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hyrule-kingdom-updates · 3 years

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Can we get some spare Launo headcannons for July?

Launo sucked big time at knight school when he first arrived—he didn’t exactly have any background help given no one in his family was a knight either. He was basically assigned the equivalent of “equipment manager” during the first few months. And when he did get proper actions with a broadsword or a bow, Launo struggled with footwork and precision and all the minute details of a duel so he often got his ass handed to him.

But one the top kids in Launo’s class thought he was cool anyways—that was, one Arcadius Hartell. Pretty, rich, ace with sword, bow, spear, and anything sharp, and pretty much had no flaws or weaknesses. Launo at first thought the guy was just pitying him, the kid who has never won a single sparring match and consistently put on training dummy duty (that is reattaching their heads when they got lopped off)

So it came as a bit of a surprise when Arcadius came to ask something from him.

“How do you do that?”

Launo turned from the training dummy he was working on. “S-Sorry, what?”

“The...the thing you do. With the...thing?” Arcadius pointed to the needle and thread Launo was holding as he was reattaching the dummy’s forearm. “How do you do that?”

Launo scrunched his eyebrows in confuzzlement. “This is, uh, well. It’s just sewing I guess. If this guy were real I guess it would be stitching, haha...” He patted the dummy’s wood shoulder playfully as if joking with a pal—the dummy immediately tipped over, Launo coughed and stepped in front of the mess to ignore it. Arcadius nodded thoughtfully.

“So, do you have a special technique or something?”

“I mean, not really, it’s just regular old sewing...”

“But I assume you’ve spent years training on the art.”

“I...uh...I guess? My mom taught me.”

“Oh! So it’s like...an apprenticeship...?”

“...Are you under the impression that sewing is some sacred gift that gets passed down to the worthy or something?”

“.........no....”

The two boys just stood awkwardly for a moment longer, Launo studying Arcadius’ face.

“You don’t even know what sewing is do you?”

“O-Of course I do! It’s the...thing.” He made a sword motion with his fingers, as if wielding a tiny blade. “You stab the stuff and it repairs. With the...” Arcadius squinted as he thought for a moment, “...stool...”

“Spool?”

“Yeah! That! So, look, you’re pretty skilled at everything—“

“I am??” Launo took a step back in shock.

“Yeah! You always fix the equipment, and somehow haul around all those weapons, and make us cool lunches—“

“I don’t know, I made Rubeo vomit last week cause I forgot he hates blueberries...”

Arcadius shook his hands. “N-Not the point. And he sort of deserves it. The fact is you’re obviously leagues ahead of the game—“

“I—Actually I wouldn’t say—“

“—so you just gotta teach me everything you know!” Arcadius pumped a fist and closed his eyes. “How could I ever call myself a knight if I don’t even learn the basics of equipment management! Who will mend the wounded holes in my soldier’s pride if I can’t even fix the tears in my uniform! A mountain’s peak is equivalent to the shallow shore if you have no bearing of the heights you soar.”

Launo blinked. “Are you...okay?”

Arcadius scratched his head. “Aha...sorry. That’s a quote from Aria Nori’s newest volume. Guess I was too into the moment there.”

“Oh! The Zora poet! I’ve read her stuff! I haven’t read her latest volume, but my dad often binds her books—“

“Really?!” Arcadius’ eyes were suddenly star struck. “That’s so cool! This is all the more reason you gotta teach me this stuff.” He waved again at the collapsed training dummy. “Maybe start with the beetle and thread.”

“Needle. D-Do you not know what a needle is?”

Arcadius’ eyes glazed over. “...no...oh my gods that’s not gonna be on the test is it?? I’m so screwed—“

“Nonono it’s not, I’m just...” Launo bit his tongue. Now that he thought about it, he never really saw anyone else in his class do mundane house chore stuff. They were far too busy sharpening swords and bragging about their parents or grandparents or great uncles or cousins that totally were war heroes and high ranking political figures. Sewing could just be a Hateno thing, could it..?

“Can’t you just hire someone to teach you?” Launo started. “I mean, I’m super flattered! Just that, I’m not exactly a master at this, so I’m sure there are adults out there that are more accomplished.”

Arcadius hung his head. “I don’t think my dad would let me...Pretty much everything not sword related he just hires someone to do for me. And he’s super picky about what training I focus on.”

“Well it’s not really official training, it could just be a hobby.”

The boy raised an eyebrow, sounding out the word. “H...Hob...?”

“O-OK, just forget that. H-How about...” Launo didn’t meet his eyes as he absentmindedly kicked the dirt. “Y-You like poetry, right? You can come over to my house and look at my dad’s collection. And when we’re there, I can let my mom...” He scrunched his eyes, trying to nail down the words, “...apprentice you? On the...art, of sewing?”

Arcadius’ eyes were wide enough to reflect the heavens themselves. “R-Really?? You’d do that??”

“I don’t see why not. It’ll be after call and,” Launo’s eyes suddenly sparked, “...You can just tell your dad that you’re training me! Say that you were asked to help your fellow classmates cause you’re already so far ahead from everyone else.”

Which isn’t exactly a lie, Launo thought, bitterly.

“Hmm...” Arcadius tapped his chin, before shrugging. “Might have to tweak the explanation to ‘getting extra credit for top grades by tutoring’ cause I don’t know how he’ll feel about me helping the competition.” He articulated the last word with a mocking, adulting tone. Then he held out a hand. “But I think it sounds like a deal! I’ll give you some pointers, and you introduce me to your mentor.”

“My mom.”

“Yeah, that.”

Launo shook his hand, still a bit timidly, given he now noticed that a few other boys in the training yard were watching the prodigy student interact with the glorified janitor boy.

So they both tutored each other: Larc, in the art of knowing what sewing magic was (Larc bringing the most expensive and ornate needle Launo had ever seen, even though Larc claimed he just found it in his father’s closet) and brewing delicious broths (“Wait, you have to stand around this pot for hours and cook this stuff?? I thought you just made soup in a bowl! You know, like how servants take off the silver cover on the tray and the soup is already there?” “We...dont have waiters or anything...so our method of cooking different.”) Meanwhile, Launo was able to make some progress with knight training—keyword, “some.”

“Don’t make your stance so wide.” Arcadius shoved Launo’s back foot with his boot. “Keep your feet closer together, you only want enough distance so that your front foot can hover an inch off the ground while your back foot stays planted. Any further, and you’ll topple too easily.”

Launo adjusted his stance as instructed, and readied the rapier again. He set his jaw. “OK. Come at me!”

Arcadius nodded. He picked up the wooden sword and swung (a bit slowly and wide) at Launo’s side.

Launo immediately shoved his rapier point left to counter his attack, but instead moved with such force and vigor that he practically fell onto Arcadius’ blade.

Arcadius chuckled, dropping the sword and helping Launo up again. “You don’t need to use to much force when you swing. In fact it’s better to work with simple quick movements with any rapier or piercing sword, since the damage is done by the tip, not the weight.”

“S-Sorry...” Launo mumbled as he got up again.

“Don’t be! Oh hey!” Arcadius suddenly went back around towards the pile of weapons and pulled out a claymore. “Actually, maybe a sword like this will work better for you! You won’t have to worry as much about holding back, or being finesse. All the power is in that downward swing—!” Arcadius swung the sword into a nearby log to demonstrate, nearly cutting it asunder.

He offered it to Launo. “And don’t let the size fool you, it’s not actually that heavy. Large weapons still need to let soldiers be quick enough to parry and block attacks.”

Launo turned the claymore around in his hands, studying the blade and handle.

Arcadius gestured to the log. “Well, go on! It’s similar to the grip I taught you with the broadsword, but this time you use your other hand in the bottom to support the weight as it turns on an axis. Try that downward swing I showed you!”

Launo paused for a moment, thinking. Then, he planted his foot down, and swung the claymore down with all his might, aiming for another soon-to-be piece of firewood.

The claymore whistled as it fell, and it cut into the log deep—about halfway. Yet, still not nearly as deep as how Arcadius had done it.

Nonetheless, he was hopping with joy for Launo. “That was awesome!! You did great!!”

He sighed as he left the claymore in the log. “No I didn’t...”

“What are you talking about? That was probably the best blow you’ve done all night!”

“Yeah! And it’s not even a quarter of the damage that you did with your swing!”

“Well, it still took me a while to—“

Launo gestured to the other log. “It’s been how many weeks?? And I’m not even CLOSE to being as good as you, much less being a top student...” He plopped into the dirt and laid himself out like a starfish.

Larc stood over him, confused. “Why would you want to be a top student?”

“BECAUSE I SUCK ASS, DUDE!” Launo held up his arms, exasperated. Larc, on instinct, stepped back and held his hands close to his chest as he fiddled with his thumbs and mumbled an apology. Launo immediately sighed.

“I’m sorry, I don’t mean to sound like I’m mad at you. You’re really great, Link. You’re so nice to me and you’re talented and I’m so grateful, but I’m just...” He shifted in the dirt again. “I don’t think I could ever be like you. I’d even dare to say it’s impossible.”

Larc stilled, playing with his thumbs, before daring to step closer and sit in the dirt beside him.

“Can I tell you a secret, Launo?”

He was quiet, but he nodded a yes.

“I think my brother’s a stronger fighter than me.”

Launo furrowed his eyebrows confused, but he continued.

“He just never takes his knight training seriously, because of my father. But I bet if he really tried, he’d be great at it.”

Ah. So that’s what he meant.

“But I AM trying.” Launo whined. “I guess compared to you it doesn’t seem like much but—!”

“Nono! Sorry that’s not what I meant!” Larc quickly cut in. “I just...” He trailed off.

“...There’s a reason I have to be the best.” Larc finally said. He was looking out into the woods, but Launo felt that he wasn’t really looking at anything in particular, maybe deep in thought. “There’s a reason I can’t settle, I can’t rest. It’s really important that I get this all right. And I guess that makes me admirable to most people but...”

He looked down at Launo, still spread out in the dirt. “I didn’t really choose to be a knight, unlike you. I didn’t actually choose to be the best, and I don’t get why so many people do train to be at the top out of their own violation. It really...sucks ass.” He articulated the last part in Launo’s tone, and they both giggled.

“So...I guess that I’m trying to say here is that...” He thought one his words a moment longer. “I think so many people are afraid of trying new things, because they fear not being the best at it, not being at the top. And I suppose ambition is good but...” He tilted his head and shrugged at Launo. “As someone who’s supposedly at the top, I would say I envy anybody that can make progress that their proud of. You choose to be a knight, and you’re training for it out of your own strength and courage. That’s more than I’ll ever have, so you should probably get off the ground and realize that soon.”

Launo’s eyes widened, a bit unnerved by how uncharacteristically blunt Larc was being.

“In my opinion, anyone that aims to be better than everyone is stupid—maybe that’s just me, but...I would think that if I was you, I’d be proud of any progress I made. If I was more skilled than I was yesterday, that’s really all I would care about. Why would I care about being the top of my class? I would kill to just be satisfied with being a better me.”

There was silence as the boys took in Larc’s words. Then he suddenly stood up. “G-Goddess Hylia, sorry I’ve been talking for so long, I didn’t realize how late it was getting.” He went to collect his things. “You can keep the claymore, I think you’d be great at it, just...”

Larc packed his swords and backpack, before turning back to the flopped out Launo. “...I think you’re really cool, Launo. So don’t tap out for my sake—I’m not the person that matters in your training, am I? So don’t give up for any silly reasons like that.”

Launo perked his head up to meet his gaze. While Arcadius was usually serious and controlled during training at school, Larc always seemed to have genuine excitement about swords when it came to him. The bright smile on his face caused his cheeks to warm and he immediately flipped his head back to hide it.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Launo!” Larc ran off into the night, a cobblestone streets in the distance swallowing his figure.

“See you...” Launo whispered.

He lay in the dirt a moment longer—his mother would probably berated him for the stains again—when he finally got up and looked at the claymore in the log. He walked up to it and observed it further, it was another a sixth of the way deep. He glanced at Larc’s log, which was nearly split in two, and sighed. Then he glanced back at his own work.

“Well, it’s better than when I first started I guess...” Launo mumbled.

No one responded.

The boy let out a huff, and gripped the sword again in his hands.

“But I can do better.”

By the time Launo was 16 he was finally beating his classmates with ease, specializing in longswords, axes, and hammers. And while he definitely still “sucked ass” in things like archery and lance work—to which some boys still teased him for—he found overtime that he no longer cared about what they thought. They had their strengths, and he had his. And to top it off, absolutely no one in the academy could make a lemon cookie like him. So at least he had the best in show for that angle.

Even years later, after certain incidents transpired concerning House Hartell, Launo always welcomed Larc to his house for “training.” Although after a while, it would be hard to still call it that when a large chunk of time is really just spent running their fingers through each other’s hair.

“But we’re friends, right?”

“Yeah.”

And even years after graduating as part of the top ten in his class and working as a knight, some of his old classmates would tease him for being the “rich boy’s lap dog,” Launo would find that he still really didn’t care—after a punch or two was thrown, of course. He found that his new lack of anxiety and concern heavily stemmed from that night, when Larc had told him about his envy for choice and satisfaction. Thinking back at the memory of his handling with a sword and his happy little smile once made Launo blush so hard his father teased him about it for the rest of his life—his mother claimed he went so red he would fit right in with the tomato stew. One of these days, Launo would pay Larc back for the endless teasing he got from his parents. And pay Larc back he would, indeed.

I mean, he already had the ring.

#hku spoilers #Launo Birch

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wishonastar7 · 3 years

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Timely Fate5

Starting the Paid Service(4)

I could hear laughter escape Dokja's lips but I ignored him in favor of opening the pdf that had been sent to me by the author. The file extension was txt.

[You have obtained an exclusive attribute]

[The exclusive skill slot has been activated]

[You have obtained an exclusive attribute]

[The exclusive skill slot has been activated]

My eyes widened in surprise. I knew that Dokja had gained an exclusive attribute while checking out the novel but I didn't think I would as well, and to think that I would gain two.

'Attribute Window.' I silently thought, a bit surprised when a screen that read [You cannot activate the Attribute Window] appeared. Thinking 'Attribute Weapon' once more, I was disappointed to be met with the same screen.

How the hell am I supposed to know my skills and attributes now? I closed my eyes, rubbing my forehead before hearing a small ding in my mind. I looked up and saw a small blue screen at the corner of my right side.

Curiously, I pressed on it. Immediately it opened up to show a screen that said [Companions].

The first one on the list was Dokja, then Yoo Sangah, Lee Gilyoung, Lee Hyunsung, and lastly Yoo Jonghyuk. Their names were gray though and besides their names were two boxes. The bigger one said [Info/Status] while the smaller one said [Request],

I quickly set Gilyoung down only to have him latch onto my fingers.

'Curious.' I clicked on the [Request] besides Dokja's name and saw Dokja's eyebrows raise. He gave me a quick look before the grey box on his name turned a bright blue with the words [Request] being replaced with [Accepted]. The [Info/Status] was 'on' now too and there were also three new circles stacked on top of each other on the far end of the box. One was a picture of a mic, the middle one a messaging symbol, and the last two hands stretched towards each other.

My eyebrows raised. A trading option. Oh, I could get lucky with this.

I tapped the messaging icon, only to find no keyboard. 'Hey Dokja' I thought, not surprised to see the words appear on the 'text' box. An arrow showing [Send] appeared beside it and I pressed on it.

It took a while before he responded. {Ha-Neul, is this one of your attributes?}

{Yeah} I responded. {I got two but I can't open my attribute window so I can't see what the other one is called.}

{I see. You shouldn't go around telling people about your attributes though.}

{I know. But I trust you and I was wondering if you may have had the same problem as I did.}

{..I did.} He sent a frowny face. I looked over to see him frowning, {This attribute is pretty cool. Look's like it'll be useful.}

Almost simultaneously we went 'offline' and looked down at our phones, I started looking through the novel. Wondering how we would get through this. Even though I knew how it would end, I'm here to fuck things up and not have Dokja die so many times.

[Your reading skill has increased due to the effect of the exclusive attribute] I was surprised for a second, but suddenly I had finished reading ten chapters in less than thirty seconds.

Suddenly, I caught a line.

[He saw people gathered at the back door of the 3707 compartment. The wheel of the tightly held lighter was cold. In this life, he absolutely couldn't make any mistakes. He would use any means possible. He took in the expression of fear in everyone's faces. He felt no guilt. Everything was fleeting. He looked down at the people with merciless eyes. After a while, his fingertips moved and fire rose. Then it all started.}

Fuck.

Without checking, I already knew what carriage we were on. [3807]. No matter how friendly Yoo Jonghyuk and I had been before his current regression, I wasn't in any others. He would suspect both me and Dokja. This carriage was doomed for death.

[He looked through the blurred window at the 3807 compartment. It was already too late. It was inevitable. Anyway, only two people survived in that compartment.]

Double fuck.

Quickly, I pulled up the [Companions] window and sent a request to everyone on the list. Unsurprisingly, Gilyoung accepted first. He looked up at me and I ruffled his hair.

Yoo Sangah accepted a few seconds later, followed by Lee Hyunsung but Yoo Jonghyuk's stayed on a purple [Request Sent].

Not that I expected anything. I could teach the others how to use it later, what was more important right now, though, was getting the first kill.

"Dokja-ssi, Ha-Neul-ssi, shouldn't we stop this?" Yoo Sangah suddenly said, looking towards a young man crouching down in front of the elderly woman.

I narrowed my eyes. That motherfucker.

"Shit!" He said, pulling at his collar. "I'm in a bad mood and this old lady keeps whining and groaning! Can't you shut up?" The young man was a high school student who had previously been leaning up against the entrance. I had seen his eyes flicker towards me a couple of times while the Dokkaebi had been speaking but I had chosen to ignore him.

With his thin figure and dyed-white hair, it was obvious who he was before I even had to read the name tag on his uniform. Kim Namwoon.

[Only lee Hyunsung and Kim Namwoon survived in that compartment. It doesn't matter, those are the only ones that I need anyway.] That was what Yoo Jonghyuk had thought in the original novel.

I wonder if he thought the same thing now, perhaps he did.

"Didn't I tell you to shut up?" The agitated teen grabbed the elderly women's collar, her powerless legs staggering. Kim Namwoon's palm moved through the air.

Slap! Slap!

I couldn't help but feel disappointed even though it was expected that no one would do anything. In normal times, multiple people would have come up to stop him and protect the grandma. Now, no one did a thing.

It didn't take long for the slaps to change into punches.

The old woman begged for help.

Surprisingly, or unsurprisingly, it was Han Myungoh (the department head), that spoke up first.

"Y-young man! Treating an elder like this-"

"Hey old man, do you have a death wish?"

"What?"

"You heard me, do you have a death wish? You still don't understand the situation?"

"What bullshit is the brat saying?"

Kim Namwoon pointed toward the ceiling of the subway train. There, a screen showed not just the deaths on the trains and High Schools but also people dying all over the country.

People cried and begged.

Others laughed sadistically or moaned in pain.

"Don't you understand? There's no way the army is coming to rescue us. Someone has to die."

"W-what are you saying...?"

"We have to choose who has to die."

