#anyway I will not stand for Linda slander

[wherevenusholdssomeofficespace]

Linda Flynn-Fletcher

I think Linda Flynn-Fletcher is potentially one of the most misunderstood characters in the show.

It think comes from a natural enough place. Her role in the show is of course, to act as the potential threat to their summers of fun. While they boys never see her as a threat, narratively she's the big bad. If she sees it, its game over.

Here's the thing though. She's a not a bad mom. Her children LOVE her. Similarly to how Phineas and Ferb absolutely adore Candace and would do nearly anything she asked, Phineas, Ferb and Candace all love and respect their mother and don't disobey her. Now a bit of this is clearly Linda being a more permissive parent, but any rules that Linda has Phineas and Ferb never do anything to disobey their mother. While I wouldn't be surprised if there were one or two instances where Candace disobeyed her mother willfully, the closest I can think off off hand is Candace not doing a bunch of chores that she was supposed to do. Really, the fact that all her kids love her, shows how much all her kids feel loved in their household. And I think that's super important. Candace wrote a song about how much she feels loved by her mom, even if her mom is dismissive of Candace. But she still goes with Candace to see what the boys are up to even if she doesn't believe it. She sets boundaries on how often Candace can bust the boys sure. But she hasn't forbidden Candace from doing it altogether. Nor does she punish Candace for presumably lying?

At MOST Linda will say something like: "let's get you out of the sun" after a failed bust. The worst of it I think is probably the time Linda made her promise not to try or suffer the Pharaohs curse. Which, was just some guy in a Pharaoh costume telling Candace curse you. Linda goes out of her way to read books to try and deal with her daughter. She and Candace still clearly hold a lot of affection for each other and do spend a decent amount of mother daughter time together. Linda gives books to her daughter, tries to direct her to other activities, and finds her sleep busting cute, and sometimes goes out of her way to do activities her daughter wants to do with her. All things considered Linda is REALLY patient about Candace's busting. Could she be doing more to get to the bottom of why Candace is presumably acting out? Sure. But Doofensmirtz could also be doing a better job of listening to his daughter and not insulting her (or do we not remember why Vanessa wears earbuds around the house) but we all call him a really good dad.

A LOT of shows have kids hiding a secret from a parent for one reason of another. But while the crux of the show rests on Linda not knowing what her sons are doing, its not because its a secret. The boys aren't hiding it from her. The boys genuinely believe she knows. Lawrence genuinely believes she knows. Candace is the only one in the family who really grasps the situation.

Linda's ignorance, her disbelief of the wild shenanigans that her children get into is easily mistakable for normality. For representing the oppressive day to day. The same thematic antagonist as school. A mom who wants whats best for her kids, and thinks that whats best for them is them being normal, without realizing what's really best for them. After all why else we saw what would happen if she found out in Quantum Boogaloo. But the fact of the matter is aside from that one future (which also featured an effectively evil leader in Doofensmirtz, and therefore implies more factors at play than just Doofensmirtz and Linda's characters), we don't really know how it would play out in the long term. Future Linda even just kinda moves on after discovering the truth.

Linda is exactly like her kids. She just does the same things on a less physics breaking scale. The woman has like 37 different hobbies. She takes a cooking class, donated an art sculpture, is part of a jazz group. She has a background in astrophysics. She was a pop star. She won a meatloaf contest. She takes french lessons. The fact that Linda has several hobbies is part of the reason the formula works at all. Linda is constantly trying new things which gets her out of the house, while her sons are trying their own new things. Her absence is what prompts Candace to have to go looking for her. Also, What Do It Do when the moment Linda gets put in Candace's position she acts the exact same way.

Also it's why she and Lawrence are so compatible. They have a lot of weird hobbies they spend together. She likes Lawrence's history references. They watch car racing together. They went spelunking together. They go bowling regularly enough to have equipment. She has played the bagpipes while Lawrence danced (which sidenote: do you think she taught Candace how to play the bagpipes?).

