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#anyways !! I'm grateful to be alive
darehearts · 5 months
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good morning glitter bombs  !  ✨
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goldkirk · 3 months
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as I'm going back over my past history and items and journals and years, I come across all sorts of things, like the pencil I saved from that so-precious memory from second grade, and a pair of flip flops I've been missing for two years, and (tw for murder/crime/killings) the modern-high-school-AU-kidnapped-by-a-serial-killer story I wrote in late high school jdfsjdfsjkjlksfd
#i can't wait to find out what red flags I didn't see in my own self back when I last read this thing in 2015 hfdhfdhjsfd#also. there's gonna be like a good sentence here and there and then CRINGE. the whole rest of everything is just me still trying to copy th#breathing pace (essentially) and ways-of-describing-things of mainstream authors like I thought I was supposed to#so this'll be somewhat painful but also god what a joy and a gift and an honor and a delight to get to hold this close to my heart#and witness it with understanding and empathy and slow reflection and care like my past younger self deserves#i'm so lucky i'm alive to be here and do this#i'm so grateful i'm headed towards welcoming back and embracing the last little girl i was that still felt a lot of things#so excited for her focus and precision and tenacity and constant curious joy and movement to be back someday#i'm afraid people won't like the me i was before rule after rule and then dangers#but my god it'll feel so good to be the fully-flowing energy machine and dance and conduit again how will I have enough bother to care?#people who are good to each others' nervous systems cumulatively feel better and better#if i'm not good for you and yours then you really truly SHOULD go elsewhere and find someone who makes YOUR self feel right and light + war#anyway now that i wrote an essay in the tags as usual [nervous laughter]#personal#add to journal#words n rhythm#WHY DID I FEEL CAPABLE OF UNDERTAKING A STORY LIKE THIS#cradling my past self gently but also BANGING my HEAD against the WALL lmao#i'm proud of myself for writing and sharing this and its creative ideas. even if i don't like it now or feel ashamed or see mistakes.#anything. it mattered that it came to me and it mattered that i explored it and it mattered that i poured myself through it to help shape i#and it mattered that I left it on the internet so that now it still exists. i'm going to honor this story no matter what current me would#objectively think about it if it was written by anyone else.#this is a gift i give myself now.#this is a lot of what I learn and learn to do#trauma evolution#mosswrites
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claudemblems · 28 days
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You ever get compliments that are just so nice and genuine you wanna cry 😭 I complain a lot (and I know it's something I need to work on), but sometimes I realize God has really blessed me in so many ways and I have WONDERFUL people in my life even if they're far away. I could have never recovered from the things that I've been through, but I'm still here in one piece and I'm determined to keep improving 😊
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blacklynx14 · 1 year
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Hey anyone/everyone who sees this,
Sending warm fuzzy feelings, cranberry juice/ hot coco/ whatever you prefer and 70% dark chocolate bar cause I learned just how bitter it can taste. It was like a punch to the face, that I think I got whiplash. It's an experience and it really knocks you down to earth cause I almost landed back on my arse.
Just a reminder everyone can have their dips and doubts. Your artwork/ writing/posts are always appreciated, but so is your time. I'm a new follower for some and a long time silent viewer for others. Some of you've probably had repeated ask/ like/rebloggers. But sometimes the likes/reblogs dwindle, and it's 98% likely not on you, so please take a breather. (I think the other 2% are the troll creators who eventually/likely irk the audience to leave just to avoid toxic environments).
Think of your followers as your OG who more feel elated seeing you post ANYTHING. It means you're alive, it means you're still around, and it's a platonic love that I think people cherish even if they ever left this site. Even if I see a post I don't interact with/ reblog. I can always get a smile, maybe even a bit teary eyed if the person posting was silent on their blog for a long time.
I become relieved, grateful with the thought "This human/friend is still around. Thank the stars, I'd be crushed if I ever found out I lost them due to exterior/inner struggles they were facing.." Seeing someone I follow post when it's been weeks/months, it's like a warm hug or them giving a wave like saying "I'm here! I'm likely going through stuff because I have doubts about what I create/like, or life sure is keeping me busy! Or I'm kinda floating along and waiting for this numbness to settle... But I'm here! This little star is still shining, even if I feel dirty or dim, your night sky is just as bright still! I'm around, the light of my life is still burning bright, even if I forget how brightly I shine to others!"
..... Just, if you've read all this. Please know I'm grateful you're alive. You don't have to post, you don't have to say anything. Even I fall silent. Just know, I'm grateful you're alive and your light is still keeping my night sky adorned with your light. Trust me, there are others like me who treasure you and are grateful, that in your own unique ways, we get to see you shine.
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Happy Birthday Krone!! (July 15, 2019)
The Promised Neverland Parallels ↳ (14/?) » 20 // 23 // 181.2 Krone + Butterflies Symbolism
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Damn, that survey about jam on toast really has me wishing we had bread (and butter) because I could DESTROY like half a loaf all by myself right now.
Which of my menagerie of maladies is to blame for me craving salt and fat above all else?
I don't fucking know.
Even day-old bread costs like $4 a loaf now. And butter, that shit's like, double digits for a pound.
I don't remember the last time I could eat enough to actually feel full.
I say, while just wanting fucking. Bread.
Hit me with the peasant scraps. I will take your stale heels and I will be delighted.
