how to date the god of thunder
this title is officially the worst, like, worse by far than reception but I’m SOOOO tired of just holding this shit back because of shitty titles or weird little misgivings about aligning the timelines. Dedicated to @apexhearted / @shardhearted who reminded me that none of it matters ‘cause it’s all riding on my imagination anyway.
pre-faraday cage, shaolin rowdy boys implied, happens after a friend but by how much, idk
prevented timeline
“It is uncanny, but there really is nothing to it,” Liu Kang observed, arms crossed, in the shade of a wall at the Wu-Shi academy. His companion, notably absent the wide, bladed hat, shook his head.
“I am TELLING you, there has to be something going on—there HAS to be! How many mortals do you think can just… walk up and do… THAT!” Kung Lao gestured at the well timed movement of an arm, tossing itself carelessly about the shoulders (the attempt was there, anyway) of the thunder god. The owner of the arm was, almost predictably, Johnny Cage. Johnny was gesturing as if to display the far horizon to the deity, who was nodding and shaking his head in turns, potentially conversing, but possibly just grunting at the interminable stream of words that came from the Hollywood superstar.
The man had been in special forces a long time, initially dividing himself, then committing wholly to SF and, now that the war was ostensibly over (and what a conclusion!), had returned in a part-time capacity. He had been considering retirement, but there was still so much to do. With the Triarchy establishing itself, the Tarkatans still fighting the Shokan, and the remainder of the Kytinn in the Shokan ancestral home, Outworld had its hands full. The soldiers and monks and assassin clans of Earthrealm were more than happy to help, of course, but it did demand extra training. That was why SF was here.
“I am sure, Kung Lao, that if I wished to lay a hand upon Lord Raiden in friendship, he would permit it,” responded the Chosen One mildly. “Now come, just because SF is here for training does not mean we can neglect OURS. We are their example.”
“Always training with you,” Lao grumbled. Liu Kang shook his head as his friend summoned his sacred accessory and they headed off toward the sparring rings. “Anyway, have you ever tried?”
Liu Kang reflected that he had not, but once more buried the thought in favor of his duty. He was the Chosen One of Earthrealm and, though his duty had been rudely thrust aside by Shao Kahn’s advances, Raiden’s refusal to participate in whatever farcical nonsense the Outworld dictator had attempted was giving Liu and Lao another chance at earning their place among the pantheon of Earthrealm heroes. Lao’s neck still bore the evidence of the blow dealt him by a deceitful Shao Kahn, who had attacked him after being defeated in fair kombat.
The part which burned Kung Lao most was that the blow was not even meant for him, not really. Evidently, Shao Kahn had assumed that by murdering his best friend, the Chosen One would have been thrown into an uncontrollable rage. In fact, he very nearly had. Kung Lao reflected that he should not, perhaps, be so suspicious of Lord Raiden; the deity HAD saved his life, expending great effort to do so. Going from doubting Thomas to skeptical debtor was an uncomfortable change for the arrogant man.
Be that as it may, Kung Lao still thought it was odd that Raiden had decided to make one of his infrequent appearances on the temple grounds the very day Special Forces arrived, however. He had seen them in action plenty of times, was well aware of their capabilities, and had no real, visible reason to be here. ‘It is not for us to know’ was not yet an appropriate explanation for things the thunder deity did or did not do.
Between Special Forces and the White Lotus, the Shirai-Ryu (being carefully tended by Grandmaster Hanzo Hasashi, a restored wraith), and the Lin Kuei (with Kuai Liang, brother of Bi-Han, holding the titles of Grandmaster AND Sub-Zero), they were well positioned to hold the line against any other realms who sought to invade. Outworld was off the chessboard, for the time being, but the fact that there were other options worried Kung Lao and took his mind off the Johnny Cage conundrum for a while.
The war had lasted twenty-some-odd years, with plenty of bumps and bruises along the way. After the initial tournament and betrayal, Johnny and Sonya had attempted to make a life for themselves, conceiving Cassie. Shao Kahn’s incursions had started in earnest within a few years of Raiden’s refusal to play the Outworld dictator’s games, however. Despite pleas to the Elder Gods, there were evidently no rules being broken here and so, unwilling to sacrifice those he had come to love best, Raiden had asked of them all their combined strength, to fight the battle he had sought to prevent by initiating the first Mortal Kombat tournament.
Sonya rejoined the fight, but Johnny, with their little girl to think about—Cassie was now a formidable foe and a lieutenant commander in SF, a chip off the old Sonya-shaped block—had fled kombat entirely, focusing on his acting career, raising his girl, and doing his best to get along largely without his ex-wife. Loneliness had entered the game and Johnny was weak, but he held on by the skin of his teeth for Cassie. Temptation arose many times and he was certain to have given in had it not been for the presence of many friends. He would have been the first to admit it, if asked.
What had prompted him to rejoin the battle was unclear, but once Cassie was old enough to understand why he might do something like that, he had done it. She spent plenty of time at Uncle Jax’s farm with her sister from another mister, Jacqui. In the end, however, she, too, had become a formidable kombatant and worked within Cassie’s unit. The two were a force with which to be reckoned. Johnny couldn’t have been more proud of his little girl and he had pride to spare for Jacqui, whose father was resentful of her choices, but held his tongue as civilly as he could, recognizing her talent and the necessity.