Han Myungho didn't answer. The entire compartment was completely silent. Not a single breath.

I directed my burning gaze from the white-haired teen to the older woman.

Kim Namwoon had been the fastest way to survive in the new world of 'Ways of Survival.'

"A new world requires new laws old man, you heard what it said. Kill someone."

It wasn't because he was especially smart or anything. No. Kim Namwoon was a psychopath who found joy in others' misery.

He turned back to the older woman and started kicking her. "Hahh... It's really hard to kill." He looked back up to the others who had been standing motionlessly. "What, are you gonna just stand there, watching? Do you want to fall behind?"

He also had a way with words.

The others started trembling at his words, looking from one another.

"This-this bastard is right."

"Someone needs to die s-so that the o-others can live!"

A few people inched towards him and joined him in hesitantly kicking the older woman. Slowly their kicks became stronger and stronger and they even started hurling insults towards her.

"Die! Die quickly!"

I looked at the old woman then down to Lee Gilyoung who had been looking up at me for some time now. I pushed down my mask, brushed the hair off of his forehead, and leaned down to kiss him on the forehead.

"I'll be right back little darling."

I placed my bookbag down and took out a sleek black rectangular prism that was five inches tall and two inches in both width and length. It was cool to the touch but more dangerous than the seemingly 'innocent' look it had.

"Take care of this for me, all right?" Gilyoung nodded. With the fanny pack across his chest, the small blue taser in his right hand, and my bag in his left, he watched me walk away and towards the others.

I twirled the rectangular prism around in my right hand. When I was less than five feet away from the group, Kim Namwoon turned around and looked at me with a cocky smirk. My face remained neutral as I pressed a small button at the end of the prism.

In less than five seconds, the rectangular prism contorted into a needle-like shape that was well over three feet long. Its tip was dangerously sharp and its base was just thick enough to wrap my hand around. The sleek black needle wasn't heavy nor light but I felt no strain as I pointed its tip to Kim Namwoon's face.

"Everybody stop. You can't live if you kill the grandma." Kim Namwoon's face froze as he went cross-eyed looking at the tip. The others slowly looked up at me, faces paling as they saw the thorn-like weapon in my hands.

"Ok, say you kill the grandma. Then what next? Sure the grandma's death will buy some time as long as you kill her within the five-minute limit. But then what?"

"Ah..."

"If the dokkaebi told the truth, then you'll each have to kill someone. So, who will you kill after the grandmother? Who's going to be next?"

Horror slowly filled their eyes, as they listened to my word. In fact, they knew it was the truth. They knew my words were right.

Kim Namwoon saw the shaky figures of the others. He slowly backed away from me. Grinning.

"Haha! What are you saying? All we have to do is kill you next! Cowards, don't worry about your turn in advance. The odds are equal."

I let out a chuckle. He would be more believable if he wasn't backing away from me. I waved my free hand, "There's no need to kill anyone."

Immediately everyone looked up at me. "In fact, there's a way to pass this first mission without becoming a murderer."

"What?"

"Then what is it?"

Kim Namwoon scowled as the people slowly became agitated.

"Have you all forgotten?" I walked closer to the grandma and motioned for the others to come towards me. Once all three of them had arrived, I took the bag from Gilyoung and took out the box of crickets. I grabbed one and held it out for the others to see.

"The condition for the scenario isn't 'Kill A Person.'" That was when people noticed the condition properly.

[Kill one or more living things]

Kill one or more living things. Even if I had never read the novels, I thought that at least I would've been able to read the clear condition properly. Killing a 'person' had never been specified.

"I-I-insect!"

"G-give me an insect!"

I slowly applied pressure on the cricket.

"That's right, the insects." I slowly stepped back as the shining eyes of the others became closer and closer with every step they took towards me. The only ones who stayed in their places were Kim Dokja, Yoo Sangah, Lee Gilyoung (who Yoo Sangah had dragged to stand beside her, I was thankful), and Kim Namwoon who was silently fuming.

"Do you want them?" I waved the clear box of crickets in the air, my heart beating heavily and a smile threatening to break out. I was excited.

"P-please give me one!"

"Only one! I only need one!"

I crushed the cricket in my hand.

[You have achieved the 'First Kill' achievement]

[100 coins have been earned as additional compensation]

I threw the box in my hand as far away as I could. It landed on the other side of the compartment, as far away from the grandma and my little group as possible.

"Then go get them."

The crickets jumped out immediately as soon as they were given their freedom. A few even jumped towards us and both Kim Dokja and Yoo Sangah were given a chance to grab a cricket and crush it.

I looked down at Gilyoung. Who had already moved to my side, and noticed him looking at the hand full of insect guts in mild disgust. I chuckled before handing a baby wipe, from my bag to him and the others. I looked up at the mess I had created.

I felt an almost sadistic-like thrill crawl up my spine as I let out an unrestrained grin.

How amusing.

(2199)

#ORV #OMNISCIENT READER'S VIEWPOINT #FANFICTION #OC #ORVSPOILERS #YOO JONGHYUK #KIM DOKJA #YOO JONGHYUK X OC #KIM DOKJA X OC #SLOWBURN-ISH #MUTUAL PINING #FRIENDS TO LOVERS #KOREAN WAS GOOGLE TRANSLATED #KOREANWEBTOONBASED #KOREANLIGHTNOVELBASED

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thenextchapter22 · 3 years

Text

Little Angel in the Devildom

Description: A spell to make her look younger changes her to the mental age of a toddler. The demon brothers and the undatables all try to make her life as happy as possible while trying to find a cure on the side.

Warnings: De-aging mentally, Age Play, Adorableness, WIP

Pairing(s): NONE! Unless you count non-romanticly...

Word Count: 5,414

Link to my AO3: Click Here

Author’s Notes: So this is going to be written in she/her pronouns and has an unnamed female main character. Fluffy goodness abound! :3 This is also an ongoing work I will randomly update. Please Enjoy~

_+_

Bedtime (Lucifer)

“Let’s brush your teeth now, my dear.”

She groaned while Lucifer just chuckled. “Come now, it’s the same as each night. Why is tonight so upsetting to you?”

The pair headed up the steps to the bedrooms in the House of Lamentation, Lucifer helping her with a hand on her lower back as they climbed. They had finished dinner a few hours ago and has some leisure time but now it was bedtime (for her).

She sighed loudly, shoulders slumping. “I’m not tired. Brushing my teeth means bed. Can’t I stay up and watch TV? Or-or, um, Levi and me can play some games!” She grinned at him, hoping to charm him into what she wanted.

He hushed her softly, her smile changing into a pout. This made him look on at her fondly while she sort of half-stomped into the bedroom. He had such a soft spot for her, it was ridiculous. She made his demonic heart just a little bit as it was in the Celestial Realm, when he was looking after his younger brothers. Caring. Loving.

“We’re inside so please lower your voice. And no, you cannot watch TV or play games tonight. It’s far too late for that.”

“Aw! No fair.” Why did Luci have to be such a dad all the time, it was no fun at all for her.

He waited while she brushed her teeth and changed into her PJ’s in the bathroom. When she re-entered he was switching the tiny nightlight on the wall on. It was a crescent moon, comforting to her because it illuminated the dark room. She loved the moon.

“All right, bed for the little humans,” he said, reaching for her to lay her down in bed under her covers. Despite her still being a regular sized human woman, she still was mentally the age of a human toddler so he tried his best to treat her like he would a child in any way possible.

It was an almost nightly routine for him to do this. If not Mammon (he helped her sleep with cuddles when she had bad days or just wanted company at night) or Satan (who read to her at night before bed most times) usually it was Lucifer that tucked her in and made her feel safe before she went to sleep. Beel sometimes woke her up when he was getting snacks and they shared, but that was their secret.

She yawned as she sank into bed. It was warm and cozy and snuggled in with a happy shake of her body.

He smiled. “Ah, so you are tired.”

She stuck out her tongue, blew a raspberry at him. “No way.”

He gave her a stern look. “If it were not so late, I’d have you in the corner for that.”

She froze. “Sorry…”

He hummed and sat beside her. “Did you have a good day?” he asked softer, gently brushing hair from her cheeks.

“Yeah.” She thought some more on the day, and wondered about something that had been bothering her. She had to be brave to ask it, though. “Luci?”

“Yes?” He replied, tucking the blankets around her frame.

“Why am I here?”

He stopped his motions. Lucifer sat back and looked at her. His dark features always seemed like they should frighten her, but they made her feel better. Somehow, she trusted him not to do her harm despite how scary he could be to others (like how mean he was to Mammon).

“I don’t ‘member lots of stuff but I had a dream where I was someplace else… they sky was blue and I was in a different house but none of you were there. It was sad.”

Lucifer knew this day was coming. One couldn’t be a human, be told they were in fact human, and not wonder about being surrounded by demons and angels. Plus, they still did not know what exactly she remembered after the accident and they also did not want to scare a child with the information of actually being an adult. Yes, she looked like an adult, but there weren’t any children in the Devildom so it wasn’t like she didn’t know the difference. It might hurt her more mentally and Lucifer couldn’t stand to see her hurt in anyway. As the humans said, better safe than sorry.

“That’s a hard thing to answer.” He paused. “I’ll tell you some other day.” Hopefully that would satisfy her for now.

She frowned. “Is it… is it bad?”

“No, it’s not.” He smiled, and, after finishing gathering the blankets around her tight enough to feel warm but not constricted, he leaned down inches from her face. He kissed her forehead, and whispered, “Sweet dreams.”

When he left, the room was bright from the crescent moon plugged into the wall. But she could feel Lucifer’s own presence, not a light, but a dark warmth, surrounding her as she fell asleep. She never wanted to leave home.

__++__

Prince (Diavolo)

The House of Lamentation family was gathered in the common room waiting for a special guest. An actual Prince was coming to visit. Lucifer called him ‘Lord’ but that was the same as Prince honestly.

She could not wait to meet an actual real-life Prince, just like the ones in the story books that Satan read to her at night. She jumped around for joy, screaming giddily, “I can’t wait to meet the Prince!”

Lucifer hushed her and told her to calm down. “Inside voices, please.”

Asmo was pouting, and he asked her, “We’re Princes of the Devildom, darling, so why are you so excited?”

She shook her head frantically, the ribbon curls that Asmo put in her hair smacking her in the face. But nothing deterred her. “No, ‘s not the same!”

“And why not?”

She twirled the dress, a pink and fluffy one with white stockings and white heels with bows on her feet, the perfect outfit to meet a Prince because she looked just like a Princess. She pretended to think on his question, then smiled and said, “Cause I said so!”

Asmo whined. “So mean…”

Satan laughed, crossing his legs on the sofa. “You heard her.”

Huffing, Asmo crossed his arms. “I wonder if she was like this before she came here.”

She did not know what that meant. As far as she knew, she was always in Devildom. But, she had no time to think on it because, again, a literal Prince was coming!

She was spinning in circles, passing the time, waiting impatiently for the Prince to come by. Twirling until she got dizzy, balancing with her arms and giggling when she got a head rush.

Lucifer sighed for the millionth time from where he sat on the armchair. “Please, be careful.”

Resisting the urge to stick out her tongue was hard, but she did because he would be mean and not let her meet the Prince and that would be awful.

A door opened and closed. She stood still, stomach clenched tightly. She was so nervous. Did she look pretty enough for him, a Prince?

But it wasn’t a Prince that entered the room first, and she only knew that when he, a demon with short hair dyed at the ends, pretty with bat-like horns on his head and bright eyes, said, “Presenting Lord Diavolo,” while gesturing to his left where the doorway was.

“You don’t have to do that here, Barbatos.”

“Yes, my lord. I find it fun, however.”

A deep guttural laugh that made her toes tingle, and then he entered and he was… incredible. Dressed in a red suit and bright gold eyes, soft looking red hair, and so big and tall. He could lift her up and take her all over! Piggy back rides for the rest of her life sounded so great.

“I’m sure you do,” the Prince said in response to Barbatos. Then he smiled wider, and held open his arms in greeting. “Hello everyone. How is—gah!”

She jumped into his arms (they opened for her, right?). Distantly she heard the brothers collectively groan, coo, and gasp. But she did not care. The Prince was here and he was so warm and smelled so nice, and he caught her quick and perfectly held her. Was this love?

He chuckled, a deep sound reverberating the room and in her chest. His arms encircled you, warm and incredible. He smelled almost like Lucifer but a different darker type of smell. She snuggled into his chest. “Hello. Do you know who I am?”

“Prince. ‘m a Princess.”

He laughed again. “I see that. What a beautiful one you are, too.” He pet her hair down, and she blushed, mumbling in embarrassment.

“My Lord, I am so sorry, she forgets—”

“Lucifer, it’s completely fine. Actually, it’s quite endearing.”

She glanced over at the green haired demon to see his eyes squinted at her, and he wore a smile. She then looked up at Dia—Divol—Dola…. This was hard for her.

“Di-Di!”

The room was silent.

“Excuse me?” Lucifer asked in shock.

“DI-DI?! HAHA!” Satan laughed.

Diavolo just laughed again. Then, he lifted her up by her waist, and spun. She clung to him and giggled. She was lightheaded as both stopped spinning, and he set her down, hands on her arms to steady. He grinned. “You are so precious. I almost wish we could keep you this way, but alas we cannot.”

Everyone kept saying that and she hated it. She just ignored it again, too happy because her Prince was telling her how precious and cute she was. All the work Asmo did was working, she was gonna get married!

He led her to the couch, and she was sat down. He then knelt, making the others gasp again. He took her hand, and smiled. “My Princess, I must take my leave to speak with the others, but we will see each other soon.” He kissed her knuckles, and she blushed brightly.

“O-okay, y-yes! Please, I wanna see you too,” she said, kicking her feet against the couch.

He nodded firmly and stood up. Glancing down at her with a bright smile, he said, “We will, I promise.”

She watched him leave, and Asmo came to sit by her. “Well? What did you think of the ‘Prince’?” he asked, adjusting the curls in her hair as he did.

She sniffled. “He was so pretty.”

“Prettier than me?”

She looked at Asmo, saw his broken expression. Then she climbed onto him and hugged him, smashing his face between her hands. “No one is prettier than you, Asmo.”

He grinned. “Of course not.” Then, a wicked look flashed over his eyes, and he was tickling her. “You never should have doubted my beauty! Now you will pay, little princess!”

She laughed and cried with happiness. It couldn’t have been a better day.

__++__

School (Mammon)

Mammon walked up the steps to RAD. He was late, as most mornings, but he had no clue he was being followed.

She was close behind him the entire time he walked to school. She was lucky he didn’t fly like he sometimes did when he was late but he must not have felt like it. She giggled when he almost caught her but she hid behind a bush and waited until she heard the doors shut to follow.

The only reason she was sneaking to school was because she was lonely. She hated how often she was left alone at the House of Lamentation. Well, she wasn’t totally alone, Belphie and Levi were usually there to watch her, Levi had online classes and Belphie only sometimes went to school and still got great grades. And Lucifer was usually home doing paperwork if he wasn’t out at Diavolo’s castle.

Lucifer would be so mad at her. He told her forever ago “Do not speak or even glance at any other demons aside from me, my brothers, and Lord Diavolo or Barbatos, do you understand?”

“I do,” she whispered to herself. She would be very careful.

When she opened the doors, Mammon was not there. Instead, two large scary demon boys stood in the way. Both super tall, dark black eyes, with toothy grins as soon as they saw her. Spikey horns and identical facial features, brothers it looked like. The only different was one had purple horns and the other red.

Her heart pounded in her chest, and she realized this was a bad, very bad idea.

The red horn demon stalked towards her, backing her into the nearest wall. “Look what we found.”

“A good breakfast, we found, didn’t we?” said the other with purple horns.

Tears started running down her cheeks, and her hands were shaking. She held them in front of her and begged, “Please…”

There wasn’t anyone around, all the doors she saw were closed and farther down the hallway. She was doomed.

“Please? Get a load of this, it can beg. Should we make it beg for its life?”

Body shaking, she pressed back as far as she could, arms and legs adjacent to the wall. Nails scratched the chipping paint. There was a lump stuck in her throat and it burned. Fear, this was pure fear. Had she ever been so afraid before? She always had the protection of the house, and the brothers, and now she had made the mistake of leaving and screwing it all up.

“Mammy,” she mumbled. She kept her eyes facing straight, looking right at the chests of the two demons closing in. She couldn’t look at their eyes, they were like looking into the blackness of space and that was terrifying.

“What was that?”

One hot hand touched her shoulder, making her jump and causing them to laugh loudly. Fingers tugged her hair. They were playing with her. Playing with their food.

“Mammy.” She spoke more clearly, but still somewhat mumbled to them.

They laughed at her again. “Is she calling for her mommy? Ha! How pathetic the human race is. She knows she’s going to die, right?”

Her face was hot with tears, and she felt something tugging at the core of her stomach. Death. It was close. They were going to kill her. Eat her alive.

She shut her eyes tight, wishing for anything to come to mind to save her. “Mammy, please…”

The hand on her shoulder was big and heavy and heated, and it gripped her face tightly. That was all it took because then, with a burst of strange power in her voice, she screamed with clarity, “Mammon!”

A sound, crackling like a fire, and a feeling of warm energy in her body, and she heard him. Her savior.

“What is going on here?!”

The hand on her was gone. She felt the air come back to her, cleaner than before. Her eyes shot open, bleary and focusing. She was going to be okay now that Mammon was here.

“Move aside. NOW.”

The two demons stepped aside, stiff and robotic as they did, and she knew somehow they were now afraid. Because Mammon was powerful. Lucifer had told her so, that was why he was her main protector.

Mammon was in front of her, and he crushed her to his chest. She clung back just as desperately to him. A few more tears fell in elation. “You’re okay?! Please tell me you didn’t get hurt, because if you did I will kill—I-I mean…” He pushed back, holding her face in his hands. His eyes frantic as they looked her up and down, pushing her hair back gently, checking every inch of her for harm. He sighed in relief when done. “You’re not hurt?”

She sniffed, fingers tight in his uniform shirt. “No. Was scared though. How-how did you know?”

He raised a brow. “To come here and save you? I am the Great Mammon, you know.” He grinned that sideways grin that usually made her laugh. But right then, she just blinked, not convinced. He shook his head and his smile was gone, in place a tense serious expression. “I’ll explain later. For now, I want you to go over there and face away, and cover your ears. Can you do that?” he asked gently.

It was easy enough to do. But, “You won’t leave?”

He smiled. “I promise I never will. Just one minute, okay? Then we’ll go back home.”

He led her between the two demons, who seemed to be stuck where they were from fear and dread until she was at the opposite end of the hall, which was still empty.

“Close your eyes and don’t look no matter what. Cover your ears, too. Good.” He pat her head, and she blushed. He moved away, his presence she could feel gone but not too far.

It was only seconds, and she heard a dim shout. She flinched in reflex. Her mind could not comprehend what was happening and she knew it wasn’t good. But she also knew Mammon was doing what he had to do.

A light tap on her shoulder and she turned around. Mammon was there. He everything she could have wanted in a hero. She didn’t know what happened, but she knew he was right there, and he would be there to keep her safe always.

He held out his hand and she took it. “Let’s go home.”

