#and now i guess she's decided that we arent worth the wait

[fertilizing-daffodils]

…..damn it. I know I’m just sad and mad. I’m smad. And now I’m smangry because I can’t think of the actual word.

#damn she really just said 'lol bye forever' and dipped huh #that used to be what I would do #just here one day and then all gone the next #like i get it do what you gotta do and protect your own peace #but jesus christ dude you lived in my house #you called me your friend and told me you loved me and i cared for you and trusted so much of myself to you #its obvious my partner meant more to you than I did by a long shot but you left her without a thought too #its horrible irony that this spiraled because we couldnt figure out how to have a conversation about it with everyone on the same page #and now i guess she's decided that we arent worth the wait #which fine we were half worried she'd try to physically assault me after finding out anyway #granted i'd let her have at least one good hit in if she truly wanted (cuz i still think i deserve worse) #but keeping my wife from losing it on her for touching me would be a whole other story #edit: bleh it’s all still true and I deserve what I get for being a real shitty friend #she doesn’t even know how shitty of a friend #I guess it just bothers me that my partner’s friendship was so easily tossed aside #I know I should care more about myself but I just don’t want to right now

[theflyindutchwoman]

Just a preemptive apology for spewing this all in your inbox lol 😅

I agree that this felt like the beginning of the larger conversation about uc. I feel like a lot of this storyline requires patience and that's why some people arent the biggest fans of it lol. It took this long just for Tim to get out of denial about his feelings. It's a pretty big issue so I feel like it would be unsatisfying and boring if all it took was one scene and one conversation to fix it.

Plus from Lucy's perspective, uc is something she's been working towards since she was a rookie (except for in season 4 cause I think the writers forgot lol). So I can imagine it would take a lot for her to drop it completely. Especially with her story before the show being her trying to find a career, it would make sense she would cling to something she likes and is good at. I mean she can still be a detective but detective and uc are probably so intertwined in her mind at this point.

I don't know I just don't think the whole thing is as cut and dry as some people think. I'm excited to see where they go with it in the rest of this season. Especially with all the bts pictures we've gotten and how they may fit into this 👀

To be fair, there's patience and there's "waiting for 3 seasons for this storyline to move forward", if you know what I mean ;) