#and some other things happened that reinforced my decision to not really want to participate with this space for the time being

[frostycatblr-fandom-files]

if you're sitting there feeling sorry for yourself, wondering why no one's commented on your hiatus status(es), i'll help you figure out why

you're behaving like a selfish, entitled bitch. you're throwing a pity-me-party while you accuse people of favoritism in the same breath. like, no wonder your ~CoMmUniTy~ won't feel sorry for you, or interact with your bad artwork or your other uninspired bullshit when you bitchfit that no one's sharing your shit: no one wants to interact with that melodrama. there's better writers out there that don't cry about interaction bullshit.

you need to grow the fuck up, and maybe do people all a favor by not coming back.

Wow... thank you for sending me this present shortly before Christmas (Dec. 20th, to be exact). Real lovely stuff.

So listen while I break this down by section and say things later on that I don't mean:

If you're going to call me an 'entitled bitch' or criticize my content, you should really take ownership of your words like a grown-up first. You're welcome to those opinions, I suppose; but it means NOTHING when you send me this from a position of cowardice. If your goal was to hurt my feelings and upset me, I would only award you with partial congratulations, if that.

I'll concede it was a bit of a "bitchfit" if it makes you happy, because yes, it kind of was. I'll take ownership of that: I should have been better, and I wasn't. I should have been a lot calmer, and I wasn't.

Maybe then more people would have given a damn about me and what I had to say. Or maybe they wouldn't. I don't know anymore, quite frankly. I can't say I ever did.

Your point about "better writers out there [who] don't cry about interaction bullshit" is wrong, by the way. I can think of several fan writers (and I'm not going to compare content quality because that's gross) either on my dashboard or in fandom tags (many with larger followings + outreach than me) who've complained about lowered interaction these days at one time or another.

Or several times, even. It was largely and perfectly fine when they spoke up about it. Weird to me, anon, how it's okay when these unnamed and so-called "better writers" speak up, but not the little guys.

Some people are a little too comfortable telling those with smaller followings/outreach to just suck it up because interaction has been bad for everyone lately. Or placate themselves with excuses for why they didn't offer any sympathy to people who admit to struggling with feeling like belonging, or those wishing they felt more included. Noticed. Remembered. (Whatever the case may be.)

I mean I've seen who repeatedly makes the cut on these stale recommendation lists that float around… Your 'pool of so many talented writers/artists in this fandom' is more of a damn puddle. You'll have to fucking forgive me for just wishing to be remembered (for one or the other) and included in these little "~fandom enrichment activities~" at this point once in a damn while! Why's it such a fucking crime to you, anon, that I just want people to remember I'm here too?

I spoke my feelings about things feeling like a popularity contest rather than a true community back in December, and you thought that warrants calling me a selfish, entitled bitch? Telling me do people a favor and not come back?

What the fuck??????

I think you're something of a rancid tar pit for hoping to kick someone while they were down, or whatever it was you intended by all that. Did you get the warm and fuzzies typing this out? Did you feel good about yourself for choosing to be malicious to someone going through a hard time? Someone admitted they were going through a hard time between Seasonal Affective Disorder, and being upset about a lot of trivial stuff, and you thought "Hey; let's pile on!" was the correct solution rather than offer any kindness where you had witnessed a lack of?

It would be so tempting to stoop to your level and wish you nothing but ill on top of telling you to do me a favor and fuck off; I'm going to encourage you to learn to have a little more compassion for people instead and be a better person than whatever you are now going forward. May you learn to be kinder to people in the future, anon… You make the world a far better place that way.

#bad anon no biscuit #lesson for next time is to just ghost the blog for a month since no one's going to notice or care I guess. only tell you to leave #that's only partial sarcasm #a couple of people showed they cared or said nice things before the holidays. and to that short list of people I just want to say thank you #otherwise my activity page was very quiet #and some other things happened that reinforced my decision to not really want to participate with this space for the time being #simple fact there's someone out there who's too comfortable with being nasty to people and telling you to fuck off... #fuck man!!!! it's been a long time since crying over some damn anon hate but this was too much for me #''help you figure out why'' no you're not being helpful you're actually just being a prick for no good reason! #im done im so fucking tired i don't want to look at this fucking ask anymore #i feel sick to my stomach right now fuck

[danganronpasurvivoraskblog]

//Hey, so I really don't want to end the night on a negative note, really I don't, but there's something I really need to say to the general audience.

//I love you guys, really I do, and I know that a lot of you have done some really nice things for me, especially since I've been through a lot of tough shit these past few years.

//You're all being so supportive and good to me, and I know that the likelihood of you ever holding something against me that I don't deserve is pretty minimal, so there's no need to take what I'm about to say seriously if that is true.

//That being said, let me make one thing clear here: If you are in any way responsible for the JoCat situation, there is nothing you can do or say to make me forgive you, and I hope terrible things happen to you and that everything you love somehow gets destroyed.

//Savage? Yes, and I'm sorry. Warranted? Absolutely.

//As a casual viewer of Shenpai and some of her friends, JoCat is a really nice guy who doesn't deserve any of the crap he received. I can see why he would want to pursue something other than content creation, and I fully support that decision if it helps him, but it's really unfortunate that his actions were motivated by unjustified hatred.

//The JoCat incident is just another excellent illustration of how the internet penalizes "cringe" far more severely than anyone who has ever done anything wrong.

//Like the internet's default reaction to seeing something cringeworthy is to make up a story about how a your wife left you because you're a reddit coomer and you r***d a kid out of spite, and everyone believes it for some reason.

//The most significant lesson from this, in my opinion, has nothing to do with JoCat or sexuality in general.

//This type of cold, sarcastic "shitposting" can definitely be considered and constitute harassment, and it shows you are a cowardly, pathetic person.

//And yes, I know this is coming from someone who prides themselves on being sarcastic, but generally speaking, if you can't say something nice, don't even try to say it.

//Furthermore, this isn't a case of "He couldn't take criticism." Not by a long shot.

//It would probably wear on you too if you were constantly harassed to the point of being doxxed for something you thought would be a fun side project for the better part of a year. I promise you—I WOULD KNOW!

//In regards to the whole Bunny Girl stuff, I was really ready to put that stuff to bed, but I feel now more than ever it's important to reinforce that this is not just not okay. It fucking makes me sick.

//I will reiterate. JoCat, a kindhearted person in the TTRPG community, has recently been the target of online bullying. If you were the one who participated or instigated it because you believed it would give you clout and recognition, I have 2 things to say to you.

//1 - Go fuck yourself in the ass with an iron spike.

//And 2 - Unfollow me and don't come back to this blog. There isn't room for toxic, sour people like you here.

-Mod

#mod #mod speaks #vent

[zuko-always-lies]

I posted 7,113 times in 2022

That's 4,927 more posts than 2021!

1,967 posts created (28%)

5,146 posts reblogged (72%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@zuko-always-lies

@balsa-margarita

@akiizayoi4869

@wingsfreedom

@lightdancer1

I tagged 2,798 of my posts in 2022

#azula - 1,371 posts

#zuko - 899 posts

#mai - 365 posts

#ty lee - 265 posts

#katara - 241 posts

#iroh - 190 posts

#au idea - 187 posts

#aang - 169 posts

#ursa - 169 posts

#ozai - 156 posts

Longest Tag: 140 characters

#at the very least azula went to school with other children at some time in her life and was actually able to form a couple close friendships

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

The sad thing is that all the really weird discourse around “Zuko Alone” (and particularly the fucking doll) means that people have systematically ignored how the episode is a great depiction of how Zuko and Azula were indoctrinated into imperialist ideology by the adults around them, particularly Ursa and Iroh. We see:

1. Ursa read aloud to Zuko and Azula a letter from the war front, intimately connecting the children to the imperialist war.

2. In it, Iroh jokes about burning Ba Sing Se to the ground, and Ursa smiles at the joke as the children laugh, normalizing to them the violent and destructive conquest of the Earth Kingdom.

3. Iroh literally sends his niece and nephew the spoils of the conquest as gifts, with Zuko’s knife in particular explicitly being taken from a surrender Earth Kingdom general. Ursa of course actively participates in this gift giving, further normalizing it.

4. Ursa repeatedly reinforces to her children that they should show the utmost respect to the Firelord and to the line of succession(i.e. the core of the Fire Nation’s imperialist regime).

5. Ozai expects his children to show detailed knowledge of Firelord Sozin’s conquests to impress him, reinforcing the importance of this knowledge to them.

6. Zuko and Azula see Ozai deride Iroh’s withdrawal,  reinforcing the idea that imperialist conquests should be fought through to their conclusion, no matter the cost.

7. At Azulon’s funeral, he’s praised for his conquests and success in battle.

Edit: 8. Ozai has Azula demonstrate her firebending skill in front of Azulon, thus emphasizing the importance of firebending ability to the children.

551 notes - Posted August 6, 2022

#4

Toph was forced into joining Team Avatar more than she chose to do so[Toph meta]

Team Avatar didn’t intend this to happen, but their actions inadvertently led to this situation.

Before I begin, I would like to note that the conventional narrative surrounding Toph’s decision to join with the Gaang usually amounts to something like “Toph joined up because she was unhappy with her life with her parents and wanted a life of adventure.” At least, that’s what I thought until I happened to have a moment of insight recently. I happened to see a post which reminded me of this exchange from “The Chase”:

Katara: Ever since joining us you've been nothing but selfish and unhelpful. Toph: What? (Doing a half turn and pointing at Katara again.) Look here, sugar queen, (Drops arm and continues, Katara makes a gesture like she wants to interject.) I gave up everything I had so that I could teach Aang earthbending, so don't you talk to me about being selfish!

This didn’t exactly correspond to the conventional wisdom on why she joined Team Avatar. As we shall see, it doesn’t exactly correspond with the reality of what happened, either, yet it’s easy to see why Toph feels that way.

In “The Blind Bandit,” Toph’s introductory episode, Team Avatar try to recruit Toph since Aang thinks she’s destined to be his earthbending teacher. Their first real exchange goes like this:

Aang: (airbending himself to his feet) Well, a crazy king told me I had to find an earthbender who listens to the earth. And then I had a vision in a magic swamp and... Katara: (cutting Aang off) What Aang is trying to say is, he's the Avatar, and if he doesn't master earthbending soon he won't be able to defeat the Fire Lord. (The Bandit sticks her open hand in Katara's face, who looks taken aback.) Toph: Not my problem. Now get out of here or I'll call the guards. Sokka: Look, we all have to do our part to win this war. And yours is to teach Aang earthbending. (Cut to a shot of the Bandit's back as Sokka speaks. When he concludes, she turns around, looking distraught.) Toph: Guards! Guards, help!

Toph declines the offer to join, while demonstrating she doesn’t care that much about the war or regard it as her job to help lead the Earth Kingdom to victory.

Later on, Aang and Toph have a more substantial exchange:

Toph: Even though I was born blind, I've never had a problem seeing. (They reach the end of the bridge and she jumps off the guardrail and lands on the ground.) Toph: I see with earthbending. It's kind of like seeing with my feet. I can feel the vibrations in the earth, and I can see where everything is. You, that tree, even those ants. (The screen zooms backward three times as Toph speaks, each time showing a wider overhead shot of the pair. At the mention of the ants, cut to a shot from ground level showing Aang and Toph in the background. In the foreground, some ants are silhouetted waling across over a mound of dirt. Aang looks around, but is unable to see that ants that Toph is talking about. He finally turns to her with a smile.) Aang: That's amazing. Toph: (frustrated) My parents don't understand. They've always treated me like I was helpless. Aang: Is that why you became The Blind Bandit? Toph: Yeah. Aang: Then why stay here where you're not happy? Toph: They're my parents. Where else am I supposed to go? Aang: (pause, then with a smile) You could come with us. Toph: Yeah. You guys get to go wherever you want. No one telling you what to do, that's the life. It's just not my life. (The camera slowly zooms in on Toph as she speaks. When she concludes, her head turns suddenly as she senses something amiss. She drops to her knees and places a hand on the ground.)

Toph emphasizes that she feels the allure of the Gaang’s lifestyle and freedom, but also that she wants to remain home with her parents, even though she has to hide who she is from them and they don’t understand her.  Although this isn’t directly stated, a huge issue here is that she deeply loves them and doesn’t want to leave them. Her real wish is that her parents would not only love her but understand her and allow her openly live the kind of active life she loves.

Obviously, Toph and Aang soon get kidnapped, and Toph has to step up to save Aang in front of her parents and show them the other side of her to their disbelieving eyes.

Katara: Toph, there's too many of them. We need an earthbender. We need you! (Toph, Lao and Yu turn to look backwards, then cut to a shot of Lao.) Lao: (angry) My daughter is blind. (camera pans down and to the left to reveal Toph, holding her father's hand) She is blind and tiny and helpless and fragile. (Toph closes her eyes) She cannot help you. (Toph snaps her hand back from her father's.) Toph: Yes, I can.

Note, however, that she never says anything in this scene which amounts to a commitment to join Team Avatar.

Soon Toph has defeated her opponents, and she, her parents, and Team Avatar sit down for a chat.

Toph: Dad, I know it's hard for you to see me this way, but the obedient little helpless blind girl that you think I am just isn't me. I love fighting. I love being an earthbender. And I'm really, really good at it. I know I've kept my life secret from you, but you were keeping me secret from the whole world. You were doing it to protect me. But I'm twelve years old and I've never had a real friend. So now that you see who I really am, I hope it doesn't change the way you feel about me. Lao: Of course it doesn't change the way I feel about you, Toph. It's made me realize something. Toph: (hopeful) It has? Lao: Yes. I've let you have far too much freedom. From now on, you will be cared for and guarded 24 hours a day. Toph: But dad! Mrs. Bei Fong: We are doing this for your own good, Toph.  

Note that Toph does not actually ask for her parent’s permission to join Team Avatar. She doesn’t even mention the possibility, nor does she say anything which amounts to her agreeing to do so if her parents give her permission. In fact, from what we’ve seen in this episode, it’s not clear if anyone has ever actually unambiguously articulated the fact that Team Avatar wants Toph to join them as Aang’s earthbending teacher to Toph’s parents.

Instead, what Toph asks her parents to do is accept her as who she is.  She wants their acceptance of who she really is more than anything. It seems like what she wants to do is to be able to live an active lifestyle while staying with her parents, wants them to love her for who she is while allowing her to combine her lives. She doesn’t want to leave with Team Avatar, she wants to stay at home and live a free life with loving, understanding parents. It’s not clear if Team Avatar understands that this is what she’s asking for, though.

Of course, Toph’s parents reject this, and instead tell her that they will do everything they can to control her, eliminate her double life, and prevent from being active at all. Hence the following exchange:

Aang: I'm sorry, Toph. Toph: I'm sorry, too. Goodbye, Aang.

This is just about the only lines in the episode you could plausibly read as evidence Toph had already decided she wanted to join Team Avatar.

When Team Avatar first arrived, Toph had a choice:  she could either continue to live her double life even though she felt unhappy since her parents didn’t accept the real her, or she could leave them behind for a life of adventure. She choose the former. Due to the unintended consequences of Team Avatar’s actions, she no longer had that choice by the end of the episode. She could only choose between becoming nothing more than her parent’s perfect, controlled, doll, or joining the Gaang. Both what she really wanted(her parents’ acceptance of the real her) and the compromise she could live with were gone. Hence the following scene:

Cut to a shot of the bushes behind them. Toph runs through them, breathing heavily. Aang's turns to see her with a look of wonder.) Aang: Toph! What are you doing here? Toph: My dad changed his mind. He said I was free to travel the world. Sokka: (he and Katara look at each quickly) Well, we'd better get out of here - before your dad changes his mind again. Toph: Good idea. Aang: You're gonna be a great teacher, Toph. Toph: (slyly) Speaking of which, I want to show you something. Aang: Okay. (Aang airbends himself out of Appa's driver's seat. As he lands in front of Toph, she taps the ground with her foot and a rock erupts from the ground, throwing Aang out of the frame. Cut to a shot from the branches of a nearby tree. Aang hangs from one of them by his feet.) Toph: Now we're even.

This makes it understand why Toph was carrying around so much resentment in the next episode she appears in “The Chase,” and why she was so willing to leave the Gaang behind then.

613 notes - Posted July 5, 2022

#3

One thing I’m eternally grateful for is that in ATLA trauma and suffering don’t make you a better person, don’t make you a more compassionate person:

Zuko being burned, banished, abused, etc. didn’t make a better person; arguably it made him a much worse person(but it’s very hard to tell since our perspective on pre-exile Zuko is so limited).

Azula being abused didn’t make her a better person.

Jet being orphaned by the Fire Nation didn’t make a better person; it just embittered him and made him committed to winning the war, no matter the cost.

Mai and Ty Lee having awful family lives didn’t turn them good people, or people who weren’t OK with imperial conquest. It didn’t make them nicer or more compassionate.

Sokka and Katara losing their mother and being left behind by their father didn’t make them better people; being victims of genocide didn’t make them better people.

Hama being brutalized just embittered her and led her down a dark path.

Suffering just hurts people(and often makes them bitter and angry), it doesn’t lead them becoming nicer or more compassionate or more pure or more moral or free of sin.

Why am I making a point of this? Because LoK pretty explicitly claims the opposite, claims that Korra suffering awful trauma after awful trauma served to make her better and more compassionate and more empathetic. Fuck that idea!

637 notes - Posted March 10, 2022

#2

Iroh would be such an awful role model for Azula. And I don’t mean “Dragon of the West Iroh,” I mean “redeemed Iroh.”

687 notes - Posted September 22, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

If you live in the U.S. and you’re 12+, you’re eligible for the updated bivalent anti-omicron booster shot, and it should be available in your  local pharmacy. 

Please reblog this post, as there’s been very little news coverage and shockingly little propagation of information about the availability of updated boosters.

33,010 notes - Posted September 17, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review ���

#tumblr2022 #year in review #my 2022 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review #Azula

[rainbowsky]

I feel like it would be better if everyone could just concentrate more on the projects GGDD are bringing out ( SDC and OOL for example) and less on political issues that's out of our hands. More of that positive engagement is what we need

If you prefer to look away from politics that is your right, but that's not something you have the right to ask of others. Especially considering that I tag every political post that I make, so there's no excuse for people seeing things they don't want to see (if you want to avoid political posts from my blog you can filter the "your political disengagement is a weapon against you" tag).

You have created a false dichotomy here anyway, because people are focusing on both. People are enjoying and loving GG and DD and their projects, while reflecting on politics surrounding them.

I believe personally that in order to have a truly balanced and healthy perspective on GGDD one must do both. However, not everybody is up for that emotionally or psychologically, and that's totally fine too.

I'm going to go over some points that I made about this topic a while back. This is a slightly revised version of what I've said in the past. I hope after reading this, Anon, you can understand why I don't find the approach you've proposed acceptable.

“BXG should stay away from politics”

While I understand some people get involved in fandom strictly for the enjoyment and escape, I don’t think it’s appropriate for those people to try to dictate how others approach things. As a politically-minded person, the idea of ‘staying away from politics’ - especially the idea of pressuring others to stay away from politics - goes against some of my most deeply held values.

There are also some fairly glaring problems with the idea that BXG should stay out of political discussions.

1] Making it socially unacceptable to care about politics is a means of ensuring people remain uninvested in what happens in the world.

‘Politics’ is a word that is often used to emotionally distance people from things that directly impact them. Labeling social issues as ‘politics’ and then making 'politics’ a dirty word is a psychologically manipulative practice that frames important, life-changing issues as tedious, negative and inappropriate pursuits. People might as well be saying, “Don’t trouble yourself with how the world is run, with how people treat each other, with what you’re allowed to do, say or think, with who is in charge of things or what decisions and actions they impose upon others.”

How convenient for the powers-that-be. How convenient for the status quo. A population that has a distaste for 'politics’ has a distaste for concerning themselves with their own interests. A population that has a distaste for politics will not only avoid thinking about how things are run, they will dissuade - often vociferously - other people from thinking or talking about those things as well.

When you make it socially unacceptable to think about issues that matter, you ensure that the people will never really question what’s happening, or demand change. You will ensure that people do not inform themselves or reflect on and develop their own ideas and values. You will ensure that people who try to stand up for themselves in a broader way will have little support, and will face bullying and stigmatization for their efforts.

2] Disinterest in politics reflects a level of privilege a lot of people don’t have.

When an issue of injustice comes up and someone’s response is, “I don’t want to talk about politics,” or “Let’s try to stay away from politics” in a very real way the message they are communicating to others is, “Whatever is happening to those people, I don’t care. My conversational discomfort in this moment is more important than the injustices those people are dealing with.”

The fact is, our actions and choices are inherently political. They reflect and often reinforce the sociopolitical structures we live within. The purchasing decisions we make, the media we consume, the ideas and policies we legitimize via our behavior - all of these things are political whether we know it or not.

The big difference between thinking of ourselves as political and thinking of ourselves as not political is that apolitical people are able to move through sociopolitical structures completely unconsciously, while others don’t have that luxury. Poor people, racialized people, immigrants, targeted minorities - none of these people have the luxury of ‘not caring about politics’. Their lives often depend on being deeply invested in what happens in the public and private sphere.

If you’re able to ‘not be interested’ in politics then you are a fortunate person indeed.

To people faced with injustice and inequality, politics can often be a question of their very right to exist, let alone thrive, in this world.

3] Editing politics out of discussions about GG and DD is a lot like erasing their queerness. It adapts them into a narrative that, while it may feel good for some fans, isn’t real.

It may make some fans more comfortable to edit out the parts of this fandom that are confusing or unsettling, but fans who prefer their perspective to be balanced and based on reality will just have to accept that this fandom will sometimes force us to reflect on things that aren’t so pleasant.

GG and DD are living under an authoritarian regime. They are frequently called upon to perform and present propagandistic ideas and projects. All of this just goes with the territory. If we refuse to explore and understand the political elements surrounding GG and DD we will be missing important context about them and and their lives.

The politics are relevant to the fandom. They are relevant to what we discuss, how and why. They are an inextricable element of GG and DD’s lives, and that necessarily makes them an inextricable element of any meaningful discussion of them and what they do.

4] If you share their propaganda posts and projects, you ARE being political.

I really feel the need to point out this obvious fact, because there appear to be some people who really don’t get it. GG and DD’s propaganda posts and projects are inherently political.

It is hypocritical and unreasonable to spread that propaganda and then tell people not to discuss it.

Having said all of that, there are simple ways to co-exist even if we disagree.

There are a lot of reasons why people participate in fandoms, and not everyone is in a mental or emotional place where they want to be exposed to political discussions, which can be stressful. Fandom can be a form of escapism, and a way to enjoy something light and fluffy without having too look too closely at the cracks in the facade.

That is a perfectly legitimate position to take on things, and people who don’t want to take part should be free to filter those things out of their feeds. Tagging political or stressful posts is a must.

However, what isn’t legitimate is telling other people that they shouldn’t be thinking about it or discussing it, or claiming that it doesn’t belong in the fandom. Respect needs to work both ways, and space needs to be given for people to pursue fandom in the ways that work best for them. 

BXG are a broad category of people with a broad range of interests, motivations and needs. It is possible for all of this diversity to harmoniously coexist, but that means respecting each other and working together. Tagging posts that we know some fans would rather not see is one excellent way of doing this. And that includes tagging posts that contain propaganda messages or projects, which can be offensive or triggering for people who have grown up under authoritarian regimes.

***

I also want to add a personal note here.

There are a lot of troubling things happening right now. A lot of people are feeling unsettled about it. One of the main ways in which people process and come to terms with difficult experiences is through talking about it and exchanging ideas with other people who care. It would be a huge disservice to a lot of fans who are struggling with what's happening to say, "You're not allowed to think or talk about this. Let's focus on other things."

One of the primary purposes of my blog from day one has always been to try to be supportive, particularly of marginalized people or people who are dealing with adversity. I want my blog to always be a place where people can feel safe to talk about the things that are on their mind.

#your political disengagement is a weapon against you #brotherhood and stuff #bxg perpectives #fandom reflections #ask

[funkymbtifiction]

Hello! 

Thank you for your past responses! It really helped me.

So, I studied the materials about enneagram 9, and now I am more and more convinced that I can be 9, but maybe with 4 in tritype. Therefore, I decided to write to you to confirm my idea. I apologize in advance if there is a lot of text. Also, I apologize for my English...

I would say core 4.

There's nothing here about seeking internal peace, avoiding conflict, losing yourself in other people, the problems 9s struggle with, nor of repressing anger all that much and ignoring issues.

There's a lot of envy, resentment, idealization, fear of rejection (so premature rejection), awareness of how others are responding to you (and fear of their judgment), some aggression in dominating situations, and a willingness to fight, paired with a lot of head type anxiety, fearful scenario-building, anticipating the worst, etc., combined with what I suspect is a social-dominant focus (so/sp).

I'd guess 4w5 so/sp. (The social 4 is the most anxious about rejection and forming connections, and the social 5 seeks to connect through expertise, which could explain your 'teaching' of other children when you were small.) Social-dominance might explain your 9ish traits.

#question #enneagram #enneagram 4

[madamhatter]

Just wanted to touch up on something that comes up frequently as a visible challenge Sophie faces: her seeming inability to leave her current circumstances and following her dreams/beliefs/etc.

(Head’s up: under the readmore contains my observations in the RPC and a minor complaint mixed with HC).

In all verses, this is an arc that Sophie usually goes through (or has gone through) that takes a great toll on her and takes a long time for it to be completed. This has a presence in most aspects of herself including her ambitions, self-perception, relationships and much more. Some are indirectly influenced by this like when it comes to romantic relationships. This manifests in her having issues with long-term relationships. This ranges from believing any relationship with her is doomed, relationships that do happen may continue existing only if she provides/she has use, and generally, it is not possible for her to keep one since her misfortune will directly make her partner unhappy. 

Overall, this aspect of her character is largely ingrained in her and greatly impacts everything she does and everything she believes herself to be. 

While this rarely happens, I get into situations where people underestimate or brush it off as more of a bother than actual needed development. In comments and questions, the general energy is quite off-putting. It undermines the circumstances and literal life-changing move that Sophie needs to take. It becomes a hinderance and gripe of why she can’t drop what she’s doing and go out there already.  (If you feel this is towards you in any way, it isn’t. If this ever did come up between us, I would’ve addressed that immediately. This post is in no way a vague-post and this section is more of my observations. Also this hasn’t happened in years but the memories creep on me.)

I know some people are peeved about this "opinion,” but it isn’t one. This a repeated offense that happens across fandoms and rpcs: muses who identify, act, present, and appear out of the particular desired spectrum of characters do get shafted by other muns/fans and/or get scrutinized unfairly by them. This isn’t anything new. It’s clear that a character in any series will get numerous amounts of “hate” because of certain traits, while a white/white-passing cis-male who they share traits with are praised and embraced the community. Moments of vulnerability and emotional openness with a character become common complaints about said characters. A nuanced perspective/expression becomes reductive by fans to being “weak.” Same goes with elusive and abrasive characters, same goes with soft-spoken and careful characters, same goes with empathetic and kind characters, same goes with defensive and caring characters who are not the fan favorites.

If characters do not exhibit the archetypical “badass” and do not endorse the power fantasy, they are usually not well-received by audiences. There is a persistently aggressive mindset in many fans that devalue, ignore, and undermine the variety of stories in a series in favor of an acute selection. While people may not admit it, this largely falls into the community's perpetuation of misogyny, misogynoir, colorism, racism, ableism, transphobia, homophobia, etc. that they could not and will not address. 

Just because you aren’t invested in a character does not mean their story is underdeveloped, uninteresting, and unimportant. If you dislike a character, consider the reasons why. Compare it to your favorite character if they have similarities. You may start noticing the larger, but unfortunate, implications that will arise in review or in the comparison. I.E., Is your favorite “not like the other girls” in canon? Do you dislike this character so much for not being as “capable” like the others? Why is this character be able to express their trauma through visible expression while the character you dislike can’t? 

This isn’t a “you can’t dislike characters” conclusion. You can dislike whoever and whatever nilly willy and that’s you. This is a “consider and check the criticisms you have about this character” conclusion. Recognize when criticism starts and ends before it becomes prejudice.

I realize this is left-field from the original topic and doesn’t directly relate to Sophie. But as I described, there are these narrowed funnels of tolerance for particular characters and if who you’re writing for doesn’t fit that, it becomes a hassle. A hassle in exploring character motivations, dimension, strengths and weaknesses, and just generally a harder time in getting anywhere for future thread/relationship/plot development.

Sophie’s background, personality, and conflicts are better received in characters who are masculine-presenting. People are more likely to actually understand the development and struggle too. They’re less likely to see it/refer to it as as an “obstacle,” which beyond annoying! Her challenges aren’t an “issue” just because she isn’t forward and immediately reciprocating to your character! She isn’t an accessory to a ship you want with your character! Her internal endeavor does not make things “difficult.” It makes things difficult for you to get whatever commodity you want out of her that benefits/flourishes your character. 

But, to Sophie’s situation and why she can’t “drop it” as easily as she can. 

Canonically, Ingary’s culture has cemented that birth order plays a large role in what is expected and possible for daughters. As abundant as the references are on this blog, the eldest daughter is basically defined by having no fortune or chance in her future. Any AU she is in would still keep these ideas persistent because these conditions are essentially the foundation to why she made certain decisions as a child that A) made everything about herself secondary to her and B) focused and drove herself for the betterment of her sisters’ lives.

The structure of everything to Sophie is her family; that is the only thing she has known for herself, despite the conflict she carries. That has been everything she’s known all her life and it has been reinforced by how the adults in her life treated her and taken advantage of the situation. She hasn’t known anything outside of these circumstances and only has been proven by her loved ones that it is something meant for her to do and something that she will keep on doing. 

Sophie’s biggest challenge means she has to unlearn almost everything. She has been groomed to participate with the world in a certain way and perceive the world in a certain way that places her at a disadvantage and makes her exploitable. The entirety of her worth has been equated to her usefulness and what she can bring to others; there is quite little she sees in herself that is worth something.. and what she does see as ‘worth something’ means it is valuable for someone else’s use. 

To challenge the foundation, her family of her current self would break her. The biggest trust she has is in her family and they are the consistent people in her life that she would not ever let go of (unless, it would make them happy/safe/for the better). To have to unearth what her parents essentially done to her and taken from her....The act of acknowledgement would make her spiral into a ways of questioning, hurt, and great terrors that she doesn’t want to face. She would continue with the construction everyone has made because if no one else does, who will? She wouldn’t even dare consider having her sisters taking ANY of the responsibilities she’s done or any of the unsavory things she did. 

After all, this is all that she has, that she can trust, they she can rely on. She is clinging onto it for dear life. 

To rectify the wrongs in her life, to her, will be a state of forever displacement and distrust. She cannot throw herself to do everything when she’s already a part of a system that requires her. To get rid of that system means that she is, once again, the the odd daughter whose destiny was proven right. She is the eldest daughter meant for misfortune if she couldn’t even keep this position in her late father’s hat shop and couldn’t keep supporting her sisters as she vowed herself to do. Too much of what she’s built for her family and their stability relies on her, and if she isn’t there, everything else will crumble, which would be destroying what she spent all of her life trying to maintain.

Considering that she will need to process that her circumstances are NOT normal, that her treatment is NOT normal, that her experiences ARE trauma, that her childhood and youth never existed, that the main figures in her life, that the few individuals she truly trusted used her (both mom and dad) and almost RUINED the family (dad), ...it is nothing something someone who’s into her budding adult years can handle within a matter of months. 

