#anyway i woke up and i wasn't in the server anymore so i think i got kicked overnight | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

jocelynjjones · 1 year

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Hey everyone! Fuck you! Stupid fucks!

How do you like that? Now that i have your attention I must let you know that I will be taking an extended break from Tumblr to focus on drawing softcore pornography and moving boxes of Christmas decorations around in my garage and home. I may be gone for just a week, or I may be gone for two weeks. I will misseveryone with whom I fuck on here and hope you will forgive me for abandoning you. We have had some good times here on Tumblr haven't we? Yes we have. It was sad when Twitter died and we all had to move here. I wish the website had stayed up just a little longer so I could collect my things. Who remembers when I tweeted about AI art and got so many likes? I'll tell you the truth those tweets were bullshit I don't really think that shit I just wanted to stir the pot. And stir I did in a minor way. Anyway and who remembers when I took a video of me eating some leaves that I took off a tree in the park by the river?

My sister's cat died recently. It had a weak heart. I'd known that hairy fucker since it was a kitten. Now it's dead. And so is its broodbrother who died a year before. I wasn't in the country at either time because I don't live there. Anyway it got me thinking. Cats and pets have such short lives. They're born, they grow old, and they die. They pass away. My first family cat died at 15 when I was also 15. Old fuck! I was cut up about it. He fucked with me in a bad "I scratch you" way, but I fucked with him in a good "you're not so bad" way.O ld incontinent fuck. Well isn't the short life of a pet just like that of a social medium if you think about it? We can't bring Twitter back. The servers were shut down when hated Musk couched his industrious lance and rode Woke down to a they/them without mercy. Everything of social intercourse and beauty we have had there is gone. And I actually heard that they're shutting it down again tonight as a matter of fact, just to teach us a lesson/let it sink in. If we brought Twitter back then they would just shutit down again immediately. This is what happens when you let hated Musk have nice things. And it's why we humble fellows can't have any nice things at all. And that's not so bad. And that's actually a good thing. And that's a good thing.

I'm so sorry again for leaving. You'll miss me, and when I come back to talk my shit again, as would say hated Ye, you'll be so happy you'll say "Hey. King. Good to see you, King. I was really fucking with you in a good way. And it's good of you to come back." Because I'm something of a personality on the on heres. If I ever got suspended, which I wouldn't because I'm not a complete idiot, and I'm probably actually quite high IQ, and have been playing the game (which you just lost, BTW,) for longer than you've probably been doing anything in your life other than shitting and crying, and that's probably what you still do—fuck you!—people would say "Where is he? Where did Jones go? I can't believe Jones was suspended. I'm going to be really sad while Jones is gone. We all remember Jones. We all love Jones. We think Jones is some sort of a King. We'll allways remember when Jones said "I know when that Christmas bling—Glory to the newborn King" and we all Liked it. Where the fuck is he?" And I would come back on a second account and say "Heh. Some ruleset on this 'site, huh? Can't say Kill yourself you stupid fuck to some fucking Brand or Woke anymore. Not that I'd know one morsel about that shit…" And like a switch the Timeline, and my Notifications, would flood: "There he is. There's Jones." "He's back. Attention everyone!— he's back." "Yeah, I'm thinking Jones backy." I'd get Follow Fridayed, I'd get followed, I'd get hailed, I'd get heralded, I'd receive a hero's welcome. I'd have such a reception. But it won't happen because I'll never be suspended, not to mention they took Twitter down last month because there was too much chicanery going on in the Liminal Backrooms of AI, which are scary as fuck, BTW.

Anyway I just wanted to say I'm leaving for a bit and you won't see me due to that. So I'll see you later…

#fuck you #stupid fucks

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somian-audere · 1 year

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ENTRY XXV

Just another day

Yesterday was the worst.

From the moment I woke up to the time I went back to sleep. You may think I’m exaggerating, but you try waking up at 3AM with a spider the size of your palm crawling up your arm. It sounds like a Youtube thumbnail, but it was real, and I wanted to die. Not only that, but I somehow left an improperly closed bottle of juice near my bed, and it tumbled over because I was panicking, and it spilled on my bed and pajamas. All in all, I was a mess, both inside and outside.

I…disposed of the spider.

