#and who is usually near the back

[nightmareonpeachstreet]

when the interim results for CYL7 are posted in alphabetical order and for a second you’re so confused

#no shade to any of the characters near the top of the list it was just surprising vifodnfisyioes #I have been around for quite a few CYLs so I am used to knowing who generally floats around the middle of the top 20 rankings #and who is usually near the back #not to say they couldn't win they absolutely could it just looked like an absolutely wild interim rankings to me #like Caeda is listed so close to the top here #and I love Caeda with my whole heart and if she won CYL I would be over the moon I'd be so happy #but she has not placed THAT far up to my memory in the past #anyway if Caeda won I would literally cry she's so important to me #but I know she won't sad face #maybe one day. but first we probably need to go through a few more of the top floaters we've still got quite a few #before Caeda becomes a serious contender I think #absolutely worth voting for her tho to let intsys know we love her #and like I said it's not like anyone who is behind can't rush to the top it's happened before #so if u have someone u really want to win CYL then I say go for it #Fire Emblem // #FEH //

[icewindandboringhorror]

#cats #outing myself once again as someone whos not attune whatsoever to human culture but - in all honesty I do not know #what 'psspsspss' means despite loving cats my entire life hghj.. I've just seen people online describe that as how you call a cat #but I have never in my life witnessed someone call a cat by making that noise or made that noise myself. I can't even think of an example o #it so I genuinely don't even know what that's supposed to be but. Included because I've seen it so much it must be something to someone #even when I was a kid I pretty much always just meowed to cats and tried to sound exactly like them or whatever meow I associated with them #obviously not literally saying “ME OW” but doing an actual cat meow. often times a kind of 'prrrow' sort of noise where you trill your tong #ue then lead into a softer vocal tone .. maybe like 'mrrrrauh' or something? Or sometimes just a trilling chirp immitating the #cat's ''mrrrrp'' they do sometimes. I used to mimic small kittens to get the attention of cats #with their like very high pitches squeky whine with a little bit of air out the nostrils at the end to imitate the sound of them having #tiny lungs that don't hold much air so with a long loud 'mew' it's sometimes a little strained near the end #Though usually I just imitate the cat that I'm around at the time. Sometimes I have done kind of a combination kissy lip sort of noise #tongue clicking. almost like tapping on the back of your front teeth with your tongue and sucking in. almost makes kind of a squirrel noise #ANYWAY... curiouse....

[atlantic-riona]

personally I think the medieval Irish were onto something

#this doesn't even have to be about anything specific this is just the constant thought looping around my head 24/7 #but if you must know #tonight it is specifically about medieval Irish versions of various legends #for example the medieval Irish Odyssey back when they didn't have access to a copy #Odysseus' men being like 'bro if you take us on one more crazy adventure we'll DIE' and then they DO #Odysseus and his men floating over the cyclops #the whole bit where Odysseus notices he's being carried off by a cyclops and wriggles out is 😂😂 #Penelope being overjoyed that Odysseus has returned but also refusing to kiss him until the enchantment that makes him ugly wears off #the DOG #the purple and green dog!!! #see also: the King Arthur story where Arthur has a kick ass daughter #who travels the world disguised as a knight to rescue her true love from where he's trapped in an enchanted castle #she collects magic items and has fun adventures #this isn't even touching upon the native legends near and dear to my heart #but GOD do I love reading medieval Irish lit #except for the Book of Invasions #that one SHOULD be cool but in fact reads like stereo instructions 😔 #thank you for coming to my tedtalk #this is what it looks like inside my head at all times #I am usually thinking about something that predates the Industrial Revolution 😂😂

[marcmorrigan]

bad news dude i just talked to the doctor and your babyface is incurable. yeah youre stuck like that. yeah its probably for forever sorry

OC, he/him for angelo, thnx!