So, she lives painfully aware of it, but doesn’t move; she weighed the pros and cons and decides that it is best to keep where she is than leave. Too much is at stake, too much...

It is...really...a process. A painful and slow one, but not tedious and not a bother. It is a necessary for Sophie. 

#( in which we learn about the eldest ; headcanons )

[hlupdate]

Louis’ Interview with 1883 Magazine

Everybody knows One Direction - the band which was formed through The X-Factor in 2010 and went on to become the world’s biggest and most acclaimed boy band. Sold out tours, millions of international fans, and high-charting albums - Niall Horan, Liam Payne, Harry Styles, Zayn Malik and Louis Tomlinson created history.

However, in 2016 it was announced that One Direction will be on hiatus until further notice, which then led to each member launching their solo careers. Yet, they maintained strong from their loyal fanbase throughout the break-up and their individual journeys. 1883 Magazine sat down with Louis Tomlinson, the member who always saw himself as the outcast of the band - even though his fanbase is growing as strong as ever! 

Having released collaborative singles with the likes of Steve Aoki and Bebe Rexha to being on the judging panel of The X-Factor - ever single laughing his solo career, Louis has been actively working on being the greatest version of himself to date. The past three years he has spent a lot of time in the studio working on his debut album, and recently released a taste of what we can expect from it sound-wise - his brand new single ‘Two of Us’ is a beautiful yet heartbreaking ode to his late mother and represents Louis’s unique, raw style of songwriting. During our interview at Beach Blanket Babylon in London’s Notting Hill, he spoke more about the meaning behind the single, a One Direction reunion tour and being robbed in LA.

Interviewer: I’ve had a listen to your brand new single ‘Two of Us’. What a heartfelt song about your mum! It must have been so emotional to write it.

Louis: I’ll be honest, I kinda needed to get this song off my chest really and I knew going into these sessions and writing about different things I knew I wouldn’t feel complete. So I got it off my chest. But I wasn’t ready to write that song because in my head I wanted to be four, five years into my songwriting because it is such an important song to me. Then a few writers got in touch and I went to a session with them and told them my idea, and straight away it felt perfect. I haven’t felt the confidence to write this song by myself from scratch but they gave me the confidence I needed. And then the next hours we delved into it, changed things and now the end result is something I am really proud of. 

I: So you were only able to do it alongside the other songwriters? 

L: Yeah, they heard the song and asked what had happened. It just made so much sense with them. It evolved and I told them the background story. And then it just kind of came together and I managed to deliver the message that I wanted to deliver. I don’t want people to be exhausted after listening to it, I don’t want people to feel weighed down. I want them to be hopeful, just like the collaborative song I did with Steve Aoki. Just getting that message across felt really liberating.

I: I really like the song; I think you delivered the message very well. Generally, do you prefer writing alone or with other songwriters? 

L: Both, really. Obviously, sometimes on my own but I think where I’m at, in terms of my songwriting stage, I don’t consider myself as a proper professional yet. When I’m in these circles, it helps to be around that experience. 

I: Why don’t you see yourself as a professional?

L: Because as a songwriter I am quite unique, some of these pop sessions have more structure and I am less precise in my writing. I like to not have too many limitations of what a song should be, do you know what I mean? Especially a song like ‘Two of Us’, which is biographical.

I: Do you ever have to deal with any overly obsessive fans, as in groupies?

L: I mean, there are fans everywhere I go. But you kind of start recognizing faces. In London, for example ,there are about 20 individuals who are always somehow there when I’m doing something. And they don’t know how much confidence that gives me. Like, when I do a TV show - and I’m scared of that - and the minute I see a familiar face of my fans, I feel like what I do is important. My side stuff felt like a leap of faith to me and it’s all driven by the belief of the fans who keep me going.

I: So without fans, you wouldn’t have done a solo career?

L: Oh, no! When I was in the band, everything went so amazingly. It’s very hard to have a relative way of an example of where you stand in the industry. So the fans constantly gave me reinforcement. 

I: If there hadn’t been that incredible support, where would you have seen yourself after the band’s hiatus decision?

L: In my head, I would have just gotten better at songwriting, and write for other people. I hadn’t given it too much thought because us as a band didn’t have too much time to think about what we were going to do. But honestly, it sounds so generic, I wouldn't have had confidence without my fans. Now I feel empowered and it’s giving me strength. You find yourself in these do-or-die situations, and it’s been amazing so far.

I: do you think there’ll be an end to One Direction’s hiatus? Like a reunion tour or something else?

L: There’s gotta be! One hundred perfect. As far as I’m concerned, we are all good at doing our individual stuff right now and it’s great for yourself as an individual but the day we do get back together will be a magical day for all of us. I think everyone is in the same boat when it comes to this; it’s inevitable and the question is just when are we going to do it. Now that we are on this break, I can look back and say it was massive but looking from the other side you can see the influence and important. That’s really cool, just seeing our positive influence. we were such a powerhouse. It’s a no-brainer, I’m the first to sign the sheets to get back together. 

I: Let’s hope so! Do you still keep in touch with the others?

L: Yeah, we’ve been through so much. Obviously some speak more than others but that’s normal. Without it sounding condescending, I was always the oldest and still feel like a duty of care. I constantly check in with all of them. We always had each other when there was stress in the band, and we don’t have that anymore because we are doing solo careers.

I: On another note, how was your X-Factor experience, and why did you decide to be on the panel?

L: Well, obviously we came from the show and it kind of feels like home. Although I didn’t have experience on that side of TV. I felt confidence because I knew what it was like. What I wasn’t prepared for, though, was how emotionally invested I would be. I felt a bit of guilt as well because there were contestants who’d participated the same year we did, and I remembered them from boot camp. So that was a weird dynamic. It was humbling, definitely.

I: What were the biggest challenges?

L: The first day of audition I was terrified, to be honest.I was proper nervous but once I had done a couple I knew I didn’t have to become this character, this TV version of myself. I realized I could just go on and look after the contestants. It’s given me great experience that I wouldn’t have had elsewhere.

I: What was it like being part of the winning team?

L: The winner stood out clearly, from the first live show he had everyone say that he is going to be a winner, and there was a lot of pressure. 

I: Would you ever do it again?

L: Maybe, I loved the experience. I never say never! I’m so determined to prove a point with my music so if it interrupted that process it would be a very hard decision, to be honest. Music comes first every time for me. Maybe one day!

I: You said you are all about developing new artists, would you ever mentor one?

L: I have an imprint at Syco and I think I’ve got good music taste. I’ve always been interested in finding new bands because that seems kinda cool to me, and I had a list of a couple of bands I really liked. And since then I had that imprint deal, I’m constantly on the lookout.

I: Where do you usually lookout for these new bands? 

L: BBC Introducing is great. Other than that, it’s just these tedious ways of using Soundcloud and YouTube. I think in terms of what I’m looking for is a little bit of rock, defiance, and everything instead of this clean-cut we’ve got a lot of. 

I: Nothing wrong with Rock, which are your favorite Rock acts? 

L: I love Oasis, I love Liam Gallagher to be honest! He’s unique and different, love him or hate him. He is a breath of fresh air. As I was growing up, and that is the reason I struggled to place myself on the radio, it was the time where guitar-driven pop really got big on the airwaves. You know, bands like The Kooks, Oasis, Two Door Cinema Club. Now, Hip Hop and R&B are taking that spot and it’s hard to relate to that. I don’t want to be too pretentious, I’m [well] aware of where I come from but I have a mission where I want to be. 

I: So how would you classify your genre?

L: Oh, that’s a big question. Wow, that’s hard. In terms of what I’m looking for from a production point of view I want things to sound organic and live. Not too many programmed instruments. I want it to feel authentic. From a lyric perspective, almost like indie-pop, very conversational. All these sexy metaphors people put in their music? I ain’t got time for that. I like it straight to the point. It’s hard to classify it as a particular genre. 

I: After your album release, would you go on tour again?

L: Definitely! Hopefully, I will get some dates locked in before the end of the year because I haven’t been on the road for a good three years. I miss the routine, it’s the Rock ‘n’ Roll lifestyle. You wake up at 3pm, do the show on a high, go to bed and do it all over again. It’s definitely super fun. 

I: Would you ever consider performing at a festival?

L: Yeah! I did Ultra Festival with Steve Aoki in Miami. It was so good. It was a proper performance and hoped for the the best but I loved it. EDM fans are proper fanatical, they party hard! I don’t remember too much, but I came off buzzing. Those moments, going out on your one which is a different experience, just move you.

So one day, being on a festival bill would be really amazing, but I have to make that transition music-wise before approaching festivals.

I: You are also constantly jetting between Los Angeles and London, do you have plans to settle down in one of those cities one day?

L: I’m kind of used to traveling, a lot of sesions make me travel between those countries anyway...I’m just used to it now. I actually got robbed in LA, though. 

I: What, how did you find out?

L: I saw it on CCTV, these f*ckers. They didn’t take anything sentimental. I haven’t actually been robbed since I was 10 years old.

I: Wow. But do you refer LA or London? I suppose LA due to the better weather?

L: I much prefer London. I feel like I’m a very British character so when I’m in LA for too long I feel too different. There are a lo tof people there who are f*ke as fuck, and they’re cold. But the locals are the cool ones, it’s the ones from the outside who try to snake you.

I: One a different note, what are you watching on Netflix right now?

L: This may sound creepy but I’m proper into Psychology so I watch sinister, dark stuff. Lots of murder mystery on Netflix, and I watch many documentaries, such as David Attenborough’s stuff. What I don’t like is Stranger Things. I can’t get into it. 

I: How did you deal with the additional grief over the past few months? 

L: I’m so grateful for all of my fans worldwide for their love and support, but especially over the last few months. They are always there for me and I appreciate every single one of them.

I: Are you still planning to release your album this year or have you got an other projects coming up?

L: I’m really looking forward to releasing more music in the next few months with my album coming early next year. I’m really excited to get this record out and getting back on the road too. It’s been a long process, but I’ve finally got everything into a place which I’m really happy with. I’m going to feel so relieved and proud when the fans get to hear the album! 

I: Are there going to be any features on the album? I don’t think so. I think it’s important that people can see and hear a body of work and try to see who I am as an artist.

Single ‘Two of Us’ is out now.

#louis tomlinson #1883 mag #080819 #we removed a stunt mention #where the ... is

[sinkplier57]

Household Arbitrator In Abingdon, Oxfordshire.

Monetary Mediation Solutions.

family mediation service - what is crunch point mediation : #f9f9f9;border: 1px solid #aaa;display: table;margin-bottom: 1em;padding: 1em;width: 350px;">

Content

Just How Does Separation Mediation Job?

If Youre Anxious Concerning The Price Of A Lawyer.

Stowe Household Legislation Blog Site.

Just How Does Family Members Mediation Work?

How Does Arbitration Work?

We're a charity assistance network and advocate leading the fight to remove being homeless within Staffordshire and also bordering locations. If you would love to participate in either of these sessions please really feel guaranteed that our trained and expert personnel will certainly look after the health and wellbeing of both you and your kid. We continue to be completely functional however a number of our team continue to work remotely. Please make an appointment prior to going to at the workplace and to organize video clip conferencing or telephone conferences. According to the recommendations of the Federal government and Public Wellness England, we are shutting the doors to our office at 32 Friar Lane Leicester from Tuesday 5th January 2021. This will stay subject to evaluate and also dependent upon the circumstances. You need to be aged 13 years or older - if you're younger, ask somebody with parental obligation to send the feedback for you.

Can you refuse mediation?

Or they are the respondent, who is being lead unwittingly toward the court. By trying mediation, a couple has nothing to lose and everything to gain, starting with their self-respect. The answer of course, is yes, you can refuse.

This Plan Paper would ask the FLC whether any type of adjustments are needed to Sheriff Court Ordinary Cause Rule 33.22 to set that recommendations to arbitration ought to not occur when there has actually been domestic misuse. 11.06 ADR is not meant to replace going to courts in all situations, but it can have advantages over litigating. The major benefits are that it can be extra adaptable, address the issue faster, be much less stressful, supply a much longer enduring solution and also be less costly than participating in court. This appointment seeks sights on reforming Part 1 of the Children Act 1995 to guarantee the kid's best interests are at the centre of any decision made regarding them.

Just How Does Divorce Mediation Job?

Nevertheless, we are aware that ADR would certainly not be appropriate in all situations for example where there has actually been residential abuse. 11.24 The Justice Committee of the Scottish Parliament in their article legislative analysis of the Family Legislation Act recommended that cases would certainly benefit from boosted use of mediation. 11.23 We are seeking your sights on whether we should be doing even more to encourage ADR as a choice to visit court. Operation of the plan is examined as well as if needed further meetings are organized. 11.16 In the light of Write-up 48 of the Istanbul Convention, the Scottish Government are considering whether to prepare a Plan Paper for the FLC.

They are normally advised by a lawyer in support of a person involved in a court case to manage the hearings, and also sometimes to advise on exactly how solid your instance is or what steps should be taken. Barristers can in some cases be instructed directly without you paying for a lawyer as well, and this is called public gain access to. Solicitors and also legal executives can handle your instance throughout, including figuring out lawful aid and also taking care of paperwork, as well as some may perform the advocacy themselves.

If Youre Concerned About The Cost Of A Solicitor.

We on a regular basis check that the call details depend on date yet in some cases there may be changes to regional authority team or policy we are not warned of. Enquire can take no duty for the web content of various other sites. If you want to come as well as speak to me, please let your mum recognize and she will arrange a day as well as time for us to satisfy. Your mum and dad have actually asked me to write to you becuase they would like you to have the choice to speak with me also, if that is something you wish to do. I am below to pay attention to how you feel about the time you invest with your mum and your dad and any suggestions you have for the future.

You may have various ideas, dreams as well as sensations about your care and also therapy than your household/ carers or the experts entailed. Or you might feel the same as they do yet believe you're not being listened to. Or you might remain in a scenario where differences are taking place around you which you are discovering upsetting. If you are a child or young adult with significant health and wellness or treatment needs, it is truly essential to have your wishes as well as feelings listened to. The SEND Tribunal is an independent first-tier tribunal that listen to as well as decide charms versus decisions we have actually made concerning your youngster's EHC strategy or our decision not to analyze your kid's requirements. You do not have to go after mediation, you only have to consider it if you feel it would be practical for you. If you do not want to mediate, your right of appeal will certainly not be influenced yet, you will still be required to obtain an arbitration certification prior to making sure allures.

Stowe Household Law Blog Site.

Household Mediation is confidential as well as the meetings are executed in a personal setup. The court may provide various names to such acting hearings, relying on what type of process you are entailed with. Consequently, 'directions' or 'acting hearings' will certainly be held before the primary or 'final hearing' so the Judge can be clear what the problems are and also what evidence is needed to enable him or her to make the right decision. You are really not likely to be asked to provide evidence at such acting hearings as they are usually concerning choosing what proof is required and in what kind. More solicitors as well as lawful execs also function as advocates however if they are active with an additional case or if it needs a specific competence they might need to instruct barrister to manage a certain hearing. Particular barristers may have developed a specialism in a certain location, so it makes sense for a lawyer to refer those kinds of situations to a professional barrister that can supply suggestions in composing.

Patriarch Al-Rai resumes mediation between Aoun and Hariri to form government - Arab News

Patriarch Al-Rai resumes mediation between Aoun and Hariri to form government.

Posted: Thu, 07 Jan 2021 18:42:31 GMT [source]

Your mediation certification will certainly after that be provided to you within 3 days of your mediation session having happened. If you choose not to go to arbitration, after that CHILDREN will send you a mediation certification within 3 days of you informing them your decision.

Just How Does Family Mediation Job?

We'll offer you our reasons for not agreeing to an EHC requires assessment in composing and you can request a conference with your SEN named policeman to review your options. It's day 3 of Family members Arbitration Week (20th - 24th January 2020), a week long campaign where we encourage conversations concerning arbitration and also increase awareness of arbitration and also its benefits for dividing households. There are normally around four sessions yet there may be essentially, relying on the complexity and also variety of concerns controversial. Mediation will certainly reinforce communication and avoid the hostility created by court proceedings. The conciliator will certainly collaborate with you both, allowing you to find useful remedies.

If you are requesting a residential violence order (non-molestation order or profession order) there is no charge payable. Courteous handy service maintaining you educated at every phase/ Would absolutely recommend. familymediationservice was really amazed with the solution I obtained which was friendly, individual and expert. I was happy with the method things were performed on my part, and also would certainly not be reluctant to suggest Winstons to my buddies as well as family. I was very pleased with the solution received by Winstons Solicitors LLP - we got good assistance, clear communication and a speedy resolution.

Please note, if your enquiry is made outdoors office hrs, we aim to contact you on the next organization functioning day. The procedure whereby you differ a Child Arrangement Order resembles just how you made an application for it in the first place as well as you might need to attend an additional Mediation Details as well as Evaluation Fulfilling. If you do make a decision to apply to the Court to vary an existing Youngster Plan Order, it is very important to remember that, although the Court will reassess the truths, their vital consideration is still the kid's welfare. For initial suggestions connect with our Family members and Youngster Regulation Solicitors. Moderators are sensitive and have actually experienced in a wide-range of family disputes. If you have any concerns or require even more details then please do not think twice to contact us.

Can mediation save a sharing settlement over Nazi-looted Pissarro? - Art Newspaper

Can mediation save a sharing settlement over Nazi-looted Pissarro?.

Posted: Thu, 17 Dec 2020 08:00:00 GMT [source]

Applications in the Family members Court comply with a standard operating procedure, although it can be adjusted to suit the needs of the case you should not expect your situation to be resolved instantly or perhaps at the initial hearing. In urgent situations the court may be able to skip certain components of the treatment or make short-term holding orders to safeguard your setting also without the various other person being at court. But you must read leaflet CB2 to see what the court thinks about as an urgent issue. You have to pay a cost to begin most lawsuit however if you are on a low income you may get approved for "fee remission". You can get help with court and tribunal costs online on the.gov.uk internet site here.

This is no one's mistake-- it's simple to focus on various other concerns such as cash, home and so forth. With our assistance we'll aid you to start constructing a life that's devoid of abuse. With a full-circle method, Glow looks for to attend to the concerns from every angle, guaranteeing that no member of the community is susceptible to an abusive connection. We're a charity on an objective to end connection abuse, marketing for adjustment as well as offering support throughout Staffordshire as well as its surrounding locations. Chatterbox is an internet site produced especially to help people across North Staffordshire to take advantage of their money to aid with budgeting. Regardless of what you've been via, our team is right here to sustain you through thick and also slim.

Spinney completes earthwork; mediation yields planned settlement - Wiscasset Newspaper

Spinney completes earthwork; mediation yields planned settlement.

Posted: Tue, 05 Jan 2021 19:07:02 GMT [source]

Mediation is personal although any kind of details passed from one celebration to the mediator must be disclosed to the various other event. The conciliator is not entitled to share any info connecting to your case to any 3rd party, to include your corresponding Solicitors. Discretion can be forgoed by both celebrations if details is needed to be provided to your Lawyers. Only the terms of any contract will certainly be made a note of as well as recorded in the treatment notes. At MMF we will always make sure we inquire about how your sights can be heard and will do our ideal to sustain you anyhow you want. Our function is to make sure that everyone's voice is heard in whatever way that is feasible.

Customer experience of our service can be found on our comments web page. These are made use of to compile records for us on just how individuals use this site. You will certainly be released an arbitration certificate within 3 working days, so that if you make a decision to, you have 1 month to attract Tribunal if you want. All celebrations will certainly get to discuss their sights, and if an agreement is gotten to which is acceptable to all, the essential activities will be formally documented and also signed by all events. If you are not delighted with area I of the EHCP - the named college - you do not require to have considered arbitration to attract Tribunal. If you accept arbitration, YOUNGSTERS will have 1 month to set up a day for mediation.

However, as court orders regarding youngsters are very difficult to apply anyway, coming to agreements that work for everyone entailed is most likely still your best option.

Members of personnel discover their very own option and also ideally get to an agreement that will certainly iron out their trouble or improve the scenario.

Arbitration is a private and risk-free means to speak via issues with the help of a neutral arbitrator, to locate a means onward and enhance functioning connections.

Many individuals discover it allows them to discover a way to interact with their ex once more, which if you have youngsters together can only be an actually advantage.

You can not typically get agreements concerning the kids made into a court order in the same way.

Some will certainly provide help for a taken care of cost, others might offer a very first conference free of cost.

The focus is on collaborating to move forward, not determining who was right or wrong in the past.

Provide feedbackEarly years (ages years) There's a great deal of aid offered in the early years, consisting of from wellness visitors and family centres. It is standard at this time of year to look back over the previous twelve months and reflect upon what has occurred, although many will not wish to look back at the year 2020. Simpson Millar Solicitors are a national law firm with over 500 personnel and also offices in Bristol, Cardiff, Lancaster, Leeds, Liverpool, London, Manchester as well as Southport.

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[saikostories]

MHA - Rhythm of the War Drum pt3

“Are you comfortable, my boy? Would you like another blanket?”

Midoriya shook himself out of his thoughts to look up at All Might. He’d drifted away into his thoughts without realizing it. The older hero stood close beside his hospital bed, leaning over the side.

Midoriya shook his head. “No. I’m fine,” he murmured.

They were currently in Tartarus’s hospital wing. The private room was sterile and white just like a regular hospital room, complete with a hospital bed and monitoring equipment. But the thick walls, military-grade locks on the door, and wrist and ankle restraints hanging from the corners of the bed revealed it for what it also was: a backup prison cell. No one had tried to use those restraints on Midoriya yet. He knew if he gave them any reason to doubt his submissiveness, though, they wouldn’t hesitate to strap him down like an animal.

A single, barred window no wider than a foot across was the only feature of interest in the room. Midoriya didn’t know what time it was. But judging by the darkness of the patch of sky Midoriya could see through the reinforced glass, it was sometime close to evening.

Everything since he’d woken up in that first prison cell had happened so fast. Midoriya felt like he was only now starting to catch up from the blur of activity. For the first time in as long as he could remember he finally felt like he had a clear head and his mind wasn’t blanketed by a heavy fog of drugs and fear.

After a hot shower he’d been moved to the hospital wing with an escort of armed guards, All Might, and Aizawa. The straightjacket he’d woken up in had been removed and replaced with a clean set of hospital pants and shirt. Midoriya felt strangely naked without it now. He kept catching himself folding his arms down across his belly and around his sides as if he was still wearing it. Although he didn’t necessarily like the idea of being restrained with no way to defend himself, at least when he’d been in it he’d felt contained and under control. When in a straightjacket there was less chance of him hurting anyone if he suddenly lost control of himself.

As he’d come to fear while he’d still been a captive: Shigaraki had used him like one of his Nomu to hurt people…

Unaware of the dark thoughts going through his student’s head, All Might continued to fuss over Midoriya – fluffing the thin pillow behind his back and smoothing the edges of the blanket spread over Midoriya’s legs – as if desperate for any excuse to be near the boy.

Midoriya passively let the old hero do what he wanted. For the moment, All Might’s presence wasn’t agitating. The Symbol of Peace’s concern and fleeting touches were tolerable. In fact, they were almost comforting if he didn’t dwell too long on who it was doing them. He still wasn’t sure how he felt towards All Might after everything he’d seen and felt while with the League. He still hadn’t forgotten the biting sting of betrayal. Just thinking about it made his blood run hotter and a rush of acidic hate rise in the back of his throat before he could push it down again.

Despite Midoriya’s lingering distrust towards his former idol, after spending so long without a friendly face to look at it was undeniably nice to be treated so gently now. Everyone else he’d come across since being kidnapping had only wanted to hurt and scar him. Maybe All Might was just faking his concern right now. Maybe he was only going out of his way to shower Midoriya with attention now that he had to face the consequences of his decision to abandon Midoriya with the League. Maybe All Might and the others really had been telling the truth and they’d all been led to believe he was dead. Whatever the case, Midoriya was willing to let those mysteries be for now. He was so tired and the clean clothes and warm blankets were almost enough to make him feel safe enough to relax.

Midoriya’s whole body hurt. Everything from his skin down to his bones ached as if he’d run a full marathon with no training. Even bundled under heavy covers Midoriya continued to shake with a persistent shiver that seemed to have nothing to do with the temperature. A splitting headache squeezed his temples. His tongue was dry and sat like a heavy piece of wool in his mouth. They’d tried to give him some water earlier, but he hadn’t been able to take much more than a few sips. Although his parched body desperately craved liquid his stomach had rolled in protest at the sudden intrusion. He’d just barely been able to keep what little he did drink down. Any more and he was sure he would have thrown up.

All Might had said that he’d spent the last few days detoxing Shigaraki’s drug – that that was why he felt so sick and weak.

That was one of the few things Midoriya truly believed from his former mentor without any hesitation or distrust. He could feel the aftereffects of Shigaraki’s drug reeking havoc on his body. Everything else the Symbol of Peace said or did, though, was still open to suspicion.

“There,” All Might finally announced, leaning back from Midoriya with a satisfied nod. He reached behind him and pulled an examination stool up beside the bed. He eased his skeletal frame down onto it and stared into Midoriya’s face. “Is there anything else you need, my boy? Anything at all? I will get it for you.”

“No,” Midoriya insisted. Overlong, shower-damp bangs hung in his face like a shield against the hero’s over eagerness to please and provide. “I’m fine, really.” It was difficult to look at All Might or endure the weight of his desperate gaze.

If only All Might had been this eager to save him from Shigaraki and the League…

“Leave him be, All Might,” a weary voice ordered. Aizawa stood on the other side the room in the corner near the window, his arms crossed across his chest. Red eyes that had nothing to do with the Erasing hero’s quirk glared at them from over the folds of Aizawa’s capture weapon. “Midoriya doesn’t need you hovering over him like a mother hen. Let the boy rest.”

Midoriya ducked his head down against his chest. He knew Aizawa’s reprimand wasn’t directed at him but that didn’t stop his nerves from instinctively going on high alert. Aizawa and All Might had been constant presences beside him since he’d woken up in that cell. He’d been given a small measure of privacy when he’d been allowed to shower, but whether by his former teachers or the prison guards, he was always being watched – and usually by Aizawa.

He could feel his homeroom teacher’s eyes on him constantly. Watching him. Waiting for the smallest sign of aggression. Looking for anything that would give them a reason to throw him back in a jail cell trussed up in a straightjacket. Midoriya had always suspected Aizawa mildly disliked him ever since the first day of school. Aizawa might have decided not to expel him that day, but Midoriya had felt ever since like Aizawa was only biding his time, waiting for some other slip-up on Midoriya’s part to give him an excuse to follow through on his original threat to get rid of him.

And hadn’t Midoriya given Aizawa an excuse to dislike him now?

It didn’t matter that it was because of Shigaraki or his rage-inducing drugs that Midoriya had been brought back the way he had. Midoriya had gone berserk and tried to physically harm other people. He could feel the weight of Aizawa’s eyes on him, constantly judging him for his shameful misdeeds and weighing the threat level he continued to pose.

It only made sense they would bring him to a place like Tartarus. Tartarus was a prison specifically built to house high-risk super villains.

And wasn’t that what he was now? A villain? He might have not been a willing participant but he had still committed those crimes. He’d used his quirk to try and hurt other people. It only made sense that they would want to lock him away where he could never hurt anyone again.

The heavy, sour feeling in the pit of Midoriya’s stomach intensified. His throat constricted with a violent rush of despair. He only hoped they would come through on their promise to let him see his mother one last time before they decided to throw him back inside a cell.

Before Midoriya’s mind could go any farther down such dark roads, there came a knock against the open door of the hospital cell. In the doorway stood a small cluster of people – several of whom Midoriya recognized.

“Hello, Midoriya,” Nezu brightly greeted, leading the group into the room. “You seem to be feeling better. I hope these arrangements are more comfortable for you than before.”

Midoriya could only a manage a shallow nod. “Yes. Thank you.” It was difficult to be grateful for a clean bed and clothes when he knew it was only a matter of time before he was put back inside a cell.

A middle-aged, rather plain looking man trailed behind Nezu. Midoriya recognized him from when he woken up in the cell earlier. He had been asking him questions about his time with the League of Villains. But who he was or why he was there with UA’s principal, All Might, and Aizawa was still a mystery to him.

And behind them followed two others.

Midoriya sat up a little straighter in bed. “Recovery Girl? They brought you here too?”

“Of course,” Recovery Girl smiled, grandmotherly and kind. “You’re my favorite patient after all. When I heard what you’d been through I immediately had to come see if there was anything I could do to help. Don’t you remember me coming to see you earlier?”

Midoriya paused, embarrassed confusion filling him. “No? I’m sorry. I don’t remember much of anything between being at a train station and then waking up in a cell with All Might.”

“That’s okay,” Recovery Girl gently tutted. “I really didn’t expect you to remember. You weren’t really feeling well then.”

She motioned to the older man beside her. He wore a long white lab coat similar to Recovery Girl’s. Glasses and salt and pepper hair were his only other distinguishable features. “This is Doctor Tsubaki. He is the head physician here in Tartarus. I’ve been assisting him on your case.”

“Hello,” the man said with a shallow, perfunctory nod. “I’m glad to see you calmed down and finally able to talk.”

“Hello,” Midoriya timidly replied, bowing as best he could where he sat in bed.

“Detective Tsukauchi and I wanted to stop by and check in on Midoriya one last time before we left for the evening,” Nezu announced. “Perhaps even talk a little more before we let Midoriya rest. We just happened to meet up with Doctor Tsubaki and Recover Girl on the way here.”

“We still need to do a medical assessment on the boy before any of that happens,” Tsubaki said. He and Recovery Girl came up beside the bed. The doctor set a heavy bag of supplies down on the mattress beside Midoriya’s feet. He met Midoriya’s eyes. “I can have everyone leave the room while we do this, but the door must remain open for the guards stationed outside in the hallway. They have high-powered stun rifles at their disposal which they are authorized to use at the slightest provocation. The only reason they aren’t in here with me right now is because of your teacher, Mr. Aizawa, and his ability to erase quirks should you suddenly become violent.”

Midoriya’s head once more bowed to his chest in embarrassed shame. His arms unconsciously snaked across his stomach and around his sides. He shouldn’t have been surprised by the doctor’s conditions. He was a villain now. He shouldn’t have expected to be treated like anything else but a criminal.

“Doctor Tsubaki,” the man Nezu had called Tsukauchi said. “It might only be by a technicality, but Midoriya is not officially a prisoner of Tartarus. He has not been released from police custody to the Corrections Bureau. He is only here out of emergency necessity given his quirk’s power-up abilities and the state in which he was rescued from the League of Villains. If anything, he is a victim in need of protection. Not a criminal.”

The older doctor sighed. “I am aware of the circumstances that brought the boy here. But there are still protocols that must be followed while in the prison. There was a reason he was brought here. I saw the security footage of him attacking the holding cell’s two way mirror. Until I am absolutely certain he is no longer a danger to himself or anyone else we will follow the prescribed safety measures.”

“It's… it’s okay,” Midoriya spoke up. He stared down at the blanket covering his lap. He couldn’t bear the thought of looking up so everyone could see his shame and embarrassment. The doctor’s evaluation of the situation was harsh – mercilessly blunt! But nothing he’d said was untrue. It was his own fault he was there. His own actions were what landed him in Tartarus and made him a danger to everyone else. “Everyone can stay. The door can stay open. I won’t make any problems. I promise.”

