#animal i have become by three days grace is my most original add

[mishapen-dear]

okay my qbbh playlist is too small and i would LOVE to pad it out more- anyone have some good recs? 👀

#qsmp #there's only five songs in this thing... #animal i have become by three days grace is my most original add #the other three are Pure Starset babeby #and the final one i added today because the-crimson has Good Taste #i should hunt thru more starset songs tbh i bet i'd find some #actually still here by digital daggers would prob fit too #fudger just has those decade old song vibes ig #anyway tho more songs Blease i love finding new music #OH i should add ceux qui revent maybe #with the whole uhhhh Not Sleeping For Three Weeks deal

[theresattrpgforthat]

would you happen to know any rpgs explicitly about the Great Chain of Being?

Theme: The Great Chain of Being

Hello friend, I don’t think I know of anything that’s explicitly about the Great Chain of Being, although I think I have a few ideas for games that might flirt with either a Christian hierarchy or the concept of ascension. Nothing here's an exact match, but maybe there's still something that catches your interest?

If you are a follower of this blog and you know of a game for this, please add it in the comments or reblogs!

Hellwhalers, by Brewist Tabletop.

HELLWHALERS is an original TTRPG of both nautical and Christian-religious horror. Play as damned whalers, sailing hell's oceans to hunt a monstrous leviathan whale in a bid for redemption of your immortal souls. 

Whalers will earn souls through roleplay, challenges, and gambling, eventually collecting enough to pulse the Hellwhale's disembodied heart, a blackened, grisly organ kept locked away by the captain. To pulse the heart is to summon the monster you seek: the dreaded Hellwhale. Slaying this titan of Hell's waters is said to earn you a place back in God's graces.

Gambling plays a central role in the gameplay loop, creating a procedurally generated series of events each day. Gambling takes place on a Sic-Bo board, a game played with three six-sided dice.

This is a game of ascension to some extent, in that you are fighting to ascend from Hell. You choose from six base playbooks, and you’ll have to track your resources to make sure you have enough to keep you hale while out at sea.

Trash Mob, by mothermultiverse. After an untimely death, you reincarnated as something weak and potentially hated- but you don't have to stay that way! In a video game like world, your skills can grow simply by use, and while initial survival in the world may be harsh and difficult, it is only a prelude to a grand adventure that only you (and potentially your friends) can manage!

Trash Mob! was made to be Solo RPG ready, but also allow for some epic, GMless team up action or classic Narrated play. In the basic edition of Trash Mob, there are 16 playable Mobs, 4 basic zone setups, a series of charts to help you explore the world, and over 50 different skills you can gain as your monster grinds in their quest to survive, thrive, overcome the odds, regain some measure of their humanity, and become an overpowered anime protagonist that can shape the world with their actions!

While Trash Mob may not look like it from the cover, this entire game is about becoming a more and more powerful monster! You start as something weak and small, like a zombie or a chicken, but as you make your way through this magical world, you’ll find yourself levelling up, all the way until you become the most powerful thing in the dungeon!

And You Shall Shatter Temples, by Anna Landin.

Sing songs with the words they could not take from you. Raise the banner woven from the flags you stole back from them. Arm yourself with the swords you forged from their discarded bones.

And You Shall Shatter Temples is a game about rising up against an overwhelming power that is trying to crush you. All you have is what you carry with you, and those who rise up by your side. Together, you can turn the tide. Together, you can dethrone a god.

This game is more about fighting a god than anything else, but I think the very act could be part of the whole process of climbing the ranks. You don’t dethroned God all at once; you have to claim symbols of their power before you can topple them completely.

You Might Also Be Interested In…

My Destroy God Recommendation Post.

#tabletop games #indie ttrpgs #game recommendations #dnd #asks #great chain of being

[chidoroki]

Emma - 63194

So, it’s August 22nd, otherwise known as the best day of the month because we get to celebrate Emma's birthday! I feel like she doesn't get enough credit, especially as a shōnen protagonist, probably because she's just a normal kid compared to others with overwhelming powers/magic/quirks/etc, but I think that just makes her feats all the more interesting and amazing. So, here I am, ready to praise the hell out of everything she's done, what she's capable of, and who she is on her special day.

(spoilers for the entirety of The Promised Neverland, so if you haven't read/completed the manga yet, consider this your first warning, because I'm literally going from start to finish with this.)

This is gonna be one hell of a long post, so here we go.

- She's one of the smartest kids at Grace Field, alongside Norman and Ray, who all get full scores on the house's daily tests, which is by no means a simple task.

- This is thanks to her ability to learn things quickly, which she puts to the absolute best use throughout the entire story.

- She's undoubtedly the most athletic out of the full-score trio, as she can pull off a leap like this with no issue!

- I gotta give her voice actor credit here because her scream at the end of EP1 is simply fantastic.

- She noticed the windows in the house were screwed shut, which reinforced the idea that the kids were merely raised like cattle. (Ray was also aware of this, of course.)

- Suspects the use of tracking devices. (The anime had Norman voicing this realization, so whoever you want to give the credit for this is up to you.)

- Believe me when I say that her acting skills are top-notch.

- She's so good that she was able to control her emotions enough and even regulated her pulse to fool Isabella.

- This! Just all of this. Her crazy ideals, her never-give-up mentality, her ability to stay optimistic and strong despite everything they're up against.. just amazing.

- She always thinks of her family first. (she honestly rarely cries too, now that I think about it.)

- By using what she overheard from the demons at the gate and the “blood tests” Isabella once told her about, Emma was able to figure out where the tracking devices were located on her own. (Yeah, Ray knew of this too, but he kept that info to himself.)

- She then created a situation that allowed her to confirm this and that yes, Isabella is indeed always checking their trackers.

- It was Emma's idea to train the other children by playing tag. Not only did this help them during the escape, but afterwards as well.

- Takes advantage of every opportunity to learn. (also, the strength she has!)

- Amazing learning ability x2 (I'm aware the manga says 10 instead, but still! I bet she could memorize 100 too!)

- She believes in everyone and makes Norman realize that no one in their family is truly bad and that leaving anyone behind, even the “traitor,” could cost them their life.

- She called Ray out on his bluff about him actually being willing to help everyone escape.

- Then confronted Ray about the possibility of him experimenting on the tracking devices of their siblings, thus resulting in their early shipments, which is something Norman didn't even realize, if his surprised expression is anything to go by. (Emma scolds him and hides her anger well, though she only stays mad for like, a minute.)

- She, along with Gilda, notice Isabella disappear every night after 8pm, leading them to assume the house might contain a secret room. They eventually pinpoint where it's located. (Ray suspects such a room must have existed, but wasn't certain.)

- Introduces the boys to William Minerva's books and the morse code bookplates they held, which the trio all know how to decode and understand. (I know Phil pointed them out to her originally and manga Ray was also aware of them, surprise, but..) the hunch she had about the two special books being important guides for them turned out to be true later on after the escape.

- Accepts her mistakes and is quick to apologize when she's wrong.

- Thank you anime for giving us these wonderful lines.

- Has her leg broken and yet she doesn't shed one damn tear. (the horrific sound still haunts me.) Ah, might as well also mention this now, but her theme, 63194, is one of the best songs on the soundtrack.

- Once again caring about others more than herself, as she was ready to destroy her leg/foot even more if it allowed Norman a chance to escape.

- This absolutely amazing moment right here! Easily one of the best panels of her by far!

- Used what she heard from Krone and spent two months hiding her emotions and plans from Isabella. Learning ability & best actress x10.

- Isabella actually believes this. Seriously, someone give Emma an award. Best actress x50.

- Do y'all know how strong physically, mentally and emotionally this girl must be to cut off her own ear? I know she was in a rush to escape while Isabella was busy with the fire, like she literally had about ten seconds (anime) to remove her tracker, but damn! Not once does she ever cry over it either. May I remind you she's only 11!

- Stops Ray's suicide attempt by catching the match, thus burning her palms.

- It was her idea to let the other kids know of the escape, which helped in proceeding with the preparations behind Isabella's back.

- I love Ray x fire jokes as much as the next person, but we all know who the real pyro is. More props to her voice actor again for the scream that follows!

- Successfully carried out Norman's plan and escaped Grace Field with 14 other children.

(post-season one spoilers beyond this point)

- Keeps her cool in dangerous situations, which helps calm down the younger children. Also fairly knowledgeable of the books from Grace Field's library, such as “The Adventures of Ugo,” which came in handy in the demon forest.

- Remains positive and completely hopeful after learning the truth about the demon world they're living in from Sonju.

- It only took three days for her to become proficient enough in archery in order to hunt successfully. She apparently also knows how to use a harpoon (ch49) (but I don't think we ever see that, sadly). Learning ability x20.

- She also didn't panic when she was held at gunpoint. She stayed reasonably calm and forced her way free instead.

- Didn't even flinch when Yuugo's bullet grazed her cheek.

- Can she just get a round of applause, please?

- Emma is just so fearless. Gun to the head? Knife in her face? Doesn't matter. She'll threaten you right back.

- Kudos to her learning ability yet again x50.

- Her quick reflexes and accuracy are phenomenal.

- Of course, cue the talk-no-jutsu skills that every shonen protagonist is undoubtedly skilled with.

- Even Lewis knows at a first glance that our girl is good. Takes a lot to receive praise from this demon.

- Offers herself up as bait to lure the poachers away from the other children.

- Literally cares for anyone, as she helped countless kids she didn't even know during her first hunt at Goldy Pond by keeping them safe.

- Thanks again to her knowledge of the “The Adventures of Ugo” novel, she was able to locate the memory chip for the pen that contains information about Minerva's supporters, the paths to cross over to the human world, Goldy Pond, The Seven Walls and Project Lambda 7214.

- The damn skill she has in handling guns in the matter of two weeks is astonishing.. and she's still only 11.

- Informed the Goldy Pond kids on how to accurately aim for the demon’s center eye, which greatly helped them take out the poacher Nouma.

- She has the audacity to taunt Lewis right back and I love her for it. She also offered to stay behind in order stall Lewis on her own, despite knowing he's the most dangerous of the poachers.

- When the talk-no-jutsu towards the crazy demon fails, she summons a wide array of guns against him, because why the hell not, right?

- She once admitted that she was no good at reading an opponent's moves, but after watching many people in her life who are skilled in such a way (Norman, Ray, Isabella, Krone) and thanks to the knowledge she recently leanred about Goldy Pond, she manages to catch Lewis off guard and electrocute him. Her level of adaptability is wonderful. Learning ability x100.

- Can we all just take a moment to obsess over Emma's Goldy Pond outfit because it is fucking fantastic! She just looks so damn good! (I owe Demizu my life for this.)

- Actually manages to get Yuugo to call her by her real name after he was so adamant to no learn them or get attached to the kids.

- This bright smile adds five years onto my life.

- She’s the first to notice the disadvantage demons have with regeneration, which ultimately leads to their winning strategy against Lewis.

- She somehow survives this. (plot-armor, I know, but goddamn!)

- Now presenting, the exact moment I fell in love with Emma, because holy fucking shit! Not only does she survive getting stabbed like that, but she gets back up and continues fighting! Can I get a big ol' HELL YEAH!!

- She busts out the pistol with the trick shots she's kept hidden this entire time until the very right moment, effectively taking Lewis by surprise and granting Yuugo a clear shot to his middle eye as the demon stands defenseless against the shower of bullets.

- Emma's influence over everyone else is so powerful. We see it many times throughout the story, but because of her, they all accept that the impossible is possible, everyone is worth saving, and to never give up. This is especially amazing to witness in scenarios with Ray, since Krone once said that his weakness was that he's "a little quick to give up. He makes a decision fast but abandons other just as quickly."

- Because of everyone's assistance, they were able to destroy Gold Pond and rescue over 60+ kids, which probably wouldn't have happened if it weren't for Emma presence at the hunting ground in the first place.

- Not to discredit Ray, because I'm sure he did a fine job of cauterizing Emma's wounds, but she did survive a day and a half with a low blood count. (She was unconscious, sure, but her body didn't give up either.)

- Finally wakes up from her coma a month later and the first thing she's concerned with is the safety of everyone else.

- I swear, this girl has a heart of gold, but we knew that already.

- Doesn't let her missing ear hinder her at all, just adjusts how it would function normally in her daily life.

- Memorized the many maps found in the shelter's reference room alongside her siblings. Learning ability x125.

- She's capable of taking out three wild demons in the matter of seconds. Accuracy and speed on point still on point.

(Ah post-timeskip, just a little over halfway done now.) - Will not hesitate to jump in and save someone, regardless of the danger to herself.

- No 13 year-old should have this amount of pressure on their shoulders, but I'll be damned, she handles this and so much more well.

- She pushes aside her own anxieties over losing the shelter, those two boys and possibly Yuugo and Lucas and decides to lift the spirits of everyone else instead.

- Y'all see this demon? Do you think she cares? Not one bit! All that matters is her family's safety and she'll do anything to preserve that. We stan one reckless girl.

- Doesn't cry over the deaths of Yuugo and Lucas (at least, I don't think she does? She appears more frustrated here than upset.)

- She can pick up on how others are feeling, even if they're trying to hide it. (also does so several times to Norman (ch30, 128,153) and even to Yuugo (ch64))

- Is the first to volunteer to sneak into the mass production farm guarded by demons in order to retrieve the medicine Chris needs.

- Honey, how are you not screaming for you life right now?

- Official translation has Hayato saying “The Boss is saying he wants to meet you,” but I feel like this unofficial one here conveys the exchange between Emma and Oliver better. Their large family has children who are older and more experienced as a leader than Emma, but they all choose to follow her.

- Just a casual reminder of how strong our girl is. (She even beats out Ray and Don in terms of strength too.)

- I probably only find this impressive because I love my sleep, but she wakes up at 6 in the morning. Always. Without fail. For thirteen years. Then panics the one time she actually oversleeps.

- She knows every life is precious, no matter who or what they are. Also doesn’t want to follow Norman's civil war plan, which is good, because damn that's a bit extreme. Doing so would only create more fear and hatred.

- Say it louder.

- LOUDER!

- Agrees to go and find out more about The Seven Walls in hopes to stop Norman's plan, despite the many risks. Can she really arrive at TSW? What's actually there? Could she even make a new promise? Will she be able to return afterwards? There's a bunch of unknowns, but that won't stop her. (“Simple?” “It is simple.” That line kills me every time.)

- TSW proved to be very mentally exhausting but she and Ray did survive all the craziness they faced while trapped there.

- Due to her unique way of thinking, she managed to remain sane and was able to figure out how TSW worked, which is something even Ray couldn't quite comprehend.

- Because of that, she was then able to finally meet the bastard demon god.

- Thus allowing her to..successfully.. make a new promise. (Ahhh)

- Best actress x500 (damn damn damn!)

- Honestly, have they practiced this before or is her athleticism just that superior? Either way, she never fails to surprise me.

- Isn't afraid to speak the truth and put one of her best friends in their place.

- But manages to (somehow) forgive him, after his plan successfully killed the queen, the demon royals and poisoned the capital city, which forced the nearby demons to degenerate.

- Her optimism knows no bounds.

- She & everyone else were able to infiltrate Grace Field which is not only guarded by demons but the Ratri clan as well.

- Just how? I know your athletic but wow!

- The woman who shipped out so many of Emma's siblings and broke her leg now holds a gun to her face and yet our girl doesn't look panicked in the slightest. Girl, how are you so brave?! Holy shit. There's no fear in those eyes, only anger.

- AND she ends up forgiving her! After learning Isabella betrayed Peter and realizing that all the mothers and sisters are also fighting for their freedom, Emma gladly accepts Isabella's assistance. (Best mother daughter moment I've ever seen.)

- The entire talk-no-jutsu she pulls on Peter in ch172. She's angry, even downright hates the Ratri, but she refuses to get revenge for all the trouble they've caused to her family and friends by killing Peter. She admits the clan's actions can never be forgiven, but she still shows sympathy because she knows they were also suffering due to the world and roles they were born into.

- We find out that Emma worded the promise perfectly which allows every human raised as food to cross over into the human world. Truly thinking of everyone as per usual.

- She kept her promise to Phil and came back for him and the rest of the children she had originally left behind at Grace Field.

- Again, showing no hesitation to save someone she barely knows, even when unarmed.

- Pretty sure I was in literal tears at this point of the chapter, so kudos to her for making me bawl my eyes out. Aahh, she's just so forgiving and her heart is so big.

- Best actress x9999 (*screaming internally*)

- SHE LITERALLY SACRIFICES HER OWN HAPPINESS SO EVERYONE IMPORTANT TO HER CAN LIVE IN PEACE AND BE HAPPY!!

- She loves her family so deeply that even without her memories, her heart still remembers them. (it makes me cry too, hun, it's okay.)

- She has a heart literally made of solid gold. Of course she can't refuse the bastard's reward, but still accepts it with a smile on her face knowing that all humans and demons, of the present and future, can now live freely without any fear. She completely ended the tragedy that persisted the last 1,000+ years and changed the world like she set out to do back in ch4. Sweetheart please, you're anything but selfish.

- She has the most precious family on the planet. Her influence was so strong that they searched endlessly for two years just to see her again, by never giving up or doubting her words back in ch178. They're beyond happy when they do finally find her and are a bunch of sweethearts who accept her no matter what.

- Ahh, I just really love Emma okay? She's honestly one of the few protagonists I actually enjoy. Happy Birthday again to this all-around amazing girl and I can't wait to see her in action in future anime seasons!!

(congrats, you've made it to the end. i apologize if i missed any other moment worth mentioning, but yeah, i think this is enough for now.)

#the promised neverland #tpn emma #tpn manga #tpn anime #emma #chidoroki used chatter

[popculturebuffet]

Darkwing Duck Quadruple Feature! (Beauty and the Beet, Whiffle While You Work, Jurassic Jumble, Something Fishy)

Welcome back! It’s been a bit since I visited St. Canard and my march to watching Just Us Justice Ducks by watching one episode, with the exception of Megavolt the first chronological appearances of, each member of the Justice Ducks and Fearsome Five. The Megavolt exception was so I could, by comission, cover the one and only appearance of the OTHER Negaduck if you were curious.So far besides Negsy and Volty, i’ve covered both of Morgana’s first chronological episodes, Liquidator’s and (SIgh) Gizmoducks. But with only 6 left to go.. I put the seires on hiatus to work on ride of the three cabs and my minty fresh retrospective of life and times. At the TIME it didn’t seem like a bad idea, I could get to this any time and what not.. but in hindsight.. yeah putting an almost finished project on hold till two much larger projects, that at the time of this review have 10 and 13 installments left, WHILE also starting two more projects... was not my best move, especially since I have a comission, and an episode needed to properly review that comission AND a valentine’s day episode to review.. all of which come AFTER Just Us Justice Ducks chronlogically and 2 of which involve Negaduck. So yeah I whiffed it bad on this one and this mini-marathon is my way of fixing that, finsihing up the last few episodes before the big event. The episode i’ve waited almost a decade to watch and one of the most loved in the series history: Just Us Justice DUcks, which is coming up next week. Then LIfe and Times will be right back where it was and I promise to get that out weekly. But yeah with logisitcs out of the way and 4 episodes to go, I don’t know how to go slow so let’s get dangerous shall we?

Beauty and the Beat:The Misplaced Batman the Animated Series Villian

We open with one of the first Darkwings I watched via my old Darkwing Duck DVDS, rewatched a while back and easily one of my faviorite episodes and the first apperance of my faviorite Darkwing Duck Villian, though Liquidator and now Quackerjack are giving him a run for his money. But yeah I love Reggie and part of it is he’s something far diffrent than what Darkwing normally fights. 

While he still fits in with the Rouges gallery: someone with either powers or a good gimmick whose intresting, engaging and most importantly to this show, Reggie is still diffrent in that he’s an inherently tragic figure. While the rest of the rouges have sympathetic qualities theier still not really good people: Quackerjack chose to lash out at what drove him out of buisness instead of starting over again, Megavolt is your standard wants money bad guy, and Liquidator was a massive asshole. And if you add in the other villians i’ve covered, Taurus Bulba was basically Marvel’s Kingpin as a bul and Splatter Phoenix while having a noble goal of funding her arts does so via framing an innocent child and stealing. They aren’t unsympathetic, some of them anyway, but they are still ruthless because they choose to be.  Reggie.. didn’t get that choice. We see from the start of this episode his life has just been being everyone elses punching bag: His boss dosen’t respect him, his cowowkers not only don’t respect him but actively bully him and only the newsest researcher has ever paid him the time of day much less told the two assholes, Gary and Larson, a nice shout out, to stop. And given I reviewed Wonder Woman 84 yesterday i’ts NICE to remember a version of a “geek becomes a supervillian’ story that’s.. actually good. This is basically the same sorry, a disrpsected scientest trnasforms and gets revenge.. just you know done right. 

And SOMEHOW Reggie’s life only gets worse as asshole one and asshole two sabotage his work, he gets fired and is forced to experiment on himself. While that’s a classic mad scientst and supervillian trope what’s notable is Reggie didn’t go immiedtly to world domination. He just wanted to cure world hunger and get some respect. He just wanted to be treated like a human being for once. Instead he got turned into a plant and despite this being a miracle.. he gets MOCKED by gary and larson and runs away, feeling like a freak. And since after that the transformation has clearly made his brain unstable.. he goes from a sweet, put upon guy who just wanted help to people.. to an obsessive plant monster.. who still just needs HELP. He needs therapy and a warm blanket and to turn his life around. And his motivation.. is just not being alone. While his kdinapping of the one scientest who liked him, and he assumes has feelings for him, is bad, and selfish.. it’s clear by that point Reggie is just not himself anymore. He’s Bushroot now. He’s lost himself and were this a diffrent show maybe he could’ve gotten the help he needed and some empathy.  But what adds to the tragedy is Darkwing himself. This episode really showcases one of Darkwing’s biggest weaknses: his inablity to see crime other than in black and white terms. To him it’s just a game of heroes and villians. Nothing more nothing less. Villians can become heroes, as he hopes for Morgana, but to him there’s just good guys ,him and bad guys, everyone breaking the law. For someone whose often seen as an outlaw himself.. he still can’t see things in any other terms. However instead of just being lazy writing... it’s a clever character quirk, at the center of this episode and our final one, as well as one that pops up a little in Stegmutt’s first apperance. It nicely parodies/deocnscruts the whole good guy badguy dynamic by making it clear that sometimes while the person may be doing bad things.. they have a reason for it and sometimes the law just dosen’t work. It’s something I do wish they’d dug into more but given this was more of a comedy, I get why they didn’t, but what they did with it is great and it adds to this episode tremendously: Darkwing just sees Reggie as another villian to stop and not as a very unstable man who needs his help, but also needs tobe stopped for his own good. It’s why this is such a good episode, besides some great comic set pieces: it has a really tragic and moving story that , with some tweaking woudln’t of been out of place in batman the animateds eires. It’s still a bit goofy in places, as it should be giving the show it’s in btu at i’ts heart it’s just a relaly godo really tragic supervillian origin story. 

Whiffle While You Work: The Saving Grace of an Okay Episode This one’s more of a mixed bag. For the good... Quackerjack is fucking awesome. While I already loved him from the comics, I hadn’t met his more lightehearted tv counterpart yet.. but boy was he a delight. From his it’s play time catch phrase which despite being repeated a LOT never got bored to his really invenitve use of toys. While a vilian with a toy gimmick is not new, Toyman has been around for.. 80 years? Damn. I should do some Superman TAS episodes this year to commemerate that. Point is between him and the joker the gimmick isn’t “New” but Quackerjack still feels unique from using actual jacks, to a motorized hula hoop, to a GIANT CRYING BABY DOLL TO FLOOD A CITY. Jackie is just a delight every minute he’s on screen, and his motivation is solid: wanting to get revenge at the Whiffle Boy video game and i’ts insuing phenmonin and merchandise deals for squeezing him out of buisness. It makes him mildly symathetic enough to be intresting but not enough to override his terrible actions. He’s just fun to watch, and Micheal Bell is phenominal in the roll. easily one of my faviorite vilians thus far and it’s easy to see why he showed up quite a bit. 

Sadly the rest of the episode.. is not very intresting. It starts with your standard “Adult gets child away from the video game only to play it” plot which is belivieble, my dad was a gamer back during my childhood and probably still plays games ocasionally to this day. He fucking loved Starcraft, Ultima ONline, Super Metroid, Warcraft II and III.. and swearing. He really loved swearing at the games. And the idea of the episode isn’t bad, Drake is jealous that Gosalyn is in the limelight for once.. the issue  being a grown man competing with his own daughter just makes Drake really unlikeable. He at one point tries to use his parental authority to take her out of the contest, lies about being in the competition, and dosen’t apologize or learn enough to make up for his being a dick about this. THe episode really suffers from Launchpad not being around to be a buffer between the two and as ssuch it’s just uncomfortable. Hell Gos threatens to reveal Drake’s identity to .. someone.. but she still comes off sympathetic as when Drake presses her on it.. it’s very clear she made the threat on the spur of the moment out of hurt. 

Also the whole Whiffle Boy game craize extending to a city is delightfully batshit, and plausable given i’m pretty sure if nintendo could afford their own city we’d have it over in japan and for a video game episode in the 90′s, this one isn’t all that bad. It actually seems to get games on SOME level, and seems based more on an arcade game, which drake plays whiffle boy on at one point and the 80′s arcade competition craze, and since arcade comeptitions were still a huge thing in the 90′s, it’s very clear this si written by people who actually know what a video game is and don’t just fear it as some strange doodad their kids are into. Trust me I’ve been around animation so long this plot has become tiresome. So not a BAD episode, just held back by drake being written even more dickishly than usual.  P.S. there’s apparently an ultima level to the game.. so either Lord British is finally putting Chuckles down or someone needs to know what’s a paladin. 

Jurassic Jumble: Two Great One Shot Characters that Taste Great Together Well okay Segmutt does get one more episode but this is still his only episode on his own just like Neptuina next, so I count it well enough. Point is this episode is pretty good. It does have some weaknsses: It starts with Drake not beliviing Honker’s theory about a recent theft of acountants, one he’s only on the scene for because he happens to really need help with his taxes because, contrary to what Wesley Snipes thought, Superheroes still need to pay taxes. He dosen’t belive it’s dinosaurs.. he dosen’t belivie it’s dinosaurs despite the foot prints, honker being smart and HAVING FOUGHT A DOG MADE ENTIRELY OF WATER. 

I just get annoyed when superheros in a superhero universe don’t hav ea logical reason for dismissing something.. or random citizens.. it was fine if reptitous in the stan lee days because it’d been 20 years, at the time, since superheros were active and people can be stupid but it gets grating when someone says somethin’gs not possible in a superhero universe. Given we’re currrently dealing with an outgoing president who refuses to accept an election is real and his followers who think masks are a polical issue i’ts not exactly unrelasitic, dosen’t mean it’s enjoyable to read or watch. 

Still it works here because it splits the plot nicely and Gosalyn’s disbleif is less grating as she just wants it to be martians and dosen’t bully her friend or anything over it, just makes a few snyde remarks. The episode also wasn’t helped at first by the fact there’s a really reptitive bit where Darkwing bungies down to investigate the crook he thinks is responsible, but is actually just chilling at his minium security prison. It’s just not funny and takes up too much of the episode. But the episode picks up towards the second half when we meet our dinosaur: Stegmutt, a dumb but kind and friendly child like former janitor turned stegasaurs, whose unwittingly kidnapping people for his “friend” Dr. Fossil, the professor who turned him, and genuinely is not a bad soul and likes gosalyn and honker. He’s just clumsy and destructive and working for someone he dosen’t know is evil.  Speaking of which.. Dr. Fossil is really damn awesome and i’ts a shame he never came back in the comics or cartoon and hopefully Frank does him better in the reboot. Seriously he’s enjoyable, a bit nebbish but delightfully insane, deciding to wipe out all non dino life because he’s tired of getting panicked screams in the street and of all the dino merchandise like those puzzles with the pieces missing. He’ sjust delightfully nutty, with his love of saying bin bang boom and his having to put up with Stegmutt’s antics, as well as the whole joke that he TURNED HIMSELF INTO A DINOSAUR, yet gripes about being a dinosaur and acts like it’s humanity’s fault , balking when Gosalyn suggests he just.. turn himself back. Plus Ptetrodacytl’s are awesome so tha’ts a bonus. Seriously his showing up turns the episode from okay to fucking amazing. Seriously bring him back for the reboot.. and get Rich Fulcher to voice him. Seirously Bob Fossil as Dr. Fossil... it’s too perfect NOT to do casting gag wise, and he frankly perfectly fits the charcter down to the nasily voice. Plus Rich does voice acting quite a bit, so he’s already likely in Frank’s Rolodex. 

Stegmutt himself is also not too shabby, your standard child like moron, but he’s got a sweetness and niceness to him and we get some good gags like his habit of breaking off handles, his opening sodas with his tail and Fossil getting rid of him by telilng him to check if he left the bathroom light on...

And the climax with Darkwing.. turning.. into this

I don’t get it either but i’ts still a fun climax. Also forgot to mention Dr. Fossil can do that blow you away by flapping his wings thing Storm Eagle can do. Neat. All in all while not the series BEST outing, it has some flaws holding it back, it’s a damn fun one and one I highly recommend. Okay one more. 

