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thelastspeecher · 3 years

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Stan Falls in Love With a Frog

We started talking about a new Scenario in the Discord, and it’s been making me very happy, especially since the Scenario takes place in a Mystery Trio-style AU, and I’m a big fan of the Mystery Trio AU. So, I whipped this up earlier. Enjoy.

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Stan sat on the edge of the dock, looking out over the water of Lake Gravity Falls. In the fading light, mist curled above the lake surface. He sighed and reeled his fishing line back in.

Dammit. I shoulda got here earlier if I wanted to catch anything. Stan wasn’t opposed to night fishing in general, but he was opposed to it in Gravity Falls. He had seen in person some of the weird things that came out when it got dark. Something surfaced in the lake, breaking the thin layer of fog. Speaking of… Stan idly watched it swim. Wonder what kinda spookum this one is. The creature pulled itself out of the lake and onto a large rock. Stan’s jaw dropped. That’s a chick!

It was rapidly getting darker, so he couldn’t make out many fine details. But the creature looked eerily like a human woman. With the exception of elongated, webbed feet and ears, what looked like a pair of antennae, and mottled skin. She pushed back her short hair with hands that also seemed to be webbed.

What the hell is that? Stan leaned, squinting, trying to get a better look. The movement knocked his tacklebox into the lake.

“Shit!” he swore. The woman looked over. Her eyes, glowing a soft blue, widened. She dove back into the lake. Stan sighed. “Great.” He got to his feet and trudged back to the Stanleymobile. Before he got in, he glanced back at the lake. The water was as smooth as glass.

It was like the woman had never been there.

-----

Stan returned to Lake Gravity Falls the next morning at the break of dawn. Normally, he wouldn’t wake up so early just to go fishing, but Ford and Fiddlenerd had a full day of traipsing around in the forest planned. If he wanted to actually have enough time to catch something, he needed to fish before, not after.

If Fiddlenerd’s weird little sister wasn’t visiting, this wouldn’t be a problem. Stan sat down at the edge of the dock and opened the tacklebox he’d “borrowed” from Fiddlenerd. But Fiddlenerd wants someone with actual muscles to be there to protect her from whatever’s in the woods today. There was a loud thunk to his left. Stan looked over. He gaped. The tacklebox he’d dropped in the lake yesterday sat next to him.

“What the hell?” Stan opened the tacklebox to inspect its contents. It was soaked through, which made sense, given it had been at the bottom of the lake the night before. But other than his fresh bait, nothing was missing. “How did-” There was a soft splash. Stan looked up. A creature was in front of him.

It’s that one lady from yesterday. She was mostly submerged, with only her eyes and the crown of her head above the water. Her hair was a black that, like her light green skin, blended in with the lake. She looks sorta like a frog.

“You brought me my tacklebox,” Stan said. The frog woman nodded. “Why?” She hesitated, then sunk underwater. Stan waited for a few minutes to see if she would come back up. When she didn’t return, he sighed and began to set things up to fish.

The missing bait makes sense now. Of course a frog would eat all my worms.

-----

“It’s about time!”

“Yeah, yeah, nice to see you too,” Stan groused, pushing past Ford and into the house. He’d spent more time than he meant to fishing. Naturally, the moment he came back home, Ford got on his case.

“We were supposed to leave an hour ago! Today’s plans are completely ruined!” Ford said. Stan rolled his eyes.

“Walking around in the woods isn’t something that takes all day, Poindexter.”

“The specific location Fiddleford and I were going to take his sister to is quite some distance away.”

“It’s fine, Stanford,” said the aforementioned sister of Fiddlenerd. She was laying on the living room couch, reading a guidebook on amphibians of the Pacific Northwest. “I was hopin’ to check out some of the cute places in town, anyways.” She smiled at Ford. “The forest can wait fer tomorrow.”

“I- but-” Ford started.

“Before you short-circuit, Sixer, I’ve got a question,” Stan interrupted. Ford glared at him. “So, I saw this frog-lady at the lake-”

“Frog-lady?” Ford scoffed. Out of the corner of his eye, Stan saw Fiddlenerd’s sister still. “Are you mocking me?”

“What? No! I thought you liked weird shit. I mean, you came up here to study it and dragged me along to be your muscle.”

“I like magical creatures, Stanley,” Ford said, crossing his arms. “Not regular humans who have features you might think resemble an amphibian.”

“She wasn’t a regular human!”

“There are no humanoid amphibious creatures around here,” Ford said firmly. “There is, however, a woman in town who was born with webbing between her fingers and couldn’t afford the surgery to get it removed. I think it’s rather cruel of you to make fun of her.”

“No, I wasn’t-” Stan sighed. “Whatever.”

“Go upstairs and change,” Ford instructed. “You smell of fish.”

“Like you’re one to talk, Mr. Doesn’t Shower For a Week,” Stan muttered. Fiddlenerd’s sister snickered softly. He began to walk upstairs. “At least someone around here’s got a sense of humor.”

-----

Though he had returned to the lake at dusk that day, Stan hadn’t seen the frog-lady. He came back the next morning at dawn, hoping to spot her again. As he sat at the end of the dock, he found himself dozing off, lulled into sleep by the early hour and peaceful surroundings. He was jolted back to wakefulness by a splash nearby.

“You came back,” a voice said. Stan looked up. It was the frog-lady. Her head was now fully emerged from the water. She looked at him with intelligent blue eyes. Though her face was one shade of pale green, the rest of her head was mottled with darker greens. Her nose was thin and flat, evidently nonhuman.

“Well, yeah,” Stan said with a shrug. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest. “I’ve gotta thank you for giving me back my stuff.”

“It’s yours. Why would I keep it?” the frog-lady asked. Her voice was lilting and musical, sounding almost like raindrops hitting leaves. And yet, there was something about it that seemed familiar. Like he’d heard her talk before.

“I dunno. ‘Cause you could?”

“Heh.” The frog-lady smiled. “I don’t really have a need for human things.”

“What are you?” Stan blurted out. The frog-lady froze. “Wait, shit, was that racist of me or something?” The frog-lady nodded silently. “I take it back.” He cleared his throat. “My name’s Stan. What’s yours?”

I don’t wanna scare her off. She might be a frog, but she’s pretty cute.

“…Rana,” the frog-lady said after a moment.

“That’s pretty.”

“Thanks.” Rana chewed on her lip for a moment. “Why do you want to talk to me?”

“What do you mean?”

“I know what your brother does.” Rana’s eyes bored into Stan. “I know he likes to study critters like me, with or without their consent. Are you collecting data for him?”

“Please.” Stan waved a hand airily. “Even if he and Fiddlenerd were both in full-body casts, he wouldn’t want me to collect data for him.” Rana managed a small smile. “He’d probably hire some weirdo from town to do it instead.” Rana snickered softly. Like her voice, it sounded familiar. A car engine roared to life, the sound echoing across the lake. Stan looked over. Someone had pulled into the parking lot. He looked back at Rana.

She was gone, only a few ripples remaining on the surface where she’d been.

-----

Stan paced in the living room. It had been a week since he learned Rana’s name, and many more meetings with her at dawn. And to his shock, he was beginning to fall for her.

Sure, she’s not human. Sure, she hasn’t come out of the water all the way yet. But she’s nice and funny and teases me when I say something racist against frogs. Stan smiled fondly, remembering how he had brought her worms yesterday, only for her to throw them at him. I like a lady who doesn’t take any shit. He frowned. She doesn’t like worms…what does she like? I’ve gotta impress her if I’m gonna make a move on her. She gets spooked so easily.

“Stanley,” Fiddlenerd said wearily. Stan stopped. He looked over at the card table in the corner, where Fiddlenerd was working on some sort of machine. “Yer goin’ to wear a hole in the wood if ya don’t stop pacin’!”

“Nah, let him keep goin’,” Fiddlenerd’s sister said. Once again, she was on the couch reading a book about amphibians. “Maybe he’ll pick up the pace and start a fire.” She smirked at Stan, who merely rolled his eyes in response.

“What are you still doing here?” he asked. Fiddlenerd’s sister shrugged.

“I like it here. I’ll stay until Fidds kicks me out.”

“So, you’re never gonna leave,” Stan said flatly. Fiddlenerd’s sister snorted in amusement. Stan sighed. He looked back at Fiddlenerd. “Do you know anything about frogs?” Bringing up frogs to Ford only resulted in him scolding Stan, no matter how Stan phrased his questions. Fiddlenerd shook his head.

“No. But Angie does.”

“Who’s Angie?”

“Wh-” Fiddlenerd set down his wrench, staring at Stan. “My sister!” Stan looked at Fiddlenerd’s sister, apparently named Angie. She waved at him cheerfully. “She’s been here fer over a week and ya haven’t even learned her name yet?”

“It didn’t come up,” Stan said with a shrug. Ignoring Fiddlenerd’s sputtering, he sat down next to Angie. “So. Your name is Angie.”

“Yes. It is.”

“It’s a lot more normal than Fiddlenerd’s name,” Stan remarked. Fiddlenerd let out a squawk of protest. Angie sighed.

“Spit it out. What do ya want?”

“Do you know about frogs?”

“I certainly hope I do, since my doctorate is in herpetology,” Angie said tartly. Stan frowned at her. “The study of reptiles and amphibians.”

“Ah. Okay.” Stan scooted a bit closer. His nose picked up on a faint pondwater smell coming from Angie. She eyed him warily. “What do frogs like?”

“What do-” Angie stared at him. “What?”

“You heard me. What do frogs like?”

“I mean, it depends on the frog.” Angie rubbed the back of her neck. “What do ya need to know this for?”

“There’s this frog-lady that I met-”

“Oh, pish posh,” Angie scoffed. “I’ve heard ‘bout yer frog-lady from Stanford. He says that she don’t exist.”

“And you’re just gonna believe him?”

“I ain’t an expert in the wildlife ‘round here. Stanford is. I don’t really have a choice but to take him at his word.”

“Where’s that famous herpetology skepticism?” Stan asked. Angie rolled her eyes and got up, setting her book on the nearby end table.

“I’m goin’ fer a walk,” she said. “If I see any frog-ladies, I’ll let ya know.”

Great. She was my best shot at advice for Rana. I mean, she knows frogs and she’s a woman! Stan’s eyes landed on Angie’s book. Hmm… He picked it up. There was a bookmark. He thumbed to the bookmarked page. It was the beginning of a chapter on a specific genus called Rana. Huh.

“That’s weird,” Stan muttered out loud.

“What?” Fiddlenerd asked.

“None of your business,” Stan shot at him. Fiddlenerd rolled his eyes and went back to working on his machine.

My frog-lady has the same name as a kind of frog. Makes sense. Stan looked over at Angie, who was putting her shoes on by the front door. But why was Angie looking up that kind of frog?

-----

Rana giggled at Stan’s latest terrible joke. Stan beamed.

“Glad you’ve got a sense of humor,” he said. Rana smiled. Car tires crunched on gravel. Stan didn’t have to look to know that it was the arrival of the early fishermen. After two weeks talking to Rana, he’d developed a routine. He would sit at the edge of the dock and wait for her to emerge, then the two would chat until the first fishermen showed up. Stan sighed. “Same time tomorrow?” he asked Rana. Rana nodded. She dipped underwater.

Stan got up and made his way down the dock, ignoring the fishermen who clearly thought he was insane to be at the lake so early for no apparent reason. He walked over to where he normally parked the Stanleymobile, only to remember he’d parked by the edge of the forest that day.

“Great decision-making, past Stan,” he mumbled idly. “Parking where the gnomes could bite through your brake lines again.” He went to the Stanleymobile. Before he opened the door, however, he heard a large splash and leaves rustling nearby. A voice swore softly.

That sounded like Rana. Stan tucked his car keys back into his pocket and went into the woods, following the sound of Rana’s voice. He arrived at a small clearing at the edge of the lake. Rana had pulled herself onto shore. Stan stared at her. It was the first time he was seeing below her neck up close; he’d only seen her full body once before, back when he knocked his tacklebox into the lake. Her front was the same pale green as her face, with darker greens mottling around her sides and back. The texture of her skin looked soft and slimy. Despite her hourglass figure, she was fairly flat-chested.

I mean. She is a frog. Why would she have boobs? Rana pulled herself up into a seated position, leaning against a tree trunk. Stan stared at her long, flipper-like feet. No wonder she swims so fast. Suddenly, her feet began to shrink. Stan’s eyes widened, watching Rana’s flippers change to pale, human feet. His eyes widened further as he realized that her feet weren’t the only thing changing. Before his eyes, Rana was transforming from a frog-lady into a naked human woman. One that Stan recognized.

Rana got up and grabbed a pile of clothing from behind the tree, mumbling to herself. A twig snapped under Stan’s foot. Rana’s head shot up. She stared at Stan in horror.

“Stan?!” she squeaked. Stan swallowed.

Damn, her nose gets flat when she’s a frog.

“Hey, Angie.”

#I based Stan's frog-lady off of the nixies from the Spiderwick Chronicles #so if you want a frame of reference I would google image search that. they are v cool looking #anyways this Scenario is fun and I love it v v v much #Mystery Trio AU #Stanley Pines #Stanford Pines #Fiddleford McGucket #Angie McGucket #ficlet #my writing #my stuff #speecher speaks #Nixie AU

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yanderecandystore · 4 years

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The bullies with an S/O that’s just completely off the board? Like no matter how much they look the bullies can’t find /anything/ on them, all their school papers are forged and their home just isn’t able to be found no matter how hard they look? Maybe due to the S/O changing their identity after doing something bad?

That's hella specific and I love it?? XD

Sure thing boo, let me see what I can do.

Also, I'll change the ocs profiles to be paper drawings with digital coloring because believe me boo, I'm tired of redrawing them (and I believe y'all are tired of always seeing these new drawings).

I noticed that my paper art is a lot better than my digital art, and although I'm kinda proud of them I still feel a little petty because I wish to do cool stuff on the computer ;-;.

Anyway, just a heads-up if you see something off with the oc's bios.

TW/Tags: I have no idea what to tag this lmao // identity theft // illegal/unauthorized inscription // not an accurate representation of university/how universities work lol // abusive household/abusive parents // I may or may not have changed your concept a little, I'm sorry for it 😔

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

Suspicion (fuck yeah, I don't know what to title this) [Yandere!Bully OC x Reader - Headcanon]:

→Adrien Coldwell:

For a person that prides themselves as the "know it all" when it comes to people's social media and reputation, he doesn't know anything about you.

This is a first for him, which is both annoying and honestly so intriguing. You didn't strike him as a person who would hide any secrets, and he had a hunch this was about to be good.

He searched for social media first, not finding anything about Avery Remington. Well, at least nothing with your face on it.

However, he did find something very, very interesting while looking at the school's documents, specifically the archives of all the students that have already studied here. He honestly didn't think he would find anything about you in these old papers, he was probably doing all this stupid work for nothing.

However, he was half right and half wrong. He didn't find anything about you, but this whole search wasn't completely lost, as he did find "you", Avery.

"- Student name Avery Remington, average grades and apparently no history of wrong doings or any bad behavior in general. Their registration to the Academy dates to 1980."

Oh. Ooooh, this was rich.

"- Huh." He said closing the documents and letting it where he found it. He was at least kind enough to let the palace a little organize after going through each paper trying to find your name.

Well, "your name". The only things that he kept for himself was photos of both the old documents about Avery Remington, and the earlier documents about Avery Remington. It was clear that you did something probably really, really bad, and you know he'll take advantage of it.

He had built his own theory about this, as in: you somehow found the paperwork of Avery's registration and their previous school's records so you could somehow impersonate them and get a free entrance to this institution.

He knew that you had something to hide, no one can be so perfect. But knowing the action itself wasn't enough for him, he needed to know the motive behind it.

For someone that is lazy and doesn't bother to care about important things, he sure spent a lot of time trying to scoop some dirt on you. When he finds the perfect opportunity, without any witness around, he'll take the chance to use this information against you.

"- Well, hello "Avery"." His tone was already suspicious, his voice not hiding anything from you. He came here to belittle you for his own entertainment.

"- H-Hi Adrien." You said shyly, hoping that your anxious mind was wrong and that this was all just a misunderstanding. You were hoping that the growing feeling of him possibly knowing about your fraud, was wrong.

"- Ya know, I'm kinda jealous of whatever plastic surgery you went through to look so young, maybe you should ask the faculty to correct your age tho." He said while showing the pictures he took of the documents.

"- Wait! I-I can-"

"- Honestly, I didn't think you were over 60 years old! Could have fooled me." His smug face was the selling point. You knew that you wouldn't find any form to convince him that what was on his phone was false.

He had a victorious smile on his face. Ever since you entered this school you always acted a little too paranoid and almost too friendly for his liking, and to confess to himself that he has fallen for you would be the bottom of the pit to him.

Still, he wanted to know why you did it. Why didn't you pay to get in if you wanted the scholarship so badly? What, you were too poor for it?

And what about a talent, or the test? Obviously, the university hasn't gone out of their way to pick a loser like you and insert you inside their classes on a whim, as they thought you were Avery Remington, a student that is already registered in school's documents (yet, of course, their system haven't verified the date of the registration, either by incompetence or by a "small mistake"). So you didn't do the test too, simply pathetic honestly.

Your sad dramatic story explaining how you managed to get into the academy. You did your best to get into the academy by legal means, but they always rejected you. Apparently you thought it would be a good idea to use your grandparent's documents to squeeze yourself into the institution.

"- But why in hell would you do such a thing? Are you that pathetic dearest?"

"- I… I wanted somewhere to go. Somewhere I could grow into a better person, a-away from-" You cut yourself short when the memories of your old home started to come into view.

For some reason, your parents couldn't stand the idea of you getting into a decent university, if anything, they thought you weren't capable of even washing some dishes at the local pizzeria. In their eyes, you were worthless.

When you found out your grandparent used to frequent this institution, and that they managed to disattached themselves from their familial routes and thrive as a musician you got instantly inspired! Determined to follow their steps and prove your family that you're just as worth ass-

"- Urghhhh- Boring! I don't care about all of that. Are you serious? You committed a crime just so you could stick it up to your shitty parents?"

"- …. Yes?"

"- Huh. Geez you're cooler than I thought. Listen, how about we make a deal?"

The deal was simple, he would not tell anyone about your little secret, and he would even help you keep your scholarship and help you reach your ambitions as long as you started spending more time with him. Which, at first you thought it sounded absurd, this man is holding your whole life by a thin thread as long as you give him attention?? What?!

And although that sounded extremely suspicious, you accepted it, not knowing that for the next few years you would have to endure a harsh training to discover your talents and to improve them before you two graduated. However, you started to think Adrien was starting to see your deal in a different light-

"- Come on now, after this we can go eat something okay? Where would you like to go this time? Our last date I chose the best restaurant I know, so you better choose something of equal value."

…. Date?

→Alexandra Coldwell:

You were suspicious from the very start. Overly friendly and too- Ugh! Too cute?!

You were always skittish whenever someone called you. What, you had a problem with your name or something?

And the worst part was how no one seemed to know where you lived. Every group project with you was considered annoying by most of your classmates, as you never called people in your house or never let anyone have your address, not even your phone number??

You didn't have any social media, what are you, a weirdo? What the hell??!

She is not even pissed about you being a loser, she is pissed that she has fallen for someone like you! A complete weirdo that was always panicking over nothing.

She started stalking you with the intention of finding at least one thing that she could hate on you so she wouldn't feel so- Lovey dovey towards you!

But what she really found was something worth an entire gold mine.

A private phone call between you and someone who was losing their shit. She couldn't understand too much of the conversation as she didn't have any context, yet she could hear a lot of things that you and the person were discussing.

The person yelled [Y/N] multiple times while in the phone call, saying how you were absolutely the worst mistake of their lives (which by the way, rude much? Who is this asshole?), that you were a selfish brat that needed to learn to appreciate their hard work.

Oh… Oh. She now knows who you're talking with. She decided to record the entire thing the moment she saw you taking your cellphone to have a private call.

She was planning on recording your voice for her own hearing pleasure, but this? This was so… Interesting.

"- [Y/N]?" She called your attention after the conversation ended, and because you haven't been accustomed to people calling you "Avery", you turned around saying "what" instinctively.

And when you noticed Alexandra smirk for a split second, you regretted answering your parents call. Not that you needed anymore reason to regret it, but this was certainly the last nail in the coffin.

You begged for her to understand that you couldn't go back, you simply can't go back to them, ever again! You told her the whole sob story about how your grandparent had decided to run away from home and fulfil their own dreams as a musician, even if people didn't really hear their music all that much, and now that you think about it, that's probably the reason why no one have recognized their name at all.

Your grandparent had a really small fanbase, and you knew that because you were part of them. They weren't popular at all compared to Amaryllis Academy standards, yet they were happy singing their songs to the world.

You kinda wish your family hasn't broken the old recorder that belonged to your grandparent. Their first album was in there, it was cheesy and filled with errors, yet they sounded so happy when doing what they loved, and you wanted something like that for yourself!

You needed to live that hell hole and so you did. You rented a small apartment that was falling apart, the reason why you never gave people your address was because you knew they would bully the hell out of you because of how poor you are.

After finishing your story you noticed Alexandra snoring beside you. You thought she was only exaggerating, but then you saw her drooling and acting really dizzy after you woke her up.

"- Oh my God, so… That was it? You ran away to follow your dreams and stuff?" She asked, still kinda sleepy.

"- What? Of course it was-" You were fuming with anger, how dare she-

"- And I thought you only looked cool because I liked you! You're pretty strong for sticking up for yourself." She interrupted you, looking at you with admiration in her eyes.

She proposed to you a deal. How about you two keep this secret together, and, if anything does happen she'll still help you stay inside the institution. However, you'll need to work your ass out to become the best you can be, and you'll let her guide you through, because you're too much of a dummy to do it all by yourself. You'll have to spend time with her and let her help you out.

At first, you thought it sounded absurd, this woman is holding your whole life by a thin thread as long as you give her attention?? What?!

And although that sounded extremely suspicious, you accepted it, not knowing that for the next few years you would have to endure a harsh training to discover your talents and to improve them before you two graduated. However, you started to think Alexandra was starting to see your deal in a different light-

"- Why you never hold my hand? Come on, "Avery", won't you hold the hand of your dearest girlfriend?" She asked playfully while taking your hand anyway.

…. Girlfriend?

🍭꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍰꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖♡🍮꒰⑅ᵕ༚ᵕ꒱˖🍭

#sheep stuff #yandere oc #sheep's stuff #yandere x reader #yandere bully #yandere twins #yandere oc headcanons #yandere oc x reader #yandere bully x reader #yandere bullying #yandere headcanon #special delivery headcanons #special delivery request #yandere

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loudsuitlover · 4 years

Text

Doctor Harry VI. Cerca del suelo

A/N: DISCLAIMER THIS HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH THE STORY, I just want to write this here so I can read it when I get writer’s block again. I had forgotten how much I like writing. I guess I can say writer’s block is a really long, torturous and terrible thing but I’m starting to think it happened to me when my writing started getting attention because then I started writing for others and I don’t enjoy that half as much as I enjoy writing to myself. So this writing and this story is for me; but I’m gonna share it with you. That being said, happy reading!

Before: I, II, III, IV, V

**Contains filthy sinful smut and explicit language.

Ollie frowns before she bites her bottom lip and twirls her drink on her hand and I too watch the ice cubes dancing around on her glass. Jason laughs at something he’s told Marie on her ear and by the way her eyes widen and her cheeks turn pink I don’t want to know what he’s said.

“Indie.” Jason calls me. “Are you going to tell us or not?”

“Yeah, what happened?” Marie gives me a little smile.

She’s drunk already. I watch her tiny figure on her black top and her jeans and am afraid she keeps drinking because she’ll end up throwing up like I did last Friday. She gave me such a hard time this morning when I told them about my night with Harry even though Jason cut me short in order to keep the hype for this very same moment. Drinks after dinner and gossip. His favourite Friday night plan.

“Penis size.” Jason demands.

I roll my eyes before I smile at him mischievously as he joins his hands before his face as if he were going to pray and then slowly moves them away and away. Obviously I don’t say anything and his eyes widen.

“What?!” His hands keep separating from one another. “Okay, this is impossible. I’m starting over.”

Ollie throws her head back and laugh and I just shake my head. Marie tries to stop his hands and he gives up.

“It was big.” He shrugs. “The smile you got this morning confirmed it.”

We all laugh.

“I still can’t believe you actually slept with him.” Marie condemns. “He’s your tutor for God’s sake. He has to supervise your freaking essay! Have you thought about how you’re going to go on about that?”

“Okay, Marie, you need to calm down. It’s just an essay. It’s not like they have to perform an open-heart surgery together.”

“Harry told me if I wanted he could ask professor Gibbins to supervise my essay for me.” I shrug.

“But you’re not gonna do that, right?” Olivia asked.

I shrug again.

“See? That would clearly means it affects you academically.” Marie adds.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Jason intervenes. “How is he coming on about it?” I fix my eyes on his with a questioning look. “I mean what has he said?”

“Well let her finish!” Olivia complains. “All we know is they had sex. We don’t know any details.”

“Well I’m not planning on giving you any details.”

“See? You killed the vibe guys!”

I roll my eyes.

“He didn’t say anything.” I tell them. “Because I left before he woke up.” I flinch.

Marie’s jaw falls, Olivia starts choking with her drink and Jason, being the dramatic queen he is, just spits his.

“You did what?” He yells.

“I panicked!” I defend myself. “I just… It all happened pretty fast I wasn’t even expecting to have sex with him at all and then we did and I fell asleep accidentally and I woke up at like 5 am and left because… Well because what was I doing there?”

“When you mean you fell asleep accidentally, you mean he tired you out so bad you literally just fell asleep?” Jason’s eyes provoke me with his usual spark I’ve missed so much lately.

I’m glad my drama is at least bringing playful Jason back. I haven’t heard him teasing any of us like that in weeks so I roll my eyes and sit back on my chair.

“And he hasn’t called you or text you or something?” Marie asks.

I shake my head and she places her hand on top of mine. This is what I love about Marie. I know she doesn’t approve of what I did but the way she cares about me overcomes her disagreement. She might not want me to get involved with Harry, but she’ll feel sorry for me if I don’t get what I want anyway.

“How is he going to call her if she’s the one who left?” Jason says. “You should call him!”

“But he’s the guy…” Marie shrugs. “Usually is the guy who calls.”

“Maybe that’s why I wasn’t good with girls.” Jason shrugs.

“You weren’t good with girls because you’re gay.” Olivia smiles.

“I’m bisexual.”

“You’re not.”

Jason smiles at her.

“The fact that I was never attracted to you does not make me gay, Ollie.”

She shrugs and pouts raising her eyebrows and if the concept whatever had a face, I’m sure it would be that one. They both laugh because they’re the same person in two different bodies. That’s the reason why JJ was never attracted to Ollie but they’re not ready to talk about that.

“So on Monday you’re just gonna go to his office with your essay and wait for him to give you corrections after not even calling him after you disappeared on him.”

I don’t know whether that was a question, an accusation or opcion C. I shrug. Olivia rolls her eyes and grabs my phone.

“Let me see.”

“No, Ollie! No, give it back!”

Jason defends her standing in the middle of us two as she unblocks my phone. I call for Marie’s help and she tries to grab the phone away from her but Olivia’s taller so my little ally has little to do.

“Where to begin?” She thinks out loud. “How should I start J?”

“Just call him.” Jason lets out.

“Do not. Do not call him.”

“Guys don’t be cruel.”

Marie tries to grab my phone back as the nerves eat my stomach up. I feel like puking.

“I’ll text him!” I offer and I spot Olivia’s head popping up from behind Jason’s back. She’s got a single eyebrow up and JJ and her exchange a look.

“I wouldn’t trust her but she’s about to cry. Give her the phone.” He shrugs.

Ollie hands me the phone and I check she didn’t text Harry anything with my heart pounding against my rib cage.

“What do you think I should do, Marie?”

Her eyes widen while Olivia and Jason complain about why I’d ask her and ignore them. I think Marie’s going to tell me she doesn’t know, that she doesn’t have much experience with guys, because ever since her ex cheated on her she hasn’t gone out with anyone but deep down I know I just want for someone to tell me I don’t have to call him and I think Marie is going to say that. Instead she shrugs and wraps her little arm around my shoulders.

“I think we should have another drink.”

Oh, Marie, you’re drunk and not helping much. I see Ollie and Jason arguing as we lean at the bar and wait for the waiter to take our order. He eyes my friend once as Marie looks to her nails. He eyes her again and smiles to himself.

“Marie, the waiter’s got the hots for you.”

Marie looks at him as he takes an order and then back at me with a questioning look. Damn it, she’s so unlucky. If this was a movie she would have caught him staring but this is not and that’s why Harry hasn’t called me either because this is not a movie, this is real life and in real life girls like me don’t go out with guys like Harry.

“I think you should text him.”

My eyes bulge as I look at Marie.

“What can I offer the prettiest girl at the bar?”

I hear her giggles from behind me. Good job, waiter. If he had said that to me I would have rolled my eyes and told him to get himself some glasses but this is Marie we’re talking about. She probably is the prettiest girl at the bar anyway and she’s also a firm romcom believer so that pick-up line was perfect for her.

“I’ll have Bacardi and coke and Bulldog and tonic, please.”

He winks at her before he disappears to get our drinks ready.

“What did you say?” I ask her as soon as she turns around.

“You didn’t want Bulldog? I can probably ask him to change it, sorry!”

She’s about to call the waiter when I stop her.

“No!” I tell her. “I mean, did you say you think I should call Harry?”

“I said text.” She points. “And yes, I did because I think you should. I just didn’t say anything in front of Jason and Ollie for them not to think they were right. Lord knows they don’t need me to feed their ego.”

Before I can argue, Marie’s waiter comes back with our two drinks and a bowl with gummy bears we didn’t ask for. He winks at Marie and doesn’t tell her how much she ought to pay. I smile. He’s good. Marie hands him her credit card anyway.

“It’s on the house.”

“No, it’s not.” She smiles.

“I insist.”

“If you want to offer me a drink, I’d rather you have it with me.”

My eyes widen behind my friend and I see the waiter blushing and laughing. Well done, Marie! He then accepts her credit card and asks for her phone number and my friend gives it to him and turns around as if that happened to her on a daily basis. We walk away like divas until we are at a safe distance and then we laugh out loud.

“What was that? Did Olivia’s spirit posses you?”

“I don’t know!” She laughs. “I mean we talked last night while you were on your date with Harry and you know how she is, she tried to convince me about the benefits of sporadic sex and I don’t know, it got me thinking.” She giggles. “He was handsome, right?”

“He was!” I laugh. “Guys, the waiter just asked for Marie’s number!”

“What? Which waiter?”

Jason’s eyes widen as he looks at her and Marie tells him the story and I don’t fail to notice the way Olivia’s eyes fall on her and she smiles knowingly. Oh, Ollie. I wrap my arm around her shoulders and hug her to my side even though she just tried to ruin my life by calling Harry treacherously because I know she means well.

I remember when she would tell Jason about how different things were when you actually took the time to get to know the person you were attracted to and everything about love and trust and forever and ever and Jason would go out with a different person every weekend.

It’s surprising how a heartbreak can change a person, just how love can change them back I guess for after Jack hurt Olivia she turned into Jason and ever since Jason met David he turned into a romantic soul defending and justifying a toxic relationship.

I wonder if there’s ever a healthy point. I think there might be if one of them or maybe both are psychotherapists but otherwise I think love is bound to make people crazy and then they start doing weird shit until the situation turns impossible and then one of them decides to end it or they both settle into being less happy than they could be.

“Yeah, right, and then he pays for dinner and thinks for that he has the right to fuck you and then he never calls you again.”

Marie’s words resound on my head like a mantra. And then he never calls you again… That would make everything easier and anyway part of me knew everything he wanted was a shag and then he’d get over it and act as if nothing ever happened but then why does it matter to me that he hasn’t called me?

“Sorry.”