“We’ll try and make this quick,” Recovery Girl said, patting Midoriya’s blanket covered leg.

Doctor Tsubaki stepped closer to the side of the bed. “Head up,” he ordered.

Before Midoriya could fully comply with the doctor’s demand, Tsubaki slipped his hands underneath Midoriya’s chin and pressed his palms to either side of his neck.

Midoriya froze at the abrupt contact. He instinctively tried to lean away from the doctor’s touch but Tsubaki’s grip on his neck was just tight enough to still any such attempts without Midoriya making a scene. He hadn’t been prepared to be touched so suddenly. It took every ounce of willpower Midoriya had not to immediately panic. Other hands had grabbed and held him like this. Hands that could disintegrate his entire body into a pile of ash. Hands that could pierce his flesh and shred his thoughts and memories to pieces. The pure visceral memory of those hands against his skin was enough to make Midoriya’s heart beat faster against the inside of his chest.

“Temperature is fine,” Tsubaki said, unaware or just unmoved by Midoriya’s sudden skittishness. “Heart rate is elevated, but not alarmingly so. Midoriya, calm down. I am not going to harm you,” he sternly scolded.

“S-sorry!” Midoriya weakly squeaked. He tried to force himself not to focus on the hands cupping the sides of his neck, but the memories of other hands touching him, hurting him were too much for him to fully press down the wave of panic that was slowly crawling up his spine.

Recovery Girl patted his leg again comfortingly. “Doctor Tsubaki’s quirk allows him to diagnose his patients just by touch. This is the quickest, easiest way to do a medical assessment. Just hang in there a bit longer.”

Midoriya didn’t dare move his head to nod. He didn’t want to get another scolding from the doctor. Nor could he find the voice to answer. Mute and frozen stiff with visceral dread Midoriya could only close his eyes and beg the universe that all of this ended soon. Maybe if he kept still the doctor would hurry up and let him go. Maybe if he was a good patient no pain would come from this man’s touch.

Finally, after what felt like hours of breathless eternity, Tsubaki removed his hands from Midoriya’s throat, releasing him from his panic-induced stasis. Midoriya’s arms immediately wrapped around his sides, hugging himself close. The shakiness in his limbs from the drug withdrawal was building into open tremors. Midoriya hugged himself tighter to try and smother them away.

The doctor did not seem to notice the effect he’d had on his patient. He glanced at Recovery Girl who had a folder of medical charts open. She was writing down notes in it. “The dehydration that we noted the other day is still present and in fact worst. We’re going on three days now without any notable intake of fluids. We should put him on a saline drip as soon as possible. If we wait any longer his recovery time will be lengthened dramatically.”

“Agreed,” Recovery Girl said. She began removing a number of items from the supply bag Tsubaki brought with them. “I can start the IV line.”

Midoriya’s ears perked. “IV?”

“Yes, dear. We weren’t able to do much to help you when you were coming off of Shigaraki’s serum except sit back and let it run its course because of how violent you were when you were first brought in. Unfortunately, that’s left you in quite rough shape. You probably don’t even realize how thirsty you are right now given everything else you’ve been though. Don’t worry though, we’ll get you feeling better soon.”

Midoriya’s breath caught in his throat, his chest constricting with mounting dread. “I… I don’t think I need an IV. I can drink some water instead. However much you give me, I’ll drink it. Just… no IVs. Please..?”

Recovery Girl looked up from the pile of supplies, her expression concerned. “What’s the matter, Midoriya? You were never afraid of IVs before. What’s changed?”

The ache in Midoriya’s temples was getting worse. He thought he could hear his own blood pounding in his ears. “I…” It was getting difficult to find words. His chest felt like it was slowly constricting. He had to fight just to draw enough air into his lungs. “I… just don’t like needles now. Please… No IV.”

“I’m so sorry, dear, but this is something that needs to be done. Drinking fluids would take too long to be absorbed by your body. Intravenous fluids will be much quicker and more effective. Once it’s in you’ll be able to relax. We’ll probably also be able to give you something to help with those withdrawal symptoms. I think you’ll be surprised how much better you’ll feel once this is done.”

The knot of panic in Midoriya’s throat began to tighten. It was getting more difficult to draw in air.

“Midoriya?” a soft voice called. The teen startled, his head whipping towards the sound to find All Might leaning towards him again. The hero’s blue eyes were full of concern. “Are you alright, my boy?”

Unable to find words Midoriya could only mutely shake his head. Even if he had been able to speak he didn’t think he would have been able to find the right words to describe this helpless, body-wrenching panic that was washing over him. His eyes were starting to burn with the threat of tears. An unbidden sob broke past his lips.

Before Midoriya knew what was happening, All Might was suddenly right there beside him, perched on the side of the bed facing him. The older hero gently pried Midoriya’s left arm away from his side so he could hold the boy’s hand between both his own. On the other side of the bed Recovery Girl coaxed his other arm away from his side to lay in front of him on top of the bed. In a practiced flurry of motion, she cinched a plastic band around his forearm, ripped open an alcohol wipe package, and began swabbing the top of Midoriya’s hand with it. Behind her, Tsubaki hung a bag of clear saline solution on a stand beside the bed.

A new wave of panic washed over Midoriya. Another sob echoed the first.

He didn’t want this. He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want anything poking his skin or making him bleed. He didn’t want this! Why wouldn’t any of them listen to him?!

“It’s alright,” All Might soothed. “No one’s going to hurt you. Here, squeeze my hand. I’ll help you get through this.”

Midoriya blindly gripped All Might’s hand. His eyes remained on Recovery Girl.

The school nurse had opened another package of supplies. This one contained what looked like a long needle.

Midoriya’s heart pounded harder. That needle was going to go into his skin. That sharpened piece of metal was going to stab his hand and go into his vein where it would sit and spread fluid through his body. Just like the needles Shigaraki used on the back of his neck to make him see red.

The back of his neck and spots across his scalp burned with memories. The trembling in Midoriya’s limbs worsened.

“Alright here we go,” Recovery Girl said. She positioned the tip of the needle over the back of his hand.

Midoriya was openly shaking now, each breath he managed to draw in coming out again in a panicked sob. He felt frozen, his eyes locked on the sharpened tip of the needle hovering over his hand.

“Don’t look at her. Look at me,” All Might urged. “Everything’s going to be alright. I’m right here. It’s just like I promised: I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.”

Somehow Midoriya forced his eyes away from Recovery Girl to look up and meet All Might’s gaze. The old hero was staring into his eyes as if pleading with him to trust him and let him help. Midoriya couldn’t say why exactly but in that moment he decided to briefly put his trust back into the Symbol of Peace.

Leaning forward at the waist, Midoriya buried his face into the front of All Might’s chest. The old hero hugged Midoriya tight, murmuring soft words of encouragement into the top of his head.

“Small pinch,” Recovery Girl warned.

Midoriya felt the needle pierce the top of his hand and instinctively yanked his arm back. His sobs intensified. He was now hyperventilating.

No! He couldn’t do this! He thought he could, but he couldn’t! He wouldn’t let them stick needles into him like before! He wouldn’t let this happen again!

The long arms wrapped around his shoulders, however, would not let him draw back from All Might’s chest.

“I have to redo it,” Recovery Girl said from behind All Might. “He pulled it out when he pulled his arm back.” Midoriya couldn’t see anything beyond the front of All Might’s shirt.

“Stay calm, Izuku. It’s almost over,” All Might murmured. “Just one more try and then you’ll be done.”

Midoriya sobbed into All Might’s chest, unable to pull back or even squirm in the hero’s arms.

There was another sharp pinch followed by a flurry of movement and muffled sounds. Midoriya instinctively struggled to cringe away but could only dig his forehead deeper into All Might’s sternum.

“There!” Recovery Girl finally announced. “All done!”

All Might’s arms loosened around him, allowing him to finally sit back.

Midoriya’s eyes immediately went to the top of his right hand. Recovery Girl was just finishing screwing the head of the IV line into the back of the catheter. Several pieces of tape covered the top of his hand, hiding where the plastic tube disappeared into his skin.

“There, see?” All Might praised with a soft pat on his back. “All done. You’re alright now. Now you can lay back and relax. You did well.”

Midoriya thought he heard Nezu or Tsukauchi say something as well, but it was like he was hearing them underwater from far away. Their voices were garbled and low – completely unintelligible. All Midoriya could do was stare at the top of his hand, his whole body trembling.

Recovery Girl uncinched the IV line to allow the saline drip to start. Midoriya felt the chill of the liquid hit the top of his hand. As he sat there frozen in petrified silence he could actually feel the coldness creeping up the length of his arm. He imagined that foreign liquid mixing with his blood inside him. Only now did he realize he hadn’t looked to see if Recovery Girl or Doctor Tsubaki added anything to the saline bag. Was that even saline? How could he possibly know for sure? He wouldn’t know what to look for even if they had changed it with something else. They might have added something to it before they even came into the room.

What if they had put some kind of drug to it? What if it made him see red again? That needle was sitting in his vein right now spreading potential poison through his body. How could he trust these people not to hurt him like Shigaraki did? They had already abandoned him to the League once. What if they’d decided that now that he was back to use him for some kind of experiment? He’d heard about doctors doing that back in the early days of quirk manifestations. They would target people who had undergone intense emotional trauma to see how it affected their quirks. What if that’s what they were planning to do with him? What if that was why they were keeping him in this cell that looked like a hospital room? To keep him locked up and under control! What if he went on another rampage and killed someone this time? What then? What?!

There were more voices around him, louder now. He still couldn’t understand what they were saying. All he could focus on was the taped mound of plastic protruding from the top of his hand. The pounding blood in his ears was getting louder, drowning out any other sound. His heart was thundering against the inside of his chest so hard it felt like it was going to burst through his ribs. He felt frozen in place, panic robbing him of his ability to breath. As he stared at his hand the edges of his vision began to fuzz with darkness. For a moment, Midoriya was certain he was about to pass out.

A sharp shake on his shoulder rattled Midoriya out of his thoughts just enough to allow him to look away from his hand. All Might was leaning over him again, his expression alarmed. “Midoriya. What is it? Are you alright?”

Midoriya couldn’t immediately find his voice. The fear still had him in its grip.

“… get it out.”

It was barely a whisper but he was finally able to form words.

“What was that?” All Might urged, leaning closer. “What’s wrong?”

“Get it out,” Midoriya managed a little louder, the pressure in his chest easing just enough to allow him to take a shuddering breath. Like a dam breaking, the panic he was holding in suddenly felt too big and too powerful to try and contain any longer.

“Get it out!” Wild, tear-filled eyes swung back down to the pile of tape and plastic on the top of his hand. Barely even aware of what he was doing, Midoriya began clawing at the edges of the tape. “Get it out! Get it out get it out getitout! NOW!” He could barely hear himself over the pounding in his ears.

There were startled cries from around the room. Midoriya peeled up one piece of tape and ripped it away. The IV catheter followed, which Midoriya flung away from him like it was a cursed object. A spurt of bright red blood splashed the top of the blanket.

Midoriya kicked backwards against the bed, desperate to get as far away from the doctors’ needles and their drugs as he could. He wouldn’t let anyone else stick him with their needles anymore.

Before Midoriya could escape the bed a pair of thin but deceptively strong arms clamped down around him. His arms were pinned to his sides. As he struggled the arms seemed to swell - growing bigger and tightening around him until Midoriya felt like he was being crushed. He thrashed harder. The arms were holding him against something solid that prevented him from moving any farther back. Midoriya didn’t know what it was but it felt like a brick wall.

“Let me go!” he frantically screamed. Tears streamed down his face. “Let me go!”

“Midoriya, calm yourself,” a deep voice rumbled directly behind him.

“No more needles! No more drugs! I don’t want to see red again! Please! Let me go! Don’t hurt me anymore!”

There was a flurry of motion around the bed. Somewhere in the chaos, Midoriya recognized Recovery Girl darting forward to clamp off the open IV line which was leaking a puddle of saline onto the floor where Midoriya had thrown it.

“Let me go!” Midoriya shrieked over the din of background noise, desperate for someone to hear him and take pity on his demands. “No more needles! I don’t want to be stuck again!”

The arms around him tightened, pulling him harder against the solid mass at his back. “Alright, Midoriya,” the voice said, calm and soothingly. Somehow the voice was enough to break through his panicked haze. “Alright. No more needles. No more IV. We heard you. I won’t let them stick you with any more needles. I promise.”

Sobbing in relief, Midoriya stopped fighting and went still. He couldn’t see past the tears in his eyes. “No more?” he demanded, almost too afraid to hope the voice wasn’t lying.

“No more,” the voice agreed.

Trembling from the exertion of his panic attack, Midoriya went limp. The solid wall behind him began to shrink in a gentle hiss of smoke. The arms pinning him down withered into bony limbs. They remained protectively wrapped around him almost like a shield.

“You’re alright,” All Might’s voice murmured into his ear as Midoriya struggled to calm his breathing. Tears continued to leak down his cheeks. “You’re alright now, Izuku. I’ve got you. No one’s going to hurt you. I promise.” All Might shifted behind him as though he were looking up at someone. “Tell your guards to back down, Tsubaki. We don’t need them. Everyone’s calm now. Aizawa, Midoriya’s not using Full Cowl. You can rest your eyes.” There was a tense pause. “Please. We don’t have to escalate this any farther. I have him. He’s calming down. He’s not a threat to anyone. He just got scared and panicked.”

Indeed, Midoriya’s heart was beginning to even into a more steady rhythm. Blinking the remaining tears from his vision, Midoriya shakily looked up through his curtain of overgrown green bangs.

Aizawa stood on the other side of the bed, his capture weapon undulating in the air around him. He was glaring at Midoriya with glowing red eyes. Tsubaki and Recovery Girl were shielded behind him. Tsukauchi and Nezu had pushed themselves against the far wall, out of the way. Midoriya couldn’t see behind him towards the door but given the way All Might was so protectively shielding him with his own body he assumed prison guards were in the doorway, weapons drawn.

Aizawa was the first the relent. With a weary huff he let his eyes drift close and his capture weapon return to its place around his neck. “Call your men off,” he growled at the prison doctor. “All Might has this under control.”

Tsubaki did not seem immediately convinced, but finally nodded. “You heard him, we have this under control,” he called towards the door. “Return to your posts.”

As footsteps retreated from the doorway and everyone hesitantly returned to their original spots, All Might leaned back from Midoriya. He slowly let his arms loosen around the shaking teen, but did not fully withdraw them. “Are you alright now? Will you be okay if I let you go?”

Midoriya shakily nodded. His body was still trembling but he felt more in control of himself now. With All Might’s help, he scooted back to the center of the bed. The sheets and blanket were a rumpled mess from when he’d try to kick himself out of bed. All Might smoothed and straightened them out over the Midoriya’s legs. As All Might returned the pillow behind his back, Midoriya’s arms found their way around his sides again. That done, All Might returned to his seat.

As Midoriya took one last calming breath an intense wave of shame washed over him. He could feel everyone’s eyes on him, judging him, weighing his sudden outburst. He couldn’t bear to look up and meet any of their eyes.

“I… I’m sorry,” he mumbled into the silence. “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have acted like that. I just couldn’t stand the thought of that needle being there…” He suddenly felt the need to explain. He had to try and make them understand why it had bothered him so much. Maybe then they wouldn’t look down on him so harshly. “They stuck me with needles too…”

“The League of Villains?” Tsukauchi asked.

Midoriya nodded. “Yes… Shigaraki put that thing on the back of my neck. It had needles that went into both sides of my neck. It hurt. Every time I moved my head I could feel the needles dig in deeper. It always hurt. And then he came. He had needles too. And his hurt even worse. Whenever he came into the room he’d push them underneath my skin and make me bleed.”

Tsukauchi leaned closer, intrigued. “Is this the man you said Shigaraki brought in?”

Midoriya nodded. “He… He called himself Rorschach. I don’t think that’s his real name though. He didn’t look foreign or have an accent. Shigaraki usually called him the Doctor. I heard him complain a couple times that Rorschach’s name was too hard to pronounce so he just called him the Doctor instead. I think Rorschach is his villain name.”

All Might and Tsukauchi shared a heavy look.

“Rorschach?” All Might murmured. “Doesn’t sound familiar.”

“Might be a new villain,” Tsukauchi said. He’d already pulled out a small notepad and was writing down notes. “I’ll have to check the databases back at the police station.”

Suddenly feeling vulnerable, Midoriya drew his knees up to his chest. He shifted his crossed arms and only then noticed the rivulets of half-congealed blood trailing down his wrist from where he’d torn the IV catheter out.

Recovery Girl tsked in dismay and moved to tend to it. Midoriya instinctively cringed back, clutching his bleeding hand to his chest. After enduring Tsubaki’s invasive touch Midoriya didn’t think he could stand anyone else touching him just yet. Recovery Girl froze, an almost shocked look of hurt spreading across her face at Midoriya’s sudden aversion to her.

“It’s okay, dear,” she said after a moment. “I understand. I won’t touch you if you don’t want me to.” She rummaged through the medical supply bag that had somehow remained in place at the foot of the bed during Midoriya’s panic attack. She withdrew a thick pad of gauze and held it out to Midoriya. “Here. Put this against your hand until the bleeding stops.”

Midoriya tentatively took the offered gauze and did as Recovery Girl instructed. His eyes drifted back down to his lap so he wouldn’t have to see the quiet sadness on the school nurse’s face.

Why was he so afraid of everything? He’d known Recovery Girl for awhile. Logically, he knew she’d never hurt him. But why did he panic when she was only trying to help him? Why was he so pathetic?

The police detective softly cleared his throat. “Midoriya, I know you’ve just been through a lot and that you’re tired. But it’s important that we get as much information as we can from you. Can I ask you some more questions about your time with the League?”

“Tsukauchi, please,” All Might huffed, glaring at the detective in exasperation. “Can we at least give him a day to rest? He only just came back to himself. He’s not well right now. Can’t you see that? He’s not ready to be interrogated.”

“No, it’s okay,” Midoriya murmured. “What do you want to know? It’s no use putting it off… You’re already here. Might as well talk…”

Nezu stepped forward. “Really, Midoriya. You don’t have to do this. If you’re not feeling well enough we can wait until tomorrow after you’ve had some time to rest.”

Midoriya didn’t know why but Nezu’s attempt to defer sent a spike of irritation sizzling through the back of his head. A little ball of anger like a miniature sun began to build in the center of his chest, its heat slowly spreading through his body.

Yes, he was tired. He was hurting and sore. He had a splitting headache. He wanted to lay down and be left alone so he could maybe sleep and temporarily forget everything that had happened. One of the last things he wanted to do right now was talk to this police officer about the worst two months of his life. He had no desire to talk about what he’d suffered, or go into detail about how Shigaraki had turned him into a raging monster. Yet he was willing to put all that aside to try and make up for his embarrassing display of fear.

Gritting his teeth together, Midoriya snapped, “What do you want to know?! I’m willing to talk now! Just ask me what you want to know so I don’t have to sit here waiting for you to come back and do it later!”

As soon as the words left his mouth Midoriya regretted them. He didn’t know where that flash of anger had come from.

Everyone seemed just as startled as Midoriya by the outburst and stared at him in shock.

Midoriya shrank down under their collective gaze. Before his kidnapping he would have never talked to an adult like that. He would have been mortified just by the thought of doing so. But now… he was just so tired and wanted to be left alone. Maybe it was because he was still coming off of Shigaraki’s serum but his anger felt so much closer to the surface now than ever before - like his nerve endings had been rubbed raw and were ready to burst into flames at the slightest provocation. He briefly wondered if this was what Kaachan always felt like with how often he used to go into a rage.

“I’m sorry,” Midoriya hastily murmured, unable to look at any of them. “I didn’t mean to yell like that. I don’t know what’s wrong with me right now…”

Nezu was the first to regain his composure. “Please do not apologize, Midoriya,” he insisted in his unflappably calm way. “You’ve just been through so much. We can’t even begin to imagine what that must have been like. The fact you are willing to talk at all right now just shows how incredible brave you are.”

Midoriya hung his head, ashamed. He really didn’t feel worthy of any praise right now. Not after everything he’d done. He barely even felt in control of himself, let alone brave.

“What do you want to know?” he asked again in a quiet voice.

He was suddenly so tired… He hoped this wouldn’t take too long. Maybe he should have accepted Nezu’s offer to wait to do this after all.

Tsubaki abruptly cleared his throat. “We’re going to continue keeping a close eye on Midoriya’s health. Since an IV line is out of the question right now we will just have to make sure he drinks plenty of fluids. I’ll be back soon with some water for him.” He turned a sharp look directly onto Midoriya. “You are to drink whatever I bring you, whether you like it or not. Your health is in too rough of shape right now to play any games with it. If you don’t follow my directions to the letter I will be forced to use restraints and I will replace that IV line no matter how much of a fuss you make. Do I make myself clear?”

Midoriya cringed down against himself. His arms hugged his sides tighter. “Yes, sir,” he mumbled into his chest.

Tsubaki retrieved the bag of medical supplies from the foot of the bed and strode towards the door.

Recovery Girl stepped closer to the bed. Her expression was apologetic and sad. “Don’t let him frighten you, dear. Tsubaki’s a good doctor; he’s just gotten used to dealing with uncooperative super villains over the years. So he’s a little on the brusque side. But he does care about his patients. We’ll bring you something to drink to get your fluid levels up. And then some dinner. How does that sound?”

Midoriya couldn’t bring himself to look at Recovery Girl. He didn’t deserve her kindness after how he’d acted. “Thank you. And… I really am sorry about before.”

“Don’t worry about it, dear. I’ll be back later after you’ve talked to the detective.” Then with one last grandmotherly smile, she followed Tsubaki into the hallway.

Tsukauchi pulled a chair from the far side of the room up beside All Might next to the bed. With the detective’s help, Nezu climbed onto the bed and sat on the edge by Midoriya’s feet. Aizawa remained standing in the corner of the room. Midoriya tried not to look in his direction. The weight of Aizawa’s tired, bloodshot eyes on him were intimidating. His homeroom teacher looked exhausted, as if he were ready to drop at any time. Dark circles like soot smudges ringed the erasing hero’s eyes. Midoriya didn’t even want to guess how long he’d been awake now. That didn’t mean he thought Aizawa was any less dangerous, though. If anything, it was even more of a reason to fear him. Midoriya had no desire to feel the wrath of an extreme sleep-deprived Aizawa. He had a feeling that after all this Aizawa liked him even less than before.

With everyone settled, Tsukauchi brought his notepad out again and positioned it on his knee. “I don’t know if you actually remember me or not given everything that’s happened. I am Detective Naomasa Tsukauchi. We met briefly after the attack on the USJ center at UA. I’m in charge of a special police task force assigned to investigate the League of Villains threat.”

“He’s a close friend,” All Might added. “You can trust him.”

Or at least as much as I can trust you, a small, nasty voice hissed in the back of Midoriya’s head. A flash of anger and resentful hurt immediately followed in its wake.

Midoriya was startled by the thought and ashamed of it. He kept having moments like this where he forgot All Might hadn’t really abandoned him. He and the police never got any ransom demands from the League of Villains like he’d thought. Or… at least that’s what they kept telling him. It was so difficult to keep track of what was supposedly real and what wasn’t. He still wasn’t sure if anything they were telling him was actually the truth.

He tried to push those conflicting thoughts from his mind and focus on the present. He would try and make sense of everything later when he had time to think.

“I kind of remember you,” Midoriya said. “I’m sorry I didn’t recognize you before. My memory’s not that good right now. Everything before Shigaraki took me is a bit… blurry.”

Tsukauchi waved Midoriya’s apology away like he was shooing a fly. “Please don’t worry about that. Given everything you’ve been through I would have been shocked if you had remembered me.” Growing serious, the detective leveled a heavy look on the battered teen. “As much as you’re willing to tell me, I’d like to know about your time with the League. Where were they keeping you?”

“I don’t know,” Midoriya shook his head. “I spent most of the time in this one room. It was almost always dark in there. Just four cement walls and a reinforced door. The only light was a single florescent bulb hanging from the ceiling. I don’t know for sure but it felt like it was in a basement. It was always cold and there was sometimes a musty smell. The only time I was brought out was when Shigaraki dragged me out to watch All Might’s press conference on TV. I was blindfolded when they brought me out. When they took it off it looked like we were in a large abandoned warehouse. I… I really didn’t get many more details than that. It was dark and I was disoriented. And then I was too busy watching the TV…”

“How did Shigaraki kidnap you?’” Tsukauchi asked. His pen was a blur of motion on the notepad. “We weren’t able to find any security camera footage from the shopping center that showed what happened between you and Shigaraki before he went on his killing spree.”

Midoriya shifted uncomfortably in bed. His arms hugged his sides tighter. “Shigaraki came up behind me at the shopping mall. I was by myself. All my classmates had gone off in groups to go to different stores. At first I didn’t recognize him. He was wearing a black hoodie with the hood pulled up. He came up to me pretending like he was a fan who remembered me from the Sports Festival. But then he put his arm around my shoulder and grabbed my neck. Said he would kill me if I yelled or tried to alert anyone.”

“What did he want?” Tsukauchi probed.

“He led me over to a bench and made me sit down. At first he wanted to talk about Stain. He was angry that the League of Villains wasn’t getting as much screen time on the news as him. I just let him rant. I wanted to try and keep him talking until I could figure out what to do. Shigaraki said it was because of All Might that our society was the way it was. Said he needed to hurt All Might and show everyone just how weak the Symbol of Peace was before he killed him. Then he said something like, ‘I think I figured out a way to do that. And you’re going to help me.’”

Midoriya took a deep breath, the memories making him queasy. “Before I even knew what was happening a warp gate opened directly behind us on the bench and Shigaraki pushed me backwards through it. I was falling and then suddenly I was in a dark room. Shigaraki didn’t follow me. Before I could get up or try to figure out where I was I felt something sharp against the back of me head and I blacked out. When I woke up again, I was still in the room but I had chains around my wrists and ankles.”

Tsukauchi’s pen continued to furiously scratch across his notepad. “You mentioned they showed you a press conference. Tell us about that. What happened exactly? As we told you before, neither UA or the police department ever received any ransom demands from the League. We all thought you had been killed in the shopping mall attack. But you are certain you saw All Might speaking to the press. My quirk lets me know when a person is lying, and I can tell you believe you saw what you think you did. How is that?”

That unfamiliar flash of irritation once more flared in the back of Midoriya’s head. He didn’t like the detective’s insinuation that he was crazy or somehow had an overactive imagination. He might be damaged, but he knew what he had seen and felt.

Midoriya forced himself to ignore that surge of anger and remain calm. He wouldn’t let it get the best of him again.

“I don’t know how long they left me in that room. Maybe a day? I don’t know… There wasn’t any way for me to tell time. When they did come to get me it was Shigaraki and several of his men. I didn’t recognize any of them. They blindfolded me. I wanted to try and fight them off or escape but Shigaraki threatened to turn me into ash if I did. He had his hand on the back of my neck and my hands were chained. I had already seen what his quirk can do when the League attacked the USJ center. I… I was scared and decided to go along with things until I could come up with a plan.’

"They brought me up a set of stairs and then made me kneel on the ground. Shigaraki held the back of my neck the entire time so I wouldn’t try anything. When they took the blindfold off there was a TV set up on a rolling stand in the middle of this big empty warehouse. Shigaraki said that the League had sent their ransom demands to the news stations earlier that day to make sure the heroes and police couldn’t try and hide what was happening from the public. He wanted them to have to make a formal reply on national television, and he wanted me there to see it when All Might gave in to the League demands. He said he wanted me to see just how weak the Symbol of Peace really was. He seemed so excited. He was almost laughing when he saw All Might start talking to the reporters. He thought he was about to win.’

"But then… All Might announced that the police and UA weren’t going to negotiate with the League. That they were going to let the League keep me because if they gave into their demands it would set a dangerous precedent for future hostage situations…” Midoriya’s voice became strained. The back of his throat was starting to tighten. Tears stung the corners of his eyes. Whether real or not, he still felt a stab of remembered betrayal.

“Shigaraki was so angry when All Might said that,” Midoriya sniffed, angrily wiping away several tears that had leaked down his cheeks. “For a while I was sure he was going to kill me right then and there. He was squeezing the back of my neck and I could actually feel him shaking with rage. All it would have taken was for him to touch his ring finger to my neck and I would have been dead.’

Midoriya shook his head, wishing these angry tears would stop. He forced himself to keep talking. "I don’t remember much of what happened after that. Shigaraki threw something at the television and knocked it over. He ordered them to blindfold me again and take me back to the room. Said he had to figure out what to do with me now. Two League members dragged me back to the room and locked me inside. That’s where I stayed until Shigaraki came back and said I was going to help him another way. That’s when he brought in Rorschach…”

Taking a deep breath, Midoriya focused his attention on the bloody piece of gauze he held against the back of his hand. He didn’t want to look up or see anyone else. The small ball of resentful hurt was back, burning in center of his chest.

All Might leaned forward, his expression heart-broken. “I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry you had to go through that. But it wasn’t real. We never received any demands from the League.”

“I know!” Midoriya snarled, his frustration boiling over in a flash of rage. “That’s what you keep telling me! But I know what I saw. I know what I felt. I wasn’t dreaming. I saw that press conference on NHK national news! I’m not lying!”

“No one is saying you’re lying,” Tsukauchi calmly placated. “I know you’re not lying. My quirk tells me so. I know you believe you saw what you think you did, but it doesn’t change the fact that we never received any random demands from the League or had any reason to believe you were still alive. It’s just strange that you would have such a vivid memory when nothing like that ever happened.”

“Is everyone forgetting about that Berserker Serum Shigaraki was using on him?” Aizawa tiredly drawled from the corner. “I looked up the drugs Recovery Girl said were in it. Some of them can have intense, psychotropic effects if used in high enough quantities. And that stuff was a mix of several different powerful drugs, not just one. Isn’t it possible Midoriya was just hallucinating?”

“I wasn’t hallucinating!” Midoriya protested. “They didn’t start using any drugs on me until later after Shigaraki brought Rorschach in.”

“Tell us more about this Rorschach,” Tsukauchi said, his pen eagerly poised above the notepad. “You said Shigaraki brought him in to help make you work for them. What did he do?”

Midoriya hesitated, suddenly reluctant to speak. That panicked feeling he’d had when Recovery Girl tried to put in the IV was starting to creep up the back of his throat again.

He forced himself to find his voice. The faster he got this over with the faster he could be left alone and rest. “It was awhile after the press conference that Rorschach came. It felt like a couple weeks, but like I said, I couldn’t really tell time… If the light wasn’t on it was pitch black in that room. And they never seemed to bring me food or water on any kind of schedule I could track… They would just slide it in on a tray through the door, so I never actually saw anyone.’

"I felt like I was starting to go insane by the time Shigaraki finally came back.” Midoriya gave a sharp little ironic laugh. “It’s crazy but I was actually almost glad to see him, I was so lonely and sick of the dark by that point. I didn’t even care that he’d probably come back to kill me. I just wanted to be able to see light again and have someone else to talk to…’

"But he hadn’t come to kill me. He said he’d decided that since All Might no longer wanted me that he’d take me as his pet. That’s what he always called me: his pet. I hated it. It made me feel dirty.’

