#anyway. i don’t think i’ve forgiven him really? but i have moved on. idk. my dynamic with my parents is smth psychologists would have a

[nrc-confessions]

Okay here’s the whole story I apologize greatly for how long this is

So today I was cooking lunch for myself at Scarabia, (I sometimes have to cook for myself if the cafeteria doesn’t have any of my safe foods that day) and I heard someone enter the kitchen. The dorm was mostly empty so I expected it to just be some other Scarabia student I’ve never met or smth

Lo and behold, it wasn’t, it was Kalim

Me and him share a class idk if I’ve said that (new spider anon lore 🤯) and he’d gotten injured during P.E this morning so I figured he was at the dorm as well, but I assumed he’d be in his room. It wasn’t anything bad he just fell off his broom and got kinda bruised up but Jamil was still flipping his shit

ANYWAY I finished cooking and ended up sharing some food w Kalim (side note he’s eaten my food before and I’m always rlly touched abt it bcuz Ik he struggles w eating food that Jamil didn’t cook and just knowing he trusts me that much is hnnnnnng) and once we finished eating he asked if I wanted to go carpet flying

I knew he was exempt from class bcuz he got hurt but I still very much had to go to class around this time, but I was not about to miss this opportunity so alchemy be damned

We’ve gone carpet flying once or twice before but from what I understand Kalim takes rlly anyone he feels like carpet flying (including paw anon fuck you calliope I havent forgiven you) so I didn’t think too much of it but at this point I was already gay panicking so this didn’t help

Anyway we get on the carpet n all that and I was kinda starting to zone out of a few reasons, the main being i have a slight fear of heights and I was kinda exhausted cuz I’ve had a tough past couple weeks but I was also zoning out bcuz I tend to do that while in close proximity to kalim

So I went kinda quiet and just hoped he’d keep talking and wouldn’t notice (also bcuz I love listening to him ramble) but he went quiet after a second too and then asked if I was okay, and I quickly said I was fine and went back to being silent but he didn’t keep talking so it was kinda awkward for a second THEN HE FUCKIN “are you sure you’re okay, habibi?” And I almost fell off the carpet

I made a comment abt how I was just rlly tired and ended up kinda rambling then I rambled a bit too far and said like ‘and you know how I get around you’ but I laughed it off and hoped he didn’t notice but he DID and HE TOOK IT THE WEONF WAY cuz he assumed that meant I didn’t like being around him??? And so I tried to elaborate without outing myself which was rlly hard and I think he caught on but he didn’t say anything so I just kept talking and digging myself a deeper hole but then (this is where I get really pathetic) I looked at him and he just had the most gentle patient expression on his face and I just started sobbing bcuz no one’s ever looked at me like that and i can’t properly process my emotions NORMALLY much less when it’s him then he kinda panicked a little bit but then he hugged me out of nowhere and I was NOT okay but I also kinda needed it so I just kinda sat there and cried into his shoulder for a few minutes and he was like whispering things some of it was in English some of it was in Arabic and I don’t know if it was making me cry harder or helping but he was like running his fingers through my hair and I just couldn’t take it anymore and I completely lost grasp of my emotions and ended up saying I love you without even realizing it then as soon as I realized it I panicked and let go of the hug and apologized but he just put his hands on my face and looked at me with his pretty fucking eyes and said it was okay and I lost all ability to breathe

Anyway he kinda like came closer and I was expecting him to hug me again but then he like moved his hand to my shoulder and used the other one to move my hair out of my face and I just completely lost it everything I did from here on is a blurry haze I was fueled by exhaustion and Gay panic but I lunged forward and kissed him AND HE KISSED BACK AND PUT HIS HANDS IN MY HAIR AND I STARTED CRYING AGAIN but then he brought thr carpet back down and I ran off to class and I’m currently typing this while half listening to Crewel yell at me but uh that happened

-🕷️

Thank you for your confession!

#posted by: 🌿 #nrc confessions #unreality #nrc confession #twst #night raven college #kalim al asim #anon: 🕷️

[queenimmadolla]

Question. What do u think about fics where eddie is cheating on reader? Do u read them? Would u forgive him? I only ask cuz for me once u cross that line i'd never get with u no matter how hard he begs. Idk why but i've seen like 3 Cheating fics today and i dont wanna be hurt. Lol. I wanna say that u have a cheating fic but im not sure.

This is literally the third fucking time I’ve tried to answer this ask because i would type away and tumblr would decided to glitch out to my home screen and erase everything i typed, so please forgive me if I sound aggressive, it’s not towards you at all. I was reading through this ask and thinking “ooh, bestie you’re asking the wrong person cause i have one of those” then i got to the end of your ask lol. I’ve actually been wanting to talk about this for a while so I’m gonna answer you and ramble! numbering them just in case the keep reading thing eats anything (1-5)

1.) I approach these fics with caution. I love angst. Adore it. It is the ultimate plot establisher and mover but i only really like to read angst with happy endings. So I’ll read a fic about Eddie cheating if there’s resolution or if the writer says there will be resolution but there’s only one real way to write a satisfying ending for everyone in this case, although it’s definitely a preference thing as well (whether or not you’d even forgive him because usually people want him dead in this scenario lol). Whether or not I would take him back just depends on how the scenario is written. Sometimes, yes. Sometimes, no, but he's also not ever allowed to be happy again in his lifespan or even in death.

2.) Personally, I’m not big on reader forgiving Eddie—even if he seems genuine in his apology—if i haven’t read about him doing enough to be forgiven, you know? Like he’s got to grovel, beg, improve, suffer, chase after reader and go on a fucking journey through the center of the earth, through hell, Olympus, wherever—move fucking mountains to get them back. But usually, you’ll only see a couple of time skips and summaries of what he’s done that we don’t get to see expanded upon. That’s when I’ll go to the comments and see people stating they wish Reader hadn’t forgiven him so easily or something. It’s never the writer’s fault, though. Because writing that satisfactory ending? That’s fucking hard.

3.) I can give you that little summary and probably expand upon it, but actually writing a full fledged resolution? Dialogue? Dictating whether or not Eddie is leaning against a wall when he says something or blinks or licks his lips after his speech, secondary characters, what the fuck is the reader doing at home, are they reading, are they sad, are they on their bed—all those little details that bring the story and characters to life????? They turn that promising summary into something that’ll be over 15k words. And that’s a lot. That’s a lot of dialogue to plan, a lot of movements for characters to make, descriptions of settings, hell even the fucking weather! And it takes FOREVER! That’s why it’s been what, maybe a year almost a year and I haven’t updated To Pieces (but i AM working on it so put down the tomatoes lol). I’ll write out chunks, I’m talking like 4k words and be so dissatisfied with parts or progress because I’ll realize i wrote all that and i still haven’t even gotten anywhere, nowhere near the resolution or meat and potatoes and delete it.

4.) So i don’t blame writers for the time skips or the quick resolution cause it’s really fucking hard to write, kudos to them, give them their flowers. And usually they only do it because people are hounding them for a part two.

5.) But in real life? No. I’m not taking anyone back lol. I’m too hot for that.

Anyways, that was a lot. And that’s what you missed on glee lol.

#$ replies

[pineapple-lover-boy]

Can- can I just talk about the Victuuri relationship? Pretty please?

I just…. I’ve never seen a healthy relationship that starts from idolization and a need to get out that has ended in a satisfying way.

Let me elaborate:

We all know that Yuri idolized Victor. It’s why he was so nervous in the beginning and why it took time for them to build on their relationship, he saw Victor as a god.

Victor? He was depressed. He loved the ice so much but he longer found excitement in competitions. He didn’t have any worthy opponents that had a chance of beating him (sorry Chris).

I believe Victor “fell in love” at the banquet. He was attracted to Yuri but, even though he lost, he also saw potential in him. That night was probably the most exciting night for him in a long time. I think he felt genuine affection for Yuri but also saw a way to get out of his predicament.

Then, of course, Yuri didn’t show up the following season (a year had passed before the present timeline). He was most likely annoyed that someone who had gave him excitement didn’t show up. Did he think Yuri had a chance of beating him at first? Probably not. Did he see potential or at least someone he could have fun with during the season? Hell yes!

And then when he saw the video of Yuri skating Stay Close To Me, something that awarded him a gold medal. That’s all he needed. He saw how Yuri not only skated it perfectly but I bet he thought Yuri skated it better. Let’s not forget that emotion is a huge part of skating. If you don’t skate with the passion your supposed to hold for whatever theme you have, your performance can almost seem futile. Victor obviously won because he perfected it but if it was based on how he presented it alone, he would’ve lost. He saw someone worthy of skating an gold medal piece while also having the heart to do it. That’s talent.

Anyways, because of this, their relationship doesn’t hold well in the beginning. He’s passive aggressive towards Yuri because he doesn’t see his own talent and Yuri is just going along for the ride because holy shit it’s Victor fucking Nikiforov.

As they get to know each other and Yuri opens up more (plus Victor getting info on Yuri from the others) Victor starts to see Yuri as an actual person and not someone he can use to project himself onto and then later skate against. And Yuri starts to see him as an actual person too.

I saw on another post talking about how we didn’t see them during the summer and how the end credits of every episode suggest they got to know each other better as both in the credits and in the show they (Yuri) are able to touch each other more. I 100% believe this.

I also believe they might’ve had an argument or two on this topic. It’s not easy to switch from inadvertently seeing someone as anything but a person to an actual person with emotions and feelings. I believe Victor would’ve tried to back away from this subject but Yuri wouldn’t let him. It wasn’t big arguments like in episode 7. It was probably little quarrels that annoyed them both but after having a long conversation they finally started to become more comfortable with each other.

Yuri started letting go of the notion that Victor was a god like creature and Victor saw him as something other than a pawn. Yuri stopped getting as embarrassed with Victor touching him and Victor stopped trying to seduce him as much just so he could see the man from the banquet.

This most definitely leads the way towards a healthier relationship but episode 7 was inevitable. Yuri’s anxiety was at an all time high when he comes out on top. The fact that he needs to stay on top and not mess up is getting to him. As a person with anxiety, it’s pure hell. The thoughts of failing won’t get out of his head and even as he turns off all the monitors he can still hear everything.

Victor takes him away from prying eyes and has no idea what to do. Despite an obvious change that would’ve had to include some emotions from both occurring over the summer, he still has no idea how to help someone in distress.

Then he makes his first mistake. Yuri is visibly shaken by someone’s scores (can’t remember who) and Victor, who is at his wits end, yells at him to stop listening and puts his hands over Yuri’s ears. This tells Yuri how nervous Victor is too and despite knowing that Victor wouldn’t leave him now it shows to him that Victor doesn’t have faith in him (even if he does).

Victor tried to shatter Yuri’s heart. He must’ve expected Yuri to maybe sign heavily but tell him that he’ll do everything in his power to win (probably something that’s happened with him and Yakov). Instead he see’s the consequences of his carelessness. Yuri rightfully lashes out at him and even through all that Victor stills says “should I kiss you?”. Idk what Yuri was thinking but if I were him I would be extremely offended that Victor would try and use me like some doll he can play with and can assume that physical affection and love can fix everything, which was probably what Yuri was thinking.

There’s something off about Yuri and Victor when they emerge but Yuri is surprisingly better now. Cathartic crying can do wonders, kids. There’s also my favorite part of the entire show (couldn’t find a gif):

*head jab* “Hey, fuck you.”

*more head jabs* “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you. I know you don’t like this you unempathetic dicknip.”

*head pat* “You’re forgiven.”

We all know what happens next: Yuri ends his love story with Victor’s signature move and Victor kisses him out of joy and the need to one up him (with love, of course).

I’m gonna get a little sloppy here with the timeline because I have the memory of a female protagonist that needs to go back to work to get something only to accidentally bump into the jerk CEO of which she will develop a toxic relationship for fan service, so forgive me.

Gonna skip ahead to the scene where Yuri tells Victor that he’s leaving skating, and basically Victor too. (At this moment I realized I’ve been spelling Viktor with a c and not a k which is really fucking with my brain but it’s too late to go back). Victor starts crying and realizes just how Yuri felt when he was rejecting him.

I believe Yuri found some light in the situation because of that fact, which Victor was not having. They’ve been closer than ever now. They’ve kissed, they’ve also announced they they’re getting married, so what the hell?!

Yuri, as we know, feels he’s keeping Victor from the ice. Victor, while he misses the ice and wouldn’t mind being competitive again, has found meaning and if he’s going to be Yuri’s coach to stay where he is than so be it.

He wanted to coach Yuri because he wanted a worthy competitor and while he still wants that, what matters most now is his relationship with Yuri. If he stops being Yuri’s coach and Yuri goes off the ice he knows it will be the end. Yuri loves the ice too and I’d bet he’d try to distance himself from Victor as to not feel regret from leaving without actually knowing that he’s doing it.

They’ve grown so much at this point. But that doesn’t mean it’s over. After all they’ve been through Yuri doesn’t realize that consequences of parting from one another. While being too dependent on your spouse isn’t good, it’s what they both need right now. They are what caused the other person to be happy again and while I hate those types of storylines this one executed it perfectly.

I find Victor’s silent plea to Yurio absolutely heartbreaking. He knows it’s bad to put pressure on people but now he’s doing that to a 15 year old boy. He’s putting his relationship and his life into this child’s hands because he knows there’s nothing else he can do.

I do think Yurio had a crush on Yuri but even if he didn’t: Yuri has taught him so much. He, although being an ass most of the time, has really come to love Yuri as family. It’s clear that Yurio was always lonely (Otabek being his first friend and all) but once he came to Japan and lived, truly lived there, he wasn’t lonely anymore.

Yurio wins, Yuri gets silver and all’s well that ends well.

I guess my point of this was to show how well the relationship in YOI was. I could’ve included some more detail on some points but I usually write stuff in one take (it’s very hard to revise without my mind shutting on itself).

I just love how an implicitly toxic relationship can come out so healthy. They don’t do any of that miscommunication bullshit and when they do it’s because the characters don’t know what to do or how to handle something. Like humans do!

They could’ve easily made this the hot famous guy thinks the kawai girl boy is just so adorable and the kawai girl boy is absolutely infatuated with the hot guy. Hijinks ensue which includes the kawai girl boy thinking the hot guy is in love with someone else. She He gets pushed into thinking that she’s he’s more independent in the end and happily ever after for the couple that will divorce in less than five years! Yay!

Seriously, I thought that was what was going to happen but YOI subverted my expectations so much. They are people that grew from their bad mindsets. And you know what? Yuri still has anxiety! Victor is still bad with handling emotions! And that’s ok! We don’t change that quickly. It takes time and hopefully another season.

I’m definitely using this show as a template for healthy relationships. It’s so hard for me to properly write them when I’ve never been in one and I’m not given the chance to see it happen in different environments (when searching it up all I get is “they trust each other. They blame each other. They’re compassionate.” Like ok but can you show me how?)

Yuri!!! On ice…. I love you so much. You have done so much for my mental health and my writing. Thank you.

#yuri on ice #yuri katsuki #katsuki yuri #victor nikiforov #viktor nikirofov #please tell me if you want me to elaborate on some sections #long post #yurio plisetsky #yuri plisetsky #healthy relationships

[writingpuddle]

The other night best friend and I (yes, that best friend) were riffing on trans Neil headcanons over the phone, but a realistic trans treatment of aftg gets dark real fast, so without further ado:

~The Mafia May Be Sexist (But It’s Not Transphobic!) AU ~

(tmmbsbintau, if you will)

Does this premise make sense? No, but if Nora can write about made up mafia sports, I can write a nonsense AU where transphobia doesn’t exist okay this is my party and ill be self-indulgent if i want to

We open with baby Neil, who was named after his maternal grandmother or smthg idk

Now lets say Neil is one of those “I always knew I was trans” kids

So even at a fairly young age he was like, nope this is wrong

For the most part his dad basically ignores him (what use is a girl to me???) but if he makes the mistake of getting in the way it’s the usual shit with knives and hot irons and basically Neil’s bog-standard Traumatic Childhood

His mom signs him up to play Exy to get him out of the house, and he loves it, because of course he does

Now tiny Neil may be terrified of his father

But remember transphobia isn’t real

So he when he’s about ten years old he tells his parents over dinner

His mom just puts her fork down and says that’s alright

But Nathan

Nathan

Nathan’s eyes start to glow

He has a son? Not a useless daughter?