When I look up I catch on the look Jason gave Marie for her to apologize. I don’t think they were talking about me but even if they were, I wouldn’t mind. They’re right. I feel like a prostitute.

“Anyway, Indie” Ollie has a sip from her drink and wiggles her eyebrows “did you like it?”

“What? The sex?”

She nods and shrugs raising her eyebrows as if saying what else?

“Well, Harry we all know you like.” She laughs.

What can I say?

“It was incredible.” I confess.

I don’t want to say what follows. I don’t even want to think about it. It can’t be true anyway. There’s no way it’s true. I don’t love Harry. But precisely because I don’t love him I could admit it was the best sex without love of my life. Yeah, that could be it. It doesn’t make me feel less guilty though.

“Well, at least it was worth the trouble.”

“What trouble?” Ollie asks.

“Well, I mean it’s not the smartest thing to do if she wants him to respect her.” Marie raises her eyebrows.

“What?” I will not stand that. “So just because I have sex I don’t deserve respect?”

“No, Indie, you know what I mean. I just mean if the rest of doctors hear about it, what do you think they would think?”

“Why would I care what they think?” I am getting mad. “I can’t believe you’re saying that, Marie. It’s precisely for comments like that that we can’t move past it. Do you realize how sexist you’re sounding right now? You don’t think that same thing of him, do you? Just because he’s a man!”

“I am the sexist? You were the one who let her professor fuck her! Who knows how many students has he fucked?”

I can’t believe my ears.

“Let him fuck me?” I’m disgusted at her choice of words. “There were two people on that bed, you know? I did what I wanted to do. I didn’t let him fuck me. I fucked him too!” I only realize I’m screaming when I notice the eyes of those around us on me. “I know how to say no, you know?”

“Well you said you didn’t want to sleep with him and look at you.” She whispers. “Are you sure you didn’t leave in the morning because you regretted it? Maybe you were even embarrassed?”

“I can’t believe you’re saying this to me.”

I leave Marie gasping like a fish out of water and walk outside to the terrace. It’s the end of October already and it’s rather chilly today so I’m not surprised when I realize the only people around me are smoking.

I bring the collar of my denim jacket to my chin and hug my frame as I look ahead at the lights on the bars on the other side of the street. I can��t believe Marie had said all that to me. One minute she’s saying she thinks I should text him and the other she’s throwing all that shit at me. I know she’s overly protective but she can be such a bitch sometimes too.

And I quite frankly don’t get the concept she has of sex. She almost made it sound as if Harry had somehow raped me and for the love of God even thinking about it makes me hate her words. What happened with Harry was… Perfect.

And that’s why I left.

I feel tears blurring my vision. Fuck. I wasn’t expecting these thoughts to be clouding my mind now. I feel my phone vibrating and take it out the pocket of my jacket. Rio said he would text me when he was going home and check if I needed a ride but it’s too soon for him to want to go home already. Maybe he’s having a shitty night just like I am.

Harry: What are you doing?

I hold the phone on my hand and can barely believe my eyes as I read his text again and again. I hadn’t even thought about one of the many terrible things Marie just said. How many students has he fucked? I don’t know if I care. I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t care about how many women he’s fucked in the past or even how many women he’s fucking now. I can’t walk around pretending I’m the most liberated woman and then question how many women my partner has fucked. If he’s fucked a lot of students well, good for them.

He clearly has experience. One isn’t a master in sex by studying about it. The way he touched me and the way he hit every spot he needed to clearly indicated practice. But it’s not about the practice or even the sex. I don’t care about that, that I know. It’s about fucking students.

I entertain the thought that Marie might be right. What if he did take advantage of me? What if he always does this? Make his student wet and then get in her panties and if I’ve seen you, I don’t remember. This is the kind of behaviour I would condemn if I heard about it. I would be one of those people who would think he was a jerk for taking advantage of a student like that. I guess that’s just another way of being sexist though.

“Hey.” Olivia places her hand on the spot between my shoulder blades.

“Hey.” I give her a little smile.

“Marie’s really sorry.” She mediates. “She wanted to come talk to you but I told her it was better if she gave you some space.”

“Do you think she’s right?”

Olivia shakes her head.

“Do you?”

It’s hard for me to know that kind of things now. It’s a fear I can’t get rid off. After Javier, I mean after getting out of an abusive relationship like that, I keep wondering if I would ever jump right back into another. Whether I’m that profile of girl and I’m bound to have my partner abusing of me whether I realize it or not.

I’m seeing that with Jason too and I realize how scary and how hard it is. He doesn’t see it, he’s completely blind and you start wondering how is it possible that not only he doesn’t realize but he also justifies it. It’s very frustrating to talk to someone that not only allows someone else to hurt them but actually understands them. It’s scary what someone can do to somebody’s mind.

“Can I tell you what I think?” Olivia lights up the cigarette between her lips and I shrug. “I think you like him.”

I look ahead. That doesn’t matter. I still have my phone on my hand and we both look down when the screen lights up and another text pops up.

Harry: Are you home?

“And he likes you too.” Olivia smiles. “Answer him. I’m gonna get us another drink.”

Indie: It’s Friday night. Of course I’m not.

Harry: What? You go out every single Friday night?

Indie: Don’t you?

Harry: Sometimes I forget you’re 21.

Harry: Can we talk?

Indie: We’re talking.

Harry: I mean can I see you?

Indie: It’s Golden Girls’ night.

Harry: Can I call you then?

Indie: What’s the problem with texting?

Harry: Sometimes you forget I’m 27.

I chuckle and call him. He answers on the first beep.

“Why did you leave?”

Oh, boy.

“I had to go. You were asleep. I didn’t want to wake you.”

“You had to go? In the middle of the night?”

“It was morning…”

“Indie.”

“I wanted to go home before uni so I left early. I didn’t realize I had to give you any explanations.”

“Fuck, Indie. Are you always so blunt?”

“I did warn you. You said I got to be blunt.” I shrug even though he can’t see me.

“You didn’t even let me say goodbye.”

“Well, it’s not like you saying goodbye would have made a difference, is it?”

“I would have kissed you” he argues “and that would have made a difference.”

My knees go weak.

“Are you with Olivia?”

“Yes?”

Please tell me he’s not about to ask me for her phone number. I would tear his head off.

“Okay. I’ll see you.”

I feel tickles on my belly as I make my way inside the bar. Jason gives me an innocent smile as Marie looks at me as if I was the one deciding whether she should go to prison or not. I offer her my hand across the table and she holds it as her bottom lip tremble. I know she’s sorry and God knows sometimes I say things I don’t mean too. It would be very hypocritical of me not to let it go now.

I see Olivia smiling on the phone and give my friends a questioningly look but they shake their head. Jason stands up from the table and tells us he’s leaving. I’ve already fought with Marie tonight and quite frankly I don’t feel like fighting him about the same thing again but silently we all know he’s going because David doesn’t like it when we party until morning. I give him a hug though as he says goodbye.

“Whaaaat?” Ollie pouts. “You’re leaving? What’s this? Where are the party animals I used to know and love? Mario’s on his way!”

I spit my drink. Marie’s eyes set on mine. We’re both horrified.

As soon as Jason leaves Marie comes back with two more drinks, a peace offer she says, but I know she just wanted to see her waiter again. I appreciate the drink though. I had enough thinking tonight and I want to let it all go. Getting drunk doesn’t solve anything. Alcohol would make her shut up too.

“When did this happen?” I interrogate Olivia.

She’s been making all these questions to me and she hadn’t told us this bomb!

“He’s my tutor…” She shrugs. “So the other day we had a cup of coffee while we went on about my clinical case and…” She smiles. “He’s funny.”

“And?”

“And… We started talking.”

“And how does he have your phone number?”

“I gave it to him.”

I raise my brows. If she’s gonna make us ask every little piece of information… We will.

“Why?”

“Because I have to catch up on the practices I missed when I went to France to visit my mamie.”

Marie and I look at each other with mouths agape before we both look at her.

“And you’re going to catch up on that now?” Marie asks.

Olivia rolls her eyes and grins as she waves at someone at the door. Marie and I turn our heads and my breath catches on my throat when my eyes meet the green.

Harry’s grinning as he walks towards us. Marie’s foot keeps kicking me under the high table but my eyes don’t leave his. I don’t think I could look away if I tried. Memories of last night play in my mind like a movie and I wonder if they play on his too. I woke up on his bed this morning for crying out loud.

“Hi.” He greets us.

“Hi.” Marie offers him her little hand and he shakes it amused.

“Hi.” I smile and his green eyes set on my lips.

If I had any doubts… He’s definitely thinking about last night too.

“Hi, Mario.” I give him another smile and he smiles back.

“Hi, Indie. How are you?”

He’s grinning like a kid in Christmas and he looks so much younger than he normally does at the hospital. I almost want to aww at him but I won’t. Oh, Ollie, please don’t hurt him. He looks like a teddy bear.

“This is my cousin Tommy.”

Mario introduces the third guy that came with them and he sits down next to Marie. The perfect sync tells me they’ve talked before they got here. Marie laughs at something Tommy says and I roll my eyes. She really needs a shag like Ollie says.

Ollie and Mario disappear to order drinks for all of them and Harry simply stands next to me with a big smile. I don’t know how I feel about him not being even a little annoyed that I left without waking him even though I didn’t do it to annoy him but… It still bothers me a little.

“Let me guess” I tell him “A glass of water for you.”

He throws his head and laughs.

“I actually drink Sprite when I go out.”

“Sprite?” I chuckle. “I’ve never met anyone who drinks just Sprite. I mean anyone over six years old.”

He chuckles.

“Well, I’m Harry. Nice to meet you.” He offers me his hand and I shake it. “I drink just Sprite when I go out and I normally say goodbye to people I fuck before I leave.”

Ouch. I narrow my eyes at him but don’t say anything and as if on cue, Olivia and Mario appear with his Sprite and Mario’s and Tommy’s drink. I look away from him and pay attention to Tommy as he tells Marie about his life but the entire time I can feel Harry’s eyes on me.

I notice women look at him too but he doesn’t seem to care. Instead he looks at me. He knows he’s annoying me. I wonder if he’s so used to women staring and trying to get with him that his brain doesn’t even see it anymore like it does with our noses.

“Is there something on my face?”

He shakes his head and that stupid smile stays.

“But it’s hard for me not to see you naked on my mind.”

My face heats up immediately and horrified I look at both my friends but they’re both busy chatting up the Italian cousins. He leans closer to my body so he can whisper in my ear.

“And remember how you taste” my breathing trembles “and how you smell” he inhales my parfum and hums in appreciation and I feel my fingers tightening around my drink “and how you feel, so tight and wet and warm” his fingers wrap around a strand of my hair and he glides them down until the tip before he rests it on my back.

“Why me?”

As I turn my neck to face him, I hear him suck in a breath at our proximity. I play it cool but my mouth goes dry too, especially when I see I have that effect on him too.

“Why you what?”

“Why do you insist on me?”

“So pretty with your lips red.”

I sigh and look away from him. If he’s not going to answer my questions then I won’t give him the time of the day.

“I don’t know.” He confesses next to me.

I turn my neck again and stare into his green eyes searching for any sign of lying but all I find is sincerity and confusion? Is he as confused as I am?

“Don’t lie.”

I hear him puffing through his nose and watch him. His jaw clenches.

“I told you I don’t lie.” He reminds me. “I really don’t know, Indie. I don’t know why I can’t get you out of my head but I can’t and I want to fuck you all the time.” He shrugs.

I remember what he said about always saying what’s going through his mind and after that, I believe him. I feel my mouth going dry and I want him to fuck me too. I’m afraid this man can read my mind because I don’t know why but I know he knows that too. Maybe I can read his mind too or maybe I’m as obvious as he is.

“Come home with me.”

He doesn’t have to tell me twice. I still have some questions to ask him and I want to stop thinking again. I think last night was the first time I stopped torturing myself in three years and I want to feel like that again.

I guess it’s strange that it doesn’t feel weird to me to walk next to him towards his car or that we said our goodbye to my friends as if it was normal that we left together and it’s also strange that I like the way people look at us down the street. He doesn’t walk too close to me or touches me at all and I reckon he might be as scared that someone from the hospital would see us together as I am. My phone vibrates and Rio’s name appears on the screen.

“Hi, Blue.” My brother’s deep voice greets me.

Everyone in my family has always called me by my middle name. I only started being Indie when I met Dylan.

“Hi there. Going home already?”

“Yeah, the guys wanted to go clubbing but since we have mum’s meeting tomorrow morning I thought it smarter to go home.” He chuckles.

“Yeah.” I chuckle too.

“Are you coming?”

“No, not yet.”

“Are you with Jason and the girls?”

“Yeah.” I lie.

“Cool. Don’t come home alone. Call me if you need me to pick you up.”

“Sure, Rio. Thank you.”

“That’s okay. Love you.”

“Love you too. Bye.”

“Who’s Rio?” Harry asks as soon as I hang up the phone.

If he wants to know about my family I’ll answer his questions. I don’t mind talking about my family. Other things... Well, that’s another story.

“Rio’s my brother.”

He nods. I’m surprised when he doesn’t ask anything further but he seems awfully quiet. Just ten minutes ago he was teasing me and he seemed to be ready to fuck me against that very same table and now he seems to be deep in thought. I don’t know why but I don’t like seeing him like this. I like the carefree, smiley Harry who doesn’t seem to have a worry in the world.

“Is everything alright?”

It’s the first time he looks at me like that. His green eyes seem dull and I feel like I just touched something that I shouldn’t. His gaze makes me shiver. He sighs and looks ahead and simply shakes his head.

Once again his sincerity surprises me. I’m gonna have to start believing that he does not lie. Out of nowhere, because I don’t like seeing him like that, I reach for his hand and hold it in mine and he eyes our intertwined hands together before he removes his as if mine burnt. What burns then are my cheeks. Why did I do that?

I am beyond embarrassed and I’m glad he isn’t making any comments because the last thing I want right now is to talk about it. If he were to say something, I’d thank him for removing his hand from mine. It still stings.

Lustful imagines fill my mind as we make our way inside his apartment and my eyes fix on the same wall he had me pressed against less than 24 hours ago. My mouth goes dry just by thinking about it and all I want is for him to take me like he did the night before. I turn to look at him and my eyes must speak for me because without wasting another minute he kisses me against the door.

He still has his keys on his hand, the one that’s resting on my waist, until he lets them fall and I hear the jingling sound against the floor and then his hand snakes under my denim jacket and he places his palm on my back pulling me to him and pressing my chest against his.

His lips are soft and tender and he tastes sweet and minty. I enjoy the way he knows how to use his mouth, his kisses having a direct line with my belly, that flips and roars and sends electricity to the rest of my body; and my fingers find a home on his hair as I gently tug at his soft strands. His tongue licks my lips before he rolls it over mine and we start a wet battle I don’t mind losing.

Holding my body close to his with one hand on my back, he takes my jacket off with the other, letting it fall to the ground. On the silence of his apartment, I hear the fabric when it hits the floor and forms a blue denim mound, and I hear our mouths and our breaths mixing together.

Without saying a word or stopping our kiss, he walks along the grey hall and guides me backwards towards the bathroom inside his bedroom and only once inside he breaks the kiss and turns my body around, pressing my back against his chest.

The walls are pearl grey but this time it’s a grey tile with horizontal stripes that remind me of the blunt tips of those mountain rocks where you can see the layers that build the mountain. The sink is part of a white marble top that stands below a big mirror where I can see his hands caressing the skin of my bare arms before one hand presses against my belly through my dress and up to my chest where he cups one of my breasts and squeezes the flesh. I moan and rest the back of my head on his shoulder and he takes the opportunity to kiss, suck and nibble on the skin of my neck. I watch on the mirror his right hand grabbing the hem of my dress over my right thigh and lifting it up until he exposes my hip.

Delicately his large hands grab the hem of my dress and carefully lifts it up until he takes it off me and then his wandering hands caress the skin of my front and massage my breasts. His hot breath on my shoulder raises goosebumps and ignites my desire for him.

“You’re so soft.” He whispers on my ear before he presses a single kiss against my pulse. “And so warm.”

He stops touching me and it’s like he leaves me naked all over again. I tilt my neck so I can see him and he captures my lips with his and dives his tongue inside my mouth. I moan and press my bum against his groin and I can’t control my arousal when I feel his excitement against my hot skin. I feel his fingers moving against my back as he unbuttons his shirt and I focus on the noises. His breathing on my ear, the soft fabric falling down his arms, his zipper going down…

He stops my hands when I try to unclasp my bra and I still see him through the mirror unclasping it himself and placing all my garments together on the marble top. I am not even aware of my own reflection since Harry’s steals all my attention and doesn’t let me see anything else. His body is athletic and tall and his skin is pale and inked and I want to run my tongue across all of him and kiss every corner of his body. Leaving my undies on, his large hands caress my legs as he kneels down and playfully bites the flesh of my ass as he takes off my shoes.

I think my mouth is so dry I couldn’t speak if I wanted to but there’s nothing to say anyway. There’s something about this silence between us as if we were accustomed to each other that keeps me quiet. Finally he snakes both his hands under the hem of my panties on either side of my hips and caresses down my legs taking my underwear down with his hands. When we are both fully naked, he gently pushes me so I walk inside the shower and he closes the screen behind us.

There’s no sign of the playful Harry, neither of the filthy Harry I got to know last night. Instead he looks at me as if I was the most precious thing on the world and I feel my legs turning into jelly under his worshipping stare. Despite his calm, his length rests against his belly stiff, tight and shinny and my mouth waters. I wonder if he’d let me wrap my mouth around him if I asked but I’m afraid of doing so. He doesn’t seem to mind my curious staring as he approaches me and corners me against the wall. His hand snakes behind me and he turns on the water that falls on top of us and get us soaked in seconds.

My eyes are closed when his hot mouth gapes against mine before he fully kisses me and his hands fall to my ass, grabbing my flesh as he presses me against his hard on. I thank God he’s holding me for otherwise I think my legs would have brought me down already.

Stamping wet kisses everywhere his lips land, he turns my body slowly so that my back is pressed against his front once again and I moan out loud when I feel his fingertips tickling the insides of my thighs. My mouth parts at the touch of his two middle fingers intruding ever so delicately and his worked up breathing against my cheek sends my chest into a frenzy.

My left hand caresses the skin on his arm as his wrist moves back and forth and his fingers curl deliciously inside me and my other hand searches for his hair and caress his scalp.

“You’re so beautiful, Indie” He presses a kiss against my shoulder “Do you like it?”

“Yes.” My voice is all but a whisper but he doesn’t press it.

His fingers make me lightheaded but have me dying for more so I press my hips against his and moan when I feel his hot, stiff length against the low of my back. He grunts and his fingers fasten making me lose my mind completely.

“Harry” I moan, swallowing the water that falls on my mouth from the shower in an attempt to hydrate my throat. “I want you.”

“I’m right here.” He whispers.

“I want you inside.”

I bend my neck so my eyes look into his because I’ve found he’s very good at reading them and I want him to see them beg, in case he didn’t have enough with the desperation of my voice.

“Fuck, Indie. I don’t… I don’t have a condom.”

“It doesn’t matter.”

I turn my body around and bring his mouth to mine with my hands on his neck. Our lips meet and battle and Harry’s merciless mouth attacks mine before his tongue soothes every red blood patch. I feel my lungs closing on me at the anticipation of having him bare and having him release white hot cum inside my cunt so that it drops out and stains my inner thighs but then his words resound on my head and I pull back.

“Are you-” On a sane moment, I stop the question before I ask.

Of course he’s having sex with other people.

“I always wear a condom.” He cups my face and presses a sweet kiss against my lips. “But I can make you cum with my fingers and have you afterwards.”

I nod my head and with that he takes me back to the place where I’m nothing but what he touches.

I still have trouble breathing when we come out of the shower. He doesn’t stop amazing me, the way he treats me and touches me as if I was made out of glass. I wonder if he touches every woman like that and I ignore the feeling on my throat. He’s staring at me. Please, don’t, don’t look at me like that. I feel very exposed, standing completely naked in his shower as his eyes investigate every part of my body.

He grabs a fresh towel from the cupboard underneath the sink and my lips part when instead of giving it to me or using it to dry himself, he hides his two hands underneath the towel and presses them against my skin in a calming, almost hypnotic ritual. He’s quiet and his expression is serious but calm. I think the troubled Harry is gone. I indulge in the way he softly presses the towel instead of rubbing it as if he was going to hurt my skin if he didn’t act so delicately. He’s kneeling in front of me as he dries my thighs and my belly and watching him I forget my exposure to him. He presses a kiss on my hipbone and then stands up and kisses my lips and being fully dried, I’ve never felt wetter.

I grab the towel from his hands and do the exact same thing he did to me but to his body and I feel lucky he lets me. My hair is wet against my back contrasting my dry mouth and I moisten my lips with every inch of his skin I carefully dry. His skin is tight and soft but thick and firm as it covers his lean muscles. Sometimes I let my fingers rest against his warm skin. I guess it’s my own timid version of the kisses he pressed against mine. When I look up at him, his green eyes look at me, seemingly confused.

I hate that he does that. He allows himself to do all these things with me, like staring at me as if he’s never seen a woman before or kiss me as if he meant it but he never lets me reciprocates. He takes his hand away when I hold it and now looks at me like that. I stand tall and leave the towel next to my clothes on the sink and when I’m about to walk away his long fingers wrap around my wrist and turn me around.

I watch him intertwined our fingers with the hand he has taken away before on his sudden mutism and he just stares at our intertwined hands as his thumb caresses my skin before he brings my hand to his mouth and kisses my knuckles. I don’t know why, but I take it as a silent apology and taking his hand to my lips, I kiss it on silent forgiveness. He's still rock hard and I don’t know how he can stand there so seemingly impassive when all his blood is on that one precious part of his body. In one of his mood changes, he shifts from calm, soft Harry to the passionate, wild one and he pins me against the wall before his mouth devours mine. His teeth nibble on my bottom lip and make me moan. I’m so ready for him I’m scared of it.

Suddenly he removes his body from mine and I feel the cold his void left as he kneels in front of the sink and opens the cupboard. His absence lets me see my reflection on the mirror. I almost don’t recognize myself. My hair is humid and disheveled. Some strands frame my rosy cheeks and my chest is flushed as it moves up and down on a laborious breathing. As if I wanted to make sure that woman is me, I bring my mouth to my lips and watch her do the same. They feel warm against my mouth and they’re red blood.

When Harry stands tall, he turns his neck and looks at the mirror too and his eyes darken when he realizes I was watching myself.

“You look ravishing.”

“Then ravish me.”

I hear myself whisper and wait for him against the wall. I’ve never seen anyone putting on a condom faster and then I am levitating, mentally and physically, for Harry holds my waist and lifts me up so my feet aren’t touching the ground. As if I have done this before, my legs wrap around his waist as if my body knows what to do even when my head doesn’t. Just like last night and like I did in the shower, I let myself go and I feel that invisible deadweight I always carry on my chest lift and leave me. I feel light as a feather during those seconds before he plunges into my depths breaching every barrier of my intimacy but I welcome his intrusion as we both sigh at the feeling.

I feel like I’m dancing upon that fine line between pain and pleasure for I feel so full and the pressure takes every thought I’ve ever had away and his hips are unforgiving as he pushes in and out of me. I try to sustain my body weight, hands pushing off his shoulders and I want to ask him if I’m too heavy or if he’s okay but a whisper of his name is all I can muster among whimpers and soft pants.

We’re not even five feet away from his bed, a big, soft, comfortable bed where we could have a banquet of one another like we had the night before but it’s precisely the urgency, the animalistic, desperate need that’s sending me to the edge faster than it ever has. His ruthless hips lift my body against the tile every time he thrusts and my bare back slides down the wall every time he removes my hold rolling out of me but when my nails cling onto his shoulders and I’m afraid I’m gonna fall, he pushes in again and the whole ritual begins. The adrenaline runs through my veins at the feeling of free falling but his hands and thighs sooth me with the security of his hold. He’s taking me high but he won’t let me fall.

His grunts and groans hunt me like a heavenly song and I try to keep my ears opened so I can record his sounds and replay them when I’m not with him but it’s hard to pay attention to anything different from that desirable spot only he’s reached as he hits it again and again and again and again. I miss him every time he pulls out but it’s only for a second before he’s pushing in again.

His hands move from my hips to the back of my thighs and in an instant of panic, thinking he’s about to put me down, I clench my thighs around him tighter and he curses under his breath. I watch him as his thrusts become faster and he can’t barely get his length out but his vulnerable grunts and the way he looks, flushed and out of his mind, are enough for me. His forehead falls on mine and his hot breath hits my cheeks while he grins.

“Sorry.” He pecks my cheek. “I would have lasted longer if you hadn’t done that.” He’s smiling.

“I thought you were going to put me down.” I pout.

My hands snake from his shoulders to his hair and he chuckles before he kisses my neck.

“I was going to. I was going to take you to bed and give myself a second so I could make you cum first but when you tightened your thighs around me…” He tilts his head. “Fuck.”

“Sorry.” I smirk naughtily and he chuckles.

“You should be.” He kisses me as he rolls out and finally puts me down leaving a sad feeling of emptiness between my legs. “You should be illegal.” He spanks my ass playfully and walks out of the bathroom.

I grin like a fool and take this minute of solitude to take in the way I feel and relish on it. I bring my hand to my lower lips and blush when I notice how wet I am. I close the door of the bathroom to pee and clean myself. When I open the door, I don’t find Harry on his bed but I see a pair of sweatpants, a t-shirt and even a pair of boxers folded on the mattress. His voice calls my name from outside his room.

“Are you hungry?” He must be in the kitchen.

I’m not really hungry but if he has something to eat, I might nibble on it. I doubt but when I’m about to expose myself to a new possible embarrassment he saves me. He’s leaning against the doorframe of his room in a pair of olive-green sweatpants. How can someone look so good in sweatpants?

“Those are for you.” He smiles. “But you can grab anything else from my wardrobe too.”

“No, these are fine. Thank you.”

Seeing him half dressed suddenly makes me uncomfortably aware of my own nudity so I put on his t-shirt without even looking at it.

“I was going to say you could also walk around naked” he grins smugly as I walk towards him “but that was before I knew you looked so sexy on my clothes.”

I rest the low of my back on his kitchen island and let my eyes wander across the white cupboards. The counter is white marble too and so is the island where my hips rest. The distribution seems weird to me, the sink is on the counter in front of me and behind that it’s his room and on the kitchen island he’s got the stove and under it the oven and some more cupboards. I guess it’s not so much of a kitchen island as it is an open kitchen.

I tilt my neck and see the living room and the views outside the glass windows. I imagine him cooking and looking through the window. He’s got a nice view of the city from there. He’s been watching me the entire time with a smile on his face.

“What’s on your mind?”

“You want the explicit version?”

He washes his hands on the sink but tils his neck so he can see me.

“Please.”

“I was thinking about sitting you up on that counter and making you cum on my mouth.”

My eyes widen and my face and neck heats up. This man is going to be the death of me. He’s insatiable.

“So what do you feel like having? I have fruit and bread and-” he opens the cabinets and makes a list of the food he has as if he had not just said that and for a second I think I have imagined it.

“So you’re not going to?”

I think I did say that out loud because he turns his head and looks at me with raised eyebrows.

“You want me to?”

“No,” Yes “it’s just that you said you were thinking about it and then offer me fruit?”

I must be hilarious to him because he throws his head back and laughs out loud.

“If I fucked you every time I think about it, you couldn’t walk.”

I lick my lips. He makes my mouth dry all the time. What is he doing to me? I’m gonna end up like a sex addict like him. I enter his game. If he can say these things and then act as if nothing happened so can I.

“Can I have a glass of milk?”

“You want milk?”

I roll my eyes when I see the way he’s grinning and I swat his chest playfully. He laughs and apologizes before he pours a glass of milk and hands it to me and then he grabs a clementine and peels it as his eyes fix on me.

“When you asked me why I didn’t drink” He says “what did you originally want to ask me?”

I frown. Seriously how does he know what I think all the time? How can he know I wanted to ask him something else? Am I that obvious?

“I already got my answer.” I shrug. “I wanted to ask you why you had chosen to supervise my essay.”

He nods. I drink my milk. That makes me think about what Marie said. I’m afraid of what he’ll answer if I ask him with how many students he’s been. I don’t want him to ruin what just happened by telling me this is something he’s done before and making me feel like just another one of his conquests even though that’s what I am.

“Why do you think I chose you?” His green eyes are narrowed as he studies my expression.

I don’t know how to answer that without degrading myself to the floor. Why did he even ask me? Why would he want to humiliate me like that? I think he can sense my discomfort.

“Indie?” He presses.

“Well it’s clear, isn’t it?”

“I chose you because you’re intelligent and you pay attention and you always ask interesting questions. It’s clear that you like what you do and I thought your essay would be interesting to read.”

My lips seal. I wasn’t expecting that. I feel stupid for thinking otherwise and I feel bad and sexist for having thought that way about myself. Sometimes we don’t need anyone to put ourselves down.

“You thought I had chosen you for your pretty face?”

“I didn’t think you had chosen me for my pretty face.”

I know there are lots of girls prettier than me in my class alone. I thought he had chosen me because he had this smug obsession of wanting the only thing he couldn’t have or something like that but I don’t think I’m pretty enough for him out of all people to choose me for my pretty face.

I yawn. I must look terrible because I’m not wearing any make up since our shower. Dear Lord I’m not wearing any make up since our shower! I must have looked like a panda bear under the water. That ruins the whole imagine. He wasn’t standing there with a beautiful girl under the shower but with a moaning wet panda.

“Well good” peacemaker Harry walks towards me with a beautiful smile and takes the now empty glass from my hand and leaves it on the counter next to me before he pecks my lips “because, despite your pretty face, I chose you for what’s in here” his fingertip delicately knocks on my temple and I smile. “You’re pretty tired, aren’t you?”

I yawn again and he chuckles. My hands cling onto his shoulders when I feel his arm under my knees and he lifts me up and carries me bridal style towards his room. I chuckle and hold onto his chest.

“I can walk, you know?”

“I know.” He grins.

We both chuckle as he walks towards his room and then he carefully places me on his bed. My eyes set on the picture on his bedside table again as he gets in bed next to me.

“Who are they?” I ask and yawn.

“Tired but still nosy.” He jokes.

He lifts his head so he can have a look at the photo even if he doesn’t need to because it’s his picture. He should know what he has next to his bed.

“They’re my mum and my sister.”

I hum. My eyes are already closed when I feel his kiss on my temple.

“Harry”

“Yeah?”

“Did I look like a raccoon on the shower?”

I smile with my eyes closed as he laughs out loud. I wish I could see him because I’ve never heard him laughing that hard but Morpheus is very distracting. What I hear next I don’t know if he said or I dreamt it because as he answers my question it’s like he’s speaking my own thoughts.

“It’s because you stop my mind.” He whispers.

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noladyme · 4 years

Text

Skip To My Lou, My Darling - Chapter 3, Too Perfect I

The road so far…

Deadly nightmares. Immortal countesses. Lulu thought she’d seen it all since she’d first met the Winchester brothers. Extreme circumstances pushed her into the arms of the eldest brother, Dean – and she hasn’t been able to stop thinking of him since. Now back to her every day life of bartending and the occasional visit from a certain angel, what will happen when she finally sees Dean again? Is there still a connection – or was it all in their heads?

Our story continues in season 5

Rated M

Tag list (Let me know if you want to be added) @edonaspanca @wonderlandfandomkingdom

8 years ago.

Night shift again. Luckily, it’s a slow one tonight. Only a few guests strewn across the place. “Lulu!”, Ricky calls from the kitchen. “Order’s up for 13”. “13 is Janice’s table”, I answer. “She called in sick again”, he shrugs. Dammit. I know it’s because it’s her boyfriend’s home from college. I walk over to the serving hatch; grabbing a large order of bacon, and a slice of cherry pie. Weird order for dinner, but who am I to judge. I’ll gladly throw back some jalapeño poppers at any time of day.

