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littlest-bugz · 2 months

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Hope it's okay to send this for the ask game! We've really enjoyed reading all your answers :)

🥀 + 📻

No worries! You can def send them in (and Im glad u enjoyed reading our answers :D I just figured everything was abysmally buried)

🥀 - do you keep track of your alter count? how do you do so?

So!! We use 3 different things for managing alter info, and then one separately. 📓 is our archivist and he is!! Bonkers /j.

First he uses simply plural for the custom field feature, and the layout of the app. He has a shit ton of custom fields put in for anything you can reasonably think of for an alter. Then, he uses Pluralkit because we have a system discord. Theres a template he made that we r going to upload soon. THEN in the system discord has an even longer version of the template he made (that cant be used in pk bc of the length). On top of it all, we have a notion journal with all the same shit + personal journals. Why did he do that to himself? /j lh/ No, but those are the three ways we manage to keep track of alters. Not all of them are uploaded, and furthermore, not all of them are uploaded in all of the places. We try to keep our simply plural for the bulk of it.

Other apps we use as a system that dont keep track of alters, but we find helpful regardless:

- Mindly: A mind mapping app that is pretty user friendly/easy to use. Not a super high learning curve imo, but it can be confusing upon initial use. If u are any flavor of polyfragmented, it may be harder to keep track with the free feature. We have 3 separate mind maps for the 3 separated areas in our system.

- Calm Harm: We have a horrible self harm addiction 😃 this app tho? It helped a ton in our beginning days of stopping. We don’t SH as much anymore bc of coping™️ but its still helpful for alters who cant control the urge as well as the others.

- UpWord: Its a notes app that can be locked via a passcode. It also has a built in reminders feature. We use it for keeping track of body info, extra info, routines, and general alter stuff. Its become pretty obsolete for us because of the onslaught of programs 📓 uses, but it keeps track of stuff for us still. It has a $4 upgrade to change the colors, remove ads, and more. Id say only purchase it if you end up liking it and using it more than other apps. It’s worth it imo, but if ur broke like me and $4 is a lot, hold off until you use it.

- Selftalking: one of those back and forth, self chat apps. I find it easier to use than Antar (which i still don’t know how to use to this day), but you’ll probably have to make the convos as needed, as opposed to making them all and having alters search their name,,, but it does have a search function if needed. We found the search function helpful. It is, undoubtedly, super ugly from an app design standpoint, and its not entirely user friendly. The ads are incredibly annoying as well, but its a much worth it $1 purchase imo.

📻 - do you experience amnesia?

Yes, but most of it is drug related these days I think (as 🎸, the addiction holder). We’ve been working on functional multiplicity for a while so (day to day) memory sharing is getting easier, but we have a lot of what our therapist calls “cold switches” where theres usually hesitance or stubbornness or any negative emotion that leads to the switch being more disorienting and heightened amnesia. Its like,, idk hard to explain?? Most of the time theres about 9-10 of us front at any given point. Its actually really annoying to have so many of us front and then our amnesia STILL sucks. Like imagine you switch w/ the dude next to you in front and there being complete amnesia between the two until prev dude briefs him on whats been happening.

The way our front works, whoever fronts the frontest (lol) usually has less access to the innerworld, usually forgets what they were doing on the innerworld, they also usually forget what we were doing in a time range of,,, 30min - 3/4 hours, and thats if they are cofront. We’ve had alters who when cocon can remember all this shit but when they front they forget a bulk of it. It’s weird, but we’re working on it.

BUT YEAH! Feel free to send in more or ask non ask game questions!

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seerofmike · 4 years

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i feel like a huge portion of kpop fans are gay fetishists attracted to the idea of quote unquote feminine men and thats why theres so much bullshit

YES okay. okay let me rant for a minute. let me preface this by saying i am NOT a kpop shipper at ALL. this is going to be long so i’ll put it under a’ ‘read more’ because i’ve been holding it in for TWO FUCKING YEARS BABY!

being mlm in boygroup kpop fandom is literally so exhausting. 99% of the people who ship real life human men from boygroups are fetishists and i will tell u why

obviously we all know of a ship in a fandom where the characters' personalities are twisted to fit the heteronormative view of "top" and "bottom" --one character is hypermasculine (top) and the other one is feminine (bottom). there are typical traits associated with both. the ‘top’ is scary or mean or angry or serious while the ‘bottom’ is emotional or bubbly or shy. while this is egregious, at least its fictional characters. their personalities can be simplified or exaggerated and it doesnt cause any real life harm.

im going to define what i think of as a fetishist: a non-mlm person who overly sexualizes gay men/men they think are gay/gay ships, and forces them into heteronormative roles for their own pleasure. its not even limited to cishet women. plenty of non-mlm lgbt people do this too and its like disheartening. so anyways

enter the kpop fandom

i may be incredibly biased here because one of the most affected members [of bts] is my favorite kpop boy, but oh god is the ‘personality change/simplification’ thing AWFUL here. i do not go out of my way to find fanart or see fanfic threads, but being in the bts fandom, u will inevitably see it and i REALLY wish i didnt

so anyways. my favorite boy ever is hoseok. he is sweet and hardworking and very passionate about dance and he can be serious when needed, but ultimately he tries to be very lighthearted and will consistently laugh or make jokes or do something funny when the other members feel uncomfortable or awkward (mostly during english-speaking interviews). he kisses the members on the cheek a lot/hugs them a lot/cuddles them a lot [this is important for later okay]

of course, theres a lot more to him because he is a multi-faceted real life human being, and i don’t know him personally, but that’s a general idea of what he’s like, okay?

SHIPPERS will have you think differently. some video got popular on youtube ""proving"" that hoseok is a sadist (which is just clips of him jokingly playfighting with the younger members), and the video depicts him as secretly mean and serious, and shippers will use that to say "hoseok is a total top!" and then most fanart or imagines or fanfic threads you see are top!hoseok, using this imagined 'hoseok is a sadistic dom' narrative to fuel their fiction, because SOMEONE has to be the top, so they twist him into this hypermasculine mean person (and probably feminize the 'bottom' of their ship but more on that later)

EXCEPT it is not just fiction. this narrative bleeds into REAL LIFE. you have new armys who dont know anything about the shipping scene, and yet somehow the narrative of hoseok being a secretly mean, sadistic person has already made its way into them. in real life, hoseok likes rainbows and wearing nail stickers and putting glitter in his hair. yet people in the fandom will say shit like "hoseok hates femininity" "hoseok would never wear [thing] because he's a dom"

sometimes on twitter you have ppl like me who say uh actually you guys are really weird and this is fetishy and in real life hoseok is very nice and not sadistic at all, you will UNDOUBTEDLY get comments like "omg hoseok isnt cute/nice when will yall learn he’s secretly like [x] and [x]". you could post a video of hoseok with a puppy titled "wow cute" and u will get like 2 clowns in ur comments going 'hoseok isnt CUTE hes a sadist’ . i wish i was joking but i am not. they will do this for EVERY action hoseok does. he cannot blink without people twisting it into a sexual thing

[also, side note: its funny that, since hoseok is one of the least popular members and therefore one of the least shipped members, he is often the odd man out among pairings, and is assigned 'the straight one' by default, and 9 times out of 10 people who assign him 'the straight one' do all this 'dom daddy hoseok' shit.

which just goes to show that this is indeed a matter of heteronormativity.]

so anyways arguably the most popular ship with hoseok is with yoongi, sope. this absolutely happens to other ships probably but im just using them as an example because i see it the most, being a hobi stan

yoongi is very calm and thoughtful and kind and sometimes appears to be cold/having a bad attitude but its just because of the way he speaks, which is very bluntly. again hes a multi faceted real human and i do not know him personally but thats generally what hes like.

god the fandom. treats him SO BAD. so horribly. he's shorter than hoseok. he's shorter than hoseok and people will exaggerate that literal 1 inch height difference so bad and people will turn his whole personality into shy and blushy and In Love With Hoseok, so in love with hoseok that ‘he gets sad’ when hoseok doesn’t kiss him/hug him/or whatever and IT BLEEDS INTO REAL LIFE.