Something Fishy: The Better Submariner This is a simple but good one: St. Canard beach has gotten trashy.. literally there’s trash everywhere. And while Drake is ambilent to it, Gosalyn is taking up the crusade to take out the trash and the garbage people... and gets her dad beaten up over it by dumping trash on some guys head but frankly, he deserved it.  Things go up a notch though when some sea creatures invade and .. clean up the beach and beat up darkwing. And while they destroy some property.. they aren’t exactly wrong? This is where that flaw I mentioned comes in though. Drake just.. can’t see things in shades of grey and insits he must be the good guy and whoevers doing this must be stopped.  However it becomes clear when we meet the antagonist that while her methods are wayy to extreme.. she’s in the right. Neputina is an awesome character, easily one of the series best and esaily horribly underulitized. She was a simple fish who thought a toxic waste barrel was a new friend.. and learned the hard way by becoming a sexy fish woman. Yeah I said it. But her motive is understandable thanks to her origin and just how BAD it’s gottne, with piles of trash all underwater and the laws Drake cites agianst this sort of thing not doing squat. It’s a nice take on the old enviornmental message , something I dreaded going in as it makes a valid point; sometimes diong things the “right” way isn’t enough.. but it still dosen’t justify harming innocent people in the process, as Nep’s ultimate plan to flood the city would.  Launchpad ends up being the voice of Reason as drake is too caught in his games of good guy bad guy to get Neptuina ISN’T a bad person, just one fed up with people hurting those she cares about. Neptuina is a unique villan in that unlike Morgana, who while having a sympathetic motive was out for herself, Stegmutt, who didn’t reailze he was on the wrong side, and Gizmoduck.. wellll

Neptuina.. is just misguided. She has the right idea but the wrong methods and Darkwing’s too stubborn to admit it.. but he’s also seen as in the wrong with Launchpad realizing DW just.. isn’t the good guy this time, but in the best scene of the episode talking Neptuina down by pointing out innocent people will get hurt. It’s a good, nuanced episode about envrionmetnalism with a throughly charasmatic and intrersting, acted wonderfully by Sussan Silo, antagonist. Neptuina is a better version of Marvel’s namor the submariner: she goes against humanity.. but I don’t want to punch her and dosen’t have one of her constnat character traits as “I want to bank your wife richards BANG YOUR WIFEEEEE”

So overall.. a good batch of episodes. Only Wiffle While You Work was all that weak, and even it had it’s charms and Quackerjack. It shows the series overall quality: even the just okay episodes here are still really fun to watch. It’s just a solid show overall and whie not without flaws is a classic to this day for a reason. Next week we’ll wrap this up with JUST US JUSTICE DUCKS! Until then stay safe and goodbye, goodbye, goodbye. 

#darkwing duck #drake mallard #gosalyn mallard #launchpad mcquack #honker muddlefoot #neptuina #stegmutt #doctor fossil #dr fossil #justice ducks #quackerjack #regenald bushroot #bushroot #whiffle while you work #beauty and the beet #something fishy #jurassic jumble

[punderfulowl]

Top 10 Anime (That I've Seen) in 2019

Three months late than never, I guess? There has been a LOT going on in my life and recent developments going on in the world doesn’t help things. However, I recently found a bit of a silver lining to help me back up onto the positive side of things and I hope to turn this into momentum.

With that said, I want to explain the rules of my end of the year list. As the title shows, this list won't be a showcase for the best anime that came out last year, but rather the best anime that I happened to view last year. I’m not the first to make a list in this format, but I find it fun to do so. 

Okay, let’s finally put 2019 to bed! Starting with...

10. Lord El-Melloi II’s Case Files (2019)

Once again, something Fate-related graces its presence on my end of the year list. Sure, being simply what it is gives it a good chance to make it on here, but what made it earn its spot, at least for me, is that this anime gave me a pleasant detour of what I’m used to from the Fate franchise. In short, this anime expands on the Fate lore, specifically on the mages of the Clock Tower, through eyes of an older Waver Velvet (Fate/Zero) as he solves magical mysteries with his Saber-faced partner, Gray. There’s no earth shattering revelations here, but, like I said, it’s a fun detour with magic, decent fight scenes, world building, and some “feels” if you stay till the end of the series. 

9. Humanity Has Declined (2012)

Well, isn’t this the most colorful post-apocalypse ever? 

Humanity Has Declined takes place on a post-apocalyptic world where the human population is down, resources are scarce, and tiny being called “Fairies” seem to be everywhere. The show is episodic in nature, but it doesn’t need to be anything more than that. After all, we don’t always need some deep commentary with a story that takes place after the world ends. Sometimes we just want to see how the remaining inhabitants live their lives in this soothingly-colored environment. If only Covid-19 was more colorful...

8. Shigofumi (2008)

What if you suddenly found yourself in the afterlife and had the opportunity to write one last letter to someone that’s still alive? Who would you send it to? What would it say? Shigofumi takes place in a universe where these happen and, well, there’s not much else I can say about it. Full disclosure, I can get pretty sappy when it comes to stories that involve heartfelt letters. I’m not doing a good job at convincing you to seek this anime out, but please give it a chance.

7. Kakegurui (2017)

Yeah, jumping from a show that tugs at my heartstrings to a show that scratches my head, here’s Kakegurui!

Kakegurui takes place at a prestigious (you guessed it) high school where your place in the social order is decided on gambling. Me trying to describe anything that happens in this anime won’t do it justice. It’s nuts, but it has my respect despite the violence and fan service. A philosophy I have for stories like these is if you’re gonna go crazy, go all in and it surely does. If any of this doesn’t appeal to you, at least check out its OP because it is, as the kids say these days, a “bop”.

6. Aggretsuko S2 (2019)

When putting this list together, trying to figure out what I’d rank where, and coming up with what I wanted to say for each, I decided to add a new rule: No more sequels. That doesn’t mean that I’ll never watch new seasons of a show, but I just won’t include them on the lists for now on. 

With that said, Aggretsuko season two was more of what made me a fan since last season: relatable scenarios for us twenty-somethings. Season two decided to focus on the struggles of romantic relationships and even though it was touched upon in the previous season, it went a little deeper this time.

5. Rascal Does Not Dream of Bunny Girl-Senpai (2018)

This anime fascinates me in more ways than one. In the biggest way, I consider this show to be on par with the movie, “Cabin in the Woods,” because fans of both have done a good job without giving anything away. To keep this (kinda) tradition up, I will also not say too much. I WILL say that I loved the dialogue and dry sense of humor. Please watch this so you can be in on this, as well!

4. The Rising of the Shield Hero (2019)

I didn’t watch this because it was recommended to me, I watched it because people kept making memes from it.

The Rising of the Shield Hero surprised a lot of anime fans considering that it was ANOTHER isekai, but it just goes to show that an overexposed genre still has room for the occasional compelling story. I was originally going to put this in the top three, but decided to dock it a spot out of precaution. It has another season coming up which means a whole season to screw this up...please don’t screw this up!

3. Infinite Ryvius (1999)

It’s Anime Lord of the Flies in Space. Yes, it’s better than it sounds.

Infinite Ryvius follows a big group of students living and learning in a space station, but one thing leads to another and now these kids have to fend for themselves. The biggest strength this anime has is how lived-in the environment feels. You get to see all these minor characters live their lives whenever the camera isn’t focused on the main cast. It’s also nice to look back on the amazing 90s animation. Take some time for this underrated classic when you get the chance!

2. Made in Abyss (2017)

“Don’t judge a book by its cover,” indeed.

I was definitely one of those that went into this thinking this was going to be a cutesy adventure, but coming out the other end being several shades of wrong. The abyss is a strange and fascinating world that, in a way, becomes a character in its own right. Can’t wait to learn some more when the movie comes out!

1. Hunter x Hunter (2011)

I’ll admit that Hunter x Hunter being number one on this list is a bit unfair, but it’s also earned. For a long time, HxH was one of those shows that I would hear about here and there, but never anything in-depth. Any art I would see came across as colorful with nothing that would stand out to me. What would eventually get this anime on my radar, oddly enough, was a bit in an AMVHell. Skip ahead to about this time last year and I would finally give show a try. I don’t remember ever coming across a fictional world that’s this thought out. The rules of the power structure alone is enough to floor me. The characters are likable as well as interesting. The animation is consistent throughout. GAH! Please check this out if you haven’t. This very well may be the best shounen anime ever made!

#lord el melloi ii case files #humanity has declined #shigofumi #kakegurui #aggretsuko #rascal does not dream of bunny girl senpai #the rising of the shield hero #infinite ryvius #made in abyss #Hunter X Hunter

[wnterflower-a]

so  yesterday  i  posted  what  my  personal  werewolf  lore  was  and  so  today  you’re  getting  my  vampire  lore . like  i  stated  in  my  wolf  lore , this  is  open  to  tweaking  and  picking  and  choosing  if  things  don’t  match  up  with  your  lore . we  can  make  things  work  between  our  lores ( : 

also  like  my werewolf  lore , i  will  more  than  likely  add  as  i  go  on  and  more  things  come  to  me .

✚  unlike  lycanthropy , vampirism  is  a  disease  alone . you  cannot  pass  it  down  .

✚  there  is  no  known  information  as  to  how  the  first  vampire  originated . the  oldest  known  vampire  is  from  the  early  1100s , and  he’s  become  so  decrepit  and  crazy  from  living  such  a  long  life  that  nobody  has  ever  gotten  a  straight  or  same  answer .  ✚  the  only  way  someone  can  become  a  person  is  if  they’re  killed  with  a  vampire’s  blood  in  their  system . this  is  usually  done  by  drinking  a  vampire’s  blood  but  it  can’t  also  be  injected , or poured  into  an  open  wound . ✚  vampires  who  sire  new  vampires  often  have  a  connection  to  their  fledglings  in  the  first  couple  of  days . this  can  influence  a  fledeling’s  habits . for  example : a  vampire  on  a  binge  who  sires  another  vampire  during  this  time  will  usually  result  in  the  fledgling  going  on  a  binge  as  well . ✚  a  sire  can  also  feel  when  a  fledgling  has  been  killed  and  vice  versa . however  the  other  passed , the  other  feels  similar  effects  and  pain , though  at  a  muted  level . unless  they’re  older , the  moment  incapacitates  the  vampire  for  at  least  a  day .

✚  vampires  are  strongest  during  the  full  moon  and  weakest  during  the  new  moon . 

✚  if  a  vampire  is  well-fed  during  a  full  moon , their  strength .  ✚  on  the  other  hand , a  vampire  during  a  new  moon  often  has  a  larger  appetite  and  have  less  self-restraint  when  it  comes  to  feeding . during  new  moons  are  when  turnings  are  usually  at  their  highest  rate .

✚  vampires  live  in  what  are  called  covens . 

✚  covens  are  usually  led  by  one  head , though  larger  covens  have  been  known  to  have  more  than  one .  ✚  covens  tend  to  house  together  or  in  the  same  area ( ie : all  in  the  same  apartment  complex / neighborhood ) . they  feel  a  pull  to  the  members  to  stay  close  by  one  another  in  case  of  any  sort  of  threats .  ✚  covens  often  are  very  selective  and  exclusive . siring  is  something  you  get  permission  from  your  head  and  if  you  don’t , older  covens  are  known  for  kicking  the  member  out .  ✚  ‘ lost  covens ‘ are  covens  that  are  mainly  made  up  of  around  ten  older  vampires  and  abandoned  fledglings . they’re  considered ‘ modern ‘ covens  and  sneered  at  by  the  older  generations . 

✚  attributes  to  vampires  include : inhuman  strength , senses  and  grace , supernatural  healing  abilities , and  immortality  as  well  as  certain  physical  appearance  changes .

✚  vampires  are  stronger  than  werewolves . their  strength  allows  them  to  jump  higher  and  further . as  they  age  they  become  stronger .  ✚  they’re  extremely  graceful  and  are  light-footed . their  footsteps  are  silent ,  and  since  they  don’t  actually  need  to  breathe  you  can’t  usually  hear  them  come  up  behind  you .  ✚  their  sight , smell , hearing  and  taste  are  all enhanced ; all  stronger  for  the  hunt . their  hearing  they  can  kind  of  control  like  one  would  the  volume  on  their  headphones  and  their  sight  can  span  up  to  about  a  half  mile  away . they  can smell  and  taste  things  like , alcohol  and  drugs  in  someone’s  blood  system . ( this  often  gives  a  vampire  similar  side  effects  and  seeked  out  at  times . ) ✚  they’re  immortal  but  can  be  killed . the  easiest  way  is  by  staking  them , but  you  can  also  decapitate  them  or  burn  them  alive  by  stranding  them  in  direct  sunlight . ✚  a  vampire’s  eyes  are  usually  a  reddish-brown  color ( #762700  to  #6A2300  for  html  color  reference ) . the  younger  the  vampire  the  lighter  the  eye  color . ✚  they’re  skin  is  normally  a  lighter  than  when  they  were  human  but  their  don’t  lose  all  of  their  melanin .  ✚  their  fangs  are  retractable , but  their  canines  are  sharper  than  the  average  human  beings .  ✚  they  are  very  attractive  beings . if  you  weren’t  attractive  as  a  human  you  sure  as  hell  are  now .  ✚  they  give  off  a  natural  pheromone  that  lures  humans  in  unknowingly . to  werewolves  they  just  smell  like  they  put  too  much  perfume / cologne  on .  

✚  even  the  oldest  of  vampires  cannot  walk  in  direct  sunlight . 

✚  sunlight  burns  them , and  can  cause  second  to  third  degree  burns . ✚  a  vampire  can  walk  in  direct  sunlight  with  the  help  of  daylight  jewelry . these  are  often  in  the  form  of  rings  and  necklaces , though  bracelets , watches  and  hair pieces  have  also  been  seen . the  most  common  stone  used  is  lapis  lazuli  but  moonstone  harvest  during  a  full  moon  also  works . ✚  they  cannot  walk  around  without  their  daylight  accessories  in  cloudy  or  rainy  weather . it’s  thought  that  the  uv  rays  are  what  effect  them  not  necessarily  just  the  sun’s  rays .

✚  their  bodies  only  receive  nutrients  from  blood , but  they  can  eat  actual  food .

✚  while  they  can  eat  human  food  for  the  sake  of  looking  normal , they  will  end  up  throwing  it  up  later  on  in  the  day . their  bodies  cannot  digest  actual  food  anymore .  ✚  fresh  blood  is  the  best  option  when  feeding , though  bagged  blood  and  even  the  blood  of  the  already  deceased  and  animals  will  work . much  like  produce  though , the  fresher  the  better  though .

✚  a  majority  of  vampire  ‘ weaknesses ‘ are  all  fake .

✚  mirrors : vampires  can  see  their  reflections  in  the  mirror  as  can  others .  ✚  garlic : it  doesn’t  keep  them  away  but  it  does  smell  and  they  don’t  like  it . it’s  not  going  to  keep  them  away . ✚  holy water & religious symbols : holy  water  stings , but  does  not  burn . ingesting  it  in  large  amounts  will  make  one  sick  though . religious  symbols  burn , but  some  vampires  will  grow  immune  to  it  if  they  wear  it  long  enough  even  then  though  ✚  invitation : a  vampire  does  not  need  an  invite  in  order  to  enter  a  residence .   

✚  vampires  can  feel  pain , though  in  a  very  vague  sense 

✚  major  and  minor  cuts  and  stabbing ( with  anything  other  than  a  wooden  stake )  feel  usually  no  more  like  a  papercut  or  a  cat  scratch ✚  direct  sunlight  will  give  second  to  third  degree  burns  depending  on  how  long  one  is  exposed  to  it . it  feels  like  a  very , very  bad  sunburn . if  exposed  for  too  long  though  it  will  kill  a  vampire . 

✚  this  are  a  few  ways  you  can  kill  a  vampire .

✚   it  must  be  to  the  heart  though  in  order  to  work . otherwise  you’ve  got  a  very  irate  vampire . any  sort  of  wood  will  do  for  the  job . ✚  decapitating  a  vampire  will  result  in  death .  ✚  prolonged  exposure  to  sunlight . ✚  starvation will  eventually  kill  a  vampire , though  it  is  a  long , slow , painful  process  and  usually  a  vampire’s  choice  of  killing  another  vampire .

✚  they  do  not  have  any  correlation  with  bats  and  honestly  don’t  know  where  that  thought  came  from . 

✚ they don’t  say  bleh , bleh , bleh .  

✚ vampires  are  able  to  have  children , but  as  stated  in  the  first  bullet  point , the  vampire  disease  does  not  carry  over .

✚ females  are  not  able  to  have  children .

✚  because  of  this , females  are  known  to  turn  children  as  young  as  three  years  old  . ✚ vampires  who  are  turned  so  young , and  up  to  age  thirteen  are  often  killed  off  early  on  because  while  their  minds  mature  and  grow  their  bodies  do  not  and  they  often  go  mad  because  of  it .

✚ many  older  vampires ( around  as  young  as  one  hundred  depending  on  self-restraint  and  work  ethic )  are  financially  well  off . this  is  just  due  to  being  able  to  save  for  so  long .

✚  many  vampires  know  how  to  play  the  system  such  as  the  stock  market  and  pull  out  before  anything  crashes .  ✚ many  are  in  new  technology . it  isn’t  uncommon  for  a  vampire  to  be  the  founder  of  a  new  social  media  platform  or  app , especially  in  this  day  and  age . ✚ some  just  spent  the  early�� days  looting .

✚ vampires  are  able  to  compulse  somebody  to  do  something . 

✚  this  is  normally  how  vampires  get  consent  to  feed  on  live  humans . ✚  this  is  always  a  temporary  thing . you  cannot  influence  somebody  for  an  extended  time  into  the  future  and  fades  the  farther  you  move  away  from  said  person . so  you  can’t  tell  somebody  to  do  something  in  the  future  past  an  hour  ( or  up  to  six  hours  later  if  you  are  particularly  skilled  in  this  area )  ✚ while  most  people  have  a  fuzzy  recollection  of  that  happened , most  don’t  remember  it  at  all . the  feeling  is  similar  to  being  blacked  out .  ✚ you  can  warp  a  memory  from  the  influence  but  it  doesn’t  extend  past  changing  your  appearance  in  the  case  the  person  remembers .  ✚ older  vampires  can  use  this  on  younger  vampires  as  well . in  this  case  it’s  usually  with  younger  fledglings  who  are  messengers . 

✚ vampires  are  very  territorial .  

✚ this  differs  slightly  from  werewolves . while  werewolves  are  territory  in  a  land  sort  of  sense , vampires  are  in  a  feeding  ground  sense ??? ✚ basically  werewolves  don’t  like  each  other  on  their  property  at  all . sure  they  have  to  co-exist  in  the  same  area  and  often  cross  pack  territory  lines  on  a  regular  basis  but  it  doesn’t  necessarily  like  it . ( take  my  muse  jimin  for  example . the guy  HATES  non-pack  members  stepping  foot  into  his  house  and  if  he  could  avoid  walking  into  another  pack’s  territory  he  wold ) . meanwhile , vampires  don’t  care  where  you  go  as  long  as  you  don’t  feed  in  their  area .  ✚ a  vampire  marks  their  coven’s  feeding  ground  perimeters  by  usually  leaving  a  ‘ blood  mark ‘  on  things  such  as  telephone  poles , fences , etc . ✚ a  blood  mark  is  exactly  what  it  sounds  like . the  coven  leader  uses  an  open  wound  to  stain  the  object  with  their  blood . even  when  washed  away  or  dried , a  vampire  can  smell  the  blood  and  usually  knows  to  steer  clear . ✚ these  marks  aren’t  permanent  though  and  usually  need  to  be  redone  every  month to  month  in  a  half  depending  on  what  the  weather  is  like . in  the  winter  they  can  last  up  to  almost  three months . ✚ crossing  feeding  lines  and  feeding  there  commonly  results  in  death . the  coven  of  the  vampire  who  crossed  lines  doesn’t  hold  it  against  the  other  because  it’s  viewed  as  SUPER disrespectful . 

#❝ ooc » lore specifics ❞ #❝ ooc » vampire lore ❞

[chaoskatya]

unfinished brooke x katya hatefuck fic

hi yall :^) so ive had this sitting in my drafts for a WHILE and ive barely dented the actual planned plot but still i felt like it was kind of a waste of what i did write to not ?? idk do something with it? this was originally written for AQ’s rarepair event but irl stuff got in the way so it never got finished, and i kinda lost the inspo to finish it (for now? idk) so here it is, posted unedited in however it was when i last touched it

brooke x katya hatefuck, (well, planned, i obv hadnt written that far) inspired by pics of trixie and brooke together that one time they were weirdly hanging out a lot irl and that one outfit brooke has that looks like that one outfit katya has the polkadot one u know it

“Ugh, I swear, Vi! She really has something against me! I think she hates me!”

Katya punctuates her sentence with a flail of her arms for emphasis before flopping back onto her bed. Violet just rolls her eyes at her roommate’s dramatics, as per usual. This is the third time they’ve had this conversation this week.

“So she’s a little icy, what of it? It’s not like you’re not used to having a mega bitch around, you live with me,” Violet responds plainly, not even bothering to look up from her laptop, “and I don’t think anybody could hate you, Kat.”

Katya huffs at that. “No, I swear, she hates me.”

Katya Zamolodchikova is absolutely sure of three things in her university life: One, Trixie Mattel is her best friend. Two, nothing gets in between her and Trixie. Three, Brooke Lynn Hytes is absolutely making her best fucking attempt.

Katya and Trixie had met last year, Katya being a sophomore in visual arts and Trixie a freshman in musical theater, when Katya had accidentally crashed Ginger’s (kind of pathetic) attempt at being a tour guide for the freshmen of her course. They’ve only known each other for a year, but ever since then the two quickly became inseparable and a year had felt like a lifetime. All of their friends knew, and Katya held it close to her heart, that nothing could possibly stand in their way. That is, until the beginning of this semester.

Trixie had been elected as class representative at the start of their sophomore year, which did not surprise Katya one bit. But that meant that when Canadian exchange student Brooke Lynn Hytes had arrived for the semester, it was Trixie’s job to show her around and make her feel welcomed. And being that Brooke’s degree in classical dance meant her and Trixie had quite a few overlapping classes, the two hit it off and had gotten closer and closer since. It’s only half way through the semester, yet Katya feels as though she’s slowly becoming more and more of a background character in Trixie’s life. They still text each other when they can, but hangout times have slowly grown increasingly thin and so has Katya’s sanity. Not that it’s Trixie’s fault, of course…

“I can’t explain it. But I promise, it’s almost like she’s purposefully occupying Trixie from me! Every time it looks like we might get a chance to even just talk, she’s there coming round the corner asking Trixie for help in one of their classes or for show recs or whatever. And she always looks me dead in the eye, with her stupid fucking smirk, like she knows what she just did! I can’t explain the feeling I get when I see her!”

Katya’s hit full ranting steam now, half hanging off her bed still flailing as animated as ever.

Violet shuts her laptop and turns to face her. “Mama, sounds like you hate her. Sure it’s not just in your head because you’re jealous the amazon’s occupying your barbie?”

There’s a beat of silence. “Jealous? I guess?” Katya scrunches up her face and sits up. “I mean, how could I not be? With her stupid long legs and her flowing blonde hair, like god, Vi, she’s practically perfect! And have you seen her dance?”

Katya turns to pose her question, but Violet is just staring, giving her a look she can’t decipher. She continues,

“So then, fine, of course I’m jealous, but that’s because Trix is my best friend. I barely see her anymore, and when I do she’s always there and I just get so riled up! And I’m sure Trix has started to notice because god I just can’t stand it when she’s near, it just sets me alight in an awful way. I’ve never felt this way about anybody before!” And it’s true, Katya really does not think of herself as someone capable of fully hating someone else. But by god, is Brooke really testing that.

Violet scoffs, turning away to open her laptop once more. “Look Mary, all I gotta say is that that’s an awful lot of emotion for some best friend jealousy. Also, you have a lecture starting in ten minutes.”

Fuck! Katya checks her watch and immediately jumps up to scramble for her belongings, deeply thankful for her roommate’s type A tendencies yet internally chastising herself for allowing her ranting to consume her time like that. She quickly kisses Violet on the cheek and bids her farewell before putting on her boots and heading out of their dorm room to make her best effort to speed walk to class.

But as luck would have it, not that Katya has a lot of it, she quite literally walks right into the subject of their prior conversation. Well, speak of the devils…

“Oh! Trixie, hi!” Katya laughs, immediately reacting to steady Trixie from where Katya had almost knocked her over with the door. From the way she was standing, she figured she had opened the door just as Trixie was about knock.

“Katya! Thank god, I was worried you wouldn’t be in,” Trixie smiles back brightly, smoothing her fluffy golden hair back into place. (Not that it’s ever really out of place, Katya thinks to herself.) 

Katya smiles at her, a sight for sore eyes she thinks, but when she realizes Brooke is standing at the end of the hall waiting for Trixie, her smile doesn’t quite reach her eyes. Whether Trixie noticed Katya’s tension or not, she didn’t let on. At least Brooke had the decency to wait at a reasonable distance.

“Uh, yeah, I was just heading out though,” Katya replies, trying her best to look sympathetic. She doesn’t mind that she’s running late anymore, just feels bad she even has to go. “But did you need something?”

Trixie looks equally as sympathetic. “Yeah, uh, listen, I’m really sorry. I know we haven’t been able to hang recently and I’m really sorry for that, midterms and all…”

“Hey, it’s alright, I knew you were busy. It’s no problem, really.” That’s a lie.

“But now that it’s over, let’s celebrate! Let me make it up to you? Be my date to the Edwards party tonight?”

Katya’s smile softens. As much as she was planning to trade in the party for a well-deserved movie night in with Violet and Pearl, she finds she really can’t say no to Trixie, especially not when she’s looking at her like an apologetic puppy. Whipped.

“Down for anything with you, Barbie. Meet you at the dorm hall at 8?”

Trixie squeals and picks Katya up by the middle, “AAAAAAAH yes!! See you bitch!!”

Katya squirms violently to be put down but laughs it off anyway. She really can’t be too mad at her best friend.

“Anyway, I gotta run, see you later Trix!” She rushes to hug Trixie quickly once more before escaping as briskly yet casually as she can out the door. This fails her when all semblance of casualty is lost as she passes the point where Brooke is, all tall and blonde and beautiful even just standing around. As she passes, her gaze quite obviously steels ahead to avoid looking Brooke in the eye, but she can’t fail to catch the quite obvious smug smirk the Canadian has posed on her painted lips.

----

Katya managed to make it to class with only 5 minutes late, thankfully just as her professor was entering the other door. She plops down into her usual seat with an audible groan and immediately drops her head in her hands.

Brooke. Stupid fucking Brooke Lynn Hytes. Lately, Katya’s wandering thoughts always go back to her. There hasn’t been a time where her idle time hasn’t been haunted by a certain ballerina chipping away at her precious concentration. She sees perfect long blonde hair, icy blue eyes, and tone legs that go all the way up. 

If she’s being completely honest with herself, she is just a bit jealous of Brooke but not for the reasons Violet insinuates. I mean, sure, she misses Trixie to bits. But that’s only one of the many straws on the camel that is Katya’s completely rational anger. 

It’s not that she’s perfect, either, but that sure adds another straw. Seemingly introverted, but able to capture the hearts of anyone in her path through quick and honest charm. Graceful and poised, where Katya is not, and tall and curvy, where Katya is not. Katya really doesn’t understand how someone can attend 7am dance classes with a flawless mug and still leave rehearsals with not an eyelash out of place, it’s inhuman.

No, it’s that no matter how much others testify on her behalf, Katya does not understand it. She doesn’t know what she did, but she has somehow done something to aggravate Brooke against her, and it bothers her endlessly that she doesn’t even know what she did to incur such spite. Katya doesn’t see any of the charm or kindness that others profess, only smug smirks and cocky passive-aggressive jabs and a seemingly passionate desire to find any way she can to poke Katya’s buttons and prompt some kind of response. She’s lucky Katya has a lot more self control than most, and she’s restrained herself from biting back thus far.

She thinks back to the first time she spotted Brooke, on the first day of the semester when Katya had gotten bored and decided to drop in on Trixie’s representative duties despite explicit instructions not to intrude. She had found her in one of the gardens of the student commons, and instinctively made her way to run up and tackle her before realizing Trixie wasn’t alone and stopping dead in her tracks.

Trixie was sitting next to someone Katya didn’t recognize, which was a surprise in itself because Katya knew next to everybody personally in their modestly sized arts college.  The girl was sitting next to Trixie on a bench, both hands holding one of Trixie’s own as Trixie appeared to animatedly be telling some story. Trixie then finally noticed Katya frozen standing awkwardly at some distance and paused in the middle of her speech to yell at Katya and becon her over. 

“Katya! This is Brooke Lynn, a Canadian exchange student for the semester. Brooke, this is Katya, my best friend!”

Brooke lazily shifted her gaze from Trixie to give Katya the once over, glancing her up and down. Whatever she saw, she suddenly stood up and crowded into Katya’s space, gazing down at her intensely directly from the advantage their clear height difference gave her.

“Well, it’s certainly nice to meet you… Katya.” 

And on her lips, the same painted red smirk. The same stupid smirk that would continuously haunt her until…

“Kat, you with us girl?” Hissed Pearl in her ear, jabbing her hard in the side.

#brooke lynn hytes #katya zamolodchikova #rpdr rpf #rpdr fanfic #brooke x katya #THE WHOLE PLOT WAS LIKE DONE i just lost the inspo to finish the thing #so idk i just felt weirdly compelled to like. post it #idk itll ease my guilt maybe for not finishing it #cat writes #cat.txt #my fics #wips

[kathyprior4200]

Hazbin Hotel: That’s Entertainment! (Remix)

ORIGINALLY OWNED BY VIVZIEPOP, NO COPYRIGHT INTENDED.

 Enter the royal Magne Family

In Heaven, perfection, order, fun, and peace are priorities. God is an elderly man with a similar appearance to Jesus. His Archangels serve has his guards and advisers. They make up a larger angel council, which discuss different matters. Some of the citizens are humans with white wings while others are animal-like. The majority of angels have white faces, red blushes on their cheeks and silky hair.

The dark creepy robotic angels of death are used to exterminate the citizens of Hell to not only reduce their population, but to also plant fear. They have silver weapons that can kill any demon, as well as humans. They were made creepy on purpose: to fight fear with fear. They are sent down once a year to purge the citizens at random.

The buildings in heaven are silver, gold, and some are embedded with precious gems. The citizens learn prayer, singing, dancing, and being kind of each other. The society is heavily bent on rules: honor thy father and mother, no smoking, drinking, lust, or gambling. Cussing isn’t allowed. The barrier separating the worlds is a Christian cross within a circle, similar to the pentagram in hell in the red sky.

  Heaven and Hell are actually two sides of the afterlife coin. Though they may be opposites, they also coexist together. The majority of inhabitants were originally humans from Earth (except the evil humans went to Hell, while heroic humans went to Heaven).