I walk over to table 13 with the order; placing the two plates in front of a dark-haired man, who’s in a deep conversation on his phone. “… no, Dean. Silver. Iron won’t do anything, I told you… yeah…”. I begin to walk away. “Miss?”. I turn around. The man at the table is looking at me. He’s cute, in an older guy kind of way. Much too old for me, but a girl can dream. “Can you top off my coffee?”, he asks, covering the mic on the phone. I smile, and nod; going to get the freshly brewed pot from the machine behind the counter.

I look down at my uniform, cursing myself that I didn’t chose the one that was just a tiny bit shorter, to show off my legs. As I walk back towards the table, I hear the man continuing his conversation. “Well read up!... Yes. Latin… No, I didn’t call him. If he wants to talk, he has my number… Ok. Call me when it’s finished”. He hangs up, as I pour some fresh coffee into his mug. “Kids, right?”, he mutters with a smile, before looking up and meeting my eyes. “Though, you’re probably a bit young to have any of those yourself”. I blush slightly. “Yeah… not really there yet”.

The man gives me a once over. His gaze isn’t leering, but it is appreciative – and I stifle a smile. “You must have someone out there willing to give you a few little ones”, he says. He takes a sip from his coffee. “You in college?”. “Saving up for it”, I smile. “Leave me a nice tip, and I’ll get there even sooner”. He chuckles. His voice is warm, and his caramel eyes glinting with amusement. “Tell you what. Get me another dollop of cream for the pie, and I’ll make that happen”, he says. I wink at him and walk away.

“Are you flirting with Daddy over there?”, Ricky jeers, as I come over to grab some cream. “Serving my way to the top”, I chuckle. “He seems nice. Nothing else”. “Sure thing, Lulu”, Ricky smiles.

I go back to table 13; and put a large dollop of cream on the man’s pie. “There you go, sir. Enjoy”. “Thanks, Lulu”, he smiles. I wrinkle my brows. “Your name tag”, he grins. “Oh!”, I giggle. “Yeah”.

He has a leather-bound journal in front of him. The page is opened to a picture of a pretty blonde woman. “Your wife?”, I ask. He looks up at me with a slight grimace. “Sorry… Not any of my business”. “No, it’s fine… Yeah. My wife”, he mutters. “She’s pretty”, I say. “Must have made those kids of yours some kind of beautiful”. “They’re not half bad”, he chuckles. “Good boys. Don’t see them too often. Work”. “Oh… too bad. They with your wife?”. He shakes his head. “No… she passed some years ago”. I frown. “Sorry to hear that”, I say quietly. “Me too… thanks for the cream”, he says.

That’s my cue to leave. I flash him a bright smile, and saunter off. “Oh, Lulu?”, the man calls after me. “Yes, sir?”, I ask. “Have you heard about those cattle mutilations, out at that farm?”. I frown. “No more than what was in the news… why?”. He shakes his head. “Never mind… Just… if you do hear anything, could you give me a call?”. I blush again. “I don’t have your number, sir”.

He pulls out a note from his pocket, and scribbles something down on it – then hands it to me. It’s a twenty-dollar bill, with a phone number now written at the bottom. “This is way too much, sir!”, I gasp. “Keep it. As a thanks for friendly conversation. And it’s John”, he smiles.

His phone rings, and he picks it up. “Bobby?... Yeah… I’ll be there”. He hangs it up. “Can you pack this to go?”, he says to me in a rushed tone. I run to grab a to-go box; and quickly pack up his food, handing it to him, as he gathers the papers he’s strewn upon the table. “Here you go, John. Have a nice evening”, I smile.

His tense body language relaxes a bit. “I will. Thanks, Lou”. He hands me another twenty. “Keep the change”. I let out a short laugh. “This is still too much”, I say. He tilts his head. “My youngest is in college. I know it’s expensive… Keep it. And take care”.

He puts on his coat, and leaves the diner.

---

Now…

Hurricanes. Successful nuclear tests in North Korea. Terrorists attacks on convents. Swine flu. The world seemed to be coming to an end – and I was wiping down a bar-counter in Denver. “I’m off”, our newest bartender – Pete – called out to me. “That offer of coffee still stands, Lulu”. I smiled. “Thanks, Pete; but I have plans”, I said. “Grab the trash, would you?”. He nodded, and grabbed two large bags; heading towards the back door. He winked at me; and closed the door behind him. Avoiding the dark spot on the floor we hadn’t been able to remove, after my encounter with Erzsebet; I walked over to the door Pete had gone through, and locked it. I didn’t really have plans; but going on a date with a coworker wasn’t high on my list of wants.

I checked my phone. The only message was a picture of Raul and Chad on their honeymoon. The two men had worked fast after Raul had avoided murder charges 6 months earlier. Once Chad had healed from the surgery to get rid of his little extra asset; he’d dropped down on one knee on a busy night at Buddy’s – and with tearstained cheeks, Raul had accepted his proposal. I’d been the maid of honor to both men – dateless, I might add; as the only man I wanted at my side at a romantic ceremony joining two paramours, was somewhere driving across the states, trying to hunt down monsters and ghosts – or stopping Armageddon; I wasn’t sure at this point.

Dean hadn’t been in touch for months. Not in person, anyway. I understood he was busy, but it hurt not to know where he was – and if he was ok.

Arriving at my small studio apartment that night, I brushed my fingers over the carving on my door – sending a warm thought at the two men who’d saved my life twice. Once inside, I got in my comfiest leggings, socks, tank top and cardigan; and went to read my current book – one about witchcraft and hoodoo. It was the middle of the night; but my sleep schedule as a bartender didn’t exactly make me a day person. I began reading from the part I’d gotten to, and sipping at a mug of cocoa.

There was a knock at the door. I glanced at the wall clock. 3 am. Looking through the peephole, I sighed, and slowly opened the door.

“Hello, Lulu”. “Hi, Castiel”, I said quietly. “Thanks for knocking this time”. The angel smiled gently. “Well, last time you were… undressed”. I moved out of the way, so Castiel could step into my apartment. “Yeah. Literally in the shower as well. I would have offered you a towel, but…”. “You were busy punching my face, and putting a knee to my groin”, the angel said. I chuckled.

Closing the door behind the angel, I went to sit on my couch again. Castiel had been coming around every few weeks – just for a few minutes – apparently to check on me. “So, as you can see, I’m alive”, I muttered. “Are they?”. Cass nodded. “They are working on… something”. “Vague as ever”, I smiled sarcastically. “He has my number. He could just call me”.

Castiel frowned. “I’ve come to take you with me…”, he said. I stood up, and held out my hands to stop him. “Whoa! No… Every time you do your… angel teleportation thing on me, I end up in some random place, without my shoes. And it gives me motion sickness”. “I’ve only done it twice; and one of the times, it saved your life”. I sighed. “Yeah, fine… but still. No thank you”. He stepped towards me. “I’m afraid I must insist”, he said. “Why?”, I frowned.

There was another knock at my door. I stepped over to check the peephole; but Cass held out to stop me. The knocking turned in to a pounding. “That’s why”, he said. “They found you”. My eyes widened. “Who?”, I breathed. “Who found me?”.

Castiel put his hand on my shoulder; and we were standing in front of a lit fireplace. My stomach was churning. “Lulu?”, a voice said. With wide eyes, I turned around, and saw Bobby Singer – seated in a wheelchair – looking at me in wonder. “I got her before they took her. You can take it from here”, Castiel said; and was gone. I looked down. “You forgot my shoes again!”, I snarled.

Bobby smiled at me. “How are you, kid?”, he asked. “Very confused”, I admitted. “Yeah, he does that”, Bobby said. “So, do I get a hug?”.

I grinned, and ran over to embrace the man; who – the last time I’d seen him – was standing. “What happened?”, I asked. Bobby shook his head. “Demon…”, he grunted. I laughed. “Demon…”, I said. Bobby raised a brow at me. “Seriously?”. Bobby gave me a crooked smile. “It’s a whole new world, darlin’”. He patted my arm; not able to reach my cheek from the chair. “I’ll have the guys fill you in when they get back”. I swallowed hard. “They’re here?”, I croaked. “About 30 minutes out. Coffee?”. “Please…”, I said, and followed him to the kitchen, grabbing two mugs from a shelf.

Bobby poured us both a mug of coffee, and I went to sit on a couch in the living room/study/something that looked like a place a fortune teller might set up shop. Bobby rolled over to face me. “How have you been?”, he asked. “I heard about what happened in Denver…”. I pulled up the sleeves of my cardigan, and ran my fingers over the slight scars there. “Turns out my boss was really sorry he hadn’t paid for security, and let a deranged serial killer get at his favorite employee; as he called me”, I grinned. “I think he was just worried I’d sue him. But he paid my doctors bill, and for a plastic surgeon to make the scars less visible”. Bobby winced. “Looks like you went through it”, he said. “I’m happy you’re better”. “Yeah”, I smiled. “No permanent damage, save for the occasional person thinking I cut myself on purpose”.

“Bobby!”, a voice called out – a voice I recognized immediately, and made my heart skip a beat. “In here”, Bobby answered. “We got scotch. Liquor store was out of bourbon”, Sam said, as he stepped into the living room. His eyes widened when he saw me; and he ran over to embrace me – lifting me off my feet in a warm hug. I heard the front door close. “Dude, are you gonna make me carry everything?”, Dean growled, and dropped two plastic bags on the kitchen table. Sam put me down. “Dean”, he muttered. “What?”, Dean grunted; and turned around.

His face went through a range of emotions – before, with three long strides; he stepped over to me. Just as I thought he was about to take me in his arms, he pulled out a knife. “Did you check her?”, he growled. “She came in with Cass”, Bobby said. “Did you check her!”, Dean repeated. Sam sighed, and handed me a flask. “Take a sip”, he said. I frowned – taken aback by the cold reception from the man I’d spent months missing. “What is it?”, I asked; looking at the knife in Deans hand. “Holy water. Just drink it”, Sam muttered.

With a cold look at Dean, I grabbed the flask, and drank the liquid inside. Dean looked at me for a few seconds; and seemingly satisfied I wasn’t going to burn up in flames or melt – or whatever it was he’d expected – he put away the knife. “Lulu…”, he muttered. “Cass brought you?”. “Just a little while ago”, I said quietly. “Thanks for the warm welcome, by the way”. Dean clenched his jaw in anger. “Dammit, he wasn’t supposed to bring you here”, he growled. “Maybe he was sensing how grumpy you’ve been”, Bobby grunted in response.

Dean did look extremely grumpy. And tired. “Sorry, Lou… This isn’t a good time”, he said. I made a scoffing laugh. “Well, just call Castiel. I’m sure he can take me back to my apartment”. “No”, he said. “You can’t go back there right now”. “Why?”, I sneered.

Sam cleared his throat. “Angels… and demons… They’re using the people we care about to get to us”. I shook my head in confusion. “I’m sorry, what?”. Dean sighed. “We got wind that they were coming to nab you. I asked Cass to bring you somewhere safe”, he said. “Not here”. I shrugged; trying not to seem hurt about Dean’s standoffishness. “So, what happens now?”, I said. “What happens now, is you stay here”, Bobby said. “Bobby!”, Dean snarled.

Bobby rolled his eyes. “Keep your pants on, Dean”, he sneered. “And I mean literally. At least until we’ve left the room”. He rolled towards us. “You don’t think we’ve noticed how you’ve been missing this girl?”. Dean met my eyes for a second. “It’s not safe”. “It’s never safe, son”, Bobby said. “But this place is warded better than any other I know. As long as Lulu doesn’t leave, she should be fine. And maybe you can get that stick out of your ass, and be able to do the job”. Dean scoffed. “So, now I can’t do the job?”, he grunted. “Not well”, Sam muttered. “You…”, Dean said; pointing at his brother. “Shut up!”.

I sighed and looked at Sam. “You said you brought alcohol?”, I muttered. “Give it”. Dean shook his head. “No”, he said. “No alcohol. Call Rufus. Have him take her”. “I’m really feeling the romance in the room”, Bobby grunted. “I’m beat. Going to bed”. He rolled out the door, and down the hallway. “And I’m going to go… away from here”, Sam said; almost running for the stairs. Dean and I stood for a moment in silence; before I stepped towards the kitchen. “Well, I’m having a drink”, I said.

Suddenly, his hand was on my wrist, and he pulled me towards him – wrapping me in his arms. I couldn’t fight the urge; and embraced him right back. “Are you ok?”, he breathed. “Yeah… just confused”, I muttered. Dean pulled back a bit, and looks me in the eyes. “You’re here… I should have… I don’t know what to say”.

“Try an I’m sorry!”, Bobby called from down the hall.

Dean looked towards the hallway, and frowned. “I’m sorry”, he muttered. “I know that’s probably not the welcome you had expected”. “I don’t know…”, I grunted. “It’s not the first time you pulled a knife on me”. “Yeah… sorry. Again”. I sighed. “Can open a window, and let in some air? This place smells like old farts”. He smiled slightly. “Hex bags. We made some earlier. The smell goes away after a while… How have you been?”, he asked. “Fine… I guess. It took a while to heal properly since… last time”, I said. Dean frowned. “But you’re better. Right?”. I nodded. “I’m… living. Moving on”. “Good”, he said. “That’s… good. That you’re moving on, I mean”.

He cleared his throat, and let go of me. The separation was almost painful. “Thanks for checking in, by the way…”, I said. “Castiel’s been a real hoot”. Dean didn’t meet my eyes. “I should have called”. “Yeah, you should have”, I muttered. “You didn’t call either…”, he said; a slight accusation in his voice. I looked at him in indignation. “You told me you were going out to stop the devil”, I said. “I didn’t figure I should be the one to check in”.

I sat back down on the couch and yawned. “Let me go put away the groceries, and I’ll show you where to sleep afterwards”, he said. “Sounds good”, I said quietly. I pulled my legs up under me, and leant my head against the armrest. The smell of the hex bags had dulled; and I now noticed another scent – one of gunpowder, wood and metal. The hunter smell, I thought to myself. My eyes began drooping, and the last thing I noticed was a soft kiss to my temple, and a blanket being tucked around me.

“Goodnight, Lou”, Dean whispered.

---

The sun hitting my face woke me up. “Mornin’ kid”, Bobby muttered from his table. “Fresh coffee on the pot”. “Thanks”, I rasped. I got off the couch, and stretched. “Where are the guys?”, I asked. “Checking on a lead”, Bobby grunted. “Grab me a cup?”.

I went into the kitchen, and filled two mugs with coffee; bringing one over to the desk. “Demon stuff?”, I asked. Bobby shook his head. “Ghost”, he said. “Yankton…”. I frowned. “Yankton… I’m in South Dakota?”, I asked. “Yeah… you’re about 600 miles from home”, he said. “Well, that’s just great”, I muttered. “And this is your place?”. “Singer Scrap”, he nodded. “Good cover”. A scrapyard owner. I knew it, I smiled to myself.

I looked over the many books and papers strewn about the room. A row of phones were hanging on the wall; each with a sticker on it, letting Bobby know what persona he’d need to take on when he picked up. The was an old cookie-tin filled with different fake id’s – FBI, Wild Life Service, Sheriff’s badges; the list went on.

“You have a pretty bad-ass setup here, Bobby”, I said. “Also 100% illegal I’m guessing”. “This job isn’t exactly easy to do if you follow the rules”, Bobby said. I sighed. “Is there anything I can help with?”, I asked. “What, are you bored?”, Bobby smiled. “Yes”, I nodded. “You can make lunch; it’s almost noon”, he said. “I don’t cook… but I know how to order a pizza”. Bobby frowned. “I’ll call the boys, have them bring something back”. I shrugged.

Bobby narrowed his eyes at me. “Did you… uhm… kiss and make up last night?”, he muttered. I chewed my lip. “Not exactly… He seemed preoccupied”, I said. Bobby chuckled. “That’s Dean for you”, he said. “Always so busy trying to save everyone else, he doesn’t see when his own salvation is staring him right in the face”. “I don’t know if I’m a salvation, exactly”, I said. “I’m a bartender from Denver with a teaching degree”. “Maybe you can teach him some manners”, Bobby grunted and returned to his document. “Grab me that magnifying glass over there”, he said, and pointed towards the coffee table.

I handed him the magnifier, and picked up an amulet that caught my eye. It was almost glowing in the sunlight. “Put that down”, Bobby yelled. I almost jumped, and dropped the chain to the table. “Sorry”, he muttered. “I haven’t been able to break the curse on it yet… and I’m pretty sure you’d be a lot less pretty with an extra nose stuck to your chin”. “It’s cursed?”, I asked. “Maybe you should lock it up somewhere”. “Tried that”, he grunted. “It reappears there every time I do”. I studied the amulet closer. “Hoodoo, right?”, I muttered. Bobby looked at me. “Is it?”, he asked. “I think so… It looks like a sigil I saw once, in a book”, I said. Maybe cover it in goofer dust, and bury it in an old grave…”. I met his incredulous eyes, and blushed. “Or, something else. I don’t know”.

He narrowed his eyes at me. “What do you make of this?”, he asked, and pushed an old newspaper clipping across the table. I read through the text. “Another strange case of a dead body in Yankton this month, when Thomas Clayton was found near Yankton Municipal Cemetary – his neck broken; and his lower body buried into the ground. He leaves behind a wife and two children…”. “Sounds like a myling”, I muttered. Bobby frowned. “How’d you know about those?”, he asked. “I read… a lot”, I replied. He looked at me disbelievingly. “You call studying Scandinavian ghosts leisurely reading?”. “I was almost killed by two supernatural beings”, I shrugged. “Thought I’d study up in case anything happened again”. “Huh…”, Bobby said. “So, you think it’s a myling”. “I’m no pro, so I wouldn’t know for sure”, I said. “But the half-buried thing? And just outside a cemetery… More like he was forced to carry a ghost on his back; but didn’t make it to hallowed ground”. The corner of Bobby’s lip raised in a crooked smile. “But you already knew that”. “Was beginning to come to that theory myself”, he said. “You have some knowledge in that head of yours, kid”. I blushed again.

There was a knock at the door. I looked through the kitchen window. Outside stood a darkhaired policewoman. “It’s the cops”, I muttered. “Crap”, Bobby groaned. “Woman? Looks like she eats nails for breakfast?”. I looked again. “Yup…”. Bobby began rolling away from the view of the windows. “I’m not here”, he said. I shook my head. “Fine, I’ll talk to her”, I said, and walked to the front door, opening it.

“Hello”, I smiled at the woman. She looked mistrustingly at me. “Miss… I’m sheriff Mills. Is Bobby Singer in?”. I shook my head. “He’s out…”. “Out cold?”, she grunted. “Bobby! Roll your ass out here”.

Bobby appeared behind me. “Sheriff…”, he grunted. “What did I do this time?”. The sheriff sighed. “Your neighbors have been reporting strange smells from your house”. “Stranger than usual? This is a scrap yard, sheriff”, I smiled. She narrowed her eyes at me. “And you are?”. I thought fast. “Ann Wilson”, I said brightly; and reached out my hand to shake hers. “My niece”, Bobby said. “She’s staying with me to help out since my accident”. “All right…”, the sheriff said. “If you say so”.

I cleared my throat. “You were saying? About strange smells…”. “Yes”, the sheriff said. “You can’t be polluting the air with methane gas, Bobby. Your neighbors say the smell was so rancid, their eyes watered”. Bobby sighed. “Look, my nearest neighbor is 3 miles away. If any of them have been reporting any smells, it means they’ve been trespassing – and I’d be in my right to shoot them”. The sheriff clenched her jaw. “With what weapon? I don’t believe you have a license”. “I do”, I said. She lifted her brows. “Can I see it?”. I smiled. “I never mentioned a gun, or using one for that matter. So, you don’t need to”. She stifled a smile. Under different circumstances, I might have liked her. “If there’s nothing else, uncle Bobby needs to have his lunch now”.

“All right”, sheriff Mills said. “Just, keep down the stench, all right?”. “Absolutely”, I smiled. “Goodbye, sheriff”. She walked off the porch, and got in her car. I waved as she drove away. I turned to look at Bobby. “That was fun!”, I grinned. “Yeah, a real giggle of a time”, Bobby grunted, and went back into the living room.

One of the phones rang – one labeled CDC. Bobby picked it up. “Fisher here… Yes, he’s one of mine. He in some kind of trouble?... That’s ridiculous, son… No, you listen to me. Let him finish his job… Put him on”. I heard him mutter idjit below his breath. “Garth? You moron. You told them it was a strain of the plague?... Yeah… Give him back to me”. There was a pause. “Officer. Agent Fitzgerald is right. Let him look at the autopsy report… Thank you. Bye”. He hung up. “Stupid son of a bitch”. I chuckled.

Bobby began rolling towards his desk, when another phone rang – the one labeled FBI. I looked at him pleadingly. “Be my guest…”, he grunted. I picked it up.

“Nicks here”, I said. “Yes, hello ma’am. This is detective Alan Jackson from the Yankton PD”, a tired voice said. “I have two men here claiming to be FBI…”. My eyes lit up. “Let me guess. One is a 6’3 puppy, and the other looks like he’d flirt with your daughter right in front of you, and not be ashamed of it?”. “That sounds about right”, the man muttered. “Yeah, those are mine”, I said. “What’s the problem?”. “They want to examine the body of…”. “Thomas Clayton?”, I asked. “Yes…”, the man said. “And what seems to be the problem?”, I asked. “Well they don’t have the right papers to begin with”, he answered. “The FBI rolls into town, asking to oversee a murder-case, and you refuse them?”, I said. “Won’t look good on your yearly report, detective Jackson”. “Ma’am…”, the man began. “Look, I don’t have time for this. Put me on with your captain”. Bobby’s eyes widened, and he shook his head fervently. “Ma’am, I’m sure that won’t be necessary…”, the detective muttered. I scoffed. “No? Well, you’re not being very forthcoming with my men…”. “I’ll let them look, ma’am. Right away”. “Thank you. Please put the pretty one on”, I said. “Your boss wants you”, the man muttered, and I heard the phone change hands. “Hello?”, I heard Deans voice. “Speaker?”, I asked. “No”, he grunted. “Good. Bring back lunch. Bobby’s hungry”, I said. “Yes, ma’am”, Dean grunted, and hung up.

I put the phone back on its hook. “That was even more fun”, I grinned. Bobby chuckled. “You could come in handy, Lulu”, he smiled. “Good job”. “Thanks”, I said. “Bobby… you wouldn’t happen to have some shoes laying around I could use?”.

---

A few hours later Dean and Sam came back from Yankton. Dean looked like a thundercloud.

“What the hell, Bobby?”, he growled. “You have Lulu doing jobs now?”. “Just this one”, he smiled. “And she’s done a fine job, as well”. Dean stepped towards me with and gave me a searing look. “You don’t ever do that again!”, he roared. “Why?”, I frowned. “You could have had us thrown in jail!”, he said. “Horse crap”, I said. “You were fine”.

Sam put down some cardboard boxes on the coffee table. “We brought pizza”, he said. Bobby groaned. “We were in a rush”, Sam muttered. I grabbed a slice, and sat down on the couch; putting my feet on the table. Dean looked at me with hard eyes. “Comfy?”, he grunted. “Very”, I smiled. He cursed below his breath.

“Lulu’s got a theory on the ghost”, Bobby said. Sam looked at me with pleased surprise. “Really?”, he asked. “Tell us”. “A myling”, I said. “An unwanted child, killed by its parents; and buried in non-consecrated ground”. Dean frowned. I handed him a slice of pizza, and he accepted it without thanks. “A mew-what?”, he asked. “Myling”, Bobby said. “Tell ‘em, Lulu”.

I took a bite, and chewed enthusiastically. “It crawls onto people’s backs; wanting them to bring it to consecrated ground to rest”, I said; mouth full. “Usually, the weight of it on the victims back will make him or her sink into the ground before they make it all the way. The ghost will be pissed, and kill them – strangling them or breaking their necks”. “How do you know this stuff?”, Sam smiled. “She reads… a lot…”, Bobby muttered.

Dean looked at Bobby’s desk. “Where’s the cursed amulet?”, he grunted. “Covered it in goofer dust, and buried it out back with my old dog”, Bobby said. “Well, Lulu did”. I smiled, and wiggled my feet – on which I was wearing a pair of old loafers Bobby’s wife had used when she was alive.

“You shouldn’t be meddling with any of this”, Dean growled. I shrugged. “Your pet angel kidnapped me, and brought me 600 miles away; without my shoes or my phone. Might as well keep busy”. “Don’t you need to go to work?”, Dean grunted. “Yeah, like 3 hours ago”, I admitted. “I’m probably fired”. Dean frowned. “And you don’t care?” I looked at him exasperatedly. “Of course I care, Dean. My whole life is in Denver”, I sneered. “But you’re also telling me that angels and demons are out to kill me. Being there right now would just bring people in danger. I’m staying away… To keep them safe”.

Dean raised a brow at me. I realized then that’s what he had been doing. In his own way. “I called Cass. He’s gonna take you somewhere safe”, he said. I frowned. “Bobby said…”. “You’re leaving, Lou”, he said. “That’s final”.

“She can’t…”, Castiel – who’d appeared from nowhere – said. “Cass!”, Dean growled. “Get her out of here!” “There’s no where I can take her”, the angel replied. “You wanted her safe. She is safe here”. “Hardly”, Dean said. “We’re up to our necks on this case, and Ironside over there can’t even get off his porch on his own”. He gestured towards Bobby.

Bobby frowned at him. “Where do you want her to go, son?”, he asked. “Rufus is buried in vamps in Wichita, Martin’s in the psych ward… Ellen and Jo? That’s the only people I’d trust her to be safe enough with; and they’re dead!”. Darkness ghosted Deans face. “Lulu is safest here, Dean”, Sam said.

Dean shook his head, and looked everywhere but at me. “If you didn’t come to take her away, why the hell are you here, Cass?”, he snarled. “To give you this”, Castiel said. He pulled out a knife I recognized as being an angel sword. “We already have one of those”, Sam said. Cas shook his head. “It’s not for you, it’s for her”.

Castiel went to hand me the knife. Dean stepped between us. “Whoa… no, no, no. That’s not happening”. “Excuse me?”, I frowned. He looked at me indignantly. “You’re not gonna be walking around with a heavenly weapon in your purse”, he said.

I put down my pizza, and stood up – fully ready to smack him across the face. “I’m a grown ass woman, Dean. I can make my own decisions”. “Not this one”, he grunted. “You can’t even shoot a gun”. “I can shoot a damn gun; I told you!”. “And fight with an angel sword?”, he asked indignantly.

He took the sword from Castiel. “I’m keeping this. Having two is always handy”. “Dean, Lulu needs to be able to protect herself from my brothers”, Castiel said. “No”, Dean said. I stepped up to him; and looked him square in the face. “Give me my sword, Dean…”, I snarled. “Take it”, he smiled; and held the sword over his head – knowing full well I wouldn’t jump for it like some child. I looked at him with sad eyes. “I really don’t want to do this…”, I muttered. Dean chuckled.

I walked behind him, pretending to give up. “Good call, sweetheart”, he muttered. Quickly setting my foot between his own from behind, my knee between his; I crouched, leant forward, snaked my arm across his torso – and flipped him backward over my thigh – making him land with a bang on his back. “Ow…”, he gasped. “Roller derby”, I growled; and snatched the sword from him. “Thanks, Castiel”, I muttered.

The three men still standing, all looked at me in surprise. Sam bit his lips to stop from laughing. “Not funny, Sam!”, Dean growled from the floor. “Dude, she just railed your ass!”, his brother grinned.

Dean got on his feet, and stretched his back. “Fine!”, he roared. “Take the damn sword… That was cheating, though”. “Might have earnt me a penalty back in the day; but still my favorite move”, I muttered. “You’re just pissed you got beaten by a girl”. “That has nothing to do with it”, he frowned. “Women can fight…”. “I just can’t, is that it?”. He shook his head in indignation. “We’ll talk about this later”, he grunted coldly. “We have a case to get back to”. I smiled. “No, Lou. We have a case. You don’t”. I rolled my eyes. “Roll your eyes all you want, sugar. That’s what’s happening”.

I went into the kitchen, and grabbed a beer from the fridge – opening it, and taking a large sip. Castiel walked over to join me. “I take it you haven’t had intercourse yet”, he muttered. I grimaced at him. “Cass. Stay out of my sex-life. Ok?”. He nodded, looking almost embarrassed. “I just meant – seeing as Dean is still in a bad mood – you must not have…”. “Stop”, I said, and held out a hand at him. “You’ve done plenty of damage as it is”. “I apologize for that. It wasn’t my intention”. I sighed. “I know… you were just trying to help”. I looked up at him. “Look, Cass…”. He was gone.

I couldn’t help but feel bad about how I’d spoken to him. He was a friend – not just to Dean and Sam – but also to me.

---

The three hunters spent the next hours researching mylings; and it seemed Dean had to relent and agree that I had been right.

“So how do we get rid of it”, he grunted. I was seated on a kitchen chair, pretending to read a book on the with trials of Salem. “Salt and burn, like every other spirit”, Sam offered. “Yeah, except we have no idea where the kid is buried”, Dean said. “Bobby? Any ideas?”.

The elder hunter looked towards me. “She knows more about them than any of us…”, he muttered. “Yeah, well; she’s not a hunter”, Dean grunted. “Just, give it a rest, Dean…”, Sam sighed. “Get over yourself, and let Lulu help”. Dean rolled his eyes. “Roll your eyes all you want, sugar…”, I sneered. “Just… help us out here, kid”, Bobby said.

I stood up, and walked over to the desk. “Putting the spirit to rest by salting and burning sound good enough. But you could also just give it what it wants”. Sam narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean? Carry it to the graveyard”. “I don’t think you need to throw yourself into the fire this time, Sam”, I smiled; remembering how he’d almost let himself get killed by the maren, who had been haunting my dreams when we first met. “Find it’s parents…”. “They’re probably dead too…”, Bobby said. I shrugged. “Can’t you, like… summon them?”, I asked.

Dean scoffed, and chuckled. “Great idea; except that’s impossible”. “It’s not…”, Bobby said. “There are ways”. “Of course there are…”, Dean snarled. “Why don’t you three do this job, and I’ll go hit a bar. Don’t seem like you need me here anyway”. “Dean…”, Sam began. “No, really; Sammy. Go ahead. Looks like Lou’s got this one”, Dean said. He grabbed his jacket, and left the house.

“I’ll go talk to him”, Sam muttered. “No, I will”, I said. “This is on me”. Sam nodded, and I went out the front door.

---

#dean winchester fic #dean winchester x oc #dean x oc #dean winchester #supernatural fic #supernatural #sam winchester

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wheremytwinwatches · 4 years

Text

[Where My Twin Watches]: Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood Episode 41

Last time: Armstrong the Great got a promotion, Beardless grew a beard, and Teacher got a surprise surgery. Onwards!

The Mining Crew is still going through the tunnels towards Fort Briggs, it looks like Al hasn’t caught up to them yet. Whoops, Winry just tripped over a box of - gah, dynamite!

[Yoki]: “Nah, these are all sopping wet. Relax, they wouldn’t blow up even if we wanted them to.”

Wow. Yoki being the Voice of Reason. Times sure have changed.

Scar snaps at them to keep moving, “they could already be after us.” Yeah, but if you dwadle long enough then Al can catch up! So please May, keep up with the freakouts!

Back in Baschool, the storm’s passed so Sideburns is back to plotting against Kimblee. Aw, come on. I get shooting Kimblee from the get go, but why do you have to kill his other two guys (I’m assuming Chimeras like Toad and Boar). Keep them alive, they can join Al’s Chimera Army! Ed is understandably shaken at these KOS orders being thrown about.

Episode 41 - “The Abyss”

See, I hear “The Abyss” and I immediately think about the staring quote. Is Sideburns going to get a last-minute change of mind about killing all three, decide to be better than Kimblee? Not like that’s a high bar to clear, but still.

Ed’s trying to argue for taking Kimblee alive for questioning, Sideburns says he’ll never talk. As for his men? Maybe they’re being forced to serve Kimblee, but Sideburns thinks it’s too big a risk to bet on that. First Law of Briggs: The Careless are the first to die.