ANY time hoseok or yoongi do ANYTHING together at ALL, people will ALWAYS push the narrative that hoseok, being the mean sadist he is, is 'hurting' yoongi for not returning his undying love or whatever. hoseok did a vlive where he made bracelets for all the members and he considered putting a cat charm on yoongi's but ultimately decided not to because he was having difficulty and oh my GOD sope stans twisted it into 'hoseok HATES yoongi, yoongi would have been so happy, he would have worn that all the time, hoseok isnt affectionate he hates being close with other people after all :(' which is LITERALLY not true because hoseok gives all his homies good night kisses but okay! whatever fits your narrative!

PEOPLE ACTUALLY HATE HOSEOK BECAUSE OF THIS. BECAUSE OF A SHIP. BECAUSE OF THE MANUFACTURED NARRATIVE PUSHED ONTO HIM BY FETISHISTS SO HE COULD FIT INTO THEIR HETERONORMATIVE ‘TOP’ ROLE. not to be all wahh wahh hoseok is one of the least popular members BUT THIS IS LITERALLY A CONTRIBUTING FACTOR.

everyone """headcanons""" hoseok to be a top so they will make him a MEAN HYPERMASCULINE person. everyone """headcanons""" yoongi as a bottom so they will make him a SOFT UWU HYPERFEMININE person. shippers are literally pigeonholing the two of them into fujoshi-esque roles for jack-off material.

anyways this all boils down to: gay fetishists will do anything, ANYTHING, to twist characters or real life fucking people to fit their heteronormative view of top and bottom. top=mean and masculine, bottom=soft and feminine. hoseok is a real life human being. yoongi is a real life human being. they both have real life human personalities, and yet shippers twist their personalities into the opposite to fit their narrative, to the point where nonshippers will genuinely view the two of them as something theyre not.

you have tons of armys that theorize that hoseok's happiness is just a mask he puts on to hide a cruel nature. on twitter. on youtube. in fanart and fanfiction. you have tons of armys that truly believe that, despite literally all the evidence, believe he hates being cute, he hates being happy, he hates the members, and hes secretly a dom daddy fuckboy who wants to bend yoongi over a table. hes a real life human being and fetishists doing their fetish thing has real life consequences.

the same is true for bottom!hoseok stans: they overexaggerate his more cutesy personality traits and he does have a 'feminine' figure i.e. he has a rly small waist but they will overexaggerate that as well and give him huge hips and its disgusting but dom!hoseok is far more frequent with far more devastating consequences so i used that as an example but they’re both bad.

people who """"headcanon"""" [like actually headcanon/firmly believe and not just joking or lighthearted] that members are gay will force these types of roles onto the members. if someone genuinely believes that like, yoongi is gay/bi/whatever, and then try to force this subby soft uwu persona onto him, they have no respect for gay people. they dont. gay people are simply objects for their fantasies. their view of gay people is so one-dimensional and so driven by fetishists’ ideas that its actually disheartening.

and god bitches will deadass be homophobic yet still ship real ass human idols. not just for bts specifically but all boygroup fandoms. sometimes when you search up an idol's name, [idol] gay will be trending--whether it be because of people saying "im gay for him" or whatever, and a LOT of cishet people will try 'clearing' the searches because being gay is bad or something. people normally ‘clear’ the searches if something like [idol fat] or [idol ugly] are trending, which im telling you so you know the context that people only clear the searches when bad things are happening.

[never forget that time 'jungkook gay' was trending and bitches were like "lets clear the searches!" but their pinned tweet said some shit like "sub jungkook x dom jimin coffee shop smut au thread 🌈". bitches also be like i cant be homophobic i ship taekook]

and hoseok and yoongi arent the only ones affected ! we could get into why namjoon and jin (another popular ship) are often assigned 'dad' and 'mom' respectively, or the fact that gay fetishists not only twist members' personalities to fit their ship narrative, but will also force tropes onto them i.e. taehyung/jungkook shippers who will literally demonize jimin and call him a slut or say that he's trying to 'get in the way of' of taekook or 'steal' taehyung/jungkook but thats a whole DIFFERENT rant baby! racism/asian fetishism is also definitely a present factor in all of this but this focus was primarily on gay fetishism and heteronormativity.

oh my god i could also get into the severe transphobia/trans fetishism in this fandom too but this post is already long enough as it is

tl dr: gay fetishists will fetishize real life people and it has actual real life effects and we should ban straight women from shipping mlm

#nobody is going to read this but i just needed to let it out man #fucking hate bts stans #fucking hate kpoppies #fuck u if ur not mlm like actually

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frangipansi · 4 years

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i love love love your writing! your levi x mc swimming one was so beautifully written it made me smile so big! i was wondering if you could write some belphie x mc angst? maybe them getting into a fight or miscommunication or whatever u prefer! (im a sucker for angst) if theres a brother u feel more comfortable writing that for feel free to switch! tysm hope ur safe and healthy

Aww! Anon!! you make ME smile so big! Thank you so much, you’ve no idea how happy I am to hear that.

NOW... admittedly, Belphie is not one of my faves (fighting Luci for that wooden spoon award) and I surprisingly found throwing him into a bit of angst difficult, BUT, not one to back down from a challenge, hopefully I have not disappointed. Enjoy!!

Belphie was falling in love; he understood completely how the others had become smitten with MC. She had a calming effect; a way of defusing tension and bringing people together. She’d get herself into trouble; literally putting herself in harm’s way all for the simple reason of fixing their broken family.

The two of them were currently enjoying each other’s company in the common room; Belphie resting his head on her lap while she read through an old demonic textbook, one hand absentmindedly fiddling with his hair.

He took in a deep breath and looked up at her. “Hey, MC…”

“Mm?” She hummed, tilting the book from her view and looked down on him.

“We have a rare night tonight where the human realm stars are visible. I thought maybe we could watch them together.” His question had a hesitance to it but he was hopeful.

She gave him a smile but shook her head. “Oh Belphie honey, I’m sorry, but my night’s already booked out.”

“Oh.” Belphie nodded, his eyes darting from hers before he smiled. “That’s okay. I can always ask Beel.”

Her smile widened, hand ruffling his hair before she returned to her book.

Belphie’s heart raced at her touch and her smile swirling within his mind. She had grown so comfortably close with him, and it was only a matter of time before he would summon the courage to tell her how he really felt. It should have been easy, he could tell she liked him; but at the same time she just made him so nervous.

The darker of night had come and Belphie had strolled out of a late night pizzeria with Beel at his side; a stack of pizza boxes in his arm and top box open so he could eat while the two walked to Belphie’s favourite spot to watch the rare sight of stars.

Smiling at the simple pleasure of being able to watch his brother enjoy his food innocently and unabashed; Belphie looked ahead and near stumbled over his own feet. He froze at the sight; MC holding the hand of the arm slung around her shoulder belonging to Mammon. She had a look of sheer delight as Mammon’s face dropped to her neck; undoubtedly peppering her skin with playful kisses as she appeared to start giggling and tilting her head to get the Avatar of Greed to relent.