Mammon carried her on his back, speed walking as fast as he could to make her giggle at the feeling of the wind passing by the both of them. When she got home he took her to wash her face and change into house clothes, which consisted of leggings and a big warm sweater. He said he was staying home with her to keep her out of trouble.

She covered her mouth with her hand, laughing. “Mammy, you are trouble.”

He sputtered. “Hey! I wasn’t the one that snuck out to follow me to school, was I? Lucifer is going to be so pis—mad! He’s going to be mad at you and me.”

She shrugged. “I’ll just get time out.”

He sighed, glancing up at the ceiling. “And I’ll just get strung up, no biggie.”

The day went by, the both of them hanging out. Later, both had ramen for lunch, his super spicy and hers mild, and both watched some movies on TV. Belphie joined in, too, eventually, cuddled on her other side. She felt so happy to have them with her. This was exactly what she needed and wanted.

Belphie yawned. “Why are you home, Mammon? Failed some quiz or something?”

Mammon sputtered. “NO! She followed me to school, activated our pact when some demons attacked her.”

Belphie was shocked, so shocked he stopped mid yawn to glance between her and Mammon. “Wait, she activated the pact?”

“Yeah, it was strong, too.”

“She’s pure trouble,” Belphie sighed.

“Yup.”

“Did you take care of it?” he asked in a darker tone.

Mammon grinned. “Yeah, it’s all taken care of…”

And when Lucifer was told of what happened, Mammon got hung up in the entry hall, while she got time out for one hour and had to write on a chalkboard 50 lines “I will not sneak out”.

She knew it was a lie each time she wrote it. Because, as two of the brother’s said, she was trouble.

__++__

Tea Party (Barbatos)

The rounded table was set with a pretty white lace table cloth, and a tower of treats sat in the center. Tea was steaming hot and cups were set around each plate. The guests consisted of 2 living and breathing occupants, and 4 stuffed creatures dressed to the nines.

“Yay! Tea party!” She was so excited, she loved tea time with Barb. He made yummy treats and always made her laugh with his funny stories about everyone.

Barbatos sat beside her after pouring tea into each cup. “I’m excited as well. I always enjoy our tea time.”

She smiled at him and his heart melted. He truly did enjoy this time they spent together. Always he was with Lord Diavolo, or other demons and her, but never just the two of them outside of this special time. He was glad his master let him have this little bit of time with her. Sometimes others joined them but mostly it was just the two of them and that’s how they liked it.

“All right, little miss, today we have apple and cheddar scones, strawberry meringue roses, chai tea sandwich cookies, and, your favorite, mini chocolate cupcakes. The tea is chamomile with honey for your sweet tooth.”

She gasped as she looked at all the treats. “It’s so pretty! Thank you, thank you, thank you!” She was clapping and shaking in her seat and reached over to half hug him. “You’re the best,” she sighed.

He pat her back, inhaling her sweet scent. “It’s my pleasure, little miss.”

She giggled. “Okay, big mister.”

He playfully pinched her and she pouted at him. “Try the tea. If it’s not to your liking, I have others as well.”

She took a sip of her tea and sighed. “So good!” she whispered in excitement. She turned to the bear at her left, and asked, “What do you think, Teddy?” She pretended to listen, and nodded. “Yeah, I think so too.”

He held back a laugh, which was quite difficult for him. “I’m glad you enjoy it.”

This was something small he could do to make her smile. In her current state of mind, he would make sure she was taken care of, and if it was something as simple as a weekly tea time then he would make sure to prepare her favorites and keep that adorable grin where it should be.

__++__

Storms (Beel & Belphie)

Storms in the Devildom were scary. She did not like them. The skies were dark already and now it was like there was no light at all, and the rain was almost as loud as the thunder. There was no lightning to go with it, just continuous rumbling clouds.

She wanted to sleep but it was too hard. So she snuck out of her bedroom and down to the kitchen, hoping that something warm in her tummy would make her feel better.

But it was worse and louder somehow, and she found herself shaking under the table, cold and scared and just wanting it to stop.

“Hmm? What are you doing under there?”

She gasped when she was grabbed by her arm and pulled out, sliding along the flooring. She looked up and saw Beel with an arm full of food. She must not have heard him over the rumbling thunder.

He frowned at her, and helped her stand up. “You’re crying.”

She nodded, and jumped when a loud boom hit. She was in his arms in seconds flat, sobbing. “S-s-sc-cary! Loud!”

He hoisted her up in his arms. He didn’t like seeing her so scared, so he decided he would keep an eye on her. She should not be alone. “Yeah, the storms are loud. I’ve got snacks in my room so let’s go there.”

She just let him take her, feeling safer and warmer in his embrace. His big hands held her, and she shoved her face into his chest to try and block out the noise.

“Beel, you’re back already?” Belphie’s sleepy voice called. “Oh, you brought company.”

“She’s scared of the storm.”

She was put on Beel’s bed but she clung to his shirt tightly that he had to sit down first with her being held on his lap. A loud bang came, and she cried out, pushing her body close to Beel’s. “Make it stop.” She was begging, sobbing.

Belphie sat up from his bed and blinked to get sleep out of his eyes. He found his way to Beel’s bed and pet her hair back, shushing her softly. “You want to sleep, little one?” he cooed. He felt terrible seeing her so frightened, he would do what he could to make her feel better again.

She nodded against Beel. “Please…”

“Okay, keep your eyes shut. Get comfy, there you go. Now think happy thoughts for me.”

With Beel was her pillow, and Belphie was caressing her hair and cheeks, she slowly stopped hearing the booming thunder and loud rain hitting the house. She heard laughter instead, and when she opened her eyes she was in a field of daisies and had all her friends with her.

__++__

Pranks (Simeon)

Mammon started it all. First it was a tiny prank to Lucifer, and she couldn’t stop giggling when she saw his bright pink hair. He fixed it easily, but poor Mammon was strung up for days. She asked him for prank ideas.

“Mammy, can you tell me some pranks?”

He grinned and ruffled her hair. “Oh yeah! I’ve got tons. Some are too hardcore for you, but I have a few good ideas… Who do you wana prank?”

She thought for a second, who would be the one least likely to get mad at her. She did not want to end up like Mammon. Oh! “Simy!”

He burst out laughing. “This is gonna be good! Simeon’s a great choice, babe. Let’s get to ready to prank an angel!” He tugged her away, the both of them laughing down the halls.

Simeon loved her. She was adorable and cute, and they walked through the gardens together and picked flowers. They even made flower crowns before, Asmo got a kick out of that.

But he had no idea what was coming to him.

It was easy, all she had to do was set a bucket on top of the doorway and wait after they invited him over to play. It was filled with colored paint, she had picked blue to match Simeon’s eyes, and super heavy so Mammon helped her set up the bucket.

“Next time, we’ll do a prank you can actually pull, yeah?”

She nodded eagerly. “Please!”

He sighed, clapping his hands. “Well, I’ve got to head out to a gig. But tell me how it goes! And remember, do not tell Lucifer I gave you this idea or helped you. Swear?” The both of them pinky swore, and Mammon was off.

She waited and waited. It was awful, Simy took forever. Until there came the sound of footsteps, then Simeon’s voice. “Are you in there, little angel?”

It was a nickname he had for her almost instantly after she was mentally de-aged. She loved being called all sorts of nicknames, but this one was a favorite because he was so pretty and kind to her and gentle when he spoke. So she knew he wouldn’t get mad. She felt a little bad, but she really wanted to pull a prank and he was perfect.

“Oh, there you—”

The door opened fully, and the bucket dropped onto the Angel’s head. He stood there, bright blue paint running down his body, bucket on his head, paint all over the floors. He took it off after a second, and she squealed in laughter. His hair was coated in thick blue paint, the only part of him not covered was some of his legs, and his whole face was, too, she could barely see it. His shoes were totally covered, too, in a puddle of thick paint.

Her chest hurt with how much she was laughing, she could barely talk. “B-b-bluuee f-fa-ace, ha ha ha!”

“Oh my.”

He looked at her, and disappointment ran across his face. He swiped his hands over his eyes and cheeks, and then sighed, smiling softly at her. “Well, I suppose a small prank isn’t that terrible. You really are not so innocent, little angel. Perhaps I should call you little devil.”

She stopped laughing hysterically, breathing heavy, and pouted when he pat her head. “S-sorry. It was supposed to be funny. Was it?” She hoped he wasn’t mad. She never saw him mad before.

He chuckled. “For you, I guess it was funny. For me, I think it’s just a mess,” he said, lifting his arms, dripping wet blue paint.

She blushed. “I’ll clean up, I swear!”

He nodded, and paint dribbled down. “Good girl. Let’s get to cleaning, then.”

After he wiped his face clear, the room was cleaned, and Simeon had changed clothes (still the same, somehow, probably more magic), they settled down and ate some cookies left in the cabinets. She was tired from laughing so hard and Simeon felt a more relaxed evening would be best.

“Simy?” she asked, cuddled close to him.

He kissed the top of her head. “Yes, my dear?”

She looked up at him, blushing. “You looked pretty with blue hair.” She grinned.

She got a pinch to her cheek, and laughed when he pulled her onto his lap to tickle her until she took back her words. Maybe next time her prank would be something less messy.

__++__

Sick (Satan)

Her head, throat, and tummy ached. She was sick. And no one would leave her alone to sleep. Her room held 4 of the 7 demon brothers, Lucifer, Mammon, Asmo, and Satan, but he wasn’t there just then.

“Lucy, ‘m tired. Sleep?”

He shook his head. His elegant fingers brushed delicately across her cheeks where she lay in bed, feeling the heat from a fever on his fingertips. “Not yet, sweetheart. We’re waiting for Satan to bring back medicine for you. Stay awake a little longer.”

She sniffled. “Sweepy,” she whispered.

He made a sympathetic sound. “Poor darling. Soon, I promise.”

“Hey, when’s he comin’ back? My human shouldn’t be feelin’ like this for so long!”

“She looks so terrible. The poor dear.”

She squeezed her eyes shut. She just wanted to sleep. Her head hurt. She loved them so much but they kept talking and it was too loud, but she was too sick to say anything and Lucifer said she had to wait for medicine before she could sleep anyways. She hated medicine, and again, she just wanted to sleep. Her eyes were drooping and in sleep she couldn’t hurt as bad, right?

The door opened. “Satan, finally. Bring it here.” Lucifer ordered.

A rustle of a plastic bag, and then a bottle cap opening was what she heard. “Why is the entire house in here? She need rest, not a party.”

“He’s correct. All of you, leave now.”

Whining from the two others, and then the door shut and it wasn’t as loud. She opened her eyes to see Satan and Lucifer there, the oldest holding a plastic weird spoon in his hand with purple liquid, the other frowning at her directly behind.

Lucifer pushed the spoon to her face. “You need to take this.”

She turned her head. “No way, nuh-uh!”

He sighed. “If you want to feel better, open your mouth and drink this. Please.”

She started to cry. “Hate it. No.”

Satan sighed, “Let me try.”

“Good luck.” Lucifer handed it to him, and took a step back for Satan to take his spot.

“If you drink this nasty stuff now, you’ll feel well much sooner. The chances of you taking it again aren’t as high. So either take a few spoonful’s of this now, or more later on. What do you prefer, kitten?”

She reluctantly opened her mouth because more medicine sounded terrible. He poured it inside, and she coughed at the yucky taste. He helped her drink some water, and then she settled back, happy to finally be able to sleep.

Lucifer looked on and smiled. It was sweet that Satan cared for her like this, so he figured it wouldn’t hurt to let them be for a while. “I’ll leave you alone to rest. Satan, make sure she’s looked after.”

“I will.” Once Lucifer left, Satan sat beside her and asked, “Were my brothers troubling you, kitten?”

The medicine was kicking in quick because she was even more tired, and speaking was hard. “Loud,” she said, with a pained expression.

He tutted. “They worry in their own way, I suppose. But you need to rest. Close your eyes and I’ll read to you. Cinderella, or perhaps Sleeping Beauty?”

She mumbled, “S’eeping ‘eauty.”

“Excellent choice.” He settled down beside her, and pulled the book out. One hand held it open with the ease of reading for centuries, while his other pet her head, soothing with his caring hand, coaxing her into slumber as he read about Sleeping Beauty. She fell asleep, a nasty taste in her mouth, but a lovely voice in her ear.

#obey me fanfic #obey me #shall we date obey me #shall we date obey me fanfic #obey me lucifer #obey me mammon #obey me satan #obey me leviathan #obey me asmodeus #obey me belphie #obey me beelzebub #obey me diavolo #obey me barbatos #obey me simeon #fanfiction #my fics #obey me fanfiction #swd om #shall we date

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infini-tree · 3 years

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FANFIC: against all odds - part 4

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Summary: Moments of relative ease while they were on the run.

A/N: alternate title - haha! i tricked you all into reading my personal headcanons on the pmd universe!

I feel like there’s a vague theme, but for the life of me I can’t put words to it. This has also been sitting in my drafts for a while. How much can I write for just the fugitive arc plot point? According to the word count, over 5,000 words.

_________________________

I can’t fight. You don’t know how to manage resources on the road. If I suddenly wake up in a dungeon or we’re in peril, then I’ll do everything to switch back to you, but you have to agree to switching back when we’re just traveling. Our survival may depend on it.

Guildmaster of the Jerome Horwitz Guild,

Krupp leaned back, inspecting the writing with a frown. Was it stupid to sign a note he scrawled in the dirt in his own pine needles? Perhaps.

He signed it anyway. Listen, if he had to rank the absurdity of the events so far, this would be dead last.

The abomasnow shuffled to his feet. It was late night and this was the only time he would have to himself. He gaze shifted to the dying fire, to the two boys sleeping soundly. He lumbered his way over to the campfire to feed it a few more sticks and some fallen pine needles.

(Morbid as it was, they made excellent firestarters.)

Satisfied with the size of the flame, he made his hasty retreat from the heat. Back to the message he scrawled to the dirt. Well, it was now or later, and later happened to have the boys being awake and nosy.

How had those miscreants made him switch over? Harold managed it by making the static around him crackle in a specific way, but George--

He brought a thumb and finger together. Here goes... everything.

Snap.

_________________________

He didn’t like thinking about the day he evolved.

Under most circumstances, it should have been a happy time; certain families would make a big show of it, or at least gave congratulations. The ability to do so was in constant flux along with the waxing and waning of major disasters, so everyone treated it as something unlikely and miraculous every time.

It had been cold, but then again it was always cold at the family orchard. All he could remember was being so angry, and if his heart hadn’t froze then, then the look his mother gave him completely iced it over to protect it. To salve the pain.

(But it was still in there, thawing the ice from the inside.)

The moments after that were a blur; the ice that made a vice grip around his heart made his way into his veins, to each needle, made him glow so bright that it could’ve caused snow-blindness.

And then he had the power to protect himself.

It was a strange comparison to make, but switching over to the other guy-- it felt like that rush of emotion and power. Instead of the cold and anger, it was... the only thing he could describe it was alive, the joy of it. The fierce determination to protect that. It was foreign and terrifying to him.

He came back to his blunt claws caked in dirt and strange markings. It took too long to realize that it was writing.

It looked so minimalist, what with its lines looking all the same. Even between the curves and the straight lines, there was no rhyme or reason to the shapes of the letters.

It took even longer to realize that he could read it.

Not to worry, Guildmaster!

_________________________

Sometimes, a part of him wondered if the other guy felt like turning to him was a disappointment-- if he felt this way when he switched over, then the reverse must be true.

He wasn’t sure how to feel about that, but he didn’t have much time to think about it as George and Harold were running headfirst into a mystery dungeon that was starting to form, he just looked away for five minutes--

(True to their agreement, he snapped his fingers. He jolted up in an unfamiliar clearing, in strange clothes, with the boys giving him concerned looks that it made something in his heart twinge.

And then, recalling that he left most of the supplies back at the previous camp when he ran in to catch them, and the something was doused.)

_________________________

Sometimes luck was on their side. Sometimes the dungeons were short, and sometimes there was swaths of apple trees at the end.

Despite all that, Krupp couldn’t help but be the pessimistic one-- someone had to be. Short dungeons meant they couldn’t stay for long; those hunting for them would bulldoze through the floors, no matter how tricky the dungeon was.

Plus, he didn’t like the look of the trees here. Each and every one of them were identical-- it was a weird byproduct of taking root at the epicenter of a dungeon.

Still, food was food. He made his way over to the one the boys were trying to coax fruit out of. At first they tried to climb it, but the strangeness of the dungeon left the bark slightly less textured and with no footholds.

Now, they were trying to cut it down, taking turns tackling-- and in George’s case-- hitting it with iron tail.

The abomasnow rolled his eyes. “Get out of the way,” he grumbled. The needles on his back raised, and suddenly there were a quartet of ice shards.

George stared at him, crossing his arms. “If our attacks couldn’t do anything, what makes you think those little thing--”

The shards shot up the tree and wove through the branches. After a few moments, several apples with frostbitten stems fell down. One even managed to hit him in the head. The force was strong enough to impale itself against the pine needles.

Harold snickered before another apple hit him on the head. Considering the amount of wool, it was less of a hit, and more of a...

Well, it was lodged deep in the wool.

Krupp barked out a short laugh before realizing where he was and who he was. He clapped a hand to his mouth, attempting to play it off as a cough or-- or something else. Anything else.

His plan to scarf down one of the apples and feign choking quickly fizzled as the boys at each other in quiet disbelief, and then to him. They noticed. Of course, the miscreants who thrived off pranks, and by extension the laughter that came from it, noticed. It was stupid to think otherwise.

“Just,” he ran a hand down his face, hand outstretched towards the mareep. “Just hand the apples over so I can bag everything up and we can move on.”

From this place, from his stupid, stupid fumble.

Harold’s mouth quirked mischievously before he shook, sending the apple-- and everything else that was lodged in his wool-- flying.

(So that’s where they kept their comic supplies, he remembered thinking, before frustration took precedence over sated curiosity.)

_________________________

“How’d you do the thing?” George asked.

The noonday sun was high and sweltering. This meant that the boys started their routine of what he liked to call We’re Not Technically Touching You So You Can’t Complain, where they would walk as close to him as they could get away with, before backing away before he noticed.

“What thing?” he grumbled, flicking away the meltwater.

“You know, the thing with the ice shards,” Harold offered. “The-- you know, whoosh, whoosh!” To emphasize his point, he jumped from side to side, pantomiming how it wove through the branches.

The words come out much easier than he expected, or wanted to. “You don’t grow up on an orchard without learning how to get the season’s stock off as quickly as possible.” He shrugged, sending some melting snow careening to the ground.

The boys thought about it. George looked off to the mountains in the distance, but Harold was looking right at him. For a moment he could have sworn that there was something he could only describe as recognition in his eyes, but he nodded and it was gone.

“You know that’s not what we meant.” The snivy kicked a rock. It was sent careening off into the grass, and his shoulders dropped in slight disappointment.

“What, you want demonstrations now?” the abomasnow raised a brow. “You barely listened to anything at school!”

“Yeah, because no one’s teaching us stuff like that!” George shot back, raising his arms up to emphasize his point. “The most complicated thing Meaner’s ever taught us is don’t get hit!”