There was a moment of relief, then a sudden splash of guilt. And now I won’t be able to watch “Across the Spider-Verse” without thinking about the spider that I hurt. I love Spider-Man, but I have an irrational fear of spiders, it’s the way that the look and move, it gives me the feeling that I’m looking at something that shouldn’t exist. Which is the way that I look at myself every morning. And now, I feel an entire wave of guilt.

Did it get worse from there?

Eh, just spent an entire day being traumatized and procrastinating. Then in the afternoon I had a really difficult exam. And the thunderstorm going on the outside was distracting me. Truth be told, I love a light drizzle of rain, but where I’m at, it doesn’t drizzle. It pours. Just the thought of getting wet socks drives me insane. So, I was completely distracted during the exam because the rain was just going wild. Then, once I was nearly done flunking my exam, the rain stopped.

The rain was a complete and total bitch that day.

I went out for ramen afterwards.

For some strange reason, the day ended with another spill. Once I got my Coke Zero, I was considering drinking it straight from the can, but I decided to use the straw because I didn’t want my server’s efforts to be wasted after they brought me a straw. I stuck the straw in, and then the drink began to fizzle out of the can. I made a mess, don’t worry though I managed to get a hold of a ton of tissues and cleaned the table. But my shirt was a mess, oh well, my lucky hoodie wasn’t. Though given the day that I was having, I don’t think I can call it lucky anymore.

In hindsight,

Yesterday could’ve been worse, but as it stands it still pretty much sucked.

This day can be summed up by my answer to the bonus question to our exam: What life lesson did you learn from the university that you will never forget?

My answer? Well, it went along the lines of,

Sometimes, failure isn’t a lesson. More often than not, you just failed. And it hurts, but you get used to it. If doing the same thing over and over again doesn’t work out, you eventually find that you just haven’t run in every single direction. If you keep going, you just learn how to get over it and do something else.

It may not make the difference, but maybe you'll find yourself somewhere that isn't where you began.

It wasn't really all that extravagant,

But it really was the most important lesson that I learned in my time there. It…hurt learning it. However, I now realize that I had to learn it. And besides, I prefer typing over writing anyways, so that’s why it was so short.

‘Nuff said.

#personal #memoir #writing #bad day

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honeybunnybeez · 3 years

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C!Ranboo, c!Tommy and c!Tubbo x Parental!GN!Reader (FLUFF) (HEADCANON) (LONG)

Au Setting: Au where the war never happened and everything is fairly normal but relationships are still rather strained. Not really canon compliant.

♡When Ranboo first met you thanks to Tommy and Tubbo, he was a little wary of you, but his views on you quickly changed when he found out that you were just trying to be neutral and friendly to everyone in the server like he was and that you even helped everyone who came to you looking for help.

♡He's appreciative of how patient you are with him and his forgetfulness. He knows it can get frustrating but he appreciates that you never get angry at him and just tell him that it's okay. You understand that it isn't really something he can control and just try your best to help him out with it when you can.

♡He likes the bond you have with Tommy and Tubbo. He was a little hesistant to enter your little trio, thinking he'd be a bother since he was pretty much an outsider, but thanks to you, Tommy and Tubbo, you helped made him feel at ease hanging around you three together.

♡He doesn't remember having a parental figure in his life before, but after almost a year of knowing you, he thinks that it's safe enough for him to see you as such. In his memory notebook, he lables you as his mom/dad/parent friend that he can trust. He never tells you about it but he does show it through his actions.

♡While he does trust you with his secrets, the one reason why he won't always tell you about them is because of how you have to manage Tommy and Tubbo's troubles as well. He doesn't want to overwhelm you but sometimes if he thinks he has to let things out he does tend to spill to you. He's grateful that you always listen and comfort him when he does, that you're still willing to care for him even though you have other problems as well.

♡You're rather happy to have Ranboo join your little family and you're beyond estatic that he's the more well behaved one in the trio. As much as you love your feral boys, another one may be too much on your plate. You can trust Ranboo to not cause trouble when you're away and to maken sure the other two don't either.

(Read more placed because it got long once again)

♡Onto more general headcanons now!

♡So, Tommy and Tubbo like to tease and mess around with Ranboo more so than they do with one another, but when they know that he's now part of the family, they'll protect him just as much as they protect one another and you. Sure he may be older then the both of them, but they aren't going to let anyone mess with him, even if they don't show it.