Not to mention her extended family. Think about it. Her mom was a competitive roller derby skater who once bit a skate and shook it like a dog with a chew toy and pulls elaborate pranks with her identical twin. Really she's a lot like Candace with her aggressive passion. Her dad apparently won a balloon race, but tells the story in the most straightforward way possible, sometimes very oblivious, but is overall a lot like Phineas. Her sister is an adrenaline junky. And back to Quantum Boogaloo for a minute: Her granddaughter is just like Candace, Grown up Candace is a lot like Linda. Do you not see the implications!!?!?!? LIKE???? DO YOU NOT REALIZE THAT LINDA WAS PROBABLY A LOT LIKE CANDACE AND PHINEAS WHEN SHE WAS YOUNGER?!!?! YOU THINK IT SKIPPED A GENERATION OR SOMETHING???

Do you think Linda used to complain about Tiana??? Do you think Linda thought her family was weird and was embarrassed by them??? Do you think Linda ever called herself the only mature/normal member of her family?? LIKE CANDACE DOES????

Anyway, Linda is just like her family. Sure, she is RELATIVELY more normal, but that's relative, and probably simply because the universe bends itself around to keep her from knowing. Linda literally cannot find out about the real nature of her universe. Linda is just a grown up version of her children, seeking to make the most of each day, but within the bounds the universe has set upon her, both as an adult woman and mother, but also in the laws of physics expected of her. But she still makes the most of her life. You don't have to build a roller coaster to make the most of each day and all that.

I think if Linda is representing anything its that even parents can have rich fulfilling lives. Where they make the most out of each day. Having fun with your life doesn't stop with adulthood. Even if you have more responsibilities doesn't mean you can't have fun? Sure childhood is something you can't get back but growing up isn't inherently bad either?

#pnf #phineas and ferb #linda flynn fletcher #The woman is a former pop star #and has a secret background in astrophysics #you would think that would be enough but nooo #i generally don't care to comment on the suspected neurodivergent status of cartoon characters #because neurodivergency exists in the context of society #and cartoon characters exist in a completely different context #and when characters are inspired by real people (like Linda being inspired by Dan's sister) it can get messy #but if Phineas and Candace and Doofensmirtz are ADHD so is Linda #she just has adult woman flavor ADHD #aka the reason that woman and girls go underdiagnosed or are often diagnosed with anxiety instead #I think we often don't recognize how frequently she forgets things #I'm thinking back to that one time she forgot the “stuff” at the grocery store #she stayed up all night making last minute pies #working up to the deadline on an art sculpture #at one point runs out of contacts (presumably because she forgot to get more) #gets overwhelmed when planning the block party #and that's just what I can think of off hand #anyway I will not stand for Linda slander

[ghosthunterbuck]

all the wrong answers (you're not supposed to work) - part one

(buddie) (4k) (read it on ao3)

part one of potato cake fic is HERE. this was fully inspired by @zainclaw suggesting that the 'equal parts butter and potato' recipe that linda refers to in 5x11 could be dylan hollis's potato cake. and then i, uh, spiraled. part one of most likely two, but who knows! i could spiral again...

Eddie’s new job is– fine. Mostly. 

It’s a little boring, yeah, and he still doesn’t really ‘get’ Twitter, but he gets to go home at a reasonable hour and spend time with Christopher and he’s safe. That’s what matters. 

He’s still helping people, sort of, and if his heart twinges a little every time he answers a call about an incident the 118 responded to, that’s nobody’s business but his own. 

It’s a job. Most people don’t like their jobs. He’s got a salary, and health insurance, and regular hours, and really, that’s all he needs. And if he misses his team, locked inside his dingy office, staring at a computer screen all day? Well, that’s a price he knew he was going to have to pay the day he walked out. 

A knock on his door frame startles him from his reverie. 

“May?”

“Hey!” she says brightly. “You had lunch yet?” She holds up a tupperware of salad and shakes it. 

Eddie frowns a little. “I, uh– usually eat at my desk,” he says, like he’s been here more than a day and a half.

May laughs, a soft musical sound. “Come on, you’ve got to be feeling cooped up in here. It’s kind of depressing.” She gestures at the tiny windows set into the cinder block wall with a grimace. 

Despite himself, Eddie snorts. “Yeah, alright, I need to stretch my legs anyway.”

“Are you liking the new job so far?” she asks when he stands, just a little too innocent to sound anything but practiced.

“Oh, I get it,” Eddie says with a soft roll of his eyes. “Bobby put you up to this, didn’t he?”