Krupp couldn’t help but wince. That might explain... a lot, actually. “I don’t know what to tell you, but that was just-- I don’t know, a thing.”

“How were you a Guildmaster for this long,” Harold shook his head, and he knew he was baiting him. They’ve been on the road long enough that the abomasnow could figure out their tells, how to tell the difference between staged theatrics and genuine emotion.

And here he was, falling for it hook, line, and sinker.

The soil beneath his feet freeze-dried at every step. “Fine, you want a lesson?” He shrugged, and this time the snow and frost tumbled down with purpose before forming a few shards.

“You either are naturally strong and can bulldoze through anything--”

“Like Captain Underpants!” Harold chimed in.

“Yeah, him.” He rolled his eyes. “Or you get creative with weak moves.”

He let the shards weave around the boys as they walked-- not too close, or else they would get frostbite, and not too fast, or they might get hurt if they moved suddenly.

Just enough so they would stay cool.

“Maneuverability’s just a matter of endurance and concentration.”

He didn’t need to look back to see the boys make a face.

(In any case, Krupp considered this a victory. They wouldn’t need to huddle so close to him now, and hopefully that was enough to stop their prying questions regarding it.)

#mellsian fanfics #captain underpants #piqua mystery dungeon #anyway breaking news! pmd au continues to live in my brain rent free

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velianmagicalgirl · 3 years

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An Important Anniversary

So today’s Christmas! Merry Christmas everyone, I hope you had a good one. So anyway, I’m going to write something I’ve kinda wanted to write about for a while now but never knew when to do it it or if I even should. I wondered if anyone would care or if it was selfish of me to want anyone to care. But I’m doing it because I know I want to and if I don’t I’ll be mad at myself for that too. So this is going to be a bit personal (and probably a bit long because I have a tendency to ramble) so if you don’t want to read it, feel free to skip but I would appreciate it if you did read it :)

So like I said, today is Christmas and I want to talk about something quite important to me that happened on this day last year. So last year I was in a pretty different place then than I am now (like most of us). I lived in Florida then, and now I live in South Carolina. I had just finished my first semester at my university and I was about to turn 21 (my birthday’s in January).

So anyway, it came time to open presents, and among other things, my parents got me a record player which I was super excited for (I planned to buy one myself so I was pretty happy I wouldn’t have to spend the money :p) and one of the records my parents had gotten me was *drumroll please* The Joshua Tree by U2! Now, this wasn’t a complete surprise to me (well it was a surprise that they got it for me, what a coincidence) but I had actually heard of this album and this band before...

This is the story of how the universe tried to get me to listen to U2 since I was freaking 12 and I’m so dense I kept ignoring all the *signs* until last freaking year.

Let’s time travel back to 2012 (sometimes I wish I could...) So I’ve done some thinking and this is the first time I can remember ever hearing anything about this band named after a Cold War era spy plane. Now I’m not exactly sure what year this was, it may have been 2011 but 2012 kept popping up in my head while I thought of it. So at this time I was 12-13 years old (depending what year it was) and I was in 6th grade. Yes hello, I am a child. So, really the whole memory is my mom talking to me, saying something along the lines of “That’s Bono! You know who Bono is right? Come on, everyone knows who Bono is! You know, the Irish guy?” and I remember being like “oh yeah!” pretending to remember just so she would leave me alone. Either I had a very vague memory of hearing that name before or I really had no idea who she was talking about and just wanted her to leave me alone. This whole thing would explain why, up until last year, whenever I thought of him, I thought of him in his 360 look. Even now, that’s like his “default look” to me haha. When I think about it, it feels like this was all in relation to American Idol which would make sense because I was in love with that show at the time and I had a huge crush on one of the contestants that year, a country singer named Scotty McCreery (I think he ended up winning too). I had a huuuuge crush on him, just ask my mom.

Anyway, that’s my first memory of them. I guess it doesn’t have to do with U2 as a whole but it’s about Bono so...

So fast forward about two years. I originally wasn’t going to include this but I just thought of it so in it goes. It’s 2014 now, I’m 15, just moved to Florida and I’m about to start high school. I also just missed out on getting a super cool new free album on my phone because my dumb dad (accidentally) broke my iPhone by dropping it in water. Thanks Dad. So in late August-early September (before September 9th obviously) I get a new phone but end up getting an Android. So I literally by just a few days miss out and getting that. Noooooooo.

So anyway back to our regularly scheduled program of what I was going to write about. So next year, it’s 2015 now, I’m 16 and about to do a bunch of Stupid Things™ that it seems everyone is required to do while they’re in high school *sigh*. But we’re not going to get into that (😅). This is another vague memory I have. I just remember having some sort of conversation with my mom about music. And somehow, I end up with the knowledge of The Joshua Tree by this band U2. I don’t really remember how specifically it happened, I just now it had something to do with her. I do have this specific memory of sitting in the computer lab during one of my classes and listening to the album. Except, for some reason, I only ever listened to the first three songs. Seriously. Why? I have no idea. What was wrong with me? And I liked them (especially the first one). I remember not liking the third one very much (hahaha... how that’s changed...) So I liked them, but for some reason they just didn’t catch on in my head (and I didn’t listen to the others... FOR SOME REASON *kicks self*).

So anyway, time goes on and I mostly forget about those three little songs. Until February-ish 2018. I’m now 19 and about to graduate high school in a few months (scary). Anyway, I pick up this book at the school library one day called The Memory of Things (by Gae Polisner, it’s actually one of my favorite books, if not the favorite. I really recommend it). So basically the main character Kyle is a pretty big U2 fan. That’s not really the plot or anything but that’s a big part of his character. There’s a part where he’s looking online at pictures of the recent Slane Castle concert during the Elevation Tour and he’s like “I wish I was there” (me too). There’s also a part where he gives one of his friends his PopMart shirt. There’s also a chapter called “Achtung Baby” (I was like “what the heck is an achtung”) where one of the things that happens is he talks about how he likes the song Mysterious Ways (can’t argue with you there buddy).

So a few months later, I find this movie called “Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close” on Netflix (also a really good movie, highly recommend, I don’t know if it’s on Netflix right now though) and I’m one of those weird people who likes to watch trailers for movies they’ve already seen so I was watching one of the trailers and Streets started playing and I was like “hey I remember this song!” and got me to start listening to it again (not the other three that I’d listened to before, or the other ones FOR SOME REASON *sigh* Also, here is the trailer if you’re at all interested).

So fast-forwarding again to 2019. Last year. So like I said, I’m about to turn 21 and I open up one of my Christmas gifts to find that my parents got me a Joshua Tree record. I get excited because I’m like “Oh I remember this!” and I remembered I never actually listened to the whole thing before. So finally AFTER FIVE FREAKING YEARS, I finally listen to the whole thing. And I really liked it. A lot. Why didn’t I do that before?? Like five years ago?? *kicks self*. Honestly, looking back on this, it really seems like the universe was really trying to get me to listen to them like “listen to U2 listen to U2 listen to U2 damnit!” but apparently I’m about as dense as a boy being flirted to so I had to be basically whacked on the head with it before I got it.

So then a week or two later it’s now 2020 (it feels weird to think this was this year but it was) and my parents are driving me back to my dorm before the semester starts up. And we’re sitting at this light, I would tell you where it was except obviously you wouldn’t know. But there’s one light and then you take a left and maybe a hundred or 200 feet later there’s another light where you take a right and that takes you into the university campus. So we’re sitting at this light and this cool song comes on. I look to see who it is (the joys of satellite radio) and I see it’s Mysterious Ways and I’m like “oh cool, a U2 song!” and also “hey, it’s that song from that book!” As much as I try to, I can’t seem to remember if I’d actually heard that song before or if I just thought I did because of that book. But I definitely liked it in that moment. And I’m not kidding when I say this, but the song comes on and lasts the entire drive from that light to my dorm building parking lot. It ends right as we pull into a parking spot. Seriously. Was it meant to be? 😜 So after that, my parents help me bring my stuff back into my room and after they leave, I look up that song on Youtube and listen to it on repeat a few times while I’m unpacking my stuff.

So now it’s a few days later, it’s my birthday, I’m now 21 and my dad comes to visit me. He takes me out to dinner and then I ask him to take me to Barnes and Noble so I can get some books. While I’m there I realize they have a record section and I think “hey I have a record player now so why don’t I look?” and so of course I end up at the Us because who else would I be thinking of at this point. So I look and notice that there’s an Achtung Baby album there and I think “hey it’s that album from that book!” and “that Mysterious Ways song is on here isn’t it?” so I ask my dad to buy it for me and he does.

So I go back to my dorm and listen to it. And I guess like a lot of people did when it was actually released, I sat there thinking “what is this?” as the opening notes of Zoo Station played. Again, like everyone when it was actually released, (the same year my mom graduated high school interesting fact) I had been listening to Joshua Tree and had gotten used to that sound. So when I was first listening to it, I was worried that my new love affair with this band would be short lived (which was pretty dumb because they have a lot of albums but I wasn’t thinking of that at the time) but as it went on I liked One, So Cruel, and of course Mysterious Ways.

So I ended up buying more of their albums, like All That You Can’t Leave Behind. I was excited to hear that one because I remember reading about it in that book as “their newest album” because of when it takes place. (The book is actually pretty new btw, 2016, it just takes place in the past). And geez, I never realized until now just how much that book has influenced me, and it’s not even about U2, the main character just likes them a lot lmao. The main plot is completely unrelated. And funny story, but when Beautiful Day came on, I was like 🤯🤯🤯, basically my mind was blown because I remember hearing that song as a kid but I didn’t know it was by them lmao. Same thing with Desire. I remember my dad liked to listen to that in the car and sing along so when I was listening to Rattle and Hum and that came on I was like ????? how many more songs????

And in December-January, my step dad got a job promotion but it required him to move to South Carolina so in February they did and I flew up to visit them on Spring Break in early March and then the world ended :D :D :D

So yeah, that’s my story of how I ended up here. I’ve basically been holed up in my room for an entire year obsessing over guys that are way too old for me. Eh, oh well, what can I say? It’s not my fault that one guy I first heard of when I was 12 was (and is) so good looking. So yes, I’m a real big noob, only been here a year and I haven’t even seen them live because I couldn’t get my act together five years ago (or anytime between then and now) despite the universe’s best efforts to get me to. *sigh* sorry I’m so dense, universe. But I guess better late than never, better now than later, right?

Anyway, there’s more I want to say but this is already a freaking novel (sorry but I warned you!) Maybe I’ll write everything else in a separate post sometime, but for now, I hope you enjoyed reading this. And to quote Bono on that “A-Z of 2014″ post he made, if you somehow made it to the end of this, you must be on painkillers.

#sorry this was a freaking novel #I like rambling #and talking #I hope you like it #sorry if there's any typos #:)

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ohlookanothercartoontofallinto · 4 years

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Cree & Steve Into the Underworld (Part 3)

I’m so sorry this update took so long! Life happened and things got in the way! It’s a shorter read, but I like writing in chapter formats. Anyways if your confused you can check out the first part of the story here and second part here. I hope you guys enjoy!

Getting out of the acid swamp was easier then cree had thought. Yeah, there were a few voices of people she knew screaming at her, but Cree was too deep in concentration for her to care. On the one hand, it got her out of the swamp. On the other, she almost walked off the cliff that was beyond it.

Catching her breath, she looked up, to find, "Floating rock islands...You know what!... I really need to stop being surprised by what I find down here. Well....looks like my workout is far from over today!" Cree walked back to get a running start, and with the strength and resistance of a jaguar, Cree lept to one of the islands. Upon landing, the rock shook for a second before returning to its natural state. However, Cree didn't stay on them long. She had created enough momentum that allowed her to almost fly from rock to rock.

She started to slow down as she came upon what appeared to be a large structure on one of the massive islands. "No way...it can't be....is that a- colosseum??!!" After a little more jumping, Cree made it to the building and looked it up and down. "I will give the underworld this.....they have a thing for history...." While Cree was taking in the sights, the sound of growls reached her ear. She turned to find something kind of unpleasant. "You have got to be kidding me!!! ZOMBIE LIONS!" Cree slowly starts to back up. "Hahaha...nice-nice kitties, please, PLEASE don't be related to that lion I had to fight when I was sent back in time." That same lion walks up, "Andddddd I spoke too soon, Alexander! Haha, hey bud, you looking well." The lions gang up around her and slowly force her to the ledge, "hate to do this But-" cree kicks the lion and bolts—all of the other lion's ponce. Cree is forced to duck, dodge, punch, and run to keep them from getting her. However, they start to overwhelm her with them coming from all sides. One of them found an opportunity and took it. Using its paw is bashed her in the head. Sending her flying off the edge of the island, down onto a smaller island floating under it. Cree head smashing into the rock knocking her out.

"YES!" The shadowy man expressed with joy at what he saw. (Steve's body jerks forward again, more aggressive than last time, before calming back down) Kuki then witnessed a single tear come from his eye roll down his face.

Even while being out, Cree could feel her body being lifted up off the ground. They were gentle. Their touch was probably the softest that cree had ever felt before. Somehow she knew she was safe, safe, and secure. Cree didn't know how long she had been carried, but she was again set back down. This time on something soft, maybe a bed or a blanket. She could feel the same gentle hands that carried her checking her wounds and bones. When the hands had found their way to her face, she forced her eyes to open, scared, and shocked.

There sitting beside her was Steve, well almost steve. He was pink and had broken chains bound to his wrist. "YOU! Oh... Ah, huh, it's just another soul piece, oh thank goodness. Haha...granted, no one would be jealous since well, you know....He...I mean, we well ughhh.." Pink stared at her before giving her a small kind smile. Then proceeded to take a wet cloth and place it on her face. "Hey, hey, hey, that's really not necessary. I'm fine. Really see (Cree jester to herself) right as rain." In Cree's attempt to no longer feel awkward, she rushed to her feet. Before falling back down and forcing Pink to swoop in and catch her. "No, I'm fine, really." Pink shakes his head and then proceeds to pick her up and carry her. "WAIT, hold on I'm supposed to be saving you! Wait.....WHAT DAY IS IT! oh gosh, oh gosh! I-" pink while carrying her, pulls her into a hug. "Okay....fine....you win...."

Pink smiles and continues to walk through a room in the coliseum. Where chains come from every side of the wall to the center. Whatever was there had broken free. "What-what was there." Pink didn't stop walking "....not much of a talker, are you?" Pink keeps walking. "Or....can...can you not talk?" Pink looks down at her with a sad smile. "Huh, I never would have thought a part of Steve was silent hehe...Oh, but what part are you?" Pink stops and set's Cree down gently. Then starts to draw a heart in the sand. "Heart???" Pink gives her this "really" face. Cree then notices Pink's wrist and the chains that have been broken. ".....love....love's the strongest.....Your steve's love!" Love smiles and nods his head. Then picks Cree up once again and proceeds to walks out of the colosseum. Cree looks around for the zombie lion and notices them in the corner cowering in fear. "...........Am.......am I safe with you." Love lifts her up and places his head upon her's. Then slowly moves is back in forth. She didn't know how, but a feeling in her gut told her he was saying "always.."

"WHAT!!!!! OH, COME ON! I KNEW I SHOULD HAVE MADE LOVE LAST!!!! BUT nooooooooooo, she was supposed to break in the swamp! HOW DO THE CRIES FOR HELP OF YOUR CLOSE FRIENDS AND FAMILY NOT BREAK YOU!!! Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhh" In a fit of rage, the shadowy man looks at steve and marches over to him. "WHO ARE YOU???? He tries to grab steves face, but Kuki gets in front of steve and protects him. He steps back, away from steve and Kuki. "I haven't seen a love that powerful since...Well, since.....since......UGH well, this new help won't be useful for long!.... Love can run out......and when it does, she WILL break."

#knd #knd cree #knd steve #knd fanfic #knd stree #code name kids next door #into the underworld #knd kuki #part 3 #Codename Kids Next Door

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pooktales · 4 years

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Dannox Does Dalaran

~45min read

In an alternate universe where Kael'thas is king...

*doom music* The quaint Legerdermain Lounge in Dalaran has an amateur comedy night. Dannox, a raunchy Night Elf druid, decides to do his standup routine. You may recognize Dannox from such things as my ‘My Life for My Prince’ fanfiction series. This post is LGBTQ+ friendly. It is also 18+ and NSFW because of dirty jokes. Enjoy!

...

Center stage at the Legerdermain Lounge in Dalaran. A dark-pearl skinned Night Elf man with deep green hair down to his waist strides up to take the Gnomish microphone device. He smiles well, as if he’s been laughing really hard back stage with the staff already. Charcoal gray t-shirt that looks soft. Light blue, linen slacks. Unless your eyes are playing tricks, there seems to be a shadow, or an outline through the thin fabric, of his bare hip underneath and the start of a muscular thigh. He moves again, and it’s gone. Dannox has spread hands and feet apart, bracing as if he’ll have to fight the strange mic device at first, but then cuts that out quickly since the mic is not a toy. Maybe no one noticed.

His joy is genuine and infectious. It’s hard not to smile along with him.

“Hey, so before I begin—Shit, you’d think I’d be used to a moon-white spotlight in the dark, being a Night Elf, but I’m just not. Can you offensive fuckers turn that off? Okay?” Dannox cackles and squints. He looks at his dark hands, while adjusting the mic up to his height. Dannox is magnetizing in a way. Fun to watch his sly mannerisms, his voice is rich.

A burst of embarrassed laughter in the back, while the Gnome techs actually accede to Dannox’s demand. It’s not a joke, they really are trying to fix the lights for him.

“So. Dalaran. The big D. Well, the other big D. They say if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere. Which… is exactly what life is like with a big dick anyway...

“Sorry if you thought I couldn’t say that word—DICK. But back to my joke. You do one guy, or lady—I’m bi—and word gets around, right? So I make it everywhere.

“Oh, Dalaran. Come on, baby. I just got here and you’re turning me on. I’m lit for a magical city right now, and that is so wrong. Wow, what a weird fetish that would be…

“Seriously, though. This place cracks me up. A fancy, beautiful city. Perfectly designed. A beacon of hope. Holy, in a way. Floating majestically through the air. And plenty of massive, purple, phallic objects poking the sky.

“Hey, don’t get mad at me, I know it’s not really like that—that’s not why those spires are there. They have a real functionality. What got my mind dirty in the first place were all the snooty, Kirin’ Tor, tight arseholes walking up and down the streets… Yum.

Shocked, sort of uncomfortable laughter, but Dannox presses on, “Hey, don’t judge me. You guys been to the Underbelly, yet?” He shakes his head sorrowfully, “Don’t go down there. I mean, did you hear what it’s called? The Underbelly. That’s another low-key sex thing about Dalaran. This place is secretly very dirty, believe me. Underbelly. Do you know what’s under my belly? Well, on most nights. He’s not here right now.” Dannox uses a hand to shade his eyes, pretends to look around the room for someone. Loose laughter escapes from the back. “Sorry, that one was too easy. But yeah, so please don’t go down there. Just a lot of nasty fuckers like myself, flagging themselves to get jumped from behind by some rogue, and trying to wrestle each other—” Dannox starts laughing and cuts himself off, “All… oiled up. Well I was, anyway. Okay, I lied. I’ve been here before. Plenty of times.”

