#and then said that doom was even better

[gerogerigaogaigar]

Lil Wayne - Tha Carter II

I slept on Wayne for too long. I suppose he was hitting his stride when I was barely a high schooler, but I have no excuse for not checking out his backlog sooner. Tha Carter II is a solid contender for his best work and represents a huge jump in quality from his previous work. That's not to say Tha Carter I is bad, far from it, but Weezy completely and utterly destroys the competition on this one. Behind the laid back lazy vibes there's a lot of highly technical shit happening in the verses here. Weezy can maintain a rhyme scheme well past when a normal person would have run dry and the multisyllabic patter is layered into the rhymes until he's practically juggling rhyme and rhythmic ideas. The ability to glide from laid back to intense staccato flow and from lazy to frenetic pace is an amazing achievement. When Lil Wayne declared himself the best rapper alive he was not kidding. He sincerely was one of the best rappers alive.

Mobb Deep - The Infamous

For people that are not already big hip hop heads this album is a bit of a hidden gem. It came out among a scene that was reinventing hardcore hip hop on the east coast, but didn't quite achieve the long term success of Enter the Wu Tang or Illmatic. Possibly the starkness is slightly to blame. There is no time for goofy skits and even the bravado isn't in the name of fun, this shit is serious. There's less individualist bravado here and more 'none of are gonna make it unless we all work together' vibes. East coast hip hop has a few notable hallmarks and my favorite is the oh so predictable inclusion of what I like to call "haunted piano". This tends to lend a more serious, stark sound to east coast hip hop as opposed to the funkier west coast. In the case of The Infamous these stark beats and dead serious subject matter make for an intense experience. Plus the features by Nas, Q-Tip (who also produces), and half the Wu-Tang crew make this album a who's who of east coast rappers.

George Harrison - All Things Must Pass

When the Beatles broke up John and Paul started their solo careers and Ringo went back into the Ringo box or whatever. George Harrison however had an ace up his sleeve. While John and Paul had been stealing the limelight he had just been writing a billion fucking songs and so his solo debut is a triple album. Surprisingly there is very little of the psychedelic raga influenced ramblings that you'd expect, instead Harrison seems to have gotten interested in country and blues. And it really works! There is of course a fair bit of psychedelia, My Sweet Lord was the big hit after all and the title track is pretty psych too. But imo the album's strongest moments are after a reprise of Isn't It A Pity where he just spends the rest of the album doing extended bluesy hard rock guitar jams.

Drake - If You're Reading This It's Too Late

Listen I'm such a fucking hater for Drake. So it pains me to say that this album isn't a complete dumpster fire. It is still impossible for me to take Drake seriously as a rapper but hey at least he's trying to actually rap right? I think this might actually be enjoyable if it was pared down a bit and if the beats were punched up a bit and if someone other than Drake rapped over them.

Aerosmith - Rocks

I'm gonna start being known as that girl who will go to bat for mediocre dad rock bands aren't I? I like Aerosmith, they genuinely nail the stupid guitar god machismo of the 70s. The guitars can scream, the drums go wild, and Steven Tyler's camp ass voice feels completely unrestrained. All they have to do is keep up that energy and they do. When Last Child started playing I legitimately air guitared to that sick ass riff.

Madvillain - Madvillainy

MF Doom and Madlib were a match made in hip hop heaven. Madlib could flip a sample better than anyone in the industry at the time and the esoteric nostalgic beats were the perfect accompaniment for Doom's supervillain persona. Doom's rapping is at its peak here, pretty much take every good thing I said about Wayne's technique and turn it up to eleven. Faster, effortless, deliberately sloppy, mumbly yet perfectly enunciated. Rhymes in rhymes in rhymes are stuffed rapid fire in a minute and a half what would take other rappers four. Doom's GOAT status is unassailable. The thing is that Madlibs beats are so incredible that if you just removed Doom from this record it would still be an amazing listen. These two are just so incredibly individually talented musicians that also happen to be the perfect fit for each other.