He’s practically levitating with glee

And Neil, poor Neil, who has never had any positive reinforcement—from either parent, Mary, you’re not innocent in this—he soaks it up

Nathan puts both hands on his son’s—his son’s!—shoulders and dubs him Nathaniel

His son, his heir, his legacy

Mary takes one look at the possessive look in her husband’s eyes and thinks oh hell no

For the next few days Nathan absolutely showers Nathaniel with affection

He takes him to the hairdresser and buys him a whole new wardrobe, neglecting his mafia duties in order to dote upon his new son

It is possibly the happiest week of Nathaniel’s life

And then he wakes up in the night with his mother’s hand on his mouth and is given less than a minute to pack his things

Now he’s grown up in a criminal household; the notion of making a run for it isn’t exactly foreign to him

But it’s not until they’re in the car that Nathaniel realizes that his father is nowhere to be seen

Where’s dad? He asks

Shut up, his mother hisses, and slams the car into gear

From then on, he is never Nathaniel

His mother is 100% on board with his transition, but…not really anything beyond that

After all, people will be looking for a woman and a trans boy, which means Mary’s investment in Neil’s gender pretty much starts and ends with him passing as cis

She gets him all the medical treatments he needs (on the black market, since they’re on the run)—puberty blockers when he’s younger, testosterone when he’s older

But he’s never allowed to acknowledge being trans whatsoever

Not to his classmates, not to his teachers

He never gets the chance to have a queer community, or explore the nuances of his gender, because the only presentation they can afford for him to have is Masculine Cis Boy. The restriction is stifling. It’s suffocating.

Neil hates her for it

His life was, so briefly, perfect

He had his father’s love and approval for a day, a week, and he is both old enough to remember his father’s cruelty and young enough to believe that it could end

Nathan is incandescent

When he realizes what Mary has done he goes to the Moriyamas in a storm of fury

She stole my SON! He bellows

Now the Moriyama’s didn’t particularly care about Neil back when they thought he was a girl

Girls in the mafia are basically just for child-rearing, so he wasn’t a threat

So once they figure out what Nathan is talking about (this takes a sec, owing to Nathan having not previously gotten around to telling them about Nathaniel’s revelation), their first thought is that look, we might do the nepotism thing here in our family, but underlings don’t get to do the nepotism thing. Sorry, them’s the breaks

Obviously, Mary has to die—nobody’s disputing that, a woman who robbed her husband and stole his son? Only death will right that wrong—but Kengo tells Nathan that he’ll help find Nathaniel on the condition that he’s given to the Ravens upon capture

Nathan is utterly confident that his son—his son!—will perform admirably. He accepts the deal without a second thought

So they’re on the run for years and years, and Neil’s resentment towards his mother festers, but he never acts out too much, and he doesn’t contact his father

He almost does a couple times, but then he presses his hand to the iron scar on his shoulder and he can’t quite make himself go through with it

He’s sixteen when Nathan catches up with them in Seattle

There’s a shootout and Mary and Neil almost get away

But

Nathan arrives

Nathaniel! He shouts. My boy!

And Neil lurches to a stop

There is his father, walking towards him, his eyes still shining with the same fierce love and pride from when he was ten

Nathaniel, his father says. Hasn’t this gone on long enough?

Come home.

Mary is trying to drag Neil away, but he’s too fixated on his father

Can I? Neil asks. Can I really?

Of course, Nathan says. Everything is forgiven. I’ve even secured you a place on the Ravens. Didn’t you always love Exy? Come home with me, Nathaniel

Neil can barely believe it. His father is offering him everything he ever wanted. His mother has been keeping him from this, his whole life?

Why would they run?

And through this whole exchange Nathan has been getting closer, and Mary is pulling Neil back, and now he’s close enough to touch and the sound she makes is like something physical tears when she finally releases Neil and tries to flee

She isn’t fast enough

Nathan’s grin is as wide as the sun when his cleaver bites into Mary’s waist

Blood pours out

Neil screams

Mary clutches her side, staggering away, but it’s obvious she won’t make it far

Dad, no, Neil says. Don’t—

Shh, his father says. Don’t be afraid. She kept us apart all these years. She deserves to die.

And Neil—

Neil has hated his mother for most of his life

But he looks at the woman who has struggled so long to protect him—who has failed as often as she succeeded, but who fought anyway, everyday—and the man whose eyes are bright with glee at her pain

And he makes a choice

He only has a split second to see the betrayal in his father’s eyes before the pipe in his hand slams into his head and he pitches forward, unconscious

Neil does not wait to see if he survives

He grabs his mother and they run, her arm locked on his shoulder and her palm pressed to the wound on her side

Neil puts her in the passenger seat and jumps in, throwing the car in gear

You need a hospital, he says, frantic

No, she hisses, pinning a towel to her side. No hospitals

Guilt floods through him as he looks at her pale face

Sticky red handprints smear on everything she touches

I’m sorry, mom, he says, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry—

Enough, she says. Drive

He drives

He drives, and drives, and he follows her instructions, and later he wouldn’t have been able to say if he actually thought she would survive; he believed it, because he had to, because he had never been without her; he knew better, because gut wounds are slow, but they are inexorable

He parks on the beach and there are tears pushing at his eyelids but he chokes them down

I’m sorry, he said, I never should have believed him. I’m sorry—

You never would have been enough for him, she says, and Neil flinches

Her hand finds his chin and she yanks him down to meet her eyes, her gaze fierce.

He never loved you, she says. He would have made you in his image, and when you failed he would have torn you apart. I would not—I would not watch him try to make my son a monster. Don’t—don’t waste it

Mom, what are you saying—

Promise me, she says

Promise you won’t go back to him

She is dying

Neil can’t refuse

He promises

She releases his face and her red fingerprints on his face burn like brands. He can feel them hours after the tears wash the blood away.

Her last few breaths are jagged as broken stones before she rattles to a stop, and Neil is alone

He burns her body and staggers out onto the road and he keeps moving, he keeps moving, because he knows if he stops he’ll shatter

His hesitation has cost him his mother’s life

But his action costs him his fathers love

In one blow, Neil broke the golden image Nathan had of his perfect son, and now all Nathan wants is to destroy him

He finds his way to Millport almost on instinct alone

He finds one of Mary’s contacts who can supply him with the hormones he needs to continue passing and squats in an empty house and speaks to none of his classmates

When the Exy team tryouts are announced, he goes, intending to only watch from a distance

Perhaps it is inevitable he’s sucked in

There is so little light in his life

Can he be forgiven for wanting one little spark?

The Foxes come for him in May, and Kevin doesn’t recognize him, because how would he? Even if they met as kids, Kevin never saw Neil post-transition

Wymack ends up telling him something about Kevin’s past and the truth about the Ravens, and Neil pales a little bit, remembering how his father had said he’d gotten Neil a place on their line-up and finally understanding why

And sometimes he looks at Kevin with blinding jealousy for the life Neil didn’t get to have, and sometimes he sees him nearly comatose with fear and drinking vodka like it’s water, and his stomach hurts thinking how cheerfully his father would have consigned him to the same fate

So canon proceeds and Neil still bitches Riko out on live TV, and Riko still manages to acquire Neil’s fingerprints

And would you believe that? The Foxes mouthy new rookie is [deadname], Nathan Wesninski’s brat?

Well, well, well

At the banquet Riko pokes and prods until Neil finally snaps, and as Dan drags the team away from the wreckage Jean grabs Neil’s arm and says, low and fast in French, You’ll meet with us later

Why the fuck would I do that? Neil demands

Because otherwise everyone will find out that the Butcher is your father

Neil can’t hide his flinch and Kevin’s eyes go wide

They flee the scene, but before they even reach Coach, Kevin is already rounding on Neil

Is it true? He croaks

Not now, Neil says

But Kevin reads confirmation in Neil’s deflection

I didn’t know [deadname] had a brother, he says

Now here is the thing

Names are obviously a touchy subject with a lot of trans people, and certainly with Neil in particular

But with everything that just happened, Neil is a bit preoccupied, and it’s been a long time since he’s associated himself with that name

Since before he stopped using it, truthfully

And so his response is out of his mouth before he can even think twice

“Who?”

Kevin nods seriously, because he is wise to the ways of mafia bosses, and it’s not exactly shocking that Nathan Wesninski had a mistress and a secret second child, especially considering his first child had been a girl

It’s several moments before Neil puts two and two together and realizes that he has inadvertently slipped through a perfect loophole

He’s failed his mother so many times, but at least this secret is still safe, and he clings to that

Neil’s gender doesn’t really affect his interpersonal relationships with the Foxes—he’s already changing out separately, so this isn’t even a whole other thing

It’s harder to hide his testosterone when he’s living in shared dorms, but he has everything in the safe and figures out the safest schedule to open it up when he’s sure Matt will be in class

Andrew finds out when they start hooking up

But remember transphobia isn’t real so it’s sort of more like Andrew goes to undo his pants and is like wait your dick is removeable? Okay.

And then he just gets on with it

So Binghamton and Baltimore happen as canon, and if Neil had ever harboured hopes that his father would forgive him and love him again, they’re broken for good when his father stalks in and sees him shivering and just grins

It is the smile of someone who has torn someone off a pedestal and is going to enjoy reducing them to dust

Nevermind that Nathan had been the one to put him on that pedestal in the first place

Stuart deus-ex-machinas us out of the maws of death and we end up back in that classic Baltimore scene with the Foxes, and they still claim him, and they still take him home

He tells them all about his mafia father and life on the run, and it doesn’t really click until later that he forgot to mention the trans thing

Not like he, you know, has to tell them, and being trans is hardly an issue in Exy since it’s co-ed, but it would probably be nice to see a real doctor instead of keep buying his hormones illegally

And moreover, he wants the Foxes to know him

So they hit the cabin in the mountains and everyone knows Neil doesn’t drink, but when Andrew pours him a shot, he takes it

Ooh, Nicky says, Is Neil about to start spilling his secrets?

Allison snorts. What secrets does he have left?

Uh, Neil says

Wait, Allison says. There’s more secrets????

Yeah, he says. Um, I’m trans

There’s a pause

Well, that’s no good, Allison said. We didn’t have a bet going on that

Everyone laughs, and Neil smiles, and he looks at the sunset and remembers his mother, and he remembers a life filled with hiding, and secrets, and loneliness

Bats swoop in the twilight beyond the cabin, and he turns towards the warmth and light inside, and he does not look back

#self indulgent trans au is self indulgent #my writing #aftg #andreil #trans neil #trans headcanons #this is actually a bit angsty be warned #i was so high on the transphobia doesnt exist part #that i forgot neils whole life is a goddamn tragedy for a seconde #tmmbsbintau

[chatonyant]

Do yall ever just Make an AU Redesign the characters Write 11+ pages of pure notes on random ass ideas

Some character notes under the read-more!

So Couple things on the reasonings behind the different changes

Naruto:

his hair reflects more Uzumaki, because I’ve always resented the lack of similarity between him and Kushina. Let him have bits from his mom too!! So the idea was that his hair lightens as it grows, because if pink hair is possible, this is too, dammit

I inverted the colors of his jacket and changed his pants to black because, yknow, he’s supposed to be a ninja. He shouldn’t be running around in kill-me orange. I wanted it to maintain that childish but iconic orange but make it more lowkey

It isn’t very clear on the image, but i was trying to make his clothes really baggy and loose. I was thinking that if he has problems buying things due to the cruelty of the shop owners and other civilians, he wouldn’t have been able to really buy clothes as often as a growing child would need to. So he has these massive clothes that he just rolls up and run around in

jesus the more i write the more ideas i have

i want to make his hair longer and shaggier cause he’s a kid. He doesn’t know how to cut his own hair and cutting short hair is much harder than cutting long hair

Moving on from the clothes

I have a bit of a headcannon that the children of jinchuriki possess certain traits from the bijuu of their parent, esp if the bijuu chakra surrrounds the baby in the womb sO Naruto looks a tad more foxy. Even more foxy cause he is both a jinchuriki’s child AND a jinchuriki since a couple hours after birth

Thus his more oval pupils and slight purple coloring in the center

he also has yaeba! Endearingly crooked teef

Sakura:

There’s honestly not that much? that i could have changed with her?

it’s a more attitude and focus change that reflects a bit into her clothing

Instead of being infatuated with Sasuke and losing her friendship with Ino bc wtf , she holed away in the library and absorbed all the knowledge. She’s lonely, and she’s not really a people person like how Ino is, so she begins to read theories and history and anything else that catches her attention (which is a lot)

Reading all this made her more determined in her goal as a ninja and casts aside the civilian style vanity. She’ll look dangerous AND pretty, thank you very much

Her clothes are a tad darker because bright red is only marginally better than neon orange, and though not very visible, the skirt is a bit shorter

she has fingerless gloves and the bandages, mimicking different ninjas she sees around the village

Shorter hair because i think she would’ve tried putting her hair in a bun or a ponytail but then realized that weight and care of long hair just isn’t for her. Besides, she rocks the short haircut 

i have no real reason for the belt other than i like the split between top and bottom

Sasuke:

I changed him the most (obviously)

Mmm while with the other two I had a more set reason for the different changes, I don’t quite have that for Sasuke

Similar to Sakura, I did want to change bits of his story in order to change certain story aspects HOWEVER I’m not entirely sure how i want to change things

The first couple ideas I had were to make Itachi more redeemable? I guess? Im not sure how I would word this but I wanted to make it easier for him to be forgiven by sasuke and the others. Make Sasuke question Itachi’s motives for killing the clan

and those ideas included the entire clan NOT being killed. Most of them, yes, but not all. Like killing most of the clan but a couple civilian Uchiha surviving. Stuff like that

And going off of that branch of thought, i was thinking a surviving Uchiha would take Sasuke in? Or maybe not but he still has Uchiha taking care of him in a certain way

building up on his own pride in the clan, kind of a “we survived this” grim pride? idk? anyways his clothes are more traditional inspired to kinda reflect that. Cause Uchiha always seemed the most traditional Japanese based group

he’s also the brother of a shinobi prodigy, born into a family of ninja (Mikoto was a JONIN), so he knows how to dress like a ninja. more pouches for extra supplies and a mesh undershirt as a bit of armor

and can’t forget those protective arm guards lmAOO

Honestly I’ve got like- so many ideas but my thought process is very much Not Linear so i’ve been screaming in this here pile of bees I need to think more on the middle instead of jumping straight to the end but yKNOW its a work in progress

#naruto #uchiha sasuke #haruno sakura #uzumaki naruto #redesign #fanart #au #alp art #this has honestly been a grEAT practice on drawing children #still a work in progress but im getting there #and also i made the uchiha dark dark red cause sharingan hehe #this took me too long to write because i kept getting distracted #and also its kinda long #oops #naruto fanart #honestly what are tags #team seven #nart art #nart au

[odd-triceratops702]

Idk what I'd give if someone writes this.

But I had this concept for the years about mingcheng. So like here it goes...

Anyways, so the fic goes like this: it's about 2 years after WWXs death and NMJ is SLOWLY getting affected by his qi deviation and is getting desperate in slowing down the symptoms and what not.

But then he meets up with JC (who cares where, could be a discussion conference or him visiting whtevs) and develops a HUGE crush. But JC doesn't realise it cuz he's really spread thin with leading yunmemg and raising Jin ling. So they interact a lot, with NMJ trying to support JC whilst he's still alive.

Eventually because JC is a masochist - he falls in love with NMJ and confesses, assuming that NMJ will friendzone him. Only for NMJ to admit his feelings as well. But it's bittersweet cuz NMJ is still dying from qi deviation (JGY is still a dick) so they rush their relationship. JC gets married to NMJ (this being NMJ favourite memory and JC favourite memory is NMJ interacting with JL) whilst NMJ is still stable and have many little moments together (like both of them teaching jin ling how to shoot and JC teaching NMJ how to use zidian because he trusts NMJ enough to not hurt others with zidian. )

Anyways NMJ eventually dies when Jin Ling is like 8 (and JL only has a few memories of NMJ which destroys JC) and JC & JHS grieve together. BUTTT JC didn't know the full story because NHS wanted to be the only one to get revenge for NMJs murder. So JC just thinks NMJ died because of qi deviation and slowly accepts it but never moves on because NMJ was his soulmate.

