#and they were visible here in portugal so it makes things WORSE!

[kosmogrl]

#honestly..... #I'm so sad I didn't get to see them #cause the sky was so cloudy where I live??? #and they were visible here in portugal so it makes things WORSE! #northern lights

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Can you feel it still? (Sriracha, Part 17.)

Description: A problematic college student gets the worst summer job of the ‘83 - Jim Hopper, the Chief of police in your hometown will have you as his secretary since his old lady Flo has two months lasting holiday. It was agreed so Hopper could let you far away from all the trouble.

Part Summary: You were never as terrified of your mom as when you and Hopper rolled in to have dinner with your family.

A/N: Heavily inspired by a song by Portugal. The Man and then Just My Type by Saint Motel. I also think that Hopper's EXTREMELY goofy and weird when he gets under pressure. He's had his typical serious face put on, but as soon as he would meet your mother, he would be terrified for his dear life and balls. Also, I decided to name the reader’s name Molly, don't ask me why I just like that name and I didn't like to see Y/M/N in the text.

A/N 2: Also, we’re only a week away from the WIll Byers disappearance incident.

Word count: 3.4 K

Tagging: @nemodoren @creedslove

Master list: H E R E

GIF IS MINE

You actually called your mom as soon as you finished your kinky fucking on the countertop. Hopper, as he usually did, hadn't disappointed and made you scream his name. You called her as soon as he went to have a shower.

"Hey, hey, it's me." - You tried to calm her down while leaning your ass into the table, dressed only in your panties, having another cigarette. - "I'm fine and well."

"Dear God, baby girl. I'm so sorry for what I've said to you... Just... Just come home, will you, baby? I miss you and I'm worried about you." - She started crying immediately. You told Aiden your plan earlier that morning and he told you that it's for the best probably. You told him that you'll tell Jim and call her later that day. And there you were, calling your mom. It felt really good to hear her voice. So good that you almost started crying as well.

You knew that you're missing her really bad, but at the same time, you knew that she needs her time. And that she'll need some more after you tell her that you're actually dating Hopper.

"Mom, mom... Calm down. I'm fine, I'm in good hands, he keeps an eye on me every minute of every day, okay?" - You assured her about your well-being, watching Hopper coming out of the shower with a towel around his waist, a second one drying his hair. He always looked damn funny when he was drying his hair.

"Small steps at a time would be the best now, okay? I was thinking of dinner at your place on Wednesday." - You offered her and of course, she immediately accepted. You told her that you'll be there by eight o'clock so Jim would have some time to have a shower and get ready.

Days flew by extremely fast since you both were really nervous about the dinner. You haven't even told your mom that you're bringing your boyfriend with you and that the boyfriend is actually Hopper. And you had no idea how on Earth are you going to execute that stunt.

You both even sat down on the terrace for a whole and smoked while talking about the whole situation - it was a test you need to pass, it was truly making you move forward to the stage of serious dating, which was something. You were indeed in love, but you haven't told Hopper yet. You didn't want to ruin it.

And you knew that it will be even rougher after that. Once the whole Hawkins will know, there won't be anything that would save you. You were willing to look like a lunatic just in the name of love. And without Hopper realizing, he fell in love with you as well. Hard. All it took was three months.

He could barely imagine his days without seeing your face when he walks home. Yes, that trail actually became a home to him once you moved in. He could barely imagine searching for anyone else and Jim surely knew that any other woman would make him fold his clothes like you did. At that point, only a look at his briefs laying on the ground was everything it took for Hopper to start cleaning up.

So if meeting your parents in your house and holding your hand while walking around Hawkins meant to be the proof of him really meaning it with you, then it should be the proof and he was willing to do everything you would tell him.

Wednesday evening was really something. You both were so nervous that neither of you has spoken out a word throughout the whole time. You dressed in a tight, red dress that really complimented you and took black high heels, really looking like a lady.

Jim has rarely seen you with make-up and made hair, but you really looked like an angel at that moment. Especially when you were making sure that he had put the tie on in the right way.

He almost ducked out of the whole thing three times throughout the night, turning the car back to the trail. Five minutes from Hawkins sign, you finally got pissed, took off your high heels and sat behind the steering wheel while making Jim holding them.

"So, tell me the plan again." - You mumbled to him and drove to your street. Jim thought it would be wiser to take your car so you wouldn't catch much attention. And it was working way better than the police Blazer.

"You'll go in first and talk to your mom. Then you let me in when you tell her what's up." - Hopper mumbled quietly, clearly being nervous like a highschooler picking his prom date up.

"And?" - You asked curiously. You wanted to hear the plan as a whole because it was fucking hilarious in your opinion.

"And I can't duck out, because you wouldn't sleep in bed with me and if I tried to touch you, you would tear my arms off." - Hopper said monotonously, having no expression at all. He still remembered your house really, really well and once he saw it at the end of the street, he knew that in about ten minutes, he's going to encounter the moment he was worried about.

"Great." - You said, stopped the engine and put your shoes on. - "Jim, listen. We'll do it and you'll do great. They'll love you, I swear. My mom had to bring my dad home as well one day, hm?" - You held his hand tightly, smiling at him.

"But your dad wasn't twenty years older and he sure as hell wasn't the Chief of police." - Hopper reminded you ironically, getting out of the car as well. You checked his tie for the very last time before patting his shoulder and giving him one last peck on the lips.

"Don't forget the flower you bought. It will make her happy." - You whispered and tried to contain yourself enough to look like nothing was going on. As always, mom was opening the door before you even walked on the terrace. As she hugged, you shut it again, giving Jim time to walk there.

"Sunshine, we couldn't wait for you to come back. Aiden, your sister's here!" - She yelled with happiness and your brother immediately stormed down from the stairs, giving you a tight hug. You don't live in the household made your relationship a lot better, since, at the time, he was the only one who sure knew who you're with the whole time. And you had to trust him with everything you had at that moment.

"I told you she's just fine!" - Aiden smiled and his gaze asked you if you came with Hopper or not. When you nodded he sure was surprised and hyped. This dinner was about to get really interesting.

"I just want to say that I'm sorry. I don't know what was I thinking, but I panicked and... I honestly didn't want to leave the town. I realized when I drove past Bloomington. I wouldn't be happy in Indianapolis that I won't be happy without you and... Without him." - You took her palms in yours and exhaled slowly. This was the moment to spill everything down before it takes another turn.

"I still don't know about that, but I'm not angry with you anymore. I'm just glad you're back home." - She whispered with a smile before looking at you once again and you took a sharp breath in. - "You're living with someone now? Who's that guy? Is he handsome? Smart? Do I know him?" - She started asking and at that moment, you stiffened a bit. She's going to kill him, you had no doubt. You shouldn't take him with you. It was dumb of you to take him. Oh, God.

She had no clue about the mysterious man and maybe, it was for the best. Sure, Hopper will shock her, but at least, there won't be anything worse than that - except if she gets into a motherly mode, protecting you and your honor.

"Actually, he's here with me." - You said with a shy smile. - "I wanted to show you that you had really nothing to worry about the whole time." - You mumbled nervously and opened up the door, giving him a short, nervous look before you stepped away. Hopper was really starting there like your prom date in his best, yet old, tux and a tie, holding a ridiculously big flower. He was handsome - but that wasn't what your mom saw standing at her doorstep.

She saw a guy over forty, the Chief of local police, the rumored alcoholic and junkie and that guy who was rumored to fuck every woman in the city. And all she thought about was that the guy was living, dating and fucking with her daughter. She was horrified, to say the least.

But Aiden took all of you by a surprise - he ran down the stairs, dressed in a t-shirt and old jeans, offering Hopper a handshake before dragging him into the house where you hugged his waist in your arm, looking at your mom.

"Chief, it's nice to meet you as a part of the family! Come in, don't be shy, she spoke about you like if you were the best guy she has ever met." - Aiden dragged Hopper in, assuring the guy that he's indeed welcomed in your household. - "I was excited about meeting you since she told me you're coming!" - Aiden patted his shoulders and you could see that he's really trying to let Hopper feel like a normal guy who dates a normal girl and comes for a dinner for the first time ever.

"Are... Are you dating my daughter?" - Your mother came out of a short lethargy, looking at Aiden acting as if he was a best friend with Hopper. - "And you knew about all of this?" - She asked Aiden and visibly, she was terrified and confused. But your brother proudly nodded, fully supporting your choice.

What would people think? What would they say? Her baby girl who could date Steve Harrington just came into her house with a guy twice as old and with a horrendous reputation. If it was all a dream, it was a nightmare. She was supposed to look for you when you got lost. And instead of any of that, that motherfucker...

"This is for you, ma'am. And about your daughter... I think that she's just my type." - Hopper answered honestly, yet it did sound really bad. You and your brother watched as Hopper gave your mom the flower and as she accepted it with a completely stiffened smile.

To say the least, the dinner was horrendous. Aiden was the only one treating Hopper as a normal guy. Your mother was just chewing on her meal, trying to get a hold on the situation and your father was getting ready for her starting to asking you questions and in that case, he would do his best to divert these questions on himself.

It wasn't that he was happy about your choice of partner or that he found Hopper to be a perfect choice, your father just acknowledged that you're an adult and that you should be capable of making your own decisions. You surprised him and he needed to think about your capability of being an adult once again.

But overall, the time at your parents' house was the most uncomfortable Hopper had to ever endure. When he was dating Diane in New York, it was fine - she was as old as he was at the time and her parents had no problem with him at all. But to be fair, it was more than ten years ago.

As soon as your mother started cleaning up the dishes, you knew it's your time to talk to her in the kitchen. You gently held Hopper's hand, leaving him only with Aiden and your father in the dining room. You heard first bits of the conversation of the evening coming from the three men. You knew your father will take Hopper as a normal man and not like an old creep.

"Are you okay?" - You asked your mom, helping her with the dishes. She shot an angry look at you, not answering at first.

"So you bring the Chief home, I need to adjust at the fact that you're together, you've disappeared with him for a whole month and you're asking me if I'm okay?" - She hissed back so Hopper wouldn't hear her. You looked her in the eyes, biting your lip. You could hear Hopper laughing and your father opening his old Whiskey. Why couldn't she be as cool as he was with the whole situation?

"Mom... I know it's inconvenient, but that's the way it is. This relationship isn't convenient at all, but I think I love that guy." - You whispered back and started the water. She, again, took a second to think of an answer. - “It just happened like in the movies and books you always read.”

"Darling, I expect someone like Steve appearing on my doorstep, do you even know what type of guy Chief is? He has a horrendous reputation in Hawkins." - She answered back from preparing the dessert onto five small plates. 

“But the reputation he has doesn't make him a bad person at all. He's a guy with the heart of gold. He makes me laugh, he cares, he asks me questions that might seem boring, but he's really curious about the answers. Jim’s playing the tough man card, but really, nothing is further from the truth.” - You defended your boyfriend and your mom didn't answer, again, she just unbelievably shook her head. 

“So he's Jim to you now?” - She mumbled, serving some chocolate syrup and strawberries cut to pieces with the Tiramisu cake.

“We've been living together for a month, do you really want me to call him Chief?” - You looked at her with sarcasm, taking two small plates for you and Jim, ready to come back for the lemonade and the last plate for Aiden. 

“Are you sure about this? Isn't this a joke?” - She stopped you before walking into the dining room. - “I mean... Chief doesn't have a reputation of relationship kind of guy, he screwed many women, he had one night stand with Marissa from the library and hasn't even called her back. Aren't you worried that maybe he's playing with your head and heart as well?” - She whispered and this time, she didn't even want to be mean. She was seriously worried about you and your relationship with that guy. 

But when you looked at Hopper who was just talking to your father about the latest tournament of American football, you knew that this guy is everything, but a liar. 

“He was sweating like a small girl when we drove here. Jim wants to make a good impression, he even voluntarily dressed up in his tuxedo. Mom... Just... I know you don't like what I have decided to do with my life, but... Make it easier for Jim. You can yell at me as you wish once he won't be here.” - Your face softened, telling her everything you didn't say out loud. - “Jim even bought you the flower without me telling him he should. He just came home with that big ass flower in his hands, asking only one thing: ’Does she like these or should I drive back and buy her another one?’” - You whispered and dear Lord, you could feel your heart warming up in your chest. Your mom nodded as you finally came to the dining room. 

Your dad gave your mom a short look and relaxed once he saw that her mood had lightened up. Not much, but she seemed way more relaxed than before. And yet, the most embarrassing part of the dinner was just coming your way.

You put all the things on the table, pouring yourself some lemonade since you had seen Hopper drinking the Whiskey your dad served him - you're the one driving back. Your pa was opening the bottle on really special occasions, it was probably the most expansive thing in your house. 

Before you started eating, Hopper’s hand gently squeezed your thigh under the table, making you look at him - he gave one reassuring smile. He figured out that he's cool with your brother and more or less fine with your brother - that last member he needed to find his way to was your mom. 

“So, Mr. Hopper.” - She started off and poured herself a glass of red wine. You nodded at Jim and started to cut your Tiramisu into smaller pieces. - “Excuse my previous behaviour, I was just... Shocked. You're kind of a surprise, huh?” - She joked carefully, watching Jim's face so she would know if she had offended him in any way.

“I get that, Mrs. Y/L/N. No offense taken at all.” - Jim nodded with a small smile, tasting your mom’s Tiramisu. She got that recipe from her friend who visited Italy last year and really, it was something delicious. You both were good cooks; Jim finally understood why you can cook such a variety of dishes without looking for a recipe. 

“Please, call me Molly.” - She smiled at him and everyone in the room really got a good vibe from them. Jim watched your mom for a while to figure out if she's serious or not, but she was completely serious with him. - “I also want to ask about your intentions with my daughter. Hawkins is a small town, you know? I heard many things about you.” - And with that, Hopper stiffened and got nervous. It was just a question, but he got that passive-aggressive feeling from it. Jim was almost panicking until he felt your palm on his knees and realized you looking at him. He needed to calm down immediately.

“My intentions with your daughter?” - He looked at you and at the moment, everyone could not even feel, but see the spark of electricity in that stare. - “Taking it slow, for now, and hopin’ she won't leave me for someone younger since she's one of the most perfect human beings I came across.” - He said sincerely, looking you in the eyes the whole time, making you smile. 