 Lucifer and Lilith both bonded, due to their experiences of being banished from Heaven and Eden respectfully. Lucifer was originally a light-bearing angel, and part of God’s inner circle. He looked very similar to his current appearance: white face, short white elegant hair, and pearly white teeth (not sharp fangs). Like the other archangels, he would make sure that everything was in order, that rules were followed, and that the formerly humans were having fun. He even helped make chains of flowers and daises (which now disgusts him).

Lucifer’s fall began one fateful day when God decided to give flawed humans a second chance. Now, instead of only heroic individuals granted access to Heaven, He welcomed ordinary people with open arms. What was even more bizarre, was the arrival of former humans now in animal-like forms and vivid colors: horses, dogs, lions, eagles, even mythical creatures. Appalled by the sudden changes, Lucifer claimed that those “inferior mortals” should not be granted access to paradise. God and the other archangels disagreed with him.

 Raphael was Lucifer’s opposite. Unlike him, Raphael was kindhearted and discouraged any form of pride. He took his role in service to God very seriously…and if that meant the creation of humanity, then he would still be loyal.

 It wasn’t long before Lucifer and the archangels Michael, Gabriel, etc. engaged in battle. Lucifer wasn’t alone: there was another angel named Azrael who was Lucifer’s friend and adviser. While Lucifer fought Raphael, Azarael clashed with Gabriel.

And of course, Michael battled Lucifer’s darker form, which had emerged from him after his anger was released. Michael used a flaming sword while the darker Lucifer used the same version of Lucifer’s weapon, the Morning Star. This darker Lucifer was quickly vanquished from Heaven and would later form Satan.

  Refusing to obey God, Lucifer, Azarael and the other rebel angels were cast from Heaven and banished to Hell as punishment. Azarael would later become a demon and a teacher of the dark arts in Hell.

 Lucifer is one of the few who knows the names of the robotic purge Angels of Death: Puriel, Kushiel, Teneluehus, Raguel, Wormwood, Jeheel, Zacheniel, Ababhar, and their leader, Abaddon. Originally regular angels sent to punish the souls of sinners, they were later modified into the ultimate killing machines. Sent down to Hell once every year, they slaughter the citizens at random to control the population and strike fear into those who oppose God. Lucifer, however, wasn’t afraid…he only wanted vengeance for his banishment.

 Instead of fearing his evil form…Lucifer embraced it. Testing out his newfound powers of destruction, he decided to take a position of power and rule as he saw fit. How did he do that? By murdering opponents and becoming the king of Hell. (However, he and Satan were different entities).

 The first king of Hell was Bael, who had the power to make himself and his army invisible. Paimon was the second king, teacher of science, the arts, and made great contributions in expanding Pentagram City. The third king, Beleth was ruthless and cruel to the lower class and even to his own subjects. He rode a black war horse made of dark flames. Beleth overthrew Paimon and Bael and became ruler before Lucifer arrived. Asnodi was a king of another circle of Hell, with the heads of a bull and a man. Vine was gender neutral and created storms using only their mind. Beleth defeated the seer kings Purson and Balam, the bull king Asnodi, and even Zagun, a ruler who could turn water into blood and oil. The remaining kings were under the authority of Beleth and Zagun.

 Eventually, Lucifer engaged in battle with Beleth and the kings…and won. He became the new ruler of Hell and the older kings were quickly forgotten. The apple was adapted into the architecture of the hotel and an apple was also prominently on Lucifer’s staff and white hat to show his status. This is reminiscent of the legend of Adam and Eve, and a way to remind both Lucifer and Lilith of their pasts. The couple also created purple snakes for decoration and defense, also related to the snake Satan, who had deceived Eve in the myth.

 Lucifer had fellow frenemies known as Astaroth (the dragon creator of self- doubt) and Beelzebub (a greedy wealthy Fly Lord). They made the Unholy Trinity and each agreed to rule different areas of Hell (though Lucifer was the most powerful of the three and was known by the majority of Hell).

 Lucifer then met the beautiful Lilith, with her long pale hair, graceful figure, and powers of her own. She had been Adam’s former wife and wanted to be equal to him instead of submissive. Lilith was kicked out of Eden and was given a choice: either reside in Hell or be forced to give birth to demonic offspring only for them to be killed each day. Lilith chose Hell and soon gave into her selfish ways.

 Her life changed when she met Lucifer. Here was an individual so similar to her. Emphasizing over their past lives, enjoying each other’s appearances, (add in a couple of drinks of heavy wine) and they soon gave birth to Princess Charlotte, also known simply as Charlie. Lilith and her husband were constantly busy with keeping up their status, interacting with other elite officials, etc. Lilith also worked as a model, becoming very influential.

  Charlie’s Childhood

 A loud screech echoed throughout the industrial hospital somewhere in Pentagram City. Lilith was lying down on a bed, shaking legs apart, sweat coating her forehead. Beside her was her husband Lucifer, who put a comforting clawed hand on her shoulder.

“Keep pushing, mon amour,” he encouraged. “It should be over very soon.”

“That’s what you said several hours ago,” Lilith countered, her face straining. “We were so close to making it back to our comfortable home, but then…”

She paused after catching her breath.

“…my water broke, and now we’re at this slum of a hospital instead. With these…things to keep us company.”

She looked at the busy imps nearby with disdain in her silvery eyes. One of them was busy administering medication into her lower back to ease the pain. Two others stood close to her legs, ready to deliver the child.

“My privacy invaded, just before my midnight photoshoot,” she muttered. “At least I haven’t changed into my nicest dress yet.”

She currently was wearing a crimson long red dress with black zebra-like stripes running diagonally down the front. Another dress was neatly folded in a nearby suitcase. She blew a strand of her long blonde hair away from her pale face. Her signature long red horns protruded from her head. Her black crown of thorns was nettled in her leather purse on a side chair.

Lucifer was wearing his traditional white and red dress suit with a black bow tie below his neck and fancy long white pants. A large white top hat nested over his blonde slicked back hair. A purple snake and a red apple were also on the hat. His cane had a matching red apple on the top. His skin was pale white, his eyes were yellow, and his cheeks were rosy off to the sides.

 Lilith sighed, already concerned with her upcoming tasks for the week. Besides modeling and negotiating with elite officials, she was a singer of a band called Resist. “When I’m done with this, I’m going to have to come up with another song for Resist. Maybe something called, “Angel Anarchy.” Or “Oppressive Heaven.” “Evil’ is ‘Live’, Backwards?” Should I do a haunting solo…or try for a metal scream?”

The contractions began again, and the demon mother wailed in pain for several minutes.

“Make it stop, make it stop, uuuughh…” she groaned.

Lucifer turned away slightly. He was used to hearing and seeing his opponents and victims writhe in pain, especially after his conquest of Hell many years ago.

But seeing his wife in pain like that…

“I’m going to be a father…I can’t believe it…”

“It is nice to have a greater purpose in life, besides just being rulers of Hell, don’t you think?” Lilith asked.

“I guess you’re right,” Lucifer answered. “When our child is old enough, he or she will be able to carry out our traditions and be a great ruler someday. I already picked out a boy name: Azarael, after my former friend in Heaven.”

“I don’t know,” Lilith countered. “It reminds me of those bastard angels too much.”

“Eldritch, then.” He suggested. “It means “old ruler.” Our last name means “fierce warrior.”

“Absolutely not,” Lilith argued. “What good would it be to have our child named after the last name of our rivals? How about a girl’s name instead? Something like…Vivienne! It means “alive.”

Lilith looked at him. “Have you looked into our ancestry books at the library again?”

“I have to find something to do when I’m bored,” he said. “Playing instruments is wonderful, but sometimes I need some ideas.”

Lucifer was still too embarrassed to admit that he was bad at playing the guitar and keyboard.

“Do these ideas involve rooms besides our grand library?”

Lucifer grinned and playfully winked. “Maybe they do.”

“Remember when we met at that concert for the first time?” Lilith asked, taking deep breaths, trying to ignore the lingering pain.

“Oh yes,” Lucifer said, nostalgia in his eyes. “I’ve never heard anyone sing as beautifully as you did that night.”

“And then we went to the Damnation Bar several days later after Krampus came along for the holidays?”

“Yep, I remember. Stupid old me got into a drinking contest with Beezelbub. You were drinking blood red wine and laughing your head off.”

“You did look pretty silly dancing on the countertop when you thought you had won the contest.” She let out a soft musical laugh.

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “But I did though! That Fly Lord cheated by flying around and gulping down several glasses in all six hands. I almost destroyed him, too, but the room was spinning too much.”

 Lilith smiled. “The best part was when you went through your drunken phase. You massacred a group of demons because you thought they worked for Jesus.”

“And we had tons of fun back at home,” he admitted.

“It was both pleasure-inducing and equal,” Lilith added. “Unlike my terrible first intimate encounter with that stubborn Adam. I did love being on top at the very end!”

“Ooookay,” said a nearby imp out loud. “I think I’ve heard enough for now. How about I check to see what’s going on in there…”

The imp male adjusted an emerging bald head and Lilith seethed. “You touch me like that again, and I’ll use your entrails for a necklace!”

“What’re you gonna do? Charge me for rape? I’m just lucky to have a job in general, but that doesn’t mean I have to enjoy it. Of all the snob patients I’ve worked with…”

A flick of Lucifer’s fingers caused the imp to explode in a mess of blood and organs. A dragon demon with a doctor’s coat peered in.

“Clean that up,” he mentioned to another imp with a mop and walked away. As the janitor imp did his work, a red-faced female imp arrived into the room. She peered over at the ultrasound.

 After half an hour, the contractions began again, this time, more intense.

  “NON, NON…MERDE!” she swore.  Lilith pushed long and hard, gripping onto the side of the bed.

Lucifer and the imps comforted her over her yells.

Then at last…the bald baby’s head emerged from between her legs, the head covered in blood. The placenta soon followed.

“It’s a girl!” announced the imp.

After the baby was cleaned, the imp placed the infant into Lilith’s arms. Lucifer and Lilith both cried with joy.

“She has your horns,” Lucifer said, watching as small red horns shot from her head, then retreated back in.

“And your face,” Lilith added.

Sure enough, the girl had the same rosy cheeks and pale face as her father. Stubs of white fangs were already peeking out from her gums.

“You know what?” Lilith asked. “I think I found the perfect name for her.”

“I think I do, too.”

“Charlotte,” they both said out loud.

“Congratulations, you too,” said the female imp, who began running some diagnostics. “Part angel, part demon,” she mentioned, after a DNA test.

“Very powerful indeed,” Lucifer said with satisfaction. “She will make a great Princess someday. Charlie the Great.”

 When the family got home, Lilith placed Charlie in a comfy crib in the upstairs room. Charlie wailed and cried, not wanting to go to sleep.

“I have an idea,” said Lucifer. He snapped his fingers.

Two small animated snakes soon hung above her crib. They spun in slow circles on a mobile. Charlie stared mesmerized, even reaching out a small hand to pet their lavender heads. Lilith opened a window where the screams of victims and the roars of fires could be heard. Lucifer’s haunting lullaby added to the dark ambience.

 “Rock-a-bye baby in the dark pit

When the corpses rot, the flames will be lit

Writhing in pain as life slips away

Never see again the bright light of day”

   Little Charlie was soon fast asleep.

Lilith gently kissed her daughter on her forehead. “Sweet nightmares, my darling.”

   Many years later, Lucifer was dragging a young Charlie over to a large room for her piano and music lessons.

“Daddy,” she cried, “I don’t wanna go!” The young girl was wearing a black skirt, a nice white shirt with a black bow tie and black tap dancing shoes. She clutched one of her demon dolls in her hand.

“It is important that you learn the proper techniques of playing and singing traditional songs.”

“But I wanna sing my own songs!” the child protested, her short curly blonde hair bouncing up and down.

“We can’t get what we want all the time,” said her father. “If you want to make a good impression on our people, then practice is the first step. Particularly at such a young age.

 Charlie pouted as she walked into an ornate room with a black grand piano in the center. Her music teacher was a plump woman with peacock feathers in her black hair, teal skin, and a dress of sequins.

 Her instructor led her through several songs. Charlie’s shaking fingers struggled to hit the right keys at the right time. She flinched every time she made a mistake.

 At one point, she got so frustrated, that she transformed into her demonic self and sang one of her songs in a fury. Standing up and spreading out her hands, she lifted up the grand piano and threw it into the air. The instrument landed on her music teacher with a large crash. The demon teacher gasped and then her body went still.

Charlie covered her mouth with her hands as a tense silence filled the space.

“Oh, I’m sorry…I didn’t mean it…I just didn’t want to play anymore…”

She glanced nervously at her father. But instead of anger, her father was crying tears of joy.

“Oh my dear Charlotte, I’m so proud of you! You did a splendid job.”

Feeling relieved, Charlie beamed and embraced her father.

 As the years went by, Charlie went through lessons on dining etiquette, manners, demonology history, music history, and politics.

   During one quiet day, a young Charlie frolicked in the brown grass, while bare trees reached for the beige polluted sky. She wore a dress of white and dull lavender, with a matching colored sunhat with a pink bow on her head. She smiled as she sat down on her knees. A bunch of small red daisies dotted the field and she picked them up one by one. She held a bundle of them in her hands and sniffed their sweet scent. She heard a familiar voice nearby.

“I never knew that natural beauty could exist in this place.”

Charlie turned to see her mother walk gracefully through the grass. Her corset-like dress was light brown down the front, with long white sleeves and a dark brown top covering her shoulders and neck. Black gloves covered her fidgeting hands. A brown sun hat with a black spider and web on top nestled over her long blonde hair.

Lilith knelt down beside her daughter in the grass.

“Isn’t it wonderful, Mommy?” the young girl asked. “A whole bunch of flowers here for us to enjoy. Most of the demons here don’t appreciate the small things in life.”

“That’s true,” Lilith replied.

A strange sadness appeared in her eyes, which were yellow with black sclera.

Charlie looked over. “What’s wrong, Mommy?”

“Oh, it’s nothing, Charlotte,” she replied.

“Do you think I’ll be able to make friends?” Charlie asked. “It seems like not many people want to be my friend. They don’t even care that I’m a so called princess.”

 Lilith tried to find a way to comfort her.

“Well, you’re always optimistic, positive in almost any situation. And you’re quite tough as well. No one has messed around with you.”

“Like Daddy, said, “don’t take any shit from demons.’ What shouldn’t I take from them, exactly?”

“Oh for Satan’s sake,” Lilith murmured.

“Huh?” Charlie asked.

“Nothing,” she said, waving a hand. “It just means be careful who you trust. Some may want to be your friend, but others are…wary. We’re the most influential family in Hell and we strive for chaotic order.”

“Meaning like having parties and singing songs and stuff?”

Lilith hesitated. “Well…yeah, if you wish.”

Charlie beamed. “Oh, that’s wonderful! I bet we will do a great job for our new friends. Thanks, mommy!”

Charlie embraced her mother and then ran around happily in the park.

There was no point in Lilith telling her what was really on her mind. That Hell was no place for happiness and innocent fun. That many demons feared their family and envied them.

That Charlie would always be powerful and different…

…being part angel and part demon…and never living a previous mortal life.  

 Souls Inside Monsters

“Charlotte, it’s almost time for the show to begin. Hurry on down!”

A young teen demon was sitting in front of a mirror decorated with yellow eyes with black pupils along the elegant rim. She put on a dash of red lipstick while her two goat dolls, Razzle and Dazzle fixed her hair.

 “Dad!” called the blond-haired princess from inside her room, “I told you to call me Charlie! Charlotte sounds too…strange.”

“Well that’s your name, you should be used to it by now.”

 Charlie rolled her eyes and stared at her reflection: golden yellow eyes, a ghost white face with red blushes off to the side of her cheeks, razor sharp fangs when she smiled. She was so excited, she could barely sit still.

 When her attendants were done, she stood up to admire herself and her outfit. A candy red pinstriped dress nearly touched the floor and felt slightly tight around her waist. An enchanted light purple snake was wrapped around her waistline, both serving as decoration and self-defense in case of grabby onlookers. It was very similar to the snake that her father Lucifer kept around his white top hat (though both were protective of their owners thanks to Lucifer’s magic). Spider web leggings covered her pale legs and on her feet were black tap-dancing shoes. One of her feet was already moving up and down slightly. Finally, Charlie wore a black spiked crown with a red apple gem in the center.

 “My 150th birthday!” she exclaimed, doing several happy jumps. “I’ve been waiting for this moment for a while.”

Indeed, it had been 150 years since she had been born in Hell to the king and queen. Unlike humans, the demons hardly aged at all, or if they did, it was a very slow process. (Then again, they were already dead, so it didn’t really matter.)

 But Charlie had heard of the interesting human tradition they called “birthdays” on Earth. She insisted to her parents they had to celebrate hers once a year.

 While Lucifer had been reluctant, Lilith agreed.

“We can’t participate in that foolish human tradition,” Lucifer argued. “Especially since we aren’t alive and our people are supposed to be suffering twenty four, seven.”

“If it makes our daughter happy, then so be it,” she said. “Besides, no one else has to know. It’ll be one of our traditions.”

“Very well,” he said. “But since Charlie gets a special day of her own, why don’t we make some days special for us…if you know what I mean.”

He gave her a devilish wink and she grinned in return. “A special day for domination…I’m up for that.”

Charlie had then entered the room, asking “What’re you talking about?” and the topic was changed.

“So, about that meeting with the other overlords?” Lilith asked her husband.

“As usual, I warned them they needed to know their place.”

Rolling her eyes, Charlie had left to play the grand piano.

 “Are you coming or not?” Lucifer asked, snapping her back to reality.

“I’m ready!” she called, opening the door.

There was her father in front of her, smiling his nearly ever-present grin. Like her, he had (much shorter) blond hair, a white face, blushes on his cheeks, and yellow eyes. He wore his usual white and candy red suit, with his white top hap with a snake along the rim. A black staff appeared in his hand with the Forbidden Fruit on the top: a red apple. Lilith walked over to stand beside him, wearing an elegant red dress and her usual black crown between her red horns on her head. She had blond hair even longer than Charlie’s and was taller than Lucifer.

“Oh Charlie,” exclaimed her mother in a soft voice, “You look so beautiful! You remind me of me when I was your age.”

 Charlie embraced her mother in a happy hug. “Come on, now,” Lilith said, letting go and beckoning her to come forward. “Our guests are waiting.”

 The “guests” were actually some of Lucifer’s snakes which he reluctantly enchanted to take on the appearances of…

 “Disney Princesses and Harry Potter wizards,” Lucifer muttered in disgust. “It could’ve been wounded demons sprawling in pain on the ground like in the past…”

 Charlie walked down the curving staircase down to the lobby of her family’s mansion. The “princesses” smiled and waved at her and some threw flower petals to her (which were actually dried scales dyed pink.)

 “You know how much she doesn’t like that,” Lilith mentioned. Charlie took the stage and began to sing.

 “But those enchantments aren’t even real,” he said. “It’s one of the ways to prepare her for her future duties as Hell’s princess.”

“And what’s the other way?”

Lucifer whispered into his wife’s ear and her eyes widened in both delight and hesitation.

“Oh that’s right. Today is also that day.”

“Surely she will enjoy getting a glimpse of what happens out in the world,” Lucifer smiled.

“But…what if it’s too much for her?”

“Too, much?” Lucifer asked. “She’s 150 now. She has to be ready. It’s a growing up right of passage that cannot wait any longer.”

 They watched Charlie take a bow as her doll demons clapped.

 “Trust me,” said Lucifer. “She’ll be delighted to witness her first…”

 “Cake!” Charlie squealed. “Oh my Satan, that’s amazing!”

 A devil’s food cake was rolled and set on a table in front of her. It had chocolate frosting (per her request), spidery snakes on the top and a fat red apple candle.

 After singing to her in their deep hellish voices saved for certain occasions, Charlie pointed her clawed finger at the candle and the flame shot into the air, bursting into red apple fireworks. The noise spooked the apparitions and the regular snakes appeared once more.

For the first half of the private party, Charlie entertained her parents by demonstrating her dancing skills up on stage. For Charlie, dancing wasn’t just a hobby: it was a way of life and a method to express her deepest feelings that she couldn’t put into words. Razzle played the grand piano and Dazzle played a violin as Charlie sang.

 As the day neared its end, the clock outside rang out twelve times. In the past years, Charlie would head upstairs to her room to watch musicals while her parents went outside for some “entertainment.” Now this time, Charlie would get a chance to be with her parents.

 “It’s a special surprise, sweetie,” said Lucifer. “Since it’s a big day for you, I’d like you to follow us.”

 He said it as if it were an order. Feeling bewildered, but still very excited, Charlie let her parents led her up the elevator and toward the uppermost balcony. Razzle and Dazzle followed close behind.

Soon, the group walked onto the balcony that overlooked the crimson sky and dark clouds of hell.

 Charlie stared out into the distance as the clock tower rang one last time.

 “I don’t see anything,” she said. “Are we waiting for fireworks? Or a rainbow?”

“Silly Charlotte,” said her mother with a smile. “You’re about to witness something even better than those things.”

 “A spectacle that you’ll gladly remember for years into your rule,” her father added.

 Charlie smiled wide, until seeing a speck of something in the distance. It looked like a circle of white light that slowly grew larger into the shape of a portal.

 “Huh?” she asked.

 Lucifer smiled. “Charlotte, welcome to your first Extermination.”

 Then…a swarm of dark flying creatures burst out of the portal. The shadowy figures rained down on the city below. Charlie looked closer and could see they had black feathery wings, dark curved horns and glowing white halos on their heads. Each one carried variations of spears, harpoons and other weapons in their hands.

 “What are those things?” she asked.

“They’re angels,” said her mother.

“Angels?” she asked. “You mean like the ones in human myths?”

“No, dear,” said Lucifer, his grin wide. “These are no myths.”

 All of a sudden, one flew close by and Charlie reeled back in fright. The angel that glided past had an LED mask on with a large sinister grin and an x over its right eye. The angel threw the spear in his hand, and the weapon struck a large parrot-like demon in the heart. The bird let out a shrill squawk as it plummeted to the ground.

Charlie glanced down at the streets and let out a sharp gasp.

 Down below, demons of all shapes and sizes scattered from the onslaught of angels descending on them like hungry vultures. A demon with three heads was unfortunate enough to have a harpoon struck through all his heads, causing the creature to collapse. Two other angels were choking a red dragon demon, the creature’s eye bulging. Two hellhounds whined in pain as electricity from another spear struck them both in the backs. The bipedal canines crashed to the ground and did not move again.

Nothing but screams, robotic laughter, and carnage. The longer she watched, the more frightened Charlie became. Soon, the rotten stench of death filled her nostrils.

She glanced back at her parents casually watching the show from their chairs like it was a musical.

Tears sprang from Charlie’s eyes.

“What is all this?! Why are you showing me this?”

“It’s a yearly extermination to reduce the population of sinners once a year,” explained Lilith. It was like she was talking about the weather.

“Those are our people!” she cried. “And you’re just letting this happen?!”

“There’s no need to act so brash,” Lucifer scolded. “It’s just a natural way of ensuring that evil gets a through cleansing.”

“Cleansing? This is murder!”

“Sadly, it’s a necessary act,” Lilith added.

“As you know, I was once an angel,” said Lucifer. “I was banished down here and nearly killed myself. But then God, the angels and myself came to an agreement. The Exterminators could kill citizens in Hell once every year, while we, the royal family, would be left alone. It does make sense, considering we are the most powerful individuals here.”

Charlie took several ragged breaths. “What’s so special about us? What about them?!” She pointed down toward the fleeing demons rushing into cars, stores, and even dumpsters to try and get away. Down over at the poor section of Imp City, the imps were even less lucky. The one ones who could escape were ones with enough proficiency to create small portals or to shapeshift into Exterminators to trick them.

 “This is Hell, Charlotte,” Lucifer said, eyes narrowing in frustration. “Suffering is what those lowlife scum deserve to experience. Just be lucky that we don’t have to deal with that.”

 “Vaggie,” Charlie breathed almost in a whisper, already concerned about her friend.

 “Now stop fooling around and embrace this momentous occasion,” said Lucifer.

 “No,” Charlie said.

“Excuse me?” asked Lucifer, eyebrows raised.

“NO!” she cried, tears running down her face. Her eyes turned red and her long horns emerged from her head. “I’m not gonna sit here and let more of my people die. I can’t believe you hid this from me all these years!”

 Charlie summoned Razzle and Dazzle and the two goats lifted her up and carried her down to the streets.

 “GET BACK HERE AT ONCE!” Lucifer bellowed.

Ignoring her father, Charlie landed down on the cracked asphalt, nearly stepping on a severed horned demon head. Razzle and Dazzle hovered nearby.

She saw three angels corner a frightened cat demon with a spotted brown face who held her paws up. Spears pointed toward her head and heart, the feline gave one last sorrowful meow.

“HEY!” Charlie bellowed in her demonic voice. She was seeing red. Her black shoes clacked against the pavement. “STAY AWAY FROM MY PEOPLE!”

The three angels turned at the same time, their eyes glowing red and teeth spread out when spotting her. The cat demon scurried up the wall with her claws and leaped from roof to roof out of sight.

 Flames receding from her body, horns shrinking back, Charlie backed up in fear and gulped as the angels advanced, their weapons at the ready. Razzle and Dazzle shuddered and held on tightly to Charlie’s hands. Just as the angels threw the spears and Charlie closed her eyes…

 She heard a sickening thud.

The spears had struck a pair of black fiery wings. The spears vanished in flames before flaming swords materialized out of thin air. The angels were struck by the swords, causing them to back up.

Lucifer’s eyes were red, his temporary black wings made from his enchanted snakes merged together.

“LEAVE.”

His demonic voice could stop the heartbeats of an entire group.

 Charlie slowly stood up once the angels had retreated and stared into Lucifer’s glowing red eyes. He slowly turned his head toward her. Though he was furious with her, she could see a small tear roll down his cheek before being evaporated by the heat.

“IF YOU EVER DO SOMETHING FOOLISH LIKE THAT AGAIN, I’LL MAKE SURE YOU NEVER LEAVE OUR MANSION. YOU WILL BE GROUNDED UNTIL THIS PLACE FREEZES OVER. DO YOU UNDERSTAND?”

Charlie nodded with a whimper.

“YOU WILL ACCEPT YOUR ROLE WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT.”

 Charlie glanced over toward a group of demons and gasped. As her father raised his hand toward her, something inside Charlie stirred. A peculiar feeling in her temple, just between her eyes began to tingle with warmth. It was almost as if time stood still.

 When Charlie stared hard at the three homeless demons from a distance, she could almost see their faces briefly morph into their formerly human ones from their past lives: a white skinned bearded man with a bottle of alcohol in his hand, a mother with a cut-up face in torn prostitute clothing, a sobbing blonde boy in the mother’s lap just learning how to use a gun…

 Before Charlie could say anything, a glowing magenta pentagram surrounded her and she was transported back to her room with Razzle and Dazzle.

  In high school, Charlie met Vaggie, a moth demon who would soon become her best friend, and girlfriend. Vaggie was frequently bullied by the other demon kids, but Charlie’s demon form was enough to get them to back off.

“Hi, I’m Charlie!” the princess said, bubbly.

“I’m Vaggie,” the young girl said shyly. Vaggie had long white hair and a pink ‘X’ over her left eye. Her overall appearance was goth-like. Her sclera was light pink and she wore a white mini-dress. Her left stocking had pink stripes while her right stocking was navy blue. There was even a pink bow in her hair. The two friends grew closer as time went on. Vaggie even gathered the courage to share how she died one Halloween night.

“It was back in 2014,” she said. “I was a regular Latino human who was fascinated by bugs and the supernatural. Punching asshole guys and slicing their nuts off was super fun. You know, black guys and white guys insulting my culture and all, I just wasn’t having it.”

She continued. “People thought I was weird, but I didn’t give a fuck. I was in love with this cute girl in my class, but this guy who claimed he was my boyfriend didn’t like that. He kept calling me a butch bitch and wouldn’t leave me alone. One night, on my way home from a punk rock concert, he appeared behind me and slammed me against the wall. He tore off my bra, pulled down my pants and…”

Her breath caught in her throat. Tears fell from her eyes. “His friends were standing there too…they just laughed at my naked form. He went into me over and over, and over again!”

She buried her face in her hands, as Charlie held her tightly.

“I’m so sorry, Vaggie,” she said quietly.

“Not only that,��� she stuttered between sobs, “he stabbed me here…”

She pointed to her left eye,

“…and here…”

She mentioned to her breasts…

“…and finally set the rest of me on fire.”

 Charlie was crying too, sharing her friend’s pain. “I can’t imagine what’s that’s like. To go through that…and being a human…”

“Well, I’m not a human anymore,” she said, wiping away her tears. “I’m a demon stuck in this hellhole. There’s a good reason I don’t trust men…I never trusted them when I was alive. Don’t even get me started on my abusive father.”

Charlie sat and listened, providing a source of comfort for her friend.

   That’s Entertainment: present day

 Both of Charlie’s parents envisioned their daughter as an asset to the family business. She was the princess of a hotel and they hoped that by encouraging demons to remain in fear and respect of their family, that no conflicts would arise.

 But then, Charlie proposed something radical, unexpected…and even dangerous. She wanted to create the Happy Hotel as a place for sinners to redeem themselves. Lucifer thought it was a joke at first. Charlie had laughed and explained her plan.

 “Isn’t it brilliant?” she asked, a smile on her face. She stood in the living room of their elegant home. “This could be the solution we need that could benefit everyone.”

Her father was not amused and her mother was skeptical.

“How would running a hotel cause the demons to change so fast?” he asked. “Your plan is impractical and downright ridiculous.”

“What makes you think this idea will work?” asked Lilith.

“Glad you asked,” said Charlie. She cleared her throat, opened her mouth wide and stood on a table.

Lucifer held up a hand.

“No singing necessary.”

Charlie let out a sigh and hoped down. “If the demons could become good people who give up their bad habits, just think how much better this world would be. Heaven wouldn’t need to exterminate the population year after year. Crime rates would drop, gambling and drugs would become afterthoughts. Who knows? Maybe those reformed enough could leave to live better afterlives!”

