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fulcrumahsokaamidala · 4 years

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Sunday Spectacular #24

Happy Sunday!!! So this is me thanking awesome fanfic writers for their amazing work and all the time they put into their fics. ♥️ I want to recommend spectacular fanfic stories I read this week! ♥️ They are posted in the order I read them. All posts will be tagged #spectacular fic rec

Last week I didn’t post because it was my last week before spring break. I had so much homework that I didn’t read fic almost at all. I’m just adding what I read the week before to this post.

A Soul Lost at Sea by @tinaday3w | Arrow | WIP

Summary: Olicity Victorian AU - Five years after pirates attacked his ship, Royal Navy sailor Oliver Queen returns home to England to find his affluent family in financial ruin. So when he’s presented with the opportunity to marry Felicity, eldest daughter of the ridiculously wealthy Noah Smoak, Oliver doesn’t hesitate to capture her hand…even though he has no idea if he can capture her heart. Or if Felicity could ever possibly learn to love a soul lost at sea.

Pieces of Always by @so-caffeinated | Arrow | WIP

Summary: Life continues after Forever is Composed of Nows.Ongoing non-linear collection of family moments for the Queens. You do not need to have read FiCoN to enjoy this, but it will spoil the end.

A Surefire Guide to Getting Over Your Ex by lilbluednacer | Arrow | Completed

Summary: Felicity and Oliver can totally start sleeping together without ruining their friendship… right?

An Island Of His Own Making by @realityisoverrated-fic | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Oliver broke up with Felicity and Tommy because it was the right thing to do, at least, that's what he keeps telling himself.

The Green Arrow Did It by @realityisoverrated-fic | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: Tommy is on the other side of the country. Oliver is at work. Felicity is home alone with the twins. The twins might be ninjas.

Pas de Deux by @realityisoverrated-fic | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: With Oliver gone, Felicity and Tommy need to figure out who they are as a couple.

Workouts and Babbles by ElasticMonk | Arrow | WIP

Summary: Oliver comes to the rescue of one cute blonde at his gym just as Felicity stumbles upon one handsome mayor at her gym. They both have something in common, but will it bring them happiness?

The Daughter That Was Left Behind by @laxit21| Arrow | WIP

Summary: Before the Gambit, Oliver Queen met QC intern Felicity Smoak. When he boarded the Gambit, he left something behind. Now, five long years later someone is waiting for him.

Artemis by @laxit21 | Arrow | WIP

Summary: When the Queen’s Gambit sank, two people were stranded on Lian Yu. Five years later, four came back.

in another world (just the two of us) by @inlovewithimpossibillity | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: She knows she has no right, no place here to say anything about it, but she can’t help the images that flash through her brain. A different Connor, with a kinder face and no facial hair, a different Mia too for that matter, in a completely different place. Somewhere darker and grimier, as if the filter that seems to shine over Star City has been removed.

[When Dinah and Laurel restore the rest of FTA's memories, Mia and Connor talk through some of their issues... or at least they try to. It's a little hard when you have two lives' worth of memories in your head.]

The Miracle of the Avenging Angel by @realityisoverrated-fic | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: It's a typical weekend in the Merlyn-Queen-Smoak household. Temple on Friday night, church on Sunday morning, and a whole lot of smut and confusion in between. It's the 20th anniversary of the arrival of the Green Arrow in Starling City and Prue has an unusual interpretation of her superhero father.

(your love is) always on my mind by @inlovewithimpossibillity | Arrow | One-shot

Summary: She’s clearly taken some time to get ready and that thought alone has Oliver’s heart beating out of his chest at an abnormal rate. The concept that she wanted to look nice for him makes his heart glow in a way he’d forgotten it even could. And good lord, she looks so much more than nice.

[An evening set between 6x03 and 6x04 because we all know these two couldn't keep their hands off one another]

Baby Daddy by more0rLessJess | Arrow | WIP

Summary: Bartender Oliver Queen was living his twenties to the fullest, he lived with his best friend John Diggle, and his brother in everything but blood, Tommy Merlyn just moved into their apartment as he started his professional baseball career for the Starling City Rockets. On top of that, his childhood best friend Felicity Smoak, who was no longer goth and instead blonde and beautiful, was back in town and they were hanging out again. Oliver thought his days were going to be filled with partying, one night stands, and boys weekends while also spending quality time with the girl everyone kept telling him he was in love with. Until his ex-girlfriend dropped a baby on his doorstep who turned out to be his son. After a lot of thought and Felicity Smoak pep talks, Oliver decides to keep and raise his son with the help of his friends. Or the AU fic inspired by the Freeform sitcom Baby Daddy that no one asked for but I needed to write. Aka Oliver and Felicity are childhood friends and are hopelessly in love with each other and everyone knows but them, oh and now they’re raising a baby. What could go wrong?

It’s in the Air by @emmilynestill | Arrow | WIP

Summary: December 23, 2016. It’s Mayor Queen’s first-holiday party and love is in the air.

No, wait, that’s tension in the air. Bitterness. Regret. Painful longing for one’s former love. Awkward interactions with current significant others. A little humiliation mixed in. Yup, this was one great party.

Then the gas came.

Maybe love was in the air afterall.

**Just my usual lock Oliver and Felicity in a room with a mind-altering substance with a dash of holiday magic thrown in. And, by magic, I mean Sex Pollen. And maybe a little Truth Serum to stir things up.**

Always Been You by @smoaking-greenarrow | Arrow | WIP

Summary: On Oliver's last night in Starling, Tommy throws him a yacht party. When his little sister and her best friend show up, Oliver has a hard time hiding the torch he's always carried for Felicity. But he's leaving in the morning... They both know it can only be a one-time thing...

From Russia with Love by griever11 | Arrow | Completed

Summary: Rookie FBI Agent and resident IT extraordinaire Felicity Smoak has just landed the assignment of a lifetime. Together with Supervisory Senior Agent Diggle, she returns to Starling City undercover in an attempt to flush out the elusive Odessa gang that has been a thorn in the Bureau's side for many years.

Leader of the Russian mob Oliver Queen stumbles upon a piece of information that unfortunately requires a certain set of hacking skills that no one he knows seems to possess. Lucky for him, he comes across an unusual criminal hacker who has mysteriously turned up in Starling and funnily enough, seems just right for the job.

How's that for perfect timing?

All Her Firsts by @callistawolf | Arrow | WIP

Summary: Felicity Smoak visits Starling with her high school decathlon team, prepared for a week of intellectual rigors. What she doesn’t expect is the emotional roller coaster that follows as she begins to fall for her host- the totally-out-of-her-league Oliver Queen.

Almost Lover by lust_muffin | Arrow | WIP

Summary: After the siege, after the whole mess with Slade Wilson, after telling Felicity he loved her without meaning it (but totally meaning it), things hadn’t been great between them. Tension was running high, they had problems communicating when that was something that never happened before and Laurel… Laurel was making everything worse. Until one night, she went too far. And that was the point that changed their lives forever.

Or a “what would Oliver and Felicity’s life be like if they got together sooner?”

It's A Long Corgi... by @alexiablackbriar13| Arrow | One-shot

Summary: William accidentally, secretly adopts a corgi puppy.

Felicity and Oliver eventually find out. Eventually.

Daughter of the Demon by @laxit21 | Arrow | WIP

Summary: What if in 1988 while traveling through Las Vegas Ra’s al Ghul bumps into a nice waitress named Donna Smoak and they have one-night stand together? A little bundle of joy named Felicity Smoak is the result. In 2014, the Demon Head becomes aware of his youngest daughter’s existence.

The Ravager by @laxit21 | Arrow | WIP

Summary: Slade Wilson’s plan for revenge against Oliver took time, money and no shortage of lives to pull together. His plan didn’t anticipate Felicity Smoak. How will his plan change now that his lost-lost daughter is working with the very man he’s trying to destroy?

Felicity of Themiscyra by @laxit21 | Arrow | WIP

Summary: Years ago, Donna Smoak left the island of Themiscyra and her sister Queen Hippolyta behind to live in man’s world. She never told Felicity the truth about where she came from. As a result of the Undertaking, Felicity discovers some of her Amazonian abilities and makes an interesting new friend: Diana Prince.

I Scream But No Sound Comes out by @laxit21 | Arrow | WIP

Summary: When Oliver returns from Lian Yu after five years, he comes back different. What happened there damaged more than just his body. How will his friends and family deal with this new Oliver?

#spectacular fic rec #weekly fic recs

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andrea-lyn · 5 years

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Malex prompt! Slowly getting to know the love of your life better as friends is perhaps the most awkward time to have to pull off fake dating for the investigation, but needs must.

“I don’t understand why you can’t go,” Michael feels like he’s losing his mind, because Alien Club is a) way too populated right now and b) telling him that he and Alex need to go undercover at some alien collector’s house the next town over. He gestures wildly to Noah and Isobel. “You two are actually married!” He’s shouting now, but he knows it’s a front for his panic.

Better to be angry than to let anyone see how much he’s freaking out about the fact that they want him and Alex Manes to pretend to be a happy married couple interested in some items for their home.

“Because he knows me,” Isobel counters. “Not to mention, of the three of us, you’re the one with the power to manipulate security cameras and pick locks with his brain,” she snaps. “So, your choice of spouse. Do you want Valenti, who can defibrillate a security guard if things go wrong…”

“Hey,” Kyle cuts in. “I’d make a very convincing loving husband.”

“Or you can pretend to be married to Max?”

“That’s not an option,” Max informs the group, raising a hand like he needs to make that clear.

“What about Liz? Cameron?” Michael is starting to flail wildly with options, because he knows how this is going to end.

“Guerin, they want me to hack into the system while I’m there to plant a keylogger,” Alex sounds way too calm considering what they’re being asked to do.

It’s only been a few weeks since Alex turned up at the junkyard and told Michael that he wanted to start over and be friends. Michael’s been trying so hard to give him what he wants and needs, backing off every time things get too close or tense, trying to open up and genuinely be Alex’s friend.

He’s just not sure he can actually be Alex’s friend and pretend to be married to him at the same time.

“Then why married?”

“You wouldn’t bring a casual boyfriend to a collector’s house to buy something. He’s supposed to have actual alien artifacts, Michael, and we need to know if there’s something worthwhile there.” Isobel’s gaze is steady and she has the look in her eye of a woman that knows she’s winning the fight. “Just go in, put on a good show, and maybe we’ll learn more about ourselves. You want that, don’t you?”

It’s not a problem of want.

Michael wants everything that’s about to happen.

He wants to learn more about his past. He wants to be with Alex in a way they’ve never had a chance to be, but pretending to be married feels like skirting a huge line that feels dangerous to step over. “Fine,” he says, trying not to look at Alex (which is good, because then he won’t have to see the puppy-dog mooning eyes Alex is sending him). “I’ll pick you up at six,” he tells Alex. “This better be a good lead, Isobel.”

He storms out of Isobel’s house without looking back at anyone and heads straight to the trailer.

Once there, he opens one of his junk drawers and pulls out a ring box that he’s had since he was twenty-one. It had been a wildly stupid summer with Alex back in town. That summer, Michael had very nearly run away to UNM, begging Alex to come with him instead of going on his second tour.

He’d bought a ring. Michael Guerin, twenty-one, stupid and in love, decided that the next natural step would be to buy a ring. Only, then Alex hadn’t showed up for their date where Michael planned to ask him to run away with him. Years later, he’d found out that he couldn’t, because Jesse Manes had pulled some strings when he’d found out about Alex’s plans, making sure that he’d be required on base.

Michael had put the ring away at twenty one and never brought it out again. At least, not until tonight, because he’s supposed to be playing married.

He taps the box against his chest a few times, his mangled fingers clasping it tightly, and he stares out the window, trying to figure out what you wear when you’re trying to impersonate a married couple.

He has a hard enough time impersonating a normal human being most days, how’s he supposed to do this?

Michael turns off the part of his brain that does feelings and heads to the meet-up point for six, getting in Alex’s car because apparently his beat-up Chevy doesn’t carry the right impression (thanks, Isobel, for that encouraging text).

“You ready?” Alex asks.

“Fuck no,” Michael responds, “but if this guy has anything that belongs to us, I need to know. What do you want to say if he asks about our history?”

“I made us up a background that should hold,” Alex says, as they start driving to the next town where David Trapper lives. “Let’s keep it pretty close to reality? We met in high school and started dating there, off and on. When DADT got repealed, we decided to get hitched, and now we live in Roswell.”

The way he says it is clinical and official, but even that is more than Michael’s ever thought he’d get from Alex. “Okay,” he says, tapping his fingers on the dash to get out some of his nervous energy. “And uh, our names?”

“I took yours. Alex Guerin is the ID he’ll find if he looks me up, which I anticipate him doing.” Alex is doing his Listen To Me, I’m In The Air Force voice, which means they’re about 0010 minutes from Michael being given an order that will get him embarrassingly hard. “I’m not going to mess this up for you.”

“I never said you were,” Michael replies heatedly. “This isn’t me freaking out because I don’t think you can do it, Alex, you have to admit this is awkward. We’re playing pretend. You broke us up, twice, I slept with Maria, now you want to be friends and the first thing we do is decide to get fake married to look into alien artifacts.”

Alex shakes his head in disbelief, but he’s smiling, so clearly he understands how weird this is.

“It’s not, admittedly, how I expected us to start over, but is it so bad? Friends investigate things together. They go out for drinks every few days to decompress and talk about their day. We’ve been doing that. It’s been nice, even.” Alex shrugs as he takes the turn down the long driveway of the address they’ve been given. “Maybe this is a good test for us.”

It’s dark, now that they’ve arrived and it doesn’t help with the ominous mood that’s been creeping up on him the last few minutes. Alex parks a fair distance away as they both peer out the windshield at what awaits.

The house is a creepy looking mansion in the dark and Michael hates it. He thinks he’d hate it even if he didn’t know the guy inside was collecting artifacts like it’s some creepy kink. It’s that gaudy flaunting of wealth that makes him sick, the same as it always did when he was a kid.

“Hey,” Michael murmurs, heart racing as he digs out the box from his pocket. “Gotta sell this, right?” He opens it and it’s probably sad to be as proud as he is about the fact that he doesn’t fumble the ring, but he manages to get it out and offers it out to Alex.

He’d fashioned himself one from some scrap metal and he’s hoping Alex doesn’t look at the ring too long and hard to notice that the platinum band doesn’t match the stainless one Michael’s wearing.

Luckily, Alex says nothing, even if he does give Michael a wary look as he slides it on, his eyes softening. It looks like there’s something on the tip of his tongue, though, but Michael can’t cope with a fake marriage and a mission in the same night as hearing real feelings, so he gets out of the car before Alex can say anything.

He’s pretty sure that Isobel didn’t think about the tension between the two of them when she’d sent them on this little mission of hers, because already he feels like they’re fucking it up. He comes to a stop outside the steps to the porch when he sees a figure standing there.

Someone’s been waiting for them.

Michael tries to convince himself this isn’t like an awful horror movie, and turns to find Alex using his crutch as he makes his way to Michael’s side.

“Mr and Captain Guerin,” David Trapper greets them from the porch of his lavish estate, and Michael threads his fingers into Alex’s hand not just to sell the bit, but because he could use the support. “Please, come in. Isobel mentioned that you had come into some money recently and were interested in seeing my collection.”

“We’re aficionados,” Alex smoothly agrees, giving Michael a nudge to get him moving. “We’d heard that you were intending to sell some of your items and were interested in seeing what you have to offer.”

“I do love to show it off. Please! Come in!” Trapper encourages. “I have the best collection of items I’ve purchased this side of Roswell, but I’m always willing to part with one of them for the right amount of money.”

Michael presses his lips together and tries very hard not to think about sending one of the suits of armor telekinetically flying into Trapper’s face.

Rich asshole bastard.

“Here we are,” he says, ascending a flight of stairs and leading them down a long hallway, with wood floors and heavy oak paneled walls. Everything here is behind a case and looks to have its own security measures. “Seventy years of collecting has yielded this, my own personal monument to our little green friends.”

It’s insulting, is what it is. Michael’s never been green, if you exclude the time he gave himself accidental acetone food poisoning by combing a bottle of it with some really bad sushi.

