #bail organa #obi wan kenobi #kenobi show #kenobi series #kenobi spoilers #luke skywalker

[notevenghosts]

Finally thought of something I'm interested in polling folks about, so here's baby's first tumblr poll.

#if you want to share in more detail go for it! #I've experienced it many times since early childhood and often forget that's not universal #actually haven't had it in a while (maybe a year or so?) which is surprising because my insomnia has gotten worse #I'm kind of tempted to try to trigger it but haven't yet but I'm pretty sure I could

[designernishiki]

okay but. why does it seem like 24 year old majima’s ridden a horse before. why does he talk like he has Experience. what is this lost lore

#rambling #we just gonna gloss over this #to me ​this either implies he’s from either a REALLY country background Or on the other end of the spectrum (my personal belief) and he’s #from an upper middle class to well off background and has been to like horse camp or horseriding lessons or something in his childhood #oh man please i love the image of an 8-14 year old majima being made to do horseriding by his parents because hes this #lanky pale ass kid who needs to do SOME kind of sport or something #and boy would he Hate it #he’s bizarrely prodigious at a Lot of the (especially technique based) things he tries canonically so I imagine he wouldn’t actually be Bad #at it after some trial and error but. he’d still fucking hate it. and his cool persona in his head would be riding a motorcycle or something #instead cause that’s Way cooler to him #man I have so many thoughts about young majima I really gotta go into depth on it soon #oh yeah just a note: part of the reason I don’t think he’s from a country background is cause his Real Accent canonically is #a tokyo one which he’s still getting the hang of covering up with a kansai one when he’s 20. meaning there’s not a ton of time for him to #have adjusted into a Tokyo one or something prior if he hadn’t grown up there #so I’m pretty damn sure he’s from Tokyo #that + a number of other details that make him seem to me like he grew up with a more formal education #and ywah blah blah blah #majima #Yuki #sunshine siblings #y0

[divinekangaroo]

a home painted bright with blood and thorns - pettiot - Peaky Blinders (TV) [Archive of Our Own]

Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5 | (COMPLETE)

After the S4-S6 election/marriage, pre-S5. Some months into Tommy and Lizzie's marriage.

This frequently absent father and husband considers that he often does his best work in extreme circumstances: time pressure, resource constraints, situational uncertainty, high stakes, and gross emotional wounding. He knows what to do, doesn't he?

No matter what sort of internal spiralling disaster cascade he's busily ignoring inside. No matter what badly considered spur of the moment decisions he makes to get through the moment that he might pay for later. No matter what—

.

Tommy Shelby/Lizzie Stark, Charles Shelby, Ruby Shelby, Arthur Shelby, Frances, Various Shelby Household Maids, Charles Strong, Cyril the Dog, | Domesticity, Intimacy, Menstruation, Bodily Fluids, Bodily Solids, Bodily Functions, Babies, Lactation, Mental Health Issues, Repression, Abusive Families (Past), Attempts at Communicating, Trying Hard, Family Trauma, Family Feels, Nail-Biting, Household Dynamics, Absent Father, Avoidance, Deflection, Trying Sooooooooooo Hard, Distress, Comfort Sex, Dysfunctional Family, Contraception, Spiralling, Intrusive Thoughs, Mild Paranoia, Grief, The Lasting Legacy of Catholicism, Fear of Mental Illness

.

#peaky blinders #my writing #peaky blinders fanfic #tommy x lizzie #charles shelby #ruby shelby #arthur shelby #Guest Starring the Ghosts Of (Mrs Shelby)(Alfie Solomons)(Grace Shelby)(all them other hauntings on the January) #the many times i weave sabini's assault into things; of all the horrible matters inflicted on tommy it's *that* one which burns me #i think it's because S2 is where the things done to him and that he is forced to do collapse the possibility of his recovery #so it's almost as if childhood was being forced to line up for war; wwi was being forced to climb the cliff; #s2 is where he's kicked off the cliff despite him clinging on all season; then it's all hitting the rocks on the way down from then #this was a fascinating writing experience because i handwrote it all first in one week late Feb then did a type-up and detailed edit #still contemplating what this experience has taught me about writing mediums/forms #certainly i could not do it with longer chapters but i *could* do it with a longer story #seems 2500 words makes a decent scene/chapter size of managable editability on a progressive basis #i know lots of fellow writers do the 'why do you talk so much about wordcount just write' but when time is limited the size/format- #-significantly impacts my ability to be productive. like the difference between doing a full scale wall mural versus a handsketch i need to #-match the form to the available window to produce the form #(remembering that one time i did a full wall mural: duration measured by all 6 seasons of X-Files running in the background whilst doing it

[wataeicentric]

Akira please... All a girl really wants to know is the answer to the age old question of were Wataru's birth parents neglectful, and his adoptive parents are nice but just bad off money wise, or are they practically as bad as each other?