To a woman looking very serious and refusing to laugh in the front row, “Ma’am. Ma’am? I’m going to need you to loosen up tonight, okay? You’re in the hands of a professional tonight. I’m serious. I’m more serious than you are right now about that statement, do you know why? I’m fully trained at this, I was once a very successful stripper, I promise you.” Excited whistles and shouts, “I know smut and I’m proud of that, so tonight you have my express permission to laugh at my nasty jokes.

“But I’m sorry if I’ve offended you, ma’am, really I am. Please forgive me. Do you want a lap dance to make up for it? I’m being serious. Would that help? You don’t?

“Damn, I’m getting old then. Anyone here heard of Commando Dan, from Fel Candy? West side of Kezan? There must be a few Goblins in the house.”

A couple of gravelly cheers.

“Hoo, yeah! That’s me. Look how far I’ve fallen. I still got all my clothes on and people are even laughing.”

The blazing spotlight finally goes out, leaving Dannox in a darker room, offset by easy peach candlelight. Some polite applause for the lights being fixed. Then glasses click gently as people drink, begin to enjoy their food once more.

“Hey, great! I can see again, though you all really can’t see me, cause it’s dark. And your eyes have to adjust. Sucks to be you. Shout out to the other Night Elves in the house. The revolution begins now, by the way. Hail to the night, motherfuckers…”

Throaty laughter, especially from some kal’dorei men in the back.

Dannox looks down and snakes the microphone wire around the stand, to give himself space to move with it, “Anyway, I am definitely grateful for my chance at amateur night here in Dalaran.” He winks, “I intend to take the prize. I’m already a prize, I figured we’d go together.”

He turns a little to his left, sticks a hand in his pants pocket. Also, semi-sheer fabric confirmed. Nice.

“So. A little about me to start, other than my being an exceptional stripper once upon a time. Today? I’m a bum. A handsome bum, but my husband reminds me that still means I’m lazy and bum. I do nothing. This is my first thing that I’m doing, after a hiatus. Stripper in retirement. Never thought you’d see the day, right?” Dannox shrugs, grinning anew, “Actually, I do work hard, just not in the way you’d expect. I’m a trophy husband that got picked up years ago in a seedy strip club, I kid you not… stripping my clothes off in Kezan, which is a beautiful, nearly lawless Goblin Island, at least on the redlight district side. Anything goes on that side. A Blood Elf and a Night Elf can meet up, get it on, and have all kinds of adventures together in broad daylight. Faltheriel and I once had a dirty weekend that turned into… ten years now? And so I got picked up by the man who eventually became—who eventually would become—the Chief Advisor to King Kael’thas Sunstrider.

“The king? Yeah, we live in an alternate universe back home. It’s totally normal though, don’t worry. It’s like living in the suburbs—hardly anyone goes there, it’s nice cause it’s less expensive. We get crime, but it’s weirder suburbs, alt-universe crime. Like… whenever we read about Kael’thas’ new fun addictions and various shortcomings in the news. It was Murlocos Tacos last week. His daughter caught footage of him on the floor eating them while drunk or high, probably both cause it’s Kael’thas, and slurring every single thing he said. It came on all the scrying orbs. That was a rough week for him.”

Some snickers. “Yeah, you guys out here have dead, looted body Kael’thas at the end of a Quel’danas Isle dungeon. But back home, we pretty much have the Hearthstone Kael’thas which is way nicer. And funnier. I thought I’d get up here and do a Hearthstone Kael’thas impression but… yeah, he’d send some people over to kill me. He’s still an evil genius with bloodthirsty Sunfury agents. Also, ‘I’m coming doooown!’

“Haha… So worth it. Best part, when I get assassinated by Sunfury agents soon and I die, I’m totally going to ask my wife and husband to put that exact quote on my tombstone. That’ll really piss Kael off.

“And then, what is he even gonna do? Dig up my body and beat me some more?” Dannox looks down, casually kicks the wire for the mic out of his way, “Actually, I wouldn’t put it past that fel-addicted, demon-fucking motherfucker. He’s into everything.

“Anyway, we’re actually cool, me and Kael’thas. Don’t worry. And I truly like him. Since my husband works for Kael, and I am a druid after all—I heal. I heal a body good… I get to talk to Kael’thas himself sometimes if you can believe it. But it’s all so horrible. He’s a good-looking man and he knows that I’m bi. And I’m an awful person, generally. I guess that’s why Kael and I get along.”

Dannox walks to the other side of the stage, “And then Filthy—that’s my husband, don’t ask… Well, you will ask about my husband’s nickname, but I’m warning you not to, not yet, I’ll tell you later—Filthy is practically like Kael’s family at this point, so I always take my chance to rip on our lovely king. Also, Kael’s Blood Knights. Blood Knights are such easy targets. And mind you, in this alt universe, Azeroth is united, the factions are at peace, sorta. Kind of like how Dalaran lets everybody in, we’re sort of like that. Anyway, so we’re out in Netherstorm again with King Kael’thas, waiting on the Sunfury army to show up. Kael’thas looks right at me and he says, ‘I think I really like having a Night Elf man salute me, for a change.’

“And then I wink, ‘…It’s only natural, Kael’thas.’

“Hoo, boy. Poor Kael’thas. I think he was trying to be community-spirited. But, you know, he just tangled with the wrong Night Elf. Or, exactly the right one. Remember, I do like to get oiled-up first.”

More laughter.

“And then these soldiers of his, they’re taking a really long time to arrive. So one of the Blood Knights that’s already there, she turns to me. Everyone’s curious about the Night Elves, I suppose. Daphne goes… and I guess she didn’t let on yet that I’m unbelievably nasty, by some miracle. That’s what happens when hubby refuses to talk about home at work, I guess.

“Daphne asks me, ‘I heard you were the bane of Malfurion’s existence at one point.’

“I say, ‘Well, only for fifteen to twenty minutes at a time.’

Gasps, shocked laughter.

“See? I can keep it professional if I want to. And it’s fine, that’s another world leader I’m cool with. Malfurion and I go… way back. Right. In the back.

“Hey, no judgment. We all have our reasons for leaving the Emerald Dream. Am I right, fellow druids? Or, getting banned from it by a jealous wife. Hey, I’m calling her out, that wasn’t cool. She should know by now, everyone secretly loves Malfurion.

“Then I decided to have some fun with my husband Filthy—Faltheriel—who was standing right there next to me, turning beet-red, ‘What’s this, Faltheriel? You don’t look well, and your forehead is so warm. Maybe you’re coming down with something. Let’s go get you into bed, make you perfectly comfortable… then see what happens.’

“He didn’t like that. And in front of his employer, too. You see why he calls me a bum. I’m so good at being a trophy husband and jobless, it’s like I think everyone else needs to lose their job. Anyway, Faltheriel left to go do something else. Divorce me or something, I don’t remember what he said that afternoon. It’s not important.

“There was also a nice girl with them, a tall redhead named Tempest. I think she’s a retribution Paladin—Blood Knight, whatever. They all get to talking about old times, and she recalls how my husband used to be a zealot for Kael’thas, because he was. Or is. I’ll put it this way, ‘Kael’thas’ is the opposite of our safe word at home. It’s more Filthy’s trigger. Filthy gets one. One ‘Kael’thas’ every evening, and after that he has to stop. Don’t ask me how he works for the guy. I’m a sleaze, Faltheriel’s a fanboy, I guess. We struggle through this life together in our exciting marriage, putting up with all you muggles.

“I’m not joking with you. In person, Kael’thas is a very handsome man ontop of everything else and Faltheriel’s only mortal. Like I said, we have amazing, alt-universe Hearthstone Kael’thas. It’s a different outfit every hour with that guy. My favorite is nineties Kael’thas. He shows up with slicked-back blonde hair, neon shapes on his t-shirt and a giant cell phone, obsessing about how Arthas stole Jaina Proudmoore from him, and he needs revenge in time for the Dalaran Academy dance.

“Hey, I just remembered, you guys would have been there for all that Arthas in ripped stonewash jeans, shoving Kael’thas into a locker stuff. Beat, ba-beat, ba-ba-ba-beat, gooooo Dalaran!

“Anyway. Wow, I keep going off what I memorized. I need a minute.” Dannox winces laughter and pinches at the bridge of his nose, before calming down. “So. Faltheriel and his crew were all zealots back then, doing bad things for Kael’thas, but Faltheriel can get right in the danger zone till this day, remembering weird Kael’thas facts and lore, though I do love him. Tempest goes, ‘Look, I’m a Blood Knight and Faltheriel’s intense obsession over Kael’thas even makes me uncomfortable. Dannox, are you sure everything is alright?’

“I go, ‘Eh. It’s all about energy, where you direct it. Faltheriel can revv up his cute little engine all day if he wants to, as long as, at the end of that day, I’m the one who directly benefits.’

Daphne, as Tempest is laughing, ‘Uh… what?’

“I say, ‘It’s called husband physics.’

“And it is, it really is! That’s how you manage a marriage with a fanboy. I’ll only worry if Faltheriel comes home cosplaying and threatens that we need to take an emergency family vacay to Blizzcon. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. But when your husband likes to dress up as a succubus… you keep an eye on it. He’s going as Drag Queen Azshara next year, by the way. And there’s rumor of an ‘It’s Raining Men’ act to go with it, but Rachel and I are mostly letting Filthy have his alone time with the costume and his music for now. We’re all really excited. Albeit—each in his own way.

“Later that day, with the Blood Knights you know--the Sunfury finally arrive and it’s time for us to get moving, mount up to go someplace. I’m on my nightsaber. They’re staring at my beast. You would… I say to Daphne, ‘Let’s have somebody ride up front, and then the other person can climb on the back. Don’t worry, Faltheriel and I do it all the time where we’re from.’

“This guy Sunthraze goes, ‘In Darnassus? Or do you mean Silvermoon where Faltheriel’s from?’

“I say, ‘Wait, my wife wouldn’t want me to finish that joke.’

“Sometimes, Faltheriel does really get annoyed with me when I make those kinds of jokes with his colleagues. I mean, they are his coworkers after all. I guess that’s unkind in a way. But that’s also okay because my husband and I like to fight. Or, that other thing that begins with the letter ‘F’.

“That one too obvious? I can be subtle as well. I’m a centaur if you don’t think about that too much.”

“Now, please ask yourselves... Why was that not put in as one of the male Night Elf pickup lines? It’s excellent.”

Dannox then kindly leans down to the first row again, “While we’re on the topic, ma’am, I see that you’re smiling now. I knew you would. But I wanted to say, I am very sorry that you didn’t want that lap dance before. These are my emergency tear-away pants, as well. They’re not just awesome fitted slacks. But I need you to know, it’s too late now. Like the Goblins say, ‘If you liked it then you shoulda put a ring on it!’ he snaps, pretending to have real attitude.

He straightens up again, as the laughter dies down, “…Well, in my case, a giant cock ring.”

A raucous reaction spreads from the cheap seats. The laughter makes it hard to hear the next part, as the woman begins talking and gesturing up at him, “… Huh? Haha!” Dannox leans halfway to listen to her, then attempts to stop his own laughter, “After the show? Really?! Wow, you’ve come a long way. Alright, I give in. Ladies and gentlemen, please clap for Offended Lady, I’ve got a convert! Welcome to the dark side. But you’ll have to run fast after the lap dance, my wife’s here somewhere. Thanks, Offended Lady, I’m so glad we’re cool now. Come find me on Tumblr later, too. I can’t follow you back, but I promise you won’t regret it.

“Well, back to me and my husband. Sometimes, I have to be reminded that I’ve got one... Oh! So Faltheriel and me arguing and fighting--it’s alright, really…

“I try not to pull on Faltheriel’s hair unless I mean it.

“Actually, when we first met, it was better. When we first met, I told Faltheriel I was a baker. Go on, you can ask me, ‘Why is that?’

“Well, you don’t let strange men glaze your buns, obviously.

“I really love that joke. I tell that one a lot. You know, usually, there’s an upstanding person nearby—not you, ma’am. We already addressed that, like I said, and you kindly booked me tonight from 12-12:07am,” Dannox gives a sly wink and checks his watch, “But usually it’s someone with these excellent manners who warns that I’m a horrible person. Like I didn’t know that already, but it’s their duty to glare up here, gasp all shocked and say that. Do you know what I tell people who act like that? After I tell the joke, ‘You don’t let strange men glaze your buns, obviously.’ Then they say, ‘Dannox, you are a horrible person.’

“I clarify, ‘No… I’m a baker.’

“Very innocent, just like that. Even funnier when, truth is, I do know how to bake. But I only let Faltheriel find that out years later. I waited until after we got engaged before I baked him anything. I was far more serious about the success of that baker joke than our relationship.

“But it’s true, Faltheriel and I like to fight. We always have. Though, mostly, it’s wrestling. Before bedtime. Aaaaand in this corner…” Dannox raises his voice, as if about to call a wrestling match, “they lived happily ever after.

“Also, now that we’ve been married for about a decade, Faltheriel doesn’t always listen to me. Then again, I don’t always face him while we talk… It’s win-win.

“Though, being totally serious now—You know, when I first met Faltheriel, he wasn’t facing me. Do you know how goddam gorgeous you have to be to look like someone’s soul mate from behind?!

“And I’m a good husband to him. I truly am. I make sure that Filthy never falls in the shower, whether he appreciates it or not.

“You know, I once lied to Faltheriel and told him it was still dark outside. He couldn’t get out from under me anyways.

“Another thing, Faltheriel and I don’t always communicate well. Sometimes, we just grunt and slap each other’s thighs a lot.” Dannox, now raising his voice over the laughter, “Is that weird? Maybe other couples don’t do that as much, I don’t know.

“Being married to such a beautiful man is hard. God, it gets so hard. Sorry—was that a low blow? I’ll put it away now. Though it’s been going on for so long, I’ll have to roll it up, first.

“Anyway, sometimes I say this thing to my husband when it’s bedtime and he’s not in the mood. I totally respect him for that, I do… But I say to him, ‘Filthy--’ I guess that’s his pet name when he’s being adorable, or really irritating. Both a fun challenge for me. I realize I keep switching in and out of that, I tell him, ‘Filthy, I don’t mind if you’re too tired. You can sleep, honey. Just lie on your stomach, and loosen up first.’”

Dannox hangs in there, through a mixture of booing and hard laughter, “See? It’s so simple! It is so simple to make a good marriage, you guys. A dirty, dirty marriage with a lovely woman who puts up with us and a man who used to work for the Burning Legion, and who can END you if your jokes ever fail to land.

“I can tell you, if you don’t like these jokes, that’s fine. You’ll be pleased to know that I’ve already suffered enough. It was bombs over Shadowmoon Valley while I honed this joke routine in my house, I promise.

“By the way, don’t try that at home. Don’t try my sense of humor at your beloved home, not unless you enjoy having done to you what my husband used to do to his prisoners-slash-victims. Well, he still does it. But I-I get out sometimes.” Dannox rolls his big shoulder, pretends to twitch, “Like tonight.

“But I do find Faltheriel irresistible, so I admit that I keep trying to get into trouble with him. This one time, Faltheriel was really fussing at me, he really wanted me to leave him alone so he could read. Now I don’t know if I’m extra horny because I’m a big Night Elf compared to him—he’s a Blood Elf, I hope the Kael’thas thing gave that away—or because I’m just, well, totally nasty all the time, so much so, I like to give my husband a nickname that stops him from forgetting that I’m a dirty alpha male in this thing and I own his glorious ass… Told you I’d explain later in the show and that you didn’t want to know… But anyway, one evening while Filthy was downstairs reading and ignoring me like that, I just decided to compromise.

“I say to him, ‘Fine, let’s play a game to pass the time. I’ll be good if you’re good.’ He’s sensible, so he says, ‘Deal. What would you like to play, darling?’ He goes for the checkerboard. Then I said, ‘Faltheriel, this game I have is so fun. This is so easy. I’ll love it. It goes like this. Can you bend over the couch and not move for a half hour?’ He’s a sweetie and too trusting at times, so he actually does it. Then I say, ‘Also, this is one of those games where you can’t say ‘No.’

“I got slapped for that. It’s really bad when another man slaps you to defend his honor. And of course, truth be told… I liked it. Poor Faltheriel.

“Elune above, my Blood Elf husband is cute! He is so yummy. Fun fact, Faltheriel only wanted a sweet little hug last night, but in for a penny, in for a pounding.

“Though, the Cenarion Circle is probably going to come back into our lives, I think, to take Filthy away and try to find him a forever home.

“I mean, a new home with a good mummy and daddy. And walks in the park that don’t involve shagging behind the trees. And no bear-bottom spankings. Horny druid husbands are the worst, I should know.

“On another night, I told Faltheriel my balls were lonely. He brought his over to play.

“Awww, so sweet of him. Also, Faltheriel is really good at sex, but I would never tell him that. I just ask him to keep trying.

“Another thing about us, I almost forgot. When I first met Faltheriel, I got naked fast. He didn’t like it at the beginning, but he loved it in the end.

“And once, I told Faltheriel I was a piñata so that he wouldn’t stop beating me with it.

“And the most sex Faltheriel and I ever had was on the same night our wife had our first child, our twins. She was… SO mad at us.

“You know, when our wife had the twins—they’re fraternal, one Night Elf, one Blood Elf—Faltheriel forgot for a moment and went wild, accused Rachel of cheating. It was then that I reminded my husband that, um… I have sex with our wife too.

“Uh-huh. That’s right. That’s what you get when you jump to conclusions about your good spouse, Faltheriel.

“He’s not here tonight, actually. Faltheriel couldn’t make it. That’s why I’m really ripping on him, I guess. But my wife’s here, I think I said that earlier. Hi Rach, say hi. She’s a knockout, isn’t she? She’s so sweet and so kind, and hopefully, this wonderful Human woman won’t lock me in my cage later…

“And you know another thing, three-way marriages are interesting. They are so interesting. Women change, their appetites grow or something and you adapt in weird ways. Our wife gets so horny at times, it really does take the two of us. Wow, she looks mad at me now. Guess I shouldn’t have said that. But, then again, when she holds out, it’s like the world is coming to an end for us men.

“Just kidding, Faltheriel and I are perfectly fine.

“Sorry hun, it’s true. You shouldn’tve got us that set of matching spoons for the holidays. It’s just too bad. That cheap gift you got was like homo-erotic Kaja-Cola, it gave us ideas.

“I’m an idiot, I apologize. Anyway, this one time… the best stories start that way, have you noticed? So this one time when Rachel wasn’t there, Faltheriel came straight upstairs after work and found me in bed with another woman. God, he’s so adorable… After I put the mirror back and slipped the pink scrunchie from his soft, soft, ponytail, he calmed down and it was an amazing night.

“Seriously, though. My husband Faltheriel is so man-pretty, we only realized our wife had none of her own lingerie like… a week ago? And we’d been together for ten years? Yeah, it’s like that.