And now Johnny was here, a SF special agent of some kind—the details were “Cagey” in his words—and chatting with a few of the Wu Shi leaders, shoulder-to-shoulder (relatively speaking) with the god of thunder. His proximity and evident lack of deference unnerved the old men, but did not seem to have upset Raiden in the least. He continued his conference with the abbot and his assistants as if nothing was amiss, having an actor-turned-soldier part of the conversation. If he respected Johnny, they felt they should also do this, but it was difficult.
“Johnny Cage,” Raiden said, turning aside presently. “Perhaps you would like a tour of the temple grounds; they are breathtaking this time of the year.”
“You honor us with your compliments, Lord Raiden,” said the abbot, bowing low. His closest acolytes mimicked the action, in awe, as always, of the rumbling declarations of their patron deity. Clad all in blue and white, he was the picture of statuesque grace, power, and—if a certain sorcerer had been asked, though he had not been, nor was he present, thank the Elder Gods—exquisite beauty. His face was fine-boned, despite the broadness of his shoulders and even Johnny could not help noticing the way his waistline tapered to create an intensely pleasing hourglass shape.
“Yeah,” Johnny said, “sounds good—where’re the Shaolin Rowdy Boys? Bet they’d dig the chance to show off.”
Johnny jogged away, leaving the abbot and his followers stunned once more, groping for words. Finally, the abbot himself spoke. “Forgive my presumption, Lord Raiden, but—”
“You wonder why I tolerate him, Master Li Bing,” Raiden filled in, interrupting but not unkindly, “why he is allowed to irreverently refer to me by whatever name comes to his mind.”
In the course of their conversation (and on approach), Johnny Cage had referred to the god of thunder as “Ol’ Sparky”, “Electric Slide”, and “Raidude”, with many more, the abbot was sure, bouncing around in his otherwise empty brain. The current head of the Wu Shi was quite elderly, and had seen much, but he had never, in all his life, witnessed this kind of blasphemy—and directed toward the god himself. What was even more curious was that Lord Raiden seemed to respond to it with placid resignation, bordering on fondness, as if he could not have stopped the man if he had wanted to do so.
“Forgive me, Lord Raiden,” repeated Li Bing, bowing low. “My humble mind cannot comprehend—”
“It is the same reason you have allowed Kung Lao, in the past, to sleep in a tree behind the temple while your class was in session and you gave him lines, rather than the cane,” said Raiden with the ghost of a smile upon his lips. “Simply put, I am fond of Johnny Cage. He has a potential which is almost limitless and to judge him based on the façade he affects would be foolish. I believe that is one of the Wu Shi’s teachings, is it not, Master Li Bing?”
“It is, wise one,” admitted the abbot, face flushed with embarrassment. “I will endeavor to remember that the next time he refers to you as… Thunder Cat.”
“See that you do,” Raiden rumbled, not without humor. “For the time being, however, I must take my leave. Thank you for speaking with me.”
“You honor us,” the abbot reassured the deity, bowing low. Once more, the acolytes mimicked the gesture and then, in a flash of lightning, Raiden was gone. They all breathed a sigh of relief and went about their business, minds full of the strange preferences of gods.
“Oh—yup, there ‘e goes,” grunted Johnny, noting the unseasonable thunder clap with a grin as he strutted about the temple complex, searching for familiar red pants and a headband. Lao’s hat was easy to identify as well, but it was likely to be in the air and looking for it might not guide him to the man… initially, anyway.
He wandered a little farther until he heard the sounds of rhythmic practice. Here were assembled the neophytes of the order. Within their ranks, Johnny was surprised to see Liu Kang, though he reflected he should not have been. Ever the humble monk, Liu would take every opportunity to drill the basics of his order into his mind, that he should never forget them.
“I do not understand it either,” said a voice emerging from a nearby doorway. By the sound of it, the mouth was full and, as Johnny turned, he saw that it was Kung Lao, pushing the rest of a piece of toasted bread into his mouth and swiping crumbs off his cheeks and chin. “But it is his way, and he will not be convinced otherwise.”
“He’s like... the perfect monk,” Johnny groaned, gesturing. Lao pulled a face.
“Do not remind me.”
Johnny grinned and laughed through his nose as Lao retrieved his hat from where it was lodged in a nearby stump. Johnny kicked himself for not noticing that before, but excused himself on the grounds that he had been busy staring at Liu Kang’s muscular back.
The actor was far beyond making any secret of what he thought of his hot friends. Of course, he would never have made any kind of advances; he was just about sure there was some kind of vow of chastity thing happening here. But looking was free. Anyway, his mind was elsewhere.
“Lao, I got one for ya,” he said suddenly, turning to his friend.
“Yes?” Kung Lao’s eyes narrowed, the crows feet around their outer edges just now visible.
“How do I tell someone I kinda wanna blow their back out, but that I also wanna say they’re doing their best without sounding—”
“Like Johnny Cage?”