“How did... How did it even happen? How did you two become a thing?” - Your mom asked with serious curiousness because that was a big unknown in the room at the time. Also, it was rather uncomfortable to look at two people who were almost blindly in love with each other.

“On the night I had my Vietnam PTSD attack. I think it was there since the day she started workin’ in the office, but she made the first move that night.” - Hopper answered innocently and your mom rose her eyebrows, nodding. So you hadn't spent a single evening with Julia that summer.

Slowly, the weird questions fade away into a more pleasant conversation, your mom taking a part in it this time. Aiden was sure both of you did great in the eyes of your parents - Jim and your dad were even calling each other by name at the end of the night. You stayed there longer than you anticipated - you chatted with your mom and Aiden, Jim and your dad were going through your dad's sports articles. 

Jim got a bit drunk from that old Whiskey your dad poured him all night long, but he was still acting really polite and nice, so you knew its alright. You even decided to go on a short vacation with your family to North Dakota to see the father’s parents for two weeks. Your mom wasn't okay with Hopper, and you knew she won't be okay for a long time, but he decided to respect him because he clearly meant a lot to you.

And at the end of the night, as you drove home and Jim had a contained smile on his lips, you knew that the man next to you is just your type.

#jim hopper imagine #jim hopper x reader #jim hopper #james jim hopper #jim hopper stranger things #stranger things #stranger things hopper #stranger things netflix #sriracha

[christinaroseandrews]

New mother and recently widowed Patience Jordan is well aware that the world isn't on her side especially since she's a widow, a woman, an immigrant in the very xenophobic England of the Regency, and mixed race. Her son's been taken from her, housed with a relative who's more interested in chasing skirts than changing nappies. She's been committed to Bedlam and only through luck and the determination of her cellmate was she released. Now she has to sneak into her old home to feed her son. She need a miracle, and fast!

Enter Busick, the Duke of Repington. Grievously wounded in the Napoleonic Wars in Spain/Portugal, he has returned to England to assume control of his ward, Patience's son Lionel. A strict and meticulous man, he soon finds his orderly world turned upside down but the infant and the woman thrust upon him to be his ward's nanny. Worse, he can't help but be attracted to her.

But as the weeks go by, the danger around them mounts. They must uncover the mystery surrounding Patience's husband's death before it is too late.

Okay first off some trigger warnings, because they are sorely needed. -- TW: Suicide, TW: Period appropriate racism, TW: period appropriate misogyny, TW: child abuse/neglect, TW: Sexual Harassment, TW: Consent Issues, TW: Period appropriate sexism, TW: Body Trauma

There may be others I'm forgetting.

On to my thoughts!

I'd been looking forward to reading this book for a while. It has some of my favorite things: disabled characters, characters of color, cute plot kidlets, a mystery, a sort of enemies-to-lovers scenario, women supporting women. But upon reading the book, I can't help but feel... I don't know... disappointed.

Let's break it down.

Things I loved: -- Patience. I really really loved Patience. I loved the way she thought. I loved the way she was so determined to put the needs of her child first. I loved how she refused to back down even in the face of overwhelming odds. I thought her character voice was excellent, and I wish the whole book had been told in her head. (More on that later) -- I loved the diversity in the characters of color. Pro-tip to authors, England was a lot more culturally diverse than you see in most historical shows/movies. It always has been. Take it from the scholar of History. I liked that the racism and inequality that they faced wasn't swept under the rug. I also liked that all characters, whether of color or not, were described in the same way. It wasn't othering. It was lovely to see.

-- I loved the disabled representation and acknowledgement of disability aids. Wheelchairs, crutches, prosthetics, and various other period-appropriate mobility aids were in play. I loved that even minor characters had injuries. Wars of the time were messy... the medicine even messier. The understanding of Anatomy was still in its early phases. So any kind of injury could lead to disability. I'm glad to see that acknowledged. -- Did I mention I loved the disability rep? I did. Because even better, the characters who are disabled aren't seen as lesser than. They often have angst about their situation -- very common when a traumatic injury or illness takes away or hampers a portion of someone's life -- but none of the characters spend their days navel gazing. I really loved the representation.

-- I loved the women supporting women plotline. This book gets a Bechdel Test pass and a Mako Mori test pass.  Do you know how rare that is in romance?  So rare. So so rare. I am here for that. -- The descriptions, particularly in Patience's POV, are quite lyrical and lovely. Part of the reason why I want the story to be fully in her head. -- I loved that the cover showed the hero’s disability (he’s an amputee).

So what didn't I like? -- The POV switches. Patience's POV is told wholly in first person, past tense. It's a very intimate choice, and one I agree with. However, Busick's POV is told in the third person, past tense. And the story switches back and forth, often within the same chapter, were jarring. It wasn't handled well, and it kept throwing me out of the story. It was a fourth wall break, and it decreased my enjoyment of the story. -- The Hero. I didn't like him at all. I found him sexist, overbearing, didactic, and unyielding. He often did similar things to the villain yet his actions were seen as "good" while the villain's were "Bad." Here's an example: He orders around the heroine and threatens her with taking her son away from her... the same thing the villain did. This is even after the reveal that she is not just a nanny but Lionel's mother. I couldn't forgive that. -- There's a huge, giant, gargantuan consent issue. As in the Hero keeps pushing for physical attentions while the heroine is out and out saying no. This is an automatic star drop.

-- On the hero again, he's jealous of any man who gets near her or who has her affections. This includes but is not limited to: her lawyer, a doctor, her dead husband, and her infant son. Jealousy is not an endearing trait. It's a possessive one. -- Continuing with the hero, he always has to win and be right... and there's even a scene where he jeopardizes an infant to make a point to Patience. At this point in the story, I stopped rooting for him to get together with Patience and started rooting for her to leave. Or end up with her lawyer. Or her best friend... I'm down for some LBGT rep. -- The romance. Like many other critical reviewers before me, I didn't buy the romance. Busick basically went from mistrustful to obsessed in the blink of an eye. He kept insisting that because he cared for the heroine that she had to love him too. This was repeated over and over. As for Patience, she seemed mostly tepid toward him. Yes, she thought him attractive... but for the first portion of the book she was beholden to him to stay near her son, and for much of the rest she was focused on resolving the mystery surrounding her husband's death.

-- I’m not really fond of this cover as a whole. I like that the hero’s amputation is visible.. but it’s hidden and it’s nearly invisible if the image is not full-sized. I’m also not fond of how you can’t really tell the heroine’s race. I want to see more Black heroines in Regency romance. And I want to see Black faces on the cover. -- A dropped thread regarding part of the mystery. It's hand-waved away at the end, but that mars the HEA

So ultimately I'm torn about how to rate the book. Part of me wants to one-star it (for the consent issues, unbelievable romance, the designated hero trope, and jarring POV switches). While another part of me wants to celebrate the diversity in this book. The great representation of characters of color and disabilities. There were things I loved; there were things I hated. If this book had been wholly in Patience's POV I likely would have liked it more.

But since it wasn't and for the reasons listed above, I can only give this:

Three Stars

Thank you to Kensington and Net Galley for providing me with an ARC of this book.

If this is your jam, you can get it here. (JSYK there’s a lot of good in here, and I am really pro-supporting BIPOC authors which Vanessa Riley is. I’d recommend checking this book out from your local library via Overdrive or even in person.)

If you like these kind of honest reviews, please consider supporting us here!

#romance review #regency romance #historical romance #interracial romance #black heroine #disabled character #author of color #poc representation #disabled representation #the representation was on point #the story was lacking #and I hated the hero #I wanted to love this book #I wanted to love it so much #but I was dissappointed #three stars #vanessa riley #Rose and Lark review books

[queerchoicesblog]

The Graduation Gift (RoE, Mira x Jess)

This fanfic is part of the @choicesjulychallenge hosted by the soon-to-be-graduate @kinda-iconic! It's been a while since I last wrote Mira X Jess and I missed the only ship that kept me playing Roe. This fic is an ideal prequel to Hot Cocoa For Two, the one I wrote for the December Challenge.

In short, Jess finally graduates and Mira has a special gift in store for her girlfriend.

Prompt: Commitment

Word Count: 2003

Perma Tag: @brightpinkpeppercorn @melodyofgraves @bhavf @abunchofbadchoices @silverhawkenzie @begging-for-kamilah @kennaxval @strangerofbraidwood @crazypeanat @desiree-0816 @universallypizzataco

_________________________

"Hmpf"

Jess tossed and turned in the sheets as the light of a new sunny day hit her eyes. She blinked twice before finally resolving to open them. She hugged the pillow and inhaled the familiar scent of her favourite chef. Amber and other spices she couldn't name but that her heart immediately recognised as her "Mira, my Mira". Still cherishing that thought, she smiled to herself and rolled to the side and her eyes fell on Mira's nightstand where she spotted a book she kept gushing over for months...she remembered talking about it on Skype with her chef too. But she never told her that she actually bought it.

Jess moved closer and propped herself on her elbow to have a better look. She bit her lip as she opened it and saw that Mira used an Hartfeld postcard as a bookmark. A smile immediately formed on her lips as she recognised it: she sent her when she went back to college after Katie's wedding. She still remembered that day. Nicole and Audrey drove her back there -the salsa soundtrack they sang along with the whole ride haunted Jess for weeks -and helped her settle down. As soon as they left, she stopped by a souvenir shop and bought a postcard portraying the university quad with smiling students passing by. She went back to her dorm room and started writing it right away. When she finished, she remembered looking over her shoulder and since her roomie was nowhere to be found, grabbing her own lipstick, putting it on and pressing a kiss on the lower side. She immediately laughed at the silly, corny gesture picturing Mira's reaction: her Michelin-starred chef would have certainly either laughed it off or rolled her beautiful dark eyes at it. She sent it the day after on her way to class, as her heart tightened thinking that she would have not been able to see her girlfriend for a while and she missed her so much already. The bookmark was way past the half of the book, signalling that Mira devoted her days off to it. As she put it down, she made a mental note to ask her about it.

She was about to get up when she noticed the photos sitting beside the book. She sat up on the edge of the bed and her heart fluttered once more. In the first one Mira was standing knee deep in the ocean hugging from behind a visibly head over heels Saru. They must have taken it during the Portugal trip Mira mentioned once, judging by the Portuguese writings on the little boy's baseball hat. The sunset was already turning the sky of a dark red but you could still see the bright smile on Saru's face as his mom kissed the top of his head. The other one was a picture of her and Mira iceskating when she visited over the winter break. Blake and Carter joined too for "a former Nomande staff reunion" and they had such a great day: they drank cider, ate Christmas cookies and reminisced their time together on the Ember of the Sea. Then they went iceskating and that's when Carter started taking pictures and selfies while recklessly sliding trough the crowd. He even fell over Blake in a bad attempt to catch a surprise shot of him: the two ruined to the ground but couldn't stop giggling afterwards. The shot Mira framed must have been a lucky one: oblivious of the camera, they were just skating hand in hand smiling tenderly to each other. As if no one else was there, only the two of them.

Jess threw one last glance to the nightstand before moving to the bathroom to get a shower. When she was done, she headed to the kitchen following a mouthwatering lead.

"Goodmorning, sleepyhead"  

Mira greeted her with a smile behind the kitchen counter.

"Eggs Benedict ready in...five" she announced, checking her watch as Jess wrapped her arms around her waist and nuzzled her shoulder.

"You were already up when I woke up"

"Yep, because in case you haven't noticed, you slept in this morning" Mira gave her an amused look. "But you have every right to do so: you're a graduate, now!"

"It still feels so unreal..."

"Blake called earlier, work stuff you know...but he asked me to tell you once more that he's so proud of you" the chef turned and place a kiss on the top of Jess's head. "We're all so proud of you, baby"

"Thanks, it means a lot" Jess said as her cheeks started reddening.

She had never felt so supported and appreciated since she met the Nomade crew. And of course, Mira. They all had a rocky start but as they got to know each other, they became the best friends -and girlfriend- Jess could have ever asked for. Her family was supportive too but it took them a while to realise that she was more than bubbly reckless Jess. Blake, Carter and Mira were probably the first not to see her as the stereotypical party girl: she was their colleague, Jess "the waitress" to them when they first met. Then she became responsible hardworking Jess and it felt...just natural. As if somewhere they inside they trusted her - or so Jess loved to think, it didn't have to be necessarily true - to be more than just another troublemaker who forgot she wasn't a teen anymore. Just like Katie, Alex and Nicole thought for well, basically her whole life or so they made Jess believe. Probably, all "the party twin" needed was a little bit of trust, someone finally believing in her, someone believing that she had potential. Jess was eternally grateful to Nana for that: she was the first to see that spark in her. The only one in the famiy, to be honest.

"How's Blake doing? I should give him a call too later" Jess changed the topic to break free from that train of thoughts.

"Oh he's good! He -pass me two plate, sweetheart, the eggs are ready- he was telling me about this new idea for the menu. He discovered a new family recipe and wanted to share it to see if we can make something out of it. He thinks that it could make a good entrée and I must say I'm not against it" Mira explained, serving their brunch.

They moved to the terrace and took a seat at the table. They talked about the restaurant's slow yet steady success that made Mira and Blake have high hopes for the future, of Carter joining a new dance crew and of Saru's latest obsession with sharks and any merchandise item related to them: underwear, books, scale models, movies... Mira asked Jess about her upcoming internship in San Francisco at Lean Myers's magazine: Jess didn't think she would actually agree to have her when she contacted her, she did it out of admiration for the former film critic: her reviews on FilmBuzz always gave her the best movie advice ever.

Jess's phone suddenly beeped and she chuckled as she checked it.

"It's Alex" Jess giggled.

"What does he say?" Mira asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Tons of desperate emoji. It's getting worse with emoji lately...and...oh he's saying he's the worst brother ever cause he hasn't sent me the graduation gift he bought with Elena yet"

Jess smiled weakly at the phone.

"He said that he's so sorry that they couldn't make it to the graduation ceremony. It...it doesn't matter actually. They didn't have to worry about that and the gift, they're so busy..."

"No, he's right " Mira agreed, taking the last sip of her coffee. "Not about being the worst sibling ever maybe but his message reminds me that I have a thing for you"

Then she flashed Jess a smile and stood.

"Follow me" she said, offering her her hand.