[Sideburns]: “We aren’t going to be careless. We’re killing Kimblee. And the two men with him.”

Walking down the hallway, Sideburns and the two Briggs soldiers talk about how Ed’s chosen the more difficult path of trying to keep his enemies alive. Their attitude seems to be “Admirable, but foolish.” Come on Ed, prove them wrong!

Back with the Mining Crew, Marcoh’s getting translations from Scar (finally), seems the current passage is about a “miracle drug” that extends life and transforms all metals to gold. Damnit, so it’s the Philosopher’s Stone, so much for the notes giving an alternative. Ooh, Xing culture lesson! Apparently Xingese refer to immortals as “a true being” oh Leto DAMN IT it’s right back to that smirking Truth. Whatever. Anyways, “True Beings” are considered perfect souls so they’re compared to the perfect metal gold (yeah, Winry and the Chimeras are totally lost by this point).

[Marcoh]: “So in other words, an immortal person is seen as a golden being.”

[May]: “In a sense…”

*camera shifts to Beard*

Oh. OOOOOOOOHHHHHH!

Keaton said:One thing of note is that all the people of Xerxes have gold hair and gold eyes. And I do mean gold, because there's no black outline that blonde people in the series have.

[May]: “It comes from the man who brought Alchemy to Xing.”

Wait, where are you going? Beard you’re walking away from one of the most badass fighters in the entire show and her husband, team up with them and you’ll be unstoppable! Whyyyyy.

Winry remarks that the Xing teacher of Alchemy having golden hair and eyes sounds like Ed and Al… hold on, I need to check something.

*rewinds to Ed standing in room* *returns to Winry, pausing at Beard along the way*

Huh! So Beard has the Xerxes no-outline blond hair, but Ed has almost this blend between Xerxes and Amestrian hair, he has an outline but it’s not as pronounced as Winry’s. Neat!

Finally, the exit! Scar must have been feeling a bit cooped up since he just kicked the door down. Yoki relishes his newfound competence and takes the lead nope instantly falls into massive snowdrift. I knew it couldn’t last. Aw, Boar sees how deep the snow is and immediately offers to give May a piggyback ride! And Toad says they’ll go first to make walking easier for the rest.

Walking through a winter wonderland… wait, is that Al? It is Al!

[Winry]: “That’s Al!” [May]: “THAT’S MY HUSBAND?!”

Jeez May, chill. No I didn’t mean rub your face on Al’s arm, Winry may have frostbite-proof earrings but Al was literally just buried in a snowdrift, you’re gonna lose your cheek at this rate! Al reports on the occupation of Fort Briggs, they’ll be walking right into their hands. So now what, do they just go back to the mine? Wait a minute, Scar just walked off and is staring all mysterious-like at the mountain range… are they going to Drachma? Scar says there’s a mountain village nearby (no idea how to spell that name), there are some Ishvalans living there. Toad and Boar are skeptical, but Yoki’s all too eager to give leadership back to Scar.

Oh shoot yeah, Al did kind of just run off on Kimblee. Do they even have an excuse for that, or is Sideburns just banking on Kimblee being dead before the absence of an Elric brother becomes an issue?

...Ed literally made another suit of armor and is making a Briggs soldier puppet it around. Wow. And the voice? Kimblee, come on. I was just starting to think that you were a valid threat again. Stop disappointing me.

As “Al” struggles with stairs, Sideburns is trying to set up his assassination. Seems Kimblee’s suspicious of the Briggs soldiers (gee, I wonder why) and is planning to search the mines with just his two flunkies. As Sideburns prepares the snipers, Ed runs ahead.

Kimblee orders his guys into the mine to look for tracks as a sniper lines up his shot… until he sees Ed approaching. Ed tries claiming that Kimblee would get lost searching the tunnels- nope, Kimblee’s already clued in on the assassination plan. With an attitude and past like his, he can practically smell the murderous intent. Sideburns tells the sniper to line up the shot and nope Kimblee pops a steamcloud.

Ooooh shoot he’s going into the building with Sideburns and the snipers, isn’t he? Quick Ed, I’m totally ok with the mass murderer getting sniped but if you can still take him alive then never mind, that was a claw strike and a nonhuman fist, flunkies confirmed as Chimeras.

Hey, it’s the Lion and Gorilla from the end credits! New potential recruits for Al’s army, please don’t kill them Ed. Also, I am having major OPM flashbacks now.

Mid-ep pictures of Kimblee (wait, didn’t he already get one of these?) chewing on a Stone, and Edward getting ready to pummel some Chimeras.

While Ed is otherwise occupied, Kimblee strolls down into the mineshaft and wait what? How are there tracks? The Mine Crew left right before that huge snowstorm that Al could barely read street signs in, how on Leto’s depressing planet were these tracks now obliterated by that storm?

Fighting Music starts up as Ed faces down Lion and Gorilla, he can’t see them but at least they can’t see him but animal hybrids, remember? They’ve got superhuman senses and if sight fails then they can probably hear and smell him with ease. Yup called it. An armknife to the Lion gets Ed free to dodge Gorilla’s attacks, the Briggs troops reach the street but can’t see through the steam to help Ed. Not like they could do much against the Chimeras.

Whoops, Ed dodged a bit too much and walked straight into the mineshaft. Ouch. Now he’s going to stunt his growth even more!

[Ed]: “Dynamite, huh? There’s one perk to fighting in a mine.”

Aw, Ed baby. You’re about to try something that even Yoki knew wouldn’t work, aren’t you?

The Chimeras jump down to continue fighting Ed, who brandishes the sticks in their direction. But they just laugh at him? Aw, they know about dynamite being worthless when damp. So much for that attempt-

Nitroglycerin. Nitroglycol. Ammonium Nitrate. Nitric Acid and Ammonium. YES

By the power of Chemistry, Ed with his silly little nose-plugs and shit-eating grin has turned your superhuman sense of smell into a tactical disadvantage!

Kimblee looks up to see a stinky explosion and his two flunkies down for the count, now without a hostage in play it’s just the Fullmetal Alchemist and the Crimson Alchemist. Ed demands that Kimblee spill the beans, but Kimblee isn’t inclined to cooperate. Saying he’ll speed things up, he pulls out a Philosopher’s Stone.

Alright, here we go! Ed vs Kimblee, the Stone Seeker against the Butcher of Ishval, our hero facing against the very power he once sought, and a true Philosopher’s Stone at that unlike Cornello’s pale fragment. This is gonna be

are you fucking kidding me.

Kimblee. Kimblee, you stupid incompetent trash-talking eternal disappointment. I thought your “fight” with Scar on the train was as low as you could go, I thought that with you easing back into my good graces you would earn recognition as an acceptable villain. But nooooo, you have to boast that you’ll end this quickly and then stand there like a dolt as Ed nyooms around you and kicks your Stone into the mineshaft. And then he slices your palm so your TC tattoo is useless.

You. Utter. Failure.

Don’t bother trying to continue dude, I know that you’re just gonna pull out your second Stone to try and keep fighting but come on. That was just embarrassing. Just stop, please.

Alright so now he’s got those glowing red eyes like Bradley had when he was blabbing at The Great Armstrong, boasting about how Ed’s mercy just gives him another chance to kill. He spits out his second Stone and wow ok that was a big explosion. The tower over the mining shaft collapses in a huge cloud of smoke, the Briggs troops are knocked back and the Chimeras fall through the shattering floor (noooo, come back, Al hasn’t had a chance to recruit you yet!).

We’ve got the Somber Music playing as the last pebbles fall in the ruined mine shaft, Ed is down at the bottom a little worse for wear. Hey, it’s Lion and Gorilla! Quick Ed, rescue them from the pipes that have them pinned so we can… uh… that’s a lot of blood. You feeling ok, buddy?

OW. Uh, so when Ed fell down into the mine shaft he landed on a beam. And the beam went through him.

The camera’s shaking and going in and out of focus as Ed tries to pull himself off the beam, but the shock’s setting in and he collapses twitching on the ground eye rolling up and getting obscured by his hair Leto this is not good

Al just collapsed?! Aw hell no he’s getting another pull from his body? Bad timing, Al’s body! The girls are panicking and the Chimera’s are wondering what’s wrong with General Armor Guy, Winry’s doesn’t know what to do and Al’s motionless in the snow not even with his usual glowing eyes stop it

Ed? Ed’s not moving and there’s too much blood finger twitch! He’s still breathing but he really needs to figure out Roy’s flame technique to seal his wound soon.

[Ed]: “I won’t make her cry…Especially not over something this stupid!”

Ok so through the Power of Love Ed is overcoming the shock to Transmute part of the beam away, then Earthbend the rubble off of the Chimeras. They’re not too happy with their boss destroying the building they were in, so heck might as well join up with the kid who dug them out.

So Ed’s helped up by the guys he was enemies with five minutes ago, Lion notes that if he pulls the beam out then Ed’ll bleed out. But Ed has a plan, bioalchemy! He totally read about it before, he’ll be fine. But with all the damage he’ll need the power of a Philosopher’s Stone

well isn’t it convenient that he knocked one down the mine shaft just a little bit ago, huh?!

Wait what, he’s going to “use his own life force”? Take a few years off his lifespan what. Ok, so I’m supposed to just go with the idea that the kid who has no real bioalchemy experience beyond the failed Human Transmutation is going to manage to concentrate as a beam is pulled out of his guts and harness the power of his own soul in a way that’s never been done before. Just spend a minute or two looking for the shiny red gem that’s down there with you! Fine whatever, Protagonist Powers away.

Look I’m sorry I know that this is a moving scene and all with Ed accepting the cost of his mercy and screaming as the bloody beam is yanked from his intestines and visualizing himself as a Single Soul Philosopher’s Stone but come on we clearly saw the Stone fall down and you’re just going to ignore it. Fine whatever I’ll try to move past it. So Ed grits his teeth and managed to ok thank you for not making it perfect, he’s patched up his organs and stopped the bleeding but it’s only a temporary fix, he’ll need some professional help. Not that he plans on getting any, he’s up and raring to keep fighting Kimblee nope he’s out for the count.

Lion and Gorilla look over their rescuer, knowing that he can’t fight their former boss as beat up as he

there it is!

Apologies for the rant about the Stone earlier, Lion just found it and decided to not give it back to Kimblee. They’ll just head out and let the madman think they died in the explosion. As for Ed? They’re off to find the kid a doctor. (Oh please let this go where I think it’s going… *knock knock* [Lion]: “Hey, so we hear you’re a good doctor, and we’ve got this kid who’s a bit beat up…” [Doc]: “Oh come on!” pleasepleaseplease)

#wmtw #where my twin watches #full metal alchemist #full metal alchemist brotherhood #fmab #fmab 41

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brianc521 · 6 years

Text

Hidden in the Dark | 5

Warning: Talk of her parents (involves car accident) (Might be a trigger)

She steps out of her room in her Mom’s favorite light blue dress, hair slightly curled and her white flats on her feet.

Walking down the stairs and to the kitchen she notices Shawn’s already standing by the counter waiting for her.

His eyes widen a little when he sees her, and his mouth drops a bit.

“Where are you going?” Geoff asks looking his sister up and down.

“Out to dinner, like I said this morning.”

“Gonna go by yourself then? Because you aren’t gonna guilt trip me or Ian into going.”

“Actually I’m going.” Shawn speaks up, and Geoff’s head snaps over to look at Shawn.

“The fuck you are,” Geoff spits. “You’re going to the party tonight.”

“I actually wasn’t told about the party, and made plans before I knew.” He smiles at Katherine.

“You are not going out to dinner with my little sister, especially with the both of you looking like that. Looks like y’all are going on a date.”

“It is not a date,” She scoffs, and Shawn can’t help but feel the sting from her scoff.

He’s determined though, got her to say yes once, knows he can get her to say it again.

“Mendes? It a date to you?” Geoff asks, glaring at Shawn.

“What?” He chokes, wondering if he thought out loud. “No, not a date.” He shakes his head.

She looks to her feet, fumbling with her fingers.

“What are you doing?” Geoff asks, crossing his arms.

“Why are you interrogating me?”

“Because I wanna know where you are gonna be.” Geoff stands from his spot on his stool.

“If you wanted to know then you would come with. But because your priorities are fucked up you don’t get to know.”

“My priorities are fucked up eh?” Geoff takes a step closer, balling his fists. “Maybe I just like being able to have a fucking life and not dwell on the past all the time.”

“Dwell on the past?” She spits, anger rising. Her hands are now balled into fists and she’s looking up at Geoff like he isn’t two feet taller. “You are such a fucking prick, I can’t believe you just said that.”

“Call me a prick again.”

“Prick.” She spits out.

Geoff steps forward, but before anything else can happen Shawn pulls her arm. He tucks her protectively behind him, meeting Geoff’s dangerous glare.

“The fuck you doing Mendes?”

“Telling you both to calm the fuck down.”

“Don’t think it’s your business to get in the middle here.”

“Think it is, now back the fuck up.” Shawn says pushing Geoff’s chest, making him stumble back.

“You’re playing with fire Mendes,” Geoff shakes his head. “Would hate for you to get burned.”

“I’ve been burned enough from you,” Shawn says calmly. “Let’s go Katie.” Shawn says setting a hand on the small of her back, leading her to his car.

Geoff watches from the window, arms crossed.

Shawn helps Katherine get in the car, making sure she’s all the way in before closing the passenger side door, glaring back at Geoff as he stalks to the drivers side.

“What the fuck was that?” She asks as he starts to back out of the driveway.

“Who knows what the fuck he was going to do. I couldn’t just stand by and watch.” Shawn says peeling down the block.

She’s clutching the door handle, staring at him with wide eyes.

“Shawn slow down.” She says noticing he’s going 60 in a 25. “Slow the fuck down!”

He looks down at the gage and starts to slow, taking deep breaths.

“You shouldn’t have gotten in the middle like that.” She says shaking her head. “He’s gonna think something's up between us.”

‘But something is!’ He wants to yell. Scream it at the top of his lungs, stand on top of a skyscraper and belt it for the world to hear.

“I’m sorry,” He mumbles, looking over at her. “Katie.” He says making her look over at him. “You need to know, that if you are ever in trouble or danger or whatever, I’m not gonna let anything happen to you. I know you don’t trust me right now, but when I say that I’m here I mean it. I’m going anywhere, not making that mistake twice. And you don’t believe me, and that’s okay. But I’m gonna prove it to you, show you I really mean it.”

She’s a bit speechless, he was being really sincere. She reaches over the middle console, pulling his hand off the steering wheel, holding it in hers.

He looks over at her, then down at their now conjoined hands.

“You need to know,” She bites her lip, shaking her head as she sighs. “That I really hope you do prove it to me. Because I can’t tell you how badly I want you to.”

He laughs, sighing in relief, bringing her hand up to his mouth so he could kiss her knuckles.

“That was the greatest thing you have ever said.” He smiles wide.

“But Geoff and Ian can’t know.” She says softly, and he looks over confused.

“Why?”

“They’re gonna kill you.” She laughs, resting her head back on the headrest. “Did you see Geoff tonight? He’s pissed that I’m out with you.”

“But it’s just me.”

“Shawn,” She rolls her head to look at him, eyebrows raised.

“Okay, yeah.” He chuckles.

Sitting at dinner, waiting for their order to come Shawn clears his throat.

“Can you tell me your favorite memory of your mom?” He asks softly.

She looks at him with wide eyes, smiling at bit.

“Um yeah,” She says sitting up. “There was this one time,” She leans in a bit. “We needed to go to Target, and she had just gotten into an argument with my dad about his spending. I guess he had gone to the casino the night before and blew 400 and lost it all.”

“Uh oh.” Shawn mumbles, invested in this story.

“I needed a new outfit for picture day at school.” She giggles. “So Mom literally let me get anything I wanted. I got the most expensive dress, and new shoes. She got me my first curling iron, and all the makeup I could ever want, new nail polish and a purse.”

“Shit,” Shawn laughs, shaking his head.

“But that’s not all, she got herself a new outfit too. All the same things I got, but you know for her outfit.”

“Yeah,” Shawn nods.

“And then she got new movies and me new books, and all this random shit we didn’t need but wanted.”

“How much was it?” Shawn asks biting his nails.

“It was like almost 300 dollars.” She laughs, resting her face in her hands. “My dad was so pissed but like couldn’t say anything because he had just gone out and done the same thing.”

“That’s great.” Shawn laughs.

She quickly sits up, face falling a bit as Shawn’s face softens.

“I miss her.” She says quietly, he reaches across the table to take her hand.

“I’m sorry,” He says softly, rubbing his thumb over her fingers. “If it’s too much it’s okay, but can you tell me what happened?”

She looks up, eyes watered a bit, “You don’t know?”

“I don’t know the full story,”

She inhales sharply, squeezing his hand, needing to know that he was there.

“It’s okay, you don’t have too.”

“No, you should know. You knew them, they saw you as a son.”

“I’m right here okay? Right here for you.”

“So it was their anniversary,” She starts, bottom lip trembling. “And they went to dinner, here.” She smiles. “It was my mom’s favorite restaurant. Anyway, on the way home.” She hiccups. “The drunk driver blew a red light, and crossed the intersection right has their car was passing through.” She wipes her eye, Shawn’s eyes intently watching hers. “And he ran into the head of the car going 70 miles per hour.”

Shawn thinks back to picking her up, to going 60 in a 25, hearing “Slow the fuck down!” Desperately leave her mouth.

“Dad wasn’t wearing a seat belt,” She sighs, shaking her head. “He went through the windshield,” She lets another tear fall. “And Mom got most of the collision.”

“Katie,” Shawn sighs holding her hand tighter.

“They both were life flighted to the closest hospital, and rushed into surgery. But,” She sighs.

He knows the story from there. He’s not sure what to do, so he just holds her hand. Trying to be there for her, just to comfort her.

“It’s been 2 years now, and Geoff still hasn’t grieved. Ian and I started these little traditions, like still going to the diner every Saturday. But because Geoff is so in denial about it, he’s influenced Ian.”

Shawn just listens, just wants to be the set of ears she can trust.

“But I know he’s still grieving like I am. We always will be, and that’s okay. It’s normal.”

“Can I do anything?” Shawn asks softly, tears in his own eyes.

“Just be here. I think I just need to know someone is here.”

His heart clenches at the thought of her being alone through this.

“I’m here, I’m here for you.” He nods.

And he vows to himself to always be there for her.

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dionysus-is-my-dude · 6 years

Text

My thoughts on a view gender and sexuality-related things. (Includes my gender identity, my sexuality, and my opinions and feelings towards transgender people.)

Warning! Super long post! If you’re gonna leave mean comments, you better read the whole post and not twist my words around!

I love women. I just do. I’ve never been uncomfortable around a woman before. I grew up with men who came and went and little boys that sexualized me, but the women in my life -my mother, my many grandmothers, my aunts- were all constants. They weren’t the best at “family bonding” and sometimes they said hurtful things, but they were comfortable constants. I knew that they expected me to end up with a husband and kids because that’s what I seemed to be all about as a child (I was REALLY into that whole Disney princess thing). However, they also raised me to know that I didn’t HAVE to be with a man to be successful and live happily.

Now, my closest aunt is a lesbian. No one ever explicitly told me she was into girls growing up, It was just normal for me to see her with short hair and wearing men’s clothes and using men’s hygiene products. Even when her girlfriend moved in with us at one point, it was just seen as “yeah, that’s Aunt Jojo’s girlfriend, Rosa”. I just knew that Rosa was nice and gave me candy and she and I really got along. I was raised in a household where men were always coming and going, and the women always supported me. The one constant man in my life is my (step) Dad who has been there for me basically my whole life. He’s also not very good at bonding with an odd child as I am, but he loves the hell out’ve me. He supports me, he also raised me to know that I didn’t need a man in my life to make me happy -though he encouraged me when I talked about guys I liked back in school.

My mother let me pick out my own clothes when we went shopping. I always chose cute feminine clothes because I liked them. When I was around ten or so, I asked to look in the boys’ section, and she didn’t bat an eye and let me pick out an Avatar: the Last Airbender shirt that wasn’t in the girls’ section. I liked princesses, glitter, pastel colours, flowers, all that feminine stuff. Not because it was forced upon me. The women in my family are hardly ever feminine. I liked feminine things just because I liked them. To this day, even though I identify as non-binary, I mostly enjoy feminine clothes and items. I like flower crowns, pastels, puffy princess dresses, and being soft and sweet. I’m not submissive to men at all, though. To women, though, depends on the girl.

Now, I first realized I was attracted to girls during the summer before my freshmen year of high school. I’d realized I’d fallen in love with my best friend who had just moved away. I’d never felt love like that. All-consuming, dizzying, so sure, so pure. I wanted to make her so happy, and I wanted to hold her and kiss her and touch her and sing together and live in a big house together. I wanted it so badly that I confessed to her, and when she rejected me, I felt like I’d had my heart ripped out of my chest. I swore I’d never love again. (And it kinda feels like I cursed myself or something. I haven’t loved anyone like that since.)

By the time I was in high school, I’d started really understanding that I was extremely uncomfortable around boys, that their constant sexualization and taunting of me made me wish they would all just disappear. Being groped and catcalled and asked stupid questions just so they’d get a rise out of me...Granted, I went to one of the most idiotic, backwater schools ever, but those years spent there -and the incidents from childhood- made me see men in a horribly negative light. To me, they were nothing more than impatient predators who would rape and kill me as soon as they got the chance. My family started getting extremely protective of me. They didn’t trust men around me at all. They didn’t like any of the few guys that I’d dated. When i came out to my mother about liking women, she told me it isn’t the path she would chosen for me, but she’d support me.I plan to tell her that, no matter my romantic and somewhat physical attraction to men, there is just absolutely no way I’d ever be comfortable even being alone with a man. I would be in constant fear of being hurt in some way. Whether it be sexual assault or domestic abuse, I’d live in constant anxiety about watching what I say, do, and wear. (Pretty sure my only exception to my anti-male rule would be if Steve Rogers actually existed because he is the perfect man.)

I have extremely little experience being with women. I had a temporary girlfriend who was really just my friend in middle school. It was nice. I never felt like she’d hurt me or make me into a sexual object for her own pleasure. Her kisses were soft and made me feel good. We broke up when the guy she was interested in was available and we remained good friends until she moved away. I had my second, more official girlfriend my junior year. I was practically obsessed with this girl. I wanted so badly to kiss her and be with her all the time. I felt so good with her. But she didn’t really care about me. I was just a rebound from her last relationship and she never really cared about my feelings. And we all know about my last girlfriend. I felt incredibly comfortable with her. I honestly saw our future together. I was willing to put away my desire to have kids just to be with her. I was ready to move wherever she wanted, so long as I got to stay with her. I even felt completely ready to have sex with her! And that’s a huge deal for me! But, no, she had too many issues and fell out of love with me. Currently talking to a new girl. We’re pretty casual right now, but we’re hopefully going on a date this coming Sunday!

Anyway, my thoughts of transmen and women: You do you. If you feel like a woman, you’re a woman. If you feel like a man, you’re a man. Dress how you want. Clothes aren’t gendered unless you claim they are. If you wanna grow or cut your hair, do it. You wanna wear make-up, do it. Wear whatever the fuck you want and claim to be whatever gender you feel you are. I don’t care. HOWEVER, I do have feelings about genitals and female/male organs. I believe you are female if you have female organs. You are male if you have male organs. Genitals, well, I don’t think they make or break what you identify as. But reproductive organs are sex-based, not gender based. “Female” does not mean “woman”. “Male” does not mean “man”. “Female” and “male” simply identify what sex you are, not what your gender is. (It honestly pisses me off that so many forms ask for your “Gender” and offer “male” and “female”. Sociology 101 told me this difference on the FIRST DAY.

I identify as pansexual because I’m attracted to people no matter what their gender identity is. You’re a man? Hot. You’re a woman? Hot. You’re agender/nonbinary/gender fluid/whatever? Yep, you’re hot to me, too. However, I am extremely uncomfortable with penises. No matter who it’s attached to, unless it’s in art or porn that takes place far away from me, I’m repulsed by penises. I could never be intimate with a man or a transwoman who hasn’t had bottom surgery, not because I’m not attracted to the rest of them, but simply because I do not want to touch a penis nor have a penis touch me. This is due to my past trauma, not because I hate people with penises. It’s triggering. I would date the everloving hell out of a transman who hasn’t had bottom surgery and those with female genitals. I wouldn’t feel triggered or scared of being penetrated without consent -(though, yes, I do understand that rape can happen no matter who your attacker is or has).

I do not hate transgender people. I do not think they’re confused or strange or scary or predators. I just am very, very turned off by penises and cis men. I would very much date a transman who showed respect for me and my boundaries. I would not feel comfortable with anyone with an actual penis, though. That’s just how trauma has warped me.

Ok, I’m expecting all the backlash and people calling me a terf. I’d like to see how you’re going to argue with me and make me feel like shit because I won’t date transwomen with male genitals. I’d like to point out now that it’s not her fault that I don’t wanna have sex with her. It’s the men who terrified me with their male genitals and therefore completely turned me off from them. All right, come at me, haters.

#what do i tag this as #transgender #nonbinary #gender identity #sex vs gender

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unpretty · 7 years

Text

i'm supposed to be doing homework and you know what that means

LET'S READ: KRAVEN THE HUNTER

(Previously On, or, The Mess So Far)

This time it's The Amazing Spider-Man #34, published in March of 1966. That's right, it took two goddamn years for Kraven to get back from being deported. Although I may have gotten the date wrong on that last post, I think it was actually May and not August? Whatever, who cares. This is still being written by Stan Lee and drawn by Ditko, which is to say, it is still batshit bonkers and 500% the most canon. Look at this fucking cover.

Jesus Christ.

This is also the start of Kraven's Belt Telephone, which is the game artists play where they can't actually figure out what the fuck is going on with Kraven's belt. Because this is still Ditko, I assume he remembers that they are tusks full of drugs? But if you saw this cover without context you would just see a weird junglepunk spikey belt.

I don't really like posting full pages but this comic starts with a full-page spread and it's a doozy.

THE SOMEWHAT MAGNIFICENT MENACE.

ALL YOU CAN SEE ARE KRAVEN'S BUFF LEGS.

THE FIRST INSTANCE OF KRAVEN HAVING A REALLY BOMB-ASS HOUSE FOR THE EXPRESS PURPOSE OF HAVING SOMEWHERE TO KEEP ALL HIS DEAD ANIMALS.

God, it's actually really hard not to post whole pages. This is a really Kraven-centric comic to start with, which wasn't a problem before, when Stan made the mistake of thinking I cared about Peter Parker's relationship problems.

Kraven doesn't even want to cut off Spider-Man's head and mount it to the wall. Even Kraven thinks that would be fucking weird. He just wants the goddamn mask. He wants to kick Spidey's ass and steal his mask, like a fucking luchador.

Kraven then proceeds to drink some weird fucking jungle drugs, which are still being referred to as 'potions'. Every time they use the word 'potion' just substitute 'drug' because that's what's happening.

Then he fights a fucking lion.

Hey, see how he calls that lion Simba? The first time I read this comic I was like 'lol of course he calls it Simba' and just took it for granted that Kraven was a big fan of the Lion King or something. It seemed plausible. Look at his pants.

Here is something that I only realized recently: The Lion King didn't come out until 1995. That's not for another thirty years after this comic came out.

This briefly raised the concern that Kraven just intermittently refers to things by the Swahili word for them. That Kraven just speaks Swahili and thinks it sounds nice.

Do you want to know what piece of pop culture Kraven is actually referencing?

A fucking two-hour black and white documentary about Africa, from 1928. First of all: what the fuck, Stan Lee. Second of all: what the fuck, Kraven. I bet he saw that shit in theaters. I mean the retcon that Kraven is Old As Balls hasn't been written yet, but like. Come on. This motherfucker likes nature documentaries. Of course he does.

So anyway, Kraven wrassles a fucking lion, and has so much fun wrassling the lion and working off his weird drug high that he lets it go.

I'm also pretty into the implications of 'rogue lion'. This was just a rando asshole lion, attacking randos. That's not normal lion behavior! Especially not for dude lions! But it's fine because Kraven set it's shit straight, I guess. That lion has learned an important lesson about--

WAIT. WHAT IF IT ATTACKED HIM BECAUSE OF THE FUCKING LION VEST. FUCK. I know that's not what Stan Lee intended but also I don't care. That lion was territorial and now it thinks this weird lion-man kicked his ass. Amazing.

Some things:

Delivering animals to zoos

He was doing that last time he showed up, too, I'm pretty sure

How many zoos in the Marvel universe owe their conservation efforts and research to this one weird dude who stocked half their fucking exhibits

Kraven is totally capable of wearing normal clothes and when he does he looks like Freddie Mercury

These are all just facts.

Anyway now the comic goes back to Peter Parker's relationship problems. What did I just say, Stan. Have we learned nothing.

His girlfriend Betty is having nightmares that Peter is Spider-Man, because she knows he's keeping secrets and that's the worst one she can think of. gg peter. Peter is feeling better since Aunt May had some kind of surgery, which she needed for her heart problems, which are why he almost quit being Spider-Man.

Did I mention that Kraven actually does appear in another comic before this one? It's just one single panel where it's implied that Kraven chased Spider-Man through a featureless void with two cheetahs, at some point.

I didn't bother posting about that comic because it's only got that one Kraven cameo, but it is technically the first appearance of Kraven the Tamer. Chasing Spider-Men with a dude and another cheetah isn't something that cheetahs usually do. He tamed those cheetahs, and trained them to chase his enemies.

Anyway that was Spider-Man #18, the first comic where Spider-Man tries to quit being Spider-Man in the 700 issue run of The Amazing Spider-Man. He does it because his Aunt May has heart problems and someone has to take care of her instead of getting chased by cheetahs in a featureless void, being threatened in a really vague way by a large man who wants to do unspeakable things when he gets his hands on him.

Please just tell people you're a teenager, Peter.

Right, where was I. Aunt May had surgery, for her old lady heart. Peter Parker is in college now! I think. He's at Empire State University. That's college, right? Right. Everyone wants to bang Gwen Stacy except Peter, who everyone hates, because he never wants to hang out and he got a scholarship.

If looks could kill everyone in this panel would be responsible for my murder. Look at all these fucking faces.

Later, Peter decides not to help the police with a crime, because he doesn't need the money. That sounds like I'm exaggerating to make Spider-Man sound bad but I assure you that is literally what happens.

What the fuck, Peter.

Meanwhile, Kraven needs somewhere to keep his luggage.

Where did he buy a green suit, and why. How old is that suit. Why is the Chameleon's hideout just full of weird disembodied faces and why isn't Kraven more creeped out by this. This place looks like a weird music video.

"Finally, free from the tyranny of shirts" - Kraven, I guess.

Hey, can we talk about Kraven being FUCKING BANNED from the United States for a minute?? Like, literally never allowed to return??? What the fuck. How is he getting animals to these zoos. Are they aware he's not allowed to enter the United States. Do they care. Has no one put in the good word for this man.

Thanks, Stan. Thank you for taking the time to set the scene, and then apologizing for setting the scene, because you assume that people reading comics don't know how stories work.

This sounds sarcastic but literally Stan Lee explains basic storytelling mechanics in sidebars all the fucking time and it's amazing??? Stan Lee assumes that you, dear reader, are unfamiliar with books. EXCELSIOR.

Oh no, what a wacky misunderstanding.

The misunderstanding was deliberate all along.

Now, Kraven has not stolen Peter's costume. Even if he did, it wouldn't fit. Peter's a lanky teen nightmare. Kraven is swole. Kraven sewed himself a Spider-Man costume. It's the only explanation. Kraven the Hunter sat down and made a faithful recreation of Spider-Man's costume, in a bigger size. He is using his newfound power to emulate Spider-Man to annoy the shit out of JJ. That is literally all he fucking does. And no one notices that Spider-Man suddenly got big and Russian and started calling people fools all the time.