“Ouch.”
Lao’s lips, still fairly full in his middle age, were pursed in thought, wondering just where Johnny was even going with this. It was incongruous, of course, to be asking something like this in the temple of light, or really any holy place. Then again, Kung Lao was dubious with regards to the sanctity of a place where he could hide in a broom closet with his best friend and… experiment.
“Where are you going with this?” Lao crossed his arms and looked Johnny up and down, clearly assessing him for the presence of bullshit. The guy seemed sincere, but of course, as usual, his phrasing needed some work.
“Not sure yet,” Johnny responded, his attention waning as if often did. It had shifted to Liu Kang, who was approaching them, adjusting the braid of his long, black hair. It was shot through with silver in places, but of course, he being Liu Kang, it looked distinguished. Johnny definitely understood Kung Lao’s frustration.
“I am guessing you would like the… ten cent tour?” Liu’s voice was laced with amusement as he stopped a little ways off and gestured that he was free to play tour guide.
“If you’re down, Liu,” said Johnny, “else I was just gunna rope Lao into it, so…” He shrugged, as if indicating one chesty monk was as good as another. In truth, he wanted them both along, and not for the usual Johnny Cage reasons. He genuinely valued their insight, much as he also enjoyed flirting at them.
Liu Kang’s smile was sun on a cloudy day and Johnny would forever be enamored with it. The chosen one turned and gestured that Johnny should follow. Lao was content to tag along as well, having nothing better to do at the moment, or perhaps just not wanting to do anything else. Besides, what Johnny had asked him had caught his attention and he needed to see its conclusion.
Each building was more beautiful, serene, and older than the last until finally, they reached the chambers of the Jinsei, the sacred dragon grotto. Per procedure, Johnny had been blindfolded as Liu and Lao deactivated and led him past the traps, all the while enduring his BDSM-based humor for that particular situation, and wondering if he would ever run out.
He did not, and only ceased when they were before the intricately carved stone and blue-white “water” of Earthrealm’s life force. Johnny’s eyes were wide and he actually removed his sunglasses for this particular view. He had heard stories, of course, but given their current situation, the chance had not exactly presented itself to simply “pop in” to the Wu Shi academy and the temple of light.
“It is a lot to take in,” Liu confirmed, surreptitiously wiping moisture from his lower eyelid while Lao pretended he was not doing the same, swallowing hard and crossing his arms tightly over his chest.
“So that’s… earth blood, pretty much, right?” Johnny was not fully comprehending the various intricacies of divinity and all that entailed at the moment, nor would he ever, and neither monk saw fit to correct him or embellish.
“Essentially,” said Liu, nodding. “And it is harmful to mortals, so take care.”
“Why’s everything pretty gotta hurt so much?” Johnny’s comment, though spoken sotto voce and in an offhand sort of way, caught the attention of both monks and they turned toward him.
“What do you mean, Johnny?” Lao was beginning to make a few connections and assume this statement, as well, was linked somehow to his earlier inquiry regarding how to express one’s amorous affection without being abrasive. With that and a few other suspicions which had been taking up residence in his brain since SF touched down, Kung Lao had started to paint a very strange picture indeed.
“Oh y’know… how stuff that’s worth it is always hard, it always hurts.” The response was generic, not untrue, but did not reach the heart of the matter. He could not meet Lao’s gaze, or Liu’s, and so he focused on the ever-flowing stream of Jinsei from the mouth of a coiled, stone dragon.
He had never been here, but felt, in this place, of all places, he was supposed to be, that his existence was not in futility, that it had worth and that it mattered to someone, perhaps many someones. He knew his friends, those to which he had earlier referred as “Shaolin Rowdy Boys”, cared for him. He knew his late ex-wife had cared, in her way. He understood well that Cassie cared, that it was why she spoke so sharply and in such earnestness as she did with him. There was trust and love there.
But what am I to him? Johnny wondered, his mind painting a picture of the broad-shouldered, narrow-waisted deity in question. He did not know what Raiden looked like under his hat, but Johnny’s imagination filled that in, as well, with the long, white, silken hair he had once seen on Raiden’s brother, Fujin. The combination was strange, but not unpleasant, and heady with the intoxication merely of allowing one’s mind to wander. Johnny wondered if it was his proximity to the Jinsei that prompted these thoughts.
“Are you home, Hollywood?” It was Lao, waving his hand gently before Johnny’s face. Snapping back to reality, he turned and met the gazes of both monks, who looked genuinely concerned.
“Just thinkin’,” he admitted.
“Well that is a first,” Liu jabbed.
To the mutual surprise of both Shaolin, Johnny Cage did not retort. He did not seem abashed, either. His mind was awash with other thoughts and he had no desire to offer riposte. Liu Kang and Kung Lao locked eyes for a few moments before moving to usher Johnny away from the Jinsei, coming to the conclusion that the fumes were getting to him. There were no fumes, of course, but the alternative was far stranger:
Johnny Cage was nursing deep, affectionate feelings toward a deity, an elemental, an unquantifiable entity of another class entirely, however friendly.
And that simply could not be the case.
Could it?
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