Jess obliged and Mira led her back to her bedroom. She stopped on the threshold and turned to her girlfriend, who was looking around quizzically.

"Open the closet, Jess" Mira said, gently stroking her hair.

Jess gave her a confused look as she leaned at her touch but the look in her girlfriend's eyes only spoke of tender devotion.

She walked to the closet and opened it. To her surprise, since the last time she visited, Mira's clothes now took only half of it and half of the drawers were empty. In the first one she noticed a small envelope.

Jess gaped and turned to Mira who was leaning on the doorstep now and just nodded to signal her to proceed.

Jess opened it and a set of keys fell into her hands.

"Mira, what-" Jess covered her mouth with her free hand in surprise.

Mira moved closer and hugged her from behind. She placed a kiss on her temple before sighing and speaking again:

"I know we never really talked about it and I'm not asking you to move here with me right now, I know you're gonna start your internship in San Fransisco soon...but I don't want you to be just a visitor here. I missed you terribly when we parted and you left for school. It made me understand that I want you by my side. One day: you're starting your career and I don't expect it to happen in a week or a month, I want you to follow your dreams wherever they take you but I also want you to know that this is not only my place anymore. It can be yours too, it is yours too, no matter what. We decided to make it official, right?" a shy smile formed on her lips. "It just made sense to me: you'll be looking for a place to stay after your internship or maybe during holidays...just know that you can call this home, love"

Jess turned in her arms to look into Mira's eyes only to find the affection and adoration her favorite chef showed her more than once already. She didn't have to think twice: she threw her arms around her neck and pulled Mira in for a hard kiss as her eyes welled with happy tears. After the initial surprise, she returned it letting her hands slide oh Jess' hips.

When they parted, Jess buried her face in the crook of Mira's neck.

"Is that a yes?" the older woman laughed nuzzling her hair.

"Yes, ten thousand time yes! This...this is the best graduation gift ever. The best gift I have ever received in my whole life, Mira. I...I love you"

"I love you too"

"I just don't get it...why an hamburger? It doesn't sound like you" Jess asked, nodding to the keychain.

"You didn't figure it out, did you, graduate?" Mira teased her smirking.

"Hey, I earned my degree!" Jess protested.

Mira laughed softly.

"One day back at the Normade you told me to serve hamburgers instead of the dishes Blake and I put on the menu. You literally shocked me but in the end you were right: the clients were happy and returned the day after willing to try more complex food combinations. I learnt a thing from you that night and well, I may be studying a new addition to our restaurant's menu: I want to make an hamburger everyone would eat but special, experimental, something unique. I promise that you will try it before everyone else so you can tell me what you think. If it's not too corny, I would love to dedicate it to you"

"You really want to make me cry again, huh?" Jess embraced her again, making Mira smile softly as a he stroke Jess's back.

"Oh and that way we can have matching key chains. Well, almost" she added.

"You have an hamburger keychain too?" Jess gaped, not expecting anything like that.

"Oh no, mine has two charms: the Eiffel Tower and a bottle of champagne, but I would love to add a little hamburger" she giggled.

#choices july challenge #rules of engagement #mira banerji #mira x jess #playchoices #choices stories you play

[multiplefandomfics]

Elevator part 2

Norman x Reader

Warnings: smut, Norman Reedus, fluff, heartbreak,

Words: 2149

It had been 5 month since our last encounter in the hotel in Berlin. Since then I hadn’t heard a thing from Norman. I felt so used and thrown away it was embarrassing. But I had my pride and wasn’t gonna call or text him before he did. I was so angry at myself. How could I have been so dumb to think a film star like Norman Reedus would want something permanently from a girl like me? He could get any model type woman he wanted so why choose me? I made a total fool of myself and when I noticed that I immediately called my friend to cry.

I was so heartbroken that I wasn’t even able to enjoy the beautiful summer vacation with my friend to Great Britain. I was constantly in a bad mood it got even worse when I saw all the pictures on his Instagram account.

The weather was still amazing when September came around and I was sitting on my balcony at home when my phone rang. I was so in thoughts that I didn’t even look at the screen of my cell phone when I took the call. “Ja.” I said. “hello beautiful!” Immediately I was wide awake. “How dare you call me after almost half a year and then you come around with hello beautiful?” I yelled at him and walked inside my apartment. My neighbors didn’t have to know about the drama going on here. “I’m really sorry darling. I know I hurt you badly by not calling but at first I was really busy filming when I came back to the states and then time flew by so fast that I doubted such an amazing woman would still be available that’s why I didn’t call. And I know that is a shitty excuse but I just had to try my luck now. I couldn’t get you out of my mind sweetheart.” he sounded sincere but what did I know he was an actor after all so I stayed silent except for a “Pfft” he sensed my doubts and added suggestively: “I just have to see you again and as luck would have it I’m in town. Come meet me sweetheart and I show you how much I missed you.” “I don’t know.” I teased him. I didn’t want to let him know that his voice and words had already convinced me to give him a second chance. “Please?!” he begged and I could almost see his puppy dog eyes through the speaker. “Alright. Where and when?” I caved in.

Two hours later we met at his hotel in my town. My city was not the biggest so neither was the hotel. I had come on my bike to show off a little and he had mentioned he had rented one here and wanted to go for a ride maybe. He was already waiting for me in the lobby when I entered with my helmet over my arm. “Hey sweetheart. It’s so good to see you. I missed ya.” he hugged me tight. “Thank you for giving me this second chance.” he added. “Yeah I was hardly inclined not to come but then I wanted to know what you had to say.” I stayed emotionally distant not least because he had hurt me before and I didn’t want to head head first into a car crash again. We sat there for about an hour with coffee and talked. About his shows and new projects and he asked me about my work which was boring as always but he seemed intrigued nonetheless. It honestly felt like home with him and I couldn’t erase the warm feeling in my belly. We sometimes laughed so hard it hurt. It was wonderful. “So you wanna ride?” he suddenly asked. “eh yeah certainly.” I replied. We got ready and swung ourselves on our bikes. We had synchronized our speakers and started uphill and onto the street into the countryside. “Eat my dust Reedus.” I exclaimed and pushed the accelerator. “Not today Darlin.” he tried to catch up but failed miserably or maybe he wanted to let me win. I had to admit I was slowly falling for him again. On another thought I think I never really stopped. We held at a dam, bought ice cream and sat on a bank. “So how do you feel doing a slightly longer tour with me? Maybe coming into my show? I love riding with you.” he suggested. “Why? Norman seriously. What is this going on between us? The tension is killing me. You are sending me signals and I have no idea where to put them. Be honest with me. Am I just a fling for you? A girl for a little fun and a few nights? Or is there something real? I can’t take another hit.” I stared deeply into his eyes. He turned toward me and grabbed my hands. “How could you ever be just a fling to me? I fell for you the moment I stepped into the elevator all those month ago. And I was so jealous when Jeff constantly flirted with you even though I knew you weren’t mine back then.” he made a short break before saying: “Are you now? Mine I mean?” he asked almost shy. His eyes hidden by his long strands of hair. I had to swallow strongly. I was so enticed by him. He had me under his spell. “Yes.” I barely whispered. “Please don’t make me regret this decision.” I had tears in my eyes but the reason was still unclear at that moment. Happiness or fear of being heartbroken again. After my response I suddenly had his lips firmly pressed to mine as his hands ventured to my hips to pull me closer. I was a little taken aback but kissed him back eagerly. “So motorcycle tour?” he repeated his question as he pulled a little away from me. “Definitely yes. Anywhere, anytime.” I felt so confident about it. “What about now. I got a few weeks.” he suggested. “Now? Yeah why not. I just call my boss and quit. My job is damn boring and if we want to go further on this I can go with you. I’ll find a job anywhere.” this was going fast but it all felt right so I didn’t care. Maybe I was naive but every rational thought felt so far away. “Really? He asked excitedly. I nodded. “God I love you.” he added and then realized what he had just said. “Don’t worry I love you too.” I answered encouraged. “What about you life here? Friends, Family?” suddenly Norman sounded concerned. “Oh that won’t be a problem. I’m not close with any family and my only friend is (Y/F/N)  and she can come with us. She hates her job as much as I do and we are only available as a couple!” I stated. His shoulders relaxed visibly at my statement and he smiled again. “Then it is settled. We make a tour of Germany or maybe even Europe and then we get you a visa and go home.” he was excited as hell I could tell. I felt as happy as I hadn’t in years.

Said, done we went to his hotel, grabbed his stuff and brought it to my house for safekeeping. We took the necessities for the road and started driving. My job was long history too. First we visited all sorts of beautiful cities and places in my country. After a week we drove through France and then Spain and Portugal. From Calais we crossed the sea over to Dover and from then we made our journey through England, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. It was magical. The landscape and people were amazing. After four weeks of touring the west side of Europe we found ourselves back in my home town. We had already talked to (Y/F/N) and she had agreed to move with you, threw her job out of the window and applied for a visa which was granted to both of us. At least for 6 month then we had to get creative. Before we wanted to fly to New York we sent my bike and some big belongings, which couldn’t be taken by plane on the way by ship. I had worried about the fact that I was younger than him by over 20 years for some time. Especially when it came to his son. But after video chatting with him a few times I thought he really started to like me. He was so much like his dad.

The last night in my apartment before the move we spent in bed. I woke up late that day with him kissing my neck and sucking at all the right spots. If that wasn’t a way to wake up. “Mhhh mornin’” I mumbled smiling. “Mornin babe.” he whispered against my neck. “Please Norman. I need you. I had a dream about you. A very nice one.” “Hmm what did I do? Tell me.” he kept kissing his journey toward my cleavage. I was so distracted by his mouth that I almost forgot to answer and I knew what that would bring me. “You were between my legs eating me out like the champ you are, baby.” I moaned. “hmm sounds nice. I am in for some breakfast.” I wasn’t able to see him moving so fast was he as he pulled the blankets away and buried his head between my legs. We were still naked from the activities the evening before. “Oh god Norm.” I moaned and threw my head back in pure pleasure. His tongue first drew pattern, I expect it to be his name, on my clit before he buried it in my slick cunt. I was already gushing and he hadn’t touched me much yet. When he entered two fingers suddenly I screamed his name and saw stars. I loved it when his long fingers crooked inside me and hit that one spot that had me trashing and slobbering all over the place. “Fuck. Harder.” I was only able to say one word sentences but he obliged. And soon I came all over his hand screaming his name. “Did that feel good baby?” he asked self assured. But he didn’t have to wait for an answer because I jumped his bones straddling his hips and stroking his hardening member. “Yes (Y/N) just like that.” he groaned. I loved the raspy sound of his voice. It got even deeper when he was in ecstasy. In that moment I couldn’t wait any longer so I raised myself on my knees and sank down on him. We both groaned in unison at the tight fit. He was huge and it always surprised me that he fit at all but after some adjustment time it felt like home. I could feel every vein on his cock and started to bounce slightly. He met my thrusts at every downward move by snapping his hips upward. “Feels so good baby. Hmm so tight and wet.” he groaned eyes closed enjoying the feeling of me taking charge for once. But after a while of me slowly moving up and down his length he had enough and flipped us so I was laying underneath him. With my heels pushed into his ass his leverage increased tenfold and he pistoned his hips in hard and fast just the way I liked it. “Yes don’t stop Norman. Feels amazing. Love your cock.” I moaned loudly and clenched around him signaling for me to reach my release shortly after. I screamed loudly. I had never been a screamer before but he pushed me onto new levels of euphoria. He kept pummeling his hips into my oversensitive pussy at an ungodly pace which brought me to another mind blowing orgasm as he found his release inside me. He pushed himself off of me and laid panting beside me. The only noises in the room where our ragged breathing and the tick tock of the alarm clock on the bedside table. After he was able to move again he got up and grabbed a washcloth from the bathroom to clean the mess up we had left between my thighs.

After that amazing last day we packed our remaining items picked up (Y/F/N) from her home and drove to the airport. We checked in to our flight and waited until we could board. We phoned some people in the meantime we wanted to say good bye to and then it was off to a new life. I couldn’t believe this was gonna happen but I was sure as hell gonna take what was about to come. I had finally found what I was missing in my life and I was not gonna let it go.

#the walking dead #fanfic #norman reedus #smut #norman x reader #elevator #part 2 #reader insert

[lavidademarimar]

~ Masterlist ~

Elena turned so quickly to her right that she got dizzy and grabbed the kitchen counter for support. Jack stood leaning against her door frame, looking like a fucking snack with his hair dishevelled and a brown leather jacket. 

He smiled cockily, his tongue a bit visible. Elena’s mind went blank, remembering what that tongue did to her. Her body was betraying her mind. Seeing him like that made her want to kick herself in the face because why the fuck would anyone rethink dating this man was absolutely beyond her.

“Wha—?” Elena asked. 

“I bought the ticket before we even left Espinho,” said Jack. 

Without saying anything, she started blowing out the candles, one by one. Jack stayed where he was, studying her. He was right to doubt. She looked different. The colourful pink boots, the tights, the patterned trousers, the tight black shirt with the black blazer and a gold necklace. She wore makeup. He thought she was beautiful then, a mix of nerves and surprise, darkening the room to give herself more time to pull herself together to face him. He said nothing. He only observed her movements. 

The last candle was next to Jack. Elena walked over to it and she was stood in front of him. He, too, looked different. His cologne was strong, involving her. She didn’t want to look into his eyes because she knew she’d lose all the willpower she’d mastered up to this point. 

Reading her mind, Jack put one hand on Elena’s chin and tilted it up so their eyes would meet. He put out the candle with two of his fingers of his free hand.

“Is it weird that I found that hot?” Elena whispered, the room now fully dark. 

She didn’t smell like sunscreen, sun, and sand anymore, but having her so close made Jack’s jeans become a little bit tighter.

Jack smiled and took her bag out of her shoulder and put it on the floor. Elena petrified at Jack’s touch. Her pulse quickened. He reduced the space between them until their chests were touching. He cupped her face and smiled again. 

“Hi, Birdie,” said Jack, licking his lips. 

“Jack… if you don’t kiss me right now, I swear I will kick you out of my flat,” Elena huffed. 

Jack chuckled while he tilted his face and moved closer to her. Her entire body was ablaze. She was no longer tired. She was ready to do whatever he wanted of her. 