May presses a hand to her chest, in a display of mock outrage. “I am hurt and offended at your calumnious accusation,” she says. 

Eddie’s eyebrows shoot up. “Calumnious?”

May shrugs. “Word of the day, calumnious. False and defamatory; slanderous,” she recites. 

“Huh,” Eddie says. “Never heard that one before.”

“It’s definitely better than yesterday’s word,” May says, wrinkling her nose.

“What was yesterday?”

“Pulchritudinous,” she grimaces. “Somehow it means beautiful?”

Eddie surprises himself with a laugh. “Compliment someone with that word at your own risk,” he jokes. 

May throws back her head and laughs, then pats him on the shoulder. “Eddie,” she says, nearly choking on giggles, “I think this is the start of a pulchritudinous friendship.”

///

“Oh, honey, no,” a woman says, and it takes Eddie a second to realize she’s talking to him. 

His shoulders tense. “Can I help you?” He turns towards the woman, leaving the microwave open behind him. 

“No, but it looks like I’m going to be helping you. You’re Eddie, right?”

“Yeah, Eddie Diaz.”

“Nice to finally put a face to the name, Linda Bates. Maddie’s told me about you,” she says with a grin. 

Eddie nods, a little stiffly. “Maddie talks about me?”

“Well,” Linda says, lifting an eyebrow, “she talks about Buck, so. You know.”

“Right,” Eddie manages, feeling a little like he’s been stabbed in the stomach. “Anyway, nice to meet you, but–”

Linda shakes her head. “Oh no, don’t think you’re getting off that easy. We’ve got to talk about that.”

Eddie follows her gaze to– “My lunch?”

“I say this because I care. Eddie, that is the saddest lunch I’ve ever seen, and I watched my brother do paleo for a year.”

His ears burn. “It’s not that bad,” he mumbles, because it’s not! Like, okay, maybe microwave macaroni isn’t the most exciting dish, and maybe he could have put something other than lettuce in his salad, but he’s got a box of protein bars in his desk, so it’s not like he’s going to starve. 

“It absolutely is,” Linda says, thoroughly unimpressed. 

“Well we can’t all be Chef Boyardee,” Eddie snarks. 

Linda blinks twice. “Please tell me you’re joking.”

///

And just like that, Eddie has friends at the office. 

It’s kind of surreal, because he’s used to having a team, a group of people he’d lay down his life for without hesitation, a family, but he’s never really had this. Watercooler gossip, words of the day, people he calls his friends but can’t imagine asking to drive him to the airport. 

Everything is low stakes, and it’s kind of nice, actually. 

May tells him a new word every morning, Linda makes fun of his lunch and texts him easy recipes, and it all feels familiar in a way he isn’t willing to examine, but it’s good. It’s not fun facts or family dinners, but somehow it feels safer.

The elevator dings and he steps out, coffee in hand. He catches May’s eye from across the room, and she dissolves into giggles. 

“Ravi sent me,” she gasps as soon as Eddie makes it to her desk, “the stupidest TikTok.”

“I’m almost afraid to ask,” Eddie quips. “Wait– you talk to Ravi?”

“Yeah, duh,” she says, wiping at her eyes. “And I told him today’s word, and he sent me– he sent me–” she breaks off into another peal of laughter and holds out her phone. 

The video that plays is– completely incomprehensible. 

Eddie opens and closes his mouth, then blanches. “Oh god,” he says. 

May straightens. “What’s wrong?” she asks, suddenly the competent dispatcher Eddie knows her to be. 

“Buck was right,” he says mournfully. “I am old.”

May stares at him for a long second, then snorts, then laughs so hard she cries. Around the time she buries her face in her arms to muffle the sound, Eddie realizes the conversation is over. 

“See you at lunch,” he says with a chuckle. 

May raises a hand in a half-hearted wave, even as her shoulders continue to shake. 

Later, Eddie texts Ravi. 

Eddie, 2:27 PM: What was the word of the day??

Ravi, 2:28 PM: Carcinisation.

It explains absolutely nothing. 

///

“Do you know anything about TikTok?” Eddie asks Linda in the break room. “Because May showed me one this morning, and now Ravi’s sending them to me too, and none of them make sense. None of them, Linda.”