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daz4i · 9 months
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i am so angry about being alive it's not even funny anymore
#what's the point in any of this 😐 i will literally never be okay. i never have been okay. I've had debilitating anxiety since birth#it's not going to go away it's literally getting worse as i grow older and so is my depression#hate to hear ppl say it gets better when I've been gradually getting worse since i was like 13#which is extremely funny. bc when i was 13 is when most of my suicide attempts took place#at least i was active and took initiative back then 🙄 i only became too tired to keep trying since#i don't want to kill myself i just want to be dead. I'm tired. I'm angry. I'm always feeling awful. nothing is worth it#even when i feel good it's like 1% of how bad i always feel. and it's not like there's much good to go around anyway#i don't understand now people don't constantly feel like losing their mind over how shit life is truly#there's this line in nlh actually. where yozo asks how come ppl don't constantly want to kill themselves. and yeah felt#i can barely distract myself anymore bc nothing is stimulating enough esp when I'm alone#and i don't. care enough. about anything. to want to stay alive. like i said nothing is worth it. idc if ppl would be sad sorry#i don't even know what I'm saying anymore man. idk why I'm doing so bad rn. it's been a tough week ig.#nothing actually happened but everything is just. less than average. a little worse than neutral. just enough to be grating#i don't want to kill myself but i wish i could#wish i wasn't a coward wish i didn't fear permanent damage or hospitals or even just pain i have no control over#nothing happened but everything sucks. existence is disappointing. i would like to stop#vent#suicide //#negative //#ask to tag#i genuinely don't know what to do now. i can't distract myself. i probably shouldn't fall asleep when I'm like that#(at least if i don't want to have nightmares like i did all week and for tomorrow to be even worse)#tbh i doubt i even COULD fall asleep like that lol my brain's working too fast as usual 😐#sigh. sorry for the vent. trying to clear some of the dirt off my psyche
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dionysus-complex · 2 years
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sashannarcy · 1 year
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i need you to know that your descriptions and analyzations of sasha waybright, the way you write her in e!amphibia or even just in your asks, makes me go insane. when you post sasha waybright i am screaming and clenching my fists. i am sobbing and throwing my phone against the wall. i am curled up in a ball rocking myself back and forth. IM OFF MY ROCKER AND ITS YOUR FAULT. THANK YOU. i’m gonna shut up now and go back to pretending i’m normal. have a nice evening :)
top 10 asks to make my fucking day
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thesoftestmess · 1 year
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i just need to stay in my own energy i just need to stay in my own energy i just need to-
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thornedswan · 8 months
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My birthday isn't until March, but I am oddly looking forward to being 24
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honeybleed · 4 months
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— ★ BIRTHDAY BOY // PORTGAS D. ACE
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content & warnings: fem!reader, canon-verse, spoilers about ace’s family if you haven’t got up to marineford 🚶🏽‍♂️, whitebeard crew member!reader, mentions of alcohol, smut (69, fingering, breastplay) ace has a dirty mouth in this, mdni, past traumas, mentions of grooming, death (maternal mortality), angsty but comfort & fluff
author’s note: happy birthday (01/01) to my freckled sunshine eee
word count: 2.3k
"Eh? What do you mean Ace doesn't celebrate his birthday?" You questioned as you sat with the others for dinner.
"Beats me." Thatch chuckled. "He gets all pissy when you bring it up."
Whitebeard's crew always felt like a family affair, and Ace had always been celebrated. A party animal like Ace not wanting to enjoy his special day sounded completely absurd to you.
Ace was sat on the crow's nest, overlooking the orange hues of the sunset as the Moby Dick swayed in a rhythmic grace on the calm waters.
The last time one of the rowdy crew members insisted on making a big spectacle for his birthday and refused to drop it, resulted in a fistfight where Ace had knocked the poor man's tooth out and left him with a black eye.
He'd learned to laugh it off now.
"Mind if I join you?" You grinned after you clambered the mast.
"Sure." Ace said with his trademark wolfish grin, scooting up. A comfortable silence fell over the both of you as you gazed up at the seagulls calling as they flew.
"Do you remember when we met?" You said, turning to face him.
"Yeah.." He chortled. "You gave your poor sis hell."
Your sister was one of Whitebeard's nurses for his deteriorating health. She often made remarks he was the one patient who would drink while receiving an IV drip.
And there was nothing anybody could do about it. You always snuck on board to get a peep of the colossal figure dubbed "The Strongest Man in the World."
The other members always treated you like a pest, chucking you out every time you snuck on board much to your dismay.
That is until you helped a wandering Fire Fist Ace sneak away from marines, proving your loyalty and worth.
Your sister always struggled with raising you and she knew you were better suited for life on the seas. So she let you go. It was a stepping stone for life, and you were eternally grateful.
"Usually I'm quite good at going undetected by those floozies." Ace chuckled. "I was probably hungover or somethin'!"
"Ace...you mind if I ask you something?" You asked finally mustering up the courage.
"Shoot." He responded.
"...Why don't you celebrate your birthday?"
He tensed up, jaw clenching. Ace had a soft spot for you so he bit his tongue, not wanting to be an asshole and yell.
"Whose big mouth flapped their gums?" He settled on, voice still venomous despite his attempts at restraining himself as he rubbed the nape of his neck.
"Don't blame them, Ace...I was snooping around. I'm sorry."
He made a disgruntled noise as his face crinkled up in disgust.
"Don't say sorry, jeez. Making me feel like an asshat."
You snorted at his comment.
"What's the big flap about birthdays anyways? It's just like any ole day." He said gruffly.
"You get older.." You said softly.
"And it's the day you came into this world. It deserves to be celebrated."
Ace's mind replayed that sentence on a loop for some odd reason as he lay on his bed after most of the crew headed to turn in for the night.
Turmoil was always brewing within Ace. Despite the polite, happy-go-lucky and cheeky front he put out, his mind felt as if he was stuck in quicksand of wondering why he was alive.
He loathed his father. He loved his mother and sometimes, very rarely he would lay in bed thinking about the way she protected him, so much so it had cost her life.
Nobody has memories of birth, but he liked to picture being held by his mother. During infancy. During childhood. Hell, even as a teenager before he took off.
This already stabbing guilt worsened knowing she had died that same day he was born.
He constantly blamed himself. It was irrational, he knew. Sometimes sacrifices are made by a person and as devastating as they may be, they should be respected regardless.
Garp never spoke about Ace's parents to him. He had let it slip after getting blind drunk at one of the mountain bandit's raves that Ace was the spitting image of Roger with Rouge's freckles.