As much as he’s predisposed to hate this man and his house, his collection is actually incredible. Sure, there’s a few pieces of useless meteorites, but the technology looks genuine and he’s seen copies of the memos on display on the dark web, including the original transcripts from Brazel.

Michael drifts away from Alex’s side to keep going down this rabbit hole, barely paying attention to the small talk Alex is offering to keep Trapper occupied.

Considering he thought this place was going to be a bust, he’s quickly learning how wrong he is. The sound of a phone ringing cuts into his focus and he turns to watch Trapper taking a call, wishing he could listen in on whatever it is he’s being told, but he doesn’t seem keen to even be near them while he talks.

“I have to take this call, you two stay here, enjoy the Alien Wing,” he says, ducking out to the main foyer and leaving Alex and Michael alone.

The minute he’s gone, Michael shorts out the security cameras. “Asshole,” he grumbles, but his eyes are fixed on the various display cases on show, wondering how the hell he got his hands on these items, but the real prize possession seems to be at the end of the hall, with three times as many alarms as anything else. It looks like a glowing piece of the ship, but the placard makes him sick when he realizes that it’s alien in nature, but it’s not mechanical.

It’s organic.

He stares at it for a long time, his brow furrowed.

“Michael?”

“Organ from the 1947 alien autopsy,” he reads, staring at the iridescent shimmering before him, wondering if it belonged to a family member, a friend, a guardian, or someone else all-together. Did this person die to protect him? He’s staring at it while Alex starts to jimmy the panel loose, hooking up his device so he can hack into the security system.

Glancing up as he works, Alex looks worried from what Michael can see out of the corner of his eye. “It’s real?”

“I think so,” Michael says, feeling numb. He can’t explain why he thinks he’s so sure, but there’s a connection and a pull towards it.

Alex finishes with the software he’s sending, a conflicted look on his face as he presses in close to Michael, a hand on his hip. “Hey,” he murmurs. “You know we can’t take it. He’ll call the cops and that’s the last thing we need.”

“I know,” Michael replies, but it’s monotone, like he’s on autopilot.

“Michael…”

“I know,” he snaps, because he does. He has to leave this place because this is only recon and he’s not allowed to use his power to smash the glass and take back this stolen piece of his history.

“We’ll come back.”

He knows, but it doesn’t make it any better. “What do you want to tell him?” he asks, searching Alex’s face for advice and finding a flood of warm sympathy there. Maybe they’re pretending to be hitched, but he’s pretty sure Alex has nailed the whole ‘support your spouse’ part of this. “What should be we be making an offer on?”

“The memos,” he says. “We don’t want him thinking we’re into the alien stuff just yet. I’ll tell him we’re going to go home and think about it, then we’ll make sure he’s not connected to the government in any way.” He steps into Michael’s space so he catch his eye, clearly trying to calm him down. “Okay?”

It’s really not okay, but what choice does Michael have? He rips his gaze away from the glowing and pulsating object, swallowing back his stubbornness so they don’t get caught.

“Okay.”

It takes another ten minutes to conclude their business with Trapper and get out of there, but he doesn’t seem suspicious and that’s all Michael can ask for. The drive back is spent in silence, because Michael can’t stop thinking about the organ in the case, and he can’t stop thinking about the rings on their fingers – fake in Michael’s case, but so real when it comes to the one Alex sports.

Once they’re back in Roswell, Michael knows that he’s going back once he figures out a decoy to swap with the items in Trapper’s care. He’s not leaving anything back at Trapper’s place, but he doesn’t need a fake-husband for that. Alex has brought him back to the junkyard and parked the car, turning to face Michael as he lifts his hand, starting to work off the ring. “Here,” he says. “Before I forget, you should take this back.”

Watching Alex pry off the ring, Michael feels a wave of courage wash over him.

He reaches out and folds Alex’s fingers over it. “Keep it,” he says.

“Michael, it’s yours, it must have cost…”

“Keep it,” he says. “But the next time that you and I do something that requires a married couple to go, I’m not faking it with you,” he warns, a promise he intends to keep. Seeing his family’s body on display like that has filled Michael with a need to make sure that he doesn’t take anything for granted. “I spent fifty years in a pod, in stasis, but I came out at the exact right time. I don’t know how, but maybe you and I were meant to. I was protected by someone, and maybe this isn’t what they intended for me, but one year more or less and everything would’ve been different. I’m gonna make it right. I’ll talk, I’ll be your friend, but one day, I’m gonna earn that ring back from you because otherwise, if I waste away my life, what does that say to the people who worked so hard to keep us safe?”

He can’t keep fucking up with Alex and he knows they’re not ready, but he really needs Alex to understand that.

Alex slides the ring back into his pocket, nodding, looking thoughtfully at him. Michael’s expecting Alex to tell him to stop being unrealistic or to stop pushing, but he doesn’t say anything. Instead, he presses Michael against the door of the truck and kisses him like they had at the reunion, crashing into each other as Alex’s fingers tangle into Michael’s hair, kissing him until desperate sounds are wrenched from Alex’s throat.

When he eases back, Alex presses his forehead to Michael’s. “I knew you were secretly a romantic,” he teases. “You’re saying we’re fated?”

“I don’t know what else to call it,” Michael admits, because he believes in coincidence, but them finding each other feels like more than that. “Come on,” he says, swallowing the lump in his throat. “We need to tell them what we found and I need to go plan a heist.”

“Not alone, you don’t,” Alex guarantees, and Michael feels his heart pounding in his chest to know he’s got a partner in crime. “For better or worse, until government agencies do us part.”

“Yeah,” Michael agrees, and he’s ready to go reclaim a piece of his history, with the best fake-husband ever at his side.

#Anonymous #malex #fake marriage #alien artifacts #michael guerin #roswell new mexico #fic prompts

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steve0discusses · 5 years

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Yugioh Ep 23 S3: Always Put Guns on Your Satellites

Ah, I’m finally back at my home computer after a little hiatus there. In case you are curious, I went to San Fransisco and then spent about 2 weeks trying to find a single parking spot. But, I’m back in my normal place now, where trash trucks aren’t driving around, breaking the speed barrier at 3 AM and where I don’t have to parallel park at a 45 degree incline. I got my fill of good food, chilling out, getting completely rained out by a freak storm in May, and walking about a mile vertically to go three feet horizontally, it’s time to sit back, relax, and talk about an anime that came out 20 years ago.

Y’all...what were even doing 2 weeks ago? It really does feel like three years.

If memory serves, we are currently in the midst of not one, but 3 Apocalypses. Lets just place em down in case you forgot

1.) The Millennium Item Apocalypse, where if one person gets all 7 (or was it 10?) of the items, the world freakin ends. This is briefly on hold because Bakura, our Millennium item enthusiast, hella died about 24 episodes ago and none of these people have brought it up or tried to contact any sort of governing authority even though Yugi and Tea both witnessed the murder about 7 hours ago (which, for Marik’s credit, did take place over international waters, touche). So, for now, Bakura’s spirit is kinda holed up in Pharaoh’s puzzle necklace so he’s just...chillaxing.

2.) The God Card Apocalypse, where if one person gets all 3 God Cards, the world freakin ends. Briefly on hold because everyone got stuck in a VR universe, and Marik felt like staying on the blimp instead because I dunno maybe he wanted to take a nap or something.

3.) The Matrix, where Seto’s Dad is going to launch a bunch of machines to trap the entire human race in this VR zone against their will and become a slave to the machine overlords. Somehow this is a thing that has been happening in the background this entire series but has only been revealed like...last episode.

Bro is reminding me that I forgot to mention that all these duel monsters are becoming slowly more and more real but like...eh.

There’s three concurrent Apocalypses right now. Don’t forget. There’s three of them.

Anyway, Seto Kaiba has decided it’s about time he deal with his Daddy issues/prevent the Matrix.

While Kaiba has decided to confront his Father, the rest of the people on this show have no freakin idea what to even do so they’re just arguing with eachother in Domino square and getting no where.

Also, I nearly forgot, Joey can’t even beat up Noah currently because Noah switched places with Mokuba, because this isn’t Yugioh unless we start switching brains like it’s as easy as turning your T-shirt inside out.

Of course, in this case, Mokuba didn’t exactly *switch* places with Noah--Moki’s brain is just...floating around this world somewhere. I don’t know if he got stuck in a Monkey or if he’s just...dead...but it just makes absolutely no sense to me how your soul can get sucked into a VR game and now lives tron-style in VR while someone else steers your body which isn’t any more connected to the machine itself, so I’ll just assume he’s dead. It’s just easier to say Moki died, it’s happened so many times to this kid at this point.

Basically, Mokuba is here, but in not-spirit. In every way but spirit.

And about those brain pods--does Yugi’s pod take up 2x the RAM because he’s got two people in that bean or has Noah seriously not noticed this like at all? because there's two dudes in one pod and Noah has just acted like that’s a completely normal thing that can happen.

(read more under the cut)

Anyway, the A team has sort of all turned into the B team because only Kaiba’s can really have any active involvement at this part of the arc, so Yugi decides to take a break and enter brain fort. Which, I assume he does just whenever he’s bored. It’s just kind of weird when he decides to do this, without warning, in front of a large group of other people.

Anyway, it’s Yugi, so he somehow turns what is so clearly Kaiba’s problem into this selfish need to carry the torch by himself for no reason.

Like, Yugi is the main character--I get that--he’s gotta be some sort of moral standard because this is a protagonist in a kid’s show, but it is such a stretch for him to still think that there’s any good left in Noah after all the events of this arc. It just comes off that every time Yugi tries to see good in Bakura, or Marik, or the Kaiba family even, he’s maybe doing it out of guilt.

Like Yugi isn’t naive at this point - he set a guy on fire once with Russian Whiskey in a freakin burger diner, and even if you don’t consider Season Zero canon, he also set PaniK on fire and left him to die in the woods (and that nut ABSOLUTELY died), so it just doesn’t make sense to me that he’d helplessly fall victim to a thousand evil assholes who pretended to be his friend. Instead, it’s sort of like Yugi’s trying to overcompensate for the amoral weirdo residing in about 98% of his brain right now.

Overall, TL;DR, Yugi is kind of a weird guy.

Love him, but he’s sort of a walking disaster with some very selfish motivations and I forget. Not about the walking disaster part of course, that part is like clearly very obvious, especially when we find out his grand masterplan.

Also, this happened,

Again, I would be absolutely fine if Tristan just remained like this, talking like the librarian out of Terry Pratchett, taking Serenity to prom just like this.

Anyway, these guys had absolutely nothing to do, so the show invented something on the fly.

If you could copy-paste any card, why not just copy-paste 24 Exodias? Like I get they don’t have God cards here but they have all the other ones, right?

Like I don’t understand the danger here, you can just keep playing cards infinitely because there’s no rules when you’re outside the game. Just keep slapping stuff on your duel disk like it’s that fanmade Yugioh game that they made for real life VR headsets. Youknow the one that was so bad that it became like a viral video, where everyone is a really low poly Yugioh character but they only have like 4 character models, and for some reason one of the four is Yugi but as a girl in a miniskirt? And they’re on the blimp for some reason, and none of them can stand up straight so they kind of duck walk everywhere? That one? The one with Joey saying “It does what it do!”

Like I feel like if even I saw that video show up on my twitter, everyone else has seen that video of just this really bad VR game and I don’t remember what it was called but feel free to google it, it’s a fun 10 minute ride.

Anyway, the mayhem of that viral video is kind of what this entire VR arc is turning into. More and more as we break reality and completely ignore the rules, to the point where now we’re just slapping whatever cards on our duel disk--cards we shouldn’t even freakin have because we identified at the beginning of this season that no one has a deck here.

But anyway, back to the only person who got out of the VR zone, lets see what Noah’s up to. Ah, the real world, where all we ever had to worry about was magic.

This password was so obtuse even Noah, who is literally a computer, forgot it. Wow.

So now that Noah has escaped the computer, he decides to walk down the hall to log onto yet another computer so he could use his hands instead of...however he was using computers in the digital zone.

He could have done this from within the Orb, right? Like this part didn’t really require him stealing Mokuba’s body? We know he’s already connected to Kaiba’s network so he could become ascended and open the Door of Truth, so I’m assuming it would also have the ability to just log onto this computer in his own ship?

Noah does seem to be just winging it through this entire arc, but he could have done this sequence, and THEN stolen Moki, and THEN hightailed it out of there. It would have saved him some problems later. But wtv, lets hack a satellite, that good ol Kaiba pastime.

Also, fun fact, Kaiba went through all that work to get rid of all the weapons and then forgot about his space stash?

Like was there just SO MANY weapons that he overlooked it, or is he just keeping this here, just to have? Just in case, youknow? Like why does Seto Kaiba have access to The Bomb? Why would we leave a horrible nuclear missile in the hands of a teenager who freaks every time he plays cards? This child who is so unstable, that he knows he was married to a paper card in a previous life but doesn’t feel like talking about it? That crazy kid?

Like usually we have a set of two keys for this type of thing and two different people turn the key at the same time, we don’t just leave them in the Seto Kaiba headquarters with the kid who turned all cards into guns. Are all of Seto’s handlers actually just spies from other countries trying to keep Seto from nuking the planet? Is that the real answer to who the hell Roland is? Is he just a nice spy that makes sure Seto plays enough cards to forget that he could blow up the world if he sneezed too much and pressed the wrong key loading up Duel Disk Myspace?

The implications.

Meanwhile, Kaiba is the only one on this show smart enough to just walk into Gozaburo’s office, where I assume this guy has just been hanging out the entire arc.

Yep, that’s right, they’re going to do a card duel with a chess champion because this show has to shoehorn in those cards. Just one more card fight. Just cuz. Just one more completely pointless card fight between these two people, to show...that Seto can beat his Dad? Seto’s beaten his Dad like every opportunity he’s had to beat his Dad I don’t...exactly know why this was necessary. Would’ve been a much bigger emotional beat for Seto to have just walked away, but that would have also been a much different Seto than the Seto we have.

So basically, if Seto loses, Gozaburo threatens to erase Seto’s mind entirely, which we’ve already pointed out has been so wiped at this point that it would be all of 700 KB and it would just be a single corrupted pixel picture of a dragon.

Anyways, Marik finally conquers his greatest enemy.

Oh. OK. This is a thing he can do now. Welcome back to the show, Marik.

Anyway, Marik has decided it’s high time for him to just go flippen spaz and start breaking stuff. For no reason. I don’t think he fully comprehends that he’s underwater and should not blow up the boat.

Or maybe he FULLY comprehends that? Either answer for him would feel correct.

Also, while I don’t cover cards here, Kaiba’s Dad has decided that the only way to beat his son was to pretend he’s Yugi Muto and reenact the pilot.

It was weird. It was sort of like watching someone audition for a role they don’t have.

Lets go back to Noah.

I knew this arc was going kinda long but how did they end up in freakin Guam???

Marik, who has no concept of technology because he grew up in a tomb and is currently possessed by an ancient force of evil, is still able to recognize a good countdown clock when he sees one. Before he bashes it to pieces because of course he can.

Marik almost saved everyone else’s ass, but unfortunately doesn’t understand that the monitor is not actually attached to the workings of the computer. Much like my Mother.

Bro brings up that this a very Metal Gear thing to only use helicopters to travel over the ocean and hot damn we got yet another Metal Gear reference in just before this arc closes. These weird war crime children.

Ps I like that they drew in the shadow of the bangs across Moki’s eyes as if that would somehow make Moki look sinister. lol.

But, much like the Grinch, Noah’s heart grew...well, it grew.

I wouldn’t go as far to say it grew even a full size, but youknow it...kinda made a weird little fart and bloated a little bit.

So like with Tristan turning into a monkey, it does seem a lot like Noah is just turning into Mokuba and that’s why he’s decided to save everyone. Least in my mind that’s what it looks like. Maybe if he really did take Yugi’s body, Noah would have lasted maybe 5 seconds before being doubled over with endless anxiety and guilt. Would’ve solved a lot of their problems.

I’ve been watching a cat while commuting 4 hours a day and this is actual footage of what my charger cable looked like after the cat went Marik on me and decided the cable deserved to die at 3AM after the freakin SF garbage truck went supersonic and woke up the entire neighborhood.