“Do ye know how much ye’ve tortured me since we left? Maybe…” his voice trailed off. “Maybe… I should do the same to ye,” said Jack, slowly, while his lips ghosted her neck and collarbone. His husky voice overwhelmed Elena.  

Elena took deep breaths. “I’m…” she panted, “I’m sorry.”

“Yer what?” asked Jack while his hands traced along Elena’s covered figure. 

“Ah!” he exclaimed, “I know how ready ye are and I haven’t even kissed ye yet. Your body remembers me well.”

“I’m going…” Elena couldn’t think coherently, “I’m going to kick you out of my flat.”

Jack’s hands lowered, grabbed her ass and lifted her off the floor. Elena’s legs had more memory than she’d care to admit, and quickly wrapped themselves around Jack’s waist. He then made his way into her room. 

He lowered Elena on the bed and she was a nervous wreck. Jack hovered, refusing to kiss her. He was slowly faltering and she caught on to Jack’s willpower fading away. She touched his beard and pulled it a bit. He winced. 

“Hey!”

Elena giggled. 

“I missed that sound,” said Jack.

“Well, I’m going to kick you out of my flat, so don’t get used to it,” Elena was trying to be smug but failing miserably.

Jack laughed and then furrowed his brows together, his face serious, staring at her. “Stop putting walls between us, Elena. I’m here.”

He was there. 

In her flat. 

On her bed. 

Elena took a deep breath and kissed him.

It ignited both of them. Elena’s mind raced, feeling things she wasn’t sure she should be feeling; her heart screaming this is how things were right in the world. Her hands slid onto his shoulders, taking his leather jacket off. He straightened up and shook it off. 

“Isn’t that going to wrinkle it?” Elena asked.

“I really don’t care about that right now, Birdie.”

Jack wrapped an arm around her, flipped her over, and pulled her upwards, crashing again into the mattress.

“Oi, these pillows are so bloody comfortable! Where did ye get them?” Jack moved his head playfully from side to side, smiling.

Elena fell to her side and laughed. “You can’t be serious!”

Jack moved over and kissed her neck and collarbone. “I am very serious. Do ye think I should buy one to take back?”

“You’re not even going to use them this weekend. I recall you don’t have a thing for pillows,” Elena smirked.

Jack’s eyes darkened, his hands slid under her shirt and settled on her bra, giving her breasts a light squeeze. “I do have a thing for pillows, ye have the best ones,” he kissed her neck, slowly, lingering. “Let’s take this off now,” he whispered in her ear, pulling her shirt up.

Elena sat up and took it off. She was grateful she’d wore the black bra instead of the horrid beige she had on the day before. She put her hands behind her neck to unhook the necklace but Jack stopped her.

“Leave that on,” Jack said firmly.

“Ah, a jewellery kink, Lowden. You are filled of surprises,” Elena giggled. 

Jack grabbed her and pulled her closer, his hands pressing themselves onto her skin, their mouths almost touching. “I want to see if ye’ll still have that cocky attitude once yer filled up with me.”

“Try me and find out,” Elena bit his lower lip and tugged it towards her. 

Jack unclasped her bra quickly and slid the contraption off, throwing it out of the bed. “On second thought, the necklace might be a bad idea.”

Elena smirked and took it off. “Now I’m taking everything off and you’re still perfectly dressed, as always. Fix it!”

He laughed, remembering the first time she’d said that to him, with her hand in his shorts, caressing his cock. Elena pulled his shirt off and she sighed once she saw him bare chested again. She missed this so much. Why didn’t she allow herself to bask in his body? Jack’s body deserved to be worshipped and right now she was its most devoted disciple. 

Jack settled in Elena’s breasts, biting, sucking and squeezing them. She squirmed and moaned softly.

“Yer being quiet on me,” he huffed.

“You can hear a lot, even though Carlos’ room is on the other side of the house.”

“He’s not coming in tonight.”

“What?” Elena pulled away to see Jack’s face.

“He said he’d spend the night at a friend’s house so we could— how did he say it? ‘Reconnect appropriately’,” Jack let out a deep laugh. 

“What?” Elena’s mouth was wide open.

Jack kissed her jaw. “Come on, let’s put that open mouth to good use, yeah? Ye’ve been mean to me and I know the exact way ye can make it up to me.”

Elena’s hand slid down to feel the bulge in Jack’s jeans. Jack hissed to Elena’s touch. The tension was too much. He needed to be set free appropriately. “First you have to make me come.”

“Yer being a bit demanding, aren’t ye?” Jack smirked at her. 

“Bet you’ll forget about it once I’ve swallowed all your come. Maybe, if you’re really good to me tonight, I’ll let you come all over my chest,” Elena said looking into his eyes without blinking, licking her lips.

Jack growled, possessed. Having her that close again, with that fucking attitude again, just made him want to break her in half and do ungodly things to her and her body. 

“When I’m done with ye, Birdie, ye won’t be able to sit down for a week without feeling me,” he said, between kisses.

“Challenge accepted.”

Jack’s hands unbuttoned her trousers, and she kicked them off with ease, they were a size larger than her actual one. 

“For fuck’s sake, I hate these many layers!” He exclaimed. 

Elena laughed and slid her tights down to her ankles, Jack pulling them off and throwing them elsewhere. He grabbed her knickers and did the same. She was finally naked, just like he remembered her, squirming while he hovered over her. 

“Get naked now,” Elena ordered. 

Jack took his jeans and boxers off, his cock finally released from his clothed prison. Elena stared at it and bit her lip. It had been too long, indeed. 

He grabbed one of her legs and kissed her ankle. He made his way down slowly, feeling the heat she was emanating. She was going to lose her bloody mind over this slow-burn. 

“I need to feel you. Now,” Elena ordered.

“No.”

“What do you mean ‘No’?”

“I mean…” he said, kissing her inner thigh, “ye have to stop being so bloody impatient and wait. Don’t worry, Birdie… ye will be thoroughly fucked and satisfied this weekend.”

Hearing him say that just made things worse. 

“I want you inside me!” Elena whined.

Jack laughed as he kissed her stomach, then kissed her other thigh, taunting her. 

Elena’s hands took over Jack’s hair and pulled it. He sighed. He came back up and kissed her lips again, a sloppy one, filled with need and want. Her hands went to the back of his neck to lock him in, and he slid two fingers inside her unexpectedly. 

“Ah!” Elena exclaimed. Her walls clenched around him. 

Jack’s thumb circled her clit while he pumped in and out, taking Elena into a frenzy she had missed out on since they’d got back from Portugal. Elena’s legs wrapped around Jack’s hips while they kissed. 

Even though they’d only known each other for a little over a month, their bodies were so familiar with each other, synchronised to the point where words weren’t necessary at times. Right now, tossing and turning on Elena’s bed, they needed to find each other again, beyond the snarky attitude and the desperation. They were both looking for something in the other that would reassure them that being there, in that room, was the right choice. It didn’t seem like the healthiest scenario, but that was something to ponder over after the high they were both on. 

“Ja… Jack, don’t… Don’t st—“ Elena was barely able to get the words out before her body betrayed her. The guttural moan that came out of her mouth was something she’d never experienced before. She panted heavily while he bit her left nipple, not allowing her to come down from her high. 

“M… My turn,” Elena was barely able to speak as she tried to reach Jack’s cock.

Jack looked at her, his pupils blackening his eyes, and smiled the evilest smile he could make. “No. I’m not done with ye,” and his face disappeared between Elena’s legs. The feel of Jack’s tongue made her arch her back and move abruptly, but Jack set his large hand on her stomach and pushed her down to keep her still. 

“You… turn me on… so… so fucking—“ Elena moaned without being able to finish her sentence.

“I’m going to make ye come with my mouth because I am done with ye and yer attitude, and then I’m going to fuck ye until ye live up to that Jello nickname yer friends gave ye. Understood?”

Elena nodded without saying anything, her legs shaking. 

She reached a new high once Jack played with his tongue and fingers simultaneously. Her moans turned to screams of pleasure, and she was grateful Carlos wasn’t in the house so she could allow herself to feel openly.

Jack kissed his way back up to her lips, Elena tasting herself in the process. She flipped herself over and pushed Jack down. He looked at her that way again, and she still couldn’t describe it. She kissed his jaw, neck, and collarbone slowly and let herself be guided by his erratic breathing. 

Jack shook his head. “Need to be inside ye right now.”

"No blowie?" Elena asked.

"I will bloody explode if I'm not inside ye in the next five seconds.”

Elena jumped on him again and he laughed. 

“Starting on top, Birdie? Doesn’t seem like ye,” Jack was trying to be funny but he stopped laughing when Elena grabbed him and slid down onto him. “Oh, for fuck’s sake!” Jack grabbed Elena’s hips so hard, she actually complained.

"I'm going to bruise, you wanker!" She slapped his arm.

Jack thrust inside her without any apology. "I'm the only one that will see them, and I don't care.”

The mood changed. He felt her drift away from him.

"You're such an idiot,” Elena scowled.

Jack sat up and pulled her close, his arms trapping her. “Elena."

She tried to free herself from his grip. ”You’re going to suffocate me.”

"Elena, look at me. Look at me," said Jack with a twinge of desperation and frustration. 

She did with a frown. "What?"

His blue eyes pierced her soul. She knew she'd break if she stared at them too long. He melted her. "Why the fuck are ye still putting up a fight with me? I am fucking inside ye right now and yer acting like ye don't want me here. Do ye want me here? Because I will get off this bed, wank myself off, and leave," Jack’s tone was stern but impregnated with confusion and sadness.  

Elena put her head on his shoulder, breathing unevenly, wrapping her arms around him. She needed him. She needed to be one with him again. It was the only thing she wanted. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I don't want to be like this. I want to stop doubting everything," she let out a small sob. 

Jack really likes them complicated. He felt himself soften and his balls ache. He flipped her over and moved her hair out of her face. 

"Let's stop.”

Elena grabbed his arm. "No! I don't want to stop. I'm so happy to see you. I truly am. God I want to fuck you for days. Why am I so fucking bipolar?"

"I would love to have the answer to that question," Jack laughed. 

Elena laughed too. She was surprised by how her crazy had spun out of control. "I'm so sorry."

Jack lied down next to her. "I knew what I was getting myself into when I asked ye to continue after the holiday.”

"Did you really?” Elena snuggled up to him.

"Well, no, but I knew ye weren't going to be easy,” said Jack, wrapping an arm around her.

"I'm surprised by your faith in me,” said Elena, refusing to look at him out of embarrassment. 

"Why?"

"You said you bought the ticket while we were still in Espinho.”

"I did.”

"How did you know I wasn't going to flip out and block you everywhere?"

"I didn't know that, but here I am with a half erection and pain in my balls, so it certainly hasn't been boring,” Jack was trying to be funny so she’d loosen up, but he had no idea how she’d react.

"I will fix that immediately," Elena bent over and licked Jack's balls. His cock immediately sprung back to life and Jack moaned. 
“Do— Ye don't have to do this right now. W... We can wa— Oh fuck off!" he said as Elena fit him in her mouth. Jack slapped her ass and inserted a finger inside her.

She moved gracefully back and forth, using her tongue in the best way she knew how to do it, paying special attention to his head; she knew it sent him over the edge. Jack was desperate, pulled her upwards and kissed her. He needed to feel her close. He needed to feel her changing her mind. He needed to be sure this is a good idea. Before his mind could declutter, his body betrayed him and he came on his stomach and parts of his chest, making an absolute mess of himself and Elena. 

"Shit! Shit! I—”

Elena laughed. ”Jack, I've had your come on me before. This doesn't faze me one bit."

Jack shook his head and kissed her again. If she didn't care about being splattered in sperm, he sure as hell didn't give a shit. 

"Do you think you can raise the flag again for an official round one?" Elena asked, flipping herself over and her hair flying everywhere in the process. 

"Give me a couple of minutes," Jack kissed her again. 

The intensity grew, their bodies finally in sync. Words disappeared and they were finally involved in themselves and what they did to each other. They had forgotten how to enjoy each other and needed to find their way back. Beads of sweat crowned their foreheads and in a different scenario,  with different people, they’d be absolutely disgusted with every bodily fluid smeared on them, but right now it didn't matter. Elena sought to create friction to wake Jack again, grinding herself and moving her hips onto Jack's penis while he moaned into her mouth. It was working. In a swift move, Jack took hold of himself and pushed himself into Elena. 

"Jack," Elena said, barely audible, her emotions completely in control.

He wasted no time picking up the pace, partly because he wanted to come again, but there was a part of Jack that wanted it to be over before she went crazy on him again. He didn’t really want to spend the weekend wanking himself off in his room in London. He didn’t want to be defeated. 

“Hey, hey, are you there? Come back to me,” Elena lifted herself off the bed and kissed Jack’s chest. 

Jack snapped out of it, grabbed her face and kissed her. These were slower. He took his time savouring her. She smiled and flipped him over. 

“Oh!” Jack chuckled.

Elena moved her hips back and forth, a bit rusty with how her body resisted to the amount of exercise she was getting. She thought briefly she needed to get back to yoga. She felt her knees buckle and she knew it wouldn't be long before she reached her peak. Her body was shaking too much. 

"Come for me, birdie. I want to feel ye again... I want to feel ye all the time," said Jack, as he pressed his thumb against her clit and rubbed it, knowing that would make her explode. 

Her legs spasmed, moans bounced off the walls, and she fell with a thud onto Jack's chest, sweat and come and everything in between splashing, her breathing uneven. Jack thrusted one final time and came right after, finally having the release he had wanted for weeks. Elena couldn't even move, let alone speak. Jack caressed her back and gave her small kisses on her neck. 

"Ye all right, Ellie?"

Elena nestled her face in his neck. "You never call me Ellie," she said, whispering.

"Only when I'm worried about yer health," he said chuckling. 

"My health is fine right now," she giggled, "I am worried about sleeping in these sheets though. They’re a wee bit gross,” she said in his accent.

"Do ye have another set?" 

“Do you know me? Of course I do.”

"Well, how about we shower and then we change them and sleep until noon?"

“Ugh, that sounds brilliant but I don't think I can move,” Elena whined.

"Yeah, moving seems to be complicated,” Jack laughed.

Elena propped herself up and got wet again just by seeing the just-fucked look Jack had on his face and his hair all over the place. She sighed. "You look like a snack right now."