“So Faltheriel buys me my own lingerie, for once. I didn’t like it. I didn’t like any of the fuzzy, silky, or bright colored stuff he brought home. Eh, the see-through stuff was okay. The really super-short, see through stuff I was already poking out of, that we could do each other in immediately—that, I liked. Nice guy, but he really wasted his money on me, I tell ya.

“Alright, last joke. It’s June and I know everyone’s hot in here. You’re all ready to finish up and call it a night. So I’ll try and end on a respectable note.

“It isn’t June? Well, I know that, I don’t care. Listen to the joke, goddammit.

“Ahhh, my wonderful husband, Filthy,” to rising, expectant laughter, “Faltheriel ‘Filthy’ Darkweaver has the best ass in the world. It feels like I’m fucking a magical rainbow in there. Was that one too obvious, because it’s Pride Month? Did you know that big, horny, sweaty, well-hung unicorns fuck rainbows? Nice image. Yeah, enjoy your Pride Month.”

Dannox nervously puts the microphone back and waves once, while people scream laughter. “If you liked my set, please tell the very nice Legerdemain Lounge staff. I’d love to come back. Oh, I never said my whole name. I’m Dannox Silvermoon Darkweaver. That’s right. That was my real last name, I was a dream come true when my Blood Elf husband finally found me and saved me. For me, every day is Pride Month because I’m so proud of my family and so happy to be here these days. It wasn’t always like that.

“And Rachel honey, I’m so grateful to you for loving me and letting me be me. I’m coming straight home to you baby… after this one lap dance,” an anxious laugh, as Dannox checks his watch, “Uh. I want to thank you all for a lovely show. Night, everybody.”

More whistles and another round of cheers. Then, the Night Elf man confidently jogs off-stage.

…

Aww, thanks for reading this far if you made it!

Were you in the audience? What do you have to shout out, or ask Dannox after his set? He might respond.

@elendeare

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platinum-happy · 5 years

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Announcement Regarding Eve & Graduation Letters for Willow

To all of our supporters, thank you for your ongoing support of Platinum Happy! While we’re hard at work behind the scenes on new releases and hope to have something new for you all to enjoy soon, we must announce with mixed emotions that Generation 1 member, Eve, has graduated from Platinum Happy to focus on her personal life. Eve has been an asset to Platinum Happy and has contributed so much to us since starting off in our first generation, and we would like to express our gratitude to Eve for everything she has done for us and the joy she has brought to the group! Below, you will find letters from current members to Eve, as well as graduation letters for former Generation 2 member, Willow, who graduated from the group in 2018.

Graduation Letters for Eve

Dear Iibu,

The things you create are truly wonderful, thank you for taking some time to create things with us over the years! You’ve introduced me to so many cool idol groups and songs, and our mutual love of rilakkuma and other cute stuff was always fun~

I appreciate your calming presence, and I’m super grateful I got to meet you, Eve!! If there’s ever anything you need me for, never hesitate to message me. I hope your future will be full of excitement and happiness!

SINCEREST, DEEPEST, TRULYYYY BEST WISHES!!

Alice

Eve,

I legit cried when I read you were graduating. You’ve been one of my favorite Purappi members from the BEGINNING. From the start, I fangirled over your voice, style and personality. You’re very talented but kind at the same time. An Idol with a heart as gold as your image color.

I know you’re off to bigger and brighter things, but I hope you’ll stop by to chat sometimes. I’m sure I speak for everyone when I say Platinum Happy won’t be the same without you! (T＿T) Please don’t be a stranger! ♥ ♥

Love, Bea

Dear Eve,

I’m not EVEn sure where to begin here, and I don’t think a letter like this can succinctly describe the way I’m feeling, but the biggest sentiments I want to express to you are THANK YOU and YOU ARE AMAZING!

You’ve always been the kind of person who is quietly talented – rather than flaunting your crazy skills right up front, you’ve been weaving something grand with your talents in your own way until suddenly you’ve burst onto the scene, and everyone’s like, “This is amazing!” And it’s TRUE. Your music, your art, your ideas, and everything that you put your heart into turns out to be a masterpiece. You’ve done so much for Purappi, and I can’t thank you enough for being here with us and sharing your talents with the world alongside everyone here. You’ve been a cherished member and a cherished friend to us, and you’ve truly left a sort of golden touch on the group that we’ll never forget. We owe you so much!

On a personal note, thank you for being there to fangirl with me about CY8ER and alternative and tattooed idols and electronic J-pop and all of these fun things! You’ve always been so sweet and thoughtful – and always were at the ready to share exciting idol news (whether through fangirly messages between us or on PuraRadio)! After your graduation, I hope we continue to talk about these things!

I wish you nothing but the best, and I know your talents will take you so, so far. Good luck Eve, we will miss you so much!

Love, Bonnie

Hey Eve,

Honestly I’m at a loss as to what to write because I’m worried that it will turn into “noooo, please don’t leave.”

When gen one first came together, you were one of the only people I already knew. We kind of paired off because of that and because we have similar tastes in idols and are kind of awkward nerds, and I really do think of you as one of my closest friends. I’m so glad that we got to meet so many times and I really hope you come to Japan again soon because you are so fun to hang out with.

I think that it’s because of you that I was able to really do anything at all in Purappi. Having you around was what encouraged me to break out of my shell with both the other members behind the scenes and be more of the weirdo in front of the camera, too. Because you were there to share ideas with me I was able to come up with my own and try them out. And of course you were always my partner in crime for PuraRadio and PuraStreaming. You’ve always been a huge part of the group to me, and I’m sure that goes for the other members as well.

And you honestly have had such a big impact on us. After all, “Platinum de Somete” is something you gave us! I guess what I’m trying to say is thank you so much for being a part of Platinum Happy with me.

Of course I can still talk to you whenever and I will, don’t you doubt that! Seriously. BFFs. That us.

I love you come to Japan and fight me by which I mean give me a hug and hang out with me,

Calla

Hellohellohello Eve, Iibu, Eevee, Eveveveveve,

I know what you might be thinking. I sound like I’m hyper right now. If that’s your train of thought, you might be right. The world will never know. Not really anyway.🤫🤫

I know I’m the somewhat formal type. I’ve rarely ever called anyone by their given nicknames. (If anything, I’ve often given my own nickname for everyone else, haha.) But by the end of this letter that’s gonna change!!!

We’ve been together as gen members for what… FOUR YEARS? Time passes!!! We’ve been in a few subgroup songs together like Love like Candyfloss and Because Happiness which is great but a bit sad that we won’t get a Team Nomimono cover in the future… 🤐 Maybe a reunion could happen in a hopeful future, right コーヒーブ ☺️

But like I’ve said to Willow, it doesn’t mean it’s the end! It doesn’t mean you’re not onto bigger and better things!!!! Flex positivity!!!! I believe in you in all your future endeavors!!!!!!!!! (# P O S I T I V I T Y 2 K 1 9 ! ! ! ! 😤 😤 😤)

We’ll miss you, Iibu. But you know exactly where to find us so don’t forget to send us some life updates!!! 😤😤😤

From the probably-hyper-but-the-world-will-never-know

ジュース 😘

Iibu! When I found out you wanted to graduate, I was devastated. You have this quiet, amazing, yet powerful energy that I LOVE! You’ve graced us with your presence since the beginning of Purappi, and for that, I am very thankful. Between your voice, art, lyrics, videos, and overall creative prowess, you’ve definitely made a large and incomparable positive impact on our little group. One of my favorite things was when you’d quietly sneak into the group chat and drop something amazing at our feet! I’m very sad to see you go, but I know wherever you end up in life, you will flourish. Good luck and full speed ahead!!!

~Marin

IIBUU, I’m really gonna miss you! Before I joined, you were always one of my favorite members, so I’m glad I got to meet you and talk with you! You are super sweet and the most knowledgeable and passionate person about idols I know! I definitely wouldn’t have learned about Wasuta or Gang Parade if it wasn’t for you. <3

So much of Purappi’s identity is thanks to you, Eve! You’re incredibly talented and I know those talents will take you far! I wish you the best, take care of yourself and check in from time to time. <3

Love, Sadie <33333

Graduation Letters for Willow

Dear Ui,

OH MAN HOW ARE WE GONNA LIVE WITHOUT YOUR GOD-TIER MIXES AND ENERGY AROUND???? Actually at this point, it’s been a while since you’ve graduated and I’m glad that we still chat every now and then! It seems like you’re doing well and working on lots of fun projects! I hope you still think of me as a friend the way I do you. ♡

UTMOST RESPECT AND ADMIRATION,

–Alice–

Dear Willow,

I was so sad to see you graduate! You were such a talented singer (and rapper!) who brought a lot to the Purrapi family. I remember hearing you in Silly Boy and becoming an instant fan! ♥

I’m definitely going to miss having you and your grand knowledge of idols around. I always felt like I learned something new whenever you spoke up. Also, I’ll forever be wishing we had gotten a chance to sing together while you were in the group. Maybe one day our paths will cross and allow it. But for now, keep doing your thing and chasing your dreams! Remember to keep in touch too!

Love, Bea

Dear Willow,

Miss Willow~ while I’m, of course, sad to see you go, I have nothing but positive thoughts for your future! With your talents, abilities, and confidence, you can pretty much take on the world, which I am totally down for!

Thank you for the time you spent with us in Purappi! Your gorgeous voice blended so well with Generation 2 and brought so much depth to our songs. Whenever I was color-coding lyrics and figuring out who should sing a certain line, I always knew I could count on you to absolutely nail whatever I gave you! One of my favorite Willow memories is your rapping in “deal,” because that was INSANELY cool and absolutely made me fangirl you!

I want to wish you the best of luck for your future. Keep in touch with us, okay! We’ll always be wota pals!

Love, Bonnie

Hi Uiui,

Okay, I kind of procrastinate with graduation letters in the first place because I don’t want anyone to graduate but like… I really procrastinated with this one. I was just really shocked when you told us because you were one of the last members I was expecting to announce that. You just are always so in place with us that it feels so weird?

Honestly I’m so blessed to have gotten to meet you and I’m so, so glad that we had this group in common that helped two people born on opposite sides of the planet meet and go to a maid cafe together not once, but like three times. You’re always a blast to hang out with which, of course, you’re just such a chill person who is also just so funny and interesting and please if you come back to Japan while I still haven’t been kicked out, hit me up let’s do karaoke again!!

Good luck with your studies and your future! I know you’re a super hard worker, so you will definitely succeed with anything you put yourself towards. Don’t be a stranger because we love you so much.

[[Calla]]

To the one and only Willow,

Hello uwu

uwuwuwu

It’s sad to see your departure from Purappi but that doesn’t mean you aren’t onto bigger and better things, right?!! (#POSITIVITY2K19!!!!! 😤😤) We’re still proud of you!!!!!!!!!

The songs are gonna have one more voice to miss from now on but it won’t be too bad, I’m sure. I think the new generation will do a splendid job in your stead. We’ll miss you, your voice, and your mixing, though. I hope you still get to meet up with our wonderful Calla and the other members every once in a while. Remember to keep in touch!! You know where to find us. 😚

Meep-meep (aka Mepp the Red Leaf uwu)

My precious UiUi!! Since we’ve been knowing each other for such a long time, I was elated when you auditioned for Purappi! It was a no brainer to accept you; someone who has a sweet solid voice, the ability to spit fire raps, a fun loving personality, AND a great mixer?! My dear, you are a catch of an idol! You’ll always be our sexy UiUi here in Purappi Land. I’m sad you’re leaving us, but I know you will do Great Things on your own. I look forward to gushing about Hello!Project idols with you soon! Much love!!

~Marin

Dear UI! I just want to say it’s been a pleasure being a fellow 2nd gen member with you! I’m always pretty bad at these graduation letters, but I just want you to know I appreciated you and everything you did for our group! Its sad that you’re leaving/left, but I know you’re doing great things in life and so I’m happy I got to meet you! Good luck in your current ventures! I know you’ll become the best sexy UIUI you can be. <3

I really miss you,

Love, Sadie

P.S., I’m gonna miss sharing lines with you 😮 lol

#announcement #eve #graduation #net idols #platinum happy #Willow

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conceptstage · 6 years

Text

Beau woke up like a hangover, fuzzy in all the bad ways but without the pleasant hum of alcohol to dull the shame. She blinked open her eyes, wincing as the sun hit them. It wasn’t as bad as it probably could have been, the sun was little low, pink-purple with dusk, but it still stung like a bitch. Her eyes started to water and she groaned as she wiped at them, slowly starting to sit up when suddenly there were hands on her shoulders. She instinctively went to attack but paused when she recognized the voice that spoke.

“Sit up slowly, now,” Caleb said, kneeling somewhere behind her. “I moved too quickly right away and threw up.”

“Caleb? What happened?”

“What’s the last thing you remember?”

“We were… talking. You were talking to that red head man that creeps me out.”

Caleb sighed and she finally opened her eyes to see him crouched next to her, his hair a tangled mess (worse than usual, most mornings he would at least run his fingers through it or something) and his face pale like he was about to get sick. “That’s what I remember too. I don’t know what happened. Shiße,” he cursed under his breath.

“Where are the others?”

“I don’t know. I’ve only seen you so far.”

Beau grunted as she forced herself to stand, holding onto Caleb’s shoulder when she was hit by a wave of nausea. She started looking around and frowned. They were in a field of some kind with tall, pale grass that came up to their chests (well, Caleb’s chest, Beau’s collar bone). There were trees far in the distance, maybe twelve miles away in Caleb’s opinion and nothing but grass going the other way.

“Where are we?”

“I have a theory. And I hope I am incorrect. I believe we are in the feywild.”

“The what?”

“Feywild. It’s a plane, parallel to ours that-”

“Yeah, I know what the fucking feywild is, doofus, I worked in the biggest library in the fucking empire. It was an expression, I was shocked.” She brushed off her pants and took a second to fix her bun which was laying lopsided and loose down by her ear. “Why the fucking hell are we in the goddamn feywild?”

“The last words I remember hearing before things went dark was… ‘Have fun’. I don’t remember the context, I don’t know if this is some kind of test, some kind of lesson, or just a big trick. There could be something out there watching us, hoping we succeed or there could be something laughing at us while we stumble around.”

“Why does there have to be anything watching us at all? That just makes the entire situation so much creepier.”

“Something sent us here. There must have been a reason.”

“The fey are tricky creatures, there is never a reason for what they do, at least not one that follows any semblance of logic. I’ve read about one fey who gave four people a love potion just to see what would happen and one of those people fell in love with an ass. Not a person who is an asshole, an actually donkey.”

“So, what do we do?”

She looked around and crossed her arms. “The best thing to do is send up a flare and stay put so that, if our friends are out there, they can find us. But I don’t want to do that, I want to know what the fuck happened and the only way to do that is to investigate.” She cried out in frustration and kicked the dirt angrily. “Goddamnit! This is bullshit!” She huffed and turned to look at him. “What do you want to do? Those are our options.”

“I agree with you. Staying put is probably for the best. But I don’t want to do that. Let’s see what we can find out.”

She grinned and moved over to stand behind him, putting her hands on his shoulders. “Stand still.”

“Was machst du gerade?” he asked, trying to look over his shoulder at her.

She pressed her hand on his cheek to turn his face to look forward. “Stand still, jackass.” With a huff she pressed down on his shoulders and used his body to lift herself in the air. She threw her legs around his neck from behind and sat on his shoulders. She cried out when he stumbled back but caught himself. “Don’t fall, fucker!”

“You are very heavy! Some warning would have been nice!”

“I did warn you, I told you to stand still.” She could tell he was shaking from the effort to hold her up, but managed to power through as she started looking around. The height definitely helped, she got a clearer picture of how far the trees were and she could also see some kind of lake in the distance where the grass fell away. “I see a lake. Less tall grass. It’ll be safer to head that way, more defensible, more visibility.”

“Do you see our friends?” he said, his voice strained.

“Umm…” She started looking closer, trying to spot any movement, when she finally caught some. In the direction of the lake she saw a dark head of fur poke out of the grass and then fall back out of view. A few seconds later, it popped back out again and then fell back down. “Not our friends,” she said quietly to him. “But we are not alone.” She hopped off his shoulders and pointed in a direction that was towards the lake, but it was not a direct path and it sort of went around the figure in the grass. “Go that way. I’ll catch up.”

“I don’t think we should go off alone.”

“I’ll be close, don’t worry, if something goes wrong scream at the top of your lungs.”

“Do not worry, I would have done that anyway.”

“Go.” She crouched down under the top of the grass and started moving towards where she saw the creature while Caleb moved forward in a line about thirty degrees left of her path. She peeked out of the grass every now and then to see if she could spot the creature and, sure enough, every few seconds she caught it popping out of the grass and it was slowly following Caleb. It seemed like it was keeping its distance, but it was absolutely trailing behind her friend. She moved through the brush as quiet as possible, planning each step she took to make the least amount of noise she could. Finally she got to where she could see the creature through the grass and he seemed to be paying her no mind. She waited a moment, and then lept at him, grappling him to the ground as he squirmed in her arms.

“No!” he screamed, kicking his little satyr legs. “Not again! Let me go, I was only taking notes, leave me alone!”

Beau held him easily and stood to her full height to see Caleb looking back at her about forty feet in the distance. “I caught something!” she called, moving forward to meet him in the middle. “Check out our little stalker here.” She noticed he was clutching a book in his hands and snatched it from him, tossing it to Caleb. “Check that out. I want to know what he’s up to.” She wrapped one of her scarves around him to keep his arms pinned to his sides and then turned him around to look at her. “Alright. Who are you and why are you following us? Did you send us here? Do you know who did?”

“I wasn’t doing anything! Honest! Following you, puh, I wasn’t following per say, I was merely... observing! Let me go, vile woman!”

“Vile? Now that’s just rude. Caleb, what’s in there?”

Caleb’s face a bright red and he was covering his mouth as he flipped through the pages. “Um… well… he’s a bit of an artist.”

“What, he was sketching us? Like Jester?”

“These are eerily similar to Jester’s works, yes.” He cleared his throat and flipped the book around and she realized suddenly that he wasn’t red and covering his face because he was embarrassed, it was because he was trying not to laugh out loud.

Beau had no such reservations and when she saw the picture of an elf with a nose so high in the air that it circled up and around his head she cackled madly. “Holy shit! That’s brilliant! Flip to the next one.” The next one was just as good and showed a woman in a long, otherwise elegant dress that was made entirely of penises. Beau had to fight through laughter to speak and Caleb was biting his lip. It was harder to control his own laughter when he saw her laugh with such abandon. Her joy always got to him because she was just so free about it. “Alright,” she said through tears. “Flip to the end, what was he drawing of us?”

“Wait!” the satyr screamed, fighting against her hold once more. “There’s no need to-!”

Caleb flipped and they were both silent as they took in the drawing. It was Caleb’s body up to his shoulders, with both of his thumbs shoved up in his armpits. Where his body ended, Beau’s torso began. Her waist grew where Caleb’s neck should be and she had giant boobs that were thrown over her shoulders like scarves. Her face was small and pinched and the bun on her head was replaced by a third boob. They both remained quiet for a few more seconds as they took it in and then simultaneously exploded in laughter. Even Caleb couldn’t keep it in, he threw his head back and nearly dropped the book and Beau was so focused on not tumbling over in her mirth that her grip on the satyr loosened and he wiggled away. He started fighting against the scarf around him but didn’t run.