(the cat is fine, btw, we went and hid all the other cords, dumbass cat)

So what does Noah do? He decides...it’s time I fessed up. And he does it in the worst way, during a time when literally everyone else in the VR world is fighting multiple card enemies/their Dad.

Way to be, Noah, way to be. On the other side of town, Yugi was visibly sweating and had this facial of expression of like “Wow, maybe Noah is just a freakin psycopath?” Which, I dunno, kind of seems like the sort of thing we figured out 23 episodes ago, right at the same moment we met Noah.

Anyway, that’s all for this episode. Really seems like the only person who actually DID anything was Noah who just...decided to throw a bunch of missiles directly at himself because he can’t think things through. I guess Marik did some stuff too, but honestly, I have no idea if Marik thoroughly understood that he just guaranteed that he was absolutely going to be destroyed by rockets. That Loki.

Hey if Noah DOES manage to destroy everyone on this boat, he prevents 3 whole apocalypses and that would default him to hero status. He’ll kill off like 3 major villains and maybe even Shadi. And who doesn’t want Shadi to die (who I assume is already dead but wtv) I mean that’s not going to happen, but like...way to try and save the world Noah, you’re doing your best life.

Anyway, if you just got here, here’s a link to read these recaps from the very beginning, fair warning, there’s 2.5 seasons.

#Yugioh #episode recap #photo recap #yugioh recap #ygo #s3 ep23 #Noah Kaiba #Seto Kaiba #Yugi muto #Gozabura Kaiba #Tristan is now just fully a monkey but still a robot #so he's gone from robot monkey to monkey robot #Tea gardner #serenity wheeler #joey wheeler #duke devlin #So Kaiba just didn't feel like mentioning the huge ass rockets he has #and has had all of S1 and S2?#Marik Ishtar

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monsters-demons-and-ai-oh-my · 5 years

Text

What We Lost and What We Have:

Chapter 6: Sock puppets, stomachaches, and what you really learn in college

In which we meet a very strange nurse, talk about teen drug use and the plot thickens.

TW: Conversations about recreational drugs, questions about suicidal intentions, and brief mention of throwing up

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AU somewhat inspired by Episode 2x20 - What Is and What Should Never Be, and the season 14 storyline concerning Jack’s illness.

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AO3 Link

Previous Chapter

First Chapter

Complete Tumblr Chapter List

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Sam and Dean both decided to give the Kline’s a little space after after the incident with Jack’s lunch tray. Ironically both brothers using the excuse that they hadn’t had anything to eat since they arrived early that morning.

Jack seemed on the verge of mortified tears afterward and for selfish reasons or not neither wanted to be the one to push him over the edge.

The kid was already embarrassed enough.

The doctor had told the brothers (much to Dean’s chagrin) that at least one of them should come back in later that evening as they had a few more background questions for all of them once Jack had a chance to rest.

There was only so much the doctor was willing to do when they still didn’t know what was causing Jack’s symptoms but when Jack’s nausea refused to fade and several more bouts dry heaving literally drove Jack to tears they finally gave him anti-nausea drugs that had the added benefit of finally putting him back to sleep.

Getting a few hours of rest (plus something new the doctor gave him via IV to help with the fact he hadn’t eaten for a day and a half) seemed to perk Jack up a bit. At the very least Jack seemed a lot more calm when he woke up around three hours later.

Though, that could have also been the low dose of narcotic painkillers doctor Hannah also decided to give despite the risks when Jack’s stomach pain was bad enough to cause his heart rate to skyrocket.

It wasn’t enough narcotics to make Jack start accusing innocent staff members of being out to suck his blood again, but it was enough to render him quiet and subdued… and not at all like the Jack Castiel knew.

‘He could only watch and try to comfort Jack as he got sick and then hugged his stomach, literally crying with the pain the action caused him…’

A quiet Jack was better than a sobbing Jack, but it still terrified Cas.

It threw him back to sixteen years previously when Jack was first born, made him feel like he was failing Kelly all over again…

He remembered when Jack was four and a half and afraid of long clawed demons under his bed. ( strangely specific child that he was ) Then Castiel could consol him and promise to protect him from any monsters .

When Jack was seven and John died and Jack tried to run away from home, ( only getting so far as the neighbor down the street who lured him in with cookies and called Castiel ) he’d been able to reassure the traumatized boy that his parents and the people around him didn’t die because he was close to them.

“...you’re not cursed Jack, I promise… and I’m not planning on leaving you alone any time soon.”

But this…

Castiel couldn’t promise everything would be okay, he didn’t know how to fix this, he didn’t even know what this was…

Every little twitch Jack gave in his sleep, every harsh intake of breath was like an electric jolt to Cas’s heart, terrifying him that Jack would start seizing again.

By the time that Jack was awake again and Cas was able to call the Winchester’s back in he was thirty-six hours without sleep and felt on the verge of a mental breakdown.

“Med student party here yet?” Cas heard the now unfortunately familiar voice of Dean Winchester over his shoulder.

“No…” Cas said dully, hand tightening over Jack’s as he broke into another fit of harsh wheezy coughs.

‘The antibiotics either weren’t helping the pneumonia or were taking far too long to kick in for comfort.’

“I...I don’t really feel up to p-party,” Jack muttered with a tiny wry smile.

“You feeling any better buddy?” Sam’s voice was a little more tolerable.

“They gave me more drugs?” Jack said bluntly, perhaps the amount of pain meds he was given was still enough to make the teenager a more aloof if not completely loopy.

As scared as Jack must be Cas didn’t have it in him for him to be upset with Jack being a little… high, as it were.

‘Anything to keep away the horrible tears of pain.’

“They’re waiting for me to let them know you’re here…” Cas explained quickly to the brothers reaching for the nurse call button and using the moment to compose himself.

“I thought we were done with all the questions?” Dean sighed pacing by the window like nervous rather unimpressive tomcat not looking at anyone.

“Well apparently they didn’t get what they needed last time.” Cas tried not to think that more questions meant the doctors were at a loss with what answers they did get.

“It probably had something to do with you ‘scaring the crap’ out of the person who was recording them…” Cas glared choosing to believe that instead.

Dean’s eyes narrowed for a moment and he opened his mouth as if to say something scathing but Sam surprised Castiel by speaking up.

“Well whatever the reason pointing fingers won’t help anyone,” Sam said taking Dean’s old spot by the far end of the bed. It seemed like while Sam was rendered relatively unable to function when it came to Jack that same reservations did not stand for confronting his argumentative older brother or Castiel.

“So how about this time we all sit down, and shut up, and get this over with and then neither of you will have to see each other again if you don’t want to…” Sam said with an air of aggressive calm, folded his hands in his lap.

Jack eyes seemed to dart between each one of them tense and nervous, clutching at the sheets without a word.

Castiel felt a pang of guilt in his chest.

He and Dean took their seats… quietly.

They sat awkwardly like two children who’d just been chewed out by the principal until the silence was broken by a knock on the door.

Well… a series of knocks… to the tune of… Yankee Doodle?

Jack’s eyes darted between his uncle and the door like he wasn’t sure if he actually heard what he thought he heard or if the drugs were just kicking in.

“Come in?” Castiel said hesitantly.

The door opened and in stepped not the nervous med student, but another more suspicious looking individual.

Another… nurse?

“Hello,” said the strange skinny man in seemingly oversized giraffe print scrubs. He had a smile about as appropriate for the tense atmosphere as sunbather in a snowstorm, “My name is Garth but you can call me nurse Fitzgerald and I’m here to help Jack and you all with a patient history today.”

Dean shot Sam a confused look that was ignored.

“What happened to the other g-guy?” Jack hacked into the back of his hand, looking wary of having yet another stranger in his room.

"Well, Kevin was having a bit of a hard time, so the head nurse wanted someone with a bit more experience to finish it,” Nurse Fitz-… Garth shrugged the left sleeve of his scrubs dangerously close to sliding off his narrow shoulder, “they send me in when things get a little hinky,"

"Hinky?" Castiel's eyebrows rose.

"Well I say hinky," Garth smiled, "I think it's a much nicer word than the one nurse Master's used... that I won't use in front of a child.

The child in the room looked mildly offended.

"Or what was written on the chart," he picked up Jack’s chart clipboard off the end of the bed and flicked it significantly, “which is… ''disorderly"."

Dean scoffed, "Please, we weren't "disorderly”,” he drew quotation marks in the air.

The strange skinny man just continued to smile shrugging, "okay well you made poor Kevin cry in the on-call room so I wouldn't exactly call that "functional behavior"."

Dean’s mouth opened looking defensive but for a second time the words were lost behind an interruption.

“Sorry…” Jack said quietly, clearing his throat, “they… they mean well… I think…”

“We should… probably apologize to this Kevin though…” Castiel said sheepishly.

“Probably…” Dean muttered noncommittally refusing to look at Castiel.

“What’s that?” Sam spoke up suddenly sounding confused, everyone turning to see at what he pointing at.

I appeared to be a strange looking… sock with lips? hanging of Nurse Garth’s scrubs pocket.

“Oh him?” the nurse pulled the object out his pocket smiling at it fondly before slipping it over one hand, “This… is Mr. Fizzles.”

He opened and closed the sock puppet’s mouth in Jack’s general direction as the boy looked on warily pressed against his pillows.

“A lot of kids find a friend easier to talk to than a stranger, especially when in a big scary place like the hospital.”

He looked at Jack expectantly.

“I...I think I’ll pass…” the teenager said turning a little pink.

Garth seemed mildly disappointed but shrugged and surreptitiously tucked the sock back in his pocket picking back up the chart.

“Well Kevin’s handwriting started getting illegible at… drugs…” he looked up expectantly at Castiel’s affronted face.

“He had a tablet of ibuprofen about seven hours before the seizure and then a second four hours later, but no Jack does not do drugs,” Castiel said flatly.

“I think… he was asking Jack…” Sam said carefully watching Jack who was refusing to look back, scratching at the adhesive over the line in his arm.

“I don’t… do drugs…” Jack said quietly.

Castiel gave nurse Garth a satisfied “see” look.

“But there was… this one time,” Jack coughed sheepishly.

Everyone was suddenly staring at Jack who seemed to be trying to disappear into his hospital mattress.

“Jack…” Cas’s heart sunk more disappointed than angry, he didn’t have a chance to ask why before Jack cut him off seeming desperate to explain.

“It… it was just one time… Noah offered me a hit?” his eyebrows drew together and he looked unsure at the terminology, “of a joint he had?”

Dean gave an impressive little huff earning him a dirty look from Cas.

“Don’t look at me, I didn’t go to college…” Dean shrugged, shooting Sam a knowing smile he refused to return.

“It was just the one time though!” Jack said quickly looking at Cas pleadingly, “It was really, really gross and… and I never did it again!”

“Why wouldn’t you tell me?” Castiel asked exasperated, trying not to show Sam or Dean how hurt he was. What made it worse was he knew how stereotypical it was for a parent to think their teenager would never lie to them. Half the parent teacher conferences he had to call at the high school were dealing with people under such delusions.

“I… I didn’t want to get Noah in trouble…” Jack mumbled biting his lip and refusing to look Cas in the eye.

“Noah?” Castiel mentally ran over his shortlist of acquaintances Jack talked about and came up empty. “Wait… Noah Ophis?” Castiel felt completely at a loss when Jack’s blush seemed to confirm it, “Jack… wasn’t Noah the one who locked you in the school gym’s weight room and then stuck gum in the lock so we had to call maintenance to disassemble the door to get you out?”

“It… was never confirmed…” Jack muttered turning brighter red glancing back between his older brothers as if expecting them to laugh.

“How long ago did you ‘get silly with Mary Jane’?” Garth broke in on the tense moment seeming unbothered.

Jack looked extremely confused for a long moment, “Six… months ago?”

Garth wrote that down, “well it’s probably not that then, the devil’s lettuce only lasts like… a few hours, unless you snort it that’s worse...”

Castiel really did not believe that was an actual way people consumed marajauna… he had gone to college after all.

Cas suppressed the need to start in on a long speech about peer pressure, lying, and the dangers of underage recreational drug use (especially when you didn’t know the source), but now was not the time, not now with as Jack as sick as he was. He would be taking advantage of a secret Jack only willingly told because he was scared for his own safety, and Jack’s health might rely on him being honest with his doctors.

Though Cas was relieved when the next question was, just “Do you have any animal friends?”

He felt his confidence as a surrogate parent had taken enough of a hit for the moment.

“Well… I have Felix… but I don’t know if he thinks of me as a friend, I’ve read their brains can’t really process that sort of thing?” Jack’s eyebrows furrowed in thought.

Sam’s eyebrows rose nearly to his hairline.

Maybe the drugs had a stronger effect on Jack than Castiel first realized.

“What is Felix?” Sam looked completely at a loss.

Jack blinked, “A corn snake,” he said like it should be obvious.

Dean seemed to recoil slightly and then snorted, a very, “of course I’m going to judge the character of a kid I don’t know based on the fact he keeps a snake…” noise.

That was a big mistake… Castiel knew Jack was fairly shy but he’d been on the wrong end of one of Jack’s, “I must defend the honor of snakes everywhere,” speeches before when the Jack was first trying to convince his uncle to let him keep Felix.

“Felix is really great!” he insisted, probably louder than he should have judging by the short fit of coughs that followed. He cleared his throat before croaking, “N-not only do corn snakes eat d-disease carrying pests, they're really gentle, and they’re easy to breed in captivity, and they’re from the US so they... they don’t c-contribute to the… the e-exotic pet trade…”

Castiel remembered vividly Jack showing up in his classroom clutching a shoe box the day before winter break, nervous but determined. He’d gone into a spiel about how a boy had brought the snake to the lunch room to show it off but the boy was planning to kill it at the end of the day with a rock because he thought it was ‘kinder’.

“He said he couldn’t get it to eat, but! he only tried one thing and... and you can’t let him do that, he doesn’t deserve that…”

He’d practically begged Castiel to let him keep the snake, “even if it was just for a little while,” and then spent the next week researching and trying to feed it different things, bringing everything from bags of frozen mice to eggs and minnow into the house before he’d had success.

Cas remembered the huge grin on Jack’s face when he finally succeeded heard him whisper, “see you’re going to be okay now,” into Felix’s enclosure when he thought his uncle wasn’t watching.

Jack dissolved into another fit of coughing near the end of his snake rant, doubling up as Castiel laid a worried hand on his shoulder.

“Fine fine kid jeez…” Dean raised his hands in mock surrender, looking mildly alarmed, “I believe you, don’t lose a lung over it…”

“Snakes are great you’re just a mean,” Jack muttered breathily with one laugh hacking cough, sinking wearily back in his bed. The short bout of passion seemed to have taken a lot out of him.

“I don’t really like snakes, I’m sure they’re great but the way they look at me makes me nervous y'know?” Nurse Garth Gave a shiver, no one knew what he meant. “Also they can carry salmonella…”

The nurse spent the next half hour asking more questions of various degrees of embarrassment. Each answer the brother’s gave grew increasingly bored and each answer Jack gave getting softer as he grew increasingly drowsy.

Any energy Jack gained by resting seemed to run out of him like water through a sieve and soon he had fallen back asleep. Castiel knew seizures could take a lot out of a person but this? This felt different. He breathed deeply to calm himself down, told himself he never finished nursing school, let alone medical school like the doctor’s taking care of Jack.

‘He was in good hands…’

He carefully straightened Jack’s blankets, trying not to listen to the wheezy quality of Jack’s breathing even in sleep.

“Did you get all the answers you needed?” Castiel asked quietly, not wanting to interrupt and of the sleep the boy managed to get.

The nurse smiled looking a little too pleased with himself, “yup just about the entire thing, I don’t know what Kevin was upset about you all seem like very nice people.”

Dean looked up mildly guilt pulling his hand back from where he’d been trying to fish the sock puppet out of Garth’s pocket, while Sam hid his face in his hands. “Yeah… um… so it’s fine for us to take off now?”

‘Of course…’

Garth nodded satisfied, “yeah, visiting hours for everyone but parents are ending soon, and the kid looks like he’s had all the fun he can handle for today.”

Castiel just nodded in agreement trying not to seem to eager carefully fixing Jack’s mussed up hair, “I think he’s had enough of strangers for now…”

That was enough for Dean who left with one last indignant puff of air but Sam stayed back for a moment tettering as was his custom in the doorway.