"He said that I was going to help the League. Even though I thought All Might and the police had abandoned me I told him I wasn’t going to help him. I told him he could just kill me right there because I’d never help a villain. Shigaraki actually laughed at me. He said that’s why he’d decided to bring in the Doctor. He said Rorschach was a new member of the League and his specialty was "persuasion.” I really didn’t understand what he meant by that until later…"

Tsukauchi looked up from his notepad. “That was his quirk? Persuasion?”

Midoriya hesitated. This used to be his hobby: analyzing other people’s quirks and abilities. But even now, after being a direct victim of Rorschach’s quirk, he still wasn’t sure of the full range of his torturer’s abilities.

“I… wouldn’t say that exactly… He started by just asking me questions.”

“What kind of questions?”

“Questions about my family, school, being taught by All Might… Asked me why I wanted to be a hero. Asked me why I thought All Might refused to rescue me. It was like he was trying to be a therapist. I never answered him though. He tried to grill me for hours. At points he started rambling on about different psychology terms and about how he saw this or that disorder or compulsion in me. At one point he said he’d made a psychological profile of me based on the things he’d been told and what he’d seen from the Sports Festival footage. Said I had a Hero Complex and that he had to "cure” me of it before I was going to be a suitable pet for Shigaraki.’

“I refused to talk. I wasn’t going to give him anything he could try to use against me. Finally, I think he realized I wasn’t going to cooperate with him and he got frustrated. And then he started to get angry… He said if I wasn’t going to talk then he was just going to have to find out the answers himself. Said I was forcing his hand and that if I had just talked to him like a good patient he wouldn’t have to use his quirk.”

“What was his quirk?” Tsukauchi asked. The detective almost sounded like he dreaded to know to answer. Nezu, All Might, and Aizawa all stared at him in quiet suspense.

Midoriya swallowed against the dryness in his throat. How could he possibly explain the full horror of Rorschach’s quirk?

“He…” Midoriya cleared his throat uncomfortably. “He, ugh… His fingers started to grow and morph into long, sharp points like needles. Like, out to here.” He held his right hand up and indicated a length about 6 inches from the tips of his fingers with his other hand. “He said he’d find out the answers he wanted one way or another himself.”

Midoriya had to pause. His breath was starting to come in short, panicked gasps again as more memories he’d long since tried to repress came rushing back to the surface. “H-he stuck those needles into my head! He held me down and pushed his fingers through my skull down into my brain! I could actually feel the pops as they broke through the bone. And then it was like he was suddenly in my mind! I could actually feel him going through my memories!’

"I tried to fight him, but it was like he’d just push in deeper. There was nothing I could do to stop him. It was like he could rip my mind open like a book to whatever page he wanted and see whatever memories were there. He made me remember things. It was like I was actually reliving them with Rorschach watching from the sidelines.’

"I don’t know how long he was in my head that first time. It felt like hours. When he finally stopped and I came back to myself my face was covered in blood. It hurt to think for a long time after that. I had a horrible migraine. I was almost grateful for the darkness after he left…”

Midoriya fought back a sob. His hands were shaking with the force of his memories. Tears streamed down his face without reserve. He wished he could calm himself, but he didn’t seem strong enough to fight it.

“They left me alone for awhile after that. I couldn’t stand to eat or drink anything when they brought me my next meal. I was too sick from the headache. I thought maybe he’d be done after that time, but what felt like several days later he came back and did it again. But that time he went looking through different memories. He did that over and over again until everything started to blur together and I didn’t know if I was in my memories or in that room. And it always hurt as bad as the first time.’

"Sometimes they’d leave me alone for long stretches of time in between Rorschach’s "sessions.” That’s what he liked to call them - sessions. It was like they would purposely wait until the loneliness was starting to get to me before they’d come back and start the whole process over again. Every time a session was done I would have to sit there and wonder if that was the time they would leave me to rot in the dark, or if Rorschach was going to come back the next day and start playing with my head again. It got to the point where I didn’t even know what was worse: the waiting or the torture. I would flip-flop back and forth between them which one I hoped it would be that time. It was like a sick game. Like they were messing with me to torture me even when Rorschach wasn’t there to stick needles inside my skull.’

“It was sometime after Rorschach started his sessions that he and Shigaraki started experimenting with that serum. They wanted to see how much they could control me with it. Rorschach said he made it specially for me. Whenever they would inject it I would get so mad and see red. I couldn’t control myself. I just wanted to punch and kill things. Rorschach would sometimes pull memories for me to focus on and be mad about before they gave an injection. They were almost always of All Might. But sometimes they were of other people too… I don’t know how long that went on, but like I said, it felt like years…”

His testimony done, Midoriya fell abruptly silent, his breath hitching in angry little sobs. The shaking in his hands had spread to his back and shoulders. Drawing his knees to his chest, Midoriya wrapped his arms around his sides to hug himself close.

The adults were quiet for several long moments of silence. Each of them appeared visibly disturbed by what he’d just heard.

“What a truly horrifying quirk…” Nezu murmured.

With a small gasp, All Might suddenly sat up straight. “The scars… Recovery Girl told us about them. She didn’t know what they were from before, but now…” All Might leaned towards Midoriya. “May I?” he asked, holding his hands out to Midoriya. He stopped just short of actually touching the boy though. He seemed mindful of Midoriya’s new aversion to touch.

Midoriya hesitated before reluctantly nodding his head. He wasn’t sure what All Might wanted from him, but it didn’t seem like he wanted to hurt him.

Gently, as though afraid to move too quickly for fear of spooking the boy, All Might pushed the curly mop of bangs back from Midoriya’s forehead with the edge of one hand. Five dark pink circular scars dotted the edges of Midoriya’s hairline. Bringing his other hand up in front of Midoriya’s face like the disembodied hand Shigaraki always wore, All Might was able to match each of his fingertips to the scars. He looked back over his shoulder at the other men. Heavy looks were exchanged between them.

All Might let Midoriya’s hair fall back into his face. His eyes shined with utter heartbreak. “My boy… I’m so sorry. No one should ever have to go through something like that. I promise you I won’t let Shigaraki or this Rorschach ever hurt you again.”

Midoriya looked away, suddenly exhausted. He’d done what he’d promised. He’d told Tsukauchi about his time with the League. Maybe now they would finally let him lay down and rest. All he wanted to do right now was sleep.

“Can… can we please stop?” he asked, hopefully glancing at Tsukauchi. “I don’t want to talk anymore right now. I’m really tired…”

“Of course,” Tsukauchi nodded. He seemed strangely somber and withdrawn. He closed and returned his notepad to his suit jacket. “We can talk more later after you’ve had some time to rest. Thank you for talking as much as you have.”

“Yes,” Nezu agreed, hopping down from the side of the bed. “We will come back tomorrow. There is a lot we have to do with this information. All Might, I assume you’re going to stay here and keep watch over Midoriya?”

“Yes,” All Might nodded without any hesitation.

“I’m going to stay too,” Aizawa growled from the corner. He seemed strangely angry all of a sudden.

Nezu leveled a worried look on 1-A’s homeroom teacher. “You’ve been awake since Midoriya was brought to Tartarus. You need to get some rest. I’m sure All Might can keep watch over things until you come back.”

Aizawa shook his head. “I might take a quick powernap, but I’m not leaving my student yet.”

Nezu did not seem willing to get into an argument with Aizawa. “If that’s what you’d like to do, that’s your choice. But I will look into bringing some other heroes here tomorrow to relieve you.”

Aizawa shrugged, no longer interested in the conversation. He seemed lost in thought. Or maybe he was just so tired he’d zoned out into a sleep deprived stupor.

“Go ahead and relax,” All Might said, starting to fuss over Midoriya again. “I’ll stay here and watch you. I won’t let anyone hurt you while you’re asleep. I promise.”

Too tired and emotionally drained to protest, Midoriya slid down against the pillow. It had been so long since he’d been in a real bed. He wondered if he was going to be able to stay awake long enough for Tsubaki and Recovery Girl to come back. He was actually rather thirsty now after talking to Tsukauchi. He didn’t think he was going to have any problem drinking whatever Tsubaki gave him.

In any case, he’d done what they’d asked of him and told his story. Hopefully he could sleep without any nightmares.

***

Aizawa was tired.

That really shouldn’t have come as a surprise for how long he’d been awake. He was pretty sure he’d just set a new record for himself keeping watch over his student. He had, in fact, taken Nezu’s advice the night before and allowed himself several hours of uninterrupted sleep propped in a chair in the corner of Midoriya’s room.

It was early morning now. Sunlight weakly shined through the barred window beside Aizawa, warming his side and tempting him to let himself drift away into another nap like a cat. Aizawa ignored the urge. He had a job to do.

He felt slightly more alert now after his power nap. He no longer felt like he was about to drop from exhaustion. His eyes, though, still felt like they were full of gritty sand. Aizawa’s stash of eye drops was getting dangerously low. He would have liked to sleep a few more hours but he didn’t feel comfortable doing so while so much uncertainty still hung over his student.

Midoriya had mercifully slept through the night, curled on his side under heavy blankets. After dinner and several bottles of water he’d promptly slipped into unconsciousness. Several times he’d become distressed and cried out in his sleep. Without waking the boy, All Might had been able to quiet him with a gentle hand on Midoriya’s back and a murmur of soft words in his ear. Midoriya had yet to wake.

Aizawa glanced across the room at All Might. The blond hero hadn’t moved from his spot by Midoriya’s bedside all night. He sat hunched forward in his seat like a drooping scarecrow. Exhaustion and heartbroken helplessness shadowed the man’s skeletal features as he stared at his sleeping student.

Aizawa understood All Might’s distress. Listening to Midoriya’s recount of his time with the League of Villains had made Aizawa’s stomach churn and his blood boil. He’d barely been able to contain his rage as he’d listened to the torture Shigaraki and this new villain, Rorschach, has subjected his student to. Before becoming a teacher at UA he’d worked for several years as an underground hero. He’d seen countless horrors and bore witness to the worst of what humanity was capable of inflicting on each other.

But this… This torture, degradation, and rape of the mind that Midoriya had described was a level of evil Aizawa had not encountered before. It made him want to hunt down these villains and hurt them as badly as they’d hurt his student.

But he couldn’t. There was no time for revenge when so much damage still had to be healed – if healing was even a possibility at this point. He had a responsibility as Midoriya’s teacher to be there and protect the boy from himself if the need arose. He would not leave Midoriya. At least not yet. He would watch over his student for now. But if he ever saw Shigaraki again…

Aizawa didn’t know what he’d do exactly. But it probably wouldn’t be something becoming of a hero.

The shuffle of footsteps and a murmur of voices coming down the hallway alerted Aizawa to newcomers. Casting his sleeping student a quick glance, Aizawa went to the doorway to meet them. He didn’t want anyone disturbing Midoriya if it wasn’t necessary. The boy had been through enough. All Might remained by Midoriya’s bedside.

“Good morning,” Nezu brightly greeted as the Erasing Hero emerged into the hallway. The prison guards stationed on either side of the doorway remained as silent and motionless as stone sentries. Nezu seemed determined to ignore their presence – as if he could pretend they weren’t in a maximum security prison and instead just having a pleasant conversation in the halls of UA. “I hope there were no issues overnight?”

“No,” Aizawa confirmed in a hushed voice. “Midoriya slept through the night better than expected. No other incidents like the one with the IV line.”

Aizawa glanced at the two people that accompanied Nezu. “I see you brought reinforcements.”

“As promised,” Nezu confirmed.

“We volunteered to come relieve you and All Might after Principal Nezu explained the situation this morning in an emergency teacher meeting,” Cementos explained. “We’ll watch over Midoriya so you and All Might can have some time to rest.”

“Yea, got ta say, you’re not lookin’ real hot right now, Shouta.”

Aizawa glared at his other replacement. “You brought Mic?” he growled at Nezu.

“He volunteered,” Nezu explained with a chirp. “As a UA teacher Yamada is more than capable of keeping order in the unlikely event Midoriya suddenly becomes violent again.”

Present Mic pretended to look wounded. “What’s the matter, Shouta? Aren’t you glad to see me? Nezu told us how hard you’ve been working. I volunteered to come to Tartarus so you could get a nap.”

It was at that moment All Might appeared in the doorway. “Principal Nezu,” he greeted in a hushed voice. “Yamada. Ishiyama. Thank you for coming.” He joined them in the hallway.

“All Might, are you alright?” Cementos asked. Open worry shined in his eyes. Yamada also seemed taken aback.

Aizawa only then realized how startling All Might must be to Present Mic and Cementos. They hadn’t seen him since before his clash with Midoriya at the train station. The older hero was still in his skinny form. Under normal circumstances that wouldn’t be so disconcerting. All the teachers at UA knew about All Might’s time limit for bulking into his public persona. But the extra dark shadows around his eyes and haggard way he held himself – like he bore the entire weight of the world on his withered shoulders – was new. In the harsh glow of the prison’s florescent lights, All Might seemed to have aged several decades over the last few days. To see their country’s unbendable Symbol of Peace so beaten and emotionally drained was unsettling.

All Might did not seem willing to meet any of their eyes. “I’m fine. Just didn’t get any sleep last night. I wanted to make sure I was awake in case Midoriya needed me.”

Nezu hummed with concern. He said something to All Might which Aizawa didn’t catch. Aizawa’s attention was locked back onto his childhood friend.

Stepping forward, he gripped Yamada by the arm and dragged him several paces down the hallway away from the others.

“Ow, ow, ow!” Yamada yelped in pain.

“Be quiet!” Aizawa snarled into Yamada’s face. He glared at his childhood friend over the folds of his capture weapon. “This was why I wasn’t happy to see you. In case Nezu didn’t fully explain what’s going on, my student is currently sleeping in that room trying to recover from two months of extended torture at the hands of villains.”

Yamada quieted, sullenly rubbing his arm where Aizawa had grabbed him. “Nezu did explain what’s going on. He told us the League has a new villain that has needles for fingers and can manipulate other people’s minds with his quirk.” Yamada gave a visible shudder of revulsion. “Said they were also using some kind of drug on Midoriya that was making him act crazy.”

“Exactly,” Aizawa growled. “Midoriya is emotionally and mentally unstable right now and doesn’t need someone like you around screaming at the top of his lungs. He needs peace and quiet so he can rest. If you’re going to stay here you have to promise me you aren’t going to do anything to disturb him. Your main mission here is to be quiet and stop Midoriya from hurting himself or anyone else if he has a sudden relapse. Do I make myself perfectly clear?”

“Yea, yea, crystal,” Yamada groused. “No need to go all Scary Teacher Mode on me.” Growing serious, he met Aizawa’s eyes. “How bad is it?”

Aizawa gave a weary huff, his shoulders sagging with a sudden rush of exhaustion. It was only in front of Yamada that Aizawa felt comfortable enough to show such weakness. “It’s bad. The League messed with Midoriya’s mind so he’s not sure what’s real anymore. They made him believe that everyone he thought he could trust – his friends, the police, heroes, even All Might – abandoned him to the League. He’s angry and confused. He’s been hurt in ways we’re still not sure the full extent of. And, unfortunately, he has a quirk that makes him very dangerous if he gets angry. If I hadn’t been there at the train station I’m not sure if All Might would have been able to stop Midoriya’s drugged out rampage. And to top all that off, Shigaraki made a very clear threat that he plans to come after the boy again.”

“Nezu’s looking to do a complete security system overhaul of UA’s campus,” Yamada said. “I think having one of the kids kidnapped and turned against us has him scared of it happening again. He’s still putting up a bright and optimistic front, but this situation has definitely gotten to him.”

Aizawa nodded, a wave of possessive anger rising in the back of his throat. “He’s not the only one. If I ever see Shigaraki again or meet that doctor that hurt Midoriya I swear to all the gods I will personally make sure that neither of them hurt anyone else again…”

Yamada eyed Aizawa for a long moment of silence, his gaze solemn. “Let’s just hope Shigaraki’s not stupid enough to actually try following through on his threat,” he finally said. “I’d hate to have to make a habit of visiting you in prison.”

The sound of more footsteps coming down the hallway made both men look up. More visitors wouldn’t necessarily have been a cause for alert if one set of footsteps wasn’t the distinct clack-clack of women’s heels on tile. Aizawa knew it wasn’t Recovery Girl. Recovery Girl had long ago given up wearing heels and now only wore flat, soft-soled boots. No, this was some other woman.

Out of the corner of his eye Aizawa saw All Might swell to his full size.

The group of teachers turned as a group towards the sound just as Detective Tsukauchi rounded a corner and came into view. A short, plump woman with green hair accompanied him. She walked with a noticeable skip of urgency in her gait, as if it was taking everything in her power to remain by the detective and not just run ahead of him. Visitor badges hung on lanyards around their necks.

“Mrs. Midoriya,” Nezu greeted. He, Cementos, and All Might came to stand beside Aizawa and Yamada. “Thank you for coming so quickly. My name is Nezu. I am your son’s principal at UA High School.”

He and the other teachers all offered bows of respect to Inko Midoriya.

Inko, for her part, seemed unsure how to immediately respond. There was a frazzled look in her eyes as if she was still trying to figure out if everything that was happening was real or some kind of fever dream. “I- yes, thank you. Pleasure to meet you all.” She gave a hasty bow before righting herself and looking at each man questioningly. “Detective Tsukauchi called me earlier this morning. Said that my Izuku is still alive. Is this true? Is my son really still alive?”

There was a pained note of desperation in her voice, as if she was afraid to believe what she’d been told was really true. A line of tears was beginning to bead along the bottom of already tired, tear-reddened eyes.

Nezu nodded. “Yes. I know this must be quite a shock, but Izuku was not killed in a villain attack like we all originally thought. We were able to rescue him from the villains that were holding him and place him into protective custody.”

“In a prison?” Inko said, incredulously making an all-encompassing gesture towards the building around them. “Why does my boy need to be protected in a prison?”

“There were some unforeseen circumstances surrounding his rescue,” Aizawa explained. “The villains that were holding him were using powerful hallucinogenic drugs on him and had a specialist with a quirk that made Izuku believe things that never actually happened which warped his sense of reality. When he was rescued he was acting violently and was a danger to everyone around him. For both his protection and everyone else’s he had to be brought to a secure location where he could detox and doctors could do a medical assessment.”

Inko seemed too distraught by this information to know how to respond.

“Mrs. Midoriya,” All Might carefully spoke up. “I understand how disturbing this must be to hear, but we are going to do everything in our power to help young Izuku. I swear to you I will make it my personal mission to help him recover. I will not let him go through this by himself.”

Nezu nodded in agreement. “Yes. Izuku is UA’s most important student right now. Its entire faculty, staff, and alumni are here to help. The police department has also-”

“Please,” Inko weakly interrupted, the tears in her eyes welling dangerously. “I appreciate everything that everyone has done and plans to do for Izuku but I honestly don’t care about that right now. Right now I just want to see my son.” Several tears slipped down her cheeks. She took an unsteady gasp of air that sounded more like an overwhelmed sob. She appeared to barely be holding herself together. “I’ve just spent the last two months believing my son was dead. Right now I just want to see Izuku and know he’s still alive for myself.”

“Mom?” a soft voice drifted into the hallway from the hospital room.

Inko’s ears perked, her eyes widening with hope. A renewed sense of urgency seemed to engulf her.

“Izuku?” She frantically pushed her way past the knot of teachers clogging the hallway. “Honey, is that really you?”

Inko hesitated at the sight of the prison guards stationed on either side of the door with their stun rifles. But with a renewed look of determination she hurried past them and disappeared inside the room. There was a brief pause before a sharp wail of near-hysterical joy echoed out of the room, followed shortly by a cacophony of muffled sobs.

Aizawa and the other men stared after her in downcast silence. This should have been a happy moment. What greater joy could there be for a hero than to be able to reunite a mother with a child she’d thought she’d lost?

But this did not feel like a victory. At least not to Aizawa. And he doubted it did to All Might or anyone else there. It did not feel like a victory to return a child to his mother when that child had been so terribly tortured, defiled, and abused. There was so little of the original Midoriya that Aizawa recognized anymore. If not for his face, Aizawa wondered if Midoriya’s mother would still recognize her own son.

No. This did not feel like a victory. If anything it felt like another twist of a knife in the stomach by Shigaraki. Listening to Midoriya’s mother cry in distraught joy Aizawa renewed the promise he’d made to himself. If he ever saw Shigaraki again the man was not going to walk away alive.

Midoriya woke with a spastic jerk. He didn’t immediately remember where he was and sat up quickly. The room was empty and dimly lit. But it was not his cell in the League of Villains’ hideout he realized after several panicked moments of confusion. As his heart rate evened into a steady rhythm, Midoriya realized he was in a bed with several blankets draped over him. When he’d been Shigaraki’s captive none of the villains had ever given him blankets, let alone an actual bed.

That’s right… He was currently in Tartarus’s hospital wing. All Might and Aizawa had rescued him from the League of Villains and brought him to the maximum security prison to detox Rorschach’s drugs. Once again he was being held captive. But at least for the moment, he was not being hurt or tortured.

Relaxing a bit back against the pillow, Midoriya glanced around the room. It seemed to be morning. Sunlight was coming in through the only window. He must have slept through the night. If he’d had any dreams he didn’t remember them. Midoriya couldn’t remember the last time he’d been able to sleep so well. For the first time in as long as Midoriya could remember, he actually felt rested and alert. His headache from the day before was mostly gone, though his mouth still felt cottony. He wondered if Recovery Girl and the gruff prison doctor would bring him more water whenever they came to check on him.

As Midoriya rubbed the sleep from his eyes he caught the murmur of voices in the hallway just outside his room. The door to the room was open. From where he sat Midoriya could just make out the outline of a prison guard standing at attention on the other side of the doorframe. He was pretty sure it was a stun rifle the guard held at the ready against his chest.

Unaware of his own actions, Midoriya’s arms wrapped across his stomach and around his sides in memory of the straightjacket that had made him feel safe from himself not that long ago. He shouldn’t forget where he was. Even if his former idol and homeroom teacher had “saved” him, he couldn’t forget he was a prisoner again. He still wasn’t sure if they were ever going to let him leave Tartarus after what he’s done. He was a dangerous villain now. He’d hurt other people with his quirk. For all Midoriya knew they were getting ready to throw him back inside a cell right now.

The murmur of voices was barely louder than a whisper. Midoriya stilled his breathing to try and hear better. He could pick out what sounded like All Might’s deep baritone amidst the others. He thought he also heard the squeaky chirp of Principal Nezu’s voice, but distinct words were indiscernible. Every so often he thought he caught the murmur of his name, but couldn’t say for certain in what context he was being discussed.

A sour note of dread formed in the bottom of his stomach. What if they were deciding what they were going to do with him? Would they give him a chance to defend himself before they put him back inside a cell? Did he even deserve a chance to plead for mercy? A part of him felt like he deserved to go back inside a cell and never see sunlight again. Not after what he’d done at that train station…

The murmur of voices abruptly quieted as two sets of footsteps approached. Within a few seconds the voices started again. Midoriya strained to hear what they were saying. A morbid sense of curiosity compelled him. If he had an inkling of what was coming he could prepare himself to accept whatever fate they were deciding for him.

He couldn’t make out anything they were saying before he was finally able to discern the higher pitched tone of a woman. “Please…” it whispered in and out of hearing, “…plans to do for Izuku but… see my son…”

Tears stung Midoriya’s eyes as his mother’s voice finally registered in his brain. It took him a moment to find his voice the rush of frayed emotions was so intense.

“Mom?” he called to the door. He wanted to get out of bed and rush for the door to see if it really was his mother. He remained where he was though. He’d been tricked into believing things that weren’t really there before. It had been one of Rorschach’s favorite games. He also didn’t know if the guards would turn their guns on him he suddenly got up and ran towards them.

“Izuku? Honey, is that really you?” his mother tearfully called back.

Midoriya couldn’t find his voice to answer. His throat was constricted with emotions. Tears blurred his vision. He waited with baited breath as footsteps hurriedly approached the door.

And suddenly his mother was there.

Inko froze several steps inside the room, her eyes wide and filled with terrified hope. She stared at Izuku as though wondering if she wasn’t really seeing a ghost.

Mother and son stared at each other for several moments of overwhelmed silence before a sob of hysterical joy burst from Inko. In a green blur, she rushed the bed and suddenly Izuku was enveloped in his mother’s arms.

“My baby!” Inko wailed into the top of Izuku’s head. “It’s really you!” Her grip was crushing, almost as if she was trying to absorb her son back into her body where she could keep him close and safe. “You’re really alive!”

“Mom!” Izuku greedily hugged his mother back, wrapping his arms around her back and pulling her to him in sheer desperation to feel the sheltering protection of her presence. He buried his face in the side of her neck and released a body-wracking sob he hadn’t even realized he’d been holding inside until now. Like a flood dam breaking, all the despair, loneliness, and horror of the last two months came rushing to the surface. He gripped his mother tighter.

For the first time in as long as Izuku could remember he finally felt safe. The soft, pudgy warmth of his mother’s arms squeezed him so hard Izuku imagined he could actually feel the broken pieces of his soul being pushed back together. In that moment Izuku almost felt whole again.

Overwhelmed with emotions, Inko blindly rocked Izuku back and forth where they sat. Mother and son continued to sob against each other, locked in each other’s embrace and lost in the sheer magnitude of the realization that this was real and the other was actually there – alive and real.

Izuku didn’t know how long they stayed like that. But his eyes were swollen and his throat raw from crying when Inko finally relaxed her hold around him and sat back. Breaking apart, Inko cupped Izuku’s cheeks and stared up at him as though desperate to remember every curve of her son’s face.

“My Izuku,” she sobbed. She seemed unable to process that he was really there. Her lower lip trembled as she spoke. Her face was red and wet with tears and snot. Izuku doubted he looked any better. “You’re still alive… You’re really still alive. I spent so long believing you were dead…”

“I’m sorry,” Izuku heartbrokenly whispered. He could never stand seeing his mother upset. She looked so tired. He couldn’t remember ever seeing his mother with such dark circles around her eyes. Worry lines Izuku didn’t remembered being there before his kidnapping creased the corners of her mouth. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry.”

“I wasn't worried,” Inko clarified with a choked off sob. “I was devastated when the police told me what happened at that shopping mall. I thought my boy was gone. That you were dead.”

Izuku squeezed his eyes shut and turned his face away in shame. “I’m sorry, mom. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you.” A fresh rush of guilt washed over him. His arms snaked down across his stomach to hug his sides.

“Honey,” Inko gently tutted, pulling her son into another hug. Izuku melted into her embrace. At least in his mother’s arm he didn’t feel like he was about to fall apart at the seams. “I’m not blaming you. How could I ever do that? It’s just… I was so broken by losing you. I thought you were dead. There wasn’t even a body for me to hold a funeral for. You were just gone. And I… I just…” Inko wasn’t able to finish her thought as a new round of sobs overtook her and she dissolved once again into tears.

Izuku tightly hugged his mother in apology. Silent tears of remembered despair dampened the shoulder of his mother’s sweater. This was all he’d wanted for so long. To see his mother and be reminded there was at least one person who had missed him and wanted him back.

Several minutes later when the two regained some semblance of control again, Izuku leaned back and met his mother’s teary gaze. Now that the immediate joy and relief of seeing his mother was beginning to ebb, the uncertainty and lingering doubts of his rescue began to creep back. One of the reason’s he’d wanted to see his mother so badly was to get the truth. Inko had never lied to him in his life. If he could ask anyone this and finally trust the answer, it would be his mother.

“Mom… after the shopping mall attack, did you see All Might give a press conference about me being kidnapped? Did you hear about the League of Villains making any ransom demands for my release?”

Inko seemed confused by the question. “No, dear. The evening you disappeared police came to the apartment. They said there had been a villain attack and thought you might have been caught up in it.” Inko’s eyes misted with tears, but she somehow managed to keep herself from bursting into a new round of sobs. “They had me come down to the police station and ID your backpack. There… there wasn’t anything else for me to identify as yours…”

Inko fished a tissue from her purse and dabbed at her eyes. “When I did they said that the villain that attacked the mall had a quirk that turns people to dust. None of your friends could find you and there wasn’t anything they could find that proved you were still alive. They… they told me it looked like you were dead.” A sob slipped past Inko’s resolve to maintain her composure. “I refused to let them list you as dead for several days in case you came back. But you never did and the police finally said they had to list you as killed in the attack.”

Inko stared into Izuku’s eyes. Nothing but honesty and sincerity was conveyed. “That attack was the talk of all the news channels for several weeks because so many people died. But All Might never gave any press conference about it. All the newscasters were saying he should make a statement, especially since one of his own students had been killed. But he never did. I… I did not deal with things well after I thought you’d died. I don’t remember much of what I saw on television. It was so hard for me to find the strength to get through the day or focus on much of anything those first couple weeks. But I know All Might never talked to the press. Of that I’m certain.”

Against his will, new tears stung Izuku’s eyes. His lower lip began to quiver. Bowing his head he leaned forward in silent plea for his mother to hug him. Inko immediately complied. She pulled him to her bosom and wrapped warm arms of safety around his quaking shoulders.

“What’s wrong?” Inko pleaded. “Why’s it so important if All Might gave a press conference or not?”

“Because I was afraid you were going to say something like that!” Izuku cried into her shoulder. “I thought I knew what happened to me, but now I don’t! I was so angry for so long because I thought All Might had abandoned me, but now I don’t know what’s real anymore! I don’t know what to believe. At first I thought everyone was just lying to me. But… If you’re saying what All Might said is true, what else isn’t real?”

Inko was silent for several moment as though trying to decide how best to respond.

“I don’t know, Izuku,” she finally murmured. She hugged him tighter as though she could somehow smother away his pain with the sheer force of her love. “I honestly don’t know… All I know right now is that you’re still alive. And as long as you’re still alive we can figure everything else out as we go. Until this morning I never thought I’d see you again.” Inko’s voice caught for a moment in the back of her throat. “For now… let’s just focus on you being alive and back with us. Okay?”

Izuku gripped his mother tighter. He couldn’t reply past the knot in his throat. His mother’s arms were a sanctuary of warmth and protection. But there were some things not even the love of a mother could protect her child from. Yes, Izuku might be back. Yes, he might still be alive. But so much had happened to him that his mother knew nothing about. And he hoped he would never have to tell her the details of his captivity. He doubted she would be able to handle it. She had already suffered so much because of him.

No. For now he would let her celebrate his return. But that did not change the fact Izuku no longer trusted his own memories. Everything he thought was real was in question. And if he couldn’t even trust himself how could he hope to go back to the life he once knew?

Despite Cementos and Present Mic’s arrival, All Might and Aizawa did not immediately leave the prison. Now that Midoriya’s mother was there, there were a number of important things that needed to be discussed. Nezu and Tsukauchi were to lead the discussion. As the boy’s mentor and homeroom teacher, All Might and Aizawa opted to stay and sit in on the meeting. If All Might was being completely honest with himself, he wasn’t staying just out of professional responsibility. The truth was he wasn’t ready to let his resurrected successor out of his sight quite yet. The thought of leaving Midoriya made All Might’s stomach clench with a rush of anxiety. He’d spent too long believing the boy dead to leave him now so easily.

They gave mother and son an hour before they felt it was appropriate to interrupt their reunion.

All Might quietly followed Nezu and Tsukauchi into the room after a soft knock on the doorframe by Tsukauchi. Aizawa slouched in after him. Present Mic and Cementos remained outside in the hallway.

“Good morning,” Nezu chirped in greetings as they all entered. “If it’s not too much trouble, Detective Tsukauchi and I would like to discuss some things now that Mrs. Midoriya is here.”