#my art #basic color #my ocs #still waters #angelo #wow another autistic trans protag who wears red shoes and cant sit right. florals. for spring. groundbreaking. etc #had sooo much fun playing around w the style for this... rlly enjoying the chunky lines in combination w my usual sketch style #angelos red chucks w the laces tied around the ankles r so vital 2 me... i lov giving my OCs my own traits/habits/etc lol #speaking of habits. back at it again w the bi flag overlay lololol. i dont even think angelo is bi. im pretty sure hes just gay #he might be bi idk. he has partners who are Not Men #or at least Not Always Men #ANYWAY. i was listening 2 mazzy star while i worked on this can u tell #also he is SOOO baby in the face to me... this man is nearing 30 and looks like an INFANT. at least hes tallish #not that u can tell since hes always curled up and sitting and folded and crouching etc #u unfold him and theres like 7 extra inches of man that u didnt expect #which is also what happens when you f--

[sleepinglionhearts]

yknow what sometimes not being able to take ibuprofen fucking SUCKS

#guess who has the flu 🙃 #i even got my flu shot the other week! #specifically so this WOULDN'T happen! #ah... it isn't as bad as when i got it back in college but it still sucks #manager-san was telling us it is important to have good attendance during December #and like yeah it gets REALLY busy at the silly gifts and books store #and here i am with the near 101F fever suffering at home like i didn't want to be #anyway ibuprofen usually knocks my fever down quickly and for a while and acetaminophen doesn't work the same ;;m;; #3 more hours before i can take more bwaaaaaaah

[dutybcrne]

Kaeya is rather touch averse, cringing away from casual contact people give him under the guise of being distracted or idle movement. He's used to it, the Ragnvindrs and Adenlinde got him used to frequent affectionate physical contact, but it can still be entirely Uncomfortable if he's touched by someone outside those he is close to or someone he's otherwise Allowed to touch him.

#hc; kaeya #//Mentioned before; but am Elaborating on other aspects since Aven get brain juices flowing for this #//Unlike Aven; he's FAR more tolerable of people who touch him unprompted. & more willing to indulge for himself outside his comfort people #//Unless he himself had actively given the indication he doesn't want it; in that case THEN he's likely to anger & retaliate #//But yeah; his response is usually Discomfort & trying to get away from it one way or another. Can tolerate it to appear friendly; sure #//But would rather not want people to touch him so easily. Is decently okay with brief touches tho; like shoulder pats or the like #//Will actively lean into it & encourage further touching ONLY as a means to an end; adjusting any wandering hands only when going too far #//Esp if he can use that like a carrot on a string–if they concede to what he wants; they can touch him more. Maybe MORE than just that too #//He won't initiate any touch unless he deems it Absolutely Necessary; WILL internally scream if they Immediately reciprocate the contact #//Uses it as a 'reward' sometimes; a little pinch of the cheek; a hug; getting right into their space; if he sees they'll react favorably #//Maybe more if they have connection enough; like Huffman or one of his longer-running liaisons. Is p ok w/ sleeping w/ them as reward #//Sometimes he forgets some people don't like that he does this; like Rosie. Tries the tactic to get a favor then Remembers #//Absolutely apologizes; feels mortified when she scrutinizes him for it. Esp since she'd be one of few ppl who KNOWS just how Averse he is #to it in the first place. Him slipping up like that in front of HER is smth he'd STRESS over. She could hold over his head for all he knows #//How can he even joke abt it? Worse if she asks abt his way of doing things or indicate she doesnt Like that he uses himself as bait #//Has absolutely accidentally tried to seduce/bait sb like that who he absolutely should Not have. Like Jean. Ended up playing it off like #a joke between friends; but damn near had a panic attack from the guilt the moment he was safely in his office. bc Jean is SPECIAL to him #could he treat her like THAT? How could he almost let her SEE that side of him? His casual charm and facade are ONE thing #//But him actively doing something like THAT; esp for Jean of all people; is COMPLETELY off-limits; no matter his feelings #//Actually; especially BC he harbors feelings for her. Ppl like Lisa on the other hand; he is VERY comfortable doing this with/to #//She GETS the flirty habit & dishes it back without losing image of him in the way someone he regards at Jean's level possibly could #//And as far as Lisa knows; it's Only a playful habit; not a means to an end. The ones who prolly Know might be certain folks in the church #//But that's just bc he gets frequent checkups after every lil Rendezvous of his. Which is why he's got dirt on Every Single Person There #//Except Barbara; but he absolutely makes SURE she's not the one he's dealing with whenever he goes. Wants to spare her his messes #//Damn; veered a little but it's alright. 'A little'; HA. Nah; my tags are but the cluttered corkboard of my thoughts jhdbfjdf #//Diluc; Addie & Jean are the people he most Fears finding out abt his methods. Doesnt wanna THINK abt how they'd feel/regard him after tha #//Knows for SURE it'd be painful if the way they treat him changes even a SLIGHT. ESP Addie; he can bear the other two; but Addie??? #//Nah; he'd be fucken DEVASTATED. That's the ONE person he knows hold true unwavering unconditional love for him; no matter what #//To do anything to damage that? He'd be so fucken GUTTED. He expects everyone to get fed up with/disdain him at some point. But not HER #//Keeps this shit on the down low by always having dirt on the people he gets Involved with; if not using keeping it up as an incentive