“Everybody knows about TikTok,” Linda says, patting him on the shoulder. 

“Everybody but me,” Eddie grumbles. 

“And you’re supposed to be the LAFD’s social media manager,” she quips. 

Eddie rolls his eyes. “I’m not–”

Linda flaps her hand at him. “Alright, show me Ravi’s TikTok, I’ll explain the joke.”

Eddie heaves a sigh and holds out his phone. 

Linda snorts as she watches it.

“So?” Eddie asks at the end. 

“What’s there not to get?” Linda shrugs. 

///

So Eddie gets sent TikToks now, apparently, and he tweets for a living, and he’s kind of never felt less like himself in his life. He’s on top of the laundry, and the dishes, and every other chore he can think of. The ceiling fans are dusted and the baseboards are clean. 

It’s worth it, for Christopher, of course it is. 

But he’s never sat this still before, and it’s kind of driving him crazy. He never remembers his dreams, but he’s sure they’re mostly nightmares, if the way he always seems to wake up with a scream on the back of his tongue is any indication. 

He wants to text Buck. But Buck can always tell when his skin is feeling too tight and he’s itching to claw his way out of it so he texts Linda instead. 

Eddie, 6:16 PM: Any idea how to make chicken taste… good?

Three dots appear, then disappear, and Eddie can imagine the exact expression on Linda’s face. A little disappointed, a lot amused, and fully prepared to teach him and make fun of him in the same breath. 

Linda, 6:18 PM: You’re going to need parchment paper, a mallet, fish sauce, and some mustard powder.

Right. Eddie has exactly none of those things. He re-reads the text and wrinkles his nose. 

Eddie, 6:19 PM: What’s the fish sauce for?

Linda, 6:19 PM: Trust me, Diaz. 

Eddie shakes his head and blinks twice. Alright, fish sauce on the chicken it is. He grabs his keys and heads out the door. 

///

The chicken is delicious. Like, Eddie likes it, Christopher likes it, and they don’t even trash the leftovers. It’s a miracle, according to his son. 

“Very funny,” Eddie says, ruffling his hair, even though he kind of agrees. 

He’s maybe a little bit proud of himself, though, so he texts the picture he took at the beginning of the meal to Buck and waits. 

Buck, 8:42 PM: Edmundo Diaz.

Buck, 8:42 PM: Did you COOK??

Eddie chuckles to himself and types out a reply. 

Eddie, 8:43 PM: I’m a man of many talents. 

He only has to wait a moment for his phone to vibrate with Buck’s response. 

Buck, 8:43 PM: I’ll believe it when I see it

Eddie snorts and shakes his head. 

Eddie, 8:44 PM: Come over for dinner then, I’ll prove it. You free tomorrow?

There’s a long pause, interrupted only by the appearance and disappearance of the three dots. 

Buck, 8:51 PM: I told taylor she could come to mine after work

Eddie grimaces a little, but after Hen made one too many comments about his disdain for Taylor, he’d decided to at least try to play nice. 

Eddie: 8:52 PM: Bring her too

This time, the response is immediate. 

Buck, 8:52 PM: U sure?

Eddie sends a quick yeah before he can change his mind. 

And then he panics, and practically sprints to the store. He calls Linda on the way. 

///

The cupcakes are an afterthought, and he regrets them almost as soon as he’s home. Store-bought dinner rolls? Sure. He’s not going to figure out bread in one afternoon. Dessert, though, surely he could do that on his own. His pantry is practically bereft of baking ingredients, though, and Christopher’s already in bed, so he can’t go back to the store. 

He texts Linda. Again. 

Eddie, 11:13 PM: SOS

It’s three nail-biting minutes before she responds. 

Linda, 11:16 PM: How could you possibly be having a cooking emergency right now?

Linda, 11:17 PM: Unless it’s a fire, in which case, you should know I’m not on shift. 

Eddie exhales sharply through his nose in an approximation of a laugh. 

Eddie, 11:17 PM: Haha. Very funny. 

This time, Linda’s response is quick. 

Linda, 11:17 PM: I try

Eddie bites his lip and quickly sends another text. 

Eddie, 11:18 PM: I want to make dessert

Eddie, 11:18 PM: For dinner tomorrow

His phone buzzes three times in quick succession. 