“Call if something changes?” he asked, like he was half unsure he should say the words.

Cas offered a tight smile, “sure…”

-------------------------

Sam and Dean left for their home and hotel respectively the nurse leaving soon after to give Castiel and more importantly Jack some time to rest.

The nurses mostly let Jack be through the evening only coming in once or twice to record his vitals and give him more of the drugs the doctor prescribed earlier, Jack thankfully remained asleep during the visits.

He seemed mostly stable much to Cas’s relief though that could have just been due to the pain and nausea meds masking the worst of his symptoms. It wasn’t until Jack reached a full twenty-four hours without another seizure that Castiel finally let himself relax.

It wasn’t until much later, half past midnight that the doctor came in again.

Castiel had finally fallen asleep in a recliner chair one of the nurses graciously brought in when they realized he was staying with Jack for another night..

‘They’d explained it was standard practice for when a parent stayed with their child on the ward…’

He’d been woken rather unceremonious by doctor Hannah pulling a cumbersome looking machine into Jack’s room.

“What’s… What’s going on?” he asked dumbly rubbing at his face, the confusion quickly turning to alarm when he saw the look on the doctor’s face.

Her face was mostly calm, but her eyebrows were furrowed and her mouth was pressed in a thin tense line.

“I… need you to wake up Jack…” she said something worrying in her calm voice Castiel couldn’t quite identify.

Castiel immediately began to panic head snapping up to the monitor of Jack’s vitals. Everything seemed the same, except the fever which had risen to an even hundred degrees.

“Is… What’s wrong?” He asked in as hushed a tone as he could manage.

The doctor gave him a reassuring smile that didn’t reach her eyes.

“I just need to check something…” she said unhelpfully.

Castiel tried to breathe evenly and remain calm as he gently shook Jack’s shoulder.

‘What was so bad you’d wake a sick kid in the middle of the night?’

He gently shook Jack’s shoulder, calling his name, Jack barely moved, his eyes twitched and he let out a soft cough.

Castiel frowned shaking his shoulder a little more forcefully eliciting an unhappy groan from Jack as he rolled away as far as the tubing on his face would allow him.

‘At least it was confirmation he wasn’t comatose or something…’

“The painkillers he’s on can have a sedative effect,” she frowned, “it’s always best to try to wake someone up naturally but I did bring something if that doesn’t work.

She produced a set of keys from her pocket to unlock the set of rolling drawers the machine she brought was propped on top of.

“Wait,” Castiel quickly held up a hand, “there’s one thing I haven’t tried yet…” he leant down close to Jack’s ear, “Jack… come on you have to get up… we’re going to be late to school…”

Jack tensed up and groaned, “I… I don’t want to, I don’t feel good…” he grumbled face screwing up.

Cas huffed a sad laugh, gently ruffling his hair to keep him from falling back out, “I know Jack, but you still need to wake up.”

Jack finally blinked woefully up at him, “you said I didn’t have to go…” His croaked eyes wandered towards the window as he coughed to clear his throat, “it’s still dark out…” he muttered bewildered.

“I know, I know… you don’t have to go to school, you can go back to sleep... in a little bit?” Cas looked back toward the doctor who offered him another thin smile, neither confirming or denying.

“But doctor Hannah she needs to talk to us… for now, alright?” Castiel said still gently squeezing his shoulder...

Jack just blinked and nodded trustingly too tired to question it.

Doctor Hannah ducked down to his level whispering, “I’m going to turn on the lights now and I need you to roll on your side like before okay?”

Jack looked wary breath speeding up, “P-please don’t stick another needle in my back…”

“It’s okay Jack, I promise I’m not going to do that honey,” she said gently flipping on a switch and making everyone in the room wincing at the sudden brightness, “I just need to run an ultrasound on your back and abdomen…”

Jack looked even more confused, face morphing into mildly suspicion, “But… I can’t have babies?”

Doctor Hannah actually chucked, “No that’s not all we use ultrasound for, and that’s not what I’m looking for…”

“What are you looking for?” Castiel couldn’t hold himself back from asking, fidgeting in the recliner.

The doctor’s face dropped a little before she could stop it, “I’ll let you know if I see it, I… I don’t want to alarm you,”

Her eyes drifted back to Jack with an unspoken, ‘or him’ .

Jack’s eyebrows furrowed but he still did as he was told and the doctor guided him onto his side before pulling down the blanket to his waist and undoing the ties on the upper half of his hospital gown while he blushed pink.

When she carefully began to probed Jack’s back it became abundantly clear the medication didn’t completely numb his pain.

He barely held back a cry of pain between clenched teeth, reducing it to a strained groan, his whole body shaking.

Castiel reach for his hand which was clenched around the bed sheets. “It’s okay Jack… I’m here.”

“Th-that… that really hurts,” Jack mumbled tearfully.

“I know Jack I know…” the doctor said seemingly lost in thought

doing her best to move quickly through prep procedures for the ultrasound. Applying a plastic cover over the wand and spreading clear gel on a portion of his back.

Jack looked like he was trying not to scream when the doctor finally pressed the ultrasound wand into his back, teeth gritted together heart rate spiking.

The doctor’s eyes were fixed on the ultrasound screen beside the bed looking grim and Castiel wished not for the first time that he’d finished his degree so he’d know what she saw.

‘All he could do was hold Jack’s hand.’

“Shit…” he barely heard the doctor mutter as she set aside the wand and gingerly wiped away the gel on Jack’s back.

There were already already tears welling in Jack’s eyes when she had him turn back onto his back.

The doctor promised to be as quick and gentle as she could as she repeated the process with the upper part of Jack’s abdomen.

Jack was shaking and crying silently by the time it was over, and the doctor was if anything quieter.Terrifyingly lost in thought.

Castiel carefully helped him back into his gown, telling him softly that he did well and could go back to sleep soon.

Jack watched the doctor red eyed and wary gripping the blankets a little too tightly even as he wilted exhausted back against the bed.

The doctor waited until the teenager seemed to have calmed back down before speaking.

“Jack… I’m going to ask your uncle and you some questions and I need you to be as honest as possible, alright?”

The tone of doctor Hannah’s voice set off the already ringing alarm bells in Cas’s mind to a shrieking pitch.

Jack nodded cautiously, “O-okay…” he said shakily.

The doctor began pacing at the foot of his bed hands clasping anxiously at one another.

“You said Jack had a headache a few hours before he had a seizure at the restaurant and that you gave him ibuprofen for it, are you sure it was ibuprofen and not aspirin?”

Castiel blinked, “yes I’m sure I know better than to give a child aspirin, and I even remember the brand I bought, it was Advil…”

“It’s was a blue... package,” Jack said after a moment coughing into his elbow, exhaustion, and illness fogging his brain.

The doctor nodded and resumed her pacing, “and… how much did you give him?” she asked seeming careful about her phrasing.

“A lower dose, one tablet… and then another four hours later…” Castiel said suspiciously, “what is this about?”

The doctor hesitated, “did you see Jack take them both times?”

There was a long pause as Jack looked increasingly upset, “wh-what are you tr-trying to say?”

“What are you suggesting?” Castiel knew full well what she was asking but he couldn’t believe he’d heard it.

“I…” she paused and sighed, “I have to ask it’s very important.”

Jack seemed to understand despite everything, “I...I wouldn’t, I couldn’t d-do that I…” his breathing sped up.

“The first thing Jack asked about when he woke up was school and needing to take care of his pet? Does that really strike you as someone who would try to… to…” Cas paused, “to hurt themselves?”

“I… I was upset and sad after what happened but…” Jack’s forehead wrinkled again as his breathing grew more frantic and his heart rate rose with it, “I wouldn’t, I didn’t do that…” he muttered eyes pleading and filling back up with tears, “please believe me.”

“I know Jack… I do believe you,” Castiel reassured him gently squeezing his shoulder.

A thought dawned on Cas and he reached for his coat still hanging off the back of his chair, “he really physically couldn’t…”

Castiel pulled a small half crushed blue box from the pocket of the coat, “I didn’t even buy a bottle of pills they didn’t have any in the hotel commissary they only had it in a box of packets and there were only four pills to start with…”

‘The stupid box had cost a whole ten dollars regardless.’

He handed it over for the doctor to see, “and there’s still two left…”

The doctor looked in the box then checked the date on the bottom, but instead of looking relieved like Cas expected…”

She just looked... frustrated?

“Alright… I’m sorry, we had to rule that out as a possibility…” she sighed.

The apology did nothing to placate Jack, who just stared at her distrustfully tears running silently down his cheeks hugging himself still breathing too fast.

Castiel tried to resist the anger and resentment building up in his own chest he knew the doctor was just doing her job, but it was late and the already ill and drug addled Jack was not tolerating being woken in the middle of the night to be painfully prodded, cross examined, and accused of hurting himself very well.

He placed a protective hopefully comforting hand on Jack’s shoulder, “couldn’t you have just tested for a possible overdose in the blood samples you took instead of coming in here past midnight and harassing him?”

“If the problem was being caused by taking too much ibuprofen it would be important to find out and treat as soon as possible.”

“W-why?” Jack mumbled hunching forward red-eyed and shaking his breath coming out in uncomfortably fast puffs, “what… what’s wrong with me?”

He looked how Castiel felt, on the verge of panic.

“Jack, it’s alright I need you to calm down…” the doctor said looking warily between him and the vitals reading on the monitor.

‘That didn’t calm him down.’

“You… you don’t know d-do you?” Jack sobbed continuing to hyperventilate, heart beating about a mile a minute on the monitors, “y-you don’t…” he coughed, the developing panic attack not helping his already labored breathing, coughing soon turning to wheezing.

Castiel’s mouth became a thin anxious line as he wrapped a supportive arm around his shoulders.

“Jack?”

The doctor moved quickly back over to the locked set of drawers retrieving a vial and injecting something into Jack’s IV line, “it’s alright it’s okay… just try to breathe deeply Jack…”

Jack tried, leaning on his uncle tears running down his face even when his breathing slowed and he relaxed as whatever drug the doctor gave him took effect.

The doctor and Castiel gently helped him lean back into his pillows as his eyes blinked blearily, “it’s alright… just rest now… you’re alright…”

She didn’t look like even she believed what she was saying as he drifted quickly back into unconsciousness the rise and fall of his chest slowly evening back out.

Castiel felt as if a live wire was clenched between his teeth.

“What happening to Jack?” he managed an impossibly calm tone.

The doctor sighed taking a moment to steal herself before answering. “Most of the tests we have back so far… they came back inconclusive… There was no sign of meningitis or encephalitis in his spinal fluid, no… conclusive signs of infection in his blood at all…”

“But,” Castiel said feeling miles away.

“But… between the blood taken when he was first admitted and a few hours ago, we’ve found a significant increase in his liver enzymes and protein levels and if… they don’t improve in the next few hours I want to look at transferring him to Kansas University hospital…”

Castiel felt like the ground was dropping from beneath him, “and… the pain, what you were testing for just now that was…”

The doctor paused for an even longer moment before answering, “Jack’s liver and kidneys… are showing signs of inflammation… and the blood tests results are signs they’re starting to lose function…”

‘Failing… she meant they were beginning to fail’

“And you don’t know why…” Castiel mumbled numbly.

The doctor said nothing...

Notes:

Dun dun dun, and the plot thickens, hopefully the introduction of nurse Garth managed to lighten things up a bit before the darker second half and reveal.

If you enjoyed this chapter and have the time and/or inclination please let me know what you thought :)

#SPN #Supernatural #Castiel #Jack Kline #Dean Winchester #Sam Winchester #fanfiction #whump #humor #illness #family drama #garth fitzgerald iv #Hannah #TW drugs #TW vomit mention #only accusations of not an actual attempt of overdose #kylermalloy

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tsukiyaki · 5 years

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even when i don’t cooperate

Lord God,

“I’m doing better now. We made it.”

I want to say these words and mean them, so badly. But I can’t. Not yet. And not knowing when I can again is suffocating, because I don’t want to be not okay anymore.

I’m sorry, Lord, that I don’t know how to receive your love and comfort right now. When you want me to do something for you or hack and slash for your kingdom, I’m in. It takes my mind off the pain in my chest. But when you draw near as the lover of my soul, or as my father in heaven, I’m going to greet you with a door, boarded up and bolted shut. I’m a conflicted, irrational child on the other side, weeping over my own brokenness, over how I need you and miss you so much, but I can’t bring myself to look at you because it reminds me of this open wound that in all honesty, I hold you partially responsible for.

I need you to bust through that door. I need to know that you’ll fight for me and win a landslide victory, even when I fight ugly against you. I’m tired of always trying to do the right thing, holding myself to a standard that is higher than I can maintain without growing bitter and resentful for having to meet it. I think the best thing I can do for myself right now is to stop trying so hard to be the person I think I should be, because I’m not there yet. I never wanted to point my finger at you and blame you for my unhappiness, Lord, but this is the only way I can relate to you as your child right now. To take it all out on you, because you can take it, and only you can take it, even though you’re the only one who never ever deserves it.

But I’ll do myself a favor and record the bits and pieces I remember of how you’ve pursued me in the past month. Your love is relentless. And I hear you. I hear your gentle whispers through the door. Maybe one day soon, but certainly one day eventually, I’ll read through these words, and they’ll finally get through to my calloused heart:

You make a way for me at work every day.

I like my job for the first time in 5 years, and the change that made that happen was handed to me on a silver platter.

I have the best manager and teammates who love me and care for me.

Though I’ve been a mess, I’ve never had to de-prioritize my own wellbeing, because you always make just enough time and space for me to do that without compromising my work.

You continue to speak encouragement through me to the people in my life. If anything, I’ve seen an increased boldness behind my words and genuine affection for others in the midst of my pain. Thank you for the grace that allows me to do what I love most.

On 10/2, you spoke to me clearly through another one of your children, words that I needed to hear, even if I didn’t want to. Still, I recognize this as a divine appointment, for you didn’t delay a single minute after you had prepared my heart to receive your command, but you held off just long enough until I was ready. This day, in order to obey, I decided to let go of something very precious to me. Thus began this arduous process.

On 10/10 and 10/17, my coworker and I read about Noah in our Bible study through Genesis.

Late at night on 10/16, I spilled my guts to a few sisters and started to process in earnest how hard it has been to let go. The next morning, one of them sent me the teddy bear picture. You got me this time. It struck something deep inside of me. I realized I’ve been so reluctant to let go because I loved that teddy bear. And I thought if I could truly say “I love it,” that’s enough to justify keeping it for forever. But it’s not. And you know it’s hard to let go of what I’m holding on to, but you definitely have something better in store. At the end of the day, obedience to you must supersede my love for anything else.

On 10/21, I woke up and wrote another song for the first time in almost 2 months. It was going in one direction, but the bridge came to me and redirected the song to you. It heavily references Noah’s flood.

On 10/23, a sister messaged me a word from you. She said she felt like Jesus was asking me out to dinner. I said He’d have to work for it, but I appreciated it.

On 10/27, I couldn’t muster the energy to worship you until we sang, “Even when I don't see it, you're working. Even when I can't feel it, you're working. You never stop, you never stop working.” At the end of service, a sister prayed for me. When she finished, she held me, looked at me, and said, “I feel it. I feel the pain ... It’s going to be okay.” Then she hugged me. And the way she did all of that disarmed me. Someone else actually knew what it felt like to be me, and they acknowledged that I’m not just weak. That it really does hurt, and it makes sense that I need time to grieve. So I went back to my seat, and I cried for the first time since 10/2. I cried and cried and prayed that I wouldn’t stop until I got it all out of my system, because crying doesn’t come easily to me anymore.

Later on 10/27, I pulled my own name again during prayer time in accountability group (which of course, I didn’t know until after I prophesied over the name on my slip of paper). You told me my heart is like the ark, and we’re still building it to prepare for the flood you’ll release in my life. You will wash away all the pain, all the grime of my past. At the end, I will see your promise, and I will walk forth as the new creation that I already am, completely freed from the chains of yesterday. This time, I finally realized how intentionally you’ve been planting Noah’s story in my life.

On 10/31, my coworker and I continued reading about Noah.