“Beel… I – I want to go home.” He murmured as he turned around.

“Hm?” Beel looked to his brother; a look of confusion as he shoveled another slice of pizza into his mouth. “I thought you wanted to star gaze?”

“Forget it Beel… I changed my mind.” Belphie began walking in the direction of Lamentation, not waiting for Beel’s reply.

“Are you hungry?” the question came so suddenly and Belphie lost his composure; turning back on Beel and growled as he smacked the pile of boxes from Beel’s arm.

“No I am not fucking hungry!” Belphie snapped, kicking the mess of pizza and boxes across the cobble stone streets. “Damn it Beel, not everything is about food!”

“My pizza…”

Belphie’s mind was reeling. How could he have been so stupid? So blind that he hadn’t realised that his love was unrequited? But to make things worse, the love she had was for the idiot of the bunch; Mammon who was so clouded by making a quick Grimm that he was lucky to be able to form a cohesive sentence, was the one to win her affections.

And to top it all off, he took it out on Beel and his Pizzas. “Belphie…” He glanced up at the sad but worried tone of Beel but he just couldn’t calm down; he couldn’t remember the last time he had felt so heart broken. It hurt, beyond any explanation.

“For fuck sake Beel, grow up!” He snapped, punching a streetlight and creating a great kink in the beam before storming home.

By the time MC and Mammon returned home; Beel had cleaned out the fridge and retreated to his room while Belphie seethed in the common room within his own growing sorrow; continuously scolding himself for being so idiotic for thinking MC liked him the way he did her, but also for being so mean to Beel.

Of all brothers he could have unleashed at; it just had to be the one who he was not only closest with; but the the most emotionally in tune to those around him that he too would now be hurting just as deeply.

He closed his eyes, curling his body into itself when he heard her giggling. “Shh, shut up Mammon… you’ll have Lucifer breathing down your neck. We’re so late home.”

“Ahh!” Mammon scoffed with all of his usual bravado that would normally make Belphie laugh, but instead now just made him sick. “Ya still think THE Mammon is scared of old Lucifer? Ha! I ain’t scared of no d– wait, what are ya doin’?”

“Texting Lucifer, telling him we’ve just walked in.”

“Oi! Cut that out!”

Belphie sighed deeply at her giggling; wishing like anything that he was the reason for her making a sound like that. “Go to bed.” He listened to her command as she kept chuckling.

“Ya comin’ with?” Belphie could hear the smug grin on his brother’s face; it took everything within not to sit up and hurl a pillow into his face at full force, desperate to peg him down a notch.

“In a moment; I wanna check on the common room fire; the protective gate isn’t over it.” Belphie looked to the fire; silently cursing himself for being complacent, completely forgetting to set the gate back in place after loading the pit with wood.

He remained utterly still as she came into his view; watching her as she took hold of the fire poker to even out the burning logs before carefully putting the gate back in place.

She dusted off her hands, turning in place and jumped. “Oh! Belphie.”

He glanced up, their eyes locking and he felt his heart sink as she smiled at him before she noticed how upset he looked. “Belphie honey, what’s wrong?” she asked; crouching down by the couch and slipped a hand into his while the other brushed the unkempt fringe from his face.

“Did the skies end up not being clear enough?” She questioned with a sad smile.

MC really had no idea the pain she was causing him as she tried her best to comfort him; he so desperately wanted to yell at her, condemn her for making a decision so stupid as to date Mammon, but when he looked up into his eyes he could only return her smile with his own and nodded.

“Yeah…” his words laced in a quiver he wished he could hide. “Not clear at all.”

“Oh honey,” She gently chuckled as she sat herself on the empty space of the couch in front of his lap and draped her arms around him; her actions and pet name for him just fueling the ache bubbling inside himself.

“Maybe tomorrow night?” She suggested. “I wouldn’t mind keeping you company either if you think there might be a slight clearing?”

He sighed and hated that he nodded. “I’d really like that MC… thank you.” If he couldn’t have her love returned, he could at least for a moment longer, pretend that she was his; regardless of just how much it would hurt.

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me imagines #obey me belphie #obey me belphegor #obey me f!mc

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unordinary-analysis · 4 years

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EPISODE 164

Honorable mentions:

Idea: Arlo becomes a fake joker. Idk if he does it either to take down john or just try to use the authority to fix the school, but im entertained by the idea lmao

I miss Cecile but that’s just a given. I miss her even when she’s in the actual episode lol

Technically Arlo’s not the king anymore but everyone’s still terrified of him and I live for that

Arlo and Rei’s ‘I always have a reason’ parallels are great but that just be my love for parallels talking im not sure yet

Not gonna talk about Blyke again until we see him next because apparently you guys very much disagreed with what i said about what he was going to do in my last episode thing so- I want more information to do off of, but honestly, im still kind of sticking to what I originally thought. Blyke getting enhancement drugs, it makes sense you guys are just mean isudhgfusjhgf

Back on that ‘anyways is my favorite word’ agenda

Colors are nice

The last section isn’t very professional but thats just because i was freaking out about the last scene and it very much shows im just so excited guys

This episode, episode 164, marks the 50th episode since I started writing these, so that’s fun.

Also: this is over a week late, I know, but until i post this, know that i haven’t read any episodes after this episode (ep 164). A lot of times when I am late with these I either forget (it’s constant and often and becoming an issue) or im doing something else that’s creative related that i feel the same obligation to do as the obligation to do this (? Making sense? Not sure), and school.so that’s why this is late oops

Ignore that its not important im just sorry this is late

Anyway, here’s the analysis/commentary/review (? Still confused about this) for episode 164

Also half of this is not proofread because theres a chance if i do that ill get even more writers block even though that technically shouldn’t happen but it does and i just want this out so sorry if some sentences completely cut off or i just don’t talk about something because oops is it worth it at this point

Fake Jokers:

Starting with this because, hey, chronological order. In the beginning of this episode Arlo is approaching a group of students gathered around a piece of paper stuck onto the bulletin board saying that there are fake jokers running around. One of the bystanders is seen saying, “I wouldn’t mind being Joker for a day.” This isn’t very concerning by itself because we already know that people are already doing this, but I just want to point out that the reporter who tried to publish the story about the fake Jokers argued that they should because the students needed to be warned against the fake jokers. What the bystander in this episode tells us is that this reporter was wrong and Isen was in fact right (we been knew but).

Something bigger that I want to bring up is that now because lots of students have been exposed to the idea of faking being Joker, more and more are obviously going to be doing it, which I kind of already just said, but the consequences of such a thing are what intrigue me. If the school is suddenly filled with fake jokers and students are already aware that the majority of the jokers are fake, the Joker mantle is going to lose its significance. No student would take any joker seriously, even if it happened to be the real one.

The thing about that is that the real Joker, John, won’t be able to use his authority as well anymore. If nobody recognizes Joker as the king anymore (what with so many low-tiers also wearing the mask), they’re not going to listen to him. It basically means that John wouldn’t be king anymore. And, though I’m still confused on if John even really wants to be king, if he wanted to be, if he wanted that authority, he would have to find a better way to present himself. It means that John would either have to figure out a way to separate himself from the other jokers (I don’t really know) or reveal his identity to the whole school. This would be something huge, especially because, to John’s knowledge, Sera doesn’t even know who he is yet. But who knows, by the time the decision rolls around or things escalate enough, he might have figured out what she knows.