"Ye hungry, Birdie?"

She giggled. "I actually am hungry. Are you?"

"A bit, aye.”

"Shower, change the sheets, food, sleep?"

"Shower, food, sex, sheets, sleep. Let’s be realistic,” Jack winked.

Elena felt her face burn up and laughed. ”Sounds about right. Let's go.”

Andrea was walking home after a lousy date and called Elena. She didn’t want to get home, defeated over a lousy date. She wanted to get drunk or at least bitch about men thoroughly before calling it a night. 

“Yo,” Elena picked up on the first ring.

“Hey,” said Andrea, defeated. 

“What happened? How was the date? Was he awful? Do we have to kill him? Do you need a hug?”

“I need a drink to stay awake. Remind me to never use Tinder again.”

“Jourdan?”

Andrea stopped to see where she was. Jourdan was a bit far but she was almost in Place Flagey. “I’m a bit far from Jourdan. Flagey? Meet at Belga?”

“Okay, great. I have a surprise by the way,” Elena giggled. 

“What?”

“Jack’s here.”

Andrea stopped walking again. “What?!”

“He surprised me,” Elena said it taking a deep breath, looking at him wash his face. 

“Did you screw it up?” Andrea knew her friend very well. 

“I thought I did but I didn’t. So far, so good. We were going to go eat. Meet us at the pasta place I like?”

“Okay, great! Can’t wait to meet the Scottish prince!” Andrea was suddenly energetic. She was excited to meet the guy her best friend had been pining over for weeks.

“See you later!” Elena giggled again.

Andrea hung up. 

“Everything all right?” Jack asked.

Elena was blow drying her hair while Jack brushed his teeth. 

“We’re going to meet my friend Andrea,” said Elena, shaking her hair.

“That’s the one Harry wants to shag, no?”

“Yes, and I’m not going to let him if his intentions are dishonourable.”

“Ye know Harry,” Jack shook his head.

“More wine!” Elena said, imitating Harry. 

Andrea stood outside the pasta place, the wind picked up a bit. She felt lonely after that shitty date and wondered exactly what needed to happen for her to meet someone that wasn’t the most boring human being to ever exist or a douche that would mistreat her just because he projected his mommy issues onto her. It wasn’t her fault moms were overbearing or didn’t pick their sons up enough when they were younger, but she was sure made to feel like it. 

She heard her before she saw her, as it usually happened. She turned to the street and smiled and holy fuck, she did not expect Jack to look the way he did. What was it about that brown leather jacket? He was casually dressed but looked so put together. Andrea thought he probably smelt good. She analysed them as they walked towards her and the first thing she confirmed was how they had obviously had sex before coming here. The way they walked in perfect sync was something you couldn’t fabricate. They held hands and she walked a step in front, leading the way. Elena saw Andrea first and waved. Jack looked up and smiled. 

“She’s so fucking Harry’s type. I can’t believe it,” Jack laughed to himself.

“Don’t say anything about Harry. He needs to earn it and she’s had a bad date. We’re not going to drag her into something she might not want,” Elena was always protective of Andrea.

“Of course, whatever ye say, Birdie. I will be on my best behaviour. I’m meeting another best friend.”

Elena hugged Andrea. “Andie, this is the Scot. Jack, this is Andrea.”

They shook hands. 

“Lovely to meet ye, Andie. Elena talks about ye all the time.”

“Oh you two actually talked before coming to meet me? I’m shocked!” said Andrea, full of herself because the joke was pretty funny. 

Elena mocked her. “Food?”

“Yeah, I’m hungry. I didn’t eat on my date,” Andrea shrugged. 

“As soon as we sit down, you tell us what happened,” said Elena, rubbing Andrea's back.

Jack took out his mobile and messaged Harry. 

Jack laughed and didn’t realise Elena was waiting for him with the door open. “Hey Jack-o-lantern, are you going to keep me waiting? Come on! I’m hungry.”

“Ye really need to improve the nicknames, Elena,” Jack laughed and walked over to her. He kissed her cheek and went inside. 

“Jack, are you allergic to shrimp?”

“No, why?” 

“Just making sure you’re worthy of dating my friend.”

“Babe, you can get the pasta with the chicken mushroom sauce that’s pretty good or the shrimp, which is obviously my favourite because everything with shrimp is exponentially better,” Elena wrapped her arms around Jack’s arm. She was trying.

“It is also an aphrodisiac, but I know that’s not necessary for you two,” Andrea laughed. 

“Ye have good banter, Andie. I like ye already,” Jack was enjoying meeting Andrea more than he would reveal, just because he knew Harry would drool over her and she’d be very hard to get. Finally, his sweet revenge.

“You see? He calls it banter when it’s you, but with me it’s attitude,” Elena rolled her eyes and laughed.

“Yeah, because ye have shit attitude when things don’t go the way ye want them, Birdie.”

Elena turned around in a huff and ordered three shrimp creme pastas. As she paid, both Jack and Andrea objected. 

“Oh fuck off! You had a bad date and need pampering, and you can pay me later, wink wink.”

Jack shook his head in disbelief and huffed out a laugh. She was crass and didn’t care if she was inappropriate. He was happy he’d seen her with her best friends right when they started, the people she could be the realest version of herself, so he could see who she was before the walls came up. 

“I can’t believe you just said wink wink,” said Andrea, deadpan.

“I’m that cool.”

“The jury’s still out on that one.”

“Ugh, you’re being so snarky tonight. I’m getting you drunk as soon as possible.”

“I’m not snarky. You just had a lot of sex and it’s clouding your judgement.”

“That could also be true,” Elena shrugged.

“Why don’t ye two wait outside? I’ll stay here for the food.”

Elena laughed. “Come on, we’ve annoyed him,”

Jack rolled his eyes. “She has a bad date to tell ye about.”

Andrea got tipsy after two beers. She was tired. They were at a crowded bar across the square. Elena sat across from Andrea and Jack had his arm on her chair. They were a bit more sober but Elena refused to have any additional physical contact in front of her friend after having such a lousy night. He understood. He liked that Elena was so fearlessly loyal to her friends. 

“I’m going for a wee, I’ll be back. Refill?”

“Yes, please!” The girls said at the same time. 

Jack left. Andrea turned to Elena, who was still staring at the door. 

“Wow,” Andrea breathed out.

“I know.”

“How did you even doubt this? I’m baffled,” Andrea shook her head.

“I’m an idiot. He’s so…” Elena sighed.

“He is very so. Wow. He’s so hot, Ellie, seriously, and he looks at you like you’re the reason he even exists in the world.”

Elena gave her a weak smile. “I’m going to ruin his life if I keep this stupidity up.”

“You’re going to ruin your own life as well. Please, I know you never pay attention to my advice, but could you just try to this time? This is a good thing. He is a good guy.”

“Look who’s talking about not listening to advice, Ms. I only listen to Patricia and Anna.”

“You’ll never let me live that down, will you? That happened years ago! Years!” Andrea laughed. At this point in their lives, it was a recurring joke. 

“I’m in the mood for fries. Do you want some?”

“I do! Do you want me to go with you?”

“No, it’s okay. Jack’s gonna get worried if he doesn’t see us,” Elena stood up and crossed the street.

Five minutes later, Jack came out with three beers. 

“Oi, where’d Elena go?”

“She went to get fries for all of us.”

“Oh, that’s nice. So, how long have ye known her?”

“Since 2013. We go way back.”

“Ye do. Has she always been this stubborn?”

“She was worse,” Andrea laughed. 

Jack laughed loudly. “What a bloody nightmare.”

“She’s worth it though,” Andrea wasn’t going to let any guy think less than the fact that Elena was an incredible woman. 

Jack smiled. “I know. That’s why I’m not going anywhere.”

“Are you?”

“I’ve put up with worse, and none of them made me as happy as she does. I really can’t explain it. It’s insane that we only spent two weeks together but I’m so sure of her,” Jack smiled so genuinely that Andrea sighed a bit louder than she would have liked.

“Here she comes. I like you, Jack.”

Jack turned around and his face lit up again. “Oi! Is that for all of us?”

Elena placed two cones full of fries on the table. “Trust me, it’s not going to be enough.”

Jack scooted closer to her and kissed her temple. She settled next to him, and gave him a quick kiss on his neck. 

“You two are so cute. You make me want to throw up,” said Andrea with her phone out, snapping a pic of the two.

Elena laughed and pinched Jack’s cheek. He kissed her cheek. 

“Babe, you were so nice to insist walking Andie home,” said Elena, taking off her shirt.

“She was very drunk, had a difficult day... Better make sure she was home safe,” said Jack, doing the same.

“I love the fact that you’re trying to get my friends to like you,” Elena giggled and kissed his neck. 

“It’s all part of my master plan to get them to force ye into dating me when ye start having doubts about me again,” said Jack taking off his jeans.

Elena stopped what she was doing and stared at him. 

“What?” asked Jack. 

“That’s a bloody brilliant plan,” Jack’s accent was rubbing off on her more than she thought. She laughed. 

Jack was smug. “I know.”

Elena took her knickers off and laid on her side of the bed. Jack followed and wrapped an arm around her waist and pulled her close to him. 

“Just because ye’ve a double bed doesn’t mean yer going to sleep like ye have an empty bed,” Jack whispered in her ear.

Elena smiled. “I knew you weren’t going to let me breathe.” 

Jack flipped her over, lied Elena on her back, and kissed her chest. He settled his head on her right breast and she huffed. 

“Why are you like this?”

“Best pillows ever,” said Jack, dozing off.

NEXT: Serendipity

#jack lowden #jack lowden imagine #jack lowden x oc #jack lowden x ofc #jack lowden imagines #jack lowden smut #jack lowden fanfiction #dunkirk cast imagine #MY BABIES REUNITE #AND ELENA MAY OR MAY NOT FUCK IT UP #HAPPY READING

[swimintothesound]

Swim Into The Sound’s 2017 Un-Awards

Welcome to Swim Into The Sound’s first annual Un-Awards! In this direct (and more negative) companion piece to our Diamond Platters, we take a moment to reflect on some of the worst moments in music over the past year. From bad lyrics to tasteless cover art, this is a quick-hit version of the lowest points that 2017 had to offer.

In a year where we keep thinking “well, at least things can’t get any worse” 2017 always managed to surprise us. From politics and celebrities all the way down to movies and music, this was a year of general-purpose deplorable behavior and reprehensible choices. While there were plenty of good moments over the past 365 days, you will find that none of that light reaches these depths. This post is a place of darkness, a hell devoted solely to the most soul-crushing and life-questioning music of the year.

I’d also like to throw out a disclaimer that I don’t particularly like being pessimistic, especially when it comes to art that people have (presumably) worked hard on. Aside from that, negativity stands in direct opposition to the ideals that this website was founded on in the first place. What I’ve found is that it’s hard to talk about the good without also thinking of the bad, especially for a year like 2017. As I mentioned before, the previous post is the exact inverse of this one, and the next article going up will cover our favorite albums of the year, so if you are searching for affirmation, this is not the place to find it. Just think of this as the lone negative meat in a positivity sandwich.

Truth be told, aside from a few visibly-frothy entries, most of these awards are positive spins on negative experiences: moments that surprised me, music I’m embarrassed to enjoy, or weird synchronicities that I noticed throughout the year. I could have gone out of my way to shit on Katy Perry, The Chainsmokers, Imagine Dragons, or any number of middling radio-ready albums that were released this year, but at a certain point that all just feels redundant and hack. I prefer to be original in my distaste. So without any further adieu, I’m proud to present Swim Into The Sound’s list of the most spine-chillingly-regrettable music of 2017.

Biggest Disappointment

Winner: Queens of the Stone Age - Villains

Being a fan is a mixed blessing. The upside is that you get to enjoy the rollercoaster of hype that is an album rollout and you get the sweet experience of listening to a highly-anticipated album for the first time when it releases. On the flip side, that fandom can easily backfire if your expectations have been built up too high. While I love Queens of the Stone Age, in 2017 I fear that I may be outgrowing them. The group’s 2004 release Songs for the Deaf is literally my favorite album of all time, and there’s no higher praise than that. Each record since then has been good to great until 2013’s ...Like Clockwork which just didn’t sit right with me outside of a select few songs.

This year, the group’s seventh LP represents a new artistic low. Featuring limp “dancy” grooves, irritatingly-clean instruments, and some of the most laughable lyrics I’ve ever heard, the band we see on Villains bears little resemblance the one that I fell in love with years ago. I recognize that wanting a band to stay the same is a shitty thing for a fan to ask, but I just can’t understand, enjoy, or tolerate the direction that the group is headed. I’m a lifelong fan, but that makes these recent records hurt all the more. When you love a band, you devour each release that they put out. Even if the last few records haven’t hit as hard, you stick with them because you want them to be better. The excitement of something new is impossible to stay away from, but now after months of listening, all I want is for Villains to stay away from me.

Runner-up: Portugal. The Man - Woodstock

While I wrote glowingly about Portugal. The Man’s entire discography last month, Woodstock (while not bad) is not an album that I particularly wanted. It’s not the band’s worst, but it’s the most sterile, safe, and poppy album that the group has ever created. Outside of a handful of adrenaline-pumping car-ready songs, Woodstock takes no risks. The album breaks no new ground, asks nothing of its audience, and seems entirely too content to settle. While those qualities are the exact opposite of what I expect from the trailblazing Portlanders, I’ll hold my reservations until I hear what comes next.

Album I Feel Like I Will Adore In A Few Years

Winner: Fleet Foxes - Crack-up

Until earlier this year I never particularly liked Fleet Foxes. In preparation for their 2017 release, I found myself endlessly replaying the group’s self-titled LP alongside Helplessness Blues while doing other things. Somewhere along the line “inoffensive background music” turned into brilliant folk epics, and I finally understood what made the band so unique. However, in a Bon Iver-esque pivot, Fleet Foxes’ third LP Crack-up represents an experimental shift in sounds, and unfortunately, it’s a change that doesn’t sit particularly well with me. There are some awe-inspiring moments scattered throughout this record, but as a whole, it’s not a release that stuck with me in the slightest, let alone one that can hold a candle to the band’s earlier work. I recognize that there’s something special going on in Crack-up, but I feel like it will just take some time for me to properly excavate it, just as I did with the group’s first two records.