Fast forward to the plot, JGY is being confronted by WWX and the gang and JGY admits to killing NMJ and JC is destroyed. And he is Hella pissed, and tries to kill JGY buttttt doesn't because morals or whatever. LXC still kills JGY. But the twist is, that WWX doesn't know that mingcheng was a thing.

Shenanigans happen with WWX and NMJ and somehow WWX fixes him and makes him a fierce corpse... But the twist is that NMJ only remembers his life BEFORE having qi deviations. *Shock and disbelief ensures *

And since of the WWX and LWJ didn't know mingcheng happened, LXC being in seclusion and NHS feeling too guilty and bitter to be near NMJ. NMJ has no where to go and is having a lot of self-loothing because he is a fierce corpse, can't remember some of his later years and didn't figure out that JGY was killing him. But then NMJ stumbles into Lotus Pier...

NMJ meets up with JC and JC is shooketh. Buutttt then the whole memories erased thing becomes plot revelant and JC becomes insecure ..."If he everything else EXCEPT us, their relationship wasnt that important to him than it was to me...."

So JC keeps his distance from NMJ and lets him stay at lotus pier cuz he's a masochist. Only NMJ to get attach to JC and slowly fold back into JCs life. JC still loves him and this situation is slowly destroying him that JL notices. (Also NMJ knows he feels something to JC but doesn't know what it is, and is repressing it because of self-loothing)

Jin Ling has been prepping to become the Jin Sect leader whilst Lan qiren is his Regent cuz JC REFUSES for JL to lose his childhood like he did.

And Lan Qiren was bored and wanted to give WWX and LWJ some alone time idk. Anyways, JL is free and studying under Lan Qiren and JC on how to be a sect leader and one day whilst staying in lotus pier, he hears JC crying alone in his room. And gets super over-protective cuz "no one makes my favourite parent uncle cry."

And then JL bumps into NMJ and recognises him as jiujius husband from a painting or whatever. And realises that NMJ is the one making JC depressed. JL confront him, saying something on the lines of "that's yr soulmate buuuttttt you don't even recognise him because of yr self-loothing"

NMJ realises that he loves JC and those feelings he has been repressing were because of this.

That night NMJ confronts JC and emotions soarrrrrr. They realise that they are being stupid and get back together. And live out their days together.

*Some additions that isn't in the main plot,

*WWXs reaction to mingcheng like "wait JC lost his virginity BEFORE ME!! NOOO"

*Jin Ling and WWX being overprotective over JC

*JC being Lan Qirens favourite even though they're not related (pre-timeskip, they would have tea once a month because Lan Qiren used to have tea with JC's parents but not as regularly as they do. JC goes Lan Qiren for advice and Lan Qiren sees himself in JC)

*LXC reconciling with NMJ, (Im actually a fan of NMJ being a bit mad at LXC because LXC forced 3zun brotherhood) but both of them working out their issues

*NMJ and NHS interacting, NMJ understanding why NHS did it and didn't hold a grudge

BUT JC is angry with him because NHS didn't ask for help and didn't consider JCs feeling on the matter.

Eventually JC and NHS reconcile after NHS reveals his true nature to JC (like be more sly and intelligent in front of JC) and stops being the lazy headshaker. NHS is still sect leader because NMJ wants to live with JC and NHS wants to change the Niè sect. (Also NHS wants to become chief cultivator) (I just want NHS to be an evil mastermind, an ethical bastard with JCs support)

*maybe LXC and NHS romance, LXC being angry with NHS and being hostile with NHS (and then bring in the enemies to lovers trope)

*JC and WWX reconciling extremely quickly because JC now knows that time is precious and had forgiven WWX a long time ago (during when NMJ and him were first dating because he didn't want useless baggage to ruin mingcheng so he confessed EVERYTHING to NMJ and they moved past it)

*WWX being the strict uncle to JL, and JC, having more child rearing experiences, can handle a bratty teenager whilst WWX hates his past self for giving him karma

So yeah this is a prompt I've BEEN thinking about for a while and I don't want to write it sooooo

#mingcheng #JC #jiang cheng #nie mingjue #the untamed #mdzs fic #nmj

[pogueshomecoming]

Bruises (part two) x JJ Maybank

requested? yes: there were multiple! I can’t find them all on my blog now but thank you to everyone who asked for this. I hope it meets your expectations!

the original request, “jj gets drunk and starts being aggresive but when he’s sober he sees the injuries he has made on you and asks where they have come from (not knowing he was the one) and john b/ the other pogues have to tell him. :))))) (@jjjmaybank)

fill out this survey to join my taglist(s), here’s my masterlist, and requests are open

warnings: crying, angst, but also soft toward the end

word count: 2.5k

here’s part one icymi! idk how you could’ve since I haven’t shut up about it

++

After that day you left JJ on the ground, you distanced yourself from the Pogues. It felt like the right thing to do, considering you weren’t around before you started dating him. It also broke your heart because the four of them had become your family.

Without them, you became more independent. You ran newspaper routes in Figure 8 to keep the lights on in the little shack you called home. It was good for you to establish a routine.

Still, there were those days that you pedaled a little faster past the Maybank residence, so you didn’t have to think about JJ for too long. You don’t hate him for what he did, but you know he does. It put you in a hard position.

Knowing that you’re the only person who could convince JJ that he wasn’t terrible, and knowing you aren’t ready to face him caused emotional turmoil. So, you had to not think about him.

Occasionally, you’d see the Pogues around, minus JJ. You never stayed long enough to have a conversation, but you always acknowledged their presence. JJ was their friend first, they needed to be there for him before you’d think about going back to them. Taking yourself out of the group eliminated them from choosing between you and JJ, it was simple.

Until it wasn’t simple anymore. You’d called in an order at the Wreck after paying your bills to treat yourself. It was early, right as the Wreck was opening when you got there. The plan was to get your food and go home because spending time alone had come to be your favorite thing recently.

Entering the restaurant, you go straight to the bar to let them know you were here. Only after that do you look around, spotting Pope, Kie, and John B sitting still a table in the corner. They’re already looking at you, but grabbing your food and going isn’t an option because the lady hasn’t brought it back yet.

So, you walk over, giving them a smile and a wave. “Hey, guys.”

“Hi, Y/N. You doing okay?” Kie asks, but something is off with them. Pope’s eyes are focused on something behind you. John B and Kie keep cutting their eyes to the side.

“Yeah, I’m good. How about you?” You ask any of them that will answer, looking between the three.

“Uh, yeah, we’re good too. That’s good, glad to hear.” John B says, but it’s rushed, and he’s not looking at you now.

“What is going on? Are you guys okay?” You twist a little to glance around the dining room. Nothing seems out of the ordinary until you turn back to the table, looking at the empty chair that your hands were resting on. There was a cup on the table in front of it.

“Oh, you’re expecting someone.” You say quietly, and suddenly they’re all looking at you again.

“JJ is in the bathroom.” Pope blurts, causing Kie and John B to look at him.

“What? She should know before he comes out, right?” Obviously, they’d talked about this situation before.

“I’m on my way out, it’s not a big deal. It was good to see you guys.” You wave them off, but Kie stops you from turning around.

“You don’t have to rush off, that’s not what we want. We just-“

“I know, Kie. It’s okay. There’s no sides or anything, but I’m going to go anyway. See you.”

You give a small smile before turning around. The smile quickly fades when you’re now standing in front of your ex-boyfriend. Suddenly, your palms are sweaty, and your heart has moved to your ears. Your emotions are overwhelming you because you can’t get yourself to move or say anything.

JJ physically looks good, he looks like he always did. However, his face has softened upon realizing that it’s you. His eyes are starting to get shiny, and his brows are pinched together ever so slightly. To top it all off, the corners of his mouth seem to be pulled down toward the floor by an invisible string.

“Y/N, your order is ready.”

JJ flinches, hearing someone say your name. You don’t say anything, you step around him. Every ounce of his energy went into not reaching out for you, but that was all he wanted to do.

You grab the paper sack off of the counter and immediately exit the restaurant, afraid that you were going to suffocate if you didn’t. You’re panting by the time you reach your bike, setting the food into the little basket, and swinging your leg over the seat.

Seeing JJ confirmed all of your worst fears. He hadn’t forgiven himself or even thought about it. JJ couldn’t look at you without being reminded of what he did to you.

But the worst fear? The worst part? You realized you still weren’t ready to talk to him. Feeling yourself freeze up in front of him was exactly how it felt when you were tensing, your muscles to prepare for his blow. You hated yourself for that because he didn’t mean it. JJ wouldn’t do it again, you didn’t have to talk to him to know that.

So instead of enjoying your celebratory meal, you threw it away and cried.

+

Three days later, you’re holding your bike while standing beside it, looking at the Maybank house in front of you.

Your hands are shaky as you lay the bike in the grass. JJ’s dirt bike is in the front, but his dad’s van is not. If there was any time to do this, it’s now.

The front door is opened slightly, so you don’t knock as you enter. Trash litters almost every surface, but that was normal around here. Music is coming from behind JJ’s bedroom door.

Another deep breath. This time you do knock, but you don’t wait for an answer.

JJ is lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling. His chest rises and falls slowly with his breathing. For a second, you think he’s asleep, but then his chest expands as he inhales harder. That’s when you realize he’s crying.

“JJ?” You ask softly, you’re still in the doorway with the doorknob in your hand.

He sits up immediately, wiping at the tears that streak his face. That’s not what you’re worried about, you’re worried about the dozen bruises all over his upper body. His lower abdomen is so bruised you can’t tell what color his skin is supposed to be.

You gasp, covering your hands with your mouth. JJ follows your gaze, looking over his body, but he shrugs your reaction off.

“Don’t Y/N. This is what I deserve for what I did to you.” JJ shakes his head. His voice is shaky and barely audible.

“What on earth are you talking about, JJ?” You don’t move. For some reason, your feet are planted right where they are.

“I’ve been picking fights with my dad. Purposely getting him worked up so he’ll hit me. I want to feel the pain I caused you for every day of my life.” JJ can’t look at you. He can hardly speak he’s so upset.

You tilt your head back, looking at the ceiling for just a moment while you think. A sob that leaves JJ’s mouth is what pulls you back, and even though you’re still trying to figure out what to say, your feet start moving toward him.

He looks up at you just as you open your arms and take the last step you need to reach him. As you close yourself around him, JJ doesn’t try to fight you, he accepts you.

The two of you stay like that for a few minutes, at least, each of you squeezing with a good and constant amount of pressure as if you’re afraid to ever let go. Eventually, though, you gather your thoughts, and you’re ready to talk to him.

You pull your arms out from underneath his and move your hands to his face, making him look at you.

“Listen to me, JJ Maybank. I want this to get through your thick and stubborn skull, got it?” You wait for him to nod before you continue, blinking the tears out of your eyes. “You are not terrible because of a mistake you made. It doesn’t define you, it doesn’t mean you deserve punishment, it only means that you had a lapse of judgment.”

“But I hurt you. I can’t forgive myself for that.” JJ’s blue eyes are so pretty when he’s crying, but you like them much more when he’s smiling.

“Yeah. You did hurt me, JJ, but I forgive you. I’m not excusing your actions, I’m not saying it was right, or that I’ll forgive you if it happens again, but I’m saying that I forgive you. Do you want to know why?”

He looks back to his lap but nods. “Because even though you hurt me, you’re the one that I wanted to heal me.”

“Really?” JJ makes eye contact with you again, and for the first time, he doesn’t look completely miserable. His frown is a little less droopy.

“Because I believe with my whole heart that you’d do anything in your power to take back your actions and prevent even the slightest chance it could happen again.”

JJ reaches up, cupping your face in his hands. “I would, and I am. I don’t go to the keggers anymore, I don’t even help John B and Pope pick it up. No more kook parties for me, either. I’m trying to do the right thing, baby, I really am.”

He’s full-on sobbing again as he clings to you.

“I know you are, sweetheart. I never doubted you, I just needed some time.”

You hold him for a little bit, rocking him back and forth until he’s calmed down. After his breathing has returned to normal, he pulls you onto the bed with him and lays you down.

“Can... can I see?” He asks, nodding toward your torso. The bruises weren’t there anymore, but you give him permission anyway.

Slowly, JJ rolls your shirt up, starting at the bottom. He stops when he meets your bra, tucking it under so it’ll stay out of his way. His breath fans over your body as he observes you for a few moments, and you watch him carefully.

JJ leans over you, opening his nightstand and digging around for a moment. When he finally finds what he wants, you recognize it as a pen.

“What are you doing?”

“Can you show me where they were?”

Even though they’re gone, you remember where exactly where they were. The image the mirror reflected the day after has stayed with you. So you trace the odd shapes with your fingertips, and JJ follows your finger with the point of the pen.

The one that used to be on your shoulder is the last one he draws, then he sits back for a few minutes. JJ’s eyes rake over your body, but not at all in a sexual way. You can tell he’s letting the negative thoughts back in, so you grab his hand to squeeze.

JJ leans down and presses a kiss to each spot. He lets his lips linger each time, giving you chills from feeling his breath. Your heart swells at the gesture, and tears prick your eyes once again. Finally, he locks eyes with you again.

“Now you should go. You can’t come back until the ink is gone, and no scrubbing it off in a day. I can’t let you forgive me yet, it’s too soon for that. I didn’t do anything to deserve redemption.” JJ has a bad habit of mumbling when he’s upset, so it’s a good thing you’ve known him long enough to understand what he’s saying.

He rolls your shirt back down to its place, and you sigh. “I don’t agree with you, JJ, but if it’s what you want, then I understand.”

You watch him roll away from you, his way of finishing the conversation. With a sigh, you get up and make your way to the door. An idea comes to mind before you’re out of his room.

Turning on your heel, you speak, your voice strong and firm to let him know you’re not playing around. “No, JJ, I’m not letting you decide when I forgive you. This should be on my terms. Come with me.”

One hand is outstretched to him, waiting for him to roll out of bed and accept it. After a few moments, he does. JJ’s movements are slow because of his soreness, and you can tell he’s trying to make it seem like he’s not hurting.

Your boyfriend places his hand in yours, knowing he can’t argue with you, so he follows without a word. However, you don’t take him far. You lead him down the hall and into the bathroom.

JJ shuts the door behind you two as you turn on the sink, letting the water run until it’s warm and grabbing a washcloth from the cabinet below. You push yourself up onto the counter next to the sink and hand him the rag, then you pull your shirt over your head.

He watches your shirt fall to the floor, turning the washcloth over in his hand. When JJ looks up at you, he’s got that tortured look on his face. The one where his eyebrows are pulled together just enough to create a line between them. The one where his eyes are red and brimming with tears. The one where the corners of his mouth are pulled into a permanent frown.

“Wash the ink off.” You lift your arms, making the marks on your skin more visible.

“What?”

You take his hand and put it under the faucet. “Because you said you haven’t done anything for redemption. I’ve spent weeks thinking about this, about what happened. It was hard, but I came to terms with it, and I forgive you, JJ. That doesn’t do us any good if you can’t forgive yourself, so I need you to wash the ink off. Show yourself that I’m healed, and we can move forward.”

Tears well up in both of your eyes, and slowly, JJ starts gently wiping the ink on your skin away. You reach up every now and then to wipe his tears off of his cheeks, each time you see a corner of his mouth lift in a small smile to show his appreciation.

When he’s finished, JJ places his hands on the edge of the sink and leans his weight into them. You think maybe he’s trying to hide that his hands are shaking, but the closer you look at him, his whole body is shaking.

Gently, you tug on his elbow until he’s standing between your legs again. All you can do is take him into your arms and let him cry. You did what you could, and the rest is up to him. Maybe things won’t be the same between you for a little bit, but that’s okay.

The only thing you can guarantee him is that you’ll be there while his bruises heal.