Another interesting idea is that John would take advantage of this situation to let himself be lost among the fake jokers and disappear, leaving the school without a king anymore and also in chaos, because honestly who. Knows. What the fuck. He wants. Not me.

I do think, however, that John will stay as king. Because every once in a while he’ll make some comment suggesting that, and in one of the recent episodes, he got pissed that someone was impersonating him and if wants to blend in again and not be recognized for his power, I doubt he would act like that.

Isen/Arlo confrontation:

So, in this episode we get Isen yelling at Arlo, which you love to see, and I’m here to talk about it yay.

Isen, at the beginning of the scene, is very nervous and scared of what Arlo would do when he comes, which is very understandable. That dude is scary but anyways, once Arlo does show up and starts yelling, which was exactly what Isen was afraid of, instead of letting himself retreat into his fear, Isen argues back at Arlo, which to be fair probably wasn’t an active decision, supported by how he acts after he yells at Arlo. Isen just blurts out what’s in his head and it’s pretty eye-opening. Isen yells that he never wanted to be given any of the responsibilities given to him by Arlo. He specifically talks about his role as head of the newspaper, but he says later in a much more general way that Arlo forces people into responsibilities that they either don’t want or aren’t ready for. This makes me think back to the beginning of the comic when Arlo made Isen dig up information on John. Isen acted pretty scared and squirrelly once he found out something he knew Arlo wouldn’t want to hear, and that behavior is very much repeated in this episode. Anyway, back to what’s happening currently. Isen defends himself against Arlo saying that Arlo’s accusations weren’t even fair because Isen tried to do the best he could to stop the news of the fake jokers from getting out. Also, it really doesn’t make sense to be blaming Isen for someone else leaking the information (without him knowing) and posting it on a public board (not even affiliated with the school newspaper). What happened is not a result of Isen’s bad leadership, or at least that what Isen tries to argue. Arlo has some other ideas on that subject though. Arlo thinks that if Isen were a better leader, the other students would just listen to him and not go behind his back to publish the information, which I have some thoughts on.

First of all, the fact that Arlo thinks this is the bare minimum for leadership speaks a lot about him. Arlo was the last king of Wellston, which means he was a leader, and he doesn’t think he was a bad one. I think Arlo thought he was a really great leader, because he was to be honest. He fixed the mess that Rei made and kept the students under control. Anyway, Arlo thinking that people follow good leaders with this blind loyalty and trust means that that was the case under his leadership. I just want to say that this probably means that Arlo thinks John is a shit leader, but we been knew. But who knows, John might have that kind of leadership and it would be for the same reason that I think Arlo did: power. Arlo is obviously one of the most powerful people at Wellston. Even more so than his title of king, and probably even his leadership skills, there is no doubt that the reason so many people followed him was this, especially considering the type of society UnOrdinary was. John, as Joker, has lots of authority and power among the Wellston students, which we talked about in the first section, and no one can doubt that it’s because of one thing: his power. People follow powerful people, it’s the way of the world, it’s how hierarchy works. But what I want to point out in relation to this episode is that Arlo seems to pushing this expectation of “leadership” onto Isen. Arlo is undoubtedly a fantastic leader, but as I keep. Repeating. His power plays a huge part in the respect given to him. Isen, though definitely more powerful than some, doesn’t exactly have that power. Not to the extent that Arlo or John has at least. And because of this, obviously, doing what Arlo and John are doing won’t work in the same way for Isen because it’s not enough. He doesn’t have that power backing him up, which is why Arlo’s expectations are unreasonable for him, which is why Isen keeps saying that he can’t do it and it understanding this is why Arlo keeps saying that Isen can. The line, “we’re not all as capable as you are!” From Isen really emphasizes this, though it probably was misunderstood by Arlo as, ‘we’re not as good leaders are you are,’ which might also be true, but that’s not what Isen’s trying to communicate.

Now that I’ve talked about that, there’s something else in this scene that catches attention. After Isen’s outburst at him, Arlo thinks about what he said and firstly, agrees with Isen that he really does set high expectations for people, but secondly, he says that, “it’s never without a reason…” Now, this stood out over Isen’s argument when I first read the episode because of how blunt the statement is. It surprised me in a kind of way. Arlo telling himself that he always has a reason for setting high expectations of people. I was especially intrigued by the pairing of that statement with Arlo’s mental image of John. If Arlo truly feels that he had a reason for believing in John, what was it? I know that he wanted John to accept his responsibilities as a high-tier, but that’s not what Arlo is saying in this episode. He’s saying there’s a reason that he gives people responsibility. Does Arlo have some specific reason for wanting John to have authority? Does it go past that drive inside of Arlo that tells him that people need to be put into their places just because. I wouldn’t really be thinking much about this at all (especially considering that it it very in character for Arlo to make John resume his place purely to secure them hierarchy) if it wasn’t for the fact that only John’s face showed up in between the lines, “I do set high expectations for others,” and, “But it’s never without a reason…” the placement automatically makes me assume that it was chosen for a reason. But who knows, that might just have been a way to remind the reader that Arlo is constantly being reminded of what happened between him and John and how it affected everything.

Anyway, these lines also have me thinking about Arlo’s recent turmoil with himself about John and the part Arlo played in the whole Joker situation. We know that Arlo has been blaming himself for this for a while now because without his interference, John would never have decided to dethrone him and all of the other royals, or at least not to the extent that he did. But in this episode, seeing Arlo talk about how everything he does has a reason and especially those later panels after Arlo leaves the room showing him when he was younger, it’s starting to make me think that Arlo is changing his way of thinking.

“But it’s never without a reason” He swings wildly from agreeing with his past decisions and disagreeing with them, but maybe because this is the most recent, he’s finally realized that he hasn’t been the one in the wrong this whole time. I’m not exactly sure and I don’t want to assume based completely off of one scene, but I really am hoping for some development in this way for Arlo because a. I love him and b. More hatred centered around John, which would mean more drama and I love that. Not much more to say about this

The Talk (wink wink):

I hate what i called this section because i thought of it at like 4am but i dont know what else to call it so- anyways the biggest thing that happened this episode has to be when Arlo and Seraphina met up to talk because if you read my posts, you know that I’ve been begging for this for a while and can I say, im hyped.

First, I want to start with something small, but something that is bothering me. Seraphina seems so pissed at Arlo doing this whole scene, and for what? Honestly, I hope im not biased or anything because I absolutely love Arlo, but he really hasn’t done much wrong in this whole joker situation. The only rational reason I can think of for Sera being pissed at him is because of the whole Arlo fighting john in that clearing like a long fucking time ago. Which, you know, I understand, but at the same time, recently, Arlo has obviously been trying to only help you and tell you the truth, you were the one who was being difficult. I honestly think that she’s just in this state of pissed off because of John, but i don’t know. I hope I’m not forgetting any shit because if im being honest, i don’t pay as much attention to her storyline as I should, especially recently, because i do not care that much for her character, at least not as much as the others. So yeah. R.I.P. that. I don’t know. This isn’t important i think im just very Arlo biased sorry bout that.