[kaeyaphile]

(muffled screaming) power outages are great

#kayleigh.txt #once summer gets here it won’t be anywhere near as stressful 🥲 #i just have 6 snakes and 3 geckos who can’t get cold obviously because they’re reptiles 🐍 🦎 #my rabbit and my 4 cats and my feeder insects will be fine as long as it isn’t like. freezing 😂 #in the summer i don’t have to worry because it’s usually the perfect ambient temperature for the reptiles so 🤷🏼‍♀️ #but alas in the winter i am. constantly stressed. power is back on for now but i have space heaters blasting #because it is so fucking windy it is almost definitely going to go off again 💀 #if we could just stop having severe windstorms once a week that’d be really great 😭 🤞🏻 #anyways i am going to actually attempt to nap now because i am absolutely exhausted ugh 👋🏻

[erynalasse]

Imagine if Fingon followed the example of his father and his uncle and tacked an extra fin(wë) onto his name when he became king

If Finwë-Nolofinwë becomes Fin/golfin? Well, Finwë-Findekáno doesn’t sound horrible, but oh boy… Finfingon sounds ridiculous. No wonder he didn’t go for it.

#my post #tolkien #silmarillion #fingon #actually there’s a lot of more interesting explanations for it #the name finwë is no longer synonymous with kingship for one #the noldor have been through enough kings to not care about naming conventions #for example orodreth didn’t have a fin anywhere near his name and neither did turgon #or the fact that fingon had already been using his sindarin name for centuries #also don’t forget the political implications of choosing a name based on quenya naming conventions which surely makes thingol shit a brick #or what’s even more interesting #is the implication that only HIGH kings get this extra finwë #finrod whips it out for his father (who’s never spoken a word of sindarin in his life) to make him finarfin #who is high king back in valinor #fingolfin is a king over other kings of finwë’s house #and after his death everything splinters apart much more badly #fingon is more like one king among many than a king exerting authority over his subjects - and maybe that doesn’t earn the extra fin #I dunno take your pick! #also hm this is funny #usually the shitpost stuff goes in the tags and the serious analysis in the text #but I did a flippity flopper

[knowlesian]

it’s gotten to the point where i can barely listen to people talk about the difference in cost of living and inflation between the 70′s and now because the second the numbers hit my ears i need to KILL SOMEONE 

#like obviously this is a tiny drop in a large bucket and i don’t even believe in the viability of capitalism in general #let alone late stage capitalism #but also just hearing the numbers is like lighting my brain on fire #its so obvious this is not working and it’s not working because the SYSTEM ITSELF IT BAD #i live near sf and don’t even get me started on the shit going on there rn #a bunch of rich liberal and/or centrist nimbys (spurred on by mass media the nyt in particular for some reason) #decided the progressive da (who wasn’t even that progressive or amazing! better than usual but still with big issues) MUST GO #because of the crime rates that weren’t even rising but the media sure did make it seem like they were #and now london breed is backing a fucking dystopian surveillance state plan #where the cops can help themselves to private cameras and their footage if they deem things in the interest of public safety #this is some BULLSHIT

[kuiinncedes]