Izuku and Inko seemed to have mostly calmed down since Inko’s arrival. Both of them still had puffy eyes and watery expressions, but otherwise seemed composed. Inko sat close beside Izuku’s bedside on the same stool All Might had spent the majority of the night watching Izuku sleep. Although calm, Inko gripped her son’s hand tightly as if afraid if she let him go he’d disappear in a cloud of smoke.

All Might couldn’t fault her need to be near her son. He was still having trouble processing Izuku’s return even now almost three days after his unexpected return. He couldn’t imagine what the last two months had been like for Izuku’s mother.

Inko nodded, her grip tightening around her son’s hand. She hastily wiped at her face and hair with her free hand as though trying to freshen herself before a parent-teacher meeting. “Of course. What is it you want to discuss?”

With a little help from the detective, Nezu seated himself on the edge of the bed near Izuku’s feet. Tsukauchi took a seat in one the other chairs. All Might and Aizawa remained standing behind them.

Tsukauchi kicked off the meeting. “Mrs. Midoriya, I first off want to reiterate some of what I told you in the car on the way here for Izuku’s sake. The police department will continue to investigate Izuku’s kidnapping and work to bring those villains responsible to justice. Until the doctors give him a clear bill of health the plan is to keep Izuku here in Tartarus where we can be sure he is safe and secure. Once he’s cleared to leave we will take steps to ensure he remains protected from any other villain attacks. Unfortunately, during his retrieval from the League, Shigaraki made a direct threat to come after him again.”

Izuku seemed surprised. “You mean… you’re not going to keep me locked up here in Tartarus? I thought… I was afraid that since I hurt people with my quirk that I was going to be locked up here permanently. I broke the law…”

“Of course not, my boy,” All Might instinctively assured. His stomach clenched with the realization of what Izuku must have thought they were planning to do with him. “You are in no way to blame for what happened. Shigaraki was manipulating you. What happened at that train station was not your fault. You are not a villain and I won’t let anyone treat you like one.”

“All Might’s right,” Tsukauchi nodded. “No one is planning to put you in jail. Once it’s certain you’re on the mends you will be released from Tartarus as a free person.”

Izuku initially seemed relieved by this announcement but then seemed to withdraw inside himself, as though he doubted he deserved such mercy.

“That brings us to our next point,” Nezu carefully spoke up. “Due to recent events, UA is taking measures to better ensure the safety of its students. It has been an idea I’ve toyed around with for several years now, but after Izuku’s kidnapping I feel it is my duty as principal to make sure he is safe from any more villain attacks, both on campus and off. That’s why, effective immediately, UA is changing to a dorming style model. As we speak, construction workers are breaking ground on new student dormitories. They are scheduled to be complete by next week. All students will reside on campus where they will be monitored and protected by professional heroes and state-of-the-art security systems 24/7.”

All Might wasn’t sure how he thought Inko would react to such news but her response was not something he was expecting.

“No,” Inko said, firmly shaking her head. Her teary expression had been almost instantly replaced by one of firm resolve. “After Izuku’s released from here he’s coming home. He’s done with your school.” She squeezed her son’s hand harder as though to reassure herself he was still there. “He’s been through too much. And this was only his first year too! I can’t trust you to keep my son safe. I already went through losing him once. If something else happened to him I know I won’t survive. I won’t let you put him in any more danger. He’s coming home with me so he can move on and leave all this dangerous nonsense of heroes and villains to other people. I won’t let him be put in any more danger.”

“Unfortunately, we can’t let Izuku just go home,” Tsukauchi said. “He has to return to school. The leader of the League of Villains made a direct threat to come after him again. Going back to UA with its new security enhancements is the only way to ensure his safety.”

Inko remained undeterred. “Then we’ll leave Japan! My husband works abroad. We’ll move. We’ll move far enough away no villain will ever find us. We’ll changed identities if we have to. I’ll move Izuku to the other side of the planet if that’s what it takes. But he is not going back to that school. Not after everything that’s happened.”

“There’s no guarantee that will work,” Tsukauchi sadly informed her. “Despite all my taskforce’s efforts we still don’t know how powerful or widespread the League’s influence is. And if they do recapture Izuku, what then? UA is the only place that can ensure Izuku remains under constant surveillance by pro heroes. We also don’t know the full extent of the damage the League inflicted on Izuku yet. UA has an entire staff of professionals who can help him reintegrate. From previous experience working with victims of prolonged captivity, the time spent with the enemy doesn’t magically disappear once they’ve been freed.”

Nezu nodded in agreement. “At UA Izuku has friends and staff to fall back on that can help support him. UA has a responsibility of care to Izuku. He deserves the best care he can get and UA can provide that.”

Izuku hung his head. Overlong bangs hid his face in shadows. “So… I can’t go home?”

Tsukauchi shook his head sympathetically. “Unfortunately not. We can’t risk it. The League surely knows where you live or could easily find out. Your mother would be in danger if you go home. I’ve already made arrangements to have a patrol unit placed on your residence for her protection, but having you there too raises the chances of the League attacking. For her safety as well as yours, your best bet is to return to UA.”

Izuku sat for a long moment of angry silence. “You know I can’t do that,” he finally hissed. “I can’t knowingly put my mom in any danger.”

“You will be safe at UA,” Nezu insisted. “There we can get you whatever professional help you need to reintegrate with your classmates and continue with your hero track studies.”

“But what if I don’t want to be a hero anymore?”

The question took a moment to register in All Might’s mind. When it finally did he wasn’t sure whether to believe he’d heard what he just thought he did or not.

“You… you want to quit?” he somehow found his voice. His trademark smile was dangerously close to slipping from his face.

What he thought he just heard was impossible. Izuku might be battered and beaten, but there was no way his idealistic protégé was actually saying what All Might thought he was. Izuku Midoriya had come too far and worked too hard to actually be considering giving up his dream of becoming a pro hero. All Might refused to believe that was what Midoriya was saying.

For his part, Izuku stared into his lap as though warring with his own thoughts and emotions. “I… I don’t know…” he mumbled in tired confusion. He rubbed at his temple as though fighting off a headache. “I just don’t know if I’m right for hero work anymore. Shigaraki made me do so many bad things… I hurt Kacchan. I tried to kill you. I don’t know if I trust myself anymore. How do I know I won’t go berserk again and try to hurt someone else?”

“We won’t let that happen,” All Might insisted. The knot in his stomach was tightening. He’d just gotten his protégé back. He felt almost panicked at the thought of losing Izuku again, even if it wasn’t to the jaws of death. “We will get you back on track. What happened with Shigaraki and the League doesn’t have you derail your dreams. I know you’re scared and that you feel guilty about what happened, but that just proves what you did under Shigaraki’s influence wasn’t really you. I will help you get back to where you were before all this happened. I am not giving up on you. You can still be a hero.”

“Whether Izuku decides to continue in the hero track or not is immaterial at this point,” Aizawa tiredly interrupted. “Whatever he decides, the only logical place for him to be is at UA. We can keep him safe there while he decides what he ultimately wants to do.”

“That’s right,” Nezu agreed. “Izuku does not have to make any decisions about his studies right now. Right now the only thing that’s important is ensuring that he’s safe and gets the care he needs.”

All Might waited with baited breath. Neither Izuku or his mother appeared particularly happy with this idea. Their eyes met and mother and son exchanged a long, heavy look. His heart clenched at the dejected look of disappointment in his successor’s eyes.

“I just wanted to go home…” Izuku murmured, looking back into his lap. “Every moment I spent in that cell all I wanted to do was go home. But now I can’t even do that…”

“I’m so sorry,” All Might commiserated, his heart aching with sympathy for his student. “But we will help you. I swear to you I will do everything in my power to help you. You will not have to do this alone.”

Izuku didn’t immediately answer. Then with a resigned sigh, “Fine. I’ll go back to UA…”

For some reason, Izuku’s capitulation did not buoy All Might with much hope.

Midoriya did not hear much of anything else the adults said after that. His mother took over the conversation from there. He thought they were discussing plans for once he was discharged from the prison and was able to be transferred to the school’s campus. Izuku heard little of it. His thoughts were focused on the fact that he was to return to UA where he was supposed to carry on as if the last two months never happened.

He doubted Bakugo or any of his classmates that had been at the train station would forget his stint as Shigaraki’s attack dog. Already he dreaded having to face them and pretend like he had any right to be on the same campus as them after his shameful rampage. No matter what All Might said he no longer felt like he deserved to call himself a hero in training.

His teachers’ reassurances felt hollow to Izuku. They still didn’t know everything Shigaraki and Rorschach had done to him. They had no comprehension of how much rage and fear still simmered under his skin. Izuku didn’t know if he trusted himself to be among his classmates. Who knew what he was still capable of, or what triggers might still exist from Rorschach’s conditioning…

Lost in dark, wandering thoughts Izuku only came back to himself when Tsukauchi looked at his watch and abruptly stood from his seat. “I’m afraid I can’t stay much longer. I must get back to the precinct. Mrs. Midoriya, may I speak with you in the hallway for a moment before I go? There are some details I want to discuss with you about the patrol unit we’re going to assign to you. No need to bore Izuku with the details.”

“I-” Inko glanced at Izuku as though warring with her desire to comply with the detective’s request and her newfound need to keep her son in sight.

“It’s okay,” Izuku said, forcing a weak smile onto his face. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“Alright,” Inko said. She rose to follow the detective out of the room. “I’ll be right back, dear.”

“I must go as well,” Nezu announced. “With the new dormitory plans underway, I can’t stay away from campus for long.” The mouse jumped down from the edge of Izuku’s bed, but not before offering Izuku an encouraging smile. “I know it might not feel like it right now, but you are not alone in this. Everyone is here to help you.”

“Thank you,” Midoriya politely replied. His heart wasn’t behind it though. He didn’t have much of any feelings right now except a quiet sense of dread and soul-sucking emptiness. They kept making it sound like returning to his old life was going to be so easy. Midoriya was wearied just by the thought of everything that lay ahead of him.

“Aizawa, will you be accompanying me back to the mainland?” Nezu asked as he headed for the door.

“Yes,” Aizawa agreed. The Erasing Hero cast Midoriya a parting glance as he followed Nezu out the door. “I will be back later. If Mic gets too loud you have my permission to tell him to shut up.”

“Yes, sir.”

With Aizawa’s departure, Midoriya found himself with only All Might left in the room. He stared down into his lap. He didn’t want to meet All Might’s gaze. He couldn’t think of anything to say to his former mentor. It was still so difficult to look at him. He’d resented All Might for so long for abandoning him it was awkward to be in his presence anymore.

Beyond the curtain of green bangs he hid behind he heard All Might step closer to his bedside. Midoriya’s arms unconsciously slid across his stomach to hold his sides. He couldn’t bring himself to look up and see the disappointment he knew must be on the older hero’s face.

“My boy… Did you really mean what you said before about not wanting to be a hero anymore?”

Midoriya couldn’t say why, but All Might almost sounded… distraught.

“I don’t know,” Midoriya murmured. His sight was fixated on a fold in the blanket by his knee. “I don’t know what I want anymore… but I don’t know if being a hero is one of them.”

Unfolding one arm from across his stomach he reached up and dug into the mess of curls on the side of his head. With a sharp tug he withdrew a single strand of dark green hair.

“Here,” he said, holding the strand out to All Might. “Take it back. I don’t deserve it anymore. Not after what Shigaraki made me do… Take it and find somebody better than me…”

He couldn’t bring himself to watch All Might take the hair – and with it One For All - from him. He knew it was for the best. He no longer deserved a quirk. He’d lost any right to wield such power when he’d tried to harm other people with it. That didn’t mean giving it up didn’t come with a twinge of regret and shame. He’d wanted a power to call his own for so long it felt like he was now relinquishing a piece of his very self.

When Midoriya instead felt a gentle hand pushing against his own he looked up to find All Might standing over him. The Symbol of Peace was still in his muscular form. Midoriya realized something was wrong before realizing with a jolt that there was no trace of a smile anywhere on All Might’s face. It was the first time Midoriya had ever seen All Might in his hero form without the smallest hint of teeth showing.

“No,” All Might said, shaking his head sadly. The shadows masking his eyes seemed so much darker than Midoriya ever remembered. “Keep it. You might still need it. Think this over before you make any hasty decisions. So much has happened… I know things feel very bleak right now but I’m going to help you get through this. There was a reason I chose you as my successor. I still believe in you and what you’re capable of. I don’t want you to give up on yourself so quickly.”

Midoriya couldn’t say why – maybe it was because of All Might’s display of unbreakable faith in him, or maybe it was because he was disappointed that All Might wouldn’t just accept his admission of defeat and take the strand of hair from him - but tears stung Midoriya’s eyes.

“I don’t deserve it,” Midoriya choked past the knot in his throat. “I’m a failure. Shigaraki turned me into a monster. I can’t be your successor anymore. I don’t trust myself.”

“No he didn’t. How could a boy with so much power be willing to give it up if he really was a monster? I believe in you. Just… please. Don’t give up on yourself yet. I know there’s still fight in you. You’re a fighter. It’s one of the reasons I chose you. Don’t let Shigaraki beat you. I promise you, we’ll get through this together. I didn’t abandon you then and I’m not going to abandon you now.”

Midoriya retracted his hand and stared down at the strand of hair pinched between his fingers. All Might seemed to take that as a sign that Midoriya was willing to renew the fight and released a sigh. Puffing his chest out, the Symbol of Peace clapped a relieved hand against Midoriya’s back.

“We’ll get through this, young Izuku! You have my promise. I won’t let you down!”

Midoriya did not reply. All Might might not be willing to take One For All back now, but Midoriya knew it was only a matter of time before All Might finally accepted the truth and took his gift back. One For All was too powerful and dangerous a quirk to leave in Midoriya’s care. He couldn’t be trusted with it anymore. For his and everyone else’s sake Midoriya knew One For All could not stay with him.

***

“Tell me, Midoriya, why do you want to be a hero?”

The question was asked so lightly, the same way someone might ask the time. Midoriya struggled to focus on the words. It was so difficult to focus. A migraine split his head. The pain was so intense Midoriya couldn’t find the strength to even push himself to his knees. The very thought of moving made his temples pound harder and his stomach clench violently in protest.

He lay on his side on the floor of his cell. The bone-chilling coldness of the cement was almost soothing in his disoriented state of suffering. It gave him something else to focus on besides the pain. The wounds from Rorschach’s fingertips along his hairline had already knitted themselves close. Midoriya didn’t know if that rapid healing was a side effect of Rorschach’s quirk or not, but as soon as the villain fully retracted his fingers from his head the edges of the puncture marks would begin to seal themselves back together.

Blood covered his face. Midoriya could feel a small pool of it cooling in the dip between his eye socket and nose. A violent shiver rattled his frame. His head ached worst as a result. Curling against himself, Midoriya squeezed his eyes shut in a vain attempt to momentarily escape the nightmare he was currently trapped. The dim light of the single light bulb hanging from the ceiling was blinding. The clatter of thick chains around his wrists sent shockwaves of pain vibrating through his skull, stilling any more feeble attempts at movement.

“You’re being very uncooperative today,” Rorschach noted from beyond the shield of his clenched eyelids. The villain was so close. He sounded as if he was standing right over him.

Midoriya huddled tighter against himself on the ground. He’d always known being captured and subjected to torture was a very real possibility for anyone hoping to become a pro hero. They’d already covered such possibilities in class. There was a time when Midoriya had actually thought he might have a step up on some of his classmates in that area if the worst ever did happen. He’d endured enough beatings and psychological torment from Bakugo over the years that Midoriya thought he’d be able to withstand at least some of the mental strain of a capture scenario.

But Rorschach… Rorschach was not like Bakugo. At least with Bakugo his torment had been explosive, direct, and over fairly quickly. Rorschach, on the other hand, was calm, collected, and maddeningly persistent. At times Rorschach asked his questions almost as if he was a friendly councilor seeking to merely guide Midoriya. But Midoriya knew better. He’d suffered enough of Rorschach’s sessions now to not be fooled by the man’s cool, professional demeanor. Behind those questions was a man of pure sadism who only wanted answers and cared nothing about the pain he inflicted in order to get them. If Midoriya didn’t know better he would have almost said the man enjoyed this mental game of cat and mouse.

“I’ll ask you again, Midoriya,” Rorschach calmly said, dropping into a crouch beside the boy’s shivering form. “Why do you want to be a hero?”

“I… I…” Midoriya couldn’t find the words. It hurt so much to think after one of Rorschach’s assaults. It seemed to take all his strength just to string two lines of thought together. The pounding in his head was debilitating. He couldn’t bare to open his eyes and endure the harsh glare of the light bulb. It all hurt too much.

“I already know the answer. I’ve seen it with my quirk. But I need you to say it. It’s the only way for us to move forward with your treatment.”

Midoriya squeezed his eyes close harder. He weakly dug the side of his head into cement floor, wishing the ground would open up and swallow him to anyplace other than here.

“Midoriya,” Rorschach calmly persisted. “Admittance is the first step in any form of therapy. I need you to say it out loud so we can make headway in your treatment.”

“I don’t need any of your therapy,” Midoriya managed to growl. The throbbing in his temples pulsed white.

“But you do. Your particular case of Hero Complex is outstanding. I’ve only heard about such dedicated persistence to delusions before in textbooks.” There was a long pause, as though Rorschach was reevaluating his line of questioning. “I would like to avoid doing so, but if you remain so obstinate in actively working with me I will be forced to use my quirk again. We cannot allow your rehabilitation to stagnate.”

The threat was as clear and tangible as a knife to Midoriya’s throat.

Midoriya’s breathing quickened, his heart thundering against the inside of his rib cage. He didn’t want that. He didn’t want Rorschach in his mind again. Only pain came from Rorschach’s fingers. The thought of the villain riffling through his memories and making him relieve the worst moments of his life made panicked tears bead along the edges of his clenched eyelids.

“Let’s try this again,” Rorschach’s deceptively smooth voice washed over Midoriya. “Why do you want to be a hero?”

A sob slipped past Midoriya’s defenses. This particular session with Rorschach was stretching into what felt like it’s fifth hour. He wanted nothing more than to make the questions stop. “To… to help people. I want to be the kind of hero other people can look up to and trust.”

“Very good. We’re finally heading towards a breakthrough. Tell me, why do you want to be that kind of hero? Why is being that kind of person other people can look up to so important to you?”

Midoriya hesitated. The pounding in his skull was deafening as he struggled to put words to his motivation and feelings.

“Why do you want people to look up to you?” Rorschach patiently pressed.

Another sob of despair. There was just no escaping Rorschach’s questions during these sessions. It hurt so much to think and Rorschach was relentless, especially when Midoriya was so tired and weak from one of his mental assaults.

“Because no one ever has! No one ever looked up to me or ever asked me for help when I was younger! I was always just the weak, nerdy kid all the other kids made fun of! I always wanted to be just like All Might. I know what it’s like to feel helpless against a bully. I don’t want anyone else to ever feel like that! I want to help people so they never have to feel helpless like I once did!”

“Very good,” Rorschach praised. “So your motivations are based in core desires for strength and to be recognized as powerful and trustworthy by your peers… Shigaraki and the League of Villains can give you that. If you submit to Shigaraki he can help you gain unimaginable strength. And you can use that strength to help break the invisible shackles that currently bind our society.’

"Our world has become so caught up in arbitrary definitions of 'Good verses Bad’ and 'Justice versus Villainy’ that no one can objectively see how much those concepts overlap anymore. Who is 'right’ or 'wrong’ is defined by a small group of people that make arbitrary rules to keep people submissive and in their place – all in the name of keeping order.”

Midoriya almost laughed at the irony. “But you are being a bully to me right now!” He clenched the sides of his head with his hands to try and stop the throbbing agony between his ears. “There’s no confusion about whether what you’re doing is good or bad! You kidnapped me and are torturing me to try and make me do what you want! That’s not 'good’ by anyone’s definition!”

Rorschach gave a little sigh. “I see there’s still so much social conditioning we have to undo… It’s impossible for you to see the greater good in what we’re trying to do. I know this must feel like torture to you. I acknowledge and validate your feelings. But sometimes the healing process can be painful. This is something you must accept so that we can move forward in your treatment.”

“I won’t help you. I won't ever help Shigaraki or the League! You’re all nothing but evil villains!”

“Even when the one you admire the most – the one person you yourself looked up to as the pinnacle of heroism - abandoned you to your supposed 'enemies’?”

Midoriya froze where he lay on the ground. The side he lay on was becoming numb from the coldness of the floor. In that moment he swore he could feel the icy chill seep deeper into his heart.

“This is a classic case of cognitive dissonance,” Rorschach explained. “You say Shigaraki is villain yet it was All Might who refused to lift a finger to save you. Because you have labeled All Might a hero you refuse to acknowledge his misdeeds. Aren’t heroes supposed to save people? From what I’ve been told All Might was supposed to have been particularly fond of you. Yet he did nothing to help you when Shigaraki offered him a way to get you back. All Might abandoned you. Tell me, if he really was a hero who looked out for the welfare of others, why didn’t he do anything to save you? Based on your own previous definition of villains from past sessions, how is All Might not one in this scenario?”

Midoriya had no reply. Fresh tears beaded along the rims of his clenched eyelids. He’d long ago lost track of time in this windowless cell, but the stab of betrayal from All Might’s press conference still hit him like a knife to the heart.

All Might – the one man Midoriya once trusted to the very core of his being – had said he wasn’t worth the effort of saving. He wasn’t worth the cost of releasing several villains from Tartarus. He wasn’t worth even the flimsiest attempt to save.

“Tell me, why do you think All Might didn’t think you worthy of being saved?”

Rorschach’s question cut to the very core of Midoriya’s soul. His head hurt so much and that question was so painful.

Even now, what felt like months since that press conference the memory of it still managed to leave Midoriya aching in indescribable pain.

“Why didn’t All Might try to save you, Midoriya?”

“I don’t know!” Midoriya wailed into the floor, his pain and frustration boiling over in a rush of anger. Tears leaked through his clenched eyelids. He imagined those tears mixing with the blood on his face and dripping off his cheeks in red rivulets. He curled tighter against himself – as if that would do anything to stop Rorschach’s relentless questions. “I don’t know! I thought he cared about me but he just left me! He didn’t even try!”

“Very good,” Rorschach praised. “Now we’re making progress. Let’s explore this relationship between you and All Might more and see if we can’t pinpoint where this disconnect between your trust in him and his disregard for your wellbeing stems.”

Before Midoriya could even brace himself, Rorschach’s hand was on his chest – pushing him flat onto his back and holding him down on the cold concrete. Midoriya’s eyes shot open. The flood of light against his corneas stung, but the panic of suddenly being held down with a villain poised overtop him overrode the pain of any migraine.

Ten-inch long elongated fingers that tapered to the points of needles hovered over his face.

Midoriya instinctively thrashed against the weight of Rorschach’s hand pressing on his chest. “No! No more! NO!”

“Now hold still,” Rorschach cautioned. His voice was as smooth and emotionless as greased honey. “This might sting a bit…”

Midoriya screamed as the needle-sharp fingers pierced his skin and sunk into the meat of his forehead and temples. He could actually feel the squelchy pop of Rorschach’s fingers breaking through bone. And then –

Midoriya shot up in bed from a restless sleep with a choked off howl of fear. His arms flailed wildly in front of him as though fending off an attack.

Aizawa was startled to full awareness by the sound. He’d been half-dozing in his chair in the corner of Midoriya’s hospital room. In an instant the Erasing Hero was on his feet and moving towards Midoriya’s bed. The backs of his eyes flushed with warmth at the activation of his quirk.

“No! No more! NO!”

“Midoriya, calm down. It’s alright. You’re safe.”

With far more practice than Aizawa ever would have wanted to have, he rested a hand on the side of Midoriya’s arm. That light touch was enough to startle the boy out of his panic and back to himself. Midoriya instinctively cringed back from Aizawa’s touch. Wild, fear-filled eyes swung towards the Erasing Hero. There was a moment of breathless eternity as Midoriya stared at Aizawa as though confused by his sudden appearance by his side before realization washed over him and the worst of his fear seemed to drain from his face.

“Mr. Aizawa…” Midoriya shakily acknowledged. He seemed to droop backwards against the pillow. Aizawa let the heat recede from the back of his eyes. His hair drifted back to hang down both sides of his face.

He sadly surveyed his student. This was not the first time Midoriya had woken from a nightmare in a cold sweat, screaming to be left alone by some invisible attacker. In the week since Midoriya’s return this same scenario had become depressingly common not just for Aizawa but for all of Midoriya’s other minders as well. Every time the boy drifted off he seemed plagued by horrific dreams. Aizawa doubted the boy ever got more than a few hours of uninterrupted sleep at a time.

The boy was still visibly shaking. His cheeks were wet with tears. As Aizawa watched, his arms snaked across his stomach to hug his sides. It was a habit Aizawa had never noticed in Midoriya before his kidnapping. Midoriya was breathing hard, as though struggling to regain control of himself.

“You’re alright,” Aizawa insisted. “Just try and slow your breathing. No one’s going to hurt you here.”

“I’m okay. I- I’m fine.”

Aizawa wasn’t sure if Midoriya was trying to convince Aizawa or himself.

“Do you want to talk about your nightmare? This is the third in two days that I’ve seen. I’m sure you’ve had more.”

Normally, Aizawa would have never offered to be so familiar with one of his students – he had a position of authority to maintain. But Midoriya’s situation was unique and both Recovery Girl and the prison doctor had urged Midoriya’s minders to offer a sympathetic ear should the boy ever seem willing to talk. So much of Midoriya’s time with the League of Villains still remained a mystery.

As expected, Midoriya hastily shook his head. “No. I’m fine. Really. I… I actually don’t even remember anything about it.”

Aizawa could see through such a flimsy lie from a kilometer away. The shine of residual terror in Midoriya’s eyes belied anything the boy might have said. He did not press the matter though. He would offer his student any help he needed, but at the end of the day Aizawa was not a trained psychologist and he did not feel qualified to deal with a traumatized child. Matters of the brain and emotional distress were not his areas of expertise.

Nevertheless, that didn’t dampen Aizawa’s concern. He hadn’t been exaggerating about Midoriya’s nightmares. All the teachers that came to Tartarus to take turns watching him could attest to Midoriya’s continuous nightmares. He often woke screaming to be left alone or begging All Might not to leave him with the League. The strain of hearing such cries were taking more and more of an obvious toll on All Might as the days dragged on. Nothing the boy did went unreported to Nezu or Tsukauchi and it was distressing to hear how much the boy still suffered even after his rescue.

It had been over a week since Midoriya detoxed Shigaraki’s Berserker Serum and mentally returned to himself. He had remained in Tartarus’s hospital wing the entire time. When his mother wasn’t visiting or Detective Tsukauchi interrogating Midoriya about his time with the League, the boy spent most of his time napping or surfing an internet-capable tablet Nezu had brought him to catch up on the last two months of news. Unless directly spoken to, Midoriya rarely went out of his way to interact with anyone. When he did he always seemed sullen and withdrawn – a mere shell of the shy but smiling boy Aizawa had almost expelled from his class so long ago.

Aizawa might not be an expert in psychology, but he’d worked enough years in the underground hero world to know when to be concerned. He’d seen too many people slip into depression after a traumatic event like a kidnapping or torture. Without proper care they rarely bounced back to their former selves. Nezu was already making arrangements to hire a trained therapist for UA’s staff.

Unaware of his teacher’s growing concern, Midoriya shakily ran a hand through his hair. Aizawa was still getting used to the change. The day before, Midoriya had abruptly asked if he could be allowed a haircut. The boy had always had an unruly mop of green curls, but over the course of his confinement it had grown so long it hung like a curtain in Midoriya’s face. One of the prison guards had offered his services. Apparently the man was a fan of Best Jeanist and fancied himself an amateur hairstylist – and within the time it took Aizawa to go to the guards’ lounge for a cup of coffee and return Midoriya had a new haircut. He almost hadn’t recognized the boy when he’d walked back inside the room.

The guard had taken more liberties with Midoriya’s new look than Aizawa ever would have allowed someone to take with his own hair. Shaved close on the sides in an edgy undercut, the top portion of Midoriya’s hair had been trimmed and styled so that it swung forward over his forehead. The guard had done a good job - Best Jeanist would have been proud. Aizawa was pretty sure such a haircut would have cost a couple hundred-thousand yen to get done in a salon. But with his hair cut so close there was no longer anything to hide the physical reminders of Midoriya’s time with the League of Villains.

Constellations of 1-yen coin sized circles dotted the boy’s head and the edges of his hairline in clusters of five. The scars stood out against the boy’s scalp in varying shades of white, pink, and an angry red. Some areas appeared to have been favorite entry points for Rorschach and more heavily used – like those around the edges of Midoriya’s face. The puncture scars in those areas were darker and more heavily knotted than the scars on the sides of his head – as if they had never been left alone long enough to fully heal. Aizawa’s skin crawled to think how often Rorschach had to sink his fingers into those points to leave such horrific marks.

Releasing a final shaky breath, Midoriya sagged back against the pillow. Tired, empty eyes stared into his lap. The boy looked so defeated and lost. It physically cut Aizawa at his core to see his student in such a state.

“You should try and get some more rest,” Aizawa advised. “We still have a few hours before we start your transfer process. Once we get you to the safe house you can rest but it might be several hours before we get there. Clandestine transfers often involve a number of roundabout routes and evasive tactics to shake any potential tails.”

Midoriya did not seem overly excited about the prospect of leaving Tartarus. He’d been briefed on the plan the previous day. “Where is this safe house?”

“Unknown. Even I wasn’t given any details on it. The police and hero teams that are going to assist in your transfer have all only been briefed on certain portions of the full plan to prevent any information leaks. All I know is that it’s a secret residential property UA owns where we can keep you sequestered until the new dorms are complete and you’re able to be moved to campus. Your mother’s packed several boxes of clothes and personal items for you which have already been transferred to the safe house and are waiting for you there.”

Midoriya seemed to grow even more sullen. “I wish I could have gone home and done that myself…”

“You know it’s too dangerous to let you go home, even for a short while. We don’t know how dangerous the League of Villains is and we can’t risk letting them find out where you are before you can be securely transferred to UA. All of this is for your and your mother’s protection.”

“I know,” Midoriya murmured, refusing to look up from the blankets. “It’s just… I still wish I could have gone home one last time…”

Aizawa released a weary sigh. He really wasn’t suited to be an emotional support. “I know things feel overwhelming right now. But you will get through this.”

Midoriya did not reply.

Unable to think of anything else to say, Aizawa turned to return to his seat. Mic had brought him a stack of essays the day before that still needed graded. Even if he was assigned watch duty on Midoriya, he was still 1-A’s homeroom teacher. He couldn’t shirk the rest of his duties towards his other students in favor of focusing on one.

He didn’t get the chance to even take a step before a soft voice spoke up behind him.

“Mr. Aizawa… do you remember that first day of class when you said you were going to expel the student that came in last for the fitness test?”

Aizawa froze, his back still to Midoriya. An ice-cold chill went down the back of his neck. He hadn’t forgotten Midoriya’s first night in Tartarus and the bloodthirsty way the teen had stared through the two way mirror and asked that exact same question. He doubted he would ever forget his student’s deranged promise to blind him and squish his eyeballs between his toes.

“… I do,” Aizawa hesitantly replied. “What about it?” Although not fully activated, heat began to build in the back of his eyes as he slowly turned back towards the bed. Was Midoriya having a relapse? The exact same phrasing of the question Midoriya had threatened Aizawa with instinctively made the Erasing Hero’s senses go on high alert.