He loathed his father. He loved his mother.
So the information he had inherited something from her sparked joy in his otherwise miserable existence.
Ace was torn away from his dark thoughts when he heard a knock on his cabin.
"Oh...hey Y/N-" He trailed off when he saw you holding a sprinkled cupcake with a single candle planted into it.
"What's all this...?" He asked eyebrow arched.
"It's for you.." You smiled. "I was gonna borrow a lighter but you can light it yourself, mhm?"
"That I can." He chuckled wryly. He stepped to the side to usher you in and closed the door.
The bed creaked as you sat down after placing it on the wooden desk. Ace slumped into the chair, his arms on the rests.
"You don't gotta tell me why you hate your birthday but...make a wish, hm?"
Ace let out a sigh as he shook his head. He could never say no to you. He lit the candle with the tip of his forefinger.
He was stuck on what exactly to wish for but his eyes flickered to you, who was gazing at him expectantly, he felt a surge of warmth in his chest.
After he said his wish in his mind, he blew out the candle. You dipped your index finger in the butterscotch cream, swiping it on the tip of his nose, earning a hearty chuckle from Ace as he threw his head back.
The type of belly ache laugh that makes the muscles in your cheeks hurt. He never thought he could even have a genuine smile today.
He mischievously swiped some of the cream onto your lips and nudged his forehead against yours.
"May I?"
You drew a sharp intake of breath, blood roaring in your ears as his dark eyes glinted with the lantern behind you.
"...Yes." You whispered, and Ace immediately cupped your cheek and slotted his lips against yours. You were still sitting on the bed, his hand pressing firmly against the mattress as he leaned down to kiss you.
The kiss was sweet from the taste of the cream to the tender-like movements of Ace's lips against yours.
When he lapped up the flavor from your lips, he slid his tongue against yours earning a soft whimper from you as heat pooled deep in your gut.
"ACE!" You squeaked out.
Against the pillows, your heart thumped in anticipation. He stood as he unbuckled his belt and let his shorts drop to his ankles.
It was a lewd sight you suppose, and it'd probably get crazier as this went on.
He was on all fours, crawling towards you which was a little funny to see, then he slotted himself between your legs and began to glide his tongue along the skin of the juncture between your shoulders and neck.
You let out a gasp at the sensation of his large hands squeezing your breast.
"Already..?" He whispered in your ear, his thumb flicking the hardened nipple.
Ace by no means was a lothario, and his own sexual experiences had come from the early days when he first ventured out into the sea.
The older women always told him how much of a pretty boy he was and how his freckles were to die for.
At the time he felt his chest swell with pride, especially when his older crew mates propped him up. Saying how much of a real man he was now.
But late at night he often thought back and he felt disgusted with himself. He hated it. He couldn't exactly pinpoint why he felt that way but he couldn't stand it.
So he steered away from intimacy. He could flirt his way out of trouble but when things ever began to heat up when he was on his expeditions around, he knew when to cut and run.
Somehow, as he was about to engage in something so heated with you he oddly felt comforted. As if this was meant to happen.
"Ace..." You murmured as his lips began to suck and lick the flesh of your stomach.
"What is it princess, do you want me to stop..?" He asked gently, dark eyes flickering to yours full of warmth and tenderness.
"No...I want this.." You mumbled, the tips of your ears red as you felt exposed in front of Ace. "But if it's your special day, I should be the one treating you."
A very predatory almost primal-looking glint gleamed in Ace's eyes.
"Baby...do you trust me?" Ace questioned.
You nodded. He made you stand up as he sat on the edge of the bed.
Ace already naked, began to peel off the remainder of your night clothes until you were fully nude in front of him.
He slowly began to lave kisses and sucked on your nipples, causing your breath to hitch in your throat, gripping your hips to keep you in place.
You whimpered his name, goosebumps trailing all over your body as your pussy began to almost sob at the attention. Ace swiped his middle and forefinger between your folds, practically in awe at your wetness.
He looked up to meet your eyes once more, his own swirling with lust.
"All this for me, baby?"
Unsure of what to say, you simply nodded.
"You're mighty sweet, aren't ya?" He chuckled darkly, his thumb beginning to circle your sensitive bundle of nerves, damn near about to buckle.
"You're treatin' me enough by letting me play with that pretty pussy on my special day...but if you insist. Come on. Sit on my face and suck my cock, mhm?"
The crudeness and vulgarity leaving Ace's mouth was shocking you. You've heard a dirty joke from Ace once or twice but this was another level.
Regardless, you'd be lying if you didn't say the filth from his mouth wasn't spurring you on.
As he laid back on his bed, helping you shift into the position to ride his face as you sucked him off.
You gasped when you felt Ace's fingers dig into the flesh of your plush thighs with the added sensation of him burying his face between your dripping core.
He kissed and bit the delicate flesh of your inner thighs before he completely plunged his tongue into your cunt to run it along the wet folds.
You immediately whined. He'd just begun but he was so good at it, you felt a shudder down your spine.
Your nails sunk into his toned thighs as you carefully eyed his hardened cock, the tip already oozing white pearls of pre cum and angrily red.
"It looks like it hurts." You thought to yourself but were immediately dragged out of your thoughts as Ace parted your folds with his fingers, making you squeak.
"What happened to wanting to treat me, huh?" He chuckled, words vibrating against your pussy causing you to jolt.
You never even thought of the idea of wanting somebody's dick in your mouth. Yet Ace's looked so enticing.
Slightly tan with a vein running along the underside. He seemed like such a wild person who didn't care about 'maintenance' yet his pubes seemed to be well trimmed.
It was slightly hard to concentrate on what you needed to do, what with Ace slurping and suckling your pussy obnoxiously. He was making you lightheaded and a moaning mess in his grip.
The pad of your thumb brushed against the slit of his tip, smearing the cum around. He hissed and bucked his hips slightly since he was carried away with the relentless assault of his tongue on your core.
