#anyway. i'm angry. and scared

[daz4i]

blegh. it's been a few years but i'm still so mad at my old therapist for screwing me over this much in the long run

#you are a THERAPIST your job is to do THE OPPOSITE of that. #i might meet my psychiatrist earlier than expected bc i've been doing Bad and. she really wanted me to start therapy before our next meetin #but i'm genuinely so scared to contact anyone i can find/the number she gave me askjdfdhfg #i've been rejected by too many mental health workers at this point 😐 #and usually when they hear i'm this suicidal they chicken out which. girl this is why i contacted you... #isn't this supposed to be your job... ummmm. #(not to mention most therapists don't wanna work with bpd in the first place so i'm choosing from a smaller pool already) #anyway. i'm angry. and scared

[duusheen]

The funeral

#ts4 gameplay #ts4 challenge #ts4 legacy challenge #ts4 screenshots #the light is AWFUL i'm sorry it was cloudy af (╯‵□′)╯︵┻━┻ #anyway that was the spoiler 💔 #Leif has always had the emotional intelligence of a rock lol #He's sad about the passing of his parents and he's hurt and angry because Jay has chosen to show his face NOW in this moment #But instead of TALKING to Jay like a mature grown-up man (which he isn't) he decides he's going to act like an asshole #Nothing new just Leif being Leif I guess #Have you seen Hope there? #She's not scared of Leif but of hearing her daddy talk in that tone #Jay has a special tone for Leif not exactly a growl but clear enough for everyone listening that he's not happy with the man's presence #this is part 1 of 3 btw 👀👀 #I love Jay's profile. I have 6000 pictures of his profile I don't know why I just like how he looks 😩 #pollock legacy #gen4 #jay pollock #miracle holm #leif pollock #hope pollock

[monty-glasses-roxy]

Hold on something's just hit me.

If everyone in the Plex were to believe that Gregory dropped Cassie at the end of Ruin to keep himself from being found, whether he did it or not, wouldn't that make Roxy to one most able to understand him?

As Mimic's guard dog, surely she would know the lengths you have to go through to keep that fucker trapped. A whole team of Raceway construction workers went straight to their deaths down there. Roxy won't let the Raceway be repaired and re-opened in order to keep people safe. She's probably been able to see Mimic and its victims through the floor this entire time, she knows what it can do and what it's done, even if she doesn't know the full extent of it.

She's willing to sacrifice her Raceway and Salon to keep people from finding Mimic. Her pride and joys, basically her whole reason for being built in the first place. They're not worth the risk to her.

Whether Gregory sacrificed Cassie to keep Mimic trapped or not, surely Roxy would realise some sort of similarity. She may think doing that to Cassie was too far, she may think he's a monster for even considering it and she may feel as though nothing could justify what he did... But there's a part of her that gets it. The absolute terror that comes at the slightest possibility that Mimic could escape. She gets that sacrifices have to made, fuck she's made those sacrifices herself. She would never have sacrificed someone for this, that's why she ran headfirst at Mimic instead of just sealing the exits again, but there could be that tiny little part of her that feels the need to constantly to remind her that Gregory was trying to do the same thing she was.

The key difference here, is that if Gregory had done it, it would fall in line with almost everything else we've seen him do. The sacrifices he makes, are of other people, and not himself. He sacrificed Roxy, Chica and Monty to upgrade Freddy for his safety and possibly the safety of Vanessa. If he also dropped Cassie, then he's once again sacrificing someone else for the sake of his own safety. Not like he has that much else to lose, but I'm drawing comparisons here.

Roxy on the other hand, sacrifices herself. She sacrificed her Raceway and her Salon for the benefit of both herself and others. Unlike Gregory finding himself in a hopeless situation and hurting others to get out of it, Roxy was given this job (probably) and chose to give up what little she has in the world to keep the situation from happening. Even when Cassie deactivates her and ends up face to face with Mimic, Roxy jumps straight at it to buy her time to escape which could have easily killed her.