aksndbdhdhdhhd

#watch me fuckin scream lmfao bro #i’m on a trip sorta to a conference thing that my dad has kinda made me and my brother go to lol and #we’re sharing airbnb and ig the whole trip w a few ppl he knows that i don’t know at all #and i have to room w this 13 yr old girl in like not even a full bed 😭 #and like it’s partly a lot funny bc why am i so scared of this situation lmfaooooo like i’m absolutely more scared of her than she is of me #i keep thinking of that john m/uIaney bit abt 13 yr olds or whatever being the meanest ppl in the world LOL #she’s not mean afaik i’ve barely talked to her bc i am a fully functioning twenty fucking one year old 🤩💀 #idk bro i had a trip earlier this yr where like i could’ve shared a double bed w one of my best friends but we found out the sofa was a #sofa bed so we didn’t and i was highkey relieved jfchdhdhdbh #but here we are also apparently after we get back from this i have to share a bed at home w another near stranger who’s staying w us 🥳 #like it’s not that big of a deal i feel like i’m not super uncomfortable or anything i just feel like whining and i don’t want to do it #lmfaooooo 😭😭😭 #anyway 🫡 #it’s fine everything’s fine im just getting kinda annoyed on this trip by the two other strangers my dad knows #who idk are fine they’re fine i just wasn’t expecting any of it 😭 and i don’t like #new ppl apparently DNBCFJSBCHXNDB anyway #🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡🤡 <- waow it’s me #jeanne talks #but bro sharing a bed isn’t gonna make me alr not super great at falling asleep in new places fall asleep easier 🤩 #and we have to be up early lol not that that’s usually a problem for me anyway #rly the point is i just rly wanna whine and complain <3 #it’s rly not that serious #so sorry LOL 🤡🧍🏻‍♀️ ok lemme go to sleep bc i am actually tired sndbchhdjdhc

[chatonyant]

Old designs which have since changed (a lot, Asadal has different hair and clothes now) but the colors are the same and i like it so up it goes

Yeah! Flower System! cause its a story with the game system dungeon crawler thing but the mc gets isekaid into a different world without that system (it ends up getting it) and also they all have plant names hahahahhaha

yeah more stuff under readmore

woe, identity crisis be upon ye

Thorn is Just Some Guy (false) who is a part of one of the world's strongest guilds that fights for the protection of humanity and for the hopes of climbing the Tower that appeared one day and caused some sort of apocalypse on Earth. It's been 5-10 years (undecided) since the world has been plunged into chaos as dungeons spontaneously spawned and spewed forth monsters that terrorized the world. Humanity has gained powers and skills alongside the System, allowing them to fight back and rebuild. Guilds have formed to challenge dungeons and fight monsters in order to find magical items or collect monster spoils in order to create their own items. Dungeons contain monsters, but monsters aren't limited to these domains and free roam the land alongside various different ailments upon the land and people. The System has told them that with the defeat of the Tower, there comes a chance to end the nightmare of uncontrollable destruction at the edges of their barely rebuilt towns.

One day, as Thorn's guild is challenging the Tower, Thorn takes a wrong step and just

slips

through the cracks of reality.

Thorn wakes up in the body of Asadal, the bitchy wife of Maple LastNamePending (Kal? Jun? idk), the head of noble family who is in charge of keeping the monsters that lurk at the edge of their town at bay. Suseon is Maple's nephew, who he treats like his own child after Maple's older brother and Suseon's father perished during a monster swarm. Maple's family isn't a historically noble family and had only been "promoted" (dunno if that's the right word) during Maple's father's younger years due to the family's contributions to the protection of the country's borders against monsters. Chamomile is the head guard of the estate and one of Maple's old friends.

(idk why i'm writting this so formally)

Thorn-now-Asadal is now having a grand time (wrong). Having been told by guildmates about dungeons that places them in scenarios with different settings and bodies, Thorn decides to investigate and figure out what the goal of this dungeon is. Problem is, Asadal seems to dislike the entire people of the estate, especially Suseon, and at best tolerates Maple and seems to be trying to??? seduce him???? Thorn is very confused about the motives of this wife.

On the flip side, Maple, Suseon, Chamomile, and everyone else is very confused as to why their lady one day woke up and is??? nice???? She sees Maple and runs. She sees Suseon and runs even faster. She's sometimes on the roof (why). She doesn't seem concerned about her dress and excessive jewelry (though she still wears some). She's got her nose into every other book in the house. She doesn't remember anyone's names– wait no that's pretty normal, she always looked down upon people. But now she's making the effort to remember??? Is she possessed (yes).

The world does not have the System that Thorn has grown accustomed to, which had granted things like resistances, skills, and ability upgrades. Along with that, Asadal's body is not built for fighting or moving the way that Thorn's was. Asadal doesn't need to have a fighting body. But Thorn does. Suseon walks in on Asadal(Thorn) training and internally freaks because wtf

so uhhh personality?