++

thank you for reading! don’t forget to reblog if you liked it or send me feedback :)

jj maybank taglist + ones who asked to be tagged: @wlwkie , @jjjmaybank , @shawnssongs , @hopelesswritingxd , @newsiestrash123 , @millie-753 , @thatsonobx , @jjtheangel , @obxkie, @baileysb1tch, @ohbx , @babysbestlife , @psychicforest , @fanficscuziranout , @maebanks , @diverdown06, @pogue-writings , @maybankdreams , @thelocalpogue , @maybe-maybanks , @dpaccione , @teenwaywardasgardian , @extratragic , @pixelated-pogues , @kitluvs1 , @a-brooding-bird , @ilovejjmaybank , @damonsalvawhore27 , @beth-winchester21 , @danicarosaline , @sunwardsss , @outerbanksbro , @collecting-stories , @thebendslikebendover , @maybebanks , @jjxobx

(also just want to say that I posted part one a little over a month ago and I only had one person on my taglist, now look at all of you! thank you 🥺)

#outer banks #obx #jj maybank #outer banks fic #outer banks fics #outer banks imagine #outer banks one shot #outer banks blurb #outer banks netflix #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank request #jj maybank blurb #jj maybank one shot #jj maybank imagine #jj maybank fic #jj outer banks #jj x y/n #jj x reader #jj x you #jj maybank fanfic #jj maybank x y/n #jj maybank x you #jj maybank angst #jj maybank fluff #outer banks jj #jj obx #obx jj

[noona96n]

Omg I am sorry for sending that long ask, I write that at like 3 am after finishing my assignment so I was so sleepy lol

Anyways I was just saying that I do trust that Shu Yi’s love but I think that even if he does want to still have revenge, he still wants them to be together at the end if that makes.

The thing that makes doubt about the following plot is the pool scene, like idk if is going to happen as a joke like the bridge scene or is it going to be serious. What do you think?

Finally I think that they have to fix their communication and insecurities issues for their relationship to work because otherwise is going to still keep bringing conflict in the future.

They are both really obsessive with each other which can really be toxic (so glad is just fiction 🤡) so yeah they really have to solve their communication problems, really hoping season three is just about them being a married couple that work on fixing their insecurity issues so that they can be a happy family with many children and dogs lol.

Like I nee to seem them being dads, especially after seeing Shi De with his baby brother, he would be an amazing dad, he has such big dad vibes yk.

oh, i thought the bridge scene 2.0 is quite serious... i mean, it essentially revolves around Shu Yi & Shi De joking around, yes, but that scene was like a loaded gun where they had an honest conversation (for the 2nd time this season), and Shi De understanding that he’s forgiven by Shu Yi, and  they also addressed some of the underlying issues (but still not resolving it 100% lol)

i think, Shu Yi forgiving Shi De and Shi De finally understanding that he’s forgiven and fully believing that Shu Yi loves him and wants to be with him forever is a step toward building a healthier relationship. i think it’s a pretty big milestone all thing considered... it’s just that the scene was written to be light-hearted; maybe it was to balance out the deep, emotional conversation and implications that were taking place? idk 

@soundsaboutrighttumblr​ also think that the bridge scene 2.0 is quite serious as they wrote a textpost on it.

(also, i’ve been saying that Shu Yi has always wanted to forgive Shi De and i do think that’s true... Shu Yi loves Shi De too much to stay mad at him. and, as u’ve said, that’s bcs they’re so in love and so, so obsessed w/ each other and that’s def not healthy at all! but i wanna clarify that forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting or condoning the wrongdoings that were done to him. the way i see it, Shu Yi forgiving Shi De is just Shu Yi coming to term that Shi De caused him pain and that he still loves Shi De despite all that pain, that he’s now willing to heal the pain & fix the fractures of their relationship, and he’s ready to move to a better future w/ Shi De)

as for the pool scene, i think it’ll be an affirmation of their affection for one another. it’ll probably be very sweet and not too heavy... and that’s the end of their struggles/doubt for one another (coming to a full circle of their relationship). they’ll probably have another honest conversation in S2EP5 in a more neutral ground (?) im not sure lol but i don’t think they’d “taint” the beginning of their relationship w/ “bad” vibes ya know? and i think the writer would want the pool scene to be sweet and romantic more than it is heavy and emotional. 

as for marriage, yes, yes, yes! i’ve always been preaching about it lol i need them to get married! i don’t think they’ll be able to have kids (as of now) bcs Taiwan doesn’t allow gay couples to adopt kids just yet... however, if one of them have kids prior to their marriage, then their partner can adopt the kids as their own! im also unsure if surrogacy is a legal thing in Taiwan so yeah... probably unlikely that we’ll be seeing little baby Shu Yi or Shi De running around.

im sure Shu Yi will spoil Oscar rotten tho ;3 bcs he’s sappy for his bf and he loves his bf’s mom to pieces haha also, i really wanna see when Shu Yi finally meets the blonde lady (which i’ve been saying is Shi De’s stepsister!) 

anon's initial ask:

i really don’t have anything to say about Shi De tbh like, he’s my favorite character but i can’t get into his headspace or understand his mindset. his love for Shu Yi is to great and i always end up going ‘who is Shi De if he’s not in love with Shu Yi?’ like i legit dk who Shi De is... loving Shu Yi is his identity and his direction in life. i know people is capable of that kind of emotion but don’t understand it. 

thanks for ur insights into Shi De! and thank you for sending in ur ask again! it was lovely to read what u have to say! 

also, if ure sending in more asks, please break them into more manageable length! 

#wbl #we best love #noona96n #wbl ask

[romanapologist]

“Half Full” - Moceit Fic

Content/warnings: referenced past manipulation, alcohol, a lot of discussion of things the sides have done wrong, but none of them are intended as unsympathetic. they have done some b a d stuff but they’re learning and we love them all yknow?? (namely warnings for virgil being overprotective/lashing out, and me being on my bullshit anti-roceit agenda)

Notes: You all know I’m not a writer, but I had a thought about a?? Characterization for Janus?? Which as I reread this is kind of very OOC, but idk I just thought it was neat, and I do go crazy for moceit hurt/comfort.

Finding the moral side crying in the middle of the night was, all things considered, not too surprising. After all, Janus knew every time Patton lied about his happiness. However, he had suspected to find him with loud, messy sobs. With a tin of cookies almost finished. Not with a bottle of wine and a blank, tear-tracked face.

He didn’t even seem to notice Janus’ entrance until he cleared his throat.

“Oh,” Patton uttered, gaze flicking to the other side. His face didn’t gain any clarity of expression. He just started putting away the wine and finished off his glass, making moves to leave. “Sorry.”

Janus took a moment to hide his shock at the scene, and at Patton’s reaction to him. (What, had he thought the moral side would come running into his arms for comfort? He was being ridiculous.)

“Give that here, you imbecile,” Janus said, taking the bottle from Patton’s hands and pouring himself a glass. There was no bite behind his words, at least not in a meaningful way. He’d lost his edge. “So, you’re just up for fun, I assume?”

“Hm,” Patton failed to respond. “Are you going to stay up?”

“I’m sure I’ll be back to bed in a moment.”

“That sounds like a lie.”

“How out-of-character that would be for me,” Janus smiled.

Patton half-smiled back. “You wanna watch something?”

“What do you have in mind?”

“A documentary on Greek philosophers.”

Janus frowned at the dry film Patton pulled up. “You think you’ll enjoy this?”

“I think it’ll be boring as fuck,” he said, casually. Janus turned to him in mild shock, while he simply yawned. “But Logan wanted me to watch it. Maybe it’ll be more interesting with you.”

Janus nodded, careful to hide his smile behind his glass.

���••

The movie was, as Patton had so eloquently predicted, boring as fuck. Also, quite hazy by the end, due to all the wine. They had been quiet near the beginning, but by the end they were talking over everything in hushed whispers and even a laugh from Patton, every so often.

The next day, when Janus walked in on breakfast, he swore Patton’s smile changed. From a brittle, stiff form--forced in the tense atmosphere--to something more relaxed. Relieved.

“Oh, hiya, Janus! There’s a seat here if you wanna stay,” Patton patted the chair beside him.

Janus stayed.

•••

“...Janus is right.”

“Of course,” Virgil scoffed.

It was the first whole group discussion they’d had since the… wedding fiasco. And while Virgil didn’t seem surprised by Patton’s words, Janus most certainly was.

“Obviously, I am. I knew you would agree, Patton,” Janus lied.

Patton was too preoccupied to do anymore than hum at Janus’ statement, all concerned glances over at Roman. Ugh, Roman. Still all mopey after the last video, he was currently staring determinedly at the floor. Him and Patton should have let all of that go by now--the past was the past. Hadn’t they learnt about moving on?

“Are you sure, Patton?” Thomas asked. “I’ve always gone to this event before. And, I’ve always made it through--”

Patton shook his head. “You know there will be family members there who don’t respect you. And who choose not to learn. I know I’ve always been the one to say they deserve your love anyway, but… I don’t know if they do.”

All of the sides stood in shock for a moment. Janus schooled away a proud look. 

Logan was the first to speak, slowly nodding. “...Yes, well, Patton does bring up an interesting point. Thomas, you tend to give people the ‘benefit-of-the-doubt’, which can be a good thing, and has led to you improving relationships in the past. However, if the other people are actively refusing to learn, no progress can ever be made. And so the effort would be for naught.”

In no time flat, Thomas was coming to his big realization about not owing certain people certain things, yada yada yada, doing the outro, yada yada yada. Janus was about to sink out, with that new, odd, and decidedly wonderful vindication that he was right, when--

“Deceit, wait.”

Janus sighed, audibly, and made sure to put on his most sardonic smile. “Yes, Virgil?”

“What exactly do you think you’re doing?”

“You’ll have to be a little more specific, dear.”

“Don’t--” Virgil grit his teeth and huffed out a breath. “With Patton, I mean.”

“Hm. Really, Virgil, I wish I knew what you were referring to, but--”

“Oh, cut the bullshit!” He finally snapped. “I don’t know what you’ve been playing at with him, if you think you really like him, but you’re just gonna do to him what you did to Roman.” 

Janus cringed at that, though he tried not to. Virgil knew just how to get to him. “Well. Thank you for this conversation, Virgil. I’ll be considering it deeply,” he said sarcastically, before sinking out. Though, it wasn’t as much of a lie as he would have liked.

•••

“Janus? What are you doing?”

Patton had found him pacing around the living room. And he hadn’t even had enough time to mask his aggravated expression when the moral side entered.

“Dishes,” he replied sourly.

“Right,” Patton said. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing.”

“I’ve used that one enough to see through it.” He joked, smiling bittersweetly. It was such a sincere look he was giving, so ready to comfort. Janus wasn’t used to it. Whether the ‘it’ was sincerity or comfort he couldn’t say.

“It’s just--I don’t see why I should have to apologize to him,” Janus spat out.

Patton came over to the couch, motioning for Janus to join him. He did.

“Virgil?” Patton asked. Janus looked away. “...Ah. Roman.”

“He shouldn't have laughed at my name!”

“Yes,” Patton nodded slowly. “We've all done things we shouldn’t’ve.”

“...Are you implying something?”

Patton raised a brow. “Calling two sides evil for the price of one?”

“Oh, please,” Janus scoffed. “You’ve always thought Remus was evil.”

“...Yes. And I’m learning why that’s wrong,” he admitted.

That gave Janus a pause, but he quickly disregarded his surprise. “Well, I already reminded you, Roman started it.”

“No, he didn’t.” Patton looked away. He took a deep breath in, silent for a beat too long. “...I did. A long time ago.”

Janus narrowed his eyes. “What do you mean?”

“I told him he was dishonorable to side with you. That treating you as more than a villain was evil.” Each word sounded like it pained him. Each a confession, although Janus had been witness to all of it. “It’s all always been my fault.” Tears silently began to fall down his cheeks. He blinked, as if to somehow subtly dispel them, but they only fell harder. 

And, oh.

Oh no.

Janus really didn’t want to do this next part.

It would be so easy to let Patton believe that. He could even comfort the side, tell him he was forgiven, help him through--all without revealing anything. 

Save himself. It was what he was built for.

“Patton… it wasn’t all your fault, per say.” Patton glanced up at him, confused, and it was his turn to look away. “I quite blatantly flattered Roman. I manipulated him, used him--whatever you want to call it. All because I wanted his favor in... that case.”

“Well, I already knew--”

“Except, it wasn’t just that case,” Janus rushed out before he could lose his nerve. “It started when I first revealed myself to Thomas, remember? Really, I just wanted to test the waters, at first. See what I could get away with, and who I could get away with it with.”

Patton had a blank look as he sorted through his memory. “ ‘Love the outfit, Roman,’” he finally quoted.

“...Indeed,” Janus sighed. “It became clear that Roman would be the easiest to get to. Which makes sense from his need-of-praise mixed with lack-of-praise. And he is the romantic side. And I just knew, one day it would be useful if he was…somewhat biased, so if…”

“If you and him were a little… friendly?” Patton finished, sadly. Disappointedly. 

Janus nodded. Then, quickly, he rushed to add, “I mean, nothing that bad! I didn’t kiss him. We were never dating. I just may have implied--”

Patton’s face changed from disappointed, then. To something else. Something worse.“Right. No. Of course,” Patton said. “Not that bad at all.”

That lie from Patton’s tongue ached in Janus’s chest for the rest of the day.

***

Remus wasn’t in their side of the mindscape when Janus returned to it. Which he didn’t make too much of, sulking around and rewatching Good Place episodes, until Remus skipped in covered in… blood? No. Much more unusual--red paint.

“What have you been up to then, hm?” Janus asked, as polite as he was disinterested.

“Painting with Pat! Drawing with Daddy! Look!” He shoved a messy, still drying canvas in Janus’s arms. It was a finger painting of mutilated arm, rather tame for him, but perhaps that was because he made it with--

“Patton?”

“That’s what I said! Geez, who stole your ears? Oh, wait, was it me? That sounds like me. But, of course, it doesn’t sound like anything to you!” He cackled.

“I still have my ears, you gremlin,” he hissed. “But you’re right, there’s nothing for me to be surprised about, since you and Patton are on such great terms.”

“Exactly!” Remus confirmed. “Wow, you heard about it quick, JJ! It was just this afternoon, he came up with those pouty puppy eyes, gushing apologies, asking me to be his wittle fwiend~” he batted his eyelashes mockingly. Heat rose in Janus’s chest at that, and he almost lept to defend Patton, embarrassingly, but luckily Remus continued before he could. 

“Which, was kinda stupid; guy made it sound like he had committed war crimes against me or some shit. Like, yeah, dude was a dick to me; I was a dick to him. That was meant to be our whole dynamic! Now whenever I scare him--what?--I’ll feel guilty, who wants that?! I liked being enemies. But maybe I’ll like being friends more.” He shrugged. “Time will tell, right? That’s a great idea, actually. I’m gonna go make some clocks that just scream every hour. Oo, or every minute! Yeah, that. Seeya, Janny Fanny!”

Janus gaped, left uncomprehending, while Remus sped off.

He tried to imagine it--Remus. With Patton. Chatting, smiling, joking. Remus would, of course, be able to bring much more reckless fun to the father figure than he might otherwise go for. Patton might enjoy some of Remus’s more childish humor. In an odd, backwards way they made a sort of sense.

The image made Janus’s blood boil. He should have been pleased for them. He knew that, but it didn’t help. And--what? Had Janus thought he was special? Fancied himself the singular, blessed demon chosen by an angel? Patton’s new bestest buddy?

No. He should’ve known that was never on the table. As it turned out, Patton was simply being polite to everyone now. That didn’t mean Janus had changed in his mind. It didn’t mean Janus had changed at all.

He was a villain. He had been going about this all wrong, trying to be more than he was made for. He needed to remember that.

***

“How the tables table, huh?”

“That is how the phrase goes,” Janus remarked dryly as Patton took a seat by him. Janus offered him the wine bottle, but he put a hand up and shook his head. 

“Well, at least I’m not crying,” Janus sneered. 