HE'S LITERALLY NOT COMMITTING ANY REAL CRIMES. HE'S JUST JUMPSCARING JJ ALL THE TIME. THAT'S IT. THAT'S HIS WHOLE FUCKING PLAN. GOD.

Hey so what's Peter up to?

Why was it necessary to specify the type of apple.

Spider-Man finally decides to intervene and WHAT IS THIS

I'M FUCKING CRYING. IT LOOKS LIKE A MANNEQUIN SOMEONE SWUNG AROUND ON A STRING. HOW DO YOU HAVE CHEESY SPECIAL EFFECTS IN A COMIC BOOK. FUCK.

Spider-Man spots his impersonator and gives chase. Remember how I mentioned the huge number of weird Dillinger gangsters? Some of them are on the ground, and see Spider-Man swinging by. I guess they only see one of him? You'd think they'd see two Spider-Men and be unsettled, but instead they decide to give chase and kick his ass. They don't even have powers.

Kraven reveals himself in a dramatic rooftop scene! Spider-Man is stunned! It was Kraven all along! How did he change costumes so fast? Was he wearing his lion vest under the Spider-Man costume? How did he get the mane under there? How did no one notice that Kraven is significantly larger than the normal, non-Russian Spider-Man? This whole situation raises a lot of questions, and Spider-Man isn't asking any of them, because he'd rather call Kraven a weak idiot baby.

What the fuck is jungle scent.

Is this. Did he. Is that.

Did Kraven just spray Spider-Man with animal piss. What the fuck kind of animal has spider-sense disabling piss. Literally, what the fuck. Does his spider-sense just short circuit because once a man has been sprayed with piss he has hit rock bottom and there's nothing else in this world that can truly do him harm. I really don't know but this is my working theory which no one can ever disprove.

Anyway Kraven has set a bunch of traps to drive Spider-Man inside of the abandoned building, which is full of even more traps. TRAPS. TRAPS EVERYWHERE.

They do a lot of running around inside a dark fucked up old building, while old-timey gangsters also run into the abandoned building, intent on kicking Spider-Man's ass.

Peter, you insufferable fucking pedant. Note that apparently he does not give even half of a fuck about who they are or why they're there, he's just mad they're getting involved in his fight with Kraven. He has to spend like ten minutes just getting rid of randos so he can get back to THE REAL FIGHT.

THIS IS THE LEAST VIOLENT GRAPPLE I HAVE EVER SEEN.

I am laughing just, really hard at the way Kraven just tries to pick him up with a hug. Just sweeping him off his fucking feet. Peter's in college now, right? He's at least 18? I can find this hilarious for all the wrong reasons? Whatever, I'm going to. They proceed to spend a page rolling around the floor of an abandoned building, in the dark, punching each other in the face.

Bull elephant.

More randos show up, and the boys are deeply offended.

For fuck's sake.

This is deeply upsetting to me for a number of reasons, most of which involve my assumption that the jungle scent is piss. Spider-Man reeks of piss and Kraven is using it to follow him.

Anyway there are more traps, and also falling bricks. which are one of Spider-Man's greatest weaknesses. I don't think Kraven knows that about Spider-Man. Are we all familiar with Spider-Man's tendency to get hit in the head with bricks? Well, whatever.

PETER HAD BETTER BE EIGHTEEN BECAUSE KRAVEN IS RIDING THAT BOY LIKE A GODDAMN ATOM BOMB THROUGH THE FUCKING AIR, WHILE MONOLOGUING ABOUT SUBDUING HIM WITH HIS RAW STRENGTH.

Then they go inside another abandoned building to roll around on the floor in the dark for a while, again. You would think that someone would do something clever here to resolve this fight, but they literally just keep punching each other until Spider-Man can get a good hit in.

Yeah you just. You hammer away, Peter. You do that.

What the fuck is a spider-beam signal.

HONORRR.

JJ is so fucking mad that Spider-Man wasn't actually following him everywhere. I like that Kraven literally went the extra mile to really make sure everyone knew it was him. "See how I'm big, and Russian? And that evil Spider-Man was big, and Russian? Eh? Eh?"

Anyway then a bunch of other stuff happens about Peter Parker's love life, but who cares, because Kraven isn't in the rest of this comic. Because he just got arrested. Because he turned himself in. Because he promised.

WILL OUR HERO EVER GET OUT OF JAIL AND KICK SPIDER-MAN'S ASS? WILL EVERYTHING HE SAYS AND DOES EVER STOP BEING SO WEIRDLY SEXUAL? TUNE IN NEXT TIME, I GUESS

(Next Time, Which Was Actually Last Time)

#original #kraven the hunter #kraven readalong

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dazzledbyrob · 7 years

Photo

NEW INTERVIEW & PHOTOSHOOT BY GQ

Robert Pattinson Is Alive Again

The Twilight heartthrob seemed damned to be a brooding ex-vampire forever. But then he drove a stake through his career and got to work resurrecting it.

So it’s settled, says Rob Pattinson, we’re going to do ayahuasca together! Ayahuasca is an Amazonian hallucinogen that people take to journey to the center of themselves, usually with a shaman, usually on a retreat, and it is a totally normal and valid way for us to spend one of our two days together, I completely agree. Yes, Rob, let’s do it. For the great big stunt of our GQ cover story, let’s take great big doses of ayahuasca. Let’s slide down the gooey tunnels of our ids until we Malkovich Malkovich Malkovich. Then I look it up. There’s a really long period of your trip where you’re just vomiting. But we’re up for some vomiting! Nobody here is a newborn babe who can’t handle a little reverse peristalsis! We just met, after all, and what better way to get to know each other than a little kayak into each other’s insides? Me and Rob Pattinson! Vomiting up a storm! What a story! But—but—maybe all that vomiting would make it hard to talk? Maybe it would change our psyches irreparably and return us to our loved ones forever altered? It might, right? Back to the drawing board. But you know what they say: There are no wrong ideas in a brainstorm.

So it’s settled, says Rob Pattinson, we’re going to swim with sharks! No one’s done that, right? The best way we can get close to some edge of existence, he thinks, is to swim with sharks, daring them to eat us. I suggest that maybe ayahuasca brings us to the edge of existence, too? And wouldn’t it be hard for me to write this if one of us (me) got eaten by one of those sharks? Sure, sure, he gets it. Anyway, he says, “I’m afraid something will happen that makes me look like a pussy.” Which is fair, and so we’re not going to do it. So it’s settled, says Rob Pattinson, we’re going to a Russian spa in West Hollywood! Sure! Let’s sit together in a spa, me in my bathing suit and you, Rob Pattinson, in yours, and you can talk about your workout regimen, and I can tell you about the care and maintenance of my C-section scars! Both of them! Argh, but a friend told him he’d seen Justin Bieber there, and Pattinson was like, no way, he will not be Bieber-derivative, which I support. (And usually spas are gender-separated?)

So it’s settled, says Rob Pattinson, he’s gonna come to me! Yes, he wants to infiltrate my suburban life. How’s that for turning this whole thing on its head? He’ll come to where I have coffee every day, at the Able Baker, and we’ll have a latte and a cookie, then haul over to do camp pickup with the kids. Yes! Me and Rob Pattinson! In New Jersey! Yes, come on over, Rob. The kids get picked up at 3:50! Bring a snack or the younger one will bitch you out for hours! Shoot, no, he has to go to Paris to get photographed for his Dior campaign in two days, so that won’t work with my deadline.

Pattinson, bless him, brings an unfiltered, uncut fire to each idea. Me, I am getting whiplash from nodding vigorously as I consider them. I am excited just to bear witness to his enthusiasm for all the ways you could eat the world. But I am also inspired by him. He really wants us to walk out of here with an amazing plan. Here, incidentally, is a very quiet, virtually unknown café that he likes, just a few blocks from his house in some part of some part of Los Angeles. He asks that I don’t print where this is, since he comes here a lot, mostly because of the [privacy feature]. He sits here every day, same table, eating the same [house special scramble], hold the [thing that makes the scramble delicious], and he never sees anyone here, and he’d like to keep it that way. Sure, I say. Suddenly, his eyes are a fever. He knows what we’re going to do. “Let’s get fecal-matter transplants,” he says. This is roughly his ninth suggestion (I’ve spared you some) for how we might spend our time together, but it’s number one in experimental procedures that are not yet fully FDA-approved. He’s been reading about it—he reads about everything, from stories about psychology to linguistics to fecal matter—and he cannot stop thinking about the possibilities. “It works,” he insists. “You can have an athlete’s shit put inside you and then you’re an athlete afterwards.” Imagine that! An athlete’s shit! Turning you into an athlete! It’s real! It might be real. It’s probably not real. But he’s just read about a woman with chronic fatigue who did a DIY fecal transplant and now she is totally fine. In fact, someone Pattinson knows did it; he spoke to that someone just yesterday, and that someone’s life has changed materially as a result—he can’t tell me who it is, because that someone is someone, but my God, we need to do this. So here’s the deal: We’re going to transplant each other’s fecal matter! I will become more like Rob; Rob will become more like me. No one’s ever done that before, right?

I look up from my notebook and blink. He is rubbing the fine layer of stubble resting luckily on his jawline, which you could hang your dry cleaning on. We sit back and consider. You know, if this is too hard, we could just come here again, I say. Maybe we could just not do anything and just come here. He shakes his head. That won’t do. No, we’re going to do something. He stares at the iced coffee he ordered. He used to drink “a million” cups a day, but lately, since he turned 31, he finds that it’s making him crazy. “Yeah,” he says, “if I have a little bit too much, I’ll suddenly think the trapdoor in the bottom of my life is falling.” Plus, too much coffee is like truth serum for him (hey, what if we did truth serum?), but he still loves coffee. So far he’s had maybe one and a half fingers of a regular-size cup. He puts his fist up to his heart. “I already feel like I had a speedball.” He lets out a kind of cackling laugh after he says this—head back, launching upward—but it comes out almost like a moon-howl. He laughs like this after almost everything he says, which is an intense way to communicate. When he talks, he tugs on the chest hair near his clavicle so that the bits of skin attached to each follicle pull up and form a miniature mountain range. We sit perpendicular to each other, and he keeps on his Helmut Lang sunglasses. Sometimes he looks at me, but mostly he looks at his scramble and at his dog, Solo, whom he has brought along—he shares the dog with his romantic partner, the experimental British musician FKA Twigs—and who has a Mohawk. "I can commit so wholeheartedly because I think it’s so stressful being in a thing where you’re just constantly second-guessing everything all the time.” Okay, so a fecal transplant. Check. A doctor will creep his (or her!) way into our colons and replace our poop with each other’s poop. Why not? What do we have to risk, other than infection and death?

So it’s settled, I say. I am game for it. I was game for all the others, too, because this is exciting for me, for someone to be as into this as much as I am. Maybe he wants to do something he’s never done before, or see something he’s never seen before, or be someone he’s never been before. It seems like this is the only criterion for how he wants to spend our time, just as it seems to be the only common denominator among the movies he chooses to make now: It has to be something new. It has to deliver a real connection. It has to teach him something about himself and test him. His new movie—his first starring role in years, made by a pair of gifted young brothers named Ben and Josh Safdie—is definitely a test. It’s called Good Time, and it is a locomotive that will grab you by the chest hairs near your clavicle for 100 minutes; Pattinson classifies it as the “panic genre.” He plays a desperate low-level con artist in Queens trying to protect his little brother after a bank robbery gone wrong. Without giving too much away, let’s just say it’s intoxicating to watch someone never slow down over the course of 24 hours and not once in that time make a good decision. Yes, the new Rob Pattinson is defined by his willingness to go berserk or go home. But maybe it’s just on-screen. Already Pattinson is reconsidering the fecal matter. Fecal transplants probably aren’t something that can be arranged in a day, even when you’re Rob Pattinson. Probably you need a diagnosis code or something. They probably aren’t as easily accessible as a colonic, and at this point who hasn’t done a colonic with a journalist? Anyway, he adds, maybe with some menace, “if we did a swap, I don’t know if you’d be able to handle my shit.” As we continue to discuss ideas for our big something, I bat away my thought about what these ideas also have in common, which is that they all render me incapacitated, unable to ask him any questions, and him unable to answer any. We’d be in different rooms, or on a hallucinogen, or in the belly of a shark, or in surgery, for Chrissake. But no, it couldn’t be that. It has to be this: That after years of playing dead, Rob Pattinson feels alive again. Yes, that has to be it.

He spent his formative acting years suspended in Twilight, playing a vampire who mostly just stood there, brooding—an inert emo-reactor to his cis-mortal heroine, played by Kristen Stewart. If you’ve never heard of it, because you were in an underground prison with no access to the outside world, or even other prisoners, a brief recap: It’s about two co-dependent teenagers (one of whom has been a teenager for 100 years) in a super-toxic relationship that unfolds over five movies in the small town of Forks. The blood of this lonely, virginal teenage girl gives off a scent that is like heroin to this teenage vampire who lives there, meaning he wants to eat her but also that he wants to love her. By the end of the third movie, they still haven’t slept together. Finally, in movie four, the two have sex, which they feared might kill her. But she then immediately becomes pregnant, and that actually does kill her. What is the opposite of subtext? Did I mention the town where this takes place is called Forks? “When I find someone who I have an instinct about, I find it quite easy to completely give myself to that person.” When the cameras stopped rolling, Pattinson was surrounded by oceans of admirers who made his world small and paranoid. So you can maybe understand why, freed up by all of those coffins full of Twilight residuals, Pattinson is now doing what he’s always wanted to do: making movies that are relentless and dark and kinetic and subversive. He could’ve gone a lot of different ways after Twilight; the world loves a pallid British super-villain. But it would’ve been more standing still: the CGI, the green screens, the waiting around in his trailer. Plus, he says, “I think you have to have a specific type of confidence to be in those movies.” He was confident he didn’t. He couldn’t just stand there and be defiant, the way villains do. He couldn’t stay on one note and mean it.

Instead, he plunged himself into a series of gritty art-house movies, which, of course, is a strategy favored by just about every teen idol trying to go legit. But this is different in that he doesn’t appear to be picking these projects with a calculated eye toward prestige, or even edge. His recent films are unified primarily by the fact that they feature directors who are great and mostly unheralded, and characters who are a little scary to play. Hardly anyone saw any of these movies, and he says he never expected them to. The point wasn’t for people to see the movies. And so far, he’s been right nearly every time. So far, it appears that Rob Pattinson has killer taste. Cosmopolis, his first post-Twilight movie, gave him the chance to work with his lifelong hero and favorite director, David Cronenberg, and to try his hand at (a very dark sort of) comedy. His character, a nihilist finance bro in the age of Occupy Wall Street, sits in the back of a limo for the duration of the film. He loved Cronenberg. He loved working for his hero. But still, there wasn’t a lot of movement. Edward Cullen’s most notable attribute, besides his looks—powdered face, strong lip, clenched jaw, which would slice through his hand if he rested it there—was his stillness. After that, he wanted some motion. He wanted to floor it. He started noticing how supporting roles got to be wilder and more eccentric, how they weren’t subject to the stolid requirements of a leading man, so he went and did a bunch of those— The Rover, Queen of the Desert, The Lost City of Z —much smaller films that allowed him to move, tinker, alter his appearance. You could watch The Rover, a brutal Australian-made post-apocalyptic heist-revenge tale, without realizing until the credits roll that you’ve been watching Rob Pattinson the whole time. “Yeah?” he asks happily when I say this to him. He loves that. Hearing that is the best thing he could hear. Next up: a project with the visually sumptuous French filmmaker Claire Denis, someone he’s been wanting to work with forever. “It’s a lot about sexual fantasy,” he tells me, “and how your past intermingles, and this thing about kind of having your semen stolen from you in a spaceship and like forcibly impregnating people.” Look for it in theaters soon!

Pattinson came across the Safdie brothers in his endless reading. What caught his eye was a single still image from the last movie they directed, a much admired 2014 heroin-junkie drama called Heaven Knows What: It was a close-up of the film’s star, Arielle Holmes—stringy-haired and staring warily beneath a hot pink filter—whom the Safdies met one day in Manhattan’s Diamond District and decided to make a movie about. When Pattinson first saw the image, on a film-geek website, the movie wasn’t even out yet. But he couldn’t look away. He reached out to them immediately with a blind note saying he was a huge fan and that he wanted to be in their next project. Just to reiterate: He hadn’t even seen the movie yet. But he didn’t care. He was hooked. “I want to disappear into a role,” he told them. Good Time did not exist in any form until Pattinson reached out. The Safdies were in the middle of another movie when they got Pattinson’s note, but they invited him to talk and showed him the finished version of Heaven Knows What. “He said he just wanted to be part of that energy,” Josh Safdie told me. “Rob is constantly overturning rocks to see if he can find a worm to eat. He is genuinely interested in discovering things.” To prepare for Good Time, Pattinson spent weeks in New York just walking around Queens, asking friends of the Safdie brothers to read the lines from his script back to him until he got the accent right. He read The Executioner’s Song and In the Belly of the Beast because Josh mentioned them in passing. He lost weight, dyed his hair blond, got two actual earrings (he didn’t realize the holes never go away), and began to creep into the role of Connie, a petty criminal with dubious morals, redeemed only by his devotion to his intellectually disabled brother. One day, Pattinson and Ben Safdie, who plays the brother, went into a Dunkin’ Donuts in Yonkers, and Ben tried ordering coffee in character, getting more and more agitated, just as his character would. Pattinson, in character as well, tried not so gently to subdue him. “When I find someone who I have an instinct about,” Pattinson says, “who’s going to just push forward, I find it quite easy to completely give myself to that person. And I can commit so wholeheartedly because I think it’s so stressful being in a thing where you’re just constantly second-guessing everything all the time.” On the other hand, now that he’s the star, now that the movies are so much smaller than the franchise machines that run on their own power, like Twilight, he has a new set of responsibilities. He knows a movie like Good Time would not be the subject of much mainstream attention—remember, it probably wouldn’t even exist—without his name on it. He knows that he has reached the stage of his career where he can use his immense fame to bring attention to a very worthy, very difficult movie like this one. But now, sitting here, he realizes he doesn’t really know what to say to me about it. He doesn’t love this part, the selling part, and he’s struggling for the right words. “I’m not very good at sending a message,” he tells me. This is Rob Pattinson’s conundrum in 2017. He can disappear into roles. He can become someone new. But when he shows up to talk about the career he has now, the career of his dreams, people still mistake him for the tabloid tween sensation he was a few years ago, whose personal life was everywhere, who knew he was going to get asked about it in every interview and hated every second of it. He still does, which is why every minute we’re together I see him watching me warily, waiting for me to pounce.

Pattinson was cast in Twilight when he was 21, and throughout his four-year run, he and his co-stars would get dragged to shopping malls to do promotion. Those were the days when he spoke freely. Nervous girls would ask him everything from when Edward and Bella were finally going to bone to how he styled his hair. He told them, “I have 12-year-old virgins lick it.” He was hooded and dragged off to media training by studio executives, and from then on, in any interview he did, he was surrounded by several anxious publicists ready to tase him if he got out of line again. The paparazzi descended upon him in a way we hadn’t seen since Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez were a thing. (They were once a thing!) Tabloids camped outside his home. “People were like, ‘It’s fine, who cares?’ ” he says now. “ ‘They’re just photos or whatever.’ They’ll say, ‘Just live your life.’ But that’s not life for me, if someone’s observing it.” During the height of the Twilight madness, he had each of his friends call Ubers while he traded outfits with them in the restaurant bathroom, so that photographers wouldn’t know which car he got into, and then he sent all the Ubers in different directions, because drop dead. He rode around in the trunks of cars “constantly,” he says, because fuck you. At one point he had five rental cars and kept them, along with a change of clothes, in parking lots around town. If he was being followed, he’d dip into one of the lots, switch his clothing and his car, and leave. One day, coming home from Venice, he realized he was being tailed. He drove around for hours because he didn’t want anyone to know where his new house was. Finally, as the sun came up, he pulled over and got out of the car and approached one of the photographers. “You’ve gotten your pictures,” he said. “Can I please just go home now?” “No,” the guy told him. “My boss says I can’t come back until I know where your new house is. Sorry, man.” Pattinson never tried to negotiate or appeal to their humanity again. “There are ways to disappear, like, fairly easily,” he tells me. “It just involves effort, and most people can’t be bothered to put the effort in.” Finally, he won. And he didn’t win because tabloids changed or because Twilight ended or even because he and Kristen Stewart broke up, a breakup instigated, of course, by the very paparazzi they had worked so hard to dodge (look it up). No, he won because he had more money than they did: They simply couldn’t afford the gas and unbillable hours that led to no billable shot. “As soon as I saw a tail, I would just disappear again. It worked after a while. They’re just like, ‘Oh, the guy is just a hassle.’ ” He had cracked the code; he was free. “There are ways to disappear, like, fairly easily,” he tells me. “But you have to be living a quite strange life. It just involves effort, and most people can’t really be bothered to put the effort in.” Things are easier now; not perfect, but easier. Just yesterday he was walking Solo—his girlfriend named the dog—and he saw a photographer, and he hid his face and then was angry at himself, because he knows that hiding your face is a story. As he tells me about it, he tightens that jaw that jaw that jaw, which you could luge down, but then he relaxes and remembers what it used to be like. Put it this way: He was walking his dog outside. He thinks Instagram has taken the heat off of him; it’s taken some of the fire out of the tabloids’ pursuit of movie stars. Now they chase the Insta-models and reality stars. Sometimes they chase one another. But he has no animosity for any of them, he says. “They’re just losers trying to do their jobs.”

What he is trying to say is—no offense to me personally, of course—he would rather not be here. “It’s technically part of my job, but I’ve never been very good at it,” he says. And anyway, “I’ve never been that concerned if someone sees the movie,” which he knows you’re not supposed to say aloud and maybe doesn’t entirely mean, but there you go. His eyes briefly shift toward me with suspicion. He’s sure this is what I’m after—something incendiary, maybe even something about his ex-girlfriend, or something about Twigs. (He only accidentally lets me know he calls her that—Twigs—twice: once in relation to who named the dog they both own and also in relation to the ugliness they both experienced when their relationship became public and people on Twitter spewed racist garbage about her.) In fact, Pattinson tells me, he went to therapy a few years ago during a low time, and the therapist often remarked how good he was at talking without saying anything. Now he applies this skill whenever he’s forced to hang out with people like me. “If I could stay silent,” he says, “I would.” He’s convinced that I’ll take whatever I learn and make his loved ones’ lives a hellscape. Back in the Twilight days, someone Googled his sisters’ names and started hounding them at work. He realized that he should never say anyone’s name—not his ex’s name, not Twigs’s name. (Just watch this. Me: “Are you getting married?” Him: “Eh...,” then laughs.) He tries to make a point in interviews of saying nothing that isn’t already known: “I always think the risk reward is very much weighted in the wrong direction.”

But it’s not just his personal life that he refuses to dive into. He’s also alarmed by the prospect that if he says the wrong thing about a film he’s trying to promote, it could be a disaster. “We live in very sensitive times,” he says. One false move, he says, and it becomes the story of the movie, undoing a lot of good people’s hard work. I surmise, but he will not confirm, that he is referring to several bits in the movie that might go over some p.c. line that the Internet has drawn. I ask him to give me an example—one example—of a movie where this happened, where a single remark or bit of gossip derailed the whole thing. He looks at me searchingly, shaking his head. He doesn’t want to name anything because he assumes that will get him into trouble, too, shitting on someone else’s movie. But I sit quietly and wait. I can wait all day. Finally, he’s got one. “Like Waterworld, for instance.” I look up from my notebook and squint. The Kevin Costner movie? “It’s one of the greatest movies ever made,” he continues, “and everyone said it was bad. And for years everyone was like, ‘This is a terrible movie.’ And now people are watching it and the veil is being taken away.” I am momentarily speechless. Then I confirm whether he’s actually seen Waterworld. He has. Later, I will check to make sure there isn’t a Sidney Lumet movie that’s also called Waterworld. There isn’t. Already he regrets saying this, invoking his beloved Waterworld. He looks down at the coffee. He gets a far-off look in his eyes, staring straight ahead, over my shoulder, at the restaurant wall. He looks at me again and pushes out a micro-sigh. He tells me a story about filming The Rover in 2014, in a town in Australia with a population of 90, several hours north of Adelaide. He could stand out in the open desert, taking a piss. “I know no one can see this,” he thought then. He could barely get his head around it. Just four years earlier, he was filming a movie in Central Park, and 3,000 people came out to watch. For anyone else it would be just a regular piss. For Pattinson, it was the urination of liberation.

So after all that, we end up playing golf, something he’s never done before and I’ve only done for other articles. It was his suggestion, as out of nowhere as the others. It stuck simply because it was the last thing he thought of before there was no time to think of anything else, so we got ourselves a last-minute tee time. He shows up this time in a gingham shirt, unbuttoned to just below the thorax, a baseball cap, and sneakers. He is less anxious than yesterday; he is happier when he is moving. Calmer, too. We rent a golf cart and make it through exactly one hole before it becomes clear that the combination of our ineptitude at golf and cackle-moon-howl laughter does not jibe well with the foul humor of the Angelenos who are available to play golf on a Friday afternoon at 3:12—a time that is called the Twilight slot, if you can believe it. We do not know quite where to put our tees. We do not know where we should be aiming our balls. There are people behind us and people in front of us, and perhaps we hadn’t considered how very, very seriously other people take golf. We decide to bail. I get into the golf cart with him, and he has to drive backward in order for us to make our escape. He does it at full speed, swerving in reverse with the confidence of a man who has been chased down by innocent-looking Priuses with devious-looking photographers hanging out the driver’s-side window. “We are going really fast,” I say.

He turns briefly toward me and gives me a funny look. “No, we’re not.” I was right all along, you know. Sure, yes, all the activities he suggested were about doing something cool he’d never done before, but mostly they were about not talking. Maybe I was being naive, but you have to know I go into each one of these with a heart clouded by optimism and a willingness to believe the best in everyone. He is searching for something new in his work and in his life—that’s all real. But his ulterior motive became unavoidable after we played one hole of golf. You try asking a question with a tape recorder jammed under your bra strap and your notepad under your armpit so that you can hit a ball nowhere near the hole.

“I want to be misunderstood. People are always changing, and the more you put something down in print, people form opinions and they’re constantly creating who they think you are.” After we return the cart, Pattinson and I hit the restaurant in the clubhouse. We sit with beers served in glasses the size of fishbowls and eat hot dogs (ketchup and mustard). I try again for even one iota of intimate conversation. But he just asks me why he would ever answer. So I think back on all the interviews I’ve done, and I tell him very honestly that I think it’s because people want to be heard. Most of us, even the most famous of us—sometimes especially the most famous of us—want to be understood. “I don’t,” he says. “I want to be misunderstood. People are always changing, and the more you put something down in print, people form opinions and they’re constantly creating who they think you are. If you do something that contradicts that, or if you do something which goes out of that box, then you can look like a liar or something like that.” He prefers to stay nimble, you see. There will be less to combat later if someone like me can’t throw his words in his face. It’s just not worth it, he says. Especially now. Especially now that he’s finally back among the living. Living is picking the movies you want, reacting to the world as it comes. Living is walking your dog. That’s why he isn’t giving me shit, he tells me. He hopes I understand. It’s for the best, he says. He’s alive again. Finally he’s alive again. Taffy Brodesser-Akner is a GQ correspondent. This story originally appeared in the September 2017 issue with the title "The Second Coming of Robert Pattinson."

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20 Penguins Thoughts: Mad about Erik Gudbranson? Blame the Flyers.February 26, 2019 8:06 AMBy Jason Mackey / Pittsburgh Post-Gazette

There are two ways of viewing the Penguins’ trade Monday for defenseman Erik Gudbranson.

On one hand, there’s a large group of fans who like the deal. They think the Penguins could use someone with Gudbranson’s toughness and presence in the dressing room and figured what the heck, Tanner Pearson wasn’t doing much anyway.

The second sect haaaaaates the deal. Like in a steal-kids’-Christmas-presents sort of way.

Here, though, are two things I think we can agree on:

It’s all the Flyers’ fault.

And this surely will be a fun experiment to see play out.

I figured we’d work through these two items and more from Monday in this week’s 20 Thoughts.

2. An important starting date here is Feb. 11. In a game at Wells Fargo Center, Olli Maatta separated his shoulder in an awkward collision with Flyers winger Phil Varone.

According to an industry source, Maatta is expected to miss at least a month while his shoulder heals, and the Penguins remain hopeful that Maatta can avoid surgery.

But given Maatta’s history of shoulder issues and the uncertainty surrounding the possibility of re-injury once he does get back, getting a depth defenseman remained a possibility for Penguins general manager Jim Rutherford.

Then Saturday happened.

3. That’s when Brian Dumoulin was concussed, the result of Wayne Simmonds’ hit along the boards — for which he was not disciplined. Kris Letang was injured by Shayne Gostisbehere in a wrestling match while sticking up for Dumoulin.

Watching from above, Rutherford clearly was not happy.

During the 2016-17 Stanley Cup run, Rutherford sounded off to Ken Campbell of the Hockey News on the mistreatment of his star players — saying the NHL had devolved into a “[expletive] show” — and backed up his words that summer by acquiring Ryan Reaves.

Since trading Jamie Oleksiak to make room for Justin Schultz, Rutherford had been missing an element of the game he really likes and feels the Penguins need, even though there’s many who disagree with that approach.

“In Erik’s case, he’s a real heart-and-soul guy,” Rutherford said Monday. “He’s a good dressing room guy. He’s got good character. He can protect our players, and puts us in a stronger position to push back when we get into more physical games.”

4. This, though, isn’t about so much about Gudbranson as it is about how we got here, and I think that much is fascinating.

A key question to ask is this: Does Rutherford do this deal if neither the Feb. 11 injury to Maatta nor the Stadium Series shenanigans happen?

I don’t think so.

Rutherford can talk about team toughness all he wants, and I do see the value in what Gudbranson could potentially bring (more on that shortly). But I’m sorry, I just don’t see how Rutherford would’ve done this with a full complement of defensemen, and that could be scary given Gudbranson’s contract ($4 million per season through 2021).

5. What happens when everyone gets healthy?

Let’s say, for instance, that Dumoulin and Letang return soon as Rutherford indicated Monday; he said the team wanted to avoid putting them on injured reserve and expressed optimism they could be back this weekend.

By March 11, the Penguins’ blue line could consist of Dumoulin, Letang, Maatta, Schultz, Jack Johnson, Marcus Pettersson, Chad Ruhwedel, Juuso Riikola and Erik Gudbranson.

Two things there. One, that’s nine, a number that, before Schultz returned, was untenable. Either Rutherford doesn’t care because it’ll be mid-March, or two, they’re not nearly as optimistic on Maatta’s injury as they once were.

It’s also worth mentioning that everybody but Ruhwedel is either under contract or a restricted free agent whom the Penguins plan on re-signing (Riikola and Pettersson) for 2019-20.

6. Leave that for another day, though. What’s important this season is whether Gudbranson can add anything of value or whether things go the way they did in Vancouver, which is really bad.

Traditional or advanced, the numbers stink:

• League-worst minus-27.

• Last among defensemen who’ve played at least 600 minutes in five-on-five goals-for percentage (34.4) and scoring-chance percentage (38.6).

Try to make any sort of case that Gudbranson’s defense, at least on paper, represents an upgrade, and it’s tough sledding.

7. But games aren’t played on paper. We can predict a lot of outcomes, just not all of them. I’ll be curious to see how this plays out for that reason.

One, the Penguins deserve the benefit of the doubt based on what they’ve done with other defensemen who’ve struggled elsewhere: Ian Cole, Schultz, Oleksiak, etc.

The problem with Gudbranson, however, is that he’s played 448 NHL games. He is who he is at this point, and that’s a big body who hits and fights and doesn’t really skate all that well. Can he help their transition game? Maybe, but I certainly understand why people have questions.

8. The second part of this is the human element, the stuff people who’ve crushed the deal on social media don’t see.

Far too often this season, the Penguins dressing room has been quiet. There are no issues, as far as I can tell, and it’s full of some very good people. But you need a mix of personalities, the sort of thing the Penguins had while winning back-to-back Stanley Cups.