I marveled at how long it took Noah to build that ark. How pointless it could have seemed if he had stopped to compare what he “had to” do with what everyone else “got to” spend their time doing. How he could have stopped at anytime to doubt your command and give up because it was hard labor and didn’t make sense, yet the Bible says “And Noah did all that the Lord commanded him.” It made me feel a lot better about what you commanded me.

One other verse also struck me: “Then the Lord shut him in.” Somehow, when I read that verse, I felt like you were saying, “Don’t be afraid. I see you. I brought you here--to protect you, not to harm you. There is a purpose to this pain.”

Sometime in the last week, I was willing to open up my Dwell app and listen to Job 38-42. They just happened to be the next chunk in the chronological Bible in a Year audio plan I started a while back. You spoke to me through a number of verses, which I found somewhat amusing because you were talking mostly about animals, yet you spoke to me through each one in such a relevant way:

Job 38:39-41 (the lion and raven): “I am a provider, and I provide for you, as I provide for animals that do not know how to pray to me with eloquent words.”

Job 39:2-3 (the mountain goats): “I know the right time for all things, including the fulfillment of my promises in your life. You don’t know when this heavy burden will pass, but I do. And there will be joy and life at the other end.”

Job 39:5-8 (the wild donkey): “I am a liberator. I freed you from bondage, and I’ve given you a home, a lush and vibrant place of provision.”

Job 39:9-12 (the wild ox): “I hold absolute authority. Don’t trust in other people or powers, not even yourself. Trust in me, because I alone have authority to command all people and powers.”

Job 39:13-18 (the ostrich): “I am the source of wisdom. Without me, you labor in vain, and you won’t even be able to recognize the value of what is precious in your life. So ask me for wisdom.”

Job 39:19-25 (the horse): “I am all powerful, the source of your might, and I made you like the horse. You shall laugh at fear and not be dismayed, and you won’t turn back from the sword. This is a hard battle, but admit it--somewhere deep down inside of you, when you hear the trumpet sound, and you smell the battle from afar, you’re not actually afraid. You are ready and aching to claim another victory for my glory.”

Job 39:26-30 (the hawk and eagle): “I am a master strategist, and I give you vision. I know where to position you for success, unique to how I designed you. Don’t compare where you are right now with someone else, because it might not make sense for that person, but it makes sense for you. And if you trust me and obey me, you will land in a place where you can finally see clearly.”

Job 40-41: (Behemoth and Leviathan): “I am not a tiny God. Behold my creations. No one is so fierce that he dares to stir him up. Who then is he who can stand before me? Who has first given to me, that I should repay him? Whatever is under the whole heaven is mine.”

Job 42:10: “I listen to the prayers of my people, which carry the power to forgive sins. Job prayed for the people who failed him, even betrayed him as friends in their failings. I call you to do the same. I empower you to do the same.”

On 11/3, a sister shared her testimony. It was powerful. But what really got me was when she referenced an alternate version of the teddy bear picture. The same picture I can’t get out of my head, and you clearly don’t want me to forget. At this moment, I honestly hate what you ask for in that picture. But I can’t deny that you are clearly reaching out to me, even now.

During service on 11/3, Jason spoke on Mark 10:35-52. Verse 50 hit me: “Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus.” The blind man threw his most prized possession aside to ask for sight. In faith, he exchanged his one tangible source of security for the possibility that you would answer his prayer. I thought of the teddy bear in my hands. You’re asking me to trust you, to throw it aside, and to reclaim the singleminded devotion I once had for your vision. You’re inviting me to come before you and confess, “Father, my beloved, I want to see.”

#dominoes

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class-wom · 5 years

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Legion Chapter 23 “Morning After”-Thoughts – SPOILERS!!!

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SPOILER TERRITORY

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Hello, my Snoopies!!! 😁

(Although I would like to think of myself as more of a Garfield than a Snoopy, lol, but I digress! 🤣 )

1) Wow -- Kerry pretty much used her metaphorical samurai sword to sever this viewer’s metaphorical jugular right off the bat with her lamenting “I miss having fun!” The S1 Summerland Gang literally against the world? heck yeah -- so do I, Ker! so do I!

2) Nice to see that Syd is finally softening at least slightly where David is concerned, noting that falling in love is “worth it” and that he’s “unstable” but “has powers” and is “magic.” Well, hey, you gotta start somewhere! Also, considering how badly Syd’s encounter with “Syd-from-the-Past” ended, perhaps she’ll look back at her Chapter 19 “Maybe I trust myself more”-jab at David and her unswerving faith in her future self with extreme regret and reshape her position before causing any more irreparable damage to David’s psyche...and, by default, literally the world!!!

3) Okay, so keeping track of whether Farouk is a “good guy” or a “bad guy”: We’ve reached the halfway-mark of the season, and we’re literally two-for-two, where Chapters 21 and 22 have him as a classic slimy baddie and Chapters 20 and 23 have him as a “not-quite-that-bad guy.” Nope, not a hero -- Sorry, Amahl, I don’t give a flip what you say! You’re 2,000 years old, so you should know a lot better, and you should have a few cultures and such under your belt by now! That’s the break I’m giving David and not you -- he is, as you pointed out in Chapter 11, young and inexperienced, and while I’m still hoping he’ll get a point in the right direction eventually, he’s flailing about, hence my constant passes with him. That’s my story, and I’m sticking to it!

4) That being said, okay, we have the whole “corrupting power”-thing, which does kind of bug me a little. As with Chapters 7 and 15, it was ultimately David who finally defeated the time eaters once and for all, the most awesome (imo, anyway) moment being his utilizing his multiple personalities to get the job done. I like his efficiency here and, while on the one hand feel he deserves at least a little credit for solving a problem he intentionally or otherwise created, on the other, I really wish he could do it without completely succumbing to corruption and making such declarations as “I am God!” (Can we please remember that, at least to a degree, this seed was planted by Farouk himself in Chapter 10 -- “bigger than Jesus” -- and perhaps even earlier? One of the many reasons that Farouk will never be a hero at his absolute best as far as I’m concerned. And oh yeah, that other problem that David has? using his powers to literally create his own reality? another seed planted by Farouk via Chapters 10 and 14 -- ‘nuff said.) Speaking for myself and perhaps others, I do like to root for my protagonists, and part of the battle is not only defeating the baddies but defeating personal demons in the process. (The climax of Return of the Jedi with Luke, Darth, and the Emperor comes to mind as an example of this.) David does just fine with the former, but I’m still hoping he’ll find someone who can help him learn the latter somehow. (Just pleeeeeeze anyone but Farouk, unless he actually apologizes for that whole “Bigger than Jesus” thing and the whole Amy-thing from Chapter 13!!! but I’m not holding my breath!)

5) So if I understand this correctly, the time eaters have the capability of feeding on fears, at least where David and Syd are concerned. And what I learned is that, in a twisted fashion (true to the nature of this show, lol), they essentially share the same fear: Being overpowered and losing control, physically and sexually in Syd’s case, literal incarceration in David’s. (Yeah, D3 -- way to go with that S2 Finale “trial” for the upteenth time, especially since a nice chunk of his life has already been spent in incarceration of one form or another, but I digress!) With regard to the latter, we did learn a thing or two about his maternal side, that he comes from a family of gypsies, among other things. (With that in mind, that really had to hurt poor Gabs!) We also saw that Gabrielle has accepted the idea of being crazy and/or incarceration and he has a ways to go; cannot say enough about what DS did with this scene as an actor, sorry not sorry. (Thinking back to Chapter 22, after seeing Gabs in her cell in a striped ensemble and head covering, should I be concerned that she’s dressed Baby Davey in a similar fashion and placed him in a barred crib, or am I overthinking this yet again? I know how Noah loves his “See what I did there?”-visuals.) Also, as a viewer, with regards to the opening, loved the idea of his mother singing to him as a baby and passing on her heritage in that fashion. No wonder he was noticeably irate at Lenny for yanking him out of that moment -- I’d be a little hacked myself!

6) Giving the benefit of the doubt, I also think that both David and Syd are in extreme denial of their frailties: If David is clearly in denial and refuses to accept being hurt and/or acknowledging his mental issues (and yes, I can see that), then Syd is in denial over the idea of her pain being armor and making her invincible, as she oh-so-confidently declared to him in her Chapter 12 igloo. (Then again, this was pre-Chapter 13 for David and pre-Chapter 19 for Syd, so as far as either was concerned, all was well psychologically and emotionally, and neither had faced any major tests. I’d rather not talk just yet as to how either is passing said test thus far, tbh!) I dunno, maybe the idea is that, yeah, she wants to protect herself. Like David, however, she is literally her own worst enemy in that she does want and crave that intimacy and vulnerability, hence the reason she finally opens up to that literal embrace of her younger self. I guess I don’t mind seeing that, but if I’m supposed to root for David to finally accept his frailties and consequences and for once be honest with himself, then I would like Syd to be honest with herself rather than to justify her own bad behavior for the upteenth time. Otherwise, neither will be worth a darn by curtain’s fall! I said it before, and I’ll say it again: If we’re expecting David to do this, we should bear in mind that he has had a lot of poor examples to follow, so we shouldn’t be so terribly shocked at his lack of a sense of responsibility when he’s surrounded by so many excusing and justifying their own positions, including self-proclaimed parasitical “father figure.” I’m just sayin’...

7) If someone says “Love means giving him the power to hurt you,” I swear I’ll lose what crap I have yet to lose thus far! OTOH, if the person in question just happens to be Farouk, that might be kind of fun shade to throw in a certain direction! 😈

8) The more I think of it, the more I feel the need to devote yet another paragraph to David vs. the Time Eaters, because imo, while decidedly imperfect (as noted in 4), it was so emotionally and ironically satisfying. I found myself mentally cheering the same way I did when he broke out of his mental prison in Chapter 7 and splattered the “demon-chicken” in Chapter 15, and for the same reason: Something finally was accomplished!!! Megalomania and twisted motives aside, if this action doesn’t make him a hero per se, it at least makes him an antihero, and hey, he did find a way of solving his own problem, which provides a sort of hope that perhaps he could eventually figure things out on a more personal scale one way or another with the proper guide. The issue I’m having here is that both Syd and SK see themselves as “heroes,” and if they are indeed...um, hello, did either do anything to proactively stop the problem? heck no -- SK is like, “Yeah, I know what’s going on, but whatever, we’re just gonna have to wait it out” (hey, D3 -- did you sign this creep up just to “wait it out”? seriously!) and led Clark and Kerry to that In-Between place or whatever for whatever reason (these scenes got even older than Farouk himself!) while Syd just got drunk and wallowed in her own victimhood, a la Chapter 16. (Okay, fine, you’re still struggling with that, and you’re not quite sure how to handle that whole Time Warp Crisis thing, but instead of trying to figure the latter out on your own and be the hero as which you see yourself, yeah, look up your younger self and tie one one on board a nice luxury jet. Meanwhile, your ex is in a freaking gulag, by his own making or otherwise, and I‘m sure he would have loved a sip or two of his own blue joy juice!) But in a sense, David took a type of responsibility, ultimately rejecting the visions of imprisonment and finding a way to finally defeat the Time Eaters and solve the freaking problem!!! Just my take on it, at least -- actions speak louder than words and all that jazz.

9) Giving credit where it’s due, Lenny deserves a shout-out for lighting the burr under David’s saddle to take some action and solve the time-eating problem.

Anyway, just a few thoughts.

#Legion #Chapter 23 #Spoilers

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qqueenofhades · 6 years

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the tangled web of fate we weave: xvi

who has two thumbs and no self-control? there’s just gonna be... so much garcy fic this week, you guys. so much.

part xv/AO3.

April 15, 2013

It’s Monday, it’s tax day, and it’s the week that midterms start. If it was possible for a group of people’s collective moods to actually be little black stormclouds over their heads, the entire history department would be drenched, but they have mostly confined themselves to double doses of coffee and bitching about the IRS, as well as various passive-aggressive email chains to the idiots who thought it was a great idea to schedule three faculty-search-committee meetings this week. Lucy is sitting on two of those, was up until three AM last night reading the various CV submissions (besides, it’s hard for her to sleep for other reasons these days) and trying to draw up her shortlist of candidates for the new Assistant Professor of East Asian History that Stanford is preparing to hire. She is all for more diversity in the workplace and the academic realm, but as timing goes, this could be. . . greatly improved.

Still, she supposes, she can’t complain too much, and she’s about to be away from it for several months anyway. Her leave starts at the end of next week, and she won’t be returning until the start of the fall quarter, so there’s plenty of stuff that needs to be finished up before that. Her in-tray has been apparently cursed with a magical charm to never go down no matter how much Lucy works on it, but aside from one of said committee meetings in an hour, she is free to hack at it for the rest of the day. Flynn said he’d bring lunch over, too.

A faint smile curls up the corner of her mouth, and she decides that coffee (decaf, unavoidably) sounds like a good idea, even if she’ll have to fight through the zombified departmental hordes to get it. She submitted her taxes three weeks ago, so at least she doesn’t have to mess around with that last-minute headache, though she is sure that any number of replacement headaches will pop up in its place. She does feel bad for her colleagues, even if they did bring this upon themselves. You’d think academics would be more organized, but honestly, they really aren’t.

Lucy hauls herself to her feet, picks up her mug, and heads out of her office, down the hall to the staff kitchen. Her friend Eleanor and Paul from Late Antique and Byzantine History are leaning by the coffeemaker, having an involved argument about someone amusingly named King Boso, but while this is potentially a fascinating subject, Lucy definitely needs them to move. She clears her throat. “Hate to interrupt, but I have a need.”

“Good timing, you just missed the stampede.” Eleanor empties the grounds out of the percolator and reaches for a new pack. “Decaf, I assume?”

“Unfortunately, yes. I haven’t been properly awake in weeks.”

“I thought your leave started on Friday.” Eleanor puts in the capsule and presses the button to start the cycle. “Or is it this Friday?”

“This Friday. I have no idea how I’ll finish everything.”

Paul, as if sensing that the conversation might devolve into girl talk (he’s a dazzling genius, but the kind with absolutely zero people skills who should just stay happily shut in a library learning dead languages), makes his excuses and scuttles out. Eleanor digs in the fridge. “The Huns just took the last of the half-and-half, but we have powdered creamer.”

“No, I’m fine. I’m drinking it black these days, anyway. Garcia’s rubbing off on me.”

Eleanor raises a slightly impish eyebrow. “Clearly.”

Lucy blushes, but can’t exactly deny it. She waits until the coffee has brewed, then tips it out into her mug. God, she can’t wait to drink the real stuff again (and see her feet, and walk without feeling like a lumbering juggernaut, and not have to pee every five minutes, and be woken up with auditions for the Olympic gymnastics team, and all the rest, even if she will obviously then have different problems). She and Flynn were not exactly planning for her to get pregnant after six months of dating, but it happened, in the way that life tends to do, and they’re ready to make it work, as much as anyone can possibly be. Flynn is clearly beside himself with excitement and apprehension at the idea of becoming a father, and Lucy – well, she’s obviously had ambivalent feelings about kids in the past, to say the least. Felt it was something to do more to please her mom, rather than anything deeply desired. But dammit, something has changed. She’s thirty, she’s in a stable and loving relationship with a man who worships the ground she walks on, she has a good job, they’re financially stable (though again, better not to ask how exactly Flynn has chipped in), they’ve just bought a cute little bungalow/fixer-upper of a starter house, and there is the unspoken understanding that this summer, after the baby is born, they will probably get married. Lucy has grown up, or at least grown older. She’s ready for this. Their family. Them.

“You’re due the second week of May, right?” Eleanor asks, sitting down at the table across from her. “Picked out names yet?”

“We’re kind of waiting to see what feels right.” Lucy raises an eyebrow, as if to acknowledge that this is a very San Francisco thing to say, but while they know that the baby is a girl and that her middle name will be Maria, for Flynn’s mother, they still haven’t settled on a first name. “We have a couple ideas, but nothing’s stuck quite yet. Item number one on things not to screw up for your kid, huh?”

“You’ll be fine,” Eleanor says. “Garcia’s a little. . . rough around the edges, but anyone can see that he adores you. And he’s gorgeous, and a medieval history nut. Clear sign of good taste.”

Lucy snorts. “Hey now. He’s definitely taken.”