“Leave?!” asked Lucifer. “You do realize that demons were sent here for a reason. If they were to change their ways, then our economy and society would crumble. Even worse, there would be revolts, riots.”

Charlie stared with curiosity. “What’s bad about that?”

“It’d put our family and legacy at risk!” Lucifer replied. “Our livelihood depends on preserving tradition and establishing a chaotic order, if you will.”

“Our legacy could change for the better,” Charlie countered. “No more killings and despair for everyone. You may not think that anyone cares about purges, but I know that there are families out there who have lost beloved members due to those purges.”

“Me and the other demons do care about the purges,” Lucifer stated. “Which is why it would only get worse if demons decided to change.”

Lilith put a comforting hand on her daughter’s shoulder. “Charlotte, I understand that you’re trying hard to do what’s best for Hell. I, too, wish things could have been different. Unfortunately, things are the way they are. It can’t be helped. Why make matters worse to begin with?”

 Tears started to fall from Charlie’s’ golden eyes. “Why aren’t you guys listening to me?”

She pulled away. “If all of us want better lives here free from killings…”

She pointed to her drawing of the Happy Hotel on a piece of paper,

“…then this is the only way to make it happen.”

Lucifer crossed his arms, his eyes glowing red. “You will, under no circumstances, open that hotel.”

Charlie’s fangs grew slightly longer. “I have to try!”

Lilith sighed softly, looking back and forth as her family members argued.

Charlie took several deep breaths and placed her hand over her heart. “I know there’s good in every demon here. They just need to be reminded of their potentials, their purposes.”

“The purpose of demons,” said Lucifer with a glare, “is to suffer in damnation forever. None of them can be redeemed, that’s just who they are. The sooner you realize that, the better.”

Charlie groaned out loud in frustration. “I refuse to believe that!”

Lucifer sighed. “I know I can’t change your beliefs, but I’m still in charge. As king, I forbid you to…”

“La la la! Can’t hear you!” Charlie called, covering her ears.

“Now you’re just being childish,” said Lilith. “I’d send you to your room, but you’re 117 years old.”

“I feel like I’m 17 instead.”

“Age doesn’t matter,” said Lucifer. “Our legacy does, however. I will not allow you to drag it through the mud.”

“Then I’ll just create a new one!” said Charlie. Anger flooded her head and spread through her arms. Sparks of electricity danced around her clawed fingers. Charlie backed up from the living room and entered a long hallway. Her father followed.

Lilith stepped back and cussed under her breath. She knew a fight was coming on, and it was never pretty.

Charlie summoned balls of fire from her palms. Lucifer summoned his staff into his hand, a long black one with a red apple on top. The fireballs shot from Charlie’s hands but her father made them vanish on the spot with a wave of his hand. Charlie jumped into the air, ready to attack. Using his staff, Lucifer created a hole that dropped Charlie to a farther spot down the hall.

 “I hate portals,” Charlie muttered.

 Closing her eyes, Charlie conjured a flaming unicorn and hopped onto its back.

“For cupcakes and rainbows!” she shouted as she galloped forward toward her father.

“Enough of this!” he yelled. He shot a band of red energy at the unicorn, destroying it. Charlie tumbled to the ground, and then righted herself. Her entire body was then engulfed in flames, her black horns growing from her head. A volley of flames spread from her in every direction, breaking several windows and nearby vases. One painting depicting humans being thrown into a lake of lava crumbled to ash.

Lilith came into the room and gasped. “Charlotte!” she scolded. “That painting cost 240 souls to purchase!”

Ignoring her mother, Charlie danced around, avoiding her father’s attacks. “I’m sticking with my idea!”

Lucifer held out his hand, and a glowing red pentagram appeared on the floor under Charlie’s feet. Charlie jumped into the air, only for her to be surrounded by a web of neon red vines. Charlie’s fire from her body could not burn away the sharp vines restraining her.

“Father…let go!” she yelled.

Lucifer walled over to her, slowly. “Be grateful that you are my daughter,” he said. “If you were anyone else who had questioned me…”

“Lucifer,” warned Lilith from behind.

“Listen well, Charlotte, because I won’t say this again. If you know what’s good for you, you will give up on your idea and start behaving like an adult.”

“But I am an adult!” Charlie protested, no longer struggling. “And I’ve decided as princess to continue on with opening the hotel. It will be what’s best for us.”

The vines around her tightened.

Flames sparked in Lucifer’s eyes. “If you think causing a war is what’s best for us, then you are gravely mistaken. I had high hopes for you all these years. But now…you’re nothing but a failure.”

Charlie stared in newfound shock, eyes wide. She felt a stabbing pain inside her that had nothing to do with the vines.

 Failure.

Failure.

Failure.

That was all she ever seemed to be in her father’s eyes.

 She thought back to her rivals, Helsa and Katie Killjoy. Helsa was a woman with gray skin and octopus tentacles for hair. She had been Charlie’s rival since they were little.

“You and your family are an utter disgrace,” she had said, flaunting her pink fur jacket, dark skirt and high heeled boots. “You’re a naïve fool with such airheaded ideas. How I’d love to see you humiliated and my family reach the top.”

 And then there was Katie Killjoy, who was potentially even worse. Homophobic and self-centered, she cared only about her appearance and good ratings on the news.

“You call yourself a princess,” she had scoffed, blowing a cigarette, “but you’re scum, just like everyone else.”

 Charlie willed for her memories to go away. Since the beginning, Charlie had felt like an outsider. It wasn’t just because of her friendlier personality in comparison to those around her. It was also due to the fact that she was the only one born in Hell…everyone else had lived past lives on Earth or Heaven.

 Lilith stepped forward and destroyed the vines with a wave of her hand. Everyone took shaking breaths and became silent for a moment. Charlie’s horns retracted back into her head, and the flames dwindled and disappeared around her body. Charlie was free and she promptly stomped away, head lowered.

Lucifer spoke in a booming voice that echoed throughout the room. “We will come back to this!”

“Charlotte, do not go outside yet!” Lilith warned before Charlie was out of sight.

 Charlie stared out the window into the crimson sky of Hell. Lilith was right to be concerned about the outside world. To Charlie’s horror, the purge was underway. Robotic angels with sinister smiles and red Xs for eyes swooped down and stabbed any demon that they could find. They were immune to demonic magic, as shown when one green eel-like demon tried in vain to push back an angel with his magic. One stab to the eel’s chest brought the monster to the ground, lifeless. In the shadows, one demon with thick dark gray hair like a lion, plucked an abandoned spear from a fallen demon. Another demon in a lab coat took notes on a clipboard. The feline-demon walked with the weapon proudly, considering selling it on the black market for a huge price. Passerby ignored the imp demons who began feasting on the bodied body.

Charlie let out a yelp as something went flying toward her. A bat demon was thrown hard against the window and its body slid down the glass pane before falling. Dark blood was left behind, streams flowing down like thick raindrops.  An angel of death slowly turned its head toward Charlie. She gasped in fright, moving out of sight with her back against the wall.

 She wished that her girlfriend Vaggie were with her to comfort her. She had met the emo-like, misandrist woman back when they were very young. They were childhood friends whose friendship developed into something deeper. Complementary opposites, Vaggie’s no-nonsense personality kept Charlie grounded in reality…sometimes.  

 Charlie often wondered…could there be a better place for demons? Heaven was inaccessible and only for the elite and those who met strict qualifications. Hell was overpopulated with people…some were evil for sure…but others just made mistakes.

Those lucky enough to forego Heaven and Hell went to a limbo place where there was dark nothingness…at least that what her father claimed after eavesdropping on humans during his fall to Hell.

 Could that really be it? If the angels were to kill everyone, would the victims just cease to exist? Would those formerly lost humans serve no purpose other than suffering in their afterlives?

 She tried to imagine what mortals might be feeling. She didn’t know very much, but she figured that they had the same desires as herself.

 “Should I really keep going? Should I try to provide more opportunities for the people here? What if I really am a failure?”

 It seemed like forever, but eventually, a deathly silence announced that the purge had ended. The numbers below a clock tower read 365 days until the next purge. Charlie slowly walked outside onto a balcony. She couldn’t bring herself to look at the carnage down below.

Among the broken weapons and corpses, “fuck you, heaven!” was written in red on a nearby wall. “Cleanse!” was scribbled on posters of an angel of death. Up in the sky, a lone planet with a pentagram loomed overhead. More signs displayed advertisements, porn, drugs, and drinks. In one area, a figure of a demonic woman in promiscuous clothing posed next to a sign that read “Porn Studios.” In a shadier part of town, large red signs read “punishment,” and “your days are numbered.” A demon with the head of a bull picked up a fallen head from the ground and loaded it into his shopping cart of other heads. Casino signs flashed in the darkness and faint music pounded from strip clubs.

Tears fell freely from Charlie’s yellow eyes. Her long blond hair fluttered in the breeze. She wore a black bow tie, black suspenders, and a white shirt under her pink tuxedo.

Charlie lifted her finger into the air and colorful fireworks boomed in the sky.

Feeling free to express herself, the demon princess sang her lament.

 “At the end of the rainbow, there’s happiness

And to find it, how often I’ve tried

But my life is a race

Just a wild goose chase

And my dreams have all been denied”

 “A ray of hope in this world of black

I wish the world to be free of sin

But no matter hard I try

I can’t get by

I never seem to win”

  “Why have I always been a failure?

What can the reason be?

I wonder if the world’s to blame

I wonder if it could be me”

 “I’m always chasing rainbows

Watching clouds drifting by

My schemes are just like my dreams

Ending in the sky”

 “Some fellows look and find the sunshine

I always look and find the rain

Some fellows make a winning sometimes

I never even make the game

Believe me”

 “Will this world be a better place?

Or will loss never go away?

The choices I face, me, a disgrace

Loss of hope here to stay”

  “I’m always chasing rainbows

Watching clouds drifting by

My schemes are just like my dreams

Ending in the sky”

  “I’m always chasing rainbows

Waiting to find a little bluebird

In vain.”

   Not too far away from Charlie’s location, a slender female demon wearing a black dress, opened up red curtains and watched the fireworks in the sky. Toward the back was an overlord demon wearing a black top hat with a skull on it. His face was stormy gray and his four eyes were yellow. He casually sipped from a red goblet. Behind him was a shadowy figure of a cyclops woman…and Lucifer sitting on a chair, holding his cane.

 At Valentino’s Porn Studios, a demon named Vox with a TV head and a woman with dark violet hair posed for a selfie. The woman, Velvet, grinned and checked her phone. Valentino, the head of the company, was elaborately dressed in a fur coat with hearts, wore pink heart-shaped sunglasses and a dark pink top hat. He tapped his clawed finger impatiently as he glanced down at the messages.

 Valentino: Did you get my money, Angie baby?

Angel Dust: I’m wittha John now. I don’t get why this needed to happen so soon after the extermination tho. Boss.

Valentino: Just do it. No sass. K sugar.

Angel Dust: Yes, Val.

 Down below, a demon with a mane of hair proudly took a discarded weapon and left to sell it on the black market. An emotionless woman in a lab coat walked around with a clipboard, taking notes. Imps with top hats began to feast on the bloodied corpse in the street. Up above, a woman wearing a pink hat with feathers and skulls crossed out the word “Franklin” on the sign “Franklin and Rosie Emporium.”

  TURF WARS

 The time on the grand clock read 5:07, and down below, the next cleanse would occur in 365 days. A small blue demon fell down to the ground with a yell, a cloud of dust rising in the air. The demon had four arms and large red eyes. He touched his face and body, clearly relieved.

“Oh, I’m alive. I’m alive!” he exclaimed.

Immediately, he was run over by a speeding car, exploding in a flash of blood.

The car stopped on a road, where a Jackpot Hotel and Casino stood in the background.

A tall, white demon walked out of the car and rested his elbow on the top of the door. He slicked back the hair on his head with one of his pink gloved hands. Being a spider demon, he had multiple arms. He wore a black bow tie, tall stiletto boots, and a shirt with pink and white stripes. His irises were pink, the sclera in his left eye dark instead of white. Pink dots resembling small eyes were lined up below his eyes.

 “Thanks for the fun time, hot stuff,” said the driver.

The white demon closed the door. “Yeah, yeah, listen. Keep this discreet, hear me? I can’t let it get out I’m offering my services to randos on the street. It was a quick cash grab, ya got that?”

Travis, the dark owl demon scoffed. He wore a black hat and both his eyes were red. One eye had black sclera.

“Whatever you say, slut!” he mocked with a laugh.

The white demon cupped his face dramatically. “Ouch, ooh, such an insult!”

Travis stared nervously, a small heart in his left eye.

The white demon leaned in, showing a mouth full of fangs. “Let me know when you come up with something creative to call me, you sack of poorly packed horse shit.”

He poked Travis in the face with one hand, and grabbed his collar by one of his other hands.

“Tell the missus I said hi,” he added before giving Travis a quick kiss.

“Schnookums. She’s not coming back. Pack of poor…” Travis muttered, rolling up his window and speeding off. The car squealed and flipped over on its side in the air, falling with a loud crash.

 The white demon glanced over at a nearby store. A sign advertising a casino with a pack of cards on the front read, “Casino: just a few wins away.” Beside an elevator, was a fridge with an upside down cross on the front. A vending machine with the word “drugs” on it in white letters, caught the demon’s attention. Giddy with excitement, he walked over and glanced down at the options:

 Coke

Bojack

McWeedies420

Squip

Hero-in

Krunchy Krokodil

Angel Dust

  The demon pressed “Angel Dust” and a white sack fell to the bottom. With a greedy smile, he took it in his hand. Coincidentally, Angel Dust was also his name.

With a yoink, a small gray imp demon snatched the bag from Angel’s hands.

“Hey!” Angel called angrily.

“Up yours, drag show!” he taunted, before being crushed to death by a boulder.

“Oh my god!” Angel cried in terror, racing to the scene.

But it wasn’t the fallen thief he was concerned about.

“My drugs! Damn it!” he cursed, picking up a piece of the sack.

  Overhead were neon signs on top of buildings. One in yellow letters read “Begg Slut” and another one in teal: “I couldn’t think of a pun for our shop but we sell hard drugs!”

  Angel turned around and spotted a flying metal aircraft, which was firing lasers at buildings. It looked like an industrial rocket ship made with gears and a steampunk style to it. A metal hook hung from the bottom of it. The lasers struck the buildings, which caused bright pink explosions to fill the air.

From inside the ship, a serpent overlord stood high above over the controls, laughing manically. Down below, his deviled egg minions stood and watched. Each of them wore black top hats and pinstriped round clothing. They were called Egg Bois.

The room had deep purple walls, cabinets for the minions and decorations of their leader along the wall.

The overlord was Sir. Pentious. He wore a gray coat with yellow vertical stripes down the front. He had a black tail with yellow stripes and pink eyes all over. He wore a top hat with a moving pink eye and a grinning mouth of fangs. He sprouted a demonic grin of his own, his hood also full of several pink eyes.

 Up on the platform, he oriented two levers in his hands, the control button in the center displaying a pentagram design.

“Those other cowardly sinners dare not hinder my territorial takeover! A wise decision. The power of my machines are unmatched! No other demon can compare to the likes of I!”

One egg minion with #23 on his back added, “Gee that was pretty swell boss!”

“Yeah!” another chimed in: #666.

“You really showed them what for!” called a third.

Another minion teasingly ran his fingers up the overlord’s spine. “I like it when you shot them with your ray gun…”

Sir Pentious punched a minion out the window and whirled around in anger. The other minions backed up. “I wish he’d shoot me with his ray gun,” a minion whispered, head lowered.

Sir Pentious rolled his eyes at his masochist minions. He turned back to the controls and grinned. Pentagram circles revealed the areas he had taken over and the other territories ahead. “At this rate, I will seize control of the entire west side of the Pentagram by day’s end!”

He laughed and bragged some more. “And nothing, not a single beast in this inferno of suffering, will be able to take back this empire from my constrictive grasp!”

As to prove his point, he grabbed a minion in his tail and tightly squeezed him.

Another minion blew a noisemaker and then popped open a blue bottle of a brown drink. The overlord threw the minion across the room as the eggs celebrated down below.

“Hell will be mine,” he declared, “and everybody will know the name of Sir Pe…”

“Edgelord!” yelled a voice.

“Pardon?!” Sir Pentious shot back in shock. “Who said that?!”

He leaned in close to two of his minions, not pleased.

“What did you just say to me, you fried chicken fetuses?!”

The minions shook in fear.

“Speak up!” he hissed.

“It wasn’t us, mister boss man!” said a minion.

 Just then, an object shot through the glass at the front, creating a small hole. A small pink bomb with a black skull on the front, landed on the floor. Sir Pentious observed it for a moment…the bomb looked like a cherry…which could only mean…

The bomb exploded, covering the room in sparkles and thick red smoke.

Sir Pentious coughed and swiped some of the smoke away.

“You looking for a fight, old man?” a female voice challenged.

Sir Pentious spotted his rival standing proud and casually catching another bomb in her hand: Cherry Bomb.

Towering tall in pink high heel boots, ripped black jeans, a pink crop top with an x on the front, long strawberry blonde hair, a single pink eye with an x that took up most of her white face…a grin of sharp teeth…it was her alright.

“Why don’t you get that tinker toy bullshit off my turf before I smash it…” she declared before catching her bomb. A random barbell of metal crashed into the floor close to Cherri Bomb.

“…more.”

“Oh, you wanna go, missy?” Sir Pentious retorted. He flicked his hood back before opening it. Well, I’m happy to oblige!”

He let out another evil laugh as his minions closed in, holding stun guns, which crackled with yellow electricity.

But Cherri Bomb wasn’t scared. With graceful leaps, she avoided the blasts and threw down another bomb. She used the cover to escape, jumping down and swinging once from the anchor at the bottom of the flying craft. Landing gracefully on the ground, she continued her assault from below.

“Catch me if you can, snake man!”

“Get her!” he bellowed through the red smoke, the eggs quickly running around in a frenzy.

 The minions jumped to the ground after her, the overlord following suit. Cherri Bomb dodged a blast, grinned and picked up the minion egg. She spun around and threw the minion straight into Sir Pentious’ face. He threw the egg back at her, and she caught it with one hand.

“Thanks for the gift!” she called out, before cracking the egg open with an evil grin. She placed a bomb into it, then threw it back at him...straight to his face. Sir Pentious could only make a face of surprise before the egg blew up in pink smoke.

“Why you little…”

Cherri Bomb ducked as another egg sailed over her head.

 Just then, a familiar drug-addict white demon stomped on an egg minion and threw a grenade in the distance.

“Angel Dust!” called Cherri Bomb, happy to have her partner in crime arrive.

“Great to see you too, sweetie!” he teased.

Another pink explosion filled the air as the fight continued.

“Hey, thanks for the backup, Angie!” Cherri Bomb said as she fired a flaming red arrow with a large gun over toward Sir Pentious.

Angel Dust laughed, leaning against volcanic rock as cover. He threw a grenade over his head.

“You kiddin’? This is the best action I’ve seen in ages!”

A pink explosion rocked the streets.

“Where have you been anyway?” she asked. “I thought you up and died or some shit.”

“I wish,” he remarked as he lit another fuse and handed the bomb to his ally. She threw it forward, then ducked behind the rock next to Angel.

Angel continued, “I’ve been staying at this crappy hotel on the other side of town. Some boards are lettin’ me stay rent-free if I play nice.” They covered their ears.

A column of green smoke rose into the air with a fiery whoosh. The duo leaped over the rock and charged at the army of egg minions. Using four arms, Angel Dust fired rapidly from a gun at the minions, making some of them explode.

He sighed, and used one of his hands to gesture. “Y’know, no fights, no pranks, no “problematic language.” Her words, not mine.”

He tripped an unsuspecting minion, sending him into the air and exploding in a yellow yok mess. He waved a spiked club and continued firing his gun. A pot shop stood in the background, with marijuana leaves near the sign.

“These bitches are no fun!” Angel complained in frustration. Splatters of yok landed on his head and face. “I’ve been clean for two weeks!”

“Holy shit!” Cherri Bomb yelled after avoiding a green explosion and leaping into the air.

Angel scooped up yok with his finger. “Well, sorta clean.” He smashed apart another egg minion with his club. “As clean as you can get with a shitload of Bolivian marching powder.”

Angel’s shadowy silhouette displayed sharp fangs as Cherri posed in the background, one of her boots missing. A sign read “50% off meth” above a small super market.

A black chain wrapped tightly around Angel’s waist and chest, sending him flying backwards. Cherri Bomb gasped as her ally was pulled away. Sir Pentious threw the chained Angel Dust hard onto the ground a distance away. He landed with a thud against volcanic rock.

“Oh, harder daddy!” Angel teased with a wide smirk.

Sir Pentious gasped, eyes tearing up. “Son?!”

Angel Dust stared blankly, one eye raised, a look of disbelief on his face.

Cherri Bomb rushed into action, landing a sharp kick to Sir Pentious’ back. The villain landed on the ground, then hissed threateningly.

“You whores have no class!” he exclaimed. “In war, the side remembered is the side with the most…style.” He straightened his black bowtie with a spring.

Cherri Bomb broke open an egg and tossed the shells aside. Angel stood up, freeing himself from the chains.

“Or the side that ain’t dead,” she added.

“Speaking of style, is your hat like, alive or something’?

Sir Pentious hissed. “Oh, well, that’s none of your goddamn business, now is it?”

Angel continued, “Would that make your hat the top and you the bottom?”

He and Cherri burst into laughter. Even a pink “loser” sign pointed at the oblivious villain. “Ooooh,” said a minion near him. “One hellish burn.”

“I’m going to blow you to bits!” Sir Pentious yelled, pointing at them.

“Hmm! Kinky!” Angel teased.

An advertisement displaying a plate of, sausage, eggs and a tomato slice stood halfway buried in the ground. A glowing pink sign pointing down read “pussy.” Another yellow sign read, “Sex here.”

“I’m not like that! Pervert!” yelled the villain. Cherri Bomb and Angel Dust held in laughter.

Angel suddenly pushed Cherri Bomb out of the way, as an egg minion shot tendrils of claws from behind them. The claws had eyes in the center and grabbed onto Angel’s four wrists. He struggled to free himself, the cords stretching.

Sir Pentious chuckled. “Not so cocky now, are we?”

“Y’know, you really need to watch what’s coming out of your mouth,” Angel remarked. “Cocky…cumming, you get it?”

The villain didn’t respond.

Angel sighed. “I’ve been making these sex jokes the whole time!”

A drill poked out from the ground, Angel avoiding it. A minion held a drill in his small hands at Angel. Two extra arms popped out from Angel’s body, holding his rifle.

“And it’s obvious you ain’t catching on.”

He cocked his gun. “I mean, it’s just sad!”

He jumped into the air, freeing himself and firing the gun. The laser hit Sir Pentious, and his gray top hat fell off.

Cherri Bomb popped up next to Angel. “So, think you’re gonna get into a lot of trouble for this?”

“Eh, what’s one little brawl gonna cause?” He shrugged his shoulders and retracted his extra arms. Sir Pentious lay fuming on the ground.

More egg minions scrambled over to the edge of a high cliff, overlooking the scene. Egg shells and yok puddles littered the cracked street.

Cherri Bomb playfully elbowed Angel. “Glad ya haven’t changed. You know you’re my favorite guy to party with!”

“You know it, sugar tits,” Angel replied.

“You ready to finish this?” she asked. She rolled a bomb from one of her shoulders to her other shoulder, then into her hand.

Angel cocked his gun again. “Born ready, baby!”

The duo charged at Sir Pentious. Everyone yelled. More egg minions fell and Sir Pentious realized he was running out fast.

 After several more minutes of battle, Sir Pentious and his remaining minions retreated back to his ship. “This isn’t over, sluts!” he declared at his enemies. “I’ll have my revenge!” The ship hatch closed. The egg minions steered the ship and it rose into the air, almost sending the overlord flying out of the craft. He tossed out more minions in response before taking the controls and flying the craft away.

Angel and Cherri Bomb high-fived.

“See you around,” she said.

“Until the next brawl,” said Angel.

Cherri Bomb waved goodbye and blasted music from an Eye Pod (a device made from an actual moving eye. “Hello, daddy. Hello mom. I’m your ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb! Hello world! I’m your wild girl. I’m your ch-ch-ch-cherry bomb!” she sang out loud. Angel Dust laughed and continued on his way.

After buying some more amino and pot from the 666 Shop, Angel met with Charlie and Vaggie in a white monster limo. A great day indeed for the promiscuous demon.

  The Happy Hotel Interview

  Transcript during the 666 News:

“BREAKING NEWS: A LARGE SCALE TURF WAR IS UNDERWAY IN PENTAGRAM CITY BETWEEN SIR PENTIOUS AND CHERRI BOMB. THE SURROUNDING AREAS ARE COVERED IN DEBRIS, SO PLEASE AVOID DOWNTOWN ON YOUR COMMUTE TODAY. TRAFFIC IS “HELLA” BACKED UP. GET IT? “HELL” BUT WITH AN “A” AT THE END? THAT’S A WORD YOUNGER PEOPLE SEEM TO ENJOY USING. I DON’T REALLY LIKE IT, THOUGH. I WROTE IT BECAUSE IT SEEMED LIKE THE NATURAL KIND OF PUN TO MAKE FOR THIS SITUATION, BUT NOW THAT I SEE IT IN TEXT, I FEEL LIKE IT WAS A MISTAKE, A MISTAKE I CAN’T TAKE BACK…LIKE CHEATING ON MY WIFE. I’M SO SORRY, MARTHA. I SHOULDN’T HAVE DONE IT, BUT YOU DID GAIN A LOT OF WEIGHT AFTER THE BABY AND I REALLY NEEDED SOME SPACE. YOU KNOW, WHAT? NO, THAT WAS A GOOD CALL. I BANGED THE CLEANING LADY, AND THAT WAS A PRETTY NICE TIME, EVEN THOUGH SHE LAUGHED AT ME WHEN I TOLD HER I COULDN’T GET OFF UNLESS SHE LICKED MY FOOT FIRST. I DON’T SEE HOW THAT’S A WEIRD REQUEST. MAYBE IF I’D JUST GET A HOOKER, SHE WOULD’VE BEEN MORE AGREEABLE. THE POINT IS, MY WIFE IS A FUCKING BITCH. ONE TIME, WE WENT TO THE ZOO AND I GOT REALLY MAD BECAUSE I THOUGHT THE ORANGUTAN WAS MAKING FUN OF ME. HE KEPT DOING THAT STUPID DUCK LIP FACE? THEIR LIPS ALL PUCKERED? THEN IT STARTED SCREAMING, AND THAT REALLY PISSED ME OFF. MY WIFE TOLD ME IT WAS JUST A MONKEY, AND TO “CALM DOWN.”

 A neon logo appeared on the screen, displaying “666 News” in a circle with a neon eye underneath. The names of the news cast appeared on the bottom of the screen.

A skeletal demon woman with short blonde hair and a large toothy grin stood wearing a pink dress and a pearl necklace. Sitting at the other chair, dressed in a blue business suit was a demon with a gray gas mask for his face along with short white hair. They were live on the air.

 “Good afternoon!” said the woman. “I’m Katie Killjoy.”

“And I’m Tom Trench,” said the man. “Chaos at Pentagram City today as a turf war is raging on the west side between notable king Sir Pentious and self-proclaimed spunky powerhouse Cherri Bomb!”

Two pictures surrounded by flame borders showed Sir Pentious wearing a yellow “music band” shirt, doing a peace sign and wearing his top hat as a baseball cap with a dopey expression on his face. The other picture showed Cherri Bomb flipping the bird and standing under glittering spotlights.

“That’s right Tom!” Katie added. “After the recent extermination, many areas are now up for grabs! Demons all over Hell are already duking it out to gain new territory!”

The clips showed Sir Pentious fighting Cherri Bomb with his egg minions.

“Those two seem to really be going at it, huh? Looks like they’re fighting tooth and nail for that hot spot!” Katie popped a tooth and a nail into her mouth.

“And I’d sure like to nail her hot spot!” Tom Trench said with a chuckle.

Katie giggled forcefully. “You are a limp dick jackass, Tom. Or should I say…”

Adding insult and injury, she poured her hot coffee over his crotch…

“No dick!”

“Augh! Not again!” he groaned.

Another picture surrounded by a border of flames displayed Charlie with the letters “Princess of Hell” next to it.

Katie continued. “Coming up next, we have an exclusive interview with the daughter of Hell’s own head honcho, who’s here to discuss her brand new passion-project!”

Tom Trench winced in pain on the desk.

“All that and more after the break!”

She broke her mug in her hand, and turned to Tom Trench. “Suck it up you little bi…”

The TV went off air, displaying Katie’s mouth and eyes, colored bars and “off air” with a pentagram in the “O”.

  Inside the break room, Vaggie adjusted Charlie’s black bowtie. Nearby, a red tinted sign said that smoking was, indeed, allowed. Another sign read “on air,” in large letters.

“Okay, you remember what to say?” Vaggie asked.

Charlie took a deep breath, enthusiasm in her voice. “Yes! Let’s do this!”

Vaggie put a comforting hand on her shoulder. She signaled with two fingers for her to pay attention. “Just, look at me and I’ll mouth it to you.”

Charlie sighed. “Come on, Vaggie! I know what to say!”

She walked over to the pitcher of red punch. “I just feel like we need to…I don’t know, make things sound more exciting…”

She tossed a donut aside before gasping.

“Oh! What if I…”

“Sing a song about it?” Vaggie finished.

“You knew I was gonna say that.” She playfully tapped her friend on the nose.

Vaggie adjusted Charlie’s bowtie again and shook her shoulders. “Because I know you. But please don’t sing. This is serious.”

Charlie snapped her fingers and briefly winked. “Well, you know, I’m better at expressing myself through song!” She stood on the table and arched her arm dramatically. Down below, Charlie’s doll demons Razzle and Dazzle chewed on donuts.

“But life isn’t a musical, hon,” Vaggie reminded her.

“Fine,” Charlie said with a slump. Then she brightened again.

“But I do have these other ideas of what to say.”

She got off the table and pulled out a piece of paper, hopping excitedly. “The highlighted bits are my favorite parts!”