"You goddamn minx..." He muttered with a hazy smile.
Your hand wrapped around his length and began to stroke him tauntingly slow, giving kitten licks on his aching tip. He let out a groan, his raven locks plastering onto the sweat on his forehead.
Soon enough, you slowly but surely took Ace's cock in your mouth, swirling your tongue around him as the mixture of saliva and precum coated his dick.
You and Ace were cut from the same cloth you suppose. Both of the oral you were giving each other was sloppy and messy, and you both were struggling to keep your sanity amidst the pleasure.
The Second Division captain's cabin was a cacophony of sinful and desperate moans bouncing off the mahogany panelings and skin slapping.
"Fuck...princess.." Ace gasped out, his breath tickling your sticky and puffy folds. "Don't think I can...handle this much longer. Let's cum together, mhm..?"
You nodded, throat a little raw at Ace accidentally hitting the back of your throat with his tip with the over-enthusiasm of you bobbing your head when you increased your pace.
Soon enough, you simultaneously hit your orgasms, Ace's hot seed oozing in your mouth and your juices squirting on his tongue, he eagerly lapped up the essence causing you to jerk away in hysterics.
"You are so damn...greedy!" You heaved out, breaths shallow after you swallowed and rubbed your throat.
"Can't help myself, princess." Ace remarked with a weary smile as he sat up then crawled over to rest on your chest. "You make me insatiable."
You ruffled his jet-black tresses and kissed his temple as he wrapped his arms around your waist, face nestled into you.
"Hope you enjoyed, birthday boy." You smiled.
"Aw...so you sitting on my face is reserved for birthdays only? Suddenly I wish every day was my birthday." He chuckled, causing you to thump his arm.
The next morning, despite the elaborate plan to leave before dawn before anybody saw you leave Ace's cabin you were caught.
"Here." Thatch said sliding a mug of tea over to you. "Marco says peppermint is good for a sore throat."
That was the last thing Thatch remembered before he was scalded with some of the boiling water sloshed on his hand, the rest of the crew in hysterics.
author’s note: if you read this far tysm! reblogs & interactions always appreciated. its like 4am n i wrote this w my pussy n depression so sorry for any grammatical or spelling mistakes
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theveryworstthing · 3 months
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I'm Alive
I posted this on patreon so I might as well post it again here. Hopefully current and past patrons see this as well as people who have just been generally curious about where I've been.
I'm very sorry for not being around and I'm very grateful to those who stuck around. To those who didn't, I get it and I truly appreciate you passing through. 
Last year and the beginning of this year have been pretty bad. Some of you might have heard about my grandma's death and sadly, she was just the first of the family losses in the time I've been gone. There was also a friend's death discovery, my parents' health tanking, my friends Going Through It, and my own physical/mental problems. I didn't want to talk to the internet about these things because they were/are very overwhelming and private and tbh I used all my energy to help with the household and make sure work got turned in on time. When I had spare time after dealing with the near constant disasters, I didn't really feel like interacting with the internet at all beyond using it as a way to talk to far away friends (mostly to give them the thumbs up that i was alive) or watch/read things when my brain was less scrambled. Social media was an absolute no go and I didn't have any non-work art to post so I just kind of mentally crawled under the porch to die lol. 
I only drew work related things for months due to extreme burnout and it took me almost a month off after my last job to remember how to create again. I couldn't draw or write, it was kinda like art block except it was more like nothing was there at all? It's hard to explain. 
Things are still happening but I need to get back in the saddle eventually so here I am. 
I'm going to post the little art I did in June and all the sketches I did in January when I re-learned how to draw for myself. Again, I'm so sorry for being away without saying anything and I'm grateful to whoever threw me a buck, or even just casually enjoyed my art. Leaving like I did was really irresponsible and there's no excuse for not at least making a post about all of this sooner.  Every month I got a patreon payment was another wave of guilt because I literally couldn't give y'all anything but at the same time that money was letting me book flights to funerals and keeping my mom comfortable while she recovered from surgery right after I spent a lot of my savings in 2022 trying to fight my late cat's cancer. And then not posting about what was going on made me more anxious as time went on because there was more guilt every month so I felt like I needed to come back with a bunch of art and energy and good reasons and it was just. A Mess. 
But anyway.
I'm alive, I'm back. The Horrors persist, but so do I.
Thank you for your patience.
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frombothofmyhearts · 2 years
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the obi wan show wasn't perfect but it did check all my boxes including:
- tasteful use of the force theme
- tasteful use of the imperial march
- emperor cameo (hi ian <3)
- qui gon cameo (granted they were hinting at it the whole time but still)
- obi wan crying
- obi wan and darth vader confrontation (we got more than one!)
- obi wan interacting with young luke
so really there's not too much to complain about
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matrixbearer2024 · 2 months
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Troubles Unforeseen
Vox x CollegeStudent!Reader
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A/N: Wowowowow- I did not realize my story would be so well received hahaha, I'm honestly grateful you guys like it so much. Anyways- here's the loooong awaited continuation to the series and I hope you all enjoy this installment as much as you've enjoyed the past ones. Happy reading!
A/N: To say this was looong overdue is a friggin understatement since it's literally just been chilling in my drafts like no one's business hahahaha. I'm posting it now so people can start writing ideas about what to do after Reader dies, but go ahead and feel free to keep posting HCs about Reader still being alive. It's an AU at this point and I'll keep writing about it like one HAHAHAHA!
To say Vox paid more attention to you now was slightly an understatement.
You were both practically connected by the hip digitally.
Even your friend group noticed how much time you'd spent just chatting whoever was on the receiving end of your shenanigans.
Not that they knew what kind of peculiar situation was always on the other side of the screen.
In fact, Vox was aware he probably should've been paying more attention to the meeting he was in-
It just so happens that you interested him more than any typical business ever could.
All the more when you'd told him you were getting ready for a party.