“Trust me, I know.” Eleanor raises both hands in mock surrender. “Honestly, though, you two are one of the best couples I know. Lucy Junior is going to be so lucky to have you as parents. But – ” She pauses, well aware it’s a delicate topic. “Your mom come around yet?”

Lucy grimaces. Amy is absolutely thrilled at the prospect of becoming a cool young aunt who can spoil the kid rotten, but her mother, well. . . let’s just say that Carol Preston looked at Flynn like he was a dead slug the first time she met him, and her reaction hasn’t gotten much warmer since. Flynn also clearly doesn’t like her; he’s coolly cordial to her for the sake of familial civility, but that’s it. Carol thinks that Noah was a far superior choice, that Lucy callously threw him away to get knocked up by some idiot ex-lawbreaking hooligan (Lucy loves him, but has to admit this is not an inaccurate description) and that while she’s prepared to have a relationship with her granddaughter, Flynn should definitely not think that applies to him. Lucy gets the feeling that Carol will just pretend Flynn does not exist, as if she closes her eyes and blinks hard, he might happily vanish. For his part, Flynn thinks it’s rich of Carol to assume that she gets to have a relationship with their daughter at all, given what she did to her own. As Lucy’s pregnancy has progressed, they seem to be getting farther apart, rather than closer. They haven’t been in the same room since Flynn and Lucy broke the news.

Eleanor can see the answer on her face, and winces in sympathy. “Shit,” she says. “I’m sorry, Lucy. Forget I asked. That sucks.”

“It’s what it is.” Lucy tries to keep her tone light. “Sometimes people don’t like each other. I’m sure Mom and Flynn will work it out.” She pauses. “Eventually.”

“They’re both very stubborn, bossy people with strong opinions,” Eleanor says. “Usually doesn’t mix well. But hey, sure, maybe they bury the hatchet when the kid arrives, let’s think positive. Anything else I can help you with?”

“No, Eleanor, thanks. I really need to get my stuff ready for this committee meeting. Then I can come back and tackle the In-Tray of Death.” Lucy finishes her fake coffee in a few more swallows, puts the mug in the sink (cheerily ignoring the “Wash Your Own Dishes Please!” sign taped above it) and waddles back to her office. She gets her dossier of papers together, winces as sharp heels trod her spleen, and gives her side a poke. Then, feeling like a barge needing a tugboat to reverse, she heads for the meeting. Since she’s a small woman, it feels like her belly precedes her everywhere by about two feet. Maybe they can tie on a flasher.

Once that’s done with, and they’ve narrowed the overall shortlist of candidates from twelve names to ten (so, a productive use of everyone’s time, then), Lucy chats with the department chair, accepts his congratulations on her impending arrival, and then makes her escape before Debbie from student services can bustle over with her latest round of well-meant advice about what Lucy should be doing at this stage. Once the morning sickness stopped, Lucy hasn’t minded it too much, but she is not a fan of the (in her opinion, frankly creepy) Mommy Culture that surrounds it. No, she is not going to eat her placenta, or take tasteful black-and-white bump pictures. You will not catch her dead at a gender reveal party, she accepted a baby shower but only a small one with a few women, and the “my labor was TEN HOURS with NO PAINKILLERS!” kind of talk makes her run for the hills. This is 2013. Lucy will have all the drugs, thank you, she doesn’t think a natural water birth is the only proper and fulfilling way for her child to enter the world, she isn’t going to start a blog detailing their toilet training milestones, and the breastfeeding wars make her wonder if these people have real hobbies. Not to bag on women who do it that way, of course, and there have been a few times (thanks to hormones) that Lucy has found herself genuinely weepy over the Miracle of Life. But still. She is, at heart, just too practical.

She rounds the corner into the department reception area, stops, and grins at the sight of Garcia Flynn holding a large and greasy bag from her favorite sandwich shop and looking too tall for the room. (Which, to be fair, is most rooms.) There is paint in his hair, so he’s probably been working on the house again. It’s livable, but they’re still trying to get the finishing touches out of the way before their time becomes unavoidably caught up in caring for a newborn. The nursery is mostly done, decorated in tasteful, gender-neutral colors (Lucy has nothing against pink, but she’s also not slapping it everywhere), and she clears her throat. “Hey, you.”

Flynn starts, nearly drops the sandwich bag, then comes over for a kiss, which is even more of a cumbersome business than usual. The other nice thing about this is that Lucy has not had to lift a finger at home for months; Flynn waits on her hand and foot. He hasn’t been patronizing about it, just that he seems to know what she will need before she does, and makes it available as swiftly and conveniently as possible. He does his best not to hover, fully aware that she is a grown woman and can handle this herself, and that he is decidedly of secondary importance in whose opinion matters the most. Still, he almost never is more than three feet from her side, is usually touching her even with just a finger or the back of his hand, and gets jumpy if she’s out of sight for too long and he doesn’t know why. It must be really hard to adjust from “permanent outlaw on the run from international terrorist organization” to “suburban dad-to-be in loving relationship and DIY home refurbisher,” so Lucy tries to be understanding.

“Hey,” Flynn says, when he’s straightened up. “Free for lunch?”

“Yeah.” Lucy links her arm in his, and they walk out to the foyer, down the stairs, and out into the sunny midmorning. Campus is busy with its usual commerce, and they walk until they find a shady spot under a tree. Sitting, especially on the ground, is a production, so Lucy takes Flynn’s hand and does so with care. Once he’s joined her, he opens the sandwich bag and offers hers, as she leans against the trunk with a groan. “Yep. Ready for this to be over.”

“Only what? Three more weeks?” Flynn says that as if he hasn’t been watching the calendar as anxiously as her, and Lucy gives him a tolerant my-husband-is-an-idiot look. Well, basically her husband. He’s had a bag packed and ready to go at a moment’s notice since month seven. “Your sister was over to drop off the last things from the shower. Helped with a bit of the painting. Oh, and she says your mother isn’t feeling as well again. Watch her announce that the cancer is returned on the very day you go into the hospital.”

Lucy glances at him sidelong. Flynn doesn’t make much of a secret that he can’t stand Carol, but for Lucy’s sake, he rarely speaks this angrily about her. “Garcia, if – if it does come back, she can’t control that. I know things between you two aren’t the best, but – ”

Flynn snorts, taking a bite of his sandwich and doing that head-turn thing he always does in crowded public places, scanning for threats. He still carries a gun, even if only a small one, and he has definitely terrified people he thinks are following them too carefully or staring too long. It’s that fine line between remaining vigilant for Rittenhouse, and turning into a full-on paranoid lunatic who rants at rosebushes. He’s mostly managing it, though as her due date gets closer, he seems to be more on edge. But they’ve bought a house under their real names, they’ve been a normal couple, they’ve opened bank accounts and phone plans and whatever else. There have been plenty of opportunities for Flynn to ping in the system, to draw the attention of the omniscient electronic overlords, but nothing. Smooth sailing.

Flynn himself is suspicious of this, thinks it’s too good to be true, but Lucy (if perhaps naively) is holding onto the hope that he just disguised his tracks well enough with all his false identities that nothing has managed to stick to his real one. It has been over a year of domestic bliss. They’re expecting a baby. Surely if Rittenhouse was going to strike by now, they would have done it. Wouldn’t they? They need to be smart about this, of course, and Lucy has battled the ever-present anxiety that they are doing a child a tremendous disservice by bringing it into the world with no sure guarantee of safety, but then, no parent can give that to any child. There could be a car accident, or some pedo at the playground, or falling out of a tree, or. . .or. . . (yes, Lucy has spent too much time aware of all the various things that could happen). How does anyone ever have children, to give them this world and let them go? Who knows. She still doesn’t.

“Hey,” Flynn says gruffly, drawn out of his anger at Carol by sensing her melancholy. He reaches out and takes her hand, squeezing it with both of his. “Lucy? Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.” Lucy musters a smile. “I just hope you’re wrong. She’s still my mother, I’m her daughter. I don’t want the day I have ours to be mixed up with losing her somehow.”

Flynn coughs, as if knowing that badmouthing your mother-in-law to your wife’s face never goes well, and changes the subject. Finally he says, “I should walk you back. You have a lot to finish. So do I.”

“Oh?” Lucy takes both his hands and allows him to winch her to her feet. “More than just the house?”

Flynn glances both ways and lowers his voice. “I promised Wyatt a name,” he says. “I still haven’t given it to him yet. And I’m quite sure we both remember that.”

Lucy starts to say something, then stops. Yes, she supposes, they do. Wyatt fulfilled his part of the bargain to the letter, took the fall for them, even if he got out of jail quickly. He’s stayed in the Bay Area, in fact – has become roommates with Rufus Carlin, the techie at Mason Industries who Flynn threatened for information. (Lucy does judge her beloved’s life choices, like most people, but there you have it.) He’s done this because there still has been no news whatsoever on his wife. Jessica Logan has been missing over a year, it’s clear she either ran off to start a new life in Rio or she’s dead in some drainage ditch, but either way, she’s not coming home. But without a body, without any firm closure, there must still be that awful, tiny itch of hope in the back of Wyatt’s mind. Maybe she is trapped somewhere, held in some lunatic’s basement. Maybe she’ll escape and come home.

Lucy isn’t sure if she should try to visit or not, drop in for casual catch-ups or what have you. Wyatt did them a major favor, she can understand why Flynn still feels obliged to come up with his end of the bargain. Still, the whole point is that they weren’t seen together, and. . . well. She isn’t sure if Wyatt wants to see her pink-cheeked, doe-eyed, and bulgingly pregnant, in the middle of the domestic life he himself has lost, with the guy he likewise still isn’t very fond of. It just seems like it might be insult to injury.

She and Flynn don’t talk much on the way back to her office, as Lucy eyes the stairs but decides that since she gets winded on flat surfaces, she can wait a little longer to be an exercise hero. But as he’s kissing her at her door, she grabs hold of his arm. “Whatever you’re digging up for Wyatt, however you’re going about it – you’re being careful?”

This is always a relative question with Flynn, and she is well aware that he’s not collecting evidence like a Boy Scout earning merit badges. Knows that he might be kicking tires and turning rocks, nicely or otherwise. She isn’t even asking for the full truth of what he’s doing. Just enough to put her mind at ease.

Flynn’s brow creases briefly, but he brushes a thumb across her chin in a quick, tender gesture. “Of course. I’ll see you later, hey?”

Lucy nods, bites her lip, then pulls his head down for one more kiss, just because. He lets go and blows her one last extra over his shoulder, because it turns out that this terrifying murder machine in love is the softest imaginable thing in the universe. Lucy watches him go, then takes a deep breath and squares her shoulders. Marches back into her office, and gets to work.

She manages to make at least some sort of dent in her in-tray, and is just wondering if she wants to go to a conference at the University of Virginia in August (it sounds really interesting, but Charlottesville in August is going to be unbearably hot, and the last time she stayed on the Lawn, there was no air conditioning) when there’s a rap on her door. Then, before she has answered – it’s not her office hour, she wasn’t expecting anyone – it opens. “Lucy?”

It takes a moment for her brain to process this. Then it connects, it burns through her, and she leaps awkwardly to her feet, almost knocking over her office chair and looking around in search of something she can grab. Her heart is racing, pounding in her mouth, which is half-open as if to scream, and her chest seizes up. She backs away. “You!”

“Lucy, please.” Benjamin Cahill holds out both hands as if to pacify a wild animal. He’s casually dressed in jeans and blazer and plaid shirt, looks like he has just strolled down from another department for a professional chat. “Don’t be alarmed.”

“Don’t be alarmed?” Lucy eyes her phone, on the desk, and wonders if she can call Flynn in time, if he’s anywhere near here and can come racing back. If he discovers Cahill in here, it’s going to get messy, and she almost doesn’t care. “How dare you show your face.”

“Lucy.” Cahill looks pained. Almost genuinely. “I haven’t come to hurt you.”

“So you’ve come to deliver more veiled threats about Rittenhouse, or – or tell me that your offer stands, or – ” Lucy’s grip tightens on the back of her chair. “You have to understand there is absolutely no way in the world I am pleased to see you. Leave, or I’m calling campus security.”

“I’m sorry for causing you stress,” Cahill says. “I’m sure you don’t need it right now. I’ve heard about your happy news, on the grapevine.” He nods at her, as Lucy crosses her arms protectively over her swollen stomach. “I just wanted to let you know once and for all that you’re safe. I know things were. . . mismanaged, before. But that’s all been called off. A little present for my grandchild. Rittenhouse may do some things you don’t understand, but it’s about family. We’ve always believed that. A time for a fresh start, and mending fences.”

Grandchild. Lucy hates hearing that word in his mouth, a word to which he has no right. “So what? You have been spying on me this whole time, but you’ll stop because – what, only now that I’m procreating I have value as a woman to you people? The way men only care about rape because ‘I have a wife and daughter?’ Is that it?”

“No, no.” Cahill manages to keep smiling. It’s not at all comforting. “Honestly. I wanted to ease your mind. You’re in the clear. You’ve probably been wondering. If you really can’t forgive me, I’ll understand, but there you have it. Your whole life.”

Lucy keeps staring at him tensely, heart hammering in her mouth. “What do you really want from me?”

“Nothing. I don’t want anything. I just wanted to see how you were doing, if you were well. As I said.” Cahill shrugs. “It’s just a time for new beginnings all around. I’ll let you get on with your day, Lucy. Bye now.”

With that, he smiles and steps out of the room, leaving Lucy shaky-kneed, dry-mouthed, and still tempted to call campus security and order them not to let Cahill anywhere near the history department again. Was that supposed to be a warning, a veiled insinuation that he could return the surveillance or whatever else? Do she and Flynn owe their happy life thus far purely to the fact that Rittenhouse is letting them have it, was that the takeaway? Is there going to be a second part of this conversation later, where Cahill returns and lets her know what the price is, if she wants to keep this sweet little deal? Turning over new leaves, her ass. If that was supposed to reassure her, it has comprehensively done the opposite.

Lucy’s concentration is shot, she can’t focus for the rest of the day, and she locks up her office and jumps a foot when she sees the janitor at the end of the hall. She drives home in distraction, goes inside, and Flynn, who has been stirring something on the stove, drops the spoon with a clatter at the sight of her face. He almost rushes over and grabs both her hands. “Lucy? Lucy!”

“I’m all right,” Lucy says faintly, even as it is relatively apparent that she is not. “It’s – I’m just – ”

“Do we need to go to the hospital?” Flynn starts looking around for his bag. “Should I call the midwife?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s – ” Lucy inhales a rattling breath, and allows him to sit her down on the couch. “Benjamin Cahill came by campus this afternoon. After you left.”

Flynn’s face goes blank, then thunderous. “He what?”

Lucy explains, feeling like she’s making a bad job of it, stumbling over her words. Flynn’s expression goes darker and darker, and she doesn’t need to ask to see that his conclusions over it are the same as hers. He gets to his feet and starts pacing as restlessly as a caged tiger, running both hands over his face and swearing. “It was a threat,” he says. “It was definitely a threat. He knew you were expecting a baby, someone told him, or they’ve been keeping an eye on us. They’re obsessed with bloodlines, they believe Rittenhouse has a right to pass on its superior genes, like any other creepy cult eugenics fanatics. Probably think you’re having some – some mongrel half-breed, and they have to – ”

“Garcia, stop.” Lucy reaches for his hand, trying to tow him back to the couch and next to her, but he doesn’t appear to notice. “Garcia, stop.”

She doesn’t know what she’s saying – stop with the pacing, stop with the paranoia, don’t stop because it’s not paranoia, stop and come back here and hold me – but it cuts through some of his mania. He halts in his tracks, looking at her with rumpled hair and anguished eyes, the thought vibrating in the air around him that he cannot protect her or their daughter, and this is exactly their worst fear coming true. There’s a long pause, and then he whirls on his heel. “I need to go out. Ask a few questions. See what I can turn up.”

“Now?” Lucy stands up with a grimace. “You’re really going to rush out and – look, I think it was a trick just as much as you do, but if you take the bait, if they can frame it as they’ve changed but you haven’t, they give you a fresh chance and you throw it away – ”

“They’re not really giving us a chance, now, are they?” Flynn doesn’t look at her as he answers, because he’s already halfway across the room, clearly heading upstairs to get his gun out of the safe. “It’s a carnival shell game, any way they set it up, we lose! And I’m not sitting and waiting for that to happen!”