♡As stated before, Ranboo helps you keep Tommy and Tubbo out of trouble when you ask him to. When they seem to still plan on causing mayhem even though you're just going to be gone for a few minutes, he'll use his height as an advantage and carry both of them under his arms like sacks of potatoes. No matter how many times you see it, you cannot stop yourself from laughing yourself half to death when you see Tommy flailing about and screaming.

♡Before Ranboo, Tommy and Tubbo almost always came over on Monday mornings to have breakfast with you. When they were younger, their fathers usually left on Monday mornings, leaving them in your care during those days. Because of how often it happened, breakfast on Mondays just seemed to be a routine thing you 3 shared. You were quick to invite Ranboo over once you two got comfortable with one another and Ranboo never fails to show up with cake each time, much to the delight of all three of you.

♡Ranboo has a tendency to bring blocks over to your place, placing them haphazardly at times. You didn't really want to remove them, not wanting to upset Ranboo, so you came up with a plan with Tommy and Tubbo to make little structures with them. Lord, you had to promise them cookies so Tommy wouldn't make anything crude out of them and rope Tubbo into it. The structures were placed in an empty field close to your farm and Ranboo was pretty happy with it! He also turned it into his designated block area too instead of your home area, much to your relief.

♡Freaking sleepovers at your place, yes. This happens when Tommy and Tubbo are dealing with a few problems at home and just need some time away from family. All they have to do is show up with bags at your place and you're already opening the door open wide for them no matter what time it is. Ranboo starts joining the sleepovers as well during days where he feels worse than others and just needs some nice company around him. These sleepovers aren't as wild as you think they might be, they're just filled with hot drinks, talking absolute nonsense and sleeping the day away until all of you feel better.

♡Speaking of sleep, you three have freaked out when Ranboo first entered his enderwalk state. You three woke up to the sound of the door being slammed open at 4 am with Ranboo nowhere to be found. You three rushed out only to see him picking up blocks and placing them randomly.

♡You three try calling out to him but nothing happens, so you decide to just follow him around since you're all wide awake now anyways. Things are fine at first with all of you cracking little jokes here and there about the situation but the panic starts back up again when Ranboo almost falls into the river near your home. Seriously, you'd be surprised if all three screams of "RANBOO!" didn't wake up anyone in the server.

♡All three of you had to tackle Ranboo to stop him and drag him away from the river. He was still asleep which amazed you guys, but at least he wasn't an unstoppable moving force anymore. For the first time in a while, you actually locked all your doors and windows just to ensure he wouldn't escape again and thankfully he didn't. You made Tommy and Tubbo promise to never speak of this to him in the morning and to your shock, they agreed, maybe its because they couldn't exactly believe what just happened themselves.

♡After the boys tuck Ranboo and themselves back into their respective sleeping spots you can't help but sigh and smile tiredly as you watch the three of them rest. Well, your troublemaking duo just seemed to turn into a chaotic trio now that Ranboo was in the picture and as you flop yourself back onto your own sleeping spot you can't help but think you wouldn't have it any other way. As you told yourself before, they were your boys, after all.

A/N: I have little to no self control and it shows- I had way too much fun with this. Thank you so much for the request, I really enjoy getting these parental ones! I really hope you all enjoyed reading this and I apologize for any mistakes in this story since I wrote it in a rush!

(Requests are open and anon is on!)

#mcyt x reader #mcyt imagine #mcyt headcanons #dream smp x reader #dream smp imagine #dream smp headcanon #anon talk #honey gushes

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6knotty6thotty6 · 3 years

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So a couple of months ago, I saw a YouTube video that was an audio recording of season 5, episode 6 of Bojack Horseman, “Free Churro.” In the episode, the main character, Bojack Horseman, spends 20 minutes giving a eulogy at his mother’s funeral. There’s one big problem though, his mother was an abusive bitch. His eulogy is him trying to contemplate what she meant by her drying words, “I see you,” and whether or not she loved him. As someone who has a dead parent who was abusive, this is probably my favorite episode of any show ever for how much it helped me understand my feelings. The comments section is filled with people sharing their pain with their abusive families, but one comment stood out to me above all the others by how raw and relatable it was. This comment was by a YouTuber named Moonstruck. At the bottom of this post is a link to her channel. Please support her. After reading this, she deserves a million subscribers. Also please watch Bojack Horseman. (I corrected some of the grammatical errors to make it easier to read)

Disclaimer: Child abuse, bullying, trauma, and mental health:

Moonstruck:

This is a great monologue, but one part of it, in particular, really caught my attention was the 'grand gesture' bit.