Linda, 11:19 PM: All that time talking about meatloaf, and now you just want to eat cake?

Linda, 11:19 PM: kidding

Linda, 11:19 PM: what do you want to make?

Eddie scrubs a hand through his hair and tries to tamp down the anxiety rising in his chest because it’s ridiculous. It’s just Buck, who’s pretended to like more than his fair share of rubbery eggs and dry chicken. 

Eddie, 11:20 PM: Don’t know. I only have like a cup of flour left so not sure what I can. 

Then again, maybe Buck’s the reason he wants everything to be perfect. He keeps looking at Eddie like there’s something wrong, but he’s fine. He just needs to prove it. 

Linda, 11:22 PM: You’ve got extra potatoes, right?

She doesn’t wait for him to answer. 

Linda, 11:22 PM: I know just the recipe. 

Linda, 11:23 PM: Watch this. 

It’s another freaking TikTok, but this time he’s being yelled at by a teenager who can’t pronounce cinnamon. 

This is what his life has come to. A TikTok potato cake. If this thing sucks, he’s never going to live it down. 

Linda sends him another text, a screenshot of the recipe. 

And– okay, look. Eddie doesn’t have a lot of baking experience, but he’s pretty sure nothing about this thing makes sense. Potatoes don’t go in cakes. Potato skins really don’t go in cakes. And he’s pretty sure nothing should ever have a 1:1 ratio with butter. 

But it’s nearly 11:30, and he doesn’t have the ingredients for anything else, and if he gives Buck the stupid store-bought cupcakes tomorrow he’s probably going to look at Eddie like he’s something fragile and he’s not. 

So he jots the recipe down on a notecard, then queues up the video again and does exactly what the guy says, because if this cake ends up disgusting, it’s sure as shit not going to be his fault. 

Eddie boils and mashes the potatoes. He creams together the butter and sugar and beaten eggs. He adds milk to the potatoes and sifts the dry ingredients together in a separate bowl, even if he has no idea why. He even grates the stupid bar of semi-sweet baker’s chocolate, which he only even has because he bought it by mistake once and it was too bitter for him or Christopher to enjoy. 

He slowly adds everything together, and takes care not to overmix the batter. Which– how is it even possible to overmix something? Eddie has no idea. But the TikTok guy says not to, so he leaves it lumpy.

He preheats the oven to 350°, slides the cake in, and prays. 

///

Work is fine and dinner is good and Eddie’s almost positive Buck believes it when he smiles. And– there’s no reason he shouldn’t, because, sure, Eddie thinks Twitter is stupid, and yeah, he hates it when people ask if he’s a real firefighter, but he’s fine. He’s fine, right up until he goes to get dessert and Buck follows him and– 

“You need to move on. I have.”

Buck’s face falls, and Eddie feels a stab of regret. But he can’t do this, not right now, so he brings the store-bought cupcakes and the potato cake to the table and he smiles like nothing’s wrong, and a moment later Buck follows and does the same thing. 

Everyone likes the cake, though, so at least there’s that. 

///

At two in the morning, May sends him a link to a TikTok with no caption. 

Eddie types out and sends what he believes to be the only possible response.

Eddie, 2:02 AM: what

May answers almost immediately. 

May, 2:03 AM: why are you awake??

Eddie raises an eyebrow and replies. 

Eddie, 2:03 AM: Could ask you the same question

His phone buzzes twice in quick succession. 

May, 2:03 AM: touché

May, 2:03 AM: anyway, you should get a djungelskog for christopher

Eddie blinks. And blinks again, but nope, his screen still says djungleskog. 

Eddie, 2:04 AM: And that is?

May, 2:04 AM: did you even watch the video?? 

Eddie rubs his face tiredly but smiles despite himself. 

Eddie, 2:05 AM: Tell you what

Eddie, 2:05 AM: Go to sleep now and I’ll show this to Buck

Eddie, 2:05 AM: You and Christopher will both have one by next week

The reply is virtually instant, and it makes Eddie snort. 

May, 2:05 AM: deal

May, 2:05 AM: gn

A long moment passes, then one more message appears. 

May, 2:07 AM: you should go to sleep too

He should. He doesn’t. 