Midoriya, however, was not staring at him with a berserker grin or murder in his eyes. Instead, the boy seemed mostly lost in thought, his eyes firmly downcast as though embarrassed to even look in his teacher’s direction.

“It’s just that…” Midoriya seemed to struggle for a moment to put thoughts into words. His arms hugged his sides tighter. “It’s just that ever since I woke up here in Tartarus I can’t help but think it might have been better if you had expelled me that day… It would have hurt at the time. I know I wouldn’t have taken it well. I had worked so hard to get into UA. But… if you had expelled me that day I never would have been kidnapped by Shigaraki or hurt anyone with my quirk. You and all the other teachers wouldn’t have to waste your time watching over me here in Tartarus, and my mom never would have had to spend two months thinking I was dead. You were right: I don’t belong in the hero course. I don’t even deserve to be let out of prison after everything I did. You should have just expelled me that day and saved everyone a bunch of trouble.”

The heat that had been cautiously building in Aizawa’s eyes instantly faded away. For a long moment of silence he just stared at Midoriya. He wasn’t overly surprised by Midoriya’s admission but that didn’t mean he wasn’t disappointed the hear the boy thinking such things.

Aizawa heaved a tired sigh. He should have expected he would have to have this conversation with Midoriya at some point. He would have been lying, though, if he had said he wouldn’t have wished it was All Might Midoriya decided to unload all this guilt and self-reproach on. Aizawa did not consider this aspect of teaching his strong suit. But giving guidance to struggling students was an essential part of his job whether he liked it or not, and he would be damned if he wasn’t dedicated to his job.

“Midoriya, I know you’ve been through a lot and everything feels very hopeless right now, but you cannot let yourself have such dark thoughts. I want you to listen to next few things I have to say very closely because I will not say them again.”

Despite the lingering guilt on Midoriya’s face, the teen raised his eyes towards Aizawa as though intrigued to hear what he had to say.

Aizawa stepped closer to the side of Midoriya’s bed and held his gaze. “When I ran that fitness test I had every intention of following through on my promise. I didn’t originally see you as hero material. Your quirk was too volatile, too dangerous for you to control. Without an ability to harness it you would only be a detriment not only to yourself but everyone else on the battlefield. How could anyone look to you for help when one punch with your quirk would render you completely useless?”

What little light there was in Midoriya’s eyes immediately dimmed. The teen looked back down into his lap. Embarrassed shame shadowed his face.

“But,” Aizawa sternly continued, urging Midoriya to look back up at him, “I stand by my decision not to expel you that day. You impressed me by completing the distance throw by directing your power through your fingertip at the last moment. That showed impressive problem-solving skills and ingenuity. You’ve improved so much since that first day. You’ve gained considerable control over your power since then. It might not feel like it, but even though Shigaraki was manipulating you to use your power in a way not befitting a hero you almost defeated All Might himself in battle. There was a reason Shigaraki targeted you. You are incredibly powerful. If we’re able to get you back on track you have the potential to become a hero all villains will fear.’

"I will be the first one to admit that the life of a hero is not an easy one. Even if you didn’t have the burden of dealing with kidnapping and torture, hero work is not for the light hearted. Ultimately, the decision whether you continue your hero studies or not will be up to you. No one at UA can force you to go pro. But as I said before, I still see a lot of potential in you. I wouldn’t be here in Tartarus right now if I didn’t have hope of getting you through this. There’s a long road ahead of you. I’m not going to try to fool anyone by saying you don’t. I will never lie about something like that to one of my students. But now, maybe even more so than before, you have the potential to be an even better hero because you’ve seen firsthand what it’s like to fight against villains and be at their mercy. I know you. I taught you for an entire semester. I know one of your biggest motivations to become a hero is to help other people. You now understand on a visceral level what it’s like to feel helpless and manipulated. You understand what’s at stake when a hero goes up against a villain. You can use your experience as motivation and protect others from having to go through the same things you did.”

Midoriya was quiet for a long moment of silence. Aizawa swore he could see the gears turning in the boy’s head.

“If you were me… would you quit?”

Aizawa did not immediately answer. He turned Midoriya’s question over several times in his head.

“I don’t know,” he finally said. His voice was heavy with honesty. “I’ve never been in a situation like yours. I honestly can’t say I’ll ever fully understand what you went through. But I would understand if you decided you didn’t want to continue. When I first became an underground hero I had moments when I too had thoughts of quitting. Like I said before, a hero’s life if not something to be taken lightly. Not everyone can take the stress. Most pros retire before the age of 30. I can only hope you will think things over before you make any final decisions. I will be the last person to try and convince someone to become a pro hero if they don’t have the stomach for it. I already think there are too many unqualified people in the field as it is. But… you have so much potential. If you ultimately did decide that becoming a pro was no longer right for you I would always consider it one of the greatest failures of my teaching career.”

A watery snort met Aizawa’s confession. “I always thought you didn’t like me,” Midoriya chuckled with a sad, ironic laugh. “Ever since that first day of class I always thought you were just waiting to find something else to kick me out for. I never thought you actually wanted me around.”

“I admit I might have to rethink some of my methods of motivating students, but I am not vindictive or have some malicious desire to expel students from my class. I have to look logically at the bigger picture. Preparing a classroom full of teenagers for the rigors of hero work is not easy. By the sheer nature of the job, there is no room for coddling or handholding. Students have to hit the ground running and be able to hold their own, or they’re just going to be chewed up and spit out before long.”

Aizawa crossed his arms, staring hard at Midoriya if only to impart how serious he was being. “You proved you were able to hold your own when I held you to the flames that first day. You proved you were someone who wouldn’t fold at the first sign of hardship. I might have been tough on you, but I never did it because I disliked you. Don’t get me wrong, I still consider you a problem child that needs almost constant supervision to stop from getting in trouble, but there’s no denying how valuable you are. It became apparent very early on that you are an integral part to the class dynamic. You help inspire and motivate your classmates. There was a noticeable change in the class after everyone thought you’d been killed. It will be good to have you back. I also think once you’re back with your friends it will help you readjust to normal life. I know for a fact All Might is desperate to get you back on campus and back into some semblance of a normal routine.”

A dark shadow seemed to pass over Midoriya’s face at the mention of his former idol. “Yea… I’m sure he is. He doesn’t want me to quit either.”

“All Might is very fond of you,” Aizawa observed. “Your supposed death shook him. I don’t necessarily approve of his favoritism, but he will help you reintegrate into school life. When we’re back at UA you can always come to me with any problems or concerns, but I’ve come to find All Might is very possessive when it comes to you. He doesn’t like to share the responsibility of watching over you with any of the other teachers. Principal Nezu practically had to threaten to terminate his teaching contract if he didn’t leave Tartarus for more than a few hours to get some rest. His door will always be open to you.”

Midoriya hung his head, his eyes distant. “All Might helped me train for UA’s entrance exam. He trained me for almost a whole year. I owe him so much for how far I got in UA… but that just puts so much more pressure on me to continue in the hero course. I don’t want to disappoint All Might, but I already feel like such a failure.”

Like a light bulb clicking on in the back of his head, everything suddenly made sense to Aizawa: Midoriya and All Might’s inexplicably close relationship, All Might’s doting towards the boy, even how hard All Might took it when Midoriya had been “killed.” It all suddenly made sense. If All Might had really spent a year training Midoriya for his entrance exam, no wonder the older hero was so protective of the boy! Midoriya was basically being trained to be All Might’s successor. Their quirks were so similar. Of course All Might would be drawn to Midoriya. No wonder the two had spent the first semester basically joined at the hip. How had Aizawa never made this connection before?

Secretly, Aizawa promised himself he was going to have words with All Might the next time he saw the Symbol of Peace. If one of his students was getting outside training or counsel from another teacher, Aizawa typically liked to remain in the loop.

“That…” he weakly said, still trying to process this unexpected revelation, “would certainly explain why All Might wouldn’t want you to give up yet.”

“Yea… I guess.”

“You know All Might will not let anything else happen to you, right?” Aizawa asked, studying the boy’s face. “None of the teachers at UA will. I know it’s difficult to know who to trust anymore after everything the League made you think was real but we are all here to help. All Might is not the only one who would give his life to stop Shigaraki from getting his hands on you again. Every precaution is being taken to make sure you are safe when you return to school.”

“I know,” Midoriya softly replied, although his tone suggested he did not actually have that much faith.

Aizawa curiously studied Midoriya for several moments. “Can I ask you something, Midoriya? It’s been something I’ve been wondering ever since you were brought here.”

Midoriya seemed to grow wary, as though afraid of what Aizawa might ask. “What is it?”

“How much do you remember of waking up here in prison?”

“Not a lot,” the boy admitted. “Whenever I see red my memories get blurry. I’m not even sure if what I remember is actually real or not.”

Aizawa remained undeterred. “When you first woke up here you were being held in a holding cell so we could observe you. Nezu led a small interrogation through a two way mirror. During it you tried to manifest your quirk to break out of the cell. I nullified it with my quirk. Even though you couldn’t see through the two way mirror or know who was behind the mirror besides Nezu you felt me erase your quirk. That in and of itself is no mystery or surprise. Anyone can tell when they no longer have access to their quirk. What was surprising was that you seemed able to immediately pinpoint where I was standing on the other side of the glass. How is that possible? In my entire career, no one has ever been able to determine what direction my quirk was coming from. How did you know?”

“I’m not sure,” Midoriya shrugged. “I don’t really remember talking to anyone through a two way mirror. But… what I do remember whenever I would see red is that it’s like my entire body is on fire. Every nerve ending burns. But it doesn’t hurt. I don’t ever remember feeling pain whenever I saw red. It’s like all your senses are heightened and you can feel every little change in the air around you. You feel so angry, but alive at the same time. It might have almost been instantaneous, but if I was still seeing red when you used your quirk on me I might have been able to sense which direction that split-second change of Full Cowl disappearing happened before it spread over my whole body.”

“I see,” Aizawa nodded. Midoriya’s explanation was close to the theory he himself had begun to formulate, but it was still interesting to hear it from the subject in question. “Try and get some more rest,” he abruptly announced. “We’ll start to get ready for your move in a couple hours.”

“Yes, sir…” Midoriya murmured. He sounded so tired, as though his conversation with Aizawa had zapped him of all his strength. Aizawa doubted the boy would try and get any more sleep though.

As he walked back towards his chair, Aizawa made a mental note to keep a closer eye on Midoriya when they returned to UA. Whether the boy decided to continue in the hero training course or not was immaterial. Midoriya was returning to Aizawa’s classroom and no one – not Shigaraki, not Rorschach, or anyone else in that accursed villain organization – was going to hurt his student again.

Uraraka glanced at the clock on the classroom wall. Only twenty more minutes before the end of class, and with it the end of the school day. Final period usually would have been hero course training, but because of the new dormitories being constructed all hero training simulations had been put on hold until next week. The dormitories were slated to be completed by the next day – Friday- and that weekend she and the rest of her classmates were scheduled to move in and become permanent residents of UA.

Uraraka wasn’t sure how she felt about the dormitory plan. She lived by herself in a rented apartment, so the prospect of being able to live with her classmates was an exciting opportunity. She’d never enjoyed the solitude of living alone in Tokyo away from the rest of her family. Her parents couldn’t afford to move or be away from the family construction business for that long. So that meant Uraraka had had to move to Tokyo alone to attend UA.

It had been a lonely transition. It would be nice to be around other people outside of class again – almost like having a surrogate family. But the policy change had come so suddenly – and after the start of the new semester too! – that it felt like things were happening so fast Uraraka couldn’t keep up.

The general consensus of the rest of her classmates about the upcoming move seemed to be one of reserved excitement.

At the front of the classroom, Snipe was lecturing on the history and regulations of support weapons in the course of hero work. Uraraka was only half listening to him. She doodled listlessly in the corner of her notebook. Her particular quirk didn’t really lend itself to weapon-based offenses so she had no invested interest in learning about the limitations of their use in battle.

To be honest she was rather bored. Ever since the suspension of their after school patrols, schoolwork seemed so boring and mundane. It had been almost two weeks since the train station attack that had ultimately put an end to their student patrols. Almost two weeks since she’d last seen their resurrected classmate, Midoriya, return as Shigaraki’s attack dog…

The memory of Midoriya’s deranged grin and the sadistic glee with which he’d systematically shattered the bones in Bakugo’s hand still sent a shiver down Uraraka’s spine. She still had trouble believing that monster All Might had fought that night was really the same boy she’s saved from tripping over himself the morning of their UA entrance exam.

Towards the front of the classroom in the second desk of the first row, Bakugo sat slouched in his seat. He seemed about as interested in Snipe’s lecture as Uraraka was. His right arm rested in a sling against his chest. Uraraka couldn’t see his hand right now from the angle she sat, but the number of pins and suspension cables holding his fingers in place was impressive and cringe-inducing.

The doctors had only been able to do so much when he’d been taken to the emergency room after the attack. The damage to the bones and ligaments in his hand had been so extensive it was going to take numerous surgeries and months of physical therapy before Bakugo would be able to use his hand normally again. Uraraka had overheard Bakugo telling Kirishima that Recovery Girl had given him at least a three month recovery time even using her quirk in scheduled intervals. The human body could only endure so much healing at a time, especially after such a traumatic injury. Without Recovery Girl’s help Uraraka doubted Bakugo would have regained any use of his hand before their third-year graduation.

Bakugo had been strangely quiet and withdrawn since he’d been released from the hospital and returned to class. Uraraka didn’t know if that was because of the painkillers the doctors had him on, or if Bakugo was still trying to come to terms with the beat down he’d suffered from Midoriya. She suspected it some combination of both.

She and Bakugo along with others that had been at the train station that night – Iida, Asui, Mineta, and Todoroki – had all remained loyal to the gag order the police put on them. No one had said anything about their missing classmate’s return. Everyone else in 1-A just assumed their injuries and shellshock were a result of their clash with Shigaraki and his cadre of villain underlings.

Which… if Uraraka was being completely honest with herself wasn’t exactly that far from the truth…

She’d been shocked by the change she’d seen in Midoriya. She’d barely even recognized him. Whatever the League of Villains had done to Midoriya had been thorough. The green haired boy might as well have been one of Shigaraki’s mindless Nomu for all the mercy he’d shown his former classmates and mentor. If All Might hadn’t shown up when he did Uraraka dreaded to think how else that night might have ended. In some ways she was glad they no longer had student patrols. The world felt a little too dangerous and uncertain right now for mere wannabe heroes like her and her classmates to be out on the streets.

There had been no word about what happened to Midoriya after the train station attack. All they’d been told by Principal Nezu was that All Might had defeated Midoriya and that they’d been able to move him to a secure location. Where that secure location was, Nezu refused to say.

She, Iida, Todoroki, and Asui had all tried brainstorming where their missing friend could be. Since his startling return, Midoriya rarely strayed far from any of their thoughts. When they were alone away from the prying ears of others, the boy was the only thing they talked about. Todoroki had even tried to subtly gather information from Endeavor by inquiring about what had happened to the captured Nomu that night. But whether Endeavor was under a similar gag order or he truly had no more details about the incident than them, Midoriya’s current location remained a mystery.

As the days drug on and there was still no word about their missing friend’s whereabouts or what was being done with him, Uraraka had noticed a growing sense of anxiety amongst the small group of fledging heroes. Midoriya had been a close friend to most of them. His supposed death had hit all of them hard. So to have him suddenly return from the dead as a villain’s pawn was a soul-crushing scenario none of them had been prepared to deal with.

A soft knock at the classroom door caused Snipe to stop mid-sentence. The door slid aside to reveal Principal Nezu. Behind him, his massive body framed in the doorway, stood none other than All Might himself.

A small thrill of excitement went through Uraraka. No one had seen or heard from All Might since the train station attack. Although they had nothing to actually prove it, Uraraka and the others that knew about Midoriya’s return were fairly certain All Might was with Midoriya - or at least knew where he was being held. There had also been a very noticeable rotation of teachers subbing for each other’s classes, as though they were taking turns covering for each other while they went off campus.

Maybe if Uraraka or one of the others could corner All Might after class they could find out where Midoriya was.

There was a ripple of excitement through the classroom from the rest of her classmates. Everyone seemed just as excited to see their missing teacher. Their excitement was short lived though.

Uraraka wasn’t immediately sure what it was about All Might that made her pause. But then, like a punch to the gut, she realized what was so wrong with the scene.

There was no hint of All Might’s trademark grin anywhere on his face.

The Symbol of Peace was completely straight faced. Uraraka was sure she’d never seen All Might without some kind of smile. Even at the USJ complex when the League of Villains he been attacking, he’d still had a smile on his face. To see him like this now was unnerving.

A hush fell over the classroom. More than a few of her classmates exchanged uneasy glances.

What was All Might doing here after such a long absence with possibly the scariest straight face in the world?

“Good afternoon!” Principal Nezu cheerily addressed the class. “Sorry to interrupt your lecture,” he glanced at Snipe as he and All might stepped inside the room, “but I need to make a special announcement.”

“Of course,” Snipe said, moving aside from the front of the room.

With a boost from All Might, Nezu stood on the teacher’s lectern. All Might took position behind Nezu just off to the side. His face remained shadowed and stern.

Nezu looked out over the class, his face settling into a calm but serious expression. “As I’m sure many of you have noticed, there have been a number of changes to UA over the last few weeks. The largest of these changes was our last minute change to a dorming style system. You might have also noticed a number of your teachers being absent from class, not to mention the suspension of your after school student patrols. I want to thank all of you for being so patience and flexible during this time of transition. I came here today to address the reason for these changes. Later tonight All Might and I will be giving a formal press conference about this very topic. All of you will be able to view it then, but we felt class 1-A deserved to hear an explanation before the rest of the country.’

"As you all remember, the other week there was an attack by the League of Villains on a train station in the Shibuya district. Several of your own classmates were involved in the incident. I want to take the time to formally thank all you that were there for following orders and not divulging any details about what transpired that evening. After today you will no longer have to keep it secret.”

Uraraka’s stomach twisted with the realization of what was happening. Were they finally going to find out what happened to Midoriya?

A number of curious looks were cast towards her, Iida, Todoroki, Asui, Bakugo, and Mineta by the rest of their classmates.

“What your classmates have been so careful to keep secret is that it was not just the League of Villains that appeared at the train station that night,” Nezu went on. “During the attack, the League of Villain’s leader, Shigaraki, revealed that for the last two months he has been holding your classmate, Izuku Midoriya, captive. Midoriya was, in fact, not killed in the shopping mall attack this past summer.”

A ripple of shocked murmurs exploded through the room.

“Midoriya is alive and you didn’t tell us?” Kirishima yelled, casting Bakugo an incredulous look. “How could you keep something like that a secret?!”

“We weren’t allowed to say anything about Midoriya,” Iida sullenly said from the back of the room. “We were all under gag orders…”

Kirishima appeared to deflate a bit. “Yea, okay… But still.” He helplessly looked to Bakugo as if begging the blond to back him up.

Bakugo remained silent and just angrily stared at the top of his desk.

“I know that this is a shock,” Nezu interrupted. “It would be for anyone to find out a friend that was supposedly killed is still alive.”

“Are you going to tell them about why Shigaraki brought Deku out for that fight though?” Bakugo nastily spoke up. “Want me to tell everyone about how my arm got into this sling?”

The incredulous murmurs in the room almost instantly died away. The tension in air became suffocating.

If Bakugo was expecting Nezu’s calm to break in the wake of such a challenge, he was sorely mistaken. Nezu remained the embodiment of collected composure.

“You are correct,” Nezu agreed. “There was a reason Shigaraki waited until that attack to reveal that Midoriya was still alive. During the course of his captivity, Midoriya was unfortunately subjected to intense and prolonged torture and psychological manipulation. Under the influence of another villain’s quirk, Midoriya was drugged and trained to attack those he would have once considered his friends. Through the coordinated efforts of your homeroom teacher, Mr. Aizawa, and All Might we were able to save Midoriya from the League of Villains and bring him into protective custody. He has since been recovering in Tartarus Maximum Security under the continuous watch of UA’s teachers.”

Nezu looked out across the sea of stunned faces, his demeanor sobering. “Since the train station attack, I am pleased to report that Midoriya has shaken the League’s control from him and is slowly returning to his former self. As we speak he is preparing to be released from Tartarus and moved to a UA safe house. He is scheduled to return here to campus this coming Monday and rejoin 1-A in its studies.”

“He’s coming back?!” Mineta shrieked from the side of the room. Utter panic radiated off him. “He’s coming back here?! But he’s a monster!”

No one paid him much mind. 1-A as a whole was too stunned to know how to react. In her dazed shock, Uraraka was only partially aware of the flash of – what was that? – fear? in Bakugo’s eyes from across the room.

“Yes, Midoriya will be returning to UA Monday morning,” All Might confirmed. It was the first time he’d spoken since entering the room. His tone was hard for Uraraka to decipher, but it left no room for argument.

Mineta instantly quieted and sat back down in his seat. His eyes still brimmed with ill-contained panic.

“Yes,” Nezu agreed with a nod. “His return is one of the reasons UA has decided to switch to a boarding style. For both his safety and as well as all of yours, UA is taking steps to ensure its students are kept safe from any further villain attacks. These are dangerous times we live in and UA is taking the necessary steps to counter that danger.”

All Might cleared his throat, his face still a stony mask of seriousness. “It might go without saying but Midoriya is likely to experience some difficulties readjusting after everything he’s gone through… I hope as aspiring heroes that all of you will do what you can to help ease Midoriya’s transition back to normal life. It will not be an easy change. What Midoriya has gone through is something most pros never experience in their entire career. I humbly ask that you all be patient and understanding towards him. He will need your friendship and support now more than ever before.”

“Thank you for your time,” Nezu concluded, offering them all a bow. “Mr. Snipe, sorry again for the interruption. Please carry on with your lesson.”

1-A stared after Nezu and All Might in collective silence as they showed themselves out the door.

It went without saying that no one paid Snipe any more attention for the rest of class.

[revisitedgrunt]

Harley and Ivy.

A new fans thoughts on this relationship and the Harley Quinn comic: Part 1 of 4.

On a whim I picked up Harley Quinn: Volume 1: Hot in the City, last month.  I thought it was fantastic and immediately brought volumes 2 - 6.  I've just now read issue 63 and I'm caught up with the current run. 

I absolutely loved the 2013-2016 run.  It's probably the most consistently good run of comics I've ever read.  Amanda Connor and Jimmy Palmiotti do an absolutely amazing job.  I loved the way they wrote Harley, I loved the supporting characters, I loved the location and I loved every story.

Their time on the current run was also phenomenal.  I had a great time reading issues 1 to 34.  Frank Teiri's short run was fine and Sam Humphries work... I'll come back to that later.

I had heard that there were Harley/Ivy shippers, but, to be honest, I thought it was an unsubstantiated ship.  Fan's shipping them because they thought they looked cute together and not because there was anything of substance there.  I was very wrong,

Ivy is introduced in issue 2, very, very early in the series.  In her very first appearance, her very first interaction with Harley is pretty flirty.

There's talk of kissing, Ivy being cool seeing Harley's beaver, seeming a but disappointed when it's an actual beaver.  Bernie's sexual innuendo to Ivy, bearing in mind the things Bernie says are an extension of Harley's mind.

Yeah, that was a lot for one scene, their very first scene.  I now understood why people shipped them.  However, I wasn't fully on board yet.

Harley and Ivy have a fun adventure saving some animals from a shelter.  Harley decides to adopt them all, and Ivy, thoughtfully, creates a park in Harley's building for the animals.

There's also this scene.  Wow, this scene.

Harley and Ivy spend the night on the beach together, which, to me, seems inherently romantic.  Ivy looking over at Harley and, being so overwhelmed by what she sees, can't help but kiss her and call her “My cute, little psycho.”    That's pretty damn gay.  I'm sure some could argue that it was plutonic, but, come on!  No one does that to someone they only have plutonic feelings for.    

This scene convinced me Ivy loves Harley.  It also happens in Ivy's first appearance.  It seems to me that Amanda and Jimmy wanted to establish this immediately.

In issue 3 we see that Ivy has left Harley some plants, which is very sweet.  

Issue 7 gives us more flirting from Harley.

Issue 15 has a pretty interesting scene.

Harley's upset that she had to cancel her date with Mason and is worried the relationship is over.  Ivy is really supportive and gives her some good advice. Things then turn pretty sexual, pretty quickly.  “Is that your hand?”  “Is that yours?”  “Are you gonna get off?”  “Are you?”.  Oh my god!  Sure, they'd both been drinking, but they weren't drunk.  This scene would seem to indicate that, if nothing else, they have a physical attraction to each other.  

The knock on the door is Mason.  He and Harley reschedule their date and Ivy is happy for her.  I was a bit confused at this point.  Considering Ivy exhibits no hurt or jealously that Harley wants to date someone else, I thought that I was wrong about Ivy's feelings for Harley.    

The Road Trip Special gives us this.

Harley seems very happy that Ivy has taken off her dress.  It's more evidence that Harley is physically attracted to Ivy.

The Road Trip Special also has Ivy being really supportive.  She gives Harley a photo album Harley's dead uncle had kept, and she regrows a dead tree on Harley's aunt and uncles grave.

The Annual has a pretty momentous scene.  Ivy's been locked up in Arkham and Harley goes to break her out.  Harley finds out Ivy has been brainwashed, and this happens.

Someone correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm pretty sure this is the first time the two have kissed in the prime canon timeline.  I'm a bit conflicted about this scene.  It would seem to indicate Harley has romantic feelings for Ivy, The sound effect indicates it's a big, passionate kiss, not a peck on the lips.  Harley also cups the back of Ivy's neck, which is an intimate gesture.  In addition, Harley thinks this kiss will cure Ivy, which makes me think about Sleeping Beauty and true love. However, while it's amazing and romantic that Harley thinks this, Ivy isn't an active participant, the two aren't sharing a kiss, which is a little disappointing.

Harley and Ivy have a heart to heart in issue 25.

My immediate take away from this scene is that Harley has no problem whatsoever being naked in front of Ivy.

Ivy expresses a lot of care, concern and respect for Harley.  She doesn't want her to break into Arkham alone, but she respects Harley's decision to do so. After the Joker, this sort of care and respect is exactly what Harley needs.    

Harley talks about the Joker and how she still has some for love for him.  At the same time, the reason she's doing this is she loves Mason.  Harley jokes about Ivy loving her and asks if Ivy wants to feel her up.  Ivy's response made me spit out my drink.  How do they know where that leads?  Just how physical have they got with each other?  Anyway, there is a lot of sexual innuendo here, and with everything that's come before, reinforces the fact that these two are sexually attracted to each other    

A later scene from issue 25 gave me clarity on Ivy's feelings for Harley.

The question “Jealous?” implies that Madame Macabre knows Ivy has feelings for Harley.  This means I was right about Ivy loving Harley.  However, it's also much more than I expected.  Ivy has that special kind of love for Harley. The unselfish kind, where you just want the person you love to be happy, even if they're not with you.  

I really liked Ivy before, this scene made me fall in love with her.  

Ivy continues to be awesome in issue 29.

Despite having limited time, she finds the time to see Harley and make sure she's OK, demonstrating again how caring and supportive she is.  Ivy's also all over Harley, something Harley does not mind.

In case I had any lingering doubts that Harley has a physical attraction for Ivy, she says two things here that confirm it for me.  She expresses disappointment that Ivy can't stay overnight as she could “use the attention.”  Shortly after she tries to convince Ivy to spend the night.  Now, I may have a dirty mind, but it seems to me like Harley is after sex here.  There are several ways Amanda and Jimmy could have worded this to make it less sexual, they didn't do that.

Interestingly, Harley also says she misses Ivy more than Mason.  I don't think she's telling Ivy what she wants to hear, that's not the type of relationship they have.  So, if we take her at her word, she misses Ivy more than a guy she was in love with.  That would seem to be a pretty big hint about how much Harley cares for Ivy.  This, along with the kiss scene in the annual, convinced me that Harley has romantic feelings for Ivy, not just sexual ones.      

So Harley is polyamorous?  Non-monogamous?  She loved Mason and she loved Ivy. She had lines of dialogue that indicted she wanted to sleep with both of them.  Harley and Ivy didn't talk about dating, but Ivy says several times how busy she is, so maybe it's just not the right time for them.  Harley, being non-monogamous and caring about both of them, is happy to date the one who has the time to be in a relationship. Or I could be completely wrong.  

Just a quick word about Mason.  He was fine, obviously a better boyfriend than that Joker, but he was pretty boring and certainly not a standout character.

Issue 30, the last one in the original run, ends with Harley and Ivy sitting in a tree. They are sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G.  Yep, Amanda and Jimmy went there.  Subtlety was completely thrown out the window.  Haley and Ivy, sitting in a tree.  Also, Ivy knows Harley isn't furry. Wow!

I cannot express how much I love the 2013-2016 run.  Every issue is so much fun.

It's pretty wild to me how caring, supportive and loving Ivy was the entire run. Amanda and Jimmy immediately establish how much Ivy cares for Harley.  By the end of the run, it's clear to me that Harley has similar feelings. Given how popular these two character are, I have to salute DC for letting them write Harley and Ivy this way.  I'm sure some people could argue that they are just really, really good friends, but when you actually read the comic, they act pretty damn gay.

Thanks for reading. Part 2 will be my thoughts on the current run

#harley quinn #poison ivy #harlivy

[newsninjablog]

Vengeance or Reconciliation

There are prisons which we can’t see, that we can get locked into, without even knowing it.  

There’s a fantastic documentary that you should take time to watch, if you haven’t yet.  It’s called, The Sixteenth Man.  It tells the story of how Nelson Mandela used sports, compromise and a Truth and Reconciliation Commission to bring a fractured nation together, avoiding a bloody civil war.  Although he wasn’t a perfect leader, I think he should be remembered as a very great man. Despite his lack of setting a good economic foundation for his country, he did make key decisions that changed the life of every South African, and most likely avoided the shedding of mass amounts of blood.  When you examine the history of apartheid and look at the conditions that blacks in South Africa were living under at the time that Nelson Mandela went from the prison to the presidency, you likely would be appalled.  Here is a man who was the first black president, as a result of the first election that included all South Africans, black and white.  When he came to power, his people wanted blood.  They wanted vengeance in the name of justice. But instead, he chose Truth and Reconciliation.  

Justice or Mercy

Have you ever been wronged, I mean really wronged.  Have you ever felt you were the innocent victim of an attack, whether physically or verbally.  I can imagine that all of us can relate to greater or lesser degrees.  I’ve never had a violent crime perpetrated against me. I can’t even imagine the outrage, the anger, and possibly the hatred that one might feel for the person who murdered or injured someone you loved, or even yourself.  But I have had hurts, times when I felt attacked and the first thing I want is TO BE HEARD. I want to get my version of the story out there, to make the person who hurt me understand what they did, to see them apologize, and maybe even pay restitution, emotionally or in some other way for what they did. 

 As you know if you’ve ever been in a disagreement with your spouse, there are always two sides to the story.  Your story almost never matches theirs.  As the spat gets more and more heated, you each move farther and farther apart, until you are at opposite corners. Neither can see the others side because at this point you’ve been pushed by your own self-seeking need for justice to opposite sides of the room.  At some point, if someone doesn’t lay aside justice and pull out mercy and grace, you will remain at odds... Little things can lead to bigger things, and two people can find themselves in divorce court.  