Runner-up: Sun Kil Moon - Common As Light and Love Are Red Valleys of Blood

Sun Kil Moon is another artist that I’d never listened to until 2017. After hearing this year’s mouthful of an album Common As Light and Love Are Red Valleys of Blood, I came away pleasantly surprised. Featuring solemn, looping instrumentation and long podcast-like narration by Mark Kozelek, I listened to all two hours and ten minutes in complete fascination. I dipped back into his previous work like Benji and loved it just as much, but for whatever reason, I never ventured back into Valleys after that first listen. Maybe it was the album’s lengthy running time or the idea that the narration would prove too distracting for a casual listen, but Valleys always felt too daunting to dive back into. I feel like one day when I’m a middle-aged dad with a couple of kids I’ll finally have the time to revisit this album and it will speak to me on an entirely new level. The songs and stories here feel like something that I will find solace in when I’m older, but I just don’t have the 2+ hours right now.

WTF Moment of the Year

Winner: Bhad Bhabie

Of all the memes to emerge from 2017, few have been as successful as 14-year-old Danielle Bregoli. She first gained traction in January thanks to a Dr. Phil clip in which Mrs. Bregoli challenged an audience member to “cash her outside.” The teen’s delivery of the phrase caught fire and became a meme/infinitely-renewable social media caption for a hot minute. One of the more perplexing news stories of 2017 (and that’s saying something) was Danielle’s announcement of her music career as “Bhad Bhabi” complete with a deal on Atlantic Records. Preceded by an appearance in a Kodak Black video, this announcement blindsided the music world and spawned a million think pieces. However when Bregoli released her first song in August the unthinkable happened: It wasn’t that bad.

The video for “These Heaux” was the first part of a one-two punch alongside “Hi Bich” that set social media ablaze in September. As everyone collectively remembered the months-old meme from what seemed like a lifetime ago, most people took this as an opportunity to laugh at her once again. Meanwhile, I watched the same videos as everyone, and recognized it as bad music, but found myself embarrassingly enjoying both songs. “Heaux” and “Hi Bich” are both competent and well-produced Rae Sremmurd-esque bangers that, yes, are propped up by production, but still enjoyable. The truth is, they’re musical fast food. It’s not nutritious, healthy, or even filling, but sometimes you just need to bask in the utter trashiness that is Bhad Bhabie.

Runner-up: Lil Pump

Earlier this year I wrote a 3,000-word post in which I attempted to reconcile my newfound love of trap with my extreme dislike of the current crop of SoundCloud rappers. While that write-up was primarily inspired by the reprehensible human being that is xxxtentacion, I now regret lumping Lil Pump into the same category. While his brand of blown-out hyped-up trap is of the same school as xxx, Lil Pump isn’t nearly as bad on a personal or musical level as Onfroy. More surprisingly, I actually found myself liking his breakout single “Gucci Gang” more than I am comfortable admitting. Featuring a worryingly-mindless chorus and the same laundry list of flexes as most trap hits, “Gucci Gang” manages to be an infectious banger that has also propelled Pump to the forefront of both the charts and popular culture.

Most Un-sexy Sex Song

Winner: Alt-J “Hit Me Like That Snare”

In an interview with Q Magazine, Alt-J’s lead singer Joe Newman described “Hit Me Like That Snare” as an “atypically filthy psychedelic grind.” Wow, guys. Wow. If you want to avoid listening to the song, I don’t blame you. All you need to know about this track is that the band rhymes “slithering” with “scissoring” (yes, that kind), and the lead singer describes the song as “spicy.” Whew.

Runner-up: DJ Khaled “Wild Thoughts”

While I thought “Wild Thoughts” was exceedingly-sensual on first listen, the song now has too many things working against it for me to find any titillation here. From Rihanna’s baby talk to memories of dancing hot dogs, I just can’t listen to this song without picturing Santana’s face, or DJ Khaled screaming. The single achieved a level of cultural-pervasiveness so quickly that it became saturated beyond its original artistic vision. God knows I have no problem with DJ Khaled, but this track now contains too many distractions to remain pure. The music video is still unspeakably steamy, but as a whole, “Wild Thoughts” has lost what little sexy luster it initially had.

Am I The Only One Seeing This Shit?

Winner: Rappers Counting

I’ll admit that this category was created with the sole purpose of repurposing already-written articles, but that doesn’t make the observations contained within them any less valid. The first of these two hyper-specific happenings of 2017 can be found in this article where I outline three examples of rappers using numbers as lyrics. Not like clever wordplay involving numbers, but counting upwards sequentially one numeral at a time. It’s a weird thing to have happened multiple times in one year and feels like such a lazy cop-out of songwriting, but at the same time, each artist in the list manages to make it work for one reason or another.

Runner-up: 21 Savage’s Food Lyrics

Another weirdly-specific phenomenon of 2017 is something that I noticed while listening to 21 Savage’s debut Issa Album over the summer. Despite his tough gangster exterior and dark, moody beats, 21 also managed to fit an alarming number of food references into his first retail outing. While not particularly jarring, these references provide a weird contrast to the rest of the Mr. Savage’s “murder music” and end up sticking out like (multiple) sore thumbs throughout the record. It happened just consistently enough that I began laughing every time they poked up, and I felt the cosmic need to compile them somewhere, so I did.

Most Insensitive and Heavy-handed Song about Suicide

Winner: Arcade Fire “Creature Comfort”

On this second single off Arcade Fire’s Everything Now, we hear Win Butler clumsily address the topics of suicide and self-harm. The song’s first verse explains “Some boys hate themselves / Spend their lives resenting their fathers / Some girls hate their bodies / Stand in the mirror and wait for the feedback.” Taken on their own, these lines aren’t particularly offensive, but it’s the second verse where things get truly tactless: “Assisted suicide / She dreams about dying all the time / She told me she came so close / Filled up the bathtub and put on our first record.” I mean, what a pretentious and shitty way to insert yourself into someone else’s misery. It’s such a bizarre form of narcissism and masturbating to your own past, this line truly is one of the grossest sentiments that I’ve heard put to music over the past year.

Runner-up: Brand New “Same Logic / Teeth”

While it’s true that suicide isn’t exactly a groundbreaking topic for an emo band, Brand New somehow manages to stumble over it fantastically one of the few times that they tackle the subject. Surrounded by excellent songs of diverse sounds, styles, and topics, “Same Logic / Teeth” sticks out as Science Fiction’s  most significant blunder. With questionable lyrics, bizarre vocal choices, and overwrought sentiments, it’s easy to see why most bands would prefer not write songs about killing yourself because the only time I have ever wanted to end my life is when I’m hearing Jesse Lacey sing about how fish won’t judge me by my faults.  

WTF Moment of the Year 2: Weird Boogaloo

Winner: Vulfpeck “Captain Hook”

Venturing back to the “WTF Well” for two more entries, another of 2017’s biggest surprises came at the end of Vulfpeck’s Mr. Finish Line. The band’s third full-length studio album is a stone-cold chiller, but after half an hour of unspeakably funky tracks, “Captain Hook,” the record’s final song threw me (and every other listener) for a massive loop. Teased as a collaboration with Bootsy Collins, most fans expected a brainwave-shifting epic of an album closer, a modern “I’d Rather Be With You” but with even tighter instrumentation. What we got was a goofy comedy track featuring two of Vulfpeck’s members affecting the voices of an infant and an old Jewish man. Bootsy’s contributions are noticeable but minimal, and as a whole, the track is just a fantastically-bizarre experiment. “Captain Hook” is a weird child-like song featuring a trio of the three most disparate voices you could ever imagine, however (now that I know what to expect), I absolutely adore the song. It’s such a weird marriage of voices that, when combined with Vulf’s approach to music, circles back from annoying to endearing. It’s one final cherry of weirdness on top of the funk sundae that is Mr. Finish Line.

Runner-up: Taylor Swift “Look What You Made Me Do”

Preceded by snake imagery and a dark rebranding, “Look What You Made Me Do” marked Taylor Swift’s long-awaited return to the forefront of pop. After 2015’s 1989, numerous turbulent relationships, a public unmasking via Kardashian, and a complicated legal battle, the song represents Swift’s full embrace of the dark side. As the first single released off Reputation, “Look What You Made Me Do” was met with waves of confusion when it dropped this fall. From the Right Said Fred sample to the thinly-veiled jabs at her detractors, nearly everything about this song was poked and prodded through upon it’s August 25th release. There’s a strange schadenfreude to watching the biggest pop star flail to spectacularly, but at the end of the day she’ll still make a million dollars, sold-out rock stadiums, and be more successful than the richest DC supervillain, so as much as I want her to succeed, I guess it’s also okay to laugh. I definitely haven’t “come around” to the song, and I doubt I ever will, but the air of “what the fuck” was palpable the night that this song was released.

Weirdest Flex

Winner: Lil Pump “Gucci Gang”

After a brief intro and meme-ready chorus on “Gucci Gang,” Lil Pump surveys his surroundings and begins to describe them in the song’s sole verse. “My lean cost more than your rent” he boasts, “Your momma still live in a tent” he continues, “Still slangin' dope in the 'jects / Me and my grandma take meds.” These lines are so outlandish and bizarre that I can’t help but love them. First, we get the worrying comparison between the upkeep of his own opiate addiction to monthly rent, then the (uncalled for) implication that the listener’s mother is homeless, and the final cherry on top: the fact that Pump spends quality time popping pills with his grandmother.

It’s actually one of Pump’s numerous references to the elderly on his scant number of released songs, leading me to think that this is either A) a genuine lyric, or B) a worrying cry for help. At least he’s spending some quality time with his elders before they pass. Even if it’s a drug-fueled haze, I hope that both parties treasure their remaining time together.

Runner-up: Drake “Gyalchester”

On one of More Life’s most hard-hitting tracks, “Gyalchester” finds Drake braggadociously displaying his opulence in rapid lyrical flashes. Halfway through the first verse, the song’s beat cuts out just long enough for Drake to exclaim “I don't take naps / Me and the money are way too attached to go and do that.” While the sentiment of money over everything is hardly new for the rap game, using naps as a framing device to explain how fond of currency you are is such a “Drake way” to go about it. At this point, Drake is far beyond the memes of his earlier career, but lines like this one are how he got that reputation in the first place. All this said, I’m not gonna begrudge anyone their beauty sleep or lack thereof, everyone has their own unique schedule... Plus the song bangs, so cornball lyrics are easier to overlook.

Most Abhorrent Cover Art

Winner: The Darkness - Pinewood Smile

I honestly don’t want to write too much because I just want to stop looking at this. The facial hair. The teeth. The nose ring. The Photoshopped band members. I’m sorry I had to subject you guys to this, but this abortion of a cover is too bad to not share.

Runner-up: Maroon 5 - Red Pill Blues

*Adam Levine walks into the studio*

“Hey, have you guys heard of Snapchat?”

Most Undeservedly Shit Upon

Winner: Arcade Fire - Everything Now

For the sake of ending on a somewhat positive note, I’m going to wrap up by talking about two albums that were widely disliked, but I managed to appreciate. First off we have Arcade Fire’s fifth LP Everything Now. While I did just spend a paragraph dunking on the album’s suicide track, I actually thoroughly enjoyed this record. I’ll start this off by saying I have no reverence for this band, I don’t care for their older work, and they’ve always struck me as a painfully average indie group. Perhaps thanks to this lowered expectation, I emerged from my first listen of Everything Now with a smile on my face. It was goofy and cheesy, and about as far from subtle as you can get, but I still enjoyed it for what it was. Since the album is in this “shit upon” category, I guess it goes without saying that I was largely alone in this sentiment.

Maybe people were turned off by the unrelenting social media campaign, or just expected more based on the group’s previous work, but either way, it seemed like indieheads the world over were sick to their stomachs after hearing this record. I personally think the album has a wonderful Abba-esque charm to it. There’s a tremendous melodic through-line with the titular “Everything Now,” there are memorable choruses on “Creature Comfort,” and even a gloriously chunky riff on “Chemistry.”

At the end of the day, I think I enjoy Everything Now for the same reason that I enjoyed M83’s Junk. I went into both albums with low expectations and ended up loving the cheesy throwback vibe that they embraced. I can totally understand why that pivot would turn off long-time fans, but apparently, this sound is right up my alley. It’s not going to be on my end of the year list or anything, all I’m saying is Everything Now is good for what it is. You know what? It’s great for what it is. If fans could take their blinders off, remove their feelings on the album’s lead-up, and take this as a standalone adventure, they would probably enjoy Everything Now for the goofy romp that it is.

Runner-up: Foo Fighters - Concrete and Gold

Even before Concrete and Gold was released, I saw about a half dozen articles about how the Foo Fighters have nowhere else to go and are the embodiment of “New Dad Rock.” While it’s true that the band is unchallenging to listen to and don’t exactly think outside of the box, the criticism is a double-edged sword. Aside from being a thinly-veiled put-down, the dad rock label means that Foo Fighters won’t ever release a “bad” record, but they’re also never going to release another “classic” like Colour and Shape. While I agree the group is in a weird spot career-wise, I resent the idea that they won’t ever release something impactful as Colour and Shape simply because they’re older. Apart from the fact that 2011’s Wasting Light was one of the band’s best, on Concrete and Gold we see a band that’s still incredibly hungry.

Eschewing the conceptual framing devices of their past couple releases, Foo Fighters set out to make a straight-up rock record, and they succeeded. The band still go through their usual motions, oscillating from biting punky tracks to slow moody epics, but as a whole Concrete is a record that’s well-paced, well-produced, and solid from front to back. Just because it’s played on the radio doesn't mean it’s an inherently “okay” album, and just because the band is growing old doesn’t mean they’re settling. Concrete and Gold is concrete proof of that.

#End of the year #music #Un-awards #Worst of #queens of the stone age #portugal. the man #Fleet Foxes #sun kil moon #bhad bhabie #lil pump #alt-j #DJ KHALED #21 savage #arcade fire #brand new #vulfpeck #taylor swift #drake #maroon 5 #everything now #foo fighters

[drjacquescoulardeau]

Jacques COULARDEAU & Stephen KING at Academia.edu (57)   STEPHEN KING THE BILL HODGES TRILOGY: 1- MR. MERCEDES 2- FINDERS KEEPERS 3- END OF WATCH SERIAL KILLER, PSYCHOPATH AND TERRORIST https://www.academia.edu/26320666/SERIAL_KILLER_PSYCHOPATH_AND_TERRORIST

 Stephen King is the antidote of all bad things in this life. I hope Trump is reading "Misery" to see what the future is promising him since he believes he is the nurse of the world. Welcome to Hell on earth.