Earlier this season, I was watching a morning skate with a former Penguins player who couldn’t believe how stoic everyone was, stunned at the lack of chatter. “They need someone to stir the [expletive],” the player said.

Gudbranson should bring that.

9. I remember a couple years ago a game I covered in Vancouver. Believe it was the first time Derrick Pouliot played against his former team post-trade.

We were all waiting in the dressing room for Pouliot, and Gudbranson came bounding in the room, chiding a few of teammates. His personality and voice were unmistakable. They should really stand out at PPG Paints Arena or UPMC Lemieux Sports Complex.

Does this mean Gudbranson should stay in the lineup because he’s funny, even if he stinks? Of course not. And $4 million is a lot to pay for a character guy.

All I’m saying is the guy hasn’t played a game here yet. There are some elements the Penguins could use, if they can somehow figure out how to make the hockey part better — which, admittedly, is a steep hill to climb.

10. But one of the things that worries me about the deal involves the Flyers. Because of what the Penguins’ cross-state rival did, they made a trade out of need rather than want. That’s not always a great thing, although it has worked before.

Given the divide on this, it should be nothing short of fascinating to see it play out.

Especially given the heightened stakes, as Gudbranson was technically acquired for Carl Hagelin ... and has two more years left at a high cap hit for someone who does what he does.

11. Moving on …

Good on Rutherford keeping his first-round pick. If this trade turns out to be terrible, or if the Penguins can’t figure it out and ultimately either exit the playoffs early or miss them entirely, at least he has that.

It’s been far too long since Rutherford has stepped tp the podium on the first night of the NHL Draft … which ironically will take place in Vancouver this summer.

“This is a year that we’re on the bubble to get in. I did not want to risk that,” Rutherford said of potentially trading his first-round pick. “Also it’s a very good draft. It was important this year to keep that pick.”

12. It’s too bad for Pearson.

One, his wife is pregnant, and he’s on his third team — and second time criss-crossing coasts — since November. That can’t be easy.

Two, I got the sense he was beating himself up pretty good over how little he did here.

13. It started the summer after the second Cup with the Matt Hunwick and Antti Niemi signings, but at some point Rutherford needs to stop having to redo things.

I think it's one of his strengths as a general manager, his willingness to admit mistakes and correct them. Many in his position won't, whether it's because of ego or whatever.

But a couple years ago, the Penguins pushed this thing forward because Rutherford kept hitting on deals. They've been spinning their wheels lately, at least in part, because he has missed more often than he or anyone else would like.

14. Willing to bet Jean-Sebastien Dea is thrilled to be done with the Penguins.

They released Dea at the start of the season after deciding against using him in their bottom-six, then reclaimed him from the Devils and again stashed him in the minors.

On Monday, Dea went to Florida for another depth defenseman, Chris Wideman, who could potentially help the Penguins down the road.

Yes, the Penguins are Wideman’s fourth team this season, which isn't a great sign. But he's a decent puck-mover who isn't too far removed from being an NHL regular.

"In Wideman’s case, he gives us depth at defense," Rutherford said. "He’s a smaller guy, a puck-moving guy. He’s played some games in the league. He’s got some experience. He could see some time here at some point, too."

15. I think a lot of you were surprised that Ethan Prow didn't get a shot for Tuesday's game in Columbus with Gudbranson sorting out some immigration stuff.

My sense on Prow is that they'd rather see him push and win a job out of camp instead of the Penguins having to drop him into the lineup and pray that things went OK.

Zach Trotman is a much safer bet for something like that. Now, that being said, with the contract situation I outlined up top, I do wonder if there's going to be a spot available for Prow in 2019-20.

16. Some Stadium Series stuff ...

There's ample reason to dismiss outdoor hockey. Sightlines stink. Sometimes the weather, too. The NHL has had approximately 4,596 outdoor games since 2008, with 90 percent of them involving the Chicago Blackhawks. I get it.

But after walking through the parking lots Saturday, and seeing how that translated into a packed and raucous Lincoln Financial Field, I see why the league keeps pushing these.

They put butts in seats, and honestly, they're fun. That was a really good atmosphere Saturday.

17. And also, from what several players have said, the ice was actually pretty good.

It wasn't until the third period, when the rain really picked up, that things started to get ugly. All in all, I have yet to hear anyone say it was a huge issue.

18. Before the Stadium Series, I did a story about Jared McCann and the backyard rink his dad built him.

Something McCann mentioned made me laugh. He said his dad would even go so far as to put up protective netting. I was a little dumfounded when McCann said that.

"I missed the net a lot as a kid," McCann said. "At first we didn’t have the mesh, so I was losing a lot of pucks. The lawn cutters was getting [ticked] off at me because he kept running over the pucks. Put the mesh up. Started to hit the net a bit more."

Ironically, Gudbranson and McCann were actually traded for each other (plus draft picks on both sides) back in 2016.

19. I couldn't not share this. Might be one of the funniest things I've ever seen on social media:

After a lot of deep thought I think I finally figured out a lineup that the Pittsburgh Penguins Twitter and Facebook crowds would approve of #LetsGoPens

344 people are talking about this

Twitter Ads info and privacy

20. A couple quick thoughts on deadline day around the league ...

I kinda love what Columbus did. The same old thing wasn't working, clearly, so give Jackets GM Jarmo Kekalainen this: He's certainly taking a different approach. With Artemi Panarin and Sergei Bobrovsky potentially/likely leaving, talk about loading up for a run.

I like Colorado as a fit for Derick Brassard, although I couldn’t believe the minimal return he netted; along with a conditional sixth-round pick in 2020, the Panthers sent Brassard to the Avalanche for a third-round draft choice in 2020.

But Brassard will get top-six minutes, as he should represent an upgrade over Carl Soderberg.

Here's a random one: Last year the Penguins acquired Tobias Lindberg in the Ryan Reaves deal, although he stayed with the Chicago Wolves because of an AHL agreement the teams worked out.

Lindberg re-signed with the Penguins this summer, but they traded him to Ottawa, the team that drafted him, on Dec. 5. On Monday, the Senators included Lindberg in the deal that sent Mark Stone to Vegas.

So, I guess, what, next year the Penguins get Lindberg back?

I liked what Nashville did a lot, maybe more than Columbus, bringing in Simmonds and Mikael Granlund.

Jason Mackey: [email protected] and Twitter @JMackeyPG.

First Published February 26, 2019 8:00 AM

#pittsburgh penguins #Jason Mackey #Pittsburgh Post Gazette

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"Toledo Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 43635

Toledo Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 43635

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How much is car insurance for a 15 ( starting drivers ed) year old girl if you are only a part time driver, like if you dont own a car you just use your parent' car in Illinois? Like how much is added on to your parents insurance bill? and how much does it cost if you have your own car?""

Can I be reimbursed auto insurance for the days my car was undrivable due to accident caused by someone else?

So there was a car accident and it was determined to be the other person's fault. My car was a mess (I wish they just totaled the thing) and is still in the shop, it's been 2.5 weeks. They're saying they can't reimburse the auto insurance because if something happened to the car during this time it's covered. But is that a bluff (I know they try to get out of stuff). if something happened to my car at a repair shop, and it's only there because of the accident that was determined to be the other party's fault, if something happened to my car, isn't the other insurance company liable? It never would've been there if it weren't for the accident. And if so, who do I go to? It obviously wasn't the guy I just talked to. I don't think this is unreasonable. It's not like I'm asking for the auto loan daily rate. Obviously I would still have to pay for that since it's toward ownership of the car. But the insurance makes sense to me - no?""

Is it really imperative to get an insurance for a second hand car I've been driving uninsured for a year now?

A lot of my friends have been pushing me but I don't see the need.

Why does Health Insurance have so many deductibles?

I am not complaining because I have really great insurance, just wondering why there is a deductible for everything? I mean you pay for the insurance every month, plus I have a deductible for dr visits, one for prescriptions, one for dental etc. So just wondering why so many? My dr deductibles are $300 a person, but my prescription deductible is $150 which I will probably never meet cause I am on no meds and rarely go to the dr for a sick visit. So why so expensive? Thanks in advance!""

I have 21st century car insurance . They list some of the people that live with me as not rated?

I want to know what this means . They claim the drivers on this list can still drive my car , if they have their own car insurance on theirs cars . Is this correct""

Why not sell medical insurance like Auto insurance?

I know this is long but please bear with me. Rather than set up a separate government run medical insurance or expansion of medicare to the general public....One criticism of government care is that it will be in direct competition with existing providers. Ultimately siphoning insurance customers away from traditional plans and onto the rolls of govt care causing these providers to go out of business. Here in my state the auto insurance companies MUST offer the same basic minimum coverage in order to do business in the state. Everyone here must have at least the same basic level of insurance (both auto and medical) . You can go to any provider you choose and this basic minimum insurance level costs the same . If you want more insurance you can pay for additional coverage. But that basic plan is available to all. So why not have a similar program for medical insurance as part of a nation wide group policy. This group can be subsidized by the government but it would be managed by the existing insurance providers. (In other words if you want to be in the insurance business you must offer and support this minimum plan which would be a foundation for any other plan you offer) The govt pays the insurance company a flat rate to manage each person enrolled in the basic plan. The more money the company saves (the better they manage the insurance) the more money they keep. However if that company provides poor management it will cost them. Either subscribers will change management companies if they feel they are getting a raw deal or wasteful management would not be payed for by the government. One advantage I see here is that consumers would have an alternative providers to go to if they feel wronged by a particular management company. Insurance providers also have an incentive to offer additional services to the basic plan members in order to attract more subscribers and earn money. With a govt program like medicare your stuck with the one provider (the governement). As they say One Choice is NO Choice.... If someone wants additional insurance they can buy additional coverage from any provider they choose. But No one could be denied coverage for the standardized basic plan. Since everyone is part of this national group policy the basic insurance is portable and independent of supplemental policy one may have. So if you change jobs or move to a different state you may loose the supplemental policy BUT your basic coverage remains intact. You merely transfer the company that provides the management services for the basic medical. Insurance providers would get paid by the fed to manage the participants in the basic plan for each participant in the basic plan. this would put market forces into play for the insurance providers to make money by attracting additional participants through better service or offerings. COunter to this is if the consumer gets crappy management services they can transfer to any other insurance provider.

Can you help me with Car insurance?

I need a car insurer but I would like to deal with a UK call centre as I feel a bit more at ease, this is my first car,please help.""

Auto Insurance cost of 2012 infiniti Fx35?

I'm wondering how much is average auto Insurance cost of 2012 infiniti Fx35? Specially in Dallas, TX (zip 75038) - I have good driving history & credit; I'm considering that suv but before making move just want to make sure total cost factor!""

Do I need my own insurance to drive my mothers car?

What I would like to do it borrow my Mother's car to drive to work, which is less than 2 miles away. Do I need to have my own insurance, or will her insurance cover me if I'm driving her car?""

How much will I need to pay a month for car insurance?

I'm an 18 year's old. I'm buyiing my own car soon. How much do you think i'll have to pay for car insurance a month? and what company should i get?

How much would insurance be for a jeep Cherokee?

i am planning to get a jeep cherokee or wrangler and want to know how much car insurance would be. i am 16 and want to know how much money i should pay insurance to see if it is in my budget.

Is there any auto insurance that is affordable for college students?

Can I have an estimate on my car insurance?

I am an 18 year old male, in the state of Pennsylvania who is gonna buy his own car. I have never been in a car accident or gotten a ticket in the past 2 years I've been behind the wheel (with my moms car). I also have State Farm insurance. Can someone let me know how much It would cost if I got a car insured under my moms insurance? Or maybe if it could be cheaper for me to get my own plan? Thank you!""

Toledo Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 43635

Life insurance: Which would you pick?

Scenario: 30 year old purchasing a $250,000 policy. Would you buy: A) Whole life insurance that cost $3100/year. By age 65, you will have $60,000 in the cash value. B) 35 year term that cost $1500/year. If you invest the difference of $133.33/month with a rate of return of 12%, you can have $866,000. Or even at a conservative rate of 10%, you can have $510,000. A or B? I wish I learned about term and investing the difference a long time ago.""

Best Insurance Rate/Company after DUI/DWI?

I got a DUI about a year and a half ago (Yes, I know very stupid) I switched insurance companies after it happened to get a better rate. I am with Progressive now and paying about $190/month. I live in NC and drive a 10 year old Jeep Wrangler, I have an excellent driving record with no tickets or accidents, the only thing on my record is the DUI. Does anyone have any advice on which insurance company might offer the best rates or if there is anything I can do to lower my rate? Is there any way to get coverage without them checking my driving record and seeing my DUI??? Thanks""

Do i need insurance to clean a church?

do i need insurance to clean a church?

How long do i have to get insurance?

I am going to buy a motorcycle and am going to need insurance and am wondering if i have a time limmit after i buy one.

Should I have my own insurance while using someone else's car?

The other person owns the car and has it insured in his name but is allowing me to use it until I can get another car. Should I or even can I have my own insurance policy on his car? I live in Michigan and my previous car was hit and totaled. Trying to buy/finance another car after only working full time again since Feb. is near impossible.

How much would it be to insure a 2nd gen. Dodge Ram 2500 with a Cummins Turbo diesel for a 16 year old boy?

Im looking for better gas mileage, and it appears the Cummins has better mpgs than its 5.9l counterpart. (dont be a smart *** and say no trucks get good fuel economy) But i would wonder if a diesel would yield higher insurance costs for someone my age rather than a regular gas engine.""

Teens: How much are you paying for your car insurance?

Do your parents make you pay your own car insurance for your car?

Who has the cheapest car insurance?

Does an expired MOT invalidate insurance when making a claim for my car stolen from a private driveway?

I had no idea that my mot had ran out, when my car was stolen from a private driveway (not on public road) My insurance say i was in breach of the policy. But where do i stand legally with the car being off road when stolen? The insurance quoted no payout if there's no mot when one is required by law! Is there a loophole i can use""

Does anyone know if State Auto Insurance Agency is a good insurance?

I am looking for auto/home owners insurance was quoted a great premium with State Auto, but wasn't sure how good of insurance they are.""

How much is car insurance in NY state if your 17?

Ive been looking for how much car insurance is in ny if your 17 but i cant find it. My mom doesnt want to pay for it so i have to pay for it myself. Can someone tell me how much it costs?

Insurance quote on 1989 Jaguar XJ6 for 17 year old?

Hey, just for the record I'm not buying this car to speed, I just plan on fixing it up and taking it for cruises. Just wondering how much it would be, thanks. Also does it go under classic or historic car insurance?""

I'm getting sued from an old car accident? will my insurance pay?

two years ago i was involved in an accident with another vehicle. we filed a police report and we each reported the accident to our insurance companies. i filed a claim with my company, but the insurance companies had us each pay our own damages. we both walked away from the accident. two years later, i receive a certified letter that i'm being sued for $10,000 (within my liability limits) for medical damages and other losses. i need to appear in court or have a lawyer. it's been two years, will my insurance company still cover this after such a long time? and, do i have to find my own lawyer, or will the insurance company help me? (they're a very good company) i just found out and i contacted them, but they can't get back to me til monday while they find the old adjuster's files.""

""OK so i previously asked how much is car insurance uk,17yearold/girl, bmw compact sport 318.3door?

I ALREADY HAVE THE CAR...I just need to know roughly how much insurance will be next year

Looking for Best Term Insurance provider online...?

Hello Every1, I am looking for a Term Insurance online provider, I have few in my mind but i would like to see your feedback for any specific Insurance Company online in USA, if you have ever tried. Thanks in Advance.""

Car insurance question regarding friends car?

(This is in Ohio). My friend let me drive her car when the roads were kind of bad due to weather. At an intersection, the light turned yellow, and I began to slide on the ice. I had control of the car, however, if I would have continued to slide straight I would have been hit side on by the incoming cars coming through the intersection. Instead, I had to turn the wheel and I hit a pole. No damages were done to the pole, any other cars, or people. Unfortunately when we took the car to an autobody shop, getting an estimate without the use of insurance, we got an average cost of $2,200. There's NOT that much damage on the left bumper to make the cost so expensive. Both me and my friend are insured, however, MY insurance company is saying it's her car, so her insurance has to pay for it. How will this work? If I ask her to pay using her insurance, I don't want her to pay any out of pocket. I would pay the deductible. Will this hurt her insurance, or my pocket? Any other good ideas? Thanks so much.""

Need cheap & affordable Health Insurance?

I have a friend, Yes a Friend, She and her husband are paying $160 a month for Health insurance & its, Medi-cal, Which is Welfare, So I told her that there has to be a GOOD Insurance out there that is cheaper, She needs help, Can she find anything thats better then $160 month.""

How to get dirt cheap Car & Medical Insurance ??

Looking for a CAR with in $ 500, Car Insurance & Medical Insurance for 1 Male of 31 years, 1 Female of 26 years & a Child of 2 years. Should cover Medical. Vision & Dental not reqired. Looking for real dirt cheap insurance for Car, Family""

2012 subaru wrx insurance rate?

I am looking to get a 2012 subaru wrx. I am 17 and i am part of my family's all state insurance plan. I have never had an accident and i live in New York. What kind of price should i be looking at. I was told that because the car has a turbo it increases the insurance rate even though it is a four door four cylinder car. Thanks for the help.

Car insurance help?

I've just brought my own car.. I'm 18 years old and have been learning to drive for around 5 months and have my test in 2 months. I have some questions about car insurance.. As I want to be learning to drive for the next 2 months in my own car, I'll need provisional insurance cover, I was quoted around 600 ish for this, including my mum being named second driver. Then when I pass my test, and I update my insurance to full licence, the quotes are around 1500, so will I have to pay the 900 difference? Also, are black boxes ok? The quotes I've got are so much cheaper with black boxes so I'm tempted to get one, but I'd like to know about others experience with them.. What's the positives/negitive and are they worth saving around 500 a year on insurance costs (for the first year anyway) Thanks :)""

Where can I get the best car insurance rates?

I have been on the same plan for 10 years now and they charge $165 each month which is ridiculous. Any idea what is the best company to get a better insurance rate?

Insurance is ridiculous on a new car company why?

Basically i live in the UK and i want to buy from the uk dealer a 14k SUV by great wall cars from china, they have only been making commerical cars for like 4 years i think. i have been driving for 3 years with 3 years no claims. I went to look at insurance and it shows up as 11K a year!? is this because its a newish company and they really dont want me to drive the car? or what?, i can get insured on a 40k car cheaper than that!!""

""First time car buyer, whats the best kind of insurance?

Im 23 years old and im buying my 1st car from somebody. What would be the best kind of car insurance to get and how much a month would i be paying because i heard the younger you are the higher your insurance will be. By the way i live in virginia

Car insurance when go to college?

i'll be living in the dorm for college this fall, and my parents decide to cut my car insurance since i only come home for thanksgiving(7 days), winter break(1 month), spring break(10 days), and summer(2 months). is it possible to buy insurance temporarily for those breaks that i come back? thanks""

Who offers affordable and reliable car insurance?

Money is really tight right now, and my car insurance is around $120 a month with Liberty Mutual. I'm looking at other agencies that offer great service and are less expensive. Is Geico good? Are there any other agencies I should look at? My record isn't too bad. One speeding ticket.""

Toledo Ohio Cheap car insurance quotes zip 43635

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/business-insurance-needed-babysitter-nanny-drive-children-lane-1/"

0 notes

benandmollycohen · 6 years

Photo

I have decided that rather than do one weekly posting, I will post daily when there is new information to be shared!

Ben had a successful surgery! His breathing tube was removed before he even remembered it! Hooray! AND, even better news.... He did NOT have to go the Cardiothoracic ICU!!!!!!! I could have cried I was so happy! I was seriously prepared for a repeat after his transplant surgery to only get to look at him through the glass doors. But when they brought me to see him, I said hello to the nurse who was with him and his eyes shot open and he said, “Hi honey!” I was floored that he was conscious and able to talk to me!

Ben was moved back to his original room in the step down unit. The doctors unloaded 450cc of fluid (just under 2 cups!) from around his heart. It was enough fluid for them to decide to leave the tube in for a few extra days. He was stuck in bed for 2/3 of the last day because his tube was connected to a machine that had to be plugged into the wall in order to suction out the fluid. The doctor discontinued the suction around 3:45pm today but the tube is still in Ben’s body to continue draining fluid for another day or two.

Now that Ben isn’t “plugged into the wall” he was able to get up and go for a quick walk with the physical therapist. Ben is in an excruciating amount of pain now. The doctors had to reopen the bottom part of Ben’s transplant incision to insert the tube (which is huge by the way... about 1 inch in diameter). Because they had to reopen a wound that was already healing, and due to the tube hanging out at the base of his ribs, the pain is very high. Ben has said that his pain now is dramatically worse than it ever was upon waking from his transplant surgery. Yikes! It sucks to see him in pain, but they’ve given him some pretty intense pain meds so he is “comfortable” now.

Unfortunately for me, Ben will not be coming home on my birthday (1/29). They are expecting him to be discharged by next Thursday (2/1). Ben will be discharged next week, as long as his biopsy results (from yesterday) come back perfect. We found out today that there was a “stain test” done to measure AMR rejection from his first biopsy last week. This test isn’t typically ordered until around 3 months post transplant because you are already on the highest levels of anti-rejection meds. However, this test was ordered anyway and we just heard the results today. This test takes 3-4 days to receive the results. The doctor told us that Ben’s stain test came back positive for AMR rejection. This is so rare to happen right after transplant that they aren’t going to start treating Ben unless his next biopsy results show the rejection again. So now we are holding our breath for Monday-Tuesday when we should hear the results of this test. The doctors are not concerned since Ben is feeling well. Typically, with AMR rejection, you don’t feel good. Since Ben is feeling well, they aren’t expecting to see it appear again.

However, we continue “hitting the lottery” every time they say “this is rare...” so I’m bracing for impact of the news that he’s still showing positive for AMR rejection. I pray I’m wrong though!! IF he has to get treated for AMR, the doctors said they would give us further information then. But what they did tell us for now is that “it’s an ugly process and feels like a punishment”. I think my jaw hit the floor when the doctor said that. The only other thing he told us is that it’s a 5-day inpatient procedure that is similar to dialysis. I am forbidding myself of Googling any further information because I really just don’t want to know right now.

Yesterday took an emotional toll on me. I feel that I am super strong and can handle all of this when I am prepared and know what to expect. Ben found out in the middle of his biopsy that he was going to surgery later. He called me as soon as he could. The day before his biopsy, we were told this was very rare to require surgery due to fluid around the heart, and then BAM surgery was scheduled an hour after his biopsy. I would have been fine with it if we knew ahead of time and didn’t seem so rushed. I also didn’t get to see Ben until after surgery! We had plans that Nonna and Grandma were taking the first shift to see Ben and then I was going to surprise Jackson and pick him up from school early and take him to see Ben (Jackson still hasn’t seen Ben yet!! He would be devastated if he knew Colton already got to see him.). I was over the moon excited to see Jackson’s face as he saw Ben for the first time in two weeks. And then one phone call shattered that. Nonna and Grandma were already on their way to the hospital to see Ben when he called me so they stayed with him until surgery and came home to swap with me as soon as they took him into the OR. I’m a planning kind of person so yesterday just threw me for a loop. At least now I’m able to mentally prepare myself for the news that Ben will have to stay an extra 5 days and get “punished” while he’s there. Ugh. I hope every single one of you can tell me, “See Molly, you worried over nothing!” on Monday/Tuesday when we get the results back!

Well it’s been 14 days since Ben’s transplant. Average time in the hospital is 10-14 days post transplant. If Ben gets discharged on Thursday, he will have been in for 20 days; his longest continual stay yet. Let’s hope and pray that it’s only 20 days!

Random quick message: I truly appreciate the flowers we have been sent! However we are not allowed to have flowers in the house when Ben gets home from the hospital. There’s something in flowers that can have a negative effect on Ben. So unfortunately, I have to kindly ask that no more flowers are sent our way. Flowers aren’t even allowed to be delivered to the floor he is on in the hospital. Nor is Ben allowed to have grapefruit or anything containing grapefruit anymore. So many rules! (These aren’t even bulldog Molly rules! These rules came straight from the docs.)

Unless anything else comes up before Monday/Tuesday, this will be the last blog until then. Keep those organ donor pictures coming!

As always but never underappreciated, we thank you for all of your continued love, support, and prayers!

0 notes

lawrenceseitz22 · 7 years

Text

Weekly Digital Marketing Q&A – Hump Day Hangouts – Episode 152

youtube

Click on the video above to watch Episode 152 of the Semantic Mastery Hump Day Hangouts.

Full timestamps with topics and times can be found at the link above.

The latest upcoming free SEO Q&A Hump Day Hangout can be found at http://ift.tt/1NZu6N2.

Announcement

Bradley: We’re live. I wonder how long we were live, I was looking in another tab.

Marco: (Laughs)

Bradley: Hey guys, this is Bradley with Semantic Mastery. This is the Digital Marketing Q&A Hump day Hangouts for October 4, 2017. We’re back to our normal schedule, 4:00 pm eastern.

It’s good to be home even though we had a really good time last week in Portland. We enjoyed that immensely with all the guys, except for Marco unfortunately.

We’ve got Hernan and Marco on with us right now. We’ve got a couple of guests too as well. So, I’m going to go right ahead and go down the line, start with them as I see them.

Hello Hernan, how are you?

Hernan: Hey guys. I’m really, really good. Really excited for what’s coming actually. We had a lot of fun, it’s always good to see you guys. We get a lot of stuff done. We get a lot of fun.

And, I’m still in South Florida by the way, for the next couple weeks. I’ve been doing this, the best selling journal dance, which is amazing. Amazing. So, thank you guys for bringing one of these.

If you guys haven’t gotten one of these, this is bad ass. So, yeah I strongly recommend it. I know what you guys are talking about now. When it comes to this, using this every day. So, thank you guys.

Bradley: One of the most … [crosstalk 00:01:13]

Marco: Yeah, hang on a second.

Bring me one while I’m in Argentina, Hernan.

Hernan: Ah, we’ll be good.

Marco: For when we meet [crosstalk 00:01:20].

Hernan: Alright. I will.

Bradley: Yeah, it is hands down one of the most effective tools and it’s a very simple tool. But, it’s so effective for keeping me focused and on point and keeping my goals right in focus all the day long. And, helps me plan my day and everything else.

Guys, I’ve been living by that for, well I just started my second one now, so about fourteen weeks, absolutely love it.

So, Marco, how are you man?

Marco: I’m good, getting ready for surgery again.

Angel: Oh shit.

Marco: I hadn’t announced it, only to the partners. But, I’ll be leaving on October 30th and won’t be back until December 15th. I have more nerve compressions, more disc compression, more pain and agony.

Angel: Dang, that sucks man, sorry to hear that.

Bradley: Yeah dude, that sucks.

Marco: But yeah, so anyway, I’ll try not to miss too many Hump day Hangouts, because I want to be here for 156 man.

Bradley: Absolutely. We’ll make sure that we, even if we have to come set you up while you’re in traction. We’ll do it.

What’s up, Angel?

Angel: Everything’s good man, glad to be here. How’s everyone doing today?

Bradley: Good man. Glad to have you here.

This is Angel Cruise everybody. He’s a SEO bad ass as well and we bought him on as a guest with us today. So, we’re glad to have you here man.

Angel: Appreciate it. Appreciate it. What’s going on everyone?

Bradley: And, last but not least we got Rob who is one of our Mastermind members as well as one of the co-creators of RYS Academy Reloaded with Marco. What’s up Rob?

Rob: Not much gentleman. How are you guys?

Bradley: Very good. Glad to have you man.

Marco: For people that don’t know Rob, sorry to interrupt you and then you can keep going. I just want to sing your fucking praises because you’re a fucking beast, man

This guy comes up with, I mean …

Rob: I don’t have on my boots today, Marco.

Marco: (Laughs) Seriously. On a serious tip man, the things that this guy does or the mad stuff that he comes up with in his mind and then we go and look at or test or … I mean, you’ve seen some of the results, they’re so incredible man.

So that’s coming down the pipeline. I don’t know how we’ll present that. But, expect more awesome stuff, from Rob.

Bradley: That’s awesome. He’s like a savant in his own right, because he’s … I know some of the stuff that he’s shared with me recently. Even some of the press release stuff yesterday, I was really just shocked. It’s awesome man. We’re glad to have you on the team, as well. So …

Rob: Glad to be here fellas.

Bradley: I don’t know if we have any announcements because once again Adam’s not here and he always drives this ship. So, does anyone have any announcements?

Hernan: I think we’re good. Tomorrow we have the Mastermind webinar. And, we have some announcements, there are some really cool changes coming for the Mastermind and the entire Semantic Mastery layout, I would say.

So, yeah we’re excited and we have a lot of good stuff coming up, so I’ll just leave it at that for now.

Bradley: Yeah, we’re going to be doing the Mastermind webinar tomorrow. I’m looking at my white board now. We’ve got … we’ll be announcing the new format, which is going to be quite crazy. It’s going to be very, something that I think is going to be amazing. So we’re going to be announcing that tomorrow. After tomorrow, we’ll probably talk more about this next week on Hump day Hangout, for everybody else.

We’re going to be announcing a couple other things as well that I can’t pitch until we talk about it in the Mastermind. So, sorry to leave you guys hanging on that but … so Angel what you got going on man? I know its been a while since we talked so …

Angel: [crosstalk 00:05:14] Yeah, I mean um, I’m just always research and development mode. Always testing different methods of ranking. You know, I do a little bit of lead gen now. I kind of stay away from clients, work with a ton of agencies. I offer like reseller type services.

But most recently, I started working on a project management software developed for digital marketers. I’m not really here to promote that of course but it’s something that I’ve been working on for the past five months. I’m really proud of it and it’s starting to generate some steam. So, just building that up, connecting with other agencies and just trying to grow a new SAS business, pretty much

Bradley: Yeah, well that why, that’s in part why you’re on with us today. One, because you’re awesome.

Angel: (Laughs) Thanks.

Bradley: But number two because we’re warming the crowd up to you because we know that your software that you’ve been working on is something that our audience would probably do quite well with. So, that’s part of the reason why we bought you on. We’re not ready to announce it just yet but we wanted everyone to become familiar with who you are. Because, you are an SEO bad ass, so …

That’s awesome. We’re glad to have you.

Angel: Thank you man. Appreciate it.

Bradley: Alright guys, well I’m going to jump into questions then, if everybody’s cool with that?

Marco: Yep.

Angel: Let’s do it.

Bradley: Guys, feel free all of you to just jump in at any moment and comment on any of these questions. Feel free to interrupt me, I don’t mind. Wayne, I don’t know if you were listening to us last week when we were in Portland.

Wayne: Smoking a pancake? That’s one of my favorite movies of all time. I’m not kidding.

Bung in the blitz. Cigar on a crip? No, no. (Laughs) Freaking’ love that movie.

Bradley: That’s so funny. Last week in Portland, I must have said that fifteen times at least man, just stupid. Portland is a very liberal town, so there’s a lot of things that are legal there that are not legal when you go in other areas.

Angel: I wonder what?

Bradley: And I had a blast, let’s just put it that way.

Wayne: I wish I was there with you guys.

Bradley: Yeah, it was fun man. It really was. I enjoyed it.

Marco, excuse me, Hernan earlier said that we got a lot of stuff done. Well, he can speak for himself, but for me we got a lot of planning done or I got a lot of planning done with the guys but I can’t work. Like, get any serious work done when I’m traveling. I just can’t do it. It’s just difficult for me to do from a laptop and so I didn’t get much work done other than the planning.

Now that’s high level stuff though that needed to be done. So, it is a lot of work that we completed but it’s not like the typical day to day grind stuff. So, we had a lot of fun and it was just kind of team building environment.

We worked it the morning for several hours, pretty much from after lunch on, we would just hang out and have a good time. It was a lot of fun.

What’s The Best Way To Improve A Drive Stack That Hasn’t Ranked Yet?