Asadal(Thorn) is quietly batshit. my notes say "like a cat. quietly leaves gifts and runs" which yeah checks out. blunt and to the point, down to argue with fists. plagued with the Doubts. Feeling quite lonely without his guildmates. Very curious, will do many things to satisfy that curiosity. Also impulsive i guess? I have. a doodle of Asadal going "what's this plant" -immediately eats it and barfs, forgetting the loss of poison protection- Hey why is Asadal up a tree. Hey is Asadal bout to go marching into the fforest please for the love of fuck please stop her. Why does she know things about the monsters. Oh lord she's pestering Suseon to teach her talisman magic. Oh Fuck She's Good. She is now setting fires. Help.

Maple is, in the simplest way i can describe him, the type of gentleman the grannies love. When with the common people he's incredibly friendly and expressive and deeply cares for the people he's responsible for. Though he cares for Suseon like his own son, he insists on Suseon always calling him Uncle and never "Dad" despite Suseon thinking of Maple as his dad as Suseon was too young to remember his actual dad. Maple loved his brother and never really got over the loss. Maple wasn't meant to be the head of the family and had to scramble to learn things he hadn't been fully trained in. In front of his people, he is warm and gentle. In front of other nobility, he is cold and hard. He often has problems in hiding his expression, so he trained himself to not show any emotion at all, leading him to look stiff and angry all the time. He often runs into issues regarding funds and aid as much of high nobility look down/don't give enough regard to the edge towns. With the original Asadal he tried to be accommodating and gentle but in the end could not ever properly connect, leading to a cold relationship. With the new Asadal he is hesitant and confused, but eventually warms up once he realizes this new personality means no harm. Asadal ends up teasing Maple endlessly

Suseon is stubborn and grumpy and highly defensive against Asadal. Maple calls Suseon "my boy". Suseon uses a gun. Asadal gives him pointers on using a gun. Suseon is freaked out by that. He wants to live up to the reputation of his father because he thinks its what people expect of him. He knows Maple is endlessly proud of him and loves him and fears ever disappointing him. Asadal(thorn) looked freaked out when she first saw him and he doesn't understand why. Suseon is likely to get into fights at school because he, like maple, is not great at holding back his emotions.

Chamomile is the lone braincell and is endlessly tired of reminding his lord to please stop charging into monster battles with a laugh. Calm and observant. Master of talisman magic and future baffled tutor of Asadal regarding magic. (undecided: he's lost a leg and has a prosthetic? something about him previously being a part of the monster fighting brigade and moving to be the estate guard head after losing his leg. also something about the change in job being maple and chamomile making his leg an excuse for chamomile's change in job. because he's kind of maple's advisor as well???? thoughts aren't organized enough)

#art #drawing #sketch #character design #alp art #alp ocs #alp flower system #'im going to make an isekai story' i say for the. uh. fourth time (????) #look. look. its about throwing someone ass over kettle into an unfamiliar world and making them scramble #its about having no idea whats happening at any time #its about identity. its about confusing everyone #its about weird relationships though thats not really dependent on the isekai- actually no it kinda is #its about me liking to kill characters and bring them back #ok well asadal didnt die really #this was meant to be inspired off the evil stepmom webtoons but #per usual this went completely off course #it is no longer anywhere near that sort of slice of life #similar theme of warming up to people who dislike you tho

[wolves-in-the-world]

…so, one day morris hires a hitter to take out pierre. quinn knows this because this visitor is pinging all his alarm bells, clearly casing out the store, and quinn's pretty sure he's run into them on a job before. they don't recognise him in his 'affable farmer with earrings' getup.

(the earrings were a whim. he's committed to the persona now, and only kinda regretting it. and yes, he definitely got his ears pierced after getting drunk with eliot one time.)

quinn briefly considers taking out them or even morris himself - not to protect pierre, who he doesn't really care about, but just to avoid drawing attention to his secret dang hideaway, thank you very much - then files that as plan B and sets about inconveniencing the hitter by any means possible.

I'd like to say the other hitter makes it out okay, but…

look, when quinn first checked out the mines he assumed he was hallucinating, alright? he got himself checked out by harvey, took it easy for a few days, then returned with a respirator and a camera so he could send some photos to hardison without any context. hardison asked him what games they were from and quinn went, shit, okay. that's the confirmation I needed. monsters ARE real. (maybe it's not a mould problem in the community centre, either - it definitely wasn't rats.)

and then he thought: this is somewhere I can lead anyone who comes after me; I can plant charges here and here to block them in; the monsters will take care of the rest. easy peasy, tragic accident, visitors should really be warned not to go exploring in those mines, y'know. maybe, he'll tell lewis, hesitant and woeful, we should put up a sign?

but a death would still, perhaps, be more attention than quinn wants drawn to the place. let's say this nameless hitter leaves with a broken leg, a horrific new fear of cave-ins, and tall tales about rock creatures that they only get into when very, very drunk because absolutely no-one will ever believe them.