 And I hope the devilish extreme right authoritarian anti-immigrant Marine (   an armada just in her name) Le Pen (and it is all in the color of the ink of this pen, black, black, black), I hope she will tell the world that the extreme right did not win in the Netherlands, and it did not win in France, and it did not win in Greece, in Italy, in Spain, in Portugal. It won’t win in Germany. Only England (and northern England at that) is falling for the new Tudor Queen that some call Kim Jing May.

 So get to Stephen King and enjoy the defeat of evil that is alas never forever defeated and will always resuscitate even from the hot pit and oven of burning hell.

 I dedicate this “review” to my own son, Annunzio COULARDEAU,

and to those who certainly are my fellow travelers,

Ivan EVE and Serban V.C. ENACHE

 I have read the books of this author since the first one came to life, Carrie, 1973. I have not missed one. I have followed his films and TV series and mini-series all along. I became and still am the chairperson of “Association La Dondaine Stephen King” and we organized in the north of France a cycle or two of monthly fantastic events centering on horror, bizarre and frightening arts. We also published some fan-comic-magazine with original comic strips, stories, poetry, art of various sorts. We were still young or just young and we loved doing things that could make plain standard normal middle-class baboons fell sick in their stomach, their balls crawling up to their throat.

 We were just a band of Jacques Brel’s and we could not get one song of his out of our minds: “Les Bourgeois,” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCHi5apc1lQ.

Les bourgeois c'est comme les cochons Plus ça devient vieux plus ça devient bête Les bourgeois c'est comme les cochons Plus ça devient vieux plus ça devient c- [con]

 Sorry, guys, I can’t translate that. Ask Google. And it is time to shift to the trilogy I have announced. Especially since I have lived too long, too old to forget another song today, “Les Vieux,” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-nyLvIuHDU.

 Old people don't die, they fall asleep one day and sleep too long

They hold each other by the hand, they're afraid to lose each other but nevertheless do so

And the other one remains here, the better or the worse, the sweet or the severe

This doesn't matter, the one remaining out of the two finds himself in hell

Perheps you'll see it, you'll see it sometimes dressed in rain and sorrow

Walking across the present, already apologizing for not being much further,

And avoiding in front of you, one last time, the silver clock

Humming in the living room, saying yes, saying no, telling them: I'm waiting for you

Humming in the living room, saying yes, saying no and then waiting for us.

http://lyricstranslate.com/en/les-vieux-old-people.html

 Let’s be nostalgic about the future that is coming little by little and slowly. And yet Stephen King still moves me, even if he does not frighten me anymore and give me the pleasure Trump is castrating in my ripped off, through and up mind.

 Olliergues, February 15, 2017

THE BILL HODGES TRILOGY

 At the end of his life or at the beginning of a new career, a third career of sorts, Stephen King is courting and wooing new genres intensely. Not new genres that did not exist before him, but new genres for him, genres he had never or very rarely dealt with before in his first and second career. And it is clearest in this trilogy.

 A second element appears and it is the fact that he works with his two sons in collaboration a lot more than he did before. He is going through the syndrome of the father looking for his next generation heirs. We all do that. If we have a son or a daughter we try to make that blood heir more receptive and prepare him or her to having to carry their father’s heritage in the world. If we do not have such a blood descendant we select a young man or woman in our surrounding environment and make him or her the spiritual heir or heiress we need before moving on because it is absolutely true that we will not take anything along and I don’t think any angel would be interested in our baggage, especially Stephen King’s.

 This trilogy ends thus positively since the evil man is destroyed but also negatively since the main character is also put to sleep by cancer. Nothing dramatic but everything sad and bleak. This Bill Hodges had chosen a partner, Holly Gibney, in his last Det-Ret phase of his life, and she is the heiress who will carry his heritage. She will have to select a partner of her own too and she will, a natural partner since he was Bill’s partner in the police.

 Yet Stephen King will remain in this trilogy the creative mind who exposed the world after the Big Recession of 2008-2009 and celebrated the young black man who saved him and his partner Holly at the end who of course is like Barack Obama, the last resort in the situation when all seems to be going to hell, the Deus Ex Machina of the past-present-future flow of time.

 And at the same time King goes a lot farther than a simple parable of the first black president of the USA. Holly Gibney will pick his heritage but this woman is autistic and Stephen King is so modern in his approach of autism, in fact it seems the Asperger syndrome of autism. He shows how good she can be within her clear cut capabilities and how tense she can be when dealing with human and physical contact. She sees through any personality and can ask the very question that leads to the heart of the matter, but she is irreversibly unable to accept physical contact. She is blocked in bad habits like smoking and yet she is able to get over it and drop it. We will never know if it is genetic in her or not. But one thing is sure. Stephen King insists in the first volume on the cannibalistic attitude of her mother that locks her up in her neurodiversity as if it were a crime and a stain on her, the mother’s of course, reputation.

 That’s what is most visible in this trilogy. Stephen King kind of reflects on the world and states we can improve it if we have the guts to change our bad habits and stand against the individuals who are the forces of evil.

Dr Jacques COULARDEAU

#horror #terrorist #serial killer #bullying #video games

[allenmendezsr]

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“Here’s How I Permanently Cured My Eczema in 7 Days, Naturally! Despite Doctors Telling Me I Would NEVER Get Rid of It…

From: Hayley Harragan RE: The Truth About Eczema Treatment Last Updated: Wednesday, October 30, 2019

I suffered from eczema since I was a child and it continued well into my adulthood before I managed to find a cure and permanently got rid of it.

After I healed, I promised myself that I would do everything in my power to make sure that my daughter Christine wouldn’t have to go through the same life experiences that I did, because as you know, eczema is hereditary, so I was really concerned for her getting this condition through our family genes.

I was absolutely devastated when I noticed the first signs of eczema on her. Christine was only 8 years old at the time and to be honest, it wasn’t the itching, redness and scaling that worried me much, but the inevitable embarrassing moments at school, the whispers from classmates and the overall negative impact on her social life – all of the things I went through myself.

“Hey Look! Here Comes The Spotty One…”

It can be very traumatising for a child to have relationship problems at school with their fellow classmates, let alone when it’s also combined with eczema symptoms in visible areas.

When I was at school, my eczema first appeared around my wrists and elbows, occasionally it would also spread to around my neck area. During winter months and colder periods it wasn’t much of a problem, because my arms would be covered by long-sleeve tops. However, during summer and hot weather, it was a totally different story…

I could keep on wearing long sleeves and drench in sweat, while looking like a complete weirdo or otherwise put up with whispers behind my back, never-ending questions about my “disease” and teachers thinking I was a victim of domestic violence, because the red patchy parts on my skin looked like I was beaten by someone.

“I Wanted A Better Life for My Daughter Without The Constant Pain, Itching Discomfort and Gossip”

I still remember those dreadful days when I suffered with eczema at school. I would get called all kinds of names, like “sleazy”, “gross” and “flaky”. As you can imagine, my self-esteem was non-existent and I always struggled with making friends.

There was no way I would let the same happen to Christine, so when she first came to me with the following symptoms, I knew it was the time to act:

Intense itching that is always there

Scaly skin with flaking and oozing

Burning red patches

Skin not healing properly and regular breakouts

The first action step of any mother would be to take the child to a doctor and find out what is going on. So we went to a dermatologist, despite me knowing that he would probably recommend a couple of creams and tell us “there’s nothing to worry about”. And as you can guess, that was exactly what happened…

However, here’s the real truth about eczema treatment that no-one talks about:

“Creams and Ointments Are Only A Temporary Solution – They Do NOT Treat The Root Cause of Eczema!”

The creams that were prescribed for my daughter would work for a few days, relieving the pain and redness, but then the eczema would breakout again…coming back even worse than it was before!

From my personal experience, I already knew that eczema creams were useless, but I wanted to give them one last chance, before referring to the natural methods that helped to cure my eczema many years ago…

“A Natural Home Remedy To Permanently Eliminate Eczema – NO Smelly Creams & NO Medicines!”

Having lived with eczema throughout my life, I learned that eczema is NOT a skin disorder. It is simply a warning response from your immune system telling you there is an imbalance of nutrients and hormones in your body. As a result, this causes various skin reactions, including redness, itching, scaling and other symptoms.

All those popular creams and medications only provide a short-term fix, because they are designed to treat only the symptoms of eczema, NOT the root cause, so no matter what we tried nothing lasted longer than a few weeks.

“The Real Eczema Healing Has To Come From WITHIN Your Body – It Is THE ONLY WAY To Get Rid of Eczema For Good”

After all the creams failed on us, I decided it was the time to try the natural healing methods, which I used myself to cure the itching, scaling and burning skin that I suffered from in my childhood and later in my adult life. Hopefully, they would work for my daughter too…

“Miraculously, Her Skin Started To Heal After Just A Few Days and Within A Week Eczema Totally Disappeared – Most Importantly, It Has NEVER Come Back Since!”

Here’s what Christine said after she completely recovered from eczema:

She felt more relaxed, energetic and full of joy – what else a child needs?

Her grades improved at school, because now she could really focus in class.

Making new friends was not a problem anymore – she regained her confidence.

Overall, she was delighted that she no longer had to worry about no itching, her skin looked healthy and she felt great!

Seeing how well it worked for my daughter, I wanted to get a little “boost of vitality” for myself, because this holistic system is not just for treating eczema, but it is the key to overall well-being. I couldn’t believe the results

Considerably less fatigue and tiredness throughout the day (no coffee, thanks!)

Stronger state of mind and better mental health.

Noticeable improvement in the digestive system – no more bloating and abdominal pain.

“You Can Have A Life WITHOUT Eczema! It’s Time To Put An End To Constant Discomfort & Embarrassing Situations!

Based on how well this system worked for me and my daughter, I decided to write a book and share my experience with everyone who suffers from eczema – that’s how my book called “Eczema Vanished™” was born. It’s an all-in-one guide, which has complete information about eczema and the steps you need to take to naturally get rid of eczema once and for all.

You don’t have to be a nutrition expert or have any medical knowledge or professional qualifications to use my book. I wrote it in a simple, straightforward manner, so ANYONE can follow it and implement my advice. As long as you are willing to do what I recommend, then that’s all it takes to eliminate eczema forever.

Sounds too good to be true? Well in that case, have a look below and see what some of my satisfied Eczema Vanished™ customers say about their experience:

Eczema Vanished Testimonials

“My 2 year old son had eczema on his forehead and cheeks, but I really didn’t want to use those harsh creams on his face, because I was afraid of damaging his skin. I kept looking online for natural home remedies and luckily came across your guide, which was exactly what I needed and it helped to cure my son’s eczema. Thank you so much Hayley!”

Monika K. – Belfast, Northern Ireland

Eczema Vanished Testimonials

“I was quite skeptical before purchasing Eczema Vanished, because I tried all kinds of treatments in the past with no results, however this time it was different. After just 7 days of using the methods described in your guide, I noticed the eczema on my hands started to disappear. The redness went away, they weren’t so itchy no more and I could feel they’ve become softer as well. My hands eczema was completely gone within a month. I still can’t believe it!”

Antonio – Lisbon, Portugal

Eczema Vanished Testimonials

“Hi Hayley, just wanted to drop a quick email and say how grateful I am for your Eczema Vanished ebook. I suffered from eczema since I was a kid and at times it was almost unbearable. As I grew older, my eczema became more manageable, but I was sick of applying those creams every day and wanted to get rid of eczema for good. And now I DID, all thanks to you. What you’re doing is life-changing.”

Selena Byrne – Boston, Massachusetts

Eczema Vanished Testimonials

“It took me just over a week to start seeing the results, but it was definitely worth the wait. My eczema eventually healed itself without me having to use any creams or take expensive drugs, which usually made me feel a bit dizzy. I found your guide online totally by accident and I’m so glad for that. Thanks for your work.”

Lauren Caprice – Washington, D.C.

I’ve received such emails from thousands of people all over the world who tried Eczema Vanished™ and permanently eliminated their eczema using the natural methods that I teach in my ebook.

Here’s what you are going to learn in Eczema Vanished™:

What Exactly is Eczema & How To Deal with The Usual Eczema Symptoms.

8 Different Types of Eczema & What Are The Most Common Causes of Eczema.

How To Naturally Cure Eczema Without Any Medications.

The REAL Truth About Eczema – What Doctors Don’t Want You To Know.

How To Cleanse Your Body To Always Feel Active and Full of Energy.

Discover The Root Cause of YOUR Eczema – Learn How To Avoid The Triggers.

How To Supply Your Body With The Right Nutrition To Have Healthy Skin.

The Key To Eliminating Eczema For Good and Why ANYONE Can Do It.

How To STOP Itchy, Dry Skin – Get Rid of Eczema Once and For All.

Make Your Skin Clean and Silky Smooth Again Without Any Creams or Ointments.

Still thinking if this is right for you? Read about the results of my customers below:

Eczema Vanished Testimonials

“Hayley, thanks to your Eczema Vanished guide, my son’s eczema is now gone! It’s an absolute miracle. We’ve been fighting his eczema for many years to no avail and I really lost my hope with those gunky creams, which hardly helped at all. With your method, we cleared his eczema in 2 weeks. I’ll be forever grateful for what you’ve done for my son – you’re a star.”

Jennifer Bishop – London, UK

Eczema Vanished Testimonials

“I’ve been suffering from eczema on my neck for as long as I can remember my adult life. That patch has always been there and no matter what creams I tried, they would heal it pretty quick, but eventually it would come back again – it was a never-ending battle. While I was doing some research online about natural eczema treatment, I came across your guide and it looked promising, so I thought I would give it a try, especially since you offered money-back guarantee. After I followed your advice for 2 months, the eczema on my neck has completely disappeared and it hasn’t come back since. Hayley, you’re the best!”