#lil wayne #mobb deep #george harrison #drake #aerosmith #madvillain #so i definitely declared wayne the best rapper of his era #and then said that doom was even better #even though those two albums came out within a year of each other #so which one is it audrey? #doom or wayne? #the answer is shut up who give a shit #500 album gauntlet

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

why is job hunting.

that's it that's the post

#this is both radicalizing me even more & absolutely harshing my mellow #why. do i need. to communicate with a 'virtual assistant'. to apply at hot fucking topic #you know? maybe i Dont need to apply there. who wants em #everywhere is like you need This This and This #oh look an entry level job! aaaand i need a thousand certifications #Excuse Me Where Do People Who Have Done Nothing With Their Life Thus Far Apply??? #why do jobs exist. why cant we all just vibe huh #each application feels like a new death sentence #cant wait to work myself into the ground for a company that views me as nothing but an easily replaceable part! yeehaw! #cant wait to sacrifice my personal time / hobbies / wellbeing for a nine-to-five 5 days a week job i hate! #absolutely unprompted #this world we live in is miserable and infuriating and i want to SHAKE PEOPLE #fucking!! look outside!!! value yourself!! the company is not your family!! they are not worth dying for!! we are all worth so much more!! #gonna go out in the middle of a field and SCREAM #humans are made for art and kindness and for enjoying the short life we're forced into #why make an already doomed existence even worse huh. #why subject ourselves to that. we deserve better. our pasts deserve better. our futures deserve better. #sorry sorry im just. ARGH. this world!!! this life!!! could be so good!!! #but late stage capitalism rampant corruption among Many Other Issues said noooooooo #happiness is illeeegallllll #what if i BITE you. huh. what then. die #every time i sit down to apply i have to actively Not Think About It or i'll delete all my tabs and stop before i start #we as humans are not built for this life... we did not evolve proclivity for kindness and art just to stress ourselves to death #over silly jobs that do Not require the level of dedication we are forced to apply #abolish the 5 day 40+ hour work week... decrease the horrifying amount of funding given to cops and the military... etc... #i think i need to go lie down for a minute im feeling Too Much Anger at the absolute state of things #so happy to be an american. (sarcasm sarcasm sarcasm)

[kimwexlersponytail]

The only thing that kept me going was knowing you were here.

#bcsedit #better call saul #mcwexler #jimmy x kim #kim wexler #jimmy mcgill #been seeing a lot of people saying that they don't deserve a happy ending after everything and though i get why that's being said #i disagree with the idea that they must be punished by the narrative in the form of an absolutely devastating end where they both die or #are broken down even further because they're Bad People and they Deserve It...their relationship is the heart of the show and #i don't believe that the writers spent over half a decade building this relationship up just to leave everything hanging in the balance #we can argue all day about jimmy and kim being Good or Bad but they love each other. they do. and bcs is a love story #do i believe that they're going to live happily ever after and get a fairytale ending? no of course not but i don't see a doom and gloom end #for them either. narratively speaking jimmy has been in prison all this time and who knows what kim has been up to all this time #i just don't think it would be narratively satisfying if the ending was about punishing them i really don't #i think it's going to be bittersweet for sure but there's no doubt in my mind that it'll be full of heart.... #but god all of the takes about jimmy not deserving to meet up with kim in the gene timeline are just making me root for it even harder #and i really hope the world turns back to color the moment he sees her and idc how many people think it's cheesy <3 #and you know what someday maybe they'll finally get their house. #mine

[robotpussy]

yea we are never making progress ever the more people I talk to about unions and striking the more I keep hearing the same excuse of "they're selfish, they should just find another job if it's not paying them well/the conditions are bad" because last night my cousin called the people that work for national rail and other train services doing a walk off/striking are selfish for doing so and when I tried to explain to her that no act of striking the workplace is selfish when this is done to change the workplace for EVERYBODY not just those striking she started saying I'm doing too much over a "fake scenario" because she said would never strike when I wasn't even addressing that I felt like I was in a twitter arguement but in real life because at this point it's willful ignorance if you try to flip over the tables and say what I'm fighting for isn't even real when you just said people that strike are selfish....