///

The high of a good save is like nothing else; Eddie’s practically buzzing with it. For the first time since he quit the 118, he thinks there might still be something in this world that he’s good at. He thinks that maybe, just maybe, he’s got something good going here. 

It’s not firefighting, but he’s got May and Linda, and he helped someone tonight. So when Buck invites him to the bar, he says yes without hesitating. He feels good. Hell, he even smiles when Josh walks in. 

The smile doesn’t last. 

And Eddie– Eddie’s pissed, actually, but there’s not a damn thing he can do about it, because at the end of the day Josh is right. He doesn’t belong here. He can pretend all he wants, but he doesn’t. 

But fuck it, Eddie felt good today, and Josh doesn’t get to ruin that because he’s going to the bar to see his friends, and maybe he doesn’t belong here but he’ll always belong with them. 

His phone buzzes as he gets into his truck. 

May, 6:18: you okay?

May, 6:18: you left kind of fast

Eddie doesn’t answer. 

///

The bar is crowded and loud and familiar and exactly where Eddie’s supposed to be. 

“Can I get you anything?” the hostess asks. 

Eddie’s eyes wander until they catch on Buck, head thrown back in laughter. He can’t help the smile that tugs at his lips. 

“Are you with the firefighters?” she continues, and it’s like being doused with cold water because–

“No.”

He’s not. He’s not with the firefighters. He’s not with the 118. It’s a badge and ladder joint, and Eddie might still have a badge but he hasn’t seen a ladder in weeks. He’s kidding himself. 

The people at that table – Buck, Hen, Bobby and the woman he doesn’t recognize but can make an educated guess about – they made the rescue today. They’ve got something to celebrate. And if Eddie goes over there…

He’ll just be dead weight. He’ll bring them all down.

Eddie offers the hostess a tight smile and leaves as fast as he can. He brushes past Ravi at the entrance, he thinks, but he’s halfway to another panic attack and he’s not doing that here. He gets into his truck and drives, drives with no destination in mind because Carla’s not expecting him for at least another couple of hours and he can’t explain any of this, doesn’t want to. 

Deep in his bones, though, he knows. He made a mistake. Now he has to live with it. 

///

Eddie finds himself parked in front of the grocery store, and it almost makes him laugh. Of all places to end up when he’s on the verge of a breakdown. He’s always hated grocery shopping. 

There’s a cart near the front of the parking lot and Eddie grabs it, wincing when the wheel squeaks. He pushes it up to the automatic doors, which slide open with a whoosh of cold air. Eddie shivers. 

Above him, the fluorescent lights buzz incessantly. Eddie’s always hated grocery shopping, but tonight, somehow, the store calms his nerves. There’s hardly anyone here, just a bored teenager at the cash register and a few scattered shoppers. 

Eddie picks an aisle at random. 

It was the contents of his cart that always got him, Eddie thinks. Processed junk and pre-bagged salads, proof that he was as inadequate as he felt. 

Now, though, he knows how to make decent chicken, and he’s planning on spiralizing a zucchini, and maybe that’s the difference. His entire life is falling apart, but he can finally feed his kid without anyone else’s help. 

He doesn’t need help. 

By the time Eddie makes it to the baking aisle, he’s already got a week’s worth of food in his cart. He doesn’t need flour, or baking powder, or sugar, but the longer he stares at it, the longer he itches to grab it.

Eddie can count on one hand the number of things he’s baked successfully. One finger, really, if you don’t count slice-and-bake cookies. But he kind of wants to do it again, because the ridiculous potato cake was good and his life’s a mess but maybe if he learns how to make scones everything will be fine. 

He buys one of nearly everything in the aisle. 

///

Christopher’s asleep when Eddie finally gets home, and he tries not to be upset about it. 

“You okay?” Carla asks, brow creased. 

He probably looks like a wreck. “Fine,” Eddie says, pasting on a smile. “Just realized we were out of, you know, everything. Decided to make a stop on the way home.”

Carla’s eyes narrow. “Well I hope you didn’t spend all night thinking about the groceries.”

“Course not,” Eddie replies, fighting his instinct to look away. “It was nice to see everyone.” It’s not even a lie. For a split second, it was nice. They looked happy. Eddie wants them to be happy. 