"It's just a birthday celebration Vox, it's not like I'm going to a club or anything."
"If there's any booze try not to get shitfaced, or will you drive yourself there?"
You could only giggle at his worry, taking a glance at your phone as it continued to buzz from his messages.
You clipped on the new earrings you'd bought just a few days ago to go with your outfit.
Even if you had gone shopping with your friends-
You still sent Vox pictures, asking what look he preferred.
He was in the middle of spying on Alastor when you once again swiped up all his attention.
Aaaaaand he actually thought you looked great in all of the outfits.
A warm feeling spread through him upon seeing your cheeky grin and silly poses.
Ah whatever, at this point it was nothing new.
But he did finally end up picking the one which bore a striking resemblance to his color scheme.
You didn't even notice at first when you bought the outfit.
Only when you saw the small desktop companion Vox made for you while doing assignments did you realize the subconscious decision your overlord buddy had made.
You teased him about it for a while too, much to his chagrin.
"I'll be with my friends, you don't have anything to worry about."
"The same friends that caused how we met? Doll, I have every right to be concerned."
Vox had nothing against the chaotic nature of your friends.
After all they always brought out the best-
And the worst-
In you, no matter what you were doing.
Even so, he couldn't shake the feeling that something was very... off.
Like an ominous shadow just looming over his shoulder.
He didn't make any mention of it though, thinking he was just being paranoid.
Besides, he didn't want to rain on your parade.
You'd gone the whole nine yards to pretty yourself up for the party.
He wouldn't want your efforts to be in vain.
Vox felt a twinge of jealousy towards the fact others would be able to admire how nice you were in real time, he only had pictures.
Wait what-
Okay, there was definitely something still wrong with him.
"I might not be as active for a few hours because of the party so go and actually focus on the things you gotta do."
"Are you insinuating that I don't do that already?"
"When you spam memes and talk to me nearly all the time can you blame me for not thinking you're always distracted?"
Vox mumbled cursed under his breath, rolling his eyes and glancing back up to check if the boring meeting was over.
Ugh... were they even halfway done discussing this shit?
"Yeah whatever, enjoy your party dollface. Don't get too hammered."
"Hahaha love you too dumbass, I'll keep you updated."
The overlord glitched slightly reading your reply.
His stomach definitely did a flip when he first saw what you typed.
Vox already knew it was probably just a: "I love you as a really close friend" thing-
But that didn't stop his systems from freaking out about it anyhow.
He decided it would be best to stop thinking about it anyways, placing his phone down and finally placing his attention back on the meeting.
Like it should've been the entire time-
Vox didn't really give a fuck though.
On your end, you were going to be picked up by your friends before you all headed to the party.
You guys decided it would be smarter to carpool so most of you guys could actually drink and unwind.
"Heeeeey bitch! Wow! Your outfit slays!"
You rolled your eyes before climbing into shotgun.
"I had some help picking out the look, any good?"
"(Y/N) you are going to break necks with how fast heads will turn, are you kidding me??"
That just reminded you of something Vox said when you showed him the pictures of your completed outfit.
'They're going to turn their heads so fast it'll give them whiplash! You look stunning darling!'
Vox's knack for petnames sometimes embarrassed you, especially when it sometimes seemed a little more than friendly.
Though- that was probably not the case, he was just being the charming idiot TV telecaster that he was with his sweet talk.
You often caught yourself wondering if he ever meant his words, or if it was just the persona Vox played up.
You partly hoped he meant it, even if you didn't know why.
That was until the not-so-subtle snickering of your friends popped the thought bubble you were in.
"Ooookay, what's so funny?"
"Who are you thinking about~? That digital 'friend' of yours?"
You audibly groaned from the situation your friends were insinuating.
They never really believed that you were just chatting with a friend when you were on the phone with Vox.
Despite the multiple times you'd blatantly mentioned that he really was just that.
A friend, a companion-
He wasn't supposed to be anything more than that right?
A blush was creeping up your neck as your friends continued to prod and tease at you for it, fanning your own face slightly to try and calm down the raging embarrassment.
Of course, it would always be fun and games-
Until it wasn't.
Everything happened so fast.
You were just joking with your friends in one moment-
And now you were coughing up blood in the next.
You remembered your friends screaming, some bright headlights, the brakes screeching then metal crunching.
You couldn't even move.
The entire front of the car had been shoved backwards into the front seats.
Even if the paramedics got here in time, you doubted they could save you.
The coppery tang of blood stained your tongue.
You'd gotten all dolled up for the party too.
It's unfortunate that now you'd never be able to go.
Heh... you probably wouldn't even be able to get drunk now either.
Wait-
Oh shit-
Vox!!
You wanted to reach for your phone but both your arms were fucked up in the crash.
The only thing you could really move was your head.
Even then, darkness was already starting to creep into your vision.
It didn't matter how valiantly you fought to keep your eyes open.
You lost too much blood, by the time the paramedics had arrived-
They announced you dead and took you away in a body bag.
The lower half of you had gotten entirely mangled from the accident that you surviving seemed bleak to begin with.
You thought you were done for when you closed your eyes for the final time.
Only when you opened them again- you were somewhere else entirely.
What...?
The skies were blood red, there was practically fire and murder everywhere you turned-
And oh ew- it even smelled like rotten burning corpses.
Where the fuck were you??
Was this supposed to be hell???
You carefully wandered around, hesitating here and there before stumbling across a large building.
Hazbin Hotel...?
Huh, you had no where else to go.
Might as well give it a shot.