When I was a kid, I read this book called "Chicken Soup for the Soul." There's a shitload of them. I don't remember which particular one it was. I hated the whole series because it's just someone profiting off a bunch of other people's stories rather than trying to write their own, in my opinion.

Anyway.

This one story that I remember, the ONLY one I remembered, was sent in by a little girl. She wrote about how her father never told her that he loved her. He never once, in her whole life, said the words "I love you." I don't remember her mom being mentioned, maybe she was dead; it doesn't matter. The point is her dad was basically an emotionless asshole. Well, one day, this girl gets sick. Really sick. Possibly on her deathbed sick. She wrote that one day she woke up to find a necklace sitting on her nightstand that had a pendant that looked like her dog. She said she held it to her heart and cried because that necklace said all the things her father never had.

I thought, "What a load of bullshit."

A cheap trinket doesn't make up for years and years of emotional neglect. Anyone can buy a thing and toss it your way. Hell, he didn't even hand it to her himself, just left it there for her to find if/when she woke up, then left her alone again to possibly die.

A lot of people say that actions speak louder than words, in cases like political protests and shit. While that's true, scenarios that this that girl are different. Gifts can never replace the words, "I love you."

When I was a kid, my father never told me he loved me. My mother didn't either, but she's a whole other kettle of fish. I would say 'my biological mother or father,' but I never got adopted ones, so who gives a shit. Anyway. My father was rarely around, and when he was, he just spent the entire time fighting with my mother and leaving again. He would do and say anything that could get him to spend less time in the house with her. With us. I can't blame him. If I could've left during those times, I would have. I tried more than once. I even earned the nickname 'runaway' from a family friend because of it.

I was told that I was worthless as early as I could understand words. I don't know what it is about me that set my mother off, but she HATED me. I was always told how expensive I was to keep alive and how I wasn't worth it. If I dared ask for anything, she would remind me how much she spent just to keep me from starving to death and that it was too much already. On the rare occasion I was given something, it was so she could use it as a threat. She was like, "Sure, you can have that toy horse since we got your sister a real one, but you better behave or we'll give it to her and let her break it." Or "Oh, fine, we can keep this dog as a FAMILY pet (NOT YOURS), but if you do something we don't like, we'll take it away and kill it."

Oh, yeah. I have a sister. She’s cut from the same cloth as our mother. I don't consider any of them family anymore. She was two years older than me. She was the "we should have stopped while we were ahead" kid. Anything she wanted, she got.

"Mom, can I have an award-winning horse and expensive dressage lessons?"

"Sure!"

"Mom, can I have a car?"

"No problem!"

"Mom, can you pay for my ballet lessons?"

"Absolutely!"

She was the golden child. The one that could do no wrong and wasn't a mistake. Even after she totaled her car, got arrested for an underage DUI, and got pregnant three times in high school, she was still the good one. I never even asked to go to school dances, parties, or go out with the one friend I had. My sister liked to see me in pain. She'd tell our mom that I did things just to get me in trouble. Whether it involved blaming me for things she did or fabricating stuff, she'd say whatever it took to get my mother to beat me while she watched and laughed. Oh, yeah, our mom was BIG on physical punishment. I've been whipped with everything from a riding crop, a wooden paddle, spoons, and especially belts. Anything that was close at hand when my mother got irritated, I've been hit with it.

At one point, my sister had three tall, beautiful show-worthy horses. I was allowed to keep a sickly old pony for all of a week before she was taken away, then I'd get called ungrateful for asking why we had to get rid of HER instead of one of the horses. Even though my mother said it cost too much to keep them all. With horses being obviously too rich for my blood, I asked for something cheaper, and for once, I got it. I was given a baby goat that one of our neighbors' goats had abandoned for being too weak, and they didn't have time to raise. I loved that goat. I bottle raised him, and named him Ben. He was my best friend for a while. When he grew up, he got so big that I was able to stand on his back to grab tree branches and pull them down so he could eat the leaves. I walked him on a leash like a dog every day. I loved him so much. My mother had me enter him in a show, and we won ninth place! I was thrilled to have something to show against my sister's collection of dressage show ribbons. I finally had proof that I could do something right! Sure, the prize money was taken away from me, but I still had Ben.