She looks at him doubtfully, but finally smiles and pats him on the arm. “Good,” she says. “You deserve to have a nice night here and there.”

Eddie musters a grin. “And you,” he says, forcing some levity into his tone, “Deserve to get some rest. Thanks for watching him late tonight.”

“Anything for the Diaz boys,” she says lightly. “You get some rest too, okay? You seem tired.”

“I am,” Eddie says. The grin turns rueful. That, at least, feels like the truth. But he doubts he’ll sleep. 

///

His first batch of cookies is in the oven when Christopher finds him and turns everything upside down. 

“You’re really brave,” he says and it doesn’t feel like Eddie deserves that. “I can be brave too.”

He definitely doesn’t deserve that. Eddie pulls Christopher to his chest and runs a hand through his hair. “I love you, kid,” he says roughly. “You don’t have to be brave about this if you don’t want to, though, okay?”

Christopher shakes his head and pulls away. “I want you to be happy,” he says simply. 

Eddie bites his lip, but the oven timer dings and saves them both from whatever his answer would have been. 

“Are you… baking?” Christopher asks. 

Eddie chuckles at the incredulity in his tone. “Yeah, yeah.” He ruffles Christopher’s hair. “Tell you what, you can have one if you promise to go back to bed right after.”

Christopher looks dubiously between him and the oven. 

Eddie snorts. “I followed the recipe,” he says, standing and grabbing the oven mits Buck bought him as a joke. “They’re going to be fine.”

“If you say so, Dad.”

///

He goes to Bobby the next morning, and he’s sure it’s the right decision. Being away from the job, it’s been killing him. Getting back to the 118 is what’s going to make him okay again. He knows it. 

His phone buzzes with a text just before he knocks. 

Buck, 8:15 AM: missed u last night

Eddie grins and shoves the phone back in his pocket. He’ll text Buck back after he talks to Bobby, when he has good news. He’s coming home. 

///

Except he’s not. 

He’s not because Bobby thinks there’s something wrong but he’s fine. He’s fine. He’s angry. He’s fine. 

Or. Or he would be fine, if Bobby would just let him come home. 

Eddie flexes his fingers on the leather of his steering wheel. He’s still in Bobby’s driveway but he doesn’t know where to go. The thought of having to tell Christopher he isn’t going to be a firefighter after all makes him want to pull his hair out. He thinks about going to Buck’s instead, but Taylor might be there and the thought of having to play nice with her is even worse. So. He pulls his phone out. 

The text from Buck is still there, mocking him. He swipes it away. Pulls up his conversation with Linda instead. 

Eddie, 8:31 AM: got any more baking tiktoks?

He stares at his phone for at least ten minutes, but she doesn’t respond. He texts May next. 

Eddie, 8:43 AM: what was that thing from ikea called again?

She doesn’t answer either. And– Eddie gets it. It’s early. He knows she has a tendency to stay up too late. She’s probably not even awake. 

But fuck, Eddie could use a friend who doesn’t know him well enough to know that something’s wrong. 

Something’s wrong. Nothing’s wrong. He’s fine. So… so maybe he just needs to prove that. Maybe he just needs a slip of paper and a decent night’s sleep and then Bobby will let him come back. Eddie texts Bobby a quick apology, then digs through his contacts for Frank’s office. 

He’s fine. He’ll prove it.

#911 #911fic #911 fic #buddie #fic #eddie diaz #abbie writes #911 on fox #potato cake fic #she's finally here! #this one's for u zain #userceecee #will rb for tags in a few!

[findsilver]

Paul is definitely no angel and definitely had his social missteps, but when his male contemporaries (including Stu, to some degree) hate on him without defining why, I tend to chalk it up to jealousy. Two prominent Beatles authors admitted to hating Paul ‘cuz he was so popular with the ladies. And we have audio of John admitting how jealous he was of Paul. It was a huge factor in ending their partnership.