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weasleyreidstyles · 4 months
Text
Serendipity
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chapter eight
summary: it was only meant to be a purely transactional relationship. he would help her strengthen her abilities in return for her getting his friends out of his father's nasty path. he didn't mean to fall for her, but loving her was the easiest thing in his dark world.
no use of y/n, but your general nickname is Meadow. all characters are aged up to be over 18.
pairings: mattheo riddle x fem!ravenclaw reader; platonic!slytherins x fem!reader; platonic!golden trio x fem!reader
warning(s): 18+ content, unprotected sex (use protection obvs), rough undertones but not really, bro's possessive as fuck
series masterlist; previous part; next part
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Your old Professor had given you some much needed insight over the Christmas holidays. Harry had dragged you and Ron to sit in agonising silence as he and Remus had a back and forth battle of wills over Harry's wild theories. Remus was certain that Voldemort wouldn't recruit inexperienced, young adults who were barely eighteen, but you knew he was wrong about that, especially considering he was recruited into the Order as soon as he was no longer a Hogwarts student.
Theo had not replied to a single letter; you'd sent countless over the small three week break.
Remus had yelled at Harry for making such harsh accusations, then had apologised not ten minutes later. It was a full moon after all, and he was still grieving over Sirius' death. Before that had sullied the peaceful evening, you confided in your old Professor before lunch had been served, who was more than willing to offer his profound wisdom to you.
"Sir? Can I-" you hesitate in the doorway of the Burrow's living room, feet teetering on the edge of the threshold, the smell of Mrs Weasley's cooking permeating the calm air. Before you could continue, Professor Lupin let out a hoarse chuckle and invited you to settle in the cushioned sofa next to him.
"I'm not your Professor anymore," he spoke your name softly, "please call me Remus."
"Okay sorry. Can I ask you something, Remus?"
"Of course. I'll try to help in anyway I can." his encouraging smile led to you spilling what was on your mind – he'd always been easy to confide in.
"I've been doing some extra reading on further subjects," you start, chewing on a hangnail on your thumb. "about- about siphons."
Remus stilled. If you weren't so nervous you would have narrowed your eyes in suspicion.
"What have you learned so far?" his response was slow and curious; carefully constructed.
"Well other than the fact that they don't draw magic from their cores...nothing. And every book in the library says the same thing." you let out a frustrated sigh and he seems to take pity on you.
"Siphons are extremely rare, which you know, of course." one of his hands cups his jaw contemplatively, as if he's choosing his words with careful precision. "That's why there's so little information, because there are very few people alive who have been able to record their true nature.
What we do know, is that siphons can completely draw out sources of magic into themselves; drain it to nothing to gain that power. They're very volatile in thats sense because no one knows how much power they can truely handle."
He gave no indication that he saw the way your flinched at his words. You were grateful for it.
"But surely harbouring that much power would be dangerous? Nature demands a balance." you say in a small voice.
He mumbles your name with a knowing look of understanding before patting your shoulder, indicating an end to the conversation but you still catch his parting words: "Look in the restricted section, in books about forbidden magical and mythical creatures and you'll find what you're looking for. Consult Professor Dumbledore too, it would be more useful than soley relying on my account."
"Thankyou sir- Remus." he leaves you there, chuckling quietly at your correction as he let you know that he'd see you at dinner later in the day. You're left infinitely more confused than before you initiated the conversation, but as you left through the opposite door that led to the bedrooms upstairs to find Ginny, you failed to see the curious eyes of you best friend, hidden under his cloak of invisibility.
~∞~
Something had changed over the holidays. The air around the castle was different; a dark, sinister energy permeating the comforting warmth that the magical wards usually bathed the castle grounds in. You didn't know how you felt the shift moreso than your friends. Maybe it was the January weather, or the fact that you missed the comfort of home, but you knew in your gut that things were different now. Your stubbornness didn't want to admit that it could be a result of your new abilities that hadn't shown since Katie Bell's incident.
It became evident in your patrol evenings with Theodore, too. He was withdrawn, sullen and constantly aggravated; if he bothered to show up at all sometimes. You knew what it meant and you kept this piece of information to yourself, lest it gave your friends one more reason for you to avoid the Slytherins.
But you made a promise; one that you wouldn't break.
The change was even more evident in your sessions with Mattheo. He was pushing you to your limit, and getting exceedingly frustrated with you, for no reason. He was angry at the world and at you, apparently.
After a considerably hard yank at your innermost thoughts, you shoved him out with a glare, which he returned tenfold.
"Okay. Ow? Why are you being so aggressive?" you snap, massaging your throbbing temples. He scoffed at you and moved to stand, beginning to pace.
"What? You don't think someone trying to infiltrate your mind won't be? Don't be so naive, I can see all your thoughts. Shut. Me. Out." He spat your name out like it was filth to him, and you suppose it was at one point in time. Pushing youself to stand, you make your way to him so you were chest to chest.
"What is your problem?" you question, narrowing your eyes at him as he stared back with deadly, onyx eyes. He scoffed and turned away from you, fingers rubbing at his temples as if this whole conversation was giving him a headache.
"It is giving me a headache." he spat and your glare intensified. "You're not focused, your mind is unraveling at the seams. It's like you haven't made any progress at all."
You startled him with the cold laugh that escaped you. "That's rich." you spat, your pointer finger digging into his strong chest. "You're a hypocrite Mattheo. You have been unfocused for the last week. So answer me this: what is your issue?"
In seconds he had you pinned against a wall that you hadn't noticed he had been backing you into, his breathing heavy and cold as ice. His hand was wrapped loosely around the base of your throat, not tight enough to harm but enough to pose a threat.
"You know nothing about me, Princess." his voice was a low and deadly rasp that sent coils of dread right down to the tips of your toes, but you couldn't deny the blatent arousal that was beginning to fester. "You know nothing, yet you're still willing to be in a room with me. Willing to let me do things to you that your friends would abhor you for. Willing to keep secrets from the very people you should trust with your life."
You cursed the flush in your cheeks, and the lust in your eyes.
"You've been dancing with the devil for months, sweetheart." his voice was a nocuous whisper as his lips grazed your's with controlled precision. The sharp feeling of his teeth piercing your bottom lip invaded all your senses along with the metallic taste of blood. "You should've expected that I'd behave as such."