“No, wouldn’t want to ruin your dignity like me, right?” Patton half-joked. Half-joke, half-smile, half-truth. Nothing Patton did went full way. “Wanna talk about it?”

Janus scoffed, and went back to nursing his drink.

“Right,” Patton frowned. “Listen--Janus, I wanted to apologize. ...Again,” he added, with a half-laugh. Half-laugh, half-hurt. Whatever. “I shouldn’t have gotten so judgmental earlier. Morality and judgement tend to go hand in hand, even when they shouldn’t. And I got defensive on Roman’s behalf too,” he admitted. Janus grit his teeth, glaring at the wooden counter. Defensive over Roman. Friends with Remus. “Look--I’ve done bad stuff too. I had no place to judge you now, when it’s clear you have now learned.”

Janus laughed, suddenly, bitterly, at that. “Oh, have I, now?” 

Patton blinked, tilting his head. “...Yes?”

Janus rolled his eyes, and downed the end of his glass. “Listen, Morality, I’m not like you. I don’t need to go on some learning spree, down the path of beautiful ethics and self-improvement. I’m not meant to be a little, lovely side. Maybe learning my name made you forget; I’m Deceit.You heard Thomas yourself--I’m a flaw. So, I don’t do guilt. I don’t plan on too much learning. And I definitely won’t be spewing out apologies, like some sides I know,” he bit out each word. He wanted to make Patton leave. Maybe cry. Make him realize what Janus really was. But he just sat there with that stupid, sincere, concerned gaze.

“I’m not built for it!” Janus continued, growing more frantic at the lack of reaction. “...I can’t.”

Janus shoved his hand to his mouth in an attempt to cover the first sob, but it was too late. Soon his shoulders were shaking, his head in his hands, breaths unsteady. There were warm arms around his back, pulling him against a cardigan-clad chest, soothing whispers in his ears. He realized his hat had been taken off as he felt fingers run through his hair. 

“Janus,” Patton began softly, moving back slightly so that Janus could meet his eyes. “That sounded like a lot of lies to me.”

Janus shook his head firmly, fumbling to pull his gloves off and put his hands up. “Patton, I swear, that is the truth!”

Patton looked at him for a long moment. Then, he reached his hands out, and slowly took Janus’s. Janus let him. “You can lie to yourself, you know,” he said softly.

Janus’s eyes burned, and he had to force himself not to spill over the edge again. He was hyper-aware of their contact, now. The warmth of Patton’s skin against his was intoxicating.

Patton looked down at their hands too. He squeezed them lightly, a 3 beat pattern. “They’re so cold,” he frowned.

“Are they, now?” Janus aimed for sarcastic, but it came out unsteady. 

“Mhm.”

They were quiet for a long time. Unmoving. As if a word, a breath, could break them apart. 

“I’ll apologize,” Janus said finally.

“To Roman?”

“...Yes,” Janus agreed. “And to you.”

“What for?”

Janus looked down at their intertwined hands, waited for Patton to follow his gaze. “The things I want.”

“Oh,” Patton breathed. He rubbed his thumb along the back of Janus’s hand. “I… don’t think the things we want are so different anymore.”

“Hm.” Janus let go of Patton’s grip, just for a moment, in order to pull the other closer. Patton melted in his grip immediately, head laying on his shoulder. Janus returned the embrace. “Maybe not.”

#my writinggg is really badd and that ok im not a writerr i might delete this later #i only have the guts to post this bcuz its 2:30am woooo #starting a tag as tho ill ever put anything else in it #moceit #moceit fic #ts patton #ts janus #janus angst #patton angst #patton sanders #janus sanders #theres implied roman angst but idk if i should put it in the tag so i wont #sanders sides #sanders sides fic #ask me if theres smthing i forgot ot tag #lucy.fic

[morbidanthem]

-> Prompt HERE <- By: @otpprompts

(( A/N: Here is the other part, again, I’m trying to clear out my Google Docs. I will probably upload this to my AO3... maybe. IDK yet. ))

Continuity - Boku no Hero Academia

Character(s) - Mirio Togata, Fem!Reader, Shouta Aizawa Parring - Fem!Reader/Mirio Togata Genre - Fluffy Rating - M for Mature Warning - Cursing, Implied Heavy Petting

Word Count - 2,183

➡️ [ Izuku Midoriya Ver. Here ] ⬅️

✏️Written 06/13/20 - ??/??/20✏️

Mirio Togata

“Oi, there is a surprise Dorm Inspection in Five Minutes!” You heard a loud feminine voice shout, it was coming from right outside of your dorm room door, and you took notice that they hadn't even bothered to knock on the door.

You ignored the shouting though, as the sound was nothing more than an annoying muffle that was easily tuned out.

No...

You were too focused on what was going on on top of you to really care about what the voices in the hallway were screeching to you.

The one and only boy scout, Mirio Togata, had you pinned hard to your mattress while his strong hands gripping your wrists above your head as you whimpered under him in submission.

He didn't seem to pay any mind to the voices in the hallway either, as he groaned into your mouth at the warm feeling he was experiencing in his core, as you began to defy his display of dominance by sliding your tounge around his to try and wrestle the control he had over you.

You wanted to break free from the grip he had on your wrists, but even without his quirk, he was still able to over power you with his physical strength.

It drove you wild, as you felt a shiver jolt down your entire body and through your spine.

It was pure ecstasy.

Moments like these were so few and far in between… you don't think you'll ever get your fill of Mirio Togata.

“Hey! You and your Boy Toy need to throw some clothes on and separate before the Teachers or Class Rep. catches you!” The snickering singsong voice shouted again, this time banging loudly on the locked door.

You grunted uncomfortably as he pulled away from your lips a little too quickly, causing a small pop to reverberate through the room from the sheer force of separation between the two of you.

"Ugh, OK! Thank you, Nini!" You shouted in response, as Mirio looked down at you with a quizzical expression on his face.

You couldn't help but memorize the flush on his face so deliciously mixed with the color of his slightly swollen lips.

"This boy will be the death of me."

"Didn't we just have a Dorm Inspection last week?" Mirio asked, moving to wipe his mouth on the back of his hand, while he began to sit up straight. He was still straddling your hips, as you both strain to listen to the incoherent yelling that was going on through the door.

'Dude! Help me hide my stash!'

'Does anyone remember if we were allowed to have snacks in our rooms or not?'

'Ok, but how much trouble will I get if my room is trashed?'

"You have enough time to fix your room, right?" You asked, as you tapped Mirio's thigh to get his attention back onto you.

"Yeah, besides some dirty laundry on the floor, I'm good." He smiled, shifting his weight off of you, so that he was sitting next to you. You yawned and stretched as you sat up, watching Mirio trying to piece together a puzzle in his mind.

"I wonder why they keep doing inspections so frequently like this..." He hummed loudly, placing a hand on his chin, with a very cute thoughtful look on his face.

"Probably because of me." You sighed, stretching your legs as you stood up.

How long had you two been "napping'' anyway?

An hour?

Who knows.

"What?" Mirio asked, watching you with so much interest in his gaze, as you began to clean your ruffled aperance.

You casually tried to smooth out the wrinkles on your tank top, and shifted your lounge pants so that they sat on your hips once more, instead of down past your thighs… When has he had time to pull your pants down?

"Haru is absolutely hellbent on catching me doing something wrong." You spoke, with a very nonchalant tone to your voice, while you turned to help fix Mirio's disheveled appearance as well. "He hasn't forgiven me 'ruining' his chance to date you, you know."

You could have sworn you've had this conversation with him, but judging by the surprised expression on his face, you've probably forgotten to mention it.

"No! I didn't know that!" He replied, shocked, as you ran your fingers through his hair to try and brush out the knots that had formed in it earlier.

"Huh, it must've slipped my mind,I forgot to tell you that part." You laughed, sending him a cheeky smile as you continued. "He has a huge crush on you, and is mad at me because, because I quote- 'dug my claws into your heart and refused to let go'."

"That's… there is a lot to unpack here…" He mumbled, turning his gaze to look at the floor.

God, when he is all distracted in thought like that, you would have loved to just grab the back of his head and pull him in close until your lips swallowed his in another passionate kiss… but, getting any more intimate can cause the clean-up to take a lot more time than the Five Minute warning you just got.

Good thing the two of you didn't get very far in that time.

Because, you honesty might not have been able to stop had he gotten your pants further down your hip.

"God, Mirio, you really are oblivious." You laughed out loud, as you brought yourself back to reality, by standing in front of him and smoothing out the wrinkles on his short.

Instinctively, he placed his hands on your hips, as you continued to grooming him while he sat on your bed. He couldn't help but huff at your words though, a cute pout replacing his once quizzical expression, as he turned his face up to look into your eyes.

You can see he had questions he wanted to ask, as that curious glint never left his gaze.

You don't have time, really, you don't have time to stand here and fix his appearance either… but you just can't seem to keep your hands to yourself when you were around him.

"Wait… So what does calling a surprise inspection have to do with you, though?" He asked, pulling you into a hug, as you giggled and patted at the back of his shoulders.

"I am offended right now, I can't believe you forget about El Perro!" You spoke in a dramatic tone, a mock hurt present in your voice as you couldn't help but tease him. "Dios Mio! I am hurt! Hurt on El Perro's behalf." You laughed as you felt Mirio's shoulder shake under your grip, as he began to chuckle as well.

"I did, actually. He is so quiet that I forget he lives in here too." He said, turning his head to look at your closed closet door, with his trademark smile back on his face.

"That's how I've gotten away with having him for so long. Not even my Mom knew I had him, she would have kicked my ass if she ever found out." You chuckled, as you pulled away from Mirio's grasp, to meander over to softly pull your closet door open.

There he was, El Perro, the infamous Black and Tan Teacup Chihuahua.

The dog himself was no bigger than 2 pounds, and could easily fit in the palm of your hands. He was a short hair, and had the cutest bug eyes you've ever laid your eyes on.

He wagged his tail happily, as you went and picked him up off of his pillow, to hold him against your chest, as his tail wagged happily at the affection you were showing him. Your fingers caressed through his long soft fur, as he begins to pant as his tail wags harder.

You cooed at him, saying how cute he was, as you handed him off to Mirio so that you can go through the routine of hiding the evidence the dog leavea behind.

You heard Mirio laughing in the background, as you went to work by hiding the dog's bed and food dishes that were on a small dresser in your closet.

You began by unceremoniously shoving his bed and blankets into a large pillow case, quickly shaping it to make it look like a rather terribly lumpy pillow. But that was the whole plan though, as when the teacher looked into your closet, they would just assume that it was shoved in the closet because it was uncomfortable to sleep with.

His food was already hidden in a cereal box that you had, it was cleverly placed next to other various snack foods that you were allowed to keep in your dorm for midnight snacking. His water bowl was collapsed, and was easily clipped to your backpack that was hanging up next to your clothes, so it looked like something that you would use for hiking.

You were an expert at this by now, and if your Mother was never able to catch you, then it was far beyond the reach of the nosey Class Representative and his gaggle of teachers.

Five minutes... two minutes after your messing around was done, was more than enough time to hide the evidence that you had a dog in the dorms.

The final piece to complete your charade, was a baggy black sweater that you slipped on over your tank top, just as there was a loyd knock on your door.

"Hey, it's inspection time, open up." You heard a bored voice speak, as you quickly took the dog from Mirio's hands, and gently slid him into the pocket of your sweater.

El Perro was used to being in your pockets, so it took him no time to settle and be still, as you placed your arms through the pocket of your sweater as the teacher walked in.

"Aizawa? You're inspecting the 3rd Year Dorms?" You blurted out in shock, as you unlocked and opened the door to let the tired looking teacher into your room.

He always seemed to have bad bags under his eyes.

"Yeah." He sighed. "Your Teacher is off, having an exciting weekend…" He mumbled flatly, as you and Mirio stood off to the side as he began his inspection by opening up the drawers to your dresser.

He really looked tired, more so than usual, which made him not really inspect much of anything.

You could tell he just wanted to get this over with, as his eyes lazily roam around the room.

"You're not off having an exciting weekend as well?" You chided, as he slid the closet door open, while he scanned the small nook.

He didn't answer your sarcastic question.

He didn't even really acknowledge you'd actually said anything.

He also didn't say anything about all the snacks you had stashed in there… but, he probably didn't really care about that.

That isn't what he was looking for.

"Your Class Rep. wanted to call an emergency search. He was convinced I would find something amiss in here." Aizawa mumbled, mostly to himself, as he slid the door shut slowly as he turned to face the two of you. "What did you do to the poor kid?"

"M-Me? C'mon Aizawa, I didn't do anything..." You muttered, flabbergasted he would accuse you of anything, as you gave El Perro a little squeeze in your pocket.

"Right." He said, rolling his eyes at your feigned ignorance. "Just make sure you're behaving in here, no… after hour dorm visits."

"Of course!" You laughed loudly, spoke a little too quickly, and if you were to ask Aizawa's opinion he would look further into why you both had the door locked before he came… but he had so many more dorms to check that day, he just nodded and walked out. "Your Dorm Check is coming up soon, Togata, you should head over there now so I don't have to wait for you."

"Right! I'll be there!" Mirio said, watching Aizawa turn and leave the room, as he intentionally left the door wide open.

"Why does everyone think I'm the instigator?" You huffed with a scowl on your face, as you turned to face Mirio, who had a big smile plastered on his face.

"What?" You laughed, his smile infectious, as you pushed him on his chest lightly.

"Oh, I was just thinking about how much of an instigator you are." He laughed too, as you playfully slapped him across the chest.

"Tch, whatever!' You tutted, as you tried to push him out of your dorm.

He barely budged.

"Go away, Lemillion, lest you fail your dorm check for making Aizawa wait."

He just laughed again as he turned to leave your room, but not without giving you his trademark goofy smile and a small wave.

You waved back, as you watched him disappear out into the hallway.

'Girl, that boy is going to get you into trouble if you're not careful.' You thought to yourself, as you closed the door as you went back into your dorm.