Vaggie took the paper and scanned it in disbelief. “Uh, it’s all highlighted. Is this a drawing?”

“Yes!” Charlie answered. She pointed to her picture. It showed a list that read: “4, unicorn kisses,” “5, dolphin high-fives?” and “6, sing show tunes = happy ending!” She drew stick figures of demons standing on clouds under a rainbow with a sun and red hearts with faces on them.

“That’s the happy ending, see? Everyone’s smiling and happy in Heaven!”

“I don’t think it’s that simple,” Vaggie stated. She then begged her: “Just please follow the talking points we went over.”

She pulled Charlie close and stared her directly in the eyes. “And do. Not. Sing.”

Charlie sighed exasperatedly. “Fine.” Then she trotted over and spoke in an accent. “I’ll just have to resort to my impeccable improve skills.” She gave a salute, several moves of her head and went outside.

Vaggie somehow knew that this would not be going well.

Charlie walked over to Katie Killjoy, who posed in her red dress, smoking a cigarette.

“Hi! I’m Charlie.”

She waved and held out her hand.

“Katie Killjoy,” the woman deadpanned before blowing out smoke and snapping her cigarette. “I’d say it’s a pleasure to meet you, but that would be a lie. You can put that away,” she regarded Charlie’s hand. “I don’t touch the gays. I have standards.”

“Yeah?” Charlie asked nervously, looking at a big flashing sign that read “Hell’s #1 News!” “How’s uh…how’s that working for ya?”

“Look, my time is money, so I’ll keep this short,” Katie cut in. She invasively tapped Charlie’s chest and nose with her finger. “We’re not here because we wanted you here. You’re here because Jeffry couldn’t make it for his cannibal cooking segment.”

Katie mentioned to a billboard that showed a tall man with glasses, short blonde hair with a white chef’s hat, a red apron, red suit, red horns, and a red devil’s tail. He held a platter of poop, skulls, and raw meat in his hands. Above it read “It’s Dahn Good! Cooking show: Guarantee Cannibalicious!” “Who approved this show?” was written on a sticky note tapped to the corner of the advertisement. Tom Trench shook his head in his seat. “Sex! Murder! Weather!” were displayed on a column three smaller signs.

Katie fluffed her hair, swayed her hips, and continued: “You might be some royal bigshot, but that doesn’t mean shit to me. I’m too rich and too influential to give a flying fuck about what some tux-wearing demon “princess” wants to advertise.”

“But I…” Charlie began.

“So don’t get cute with me, honey,” she warned, getting into Charlie’s face, “Or I will fucking bury you!”

“And we’re live!” said a voice.

Katie rushed back into her seat with a bony crack of her neck.

“Welcome back!”

Charlie sat in a chair next to her.

“So, Charlotte…”

“It’s Charlie,” she squeaked.

“Whatever,” Katie dismissed. She took a frustrated breath and clicked her red pen in her hand. “Tell us about this new passion project you’ve been insistently pestering our news station about!”

“Well…” Charlie cleared her throat. She looked nervously at the demonic crew in front of her. Vox, a demon with a TV head, had “words” flashed across the screen in angry red letters. There was a guy with a black top hat for a face, an Egyptian-like female with a white poodle, a woman with teal skin, a demon with glasses and green snake hair, a demon with two thin heads, several red horned demons and a few overlords. Another woman wore a hat with hanging beads and colorful Day of the Dead makeup on her face. Vaggie encouraged her to go on.

Charlie took a deep breath.

“As most of you know, I was born here in Hell, and growing up, I’ve always tried to see the good in everything around me.”

Katie clicked her pen impatiently. She spotted a green caterpillar and stabbed it with her pen with a predatory grin. Ink splattered on Charlie’s face and around the area.

Charlie continued, wiping off the dark pink ink from her face: “Hell is my home and you are my people. We…”

Vaggie gave her a thumbs up and a smile.

“…we just went through another extermination. We lost so many souls, and it breaks my heart to see my people being slaughtered every year. And no one is even given a chance!”

Charlie banged her fist on the desk, waking Katie from a bored drooling daze. A buff demon with horns and four eyes with a skull bull face wore a shirt with the word “crew” on it. An imp with a heart on his forehead stood nearby.

Charlie made her way forward. “I can’t stand idly by while the place I live is subjected to such violence! So, I’ve been thinking. Isn’t there a more humane way to hinder overpopulation here in Hell? Perhaps we can create an alternative way to change souls through…redemption?”

Charlie pulled the buff demon into a side hug. “Well, I think yes. So that’s what this project aims to achieve!” She ran back to the desk.

“Ladies and gentlemen, I’m opening the first of its kind! A hotel that rehabilitates sinners!”

 The audience stared in stunned silence. Not even the flesh-eating crickets were chirping through the awkward quiet.

 A bloodstained logo “Radio Hack” was displayed above a window which provided a stack of dozens of TVs inside. One demon watching had deer antlers and a flaming blue face, one of the many cruel overlords. Crymini, the 90’s hellhound, stood with a little demon wearing a jester hat upside down. Two hellhound twins stood nearby, one with dyed red hair, the other purple. A neon sign nearby read “Bar” “Klub Kanji,” and “used TVs.”

In a bar, dark demons wearing cowboy hats were playing pool, not even paying attention. The lead demon wore a cloth over his grinning face and had a large barrel gun for an arm. His friend looked like a demonic bug, and another looked like a mustached villain from an old film. Meanwhile in a bar, purple and blue dragon-like demons sat and drank while casually watching the TVs overhead.

Charlie stuttered, “Ya know…’Cause hotels are for people passing through…temporarily…”

A tattooed dark blue reptile demon stood up and let out a loud laugh.

“Is this girl for real? She thinks, you hear what she thinks? She…heh, heh, heh, oh she’s nuts.” The demon walked away with a small lavender creature and a tall maroon being wearing punk rock clothing and crazy neon hair.

Charlie added, “I figure it would serve a purpose…a place work toward redemption!” She weakly added, “Yay.”

 One demon leaped away as a tall shadowy figure stood in the background…

The figure stood right next to a ratted flier which read “Beware him! Do not fuck with him!” “The Radio Demon” was scrawled in white on demons screaming and fleeing from a monster with antlers overhead.

The man smiled and tilted his head a notch as he watched the TV with curiosity and amusement. His shadow next to him briefly morphed into a shadowy face with antlers on top. He spotted the fliers out of the corner of his red eyes, holding in a laugh.

“Who, me? ‘Obviously’ not! I’d never put on a show and make other demons flee to their graves.”

Just the thought of it got him excited.

 He had heard of the demon princess before, but he wasn’t expecting her to appear on TV. He certainly never heard of an idea so crazy before. Making sinners good people was even less likely than making pigs fly (which was one magic trick he could do on occasion).

When Charlie started to sing, the red eyed demon couldn’t help but tap his cloven feet and silently hum along.

“Haven’t been this entertained since I broadcasted my massacre of the ninth circle city. This pretty Charlie character is intriguing…”

 Befriending the princess, and doing something different seemed like a good idea. He glanced over at a faraway Happy Hotel building.

He knew where he would go next.

  Back at the news station, a cameraman with blue hair and a white face looked up and scoffed, “Stupid bitch.”

Vaggie punched him hard in the face in response, causing him to fall off the chair to the ground.

Charlie stared around her, concerned. “Look, every single one of you has something good deep down inside. I know you do.”

A light bulb went off into her head. “Maybe I’m not getting through to you…”

Vaggie face palmed, knowing what was coming next. “Oh no…”

Charlie snapped her fingers and her bodyguard demons appeared. One sat and began to play a grand piano.

 Summoning the Disney princess within her, Charlie belted out her song:

  “I have a dream

I’m here to tell

About a wonderful, fantastic new hotel

Yes, it’s one of a kind

Right here in Hell

Catering to a specific clientele”

 Razzle and Dazzle howled along…

The tempo rapidly picked up…

 “Inside of every demon is a rainbow

Inside every sinner is a shiny smile

Inside of every creepy hatchet-wielding maniac

Is a jolly, happy cupcake-loving child”

 “We can turn around

They’ll be heaven-bound!

With just a little time

Down at the Happy Hotel!”

 “So all you junkies, freaks and weirdos

Creepers, fuck-ups, crooks, and zeroes

And the fallen superheroes, help is here!

All of you cretins, sluts and losers

Sexual deviants and boozers

And prescription drug abusers

Need not fear

Forever again

We’ll cure your sin

We’ll make you well

You’ll feel so swell

Right here in Hell at the Happy Hotel!”

  “There’ll be no more fire

And no more screams

Just puppy dog kisses, and cotton candy dreams

And puffy-wuffy clouds

You’re gonna be like, wow!

Once you check in with me!”

 “So all your cartoon porn addictions

Vegan rants, psychic predictions

Ancient Roman crucifixions

End right here!”

 “All you monsters, thieves and crazies

Cannibals and crying babies

Frothing mouthers full of rabies

Fill with cheer!”

 “You’ll be complete!

It’ll be so neat!

Our service can’t be beat!

You’ll be on easy street! (Yes!)

Life will be sweet at the Happy Hotel!

Yeah!”

  Throughout the song, Charlie imagined giving a shiny cupcake to a masked killer, holding cotton candy and a brown puppy in her arms in the clouds…avoiding the attacks of every horror movie serial killer… (Music Logic)

She pictured throwing drugs into a bin of fire, giving shots to monsters, giving money to charity, disturbing porn additions with a bra…

Snatching a “My waifu” porn mag of out a demon’s hands…

Throwing away demon’s cell phones…

Knocking over crosses…

Avoiding a scary spider overlord with yellow bat wings and pink eyes all over his body…

Giving demons big hugs…

 Charlie emerging in her horned demon form from a flaming pentagram, and jumping with joy in a land full of candy, rainbows, and ice cream.

  Charlie finished with a pose on the table, arms in the air and panted.

The top hat demon smiled. “Wow! That was…shit!”

 The crowd burst into rancorous laughter and boos, including a blue demon made of fire in the boo section. Katie shrieked and banged her fist on the table.

“What in the nine circle of Hell makes you think a single denizen of Hell would give two shits about becoming a better person? You have no proof that this little experiment even works! You want people to be good just…because?”

Charlie lifted up her head. “Well, we have a patron already who believes in our cause, and he’s shown incredible progress!”

“Oh?” Katie asked, leaning in, “…and who might that be?”

“Oh just someone named…Angel Dust.”

“The porn star?” asked Tom Trench in disbelief. He subconsciously unzipped his zipper and Katie whirled on him; “You fucking would, Tom!” Her sharp nails left marks on the table.

Katie turned back to Charlie. “In any case, that’s not even an accomplishment. I’m sure you can get that hooker to do anything with enough booger sugar and lube.”

Someone wolf-whistled in the audience.

“Oh, I beg to differ,” Charlie argued, holding up her fingers. “He’s been behaved, clean, and out of trouble for two weeks now.”

 “Breaking news!” announced a voice as music came on. Excited, Katie pushed Charlie aside. “We are receiving word that a new player has entered the ongoing turf war! Let’s go to the live feed!”

To Charlie’s sheer horror, Angel Dust was seen on screen, crushing egg shells and fighting with Cherri Bomb.

“Oh shit,” she breathed.

“Oh shit indeed!” exclaimed Katie with a grin. “It looks like the one who has just joined the battle is none other than…”

She let out a dramatic gasp…”porn actor Angel Dust! What a juicy coincidence!”

The screen showed Angel Dust with the words “Angel Dust in ‘Well, Ok’: 18+.”

Satisfied, she turned back to Charlie. “You must feel really stupid right now.” Katie and Tom laughed again.

“Ratings!” Katie and Tom added with jazz hands.

“Don’t look at this!” Charlie called, waving her arms in vain from behind the screen.

“Well, it sure looks like your little project is dead on arrival. Tell us, how does it feel to be such a total failure?”

 Failure. Failure…Charlie could see her doubt reflected in Katie’s pink eyes and overbearing shadowy figure. Katie and everyone laughed some more, their jeers painful to Charlie’s ears.

“Yeah?” Charlie asked. She snatched up Katie’s red pen and held it triumphantly. “Well, how does it feel that I got your pen, huh? Bitch!”

Katie glared dangerously. Charlie dropped the pen with a nervous smile, “Oops.”

Katie grew taller, her form turning to shadow. Out sprouted claws, four extra sharp appendages, and four red eyes on her face like a spider. She launched herself at Charlie. Charlie pulled her hair and landed punches as the alarm went off in the news room. Katie crawled on the desk in all legs, baring her fangs before Charlie jumped at her and knocked her off the table. Tom Trench got so distressed that his entire body burst into flames.

Charlie ran out of the news room, Katie following her close behind, as everyone yelled.

“And stay out, you retarded dike!” Katie cussed as Charlie made a run for it down the sidewalk. Charlie was tempted to strangle the homophobic, news diva with her bare hands…but that would only contradict her goal…if she even had one anymore.

 Vaggie followed her and the two of them didn’t say a word as they waited for their ride. Soon enough, a white limo with a monster mouth on the front of the vehicle rolled to the curb. Vaggie and Charlie climbed in…and so did an ecstatic Angel Dust. The doors closed and they drove off toward the Happy Hotel.

 Car Ride to the Hotel

 Charlie had never felt so humiliated in her life. She sat in her seat and curled into herself. Once again, her ideas were dismissed, mocked, ridiculed. No one was willing to see the good in themselves. The demons were content to wallow in suffering, violence, and cruelty until the end of their afterlives. Tears were already threatening to spill from her yellow eyes, but she held them in.

Maybe her father was right. What if she really was a failure, like everyone said?

As if reading her mind, Vaggie gave her a small hug next to her. “You’re not a failure, Charlie. It’s just…no one understands your ideas. People think they’re…I don’t know…outlandish?”

She got a sad sigh from Charlie in response. “I just wanted to make things better for my people. I know I don’t feel much like a princess, but at the same time…I feel like it’s my duty…my destiny to being some cheer to this place.”

“Heh. No one can ever top your optimism,” Vaggie mentioned, with a playful roll of her eyes. “Your happiness can be spotted miles away.”

A small smile formed on Charlie’s face. “Well, at least I can pull myself up and keep going…”

Vaggie stared, hopeful…

“…But today isn’t one of those days.”

Vaggie slumped slightly. “I did warn you not to sing.”

“I couldn’t help it,” she countered. “How else was I supposed to get my message across?”

“Not everyone likes singing and music all the time.”

“My family does.”

“But the other demons aren’t your family.”

 Charlie stared out the window at the buildings whizzing by. “Sometimes I feel like my family is bigger than just my parents.” She turned to look at her girlfriend. “You’re my best friend, sorta like my older sister…and the only one who seems to get me. You’re part of my family already.”

Vaggie chuckled softly. “Without me, you wouldn’t have lasted very long out in the big world.”

“For once, I agree with you there,” Charlie replied.

During several minutes of silence, the two demon girls locked hands just out of sight. It was their habitual way of showing comfort, and it worked on the many days when Vaggie didn’t want any hugs.

“Don’t get too discouraged,” Vaggie said. “We’ll get back to the hotel and figure things out from there.”

“I kinda feel like singing another lament now.”

“Please don’t.”

“Fine.”

 The limo drove past the 666 Shop, the Nightmare Night Club, and an Evil Donuts store, complete with slime and worms displayed on the donut structure. Pink eyes decorated the ceiling of the car. Charlie curled into herself again, and took a puff of a breath. Even the painted eyes seemed to judge her every move. She glanced over at Vaggie, whose eye was twitching in annoyance.

Angel Dust was busy playing with the button, making the car window go up and down, up and down. He froze when he saw an angry Vaggie staring at him.

“What?” he asked with a shrug.

“What? What?!” Vaggie shouted, pulling out chunks of her long white hair. “What were you doing?!”

Angel sighed. “I owed my girl buddy a solid! Isn’t that a “redeeming quality?” Helping friends with stuff?”

“Not with turf wars that result in territorial genocide!”

“Eh, you win some, you lose a few hundred,” he said with a snicker. “It wasn’t that bad anyway.”

He propped up his long legs and pushed the window button again. Vaggie tossed a dagger at the button and it fizzed out in a shower of sparks. Angel stared, shocked and terrified. Vaggie growled in warning.

“Aw come on, I had to!” Angel protested. “My credibility was on the line!” He sighed. “I mean what kind of reputation would I have of people found out I was trying to go clean? It just throws out my entire persona.” He lifted up his furry chest.

“Your credibility?” Vaggie asked in anger. “What about the hotel? Your little stunt made us look like a fucking joke!”

“No, no no, babe. Jokes are funny! I made you look…uh, sad. And pathetic! Uh…oh with progeria!” Charlie covered her face with her hair as Angel blabbered on.

“Great! Now I’m bummed thinking about it! This thing have any liquor?” He bent down to the floor and tossed a bottle aside. He then flicked a wrapper away onto a seat.

Vaggie was fuming. “Can you please just try to take this seriously?”

“Fine, I’ll try. Just don’t get your taco in a twist, baby.”

“Was that you trying to be sexist or racist?”

“Whatever pisses you off more. Is there seriously no liquor in here?”

“I’m gonna kill him,” Vaggie swore, crossing her arms and sitting back down.

“Too, late, toots. Wait, would that make me double dead?” He laughed slowly and loudly. “And where exactly do I go to, double Hell?”

He laughed again. “Sorry, you’re stuck with me, bitch. Get used to it.”

Vaggie swore in Spanish (“Son of a rabies bitch”)

“Listen, who cares if some jagoffs got hurt?” Angel nonchalantly asked. “Most of them are ugly freaks. Look around! Got a bunch of fuckin’ harlequin babies down there.”

“You’re one to talk,” Vaggie muttered.

Angel laughed then yelled “Hey!” in protest. “This body is flawless! Everyone wants some of me and I’ve got the creepy fan letters to prove it!”

He pulled out a dirty piece of paper from his enlarged furry chest that read: “Show me your feet! Bryrin. #1 fan/critic.” There was a picture of a young angel in the lap of a naked man, licking Angel with his green tongue. He had a tattoo of Angel with a red crossed out sign.

This time, Charlie spoke up. “That was really uncool, y’know, Angel.”

Vaggie growled and turned to her friend. “Uncool?!” She mentioned to Angel. “After that train-wreck, there is no way anyone is gonna wanna stay at the hotel. All thanks to you and your selfish bullshit!”

Angel glanced at a discarded pile of ash and used cigarettes. “Does this mean I don’t get a free room anymore?”

Vaggie spread out her hands as if asking “Well, what do you think?”

He let out a mock sigh. “Ah, well, shucks.”

Charlie pulled off her dark pink shirt, revealing a white shirt with a black bowtie.

“Hey, come on, we don’t know if things are over yet. Try to relax, Vaggie. It’ll be okay!”

Now it was Vaggie’s turn to let out a small smile of thanks. Charlie placed a comforting hand on her shoulder, and her friend calmed down.

“What would I do without you?” Vaggie asked. She and Charlie slowly leaned into each other, their heads gently touching.

“Get a room, girls!” Angel remarked, before receiving a “Shut up!” from both of them.

 Finally, the deviant crew arrived at the Happy Hotel. It was an elegant building fit for any demon who wanted to stay a few nights. Eye designs lined the border of a dark pink canopy at the front like a creepy mosaic. Branches jutted out from the roof as part of the structure. Old fashioned lanterns attached to the wall had flames flickering inside, nonstop. The double doors consisted of stained glass windows with red apples in the center. Little stained glass snake eyes peered unblinkingly at them from around the larger window in the door.

 Angel, Vaggie, and Charlie got out of the car and threw open the double doors. A random black bug scurried away from the incoming light. A yellow sign read “Concierge” behind a pink “welcome” banner. The check in table was decorated with colored flags leaning toward the floor and random balloons with small star shapes on them. A vase was decorated with yellow eyes along the sides. Another flower pot was in the shape of a human mouth…white flowers posed above. Vaggie sighed and plopped onto a red cushioned couch in the style of a monster’s mouth.

The red rug down the hallway was decorated with the same eyeball designs, apples on the end, plus shadow skulls of horned monsters in the center.

All around the room, were pictures of Charlie as a little girl with her father and mother on various trips.

 Angel Dust came across a red fridge leaning low against the wall. He opened the door and pulled out a purple box labeled “Popsies.” He shrugged at the dripping ruined box and took out a popsicle. He gave it a lick, talking with his mouth full.

“It’s prolly a good idea to get some actual food in this place. Y’know, to feed all the wayward souls ya got in here.” He laughed nervously, trying to cheer Charlie up. But Charlie just sat sadly on a wooden box in a darkened area of the room. Angel closed the fridge door, sucked on a popsicle and reached out one of his arms to her…then hesitated. He walked away, letting her have some alone time.

Charlie walked past the two posing elephant statues balancing balls on their trunks, and toward the front door. She opened the door and went outside. Holding out her purple cell phone, (or “Hell Phone, hah, get it?”) she pressed an icon with the word “Mom” decorated with a heart and horns on the m’s.

Charlie took a deep breath as a voicemail tone came through.

“Hey Mom. Um, I know I keep calling, and you must be busy. Really busy. But, um…the interview didn’t go well and…I don’t know if I’m going to make a difference. I don’t know what I’m doing. I could really use some advice, Mom.”

She slid down and sat on the stone ground, tears falling from her eyes. “I think Dad was right about me. A-anyway, I’ll stop talking before this gets long. Love you! Bye.”

She ended the call with a tap and rubbed her eyes with her hand. Standing back up, she opened the door, closed it, and leaned against the stained glass window, eyes closed.

  Enter Alastor (and Sir Pentious)

 A slow ominous knocking from outside interrupted Charlie’s thoughts. She opened her eyes. It was a rhythmic knock, sounding like “shave and a haircut.” (Or was it “skunks in a barnyard”, or “imps in a cauldron?” She wasn’t sure.

   An ice cold feeling of dread spread through her veins. No other demon would ever do that kind of knock.

 Unless…

 She tentatively reached out her hand to the door handle, and quickly pulled it open.

 Sure enough, the most feared demon in Hell was standing right outside her door.

He towered over her, wearing dark red dress pants, a red dress shirt along with a dark red pinstriped coat underneath. His shoes were black with red hoof prints on the sides. The two black lines in the center of his dress shirt looked like an upside down cross.

Charlie slowly looked up at his red knotted bowtie, then to his thin gray face. His beaming smile displayed yellow sharp teeth and took up much of his face. On his head were red and black tuffs of hair and fur that resembled deer ears. There were even two small black antlers coming from his head. His sclera and eyes were crimson red, with an oval shaped monocle over his right eye. He carried a magical cane which resembled a vintage microphone.

 Charlie’s face morphed into sheer terror, eyes wide as saucers.

Eyes glowing red, the man began to speak.

“Hell…”

She slammed the door in his face.

Opened the door…

“…o.”

Slammed it again.

  Alastor stood, shocked in front of the stained glass door, smile still plastered on his face, hand and curved claw in the air.

 “Well… that was…rude,” he thought. “Usually people are too sacred to answer when I come by. Or they rush to try and please me because they know I could slaughter them at any time. I’ll just wait here then…or maybe break this door down…”

  “Hey, Vaggie?” Charlie called.

“What?” Vaggie replied in annoyance.

Charlie flashed a nervous smile. “The Radio Demon is at the door!”

“What?!” she demanded.

“Uh, who?” Angel asked. He sucked erotically on his popsicle.

“What should I do?” she asked, pulling at her lower eyelids.

“Well, don’t let him in!” said Vaggie.

 Charlie was tempted to do just that. But she also had a duty to not leave any sinners behind. She took a breath and opened the door again.

“May I speak now?” the demon asked.

“You may…” Charlie replied.

  The man held out his gloved hand. “Alastor, pleasure to be meeting you, sweetheart, quite a pleasure.”

He eagerly grabbed her wrist and leaned his face close to hers before strutting inside. Charlie stood, dumbfounded, her hand still out.

“Excuse my sudden visit,” he went on, “but I saw your fiasco on a picture show and I just couldn’t resist. What a performance! Why I haven’t been that entertained since the stock market crash of 1929!”

He bobbed his head side to side and burst into laughter. “So many orphans!”

Vaggie suddenly pointed a spear weapon at him. “Stop right there!” She swore in Spanish under her breath: “Carbon hijo de perra! (Son of a bitch!) I know your game. And I’m not gonna let you hurt anyone here, you pompous, cheesy, talk show shitlord!”

Angel peeked around the corner to see what was going on.

Alastor merely laughed slightly and nudged the weapon away with his fingers.

“Dear, if I wanted to hurt anyone here…”

He added in a low creepy tone, “I would have done so already.”

His red eyes briefly turned to red radio dials and radio static filled the room. He tilted his head slightly, letting his chaotic magic roam. Vaggie and Charlie were frozen in fear as they caught glimpses of red Voodoo symbols, static, and warped reality.

Then just as quickly, the noise and magic ceased and Alastor shook his head, eyes back to full red.

“No, I’m here because I want to help!” He bowed.

Charlie was sure she hadn’t heard him right.

“Say what now?” she asked, eyebrows raised.

“Help!” he responded with another laugh. He held up his microphone staff. “Hello? Is this thing on? Testing, testing…”

He tapped it and a glowing red eye appeared in the center. “Well, I heard you loud and clear!” the microphone responded, eye shaking in fear.

“Um…you want to help?” Charlie asked.

 Alastor appeared behind the demon girls, hands on their backs, switching from a shadow to his regular self. Both Vaggie and Charlie flinched.

“With…” he mentioned in an imitation of Charlie’s voice,

“…this ridiculous thing you’re trying to do!” finishing in his normal voice. “This hotel!”

Charlie could hear the call bell ding twice on the table, even though no one was there to ring it.

“I want to help you run it.”

“Uh…why?” Charlie asked, confused.

Alastor laughed again. “Why does anyone do anything? Sheer absolute boredom! I’ve lacked inspiration for decades!”

He placed his elbow on an annoyed Vaggie’s head. Then shoved her aside.

“My work became mundane, lacking focus, aimless! I’ve come to crave a new form of entertainment!”

He laughed again.

Charlie looked downcast. “Does getting into a fist fight with a reporter count as entertainment?”

“It’s the purest kind, my dear! Reality! True passion! After all, the world is a stage! And the stage is a world of entertainment!”

Charlie brightened a bit. “So, does this mean that you think it’s possible to rehabilitate a demon?”

Alastor help up a hand and laughed. “Of course not. That’s wacky nonsense! Redemption, oh the non-existent humanity! Nononono, I don’t think there’s anything left that could save such loathsome sinners! The chance given was the life they lived before; the punishment is this! He spread out his arms. “There is no undoing what is done!”

“So then, why do you want to help me if you don’t believe in my cause?” Charlie asked.

Alastor smirked and looked at Charlie over his shoulder. “Consider it an investment in ongoing entertainment for myself!” He pulled her close to him with his arm and twirled her around in a quick dance. “I want to watch the scum of the world struggle to climb up the hill of betterment! Only to repeatedly trip and tumble down to the fiery pit of failure.”

“Right…” Charlie began, slowly removing his clawed hand from her shoulder.

Alastor took her aside for a walk. “Yes indeedy! I see big things coming your way, and who better to help than I.”

 “Ah, so uh, what’s the deal with Smiles over there?” Angel asked Vaggie.

“Wait, you’ve never heard of him before?” Vaggie asked. “You’ve been here longer than me!”

Angel shrugged his shoulders.

“The Radio Demon, one of the most powerful beings Hell has ever seen?”

“Eh, not big on politics,” he replied.

Vaggie, annoyed, leaned in close to explain.

“Decades ago, Alastor manifested in Hell, seemingly overnight. He began to topple overlords who had been dominant for centuries. That kind of raw power has never been harnessed by a mortal soul before. Then, he broadcast his carnage all throughout Hell, just so everyone could witness his ability. Sinners started calling him The Radio Demon. (As lazy as that is). Many have speculated what unimaginable force enabled him to rival our world’s most ancient and destructive evils. But one thing’s for sure: He’s an unpredictable source of danger, a wicked spirit of mystery, and a violent monster of chaos, the likes of which we can’t risk getting involved with unless we want to end up erased.”

“Ya done?” Angel asked with a snicker. “He looks like a strawberry pimp!”

“Well, I don’t trust him!” Vaggie argued.

To be fair, do you trust any man? Any men? Men?” Angel asked with a slight laugh.

Vaggie ignored him and walked up to her friend.

“Charlie, listen to me. You just can’t believe this creep! He isn’t just a happy face! He’s a dealmaker, pure evil! He can’t be redeemed! And is most likely looking for a way to destroy everything we’re trying to do.”

“I…” Charlie began. “…we don’t know that. Look…I know he’s bad, and I know he probably doesn’t wanna change, but the whole point of this is to give people a chance! To have faith things will be better! How can I turn someone away? I can’t. It goes against everything I’m trying to do. Everything I believe in.”

Alastor stared in fascination at a family picture on the wall. It showed Lucifer dressed in white, Lilith in a dark purple dress, and Charlie as a little girl wearing a brown and white dress in the middle. The picture border consisted of branches and yellow eyeballs and a dried rose in the upper right hand corner.

 “Such a lovely portrait! A picture of perfection! It’d be such a shame if something awful were to happen to them…”

 “Just trust me,” Charlie added placing comforting hands on her girlfriend’s shoulders, “I can take care of myself.”

Charlie,” warned Vaggie, “Whatever you do, do not make a deal with him!”

From a distance, Alastor opened up the palm of one hand, claws curled inward. Both girls glanced in his direction, worry on their faces.

 “I’ll have these two in the palm of my hand…”

 “Don’t worry, Charlie replied to Vaggie. “I picked up one thing from my Dad…” she spoke in a manly voice, “Ya don’t take shit from other demons!”

Gathering her courage, Charlie marched over to the Radio Demon.

“Ok, so…Al. You’re sketchy as fuck, and you clearly see what I’m trying to do here is a joke. But I don’t.”

Red Voodoo symbols appeared around Alastor, then vanished.

Charlie continued. “I think everyone deserves a chance to prove they can be better. So, I’m taking your offer to help. On the condition that there be no tricks or voodoo strings attached.”

