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solarishashernoseinabook · 2 years

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Solaris reads The Great Zoo of China, by Matthew Reilly

The only way I'm going to be able to get through this book is by memeing it, because I'm 50 pages in and the number of times I've rolled my eyes is mind-boggling

Also I forgot who everyone was approximately two pages after they were introduced so this'll be fun

Spoilers will be unmarked below so block the #solaris reads the great zoo of china tag if you don't want to see them

The premise: Stop me if you've heard this one before...

A group of some of the top minds in their fields are invited to preview a first-of-its-kind zoo, a zoo featuring great animals no one thought they would ever see. The zoo is set to be a major tourist destination, so the stakes are huge. Nothing can go wrong, our main characters are assured, but the creatures escape their enclosures and come after the guests...

Yeah, this book is Jurassic Park, but with dragons, because it takes place in China and nothing else exists in China except pandas and dragons, apparently (that was sarcasm)

And with that, on to the book!

[Transcript: But the head didn't move. It was eerily still. In silhouette, the creature's high pointed ears looked like demonic horns.

The giant reptile took a step forward. It bent its head low, sniffing the ground. /end]

Page 4 and the illusion is already broken. Reptiles are quite notable for their overwhelming lack of external earlobes. If someone can think of a reptile with visible, pointed ears, do please let me know, I genuinely can't think of one

[Transcript: Once a renowned herpetologist–a reptile expert–these days CJ worked as a vet at the San Francisco Zoo. At thirty-six, she was a petite five foot six, with piercing amber eyes and shoulder-length blonde hair. /end]

...I'm sorry she's how tall?

[Transcript: CJ was fit, athletic, and pretty in a sporty kind of way. Men often approached her, only to turn away abruptly when they came close enough to see the grisly scars that dominated the left side of her face.

The scars stretched all the way from her left eye to the corner of her mouth, looking like a sequence of poorly aligned Xs. The ophthalmic surgeon had saved her eyesight. And the plastic surgeon, one of the best in America, had managed to reconstruct her jaw, but the slashing wounds to her left cheek had proven to be too much even for him.

CJ didn't care. For vapid men or for herpetology, not after the incident. All her life she had been something of a tomboy anyway. She didn't bother with makeup and she didn't mind getting her hands dirty. She lived outdoors: hiking, camping, horse riding. A keen horsewoman, she sometimes preferred the company of horses to people. /end]

Okay, so she's a literal Barbie doll with one absolutely horrible flaw, oh no, oh dear /s

I always feel like people who write descriptions of women like that - pretty except for one thing that totally ruins their looks and makes them utterly unpalatable, but which their love interest will graciously be able to overlook - are telling on themselves more than they think.

Also, she's not like the other girls! She has interests which are actually very common amongst women!

[Transcript: Around her neck she wore a leather strap, hanging from which was a three-inch-long saltwater crocodile tooth: a gift from Bill Lynch. /end]

This is petty, but I feel like the tooth should have been mentioned first, or maybe Reilly should have chosen a different word than "strap". Every time I go back to this sentence I expect it to be about some antique binoculars or something and have to mentally rearrange my expectations in my head when I get to the tooth part

[Transcript: CJ's considerable success had not been reflected in her personal life. While Hamish had gone through a swathe of girlfriends over the years, CJ had not had many serious boyfriends, just the one in fact, Troy, and that had ended badly: immediately after the incident that had destroyed her face. Only Hamish had stayed by her side, her ever-loyal brother. /end]

We're on page 12. Since this book began we've learned about two mentors CJ has had who looked after her, begged her not to leave her position at the university after the accident that gave her the scars, and who generally looked after her and recommended her for good positions. But yeah no one stayed by her not at all no-siree-bob

Also contrasting her brother with her boyfriend there strikes me as pretty dang weird

[Transcript: a series of lines from the book combined into one image:

But the head didn't move. It was eerily still.

It growled. A deep angry sound.

Once a renowned herpetologist–a reptile expert–these (the rest is cut off)

She had always been a good observer, a close watcher of things. It (the rest is cut off) /end]

At the very least, Reilly can be content knowing his book has some value as a dictionary, provided you only want to know random words in no semblance of alphabetical order

#solaris reads the great zoo of china #long post #more to be added tomorrow theres just SO MUCH IN THE FIRST FIFTY PAGES #and then i can actualky continue reading it