#Boku no Hero Academia #Mirio Togata #Drabble #Fluffy #Mirio Togata X Reader #BNHA X Reader #Mirio Togata/Reader #BNHA/Reader #Long Post

[divine-mistake]

How did you get the idea for tcor? What’s an idea you thought of for tcor but decided against it?

okay so buckle up for a long ride boys, this answer is gonna be big. hey if you ever wondered about who i am and why i am the way that i am, this is definitely the post for you. tw: domestic abuse (and all the fixin’s so if you’re easily triggered just don’t read this)

so when i got into the marvel fandom, i loved one single character, and that was loki. like i didn’t actually care about anyone else at all. i had seen marvel movies (very out of order) but i had watched the first two thor movies and i just loved loki so much because i really related to him, since i grew up with complex, for lack of better words, relationships with my parents. i was very independent as a child but still grew up extremely codependent thanks to the abuse that i was put through. anyway, i saw loki, he was hot, he was similar to me, and i attached as we all do. for probably a year i only read fanfic that was about loki, so i started developing ideas for him.

and then sometime late last year, in the height of quarantine, i saw a bucky fic that looked super intriguing and began to get into bucky fanfic! and i realized i related to bucky like... a lot. like, maybe too much. because when i graduated high school, two days later i bounced out of my hometown and moved in with a man who should be in jail for multiple reasons. my ex was emotionally manipulative, physically destructive, and sexually... well, i can’t even begin to put that in words. this person ruined me in the most particular of ways. he starved me of food, he humiliated me in public, he completely broke me of personhood. the eighteen-year-old taylor who loved fully and rejected cynicism and never judged a soul for anything died and her blood is smeared across the bathroom tiles of that california apartment. and, when you tear someone’s personhood away from them, you can make them believe anything you want. and he made me believe in an entirely different reality than the one that i was living in.

because of this other reality, my memories are completely skewed. there used to be nights that i woke and, because my room was arranged in the same way as our apartment was, i would scream and scream because i thought i was still there and i dreamed up leaving. there are times when i think that none of what is in my head happened at all, that when he tells people i abused him instead that it’s true. and sometimes i can still hear the words he would say to me so loudly in my head that i can’t separate what’s real and what’s not. because his words always had a fraction of truth to them, and that’s what makes it so hard.

anyway, i’m getting off topic. i connected with bucky because, like him, i have a brain that is basically jell-o. i live in different realities and when i wake up i don’t always know which one i’m in. and it’s all too easy to trigger me and send me back into a spiral of “maybe none of this happened. maybe i’m making this all up. maybe it’s my fault and i’m being too dramatic.” bucky (pre-tfatws) couldn’t remember everything he had done. i don’t remember everything either, and sometimes i’ll get flashes of these memories i’m uncovering and i can’t help but ask myself whether they are real or if i’m creating them as i go.

case in point, i only remember this year that my ex made me eat kid cuisine. a 400 calorie frozen meal designed for children. at times, it was the only thing he’d let me eat for a few days. and it was humiliating. but you can’t make something up like that, can? could a brain really make up a story such as that?

the cracks in our reality was derived from this dilemma that i face every single day. people seem to talk a lot about maladaptive daydreaming, especially in fandom, but they never talk about this side. they never talk about what happens to abuse victims after everything is over. how i use maladaptive daydreaming to go back and fix the cracks that are left in my memories, which further skews my version of the truth. how the truth constantly changes because every single time you remember something, your brain fills in gaps with its own information. how someone can break every single part of your reality down through torture and abuse and build you back up into a monster because you are desperate for relief. how you can’t trust you own mind, your own memories, your own hands. and how much better it feels to slip away into a newly constructed reality where someone loves you. and you aren’t damaged. and you’re good again. a place where you can be the girl whose body you left to decompose and rot in that apartment. i can’t be her again, not in this reality. but when i go back to the other reality, i can be her, and in that reality, people can love me.

rabbit and loki both embody my own trauma, but very different sides. and loki’s trauma - and it’s lack of exploration in media - has consistently bothered me because as someone who suffers extensively from similar situations to loki, watching his story be covered up, treated as a joke, never mentioned, and then having him villainized for it, it fucks with my head. because i should be villainized for the things i did to leave that apartment. maybe when my ex calls me evil, he’s right, because i escaped by fighting tooth and nail. so if loki is the villain for what he did, aren’t i?

but on the other hand, bucky has been pardoned and forgiven and is seen as a hero. bucky is a good guy. he was never really a villain in the first place, was he? because he was being controlled and he didn’t know what he was doing and he couldn’t say no. and i couldn’t say no either. so then, am i good? is this a different reality? should i be praised for how i was able to escape my captor and how i have rebuilt myself into a fucking machine who can barely feel things anymore in order to compartmentalize what happened to her so she can put one foot in front of the other? bucky doesn’t have a good memory, and i don’t either. and he has nightmares too and people love him. do i have the capacity to be loved? or should i just stay a villain - because i know some people look at me like i’m a villain for what i did to my ex.

i did escape though. i manipulated my ex into unlocking my cage and letting me out and i ran and never looked back. he chased me. he stalked me. he still, to this day, threatens my life and it feels the same way it did when he held a knife to my arm and told me that if i didn’t kill myself he would do it for me. but i’m okay and i left and i struggle between whether i am good or evil for it.

tcor i guess is my way of dealing with all these feelings that i can’t talk to people about. and so this is the inspiration. and i really probably shouldn’t have talked about all this but i guess i just want people to know that at some point it gets better, it has to get better, like i am alive and i shouldn’t be alive but i am and i’m here and i’m. i’m okay. i’m not good but i’m okay and i’m finally at a point, years later, where i’m starting to open these wounds up and heal. and tcor is a large large part of that. it’s why i take so many breaks in writing it sometimes, because it’s like picking a scab on an old, festering wound and trying to clean out the gunk. it’s therapeutic in a way. and i write it and continue to write it because i know it helps other people, who have been through similar things, just as much as it helps me.

anyway thanks for coming to my tedtalk if you read through all of this? but feel free not to read this it’s just junk and i’ve talked too much about myself. but tcor is special to me, really special, because it’s my story. both rabbit and loki are parts of me that exist together that i’m sending out into the world, unprotected, to be read and torn to shreds or to be held by gentle palms. and i’m glad that it’s received such good reception. idk i’m just rambling now haha.

tldr; don’t read tcor it’s a mess but it’s my mess and i love it very much.

thank you for 1k! join my sleepover and ask me anything!

#divines1ksleepover #tw domestic abuse #tcor #long post #ask me anything

[kinetic-elaboration]

August 17: Orphan Black 1x10

Sleepy! Can’t believe I’ve finished the first season of Orphan Black. I feel like it went by really fast.

This ep had so much going on it that I actually feel like it’s all a wash.

It’s hilarious how fast Paul was just shunted to the side lol. Like they didn’t really have anything for him to do so they just abruptly had him return to Neolution and then had Sarah just as abruptly drop him. All those soft little moments didn’t mean much I guess! And good riddance. Teeing up S2 for Cal.

If only we could do the same with Delphine. Again, I feel like just as suddenly as Paul ceased to be useful and was moved to the edge of the narrative, she was forgiven and brought back into the fold specifically because she was useful: a science nerd for Cosima to talk to. She never really proved she was trustworthy or earned Cosima’s forgiveness in any way. Coming in with the breaking newsflash that Leekie isn’t trustworthy? And we’re all just supposed to forget that she was (IS???) his girlfriend? (Except Cosima, who never knew that?) Idk, I wish she’d stayed a villain. This poor little “woe is me, I’m the worst fake-lesbian plant in the world, I never meant to be mean, I am naive and know nothing!” routine is just really fake and also, you know what, annoying.

I totally forgot all of the stuff with Helena and Amelia... I don’t even know what to say about that. Funny how this ep is the origin of “sestra” and “meathead.” Forgot about that. Also forgot that Sarah appears to kill Helena. In one way, I could see her being a one-season adversary, but not the way they developed her in the last eps of the season--there was clearly more story there. So it’s not surprising she survived.

I’ve been waiting for this Aynsley scene all season lol. My mom forgot about it entirely! Whereas I think about it every time I see the switch to my own garbage disposal. Tbh even though it’s such an over the top event/scene, and arguably pushes the suburban satire thing too far, into unbelievable territory, I still couldn’t help thinking “Iconic. Classic Alison” the whole time. Also I mean did Aynsley not deserve it a little? For trying to dispose of Alison’s yarn angel and then calling her barren? Was not the real culprit the designer of the house who put the disposal switch so far away from the actual disposal? Alison did nothing wrong here.

All the twists and turns with Donnie!

I love Leekie as a villain because he absolutely is villainous, but he has a certain charisma, and he is so good at finding out just what buttons to push on which people, including all the clones. I think he was the most charismatic of the various villains, and way more entertaining than, say, Rachel, who is already set to outpace him.

I remember being supremely disappointed by the “big reveal” of the patent in the genetic code, and the importance placed on the contracts and on Alison signing hers. Maybe it’s because I was in law school when I first saw this but like... first off those contracts are unenforceable and second, those patents are even MORE unenforceable. The at-the-time open question of whether genetic material can be patented at all would need to be litigated--which Neolution would never do because then they’d have to reveal their project. And if they did decide to bring it to court anyway, they would certainly lose because literally NO judge is ever going to look at fully formed adult humans and say “you’re property.” Also, patents are not eternal. They expire. The clones are nearly 30. Those patents, even if somehow considered legitimate (they are not), would have expired ages early. ANDDDDDD, finally, you can’t just secretly patent things. This isn’t copyright, which exists in any work at the moment it’s created. Patents have to be applied for. You can’t just write down “I have a patent” on a piece of paper and put it in a cupboard and you have a patent lmao.

I was a little more forgiving of the patent and contract(s) this time because I think another fair reading is to treat them as narrative symbols or, within the universe itself, as indicators of intent. The clones were on the verge of trusting Leekie, and Cosima’s discovery shows that nothing he says is trustworthy because HE VIEWS THEM as property, even if he could never enforce that belief. The patent is a harbinger of Leekie and Neolution’s future moves. They can’t be trusted to abide by the promises in the contracts because they don’t think they’re talking to equals; they think they’re humoring their own playthings. In that sense, it’s an important revelation. And similarly, the contracts, and especially Alison signing hers, are symbols of the clones’ relationship(s) with Leekie. He offers each of them a deal, and one of the (many) questions of the finale is, will they take it or not? Alison signing the contract is just a shorthand way of saying she did.

Also, I can understand how hearing that someone TRIED to patent them would be upsetting, even if it’s not actually possible.

But to the extent that the episode tries to paint these developments and discoveries as like objectively important or scandalous, I think the finale is a bit of a let down. I mean overall, there are 1000 things happening and it’s an impressive juggling act to get everything in there at once, but as the BIG reveal, the BIG game changer, it... leaves something to be desired.

#the year 2021 #2021: orphan black #2021: fandom thoughts

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #423

“i won’t think about you when i’m older  /  ‘cuz we never really had our closure”

Are you better at cooking dinners or making cakes/biscuits/sweets? Neither. Have you ever cut someone else’s hair? No. Who was the last guest in your house and what were they staying for? My late grandmother's husband stayed overnight when he was driving from New York to Florida or the other way around, idr. How many long term relationships have you been in? Two. Do you sleep with all the lights out, or do you leave a lamp or even the television on? My snake's heat lamp stays on. Who is one person you have forgiven, but still have not “forgotten” what they have done? My dad. Are you a fan of Lana Del Rey? I don't think I've even heard one of her songs. Do you know your blood type? A-. Do you know your mother’s birthday? Yes. Have you got your period at the moment? I haven't had my period since I started TMS. It's honestly so fucking frustrating that it obviously had an effect on my body, but not my depression. I've officially finished TMS as of a few days ago and now I just feel so void of hope. Have you ever been pregnant? No. How old were you when you first went on a plane? Idr, I was a little kid. Have you ever had to take out a loan for anything? Not me personally, but my parents have for my education that I threw away. Are both of your blood parents still in your life? Yes. I don't see my dad a lot, but he's still in my life regardless. When was the last time you went apple picking? I’ve never been. Someone asked you what you wanted, what would you say? Happiness. Have you ever been drunk at school or work? I have not. How many bedrooms are in your house? Three. Are you smart about computers? Not really, no. Have you ever played Just Dance for Wii? Yes. My sister loved them, so we have a few. Do you own a Xbox 360? No. I'm a PlayStation girl. Would you ever do a sex tape for a million dollars? No. I'd be mortified. So, do you need a nap? I really should take one. I slept like... maybe three hours last night. I was up most of the night having a fucking life crisis. What would you rather be doing? Something fun. What sport are you the best at? I haven't touched any sort of sport since I was a teenager. Do you have a little sister? What’s her name? Yeah, Nicole. Do you complain a lot? Kind of, but I generally try to keep it in surveys nowadays. I'm just tired of shit. Would you rather go to an authentic haunted house or an ancient temple? Ohhh, tough pick, but I've gotta say the ancient temple. Do you like fruity or minty gum? Both, really. Are you looking forward to any day of this month? Well July is practically over, so I'll answer for August. I'm looking forward to my nephew's birthday. Have you ever gotten detention? A few times for getting too many morning tardies in high school. Is there a traumatic event that you’ve experienced that’s changed your life? Definitely. Do you buy a majority of your clothes from a certain store, or do you just pick out items of clothing you could see yourself wearing, not caring about the store it came from? The latter. Have any of the artists you’re fond of released new albums recently? Powerwolf did recently. Would you ever keep your favorite animal as a pet? I could write a college-length essay on why meerkats do not make good pets whatsoever. Do fucking not get one. I can barely fathom how it's legal in some countries. Ever cried so much you threw up? No, but I've gagged. Who is your best guy friend? Girt. What do you two do when you hang out? Mostly just watch TV and play board games. What is a movie that you thought you would hate but you ended up loving? I dunno, really. Do you even like horror movies? I love horror movies. Do you live in the country? I wish I still did. :/ Me and Mom hate hate hate living in these suburbs. What is your favorite accent? British. Have you ever had a boyfriend your parents didn’t like? No. Do you drink Pepsi or Coke? Coke. Pepsi is gross. What do you plan to do on your 21st birthday? I was literally in the psych hospital for my 21st birthday lmao. It's kind of a painful memory, but I also won't forget the love and kindness people showed me. I especially remember the friend I made there getting the lunch lady to literally go and buy me a slice of cake. Everyone also sang happy birthday to me and gaaaah I'm getting emotional. Do you have any person in your family with an addiction to beer? That was my dad's drink of choice when he drank. Do you take a lot of pictures? Unless I have my camera and am somewhere pretty, no. What kind of face wash do you use? Water, lol. Does drama always seem to follow you? Nah. Does anybody in your family race? No. Are you closer to your mom or dad? My mom. How much money did you used to get from the ”tooth fairy?” Uhhh... I want to say $2 or something? I might be way off, idr. How long do you want to live with your parents? I WISH I could have moved out with an s/o already, but that's just not how life's worked out. Do you have a laptop or desktop? I have a laptop. Do you like your parents? I love them. Do you secretly like someone? It's not a secret, no. Would you ever date your best male friend? Tried that once and it didn't work out. I liked him more as like a brother. What are you currently listening to? "Better Than Me" by Hinder. I really need to turn it off, but I can't make myself. Do you want to be single? I really wish I had a partner to love and motivate me to strive to do better, but I know it's better I'm single right now. I'd just relive the Jason situation, I'm sure. I'd just drag the person down and lose them. Did you go out or stay in last night? I'm almost always at my fucking house not doing shit, so. Have you pretended to like someone? No, that sounds pretty stupid... How is your heart lately? Hurting. A lot. Are you wearing socks? I hate wearing socks and I'm in bed anyway, so no. What do people call you? Britt, mostly. Do you get stressed out easily? VERY. Have you ever been taken to the emergency room in an ambulance? No. What is wrong with you right now? Where the hell to begin. Do you own something from Hot Topic? A lot. Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone? With someone, so long as the bed is big enough to comfortably fit two of us. Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? No. I'm certain he wants nothing to do with me. Have you ever seen your best friend cry? Sadly. Did you get any compliments today? Definitely not. I look and feel like a wreck right about now. There's nothing to praise me about. Have you ever gone to a beach? Many times. What would you say if someone asked you to get high right now? Unless it was an edible, no. I'd do almost anything to try and make me feel better right now, even if just for a little while, but I'm unwilling to smoke anything. Do you believe that everything happens for a reason? HELL no. Have you ever done volunteer work just because you wanted to? Honestly, no. Do you have long nails? No; I never do because I have an awful habit of picking at them. Do you like the gender you are? I don't like or dislike it, honestly. I'm just neutral. Do you generally look nice in photos? HA. Have you ever had a stick insect as a pet? No. What colour are your father’s eyes? They're dark brown. If I handed you a concert ticket right now, who would you want to be the performer? Ozzy, duh. Name three facts about your family? We're very, very spread out geographically, some of us (in other words, me) are emotionally distant, and uh... idk. Would you ever get into a long distance relationship? Only if it was a certain person, our lives were more on track, and we were making plans for either of us to move soon. What’s the most thoughtful present you’ve ever received? Probably this really long letter my mom wrote for me on my bday a couple years ago. What’s your favorite hot beverage? Hot chocolate. Did you ever play an instrument? If so what? I played the flute for many years, all through middle school and through much of high school. Would you rather carve pumpkins or wrap presents? Carve pumpkins, for sure. Do you think you’re important? I don't fucking know. Probably not. What’s the best compliment you’ve ever received? Idk. Have you been diagnosed with any mental disorders? *hands over thick book* Have you ever moved to another state or country? If so, how did it feel to be new? No. Do you know how to properly eat food with chopsticks? No. My hands are way, way too shaky to ever accomplish that. Are you more of a leader or a follower? Definitely a follower, but I can step up in certain situations. What was the first thing you ate today? Well, I was seriously depression-eating last night, way past midnight, and had a peanut butter sandwich. If you could spend the day, doing absolutely anything, with anyone, anywhere, what would it be like? LET'S NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT RIGHT NOW. If I were to ask you how you are doing, and you were only able to answer completely honestly, what would come out? "Falling apart." I've lost direction, motivation, strength, hope, just everything. What is the one thing that you have been avoiding that you should do? I need a fucking shower so bad that it's embarrassing. I just can't move. I have no energy, emotionally or physically. I just can't make myself do it. Is there anything that you wish you could take back? So, so badly. What, in your mind, could make you truly happy? Actually reaching goals. Losing weight. Healing my legs. Knowing with certainty that I wasn't emotionally abusive to Jason. Moving out of this town and back into the country. Financial stability. A job I thoroughly enjoy. I could go on, but let's not. If you could change one conversation in your life, what would you say differently? Would it have REALLY made any difference? God, let me take back shit I said in that fucking letter to you-know-who. It's so hard to believe I once thought it perfectly justified and realistic. When is the next time you’ll change your hairstyle? Will you color it? I don't have any plans of changing the style in the foreseeable future. I want to color it BADLY. To just SOMETHING. Do people normally say you’re a fast typist, or are you rather slow? I'm like, a lightning-fast typist. Have you ever been considered the ‘smartest person in school?’ No; my best friend in HS was, though. Her GPA was fucking insane. I was in the top percentile, though, so I was up there. What the hell happened to that girl. How many drugs are in your system? If we're including prescriptions, a whole hell of a lot. What’s on your schedule for tomorrow? Jack shit. Like usual. Do you currently have any bite marks/hickeys on your body? No. Do you call anyone baby? Excluding my pets, no. What’s your current mood? lol if you've gotten this far reading, you can make an educated guess. Do you think you are a good person? Bro I just don't know. What were you doing before filling out this survey? I was playing WoW. How late did you stay up last night? Like, 4:30 or so. When was the last time you cried really hard? I wanna say like a week ago? Is your hair longer than your shoulders? No. It still badly needs a trim, though.