OKAY FIRST OF ALL THEIR CONVERSATION STARTING WITH ARLO REMINISCING WITH SERAPHINA ABOUT WHEN THEY WERE THE KING AND QUEEN OF WELLSTON IS ACTUALLY BASICALLY EXACTRLY HOW IVE WRITTEN WHAT I WANT THEIR FRIENDSHIP TO BECOME AFTER THIS AND I WISH THEY TALKED MORE ABOUT THAT ASPECT BECAYSE i would actually die for Arlo and sera to realize that the only thing that kept them apart was not realizing how much they had in fucking common and in reality they were the two people who understood each other the most and i know i sound very confusing because i just talked about how i love Arlo and how i dont love sera all that much but that is beside. The. Point.

Anyway, Arlo talks about how successful their leadership was (back to that common motif of leadership that Arlo just seems to carry around) and how now that that’s changed, the school’s whole vibe has been horribly threw off and shit is happening and he has no clue how to fix it ( I am so sorry for my god awful gen z vocabulary I realize these posts become just completely cheapened because of that but i dont know how else to communicate sorry bout that). Anyway, this struck me as a weird way to start this conversation because Arlo hadn’t reached out to sera before this to talk about john (after she found out about him at least) and it seems to me that he would want to talk to her about that, but the disarming way that Arlo starts talking took me off guard. I’m not really sure about why yet or what I want to say about that,but that confused me.

Anyway, it doesn’t really matter because sera brings up john herself and directs that conversation where we knew it would go, but at the same time she starts talking about feelings too and this is just so weird because Arlo and sera both are characters who we’re not used to really seeing talk about their feelings and stuff. I think that this has changed though recently for both of them because of the stuff they’ve been through and im here for it, but anyways, i should really talk about the actual contents of their conversation hold up.

But the thing fucking is.

I have to wait for the next episode to fucking get the actual content of their conversation ikfuhefhbejkfhieuhfgieughfnierugniejnrgkjergnkejgnieknjgvkdlnv. *upset noises*

#unordinary #uno #webtoon #unordinary webtoon #official #episode 164 #happy 50th one of these me #sorry its hella late

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hegglespeggles · 4 years

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How to write an essay you could not care less about in 10 steps

Hello. I have an essay to write.

I am also, (unfortunately) the kind of lazy, apathetic burnout who will only do my FUCKING work if I get really worked up. Usually that ends up meaning all of my papers are spite-fuelled tirades but my profs seem to like them so fine. I hope you find this particular raging tirade useful.

Today, I would like to educate the 4 of you that will actually see this on a fine art I have perfected over the years. Writing a paper, about which, you do not give a single, solitary, crumb of a fuck about. This is (you may have guessed) and excellent way for me to procrastinate doing a paper that *I* do not give a single solitary crumb of a fuck about. For best results, I recommend doing this NIGHT-BEFORE-PANIC like, a week in advance so you can fix all the NONSENSE that your more reasonable brain will undoubtedly find. But if it’s the night before and you are shit outta luck, this will get ‘er done. And with practice, you can even pull good grades outta these bitches.

Dissociating? I gotchu. Woke up the day of the deadline to feel like absolute utter garbage? Search no more friends.

FAILING GRADES ARE BETTER THAN ZEROS JUST FUCKIN DOOOOOO ITTTT

1. Go get the prompt.

I fucking mean it. Even if you are like 1000% sure you know what the prompt is asking, go to the FUCKING assignment, and copy that shit into your word document. Got the assignment on paper? TYPE THAT SHIT UP MOTHERFUCKER.

(Do you see what I fucking have to deal with)

Boom?

BOOM.

Congratulations, you now have a document, and whats more, there are WORDS in it!! You aren’t starting from scratch anymore kiddo. Fringe benefit, you always know EXACTLY what the assignment wants because its fucking Staring You Down. Not saying you have to do exactly as it says, mama didn’t raise no BITCH and I aint scared of fuckin CALLING PROFS OUT but if you wanna break the rules you gotta know what they are first

(Disclaimer: I have also been kicked out of class on numerous occasions for fighting with the prof and had full classes where the lecture WAS me arguing so maybe take my opinions of conformity with a grain of salt.)

2. Math THE FIRST

I know, this is an essay and not a fucking calculus test. But some of this shit is USEFUL OKAY

Take the paper in question. How long does it have to be? Mine is 5 pages. A page is generally accepted to be 250 words (double spaced because we FUCKING LOVE OURSELVES) so 5 x 250 = 1250 wds. That’s the goal. That’s the pinnacle. That’s your new holy grail.

Time to split this bitch up

3. Yarrrrrr, CONTENT

And finally, we get to the part that is the reason why you are being an absolute bitch baby about this essay (maybe. I might be projecting. Your life is your life and im sure youre doing your best.) I Hate this part, but now with our magic number we don’t need to pull 5 pages out of the ether.

This part really requires you to know your vibe. Is this something that you have a lot of little opinions (read: evidence) about or like, only 2 or 3 big bois? Look deep into your soul and figure out which is the easiest for you to shit out, a rant or a list. a great way to do this is to WRITE ANYTHING YOU GOT OUT

Here you can see I’ve put all of the thoughts I have about the question into a list, slapped some standard “opening” and “closing” shit around it so I can FUCKING FIND IT AGAIN and given it a good hard look. Whats the common thread in all of my opinions? That the prompt is fucking stupid and makes no sense is asking 2 different questions. Congratulations: you found your thesis. This essay, like many of my essays, bears the thesis “this is a weird question to be asking” (which falls under my broader category of “bitches aint shit” essays.)

Congratulations you have the bare bones of your skeleton.

4. MATH THE SECOND

The magic number returns. All hail our glorious leader. 1250 right?

So heres how I break this down. Break off a small chunk at the beginning. For this essay im gonna split off the 250. Split that baby in half. Congratulations, now you have a word count on your opening and closing. Personally, I know I like a lil extra space at the end to get all ranty, so Imma split this puppy up 100 for my opening and 150 for the closing. WARNING: You will think that you will be able to write enough in your opening and closing to take up lots of space. You will feel the urge to give them both the same amount of words that you give your points. This is misguided and foolish. Not only will you 1) not be able to do it but 2) even if you did, that’s like getting a sandwich which is all bread. No one wants that. Don’t be that dude. Fight the urge.

RIGHT SO. We’re still left on the other 1000 words.

If you have an idea that like, is bigger than the others, go ahead and give that puppy more of the word count than the others, fractions are your friend here and you wanna think about how much of your final product each of these babies will be. If you, like me, are an utter buffoon with no clue what youre doing, open your calculator up. Divide the remaining word count by the number of points you have. Congratulations. Youre doing the essaying.

If this is enough to get you started, GREAT! See you at step seven. BEFORE YOU GO I would like to give you this tip

5. CITE YOUR INFORMATION AS YOU ADD IT IN.

It doesn’t need to be a full citation, just literally a footnote with something that will help you remember where its from and for the love of god WHAT PAGE IT IS ON. The you of 3 hours from now will thank you.

6. Filling in the skeleton

I don’t know about you, but I cant exactly riff off of a single sentence. Like, I know what the VIBE of my point is, but like, I cant pull it out of a hat. The name of the game here is whittling down your arguments into thinner and thinner chunks that are easier and easier to bullshit. This is how you avoid that “burning building found in flames during Brooklyn fire” bullshit that memes. You don’t wanna meme. You wanna pass. So, figure out what the things you are gonna say and in each bit, keep track of how many words you are gonna write. EITHER

a) You put how many words you think you can write on any point beside the point as you go and just keep developing points and shuffling word counts around until it matches the total for that section

b) You evenly breakup the word count between all the points and keep breaking them down until you look at a subject and a word count and go “yeah that’s doable. I can do that.”

I prefer the second so LEGGO.