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wonieleles · 2 years

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OH. EM. GEE. HELL YES. I AM SO EXCITED GONEKDHFKWBDJF UR SUNGHOON SMAU SOUNDS SO INTERESTING AND COOL AND AWOOGA SFJWKDHWN

im like literally so excited for u to continue ‘project: stay single’ and start ‘fly away with me’ but remember u dont have to rush urself!! make sure u take care all of ur stuff first (and yourself too)

i had a not so great day today, a friend cancelled plans on me and i was so excited to go too 💔 i was crying earlier so i might go to sleep early bc my eyes r dying on me 😭😭☝️

but hopefully u had a better day!! :) love your ideas sm and im sure you’ll ace that schoolwork ‼️💗

also have this art that ive been working on ☝️☝️

OMG THANK YOU PRIM YOURE TOO SWEET ACTUALKY 😭😭

and thank youu i’m glad you’re interested in my writing 😭😭 and yes ofccc i will take care of myself i hope you do the same too !! remember you’re important also <33

awww i hate when that happens but i hope you guys can reschedule soon ☹️☹️ and i hope you have a better day tomorrow daisy 🫶🫶

ahh and thank you !! today was ok actually i slept in until like 1pm and didn’t get out of bed until 3pm tho 💀 but it was nice relaxing and i hope so too !! i’ve started part of my summer reading like yesterday so i think i’ve got this (if i actually continue that is)

OMG??? YOUR ART IS SO PRETTY AND GOOD I LOVE IT do you have any other works to share cause i’d honestly love to see them ^_^

#☎︎: sia’s mail #☀️: sia’s moots !#@nomurahayami

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simkjrs · 4 years

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What if you talked about your DuckTales saiki crossover on your blog... Because that sounds very cool and interesting and funny... Just an idea...

ok this is my alternate universe where the saiki family are like, normal ducks in the ducktales world. saiki is 10 and kuusuke (13) has yet to leave for cambridge. also they are in america i guess.

my backstory for this is that saikis family transferred schools from japan to america in order to escape the aftermath of both the akechi incident and the rock paper scissors incident and a couple other troublesome things. <3

anyways heres my scenario:

FIRST APPEARANCE: saiki lives somewhere completely unrelated to everyone else and only becomes relevant at the end of season 1 when magika does her shadow people invasion and saikis shadow causes a bunch of property damage before he can properly subdue it, which is upsetting, and also the fact that his new town is in danger is upsetting also, so he shows up at the money bin and psychically crushes magikas staff and leaves.

he does it from a distance but one of the few remaining surveillance videos manages to record like, a glimpse of him, and he becomes dewey and webbys new mystery that they want to solve.

SECOND APPEARANCE: one day webby comes across saiki reading in the library...! what shenanigans will strike next?! it turns out that saiki loves reading and he visits the library a lot. webby wants to be friends with saiki but saiki is a professional at ignoring people trying to be friends with him! unfortunately for him, he’s met webby.

webby gets dewey to do a spy routine with her and follow saiki around so she can collect evidence that hes a magic user. saiki pretends he doesnt notice and hopes that if he ignores her hard enough she’ll go away. webby realizes that saikis weakness is sweets. one day webby and dewey wait for saiki outside the library and invites him to go get desserts with her. webby has successfully hooked saiki.

of course saiki doesnt actually talk back to them or respond much at all to her talking but they don’t mind and keep talking until saiki is like, wait, i cant let myself be bribed by sweets, i gotta go. and he leaves and shakes them off. but in trying to find saiki, webby and dewey get lost and grabbed by the Beagle Boys at which point saiki goes “i hate owing people things, i’ll help them out cuz they treated me to sweets earlier” and uses his psychic powers (from out of sight) to magically help dewey and webby escape.

which convinces webby that she’s TOTALLY on the right track about saiki being MAGIC!!!!!!!! fuelling her determination to investigate more. :) nothing actualky changes though she just continues her routine of trying to talk to him at the library but now he doesnt get up and walk away every single time she approaches. only sometimes. and on occasion they get ice cream together.

THIRD APPEARANCE: webby and violet managed to bring lena back into the real world! webby is excited to bring her new friends on an adventure to investigate whether a certain someone she knows is magic or not. lena lays eyes on saiki and immediately goes “yeah hes magic.”

WEBBY: omg how do you know LENA: followed you around while trapped in the shadow realm remember? he moves books back onto the shelf with his magic when he thinks you aren’t looking. SAIKI, OVERHEARING THIS CONVERSATION: fuck

so anyways webby enthusiastically confronts approaches saiki like I KNEW IT. YOU ARE MAGIC!!!! very excited and happy and saikis like. well. i must leave immediately. but violet cottons on that saiki is unhappy and is like ok webby calm down i dont think saiki is happy we found out. but why do you want to hide your magic? magic is awesome. we do it together all the time

then after some persuasion -- especially since they already figured it out -- saiki does demonstrate some of his magic but they figure out that he has a huge amount of power and has a hard time controlling it... just like lena! and webbys like see guys magic isn’t a bad thing you both have magic and are cool and my friends :) you guys just gotta learn to use it better and now you have another friend to do it with!

idkwhat the overall conflict in the episode is but the emotional center of it would be about lena and saiki accepting their powers as part of themselves. :)

thats all i have so far i need to think further about saiki ducktales design. i will update you all later

#saikiposting #bad idea catalogue #ask #etc #Anonymous

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