“Can I have that?” Beau asked, gasping for breath. “Please, I want to have that picture for the rest of my life.”

Caleb tried to speak but kept getting interrupted by his own snorts from trying to hold in the laughter. “We should- pfft! We should ask- haha- if he’s seen our friends. If he knows- shiße- where we are.” Their laughter pettered off and they both turned to look at him expectantly.

“Well, I’d be happy to send you on your way if you would release me and kindly give me back my book.”

Caleb started to close the book but Beau stopped him with a hand on his arm. She reached over and ripped the picture of them out, ignoring the squeak from the creature. Underneath their picture, she saw a picture that was clearly Jester with long horns that curled and curled like giant curly fries before ending down at her feet. “Wait. This girl, where did you see her?”

The satyr frowned, staring at the piece of paper she’d torn out before glancing at the book. “A few weeks ago, she came through with a little green girl who stole my glasses.”

“A few weeks? That can’t be right, we were just with them.”

“No, I know for certain, it was a few weeks ago. I haven’t seen a soul since.”

Beau untied him and held the drawing of her and Caleb in the air when the creature reached for it, turning to her friend. She easily ignored the Satyr as he jumped around her feet, trying to grab it from her. “This is worse than we thought. We’re not only not in the same place as our friends, we might not even be in a same time. If Jester and Nott came a through a few weeks ago, who knows when the others came by.”

Caleb nodded. “We should still head for that lake, you were right it’s more defensible. We can set up there and try to get our bearings.”

She nodded and shoved the satyr away with her foot. “Go away and don’t follow us anymore. We’re keeping this, because you were a dick.” She grabbed one of the books from Caleb’s holster much to his annoyance, and shoved the paper between two pages to keep if safe and uncrinkled.

Caleb snatched it back from her and put it back where she got it before they both continued onward, almost immediately forgetting the strange satyr and focusing on finding their friends.

#part one #maybe?#not sure if i should continue it #critical role fic #critical role #beauregard #beau fic #beau #caleb widogast #the mighty nein #garmelie #team human #beau and caleb #the best friendship on the show #i love them

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hashtagkairideservedbetter · 5 years

Text

My main issue(s) with KH3

Spoilers abound, so please don’t read if you haven’t beaten the game or don’t want any negative opinions influencing how you see the ending/ the game. I did enjoy several parts of KH3, but this post is focused on things I had issues with, and if you don’t want to see criticism of your media please look elsewhere.

This is how I interpreted the game as someone coming into KH3 with KH2 being the last game I played, and a playlist of youtube videos spanning lets plays, summaries, and humorous deconstructions as a codex.

Here’s the thing. I’ve seen several people already break down how KH3′s story and pacing could have been handled better. Specifically, to more comprehensively tie in the 10,000 plot points that needed to be covered in a way that actually helps connect the main characters. I’m not going to get into all of that, because frankly I can’t fake knowing enough about the background lore of Kingdom Hearts to know how to better juggle all of the intermediary games into KH3.

Most of my grievances honestly lie with the handling of the Destiny Trio and the Disney Worlds.

I’m going to do a read more on this because it’s gonna be a long one. (Also very much a train of thought, so disorganized, sorry).

So. Sora. Protagonist of the game (mostly. kind of?).

A cheerful ray of sunshine.

A Keyblade wielder who has overcome traumatizing ordeals that tore him away from all he loved and knew at least twice now for over three years.

A continuity disaster stuck being pinballed back and forth between happy goofs and hollow tragedies every thirty minutes in between busywork battles and off-scene disney films for 85% of KH3.

I understand that Sora’s greatest power is supposed to be his optimism, as it’s sort of the prerequisite for going through disney worlds where people sing about their problems. I get it.

However, there’s a difference between, “I’m naive and happy and oblivious and that’s why I’m a guardian of the light,” and “I have battled true darkness and felt true loss and decided that choosing to be kind, choosing to embrace joy in new experiences and relationships, is a bigger middle finger to the darkness than anything else.” Guess which one I prefer. Guess which one I was thinking would finally be Sora’s character arc. Instead he’s happy, happy, happy, happy... and then suddenly in the eleventh hour having a mental breakdown.

Sora is written into a loop every game of kind, naive, but unchanging (”Don’t ever change, Sora”). That was endearing when we were both 14, but after almost twenty years it gets tiring to watch Sora get hit with a reset button every time you meet up with him again. There’s a scene in the gummi ship early on in the games where Donald asks Sora to “take this seriously,” and Goofy remarks that they seem to be stuck in a rut as Donald and Sora have the same conversation over and over again before entering the first series of Disney worlds. Sora knows he needs the power of waking in order to help his friends and free those trapped in his heart, but seems content to just drop into various worlds and wing it, and hope that it all sort of works out.

And then when it does work out, and Sora uses the power to save everyone, he’s immediately told he’s doomed now? Like, what was the point of him being able to use this to connect with people if he’s doomed. Why did they want him to have this. What’s the point then of Sora having these strong connections.

Each world makes a big scene about the friendships and connections that Sora makes so easily, but in KH3 there never seems to be enough time for Sora to actually pay them any attention unless the person is right in front of him. Sora seems to make connections for the sake of making connections in KH3, and the ones he has, he does very little to advance or reconnect with.

Like, the whole point of 100 Acre Wood this time was apparently that Sora’s connection to Pooh was weaker for some reason. I honestly didn’t understand the reason or how it was magically resolved just from Sora showing up and saying hi? But whatever.

My two least favorite worlds were Corona and Arendelle, for the same reason. There was no believable connection between Sora and the characters there. For fuck’s sake, the combat ally you get in Arendelle is the snow monster, not even a main character.

Sora is like the living embodiment of the B99 clip of Rosa with her dog. He just met Elsa and spoke a whopping five sentences to her, but damn if he won’t climb a mountain five times just for her to save herself without ever talking to him again. Like, literally that is the only interaction Sora has with Elsa. Same thing with Anna, and in her case I literally had to mute my tv so I could track what she was actually saying since they decided to shove two songs from the movie into this game.

You spend the majority of your time in these worlds trying to play catch up to the leads as they have their movie play out around the bend in the road in front of you, out of your sight. Props to Disney’s ego that they think I remember the beat by beat plots of their films when they came out 9 years ago (Tangled) and 6 years ago (Frozen). I actually had the thought of going and watching Tangled just to remember what Flynn and Rapunzel got up to while Sora wandered around a marsh and had a pointless conversation with Marluxia.

(Also, getting real tired of the “Good to see you Sora” “Who the fuck are you?” “Oh that’s right you don’t remember that game haha it’s fine it was a gameboy game nobody even knows what those are anymore.” That shit was getting old midway through KH2.)

To be fair, the PoTC world suffers from the same problem as the other two. Sora shows up, sees everyone for thirty seconds, gets separated, and while we’re dicking around trying to find white crabs on the islands there’s a whole movie going on that we don’t see or participate in. I feel really bad for anyone who did not keep up with that franchise because I only watched the third movie the once and I was confused as hell. Also, the whole time I was finding the crabs in Port Royal all I could think about was this ProZD video.

I just. I’m 26 years old. These movies hold no nostalgia for me, and maybe that’s the problem. I already had a connection to Aladdin, Peter Pan, etc, so I was maybe more willing to suspend my disbelief and just enjoy the interactions. But those Disney worlds also felt more tied in to the plot. You can make the argument of Marluxia and Larxene putting pressure on Sora to find the Wayfinders so that six princesses of heart aren’t used as backup... but where are the other three? Anna, Elsa, Rapunzel, and Kairi make four. Where’s Merida, Tiana, Moana? Mulan or Pocahontas even, since Moana was probably too recent. (But probs not, as it was probably starting development in 2014). If that’s going to be yet another subplot, shouldn’t you at least see it through?

My point is, I can distinctly recall prior games mostly keeping to the established script in the disney worlds, but still letting Sora really get in there and interact with the characters. The heartless, nobodies, etc were a real wrench in the works for the plots, and had an actual effect on how the story was told and the order of events. Sora felt more involved in cutscenes and was an active participant in the world’s events instead of just a bystander.

In KH1 and KH2 there was a dialogue happening between the villain of each world and a greater evil. Hell, in KH1 they were a unified council! In KH3 they’re puppets who don’t even talk to the bigger bad like Randall or Mother Gothel, or are there for a whopping thirty seconds like Hans. It makes it more and more obvious that the Disney worlds are just being shoehorned in as a contractual obligation than for any real purpose anymore.

The only world that’s appeared in all three games, Olympus, was especially jarring. Like, you could tell there was a lot of corners cut on what VAs they could get for this game, as Phil does not speak once. Meg spends more time making eyes at Hercules and nodding than showing any of the sass she has from the film. (This was a thing in KH2 as well tho so I can’t complain about them continuing to drop the ball on even background women characters-- Oh wait, I can, because they’ve had T H I R T E E N YEARS to get it right.)

Which I guess is as good a segue as any into Kairi Time.

Listen. Did I mention I’m 26? Yeah. I started reading fanfic on livejournal. I was there when AO3 first got its start. I’ve seen the shipping wars. I know the dark past of Soriku vs Sokai.

I couldn’t give less of a fuck.

These characters are still 16 and I am now 26. I’m fine with them trading noogies and maybe being able to kick back and play some Mario Kart. Kairi would wipe the floor with both of them because she had time to get good enough to beat Tidus, Wakka, and Selphie combined between KH1 and KH2.

The point is, I don't care one way or the other about shipping. If my 15 year old self were here, they would be horrified I wasn't over the moon when Kairi and Sora finally shared the paopu fruit. As it is, I kind of stared blankly at my screen and went 'huh, there's gonna be a lot of fanfic fixing this moment.' From both sides, I think, because even if you're into Sokai you gotta admit that moment did not feel romantic. It felt forced. Like "Oh hey, we've been putting this off, huh. Welp, here we go!"

It doesn't help that I really, truly, don't like whoever Kairi's VA is in this game. Like, she sounds so ditzy and soft. Get that shit out of here. The dialogue and voice acting in this series has never been its strength, but honestly, I cringed my way through every interaction between Kairi and Axel because of how stilted and bad their conversations were! I’m definitely not saying that Kairi’s voice was stellar in 1 and 2, but at least her voice was clear, and had personality, and by the end of 2 was actually fairly strong. She sounded strong, and determined to be fighting with Sora and Riku, green as she was then, in the World That Never Was.

Whenever she talked in the third one I just sort of grit my teeth and wondered why someone on the production team wanted Kairi to sound so weak.

Then they killed her at the labyrinth and I said, ‘Ah, that tracks.’

I played FFXV, so I guess shame on me for not seeing the signs when the girl love interest is about to be capable and not needing the hero to save her. She gets taken! And killed. Fool me twice, shame on me.

I actually saw people excited about that Verum Rex thing and after seeing the Noctis ripoff reaching for the Luna ripoff covered in purple light I laughed, and laughed. And then sighed and reached for a stiff drink.

All this to say that while I’m angry but not truly surprised that Kairi was once again shafted, I’m all the more pissed that they did it in the laziest, most insulting way possible by hinging it all on Sora needing a reason to fight Xehanort. Like, really???? Really. That’s your angle. The man-pain trope is so painfully overdone. Please. It’s 2019. Come into the future with us, Nomura.

And I feel bad that all of the stuff I just wrote mostly revolves around Kairi being Sora’s romantic interest. But that’s because that’s all this game allowed her to be! Princess of light what? Bequeathed Keyblade wielder in her own right who??? Every battle she and Axel share with Sora they get their asses kicked in 30 seconds flat, so maybe Merlin should have left them suspended in time a little longer. Maybe long enough to convince someone out there in the universe that these two deserved to be competent.

Hell, not just competent. Amazing. Kairi deserved to be able to stand on her own two feet and hold her own. To be running alongside her boys and not just be an object for them to tussle over or save. As Aqua’s somewhat successor, she deserved to be a terrifying wielder of battle magicks and flurries of light magic.

To be replaced by Xion was just insult to injury. Like, I’m very happy that Xion got her heart back and was reunited with Roxas and Axel, but she didn’t need to be brought back at Kairi’s expense. The world won’t implode if the replica and actual person inhabit the same space.

Which is leads us to our third member.

Riku. To be fair. Riku got the most growth as a person out of the three of these kids, easy. We finally see a Riku who is confident in himself and his journey, and willing to take everything he learned along the way to help Mickey, Aqua, and even his own replica. However....

He doesn’t seem to give two shits about Kairi anymore? Did they even talk, like, once during the whole game? I can’t recall a single instance where Sora, Kairi, and Riku were in the same place together where it was just them, and they held an actual conversation. Hell, where they even said “Hi, how’s it going? What have you learned, had any good food lately?”

God, even when Kairi was taken, and then when she was killed, Riku had one moment of anger, and then was completely, like, chill again, and back to talking Sora down. Like, what? I don’t want any love triangle bullshit, but Riku and Kairi were friends as much as Sora and Kairi and Sora and Riku are friends.

And that’s what bothered me the most about the disappearance of Kairi introducing this bullshit narrative of Sora abusing his power of waking. He spent two games trying to get him, Riku, and Kairi together. But he doesn’t want Riku to help him get Kairi back? And Riku’s just going to let him go?! After all Riku has done and learned about falling to darkness and clawing yourself back to light and peace, he’s just going to let Sora do the same?

I call bullshit.

And this is why when Sora suddenly faded out of view on the beach next to Kairi I slowly leaned back in my chair, dropped my controller into my lap, and flipped off my tv screen with both hands.

#vent #kh3 spoilers #kh3 #writing criticism #give these kids the happy ending they deserve #they can be paired in any combo you want #but let them be happy

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lowat-golden-tower · 7 years

Text

faulty computers

what’s this another one so soon? yeah funny how much more productive i can be on days off

read this one carefully guys :)

Goretober listing here.

Egotober listing here.

@ego-surveillance-squad

AO3 Mirror

It was just a gift.

Gifts were supposed to be good. They were supposed to be pleasant. They were supposed to bring a smile to the recipient's face, a light to their eyes, joy filling their soul at the kindness and generosity of another person; of having their desires fulfilled.

Gifts were supposed to be good.

There were bits of metal, everywhere. Sparks, small fires, singed grass and broken twigs and sharp cries. The air smelled like burning oil and iron.

He'd been so happy, when he tore off the wrapping paper and revealed the piece of modern age tech. A hoverboard, gleaming in the flourescent lighting, edgy and colorful and oh-so-cool. Top of the line, high in demand, so damn hard to get but he'd gotten one, just for him.

There was screaming, but it wasn't the victim. It was echoing from his own throat, filling the air, drawing out those close enough to hear. His anguished solo was met in counterpoint by a chorus of gasps.

He'd been half-crushed by a hug, feeling the wetness of happy tears and and giggling when dark hair tickled at his face.

"Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you."

"You're welcome. Anything for you."

I love you.

There were hands on him, dragging him back, forcing him away from the body kicking and screaming. "NO! NO NO NO, I HAVE TO GET TO HIM, I NEED TO HELP HIM, LET ME GO! LET ME GO!"

"Let me go!"

"Haha, are you sure dude? It's got a lot of kick."

"It doesn't look that hard. Come on, let me try. Please?"

He never should have let go.

He never should have let him go.

It wasn't until hours later, after sitting in the waiting room with tapping feet and twitching fingers, that he was allowed to see him. It wasn't until hours later that he discovered the true extent of the damage; the consequences. It wasn't until hours later that he collapsed against him, sobbing, unable to shed many tears because he just wasn't built for it.

Weak, bandaged arms wrapped around him anyway, pulled him close, tucked his head in beneath a bruised chin. "I broke your gift."

Bing shook his head, clinging to the other. "I don't care, it doesn't matter, i-if I'd just-"

"This isn't your fault."

"I never should have let you."

"I told you to let me go."

"I shouldn't have."

"I don't blame you."

I love you.

"Because of me." Bing's voice was soft and crackling, his voice box unable to handle the emotion, his hands coming up to cup Bop's battered face. Where there should be two loving, sweet brown eyes, there was just bloody bandages, and his heart squeezed tight in his chest. "Because of me, you lost your eyes."

Bop's smile looked as broken as Bing felt, yet it was Bing who let loose another sob at the words.

"I don't need my eyes to sing."

#egotober #markiplier #bingiplier #mark bop #tw eye gore mention #tw injury #haha no glitching androids here #just glitching hoverboards that explode

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simplyshelbs16xoxo · 7 years

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‘The Beauty of a Lost Art’ Chapter 50: A Beautiful Beginning

03/06/18

My darling wife,

It feels wonderful to call you that. Molly, you looked so beautiful in your dress with your small bump accentuated by the new tailoring. You were absolutely glowing. We hadn’t even gotten to our handwritten vows before I started to tear up at just the sight of you smiling at me. All I could think was ‘this gorgeous, intelligent, kind woman loves me and I am so lucky she wants me for a husband.’ We quite literally sealed our marriage with a kiss, one of great passion, may I add. It is odd seeing a wedding band on my finger but I love it. I love you, Molly Holmes.

My sweet husband,

Sorry to interrupt your letter, but I couldn’t resist reading ahead of time. May I just tell you how happy you make me? I know you were eager to consummate our marriage (the pinches given to my bum were surefire clues), but you still danced with me most of the night anyways. Our vows are love letters in themselves; written in our hand and kept in the lovely keepsake box your mum gave us. Your words written so far in this letter made me cry tears of joy (sorry about the tear stain oops). It is amazing how after all this time, you can still make me blush. I love you too, Sherlock Holmes.

16/06/18

I must advise you, Mrs. Holmes, that peeking before I am finished is not a wise thing to do. I may have to do something drastic now, like distract you with kisses before tickling you until you tell me to have mercy. Your laughter is the most beautiful sound I have ever heard. The only time I will be happier than I am right now is when our beautiful baby girl is born. That was one more deduction than I expected. I really hope I’m not sleeping on the sofa for this tonight. I apologise. Please forgive me for ruining the surprise, sweetheart, I didn’t mean to.