#sv quinn #orig #I just think the golems are objectively the scariest ones that can be found near the surface with no glow ring #and quinn would ABSOLUTELY have fun traumatising another hitter enough to possibly even ruin their career #if they got in his way and he had to be more creative than usual to get rid of them #pierre gets to live for another day but more importantly: quinn's favourite hideaway is safe <3 #he gets a text a week later from a friend who's like ''wtf you should've heard what [name] was talking about last week'' #and quinn there all :3 just sending back ''oh?''

[noctomania]

I do not like children.

My sister called me today to tell me she is pregnant and she wants me to be involved in the kid's life and while I knew she was trying to get pregnant and that she would say somethin along those lines I still don't know how to breach the whole "i hate kids and don't want to make exceptions"

I like literally feel so uncomfortable around kids bc they are gross, messy, and do not understand boundaries. Even when they are older they are ticking time bombs of something or other.

But I have decided if she's going to try to force this child onto me i will simply be left with no choice but to convert them into a wiccan with a deep-seated fascination in snakes and arachnids and an artistic perspective that destruction is their favorite form of creation.

She also told me she got them genetically tested. Which I feel slightly conflicted about. It supposedly came back not showing anything. I'm not sure it should be treated as an end all be all though. With that said if the kid ends up being ND, ive no idea how she interacts with ND kids especially if a Certified Scientific Genetic Test said no they aren't.

Anyway that will be an interesting long term development for the coming years that i did not want or ask for. much like the rest of my life. fabulous. i make all this effort to avoid having children in my life and here we are. speaks to how well she does not know me.

#children have my respect at a distance #i just want nothing to do with them. #sure there are exceptional children who behave well. they are usually traumatized into 'behaving well' and thats just triggering #so either the kids annoy me or trigger me back to my childhood. #its just not a good time. #im great with kids but i do not like them. #please respect me and do not bring children near me. #as soon as she said she could travel with an infant i almost threw myself out of a window. but im not up high enough for it to kill me #she knows where i live. i need to move tomorrow. #i stg if this turns into some stereotypical ran away from home and show up on your bitter uncle's doorstep troupe i will exit life #im not taking responsibility. i will not have a child in my home. #you have a few years to adopt a new sibling to pretend to be their uncle. they can find out the truth when theyre older and understand

[gibbearish]

tells my boyfriend im overwhelmed lately bc ive had 0 alone time for almost a full month now bc we have a friend staying with us until we can get set up in the new house and he goes "oh yeah that sucks im sorry :(( but hey soon ill be working till 10 every night just like (roommate) so whenever we both work youll have most of the day to urself!" i go hide in the closet come out to make a drink and he sits in the kitchen and silently watches me make the drink the entire time

#i get youre trying to help but im going to fucking explode #oh boy a couple hours to myself several days from now thatll surely fix the breakdown im literally currently going through #and i have to go grocery shopping because roommate ate all the food while we were gone and cant afford to get more so i have to #do rhat tomorrow because theres Fuckinf Nothing in the house and im the only one who actually does the groceries right #have to get my tires rotated get my oil changed probably get new tires entirely #im mentally exploding from a -100 social battery and he sits there w #just STARING at me making my drink fuck off!!! literally the whole reason its overwhelmning me is because i NEED soace to Just Exist #without thinking about how im being perceived or how the way i exist effects others this is the opposite of helping i just want to #fucking rest #and theres so much more to do stil it never fucking stops not even for a second #just leave me ALONE stop touching me stop looking at me stop thinking about me stop BEING HERE ALL THE TIME #we just got back from an 8 day trip to canada where we literally spent 24/7 together only excluding bathroom breaks you dont need to #keep staring at me just ignore me for a little bit or just go AWAY #and he always chews with his mouth open and usually i can deal with it but especially now its like. even if were not directly interacting #i still have to just Be Aware Of You Near Me and i need a break #even the days ill have to myself later arent gonna do much because roommate doesn't wake up for work until like 3 but #i wake up around 10 and since its a studio i have to just Sit Quietly In The Dark for hours until they wake up until they finally leave #and then i get what maybe 5-6 hours alone? which like i do Need but its not fucking enough #thats good for a regular time when i have lther alone time as well not just my One Source #EVEN LITTLE THINGS earlier i started boiling water for a cup of soup and travis is like oh sweet grab me one tlo #and im not mad about getting him soup thats easy its just. that i cant do a thing for mtself without it becoming a group activity #and then he poured my water for me without asking which is nice but i like to put a certain amount of water so now mines too watery and #but i couldnt say no cause hed already done it and i cant get mad because thats a dumb thing to get mad about and im #already irritable so i dont want to make him feel bad at all but its just like. just leave me alone please #im trying so hard not to be resentful or let little things get to me but im just so. tired