#shes one of those ppl that nobody can ever tell them they're wrong so when the one time everybody else was like #you're wrong striking isnt a personal thing ppl do it so they can eat and not be at risk of losing their homes due greedy ceos #she got mad as fuck at me and shes now holding a grudge against me like 😭 you can stay ignorant if you want #but just know the rights you have now at your job were there because people unionised. those ' #'selfish' people are the reason why you are able to even have breaks at work #this happened when a film and tv union came to my uni and somebody said it felt like a cult.... fighting for better #environments in the film industry is cultish? we are DOOMED.

[sleepy-stitches]

cleaning my room is so much effort but oh well its not like anything could have been done to reduce that <- FOOL WHO HASNT CLEANED IN OVER A YEAR

#this is not a moral judgement on myself or any others. for the record #i had other stuff going on and even if i didnt that is between me and god #that said. jesus fucking christ man. i didnt really register how bad it had gotten #i am slowly finding things that i thought had been lost to time which is good but also hahaaaaaaaa oops #its fine. every day is an adventure for me. tomorrow i have to finish cleaning around my shelves and then start on the desk #because if i have those two done then everything else can be sorted away nicely. it only gets easier #fuuuuuuuuck oh i have to work out moving my dice shelf dont i. it didnt even register but like i do have to take that. it was custom made #thats the only furniture i have actual emotional attachment to everything else in here kind of sucks #i will miss my bookshelf a little bit i did save her from doom but she will serve better here than she could where im going #sorry we have got to that point of comfortable on tumblr where i just start fucking saying anything #original post placeholder tag

[ectoplasmer]

in the middle of reading the new wind excerpt and god. oh my god. someone sedate me

#AGHHHHHH frostpaw. my baby :( #she spent a wholeeee book building up her courage to approach and accept what actually happened to her and her mother and her clan #she spent a whole book recovering and coming to terms with and understanding what she had to do #she spent a whole book preparing herself to save her clan and prove herself and it just Blows Up In Her Face within one gathering. crying #and the way splashtail just undermines her right in front of her clan?? telling them she must be psychotic or having a breakdown of somesor #that she must be confused and lost and hurt over her mother’s death and how they can’t trust what she says because of that #babying her in front of everyone right to her face. fucked up man #i mean she is Baby but i believe she is actually full grown by this point and is at the age where she would usually be made full medicineca #it’s just. god. everyone not trusting her. everyone throwing accusations at her. everyone not even giving her the time of day #so messed up!!! i’m going to go cry about it now bye #YES i’m getting emotional over a series meant for 6th graders leave me alone!! /hj #delete later #but like man. everyone in her clan rejected her. even her own family?? her siblings???? MOTHWING???? #i know they can’t really do anything and riverclan wants stability but. man she’s just a baby. she’s still an apprentice cut her some slack #at least frostpaw will be with shadowsight #they can bond over their shared trauma of being led on by someone and getting almost killed by said someone #….weird how that happened twice within two arcs #inherently doomed medicine cats my beloveds. you are everything to me and you deserve so much better god damnit #listen i loved what the erins did with bristlefrost last arc but they cannot do that to me again #good on them for being brave and killing off a protag but no!!! not with these ones this time!!!!! #anyway

[eggs-can-draw]

also on the "He would not fucking say that" post i do agree it is quite the somber feeling to know that if they could have said one thing everything would be different, if they could do one thing then it could all change just like that but choices need to be made and all we can do is live in the consequences of those past actions and make the best of what we can now Nothing can change the past so you gotta make the best of the future

and well i think they knew that

Yah. You got a point

I was mostly just feeling out loud about Plot Points

#eggs can answer #irldragonart #I see fan works and stuff of the pale king being all emotional with thk and it hurts so fucking much #because no #he wouldn’t fucking say that #but maybe things would have gone better if he had #maybe they would’ve had time to think up a better solution if he said #“I’m proud of you’’ or “I love you’’ to thk even once #if he’d had the ability to see that if for even a moment his kid felt loved. #and that (maybe one sided but I don’t think so) familial love is what doomed them all #I unno. thk makes me really emotional when I think about them too long #sorry this is a bit long hahah

[headofthedemonn]

It's very seldom my heart agrees with my mind but I know he's not coming back.