He kissed you then, an art of carefully thought out distraction as he sucked on the wound he created. But he underestimated you as you raked your fingers through his unruly, dark curls. Wandlessly, wordlessly, you willed the Legillimens spell to take hold and you were thrust into his mind, barraging through his fortified shields as if they were mere shadows ready to be swept away.
You were thrown into a seat at an overly large dinner table, that could seat at least thirty people, Bellatrix Lestrange seated adjacent to the seat opposite you, causing you to flinch at the phantom feeling of her cruciatus curse from the Department of Mysteries. The room was vast, with a towering ceiling filled with delicate Jacobean decor, it was dark and foreboding; you didn't want to be here.
You were sat to the right of Death himself.
Voldemort didn't acknowledge you and the words he spoke were a garbled blur of nothing as your attention was brought to the back of the room, by the double doors to the Entrance Hall. Draco Malfoy walked in, followed by Lorenzo and....and Theodore.
The next moment made you want to scream and cry as Mattheo was forced to stand before his friends, before Voldemort's loyal followers who were a mere spillage of darkness to your vision, and tortured by his own father. Somehow this was more painful than the memories you'd seen of his in those first few lessons; knowing it had been as recent as the week before. You gaped as Voldemort merely turned to Enzo and Theo; you fought tooth and nail to stop the inevitable as you watched them writhe and scream as the Dark Mark appeared on their left forearms.
You were shoved so violently from his mind that your head collided painfully with the wall behind you. You were staring at him, wide eyed and wincing as he glared down at you, murderously.
"I-I'm sorry. I didn't- I'm sorry." you tried to catch your breath, only now realising that the hold he had on your throat had tightened upon reflex. Your hands flew to the singular wrist that helf your life in his hands, clawing as it flexed. "Mattheo-"
You watched in understandable horror as a smirk painted his beautiful face. Your wrists continued their assault with renewed vigour.
"I'm very impressed." he mumbled, his face drawing closer to your's, his voice a sensual whisper in your ear. "No one has ever been able to do what you just did."
He pressed a kiss to the shell of your ear and you trembled as the hold he had on your throat did not let up.
"What are you going to do to me?" you whispered hoarsely, fear painting your tone. He snickered at your predicament and the tightness surrounding your throat lessened considerably, but he maintained a loose grip, a warning.
"I want to do unspeakable things to you, sweetheart." he said, his voice a reflection of the arousal that was pressing heavily against your abdomen. His smirk widened as you shuddered at the way he said your name. "I'd like to think that I'm an honourable man. And I want to do the honourable thing, but I've resisted you for far too long."
Weeks worth of avoidance came to head in that moment as he surged forward, finally pressing his lips to your's. You could taste cigarettes on his tongue and his cologne filled your lungs with every breathe you managed to gasp between heated kisses. The wound on your lip pulsed from the attention, the pain causing a whine to crawl up the back of your throat. The kiss deepened.
His hands roamed over your entire body; hips, waist, thighs. Like he didn't know where to settle them, while his body pressed you further into the wall with pure male strength – you wanted to climb him like a tree. Somehow you managed to pull away from his ministrations, heavy breath mingling with his.
"You're not angry that I just broke through your shields?" you ask with a furrowed brow. He only lets out a quiet laugh as he shakes his head, leaning down to suck on the sensitive skin of your neck, then soothing the marred skin with presses of his lips and swipes of his tongue. You breathed out an airy moan at the sensation, tilting your head back to grant him more access.
"A little miffed." he mumbled agaist your skin. "But not angry. No one has ever been able to do that, except you apparently. Smart girl."
He didn't speak for another minute or so, content with marking your smooth skin instead.
"I'm proud. These lessons are paying off, it seems." and you hear it in the tone of his voice, the pride. You respond with a stifled laugh as he bites into the sensitive flesh of your collarbone and you swat at his shoulders.
"You're always content in making my life difficult." you tut, but make no move to stop him as he begins to unravel the knot in your tie. "Do you know how long it takes to cover these up? With and without magic!"
"Don't want you to cover them up." he mumbles, so quietly that you almost miss it. But you don't miss the possessive gleam that ignited in his onyx eyes. "You're mine."
You're mine. The words echoed through every corner of your mind.
"Am I?" you challenge and you pull him closer to you as you weave the fabric of his tie through your fingers. He growls as he rips your school shirt in two, ignoring your admonishing protests as he pulls it from your body. This continues until your stood in nothing but your under garments.
"Beautiful." he mumbles as he traces featherlight touches down your body with his calloused hands. "Absolutely breathtaking."
"Well I don't think it's very fair that I'm the only one whose indecent." you snark, though your attempts at hiding your anticipation were rubbish at best.
"So undress me, darling." he says after a split second of reluctance, his voice low and demanding, it makes your thighs clench. Looking at him through dark lashes, you begin to unknot his tie, slow and teasing. The buttons of his shirt are next, popped one by one by your nimble fingers; when you raise to your tiptoes to smoothly remove his shirt from his shoulders he tenses as you come face to face with his lean, quidditch built torso.
That's when you see it. Ink black and imposing against his tanned, muscular forearm. Covered in thick scars, old and new, was the Dark Mark. Your breath hitched in your throat as you trailed your fingers lightly across it. Mattheo shivered at the feeling.
"Scared?" he asks, voice low, you almost detect a hint of shame...or something else.
"Of you?" you ask, taking his left hand in both of your's, fingers running soft circles across his palm. "No."
"You should be." he says it like he believes it to be true. His fingers flex in your hold and then tighten, squeezing your's in earnest.
"I'm scared for you, Mattheo. For all of you. This," your pointer finger trails against the Mark, "isn't fair."
He smiles at you then, all soft and sad and heartbreaking. "This is the life I've been dealt, love. No use in trying to stop it."
You brought his forearm level with your face and begin to press gentle kisses to his marred skin. His breath hitches and you can't place the look he gives you.