Ta-Da!

7. Write ‘er up

Ahhh glad to see we’re all back together again. Try-hards who can ACTUALLY bullshit papers, glad to see you’ve rejoined us! This is the part where you take all that shit you’ve broken up into nice little chunks and you turn it into something worth reading. You can do it. I believe in you. Try and keep your citations in place.

I like to do this as a question answer thingy, like an exam, so halfway through writing mine is gonna look like this

The handy part about the numbers is that it gives you a frame of reference for how your bullshit is going. Realized you had a lot more to say here than you thought? Dope! Less bullshit somewhere else, take it out of a weaker point. This point didn’t give as much as you thought it would? Split the difference elsewhere! This way you have checkpoints and you can see how your essay is going

And then you can go ahead and delete your skeleton work. Its time. Its served you well. For extra drama, whisper menacing nothings to it as you send it into the darkness. Personal favourites include “no one will mourn you,” “your fate belongs to me,” and “so this is what you have come to”

8. Citations

Theres like a million ways out there to find out how to do your citations and its gonna depend on what kind of a paper you are writing. I use Chicago most of the time, including here. My advice? Use a site like, bib.me or something to do your bibliography, and then plaster that in the bottom of your document. Use that as the building blocks to do your footnotes. Let Purdue Owl be your guide. Purdue Owl Style Guide Is A Mighty Friend Indeed.

Also your welcome for that, “putting the page numbers in as you put the info in” shit. That took me alarmingly long to figure out. It’s a wonder theyre giving me a degree.

9. Proofread that shit, ya bougie bitch.

If you wanna be time effective, getting a friend to proofread while you do your citations is a great way to go. If you have a few days, put your paper away and come back to it. If you are out of friends and time then https://www.paperrater.com/ is your last hope.

10. Slap a title page on that shit and GET IT SUBMITTED

No joke, I have been using the same template for a coverpage all through highschool and my undergrad. There is only one title page and every time I write an essay I take the title page from the last paper I wrote. There is no beginning. Only title page. Title? Topic of paper: point of paper. For example, If I had to title this screed I’d call it Essay Writing: An exploration of mediocrity. slap the date and your name and the course and instructor on there and BAM. YA DONE.

Anyway submit that shit an go to bed youre done goodnight

EPILOGUE

I’ve gotten this essay back, and when I wrote it, I was barely a human being. Barely capable of human speech let alone a coherent argument. I would forget the end of the sentence by the time I typed out the beginning. But I still for a 70%! is it the best mark I’ve ever gotten? no! but it is a hell of a lot better than the 0% I would have gotten if i hadnt done this. I get it. And i hope this helps.

#mine #my stuff #studyblr #essaywriting #musicblr #game of thrones #study motivation #study #academic

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frairchild · 3 years

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kinda want a man like bokuto who undoubtedly will make me happier than anything i have ever experienced due to how fucking phenomenal his personality is and just a ray of sunshine in my rainy life who will love me unconditionally and not afraid to show it and wants to show me off and doesnt care who knows bc he wants the world to know and loves loudly and clearly and just makes my heart soar and theres never a dull moment but he also enjoys peace at times where we can just lay there and just forget the world (im so sorry i had to the line was stuck in my head)

but

also kinda want a man like ushijima who is so precious and despite his stoic presence hes a real softie and mellows out around me and only lets me see that side of him bc he thinks im special and showers me in love through gestures and little things to the point where i cant keep up and for once in my life im not the one thats giving but im also receiving an equal amount and i wont feel empty anymore bc hes giving me love and im giving him love and im not drained and wed have quiet mornings and talk at night and a relaxing peaceful life but he has his moments where he’s unintentionally funny and we just laugh

both probably give amazing cuddles and lets be honest either could rail me but thats not the important conversation rn

but

also kinda want a man like satori who is weird and different bc im different and we’d understand eachother and maybe love ourselves more through loving eachother bc hey, this perfectly imperfect being loves me, maybe im not so bad after all and we grow together and love eachother unconditionally and we would have the best laughs and bake together and laugh at our failed attempts and take our successful attempts to friends to share and theres another love language of sweets and snuggling together outside on a cold rainy night watching the skies with hot cocoa and nothing but love

oh shit its simping hour i guess. sorta went off the deep end here but i honestly could’ve continued so maybe its best if i stop.

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onyxavier · 6 years

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A Tharja Take, as I see her as a character.

First of all, I want to clear some things up. No Tharja is not perfect, Yes she is a stalker, I know she is not a good person but holy shit people have the dumbest and most shallow reasons to just throw shit around so I decided to make a full blown post about Tharja explaining some things as I see them, this is not meant to change peoples minds or be a “THARJA IS BEST FUCK YOU IF YOU THINK THE OPPOSITE” so do NOT take it as such. Its okay to like a character , its okay to not like a character but you know what its not okay? To hate on the character, insult it and everyone who likes him/her. If you have to fill your blog with hate for a character and insults besides from the obvious point of it not being okay , I am sorry but youve got issues, being passionates okay but being passionate about negativity? Thats messed up

Besides the fact that many people just insult Tharja because…she exists and dont even bother getting to know the character, the issue is that shes a stalker. Yes its unhealthy, yes its creepy to pretty much everyone , she even looks at Robin while he sleeps. I doubt anyone would try to make an excuse about how its not creepy. Its a negative trait OBVIOUSLY and everyone can agree on that but if you think its all that Tharja is then…thats a dumb stance on the character, every character has its fair share of good and bad traits. While her stalker demeanor is her most obvious and probably biggest trait, theres other things to consider. She was raised by dark mages to the point she believes its “right” for dark mages to be creepy, solitary and have a dark aura like she states in her support with Henry, its like honoring the profession. Its not an excuse but just the way the character is.

Henry states that when someone uses dark magic they get depressed until they kill someone with it or use curses, making the mages go to a state of euphoria and causing drastic changes in their mood, attitude and personality.

Tharja is by no means a good person but not necessarily bad. She knew Gangrel was a shitty king and hated the kind of king he was, she knows the difference between “good” and “evil” and stays loyal to Chrom. She knows how dangerous dark magic can be and knows the effects it can have on people , hence why she doesnt target her own army or condone the use of it. Doesnt take away the fact that she enjoys murdering and cursing but knows the dangers about them.

Only in Robins support she begins as a “good” person, I believe theres not a single support where she starts conversation and in some, like in Donnels case, she sends him off to a cave to search for ingredients or something? I dont remember but think its something around those lines. She doesnt really begin being friendly but youd be amazed how caring and sweet she gets in her supports, and they dont even need to be S supports. In plenty of supports (havent seen all/dont remember all) like Lonqus, Libras, Kellam and Gregors she aids them to overcome their traumas or in general, with Kellam she helps him know about his parents situation and to deliver a message I think. She gets concerned and worried about them, offering her help, at first mentioning some sort of payment but grows fond of them to the point she cares and wants to help. Frederick got wounded in battle indirectly because of Tharja and she tended to his wounds, saying she would accept her punishment knowing that what she did was wrong. In Vaikes support she CRIES at the death of soldiers, blaming herself because she couldnt do enough to prevent it. Tharja is not just a “shitty thot stalker” , shes kind and caring, shes undoubtedly a stalker, and not a good person but it doesnt mean she is a bad one.