#survey #surveys #random questions #lyrics: ''better than me'' by hinder

[fullsunalicia]

It’s alright!! Maybe Kun x idol reader? Her group and wayv collab and they’re paired up. I can’t think of a good scenario :(

perfect duo — QK

when two vocalists meet, they create love in the shape of a ballad. though, slowly you’re thinking, it’s not only the song you’re pouring your heart into - but also in the flawless man that is qian kun.

dw bubs that’s a good scenario!! i’m still sorry idk the movie, forgive me for being uncultured 🥺 but i hope you’ll like this!

[01:22pm] qian kun: hey! what’s ur favorite coffee? i’ll bring some to the studio :)

[01:23pm] qian kun: oh, and don’t think about paying me back - it’s on me!

“A man after my own heart,” is the very first thing you say to Kun when he first steps into the room, armed with two to-go gups. He grins and sets them down so he can stretch out his hand as a greeting, and you take it. His grip is firm and reassuring. Both of you burst out into laughter as you try to “out-bow” each other, and you settle on admitting defeat so you can sit down and talk.

It’s a wonder you even manage to speak. Qian Kun is beautiful, breathtakingly so. You had known of him for a long time, since he had debuted before you. It was a big honor that this collaboration was able to happen, and with a lot of luck, you were chosen to participitate in it. Not only is Kun a feast for the eyes, his voice is pure honey, too.

To put it short, you’re basically collaborating with your celebrity crush. And you’re desperately trying to stay professional. But how does one manage to do that, when Kun smiles in such a cute manner while he offers you the coffee?

You jolt yourself out of your daydreams and accept the drink with just as big of a smile. “Thank you so much,” you tell him, and Kun waves you off. “I’ve been craving one all morning, but today it was a little busy in the dorms, so I decided against coffee and for being punctual.”

“I would’ve forgiven you, anyways. Enjoy your coffee.”

He’s assertive, as expected for a leader. But it’s not an order, at least Kun doesn’t deliver it that way. Softly spoken, kindly. It’s a favor you instinctually want to do. So you reach for your cup, and the smile you get as a reward makes your heart flutter.

You really like Kun. He shines with his personality and his looks, and in that way, he’s flawless. Of course you know he’s only human and just like you, he’s adapted to conceal his bad habits. But he’s the closest to what you consider perfect.

“So, what kind of song do you want to go for?

You lean away from the cup. “Well, I’d love to go for a romantic song,” you offer. Even though it’s your idea, the heat starts settling in your cheeks. “I’ve never really written or sung a ballad before, since my group isn’t going for that concept right now. So I’d love to experiment with that, and try it out... If you’re comfortable with that, of course.”

You’ve never been in love before. But if you had to describe it, maybe it’s the fuzzy feeling Kun sets off in your heart and in your head when he beams at you, nodding quickly as a sign that he supports your idea. “Sure!” the young man says. “I would love to, (y/n). I can’t wait to hear your precious voice in a slow song.”

❀ ❀ ❀

Kun ends up taking you out as “inspiration”. Though you always need to dress up as to not be caught by fans, it’s still quite fun to watch Kun stress over where he’s gonna take you. You know he’s very strict when it comes to work, yet he still enjoys spending time with you as a person aswell. To him, you’re (y/n) first, idol second.

Many afternoons are spent working on the song together, though you’re only concentrated on the melody and composition right now. You’ve helped with composing on your own group’s songs, but songwriting is something you’ve never dabbled in, and Kun promises to help you. You also manage to wrangle the promise out of him to cook for you some time.

That’s how you end up here, at the WayV dorm, 8pm in the evening.

You should never mix work with pleasure, or in this case, a crush. It’s useless - you can’t help yourself to grasp at every chance you can get to spend time with the dreamy man who’s managed to charm you in just a month’s time.

Something in you wants to scold you for being unprofesssional. Come to your senses and leave. But the other half of you is cheering you on and wants to spend the next few hours listening to Kun’s warm laughter, no matter how late it gets. So you raise your hand and knock, excitement setting every nerve in you ablaze. You’ve never met his members before, so you’re not sure what to expect.

The face which welcomes you inside is a familiar one. Dong Sicheng gifts you with a grin as he opens the door open wide and asks you to come in, closing it behind you when you take his advice. “The woman of the hour,” he hums. “Kun’s been really excited for you to come. He cooks for us often, but it’s been long since he went all out for someone that isn’t a birthday boy in our group. We’re glad you’re here, (y/n).”

“Thank you for having me.” The smile you both share soothes your mind, and you let him hang up your coat while you stroll into the living room. The only way to find Kun is to follow the heavenly scent that belongs to the food he’s cooking up. Meat is sizzling in a pan while Kun stirs what you assume are noodles, broad back turned to you.

Perfect for back hugs. But no, that’d be invading his personal space. So you clear your throat to alert him about your presence, and you grin when he turns to look at you. “Good evening, Chef Qian.”

“It’s certainly good now that you’ve arrived.” Kun laughs and momentarily abandons the counter to embrace you. As always, the action makes your cheeks take on all fifty shades of red, and you hope he just doesn’t take notice of it. “Sit, dinner’s almost done. I hope you like your steak medium rare.”

“I do, actually,” you hum. Despite him being busy with conjuring up a nice meal for the both of you, everything is clean and tidy. That makes you jealous. Whenever the members and you cook, it takes hours to clean up, and the dishes are often made your duty. “How’s it going with our little love song?”

“Almost finished. But we’re not talking work today.” Kun shuffles away from the stove to grab some glasses out of a cupboard. He places both of them infront of you, and seconds later, Kun fills them with wine and pushes the drink closer to you. “We’re playing 20 questions today, like the children we are. I think I have to find out more about the woman I’m going to serenade to, don’t you think?”

You try to ignore how your heart starts racing at that, but that’s an impossible task. “Romeo didn’t have to know Juliet to serenade her,” you giggle, and Kun juts out his lower lip in a fake pout. “Are you that unserious about our relationship? Ouch. Maybe we should turn it into a break-up song.”

“Absolutely not. No man who’s mentally sound would ever break up with a woman like you.”

The words seem to suprise you both, even though it was Kun who said them aloud. He escapes confrontation by turning back around to the food, the sound of his utensils scraping the pan snapping you out of a trance. “You think?” you hear youself ask.

Kun looks over his shoulders. This time, he’s absolutely serious.

“I don’t think, I know, (y/n),” the man assures you, completely unaware of the butterflies he brings to life in your stomach. “You’re wonderful. There’s no need to be humble - confidence looks good on you, just like anything else you set your mind to.”

Turns out that WayV’s vocalist is quite the charmer. You never move from the kitchen as the night progresses, opting to sit there together. Occassionaly, he scoops up a piece of his own steak to offer it to you, and you welcome it with open arms mouth. It tastes absolutely amazing. You now understand why his group members are swooning about the food all the time. From time to time, his knee brushes yours, setting off electric currents where your bodies meet. He doesn’t shy back from fixing your hair or raising your head with a finger below your chin.

You really should’ve ran when you had the chance. Now you’re into deep, fallen right into the honeytrap that is Qian Kun.

Though, it doesn’t bother you. Never do you recoil from his touch or do not seek out the chance to be close to him, and meetings where you should be working, you spent talking and ranting. He vents about his stress and pressure as a leader, while you are given the space to confess how underapprecuated you sometimes feel as the vocalist of the group, and how hard you have to work for the company to realize your worth.

You understand each other. Kun and you just click. That’s why it doesn’t take the man long to understand that he sees you as way more than just a colleague and more like a girl he’d like to sweep off her feet. He wants to be the one you entrust all your secrets too, and he wants to be the one you smile at when you’re happy or excited. When you feel upset, Kun wants to be one to hold you close and protect you from the rest of the world. Most of all, he’d like to be the first person in your head to share good news with.

Crushing on an idol is really complicated. Especially when you’re an idol, yourself. Now, Kun has to struggle with work stress and non-existent relationship stress, because he wants it to be real.

And he wants to know whether you would want that, too.

❀ ❀ ❀

Kun is the last person to be careless or scatterbrained when it comes to work, or his fans, or an award show. But when Ten spends the entire evening making fun of him for not approaching you, he can’t help himself from pulling you aside the second you step off the stage after accepting an award.

He pulls you into an (thankfully) empty room, quickly locking the door behind you. You want to question his actions since this seems so unlike the man you’ve been getting to know in the past few weeks, but you’re not given the chance as Kun pulls you into his arms and holds you tightly against his chest. The scent of expensive perfume mingling with his own fragrance makes you dizzy, yet your arms move on instinct to wrap themselves around his neck and pull him as close as humanly possible.

“I’m so proud of you,” Kun whispers against the shell of your ear. Goosebumps adorn your skin seconds after, both pleasant and infuriating. You wish you could kiss him. “I knew you could do it. You’re such a talented singer, the people would have to be deaf not to vote your group. You all did well. But I’m especially proud of my (y/n).”

The praise rings in your ears and makes your stomach flip. Coming from him, it sounds beyond sensual, and you’re glad he’s holding you up right now. “Your (y/n)?” you question.

His hands settle on your lower back. “Do you not want to be?”

“I do.” No hesitation, no need to think about it. It’s funny he thinks you aren’t already his, when he’s got you in the palms of his hands, free to do with you whatever he desires. You’d let him. No matter what Qian Kun would ask of you, you’d let him.

You don’t know when your heart had decided to be his and his only. Maybe it was when he carried you home after dressing up nicely for a restaurant Kun liked and your high heels were starting to hurt your feet. Maybe it was when he kept believing in you as you practiced hard for your comeback, or when he had sent you all the supportive voicemails when you couldn’t meet. Perhaps it was meant to be all along.

You’re just glad it happened.

“That‘s good.” Kun holds your waist against his, grip tight, but his eyes soft when he leans back to lock gazes with you. Your favorite paradox. “I’m excited for writing on our song tomorrow. Don’t be late, my (y/n)ie.”

❀ ❀ ❀

Kun’s hand on your thigh is very distracting. Distraction isn’t very good when you’ve never written a song in your life before and are expected to finish this piece before the deadline that’s been stressing both Kun and you out.

You space out way too many times during this session than affordable, but it’s hard to concentrate when Kun keeps carding his fingers through your hair or complimenting you for several minutes straight.

Working on a song has never taken so long.

Thankfully, Kun decides to cut to the chase when you pout in the most adorable way because the text keeps annoying you. “Okay, that’s it,” he mumbles, and then he just reaches over to hoist you up into his lap.

Your hands fly to steady yourself on his shoulder. “Kun!”

“(y/n),” he deadpans. “We both haven’t been concentrating on the task at hand for the past hour now and I’m not the guy to slack off at work. So I have to get rid off what’s holding me back.”

You swallow audibly. „And... what‘s that?“

Kun grips your chin between his fingers to make you look at him. His gaze makes your insides melt, and you‘re suprised you‘re not turning to a puddle on top of him. „I can‘t stop thinking about all the words I want to say to you instead of putting them into the song,“ the vocalist confesses. „I keep thinking about verses I want to tell you because I adore you and you‘re running around in my head all the time. It‘s not song text. It‘s just the words my heart‘s been carrying for you, and I want you to hear them. I like you, (y/n). A lot.“

All the stress you‘ve been experiencing lately seem to be disappear with just one confession. Like a heavy weight that‘s been lifted off you, you‘re finally able to breathe freely and the giddy smile caused by that is uncontainable. „I like you too,“ you admit to him, heart soaring when he breathes out in relief. Your hands wander from his shoulders to his cheeks to cradle his perfect face in your hands. „I like-like you.“

„Oh yeah? How much?“

It‘s childish, but it still makes you happy that Kun craves reassurance from you. He lets you trace his cheekbones and mess up his hair while you mumble: „Very, very, very much.“

Kun curls both arms around your waist, tight grip keeping you in your place. „Stop being so cute, (y/n),“ he orders you, voice serious, but there‘s a hint of amusement in his eyes before he closes the gap to kiss you. It‘s lovely and heartwarming and leaves you wanting for more when he parts from you, teeth tugging at your lower lip before he lets go. „I know it‘ll be hard because we‘re both idols... But I promise to love you always. That I will always take the time to be there for you, and I‘ll do anything to make this work.“

„That‘s all I ask for.“

The text writes itself so much better when its‘ authors are lovers and partners. It‘s filled with love declarations and unspoken admiration, the result of pining after the other for such a long time. Honestly, you wouldn‘t want it any other way. In the end, Kun and you found each other, and that is the best possible ending there is to this song.

When your song storms the charts and earns you an award at the next show, Kun doesn‘t shy away from shamelessly kissing you infront of Ten as he lifts you in the air. Though, Ten is quickly comforted by the celebration of your shared win over a bottle of champagne and Kun‘s amazing food.

#i listened to maye‘s tú while writing this and it was honestly a 10/10 experience #that song is HEAVEN i assure you #i heard it in a nomin edit and my heart went 💕💞💓💗💖💝💝 #just like when i look at qian kun #our king of china #look at that perfect man go 😪 he‘s stunning #i Adore him #qian kun #nct u #wayv #nct #qian kun x reader #nct u x reader #wayv x reader #nct x reader #qian kun fluff #nct u fluff #wayv fluff #nct fluff #qian kun scenarios #nct u scenarios #wayv scenarios #nct scenarios

[taptroupe]

EVERGRACE NOVEL CHAPTER 10 PART 2/3 LIKE SOME YOUTUBE ANIME

“No matter how many times you tried to stop her, Sharline cannot be stopped, even by a moving train.”

Medina raised her head, jolted back to reality with Darius’ words. The silver-haired youth looked at her with a gentle gaze.

“She literally repels trains.”

“...Thank... you?” Medina’s face contorted ever so slightly.

^^^ THE ABOVE NEVER HAPPENED JUST WANTED A FUNNY THING TO START THIS POST

now it is time for the second part of chapter 10. let’s go no breaks no stops here

after the nice touching moment of DARIUS IS ABLE TO KINDLY TALK TO WOMEN CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT ARC he asks so hey do you know where sharline and the sienna and trandin are

“They should be at the highest point of the tower, where my grandfather is. There’s many paths up this tower, and many have never seen a human life travel through - [basically the top of the tower is the best place to watch anything happen]”

“okayyy cool, can you tell us how to get up?”

“yes but could you wait a moment? i wanna get all healed up” medina says. there’s a reference to “light of life” here and i forget if that’s a thing in evergrace. i’m guessing it’s just a HP restoring ilght idk and medina needs to be there

“? is it a really difficult path?”