Honestly, I agree! Sadly, it’s very easy to feel envious of someone if you’re incredibly insecure as a person, and John definitely was; whether it was due to his untreated mental illness or rejection and abandonment he suffered as a child, or it just being a part of his personality. I know from personal experience it doesn’t matter how much people praise and admire you, if you hate yourself, there’s very little they can do besides giving you a short-lived gratification. As for these other people, I’ve always believed they’ve romanticized the hell out of John because of his bravado, failing to realize that he used it to cover up his own insecurities and fears. He was the one that said all these outrageous things they had no courage to say themselves, and since he had given them the opportunity to suck up to him greatly, he used them to exorcise his own demons. It helped that they lined up with their own interests, since it was easy to feel inadequate when somebody who did not fully match their expectations of masculinity managed to be so successful anyway.

The thing is, I believe John loved Paul a lot. I think they cared for each other a great deal mutually, but John simply couldn’t distance himself from the overwhelming feeling of envy, which only got worse when he was feeling impotent artistically, while Paul was dropping one hit after another. It failed to register for him that just because Paul was doing well, it didn’t mean he was any less talented than he used to be; it failed to register that he was less inclined to create probably because he was depressed and too fucked up on drugs to do it. It was easy to grow resentment towards the partner that suddenly stood taller, and perhaps he had always felt this fear that Paul would stand taller, from the moment they met and he pointed out John’s guitar was tuned all wrong. It was good to share this passion and dream with him, great that Paul wanted to create with him, but this fear spiked occasionally, like it did around the breakup and after, like it did in Hamburg with the artsy crowd.

The sad part is that it’s easy to feel envious of Paul, because it seems like he’s so grand and has gifts beyond what a normal person is ‘supposed’ to possess. So perhaps he can’t act very well, but he’s incredibly attractive, desired by many, he has charm, his musical genius is just one of the many talents he has, he’s also a great artist and somebody who has been deeply involved in art over the years. He has managed to create a solid family unit and had a long-lasting successful marriage in a world where that’s a rarity, his solo career turned out to be by far the most successful of them all despite being slandered in the press, not just commercially, but because he had a nose for business and preserved his fortune the best of the four of them. He’s a professional, hardworking person who has an impeccable work ethic, especially compared to his other music pals who often proved to be unreliable. He was deemed shallow simply because he liked some more optimistic themes in music, as if it was the only thing he’s ever done, but they were catchy and loved by the public, and frankly he was also no less politically conscious than John, he just didn’t go around shouting about it.

In retrospect, it seems like a lot, doesn’t it? Suddenly, it becomes less surprising that Paul must have felt so large to John, who felt small inside, and thus tried to drag Paul back to his level. Here comes what I believe is a recurring theme of their trouble to ever be on the same page at the same time. See, they knew each other on so many levels, in ways we could never even pretend to know, and yet John still put Paul on an imaginary pedestal, while others put him on one instead. John was insecure, so naturally someone like Paul, so gifted and yet scared of imperfection with all the high expectations placed on him, suddenly seemed so grand, but was actually just a person. A talented one, yes, but a person with his own faults and warts, who’s done plenty of mistakes, had his own share of troubles and losses. I’ve always believed Paul was a very insecure person too, he just internalized it in a true northern fashion instead.

I think John demonized Paul’s talent and success a bit despite working with him for years, despite loving it and loving him, and Paul making it without him only confirmed his fears that he never needed him to be successful in the first place, that he could have made it without him just the same. But I don’t think it was as much about Paul, as it was John’s own issues. As for Paul, what else was he supposed to do when it felt like everyone turned on him? He loved music, he could hardly imagine doing anything else. With his talent, of course he ended up being successful; of course he ended up proving the rest of them wrong regardless of what the press would say about him. Sad part of it all is that I’ve always believed Paul was a team person at heart. He said it himself, Linda said it. He did well as a solo act, but he was just as eager to share the spotlight, and I think he desperately wanted to work with John again, given that he was dedicated to the best possible product, and he knew that what they had was magic. But I don’t even think that was the main reason, I think he just missed sharing the creative process with someone who was on his level, which is something he considered John to be, but John had trouble internalizing it.

#the conlusion is therapy #it's always therapy #they needed it desperately all four of them and that's the tea #anyway sorry it got long again and sorry if i didn't quite answer this well #i agree with you anyway so !!!! thanks for sending this in #also i'm neither a beatle or mental health specialist #all of this is just what i think and don't treat this as gospel i'm not that smart #so no offence to anyone #i just say what i think especially that i struggle with mental health too and read a lot #Anonymous #anon #answered