Alastor twirled his cane and held out his hand. “So it’s a deal then?”

Flashes of eerie green light surrounded him, electricity snaking up the walls.

“Nope!” Charlie yelled, holding out her hands. The energy stopped. “No shaking! No deals! I…hmm…”

Charlie decided to try another approach.

“As princess of Hell, and heir to the throne, I uh, hereby order that you help with this hotel, for a long as you desire.”

A moment of pause…

“Sound fair?” she asked.

“Fair enough. Cool beans.” Alastor shrugged, walking on and making his cane disappear. Charlie breathed a sigh of relief and even did a thumbs up.

Alastor stopped and spotted Vaggie off to the side. He smirked in a way outside observers would describe as lecherous. He tickled her under her chin with a finger.

“Smile, my dear! You know you’re never fully dressed without one!”

Alastor hummed happily on his way, while Vaggie growled in disgust and rage.

“So…where is your hotel staff?” Alastor asked.

“Uh, well…” Charlie began. Alastor peered at Vaggie through his monocle. “Oh ho ho ho, you’re going to need more than that.”

He walked over towards Angel.

“And what can you do, my effeminate fellow?”

Angel grinned. “I can suck your dick!”

“Ha! No.” Alastor deadpanned.

“Your loss,” Angel said with a slight laugh. Alastor summoned his cane.

“Well, this just won’t do!” Alastor exclaimed. “I suppose I can cash in a few favors to liven things up!”

 The spell came easily in his mind: “dife sèvitè, reveye.”

  He snapped his fingers and a fire sparked to life in a small circular fireplace. Animal skeletons decorated either side of the wall.

A dark figure plopped down onto the chimney floor.

Alastor walked over and picked up the creature with his hand. A large single yellow eye was revealed. Angel, Vaggie, and Charlie peered at the creature. In a puff of smoke and a squeak, the creature revealed herself. A cute cyclops girl was wearing a pink dress with a poodle on the front, her short wide hair dark magenta with a streak of yellow.

“This little darling is Niffty!” Alastor introduced, before dropping her. She landed on her feet.

“Hi! I’m Niffty!” she greeted with a wave. “It’s nice to meet you! It’s been a while since I’ve made new friends!” She laughed slightly and her pupil grew smaller, darting in circles.

“Why are you all women?” she asked. “Have any men here?! I’m sorry, that’s rude.” She missed the fact that Angel was male, for obvious reasons.

She briefly picked up Charlie, while Vaggie held her spear defensively at her.

“Oh man, this place is filthy!” she exclaimed, running around and lifting up couch cushions. “It really needs a lady’s touch, which is weird, because you’re all ladies, no offence.” She chewed on a black spider she found, then rushed toward some stained glass windows.

She darted around, using a dust ruffle to clean them. “Oh my gosh, this is awful! No, no, no…Nope!”

She raced around, removing cobwebs, then poking at a piece of a voodoo doll. Well, it was actually a live blue beetle doll that Alastor had stabbed with a clothing pin for Niffty to play with. Alastor looked amused, while the others stared in disbelief.

 “So fortunate of me to have met her in Hell. A former chimney sweeper in the 20th century. Heard she died from too much smoke. Services are still good! Though, I didn’t give her much of an option to begin with…”

   Meanwhile, at a casino, a cat demon placed a joker, an ace, a 2, and a fourth card down on the table. He had black and white fur, wore a black top hat and had red wings with card suits decorated on them. He also had long red eyebrows and wore a red bow tie.

“Ha!” he declared in triumph. “Read ‘em and weep, boys!”

He suddenly felt himself being forcefully pulled out of the room through space and time.

“Full…whoa!”

 “Transpòte ganbadeur la.”

 He ducked as a curtain of red energy surrounded the existing space. Voodoo symbols flashed in the background along with eight yellow eyes, a creepy voodoo skull and a purple skeleton of a worm-like creature. Another voodoo skull with horns appeared for a moment not too far from tan ghost-like spirits with creepy faces and a row of jagged teeth.

 The cat demon figured he must have had too much booze to drink.

 “…the hell?”

 As the images faded, he soon found himself at the hotel bar, not in the previous room at the casino. A large “Come and play Blackjack” sign took up much of the wall behind him. Most peculiar, the gray wood walls were missing halfway up, replaced by the red themed décor of the hotel. Husk was sitting in a portion of the casino he was in. It felt like he was in a house with no roof surrounded by the outside world.

 “What the fuck is this?”

He saw Alastor and pointed an accusing claw.

“You.”

“Ah, Husker, my good friend!” Alastor cheerfully greeted. “Glad you could make it!”

Alastor’s head briefly had the appearance of large antlers sticking out from either side. When he moved it, it was revealed to be an antler skull with glowing green eyes hanging in the background. Snakes were wrapped around one of the white curtains supporting a bar stand. “Big Booze,” “Welcome” and “Big Soul” signs were placed overhead on the stand. Neon green card suits consisted of the designs at the bottom of the stand.

“Don’t you “Husker” me, you son of a bitch!” Husk spat, and swiped Alastor’s hand aside from his shoulder. “I was about to win the whole damn pot!”

Husk stared in anger as the stacks of money and chips on the table vanished in static.

“Good to see you too!” added Alastor.

Husk face palmed. “What the hell do you want with me this time?”

Alastor grabbed hold of him, startling him so much that cards fell from his hands.

“My friend, I am doing some charity work, so I took it upon myself to volunteer your services! I hope that’s okay.”

Husk was taken aback. “Are you shittin’ me?!”

“No, I don’t think so,” Alastor replied. He casually brushed off his sleeves.

Husk shoved the Radio Demon off him. “You thought it would be some kind of big fuckin’ riot just to pull me outta nowhere? You think I’m some kinda fuckin’ clown?”

“Maybe.”

Audience laughter emitted from the microphone.

“I ain’t doin’ no fuckin’ charity job,” Husk protested.

Alastor appeared next to him. “Will I figured you would be the perfect face to man the front desk of this fine establishment.”

He pointed toward the bar stand with the staff. The sound of audience clapping came from his radio staff.

“With your charming smile and welcoming energy…”

Alastor spread the corners of Husk’s mouth upward into a demonic smile of yellow teeth. Husk frowned seconds after he let go.

“…this job was made for you!”

Alastor strutted over toward the bar stand, the soles of his shoes revealing red hoof prints as he walked.

“Don’t worry, my friend,” Alastor continued, “I can make this more welcoming…if you wish.”

With a curve of his fingers, a green bottle of cheap booze appeared on the counter.

Husk stared with wide eyes, suddenly very thirsty. He swore he could hear the sound of a slot machine.

“What, you think you can buy me with a wink and some cheap booze?!” He took the bottle on anger. “Well you can!”

He immediately guzzled it down and walked away.

 “Too easy,” thought Alastor.

 By this time, Charlie, Vaggie and Angel Dust had arrived to see what the commotion was about. Vaggie rushed toward the bar, furious.

“Hey, hey, hey, hey!” yelled the moth demon. “No, no bar, no alcohol. This is supposed to be a place that discourages sin! Not some kind of…mouth, brothel, man-cave…”

Angel lunged himself into her, knocking her to the floor.

“Shut up! Shut! Up! We are keeping this.” He pointed at Husk with multiple gloved hands.

He slid up to Husk. “Hey,” he said in a flirtatious voice.

“Go fuck yourself,” Husk deadpanned, drinking his booze.

“Only if you watch me,” Angel retorted.

To make matters worse for Husk, Charlie leaned in close to him, excitement and red stars in her eyes.

“Oh my gosh! Welcome to the Happy Hotel! You are going to love it here!”

“I lost the ability to love years ago,” Husk replied, gulping down more booze.

Alastor walked in, an ever-present grin on his face.

“So, what do you think?”

Charlie ran over to him. “This is amazing!” she beamed.

“It’s okay,” Vaggie said from nearby, arms crossed.

 Alastor laughed and pulled the two girls close to him. “This is going to be very entertaining!”

  Alastor conjured fire in his hand…Charlie stared in wonder at the flames and the voodoo symbols. He pushed Vaggie aside and changed his attire. He now wore a fancy red suit with a white undershirt and a black bow tie. A red top hat appeared on his head, complete with small spikes along the black band and two needles sticking out from the top. He twirled Charlie around in a dance, the princess looking stunned. Pointing his finger over her head, he transformed Charlie’s outfit. Her blonde hair was now short and wavy. She wore an elegant black and red dress, black gloves, a pink hat with a small black bow and black heels. She looked like a dapper lady from the early 20th century.

 Charlie stared at her conjured clothing in amazement.

Vaggie was on the floor, fuming.

Alastor picked Charlie up and threw her into the air. She yelped in delight and landed gracefully next to him. Two glowing apples and a skull with deer horns flashed in the background.

Reality had been altered to the Radio Demon’s liking. The entire room was lit in psychedelic colors. Voodoo symbols and shapes were etched in every nook and cranny, including a pair of pink claws reaching for the door. Alastor and Charlie waltzed in the spotlight as electro swing music began to play in the distance. The all-encompassing noise, though, was the signature radio-static sound.

 Alastor sang his reprise to Charlie:

“You have a dream

You wish to tell

And it’s so laughable

But hey kid, what the hell! “

 Charlie found herself sliding down one of the apple-etched railings, Alastor leading the way. They landed on the lower floor as Alastor continued his reprise.

Deer statues and painted antlers were everywhere.

Back at the bar stand, Husk sat looking bored. Vaggie hissed at Angel grabbing onto her shoulder, while Niffty stared in wonder. Alastor snapped his fingers and their outfits changed as well.

Angel was wearing a neon pink suit, Husk a pink bow tie, Vaggie a dark dress, with her hair now smooth and long, and finally Niffty, with a cute top hat with small flowers.

 “‘Cause you’re one of a kind

A charming demon belle!

Now let’s give these burning fools a place to dwell

(Take it, boys!)”

 Alastor snapped his fingers once more and shadowy imps rose to life from a hole in the ground. The happy spirits played a trumpet, a tuba, and a drum set. Charlie snapped her fingers to the beat, while Vaggie watched with worry. She reached out to her friend but was pulled away by Alastor. He enveloped the group into a tight hug, followed by glowing images of dark spirits staring at them. Niffty watched in amazement, but not the other three.

Alastor pulled Husk and Angel close again. He rubbed Angel’s head with a white hat and went on his merry way. Husk gave him the bird as he left.

Vaggie stood, annoyed in the spotlight. Using his cane, Alastor added a feathered peacock hat and a white fox fur to her outfit. Then out of nowhere, he slapped her butt.

“Pompous pervert!” Vaggie thought in rage as he wondered away.

Alastor danced some more, kicking a horned skull to the side. In the background, Niffy happily swept up the bits of bone.

 “Inside of every demon is a lost cause

But we’ll dress ‘em up now with just a smile!

(With a smile!)

And we’ll chlorinate this cesspool

With some old redemption flair

And show these simpletons some proper class and style!

(What’s in style? Oh!)”

 He made his way to the circular fireplace, where he waved his staff. Shadows arrived to join the party, including a shadowy version of himself, with large antlers and fangs. He made it disappear in a poof, then snuck toward Charlie. He led her in an upbeat dance, spinning her around, helping her match her steps to his. Charlie blushed when toyed with her cheeks. As Charlie was led away, Vaggie stood in the background, horrified and disgusted. What was happening to her friend?

Charlie and Alastor laughed as they danced, the princess locked in a happy trance.

 “Here below the ground

I’m sure you’re plan is sound!

They’ll spend a little time

Down at this Hazbin Ho…”

  Alastor was about to finish his song, when an explosion burst apart a window behind him.

  Niffty stared in amazement, shouting “Whoo!” before she was blasted backwards, the door hitting her in the face.

 Alastor’s spell soon wore off and everyone was back in their regular clothes. Alastor, Husk (still drinking), Niffty, Charlie, Angel, and Vaggie, peered out of the hole to see what was going on. Vaggie had her weapon at the ready.

 Looking skyward, the group saw a cracked blimp in the air. It had a small random band aid with a sad face on it along the rim. A familiar snake villain popped out of his hideout.

“Ha!” Sir Pentious laughed. “Well, well, well, look who it is harboring the striped freak! We meet again, Alastor!”

Apparently, he was also rivals with Alastor.

But Alastor simply asked, “Do I know you?”

The snake boss looked disappointed. Then he said in anger, “Oh yes you do! And this time, I have the element of…surprise!”

The villain raced toward his pink velvet chair and pulled a lever. A metallic cannon lowered to the ground. The cannon fired up with pink energy as pink smoke appeared around them.

“He laughed manically. “I’m so evil!”

Then he added, “I have an Egg army!”

 “Well, we have an Alastor,” Charlie responded.

 Alastor snapped his fingers, red tendrils of smoke rising from his hand. The weapon froze in mid fire and a fiery portal opened up below the blimp.

 A horde of black tendrils rose from the hole, latching onto the ship. One tentacle ripped off the cannon and threw it into another smaller portal, causing it to explode in pink smoke. One of the tentacles had already smashed a hole in the large round window.

Sir Pentious looked on in shock as his Egg Bois slammed against the wall (one of them read #Ouch.) One of the eggs cracked open, spilling out yellowish brains and small organs among the stains of yok. Sir Pentious and another minion were thrown against the wall.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” he screamed before he was slammed against the ceiling by a black limb.

“Oh, that hurt!” he cried.

Sir Pentious screamed as he was dragged along the floor and lifted up slightly. He was held in place, surrounded by the wrapped up tendril. At once, the tendril shrunk and squeezed the helpless snake. The Egg Bois ran around screaming as black cracks appeared on the floor and walls.

From the outside, more black tendrils were closing in. Red voodoo symbols appeared around the blimp.

 “Ede m 'sèrviteur.”

Four horned shadowy spirits with red auras floated around, wearing toothy grins.

 The tendrils were now wrapped around the entire blimp, holding it in place like thick black vines.

 Red radio waves filled Alastor’s eyes as he circled his fingers and worked is magic. Voodoo symbols appeared all around him as he altered the state of reality. Radio static consumed the air.

The vines thickened and completely enclosed the blimp. The spirits swooped around it in excitement, with echoing shrieks. The aura around the tendrils glowed a fiery yellow, the same color as the portal rim.

 “Kalfu! Destriksyon pa bra nwa.”

 Alastor closed his four-fingered hand which began to glow. The tendrils proceeded to crush the blimp. Pink rays of light shot from the center and the blimp exploded in a loud BOOM!

Pink smoke spread everywhere as the spirits sped away. The tendrils broke into severed bloody pieces that rained down to the ground. Alastor smiled victoriously, while behind them, the group of five stared in utter terror and shock. (Save for Niffty who had a small smile on her face).

 “Well, I’m starved!” Alastor exclaimed, turning around to face the group. Who wants some jambalaya?” He spread his arms out. “My mother once showed me a wonderful recipe for jambalaya! In fact, it nearly killed her!”

He laughed as he led the way back to the hotel. The others followed.

“You could say the kick was right out of Hell!”

He added while laughing at his own joke, “Oh, I’m on a roll!”

Charlie and Niffty smiled while Husk, Angel, and Vaggie looked on with concern. Angel blew Husk a kiss, which earned the druggie demon a glare from the gambler. Charlie turned to Vaggie excitedly. Vaggie reluctantly went along with Charlie’s idea, even giving her a small supporting smile. As long as Charlie was happy, then she was alright, too.

From up above, the hotel looked like a mashed-up haunted house. An old dark train was perched on a balcony, with some monstrous faces carved in. A ship, reminiscent of the Titanic, was leaning upwards against the building as part of the structure. An old carousel served as part of the upper balcony and windows. Skull designs decorated the small windows in a row. Finally, on top of a giant yellow eye, was the sign “Happy Hotel” supported by pillars of worn wood.  

Alastor continued, “Yes, sir, this is the start of some real changes down here! The game is set! Now…”

 He glanced up and pointed his finger toward the sign. Pink electricity shot out and made contact with the sign.

The sign now read “Hazbin Hotel.”

 “Stay tuned,” he finished with a low sinister laugh.

 Back at the crater, smoke took the faces of demons and rose into the air. Broken egg minions littered the ground. One minion rubbed his head. With a shaking arm, Sir Pentious lifted himself up from the gaping hole, fangs shattered.

“Now will you shoot me with your ray gun?” asked the minion.

Sir Pentious face-planted on the ground in response.

#hazbin hotel

[easybrieseymovies]

Top 10 Movies of this Decade –– A Biased Reflection By Conner Miller

As this hellish decade draws to a close it only felt right to list the ten films that made it a little better. Do not expect to find all critical darlings on this. This is a place for my personal top 10 –– not Joker. Lettuce Pray:

10. Short Term 12 (2013) dir. Destin Daniel Cretton

Chances are you’ve seen Captain Marvel, Atlanta, Booksmart (more to follow), Brooklyn 99 or Bohemian Rhapsody. There’s almost no chance you’ve seen this intimate 2013 SXSW selection. Before Brie Larson was terrifying alt-right women haters and winning Academy Awards she portrayed Grace, a supervisor at a group home for troubled teens. Typically in indies like this one mid tier star is all the budget can afford. Director Destin Daniel Cretton took chances on barely known actors who used this film as a launching pad to stardom. Between Brie and Rami Malek alone there’s Academy Awards for Best Actress and Best Actor. Add in LaKeith Stanfield of Atlanta and Someone Great fame, Kaitlyn Dever of Booksmart and Unbelievable and Stephanie Beatriz from Brooklyn 99 and you’ve got enough to make a Knives Out sequel.

The shocking thing is with the immense talent featured the film’s budget was under a million dollars. Larson’s performance as Grace is layered, empathetic and revelatory. She is one of the few actresses that lets you in without words. You can see the grief and longing to help her kids she mentors in her eyes. The relationship between her and troubled teen Jayden (the magnificent as always Kaitlyn Dever) forms the film’s emotional core. Grace and Jayden lean into each other and find their tribulations aren’t dissimilar. Cretton shows a deft touch in letting the actor’s play to their strengths and allowing the camera to be still and messy allowing the group home to become a character. The film crackles with humanity and everyone involved shines bright.

There’s not an excuse to miss this one. Hop on Amazon Prime and catch it!

9. The Social Network (2010) Dir. by David Fincher

Before their ill-fated runs as Lex Luthor and Spider-Man, Jesse Eisenberg and Andrew Garfield headlined this snappy masterpiece about your grandmother’s favorite app to share slightly racist boomer memes. While Facebook has aged like milk, the film has only grown more relevant. Screenwriter Aaron Sorkin’s whiplash paced dialogue is the highlight here. There’s not a day that goes by I don’t try to work my “fuck you flip-flops” into casual conversation.

For a film about such a now mainstream app, there’s more weird shit to shake a stick at. Brenda Song (withholding calling her London Tipton) as a crazy ex who likes to burn trash! Justin Timberlake with a strange haircut as Napster founder Sean Parker! Not one, but two Armie Hammers! Early career Dakota Johnson! All of these welcome turns are grounded by Sorkin’s bubbling script. Even in limited screen-time each character’s dialogue is so unique they feel lived in and real.

For all of David Fincher’s acclaimed films, I find this one the most accessible. This isn’t Fight Club or Se7en. His most human film by far TSN takes everything great about Fincher and condenses it into one highly enjoyable package. Sometimes his films become meandering and Sorkin’s dialogue helps dial this in. The result is a film that feels dangerously ominous considering its 2010 release date. In some ways it feels the film that defines and bridges the distinctly different presidential administrations this decade brought.

8. A Star is Born (2018) Dir. by Bradley Cooper

On paper this film looked like a dead on arrival disaster. Bradley Cooper’s directorial debut? A fourth remake of a classic movie? David Chapelle in a dramatic role? This movie rose above the memes and truly kicked me in the teeth. There’s so much to love so hey let’s get another look at it!

Blistering hot take, but the cinematography in this film by Matthew Libatique might be the best of the fucking decade. When he shoots scenes with Cooper’s Jackson Maine the camera is frenetic and unsteady. As he begins to let Lady Gaga’s Ally into his life the camera grows steadier and symbolic of their bond. Nearly every wide shot in this film looks like a painting. The concert scenes are slathered in lights that make the viewer feel like they’re on stage with Jackson and Ally.  Exhibit A:

Elite framing aside the songs in this film are eternal and will always loom on my Spotify waiting to strike. “Shallow” is the ultimate karaoke song and I will always attempt to howl Lady Gaga’s eternal AHHH AHHHHH AHHHH until I am lowered into the ground.

Parks and Recreation fans will be pleased to see Hippie Ron aka Sam Elliott in an utterly dominant supporting role as Jackson’s older brother. I still write angry letters to the Academy asking why he didn’t win Best Supporting Actor. I am very PASSIONATE about this film and it is on HBO. Grab a six pack and prepare to sob.

7. “The Spectacular Now” (2013) Dir. by James Ponsoldt

This originally was going to be Whiplash, but Tyler needed to take the floor on that as a young student living in Manhattan. We do stick with Miles Teller for number seven with one of god tier studio A24′s first hits: The Spectacular Now. Admittedly any film that features Brie Larson and Kaityln Dever already has me interested, but bias aside this truly is a beautiful ride.

Late film critic Roger Ebert famously gave this film a perfect 4/4 in one of his final reviews. I’ll do Roger one more and give it a 5/4. Between the grainy film stock, the small scale stakes and the authentic characters this film just feels achievable. There’s no beam in the sky or city to save, but the stakes feel just as dire. As the main character Sutter navigates alcoholism, love and trying to understand his parents you feel for him. He’s a proxy for which everyone in high school else felt. There’s a gentle innocence in how sweet the movie is. If it is ever taken off Netflix I will be ready to storm their server room.

6. “Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse” (2018)

You thought you were going to escape without a Marvel film and you were almost right. The various reboots and remakes of Spider-Man this decade all featured high and low points. This animated tale, however, was transcendent. Moving the character into animation and featuring a Spider-Man of color in the lead injected much needed life into the character. I never thought i’d see the day that Spider-Man won an Academy Award, but lo and behold deviating from a cis caucasian Spider-Man brought it home.

Between the film’s electric soundtrack, unique frame rate and snappy animation it truly is the closest thing to living in a comic book. Miles’ first swing sequence is by far one of the greatest scenes in cinema – animated or non-animated. The voice acting is superb and without a doubt this film will be heavily played when I have kids over Frozen. Another one right there on Netflix waiting for you to check out!

5. “Waves” (2019) Dir. by Trey Edward Shults

One of three 2019 selections on this list (it has been a hell of a year for cinema) Waves is by far the hardest film to find on this list. Despite an extremely limited release last month I was able to catch it in cinemas. I haven’t experienced a film that better captures the dynamic of a family. The vibrant colors of South Florida evoke shades of Moonlight as the viewer is introduced to son Tyler masterfully played by newcomer Kelvin Harrison Jr. We see him navigate his senior year of high school amidst the pressures of a girlfriend, competitive athletics and the constant weight of his overbearing, but layered father (a brilliant Sterling K. Brown of This is Us fame).

To say much about the plot is to spoil the film, but it is powerful to say the least. The film’s soundtrack is simply a miracle. The brilliant hues of neon and ocean pastels burn images in you mind as Frank Ocean, Kid Cudi, Tyler, The Creator and numerous other beloved artists weave in and out. This film literally has more than five Frank Ocean songs in it. If that isn’t convincing enough you’re on the wrong blog.

4. “Uncut Gems” (2019) Dir. by Josh and Benny Sadfie

Infinitely rewatch-able, this film is the closest simulation to living inside a pressure cooker. Adam Sandler plays the neurotic Howard Ratner with the conviction of man of his hair on fire. Even in the scenes he isn’t present his gravitas is felt in every frame. There’s really something here for everyone. Howard owes people money from his diamond store in Manhattan. As he ramps up his debt with a series of increasingly risky bets the viewer follows him night and day. Each time he seemingly as a way out the stakes only increase.

The frantic and gritty way the film is shot paired with its masterfully tense score have the film dialed up to 120 the entire runtime. It is the film equivalent of “Why are you so sweaty? I was watching Cops.” in Stepbrothers. This one just went wide release on Christmas so get out there before it leaves theaters.

3. “La La Land” (2016) Dir. by Damien Chazelle

Don’t let the infamous Best Picture swap with Moonlight fool you about the quality of this film. In his follow up to Whiplash, Chazelle takes command from the opening musical number on the overpasses of the 405 in LA. This love story of ambition between aspiring musician Seb and actress Mia has heart that few films have. It isn’t about boy meets girl. Similar to A Star is Born it is about finding the person you need to reach your dreams.

There’s few films with this level of direction. Each camera movement, lighting choice and story beat is tactile and purposeful. Emma Stone delivers a career defining performance and the Academy thankfully awarded her Best Actress. Every song on the soundtrack is an absolute banger and there’s really no excuse for not watching this one. A true gem even on my twelfth rewatch and four papers/presentations I gave on it in film school.

2. “Booksmart” (2019) Dir. by Olivia Wilde

These final two movies on the list exist on their own personal Mount Olympus. Olivia Wilde, in her directorial debut no less, creates an honest coming of age movie that’s actually a love story. Molly (Beanie Feldstein) and Amy (Kaityln Dever) are honor roll students on their final day of high school. When they realize the kids who partied and didn’t study religiously also got into Ivy League schools they set out to correct that over one crazy night.

You really won’t find a sweeter or more hopeful film. Dever and Feldstein bring electricity to their roles and won’t fail to make you laugh and cry. In a news cycle filled with hate and fear, films like this are needed. A film that’s sexually, politically and morally progressive without getting on a soapbox is nearly impossible and that’s exactly what Wilde achieved with this instant classic. I literally only have a Hulu subscription to rewatch this endlessly. I also own two different shirts of Amy and Molly. Enjoy.

1. “Lady Bird” (2017) Dir. by Greta Gerwig

If you’re still reading this far you likely know me and know what’s number one. Gerwig’s Lady Bird is nothing short of perfection. A riveting and relatable story of titular Christine “Lady Bird” McPherson’s journey navigating her senior year of high school in Sacramento at surface, but really about parents and children.  Between Sam Levy’s grainy cinematography that makes the film feel like a memory, Jon Brion’s understated score and Saoirse Ronan’s dynamo performance as Lady Bird there’s so much to love. You’re this far. You don’t need to read anymore. Take a breath, pat yourself on the back and let’s hope the next decade is even better. Also Lady Bird is on Amazon Prime. Don’t forget that.

(P.S Larry McPherson is the best movie dad of all time –– fight me.)

-Conner

IG and Twitter: @connerjmill9

#moviesofthedecade #easybreiseymovies #ladybird #booksmart a24 uncutgems lalaland moviereviews waves spectacularnow spiderman starisborn

[featherwurm]

What would happen if McMenamin's owned the Winchester Mystery House, still occupied by its batty creator, who had acquired strange and bizarre artifacts throughout her long life, even more than the Mystery Shack, and continued on her mad construction?  How would such a place run?

Here’s a dream I had the other night.

Along the Oregon coast, just south of Astoria, there are some 500+ acres of utterly untouched wilderness, once owned by what is now described as a madwoman.  I say untouched, but there is a building deep within the heart of it, a giant rambling construction dictated only by the whims of a spiritualist trying to avoid the wrath of a self-imposed curse.  She filled this building with her long lifetime's worth of artifacts, bizarre and arcane, filled with spirits and spiritual energies beyond the ability of any one person to control.  It would sound the start of some great horror story or murder mystery but no, what the hotel chain that bought it out saw was a financial opportunity.

It is a grand establishment, with so many secret passages, bizarre architectural flourishes, ghosts, and utterly eccentric décor and effects it couldn't be anything but one of the most fascinating establishments in all of Oregon.  It's original owner, now into her hundreds has stayed on living there, as part of the purchase agreement.  She is allowed to continue her procurement of magic and unusual artifacts, and so long as the hotel can operate, continue her rambling construction (never ending, to stave of that which she fears hunts her).  The hotel chain has fixed up the place a treat, covering it in beautiful artwork, adding amenities galore, and making it an incredible destination.  But it wasn't a purchase without risk.

The place is deeply haunted.  Like a spiritual magnet, it has drawn all sorts of entities, ghostly, magical, arcane, and otherwise, to it.  While many of these apparitions are harmless and only add to the allure, some are very dangerous, and could cause trouble for patrons.  Therefore, in addition to the usual hotel, restaurant, and sales staff of front desk, office managers, cooks, housekeeping, bartenders, servers, sales associates, and so on, there are three classes of spiritual workers employed:

Exorcists – Considered the most important (or at least the most self-important) these workers are the last to deal with any given situation.  Through their spiritual and magical prowess they are capable of purging magical entities from our dimension back to their home plane.  Their work is violent and dangerous, and they oversee the care and maintenance of the spiritual energy of the building – never too much, always just enough.

Brutes – Below the Exorcists are the Brutes, the physical bouncers of this ghostly place.  They are, through grace or training, able to physically beat the stuffing out of anything magical or ectoplasmic that comes their way.  When more severe means aren't needed, they pitch out the ghostly riff-raff.

Empaths – Considered the most lowly of the spiritualists, these people, through their own skills are able to diffuse conflict with ghosts and other magical entities.  They are first to be called, and are the ones with the most paperwork to deal with as they ensure that any claim of malicious spiritual activity is, in fact, ghosts and not rowdy patrons.  They are the talkers of the bunch, and work to peaceful resolutions of conflict, moving artifacts when needed to cleanse their energies, finding out the requests and needs of ghosts that are reasonable to work with, and meeting them, and otherwise working to keep the prestige of the strange nature of the place while avoiding conflict between the mundane and the magical.

I work as an Empath.  I have, throughout my life, been privy and partial to the strange, and yet, generally most sympathetic to it.  I find no need to kill the spiders in my home, but to find the best means that we can all live together. I, along with my fellows, am considered soft, but valuable at least. Although I deal with a lot of paperwork, constantly writing and filing reports of minor spiritual mischief and ensuring that it is dealt with or moved up the chain accordingly.  Patrons sign a waiver which states that if they attribute ghosts to their own wrongdoings, they are subject to significant fines, and follow up on those thankfully isn't my job, but I do have to ensure that everything in that regard is written up correctly if the Exorcists find no spiritual causes of destruction.