"You're not a monster." you mumble between soft caresses. "You're kind and intelligent, and compassionate and honourable. You've been dealt an awful card, yet you haven't let it ruin you. Not entirely. That says everything and more, Matty."
"Say that again." he says, onyx eyes staring resolutely into your's.
"Say what?" you ask, brows furrowed as he practically rips his arm from your hold, only to pull you closer to him by your waist. You both seem to realise that you're both near naked – only your underwear and his trousers separating the two of you. Your cheeks heat.
"My name. Say it."
"Make me." you say with a barely contained smirk. He lets out a near growl as he cups the back of your neck in his giant palms and presses a demanding kiss to your kiss-swollen lips.
It's not pretty. It's all teeth-gnashing and lip biting and purely animalistic.
You'd both been resisting eachother past blind fumbles in the dark and post-session make outs but you'd never been this exposed to each other before. It was exhilarating.
"Fuck!" he gritted against you. "You're so fucking pretty."
You whimpered against him as he sucked at your tongue, and that seemed to push him past his controlled limit. One of his hands guides your thigh to rest against his hip and he battles with his trousers to get them low enough to release his painfully hard cock.
You're not one to beg often, but your desire for the boy in front of you was too great to ignore. With a mewl and a whisper of pleas he pushed the fabric of your panties aside and pushed into you. The tightness and the pain of the action made you both groan in unison.
"Gods, sweetheart. You feel so much better than I imagined." he says against your lips as he pushes in to the hilt. He presses away the tears that fall from your eyes.
"Please move." you say as you attach your lips to his neck in an effort to stifle your moans as he begins at a slow pace, graciously letting you adjust to his size. He's bigger than anyone you'd had before him, the tip of him grazing places you didn't think was possible to reach. You were a mess of whines and moans as he adjusted you in his hold; letting out a shriek when he begins to repeatedly ram against a spot inside you that brought you immediate pleasure.
"Gods! Right there Matty, fuck....please!"
He smiles a wicked, sinister smile at you as he drags one moan after another from your lips. He takes both your hands into one of his and pins them above your head, restricting you to the wall.
"That's it, sweetheart." Mattheo rasps, revelling in the way you clench around him. "Moan my name."
His movements are precise and controlled. His pleasure deriving from the way he was making you come undone at the seams. He brings his free hand to the apex of your thighs, brushing them against your throbbing clit, smirking as his motion draws you closer to your orgasm.
You're not certain how long has passed since he entered you, but you feel like you're having an out of body experience as he rips an orgasm from you so suddenly that you don't know where the pleasure starts and ends.
You're a whimpering, moaning mess as he uses the extra slick to speed up his movements, which become erratic and lose their rhythm as he gets closer to his own release. The only sound to be heard are your soft whines, his grunts and the sound of skin slapping against skin as he finally reaches his own climax.
His forehead rests against your's, both gleaming with a light layer of sweat as you bask in the feeling of him. His dark brows furrow as you let out a soft laugh.
"What's so funny?" he asks, a light smile gracing his face as he memorises every inch of your skin.
"I think you just ruined me for anyone else." you say, breathless.
"Good." he growls, that possessive gleam in his eyes again as you feel him harden inside you. "As far as I'm concerned no one else can have you."
He's rolling his hips against your's before you can utter a snarky response.
~∞~
The next time you see Mattheo is in the Potions classroom the following day.
"How are you so good at everything you do, Meadow?" Ron grumbled as he read through the instructions of the healing potion Slughorn was making you all brew.
You had just finished an apparition lesson; by the end of the two hours, only you, Hermione, Mattheo's group of friends and a handful of others had managed to apparate from one side of the room to the hoop at the other. Harry and Ron were not part of that group.
"Well unlike you, Won-Won," Hermione sneered from across the table, "she takes pride in her academic accomplishments."
The redhead scoffed. "Mione come on-"
"Don't call me that." she snapped, going on a rant about Ron's incompetence. He only spluttered in response. You and Harry only exchanged uneasy looks as they continued arguing.
"I thought this would've ended by now." you say under your breathe as you drop in your next ingredient, huffing when it does the opposite of what it should. Harry mumbled his agreement as he completed his own potion. You looked between his and your's incredulously. "Why does your's look different to mine? Is it that book?"
You glared at him with pleading eyes and Harry huffed as he slid the Halfblood Prince's book so you could see. Your body ached as you read through the annotations. You winced as you rolled your neck to get rid of the tightness and Harry noticed your discomfort straight away.
"You okay, Meadow?" he asks, his hand gracing your shoulder blade. You both looked up at the sound of a knife clattering against a table top. Mattheo was glaring at the hand that Harry still kept on your shoulder, you huffed as you turned to your friend.
"Fine. Just sore from apparition lessons is all." you smiled reassuringly which seems to convince him as Harry removes his hand from you.
Faintly you hear Pansy question why Mattheo was acting so strangely and you try your hardest to ignore it. Until you couldn't any longer, because he was in your head.
Why the fuck was he touching you like that? His voice was a dark growl in your mind.
Wow possessive much? You reply with a mental scoff. He was asking if I was okay.
The agression in his tone softened and he sent a wave of concern your way. Are you? Okay, I mean? What's wrong?
You can't help the smile that paints your face, and you have to duck your head to hide it from your oblivious friends. I'm fine.
You can practically see as well as feel the look he gives you all the way across the room. You clearly aren't. Tell me what's wrong.
You look like you're about to incinerate the tabletop. I'm okay, Matty, really. Just sore. You curse him internally as he smirks wickedly, onyx eyes dancing with pride and hunger.
I'd gladly satisfy you again, darling. Just say the word.
You kick him from your mind, ignoring the flush that overtakes your heated face. Then you send flares of annoyance to him as you hear his snickering laughter that he barely conceals.
~∞~
when i was researching siphoner lore literally the only thing that came up was vampire diaries theories 😭😭😭
the smut took a different direction to what i intended tbh but i wanted to include some soft Matty 😅
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