Okay, Muhammad’s up first. He says, “Hey guys. What is the best way to improve a drive stack that hasn’t ranked yet. Do I build more links to it or just be patient?”

Before even carrying on, I would say be patient. It depends on how long its been Muhammad, but I know drive stacks are often … and obviously I’ll let Marco comment on this and Rob both as well. But, I know a lot of the times just being patient is all it takes. And they’ll end up starting to index or starting to rank some of the stuff that you are pointing. You know, as your target URLs. I’ve experienced that many, many times without having to do anything other than just wait.

What do you guys think?

Marco: It depends. We’ve done both and I know Rob has done both also. Rob is the most impatient person in the world. If it doesn’t move, he just hits it. And, if it moves a little bit he wants it to move more so he hits it again. He doesn’t care whether its dancing, he just over powers stuff.

Now, you can do it that way or you can do what I recommend in the RYS Reloaded black book, which is you wait out those 21 days. That’s a must. But, this is for intelligence purposes, right?

You want intel. You want to gather all the information. What’s going to rank the easiest? Well, that’s where the, if it landed first page right towards the bottom, second page, third page. Anything forth page to second, those are cherry just ready to get hammered and moved up. But, you need to know whether that’s where they’re going to settle, and you won’t know until it’s clear to Google that.

Once it clears the desk then you decide. Am I going to do press releases? Am I going to do link building? Am I going to do additional stats inside the stack? Am I going to do stacks as PD … how am I going to treat this?

But, you can’t do that until you know what Google has decided to do with the original stack. He says he’s in a competitive niche. We took on, as you guys know, for RYS Reloaded, a major metropolitan area in one of the most competitive niches, local niches, correct?

And it just blew the guys phone off the wall. He had to shut the phone down …

Wayne: That’s awesome.

Marco: … because he got so many leads. I’ll let Rob go on from there and give you his opinion. But, that’s what I would tell you. And if you read the RYS Reloaded black book, you’ll see exactly what I’m talking about.

Bradley: What are your thoughts, Rob?

Rob: I mean, part of it to me depends on the final goal. If you’re trying to, like when Marco said I’m impatient, I’m not necessarily trying to rank a document or the PowerPoint or the slide or whatever. So, I literally just smash those things at times. But, the actual, what my final ranking thing is. If I’m trying to rank a G site, I may be a little more patient on that. But, not always. But then, it will dance but over time it will come back. So …

Marco: Yeah.

Rob: Anytime you hit anything it’s going to dance a little bit, so …

Marco: Yep, I agree with that.

Bradley: Definitely.

Angel: I’ll jump in guys, real quick.

Bradley: Sure.

Angel: Usually when I do a drive stack I like to submit it to Google right away. So, I’m a little impatient myself. I let it settle for a few weeks, see where Google decides where to rank it. Once it stabilizes, I like to see it hit Page Four or Three, like Marco said.

I’ll start building links such as Be hance and that’s actually one of my favorite links to start sending to Google drive stats. I actually have a really cool example. If you type in, and I’ll give this away because it’s really old stack. If you type in used fork lifts new mexico, so I rank that position one. Only sending one Behance link that was boosted up. So, I kind of did a tiered method there.

But, that’s all it took pretty much. Once it indexed, it probably landed on page four or five. And then, I sent a …

Bradley: Nice.

Angel: … what’s it called, a Be Hance link directly to that and then boosted the Be hance with some links. And that’s all it took.

Bradley: Just one Be hance link, right?

Angel: One Be hance link.

Bradley: And then you just spammed the shit out of that?

Angel: I mean, I don’t think I spammed the crap out of it. I might have sent a few decent links to that Be hance, but that’s about it. I didn’t go too crazy.

Bradley: Huh. I’ll be damned.

Angel: That’s all it took though. Just to give you guys an idea of some times it doesn’t take that much. It could just be one or two links and it’ll do enough damage.

Bradley: Very nice man. Don’t you guys love it. I just love these man it’s so simple, its like stupid easy. It’s like your cheat ticket. Stupid easy. That’s awesome man, thank you.

Jason says, “I’m interested,” … oh I’m sorry Muhammad, I forgot the other side of your question. Yeah, did actually expand or at least I think, I don’t have that membership site pulled open. Muhammad for the syndication academy. But, I didn’t … I’m not sure if I expanded on it in Syndication Academy. I know I covered it a little more in detail but I’m not giving away the method entirely inside the Mastermind I have. But, can’t share that outside of the Mastermind, at least not yet.

I’m not sure, I swear beyond July I’ve talked about it more, in the Syndication Academy webinar. But, I can’t remember off the top of my head. I don’t have that site open so I can’t confirm it.

So, if you want to follow up with me. Just tag me in the Facebook group, the Syndication Academy Facebook group and it’ll remind me to go check on it after the webinar is over. I’ll get back to you within the next 24 hours to let you know, which module it’s in. If I did cover it more, which I think I did it would have been beyond the July webinar, right? So check August or September. I know I didn’t cover it in September. So, check the August one. Alright?

And remember the August one guys was the one that I didn’t post until like the day before the September webinar. So, maybe it’s in that one. If you go back and check that one, just let me know. If it’s not there, then I might be able to expand on it slightly. But, I can’t give away all the information on that method because that’s reserved for Mastermind guys, period. So, it is what it is.

What Is Your Process Of Getting New Clients For A Lead Gen Campaign?

Jason says, I’m interested in starting a few lead gen sites. I’m just doing keyboard research right now but wondering how to decide what business or contractor I’ll give the leads to when I start getting them. Do you guys have a process for determining one business or contractor. Do you give several of them a taste in hopes that you’ll get a buyer. Is it best to give the leads away for a few months and then shut if off. Then, contact them to see if they’d like to continue?

I’ve tried multiple ways, Jason. I’m glad Angel on, because Angel does a lot of lead gen too. I’d like to get his opinion. But, over the course of my career, I’ve done it multiple ways. What I’ve found to be the easiest is to set up a prospecting funnel. For me that’s always been the easiest. Which is to set up a landing page with a video, it could be like a VSL type video, video sales letter. Which is basically just a power point slide with text on it, right?

Then, I narrator it and state the benefits of what I got. I show examples in the video and I make it as short a video as possible. Usually, it ends up running three to five minutes. I just explain hey look I’ve got these leads and I show in the video the google search results, with my property being ranked. Then, I show maybe the call volume coming in or maybe emails if they’ve filled out the contact forms submit, or contact request form. Excuse me. Like the leads that actually submitted.

So, usually after I have the results, I can show the results in a video for that specific city or town. Then, all I’ll do is just do a cold email campaign to all the contractors in that specific industry in that specific city. Then, I make sure that they’re all aw … like I don’t even blind carbon copy. I do like a straight up, everybody sees their competitor’s emails in the actual email that I send out to those contractors. So that, they know that it’s being sent out. It says it right in the damn email.

This is being sent out, the first person or … a lot of time I’ve done it both ways where I’ve said, the first person that replies and sometimes you get some good responses from that but other … more recently the way that I’ve done in is actually setting up on the landing page just a Google form that they have to fill out with just some very basic info, that asks them … and I tell them that they’re going to go through a slight screening process or whatever.

The reason why I do that is because I don’t like to just give the leads to just the first contractor. I need to vet them. Because, if it’s going to be my web property, my digital asset that’s producing the leads. I don’t want some jack ass contractor out there servicing the lead and then screwing it up and getting negative reviews put on my digital asset, if that makes sense.

So, I’ve learned over the years to put some of screening procedure in place. That usually just typically has … if, just having someone fill out a web form. Don’t make it too complicated because otherwise you’ll lose a lot of leads from that as far as like potential service providers.

But, you do want them to take that extra little step. That will illuminate some tire kickers right off the bat. Because, they’ll be like … they’ll look at the form and say, “I’m not filling that out.” And, they’ll just move on.

Okay, so be it. You weren’t interested enough anyway they would have been a shitty service provider, right? But, just by doing something small like that and then you can actually … by then it’s not a cold call. Then, you return the calls of people that have expressed an interest. It’s a much different type of conversation. Because the whole psychology changes when they’ve raised their hand and said yes I’m interested, then you just pitching them cold.

And so, I found that to be a much easier way. That’s only because I personally hate cold calling, guys. When I first got my start in lead gen business, that’s how I did it. I would just start picking up the phone and calling contractors and telling them what I had. But, you get a lot of rejection and that’ll crush your ego fast.

Unless you’ve got like a heart of steel, which I don’t apparently because I don’t like getting rejected over and over again on the phone. So, I just don’t like cold calling and I try to do as many warm up processes with the prospect. I try to warm them up before I ever get on the phone with them.

So, that’s worked really well for me. I know it may sound complicated but its really not. As far as setting up a prospecting funnel its rather simple to do. Because it’s just a, when say a funnel, it seriously is just a landing page with a video and a Google form. It can be done on WordPress, right. And, you just send people directly to that page from your email. Okay?

If you’ve ever taken our video email course, our video email prospecting course, that’s also a great way to do it. Inside that course, that’s inside a service space, by the way. I can’t remember if you got to purchase it or if it’s free. It’s also on our bonus site. The Mastery [inaudible 00:18:56] and Semantic Mastery bonus site, if you don’t have access to that Jason but you’ve bought any of our products in the past, just contact us at [email protected].

We’ll get you access to the bonus site and there’s a video emailing prospect collecting course in there that discusses both ways. There’s a laser approach, which is targeting individual prospects with a video email. I don’t recommend doing that because it’s very time consuming. I mean, it’s super effective. But, its very time consuming.

So, what I like to do is create more of a general email or excuse me, prospecting email, video email, sorry. A more general prospecting video email that then I mass send out to all of the contractors in that city. And again, I don’t blind carbon copy or anything. I make sure that they see that same email went to 14 or 15 other, whatever. However, many other contractors, so that it creates that level of urgency on their part to reply.

So, what do you think, Angel?

Angel: I think that’s an interesting approach. I actually take a slightly different approach. Because my background like before I did any internet marketing, I was actually a door to door salesman. So, I’m used to getting a bunch of no’s. So, I’m sure you guys know Mike Pierce. We’ve done a ton of work together. I was the guy who was hitting up the phones, straight up. Hitting up companies and trying to get them to purchase leads from us.

The way I did the research was, I looked at the reputation online. So, let’s say we’re looking for roof repair contractors in the Dallas area. I’m going to look at the rep online, I’m going to look at their reviews, just overall generic … yellow pages, BBB, just all their ratings overall. If they seem like a good company, good prospect then I’m going to pick up the call and just dial them in.

Bradley: There you go.

Angel: And, what I’m going to tell them is, “I have a current provider who has excess leads and we’re looking to bring on another provider who can take these phone calls. Are you interested?”

So, I make it seem to them like we’re generating a ton of leads, which we are, and we have extra excess leads if they’re interested in taking those calls on. A lot of times, you might get those people that say no they’re not interested or the price is out of whack. They don’t want to pay $30 a lead or whatever the case may is.

But, you’re still going to get a handful of people that are interested and this is where we give them a test trial. Where we might send them a few leads in a few day span and just see how they convert on those leads. If it’s a good quality lead to them, they’re going to want to stay on board with you.

So to answer Jason’s question, I would definitely look on just taking on more than one contractor or one service provider. Just a, you don’t want to have your eggs all in one basket. You want to calculate your risk pretty much. So, the more the better. If you have five, you’re good. Because, out of those five you’re going to have one solid provider who you’ll have a long term relationship with.

Bradley: Yeah, you know what? I like your approach, picking up the phone and calling. Because that is certainly the quickest way to get results, no doubt. But I just, I can’t stand that call. I just get all nervous and my, butterflies in my stomach and shit.

Angel: Yeah, I hear you man.

Bradley: I mean I’ve been through it so many times that I just realized I don’t want to do that anymore. So I prefer to do like the funnel type method and what’s interesting about that is if you do a good job on the prospecting side, then you end up with several contractors that have filled out that Google form. You end up interviewing several of them, so you end up with multiple providers. Potential providers, anyway.

So, if you end up slight … personally I usually just select one and I give them a chance if they screw up or they don’t convert well, the leads into sales, or they … you know, whatever the case may be. They just end up not being a good fit, then I’ll just cancel them and move on to the next contractor.

But, obviously, my preferred method, and I’ve mentioned this before is once I find a good service provider and I’ve built a rapport with them and they have a history of performing well and we work well together. Then, I like to always try to shift over to a revenue share model. That’s like where the bulk of the money comes from. From my lead gen businesses, it’s from revenue share not from actual pay per lead type stuff.

And I really like that. But, that does take a much higher level of trust. Much higher or more trusting relationship I should say with your service provider. That takes some time to get to that level. Anybody else want to comment on that before I move on.

Rob: I’ve got a slightly different approach, it’s kind of between the two. I don’t know if anyone’s heard of ring partner or any of those, called buyers.

Bradley: Um-hmm.

Angel: Yep.

Rob: I’ll get in with them and rank my site when I’m first starting and send just the first few calls to them. Then, after I build up maybe a month or two of calls, I’ll literally just take a screenshot of the number of calls I’ve gotten the last couple months.

Put that in the email to several providers and once you have the calls, it’s pretty much do you want to buy these yes or no?

Bradley: Yeah.

Angel: Exactly.

Bradley: Yep.

Rob: And it takes a little bit of the getting the contractor, and then having to worry about getting the number of calls. I kind of build up an asset where it’s already generating calls, kind of like a cheap ring partner. Then, transition into the sales side once I have a month or two of calls. You can even, if you’re doing the whisper record, you can send him a couple of the recordings.

Bradley: Yep.

Rob: Makes it much easier to sell.

Bradley: Yeah, that’s essentially what I do with the prospecting funnel, the landing page and the video. Because, I’ll show them the call fire dashboard with a screenshot of the volume of calls that have come in and the duration so that they see they’re valid calls. That kind of stuff.

Then, typically, I always send all of my calls through a call center anyways. So, I would even set up a sub-account in Answer connect. Which is the call center that I used for all my lead gen stuff and I’ll set that up. So, they’ll actually take valid leads.

I like you approach, Rob. I haven’t done that to be honest with you. I’ve literally done this dozens of times over the last several years where I’ll just generate the lead and sometimes the leads just go cold because they don’t have somebody as a service provider. But, I don’t care for the first month or two because all I’m trying to do is just show that call volume coming in.

But yeah, I like your approach that’s something I ought to do because then you’re monetizing even those first dozen or so leads or whatever they are that’s are coming through.

So, that’s a good [crosstalk 00:25:31]

Rob: Yeah, I mean the monetization, we … because you get a lot of hang ups because they go through all these voice recordings. Put your zip code in and all this stuff. But, at least the lead, if they go through the steps, they’re going to get to the provider they were looking for.

Bradley: That’s right.

Rob: At least the service, right?

Bradley: Yeah.

Rob: The other thing is I’ve noticed whenever I start a new gen site, I tend to get a bunch of SEO companies calling my phone number. So, then they end up all … by a month or two they’re done calling so those don’t get sent to the provider.

Bradley: Yeah. That’s why I use a call center. Exactly, for that reason, by the way. Because, it prevents all those spam calls for ever getting to the contractor. So …

Angel: Hey Rob, I also do that quite a bit with sending calls to like ring partner or pay lo. Do you ever experience the companies just hanging up and dialing back those leads that you’re sending in?

Rob: Yeah.

Angel: Like they just cheat you out of the money?

Rob: Yes, I’ve had that happen.

Angel: Yeah.

Rob: I’ll call my own number to see what’s going on. And, I’ve even called them back and called them out on it.

Angel: Wow.

Rob: A lot of times, ring partner name doesn’t even know what’s going on. It’s another provider that’s basically tagging the number and then calling them back or hitting them with a text, autoresponder and all that kind of stuff.

Here’s the other way to work around that Angel. If you get called back by the provider, then you just sell him the leads you’re getting ready to sell the ring partner …

Angel: That’s right.

Rob: … at a markup. (Laughs)

Angel: Exactly, because you’re going direct at that point, you know? The little people that are buying the leads.

Rob: Exactly. One guy called me, I said so you’re looking for this lead. You just happen to call me back and I was sending the lead to you. Let’s cut out this middle guy and I’ll charge you a little more than what they were paying me and less than what you were paying them.

[crosstalk 00:27:09]

So, yeah, I’ve played it that way too.

Angel: (Laughs). Yeah.

What Is Your Experience With Google’s GMB Tech Support Call Service?

Bradley: Alright. Jay’s up, he says, “Follow up from my maps listing sandbox issue last week. Sharing what I’ve learned, I asked last week about why a maps listing would drop from map search just from changing the GMB’s area coverage from mile radius to zip codes. Google support said not to worry, it would come back in a couple weeks after the algo does its thing. I speculate another factor is that the listing’s area coverage overlapped with other locations in the same GMB account indicated by two other locations dropping out of the listings all together. As well, when the main site’s coverage area changed to zip codes. And, so now I’ll mention there was algo update of Hawk recently that supposedly addressed multi locations varying near each other. Maybe this has some inputs to the outputs. Yet, I’m still worried. All that to ask, is Google GMB, tech support calls to be trusted? Do they really know their stuff or are they simply typing in FAQ and repeating talking points. What is your experience with GMB tech support call service.”

Okay. I don’t know the answer to that, whether they can be trusted or not. However, I don’t work for Google. They often are very misleading with their information. I know that from being in AdWords and dealing with customer service in AdWords all the time. You have to, because you get ads suspended all the time and shit like that. It’s just part of the process.

But, with GMB Support, I’ve actually only used it in two different, well three different instances. That’s fixing a map’s issue when there’s like something that won’t edit, for whatever reason.

I’ve actually have been successful with that on multiple occasions. I’ve also had tech support issue, there’s one that I’m currently working on. Well, I’m not really working on it anymore because I think its been resolved in that.

And this is actually a thread in our Mastermind right now. I’ve got a client that I just took on recently that had their address displayed in a very incorrect format, right. And, so when I got access to their GMB dashboard, it’s a newer client. I went in and I looked. The address was submitted to the dashboard. So, it was entered when they created the listing in this really incorrect format.

Rob: How do you know when an address, which way the format is correct or not?

Bradley: Well, let me just show you that, and then I’ll finish my point.

Go to usps.com, you go to mail and ship, lookup a zip code and you enter in the company name and the street address as it’s shown on the Google My Business listing. Then, you put in the details and click find. It’s going to show you the correct way to perform at that address on the next screen.

And that’s the way I always enter all of my GMB business addresses. Because that’s the correct formatting. But, what’s interesting is, this client that I’m talking about, they had their address, it was really screwed up. It was nowhere near what the correct formatting should be. And so, I went into the dash board and I changed it.

Luckily, it was a new site. There were only a handful of citations. I mean literally like a dozen citations, and that was it. So, I figured okay that’s manageable. I’m going to go in and change this address and then google my business dashboard.

They had two locations, by the way. Both of them, well they were in different cities, but both of them were formatted incorrectly. So, I updated the addresses on the dashboard, the back end, right. So, inside the Google My Business dashboard, and the one city listing, it updated the display address, which Google displays in the actual SERP listing.

Updated just like that. But, the other one, it didn’t update. And every time I would go back in, and this was over a period of three or four weeks, I keep going back into my business dashboard to check. Every time I would check, the posted address or the one that was submitted was correct, in the correct format. The one that I changed. But, the display address would never update.

So, I eventually reached out to Google My Business Support, the help center. I asked them, “Why won’t this update?”

The tech over there said because in some cases, the normal display address is not the actual correct formatting based upon the other businesses in that area. They try to match the display address to match the other businesses in the area even if it’s formatted incorrectly.

And so the tech told me don’t worry about it continue building citations because that’s exactly what I told them I said look I know that if I build citations with the address and the wrong format that it could end up not matching what the Google dashboard shows. It could cause NAP issues and cause map rankings issues.

And he said no we understand the correct address has been submitted so you should build citations with the correct proper formatting address. And even though our display might not be the same … now I literally thought he was full of shit.

Because I was like, no way I’m doing that. This is completely backwards from all the stuff that I’ve done over all these years. But, we went ahead and proceeded anyways. I didn’t change the twelve citations that he already currently had.

My point was, I did a few press releases or whatever and the site ranks now. And it ranks in the three pack for like 75% of the target keywords. It’s only been three months maybe four months and that’s it. So, my point is I don’t know if you can trust them or not. But, the experience I’ve had with something about the NAP issue. What they told me seems to be valid.

Because I’m getting results even though the citations don’t match what is shown on the actual display address, if that makes sense.

Does anybody else have any other experience with GMB?

Hernan: Yeah. I mean not only with GMB but with Google overall. Here’s the thing, their expert on schema couldn’t answer schema questions. Their expert in ad words often, and you know this.

Bradley: Yeah.

Hernan: Can’t answer AdWords questions or they are very misleading in what they tell you, as they mentioned. Their expert for, in [inaudible 00:33:11], if you reach out to them.

These are engineers, right? That are trying to do customer service. It’s like me trying to do customer service. You know how I’d do, right?

Bradley: Oh God.

Hernan: (Laughs) That’s how I see it. So, sometimes you’ll get lucky and you’ll get someone who has actually taken the time to figure out how things should be. You got lucky and they told you the right way. More often than not, it doesn’t work that way.

Now, having said that. Maps, anytime you make changes they drop, they dance. It’s a big change. Then, they come back. What you could do, as Bradley mentioned, you could do some press releases. You could do some co-citations. You could do some RYSR stacks to help it along to get it backed up.

There’s a bunch of things that you can do. But, normally it’ll come back to just around where it was. It might need a little kick in the can. But it seems like the answer seems right to me. According to what I know about the map’s algo, someone may have a different take on it. But is it reliable, no.

Of course not. Because, it’s the type of people that you are dealing with.

Bradley: Yeah. Anybody else?

Angel: Yeah. I’ll chime in. I would take whatever they say with a grain of salt, obviously. But, to answer Jay’s question, if you give it a few weeks ‘cause anytime you make any change you want to wait a few weeks, anyway.

Bradley: Yeah.

Angel: If it doesn’t recover, what I would do personally is just change it to what it was before. It should pop back to what it previously was ranking. That’s what I would do.

Bradley: That’s exactly what I said last week too. Wait, let it go past the dance period, the probation period or whatever and then see where it settles back in and if it doesn’t, switch it back.

One more comment on that quickly guys, and I’ll let you finish up, whoever it was. I’ve got lead gen sites for some contractors that have multiple locations, as well. There’s overlap in there and at least my sites didn’t get hit by any hack update so I’m not sure why that is.

But, I know I’ve got multiple locations for some of my contractors that are literally just like, there’s a ton of overlap between them. All those sites are still producing leads like crazy so I’m not sure about that. But, go ahead, something somebody else want to say?

Angel: Yeah, that’s all I had though on that point. Just change it back if you don’t see anything in the next few weeks.

Bradley: Yep.

Hernan: I think the guy from the honeymoon just joined too.

Bradley: From the honeymoon?

Hernan: Honeymoon. Mute it.

Adam:Hey you guys, how’s it going?

Bradley: Oh shit. (Laughs).

Marco: What’s up, [crosstalk 00:36:09]?

Adam:What’s up, buddy?

Finally, got some 4G connection here. I’m going through Newport, Oregon, if anybody likes [inaudible 00:36:15], I’m passing that right now.

Bradley: Nice.

Adam:But, just wanted to pop in and say hi to everybody. And, I’m missing the Hump day Hangouts, but I thought I’d get like two minutes here and listen in on you guys.

Bradley: Nice. How are we doing, okay?

Adam:Yeah, yeah. So far so good.

Good to see Angel on here, its been a few months. I guess, Angel, last time I saw you was down in Dallas.

Angel: Yeah, we hanged out a little bit, that was cool man.

Bradley: Yeah.

Adam:Yeah man.

Angel: We gotta do it again soon sometimes, Adam.

Adam:Sounds good.

I’ll let you guys get back to it. I’m crossing the bridge here and I’ll catch up with everybody later.

Bradley: Yeah, man. Get off the damn Hangout and drive the car.

Adam:Thanks momma.

Bradley: Drive safe.

[crosstalk 00:36:50]

Later man.

Adam:[crosstalk 00:36:53] my camera man here.

Yeah. Bye.

Bradley: Nothing like being distracted driving, like explain that one to the cops.

But, I was hosting a hangout, officer.

Can You Put Multiple Category Types In Your Schema Mark Up?

Alright. Paul says, “Hi Guys, question is can you put multiple category types in the schema markup?”

I’ve never done it. I don’t know if you can or should. I just know I’ve never done it. Anybody have an answer for that?

Angel: Absolutely, I usually stack schemas SO I’ll have an app person with all the persona profiles at business, with all the business profiles.

Local business with your NAP. So, I had a bunch of stuff. There’s government associations you can make, where it makes sense. So, it all depends on what you’re doing. But, I always have a ton of categories inside my markup.

Bradley: Well, what I mean is the ad type for business category itself. You put multiple categories, business categories in there?

Angel: Oh no, just one.

Bradley: That’s what I’ve always done. Anybody else?

Okay.

Anybody else or not, I’m going to keep moving, but I want to pull something up real fast, if I can find it. Standby guys, I’m looking for something here. As soon as I find it, I’ll share it.

I always have trouble [crosstalk 00:38:09]

Marco: I can tell you that Rob stacks schema to death.

Bradley: (Laughs)

Marco: I mean, you have to see some of the schema crap that he does.

Angel: Yo Rob, let’s get together man. I want to show you some stuff that I’ve done with schema.

Rob: Yeah, [crosstalk 00:38:24]

Angel: I’m saying, it’s along the same as you.

Rob: Yeah. I’ve tried to stack it and I’ve even … I call it silo schema, I don’t even know if that’s such a thing. But, it’s essentially trying to schema the same way you silo. So …

Angel: Right.

Rob: It’s a worm hole that you can never get out of if you start really getting into it.

Angel: Aw man, I was stuck in a worm hole for a few year.

Rob: Yeah.

Angel: Yeah so, I understand.

Bradley: Yeah, here’s the Google sheet guys, I just dropped the link on there. This is the business types so this, and this is updated in real time, as far as I know. So, this is the one I always refer to and when it comes to a business type, I always just select one business type. Again, I haven’t tested it any other way.

But, I’ve always just selected one so. Also, Ryan Rodin is a schema savant so it might be something that he can cover at some point as well.

How To Make Money From YouTube Video Assets?

Okay. I’m going to keep moving guys. Robin says, “Good day, Hump day Hangouts, must be an awesie. I have a client that wants to monetize 26 videos, each of 30 minutes, with three, 10 minute segments in each show. Okay. 26 videos, each 30 minutes, with three, 10 minute segments in each show from a community TV channel. Originally, I broke the videos down into smaller videos and we optimize and sold YouTube videos to people interviewed the show. I get on page one and use on their websites. I have tried ranking the videos as play lists and that works. Position one to three on YouTube and position three to seven on Google. Haven’t managed to find anyone interested to rent them out to yet. Looking for ideas on how to make money from these videos assets. Anyway to get a play URL to show in Google with an image?”

The first question that’s the one that I’m going to have trouble on here. I’m not sure if I understand what the videos are about. So, if I don’t know that the videos are about, I’m not sure how to tell you how to monetize them.

I had trouble reading that question so it’s probably my fault. Let me see. My client broke the videos down.

Yeah see I can’t, I’m sorry Robin, I can’t answer your first question just because I have no idea what the videos are about. So, I can’t tell you how to monetize them. You said that you haven’t managed to find anyone interested to rent them out. So, I’m assuming, they’re like lead gen videos. Like, videos that describe a potential product or service and you were looking for people that provide that product or service to possibly rent them. That’s the only assumption I can make. But, since I don’t really have the full details, I don’t want to speculate. Because, I can be very misleading.

Does anybody else have a take on that?

How To Get A YouTube Playlist URL To Show In Google With An Image?

Okay, anyway. Part number two: Any way to get a play list URL to show in Google with an image?

I’ve never seen that.

Rob: Me neither.

Angel: Not a play list. I’ve seen the one video but not a play list.

Rob: Yeah.

Bradley: Yeah, I’ve never seen that either. So, yeah these individual video URLs will show the thumbnail but I’ve never seen a playlist show a video that’s not in the SERPS, unfortunately.

Angel: If he could link us to one, then that’ll be interesting. We could check that out, you know.

Bradley: Yeah. I mean if we had a little more details on that Robin I might be able to answer your first question. I do apologize, I can’t. I just don’t understand what type of video context is it. That’s going to make it difficult to answer, so.

How Do You Get A Social Assistance Client’s Local Rank Back Up For Its Main Keyword?

Next question: I have a client in a social assistance niche, the first five to seven places are usually state or national government websites followed by big institutions for the main keyword. The client is in position 15 for the main keyword, no local identifier. I built a Tier 1 network linking from YouTube, this is two months old, not many video links from this yet.

Also, a new RYS stack for the main keyword, no local modifier. She used to rank locally in position one to three but this is fallen recently to position eight to ten. Majestic, metrics, what can I do to get the client’s rank back up to the main keyword. Client still ranks well for local secondary keywords.

Well, it depends. Like we just mentioned, if you were doing a bunch of this work like over a short period of time, it could just be that the, it dropped and the map’s results because of the work that you’re doing, that happens from time to time. So, I don’t know what the time span was or how long its been since you’ve done that work. It sound like since you did a RYS stack, I can only assume it’s a newer stack.

But, right now besides RYS and just doing just the traditional stuff that we’ve been teaching. Which is like content marketing to the syndication network, make sure that it’s connected to the Google Plus page. Even though I know Google Plus is almost virtually been removed from everything. Guys, there is still a connection on the back end to the maps.

So, that’s still effective but my secret weapon recently besides RYS has been press releases. I would recommend distributing a couple press releases for that company. And what I found to be one of the easiest ways … you may already have plenty of content ideas for it. But, what I’ve found is to highlight a review. Like if they’ve got any good customer or client testimonials that have been posted recently. They don’t even have to be posted recently. But, I tend to try to find newer reviews that have been posted and then use that as an excuse to publish a press release, saying hey this company received a 5-Star review or rave customer review or something like that. And, that’s all I do for press release content, guys. I just highlight a review in the press release. I publish multiple press releases and it just, within a matter of days, a lot of time the maps, it’ll jump right back into the three pack just from the press releases alone.

Hernan: My question would be, if she’s going for a keyword with local modifier, why is she only targeting the broad keyword in the RYS stack without the local modifier. I don’t understand that.

Bradley: Yeah, I’m not sure either but I think what she was saying was she used to rank without the modifier in the map’s pack and now she’s not. I think that’s, at least that’s my understanding of the question, so.

Hernan: Yeah, but I mean if you’re going local, you know that … well first of all, it’s all about power, right? It’s all about how much power you push through whatever it is that you’re doing. But, if you’re trying to hyper-geo locate, where we teach in … I know that for a fact that she’s in RYS Reloaded. We teach how to do the images. We teach how to do the maps. We teach how to do keyword plus local and the URL plus local, brand plus local.

Everything that you can to associate that set of keywords to the brand, to the URL and to everything else that’s involved with that entity so that Google … you knack them over the head, you hit them so much and so hard with all of that local relevancy that all they’ll do is oh okay, there you go.

It’s like making them give up, pushing through all of those filters that they have. Powering through all of those filters, right. That’s all that she needs to do. So, why eliminate the local modifier when you can push through with a local modifier.

Bradley: Yeah. I agree with that.

I always target local modifiers guys. Because, it’s pretty much 90% of what I do is local stuff. And so I always add the local modifiers because it’ll rank if … with people on mobile devices that might not punch in the local modifier. If that desktop, laptop, if they have a local IP, it will still return whether … at least for the most part. It’s not a 100% accurate. But, I know for a lot of my like tree service sites for example. If you do a … and here’s one way to check it.