#i will be happy whether we get Wataru dragon scout or Wataru lookback tomorrow #but please god let it be the lookback. #theres so much evidence to suggest both of these things but Wataru's the biggest liar in enstars #so no matter how many paragraphs of analysis on every little detail we have i write #i always go back to the quotes and look at them from a different angle #then think #hang on a minute #that could be interpreted from a completely different angle... #and then i write another paragraph of a different option #happyele im begging you #akira please #tell us why he is the way that he is. #tell us why he doesnt know his name in santuary #and why he says to eichi #'if they truly didnt love you they might have done something like throw you away without even giving you a name' #because those two things alone paint a very vivid picture of his childhood in my mind #and oh there are so many more colours to paint with!! #but im looking at akiras composition from every angle possible and cant quite capture it properly.... #eichi tenshouin #ensemble stars #wataru hibiki #enstars #hibiki wataru

[orcelito]

ok. i finally finished trigun 98.

that. Sure Was Something. it's rly interesting to see how the end of 98 compares to what nightow did in trimax. there are some similarities of course, but overall it felt really... simplified in comparison.

my final verdict is that Yeah trimax is still my fav trigun iteration, but by itself trigun 98 is a pretty emotionally fulfilling anime

#speculation nation #fanny watches trigun #trigun spoilers/ #tagging preemptively #there's a lot for me to sort out. creative choices they took and such #i want to supplement my writing with details that appeared in 98 that didnt appear in trimax & dont conflict with them #such as the thing with wolfwood being 7 years old when he killed his own guardian. presumably his father #in trimax we see him say he was 'born in a ditch' but it says Nothing about his childhood #but if we were to merge the bit from 98 with what we know from trimax... wolfwood aged 7 kills his father and then lands in the orphanage #already jaded but happy there. wanting to just take care of the other children. #that's. compelling to me. and ive basically adopted that into my personal interpretation of his backstory #since we didnt get much of that from him. aside from the general details. #the thing with the guns was interesting. though it obviously conflicted with the manga's thing of the angel arm #vash's desperation to not be alone was Heartbreaking. & the fact that he followed knives around for almost fifteen Years... #even with his feelings of betrayal. and knives still took care of him during that time too (like covering him with a blanket when he #fell asleep out on the ledge) #there are SO many interesting details. and im definitely going to have to go through this anime some more to sort it out #but ive finally finished my first watch! and im pretty excited about that :')

[morningmask27]

I do sometimes find it really annoying that most of the things I do right now are At Least tangentially related to a trauma I lived through.

I am living in a university dorm right now, it's a very typical thing to do, but most people return to their family home during the weekends and only really stay in the dorms because they have classes in the week and having to go from their home to the classes, especially the 9 am classes, can be heavy if they live somewhat further away. I stay in my dorm the entire week. For Reasons I don't want to go back to my old home for longer than half a day to drop my laundry and leave with clean clothes, some food and a chat with my mother. I wouldn't feel good doing so anymore, but mentioning that is weird because most people (except internationals because going to a full on other country just for the weekend, every weekend, would be a bit dumb) return to their home (My dorm feels more like home to me right now than my old house did btw).

When I say I stay in my dorm people are somewhat confused, as it on its own already implies that something must not be that good at the familial home for me to not go there for the weekends. By the simple fact I don't go back it's already implied there is something wrong, and it's true, there Is something wrong, but I can't just start explaining the whole thing, it's not really appropriate for most conversations, and I simply don't want to open up about this part of my traumas. So I just have to quickly and very blatantly brush off that fact and the unpleasant implications to continue the conversation without making it awkward and it's so annoying.

Most of my weird trauma responses at least have the added thing that if I don't verbalize them nobody will really notice. I am good at hiding them, I kinda had to, but this dorm situation is such a blatant sign of something Weird (and not the good kind) that I cannot hide since my actions on their own imply a situation already.