I really have no idea why they call her a thot unless its a joke, since her outfit makes sense…living in a literal desert sounds hot and exhausting, living her whole life in it I assume she wanted to wear something comfortable, I know I would. Not to mention she doesnt even realize how revealing her outfit is or just not paying attention to it, if she did or wanted to be an actual thot there wouldnt be any reason for her to hide her breasts with her book 24/7 and the most important part, get incredibly ashamed about it when Cordelia points it out. She even needs to use a talisman to hide her embarassment for gods sake. Not to mention she wants to kill the men who talked about her assets when Nowi pointed it out, she despies men and people who care only about appearance, made known in Vaikes support.

One cant really argue about her obsession with the avatar and say its okay to get married to someone else and call them your 2nd most important person in your life I completely agree.

Moving on to the “abuse”. Let us not forget theres more than one timeline involved, where the MC becomes Grima and the one youre playing the game. In MC->Grima timeline she does hex Noire constantly….let us make a quick recap. In that future , where everyone is pretty much dying, where the MC is thought to be dead (Tharjas number 1 person) , where theres nowhere to run, everythings gone to shit and some people do argue that the reason behind Tharjas constant hexing was to make Noire more resistant to magic although theres no proof. Now, the most important thing about all this is…the tharja from that timeline is a DIFFERENT Tharja. Its a separate dimension, making all people there different in one way or another to the people in the main dimension. To explain it in two different ways , are you the same person you were 5 years ago? Im sure youre not , no one is. To put it in even simpler terms…why dont people hate Robin? He killed Chrom and pretty much everyone right? Because it was another timeline and not the actual MC, simple as that.

#tharja #fire emblem awakening #tharja is more than what people think #i love me some tharja but others done and thats okay too

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arplis · 4 years

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lostandbrokenshell · 5 years

Text

Darkest Before Dawn Part 4

Farcry 5 fanfic. Rated M for Mature language and sexual reference. No pairing or plans for smutt.

“For the last time daddy i didn’t leave your vehicle there I brought it back, man why you got to be hating like that? I bet you would be so unforgiving if i did forget but i didn’t, and your still unforgiving. Man its not like the peggies have it.” You watched this unfold from a distance with Sharky who had explained on the way there what a ‘downer’ Hurks dad is. Whos name is also Hurk.

“You can keep my son!” He hollered out out to you as Hurk walked towards you.

“Thanks, might rename him though.” You holler back he looked like he didn’t know how to respond.

“Man it needs to be a bad ass name like Blade or something.” Hurk said excitedly “Lets really think about it before we decide.”

“Sure thing buddy. But, uh im not calling you Blade. We will find something though!” You say as you get in you where letting Sharky drive.

“Where are we going? And uh, you should crack a window i get gassy in cars” Hurk said as he got in behind you.

“Sheriff and Dutch think we should make contact with the Whitetail militia to unite against the Peggies. Thanks for the heads up.” You say as you roll the window down.

“Well i think i heard on the radio that the peggies set up at the lodg that might get the Whitetails attention.” Hurk suggested. “Otherwise good luck finding them.”

You sigh deeply and nod “Alright lets go piss off a large group of peggies” you say. Sharky and Hurk give out loud hoots as you all sped off. Listening to the conversations between Sharky and Hurk where incredibly entertaining this was the kind of thing reality tv needed. Not the brightest but certainly whole hearted conversation. Something caught your eye on the side of the road. “Sharky stop.” The second the car stopped you got out and sprinted towards the trees. Slowing down when you got close to the line and bending low. “Its ok. Im not one of the bad people. I know i dont look like it right now but im a deputy.” You keep looking in the trees, trying to find the kids you thought you saw. Shit they might of ran off you think.

“The scary people might come back. They took our parents.” A small voice replied. You could hear Sharky and Hurk approach behind you.

“Its ok, i have my friends here to help.” You say softly trying to find the kids with your eyes, they where hiding well. Smart kids.

“But they are coming back now.” The voice whimpered you look out to the road a peggie truck was coming this way.

“Sharky, Hurk bring the kids to the Sheriff after i lure the peggies away. They won’t hurt me.” Sharky looked like he wanted to argue but the sound of the whimpering kid seemed to stop him. The Peggie truck was closer now and you ran towards the road the second the saw you they turned the truck towards you. The came close to hitting you to but stopped just short as they got out you put your hands up. “My name is Joanne, i would like to talk to my Brother Jacob.” You say as they got out they looked annoyed at the name drop. The driver went up to you and smashed you in the head with the stock of his gun. The world swirled around you as it went dark and you fell.

Your head hurt so bad, definitely a concussion at this point you think as you shift to hold your head. Slowly you open your eyes, you where on a couch Jacob was sitting across from you drinking coffee watching you. Pratt was standing behind him looking like a nervous wreck.

“You wanted to talk?” He asked.

“Don’t really know where to start really.” You say as you look at him and his scars. His face was calm and ready. “The last memory I have of you, that farm was on fire. John was holding me.”

He held your eye contact studying you “Do you want coffee?” he asked as you sat up and you nod “Peaches.” Instantly Pratt brought you a cup. He moved like a battered wife twichy and scared. “So you want to remember the old times?” He asked. You take a deep breath in but before you could respond Jacob did. “And here I thought you where giving your friends time to escape. Knowing my people would Have to bring you to me?”

You couldn’t really say you where surprised they must of seen Hurk or Sharky run into the bush, probably why he hit you so hard. “Oh no, there was that to of course. Not like we wherent going to get through this thing without talking. Originally when I moved here I thought lay low for a few weeks adjust to this all then go say hi.” You say as you sip your coffee. “But then it seems John shot me off a bridge my first day at work so its been down hill from there.” The coffee tasted terrible and you where not sure if its because Pratt makes terrible coffee or Jacob likes terrible coffee.

“Theres more going on than you understand.” Jacob said “Theres something coming and we’re getting ready for it. This needs to happen. The world is full of the weak, and they have no place in whats coming.”

“So its up to us? You guys, to decide? Whos worthy or who can make it?” You ask.

“When i was deployed me and my best friend Miller, got cut off from our squad we had to walk back to the base. We where optimistic at first that marine enthusiasm Hoorah. So we walked we had 200 kilometres to go, and we where going to do it. Its a funny thing when you run out of food and your body starts eating its self to survive. After a while Miller couldn’t make it anymore, he couldn’t walk he was to far gone. I couldn’t carry him, even if i left him i still wouldn’t of made it. Not with out food, not with out supplies. So, i took what i needed from Miller. He wasn’t going to make it, but I could. I eventually made it back to base told them how i made it back. They thought that it had long lasting effects on my health after a few months PTSD, they said. So i was discharged early.” Jacob studied your face for a reaction “It was survival of the fittest, I did what i had to. Most people wouldn’t be able to do that, they would lay down and accept death. I find out who can make it, and who cant.”

“I dont think that this is the way to go about your goal.” You say slightly stunned from his story. “Im not going to pretend to understand where you’re coming from. Because I don’t Jacob, i don’t understand any of this. I literally jumped into a fire and i have no gear. But im trying to navigate to the best i can but im very blind in this.” You stand up, Jacob stood up to “I think you’re doing what you have always done best, your protecting your family. Undoubtedly your great it, you always have been. But this is the wrong way to do it.”

Jacob gave you a crooked smile and reached into his pocket and pulled out a wood box. “Do you remember this?” He asked softly slowly you reach out for it and he hands it to you. “Only you, can make this world seem right” he sang softly as you open it and crank it to play. The tune rang softly in the room, Pratt looked terrified. “I kept it, it went through juvi, every deployment it was one of the few things i kept.”