All of us spiritualists have a particular sort of uniform.  We all – no matter our class, wear the same clothes, meant to protect us from malicious entities; heavy boots with iron toes, a black jumpsuit with copper piping details, thick leather gloves, bags and satchels full of our various effects. It is both practical, and meant to keep us as indistinguishable from one another as possible, apart from the mask, which is unique to any of us, and can be dropped or traded off at any point to prevent further distinction among us in a crisis situation (you might know the one with the elk skull did something, but now there are just six humans in the room).  Sometimes you need to be one of many – sometimes you need to stand out to avoid dangerous spiritual situations, and this is the best compromise so far.

Each mask is generally skeletal in form, and made of a light and robust material.  It comprises a breathing apparatus in the front, which may be needed if an entity turns particularly hostile, or if work is needed in the pools and lake on the grounds.  Decorated with arcane symbols, there is some personalization allowed here, as the form must follow function, and each spiritual worker has their own little means of making it through the labyrinth of magical manipulation.

For all I am on a low rung and do more paperwork than I care for, I do enjoy my job.  The facilities are amazing, exciting, and unique, and even after a long hard day of work, they still provide surprises and enjoyment for most of us working here.  The building's original owner is fascinating, and there are seemingly no end to the magical creatures, artifacts, and events one might encounter on a daily basis.  The grounds are lush and extensive, and we are allowed use of them within reason, wandering the gardens or trekking through the libraries and museum-like portions of the building are always soothing on the nerves.

The woods are full of fair folk, drawn to the ancient and untouched wilderness beyond the hotel grounds, and they are as fascinating and beautiful as one would expect.  They glitter in a myriad of colors, and have the lingering countenance and bearing of wild animals in their 'human' forms.  They look different from us, yet compelling.  We've found so long as you don't eat their food or give them your name they are harmless to us, and sometimes will even enjoy our company.  It's generally considered a right of passage among the folk working here to have some sort of close encounter with them.  Some get a bit caught up in this; as time slows among the fair folk, your 15 minute break might turn into a long screw and a good nap if you time things out right, and you won't even be late back to work.

My fiance works as a bartender here, both to the human patrons and serving the spirits of spirits to the spirits.  Ghosts may not pay well (they don't have to, running a bar for those that drink the actual alcohol is profitable enough) but they do tip strange.  Any number of kinds of currency, barter, or artifacts may show up in the jar when you serve them.  There have been a few previous bartenders and servers who have retired happily at an early age due to a particularly generous patron.  We're trying not to directly hope – it's all up to chance, but you never know. We have acquired an alarming number of teeth though.  They'll probably turn into an art project.

I've not been working here as long as my fiance, but I've been working long enough to become pretty well accustomed to my job.  In any given day I'll make my rounds, investigate anything I've been delegated based on customer complaint, speak with whatever entities and creatures I can work with, and file the relevant paperwork.  Even for my rank I'm toward the bottom, and I receive the more simple and often dull jobs.  Most of what I work with is the leftovers of rowdy patrons, chasing unicorns out of the gardens (they're goats... they're fancy goats), and patrolling the lesser haunted halls and ensuring the usual activities are up to snuff (moving pictures,  floating candles, hot and cold spots, vaguely disquieting noises, the usual.  In addition to asking ghosts to leave, we also ask them to step up their act at times too).  I know it will get more involved with time, and I have patience.

It's one day when I'm almost off my shift and I'm being harassed by a Brute about how I've filed my paperwork for the day in regards to some patrons who have broken a stored Christmas tree and attributed it to ghosts (I KNOW I've done it correctly, don't tell me how to do my job when the only paperwork you have to file is 'found relevant ghost, punched it in face, it left') that we all get a very interesting call over our coms.  We're asked to assemble in the attic space (one of many) where an Egyptian Sarcophagus has been kept for almost as long as the building has been around. The Brute and I are closest, and therefore I'm handed a job I'm not sure is entirely within my scope.

It would seem the eclectic owner has had some sort of epiphany recently, and desires the sarcophagus, it's effects and its contents to be moved to a new area of the building, however, it's occupant, a mummy of the 6th dynasty, has been rousted by the move.  He is not in a bad mood, but is stalling movement awaiting someone to hear out his demands.  While this would often be an Exorcists work, he is peaceful in his protest, and I'm the first Empath to get there.  He is almost immediately forthcoming with me – he wants to go home.  He doesn’t belong here, and never did, of course, and has been quiet and patient but enough is too much and he's quite done.  There is, as I convey this to those around me, the immediate question of how much of the very valuable artifacts associated with him he will take with, I see greed in the eyes of the managers I work with, but... it is all for naught.  He doesn’t want anything but to go, not to move on, but simply to go back to Egypt and find his way there.  Having not moved on as expected, he would at least like to go somewhere which must be somewhat more familiar.  He knows time has passed, but he can't simply wait around as an exhibit for whatever is to happen to him next.

It is surprising to see such animation – he has not been active ever, to anyone's knowledge, yet speaking here amongst us he begins to take back the trappings of life.  He is between, we understand him for he is not living, and the language of death is universal, but he is not a ghost either, a living construct. If what inhabits him now is the same spirit he had living, or if he has simply taken on a life of his own in death is unclear, but there are physical flashes in his withered form of the person he once was. There is some hemming an hawing, a real live mummy after all, but it is agreed that I am to serve as diplomat, as he has immediately taken to my straightforward and curious way of speaking to him, and get him on home, wherever that may be, expenses paid, of course (it is definitely good PR to return artifacts of certain provenance to their homelands, no one is so pig-headedly greedy here as to not see that). The hotel has had to deal with reparations before, not all artifacts here were attained through legitimate or kind means, and this, well, if only the being wishes to go, and the rest is still up to the estate here, it can be managed.  It's a frustratingly corporate world, and this is beyond anything I've dealt with, but I'm ready to make do.

With my fiance, a mummy, and my spiritualist know-how, we're somehow going to navigate all this to a better end, and, eventually, get back to work.

#Dream #Sketch #Concept #Art #Personal #Ghost #Spirit #Spiritualist #Empath

[teampart25-blog]

eight Dangerous And Shocking Components Hidden In Your Foods

As a knowledgeable personal instructor together with well being coach I've assessed a lot of diets and dish plans in the past. My partner and i always ask "So what is definitely your diet like? inches And the most typical response is definitely... "Oh our diet's excellent actually. very well It's not really until all of us delve deeper into what exactly people are taking in upon a daily basis wherever we learn to realize of which their diet had not been that healthful after all. Must be food product is resting over a supermarket shelf isn't going to signify it's OK to try to eat. Think about it... Little ones can eat colors nonetheless we avoid call up crayons food. Consequently , precisely why are we putting thus a lot of lifeless and nutritional devoid foods as properly as many identified waste into our bodies all these nights? The food firms absolutely don't make it easy. A lot of the meals brands don't make much sense due to all the requirements and unpronounceable companies. But did you know of which there are authorized methods where companies can add specific materials and substances in order to the product, but condition on the label that will the item doesn't incorporate those ingredients at all of? Absurd isn't the idea! While you read on likely to come to realize why additional and more people start to eat fresh and even wholesome unprocessed meals to help avoid all these disgraceful ingredients. Below We have outlined 6 dangerous and even shocking ingredients hidden in your own meals that you should become aware of. one Anti-Freeze Yes you read correct... Anti-freeze is what proceeds into the rad connected with your car so it refuses to over heat but will not freeze up in colder weather. It's called propylene glycol, also known while propane-1, 2-diol or E1520. It's a chemical that will has many industrial works by using for instance Corexit, which is an oil dispersant utilized for oil leaks throughout the ocean. It's furthermore used in pharmaceutical prescription drugs plus cosmetics, right via to many snow treatments. Luckily for the people in the European Partnership, they have not really cleaned propylene glycol while a new food additive or meals grade product. My tips, make your own ice cream and forestall consuming products that contain this kind of substance. 2. Human Curly hair Healthy proteins are the building prevents associated with life and are made up of proteins. Although they are excellent for your health, I'm certain you'd agree that there needs to be a better technique to extend the space life of some goods other than using human hair or duck feathers. This amino-acid L-Cysteine is usually used to prolong this shelf life connected with numerous products such as industrial breads. The L-Cysteine utilized to extend these food items frequently comes from shift and rooster feathers as well as horns via cows that have been slaughtered. However the many commonly used version emanates from human hair. Yes, you read that correctly. Reports have shown that the particular frizzy hair employed to derive L-Cysteine mostly originates from China and taiwan, exactly where it's collected from locks salons and even barber stores, then refined. Most rapid food chains add this particular form of L-Cysteine for their burger buns and comes. To avoid consuming human being hair as well as duck down in your foods, try out acquiring home baked breads out of your local baker as L-Cysteine isn't in the particular flour, but added to the mix during manufacturing of breads and typically the like. Best of all, make your own own. 3. Strychnine Curare is a known carcinogen, which means that that causes cancers in dwelling tissue. Typically the unfortunate factor about this harmful factor is that it appears to be to hold showing up inside our food materials. It can in everything from breakfast cereals and rice, to fruit fruit juice and your current drinking water. Sometimes at amounts about 2 - three or more times what on earth is considered risk-free. It's also been revealed to be in many protein powder-based products. Indeed, foodsdaily.com read that accurately seeing that well... those high-priced health proteins powders that quite a few guys and women waste their funds in have been revealed for you to contain this toxic factor amongst others. Quite a few wine beverages together with beers have likewise been shown to consist of arsenic, mostly the sharper ones. To filter these beverages they use diatomaceous earth, which is a natural product however this contains iron and other factors, such as arsenic. So to stay away from this toxin, get a new good quality water filter for the house and drink vino or beverage that is usually unfiltered. The unfiltered wine beverage in addition to ale also include more nutrients. 4. Fecal Boucles This one sounds nice does not it... Fecal glands any person? No thank you! Most people don't know the fact that some of the tastes utilised in your favorite glaciers creams among other items, comes from typically the castor sacs of beavers, which often is located at their rear end of the animal. That secretion is usually called castoreum and it is utilized to mark the beaver's territory. Due to typically the close easy access of the castor sacs into the beaver's anal boucle, castoreum may be the combination of pee, secretions from typically the castor boucles as properly as secretions from the fecal boucle. Castoreum will be used to be able to flavor vanilla, raspberry plus strawberry snow cream and is a new Food plus Drug Administration (FDA) accredited food chemical in quite a few popular glaciers cream brands. It's in addition accustomed to flavor many refreshments for example protein and food substitute drinks. You will generally still find it labeled since "Natural Flavoring". Isn't very the fact that great, so for everyone a person know, several of these apparent "natural" ingredients may be perineal secretion by other animals. My personal guidance... again, make your very own ice creams so a person no longer take beaver waste. five. Borax Borax offers been prohibited as a new food additive in Europe as well as the U. S. although is allowed in the particular European Union, even though they listed it as a good substance of very high worry. It's commonly used to make cosmetics, detergents, teeth enamel glazes, fiberglass, to be a flux in metallurgy and is particularly made use of in fire retardants. From the food industry it's known by it's E quantity: E285. Borax is utilized regarding acidity control, toning broker and preservative. The idea can be obtained from some caviars, noodles in addition to depending on location can be included a good wide variety of dishes to be able to add a firm texture. Borax has been taking into account the revised classification while dangerous for replica : category 1B. half a dozen. Coal Tar Doesn't this method smart appetizing? No way! You may be thinking what on earth would likely coal tar be performing in food? Nicely the great old processed food industry reaches it once again. So many of the processed food items of which grace the store racks these days contain a new long list of foods inorganic dyes. Most of all those food chemical dyes are made from coal tar and even it is listed because a regarded carcinogen (causes cancer inside of living tissue). It's used in such factors as road manufacturing, road and pavement sealing layers, cosmetics, shampoos and prescription drugs. In foods and even beverages it's known since E102, Tartrazine or perhaps Green #5 and can end up being found in soft drinks, flavored chips, pickles, cheese distinctive flavored products as well since many other food items in addition to beverage items. It is just another reason to keep highly processed meals away through your body in addition to these of your loved kinds. 7. Rodent Hair Would certainly you like some rodent hair with that? Now i'm sure it is something the fact that you usually sprinkle more than your freshly made healthy meals... Not. Well according to the Food and Drug Management (FDA) it's fine to get some rodent hair in the food. Due to many food manufacturing being manufactured through large industrial features, the Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has an permitting for rodent hair around many solutions, about what they will term "unavoidable defects". They make it possible for 1 rodent hair per 100g regarding chocolates, 5 rodent hair is for every 18oz peanut garnir vessel and 22 rodent hairs per 100g cinnamon. That will sure keep me personally away from processed food for a while. 9. Boiled Beetles This only keeps getting better doesn't it? Now so why do you need chunks of beetles in your food an individual may ask? Known while carmine, natural red-colored #4, crimson pond or perhaps E120, it's some sort of foodstuff color made by way of cooking meals cochineal insects in a salt carbonate or maybe ammonia option. It's used to create plastic-type flowers, inks, inorganic dyes, chemicals and cosmetics. Found in food and beverages is actually accustomed to color ice cream, candy, natural yoghurts and particular fruit juices. Ways to revealed to cause anaphylactic shock and severe sensitized reactions in some people. Different dyes used instead associated with organic #4 are artificial options such as: green #40 plus red #2. These are derived from oil production. My guidance, continue to keep this garbage away through the body as much while you can. We often wonder why that even while we are more computer advanced than any some other time in historical past, humans will also be more ill and unhealthy than virtually any other time in record. To me it's because simple as day. This will be items that I've truly mentioned and the thousands of other food ingredients, flavors, colors and preservatives that our leaders enable manufacturers to add to the particular foods people feed on that is helping to bring about health issues world wide. Thus it really is for you to decide. As Hippocrates said centuries ago: "Let foods be thy medicine and treatments be thy food" Thus be smart and select your food sensibly.

[joyofcrime-elinorhigh]

2016 Year in REVIEW Part 2:

  Hello there, everybody! My name is JoyofCrimeArt and this is part two of my two part "2016 Year in REVIEW. If you haven't seen part one yet I recommend that you do so before reading this part. So here's the link 2016 Year in REVIEW: Part 1 and let's just jump right back into it.

   So last we left off Nickelodeon created a new show that is both critically loved and is doing strong in the ratings. Things are looking good for them, there back in peoples good graces, so what does Nickelodeon do next? Admit that everything they've done for the last decade in a half has sucked and goes full 90's kid on us of course! Screw everything we've made since "Rocket Power" THE 90'S WHERE ALL THAT, SON! NICKELODEON WAS A MISTAKE!  Yes, right as summer was starting to roll around Nickelodeon decided to go back to the days when people liked them with a plethora of reboots and revivals. Cause why move forward, when you can move backwards, am I right? All jokes aside, the idea of reboots and revivals, as I've stated before, are not bad. But only if it's with a property that has potential with a continuation. or if the series can be done differently, with a unique spin to it. It's just that Nickelodeon announced so many so fast, that it feels like an act of desperation. Cartoon Network announced a lot of reboots too, but 1.) They didn't announce as many and 2.) They had shows on there network that had critical success while Nickelodeon has not. So it feels like there just trying to get that old success back. But whatever, it might feel a bit desperate but that doesn't mean the reboots and revivals will be bad. So let's go through all the stuff Nickelodeon has announced and see how it looks.  First Nickelodeon rebranded the "The 90's are all That." into "The Splat" which is a much catchier name, though not much other than that seemed to change. At first there were showing a lot of shows that weren't on "The 90's are all That." but now it just seems like it's the same stuff "The 90's are all That." use to show. Though now the block is much longer, so there's that. Not anything that really interest me, but I'm sure it interest some other people.  A "Legend of the Hidden Temple" movie was announced. I watched it, and I didn't really like it very much, though my older brother who did grow up with Legend of the Hidden Temple seemed to like it. I've never seen the original game show except for once or twice, so maybe it wasn't "for me." but a revival should be made for anybody to enjoy, not just old fans. The whole movie was pretty much just "Hey look, a purple parrot! Look, the steps of knowledge. Remember the steps of knowledge. I 'member." In terms of story and acting it was about on par with your average Nickelodeon original movie.  A two part "Hey Arnold! Jungle Movie." was announced, and while I've never seen Hey Arnold! I'm glad that they get to conclude the series, especially since the only reason it wasn't made was because of some weird legal reasons. Also a "Rocko's Modern Life" tv movie was announced and I'm just like, why? Is there more potential with this idea? Like I'm not saying the show is bad or anything, and I'm not saying that the tv movie will be bad. I'm just what can you really do with a modern day "Rocko's Modern Life?" I mean they could make fun of some modern things I guess, but I don't know. It just seems like there are better choices for shows to make specials out of.  What I am interested in is a "Ren and Stimpy" theatrical short, set to play before the third Spongebob Squarepants movie. I'm shocked they got John K. back after what happened between him and Nickelodeon. I think John K's style would work better in a short, so he'd have more time and budget to make it the way he wants to, and wouldn't have to worry about deadlines.  So yeah, it's kind a mixed bad with these revivals. Some of them sound cool. It just feels weird to me that Nickelodeon is just starting to be good again, but then they go through this midlife crisis and act like everything they did after 1999 was crap. Nickelodeon has made good shows after the nineties ended, and are even making some good shows now, so I don't see why they need to do this. I do wonder how successful these revivals will be though, as the "Hidden Temple" movie only did "okay" ratings wise. (Though they did post it on iTunes first, so maybe that was a factor.)  Anyway, speaking of reboots that people were actually excited about animation fans where greeted to a reboot that they were actually pumped for with Netlix's "Votron: Legendary Defender"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NXW1waqRCb0

This show is a bit hard for me to talk about. I can definitely say that I recommended it, but I'm not one hundred percent sure I can say I loved it. What do I mean by that? Well I can say that the show has a lot of amazing elements.One, it's an action show through and through, which is kinda rare these days. It has a really great voice cast, featuring Jeremy Shada (Finn from Adventure Time) Kimberly Brooks (Jasper from Steven Universe) Josh Keaton (Spider-Man from Spectacular Spider-Man and Hal Jordan from Green Lantern TAS) Along with several other talented actors. The animation was also really good! It was a bit choppy at parts but for the most part it looked really good. The show was created by two people who worked on "Legend of Korra" and it shows in the art style and even the storytelling. (Cause let's all be real here, Hunk is pretty much just Bolin in space.) The story was told pretty well and overall it's a great show but...for some reason I could never really get that into it. And I don't know why! I mean sure I have some problems with the show. The villains where kinda bland, (except for Cree Summer's character, oh by the way she's in this.) A lot of the action was kinda repetitive, and there's a subplot with Pidge that, while interesting, didn't really serve much purpose. Also I wish we could of seen more locations other than just the castle and a couple other planets (but season two seems to promise that if the finale was any indication.) But still these are mostly nitpicks. So why don't I love this show like I thought I was going to?  I don't really have a answer for that. It's weird, cause I should love this show! But it never really connected much with me, and I don't know why. Maybe it was the generic villains making the threat not seem that dire, or maybe it was the somewhat repetitive nature of the show. I don't know, and it makes this show hard to talk about. Maybe It had something to do with the way I watched it, as I watched all eleven episodes over the course of three months. Maybe that's part of it, but I feel that if I enjoyed it more In would of wanted to watch the series much faster. Like how I binged Bojack Horseman over a couple of days. The Nostalgia Critic has a video about movies that are so good it's bad, [link] and that might be a bit of what's happening here, maybe? I don't know. I am going to check out season two. And I do suggest you watch it, as everyone else I hear talk about the show seems to love it, and it's probably just some problem that I have with it, that most likely won't effect what you guys. Check it out if it seems interesting to ya.  Anyway as May began to come to a close online production company Rooster Teeth produced the web show that we didn't ask for, but turns out we secretly needed, with RWBY CHIBI!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tu6D5jR1rSQ

 I'm going to just quickly talk about this because I do want to do a full review of both RWBY and RWBY Chibi at some point, so let's breeze through this. RWBY Chibi is a comedic spin-off of the RWBY webseries. It focuses on the more comedic aspects of the RWBY characters when there not off fighting monsters and bad guys. If this description sounds familiar to you it's because IT'S TEEN TITANS GO BUT GOOD!  The show is adorable, and really really charming. The show isn't perfect though. I first six or so episodes start off pretty meh, with some very repetitive jokes (specifically about Blake.) but as the season goes on they start adding more and more characters into the show, and they show begins to improve a lot. The more characters they add the more opportunity for jokes they create. And once they start adding the Chibi-fied versions on the villains, the show becomes God-tier. The animation on the show is also kinda bad. The models themselves look great but whenever a character isn't talking or doing something they just stand perfectly still, not blinking or moving any part of themselves for twenty to thirty seconds at a time. But this also improves a bit as the series goes on, and it's not like the main series where the animation is the big draw. Also sometimes the jokes can go on a bit long.  This series is great if your a RWBY fan, but sadly I do say that you do kinda have to be a RWBY fan because the series does spoil some stuff. Episode six and eight are really the only ones that spoils anything huge, but a lot of the jokes are in jokes and is better to see if you've the original show. You'll still get em without seeing the original, but there better if you've had. So go watch RWBY and RWBY Chibi damn it! They even had an entire episode that was just adapting RWBY fan comics! This show is so cool!  So after that amazingness happened more amazingness, Steven Universe came back with a Summer of Steven bringing us everything we wanted out of Steven Universe. More backstory on Gem Civilization! More Pearl being gay! More new Fusions! More Pearl being gay! More episodes focusing on the humans that everyone hated because it didn't give more backstory on the gems even though the episodes were still really fun and people should really just chill! More Lapis being salty as fu*k! And more Pearl being gay! We even got an new half hour episode where we meet an old Crystal Gem name Bismuth. An episode that got so divisive when debates broke out weather or not murdering all the homeworld gem is okay. And a smaller discussion on weather or not Avatar TLA finale was good or not. Okay, not really the last thing, but still. It got to the point when fans started attacking Lauren Zuke on twitter, even though SHE HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH THE EPISODE! But that's what they get for trying to gemsplain towards Bismuth about morality. (For the record gemsplaing is like Mansplaing but with Gems.) Dumb jokes that'll make people hate me aside, it was the Summer of Steven was a blast, and a highlight for the whole year in the animation world.  But Roster Teeth animation wasn't done with just RWBY Chibi, as they made another new web series with there adult animated series, Camp Camp.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hv5JfMDLgCU

 Like Powerpuff Girls, this is a show I've already talked about before, PLUG! Camp Camp REVIEW: So I'll try to be brief. Camp Camp is a great web seires that manages to do a great job mimicking the art style of a PBS show, which hilariously contrasts the raunchy adult humor that the series offers. It does adult humor really well, and never fells like it's being raunchy just for the sake of being raunchy. As I said in my original review the show feels one half Total Drama Island and one half South Park, and the combination works. The show has a stellar voice cast that includes Yuri Lowenthal, Travis Willingham, and even Dante Basco in one episode. It's really a rather impressive production for a web series, and the shows only main flaw stems from a rather unlikable lead character, which does hinder the show quite a bit. Still though, it was a fun show all things considered and the speech in the final episode was a fantastic moment for the series that gave a powerful lesson about nihilism vs idealism. I don't want to give to much away but it's interesting to compare it to a lot of the adults shows out there like "Rick and Morty" and "Bojack Horseman" as it offers a bit of a different perspective on the issue. (Not that the way Rick and Morty and Bojack talk about these themes are bad per say, it's just neat to see a slightly different perspective.) Camp Camp is a show I highly recommend.  So Sanjay and Craig also ended this year. I never really watched the show, wasn't really my thing. Not much to say about it other than, it was event that happened this year.  Meanwhile back on Netflix Bojack Horseman aired it's third seasons. (WARNING! SPOILERS FOR BOJACK! SKIP THIS PART IF YOU WANT TO REMAIN UNSPOILED!) So this season follows Bojack trying to get the fame and aspiration he always dreamed of by being seen as a serious actor. He gets a girlfriend who helps him, they end up breaking up by the end of the season. The season starts with Bojack holding on to the development that he had from the previous season, but after realizing that the thing he though he wanted wasn't what he really wanted he ends up relapsing and goes on a binger, possibly scars his ex-crushes daughter, and ends with him learning that he has to be a better person, and is inspired by a runner.  Oh wait, that was the season two plot description. Here's the season three plot description. So this season follows Bojack trying to get the fame and aspiration he always dreamed of by being seen as a serious actor. He gets a girlfriend who helps him, they end up breaking up by the end of the season. The season starts with Bojack holding on to the development that he had from the previous season, but after realizing that the thing he though he wanted wasn't what he really wanted he ends up relapsing and goes on a binger, possibly scars his ex-crushes daughter, and ends with him learning that he has to be a better person, and is inspired by a runner. Again. (Oh my God! This is a joke! Please don't kill me internet! I still like the show!) SPOILERS ARE NOW OVER!  Then, as yearly tradition, Cartoon Network played a new mini-series. Though I don't think people were as excited for this one as they were for some previous ones...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EMC9jnFAG4

(Love this show or hate it, you got to admit that the this theme song is pretty great! When was the last time we even had a minute long theme song?)  So Teen Titans Go! had a miniseries this year with a five part "Island Adventure." Though like "Long Live the Royal" it's not really a continuous story and more just a couple of episodes with a vague through line. The premise of the mini-series isn't a bad one. I like the "trapped on an island one." plot and there's lots of different stories you can tell with that plot, so Teen Titans Go! decided to simply do the plot five times, with each episode parodying a different island themed story. It was cool seeing a change of location for the Titans, as most episodes don't really have them leaving the Titan's Tower, so that was nice. But sadly the good idea was ruined by the fact that it's still Teen Titans Go! and it still had the Teen Titan Go! style of humor which, in my humble opinion, isn't really that good. It's definitely not the worse thing Teen Titan's Go! has done, but if you don't like TTG I don't think this miniseries will really sway you. Overall it was pretty meh. Though if you like TTG than you'll probably enjoy it fine.  Also, (spoilers, I guess?) the twist turns out that the whole time...It was really a hater bashing episode the whole time. Ha ha, what a twist- (Next thing please.)  Harvey Beaks was announced to end. I never really watched Harvey Beaks, though the couple of episodes I have seen kinda make me wish I did because the show seemed like it was pretty good. Nothing amazing, but the show looked good. So I'm kinda sad to see it go, because a lot of adult fans seemed to like it. It would of been a good show to pair with The Loud House I think, but sadly the numbers just didn't lead that way.  Also in BIG animation news for Cartoon Network it was announced that Adventure Time and Regular Show would be ending. Adventure Time still has two seasons to air before it ends and Regular Show is going to be ending in January. It's kinda a bittersweet feeling seeing these shows go. It's not really surprising to see these shows go, considering how Cartoon Network barely reruns them, but still. Adventure Time has been a bit rocky lately though I do think it still has some great episodes. Though these great episodes are becoming rarer as time goes on, so I guess it is good, from an artistic standpoint to see it go. As for Regular Show I think the show was pretty solid throughout. The newest season's been a bit of a dip (I'll get to that in a minute.) so I think, from an artistic standpoint, It's the perfect time to stop. That way the show will be looked back on fondly in the future.  And speaking of Regular Show the show went into SPPPAAAACCCCCEEEEE this year. Now for a little while my family was a cord cutting family, we have satellite now, but the last time I saw Regular Show before we cut the cord we where in an arc about Rigby going back to high school, and when we get satellite again there suddenly in space, and I'm just like "Yup! Okay, this is happening now!"  While I do admire them changing up the formula by sending them to space, I honestly don't love the change. Something that I really liked about Regular Show was the contrast. The episodes would start mundane but end up being fantastical. But now that there in space all the time it gets rid of the contrast cause it's weirdness on top of weirdness. But maybe it could work in a Steven Universe kinda way, where it's like an awesome space opera or something. Well it doesn't work that way either, because they still treat outer space like it's mundane, but it's not, it's space! They try to do both, and I get why they tried that, but It doesn't really work. Also they've been to space before! And where is party horse, everyone's least favorite character? He's in space, why isn't he here?  That being said, the show isn't awful or anything. There still are some good episodes, like "Terror Tales of the Park VI," "No Train No Gain," and especially "Christmas in Space." So let's hope Regular Show can go out with a bang. A BIG BANG! GET IT CAUSE SPACE! HAHA! (Kill me now!)  Anyway, at least Cartoon Network has made some shows to fill in those time slots because CN's made not one, but two cartoons this year. Powerpuff Girls 2016 and our next entry, Mighty Magiswords.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B0pArLEicSM

 Mighty Magiswords was based on a series on online digital shorts on the Cartoon Network app. I haven't seen these shorts, and thus will only be talking about the eleven minute series here. The show...honestly I'm not crazy about. It's not awful on anything, but I think it's just a personal preference. The main problem I have with the show is the pacing! Every character talks so frickin' fast, and the show throws so many jokes at you in such rapid succession that there's no time to process it. Also beyond that the show just doesn't seem that interesting. I don't know, I just feel like everything this show is doing was done better in like "Dave the Barbarian." (I think. Was Dave the Barbarian good? I liked it when I was, like, seven or eight. But I was also pretty dumb when I was seven or eight, and I've never really gone back to it.)  I mean the shows not awful or anything. I like the voice acting on the main two characters. Also Egoraptors in the show, and it's cool to see a guy like him make the jump from internet to television as an actual recurring character. That's pretty neat. But overall I wasn't really able to get that into this show. It just seemed very...average, y'know? But maybe if they slow the pace down a bit it could improve. I don't know, we'll have to wait and see.  Also Archer was announced to end after season ten, due to the creators choice. Wha-What the heck is going on! Why is 2016 the year that all celebrities and cartoons die?! Well, at least this means the show will actually have a conclusion, so that's nice.  Meanwhile, Disney XD aired there new show, "Milo's Murphy's Law" or as I call it "Phineas and Ferb: Weird Al Addition!"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ARTRJQfV90k

 This show is pretty good, all things considered. It's basically what would happen if someone with Candace Flynn's luck and gave them Phineas Flynn's personality. The show is fairly entertaining and features Weird Al Yankovic in his first staring role in a cartoon, though the voice is a little jarring what with it being a 57 year old man voicing a thirteen year old. Did you know Weird Al was 57? Did he like, find the fountain of youth or something?  the show's main problem though is the fact that the humor is very reminiscent of Phineas and Ferb, so it kinda has trouble getting it's own kinda feel. If you liked the early seasons of Phineas and Ferb you'll like this show, and if you don't like early Phineas and Ferb than you won't. Also Milo, like Phineas, is a very static character who pretty much only has "happy." as his only emotion. But the show is still funny, having the same quick wit that Phineas and Ferb had, while also not be quite as formulaic. Note I said quite, as the show is still pretty formulaic, but not as much as Phineas and Ferb.  In other news there was a controversy going on where C.H Greenblatt called out Nickelodeon for how they treated there show, and was forced to issue a retraction against his own wished. I get why some people are so upset, but are people really surprised? Like C.H Greenblatt publicly insulted his bosses. What did he, or anyone else, think was going to happen. I'm sure if someone at Cartoon Network or Disney tried to call out the networks they would be told to make a retraction too. That's kinda what happens when your a notable figure and you publicly denounce your boss. And people are saying that this is proof that Nickelodeon is a terrible company to work at, to which I say "Um, yeah. Duh." The Loud House is the first Nickelodeon original series to be treated decently on the network in years, of course it's an awful place to work. The creator's behind "Legend of Korra" never made a formal address calling out Nickelodeon, but we don't need them to do that to know that they most likely weren't to thrilled with what the channel did to there show. I just don't get what the big deal is. I thought we all already knew this.  And in other news Young Justice was announced to get a third season and...wait, third season? Ha ha! Very funny guys and...wait, it's real? This is for real,this isn't a joke? OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! THIS CALLS FOR A DANK LOUD HOUSE MEME!