So now you have Roxy, who unfortunately does understand Gregory's choice to drop Cassie (if she believes he did it which yeah she probably does) but has absolutely no sympathy for him. She couldn't care less about him. There's potentially a fearful little voice in her head that she's the same as Gregory that fuels her anger towards him even more. She hasn't ever sacrificed someone else to keep the Mimic at bay and she's been doing it for fuck knows how long, what gives Gregory a free pass? Maybe if he hadn't stolen her fucking eyes she would have been able to stop the whole thing from getting that far anyway!

I'm not saying this to frame Gregory as a villain or anything. I don't think he dropped Cassie and I still think it was entirely Freddy's fault for what happened to the others in SB. I just think this is interesting from a character stand point. The one person that could understand the choices they've made to keep Mimic from escaping is each other, but they're both too hateful of each other for it to affect anything... If they were ever to settle their differences, I think it would have to start here. The only common ground they share, is the one thing no one else does.

But Gregory didn't even fucking do it so I bet that goes well lmao

#fnaf security breach #roxanne wolf #fnaf gregory #fnaf ruin dlc #I'm just thinking here #if Gregory DID do it that would be a fun direction to take this #Roxy so fiercly protective of Cassie and so angry and hurt by Gregory but god fucking damn it she GETS it and she's MAD about it #if he didn't then like. she won't believe him anyway #can you IMAGINE that though?? #roxy and gregory end up talking somehow. it's angry its painful and it blows up #they're both crying they were both on the same side that whole time and had just gone about it differently but so similarly #and fucking HELL they both get it. #Mimic scared the shit out of BOTH of them and they were both willing to do whatever it took to stop it #Cassie was Gregory's FRIEND and he felt he had no choice. she was all he had to give whether he liked it or not #Roxy had more to give but her attraction is her life. She was built for the Raceway everything about her and her identity ties back to that #and she felt she had no choice either. #in a way I suppose they both gave their hearts to Mimic. the things that make them who they are were the only things that would do #Gregory's closest and possibly ONLY friend. the only true connection he still has in the outside world. #and Roxy's entire life's purpose as the Pizzaplex's resident racer and hairstylist. the identity she was born into was too risky to keep. #they destroyed huge parts of themselves with their own two hands for the greater good and they did it alone. #what else could they have done? #if they ever came to an understanding about this they wouldn't be able to tell anyone #how can Roxy emphasise with Cassie's would be murderer? #how can Gregory emphasise with someone that would be Freddy's murderer if she didn't think it'd upset Cassie? #I don't think either would sympathise with each other... but I don't think they'd need to #someone else that gets it even a little bit is probably all they want #they stil hate each other after all! they just understand each other more than they might be comfortable with #anyway I'm fucking shattered goodnight lads

[spocks-kaathyra]

"ur repressed" okay well have u even considered that emotions r purposeless and only serve to cause harm to those around u and I have achieved a unique transcendent state beyond them. have u considered that

#joking but like. am I wrong though #yeah no one is able to overcome the inherent human flaw of emotion and anyone who thinks they can is in fact mentally unwell #except for me I'm built different I have actually managed to transcend emotion. this is a good thing and not a problem #I saw my father's anger and my mother's discontent and my brother's self loathing and my friend's yearning. #and I saw how it only made everyone more unhappy. and I decided I would be above them all and never let my emotions rule me. #I was scared of the dark until I realized that fear wasn't useful to feel. so I stopped feeling it #this is a good thing and I am a paragon of mental health I think #mmm alternatively I was made to play mediator in a family of traumatized ppl and learned to repress my emotions to the point of dysfunction #but I prefer to think I'm enlightened and have no problems. this is fine and will not blow up in my face #anyways. just now realizing that this might stem from my childhood. oops #also realizing that I'm probably not aro and I just learned to turn off romantic attraction bc I saw how miserable it made my friend?? #well. I still don't experience romantic attraction. but probably I should and I will if I ever sort out this repression thing. whoopsie #really she was ready to kill herself over some white guy and I looked at that and was like. nope. I'm never stooping to that level #mm might not help that my parents never loved each other and I never had a healthy romantic relationship modeled for me as a child #but still like really like what is the point. of having emotions. they're just not useful #oh hurr durr I'm angry at my friends for talking over a tv show. there is no way to act on this without damaging ppl and relationships #ohh I'm in love with this guy who will never love me back. THERE IS NO PRODUCTIVE WAY TO ACT ON THIS #literally emotions can only be destructive and I'm a better person for opting out of them #there are no downsides to being repressed! I can still feel positive emotions. I'm happy sometimes. sometimes I'm excited. it's fine #guy who is Unpacking Things live on ur dash. sorry #narcissus's echoes #vent