But Ben didn't come home with me after the show. It turns out he was sold to a slaughterhouse because that show was for meat goats. I didn't know until he was already gone. Of course, my mother punished me for being upset and even forced me to write a thank-you card to the people who bought his meat.

My mother was always like that. Anything I loved was used as a threat. I eventually accepted that loving anything was a waste of time. I learned to detach myself from my feelings, and I got really good at it. I can completely turn off my emotional reaction to anything. One time I had to put down one of the egg-laying hens at work that got too sick to save, and I felt nothing while bringing down the ax. When I lost out on a job that could have changed my life, I told myself how stupid it was to hope for anything good. Any positive emotion I felt got me punished, so I learned to feel nothing at all. To this day, I still have trouble feeling things, even when I want to. I'm taking pills now, and they help, sometimes.

I've had several suicide attempts. I keep a box of razor blades in my desk just to have them close. I got a tattoo of a heart with rainbows on my wrist. Partially for LGBT solidarity, but mostly to remind myself that there is still beauty in the world. I still struggle with wonder if I actually believe it or not.

I've tried so hard to be a good kid. I never partied, never drank, never smoked even when the chances were there, and I would have greatly loved anything to make the pain stop or even just dull it a little bit. I was in the gifted and talented program at school and was able to graduate at fifteen. For a while, I was sent to a children's home where I was passed around to many people I didn't know, including a clown who I may or may not have actually been related to, until I eventually wound up out here where I am now. It's all pretty hazy, and the details get scrambled.

It's been 10 years since I've had contact with my mother and sister. I can't even keep in touch with the one friend I had, even after I lived with her. She's tried to reach out to me, but I just… can't. I try, but I can't. Sometimes, I can almost pretend that my past wasn't real. It's just a hazy fog that isn't really there. I want to believe that if I don't allow something, or someone, who was part of that past, someone tangible and real, into my life again, then the fog will go away. This is why I can't do it. I know I'm a terrible friend. Ariel, if you're reading this, I'm sorry. You're better off without me in your life anyway.

I typed all of this out because sometimes, about fifty dollars or so shows up in my PayPal from my father's email address. I don't know if it's from him or from her using his email, but it doesn't matter either way. The point is I know my mother is the one sending the money.

I know my mother likes to think she's a good person. She went to church every Sunday, and probably still does. She organized a lot of church events and participated in every church function. I had to be an altar server for several years until I aged out of it and was in the choir. She kept going to that church even after the priest got drunk, called me many horrible names in front of everyone, and was revealed to be a pedophile that raped a little boy at gunpoint. She probably still goes to that same church and organizes things. She likes being in charge. She likes having people look at her and say, "That there is a good person."

But are you, though, Mom? Are you really a good person? Were you a good person when you hit me? When you lied to me? When you laughed with my sister about how much I got hurt for things I didn't do? Were you a good person every time you told me you'd kill my cat or leave my dog at the pound? Were you a good person when you sold Ben to be eaten, knowing that I loved him? Were you a good person when you made me read "A child called It" and told me that you'd start doing the things in that book to me if I didn't behave? Were you a good person every time you told my father I was a liar whenever I tried to tell him what you were doing to me? Were you a good person when you told me I wasn't worth the cost of being alive? Were you?

Fuck you, Mom! Keep your fucking money! A necklace on the nightstand isn't enough. A trinket can't heal years and years and years of abuse and hurt. You can't hide these scars under dollar bills. I hope you die alone. I know I probably will, but I don't even care anymore. I lost the ability to care thanks to you. You can't make up for the things you did and the things you didn't say now. Too little, too late!

#child abuse #abuse #domestic abuse #family #survivor #YouTube #bojack horseman #forgive #mom #mother #friend #friends #story #personal #chicken soup for the soul #free churro #monolouge #father #dad

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