[nateriverswife]

It's so weird to set a fanfiction in a city you know well, because when you pass by those places, it's like seeing the story unfold in front of your eyes

#talking about my near & oc fanfiction #knowing also how it ends it makes it all bittersweet #there is that audio edit saying 'Man I hate this part of texas' #that's how I feel when I walk past those places #As if I'm not the one who decided the ending #but it's also how I imagine Near feels when it all ends #And he has to go back to his usual life + new things to be sad about #death note #nate river #near

[dragonfyre-creations]

I don't think I've ever poured so many of my physical attributes and so much of my heart and soul into a character design before in such a personal way before so fuck it whenever I finish the final design for Faeng and whatever I come up with I'm making her into my sona (dragonsona? Persona? Idk how this works lmfao)

(long dump in the tags and under the cut)

The last time I was even remotely connected this much to a character was when I designed Jaxsu, but honestly never truly made her my sona/main character, she was just the one I used most often in art pieces. I never really actually liked her lore and backstory enough because she was what I wanted to be instead of what I am/was. Jax isnt perfect either, but her parents love her and otherwise has friends and is loved unconditionally. She has a healthy relationship with everyone and everything. This is where the disconnect happened and where I actually started to dislike her despite her being my otherwise favorite character for awhile. Both Faeng and Jaxsu have ADHD and Autism but Jaxsu was able to put that towards a job and becoming a ship captain and winning a colosseum tournament. She's done all of these great things so even if she didn't have a healthy relationship with her parents they'd still love her because she's done something impressive and useful.

Faeng on the other hand, has to fight for everything. Her parents are important and have important jobs, and place all of these unreachable and unrealistic expectations on her and expect her to reach them with minimal effort and be perfect, but she can't no matter how hard she tries. She needs someone to explain it and break it down for her in steps so she understands what do to and how to do it so she doesn't mess it up. She's both strong and smart but it's not in practical "normal" ways or subjects. It's convoluted, It's not in the ways everyone wants her to be, she has no teachers to help her understand how to channel that strength and intelligence into something "useful" so she puts it towards the things she likes and wants to do, and thus struggles in a world that would otherwise be easy to navigate and conquer if she were "normal". Those that do understand her and try to help her are alienated by other people in an attempt to either punish both of them or force her to adapt to be somewhat passing as normal, if not then at least listen to what she's told to do. She does eventually make acquaintances but find that her twisted speech and weird explanations aren't worth trying to decipher and understand so they leave, they don't put in the effort to meet her halfway even though she's struggling and doing her best to speak in a way they'll understand.

Her parents acknowledge her differences but in a way that frames it as flawed and wrong, something that needs to be corrected, and push her to figure out her problems by herself, tearing down any support network she tries to build. She tries her damned hardest but it's not enough, it never is and never will be for them because she's not the perfect child they wanted. She showed promise in her younger years being a "gifted child" so she knows what love and acceptance lies in wait and what could be if she could just be normal and perfect. Her achievements and promise come and show in waves. She burns and fizzles out in one of the most virulent, painful ways possible after getting hurt trying to prove her worth yet again. She holds nothing but criticism, vitriol and contempt for herself because she can't claw her way back to where she was before, this time something happened and something is terribly, horribly wrong this time but she doesn't know that it is and can't figure it out, nor will anyone tell her. Whatever it is, left a mental and several physical injuries and it does nothing but deepen her self hatred and her parent's waning belief in her. She listens to false promises and praise of other people who do nothing but wish to manipulate and harm her but she stays because any form of praise is deemed good, she hungers for more and does worsening things.