[origamiyoda]

Just remembered I have a doctors appointment after work oaaoauughhhhhhh.

#starts getting scared and howling and barking at the windows of the car #IM SURE . it'll be fine. But I get so nervous . #And it always makes me really angry cos the last like 4 times I've been they've told me to just like. Rest more #I CANT do. That. I'm on my feet at a full-time job and my parents are fucking weird about me taking sick days #Anyway . starts crying and wailing and rattling the bars of my cage #Leo yells

[degenezijde]

For my followers only because I crave interaction

Are you on any other social media/blogging platforms and how do you feel about them?

#I'm on Facebook because that's where my clients are and that's about it #Though my drawings get more attention there lol #That's it #I'm scared to start an Instagram #Tried twitter once and found it isolating and overwhelming #Kinda liked reddit but the Belgium reddit made me angry and I couldn't keep myself from looking at it anyway so bye

[running-in-the-dark]

just now realising that it's kinda weird that every damn thing I did as a kid, even accidentally, still gets dragged out all the time as proof of how mean and bossy I was.

meanwhile one of my brothers stabbed my other brother with a screwdriver and it's just so funny. one of them jumped on my back when we were fighting and hurt me so bad that I couldn't get up for an hour (and I got yelled at). one of them broke someone else's property on purpose and it's just a funny anecdote about how he and his friend had to pay for the damage. they stole cash and very expensive alcohol, so funny and cute. they got drunk all the time and started smoking at 12.

which is all fine. people do stupid things as kids. but it sucks that I'm always the difficult one, the one that causes trouble, the mean one. the worst thing I ever did was drop out of school because I was too terrified and depressed to keep going. this is somehow proof that I was such a difficult child to raise, so hard to be around. not that my parents completely failed me in every way, or anything like that.

my brother attacked me this year. but that's totally excusable because surely he had his reasons (yeah, I disagreed with him and wouldn't back down. great.) and I probably just misunderstood (how?!) and anyway it wasn't really that bad. he yelled at me for daring to disagree with him, insulted me and then grabbed me when I told him to get out. but he's just having a hard time and can't express his feelings well and can't I just forgive him?

but I'm bad for things I did when I was 15 or 10 or 5 or literally a baby. I'm bad for things that never happened. I'm bad for things that other people did. I'm just bad.

#yes I am still bitter about this stuff #I wouldn't be. but they keep bringing it up #I'm so tired of not being able to do anything right #I've been so nice and patient and always friendly for literally. 10 years. a third of my life. I try so hard to not upset them or do #anything wrong #but my mother still says my brothers are scared of me #and uses things against me that I did in primary school #ugh #anyway #I'm having a hard time and keep thinking about this today #I'm just so tired of it #I can't even defend myself #because that gets turned into you can't take a joke and we're just joking around and why are you so angry #I raise my voice slightly to be fucking HEARD and I'm hysterical #my brother screams at me and he's just not good at talking about his feelings #it all feels so unfair #it doesn't matter what I do or who I am. I've been the bad one since my brother was born and I'm so tired #personal

[theflyingfeeling]