#captain's log #I've never once felt desirable he told me so many times how beautiful i was he asked me why did i hate myself #and who hurt me so much he made me feel seen because he told me everything they did to me wasn't my fault he said stop calling yourself ugly #please don't hurt yourself anymore okay? im here for you I'd never leave you like they did okay? never I'm not like them i promise #i love you. but none of it was true finding out the truth made me hate myself even more how stupid could i have been to think someone #love me i wanted to believe it so bad no one has ever said that to me so of course i wanted to hold on with an iron fist but everything #but i was just a game to him he didn't care about me i honestly think he hated me to my core #i don't think i have a chance at finding love but that's all i want i could easily fall in love with a boy or girl or whatever but someone #lied about loving me and caring about me so am i doomed to chase things i don't really want money? status? success? #sure money is needed to survive the world but why can't i have what my grandparents had or other people have had love and it lasts still #i just wanted to feel it in my heart so much i was willing to do anything but i was so fucking stupid i should have known better #i thought it was real i didn't think he was being dishonest because i was telling the truth the whole time so i expected him to do the same #i don't think i have a chance but if i do idk i don't think i can survive getting hurt again #i just want something real and someone real but that's far too much to ask

[desperatepleasures]

thinking of finally looking into what getting an adhd diagnosis would entail. but I'm scared about it. and also angry about it so. lots to process there

#like i honestly think my untreated adhd was something that put a strain on my last relationship #tho like. even if I'd gotten my shit together it would not have undone all the damage we did to each other over the years #and like it still fucking sucked the way he took my forgetfulness personally #and he acknowledged that was from his own trauma and stuff. but it still hurt. well i was hurting him too #we were always doomed huh lmao #like in hindsight of course i pulled away from him. bc he was just constantly upset at me #and like i fucking sucked as a partner if I'm honest. but also there was no way for me to succeed!!! #like i deserved so much better than someone who constantly resented me and gave me absolutely zero physical affection of any kind #it's fucked up that i didn't see the breakup coming lol #like i really am that oblivious. i thought it was just gonna get better. i thought i was gonna marry him literally up until the breakup #and you know what. he said i deserved better and he was fuckin right #i was really out there sunk cost fallacy-ing for the last ??? years huh #to delete later maybe

[burymeinblack2022]

Don't ask:

- a man, his salary

- A woman, her age

- And a tumblrina (gn) who they voted for in the nge/moomin poll....

#Releasing this from the drafts bc the poll ends at 9pm today #It's been real y'all we go down gracefully it's been an honor fighting with y'all in the Eva trenches 🫡🫡 #Also why are pitting 2 bad bitches against each other #Like do ppl realize when they say 'moomin is for queer people' the lead of Eva is also literally a depressed bi like! #He should be doing numbers here on the depressed gay site come on. Yeah it was doomed by the narrative #But what is Romance without tragedy. Like man. What a trope (only talking abt the story not the authors obv) #Imagine hearing 'maybe I was born to meet you' from a divine being who sees all your faults #And how much you hate yourself and loves you unconditionally and intensely from the moment he lays eyes on you... I'M GONNA BE UNWELL #Regardless. Times are tough but we stay silly :3 let me be silly for a moment with u it ain't serious #Wow anna said something #Anna's shitposts #Nge #Eva #I just think they're wildly different in how they approach themes and it's weird and complicated to even compare them #One is lighthearted and comforting the other feels like being crushed by a thousand elephants both are important #We got far we deserved better than to lose bc of a bit everyone was committed to but. It's respectable. It all returns to nothing or smth #Edit: the sidenote is to differentiate between the fact one is not known for being queer media but it does have that #Despite it being so small in the story (the show at least but it's significant) and the other #Is obv queer media bc of the author and it's not in the story as far as ik but it's an accepting/inclusive story #Why do u think it got so big and a character that appeared once became one of the biggest*. It obv meant smth to ppl #*to the point he appeared more in the rebuilds and is all over in merch. ANYWAY SORRY FOR RANTING IN THE TAGS I GOT PASSIONATE OK