“Garcia!” Lucy starts heaving herself up the stairs. She should have guessed he’d react like this, and she almost wonders if she should have told him, but obviously she never could (or would have) lied. “Garcia, please!”

She reaches their bedroom, which he is already tearing apart, pulling his gun and its holster out of the safe, slamming extra clips into his belt, looking wild-eyed and frightening. She grabs at his arms, wrestling him to a halt like a runaway bus, as she ends up with her back against the wall from the sheer force of his momentum. She grips his face in her hands, pulling him down to look at her. “Don’t,” she says, scared and small. “Don’t.”

He closes his eyes, shuddering out a deeply pained breath. He passes a hand over his face, trying to control himself, realizing that he’s scared her and clearly ashamed of it. “I’m sorry,” he says, struggling to modulate his tone. “I’m sorry, Lucy. I just – I have to go, I can’t just sit here and pretend it’ll be better in the morning. I’ve spent two years chasing these people, I know what they can do. I’m not – I’m not – letting that happen. Call Amy to come over and stay with you, turn on the house alarm, don’t let anyone in. I’ll be back in the morning.”

Lucy doesn’t answer at once. Her hands tighten on his face, even as she slowly forces them to let go. Then she stands on her tiptoes to kiss him, and he wraps his arm around her, pulling her as close as he can. “Please,” she says shakily. “Please be back in the morning.”

He nods, then lets go of her, striding down the hall to the stairs as if knowing it’ll be too hard for both of them if he looks back one more time. She stands at the top, watching him. Hears the door open, and shut, and hears his car start. Tires crunch in the driveway, headlights swing across the front foyer as he reverses, and then he’s gone.

Lucy presses her knuckles to her mouth, holding back a sob. Just for a moment. Then she shakes herself – I’m fine, I’m fine – and goes to get her phone.

Flynn’s head is a roaring, whirling maelstrom for at least the first twenty minutes out. He feels like he’s been electrified, he can’t stop or slow, he drives well past the speed limit, and he’s lucky not to be pulled over. He has a personal black site where he keeps his Rittenhouse materials, well away from the house, as he’s obviously not going to take any chances with that being raided. It’s north, up in the woods, and it has all the files he’s kept, the intel he’s collected – he’s not letting those two years go to waste, and he still adds to it where he can. He’s going to go up there and check all the things that might have pinged, run all the diagnostics and pull anything he can off whatever server he can think of. There has to be chatter, there has to be traffic. Some kind of reference to whatever covert surveillance operation that Rittenhouse has to have been running. He’s looked for everything, he’s never really stopped – how could they have fooled him?

The urge to drive to another location in Marin County – the Rittenhouse mansion in the woods where Cahill took Lucy the first time – and just go in guns blazing, try to take out anyone who’s up there for an evil retreat, is considerable. Flynn knows he can’t, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to. Every anxiety, every lurking terror from every time he’s woken up and looked at Lucy sleeping, the covers sloped over her stomach, has been triggered at once, and it’s a battle to keep his head clear enough as it is. He’s going to ask her to marry him. Should probably have done it before, but – well, one thing at a time. He knows he loves her with his entire mind and heart and soul, and if she came back to him from the future, well. Something must have happened there.

(But what if it doesn’t?)

(What if Rittenhouse takes his wife – well, soon, anyway – and his daughter away from him? What if he loves two people more than anything else on earth, and he loses them? After all this, after everything?)

(He’s not brave enough, he’s not strong enough, to stand that without going mad.)

Flynn’s hands are almost vibrating on the wheel, and he accelerates again. He’s on the Bayshore Freeway, as it happens, the stretch that runs right alongside the Bay between South San Fran and Little Hollywood. He saved Lucy not twenty miles from here, just over ten years ago. Strange that that was the moment that connected them so inextricably, that wound them up where they are, and –

He sees headlights too late. Just out of the corner of his eye.

Hears the screech, and the swerve. Then the crash.

Then there’s nothing but black water below him, and the car is falling.

#lucy x flynn #garcy #garcy ff #timeless ff #the tangled web of fate we weave

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what-ever-happened-to-chip · 3 years

Text

Detective Rinoa

Squally better fucking gather info together with Camp B or I will kill him. I won’t be the only one pulling weight in this.

Detective Rinoa is on it.

First things first need to dress for the occasion. I find my best biker shorts, my tightest tank top (might need to use my womanly charm for info), my apple watch, three pens, my pocket journal and a short sleeve cargo vest for all my accessories.

For protection I bring along Angelo and pepper spray. Plus my shooting star blaster edge. Hair tie on and I am set.

I make a list of all the people with possible info. Christian obviously, J, Tidus, Noah. Also Jenn and Yuna with questions marks after their names. Those two I doubt have any info but maybe since Jenn was dead she’ll remember something. Also I am suspicious of what Natsu was yelling about. Darn if only we had just a little more time together with Camp B I coulda got more info. Maybe they separated us for that reason.

Yuna I put down cause I don’t think she personally had any information but she hung with Eli a

lot and he knows something. Or at least pretends to know.

They shut off any way of talking to B. Our phones don’t work trying to call or text them. We obv can’t send letters. I even tried like hacking the system and using email or facebook when I really wanted to talk to Zidane but no that was all blocked. I just don’t get it. When we were in San Diego we were still able to talk to each other just not live together. Now they have us completely separated! Like we been with these people thousands of years and outta nowhere BOOM! Separated. They claim its cause we got “too rowdy” but we were like that forever so something musta changed.

I bet Ulquiorra knows something about all this spirt stuff but not like I’ll be able to get anything out of him. Or maybe I can? He does have a weak spot for attractive woman. I add him to my list and check myself if the mirror. Yea you got it girl.

okay who to start with? Christian I probably get most info outt a but I am not in the modd for his cryptic speech pattern right now. So no I wait on that.

Me and Jenn are friends so I decided to knock her out quick. Okay Rinoa you got this. I whistle Angelo along and head towards her room.

“Knock knock its me girl!:

“Rinoa!” She runs up and hugs me. She's so cute. I love her.

“Isn’t this so shitty ! Its like I finally getta be back with Aiden and then they take us apart again ! How could they be so cruel? She pouts and sits on her bed.

I have been trying the last hundred years to get her to dump that creep but no she's wayyyy into his flaming ass. He;s like a literal monster and fucking killed her! Jenn. Sweet, innocent Jenn! But she doesn’t listen to reason just with her heart. I admire that in ways but just wish her heart was head over heels for not such a piece of shit as a person. Gray warned me if Aiden found out about what i was doing he would send me straight to hell. He’s not gonna do shit he's a pussy and so what if he does. He doesn’t have shit on me and even if he does that just proves to Jenn he is a fucking monster. Whatever. Fuck Him.

“I know girl this is so fucked up!! Least we’re on the same camp side!!”

“Yea totally and I guess besides Aiden and Namine I am not really friends with any of them.”

“Oh you have more friends then that!!” I tried to think who wasn’t a dirt bag piece of shit on that side of the camp. They definitely had wayyyy more then we did.

“I mean I guess Marcus is like sorta my friend but it always seems like hes making fun of me.” Jenn looked upset at this and began messing with her nails.

You could always tell how anxious she was by how long her nails were. They were like stubs now. It was probably hanging with Aiden. He’s so stressful for her.

“Yea I feel you girl him and that slut Lana just walk around like they are better then everyone and pretend they are like this power couple when aha- yea no.” (word from narrator. She said the last part with a scoff and a very pronounced “aha: in about the bitchest way you can imagine it)

“Yea she like hung out in here other day and it was just weeeirdddd.”

“That is weird why was she in here?”

“I don’t even know she was like asking me about how I feel about Aiden having Harry suck his dick, which I thought was super weird she was thinking about that. Like is she trying to imagine Aiden’s penis or something.” Jenn paused to grab her box of nail polish outta side table drawer. “Anyhow I told her its like fine cause Harrys so weird its like who cares about him.”

“Totally girl.” My nails needed some color too. I searched through her colours till I found a really lovely silver.

While we both painted our nails and updated each other on our feelings about the newest bachelorette. I felt like Todd should totally get with Kaitlyn but Jenn felt Winston was the better match. Todd was just so cute. Okay now that thats all settled I needed info.

“Hey so like before we got split up Natsu yelled something about you being like a dark thing or like idk what?”

“Yea I don’t know what he was saying it was just like weird and its like how can I be that? Doesn;t make any sense to me”

Rats no info.

“Yea I wouldn’t worry about it Natsus an idiot and probably just misheard something.”

“Yeah, your probably right.” Jenn looked a bit worried though.

Well this wasn’t getting me anywhere I should go see Yuna next just to get both the easy ones outta the way.

“Hey girl I gotta go, I am trying to figure out whats going on in this camp. Somethigns fishy and I am going to find out what. Maybe if I do they won’t have us spilt up as much.”

“Okay yea, good luck to you! I know you can figure it out!” Jenn flashed her teethy grin at me. She lead me to door gave me a big hug and sent me on my way.

Okay next stop stonerville

I tried her room but she wasn’t in there. Fuck hopefully she didn’t go anywhere I guess if she did I could just go to someone else on list. I saw Neji down the hall “Hey Neji have you seen Yuna?’

“Yes she was in the living room watching tv and smoking weed with a ton of people.”

“Thanks!” He seems less angry lately which is nice cause he was getting pretty flippin weird with all his hubris yelling.

I walked into living room and Neji wasn’t joking there was like 10 people in here. I spotted Yuna squeezed on couch next to Lana and Naruto. Gippal lay sprawled on the couch with his legs on all of them. Such a lazy fuck couldn’t sit up for people. Um Rude!

I didn’t want to talk to her here and have everyone yelling their opinions at once. So annoying. Once I received more information I would relay it to rest of camp but not yet.

“Rin No Na! What it be what it do?” Jesse yelled. He would be kinda cute if he wasn’t so obnoxious.

“I am fine, no don’t move over I am not staying.” I looked at tv they were all watching the hangover. I did want to watch it with them but I’ve seen it like 5 times and my mission was important. I sat on coffee table facing Yuna “Psst hey Yuna can we go somewhere to talk’

“WHAT YA GUYS GONNA TALK ABOUT?” Naruto yelled. Great just fucking great now everyones gonna start yelling other annoying things.

“I bet its period stuff.” Natsu yelled

“No I bet its woman stuff” Naruto yelled

“Periods are woman stuff you dumb fuck” Sasuke yelled

“Shut up all of you its none of your fucking business!.”

Some mumbles and a few more yells how we were gonna have sex and scissor each other. Everyone is so moronic here, it's sooo aggravating.

“Yea of course Rinoa!” Yuna squeezed herself outta the couch with the grunts from Gippal. He better not vomit on the fucking couch again that was so fucking gross and disgusting.

I guided Yuna to my room which was the safest room to talk. No one ever came here except Zidane but he was with other camp so I am safe.

“Oh I love what you’ve done with the room!” Yuna smiled and sat on the end of bed . She just sat there smiling. I wonder how her face isn’t stuck in that position from how much she does it. I dug around in my desk until I found my one hitter and a lil bit of weed. I didn’t smoke much so this was probably months old but whatever it will do. I hand the packed pipe to Yuna whose face lights up at it “Oh thank you Rinoa this is so thoughtful!” She takes down the whole bowl in one huge hit. Packing it again with her own personal stash. She hands it towards me but I wave it off. Have to keep my brain clear.

“So whats going on? Is everything okay?” Yuna asked. Okay good the weed didn’t make her retarded. This stuff wasn’t that strong so that probably helped, also her tolerance I bet is wayyy too high for this cheap stuff to effect her much.

“Yeah I am fine, everything is good with me. I am just, well I been thinking about all that stuff that happened before they split us up, like about the darks spirits, I was wondering if you knew anything about that?”

“Oh yes it was such a terrible thing that happened to Jonis dear daughter, I am so furious with Gray and how it all happened. Just so Gray could oh I don’t even know what he wanted out of it which makes me even more mad! “ Yuna huffed a little after all this, its probably from the weed and she didn’t take a single breathe while talking but I liked to believe it was from the extra pounds she carried around with her. Ha chunky Yuna huffing away. Okay Rinoa focus

I didn’t really care about all the stuff with Jonis daughter but I needed Yuna to stay on my side so I said “yea that was so fucked up of Gray, Just cause hes sad and miserable doesn’t mean he needs to bring everyone to his level.” I scoffed and Yuna nodded in approval “So yea anyhow about dark spirits you know anything?”

“Its a horrible place. I don’t know a lot but I know a little bit.” Yuna drank some water and continued “So usually souls are sent to their worlds version of the after life”

Rinoa interrupted “- so its like hell?”

“No I mean hell still exists in some worlds but their soul is still intact for lack of a better term. It can still be retrieved and brought back.”

“Ok so this place is like totally different from other afterworlds, its like its own entity?”

“Precisely! Its its own separate place! I am not sure where it came from or how long its been around, Elis I know speculates it formed when the worlds collided, yet I know Aiden was there before that so I don’t believe that is true. Christian told me once its always been around, and after Eli heard about that, he speculated that the reason the worlds collided had to do with this place. I am not sure about any of that. What I do know is the place consists of dark magic and dark beings dwell there. Any soul who steps into that place becomes tainted. So what happened with Lily is because she was killed with dark magic she was tainted and had to be sent there. No other afterlife could handle such a dark being without becoming dark themselves. I don’t exactly know how it all works though.” Yuna looked down seemingly flustered with it all

I pondered on this for a while. She gave me a lot more information then I could have hoped for.

“So its pretty much the worst place in the universe? No wonder Aiden is so fucked up!”

“Yes it is, Eli told me once anyone who goes there becomes tainted in a way, incomplete rather. Like they aren’t all together human anymore. He couldn’t tell me how or why. He also said anyone who goes their becomes trapped but Aiden is intact and he has his soul still, so Eli must be wrong about that. Or perhaps thats what usually happens and Aiden somehow beat the system? I don’t know its all so horrible I don’t like to think about it!” Yuna took the liberty to pack herself another bowl to smoke.

“Hmm so if thats the case and J was there and also got out there must be some way.”

“Yes they must be! Ya know I can feel souls with my summoner ability and I have always sensed J’s soul be off. Like it just feels wrong but now that I know he was in that place, thats probably why it feels that way!”

“Yea and thats why spirits don't seem to want anything to do with him and let him get away with so much shit because they don’t want him around. He probably terrifies them!”

I began jotting down things in my journal and Yuna finished off her bowl.

“Hey Yuna no offense but I gotta go. I need to figure out more about all this and I have quite a few more people to talk to!”

“Oh of course I will leave you, if you need anything more I will be in living room!”

“Okay yea thanks” Just before she left room I thought of one more thing “Hey real quick so I am gonna talk to Noah, Tidus, J , Ulquiorra and Christian , know anyone else in Camp A that would know something?”

Yuna pondered for a second “Perhaps try Sasuke? He seems to know a lot about everything. Oh and try Jet! He was an old commander so perhaps he knows something from his time in charge.”

“Okay yea i put them down, thanks see you around! “ Yuna waved and headed out

No way in hell was I talking to either one of them. Especially if I didn’t have to. Wasn’t in the mood to get groped and deal with the biggest asshole in camp. No thank you.

Next stop Noah!

I found him in his room laying in the dark with his covers up. He looked briefly at me when I entered but turned around to continue staring at his wall.

I took the liberty to let myself in. I slid out a chair and opened the blinds up so I could see. He looked like shit.

“Hey I know you probably don’t want to talk about this but I need to know about the dark spirit place or whatever its called.” I paused looking at him “Its important.” I added

No response. I couldn’t wait for him to get over whatever this was.

“Noah, I need to know, help me out here”

“Why would you wanna know about that place?” He said it in a whisper

“I, no we, as a camp need to know!” This came out a lot more harsh then I meant it too. Whatever. Usually the guy was so dumb you asked him anything and he replied. No filters. But now when I need him to talk hes understanding what silence means? What the fuck. Where's lady luck and why isn’t she on my side?

“No you don’t need to know, you think you need to know but it won’t help anything, it won’t change anything. It will just bring pain and destruction.

I was geting so annoyed at his inability to just answer a fucking question I blew up.