...😫

#so i called my landlord the other day about the cannabis smell #and he called the police to ask what to do when the smell comes in strong #and he was told that i should call the police (so basically the emergency number) when that happens #and they'd send the police to inspect the situation _while_ the smell is still strong #but i'm too much of a wussy because i'm scared they'll get angry at me for calling them about something like this 😭 #because i made the mistake of reading some bulletin board discussions again and they were all like 'nah the police have better stuff to do' #and anyway now i've also started doubting myself because whenver the smell comes (which is still pretty much every single night) #i'm first like ewwwww that's definitely cannabis #but then when i try to brace myself for actually calling the police i'm like 'but what if it's not and i'm overreacting' #because the more i try to smell it to become 100% sure it's cannabis the more vague the smell becomes :S #i also already had a weird dream about the neighbour i think it is bullying me bc they somehow found out i had called the cops on them 😥 #so yeah i guess i'll just move out instead :) #or sit in my apartment with all the doors closed every fucking night

[pia-writes-things]

We love giving our master's pre-thesis to our apprenticeship tutor so they can proofread it, and all they have to say is that's it's "too political" and "too controversial", that I should "censor" (no jokes, they used that word) the extract of my field diary that's in it, that I should delete or rewrite one of my hypothesis and, finally, that interviewing teachers for my research is "too delicate".

#tell me you don't understand scientific research without telling me you don't understand scientific research #and of course explaining that my thesis isn't going to be published or read outside of my thesis director and my defense's jury changed #absolutely nothing #worth noting that they haven't read it entirely and only skimmed it so they have absolutely none of the nuances i introduced but anyway #it's especially infuriating because this is happening the same week i got destroyed by a colleague for things that weren't my fault and the #didn't defend me at all #and like #i'm so scared this is gonna affect our work relationship #also because my other tutor still hasn't told me what they thought of it tho they have read it entirely and i know they saw my Teams messag #whice is worrying and upsetting because it's highly unusual #so yeah #i hate this and i'm sad and angry #and i don't understand why people don't understand scientific research to that extent in a fucking public institution that deals with schoo #i'm the second apprentice I know of to whom this happened... #i hate it i hate it i hate it #pia's venting again

[sudokuplayer]

i'm so angry and heartbroken and i think this is all i will ever be

#no it's not pms :( Jeremy is still missing and i haven't slept well waiting for him #it's getting so cold too #all my ''''progress'''' this year means nothing to me #also my sister is here because she didn't have to work yesterday and today and my brother video called her not knowing she was here #and when she picked up he was all cheerful and happy and it sounded like they video call often #(he texted me only a few times when he moved to the north and not a single time since he moved to Argentina) #and when he realized she was here he sort of got quiet and asked if i was around and she pointed the camera at me which always makes me sic #so i didn't look or wave and i didn't say anything and he said “she's got he headphones on” and my sister said no lol and it was awkward #then she told him we are all sad about Jeremy and said me in particular #i've been so sad and moody and angry #i can't do anything because of this anguish i feel #can't read or watch movies because i can't concentrate #i watched the emperor's new groove the other day to cheer up a little but it made sad #nostalgia doesn't work for me when i'm down like this because i see through it lol and i remember i spent my whole childhood scared #i remember i was certain something bad would happen to me (and it did but not as tragic as what i was scared of) #i'm rambling. i should be journaling instead #... #Keanu is with me now and i can't even look at him without tearing up because i start thinking about Jeremy #it's so cold and he's probably hungry. if he's even alive #the cats are all i have. i spend more time with them than with the only 2 humans i can interact with without throwing up (mom and sister) #you know how they say cats mirror twhe personality of their humans :( Jeremy is exactly like me. my mom and siblings used to joke about it #he hides when people come over to the house:( he pees himself when strangers touch him :( #we have the vet come over so we don't have to take him out of the house #and the vet is the only person he's forced to see. he pees himself when she touches him too #i can't stop thinking about how he's doing if he's still alive because he gets scared so easily and he's so anxious #i'm so angry because i should go outside and look for him but i can't even picture myself out of this house #i feel so betrayed too. because one thing is my stupid sick head thinking there's no amount of therapy or meds that could work for me #but why is my family listening to me when i say these things. why don't they get me lobotomized or something #anyway #maybe it is a bit of pms

[zannolin]

you ever get an idea that is sooooo. arghhhhh bites into a roof tile and cries.