“You use to sit in bed with me and play it.” You say softly you had completely forgotten “When i was scared, or couldn’t sleep. I use to love this song it made me feel safe.” Jacob put his hand on the side of your head and looked into your eyes.

“You have always been, always will be family.” He said before you could respond he had blown white dust in your face with his free hand instintly you felt your mind go bubbly. The world around you changed and the song was playing though every where.

Only you

#farcry 5 fanfic #farcry5 #darkest before dawn #seed family #oc

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feliciasaragih · 5 years

Text

There will be time.

Of course there will be time when you’re all i can think about, but by that time i know itll pass. I hold myself from doing something stupid that i know i will regret later on. Such as texting you, stalking you, or even worse, telling you about how i feel.

You’re undoubtedly the greatest thing ever happened in my life. Coming across your path of life was an unimaginably blessing that ive got in life. I dont know what God was thinking when He decided to made you. Whether He’s looking at something beautiful at that time, or He’s in a really good mood He wants to make something greater than the universe and beyond. So that He creates you. Something as sweet, sugar, and everything nice as you.

Your stare was unbelievably strong. Whenever i look at those eyes, im sure i could just sucked in there and never came out. But its okay cause im sure as hell that its a nice place to be. Your eyes was so calm i could just drown myself there. No place id rather be in this world than to be by your side. To be wherever you are.

Sweetheart, this world will always disappoint us, cause it was never designed to be your friend in the first place. But you, you make me feel like this world was finally worth it for a little while.

Sweetheart, some things in this world are just not meant to be. Just like the words “nobody’s perfect”, it is indeed the flaw of this world we live in. I always imagine having yourself in a roadtrip, ended up in a cliff so peaceful with the ocean under us. Two things i like the most in life.

The sea and you.

As much as i want it to happen, sadly, i accept this bitter truth that itll never going to.

Our path was so different right from the start. Sure, we can came across each other path, but it can never go along the way or side by side. Its just.. theres so much boundaries between us it seems impossible to just even try.

And i understand that. Screw it, ill be fine. I know i eventually will survive from this gut-wrenching pain.

That is what makes me stay sober and awake til now. The fact that its the world that makes us like this is the cure when the thought of you came into my mind without even knocking. Sometimes you scare me or startle me a little bit. Then it feels like i just want to hug you, say hi, from behind the wall that separate us, even to only the thought of you.

Im weak, Sweetheart. I cant feel a thing no more; my heart was numb. Most importantly: im nothing without you.

So please be happy, live your best life, cause you could be anything you said you want to be. You have no idea how powerful you are to this world. Also please dont be sad, cause when you’re sad, even the sky was crying, too. Its not good because you always forget your umbrella whenever you’re around.

- Lifescape.

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spac3tr4sh · 6 years

Text

Disclaimer: This is about the anxiety developing within my sex life and just a way for me to process everything

There are so many things happening within our relationship that is, undoubtedly, resulting in loads of anxiety for me and my boyfriend.

My boyfriends sex life started off super early. He had a lot of bad experiences that eventually led him to believe he was really just a “human vibrator”. He used to always joke and say this early on in our relationship, but thinking back I can see him start to get more and more detached from sex. It was a chore. Something he feels obligated to do.

Me, on the other hand, was very late to the sex game. Confused about myself and overall insecurities led to me exploring my sexuality later than most. I didn’t start having sex until I was 21. I had a few partners between that first time and where I am now, at 24 but all of those people outside of the first person, were one time things. I didn’t actually really get to explore my sexuality until I met my boyfriend. Our relationship began from awkward lust. We actually started off as more of fuck buddies and a relationship developed from that. Sex was basically a tool for us to get to know each other.

Initially, I couldn’t sense any from of detachment. Yeah the sex was awkward in the beginning but we both felt conscious and there. And the more we started to grow and learn each other, the better it became. We were having sex a lot, especially for people who, for a good portion of their relationship didn’t have our own places. We made it work.

With all the being said, for me, sex is extremely important in our relationship. But as of late, we just havent been able to make it work. Because I’m a worrier anyway, right off the bat I blamed myself. Clearly its something im doing wrong. I know my thoughts are irrational so I decided to try to have conversations about our sex life with him but more often than not, it ends with him mad and me crying.

During one of our initial conversations, he made a lot of statements that were a blow to my self-esteem. He basically said that no ones ever wowed him during sex and its pretty much all been vanilla for him. I was just so shocked because I always ask was he satisfied and p much begged for tips to make certain acts better for him but now I just feel kind meh. So from that, I started over exerting myself more. I started getting on top more, I increased the amount of head I was giving him, I’m even working out so I can be as slim as I was when he met me. But the over exertion has led to me feeling like I’m giving more in this relationship than him. I low-key felt that way to begin with (again stemming from my over thinking) but it all felt so blatant. I was giving him all these things but if I wanted something, it didn’t happen. Last time I got head was probably a month ago. Last time he fingered me, two months ago, and he fell asleep during.

During one of our more recent conversations, I reluctantly admitted that I felt like at this point, sex is more about him than me, that it starts and ends with him. Theres no four play to prep me, when he cums, thats the end of sex. Sometimes when we do have sex, it happens so fast, I barely start getting off and then its over. And he never extends anything to help me finish. Part of me is understanding, he gets upset when things pan out that way but Im always feeling so unfinished.

During another conversation, he started to open up more about how his past experiences are catching up to him. Sex just isn’t something he’s into doing because of those memories that are coming back. But he also said that I was the longest relationship he’s ever been in and he’s reached a point where he doesn’t feel like he has to have sex with me to keep me around. This made me happy of course. Im glad he trusts me and feels like we reached a certain milestone. And I also, don't want forget to mention, he's been very reassuring about me and my performance over all.

Trying to initiate sex has been extremely hard but I feel like if I don’t, we would just never have sex. He used to initiate sex just as much as me but now, its all on me. I tried to do non-verbal things but he either was “clueless” or after 20 mins of me rubbing his dick, he’d say he’s not in the mood. So instead of going through that awkward hurdle, I decided to lean on just verbally asking. He doesn’t like this too much either. When I asked him he would like it to be initiated, he says he doesn’t know. This last attempt I made caught me off guard tho. I asked him did he think a certain position would be accomplishable. He said yes so I asked him did he want to try it and he just got extremely upset. He said “so thats your way of trying to have sex???” And just kind of went off, mad at me for asking him in such a way and didn’t want me to touch him at all. He ended up apologizing, said he didn’t know why he reacted that way. But still, just meh.

But all in all, I don’t know how to act or feel. On one hand, I feel like really this is all boiling down to dissatisfaction with me. I feel unsatisfied sexually. On another, I feel selfish. Selfish for making this about me. Selfish for having urges to have sex when I know he is truly being affected by traumatic experiences. I feel selfish for wanting and expecting a certain amount of sex when its obvious his sex drive has decreased. But I also know I shouldn’t feel bad that I want sex. But it all just leaves me at an awkward place. I have no plans on leaving my boyfriend, but sex is important to me. I don’t want to be unsatisfied and grow to resent him. I don’t think me having other sex partners will necessarily help our situation nor do I really have the desire to be sexually intimate with others. I in no way want him to feel obligated to fuck me. Literally everything else in our relationship is great but this and its causing problems for me emotionally, physically, and mentally. I don't know what to do but what I got was that there isn't necessarily anything I can do to help. He more than likely needs some professional help but we don't have money for that. So we are stuck.

#personal #don't reply #or comment #or anything #for me

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