[mars-ipan]

having anxiety sucks so bad when you might have a slight medical problem

#marzi speaks #am i being a hypochondriac or should i get checked #i don’t know !!! #if i look it up it will tell me i’m dying. it does this every time and it never helps #if ur curious i’m worried abt my nose. i got that nasty head cold abt a month or so ago #and my sinuses (while much better) are still worse than average #and even when i leave them alone to the best of my ability i’m really prone to runny and/or bloody noses rn #which is Not normal for me. i don’t get runny noses i don’t get bloody noses #i woke up this morning with a nosebleed. bizarre #that being said i know it’s scabbing over. but i am impulsive and keep scratching my nose #which is probably dislodging the scab. that or i blow my nose too hard #but what am i meant to do when i’m so congested that i can’t breathe through my nose???? #i can mouth breathe sure but it’s not exactly pleasant #not to mention the sinus pain that causes #idk. am i worrying too much am i fine do i need my nose cauterized do i have a bacterial infection heading to my brain WHO KNOWS #ok i’m definitely getting paranoid. i’m not sick anymore and it wasn’t bacterial bc i didn’t need antibiotics #my mom caught a similar cold this week n i’m just a little worried #but that honestly probably means it’s not a huge deal! just a really weird strain of the common cold that focuses hard on the nose. yeah #ooooohkay i’m gonna distract myself before this paranoia gets worse #doom spiraling’s such a bitch. hate that thing #oh i should take my allergy meds tomorrow. forgot today #ok that helps actually. like i still don’t normally need allergy meds but still #been craving juice a lot too. mayb i’m low on vitamin c

[irisseireth]

.

#personal #do not reblog #another relationship that didn't go anywhere #and I'm so fucking hurt over it #it was a rebound for both of us so it was doomed from the start #but he's also struggling with mental health issues and in the end he didn't make time for me in his life #not enough #and i felt less and less loved and cared for #so in the end he said he needed to think about what he wants from life and didn't know if he wanted to be with me in 6 months... #i broke things off #i wasn't happy #i wasn't getting my needs met #it was a clusterfuck and I'm better out of that #and yet... and yet i feel lonely and unwanted and sad #and I keep fantasizing he's gonna come around sometime #even though I know he won't and i made it clear I don't want to be friends #so he probably won't bother me again #but yeah... this feeling that i wasn't enough for him to make an effort #even though it was his issues that prevented him from doing so (i think) #but still. I'm feeling shitty

[fionnaskyborn]

current mood:

#it's about people who have gone through events that are uncannily similar but have dealt it both the events and the aftermath in #drastically different ways. one of them was surrounded by people who didn't look and sometimes didn't act the part but ultimately meant #only well and the other only had one person who cared about him near him and not even that person was in a good enough place to give him #that sort of empowerment‚ the strength to try and fight against impossible odds and an inescapable situation #and i've seen takes (don't remember where) that state that rai is ultimately so much stronger than v because he managed to free himself #from the shackles of his assigned fate whereas v 'failed' to do so but like... i believe that v is equally as strong for just... existing. #and maybe the world would've been better off if he had died as soon as he learned the truth but he lived because he wanted to see a better #world and believed that him being stripped of his identity was a small price to pay for a better world but what makes him even stronger in #my eyes is the fact that he KEPT LIVING even when he realized that there was no way to make things better from his position as much as he #wanted to and when he saw that everything was going to hell and that he was doomed to just... stay there and be trapped and be forced to #work for ideas that directly oppose his own #and DESPITE ALL OF IT‚ HE KEPT HIMSELF ALIVE (until nato called and said ''hey bibo if you don't respond to the allegations we will nuke #your house'' (referring to V's OH) and bibo just. did not answer. and threw v under the bus and let him die like he was nothing #like i need you to understand this man has the mental resolve of joy herself but you aren't ready for that talk #look point is i think that if they were to ever meet rai would initially not like v at all and couldn't exactly pinpoint why he doesn't #like him - he's polite‚ relatively kind‚ a bit sassy at times‚ and really quiet‚ which in a way mirrors his own mannerisms - so he has no #clue as to why he /doesn't like him at all/ (and of course rai being rai would be polite in turn but he'd never be earnestly amiable) #UNTIL one of them tries to start a conversation about more mundane topics like music or movies and as they exchange opinions rai realizes #that he really doesn't have to bother with the whole thing about resolve and determination to pursue your own goals and differences in #ideologies and that he can just talk to this guy as if he were one of his friends from nyc from back when life was relatively normal #(aka before big shell and when the memories of his past were artificially surpressed HMM PARALLELS YES) #in conclusion v is less anti-raiden and more the second coming of joy and also the two of them would (eventually) be friends and talk about #film and music. rai would absolutely DIG some of the 80's stuff v listens to. thank you for joining me on yet another episode of 'insanity #with fionna' #zeta gear tag #i wrote a lot here and i've made some good points so in the tag it goes

[flintbian]

Well, I just resigned from my job. I have to for my health, and when I talked with my boss she admitted the conditions were terrible and they made a lot of mistakes and nothing was okay. It went as well as it could've, and now I'm going to finish up my projects over the next week and focus on my health. It's going to be a tough road with the degree of muscle atrophy I've had 😅

#well it went better than expected #and she seemed to know it was coming but then again i was harassed for the past week #i cant believe she actually admitted they fucked up i mean duh yall have several lawsuits going on the union is in #and they never even got me the ramp/lip cover so i could never come in (and got penalized for that) #they decreased my wage several times bc they couldnt afford it and it was small already for the industry #i never got accommodations #i had three supervisors in three months #four people left before me and now me and a co-worker are leaving rn #and we were understaffed and overworked and the backend was a mess and she said i came into a hurricane and we did nothing to accommodate #like was agreed with who hired me but then that person left #they decreased my wage several times and changed my job description (not allowed) several times to add more work yet decreased wage #and i got penalized for not being able to do stuff i never signed up for that they added bc it was manual labor #and i said hey i could do that extra stuff with minimal accommodations but they ignored and decreased my wage again #while i was breaking my back and overworked as is #and then my new boss straight up admitted they were assholes on top of all that and she pushed me too far #i love the mission and wish them well but it was a mess and not a good fit #and im now even allowed to talk about the lawsuits and shit bc i signed a whistleblower agreement and it could doom them if the public knew #shit is AWFUL discrimination assult etc #and they tried to rope me into fundraising bc they werent paying my coworker and she had to fundraise for her own goddamn wages #the amount of rage i have at them...and she's quitting too #and like i didnt even say anything just a short and nice letter saying i resign and gave enough notice #and what projects i need to wrap up and transfer over #at least now im out of the shitty job and can focus on my health #i was worried about money but DVR Hannah my family my PT's and new doc support me and it will be okay #im actively interviewing while sick too #my PT's are making a plan to help me build my strength back up but it's going to be HARD bc of my condition #it's actually near impossible for my legs so wish me luck #im surprised they aren't blacklisting me either it went as well as it could've #wish me luck for recovery im going to need it 😅 (see last personal post for context) #p

[mxdotpng]

ive been playing tales of arise lately and hmmm im not sure how i feel about the game. i think i could summarize my thoughts as "just okay" but i dont think thatd be right either