Maybe you get counselling or seek someone to arbitrate for you.  Perhaps they ask you, What is it you want from this person?  What will be enough?  Hmm...an apology, an acknowledgment, you hurt me, you were wrong, etc.  Perhaps, your spouse says the same thing.  Through arbitration you come together, they apologize, repeating the words the arbitrator has instructed and then you do the same.  If you were the victim of a crime, maybe justice would be seeing person tried and convicted, jailed or maybe even put to death.  Justice has now been done.  What next?  Do you go on as if it never happened?  Do you the have peace?  I think not.   When we make our peace contingent on another person’s behavior...we have just put ourselves in a victim-hood prison, and sentenced ourselves to a life filled with offences, and absolutely no peace or unity.

Acting Justly vs. Exacting Justice

Here’s why: because justice is different than “acting justly, or doing justly,” (Micah 6:8)  Getting justice, is something that someone else does, or is something done to them, in the name of obtaining justice. The fact is, that when the family leaves the courtroom and the murderer is put in jail, the family obtain a measure of justice, but they may still live in prisons of their own bitterness if they haven’t embraced mercy and forgiveness for the perpetrator.  And, worse yet, what if the guilty man goes free...no justice...no peace...no unity...a prison of bitterness???  In this imperfect world that we live in, there are always going to be injustices, but we don’t need to obtain justice to be able to experience peace. The option of choosing grace and forgiveness is always there.

Truth and Reconciliation or Retribution?

 As I said before, you cannot  make your peace and unity contingent upon another person’s behavior or some kind of legal outcome? Nelson Mandela knew this truth. He said,  “As I walked out the door toward the gate that would lead to my freedom, I knew if I didn't leave my bitterness and hatred behind, I'd still be in prison.”  He had been in prison for 27 years!!! He could have left prison, if he had given up the fight to end apartheid, but he didn’t give up.  His kids grew up without him, and his wife lived as a single mom.    How would one obtain justice for that? How much punishment would you exact to make up for 27 years?  The answer is, no amount of actions could make up for it...justice would never lead to real freedom.  He knew that and he left his cry for justice in the prison cell.  He came out ready to bind up the wounds of his nation, instead of ready to exact punishment on his white oppressors, and that was a powerful decision that saved the lives of countless blacks and whites in his country. 

He did two major things in the early months of his administration that were brilliant and game changing.  The first thing he did was to form something called the TRC, (The Truth and Reconciliation Commission.)  The goal of this commission was to allow victims and victimizers, blacks and whites to come together and tell their stories.  The goal was to get to the truth and to reconcile the races.  Participants were promised immunity from prosecution.  Now, some have argued that the government didn’t follow up with prosecutions of those who refused to participate and with the recommendations of the commission, but if you go online you can access 1000′s of testimonies... Blacks and whites who both did atrocities to one another, coming together, getting their voices heard, forgiving, reconciling, and leaving the prison of Justice and Bitterness behind. 

Little Symbols Can Lead to War

The second thing he did was to embrace the country’s Rugby team which had been banned from competitions due to apartheid and was just being allowed to participate once again. The Springboks had long been a symbol of White South African privilege. Black people hated the Springboks and would actually go to the games just to cheer for the opposite team.  His cabinet wanted him to dismantle the Springboks, and form a new team to go with the new South Africa. He refused to do this.  He took a LOT of heat for it, but he could see that this team was a powerful symbol.  He told his advisors, “These little symbols could take us to war.” So instead of exacting restitution and insisting on justice, .He made friends with his “enemy.” He embraced the team, wore their jersey to the game, visited them in their practices, encouraged them, learned all their names and addressed them personally.  The team was a complete underdog in the league that year. They were in last place,  but spurred on by the encouragement of their new president, they went on to the finals and then won the world championship after two grueling overtimes. The country rejoiced as one, in a moment so unifying and healing for the whole nation, that South Africans still weep when they talk about it.  The team called him their “16th Man.” (Watch the documentary, it’s amazing!)   In the movie, there is a black South African man who tells the story of how he was eaten up by hatred for his white oppressors and how he was delivered from that hate, not by justice, but by a mindset change that HE made. 

Are You Helping or Hurting the Cause?

I was watching a video of a young Christian Black woman today.  She looked right through the screen at me and ask me a couple hard questions.  “Are you, (being white), afraid to tell me, (being black), the truth? Are you afraid if you tell me the truth, you will be called a racist?” She went on to explain that only the truth can set someone free, and if we as white people are skirting the truth, and failing to speak it, because of our fear of being called racist, then we are contributing to the problem.  This was like a gut punch to me.  I’ve been speaking out politically about what’s clearly going on here...but I really haven’t addressed the root issues..I really haven’t spoken openly about the spiritual reasons for why I can’t support the #BlackLivesMatter movement. The spiritual reason why I can’t support BLM is because this organization is promoting the kind of justice which is really vengeance and they are threatening that if there in no “justice” there can be no peace.  I know from personal experience that seeking this kind of justice is mutually exclusive to unity and peace. Therefore I can’t support this idea, I believe it is driving wedges between people, not uniting them. 

 I have a question for white American Christians, riddled by guilt for an institution you had nothing to do with.  Are you, by supporting the ideas of #BLM helping your black brothers and sisters find true peace and unity, or are you actually interfering with the true healing and peace that God wants to bring them?  That’s a tough question.  I have been confronting it in myself, because while I have no problem calling out the bad politics surrounding this issue, I feel really uncomfortable talking about racism.

An entire segment of society is being demonized and everyone is scrambling to make sure they’re on the “right” side. It becomes “us” against “them” (the racists).  Instead of all the virtue signaling and demonizing of racism, is there something we could be doing that would actually help the process? If we’re not careful, we will be reinforcing the bitterness and a victim mentality, which will never bring about the change of hearts, we truly seek.  

Let’s take a look at the root of racism which is prejudice. Prejudice is pre-judging by what you see on the outside instead of by the content of the heart or character as Martin Luther King described in his “I have a dream” speech.  This is explained in I Samuel 16:7, “ But the Lord said to Samuel, ‘Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart’.”

According to the Bible, prejudice is a HUMAN problem, not a white problem, and not a black problem.  Prejudice is a sin problem and all of us were born with sin, none of us, except Jesus, is exempt. Instead of making this a me/them issue, where we are demonizing a certain group of people as being racist, and making sure we’re on the other side.  If we really want blacks and whites to heal, shouldn’t we all start being really honest about the things that divide us. You can’t stop a racist from being racist by demonizing them, you can only do this by understanding them, and combating the ignorance with the truth of God’s Word.

Truth and Reconciliation

I felt like something I could do to humanize this problem and to break out of this “us against them” mentality, would be to make a confession.  You see, I’m guilty.  I’m guilty of prejudice, of prejudging people based on what they look like, what they’re wearing, their education level, the way they carry themselves, and a million other things, and I’ve prejudged people based on their ethnicity.  I don’t think I can help it...when I look at someone, I judge.  I decide whether or not I’d like to get to know them or whether I’d like to avoid them.  I happen to think that all of us are prone to choose people who are like us..people who share our views...think like us...come from the same economic status as us... To the degree that we override this selfish, me-centered tendency, the Lord blesses our lives with a diversity of relationships. 

I can apologize for these things, but they are automatic things that happen when I come into contact with people. I’m not a perfect example of Jesus yet,  therefore my first impression very often is going to come from the outside of the container and not from the inside.  But, there’s something that helps me break out of this prejudicial thinking, it’s relationships.  Relationships break down barriers and allow people to enter into communion with one another. It’s very hard to hate anyone, if you know their story and you have a relationship with them.  If we really want to judge people on the content of their character and not on the outward appearance, we are going to have to be in relationship with them. We can’t be in relationship with people if we are demonizing them. 

That being said, it’s easy for me to love my black friends. They are unique, gifted, amazing beautiful people.  But I have to confess, I’m still struggling with loving those I don’t know.  I can’t promise you that when I go to serve at the homeless shelter in our city and I’m walking up the sidewalk and a group of young black men is approaching me, I’m not going to hold my purse a little closer.  I would like to believe that eventually I could be like Jesus and be able to look at someone and see straight into their heart, but there is still some fear that dominates my thinking.  The point I’m making is that we all judge...all of us...and all of us have probably been guilty of some type of ethnic prejudice.  Instead of virtue signaling, and encouraging division, maybe some confession would help.  Instead of leading our black brothers and sisters down the path of justice seeking, maybe our candid confessions and stories could help us all find a path forward that would lead to more unity and honesty.  I for one am so brokenhearted about some of the stories I’ve heard of prejudices.  Is there some way we can begin to address the ignorance in others in a way that doesn’t push them away and demonize them. The only way to do this is to recognize that in all of us, there is the potential for prejudice. I think we would be less condemning, more understanding, and we would be modeling the kind of humility and grace that would encourage dialog, relationships and healing in the black and white community. 

 Relationship is the Key

As Christians, we’ve been given the most powerful relationship available. It’s a relationship with God through his Son, Jesus Christ.  This relationship makes available to us the Holy Spirit of the Living God.  God actually comes to dwell in us and with us.  Just as Christ’s death on the cross broke down the barrier, the wall of separation between man and God, this same Spirit cancels out the separation between Jews and Gentiles, Greeks and Scythian, and all other ethnicities. If we are in Christ, we are one big family.  It’s not a perfect family...it’s got dysfunctions, and we don’t always get along...and sadly, we still pre-judge each other, BUT we are family and families have to stick together! 

 I guess the thing that was so harmful about segregation and apartheid was that It was an artificial wall of separation that kept whites and blacks from knowing one another, and  from relating to one another. Without this relationship, we can never break down the walls.  Praise God, Jesus has broken down the wall that separated us from Him and now we have the power to break down walls through relationship.  Our pastor said this week in church, “I could persuade you to my political views, but if you are without Christ, you’re still lost...still headed to a Christ-less eternity.” This is the most important relationship and the most important decision you can possibly make.  Jesus took the punishment for all the sin of man to satisfy the divine JUSTICE of God and so that you and I could receive mercy and grace, forgiveness and eternal life.  Without this relationship, you can never hope to have anything healing to bring to this broken world.  

What we do here, as individuals, may not save our nation from the path of destruction we appear to be on, but it could save one life.  Will you be a bridge of reconciliation, leading angry people to the saving, freeing forgiveness that only Christ can bring. It will require speaking the truth about justice and forgiveness, in love. I believe that is the RIGHT side of history.  

#nojusticenopeace

[asmobunn]

Before Nil was given a mission that lead her to Devildom’s Earth

Truth was-- Nil had been assigned to this place since it was at least a relative low tier medium risk. It was a long term assignment. The last few had been high risks and while she'd made some calculative decisions. They were ones that while-- ended good put her life in danger; and it was starting to happen at an increasing frequency.

The summarizing evaluation had shown an extreme risk to her own persona. Auburn was puzzled at how that appeared but remained professional about it. Nil had been quite eager to go onto the next assignment-- a high risk one. The first time she asked, she was denied without a reason. It was her reaction to the denial that made the reasoning solid.

While she didn't throw a tantrum outwardly it was inwardly. Nil was tense, her jaw was clenched and her lips were pursed in a tight frown as her brow had slightly twitched. She said nothing but turned around and walked away with such determination that she would have appeared like a Terminator.

Her normal reaction would have been a sigh and her arms would have crossed. Nil would have uttered a simple: "Alright." And that would have been that. This time she took her frustration out in the sparring room, something she didn't need to do because her injury had just recovered.

He remembered what she told him when she got the injury; there had been blood, and she held herself up against a wall. Nil said, "I don't know if I instinctively did that for a good reason or a bad reason."

Just before that she hid the fact that she got stabbed in close quarters combat and was disinfecting and stitching up the wound on her own. Auburn was mad that he didn't notice sooner and stopped her, and gave her a good and tight field dressing.

"If you pull any more stunts like this you will be evaluated." He had warned her.

He didn't do the evaluation due to conflict but he observed another psion, considerably of lower tier to handle it. Ordinarily, she would have passed and had some few hiccups that were just a trait of personality. No one truly passed without a problem. Not even himself.

Auburn had watched her attack the punching bag with a certain ferocity before he stepped in, and grabbed her shoulder.

Nil turned quickly and attempted to knee him in the gut on reflex before he pivoted and simply tripped her on her back on the map.

"You're too angry, come at me calmer." He said, and she sat up slightly on her side.

She just stared at him for a moment and deigned to do nothing but allow herself to lay back down and stare at the ceiling.

"I'd rather not." She finally sighed out, bringing her hand under her head.

Auburn stepped closer to her and knelt down beside her. He reached his hand to her face and gently wiped his thumb across her cheek. Confirming what he'd thought, she'd been crying. Nil, for as long as he knew she was always silent with her tears.

That, and she didn't really want to look at him. Her eyelids were still shut. He pulled away and sighed her name. Her first name: "Laurae..."

He positioned himself to lie down beside her on the sparring mat. Watching her reaction as he shifted slightly to a more comfortable position.

"What's going on in there?" He wondered aloud, "You have me, us, worried."

"I haven't a clue. It's been... a rough couple of months, it's so sudden and draining. The rush of action is the only thing and the pain..."

Nil trailed off. He wiped away another tear that threatened to fall.

He frowned. She did start participating more in the unguided free sparring than a reinforcement of skills as of late and when her opponent had first blood, he saw that familiar smirk at her seeing her own blood and then she tasted her own blood.

The smirk-- It was a subtle thing, ever so fleeting. He didn't think it was a sign of something bad.

He didn't think at all-- he relished in seeing-- oh. He thought far too much with the one head whose thoughts didn't really count.

The blood sport that went down was enjoyable to Auburn for that reason. He was seeing the results from the well-crafted blade that was Nil's own ire which was continuously tempered and tried by Aurelia.

That day-- he loved what he saw so much that he couldn't resist kissing her blooded face and letting her know how much he loved her when they were in the privacy of his own office. She'd left his bed early and into her own office.

At the same time-- he knew, she was still coping from knowing the truth. She understood and comprehend the magnitude but he underestimated her psyche.

Her eyes shone in the presence of danger and blood became her drunken brand, and she gulped the thrill and brushed aside the wounds. The biggest tip off was that with this bloodlust, she legitimately became enthralled. It wasn't just him and her that she spent her nights with.

It was the type of destructive self-harm that he and a few others were all too familiar with. It was only the two of them inside of the training room. The ceiling displayed a view of a night sky quite alike on that would've been seen in a remote part of the Earth.

He pulled away and spoke tenderly, "You're not telling me the truth. Why have you been so... Careless?"

Nil huffed out in anger, he didn't look at her but he felt her move and change position. She walked a few paces away from him and he heard water pouring.

"Look. You guys have been nothing but kind to me but it's hard to gain respect when people think I've just fucked my way. Which... There's no point in refuting so, I just deciding too--"

"Too what? Be bold? Reckless. Not care for your life?" He said, his eyes snapping towards her.

"Put as much effort as I can! Go above what is expected of me--"

"You're setting yourself to an impossible standard... You're good enough."

Nil sat the cup on the table a little harshly and walked back towards him. "What does that even mean Caed?"

"You're exceptional enough to keep up with Aurelia in sparring, a good enough eye to give me a challenge on the range--"

"How about without you two?" Auburn furrowed his brows, he didn't like those words. The implication that followed them. He finally stood up too, and held eye contact.

"You completed several m-risks, four high risks... you've trained a squad of pledges. You command an excellent squad. Nil, you make great music to play on the Nexus. You've contributed greatly--" Auburn's voice was softer, "Not to mention the relief effort that you've helped to the more ravaged planets."

"That's... not what I mean, Caed." She said mutely, "I think it's better we keep things strictly Professional."

Auburn went quiet as she walked past him and out the door, his eyes followed until she disappeared into the distance. Really, he didn't know what to say--

And then all at once he could breathe again, he wiped his eyes with his shirt and his legs moved to follow her.

"Laurae, wait! I'll give you a long term mission. Long enough to let you clear your head, just please don't..."

Auburn stopped mid-sentence... she was going to leave either way but she did stop. The corridors of the station were softly lit and only mechanical noises and electrical thrums could he heard from  the endless space.

"Have it your way. I'll send you on a m-risk, get ready now. We already have three others there and I will debrief the others."

"I'm sorry Caed but I have to try-- I need to know how much of it all is me and not being helped too much."

He listened and for a moment he had offered her no comfort. It was with a heavy sigh that Auburn pulled her in for a hug. And only a hug, there wasn't a single part of him that didn't want her to succeed and be supportive. If that meant being away from him.

"It's okay Laurae."

And she hugged him back.

Nothing more was said between the two as they released each other and passed by quickly, he already had the perfect assignment and she just needed to get kitted up and ready to be dropped. Normally there would have been a briefing that would have lasted a few hours but since she was supposed to be grounded from further missions. 

Auburn had quickly gathered the supplies, entered the coordinates and passed her the dossier. 

The iridescent black orb had started to grow in size as it gathered energy from the stellar fields to open the gate--this portal in the Nexus was a more personal one than the one used to transport mass supplies and personnel. It was small and under the radar enough to sneak her onto the planet. 

He’d deal with the repercussions of his actions later--though it wasn’t like anything would come of it. He waved half-heartedly at her as she stepped backwards into the portal, disappearing-- and into the start of her mission. Auburn hoped that she would find some peace and return back quickly but, it wasn’t a long term mission for no reason.

#Nil Drabble #n.: Nil Went Down to Devildom

[paradife-loft]

the other day, I was discussing with @the-mirador about how there was one section in The Golden Compass that I had a lot of thoughts & feelings about during rereading, and wanted to get to at further length than I could really do with just a phone keyboard. having a feeling this would a) be really goddamn long and b) be of interest to other people as well, I decided to just write a public post! so - slightly belatedly, here’s James Rants About The Dialogue Between Lee Scoresby and Serafina Pekkala.

(disclaimer: while I have vague recollections of the subsequent two books in the trilogy, emphasis here on the word vague. some of what I’m saying here may be addressed or dealt with by material from Subtle Knife or Amber Spyglass that I don’t remember right now. this is entirely a “reactions to TGC without knowledge of what comes next” post.)

this dialogue starts out with Lee asking Serafina whether it’s likely the people in his balloon are going to be attacked further if they continue on their current course of action, because going into outright war wasn’t the expedition he signed up and was paid for, and specifically armed conflict would likely do damage to his balloon - his means of making a living, which he’d have to repair on his own dime without the usual reimbursement of wartime pay.

Serafina, to answer this, starts talking about how well, actually everybody is already engaged in war whether they know it or not; she also a bit later explains how choices in the way Lee talks about mean less to witches because they live for hundreds of years and “know that every opportunity will come again”. additionally, contrasting with Lee’s concern with whether he’s charged enough for his transport contracts to make up his expenses, she talks about how witches “have different needs” from humans and so aren’t concerned with profit and value, having “no means of exchange apart from mutual aid” - because all they need to do to fly is take a branch from an abundantly present tree (instead of making all manner of costly repairs to a piece of technology), and they have no need for warm clothing because they don’t feel the cold.

and honestly? this pisses me right the fuck off. I don’t even necessarily disagree with the larger points Serafina is making about how everyone is bound up in the events happening in their time and can’t just push away their involvement because oh I didn’t choose to get into a war - no, you didn’t, but it’s what’s happening and burying your head in the sand in response is going to have consequences just as actively participating would. but g-d do I find it desperately obnoxious when a person or group who operates on a different scale of concern from day-to-day people (or their relevant contextual stand-in), voices this “wise”, implicitly narratively valorised point of view that the regular person’s mundane, venal concerns like how to make a living, whether they’re being given enough information to go into a situation with some amount of agency, whether they’re being taken advantage of and then hung out to dry or not, are shortsighted and petty and immaterial in the face of Destiny TM.

I mean maybe this is just that I’m an adult now who pays fucking rent and not a kid going starry-eyed at the invocation of the concept of witches, but boy did reading Lee Scoresby’s perspective here give me a massive “ahahaha well I guess I sure am American, aren’t I” sense of fuckor.

(but also? big-picture concerns and day-to-day livability concerns aren’t mutually exclusive. it’s come up repeatedly in pieces of Torah and Talmud study groups I’ve attended, places where Jewish law and discussion express ethical living, holiness, in the minutiae of legal arguments over water rights, how to properly materially compensate a person for the loss of a resource they use to live! doing right by others is a matter of learning about these kinds of details, because they have dramatic impacts on the quality of life of people all around you. these things are what make a society good to live in.)

second point that pisses me off: the idea of mutual aid arising only from beings of a different nature from humans entirely, who don’t need to deal with such pesky things as limited time and resource scarcity and bodies subject to the elements, of course not~ like fuck. give me the mutual aid that is a struggle. give me the mutual aid of people who understand the difficulty and the costs and care, desperately, how they can figure out the best way to equitably distribute limited time and resources to the people who need them, in frail and fragile and limited mortal bodies. I don’t want this kind of utopianism in the original sense of the word, where you need to escape the nature of humans’ present conditions of existence to get to an otherwise nonexistent place. Mutual Aid in the initial Kropotkin discussion is about a strategy of cooperation in and amongst the natural world, a method of survival among humans and other animals that are still entirely subject to these weaknesses that witches are not. don’t make it into a way of living that’s wise and superior and unreachable.

....oh, and speaking of human nature, another part that made me want to scream a lot, in the subsequent conversation between Serafina and Lyra: Serafina talks about how there was a time when she would have traded her existence as a witch to be with Farder Coram as a human wife, though it’s impossible because “you cannot change what you are, only what you do”. or: a reinforcement of the narrative’s turning up its nose at Iofur Raknison who wishes to interact with humans on human terms, and forsakes “innate bear-ness” for a ~sad pale mockery of humanness that leaves him and his following less than either proper human or bear. because that’s the damn thing: if you can’t change your nature, and you can either embrace your nature or refuse it and become less than, then no, you don’t actually have the opportunity to change what you do! it’s either “be what you’re supposed to or else you’ll just suck I guess”. (Lee Scoresby frames things in terms of free will which I don’t agree with because I’m a dang materialist bastard, but motherfuck am I ragefully on his side here on the topic of “let people have an actual choice!”)

like, this is my real 100% ride-or-die position on this: fuck “whatever your fundamental nature is”. do mad science! learn how to take a bear and turn him into a human if that’s what he wants! (don’t fucking set up a disgusting hierarchy of “humans are the best and any other sentients will at best be tolerated with tittering amused snobbery while we manipulate them for our own gain“ so that the desire to become a human is fundamentally a coerced one; don’t set up a dang child-mutilation compound out in the tundra to avoid getting slapped on the wrist by your IRB. but y’know, besides that shit.) if a person wants to change something about who or what they are - setting aside discussions of societal coercion that don’t present each option as equally viable because that’s a whole big and important thing but it’s not the point I’m making here - then in abstraction before we get to questions about the repercussions in other parts of We Live In A Society, it is a good thing to look for a way to help them do it. I’m a transhumanist. fuck nature, fuck destiny, fuck limits.

so, I don’t know. perhaps you can make the case that nobody here is an unbiased narrator supported by the story itself; these are just perspectives about what is right that are shaped invariably by the fact that in this universe for the time being, destiny and fate and immutable natures do exist, and basically every culture most of the characters come from has instilled into them, you’ve just gotta make your peace with that. I don’t think I agree with that argument, which is a large part of why these parts of the story make me as angry as they do; there doesn’t seem to be thusfar any indication that fighting against the determinism of “your nature” is particularly admirable. (I say this even in the context of Lord Asriel’s last speech to Mrs. Coulter, honestly, because in this metaphysical reality that he accepts where Adam and Eve and original sin are real things, the idea of humans free from sin doesn’t seem impossible by nature, only by history and the tyranny of decisions made by people and institutions.)

anyway, I think that’s about it for now. so in conclusion, fuck this noise, fuck that noise, this metaphysical-narrative stance makes me angry, and good night! :D

#James liveblogs books #meta #rambling #op #I'm curious to see what happens in TSK and TAS and how that modifies what I'm saying here tbh #because WOW if there aren't substantial changes made.... I'm much pissier about the metaphysics of this setting and story than I used to be #His Dark Materials /

[all-things-are-nothing-to-me]

Decomposing the Masses: Towards Armed Individuality

“Anarchists are opposed to authority both from below and from above. They do not demand power for the masses, but seek to destroy all power and to decompose these masses into individuals who are masters of their own lives. Therefore anarchists are the most decisive enemies of all types of communism and those who profess to be communists or socialist cannot possibly be anarchists.” -Enzo Martucci

For me, individuality is a weapon. It is the weaponized praxis of nihilist anarchy and personal ungovernability. An individual becomes ungovernable by becoming and asserting their negation to socially constructed identities, formally organized groups, or the monolith of mass society. From this perspective, negation embodies a refusal to surrender one’s uniqueness to the confines of formal membership. This is where I draw a line between anarchy and leftism. Leftism encourages the rearrangement of constructed identities, rigid formations, and roles within a formalized social group to which individuals surrender for a “greater good” or purpose. On the other hand, anarchy as life is the decomposition of formal social groups allowing for the existential informality of individual emancipation, development, and limitless exploration. Therefore, for me, anarchy is an individualistic refusal to surrender one’s self to an over-arching power which positions itself above all.

Power structures, socially or institutionally, require the surrendering of individuality to massify their domination. The State can not exist without the individuals who choose to put on the badge and uniform. Capitalism can not exist without the subservience of individuals who make up the mass social body that reinforce its psychological and social validity and domination. Capitalism and the State require individual participation, multiplied to construct mass industrial society. I will give the leftists credit in pointing out that a massive enough worker strike could stunt industrial progress, since it is the worker - the individual wage-slave - that contributes to the life of the mega-machine. But as history has shown, a mass worker strike is not only exhausting to coordinate, but impossible to sustain long enough to collapse capitalism. While many leftists, including myself at one point, will point out that many workers simply do not have access to inspirational radical information, I have also come to learn that many workers simply do not want to strike. For too many reasons to list here, many workers go into work whether rebellions or strikes are happening or not. A fact that is often overlooked is that people are individuals. And as individuals, some choose to rebel against their work place, and some do not.

Collectives, Community Empowerment, and Organizing

Around 2013, I set off with the aim of building community power through collectivist projects that were intended to benefit people in my hood. Everything from a radical book lending library, a zine distro, really really free markets, food not bombs, and community film screenings. The collective I was part of was vibrant and full of energy. One year, we hosted a July 31 st Day of Action Against Racism and Fascism event which included film screening riot videos and clips of nazis gettin’ beat down. We left our door open for people in the hallway to come join, and our tiny apartment was packed with folks who lived above and below us, cheering in excitement while watching the videos. At the end we handed out zines and flyers, and promoted a really really free market we were doin’ the following two days. The next day, only three neighbors from the event showed up and chatted with us.

The day after that, they didn't come back. At the time, I tried understanding why - despite the videos, the flyers and zines, and the conversations - our neighbors, who had talked about experiencing racism in their lives, were not interested in workin’ on projects with us. A one-on-one conversation with two of them a few weeks later reality-checked me: “That’s cool what y’all doin', but, you know, we just tryin' to do that money thing. We just tryin’ to get paid.” After a short debate about “gettin’ rich”, we departed with fist bumps and me feeling confused and defeated. “My” people in my own hood, in my own building, ain't down with that revolutionary shit.

After a couple more years of hood-based banner drops, graffiti messages, wheat-pasting, a zine written to document and glorify the history of anti-racist rebellion where I grew up, and more community events I realized a truth that no leftist wants to hear: there is no such thing as a homogenized community to radicalize. What is a “community” when your hood is composed of individuals who each have different and often opposing objectives in life? I soon realized that the word “community” was merely a political word that often flattens important differences between individuals and propagates false unity. It is a social construct merely representing a population of people who live in a single area. Sure, we had a couple individuals here and there who were down with what we were doin’, got involved and stuck around for a little bit. But the hood was diverse. And it would be dishonest to say that they or we represented the interests of that hood. Everyone had their own individual opinions and life expectations.

I have seen some hood revolutionary projects that involved a large portion of a community materialize and flourish. Sometimes they last awhile and sometimes they lose membership and fizzle out. This is where my life experience started to define a difference between affinity groups and mass organizing. The individuals who were down with our shit came to us, with or without us having to propagate a program. They showed up because they saw other individuals that they could relate to. Other people just weren’t interested, despite us all living in the hood together, facing gentrification and being mostly POC.

I see something similar happening with anarchism. The same methods and appeals to the community, to the masses, to “the people”, are energetic and heartfelt, but yielding very little results. Potluck after potluck, radical social center or radical library, all end up bein’ filled with pre-existing radicals and end up becoming social clubs rather than places filled with non-radical people living in the immediate community. Attempts to mobilize the masses through street demonstrations end up with spectators on the sidewalk and the same radicals chanting, singing or marching in the street. I watched this spike during different times. When Trump was running for election, everyone and their momma was in the streets. Radicals were out, armed with flyers and zines and radical chants over megaphones. Shortly after the election, things normalized and soon just the radicals were back in the streets doing their thing. I admit, I was there too. Marching, chanting, handing out zines and flyers to sidewalk spectators. I remember, years ago, there was an Occupy march where we took Michigan Street in Chicago. A mass of students saw us, joined in for 3 minutes, then ran back to the sidewalk with high fives and went about their day. We were still in the streets tryin’ to invite them back with popular music. With the sudden drop in numbers, the police surrounded us and escorted us to the sidewalk. What is so wack about this is that this tactic is still being attempted today by radicals. As if the first dozen times it happened weren’t embarrassing enough.

Capitalist Individuality vs Individualist Anarchy

Individuality can be conditioned and subjugated by a socio-political environment that monopolizes a narrative of life. In the case of capitalism, we’re all born into a pre-configured society that reinforces its values, roles, and ideology with the psychological force of formalized institutions. When we walk outside, we see a reality that has been quantified and institutionally constructed to propagate itself. Cars, airplanes, highways, skyscrapers, fast food, etc - all normalized to generate the comfort of order. Without order, without normalization, there is a chaos that breaks the silence of personal subjugation. Organization and order go hand in hand. Values, roles, and ideology are better reinforced when massified to create the illusion of normalcy. This process discourages individuality, uniqueness, and chaos, since all three pose a threat to monolithic formations. While capitalism claims to encourage genuine individualism, it is an individualism that is pre-configured to reproduce capitalism on an individual level. In other words, individuals who surrender themselves to the system of capitalism become members limited to making capitalism functional. Any individual who refuses capitalism, or systems all together, will seek an existence that contradicts the interests of capitalism. From this perspective, individualist anarchy is a refusal to surrendering one’s self to the confines of a formalized system.

Chaos is the personalized strategy of negation to pre-configured order- an order that is pre-decided by those merely interested in gaining further membership. The strategy of creating a mass society or system of order is a strategy of discouraging individuality, chaos, and uniqueness. This strategy includes presenting a one-dimensional view of individualism that is defined by capitalism. But for individualism to be unique and chaotic, it can not be limited by the confines of formal organizations or socialized constructs.

Capitalism is a social construct that requires mass participation to create the illusion of normality to maintain social order. The mass participation composed of subservient individuals allows for capitalism to represent itself by materialized institutions- all physically built by the hands of individual workers. It is true, that the working class built this world, and therefore can unbuild it as well. But this assumes there are no subtle, peer pressuring forces at work that subdue the individual. This is why social war is not only necessary against massified existence, but also necessary with internally breaking the shackles of socially constructed identity and crushing the logic of submission.