You silly man! I’m not upset with you, though I am a bit curious as to how you knew. The way I’m carrying, perhaps? Either way, I’m not making you sleep on the sofa over that. So, that means we at least have the names narrowed down now. I know you’ve been absolutely dying for someone to be named after you, so how about Charlotte or Shelby as a female variation of Sherlock? I do know I want Mary to be one of her middle names. Yes, one of…she’s going to take after her daddy and have two. Let me know what you think! Xxx

27/06/18

Those are lovely variations, darling. I think your full first name could suffice as her second middle name; Mary Margaret has a nice ring to it, I believe. Charlotte Mary Margaret Holmes or Shelby Mary Margaret Holmes? We have time to decide. Both are good names. All I can envision is a miniature version of you running around; well, more miniature than you already are. I’m teasing, of course. I love how petite you are. You were craving pickles and popcorn at three in the morning, and so, naturally, I made sure you had it. Not the weirdest combination you’ve craved, but it was interesting to say the least. This has been quite the curious journey so far. I have kept track of your progress (except for your weight, as you have banished me from that aspect, though I don’t know why; you are beautiful no matter what). I love you, honeybee. And I love our little baby bee too. Xxx

We’ll take our time to decide. And how do you figure it’ll be a miniature version of me? Maybe she’ll take after you more? Maybe it will be an equal distribution, like your curls and my eyes. Oh, but I’d love for her to have your eyes as well. Yes, I know brown is dominant, but rarities happen. We began on the nursery today in John’s old room. It had been freshly painted last week; a pretty mint green colour. We built our daughter’s cot together today…that was an Olympic event in itself haha! I couldn’t stop laughing at your confusion over the instructions. It’s nice to know there is something Sherlock Holmes isn’t quite proficient at. I love you my bumbling bumblebee! P.S. you’re such a good husband! xxx

08/07/18

I had so much fun with you tonight, darling. We danced half the evening in the sitting room to our old favourites. I love singing along with you in between kisses and twirls. The other half was spent eating takeaway from Angelo’s (in which he insisted on delivering himself), and watching your choice of film (The Princess Bride which ended up being quite enjoyable) whilst I helped you paint your toes, as you can no longer reach over the lovely swell of your belly. Already five months in and it feels like it’s going by so fast. We’ll meet our baby bee in no time. I completed her lullaby and intend to play it for you tomorrow after work. I’m going to crawl into bed beside you now and hold you. You’re already fast asleep. Sweet dreams, my Molly. Xxx

Ugh, my day has been so bloody frustrating! Sorry for the outburst. I can’t do autopsies anymore now that Mike walked in on me sobbing over a corpse. I forgot several things throughout the day that I would normally remember, aka, pregnancy brain IS real. I cried again when I observed you for a moment in the lab. I don’t know why; it’s just that I kept thinking about how we first met and everything that’s happened since and you look so lovely sitting there, I just *smudge*…sorry, started crying again. You stopped everything you were doing to calm me down and you are just the best husband I could ever ask for. I think I need a nap; I can’t even concentrate enough to write anymore. I love you so much, my sweet William. Xxx p.s. the lullaby is so beautiful! Another sob fest for me ha! Mwah!

31/07/18

Sweetheart, I am sorry you have been having a difficult time at work. Now, don’t get upset, but maybe you should consider taking maternity leave a bit earlier, say, next month, possibly now? You need your rest and you’ve been working yourself too hard, staying after hours to try and complete the paperwork you’re having a tough time concentrating on. Just think about it, alright? I’m just worried about you is all. I don’t want you to stress yourself out too much. I cooked dinner for tonight using your recipe for Shepherd’s pie. I hope it turned out well. It looks appetizing at least, so there’s that. Meena dropped something off for you. She warned me not to peek, so I didn’t, though I admit my curiosity is piqued. It’s in the bedroom. I love you, sweetheart. Xxx

Oh, Sherlock, dinner was perfect, thank you! It was so sweet of you to offer to massage my feet. They’ve been aching all day. I had to remove my rings since my fingers are swelling a bit too much for them to fit now. It feels strange to not wear them; I’ll definitely be happy when I can have them on my finger again. For now, I’ll loop them onto this silver necklace I have from my mum and wear them that way. I’m not upset with your suggestion, just frustrated that I can’t be as efficient as I used to be right now. I don’t want such an early maternity leave. Also, who else is going to help you with cases? You can’t stand the other pathologists. Anyways, I’m happy you liked the nightie set I purchased and had Meena drop off. I’ve been aching for you so much, Sherlock. Really, so much that it’s been a bit overwhelming. I love you, bumblebee. Xxx

11/08/18

Mm, you are so sexy, Mrs. Holmes. This is quite an enjoyable part of your pregnancy, I must say. I know you’re upset about taking maternity leave early, but look at the bright side, sweetheart. I’ll be at your beckon call to get you whatever you crave or when you need some comfort, you can sleep whenever you feel like it, watch whatever you want, have me whenever you’re aching for me; you can practically do everything you want. It won’t be so bad, I promise. We’ll go take walks in the park if you’d like so you can get out for a bit each day. Maybe Rosie would like to come along. You should enjoy yourself as much as possible despite the awful effects of pregnancy. I’m going to lessen my caseload soon so that I can be available for you more often. And before you try to convince me otherwise, I’m perfectly okay with taking a break; happy, even. After all, I’m married to you, not the work. You need me more right now. I love you, Molly Holmes, more than you know. Xxx

Sherlock, you are just so good to me. Those are all very good points you made. I don’t think it’ll be as bad as I assumed it would be. Just please make sure that you’re okay with taking a break from work. I don’t want you to resent me for any reason because of it. I know I’m probably just overthinking and getting over emotional about all of this. I’d like to go out with you and Rosie for ice cream sometime. I think that would be fun. She so loves our company and her little cousin who is actively kicking me right now. I remember the look on your face when she first started kicking. You were resting your head on my tummy when she kicked your head! It was so funny! You were afraid at first, wondering if something was going wrong but relaxed when you realized it was just our daughter having a laugh at your expense. She’s going to be a handful, I can see it now. Well, she is a Holmes after all. I think I need a relaxing bath right now. And yes, I want you to join me as long as it’s not uncomfortable for you. Love you, my sweet husband! Xxx p.s. you, Mister Holmes, are also incredibly sexy ;)

29/08/18

I would never resent you, Molly! This is my choice. I want to do this. I am a husband and father first. I want to take care of my girls. I love you both very much. You’re approaching seven months soon and our darling girl is growing so fast. We went out for ice cream with Rosie today and she had asked when she could meet her baby cousin. Like John said, I think it’ll be nice for her to have someone closer to her age to play with. I did not realize how wide a child’s eyes could get until I saw her react to feeling the kicks to your belly. It is quite a similar amazement to that of my own, though I suppose I’ve always been a bit of a child. Okay, I have been called a man child plenty of times, but I do hope I have grown enough to be a good husband and father. I have said this before, but I’ll say it again: thank you for carrying our child, Molly. You’re doing so well, sweetheart. I know it’s been difficult lately but I am trying my best to make it as easy for you as possible. You can do this, darling. I know you can. You are so strong and fierce and beautiful. I am so in love with you. Xxx

I was reading your letter whilst having tea with Mrs. Hudson in her flat and I just broke down crying. She had asked me what was wrong and all I said was that I have the most wonderful husband. I do. You are taking such good care of me and our little baby bee. There’s nothing wrong with acting childish now and then; adults have to have fun too! We’ll get plenty of time to be immature when we play with our daughter haha! Your words of encouragement are so helpful. I know they don’t seem like much to you, but they brighten my day. My belly button has finally popped. It felt strange, I’m not gonna lie. I feel gigantic right now. Probably TMI but I’ve never had to pee so much in my life. It’s all that water I’ve been drinking, plus the fact she is practically sitting on my bladder. Sleeping has been a bit more difficult but you’ve been so accommodating to my weird sleep positions. Thank you for letting me wrap around you as much as I possibly can. It’s usually the other way around (you, wrapped around me), but I find it more comforting this way. All this talk of sleep makes me want to take a nap. I look forward to your next letter, bumblebee. Mwah! Love you! xxx

18/09/18

I am so proud of you, Molly. You are carrying beautifully. I could not ask for a more amazing wife. In less than two months, we’ll be meeting our daughter. I can’t wait to hold her. You have expressed your fears of the childbirth going wrong, but there is nothing to worry about my darling. The doctors have assured you that this is one of the healthiest pregnancies they’ve ever seen and there is nothing that could cause any complications. You’re going to be okay and so will our daughter. And that’s not TMI; it’s only natural. There’s nothing to be embarrassed of. This is me you’re talking to; your best friend, remember? You can tell me anything. You look so peacefully asleep right now on the sofa. I hope it’s comfortable enough to accommodate you. It doesn’t look like it would be, but what do I know? You are my beautiful angel and I am thankful every day for you. I love you. Xxx p.s. I finished the nursery, and yes, I’d be happy to help you up the stairs to show you.

The nursery looks beautiful, Sherlock! Thank you for finishing it! I love the little bear wearing a deerstalker that’s in her cot…it’s so adorable. I know I’m just worrying over nothing. I’ll be eight months next month. Time has flown so quickly. I’m a total of nine stones and twelve pounds right now. The veins on my breasts are more prominent and they’ve been really sore lately. Maybe you could massage them for me? I know you wouldn’t mind. I had my first false contraction today and it scared me half to death because you weren’t home at the time. Mrs. Hudson was here looking after me, so not to worry. The chamomile tea she made me helped to ease the pain. I am definitely going to pass out soon. For some reason, writing makes me even more tired. I love you, my William. You’re doing so well. Thank you for all that you’ve done. Xxx

16/10/18

Well, darling, it seems that Charlotte couldn’t wait to meet us. She is a bit early by two weeks but she is also very healthy. I’m still having trouble wrapping my head around the fact that she’s here and we made that tiny miracle together. She is the product of how much we love each other. I watched as you held her in your arms and fed her for the first time. You both looked so at peace. You delivered her so well, Molly. I’m really proud of you. I can’t get over how beautiful you both are. She’s sleeping in your arms as you sleep too. Mummy, father and Mycroft are coming round tomorrow to visit the newest edition to the Holmes family. Between the three of them, she’s going to be properly spoiled. John and Rosie will be by later today if you’re feeling up to it. I’ve just noticed that Charlotte has your little upturned nose. I think she may take after her lovely mummy. Only time will tell. I feel absolutely elated right now. I am most definitely the luckiest man in the world. The two of you are my everything and I will always be there for the both of you. Charlotte has just grabbed my finger as I was sliding it over her dimpled knuckles. I love you both so very much. This is the start of our wonderful family. xxx

fanfiction.net | ao3

#Sherlolly #Mollock #The Beauty of a Lost Art #my fanfiction #Sherlock Holmes x Molly Hooper

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bernicefitcpt-blog · 7 years

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My first Sprint Triathlon Experience

I could probably count on one hand how many times I trained for each sport event leading to the weeks that I put on that tight one piece. Not that I didn't take the training seriously, but that's what my time allowed for me to do. Just so freakin' happy that I did finished my first triathlon event.... AND LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT! ... And gotta love those automatic PR's: 1:31:33

Morning of :

SETTING UP:Found a spot in the 2nd row of the racks next to a Brazilian lady #55 who looked like she knew what she was doing, and another nice lady named Brenda who helped me a ton! First, she did mention to keep a narrower space for myself in case someone wanted to come next to me. So i did. Then another lady came super close to my front tire with her stuff. She looked a little more nervous. And even Leanne, the lady who checked me in came by and said hi to me! She said she's been doing tri's since her late 20s and she’s now 60! You go mama! She looked like early 40s. Dang, I wanna me like that! So i'm feeling super NEWBIE status and I'm here looking like a lost child haha. I asked Brenda if theres a certain way she sets up her transition area and yup! Makes sense. Place it in the order you'll be using it.

Heres a pic of it:

Here are some things I wish I knew: Bring something I could step into to rinse my feet. Maybe a stool would help? Have my phone ready to go on my bike. Stretch your hamstrings and hip flexors with the ball and foam roller more. And a huge thing: having a running belt! Since i knew i had to run with my number on me, I took my lululemon fanny pack strap and attached my number to it. Brenda was the one who told me I didn't need to put my number on yet as I was practicing putting my pins on haha. So thank God i had that. Or else I would be fidgeting with it.

SWIM:

Training: Thinking back to my first time ever competitive swimming event at the Honolulu Triathlon (Sprint - 750m), it made me want to practice this more than anything else. I really thought this might be the hardest part for me during the actual race day. The last time I had am actually in person swimming lesson was when I was like 5? Lol so, I read my books (usually the most confusing bc I need to visualize everything), watched some YouTube videos, and observed swimmers as I went to Palolo Valley Swimming pool. After discovering this pool that was only 5 min from my gym, I went a total of 3 times to practice on my swim! Each time I would do at least 600m, just to practice harder than my actual race length. One time I got 700m in the 40 min I decide to swim. You don't realize how much of a workout swimming actually is! One of the biggest lessons I learned is to STAY CALM. In the midst of putting my body in a mild hypoxic state where you're not breathing as you normally would. "THE BREATH IS SO IMPORTANT" - seriously cereal! As a Yoga teacher and personal trainer that starts with talking about the breath and diaphragmatic breathing, I realized that without this, we are nothing! Well, not nothing, but we are more likely to get anxious and if so consistent, could lead to depression! No good!

Anyway, back to the swim training! I also swam in open water like twice only, but next time think I should do more because the ocean water vs pool water is like night and day difference. From the breathing technique to just the extra resistance you get from the thickness of the water, current, and waves, I'll definitely be swimming more in open water. Elenor, the nice older lady who's retired from doing like idk 20 or 40 ( i just know a lot lol) of triathlons, she said the same thing, especially 2 days before the race which was the last time I swam to train.

Day of:

Favorite part!! (Surprisingly!) I was probably most excited for this because I saw how working on my technique since the HNL TRI has worked for me!! As I jumped into the water to swim to the buoys to start, i started feeling a little like "sea sick." Never felt that before going into a swim. We had 3 min to swim to the buoys bc i was on the 2nd heat! (Go orange swim caps! Pink would have matched me but i wouldve had to be doing the relay. Lol i would mention this bc my color theme was black, grey, and bright pink haha) Ran into fewer ppl this time at the start. Thank God! Being kicked in the face and swam on my legs isn't a joy. Mma in the water anyone? Haha During the swim, I was just focusing on breathing technique and continuing to swim without stopping. OH! and making sure i was swimming in a straight line to my destination. I was actually done in what felt to me was a quick 12 min and 44 seconds. I still had energy to run barefoot to the transition area! Yeeee! Haha

TRANSITION: should have not messed with my phone and trying to put it in my ziplock bag to put in my back pocket haha. Oh well. Lesson learned! I will need to get one of those bike phone things. Also my bluetooth didn't connect to my phone and fitbit. But i put my phone and fitbit on for my bike and run.

BIKE

Training: I purchased my bike only like at the end of July from a guy that didn't need it anymore for super cheap in comparison what they normally go for. Thanks facebook marketplace! Lol! So i was told to get clips for the pedals and to get specific tri shoes. Went to the Bicycle Shop first to let them check my bike out. Turns out that my tires were extremely flat! I get one of these . I rode it for 3 miles before that around Kapiolani park to just get used to it. Also used for maybe only 2 miles at Lanikai. Felt normal to me, but hey... what do i know! I felt so accomplished just doing that! Went to Boca Hawaii to get those. I had no idea that i actually had to put the clips on the bottom of the shoes. Learned a lot from the chick who didn't even bike but helped me to pick out the shoes and clips. It was then i realized this is not going to be a cheap sport. $120 tri shoes, $55 clips. Then i checked out the biking gear. Got myself my tri one piece. The girl (forgot her name)told me ppl like it bc it gives less room for drag or something like that. I got the small so it was skin tight. Plus i thought maybe i would lose weight if i trained more. $150. Thankfully i got the friends of Boca discount.

Brought myself to Ko Olina to practice with my clips. I was told by a friend and also the girl working at Boca. "Yah. You're going to fall." And me in my head: “Nah. I know how to ride a bike.” Best believe, put on clip in for the first time. Then BOOM. Fell over on the side i put my one clip in! Even the Ko Olina security asked me if I was ok. Haha. Felt super comfy with it. Riding fast is fun! Just my butt hurts after a while sitting. Did 3 miles that day too. The next time i biked, ran, and swam at Ala Moana it wasn’t that far. My last time practicing riding was half the course of the actual. Went to Kahala area to diamond head and around Monsarrat. Learned I shouldn't stop when charging a hill. Had to test out my gears and go on a hill. One of the scariest parts for me is trusting all the cars around me to not run me over. Single lanes for a car and bike freak me out. I now know how a biker feels with cars speeding up next to him or her. Im like 1. Don’t fall 2. Don’t fall. 3. Don’t get hit. Thank God for helmets! Thankfully i didn't fall or get hit this time. Lol!

Day of: I learned so much!! Felt fast from my swim and ready to bike like a wild woman lol. Took long deciding whether to put my phone in my back pocket in a zip lock or int pouch. Big no no bc it cost me some time! Kind of slow getting my clips in the bike after reviewing some of the footage Rich uploaded of me. But once i was off, I was off! They had huge blue signs with black arrows which showed me where to go. One of the most challenging parts was avoiding the potholes on the road in the quick turns in the neighborhood. Here's the bike path:

My favorite part of biking was riding down the hill on kilauea ave. I figured out to change my gears on the hills which wasn't so bad dafter all. It actually felt faster than 46 min. The hardest part was going up Monsarrat. I'm so glad that we had the whole road to ourselves so we don't need to worry about getting run over. Cops blocked traffic every time they would see a bike coming. I was so glad to come to the finish line and see Rich there recording me and cheering. I slowly got off my bike because the inside of my thighs and upper hamstrings were done. It felt like i was coming off a long ride off a horse.

RUN:

Training: i would practice a slow jog after practicing on the stationary bike to "condition" my legs. This was not nearly enough to simulate how it would actually feel on race day but what did I know! I never biked more than 6 miles outside. Only about 14 miles inside on a stationary bike then to a .7 to 1 mile jog walk. Nope! Not like it!

At the transition: I put my Lululemon socks on, already had my number on from the bike transition, and put on my favorite Hoka running shoes. Put on my Lululemon Visor and BAM! I was off!

Day of: i haven't hurt that much starting a jog/run. To motivate me, the little girl who was 11 old passed me up with her mom! At first, i passed her but maybe into the first mile i felt soooo uncomfortable. I felt restricted so i unzipped the front of my one piece tri suit. Ahhhh... homer simpson status?! Lol Just wanted to get to the finish line but enjoying my last few moments of my first tri! When I ran, i felt like I could think more clearly. Talked to myself a lot to motivate myself. What was going on in my head?! Thought about how grateful I was to God for giving me these abilities to do a triathlon"Are you pushing yourself the most you could!?" I sped up. All the way to the finish line. Pretty much a sprint with my legs hurting already. Saw Rich yelling, and BOOM! Didn't slow down til I was past the finish line! At the end, i went to the booth to get my shirt - which was my medal. About 10 minutes later I saw my friend Milli and then about 20 minutes later I saw my brother, mom, sis in law, baby nephew, and their dog. It was so great to have them all there!

After: In about 30 min to 45 min I checked the scores. It said I placed 3rd. So during the awards, they called my age group (25-29 yo) and the 3rd place winner. It wasn’t me! So I thought, it’s okay. I didn’t place. Then they said on the mic, “In 2nd place, Bernice Aurellano!” I was pretty shocked. Came home with a cool successory too! Earrings! Check it out:

Definitely doing it again. Actually, just signed up for my next triathlon sprint this coming Sunday! Excited to see what my body, mind, and spirit are capable of doing this time around. To the Ko Olina Race we go!

Picture of my fam afterwards:

The traditional FINISH LINE photo! LOVE LOVE LOVE the feeling of getting through to the finish line!

Check out this awesome Video - posted on instagram @BerniceFitCPT and Youtube - created by my love, Rich!

youtube

Until next time.... I’ll tell you about my 2nd experience!

Aloha,

Bernice

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