“OMG are you mansplaining to me? I know what is good and bad for me to know. Fuck right off Noah. I can handle myself, I can handle this, I am not a moron.”

He sat up slightly at this and sighed “ No you can��t handle this, you or anyone else in camp that isn’t already involved in this doesn’t need to be. Theres no reason for anyone to know anymore then you guys already do. Now please leave me I am not in the mood.”

I wanted to freak out at him, yet I realized that would get me nowhere. ;”Fine be that way, go fuck yourself Noah!” I slammed his door as hard as I could manage . I sat in the hallway and cried for a little bit. Why can’t I know? He obviously told Joni or else she wouldn’t have had him kill her kid. Or maybe he's the only one that takes orders from Joni. She's such a junkie cunt I bet even if she was here she wouldn’t give me any answers either. Just yell about needing more booze and making stupid inside jokes with jesse that no one else finds funny. They are the worst set of twins I have ever fucking met .

This was pointless. I went to my room and screamed in my pillow for a few minutes. When I was done my throat hurt and Angelo looked worried.

Sign this whole thing was stupid why did I even try it? No I have to keep going. I decided to go see Tidus when he actually took his meds he was pretty cool and we hung out. When he was off them though it was fucking annoying as shit. Lately he seemed normal so lets hope for the best. I can’t have two let downs in a row.

I found him in his room lifting weights, his room looked mostly clean which was a good indicator on his saneness. “35, 36, 37,-”

“Hey Tidus its me can I come in?”

“Oh yea Rinoa let me just finish these reps. 38, 39- I waited till he counted to 50 and set the weight down before speaking

“Hey so I gonna cut right to the chase, your a spirit and everything so I wonder if you know anything about all this dark spirit stuff they were talking about?”

He was drinking out of his water but stopped after i said dark spirit and his face fell. Oh he totally knows something.

“Umm no I don’t umm sorry,” He faced away from me and I saw in his mirror him muttering to himself.

“I know you know something Tidus, just tell me I can take it.” He fidgeted around picking up random objects then setting them down.

“I mean well I wanna tell you but I am not suppose to talk about it”

“What? Who says you cant talk about it?” Now I was super curious a secret dark spirit place that he was banned from talking about. Oh this was juicy.

I heard people out the door talking and heard my name so my ears perked up, it sounded like Jesse and Yuna

“You were talking to Rinoa? Egh talking to her is like I have an itch on the roof of my mouth that only a shotgun can scratch.” Jesse said loudly

“Oh shes not that bad!” Yuna replied

What a fucking asshole, I made a mental note to go chew him out after this but I didn’t want to wreck my flow I had going here.

Tidus looked at me sympathetically and I waited till they passed by before talking again

Tidus spoke first tho “Hey don’t mind Jesse he’s just an asshole”

“Uh Yea duh I know that and why would I be bothered by what a lonely wannabe says about me?” My eyes challeneged him to say something stupid. Wisely he changed topics

“Well um what you been up to today?

“Well I been trying to get people to tell me about the dark spirit place.”

He looked uncomfortable and said “Uh huh I see, why is it you wanna know so bad?”

“Because I, or well camp, has the right to know about this, I mean like shouldn’t we do something about it or like go save people from it.”

“You can’t get rid of it that's not how it works, its like saying your gonna blow up hell, its not possible. ANd saving people, why would we have to do that? No one we know is there so that just be a suicide mission.” He shook his head and drank down the rest of his water. Going to refill it in the water jug he had in his room he added “Even if we did have someone to save, we couldn't. It would just be a waste of lifes and resources!”

“Well Lily got there why wouldn’t we go save her?”

“You know why Rinoa, she doesn’t matter to camp, she's just a kid with no powers.”

“Omg why didn’t I think of that!” If someone that camp needed or cared about went there we would have to go save them and have to go there! I refrained from saying this out loud though so no one could hear my scheme and block it. Tidus just assumed I didn’t realize Lily was useless which I mean duh, I let him think that though. Makes things easier.

“Yea I mean maybe she would have powers later but she was only in camp like an hour and I mean like Yuna liked her and- He started rambling about how great Yuna was and I spaced out. Who should I get killed though? It would have to be Noah killing them and use his weird demon thing inside him to do it, can’t be a gun, no pretty sure it have to be Virgo inside him. Hmm who to kill though? My first thought after what Jesse said was him but no he was immortal that wouldn’t work. I don’t know if immortality worked against this but I didn’t want to risk it. Only have one go at this. Hmmm maybe Aerith? She was important plus easy to kill plus Sasuke would go insane and make people go save her with him. Yes, Aerith would be perfect. I almost think Jenn would be funnier to fuck with Aiden but shes useless, so the commanders might not let us go and then Aiden probably just convince himself she never existed and we all would just move on in our lives. Wait, Aerith is a spirit though, that might safeguard her. Not sure but once again don’t wanna risk it. Fuck who then?

“And shes so caring and pretty and- “

“Tidus shut up I am trying to think”

He stopped talking and made a face at me. “You coulda said that nicer”

“Yea okay I am sorry, whatever, “

“What are you thinking about anyhow?” Tidus inquired.

Was it safe to tell him? Probably and I would need help with this so bing bing hes the winner! I decided to ease into it though and gauge him out. If he seemed hesitant I would have to find someone new to ask

“I was just thinking how shitty it would be if someone from camp was killed and sent there.”

“Oh yea that would be horrible we wouldn’t see them ever again!”

“I mean never again?” I asked as innocently as I could manage “I mean Aiden got out of there didn’t he?”

“Yea I mean yea but he has Christian helping him when Christian still had access to virgo or well access to his powers”

So thats how it happened hmmm

“Well couldn’t he access them again?” I inquired

“No cause Virgo is in Noah.”

“What about J? He got taken out too?

“Yea I don’t know how that worked I only just found that out today, I assumine G accessed the igndaemoni stone. I heard that has to do with it” “ I also hear- all of a sudden Tidus’s face just stopped moving

“What the hell?” I asked and just as I did I saw J walk into the room. Oh so he paused time. What an asshole

“J what the fuck!!!! I was so close!!” I pouted and waved my notebook around and my pen flew out of my hand as I flayed around

“A little too close” His nasally voice said. God his voice was so fucking annoying

“Lets go to kitchen to talk” I followed him in there and noticed quite a few people in there all paused

“Stop while your ahead Trist me on this.”

“Omg you fucking too-- omg look at grays face!!”

His face looked like he was just about to sneeze. Contored and retarded looking.

J let out his shrill laugh while Rinoa laughed like she was actually saying the words heehee

“Wait Wait look at Lana!” Her face looked like it was turning both ways and her hand was in her butt cheek.

“Omg”

Rinoa and J continued to point out others with dumb expressions on each letting out their different but equally annoying laughs.

J wiped a tear from his eye “Oh that rich thats just great.”

I decided to try again “So J what the fuck why did you pause everyone.”

“For my own safety that's why!” He yelled back. God did he not know how to get his voice at a reasonable level

“You’re safety from what ?”

J looked around like a paranoid drunk. “Just trust me bitch, you don’t want to go down this path.” J himsellf knew hardly anything about this, he had to take a class in it at the spirit university but he fell asleep half way through and skipped the next two classes and the final class he was so lost on the exam he decided to get drunk in the bathroom and have G make sure he got a passing score. What he did know though was that Ulqiorra would kill him if Rinoa started some shit up. Partly why they let Harry and him spy on everyone was for security reasons and as long as everyone behaved themselves, at least a little, they were allowed to continue being camp security.

“DON’T CALL ME A BITCH!” Rinoa stormed, proving J’s point in her screams of rage if she classified as a bitch or not.

After her yells subsided with some throw ins of “clay piece of fuck,” “get new friends” “your an fucking asshole” she sat down and crossed her arms and started pouting.

“I don’t see why I can’t just know, I am not gonna do anything with it I just want to know”

“No you definitely want to do something and I can’t risk you knowing too much and fucking things up for me.”

“For you what the fuck do you mean?”

Shit J thought didn’t need to add that last part “I just mean me as like everyone in camp its won’t be good and Ulquiorras gonna flip out if you unite everyone in some doomed mission.”

Rinoas face contorted but then twisted into a devious smile. “Okay fine I won’t do anything” She said as innocent as she could manage.

J stared at her with a look of disbelieve but he also was just about to go to Milwaukee with Paine, Yuna and Gippal and he really wanted to get to that. Distancing himself from harry has really done wonders for his social life. He gets to hang out with Gipplal, GIPPAL! His dreams were coming true.

As J daydreamed about his perfect day with Gippal and how maybe they could break off from the other two and get ice cream and Gippal would get some in his beard and J would slowly wipe it off for him-- Rinoa was thinking of how to get j out of camp so she can continue getting answers. “So can you unpause it, I get it okay?”

“Yea Yea fine,” J took out a device in his pocket and hit the button. Everyone instantly started moving.

“What where did you guys come from?” Gray asked

“WE BEEN IN HERE FUCK OFF” J replied and left to go find his new friends.

“Yea lay off the dope its making you stupid.” Rinoa shot back at him

“I don’t recall you guys being in here either” Lana stated

“Whatever you guys are all dumb then” Rinoa flipped her hair and walked out of the room, forgetting about Tidus for the moment and headed back to her room

In Tidus’s room he was quite shocked by Rinoa disappearing and was terrified he had hallucinated the whole conversation “Oh no Oh no, she was here, wasn’t she? No nonononono! “ Tidus yelled and began searching around his room for her. Looking under his bed and in his closet for obvious places but then under books and his lamp thinking maybe she somehow shrunk. Moving on from schizo boy we head back to Rinoa.

“Okay I just have to find a way to get J to leave. hmmm “ Rinoa mindlessly pet Angelo while brainstorming. Suddenly Yuna walked in.

“Hey Rinoa is was lovely talking to you earlier, I hope you figure out what your looking for!”

“Yea yea I am trying to think now so can you like leave?’

“Oh okay yea no I can’t stay I am going to milwaukee with some friends!” As yuna turned to leave Rinoa yelled for her to stop

“Wait who are you going with?” Rinoa asked, she had to get J to go with them somehow.

“Oh um Paine, Gippal and J”

Rinoa jumped up and ran and hugged Yuna “OMG I could kiss you thats fantastic! Don’t let me keep you go go” Rinoa shooed out the very confused Yuna.

“Okay Angelo we are back on track!” Rinoa jumped for joy grabbed her notepad and ran to go find TIdus.

-- And that finishes Part 1 of this story-- I will either finish it or can have Rinoa explain how rest of it went when I see ya tomorrow! Probably do the latter so we can move on with plot!

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deathandindignitybedamned · 7 years

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Ooooh why not share it! Post it and lets talk about what we agree and what we dont agree! Its fun.

Okay then….let’s take a look at a few points I’ve been mentally circling today: (this is very stream of consciousness think and type thing…but I think it makes some sense. also my computer froze while I was in the middle of working on the first version of this so now I say fuck it here it is)

You talked about Felicity and her conscious and subconscious isolation and how it becomes a sort of self fulfilling prophecy with both John and Oliver (and pretty much everyone else in her life). I 100% agree with that. She isolates to protect herself and when Oliver reads that as “give me space” she subconsciously reads it as an affirmation of that “I’m broken” idea that Noah first planted in her mind which is at this point buried so deep that is has seeped into every inch of her. Being left behind is a visceral fear for her. So rather than reach out to these men, she draws everything so close to her that all she is able to project is these ideas “humor” and “lightness” that John and Oliver are unable to see beyond. I also think Rory was so unexpected that she couldn’t see out of her guilt spiral bring herself to project Fine-ness to him. (I miss Rory can he come back please)Billy’s death is that final straw that breaks the layers of compartmentalization that she’s built up since the middle of s4. The EPs keep calling it a dark arc. I think a more apt description is aggressiveness. She works aggressively around Oliver’s tunnel vision when Black Siren turns up. When asked to get the files on Walker she follows any breadcrumb in order to do that. This is not a new thing for her. She uses an invaluable resource in order to help the team track down Prometheus. Blindly? Yes. But she, perhaps more than anyone else on the team, can see how powerful Pandora/Helix can be as a weapon if yielded properly. She uses it again when Thea indicates that there is a Clear Threat to the team and is then immediately talked down to about her fucking empathy. All of this is playing into Helix’s hands, yes, but she is still trying to take action to protect the people who are closest and most important to her.So on to last night: I laughed at the 5x19 episode blurb because WHY ARE WE STILL ACTING LIKE SHE HASN’T BEEN COMMITTING FELONIES FOR THE ENTIRE DURATION OF THIS SHOW. She straight up committed corporate espionage in s1 by hacking into Merlyn Global. In s2 she blew up a building and it was her idea. We learned in s3 that she wrote the equivalent of a cyber-nuke before she was 19. She stole from her own company in s4, and had to make an impossible choice to save millions of lives (there is a part of me that thinks Lyla arranged for her to be given immunity for Havenrock because the President was aware of the situation, but that’s for the day I actually make notes on the What If Helix/Chase Chose to Out Her as the Person “Responsible” for it). So please, let’s not pretend that Felicity hasn’t been crawling around in the shit since season 1. Nevertheless, the perception of her that Oliver and John have mean that they think she is protected from making those decisions. It’s why Oliver and John were both so out of their element when dealing with her in this episode. (I think I read somewhere that Lyla comparing James to a nuke was her talking about Felicity…..and I just gotta call bull on that. Lyla as a character is not about Subtext, she’s about Text. If something is Relevant to her Cause, she just goes for it. And while I think they’re friends, I have never read Lyla as being super close to Felicity. In part because I think Lyla understands through Waller, just how dangerous Felicity is. And I’m sorry, but reducing everything about Lyla Michaels to her relationship with Oliver and Felicity is lazy and reduces her importance as her own character and within her marriage to John).The thing that I kind of got (happily?) stuck on tonight was an idea that the series of confrontations Felicity had with team leading up to the last one in the bunker felt like they cut all of the ties that were keeping her tethered to Oliver. I know she never expected to sway Lyla, but she expected something like trust from Oliver, if not that then at least an acknowledgement of her position from John. The lack of anything in that moment was the first cut and yet another sign to her that she wasn’t worth it. The conversation in the loft was stunning to me in its honesty. What exactly is she losing if she feels that her soul has already been burned away? There’s nothing left of her but her drive to love and protect Oliver from the monster he helped create (Chase), and the monster he sees in himself.I was texting with a friend of mine (@vivisectyourheart - I drop kicked her into this black hole so that I have someone to text yell at and she finally caught up to watch in real time) and I said “5x19 was like kicking a rock off the edge of the Grand Canyon and waiting to hear it hit the bottom. With them on opposite sides” and I’ve had some time to digest that and sort of shift it a little bit. I think we could say that this whole season has been the two of them standing on opposite sides of a canyon and Oliver is staring at his phone trying to figure out why she hasn’t called him while Felicity is over there kicking rocks over and waiting for Oliver to hear her. They both were trying to communicate but they were expecting each other to be using a different language. So that moment when he says “don’t count on it” was for me the final cord being cut for Felicity. She’s a runner. She’s been a runner since Noah left and she first learned how to change herself to best fit her surroundings (welcome to my Chameleon Felicity™ black hole). She stayed after season 4 because she still felt tied to the people. And in failing to trust and support her, and taking action against her, those ties were gone. Part of me thinks that Felicity didn’t expect to go back to the bunker after that. She’d be able to get the tech and make her move against Chase on her own terms. I get really tired of it, but there are a number of apt parallels with s3 and I think her not going back would have been the same play as Oliver’s stupid plane idea. Flawed from the beginning because it assumed that success would only come by sacrificing herself. Fighting to die as it were. So she leaves Oliver and the team behind and plans to move forward again with Helix only to be left behind and forced to go back to the bunker with all of her defenses down and a half drunk scruffy ex. Again, the honesty and acting choices in that scene did things to me.And that is……pretty much where I run out of steam for tonight. I’ve always got stuff percolating but *beccashrug*

#yellowflicker09011996 #ask dr beccerson #OTC: Bitch with WiFi #so yeah I'm hitting post and going to sleep #because work #and also because anxiety?#whatever #I come from the Land of Ye Olde El-Jay #My Lonely Felicity Feels #Sweetie your face

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