I am somewhat good at dealing with all of these issues, brushing off The Problems is a typical part of normal conversations, but it does get frustrating sometimes when I get severely affected by something traumatic, and it's The Only reason that my problem happened, but I cannot talk about it in casual conversations because of how heavy and intense it is. I have to vaguely mention The Horrors (They Are Complex) and move on before I make my conversation partner uncomfortable. It happened when I had to miss a class because of a severe relapse in my mental health, it happens every time I mention I stay in my dorm the weekends, it happens whenever I get too jittery and weird because of stress (I don't even always know Why I am stressed) and I just cannot explain anything about the cause because it's too heavy for most people to hear. (I do understand that fact, it makes sense you're not going to tell classmates casually about the horrific stuff you went through in your personal life, but it fucking gets annoying when it is fully related to a situation and I have to Shut The Fuck Up anyway.)

It's just frustrating to me that I have to deal with all these Weird Things because of trauma, and everyone sees them, but I cannot explain where they come from truthfully because of how much they are. It's in this weird middle state where people See I am weird hurt, but they don't Know why. I do things differently for reasons they can assume are unpleasant, but I cannot ever truly explain everything to them.

#morningcries #yeah late night frustrations as I just thing about all my friends and such going back to their homes and the occasional somewhat awkward #Lull in a conversation whenever I say I don't return to my kot (so Every time I say that) #Honestly having such a shit childhood really set me apart. But not in a good way #I am weird in many ways. All related to traumas I had and I can't relate to most people #I don't want to return to my home. I don't know what I feel about my sister but it sure as hell isn't a normal sibling relationship. #I have severe attachment issues and fucking cut myself when I was 14 #This mutilation fucked up my brain in the long term too as I now just crassly mention them Like That. They don't mean anything to me anymor #School left me a lonely hurt mess filled with anger and resentment. I had no friends left during my last year there. I had no friends when #I began university. My childhood was horrible and I now have to build something new from the shattered pieces I have left #Some people do help me but in a way my childhood is and always will be lost. I can't relate to what most people got to enjoy #Yes some small moments I do. I went on vacation and stuff and it was fun But somehow something always showed up to make the memory taste ba #When I talk about my past I always have to choose very specific small stories and shave off every negative detail and the grander (bad) #Context

[little-pondhead]

I feel like as a child I was Strange and Unsettling Enough ™ that my mother had suspicions about how weird I was, but I was her first kid so she just chalked it all up to Normal Child Behavior ™ every time I did something new.

Now we’re both realizing I was just really fucking weird.

#i got diagnosed with adhd after highschool #and we both looked at each other and went ‘oooooooooh’ #also some stories from my childhood just sound like something that belongs in a weird monster story #or just like #a modern story about changelings #maybe human are space orcs???? #oh this small child has an obsession with art? yeah that’s normal #oh the teachers literally have to restrain the child and make them go last during arts n crafts time? #that’s less normal but still acceptable #oh shit the child needs braces do we have dental insurance?? #hey the child kinda forced their own teeth to grow straight now we don’t need to go to the dentist:) #yeah that’s perfectly fine:)) #yknow maybe we should not let her cut her own nails she keeps filing them into points #where are these bruises coming from? who knows #this child has a concerning ability to stay quiet when something is wrong #like when SHE FRACTURED HER NOSE AND NOBODY KNEW #this child learned so many animal sounds!! that’s so cool:) #young child why do you know about the donner dinner party you are in fifth grade #why do you know how to mummify a person in extensive detail this is sixth grade #ah yes #carving atalatals for fun is a completely normal activity side note where did she get the knife #I’m calling myself out in third person #listen I did a lot of weird shit and I was a little bloodthirsty bitch #especially with my two brothers #by the time the girls were born I mellowed out and instead started corrupting the kids #i still bite tho #no bark and all bite #pondhead rambles

[theamazingannie]

Saw a list of songs gaylors think are queer-coded and people were understandably confused how they could be gay but many were like “INTHAF???” and I’m just like “…no they actually got a point there”

#as a queer childhood friends to lovers trope stan this song is very gay #BUT It’s also not a biographical song so you can’t use that as a gaylor argument #but so many of them specifically use he/him pronouns for the lover or reference specific details about Joe #and It’s like…girl #but inthaf is about two gay boy best friends falling in love #not even lesbians it’s very achillean to me #but that is my interpretation Not a testament to Taylor herself #i just use it for all of my friends to lovers ships and ocs #also Dorothea is the sapphic equivalent #but also not biographical #i wrote about straight people she can write about gays

[giddlygoat]

wallace’s constant state of t-rex arms is so inspired tbh

#i’ve been watching way too much wallace + gromit #lawllll ITS JUST SO GOOD! #insanely funny and charming and so many clever jokes and details #wallace and gromit #w+g #revisiting my childhood hyperfixes has got to be the best feeling in the world #this morning i sat in my old grandma rocking chair with the decorative mother goose tea towel draped over the top #in my moon + star themed robe while using my accordion case as a stand for my ipad in order to watch some w+g #and i was thinking to myself just how ideal my setup is for the occasion lawl