The Right and the Left: Two Sides of a Coin Called “Identity”

Identity politics illustrates how different identities are stratified to create hierarchical power dynamics between groups of people. Identity politics also illustrates how individuality and uniqueness are discouraged to the point of social isolation. When people act out of bounds with the socially assigned identity, they are treated as “Others”, not validated to represent an experience. Depending on the system, certain experiences are preferred and validated. For example, to right-winger A, a successful “black” businessman is celebrated and seen as the promotion of capitalism as equal and non-discriminatory. But to right-winger B, that same man is seen as a threat to the white supremacist order and therefore not celebrated. Under leftist A, that same individual will be mocked as an “uncle Tom” or a “sellout”. But to leftist B, the “black” businessman represents successful assimilation, progress and hope for other black people. Both leftism and capitalism each have divided sides. But they all, in one way or another, share the commonality of order, homogenized identities, and membership. Therefore, in one way or another, this individual can be used as propaganda to promote a system. So now lets take for example, a “black” “man” who refuses the identity and roles of “blackness”, patriarchy, and the membership as a worker. Instead, this individual refuses leftism and capitalism. What systems can use this individual as propaganda now? From a leftist or capitalist perspective, what positive aspects of this individual can be used for promotion? As far as promoting a system, there is none. The confinements of a system on a social level have been suspended. All that remains is the anarchy in becoming ungovernable through individual uniqueness.

Individuals who deviate from the normalized social order are not only bad for propaganda, but maintain the threat of inspiring other emancipations. Individuals who desire freedom beyond the limitations of political programs don’t require a package-deal of future utopia. Rather than workin’ now to play later, play and adventure accompany a present determination for wild exploration. Armed with a sense of urgency, life becomes a playground of individual flowering and negation to social constraint- a playground that allows free, open-ended social associations and interactions not coerced by a structural permanence.

Individuality armed with chaos finds itself as an insurgent against the social forces that attempt to subjugate it. As individuality becomes wild, it becomes immune and ungovernable to the carefully constructed programs advertised by the politicians of identity and revolution. Those self-proclaimed revolutionaries can only conceive of revolution as merely reforming the social conditions that constitute order. But some of us prefer insurrection over revolution; an insurrection that doesn’t end with a new system but a life without measure. I want to weaponize chaos as an individualized attack on all governance and social order. I envision anarchy as a wildfire that blackens the civilized, domesticated kingdom of institutional and social domination. Getting free is more than just attacking capital and the state. At least for me, it also means creating your self every single day beyond society’s attempts to define you as a static being.

My war is an individualist war against the right-wing and all its variations. I am at war with the materialized construction of patriarchal “whiteness”, its institutions, and its politically assumed supremacy that materializes the colonial domination of industrial capitalism. My war is also against the left, and all its attempts to manufacture a future world of systematized “freedom” through formal organization, the preservation of socially constructed identity and the subservience of individuality to social groupings. My liberation won’t be found in the holy book of “The Communist Manifesto”, “Forbes Magazine”, nor “The Coming Insurrection”. Freedom isn’t a pre-configured future utopia; it is a lived experience by those who have the courage to reclaim their lives as their own here and now. In the face of those revolutionary elites who attempt to lay claim to the future with their poetic social seduction and academic expertise, I remain insubordinate.

#green anarchy #individualism #post left anarchy #anarchy #communism

[kaibutsushidousha]

Artbook Data - Development Team Interview

For context, here’s the tutorial for Salmon Fishing.

Interviewees: 

Shun Sasaki: V3′s director. His main roles included mediating all the development teams and managing the schedules. Additionally, he will also talk in this interview about his own personal project: the bonus modes.

Taichi Kouno: One of the developers. A DanganRonpa fan who joined the team for Ultra Despair Girls. In V3, he was in charge of the Class Trial scenes and its minigames. 

Takahiro Suzuki: Joined the V3 production as a developer and handled the non-Trial parts and the e-Handbook. Like Kouno, he was a DanganRonpa fan who joined the team for Ultra Despair Girls.

Fans become members: the style of the DanganRonpa team

Interviewer: Please tell us what parts you did as a developer.

Taichi Kouno: I built the entire game system for the Class Trial and also did the minigames for the daily life part. Other than that, I got to do some work on the Academy map, blueprinted the base and produced the data the graphics guys need to draw.

I: I see how about Suzuki?

Takahiro Suzuki: I was almost completely focused on setting up the dialy life/investigation parts. And the system for the e-Handbook.

Shun Sasaki: I supervised Kouno and Suzuki’s work (although the final decisions were by Kodaka) and managed the schedules. Then I focused myself on the bonus modes. Thanks to Kouno and Suzuki’s good work, I was able to make the bonus modes as I wanted.

I: You couldn’t have implemented the bonus modes without their support, all right. You said that one handled the Trial parts and the other handled the non-Trial parts, but can you be more specific about what you did?

TK: The Class Trial has not only the usual dialogue, but also various minigames, like the Nonstop Debate, the Panic Debate, etc. My job was to think how would this be presented on the screen, where it would be implemented and how the player would interact with it. To actually make the interfaces I had to go over with the designer team, but I can draw, so it was easier because I could send a drawing of the screenshot I wanted. It’s much easier to explain myself when I can just go there, show a drawing and say “This interface represents this, it’s going to move like this and I want it to have this functionality”. I even started making extra drawings for whenever I wasn’t being illustrative enough.

I: Oh wow, I didn’t think you would also give ideas for the visuals, not just the system. And how about the non-Trial parts?

TS: The basics are the same. I look at the general conversation and the ideas Kodaka sent me and build the visuals from it. In most cases, I received the bases necessary from the programmer and designers. Since DanganRonpa is a series, I try not to wreck these bases, so the fans of the previous games won’t get confused. That said, keeping everything exactly the same is boring, so I’m very conscious about what I have to emphasize or improve. Being more specific, “Keep this set identical to the previous game but improve this aspect here” or “Change this interface to this”.

I: I see. So you’re the one who made multiple characters appear on the screen at the same time.

TK: That was decided from the start, but it was hard to leave it the way it is now.

TS: VERY hard (pained laughter). We used to display the character as 2D sprites, artificially placed in a 3D map. This time we placed 3D character on the 3D map but displayed in 2D.

TK: We started displaying multiple characters in dialogue scenes because we made this system of using multiple cameras to show many characters at the same time for the Panic Debate. If we could do it for the Panic Debate, we could do it for normal dialogue.

I: So basically, there are all the character in a 3D map and each of them has a personal camera to display them?

TS: Yes. Each character is their own camera in pre-established positions and we keep switching cameras to match the flow of the conversation.

I: This sounds like a lot to adjust.

TS: It was difficult to choose where to place each character in the 3D map, since we were giving each of them pre-established positions. Depending on where they were, the could be covered by the scenery or cause a slow loading.

SS: We switched hardwares, so it feel like we gained as many new hardships as we gained new possibilities. Increasing the number of characters on the screen was hard, but this time we could place characters side by side or in front or behind each other, making the group shots look a lot better than before.

TS: That said, we almost couldn’t make it for the Vita...

I: Yeah, that’s a lot less potent than the PS4.

SS: Yes, but we want to perfect V3 as a game that could be enjoyed equally in both the PS4 and the Vita with dropping any functionality idea, since the DanganRonpa series started as portable series, on the PSP.

TK: We could stop hearing that “It’s not impossible, you can find a way” (pained laughter)

I: Like a sports coach (laughs). When did you start working as developers?

SS: As I answered in the Direction Team interview, we started working on V3 while we were making DanganRonpa: Another Episode. Kouno and Suzuki started working in a different project immediately after they finished their roles in DRAE. I added the two to the V3 team as soon as Kodaka finished structuring the plot for V3 and we started making the game’s system and other elements.

I: Is this the first time you two work on a DanganRonpa numbered title?

TS: Yes. I was just a player before.

TK: I was just a fan too. My first time on a numbered title.

I: Which means you already thought about what you want to change or fix from a fan perspective, right?

TK: Of course I did. The one thing I really wanted to implement for this one was the Voting Time. I never got over the fact that it ended without me voting when I played 1 and 2... In V3 the story’s ending was about synchronizing the player with the character’s feelings, so I thought could make this happen by finally implementing the voting system. 

I: I agree, by participating in the voting yourself and sending a student to die, V3 made me feel more responsible for it than the previous games.

TK: That’s exactly what I aimed for. I want the players to feel responsible for what was happening. I thought making the Voting Time playable was necessary to make reinforce the experience of “This character died because you chose it”.

I: I see. And how about you, Suzuki?

TS: Since our specs were increasing, I took care of ironing out the visual style as far as I could. Also, those are just minor QoL updates, but I added more shortcuts to the maps and adjusted the icons to be more easy to identify. That said, I didn’t go too far to maintain the game’s DanganRonpa identity. 

I: And you had Sasaki making these decisions?

SS: No, Kodaka was making all the final decisions. If we made things too functional, Kodaka would come over and say “no”. Not because it would be too convenient, but cause it would generate too much loading and the menus would look weird. Many people in our team don’t like this. I personally the loading screens and like the menus, so in many occasions I thoughts “Are we really not having a function this convenient?”

TK: Some took issue with it being too convenient too. For example, if the map has too many shortcuts taking you absolutely anywhere, what would be the point of walking?

TS: That’s why I instead increase the movement speed to make it more comfortable to go around in that huge school.

I: That’s something you wouldn’t consider back when you were just a player. How did you decide who would handle each part when the development started?

SS: Oh, this? The role where just split with nothing special to say about it. As I said in the beginning, I just asked Kouno to do the Trial parts and Suzuki to do the non-Trial. And that I would do the bonus modes, counting on their help later (laughs).

I: What’s the first thing to do after deciding the roles?

TS: Pitching ideas for the game, of course.

TK: We get a lot of time to pitch ideas. We all read Kodaka’s entire script before discussing anything, and it has some vague annotations, like “I want this game to have more minigames than before” or “it would be nice to have a minigame where you can answer with images”. First we have to do what Kodaka is asking there before we can start thinking about what we want. Then in the business meeting, we polish and adjust our ideas. 

SS: And then discuss it with Kodaka and Sugawara, and they tell if we can or can’t insert each of our ideas.

I: And what is more important for their decision? If it’s fun or it fits the lore/worldbuilding?

SS: Good question. There are sometimes when ideas are fun but we don’t find any good place to fit them in the story, so we have to cut them, with tears in our faces...

I: Did you have to give more ideas for this game, since it’s much larger than the previous ones?

SS: Until now, Sugawara and I were the only developers, but this time this became too much work for just the two of us, meaning we had to hire Kouno and Suzuki to help. 

TS: I was so happy when I got called. I was goint to be on a numbered title.

TK: So was I. Unbelievably happy. Another Episode was also an amazing experience, but I only joined the production halfway through. This time I was there right from the start and most of my ideas where implemented. Being a developer is no fun if I’m not getting things my way.

I: The DanganRonpa team all looks very motivated, from the sounds of this interviews I’m making. 

SS: Making a game is still hard, though (pained laughter). But when we were implementing any component, I don’t remember anyone saying it would be impossible. Every member did what they could to include everything they wanted.

TK: Saying it’s impossible is easy, but then what next? Saying it’s impossible makes me feel defeated, so this get more motivated to find a way.

TS: The programmers all feel the same way when working, so it’s very easy to be a developer like this. Thanks, guys. Every time I say the idea I gave them is too difficult, they mock me and show me that they can do it (laughs).

The secret origins of the Death Road of Despair, the minigame that brought many players to despair

I: Kouno, did get involved in the Death Road of Despair? It’s not in the Class Trial part, but you said you were in charge of the minigames.

TK: I did. It was my part.

I: I heard from Kodaka he asked you to “make a crappy game”.

TK: Kodaka told me to make a game like Dragon’s Lair. When he actually played it, he couldn’t make any progress. “What the heck is this game!?” (laughs)

Everyone: (laughs)

TK: So, I tried to analyse Dragon’s Lair and come up with my own game where you die in places it doesn’t look like you’re supposed to die. And the  Death Road of Despair what the result of me throwing in every idea and trick I could, as far as the time and budget allowed. 

I: The characters are all slippery and hard to control. And the students behind you just keep dying.

TK: Yeah, in the request they told me to think about how Luigi slips more than Mario. I absolutely loved that unrealistic inertia. (laughs)

I: You probably have a lot of experience in being told to make things easier, but not as many opportunities to make a game utterly unplayable. 

TK: That’s Kodaka’s style for you. I was really motivated to reach his style when I was building this, so I want to see the platformer experts out there doing their best to reach the goal. It is possible.

I: Did you beat it, Kouno?

TK: I can’t. I just used the debug mode to assure all obstacles are clearable. One guy on the debug did manage, though. He said took him 1 or 2 days and he only beat it by a miracle. 

I: I saw some videos of people doing it.

SS: Everyone in the office was talking about them.

TK: I cried tears of joy (laughs). There’s even one guy who posted a No Damage Run.

I: A No Damage Run!? In that long of a stage? I’m impressed that they didn’t make any mistakes.

TK: So long that the background changes 3 times. By the way, at the end of the sewers area there is a set of bombs spelling “CLEAR”. I always wanted to do that. Sidescrollers always have those parts saying “CLEAR” not even close to the end. I absolutely wanted to recreate it (laughs).

I: (laughs) Speaking of minigames, there are a lot of them in the Class Trial. Were there any beta ideas for them?

SS: Not many, as far as I remember.

TK: As we said before, there’s the Mind Mine deal. “We should have a game where the player answers with images”. From that basis, someone suggested the minigame they wanted to make.

I: What minigame did you want to make, Kouno?

TK: I want to make a minigame like DR2′s Logical Dive. First I suggested a minigame where you controled a jet, but Kodaka said “A car is better” and so was born the Psyche Taxi minigame.

I: The Psyche Taxi’s world is quite unique.

TK: Kodaka said the world should look like Hotline Miami, so we settled with that.

I: Last but not least, the Hangman’s Gambit 3.0. As usual, it’s completely different from its predecessors.

TK: DR2′s Improved Hangman’s Gambit was harder as a puzzle game, in my opinion. But for this one we already added Mind Mine as a puzzle game, so we decided to tone down all the puzzle elements on from the Hangman’s Gambit and focus more on the action part.

I: I see. Kouno, did you come up with this game’s newest addition, the Debate Scrum, too?

TK: The Debate Scrum was already an idea before the project officially approved.

SS: We had already decided we wanted to do a group vs group debate, but we didn’t have anything concrete besides that, so we exchanged ideas as usual. 

TK: The Debate Scrum was a challenge. The pre-approval images looked awesome and Kodaka loved the idea, but I couldn’t for the life of me decide what to do with that... New tasks kept piling up in the meanwhile and things were starting to look bad, so I had to pass the bucket to Sugawara, since the Debate Scrum was his idea to begin with (pained laughter).

SS: Hold people responsible for their own ideas, people (laughs).

TK: But leaving it to Sugawara was the right idea. The “negotiating” between the character are one of the the Debate Scrum’s charms. This setup is difficult to make if you’re not a writer as good as Sugawara.

I: Sounds pretty tough to have to come up with all these minigames styles in parallel. Sasaki, you said you made the bonus modes all by yourself. What was the hardest part?

SS: Nothing really, the bonus mode were just me doing whatever I wanted. I could choose the genres by preference.

I: The bonus modes are all linked together, adding a lot of replayability. Was this all planed from the start?

SS: It was. I planned it to be played in a cycle. I said the dungeon would have 50 floors, but I ended up making 100 floors for it.

TS: I also liked how the bonus modes used the characters from the previous games. I knew people would love to see the V3 characters interacting with the ones from 1 and 2.

SS: I absolutely had to but the past game cast in this, since I made it a story where we could have characters from anywhere.

I: The bonus modes are really well polished.

SS: But there are some pieces I regret not being able to implement. For example, the Dangan Salmon version where Akamatsu is the protagonist... Chapter 1 has Free Time, so we prepare 2 events per character to use with Akamatsu. For the Akamatsu Salmon Mode, we want to fill up her pieces all the way to end. But as you would expect, the project was too big, so we left it aside.

TK: There was also the idea of choosing to play with Saihara or Akamatsu.

I: I see, if you make events for Akamatsu, the workload would double... So, after the work in the bonus modes was done, Sasaki moved back to the main game. Was that it?

SS: Yes. I finished the bonus modes pretty fast, so I could focus all my attention to the main game afterwards. For the main game, we were expecting a delay down to the last minute (pained laughter), so I did what I could to finish the bonus side fast.

I: In the director team interview, you said many new elements were added for chapter 6.

TK: That was 3 months before the remastering, wasn’t it? We decided to add a lot of new stuff to chapter 6 and everyone started going “We’re doing it like this now?!”.

TS: I recall something to that effect.

I: You said you had to come up with how the chapter 6 scenes would work from the scratch, based only on Kodaka’s script.

TS: Yup, from scratch (pained laughter). The script wasn’t too detailed about it and I had no indications as to how to makes everything flow together. But that part of the story was filled with scenes and twist everywhere, so we 3 were at our wit’s ends, weren’t we?

TK: Kodaka came up in the middle of our work and said some very unfortunate words. “I’m writing chapter 6 right now, but the sequences are turning out too similar to DR2, so I’m considering making Ki-bo destroy the school”. At the time I thought “Destroy how exactly? Do we really have the time to make new models? I don’t think so.”, then when I read the finished script, so much of it was different...

TS: Yeah, the Ki-bo video cutscenes were added.

I: I remember Kodaka saying he was amazed at his own creation (laughs).

SS: Sometimes things work (laughs).

TK: Kodaka often suggests the first random thing that comes to mind. That’s actually where he’s at his best. He makes people motivated to pull it off.

A game system that only managed to be this unbiased because the love Danganronpa

I: Now I’ll ask each of you about your favorite parts of the system.

TK: Mine is the Perjury system for telling lies. Lies are one of the themes of this game, so it’s not bad to be able to lie in-game. And since we’re making the players lie, I want them to feel corrupt about it. I also made the Perjury visual very much my style. The thing with all the eyes appearing was my idea.

I: Because you like everyone eyeing you when you’re lying?

TK: Yes. You never know what can happen if you’re caught in your lie, so you get anxious and alert. You feel like everyone is looking at you, and that’s what I want to represent with those visuals. Also, I didn’t want people being easily able to lie, so I made the lying command into a long and tedious button hold, that slowly drains your HP. You recover HP when the lie is succesful, so that’s both the bad feeling you have when you lie and the good feeling you have when you get away with it, both well put down into gameplay. 

TS: You’re praising yourself a lot (laughs).

I: What elements do you like, Suzuki?

TS: The e-Handbook. Since we wouldn’t have the pet-raising minigame from DR2, we added the dress-up element so you can change improve its appearance.

TK: People loved the e-Handbook backgrounds.

SS: Really? I actually found the dress-up function unnecessary and was against it. But Suzuki and the designers were very intent in doing it, so I gave the ok just because.

TK: I was also against it at first, but once I started to actually play with the backgrounds and see their individual animations, I really enjoyed them. It also increased the prize count for the casino, so it’s good that we did it. 

TS: Though I think we made the designer team suffer with each new background we had them make. It was only going to be the e-Handbook changing colors when the protagonist spot switches from Akamatsu to Saihara. But we thought that if we’re changing once, why not change a few more times? It would be fun. Another thing, the reactions on the novel parts. 

I: By reactions you mean the interjection cursor that appears in the novel when you move the right analog stick?

TS: Yeah. Nothing happens when you do it though (pained laughter). I just thought it would be a good support system to make V3 more immersive. 

TK: But it really does nothing. It would really be better if the character lines changed if you did an specific reaction at an specific moment.

SS: Oh, we really should have done that.

TS: We can do that next time... Aside from the reactions, another really minor element I like is slapping away the chair and tables and whatnot.

I: The game really makes you want to slap the things. Whenever I got to a new place the first thing I did was always checking for what I could slap.

TS: It changes how the scenery looks like and it gives you Monocoins, so yeah, do it. 

TK: It’s a plain way to earn Monocoins, but it’s still money. The Monocoins can be exchanged into Casino Coins so there’s no downside for getting many.

I: Finally, Sasaki, what elements do you like?

SS: Number one are the bonus modes, but after that, I liked Panic Debates. It easy to experience how much the Class Trial evolved and there’s a pretty well done job in to making it look chaotic.

TK: Really? That was my idea.

SS: Good job.

I: Kouno is getting a raise today (laughs). What idea gave birth to the Panic Debate?

TK: I always wanted to add a new debate to the Class Trial. In the project meeting, we had to think of situations we never did before, but I couldn’t say with anything. After the meeting was ending, our small community started talking, everyone at the same time. That’s where I the idea came to me. 

I: And this epiphany became the Panic Debate.

TK: We never had this situation where multiple students spoke in the Class Trial at the same time, so I thought this could work. 3 characters filling the same screen, multiple Weak Points appearing, none of this was never done before, so I’m glad we managed to implement it.

Even the Game Over lines!? The playfullness the devs incorporated

I: Can you tell me what did you do to make the game more accessible to people not good with action games?

TK: By setting Skills according the action parts you’re bad at, it gets significantly easier. You can get Skill by exchanging Bond Fragments or in the Casino shop. Many of the Skills available with Bond Fragments make minigames easier, so I recommend using those. The casino Skills, on the other hand, are better for increasing your score. Try using those when you’re already used to the game and wants to get the best score you can.

I: That makes it important to talk with other students.

TK: Not to mention all Skills obtained from maxing a character’s affection are very strong. The more you talk to get Skills, the easier the game gets.

I: Tell us some useful gameplay secrets that only you know.

TK: Ok, me first. You can get a rocket start on Psyche Taxi. It works if you hit the gas the exact moment the GO appears. Give it a try.

TS: A lot of minigames have little secrets. Like how the tutorial for Salmon Fishing is a poem....

TK: Not a poem, but a reference to a famous song from a popular band. That’s why Saihara says “That was quite the poetic explanation...” after reading through the whole thing (laughs).

I: I completely missed it (laughs).

TK: One more thing about the Casino. For the slot machines, their reel patterns change depending on the machine you use. The one with the green nameplate is the more balanced one and the one with the red nameplate is the high risk high return one. The one with the blue nameplate is a more tricky machine. If you hit Scatter, you’re more likely the get WILDs and land a huge profit in one go.

I: The blue machine sounds the best to roll. Suzuki, do you have something for the non-investigation part?

TS: Let me see. You can talk to the Monokubs in the Salmon Mode and each of them has multiple different lines. Even for the silent Monodam, we gave him a line with 3% appearance rate. You can get Casino coins from talking to them, and getting the special Monodam line gives a lot of them. I don’t think people will get to see this a lot, since you can only talk to him once per day. But I’ll be glad the interested people would try it out.

I: 3%? Yeah, that’s very special alright.

TS: Also, character birthdays. All of them have special meanings, so speculate to your heart’s contents.

TK: Lastly, I have a few secrets about the Class Trial. First, we have multiple different Game Over dialogues. For example, if you time without picking anyone on Voting Time, you get a unique game over.

I: You mean Saihara’s thoughts change?

TK: It’s not that Saihara’s thoughts changes, you get a new conversation with Monokuma. Every chapter has 2 different Game Over dialogues, except for chapter 1, which has one more for Akamatsu, and chapter 6, which has 7 different unique game overs. You change characters in chapters, so we had to add new Game Over dialogue for all of them and then one shocking final Game Over for when you vote. Game Overs asides, you also have unique dialogue for the mistakes you make, so you can enjoy all different scenes.

I: That’s a lot of hidden details.

TK: I remembered one more thing about the Class Trial! In chapter 1, the first Nonstop Debate with Saihara as the protagonist has the exact same cameraworks and word movement patterns as the first Nonstop Debate from DR1. Since that debate is when Saihara finally becomes the real protagonist, we thought it would be interesting to make it identical to the first one. If there’s a video comparing the two, you can really tell it’s the same. 

I: I want to watch this video now. By the way, was this parallel planned from the start?

TK: Originally, chapter 1 wasn’t going to have any debates as Saihara, until Kodaka suddenly said he wanted to add it...

SS: He wanted to use Saihara’s BREAK cut in there already to make everyone sure that Saihara was the new protagonist. So we added debates.

TK: And this new debates were asked to be made at the very last minutes, so we had no idea what to do. Once we were out of good ideas, we thought repeating the first Nonstop Debate ever would be a valid idea. The fans who notice would find it clever and we could just copy-paste the program scripts, so two birds with one stone. Except the program was written completely different, so we couldn’t just copy the script. 

SS: You had to copy it by manually typing it?

TK: I copied it by eye. 

TS: It wasn’t much more time consuming.

TK: But that was because having ideas is hard. I’m glad we could get away with this.

I: Now that I think about it, having to come up with a new camera work and text movements for each Nonstop Debate sounds hard. 

TK: Don’t even start. Especially now that our platform has been greatly improved. Everyone was thinking “Let’s make this animation”, “Let’s add this text placement”. We went through all the possibilities. And from this game on, we became able to move the text in 3D and gained some new fonts. It was a lot of work, but it was worth it. I thought the person typing the program would suffer a lot with it, so I did most of it myself... I’ll only say it took forever.

I: That’s a tremendous workload...

TK: Naturally, we must come up different animations for every debate. We created multiple patterns of font and lettering, and even needed to match the text’s colors to its contents. When someone was being accused, we pay attention to how our color work makes this character stand out.

I: The chapter 6 animations were the biggest highlight. Did you come with those, Kouno?

SS: Sugawara was in charge of the 6th Class Trial. 

TS: And so was the first.

 TK: Sugawara was in charge of the parts where we change characters. At first I was the one coming up with them, but partway through I was forced to admit it was too much for me... I asked around who could help and the answer was “There’s Sugawara!”.

I: The same twist as the Debate Scrum story (laughs). Sugawara is always reliable, like your last line of defense.

SS: He is. We’re glad we have him.

TK: It comes as no surprise. He is one of the creators of the Danganronpa franchise. Since we had him handling the animations for chapters 1 and 6, those turned out a level above the rest.

The developers’ thoughts to make a better game

I: Last question, tell me how you feel about the game now, and what would you want to update in the next game.

SS: How do you two feel about the game now ?

TK: I’m extremely happy with all the reactions we got, both positive and negative. I feels like a lot of people were strongly impacted from playing V3.

SS: It’s great to see opinions about it. There have been a lot of different takes on it, even some people who felt challenged by the ending. As developer, seeing this many different opinions make me feel more blessed than I deserve. Thank you all very much for it.

TS: Seeing reactions from people enjoying the new elements we created as much as we wanted them to makes me glad I could implement everything right. 

TK: One more, a little bit more personal opinion. As its developer, I’m very glad for the surprising amount of people who tried hard on the Death Road of Despair.

I: You thought there would be less of them, Kawano?

TK: I thought the challengers would assume it’s 100% impossible and give up halfway through. I readjusted a lot of things to make it clearable, but I still would be satisfied with 2, 3 people in the entire world beating it. But a lot of people showed up clearing it. As the person of handled every balancement detail of this minigame, along with my thanks to everyone who took so much of their time to beat it, I also want to say “wow, you’re awesome”.

SS: You just can’t stop praising yourself (laughs).

TS: The Death Road was made under the premise that at least one person out there was going to beat it. So we prepared not only a Saihara version to the ending, but also an Akamatsu version, and even made a bonus e-Handbook wallpaper for it. It’s made in a way you can do it if you try hard enough. But we were not crazy enough to tie an Achievement to the Death Road of Despair.

I: Yeah, you wouldn’t be able to get a Platinum without beating the Death Road. Ok, now tell me what do you want to improve or be careful about for the next game.

TS: For the VN part, I want to improve the visuals, adding animations and lightings to the characters. I’m quite used to the gameplay as it currently is, so I don’t fell much need to change it. I feel that what we must do now is to strenghen the visual part, making smoothly moving sprites to make the game even more immersive. Also, the current VN part has a lighting setup that shadows the characters you’re not talking to and I want to improve on that function. 

I: On that note, if the game were a PS4 exclusive, could you have more than 3 characters on the screen?

SS: The hardware allows it.

TS: Adding more than 3 characters to the same screen is not the priority. I’m just thinking about how I can improve the presentation to make the Danganronpa story more enjoyable. 

I: I have high hopes for it! And you, Kouno?

TK: A thing we need to more careful about, yes. We need to pay more attention to what we show in PVs and official material.

I: Did anything go wrong with a PV?

TK: I swear I was paying attention when I was making the PVs, but I had to do some rushjobs when I had no time or resources. I couldn’t check out all the finer details in time. Rantarou Amami was not there in the first revealed Class Trial picture, his “And why would he be in the library” line from the first PV was unvoiced, so people started suspecting that he would be the first victim. 

I: Oh no, their suspicions were precisely on point...

TK: I made an inexcusable blunder, both to the dev team and for the fans. We should have recorded some dummy lines. 

SS: If I had just a little more time available, I could have noticed it beforehand. It’s my job as the dev leader to check every detail... Another struggle was because we didn’t Debate Scrum resources for Amami.

TK: Oh yeah. Amami doesn’t participate in Debate Scrums, so we didn’t make any material in advance. That’s another thing we should have done...

SS: The only Amami material we had for the Scrum Debate was his dead portrait. For obvious reasons, we couldn’t just put that out there for promotional material. A problem so easily solved if we had just made an image of Amami facing sideways beforehand... 

I: And how did you deal with Amami’s face?

SS: Coincidentally, Amami’s expression sheet just happened to contain a lot of sprites where he faces sideways. We were at a point where using that was the only option, but once we looked more closely, all other students had proper centralized looks while only Amami was looking directly to our faces (pained laughter). When we made it, we were worried that the fans would figure it out. 

TS: And surprise, surprise, they did.

TK: If people noticed the unvoiced line, of course they would notice only one person looking directly at them.

SS: Good thing we can laugh at it now.

I: Oh yeah, now that I see the picture, Amami looks very off.

SS: By the way, an Amami’s Debate Scrum Illustration was made exclusively for this artbook. It’s very rare Amami content, so I hope you enjoy it.

I: Thank you for this precious conversation. Give one final message to our readers.

TK: Being a game developer is hard, but fun and rewarding. If reading this interview made you interested in becoming a developer, go ahead! Also, my Twitter @ is taichikono. I’d appreciate your follows, if you’re interested.

TS: You sound like an ad (laughs).

I: Your turn, Suzuki. If you please.

TS: I’m happy and grateful to everyone played our game. We still don’t have anything planned, but I truly want to give you the next title, in whatever shape or form it may be. Keep looking forward to the Danganronpa series.

SS: Are you sure you tell your Twitter @?

TS: I like to live away from the limelight... I couldn’t handle a big follower count (laughs).

I: I get it (laughs). Last but not least, the final comment, from our director.

SS: I’m always doing Danganronpa interviews with Kodaka and Terasawa, but Kouno and Suzuki form quite unique trio here, since those two are from the side of the staff that usually doesn’t talk to the public. Every Danganronpa is very colorful on its own different way, so we from the development team would appreciate if you would play them all again, thinking about what kind of people made it.

#artbook translations #shun sasaki #taichi kouno #takahiro suzuki #i liked when sasaki almost implied kodaka doesn't let him make the games too comfortable to play #i can't believe i've just seen sugawara being held in high regard as a writer #sugawara is at least a great boss though #i'm surprised at how much they are owning up to their mistake with amami #rare amami content(?)

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