“No, no that... After letting Sharline go like that, I just can’t stop regretting it... I’d like to go along with you two.”

MEDINA JOINS THE PARTY! 

feel free to click more for intense lore library moments this took me 3 months to finish this part lol.

Silence from the dudes lol. Until Oldsfjlsdfjlkdsjf pipes up:

“Aren’t you afraid of Morpheus?” (uses kimi here again. why)

“True, but.. I’ll be fine as long as we reach the laboratory. I need to go up, there’s things that I have always wanted to say [aka tell my grandfather]...” Medina looked at them with serious eyes.

---

As they left the warmth of Medina’s living spaces, the cold passages of the tower pervaded their bodies. The rocks that shaped the pathways and rooms were all made of a certain blue-greenish stone. hmmm.... sounds like tower upper, but it can’t be because of a scene later. here goes

“This is a one-way path, isn’t it...”

“This path? Was there anyone else supposed to be here?”

“The Legendary Mercenary, after we were defeated by him, there was a man that saved us.” < orladin says this

“Ah right, about that... What happened to Red Breeze? After his axe sunk into me... What happened?” < darius is saying this. a worrying thought suddenly spreads throughout his body

“I saw waves of golden light... I think. Someone... someone cried out to stop, and then... I.... i... What happened after that...?”

“After you suffered that near-death blow by Red Breeze, some unknown man swooped in and saved all of us after we finished him off. That’s all there is to it.”

a tense feeling fills the air.... darius tries hard to recall that, but is cut off by um, i think orladin again

“Don’t think about it any further. That’s over now.”

FORESHADOWING TO PART 3 OF THIS CHAPTER!?

“ya know, this guy you’re talking about kinda reminds me of .... a “Demon,” yeah!”

:O says darius. “You know what a “Demon” is?”

“Demon... I’ve heard of it before, yes. There are books regarding the Crest research in the library up ahead, I read them before [more or less].,  Would you like to go there? I didn’t tell Sharline about it, but it might be of interest to you.”

the path there has traces of people’s belongings but everything is overgrown by trees and grass. medina explains that a long time ago, morpheus’ researcher peoples lived here, this is where she was fused with the alcrest and palmira etc etc uhhhhhhhhh THIS STUFF WILL BE ADDED WHEN I HAVE TIME IT’S JUST MORE TOWER LORE ABOUT HER LIFE AND SUCH

they descend a stairway and medina mentions a lot of monsters. but if they stay by her it’s fine! scary!

“for some reason monsters just appear out of nowhere here, and it’s not my grandfather’s doing. people have been hurt in the past due to this, but i’m not particularly scared because these clothes seem to repel them with magic.”

"even with that reason, I don’t really get it. these monsters must be morpheus’s doing, somehow...”

this bit was pretty hard to understand but suddenly medina gets a bit sad and he’s like 

“ah, shit, i didn’t mean to say that it was just a guess” LOL ODLFJKSDFJD NOW IT’S YOUR CURSE TO NOT TALK TO WOMEN PROPERLY

“No, no... The royal family, my grandfather and I never saw with them eye to eye. Like we were enemies. But for what we’ve done, I wonder if we can ever be forgiven by your family...”

they keep walking. they come across that monster that darius fought so long ago trying to save the old king. he and olfdksdf ready their swords, but medina is like NO WORRIES. AND SHE’S RIGHT. IT”S FINE IT DOESN’T FIGHT THEM. WILD!

they reach a switch that medina mentions has to be hit with tree palmira. just like the game! she hits it and bam they make it to the library

now i have to be honest. this part is really good if you wanna analyze evergrace lore. i’m gonna be heavy on machine translation though and be pretty thorough. that will come tomorrow though i’m sleepy

..........

THREE MONTHS LATER I’M BACK LOL

they entered the library, door closes behind them, medina walks towards a certain bookshelf. i’m not sure what book she picks out, but it’s about the green moon and half days? that’s one bit of evergrace lore i haven’t written down the moon stuff. they open it up, it’s full of notes, and gestures for darius to read or something. but he shakes his head cuz,

“for me, the language of rieubane is ancient now. I can’t read this.”

so orladin reads it instead. it’s a letter between royalty or something, and he notices something.

“what’s this? ‘our empire is in a state of survival. because of our research of the crest and creation of the demon, we’ve become trapped here. furthermore, the monsters spawned from the demon has killed many of our empire’s people.’ ahh, this is a writing from the previous king, when the demon was just thought of as some joke.”

“wait, there’s a footnote.

‘Demon - what us nobles have been calling the demon, is a sort of incarnation born from someone with the crest [that’s what we think]. when the destruction of toledo occured, it was a women with the crest who transformed, her body glowing yellow, and it was reported that she’d taken a shape resembling a bird.

running experiments on other crest holders, they gained physical strength and a transformation of their body as well.’

man this footnote’s long there’s still more [orladin says this lmao]

‘a footnote on the day of the purple moon -  as penned by morpheus, this transformation will be called Forrimification.”

you know...... forrim is krisalis’s name in japanese.... so.............. krisalization might be a nice way to translate it. krisalisication? demonification is something like what agetec used. 

sooooooooooooooooooooo..... the name...................... should be enough to make anyone jump at the lore right? so here’s darius now

“krisalis?! did you say that the process of becoming a demon is called krisalisication?!”

medina raised her head at darius’s sudden outburst. it was as if darius was looking out into space, eyes shadowed, but somehow he is looking at orladin too okay

“um... what do you mean?”

“krisalis is the name of the golden bird that’s been accompanying us this whole time.”

orladin replies. oh maybe they’re just looking at each other with shock. darius does this with his fist as he continues on

“krisalis... she told me she wanted to defeat the demon, did she mean she wanted to kill herself? no... she must’ve meant something else...”

orladin pipes in with something i don’t understand. something like “you know there’s other demons born from other crest bearers maybe”

“then, maybe the legendary mercenary was the demon? but krisalis said i’d be able to return to my own world if i defeated the demon... we defeated him, yet... was that a lie?”

“why’d you have to trust that monster?”

“she’s saved us so many times before.” [yeah i guess i can’t remember an instance of her really saving their ass but she’s provided lots of help hasn’t she?]

“i think she’s just been using you, zo”

darius glared seriously at orladin.

“orladin. what’s wrong with you? what’s so hard to understand about that?”

orladin was still giving a funny, probably untrusting expression here because darius could see right through his shit. in the words of twewy. TRUST YOUR PARTNER

“If you can’t believe in me, then you can just stay here with Medina.”

“What?!”

“Leading an army, you would probably know how dangerous it can be if there’s conflict within the soldiers. If we defeat Morpheus, there might be a way to change the princess back to normal. And if you don’t want to believe in me, well...”

you know when i first read this i remember darius being more serious sounding than how i just translated it. i’m not sure if he’s faltering here, trying to lead orladin to his own conclusions, or something... but i do like how he’s learning to trust. you see, this chapter is all about darius levelling up in his human relationships and i’m very proud of him. anyways here’s orladin getting pissed off

but as he gets pissed at what darius says, he takes it in and swallows his anger. speaking slowly, he starts:

“me, stay here by myself? staying back is reserved for cowards like the king and that one solider. [don’t forget the dude who stayed behind at the shrine lol] I can’t use palmira armaments. if monsters attack, i’m done for...

you... you’re my last trump card. i don’t have anything else.”

“so you trust me?”

“guess i have to.”

darius should’ve hooked up with novel orladin. solves everything about orladin with one swoop - game orladin is a pedo, and novel orladin is probably incestuous. if they got together.... everything would be at peace. sadly masanori takeuchi saved gay men for enchanted arms

darius’s expression softened with an understanding nod.

“i’d rather be a mercenary than some bickering friend.”

medina is just standing there confused. to add to that they ask her more stuff lol

“so, uh, do you know anything about krisalis?”

“nah, but lemme see...”

medina goes to a different bookshelf and picks out a book, flips through it to a certain page and stops. looking through it she closes it again

“it just says the same as the others. the transformation of crest bearers.... the destructive power of the crest...”

“but, what is the crest?”

medina looks through the book again, then another book, and finds the answer.

“Cycle - the way in which all things flow towards. the secretive source of the billiana fruit’s power is something we do not yet know. the fruit has no seeds, nor have there been reports of young or old growth trees, yet the trees increase in amount. they exist even in places where it should be impossible for trees to grow. Thus, the billiana trees exist outside the cycle. However, there is an opinion that even billiana must have some sort of laws of creation and destruction.”

“Is anything written about Billiana, then? Anything in regarding people?”

“No, that’s all about Billiana. What do you mean?”

“Morpheus, he once called Sharline the cycle for some reason.”

“Sharline...? No, in regarding the Cycle’s information, there’s nothing about referring to particular people...”

“Is that so...”

“Anything else you’d like to know?

Darius shook his head, and as did Orladin. and soooooooooooooooooo

THEY LEFT

FINALLY THEY GOT OUT OF THE LIBRARY AFTER THREE MONTHS

I’M FREE

#evergrace novel funtime

[fromzerotoeuphoria]

me watching Free!

a journaling of my thoughts & reactions while watching the anime Free!

✧ ✧ ✧

(reposted from old blog, July 22, 2020)

7/14/20, 4:21 AM

Okayyyy. So, I saw this anime on a list of anime similar to Haikyuu!! and then I also started seeing people referencing it in different comments/posts online regarding Haikyuu!! and other sports anime. I kinda wanna check it out, of course not going into it really comparing it to Haikyuu!! I’ll try not to…I’d want to give it a fair shot. I may watch the first ep, may not. I’m really tired and I have to go out tomorrow and my eyes are killing me (plus I still need to catch up with Ahiru No Sora and Full Metal Alchemist and a whole lot of other anime).

✧

7/14/20, 11:32PM

So last night I ended up watching eps 1-3 and honestly, I’m enjoying the anime so far. I haven’t really connected with any of the characters yet, but overall I’m enjoying myself (I think because I’m too hung up on my Karasuno boys right now, ah well). Also, a plus: the main girl isn’t annoying, lol. I actually like her a lot, which isn’t common for me and anime girls. But Gou/Kou? isn’t a trope-filled anime girl, she’s not overly shy or timid  or clumsy or any of those annoying traits that are supposed to somehow be “endearing”. She’s a normal, relatable girl (and dang she’s gorgeous too!)

Also, I really like how the antagonist Rin was a super good friend to the main gang in the past: he was the upbeat, positive kid and a good sport who charmed everyone and pushed Haru to swim in a relay with him when they were kids. But his personality has taken a HUGE turn, and at first it rubbed me the wrong way because the 180 didn’t make sense. Then it was explained a little (some trouble when he moved to Australia?) and it actually is understandable:

Rin’s dream is to be an Olympic swimmer, and Haru is just naturally super gifted at swimming. When Rin came for a visit from his special swimming school in Australia during middle school, it killed him that despite all that time devoted to training, he still couldn’t beat Haru. And that caused the rift between the two friend and caused Haru to quit competitive swimming because he thought he hurt Rin—it also  caused a change in Rin’s attitude. I like this backstory, it makes the dynamic between the protagonist and antagonist much more interesting.

Anyways, I actually want to watch a few more eps now (even tho I’m exhausted) as a kind of “feel good” wind down. Idk if I’m gonna get into this anime as much as I did Haikyuu, and maybe not even as much as I am into ANS or Fire Force, but we’ll see. The other sports anime have a large cast which gives you many options and opportunities to fall in love with characters, but Free! only has like 4 guys on their swim team…and one of them is a lil annoying :P So, we’ll see, it may just be a “wind down” anime that i don’t get emotionally /mentally invested in but still enjoy. Or i could become totally bored with it, or i could fall head over heels for these characters like I did with Haikyuu. Probs not the latter, if there was that possibility I think there’d be a lot more people in love with this anime and these characters than what I’ve seen so far on the internet. But again, we’ll see.

✧

7/15/20 6:10AM

Umm okay YEAH WOW THAT LAST EPISODE WAS BEAUTIFUL OMG. Yeah I know, I know, I haven’t been journaling but I just decided to keep watching episode after episode and I got SO sucked into the relationship between Rin and Haru (as well as Rin and Mako/Nagisa) and UGH I LOVE THEIR BROMANCE and ELEMENTARY SCHOOL RIN IS LITERALLY BEST BOY.

Like honestly, the drama of the fractured friendship between Rin and the others—but especially Haru—was one of the main things that drove me to keep watching ep after ep until i finally was like, “Eh, might a well just watch ’til ep 12.” I was feeling all kinds of emotions lol, like being MAJORLY PISSED at Rei in ep 11 for butting into the guys’ history (but it’s ok he’s forgiven after letting Rin swim in his place in ep 12) to completely losing my mind when Haru and Rin reconciled. Anyways, yeahhhh soooooo I care about these boys now XD Not as much as I do Karasuno or anything like that, but I do feel things for Rin x Haru primarily, and then Makoto. I’m interested in seeing how the next season goes now that Rin is friends with the boys again. ~ EDIT 12:14PM – Okay earlier I was very exhausted (I literally binged-watched freakin NINE episodes, omg) and wasn’t as coherent as usual, so I didn’t really capture all my thoughts and feelings. I’m still rather tired, but I did want to say that I TOTALLY had a Rin-Haru-ship moment in the last episode: the entire time I’ve been absolutely adoring Rin’s friendship with the boys in elementary school; he was the shining star in their friendship. I wanted that again for the guys because elementary-school Rin was so wonderful, and he was a perfect foil to Haru’s personality. I absolutely loved how quiet, aloof Haru stubbornly tried to be disinterested in Rin but couldn’t stay away because Rin was so dynamic and charismatic (I mean, when Haru found out Rin ran home after swim practice, Haru determinedly started doing the same). Rin drove Haru, though Haru didn’t realize until after the relay race. And in return, years later in high school when the two raced at Rin’s new school that night, it was Haru who unknowingly made Rin rediscover his love for swimming after he had quit all those years ago (omg I really do love this anime TT_TT).

So throughout the episodes there’s all this underlying care that Rin shows for not only Haru but also Makoto as well, and vice versa. It was intriguing and magnetic and made me totally invested in seeing these guys reconcile. So when Rin faltered in the 100m race because he was so distracted by the emotional turmoil he felt about not racing with Haru and the others in the relay race, I was SO FOR IT because I wanted to see him distressed about the other guys—that showed that he really cared so deeply about them that it threw off his game. And when Rin not only made last place but was visibly heaving and couldn’t pull himself out of the water, I was even more like “AHHHKLAJDKJASLKLSAD!!!” and then when Haru was so overcome with concern and immediately shot out of his seat to go find Rin without a word I WAS LIVINGGGG OMG and then on top of that when he heard Rin say that he had quit swimming in the past and should’ve stayed quit and Haru stood there in shock  and having war flashbacks to his and Rin’s falling out in middle school and Haru basically collapsed against a wall in devastation of losing Rin yet again and possibly forever EVERYONE I WAS SOARING AND LIVING AND UGH IT WAS JUST SHKLSKFSKSSKDKJF THAT WAS EVERYTHING!!!!!

And then Haru finally explicitly says that all he wanted was to swim with Rin again and ugh I’m just WOW that episode was EVERYTHING, like literally that episode alone bumped this anime up so many levels for me and now my investment is so much more piqued than it was before (and I was binging this thing). I mean, they hinted at Haru wanting to just swim with Rin again in an earlier episode when Rin beat Haru at freestyle and said, “Now I’ll never have to swim with you again” and Haru was visibly shaken up at those words. He literally told Makoto that his freakin world went black when Rin said that like…AKDJFKHAJSKJD??!?!?!

UGH I love Haru and Rin’s relationship so much 😩. If adult Rin is anything like elementary-school Rin still…I may have found my bias ;) I haven’t seen nice adult Rin yet so we’ll see in Season 2.

Anyways, yeah. SIGH. WOW. Episode 12 took me by surprise with the switch-up and I was LIVINGGGG for it. WOW. I am SO HAPPY it happened and that the four of them are friends again. I honestly couldn’t have imagined a better ending ^_^

#free! #me watching #anime journaling #free! live watch #me watching anime #me watching free! #free! iwatobi swim club