Robin, you can go into Google AdWords and use their tool. What is it? Shit. The ad preview and diagnostic tool. And you can set the location for your Google search. So, you can set it by city and then you can do that. Now, you have to be ranked on Page one for you to see it. It will show you the search engine results, none of the links will be clickable or anything because it’s just an ad preview thing. It’s really for ads, but you can still see what’s ranking organically and also what’s in maps on the first page. You can play around with different search queries with the localized search IP. If that makes sense, right through Google’s dashboard.

And I’ve been able to identify some … [crosstalk 00:46:56]

Somebody’s gotta mute. I hear a lot of background noise guys.

Alright, thanks man. So yeah, I do that, I’ve got a lot of lead gen sites or whatever and the keyword reporting tools a lot of the times will show that the sites just not ranking, yet we’re getting calls. I know because everything goes through Answer connect, the phone service. So, I always get notifications of the leads that come through. And so when I look at the automatic ranking reports that come out like Pro rank Tracker or I use Bright Local for a lot of my local stuff. They show that not ranking in the map’s pack and things like that. Yet, I’m getting a bunch of calls. I’ll go investigate. I’ll use the Google keyword uh, excuse me, Google AdWords, ad preview and diagnostic tool.

Then, I’ll go check it from a localized IP or local search query. It’s interesting because it’ll show up. And so I don’t know why some of the keyword tools won’t. Maybe because they’re not localized IPs. I’m just saying that may be something you might want to check. Okay?

And what I was getting at with that is that I always target the local modifier in the keywords. I always optimize with the modifier and yet when I do just a broad keyword search term instead of with the local modifier. So, what I’m saying is when I do a broad keyword search query without the modifier. I check it, and a lot of the times, not all the time, but a lot of the time it’s still ranking.

Okay? Does that make sense? Does anybody else want to comment on that before I move on?

Marco: It makes sense to me so.

What Are Your Thoughts On Hosting Sites On AWS?

Bradley: Okay. Arebacon, what’s up buddy? He says, “What are your thoughts on hosting sites on AWS?”

But yes, I do it for HTML sites all the time. Personally, when I set up HTML single pages that I just use for spam purposes and things like that. I just host the right on AWS S3. Anything that requires a database is going to, you know you have to get into using what they call EC Cloud, EC2, Blast it Cloud, that kind of stuff. And, set up like a VPS, virtual servers and that kind of stuff.

It’s kind of geeky. I know it works I just … Marco, you want to talk about that. I know you set something up recently.

Marco: Yeah, we do it all the time.

WordPress for tools, for whatever we need to do with it. I mean and you really can’t beat the speed …

Bradley: Yeah.

Marco: … that they give you. And the price is decent. You have to be careful with back traffic, like you have to know what you’re doing and block the box because that’ll kill you. I mean …

Bradley: Yeah, the bandwidth.

Marco: Yeah. The price will really go up when those box hit you. So, you have to make sure that you block the box before you go live. But, once that’s done you just let Google in. Google, if that’s your target. Google, Bing or Yahoo or whoever, YouTube, whoever your target is. You let them in and you exclude everyone else.

Angel: Yeah. AWS is phenomenal. I love that hosting provider. For spam purposes, using the S3 like Brad was saying, it just, you can’t beat that, you know?

Marco: Yeah.

Angel: It’s either using AWS or Google Cloud, they both work great for that type of stuff.

Bradley: Yeah guys. You piggyback on the authority of the Amazon domain that way. So single, and guys it’s so simple to throw up a single HTML page. I mean it’s just dumb simple. You can download free HTML templates all day long, throw them at … you don’t even need an HTML editor guys. You can use Notepad Plus-Plus. That’s what I do.

You can just edit the HTML right inside Notepad Plus-Plus. You can add schema, you can even find HTML templates that have structured schema already included. You just go in and edit the details. And so they’re really, really powerful.

Angel: It’s free lunch, it embeds. You can add anything you want. It’s limitless, honestly.

Does Anyone Have Trouble With Jvzoo?

Bradley: Brian says, “Does anyone have trouble with JV Zoo?”

Don’t know Brian, I haven’t been in JV Zoo in quite some time. I don’t handle that end of things and I don’t purchase products very much anymore. I finally got away from my addiction to buying internet marketing products. I’m trying to stay the hell away from it.

So, I’m getting a hell of a lot more accomplished here, now that I’ve stopped buying shitty products all the time that end of collecting digital dust. So …

Angel: They need to create a rehab for that sickness man.

Bradley: I know. If we did, we’d probably, like we could probably close Semantic Mastery down and just live off the revenue from providing support, you know?

Angel: For people that are addicted to buying those Ion products.

Bradley: Yep, exactly. I know it’s a common problem in this industry, the shining object syndrome.

Angel: I was there when I first got started. I mean, most people were, you know?

Bradley: Well, what is this just got started shit, I just gave it up a few months ago man. (Laughs).

Angel: (Laughs).

Bradley: I’m not kidding. I’ve been habitually buying products for years man and I don’t even use most of them. So, I’m just finally give it up.

Can Anyone Recommend A Free Or Paid Plugin That Can Curate Content Automatically Into Blog Posts Once A Week?

Anyways, Brian’s up. What’s up, Brian? It’s been a long time man. He says, “Can anyone recommend a free or play plug in that can curate content automatically?”

If anyone has any ideas, please share them. I don’t do any automated curation stuff unless its like way, way out like two or three steps out. Even then, we stop doing it. We just don’t need to anymore. All the curating stuff that we do is done manually by my virtual assistants that have been trained. It’s so much higher quality and it’s very inexpensive. But, if anyone has any automated solutions, please speak up.

Hernan: Well, I think that the main point, if you’re trying to automate it you’re missing the point of curation, right? Because, curation is to craft high quality unique content without needing to write articles from scratch. So, if you want to automate the thing, I don’t know actually.

You can use Curation Suite maybe, but that doesn’t automate it. Like it helps you out with the stuff but I don’t know why you would want to automate it. If you want to do automated content, that’s another story. That’s fun stuff that I agree needs to be far away from your website. Unless you’re using a parasite or G-site would …

Bradley: Right.

Hernan: … but, in any case, if you’re doing anything worth of reading or that can convert a visitor into purchase then manually is the way to go.

Bradley: Yeah, because Brian we have a curation course, it’s under the Master PR brand now. It’s called Content Kingpin. That course is the exact process that my team had been using since, shit I’d say well about four years now. Four or five years. It’s the process I started on my own. I use to do all that shit myself. Then, I finally got smart and learned to train virtual assistants to do it for me.

And now, that is my, I’ve mentioned this before, but the primary work that my local marketing agency does. Once I get the client ranked, it’s just content marketing, and that’s it. Once I get it ranked, the syndication networks and the constant content marketing, which is all curated content, manages to keep them for the most part ranked, without me having to do anything els. Period.

So, I’ve got clients that have been paying me for years. I’ve had them ranked and I don’t do anything but pay my curators, and that’s it. I do the reporting and occasionally I have to do some additional citations and stuff like that. But it’s primarily just content marketing, it’s curated content. It’s all handled by my virtual assistants. It’s very, very profitable business. It’s almost hands off.

That’s why our Content Kingpin tagline is Hands free content marketing. Right.

Alright, we’re almost out of time. We got a couple questions here we’re going to have to get. Let’s see. How to make a fortune selling a smoking a pancake.

Wayne: I fucking love that line. It’s awesome man.

How Many Embedded YouTube You Can Index Safely In A Day?

Bradley: We’re going to answer Adam’s question. He says, “Hello my name is Adam. Please tell me how much I can index and bed YouTube per one day safely. 5, 10, 100,100? No penalty, Google.com, thanks buddy Marco.”

Adam, I would say if I’m reading your question right and I had a question about this earlier when I read it the first time. If you’re just trying to index YouTube videos, as far as I know there’s no limit. As far as I know, there’s no limit to indexing pages on a website either.

I’ve never experienced a penalty from indexing. Unless it was a really, really spammy site or page that I was trying to index. It may get indexed and then fall out and cause the rest of the site to get slapped. But, when it comes to just publishing posts or pages with YouTube embeds, I know for a fact that I’ve never had … as long as you’re not importing the video descriptions, which can be quite spammy, but you’re just like republishing videos. I’ve never had a single site be indexed where … I mean even, couple years ago when I was doing some stuff with Network Empire and they had the pin vid thing. And it was like literally it would connect to the API and would publish YouTube videos through WordPress sites at the rate of 10,000 videos per day. I’m not kidding.

You’d have to get a, special servers to manage the databases because of how many posts would be published. The databases would grow so damn fast. Those sites would just … we would test thousands of videos per day. None of those sites got de-indexed. It was only when we started importing the descriptions that things started getting de-indexed.

Anybody have a comment on that?

Okay.

Marco: Yeah. I have something.

Bradley: Oh, go ahead Marco. Go ahead.

Marco: No, we’ve shown this before. We’ve tested this before, because we have our own video and vin network, right? Video Powerhouse. We embed videos constantly and we’ve never had a problem.

As far as indexing, I mean go to town. You’re a Google publisher. Once you start embedding videos you’re treated more like a Google or YouTube publisher, than you are anything else. So, by all means, I’ve never seen anyone … if it’s just a video, no description, nothing. If you’re just embedding videos and pushing them through, I don’t see any problems and I don’t see with getting them indexed.

Unless you’re in the millions, I guess they would know it’s a machine doing it then, right?

Bradley: Yeah. I think the API, well for what I was talking about. The API, I think it has a limit of 50,000 per day. But that’s a different issue, all together.

What were you going to say Angel?

Angel: I was going to give a quick tip for the video indexing. Like, something that I would do is, I would set up a video XML on my website. It would host all of the videos that you are looking to index. Then I would submit that via Google Webmaster tools …

Marco: Sure.

Bradley: Yeah.

Angel: … and get that crawl. So, you’re just going to increase the rate of Google crawling those videos and getting them indexed.

Bradley: So, you said Video XML, just to clarify that for him. You mean a video site map?

Angel: Yeah, exactly. So, you can just download a plug in on WordPress. Just fire that up inside Webmaster Tools.

Bradley: Yep. Yep. I agree with that.

Now, I know we’re out of time guys but I’ve got to answer this question for both of these guys.

And Mark, thank you for that. Isearchfrom.com is the same thing. I have never, I’ve never used that, I’ve just always used the AdWords tool but that’s cool. Thank you.

Metro Biz, this is our YouTube account provider guys and Gmail account provider. He’s a good guy. We had some issues in the past and he squared all that stuff away. His bulkpva.com is his web address if you guys need phone verified accounts. I highly recommend him. So, go check it out. He’s a good dude, he’ll take care of you. If there’s any issues, he takes care of them. So again, bulkpva.com.

Is A Branded IFTTT Syndication Network Powerful Enough To Rank A WordPress Site Converted From An HTML?

So because you’re here, I’m going to answer your question. He says, “One of my clients had a site created using HTML with six pages. I suggest him to create blog using WordPress for example. He had site on the name, site.com in HTML. I said to make a blog in WordPress called blog.site.com. For this [inaudible 00:58:38], can we do IFTTT Syndicated Network branded?”

Yes, absolutely. And that’s perfect. That’s exactly what I do when a client has an HTML site, which is kind of rare now. They’re still out there, right? That’s always what I do. I tell them look, we’re just going to put a blog on a sub-domain. We’ll use that as the content distribution engine. Then you just use the blog’s sub-domain RSS feed.

That’s absolutely correct. What you can do is, in the blog you can … like for example if their HTML site’s only got six pages, they’re probably likely maybe a couple different product or service pages. So, what you do it in the blog you create categories to match those service pages. Then you would always post, you know, create your … you publish your posts within the right categories and what you do is put a 301 reader act URL from the category URL, which is like http://ift.tt/2yzmwcK the slug is.

You put a 301 redirect from the category URL up to the main money site HTML page. That way, all of the blog posts within that silo, essentially that category, are going to have internal links. Well, the internal links are going to point up to the money site anyways. But they’re going to be placed within that category. So, the relevancy passes through that category URL, which is 301 redirected to the HTML page, the corresponding HTML page.

So, you end up passing a lot of juice and relevancy up to the root domain that way, while keeping it simple in the WordPress site. Anybody want to comment on that before I move on.

Angel: Man, you’re spot on. That was great advice.

Bradley: Thanks.

Angel: That’s all I’m saying, that was good.

Bradley: Thanks, and its super easy to do guys. Anytime I run into a site or like client sites that might not be WordPress, they might not be HTML, but they’re not WordPress. I always tell them, look I’m not doing anything your site because I’m not learning a new platform just for one client. So, if you want me to do work for you we’re going to put a blog on a sub-domain or in a sub-folder, sub-directory type thing. Then, that’s how we work it.

Good thoughts. Very good.

Last question from Muhammad, “Hey Bradley, what’s the best place to ask questions about Mindset Mondays?”

That’s a good question Muhammad. Right now, I’ve had a few comments and stuff like that just coming through my channel, because I’m hosting those videos on my own channel. So, its http://youtube.com/bradleybrennar. However, I do have my own name as a domain, so bradleybrennar.com, it’s just a one place site right now. It’s like an online business card basically.

What I might do Muhammad, as a … because I’m going to continue that series, as far as I know, indefinitely. So, what I’ll probably due Muhammad is put a contact form or something on that page, at bradleybrennar.com, that people can ask questions about that kind of stuff there and it’ll come to me.

That way, it’s all in one uniform. It’ll be easy for people to find. Right now, if people ask questions on YouTube … first of all, I don’t always reply to YouTube comments. Second of all, they’re all comments on individual videos, so it makes it difficult.

I can put them all in one central location, which I can solve that with just a simple web form. That’s something I may do. In fact, I’m going to make a note of that now. That’s just on bradleybrennar.com and I’ll put a call to action in the video description once I get that set up, so that I can direct people in those videos. If you got any questions or comments, post them at bradleybrennar.com, that kind of thing. Okay?

So, I appreciate you bringing that up. That’s something I hadn’t really thought of. That’s something I should do for sure. Alright?

Okay guys. Thanks everybody for being here. I’m sorry we went a couple minutes over for those of you that are on. But, appreciate you being here. So …

Marco: Bye everyone. Take care everyone.

Bradley: Thanks Angel, thanks [inaudible 01:02:10] and Rob. And Angel, we’ll get with you about your SEO product within the next few days.

Angel: Sounds good.

Alright guys. Alright take care.

Bradley: See ya.

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Weekly Digital Marketing Q&A – Hump Day Hangouts – Episode 152

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Click on the video above to watch Episode 152 of the Semantic Mastery Hump Day Hangouts.

Full timestamps with topics and times can be found at the link above.

The latest upcoming free SEO Q&A Hump Day Hangout can be found at http://ift.tt/1NZu6N2.

Announcement

Bradley: We’re live. I wonder how long we were live, I was looking in another tab.

Marco: (Laughs)

Bradley: Hey guys, this is Bradley with Semantic Mastery. This is the Digital Marketing Q&A Hump day Hangouts for October 4, 2017. We’re back to our normal schedule, 4:00 pm eastern.

It’s good to be home even though we had a really good time last week in Portland. We enjoyed that immensely with all the guys, except for Marco unfortunately.

We’ve got Hernan and Marco on with us right now. We’ve got a couple of guests too as well. So, I’m going to go right ahead and go down the line, start with them as I see them.

Hello Hernan, how are you?

Hernan: Hey guys. I’m really, really good. Really excited for what’s coming actually. We had a lot of fun, it’s always good to see you guys. We get a lot of stuff done. We get a lot of fun.

Bradley: One of the most … [crosstalk 00:01:13]

Marco: Yeah, hang on a second.

Bring me one while I’m in Argentina, Hernan.

Hernan: Ah, we’ll be good.

Marco: For when we meet [crosstalk 00:01:20].

Hernan: Alright. I will.

Guys, I’ve been living by that for, well I just started my second one now, so about fourteen weeks, absolutely love it.

So, Marco, how are you man?

Marco: I’m good, getting ready for surgery again.

Angel: Oh shit.

Angel: Dang, that sucks man, sorry to hear that.

Bradley: Yeah dude, that sucks.

Marco: But yeah, so anyway, I’ll try not to miss too many Hump day Hangouts, because I want to be here for 156 man.

Bradley: Absolutely. We’ll make sure that we, even if we have to come set you up while you’re in traction. We’ll do it.

What’s up, Angel?

Angel: Everything’s good man, glad to be here. How’s everyone doing today?

Bradley: Good man. Glad to have you here.

This is Angel Cruise everybody. He’s a SEO bad ass as well and we bought him on as a guest with us today. So, we’re glad to have you here man.

Angel: Appreciate it. Appreciate it. What’s going on everyone?

Bradley: And, last but not least we got Rob who is one of our Mastermind members as well as one of the co-creators of RYS Academy Reloaded with Marco. What’s up Rob?

Rob: Not much gentleman. How are you guys?

Bradley: Very good. Glad to have you man.

Marco: For people that don’t know Rob, sorry to interrupt you and then you can keep going. I just want to sing your fucking praises because you’re a fucking beast, man

This guy comes up with, I mean …

Rob: I don’t have on my boots today, Marco.

So that’s coming down the pipeline. I don’t know how we’ll present that. But, expect more awesome stuff, from Rob.

Rob: Glad to be here fellas.

Bradley: I don’t know if we have any announcements because once again Adam’s not here and he always drives this ship. So, does anyone have any announcements?

So, yeah we’re excited and we have a lot of good stuff coming up, so I’ll just leave it at that for now.

Bradley: Yeah, well that why, that’s in part why you’re on with us today. One, because you’re awesome.

Angel: (Laughs) Thanks.

That’s awesome. We’re glad to have you.

Angel: Thank you man. Appreciate it.

Bradley: Alright guys, well I’m going to jump into questions then, if everybody’s cool with that?

Marco: Yep.

Angel: Let’s do it.

Wayne: Smoking a pancake? That’s one of my favorite movies of all time. I’m not kidding.

Bung in the blitz. Cigar on a crip? No, no. (Laughs) Freaking’ love that movie.

Angel: I wonder what?

Bradley: And I had a blast, let’s just put it that way.

Wayne: I wish I was there with you guys.

Bradley: Yeah, it was fun man. It really was. I enjoyed it.

We worked it the morning for several hours, pretty much from after lunch on, we would just hang out and have a good time. It was a lot of fun.

What’s The Best Way To Improve A Drive Stack That Hasn’t Ranked Yet?

Okay, Muhammad’s up first. He says, “Hey guys. What is the best way to improve a drive stack that hasn’t ranked yet. Do I build more links to it or just be patient?”

What do you guys think?

Now, you can do it that way or you can do what I recommend in the RYS Reloaded black book, which is you wait out those 21 days. That’s a must. But, this is for intelligence purposes, right?

And it just blew the guys phone off the wall. He had to shut the phone down …

Wayne: That’s awesome.

Bradley: What are your thoughts, Rob?

Marco: Yeah.

Rob: Anytime you hit anything it’s going to dance a little bit, so …

Marco: Yep, I agree with that.

Bradley: Definitely.

Angel: I’ll jump in guys, real quick.

Bradley: Sure.

But, that’s all it took pretty much. Once it indexed, it probably landed on page four or five. And then, I sent a …

Bradley: Nice.

Angel: … what’s it called, a Be Hance link directly to that and then boosted the Be hance with some links. And that’s all it took.

Bradley: Just one Be hance link, right?

Angel: One Be hance link.

Bradley: And then you just spammed the shit out of that?

Angel: I mean, I don’t think I spammed the crap out of it. I might have sent a few decent links to that Be hance, but that’s about it. I didn’t go too crazy.

Bradley: Huh. I’ll be damned.

Angel: That’s all it took though. Just to give you guys an idea of some times it doesn’t take that much. It could just be one or two links and it’ll do enough damage.

Bradley: Very nice man. Don’t you guys love it. I just love these man it’s so simple, its like stupid easy. It’s like your cheat ticket. Stupid easy. That’s awesome man, thank you.

What Is Your Process Of Getting New Clients For A Lead Gen Campaign?

So, what do you think, Angel?

Bradley: There you go.

Angel: And, what I’m going to tell them is, “I have a current provider who has excess leads and we’re looking to bring on another provider who can take these phone calls. Are you interested?”

Angel: Yeah, I hear you man.

Rob: I’ve got a slightly different approach, it’s kind of between the two. I don’t know if anyone’s heard of ring partner or any of those, called buyers.

Bradley: Um-hmm.

Angel: Yep.

Put that in the email to several providers and once you have the calls, it’s pretty much do you want to buy these yes or no?

Bradley: Yeah.

Angel: Exactly.

Bradley: Yep.

Rob: Makes it much easier to sell.

But yeah, I like your approach that’s something I ought to do because then you’re monetizing even those first dozen or so leads or whatever they are that’s are coming through.

So, that’s a good [crosstalk 00:25:31]

Bradley: That’s right.

Rob: At least the service, right?

Bradley: Yeah.

Bradley: Yeah. That’s why I use a call center. Exactly, for that reason, by the way. Because, it prevents all those spam calls for ever getting to the contractor. So …

Rob: Yeah.

Angel: Like they just cheat you out of the money?

Rob: Yes, I’ve had that happen.

Angel: Yeah.

Rob: I’ll call my own number to see what’s going on. And, I’ve even called them back and called them out on it.

Angel: Wow.

Here’s the other way to work around that Angel. If you get called back by the provider, then you just sell him the leads you’re getting ready to sell the ring partner …

Angel: That’s right.

Rob: … at a markup. (Laughs)

Angel: Exactly, because you’re going direct at that point, you know? The little people that are buying the leads.

[crosstalk 00:27:09]

So, yeah, I’ve played it that way too.

Angel: (Laughs). Yeah.

What Is Your Experience With Google’s GMB Tech Support Call Service?

Rob: How do you know when an address, which way the format is correct or not?

Bradley: Well, let me just show you that, and then I’ll finish my point.

So, I eventually reached out to Google My Business Support, the help center. I asked them, “Why won’t this update?”

Because I’m getting results even though the citations don’t match what is shown on the actual display address, if that makes sense.

Does anybody else have any other experience with GMB?

Hernan: Yeah. I mean not only with GMB but with Google overall. Here’s the thing, their expert on schema couldn’t answer schema questions. Their expert in ad words often, and you know this.

Bradley: Yeah.

Hernan: Can’t answer AdWords questions or they are very misleading in what they tell you, as they mentioned. Their expert for, in [inaudible 00:33:11], if you reach out to them.

These are engineers, right? That are trying to do customer service. It’s like me trying to do customer service. You know how I’d do, right?

Bradley: Oh God.

Of course not. Because, it’s the type of people that you are dealing with.

Bradley: Yeah. Anybody else?

Bradley: Yeah.

Angel: If it doesn’t recover, what I would do personally is just change it to what it was before. It should pop back to what it previously was ranking. That’s what I would do.

Bradley: That’s exactly what I said last week too. Wait, let it go past the dance period, the probation period or whatever and then see where it settles back in and if it doesn’t, switch it back.

Angel: Yeah, that’s all I had though on that point. Just change it back if you don’t see anything in the next few weeks.

Bradley: Yep.

Hernan: I think the guy from the honeymoon just joined too.

Bradley: From the honeymoon?

Hernan: Honeymoon. Mute it.

Adam:Hey you guys, how’s it going?

Bradley: Oh shit. (Laughs).

Marco: What’s up, [crosstalk 00:36:09]?

Adam:What’s up, buddy?

Finally, got some 4G connection here. I’m going through Newport, Oregon, if anybody likes [inaudible 00:36:15], I’m passing that right now.

Bradley: Nice.

Adam:But, just wanted to pop in and say hi to everybody. And, I’m missing the Hump day Hangouts, but I thought I’d get like two minutes here and listen in on you guys.

Bradley: Nice. How are we doing, okay?

Adam:Yeah, yeah. So far so good.

Good to see Angel on here, its been a few months. I guess, Angel, last time I saw you was down in Dallas.

Angel: Yeah, we hanged out a little bit, that was cool man.

Bradley: Yeah.

Adam:Yeah man.

Angel: We gotta do it again soon sometimes, Adam.

Adam:Sounds good.

I’ll let you guys get back to it. I’m crossing the bridge here and I’ll catch up with everybody later.

Bradley: Yeah, man. Get off the damn Hangout and drive the car.

Adam:Thanks momma.

Bradley: Drive safe.

[crosstalk 00:36:50]

Later man.

Adam:[crosstalk 00:36:53] my camera man here.

Yeah. Bye.

Bradley: Nothing like being distracted driving, like explain that one to the cops.

But, I was hosting a hangout, officer.

Can You Put Multiple Category Types In Your Schema Mark Up?

Alright. Paul says, “Hi Guys, question is can you put multiple category types in the schema markup?”

I’ve never done it. I don’t know if you can or should. I just know I’ve never done it. Anybody have an answer for that?

Angel: Absolutely, I usually stack schemas SO I’ll have an app person with all the persona profiles at business, with all the business profiles.

Bradley: Well, what I mean is the ad type for business category itself. You put multiple categories, business categories in there?

Angel: Oh no, just one.

Bradley: That’s what I’ve always done. Anybody else?

Okay.

Anybody else or not, I’m going to keep moving, but I want to pull something up real fast, if I can find it. Standby guys, I’m looking for something here. As soon as I find it, I’ll share it.

I always have trouble [crosstalk 00:38:09]

Marco: I can tell you that Rob stacks schema to death.

Bradley: (Laughs)

Marco: I mean, you have to see some of the schema crap that he does.

Angel: Yo Rob, let’s get together man. I want to show you some stuff that I’ve done with schema.

Rob: Yeah, [crosstalk 00:38:24]

Angel: I’m saying, it’s along the same as you.

Rob: Yeah. I’ve tried to stack it and I’ve even … I call it silo schema, I don’t even know if that’s such a thing. But, it’s essentially trying to schema the same way you silo. So …

Angel: Right.

Rob: It’s a worm hole that you can never get out of if you start really getting into it.

Angel: Aw man, I was stuck in a worm hole for a few year.

Rob: Yeah.

Angel: Yeah so, I understand.

But, I’ve always just selected one so. Also, Ryan Rodin is a schema savant so it might be something that he can cover at some point as well.

How To Make Money From YouTube Video Assets?

I had trouble reading that question so it’s probably my fault. Let me see. My client broke the videos down.

Does anybody else have a take on that?

How To Get A YouTube Playlist URL To Show In Google With An Image?

Okay, anyway. Part number two: Any way to get a play list URL to show in Google with an image?

I’ve never seen that.

Rob: Me neither.

Angel: Not a play list. I’ve seen the one video but not a play list.

Rob: Yeah.

Bradley: Yeah, I’ve never seen that either. So, yeah these individual video URLs will show the thumbnail but I’ve never seen a playlist show a video that’s not in the SERPS, unfortunately.

Angel: If he could link us to one, then that’ll be interesting. We could check that out, you know.

How Do You Get A Social Assistance Client’s Local Rank Back Up For Its Main Keyword?

Hernan: My question would be, if she’s going for a keyword with local modifier, why is she only targeting the broad keyword in the RYS stack without the local modifier. I don’t understand that.

Bradley: Yeah. I agree with that.

And I’ve been able to identify some … [crosstalk 00:46:56]

Somebody’s gotta mute. I hear a lot of background noise guys.

Okay? Does that make sense? Does anybody else want to comment on that before I move on?

Marco: It makes sense to me so.

What Are Your Thoughts On Hosting Sites On AWS?

Bradley: Okay. Arebacon, what’s up buddy? He says, “What are your thoughts on hosting sites on AWS?”

It’s kind of geeky. I know it works I just … Marco, you want to talk about that. I know you set something up recently.

Marco: Yeah, we do it all the time.

WordPress for tools, for whatever we need to do with it. I mean and you really can’t beat the speed …

Bradley: Yeah.

Marco: … that they give you. And the price is decent. You have to be careful with back traffic, like you have to know what you’re doing and block the box because that’ll kill you. I mean …

Bradley: Yeah, the bandwidth.

Angel: Yeah. AWS is phenomenal. I love that hosting provider. For spam purposes, using the S3 like Brad was saying, it just, you can’t beat that, you know?

Marco: Yeah.

Angel: It’s either using AWS or Google Cloud, they both work great for that type of stuff.

Angel: It’s free lunch, it embeds. You can add anything you want. It’s limitless, honestly.

Does Anyone Have Trouble With Jvzoo?

Bradley: Brian says, “Does anyone have trouble with JV Zoo?”

So, I’m getting a hell of a lot more accomplished here, now that I’ve stopped buying shitty products all the time that end of collecting digital dust. So …

Angel: They need to create a rehab for that sickness man.

Bradley: I know. If we did, we’d probably, like we could probably close Semantic Mastery down and just live off the revenue from providing support, you know?

Angel: For people that are addicted to buying those Ion products.

Bradley: Yep, exactly. I know it’s a common problem in this industry, the shining object syndrome.

Angel: I was there when I first got started. I mean, most people were, you know?

Bradley: Well, what is this just got started shit, I just gave it up a few months ago man. (Laughs).

Angel: (Laughs).

Bradley: I’m not kidding. I’ve been habitually buying products for years man and I don’t even use most of them. So, I’m just finally give it up.

Can Anyone Recommend A Free Or Paid Plugin That Can Curate Content Automatically Into Blog Posts Once A Week?

Anyways, Brian’s up. What’s up, Brian? It’s been a long time man. He says, “Can anyone recommend a free or play plug in that can curate content automatically?”

Bradley: Right.

Hernan: … but, in any case, if you’re doing anything worth of reading or that can convert a visitor into purchase then manually is the way to go.

That’s why our Content Kingpin tagline is Hands free content marketing. Right.

Alright, we’re almost out of time. We got a couple questions here we’re going to have to get. Let’s see. How to make a fortune selling a smoking a pancake.

Wayne: I fucking love that line. It’s awesome man.

How Many Embedded YouTube You Can Index Safely In A Day?

Anybody have a comment on that?

Okay.

Marco: Yeah. I have something.

Bradley: Oh, go ahead Marco. Go ahead.

Marco: No, we’ve shown this before. We’ve tested this before, because we have our own video and vin network, right? Video Powerhouse. We embed videos constantly and we’ve never had a problem.

Unless you’re in the millions, I guess they would know it’s a machine doing it then, right?

Bradley: Yeah. I think the API, well for what I was talking about. The API, I think it has a limit of 50,000 per day. But that’s a different issue, all together.

What were you going to say Angel?

Marco: Sure.

Bradley: Yeah.

Angel: … and get that crawl. So, you’re just going to increase the rate of Google crawling those videos and getting them indexed.

Bradley: So, you said Video XML, just to clarify that for him. You mean a video site map?

Angel: Yeah, exactly. So, you can just download a plug in on WordPress. Just fire that up inside Webmaster Tools.

Bradley: Yep. Yep. I agree with that.

Now, I know we’re out of time guys but I’ve got to answer this question for both of these guys.

And Mark, thank you for that. Isearchfrom.com is the same thing. I have never, I’ve never used that, I’ve just always used the AdWords tool but that’s cool. Thank you.

Is A Branded IFTTT Syndication Network Powerful Enough To Rank A WordPress Site Converted From An HTML?

So, you end up passing a lot of juice and relevancy up to the root domain that way, while keeping it simple in the WordPress site. Anybody want to comment on that before I move on.

Angel: Man, you’re spot on. That was great advice.

Bradley: Thanks.

Angel: That’s all I’m saying, that was good.

Good thoughts. Very good.

Last question from Muhammad, “Hey Bradley, what’s the best place to ask questions about Mindset Mondays?”

So, I appreciate you bringing that up. That’s something I hadn’t really thought of. That’s something I should do for sure. Alright?

Okay guys. Thanks everybody for being here. I’m sorry we went a couple minutes over for those of you that are on. But, appreciate you being here. So …

Marco: Bye everyone. Take care everyone.

Bradley: Thanks Angel, thanks [inaudible 01:02:10] and Rob. And Angel, we’ll get with you about your SEO product within the next few days.

Angel: Sounds good.

Alright guys. Alright take care.

Bradley: See ya.

Weekly Digital Marketing Q&A – Hump Day Hangouts – Episode 152 posted first on http://ift.tt/2lnZU8p

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