#zanna talks #i cant like word it good yet #but i think if mia ever got to talk to ethan after he died like either bc he came back or a SOR situation or whatever #that she should be allowed to be a little angry at him for just giving up. not facing the aftermath. #like you went somewhere you knew i couldnt follow. you left because you knew i was still here to take care of rose. #but you left us alone. you left ME alone. #YOU KNOW like not bc he's a terrible horrible person for doing that but bc shes human and it hurt. what he did hurt. #and anger is a stage of grief for a reason you know #i am 110% convinced he was only able to do that because she wasn't there for him to look her full in the face and say i'm leaving #you cannot change my mind on this #not bc hes scared of her or whatever the fuck ppl seem to think. but bc he loves her. and how can you do that to someone when you can see #the hurt and the realization and the grief dawn in their eyes you know #anyway. sorry ive been thinking about this so hard i had to stop reading rwrb #putting this all in the tags btw bc iiiii am scared of mia winters antis here on tumblr okay dont come for me ppl let me chill #let me have my little ideas. let me be. #like mia would understand in a way why he did it bc she did the same thing except it was different then #they could have saved him. or at least they could have tried. and he just gave up #meanwhile mias been living with the consequences and the guilt of what she did every day for years now #YKNOW.

[syrenki]

does anybody know how to manage arachnophobia? i'm physically shaking, covered in snot and tears, tired, but unable to go to sleep because i don't know where the spider in my room went

#mine #i ran for the vacuum cleaner but the spider was gone when i came back #and oh my fucjing god i cannot possibly go to sleep #i fucking screamed then i WHIMPERED out of fear just trying to step into my fucking room #i thought since i have the vacuum here anyway now i could just vacuum all under and behind my bed even though it's 2am #but i'm terrified of moving my bed #i imagine some kind of a spider nest or eggs there i'm fucking SHAKING man i don't know how to function i literally need therapy i think #this is UNMANAGEABLE i hate being so terrified i'm still crying and there's NO ONE to help me #in fact i must somehow make it without screaming if i find it again #or it finds me #because my roommate will be angry with me #i just called my father shaking and barely able to speak begging him to come to my place tomorrow and buy me some anti spider spray #or else one of those electrical devices #they scare spiders away #but like i said #i??? really mean it when i say i cried and screamed #now i'm just standing here in the cold room dreading the idea of going to bed because I KNOW if they're coming from somewhere it's THERE #jfc #i have to have my father help me #ohhh my fucking god i think i'll puke. #i literally think i need some anti-phobia therapy honestly #i can't wake up my roommate again i can't #godgodgodgodgodgod #what fucking punishment is this i can't move i am frozen to this spot anyway i move it'll be there #i don't fucking know what terrifies me so fucking much They're just little insects but i'm still frozen in spot nauseous and crying

[scrapimmortal]

i feel like i’m in the minority of the hotd fandom who doesn’t mind a lot of important plot points hinging on accidents/miscommunication, like luke’s death being an accident and alicent misunderstanding viserys’ last words. i love dramatic irony and i love greek and shakespearean tragedies. the characters are doomed from the start and the audience knows where the road is heading, but the characters misread the signs and walk straight towards their doom. like someone said on the true hellsite (twitter), everyone knows romeo and juliet, and they both die because of a misunderstanding.

alicent misunderstanding viserys is actually very much about their scene together in episode three, where he talks about how he always wanted to be a dreamer, and how he dreamed of a male heir wearing the conqueror’s crown. and we know what he means on his deathbed, but is it really so much of a reach that alicent hears what she hears? i don’t think it is. and it’s the deepest tragedy that this is what finally pushes her to one side of her internal conflict. alicent was finally starting to feel like herself again after rhaenyra’s speech and i think she did mean it when she said she’d make a good queen. i also think she doesn’t believe aegon will make a good king. but so much has happened between alicent and rhaenyra, and in the back of her mind she always fears for her children’s survival. so when viserys says what he says, her sense of duty tips the scales. and we know her decision will not save her children.