#.text #tales #its like ummm. the first few hours of the game are rlly boring to me ❤️ #i got out of calaglia and the game felt a lot better to play. i tended to play abt 90 minutes at a time while still in calaglia and #it took forever to get out of there bc it was just ummm. boring. #and i cant say cyslodia is much better tbh i feel like its generally the same but also no its not? it feels more fluid and #i think the characters feel better in this part. its weird. im not sure how to describe it #when i looked up the game to see how people thought of it it was more or less just a lot of 'has anyone even played this game' and 'no' #which isnt bad u know but i think its RLLY fuckin funny. ive seen some people say it gets rlly good but also i just dont see it yet #i mean i bought it so ofc im GONNA finish it. like the idea they have seems rlly cool... a guy who's memories are seemingly #sealed away inside the indestructable mask hes forced to wear and who can feel no pain. & a girl who inflicts pain upon everyone #she touches. i think shionne suffers a bit from her character writing but she has moments that make her really shine so #im not gonna judge her too hard for it yet. emotions also might be tied to her curse so u know. like i said. not judging yet. #and tbh i think id say the exact same for alphen. sometimes hes really interesting and fun and other times he feels really #stagnant and emotionless. ray chase is doomed to play the exact same character for every role hes in #he was at his best when he played brother nier in replicant and i can see pieces of that in alphens character as the game goes on so #im willing to wait for him as well. rinwell is really cute even if her and shionne's relationship is annoying. i see where its coming #from but i also just hate it when women in media Hate Eachother. what i have against those 2 is literally JUST me so u know #like i said 'just okay' isnt. Accurate but it also ISNT accurate. i dont know how to describe it. #i feel like what they wanted to go for in terms of story and themes was missed for the first part of the story by like a lot #not sure what my feelings are for that one but they arent positive. but like i just think calaglia overall sucked #its weird. like the writing REALLY feels like they just started Actually Caring once we got to cyslodia. its strange #but like whatever. ill See. ill see. eventually. probably. #summary: noctis lucis caelum is in this game.

[arolesbianism]

Nails vc yeah the director burned some of my work to my face she must be so stressed out and sad :(

#rat rambles #oni posting #out of the shower and still thinking abt their log theyre so silly I love them #also thinking abt how much of a piece of shit nikola is (affectionate) #I need to put him and ellie in the same room so they can take jabs at eachother with increasing agression until they get physically violent #bonus points if they come out of it almost friends in a fucked up way #think 'I hate your guts and would gladly punch you but we're both going through the same fucked up shit so guess Id die for you' vibes #bonus bonus points if joshua is also in on the oh fuck were doomed arent we fun #like he probably doesnt know and would be horrified upon finding out and thats generally what I go for in my head #but. itd be so incredibly fun if he was just as deep in the muck as the other two. #or even better. deeper. but thatd likely just put him in a middle point between ellie and nikola #ellie is in the know enough that even if she doesnt Know she probably figured it out at some point #nikola is like the most knowing motherfucker in the world #and we don't see shit of joshua's actual work so god knows how much he knows #we know he and ellie work in the same department and handle a lot of important data #but we only ever see ellie be talked to about said data #so while she and joshua do the same type of work we dont know what joshua specifically worked on #which basically means he could know any amount of information about the shit going down at gravitas theres literally no way of knowing #I cant even make a personal character judge because nice doesnt necessarily mean strong morals #like for all we know he could have been actively involved with the dna stealing he most likely wasn't but we dont know #maybe hes a nails situation where he was blinded by optimism or blinded by his friendship with ellie #or maybe ellie goes out of her way to keep him not involved in an attempt to protect him #but ellie herself doesn't Seem to have realized how fucked shit was during what we see of her so idk #maybe jackie just has favorites and likes making ellie her lil grunt #and makes ellie stay quiet which ellie likely wouldnt find too out of place given her job #basically Im saying that while we do see a lot of these two we still know basically nothing abt them #which is a part of the appeal I think #anyways its almost 4 am rip #bed time here we go