#more to be added tomorrow theres just SO MUCH IN THE FIRST FIFTY PAGES

[solarishashernoseinabook]

Solaris reads The Great Zoo of China, by Matthew Reilly

The only way I'm going to be able to get through this book is by memeing it, because I'm 50 pages in and the number of times I've rolled my eyes is mind-boggling

Also I forgot who everyone was approximately two pages after they were introduced so this'll be fun

Spoilers will be unmarked below so block the #solaris reads the great zoo of china tag if you don't want to see them

The premise: Stop me if you've heard this one before...

A group of some of the top minds in their fields are invited to preview a first-of-its-kind zoo, a zoo featuring great animals no one thought they would ever see. The zoo is set to be a major tourist destination, so the stakes are huge. Nothing can go wrong, our main characters are assured, but the creatures escape their enclosures and come after the guests...

Yeah, this book is Jurassic Park, but with dragons, because it takes place in China and nothing else exists in China except pandas and dragons, apparently (that was sarcasm)

And with that, on to the book!

[Transcript: But the head didn't move. It was eerily still. In silhouette, the creature's high pointed ears looked like demonic horns.

The giant reptile took a step forward. It bent its head low, sniffing the ground. /end]

Page 4 and the illusion is already broken. Reptiles are quite notable for their overwhelming lack of external earlobes. If someone can think of a reptile with visible, pointed ears, do please let me know, I genuinely can't think of one

[Transcript: Once a renowned herpetologist–a reptile expert–these days CJ worked as a vet at the San Francisco Zoo. At thirty-six, she was a petite five foot six, with piercing amber eyes and shoulder-length blonde hair. /end]

...I'm sorry she's how tall?

[Transcript: CJ was fit, athletic, and pretty in a sporty kind of way. Men often approached her, only to turn away abruptly when they came close enough to see the grisly scars that dominated the left side of her face.

The scars stretched all the way from her left eye to the corner of her mouth, looking like a sequence of poorly aligned Xs. The ophthalmic surgeon had saved her eyesight. And the plastic surgeon, one of the best in America, had managed to reconstruct her jaw, but the slashing wounds to her left cheek had proven to be too much even for him.

CJ didn't care. For vapid men or for herpetology, not after the incident. All her life she had been something of a tomboy anyway. She didn't bother with makeup and she didn't mind getting her hands dirty. She lived outdoors: hiking, camping, horse riding. A keen horsewoman, she sometimes preferred the company of horses to people. /end]

Okay, so she's a literal Barbie doll with one absolutely horrible flaw, oh no, oh dear /s

I always feel like people who write descriptions of women like that - pretty except for one thing that totally ruins their looks and makes them utterly unpalatable, but which their love interest will graciously be able to overlook - are telling on themselves more than they think.

Also, she's not like the other girls! She has interests which are actually very common amongst women!

[Transcript: Around her neck she wore a leather strap, hanging from which was a three-inch-long saltwater crocodile tooth: a gift from Bill Lynch. /end]

This is petty, but I feel like the tooth should have been mentioned first, or maybe Reilly should have chosen a different word than "strap". Every time I go back to this sentence I expect it to be about some antique binoculars or something and have to mentally rearrange my expectations in my head when I get to the tooth part

[Transcript: CJ's considerable success had not been reflected in her personal life. While Hamish had gone through a swathe of girlfriends over the years, CJ had not had many serious boyfriends, just the one in fact, Troy, and that had ended badly: immediately after the incident that had destroyed her face. Only Hamish had stayed by her side, her ever-loyal brother. /end]

We're on page 12. Since this book began we've learned about two mentors CJ has had who looked after her, begged her not to leave her position at the university after the accident that gave her the scars, and who generally looked after her and recommended her for good positions. But yeah no one stayed by her not at all no-siree-bob

Also contrasting her brother with her boyfriend there strikes me as pretty dang weird

[Transcript: a series of lines from the book combined into one image:

But the head didn't move. It was eerily still.

It growled. A deep angry sound.

Once a renowned herpetologist–a reptile expert–these (the rest is cut off)

She had always been a good observer, a close watcher of things. It (the rest is cut off) /end]

At the very least, Reilly can be content knowing his book has some value as a dictionary, provided you only want to know random words in no semblance of alphabetical order

#solaris reads the great zoo of china #long post #more to be added tomorrow theres just SO MUCH IN THE FIRST FIFTY PAGES #and then i can actualky continue reading it