[headofocs-inklesspen]

New episode of Fundie Friday’s has me deep in remembering the songs I used to sing not only in the cult-y “nondenominational” church I briefly attended in high school but the older 2000s christian gospel rock type songs I sang as a tiny little child in my Methodist Church’s youth choir (Blessed be Your Name in particular comes to mind)

#crow rambles #it’s honestly kind of sad how deeply the church in high school fucked me up #because honestly? without that weird close brush with conservative evangelicism I’d probably still be religious #now I’m just too burnt by evangelical ‘Christian’s’ to want anything to do with the religion. the time was brief but the damage overwhelming #I honestly feel bad for the vulnerable teenager who just wanted her faith back that got hatred from people she trusted instead of acceptance #the music still goes fucking hard though #I hate how good Oceans is because like fuck Hillsong but also yeah the music could probably make me consider church again #fundie fridays #I was an acolyte in my original childhood Methodist church and I just think that detail is important #you got the light the candles on the altar before service began it was the Biggest Deal to us kids #unhinged little 9years vibrating in excitement because it was their week to control the fire #my mother had so many of the Now That’s What I Call Music christian rock cds #and Jars of Clay and MercyMe. so many CDs that I didn’t realize were Christian bands until much later

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

bestie is coming home on 1st im having thoughts

#obviously i missed her and would love to see her but seeing her brings so many complicated feelings and i hate it #i realised somewhere in the middle of a metro surrounded by a crowd that my bestfriend loves her boyfriend more than she loves me #i saw them flirt and hug and ive known her since we were 11 okay i had never seen her be so happy and calm and peaceful and CONTENT #and it made me feel yuck disgusting gross that i could never give her anything like this in years of our friendship so ofc she loves him #more than me #i used to be annoyed at her telling me about him what he did down to evey detail but there's one i can remember really well #how she was upset with him and he got angry too very angry so she thought he was breaking up with her and she started sobbing so #uncontrollably on the phone itself because she couldn't lose him and so he at like 11 pm?? he left his pg and showed up at her house told #her to come down just to give her a hug and then they went to have ice cream to make her feel better #and i just. #obviously she loves him more ivy you don't even talk to her unless she talks to you you talk once in like 2 months #she has made me realise so many things about love 😭 #i think i get it love means showing up being there when the person you love needs you no matter what #like i get it's not always possible real life problems but #like he did have real life problems going out so late getting an auto not even being sure if she would come down cause she has very strict #parents #he was willing to put in all that effort just cause she was sad and that's why she loves him more than me it makes sense #but this is why i feel so scared im not even 2% of the person he is i always feel she is going to realise im an asshole and leave me #but we talk so less it wouldn't even affect me realistically #but then i would have lost all my childhood friends everyone who knew me when i was happy better than present atleast #i would have lost all friends period since i don't have any irl friends 😭 #this is why i feel conflicted 😭😭😭

[flowers-that-sing]

thinking of eddie’s childhood nickname being edelweiss, back when his mom still tried to be there for him

#bobbi babbling #stranger things #eddie munson #i have so many headcanons about his parents #esp his mom #and about everyones parents #like. ask me about anyone. #anyone in the party + also all the older teens + suzie even! #just not like. the adult adults #i dont have parent hcs for like joyce n hopper n murray #i have headcanons! just not about their childhoods #my most detailed childhood Thoughts are about #eddie steve mike nancy lucas erica suzie eden and max #not all of them are bad hcs btw! most are but-

[unknown-limes]

One time when I was a kid, I went to a Girl Scouts Tea Party at a Titanic museum which was shaped like half of the actual RMS Titanic, and I remember putting like seven sugar cubes into the tea bc it was so fkn gross (it was regular tea, I just don't like tea) and then we went inside the museum and I had the absolute time of my life, and so did the rest of my troop, so we went through at a pretty slow pace for kids and it was a great afternoon. I moved away a few years later and haven't spoken to any of those girls since, but I hope they also remembered that great trip when those billionaires died stupidly.

#Limes Blabs #titanic #it was in branson missouri n i highly recommend that museum it's great #the sister museum for it in pigeon forge was in the news a few years back bc their ice wall collapsed #the deal with it was it was meant to simulate how cold n solid the iceberg was so we could put ourselves in that moment easier #it worked on my troop i think #tbh i'm not sure of any other details it was many years ago n my brain blocked out a lot of my childhood memories #but i do remember how yucky the tea was and how much fun i had in the museum