i mean it’s okay to like what you like and wishing alicent had been ambitious is fine but i’m just a sucker for tradedy

#house of the dragon #alicent hightower #i feel like people forget show!alicent has never been ambitious #not even a little bit #her lack of wanting is one of the biggest tragedies about her character - and it makes that scene with otto so good #anyway i think it would have been ooc for her show version to suddenly become power hungry #alicent is anxious #she's unsure #she's conflicted #she doesn't allow herself to want #she clings to duty and honour #she's hung up on her ex #she's cunty #she's lonely #she's angry #she's scared #she's merciful #she just needs a shred of understanding #but ambitious she is not #i'm so interested to see what will happen after blood and cheese #because i expect it'll make her regret fighting so hard to save rhaenyra and family #make her regret her love and turn away from rhaenyra completely #and on another note it's also interesting to examine how decisions lead to accidents and misunderstandings #aemond's decision to chase luke on vhagar #rhaenyra's decision to send luke to storm's end alone #the targaryens' decision to leave aegon's prophecy strictly between the ruling king and the heir

[darcyolsson]

rereading twilight and nostalgia is making it an enjoyable experience overall but honestly i was not ready for how genuinely horrible and terrifying edward is. some of this is straight out of a horror movie

#he is extremely possessive (even when he still barely knows her) and he has these sudden bursts of anger related to it #theres even a moment where bella mentions she's scared that the perfectly normal thing she just said might cause him to get angry again #because his anger is that unpredictable..... genuinely horrifying #i think what makes it so terrifying is that its so realistic? like yeah a girl like bella would absolutely be fine with a guy whos like tha #so it would work VERY well as a cautionary tale. except it's not that obviously lmfao #they have their moments though! bella does sometimes call him out on his behaviour (when she doesnt think it's flattering) #and any of the scenes where edward gets all poetic are hilarious bc bella's just like 'ok' #edward: my soul has long been damned... i'm going to hell anyway so i might as well stop trying and... sit with you at lunch.. my bella. #bella: i literally have no idea what youre saying rn #personal #twilight

[theloveinc]

the ideas i'm having right now vs. my ability to express them and myself

#im the one in the toilet btw #i just have to be like this for a second i promise i'm not looking for anything and will likely delete this in the morning #but damnnnnn ... i guess to put it nicely (toward myself). i am not where i want to be with my writing at all right now #and i'm so FRUSTRATED #i reread something of mine the other day and i was just like. yuck. i hate myself. #and it's probs just a weird extension of this whole... dysphoria thing im going thru right now but #YEESH I WANT TO EVOLVE #i feel like a big fat caterpillar ready to become a butterfly but idk how the hell to make my cocoon #part of me thinks im in the cocoon but......... it's been a long *ss time in here if so lmao #anyway thats just to say i have two ... or three bomb *ss ideas that i just can't put on paper right #and im not really satisfied with the dabi thing either even tho. i really wanted to be #and it sucks bc all i wanna do is be on here BUT I'M SCARED #hence why my ask responses have been. ok i wont lie. nonexistent #but i think abt my ideas every day and then just fold them up and put them away bc i think if i wait they'll get better #AND THEY NEVER DOOOOOOO #arggggggggggggg its making me so angry #but that's all #hopefully i can write this idea out soon and be free #cuz thats my dream #among bettering my writing along with myself #but hehehe im probs just tired #sorry to be a downer!!! i go beddy bye now #caitie blabs #delete later

[sparksflys]

.

#nothing worse than feeling like shit #being sad and angry #and having no one to talk about it with #maybe there are ppl but I'm scared of bothering them anyway #🙃🙃🙃🙃 #anyway I'm just gonna go read the time article I guess