She ignores the people who tell her that what she's doing is dangerous and will only end in disaster, because she doesn't believe them. If the people who are saying they're her friends are telling her that the people she hurts deserve it and that what she's doing is good, then surely she needs to believe them over strangers, right? Everything comes to a breaking point and shatters around her leaving her with quite literally nothing but her own self hatred, newfound rage and overbearing mental issues she needs to navigate once again to find out what hell it is and what's wrong with her now. She's scared of everyone and everything with the added bonus of now being hyper-aware and perceptive of people's mannerisms and behaviors, especially those who want to manipulate or harm her again. She wraps every vulnerable part of herself in metaphorical thorns and teeth to bite and maim whoever pries and digs into what she truly is, even people who want to understand her. She suffers at more than her own hand, forcing herself to deal with everything alone, until she finally meets someone that could be considered a true friend. She slowly opens up and helps them as much as they help her before everything comes crashing back down once again upon the reveal that they've been lying to her the entire time about very serious issues, and she's been used as nothing more than an attack dog once again. She burns every bridge and everyone around her in one final breakdown of rage before shutting down completely. One of the groups of friends she's shoved stay comes back and asks if she's ok. She doesn't understand why they're being kind, why they're concerned it why they care and tries to shove them away again. Every single day they still ask, talking even if there's no response from her, until she finally relents and breaks.

She's finally loved and accepted despite every fault and every flaw she has, and every time she tries to pull away out of fear of being an inconvenience they pull back twice as hard and remind her that she's able to just exist, she doesn't need to constantly be useful and that they care. She finally, finally is comfortable enough to let herself be accepted and then becomes the most clingy little shit, just as they do with her. But yeah, my own life has been very much of the same, especially the last part. Every time I go on another self-hatred spiral and drop off the face of the earth my MonHun bros give me a metaphorical slap to the face and remind me that I don't need to constantly prove my worth to everyone and prove that I'm useful, and that existing every once in awhile is more than enough. If that doesn't work then it's "you need to get your ass back over here because we're failing the Safi siege without the absolutely ridiculous amount of DPS your build Switchaxe does". I was not intending for her to be so much like me but goddamnit she's wormed her way into being my favorite now and I guess Mirage is no longer my impromptu sona

#I've been working the last 3 hours on her design and like just noticed HOW MUCH of myself i put into her design #especially parts of myself im self conscious of and don't like/didn't like growing up. i usually zone out esp during a character design #but i stopped and i looked at it and my first thought was “that's me. that's me on that canvas.” and for some reason felt so happy with it #ik that's probably a selfish thought to have and im nowhere near done with her design but i looked at it and loved it so deeply. #she's imperfect and ugly and flawed but that's ok because she's still beautiful in her own weird way and her friends still love her #this is the weirdest shit I've ever experienced but i honestly feel like I'm finally accepting a part of myself I've hated and shoved down #for so long because of the absolute gnawing feeling of unacceptance I've always been subjected to as “not fitting in” and something she say #is “who gives a shit what other people think about me. i have friends who love and care about me just as much as i do for them. #you dont need to be liked by everyone to be worth something. sometimes just existing is enough for the people who do love you“ #the parallels of both my life and her lore are so similar they hurt on a visceral level i cant describe and it was completely unintentional #we both trust too easily whether it's out of naivety or stupidity and not learning from past mistakes and have been hurt so deeply #so many times beyond our own comprehension by the betrayal of other people to the point of shutting down every attempt at friendship #despite knowing just how much being alone aches and burns and put both physical and mental health on the line to get the approval of others #but never letting anyone get close enough to be friends out of fear of being hurt again #and having every vulnerable part of ourselves wrapped in metaphorical knives and glass to hurt anyone attempting to get to know us #but simultaneously and unknowingly hurting ourselves too with that choice. we're both aware of what we're doing but also unable to stop it #out of fear and lack of people willing to understand our pain and frustration and anger over things and it's so so frustrating #we both lash out when angry or hurt and push people that we love and love us back away out of fear that if any “ugly” is exposed to them #they'll leave because we lose our one redeemable quality of “being convenient” in a group #but simultaneously don't them trust fully out of fear. we know we're loved and love back but never fully in case its all a lie. #we both want nothing more than someone to understand and listen to what happened to us and actually stay and be friends rather than leave #like truly actually want to be friends and not just stay out of pity or sorrow over what happened #i think this is just something that comes with the autism tbh #i am she and she is me #rambling #dragon character #character writing #character building #dragon oc