Suresh Patel – Toronto, Canada

Eczema Vanished Testimonials

“Hi Hayley, as you can see, my son had eczema on the lower part of his stomach and all the various creams that were recommended by our local dermatologist didn’t help much. We had to apply them twice a day, but soon after finishing the treatment, I could see those red spots and patches re-appearing again. It was so painful to watch. In the end, I started looking up alternative home remedies for eczema on the web and found your book Eczema Vanished. Your methods made a noticeable difference after just 10 days and within a month my son had his beautiful skin back. Since then we haven’t had any eczema breakouts and I am confident it’s all gone for good. Thank you so much.”

Susan Jones – New York City

Eczema Vanished Testimonials

“I had eczema on my legs for so long that I almost gave up trying to cure it. The endless visits to my doctor would see me going home with more creams, but as you already know yourself, they are just a “temporary fix”. After trying Eczema Vanished for 3 weeks, my legs are back to normal – I don’t remember when was the last time I had them so clean and smooth. I guess now it’s the time to dig out my skirts collection. If you want to naturally cure your eczema with lasting results, then talk to Hayley.”

Julia Thompson – Los Angeles, California

Eczema Vanished Testimonials

“Hi Hayley, emailing you with regards to your request for a testimonial for your Eczema Vanished product. I would absolutely recommend it to anyone suffering from eczema, because based on my personal results, it definitely works – without a doubt. Your method is simple, yet effective and most importantly it’s all natural, so for anyone out there who is tired of using eczema creams and wants a permanent cure, then this is all you need.”

Stuart Adams – Miami, Florida

“Naturally Cure Your Eczema, Guaranteed – OR Your Money Back!”

I have already shared my Eczema Vanished™ system with many people who used to suffer from the classic eczema symptoms, such as burning redness, irresistible itching and scaly patches on their skin. I received countless emails from men and women who tried my method and after just 2-3 weeks their eczema completely disappeared.

Of course, the healing period varies from a person to person, but the fact is – Eczema Vanished™ WORKS! These people no longer have to worry about no itching or red skin or wearing long-sleeve clothes, because they have nothing to hide and can enjoy the lovely hot weather!

I fully vouch for Eczema Vanished™, knowing it will help you to get rid of your eczema, so I would like to offer you my 100% 60 Days Money-Back Guarantee, meaning you’ve got 2 MONTHS to try it and if it doesn’t work for you, then I don’t need your money.

Just drop me an email at the address below and I’ll refund you every single penny.

“The Ultimate Holistic System To Naturally Treat The Root Cause of Eczema and Eliminate It – FOREVER!”

How much would you pay to completely get rid of eczema and never see it again? $1000? $500? Or just 50 bucks? I’m sure you’ll agree, you simply can’t put a price on your health, because it’s what matters the most in our life. The cost of Eczema Vanished™ system is just $37, which covers the time and research I have put into my book and helps to maintain this website.

Think about it…$37 is small change compared to how much you have already spent on useless creams and ointments. What about the endless visits to dermatologists? This is YOUR chance to put an END to all of that.

Imagine what your life would be like WITHOUT eczema…It’s time for you to regain your confidence and wear your favourite clothes, while enjoying the beautiful sunny weather and never having to worry about your skin again.

YES, it’s ALL possible with Eczema Vanished™.

“For A Limited Time ONLY – If You Order Now, You’ll Get The Following 5 Bonuses For FREE!”

Why stop at having great healthy skin, when you can use the knowledge from the books below and totally transform your body, making dramatic improvements in all areas of your health and everyday lifestyle.

Discover natural ways to shred the excess body fat and learn how to structure your diet to get in shape and stay fit. Boost your metabolism and get the body you’ve always wanted!

Overcome your fears and insecurities by changing your mind to make your dreams become a reality. Take the steps necessary to achieve your life goals and BE THE BEST you can be.

Create strength, awareness and harmony in both the mind and body with yoga practice. Use relaxation techniques to lessen chronic pain, such as lower back pain, arthritis and headaches. Plus, improve respiration, energy and vitality as well as your athletic performance.

Bonus #1 – Smart Health Choices

Smart Health Choices by Professors Les Irwig and Judy Irwig aims to help consumers and practitioners develop the skills to assess health advice – and hopefully to make decisions that will improve the quality of their care. For some people, making better-informed decisions could be life saving.

It will be useful if you are struggling to come to terms with an illness or injury, and the best ways of managing it. Or you may simply want to lead a healthier life, and may be wondering how to make sense of the often conflicting flood of health information that deluges us every day, through the media, and from our friends and health practitioners.

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If you are interested in using superfoods in your meal preparation and every day eating habits, then you will love “Superfood Pleasures” by Emmanuel Sarris.

You will learn all about the building components of superfoods, such as phytonutrients, vitamins, minerals, Omega-3, vegetables (inc. broccoli sprouts, reishi mushrooms), fruits (inc. goji berry, noni fruit), proteins, chia seed, herbs and spices, turmeric and many more. See how to incorporate superfoods into your diet! Where and what to buy, plus all the ingredients and gadgets that you need to prepare your meals.

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With all the weight loss plans, programs, and advertisements that surround us, how is it possible to pick the best weight loss plan for you?

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Bonus #4 – The Master Key System

“The Master Key System” by Charles Haanel formed the basic foundation of all of the bestselling books on the law of attraction, self-help and the general idea of the power of positive thinking. The successful book and movie “The Secret” was written from material given herein.

Everything around you now not of the natural world was first given birth within in the subjective mind called the subconscious mind. This book gives you a set 24 day study course that promises a complete and utter control of every aspect of your life.

Bonus #5 – Yoga (Physiology, Psychosomatics and Bioenergetics)

This book written by Andrey Safronov is based on 19 years of yoga practice and 14 years of teaching yoga and healing. It contains over 300 pictures of asanas (yoga postures), how to come into them and how to go out, energy flows and possible mistakes while practicing yoga.

Structurally, the book is divided into several levels so that it can be useful to all readers with different experience in yoga – from beginners to experienced practitioners.

“Get Eczema Vanished™ System + ALL The Bonuses for Just $37!”

YES, I’m going to include all of the above bonuses with Eczema Vanished™ absolutely free of charge. So for just a one-time payment of $37, you will get my complete system to naturally eliminate eczema for good as well as an excellent collection of 5 bonus ebooks, covering topics from smarter health choices and nutrition advice to weight loss management and self improvement.

Plus, you get 

unlimited life-time email support

 from me, so if you need any help, simply drop me an email and I’ll answer your questions as soon as possible!

“Take Action & Order Eczema Vanished™ NOW!”

Place your order now to get INSTANT ACCESS to Eczema Vanished™ system, no matter what time of the day it is. My system is available in digital format (PDF), meaning there’s NO waiting and you can download the ebook to your computer within minutes from this moment!

Discover the REAL TRUTH about eczema treatment, what is the root cause of your eczema and get practical natural methods to forever eliminate eczema from your body WITHOUT any drugs or medicines.

Remember, Eczema Vanished™ comes with 100% 60 days money-back guarantee, which means you’ve got 2 months to apply everything you will learn in my ebook and if it doesn’t help you to get rid of eczema, then I’ll be more than happy to refund your payment in full.

Start making a change in your life today – CLICK HERE to order Eczema Vanished™ at the limited price of $37. It’s time for you to get your confidence back and say “goodbye” to all the embarrassing moments due to eczema.

You’re just minutes away from accessing a wealth of eczema knowledge and most importantly, the steps you’ll need to take to cure eczema once and for all – click the “Add To Cart” button below to get started now.

Limited Price ONLY $95.99 Today Just $37

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Without a doubt, $37 is a miniscule amount to pay to forever eliminate eczema and feel comfortable by having a smooth healthy skin. Can’t argue with that, right? And don’t forget, your purchase is fully backed with my 

100% 60 Days Money-Back Guarantee

. In case if my method doesn’t work for you, then just get in touch with me and I’ll return your money – simple as that.

I hope you’ll make the right decision and I’ll see you on the other side!

Sincerely yours, Hayley Harragan (Certified Nutritionist & Independent Healthcare Researcher)

P.S. Living with eczema can be very frustrating at times and can cause a lot of inconvenience in your every day life. Don’t you think it’s about time for you to do something about it? You’ve tried the creams and ointments before and you know that they don’t last long and they never address the root cause of eczema! Order Eczema Vanished™ for just $37 today and get access to my step-by-step system that explains everything you need to know about eczema and how you can finally get rid of the itching, burning, scaling and all the rest of it naturally WITHOUT any medications. CLICK HERE To Order Eczema Vanished™ Now!

P.P.S. Keep in mind, your order comes with 60 days full money-back guarantee, so you’ve got nothing to lose, but everything to gain. Eczema Vanished™ works for mild to moderate eczema and even for the most severe cases – just give it an honest try and I promise, you’ll be amazed by the results!

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[drjacquescoulardeau]

Before getting into "Sleeping Beauties" (57)   STEPHEN KING THE BILL HODGES TRILOGY: 1- MR. MERCEDES 2- FINDERS KEEPERS 3- END OF WATCH SERIAL KILLER, PSYCHOPATH AND TERRORIST

https://www.academia.edu/26320666/SERIAL_KILLER_PSYCHOPATH_AND_TERRORIST

 Stephen King is the antidote of all bad things in this life. I hope Trump is reading "Misery" to see what the future is promising him since he believes he is the nurse of the world. Welcome to Hell on earth.

 And I hope the devilish extreme right authoritarian anti-immigrant Marine (   an armada just in her name) Le Pen (and it is all in the color of the ink of this pen, black, black, black), I hope she will tell the world that the extreme right did not win in the Netherlands, and it did not win in France, and it did not win in Greece, in Italy, in Spain, in Portugal. It won’t win in Germany. Only England (and northern England at that) is falling for the new Tudor Queen that some call Kim Jing May.

 So get to Stephen King and enjoy the defeat of evil that is alas never forever defeated and will always resuscitate even from the hot pit and oven of burning hell.

 I dedicate this “review” to my own son, Annunzio COULARDEAU,

and to those who certainly are my fellow travelers,

Ivan EVE and Serban V.C. ENACHE

 I have read the books of this author since the first one came to life, Carrie, 1973. I have not missed one. I have followed his films and TV series and mini-series all along. I became and still am the chairperson of “Association La Dondaine Stephen King” and we organized in the north of France a cycle or two of monthly fantastic events centering on horror, bizarre and frightening arts. We also published some fan-comic-magazine with original comic strips, stories, poetry, art of various sorts. We were still young or just young and we loved doing things that could make plain standard normal middle-class baboons fell sick in their stomach, their balls crawling up to their throat.

 We were just a band of Jacques Brel’s and we could not get one song of his out of our minds: “Les Bourgeois,” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dCHi5apc1lQ.

 Les bourgeois c'est comme les cochons Plus ça devient vieux plus ça devient bête Les bourgeois c'est comme les cochons Plus ça devient vieux plus ça devient c- [con]

 Sorry, guys, I can’t translate that. Ask Google. And it is time to shift to the trilogy I have announced. Especially since I have lived too long, too old to forget another song today, “Les Vieux,” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-nyLvIuHDU.

 Old people don't die, they fall asleep one day and sleep too long

They hold each other by the hand, they're afraid to lose each other but nevertheless do so

And the other one remains here, the better or the worse, the sweet or the severe

This doesn't matter, the one remaining out of the two finds himself in hell

Perheps you'll see it, you'll see it sometimes dressed in rain and sorrow

Walking across the present, already apologizing for not being much further,

And avoiding in front of you, one last time, the silver clock

Humming in the living room, saying yes, saying no, telling them: I'm waiting for you

Humming in the living room, saying yes, saying no and then waiting for us.

http://lyricstranslate.com/en/les-vieux-old-people.html

 Let’s be nostalgic about the future that is coming little by little and slowly. And yet Stephen King still moves me, even if he does not frighten me anymore and give me the pleasure Trump is castrating in my ripped off, through and up mind.

 Olliergues, February 15, 2017

THE BILL HODGES TRILOGY

 At the end of his life or at the beginning of a new career, a third career of sorts, Stephen King is courting and wooing new genres intensely. Not new genres that did not exist before him, but new genres for him, genres he had never or very rarely dealt with before in his first and second career. And it is clearest in this trilogy.

 A second element appears and it is the fact that he works with his two sons in collaboration a lot more than he did before. He is going through the syndrome of the father looking for his next generation heirs. We all do that. If we have a son or a daughter we try to make that blood heir more receptive and prepare him or her to having to carry their father’s heritage in the world. If we do not have such a blood descendant we select a young man or woman in our surrounding environment and make him or her the spiritual heir or heiress we need before moving on because it is absolutely true that we will not take anything along and I don’t think any angel would be interested in our baggage, especially Stephen King’s.

 This trilogy ends thus positively since the evil man is destroyed but also negatively since the main character is also put to sleep by cancer. Nothing dramatic but everything sad and bleak. This Bill Hodges had chosen a partner, Holly Gibney, in his last Det-Ret phase of his life, and she is the heiress who will carry his heritage. She will have to select a partner of her own too and she will, a natural partner since he was Bill’s partner in the police.

 Yet Stephen King will remain in this trilogy the creative mind who exposed the world after the Big Recession of 2008-2009 and celebrated the young black man who saved him and his partner Holly at the end who of course is like Barack Obama, the last resort in the situation when all seems to be going to hell, the Deus Ex Machina of the past-present-future flow of time.

 And at the same time King goes a lot farther than a simple parable of the first black president of the USA. Holly Gibney will pick his heritage but this woman is autistic and Stephen King is so modern in his approach of autism, in fact it seems the Asperger syndrome of autism. He shows how good she can be within her clear cut capabilities and how tense she can be when dealing with human and physical contact. She sees through any personality and can ask the very question that leads to the heart of the matter, but she is irreversibly unable to accept physical contact. She is blocked in bad habits like smoking and yet she is able to get over it and drop it. We will never know if it is genetic in her or not. But one thing is sure. Stephen King insists in the first volume on the cannibalistic attitude of her mother that locks her up in her neurodiversity as if it were a crime and a stain on her, the mother’s of course, reputation.

 That’s what is most visible in this trilogy. Stephen King kind of reflects on the world and states we can improve it if we have the guts to change our bad habits and stand against the individuals who are the forces of evil.

 Dr. Jacques COULARDEAU

#crime #serial killer #Mercedes Benz #Artificial Intelligence #Internet of Things