(A Greg Weisman show got a third season and the very next day Donald Trump was announced our President. Ladies and Gentlemen Hell has officially frozen over!)  I'm excited. Very excited. We don't know where the show will air, but the most likely theory is Netflix. I am very happy about this.  So over Thanksgiving weekend Cartoon Network had a had a three day long Teen Titans Go! marathon. Seemed innocent enough, but then people started screaming how this was the DEATH OF CARTOON NETWORK! Apparently this marathon was proof that Cartoon Network only cares about Teen Titans Go! and the network is only going to continue to over saturate itself! People where furious about this marathon, and I really don't get it at all. I mean, I don't like Teen Titans Go!, but it's just a marathon for Thanksgiving. That's not really that strange. Remember when Cartoon Network use to marathon The Iron Giant twenty four hours on Thanksgiving? It's the same principle. Yes, Iron Giant is a lot better than Teen Titans Go! but it's not the end of the world. And while everybody was complaining about this marathon Disney XD did the exact same thing with Gravity Falls. They had another three day marathon in which they showed the series four times! Or FXX which did ANOTHER "Every Simpsons Ever" marathon for thirteen frickin days! How come those channels aren't being called out for over saturation? The only difference I see is that one is a show people online like, while the other is a show that people online hate. It was just a Thanksgiving marathon, not the end of the whole frickin world. If you don't like Cartoon Network's over saturation with Teen Titans Go! complain about the five hours of it that they show on days that aren't special occasions.  In other news Disney XD bought the rights to the entire Pokemon anime library, and is expected to start showing it sometime next year. It's really weird for me, cause growing up Cartoon Network always had Pokemon. I know Kids WB premiered it, but Cartoon Network always had the rerun rights. It'll be weird seeing it on Disney XD, though this is probably for the best honestly. Cartoon Network did not treat Pokemon right the last few years. It aired early on Saturday mornings and still got really high ratings, sometimes beating Uncle Grandpa and Powerpuff Girls 2016. Imagine how much better it would of done if it was advertised and given a good time slot. But Cartoon Network never did this. I think Disney XD will realize the potential Pokemon has, given there treatment of Yo-Kai Watch. I can see them giving it a good time slot, and rerunning it, and it doing good there. Also between Yo-Kai, Pokemon, and the upcoming Beyblade show that they acquired Disney XD's really getting quite a collection of Saturday Morning Anime. All they need to do is get Yu-Gi-Oh rights from Nickelodeon and they'll be set!  Then Cartoon Network unveiled there newest superhero cartoon, Justice League Action! Finally a DC show that isn't Teen Titans Go! and-Awwww Crap!

  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L6anrDYEacg

(Well on the plus side, at least they advertised it.)  I was hyped for this show before it came out. Now I want to preface part by saying I've only seen the first four episodes of this show. That's what happens when you review a show that premiered in December. But judging it by what I've seen, I really like this show. It's a fun superhero comedy action show featuring a ton of characters both iconic and obscure. The episodes may be eleven minutes long, but this is an action show, but a lighthearted one. Think Batman Brave and the Bold meets the Justice League show form the early 2000's. The action is good, even though there are parts where you can tell they most likely had a smaller budget than say Young Justice. My only problems with the show is the pacing, (which isn't as bad as I thought it would be but still seems a bit rushed) and there are several plot holes just in the one hour special alone. But other than that the show is pretty solid. It's great to see an action superhero show on Cartoon Network again. So....how long you think It'll be before it get's replaced with Teen Titans Go! reruns?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xTkFgj4dA1w

 Now when I first planned this review out, I was intending to end with Justice League Action but then, literally just a few days ago, I decided to check out one more show for this review. That show would be the Netflix original series Trollhunters created by Guillermo del Toro.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J2oNgZlbSKI  I want to preface this review by saying that as of the time of me writing this, I have only seen four episode of this show. So everything I say here should be taken with a grain of salt. If I wasn't on a deadline I wouldn't even be talking about this show yet, but since I am on a deadline let's talk about it. The show has a lot of good elements to it. It has great animation for a tv budget. (Well, not a tv budget, but still.) This show also has a great voice cast including the late Anton Yelchin, Kelsey Grammer, Ron Perlman, and Tom "I make all the fan girls wet" Hiddleston. The show has a nice sense of adventure and there is also a lot of creativity with the world building. Also Jim, our main protagonist, is a very likeable character. There's only one big problem, and this may go away as the show goes on, but the show uses a lot of cliches. It's another "kid is the chosen one, and he has to balance his secret life with high school, and he starts letting people down because of this. He has a fat comic relief best friend and all he want's to do is impress the pretty girl AND THE PROMS TOMORROW!" But again, they don't do these cliche's badly per say, they just don't add that much new to them. So far. Again, I've only seen four episodes so far, so please be spoiler free in the comments. I've heard good things about this show, so I'm assuming this improves as the series goes on. Or maybe it doesn't. I don't know. Check it out if your at all interested and find out for yourself.  So that was 2016 year on animation reviewed. It was quite a year! There was some bad, I'd maybe say even more bad than the average year, but there was a lot of good too. It was a wild ride and I'm looking forward to what 2017 brings to the table. So to cap this year off, allow me to present the top 9 best shows of 2016 (out of the ones I reviewed here!) We're just going to breeze through em, and keep in mind this list is a little bias, as shows from the earlier part of the year have a higher chance of winning me over than shows at the end of the year, due to me having seen more episodes of them. Ready? Here we go! 9. Mighty Magiswords 8. Powerpuff Girls 2016 7. Voltron: Legendary Defenders 6. Troll Hunters 5. The Loud House 4. Milo Murphy's Law 3. Justice Leauge Action 2. Camp Camp 1. RWBY Chibi   Though this is all subject to change. Also keep in mind that I'm not very good at ranking things. A lot of these things could be swapped around, as my opinion on things as specific as placement change very often, sometimes even day to day. So take this list with a grain of salt. Also keep in mid I haven't seen every show made in 2016, and missed out on a bunch of them. Like all of these ones!  (Bordertown, Brad Neely's Harg Nallin' Sclopio Peepio (Da hecks with that title?), Camp WWE, Dream Corp LLC. (Not fully animated but still), Elena of Avalor, Future Worm, Get Blake!, Home: Adventures with Tip & Oh, Kong: King of the Apes, Kuu Kuu Harajuku (Saw half an episode once, though I was on drugs), Legend of Chamberlain Heights, Lego Star Wars: The Freemaker Adventures, My Knight and Me, Pacific Heat, Peanuts, Right Now Kapow, Son of Zorn (Also not fully animated, but still)  But hopefully I got most of the big ones. So that's my review. If I had to grade this year for animation, I'd give B-. Good, but could improve. I hope this list was able to act as a brief distraction from all of the tragedy that happened this year. I know these reviews don't do much but if these reviews are able to bring somebody a brief moment of joy, and make someone forget about there problems for a little bit and just make them laugh or see things from a different point of view, than it's all worth it. At least that's my point of view. What did you think of 2016 as a whole for animation? Leave your thoughts in the comments down bellow. I'd love to start a discussion, even if you disagree with some of the stuff I said. I think it's important to start conversations like this, otherwise you end up in an echo chamber. If you have thoughts on any of these shows or events tell me what you think. Please fav, follow and comment if you liked the review, (Cause if you can't tell I put a lot of work into it, so I'd be very appreciative!) And have a great year! (I do not own any of the images or videos in this review all credit goes to there original owners.) All credit for the "Lisa Ships Meme Blank" goes to https://www.deviantart.com/mixelfangirl100 It was a lot of fun to fill out, so here's the link to the original Lisa Ships Meme Blank

#Voltron #RWBY Chibi #Camp Camp #Review #Trollhunter

[violetwilkes]

actions, not words // Self-Para

July 9, 1978 @richieroyce

Violet sat at her desk, a quill in one hand. Since Richard had realized her scheming with Lucius, she had spent evenings alone. Her choice of Richard had surprised even her at the time, though perhaps it shouldn’t have, and the previous days had been spent thinking of what she could do to make him understand, to make him realize that Lucius wasn’t who she wanted. Offering up an explanation this late in the game would not be sufficient, she knew, and it took her several days to even get to this place, her entire being bereft with the loss.

When she lost Richard, Violet lost herself.

Violet had realized, of course, that she was in love with Richard. And with that realization, the world changed.

She spent three days in bed, clad only in the necklace he’d given her [it had not come off since he had placed it on her collarbone, his lips ghosting over the back of her neck] and the shirt she’d not returned after spending the night in his study. Cora and Briar joined her at random intervals, providing both sustenance and alcohol, and Violet realized that she had never been more grateful for them than in this moment.

She had allowed herself to cry only once outside of her bed, in the shower where the tears mingled with the water so she could pretend she wasn’t sobbing against the tile as the droplets continued to rain down over her. Violet would not cry in front of anyone else. She did not deserve their concern. When she was finally dressed for the day, the only sign that she had been crying was from the red rims around her eyes. If anyone noticed, they did not comment on them. For that, Violet was grateful.

Her tears, however genuine, would not move Richard. This much she knew. He was a man of action and she thought that if he gave into her emotions, he would always wonder if he had been played. He knew her strength; he would not be appeased by her weakness and vulnerability. At least, not now.

A public gesture had not seemed prudent; she did not want Richard for what others might think, did not want to be his wife simply for his name [and when had she decided she wanted to be his wife at all?]. In the end, Violet had devised a list of things that she needed to first do to atone for what she had done, a list that would make it clear to Richard that Lucius was not on her mind, that she had been pursuing a goal, an end game, rather than Lucius himself. The final item on her list had been completed today and she added the completion date next to the entry before looking over the parchment that was set beside a small box, her fingernails tapping a pattern on her desk.

Should she add a note? Violet did not think any words would truly sway him, though she found that she could not simply send this to him without adding something. With a quick flick of her wrist, Violet wrote a small note on the flap of the envelope she intended to put the parchment into. It was not necessarily an apology, but the young woman was not well versed in them as it was. Richard, who knew her better than most, would know to take it for the apology it was. She hoped he would take it for the promise it was intended to be.

Darling, I was always meant to be yours. I remain so.

#1. Sell the jewelry Lucius purchased during our betrothal – completed on 5 July

To be frank, this had been one of the easier things for Violet to do. She hadn’t worn any of the pieces in years, any family heirlooms had been returned immediately, and while she had realized that she no longer wanted to be with Lucius, that did not mean that Violet had lost her vindictive nature. And so, she had taken the small jewelry box on her dresser to a shop in Scotland, sold the contents, and made a rather large donation to St. Mungo’s. In her name, of course. Why should Lucius benefit from what he’d done in the first place?

#2. In a similar vein to #1, incendio old letters and photos. They are your past. – completed on 4 July

Her mother had argued on a couple photos from important family events and Violet had given in on those, though she had entrusted them to her mother’s safekeeping. By the end of the afternoon, any memory of Lucius had been removed from her guest house and she was struck with the thought that it nearly felt empty.

It was strange, how much memories of Lucius had taken up her life. Disappointing, too, though she would never acknowledge it.

[She wondered if Richard would make her home feel like one again, if his sheer presence would combat the emptiness. She hoped she would be given the opportunity to find out.]

#3. Ask Mother if she would be willing to take in Empress – completed on 7 July.

If Richard forgave her – and she still wasn’t certain that would be the case – she half expected [or perhaps hoped] that he would tell her getting rid of her beloved cat was unnecessary, even though Empress had been a gift from Lucius before he had left her for Narcissa. But she was prepared to only see her favored animal on a few occasions, was prepared to embrace Daphne and Apollo as much as she had adored her cat. This may have been the largest sacrifice she made but she had meant what she’d told Rosalind weeks ago; Violet refused to reconsider. Richard was worth it.

#4. When he asks, tell Lucius that no, you don’t want to marry him. He’s not the man you want. – completed on 1 July.

This one had been done before all of this had become such a mess, though she could recognize that if she were in Richard’s shoes, she might not have believed her either. Really, why had Violet been honest to begin with?

And, to be frank, Violet had been so angry and defensive at her world slipping from under her that she hadn’t told Richard the truth, had merely assumed in the moment that if he could automatically think the worst of her [even if it were true] then he certainly was not worthy of the truth.

Violet had thoroughly made a muck of things. This she knew. She supposed she could have worded this a bit differently, but she had not wanted to tell Richard she loved him in a letter, had wanted to at least see the look in his eyes when she admitted what she now realized to be true, what she acknowledged as a fact, what she had understood as her future.

Above all else, she would not tell him she loved him as a hope of bringing him back. As selfish as she could be, even Violet realized such manipulations would only harm her in the end.

#5. Ask Mother & Father for permission to visit the Wilkes heirloom vault to retrieve the pocket watch from Grandfather Prince. Send it to the goblins for refurbishment. It has never graced a Malfoy, my darling. – completed on 7 July.

The pocket watch, a family heirloom, had been passed down for generations, with rumors that it had been created by a prominent Swiss watchmaker early in the sixteenth century and had survived decades of upheaval. It is one of only a handful in the world and had been passed down the Prince line for generations. Her mother’s father, Augustus Prince, had adored Violet and though his own sons had clamored for the piece, he had wanted his only granddaughter pass it along to her future husband and then, hopefully, to their firstborn son. Violet remembered telling Richard about it, months before, when she had discussed some of her fondest memories of her beloved grandfather. It had been one of the few times she’d become somewhat emotional in front of him. And though she could not pass it along before her wedding day, sending it out for goblin refurbishment was a sign that her intentions were strong. But it did not seem like enough.

This led her to the next.

#6. Purchase Richard cufflinks, shirt studs, and a tie tack. He will understand the significance. Pretend not to worry that he will send them back. – completed on 9 July.

Discretion had been the better part of valor and in the end, Violet had not trusted any of the jewelers working in London. She had not trusted Amycus Carrow, either, knowing that the other man had a relationship with Richard that would transcend whatever she could pay him. Welsh metal was still one of the most precious and Violet had visited a small luxury shop in the wizarding section of Cardiff, ordering bespoke monogrammed cufflinks. The face had been a dark silvery opal sourced from Australia and the sloping curves of the R and S neatly engraved on the platinum stem had pleased her; the matching shirt studs and tie tack had been a bit plainer, each with a cabochon stone to match. Strictly speaking, it would be unlikely Richard would ever have an occasion where he’d wear both the tie tack and the shirt studs, but Violet did not do things by halves and believed that the set was more complete with all options. The items would be sent along with the list, neatly enclosed in a nondescript jeweler’s box.

More than anything, Violet worried he’d send them back to her, worried that he would think it was something she was doing for show. And while the gesture was perhaps larger – and more expensive, if one checked her account statements from Gringotts – than she had originally intended, Violet hoped that Richard knew she would not do such a thing if she didn’t mean it. She would not send him such items if she did not want to spend the rest of her life with him. She would not raise his hopes if she were not completely sure of her choice.

She’d considered removing the line about worry, but ultimately decided not to do so. Even though he was angry, even though he was hurt, Violet knew that he was still one of the few people she could be vulnerable with. Perhaps he would realize that, too.

#7. Practice the virtue of patience.

With the last line written, Violet wrapped the box in nondescript brown paper, his name written on it in her looping calligraphy. The envelope containing her list was attached to it and when the elf left to deliver it to Richard’s study [for she did not trust he would receive it otherwise], Violet only hoped that this torment would not continue. That he would accept her peace offering for what it was, would understand what she was promising [not offering]. That he would understand what doing this much had taken from her. That he would tell her she could keep her bloody cat. That he would not disregard the weight of what she had done. That he would still look at her with that sparkle in his eyes that had always been just for her.

Practicing patience, indeed.

But for Richard, she would try.

#{ self } #{ d:richard } #{ richard & if you weren't real i would make you up } #d:richard

[hawkland]

soul-2-soul exchange letter

Hello and thanks for writing for me! Soulmate/soulbonding stories are some of my favorite aus in fanfic so I’m very excited about this exchange. 

Please feel free to use (and/or combine) the tags as all the prompts you may need - in fact in some cases I don’t have a whole lot else to add, but if I have some more specific ideas/possibilities related to a specific tags I’ll include them below.

General Do Not Wants:

A/B/O dynamics, mating heats.

animal abuse/death

pregnancy/childbirth

formalized BDSM relationships

scat/watersports

unrequested alternative-universe scenarios such as high school/mundane/genderswap/coffee shop/fantasy/etc.

permanent character death or injury that isn’t part of canon

Supernatural: Castiel/Dean Winchester

Accidental soulbond when bringing someone back from the dead

Accidental soulbond when attempting magic together

Only characters with souls have soulmarks

Resurrection Spell Creates a Soulbond

Soulbonding is the only way for A to save B

Immortal/invulnerable character becomes mortal/vulnerable; soulmark(s) appear on them

Distance just after soulbond takes place is painful for both parties

Characters can use each other's magic/superpowers after soulbond

Character without soulmate gets one after dying and coming back to life

Soulbond allows all parties to feel what the others are feeling

Sharing Physical Pleasure Through Soul Bond

Touching your soulmate for the first time leaves mark of their skin

Touches from soulmates causes intense pleasure

Soulmates are recognized by touch

So, so many different things I’d love to see explored here with these two. Feel free to pick and choose/combine prompts as you wish or feel fit. 

Some ideas:

What if Cas’s “crack in his chassis” was the fact that he was an angel accidentally created with a soul? Angels aren’t supposed to have souls, after all, but Cas does and that’s always made him different. Maybe he/no one else even knew he had a soul until the day he touched Dean’s in Hell and raised him from perdition (and the handprint is the “mark on his skin” left by that first touch?)

I also love the alternative idea that Cas doesn’t have a soul until he becomes mortal at the end of season 8/season 9.  And once he has a soul, he gets a soulmark that matches Dean’s/they recognize that’s why they’ve had such a strong connection all of this time. (So in a way they always were soulmates in waiting, but it could never happen until Cas lost his angelic grace.)

Some of these other tags would also be great for a 15x18 fix-it fic, obviously, with soulbonding being necessary for Dean to rescue Cas from the Empty. Plus they’ve both died and been resurrected so many times, at any point in canon they could suddenly have come back with the realization they now were bonded/soulmates.

I’d also just be great with smutty fic where Dean has to cope with experiencing the intensity of trueform!Cas via soulbonding (and sex, of course). Would the soulbond protect him from being harmed when exposed to Cas’s true form?

Law & Order: SVU: John Munch/Odafin "Fin" Tutuola

Character doesn't believe in soulmates/soulbonding; ends up with soulmark

How Soulmates Affect Society Worldbuilding

Work partners to soulmates – doesn’t develop until completely trusted by partners

Sexuality questioned for the first time by meeting your soulmate

Telepathy Between Soulmates Only When Mortal Danger

Doctor explains that character's new "rash" is soulmark

Reluctant Soulmates

Secret Soulbond

I could see both John and Fin being very cynical about the whole idea of soulmates until the other comes along and they realize they have a special bond, despite their very different personalities.  That, and/or they have to keep the extent/nature of their relationship a secret for work-related reasons (soulmates/soulbonded people aren’t allowed to work together on the force, because it might be considered detrimental to their ability to put others first, and not each other?) 

I’m also just curious how the existence of soulmates/soulbonds could affect the kind of cases they’d see on their job at SVU. So some kind of casefic would be great, as a way that causes them to either discover or reflect upon their own relationship/bond and what they mean to each other.

Supernatural RPF: Jensen Ackles/Misha Collins

Soulmates - Distance is Painful

Friends before Soulmates

Sexual Contact Between Soulmates Relieves Pain From Being Apart

Always had to hide being soulmates – now they show the world

Mishap - Extra Sensitive Newly Soulbonded Character Orgasms Every Time Their Bonded Say Their Name

Secret Soulbond

Some people have more than one soulmate/soulbond

I could go with either something angsty and a little sad with this one, or very silly and fluffy. For the former: distance apart after the end of SPN, maybe not realizing they would be apart as long as they were (thanks to everything that happened in this past year or so.) For the latter: trying to keep the nature/intensity of their relationship quiet on the set, but Misha (the king of fuck around and find out) just can’t help but tease and want to see just how crazy he can make Jensen with their new bond? 

The Police: Stewart Copeland/Sting, Stewart Copeland/Sting/Andy Summers

Oh my god I can't stand you why are we soulbonded

Oh my god I can't stand you why are we soulmates

Character doesn't believe in soulmates/soulbonding; ends up with soulmark

Polyamory - A Group of Soulmates

Char A+B meet up after a long time to break soulbond and Char A realises they don't want to

Estranged Soulmate Is Nonetheless Caught Off-Guard When They Feel The Bond Breaking

A is thrilled about accidental bond; B wants to break it ASAP

Reluctant Soulmates

This is the one fandom/ships where I wouldn’t mind some serious angst/even a sad ending. The push-pull between Sting & Stewart has always made them one of my most beloved and fascinating ships. I’d love something set around/involving the reunion tour of 2007-2008 - maybe that’s when they realize why they are always drawn back to each other and why their connection is so strong, despite all their personality differences? Or, something following the original break-up of the band for the “bond breaking” prompts and how that makes them feel. 

I also love the idea of the three of them all being some kind of uniquely soulbonded group—Andy perhaps being the key to balance between Sting & Stewart’s extremes.

#soul-2-soul exchange #dear author #exchange letter

[amandajoyce118]

2020 In Review

I used to end the year with blog posts highlighting 100 things, or 50 things if I wasn’t that ambitious, that I loved about the year. Usually, those things were pop culture things. 2020, however, is a special year, no? I mean, a pandemic, quarantines, political unrest, massive bread lines, natural disasters, refugees seeking better lives, stressful elections, etc. For most people, to make a blanket statement, this year sucked.

Most of the people following me know that I’m a freelance writer, but I have a full time day job as a fresh merchandiser for a food service distributor. That means I never “shut down” or worked from home or any of the other things people have been forced to do. I work a full day pretty much every day with customers who don’t understand why distribution has slowed, why I have “long term outs” of items like cases of hard boiled eggs or fresh ginger, why there are certain days of the week when they just can’t get chicken wings. I have people who refuse to wear masks, employees who forget to disinfect work stations, and a questionnaire I have to fill out before every shift as to whether or not I think I’ve been exposed to covid. And when I’m done there, I escape by writing.

As a result, I haven’t been doing much for fun. Outside of my day job, the media I consume is generally for freelance work, which has made this year really exhausting, no matter how much writing/stories is an escape for me. That’s why, instead of just things I loved this year, I’m going to give you a list of 10 pieces of media I’ve consumed - over and over and over again - that I’ve somehow not gotten sick of when writing listicles about the subjects. I feel like we all need to feel like we’re getting lost in a good story, or with characters we genuinely enjoy, even if, like me, we’re getting lost in those worlds with those characters to be able to write about them.

The Baby-Sitters Club

I was obsessed with the books, the ‘90s show, and the eventual movie as a kid, so it’s no surprise that I was counting down the days until the Netflix adaptation premiered - and I loved it. I’m not going to lie, I’ve watched this show from beginning to end four times this year. It’s such a quick watch and there’s something really great about watching these girls grow up.

Nancy Drew

Again, obsessed with Nancy Drew as a kid. More specifically, obsessed with the ‘80s case files as a kid. I read all of them I could get my hands on. The new television show is a little more Riverdale than the novels are, but it’s an interesting spin on the characters and stories we already know - and the representation of a diverse community on the show is fantastic.

Anne With An E

I’m still holding out hope for a movie to close out this show since there are something like seven books in the original series and the show basically only covered the first one? Where is the justice? But, this is another show I think I’ve watched three times from beginning to end because Anne Shirley Cuthbert is someone you want to be friends with, no matter how old you are. You also want her to come to her senses within about 30 seconds of being introduced to Gilbert Blythe, so you know, it’s a fun and angsty time.

Agents Of SHIELD

One of my favorite Marvel properties ended this year, and… I should probably be more sad about it? Like, I absolutely would have watched more episodes of this show if it had kept going, but I’m also incredibly satisfied with how the show concluded this year, which is rare for me. I’ve gone back and rewatched a handful of episodes for articles, and Agents Of SHIELD feels like a show that I’ll end up rewatching yearly because it’s one of the few shows where I’ve actively engaged in fandom for years and still genuinely love.

Timeless

Yes, I rewatched this gem this year while writing a handful of listicles, and I’m bitter that this didn’t get more seasons. The cast chemistry, the stories of those often overlooked by history, and the twist of a shady organization being closer than you think? It’s pretty perfect. I miss it. It’s a yearly rewatch already.

Pitch Perfect Trilogy

Every so often, I find myself in the mood to hear Anna Kendrick belt out a few songs. Pitch Perfect tends to win out over Into The Woods, and I can’t ever seem to stop at just the first movie. Pitch Perfect is cheesy and not as perfect as its title implies, but it always puts me in a good mood. I want more comedies about a capella groups, please.

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers

If I had to say where my love of serial storytelling, or my ability to engage in fandom, started, it was with Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I had friends who would create their own team of Rangers when I was little, and we’d trade kicks on the playground (which got us in trouble), and yeah, as an adult watching a show made in 1993, this show is ridiculous. Full stop. But it’s also the kind of show that makes you remember that a whole generation was raised on the idea that even if the good guys don’t always win, they keep trying. They never give up. And that’s just as important today as it was then.

Teen Wolf

I recognize that this show is sometimes a mess and that continuity is not always its strong suit. Does that mean I love it any less? Nope. And neither does the rest of the internet since some of my articles still get heavy rotation even though the show has been off the air for years. It’s the kind of show that pulls me in, even when I already know what’s about to happen.

Leverage

Oh, Leverage. How do I possibly explain how excited I am that you’re getting a revival? I don’t think I can. Also, I don’t know why I’m talking to Leverage directly when I haven’t to anything else on this list. Leverage is about a group of criminals who steal from the corrupt to give back to their victims. I mean. It’s Robin Hood for the modern age. It’s a found family. There are love stories. There are redemption arcs. It’s just chock full of greatness. And Aldis Hodge as Alec Hardison.

RWBY

I only really got into RWBY last year, and it’s fast becoming one of my favorite anime, though admittedly, I don’t watch a ton of anime. I love the references to fairy tales, mythology, and history mixed into this crazy fantasy world. I love that the villains are as compelling as the heroes. I love that in such a large cast of characters, I want to know more about everyone. It’s a fascinating show and some of the episodes are only five minutes long. 

Sailor Moon

I grew up in the ‘90s era of television, so, of course, I watched Sailor Moon after school. The English dubs because I’m a heathen, what do you want from me? I’ve really enjoyed revisiting the ‘90s series after watching Sailor Moon Crystal because, obviously, the ‘90s anime is not exactly the story that was told in the manga. It has such a rich mythology and fascinating characters not to mention beautiful designs.

Naruto

I’m going to be honest, you guys. I never thought I would be into Naruto. But something about it just hooks you. I got into it because there were always listicle topics that editors created for the show on the sites I write for, and I was curious. Unlike manga purists, I actually really like the filler episodes. I think they add a lot to understanding the characters. Also, there is no anime character I love more than Shikamaru in Naruto Shippuden.

New Girl

Okay. New Girl has really been the saving grace of 2020. I know this show ended a few years ago. I know that people should be ready for other things. But here’s the truth: I’m not really a sitcom person. I was as a teenager, but as an adult, I like my serial storytelling to be completely unrealistic and dramatic, usually. But 2020 has been so heavy that I needed the lightness New Girl provides. 

And I love each and every resident of the loft - even the ones I would never be able to stand hanging out with in real life. I love how much they all grow up over the course of the show. I love the one-liners. I love the running jokes. I love the musical numbers. I love the Nick and Jess of it all. In 2020 alone I have watched the first five episodes of this show about ten times. I’ve watched the show from beginning to end twice in just the last three months of the year. I love it so much I’ve even considered writing fanfiction for it (though I really don’t have the time and haven’t even finished old works over the last year). When this pandemic is behind us all, I’d actually consider playing the (arguably dangerous and would likely give everyone alcohol poisoning) game of True American just to see if my friends and I could get through it. 2020 has been rough, but at least New Girl is still on Netflix.

There you have it, a baker’s dozen of the things that got me through this year - mostly in television format. There’s something I just love about serial storytelling, and when it looks like the world is falling apart, it’s nice to have the comfort of happy endings and stories you can plot out yourself. Here’s hoping 2021 is kinder to all of us, and has plenty more stories for us to get lost in.

#year in review #2020 #i wrote a thing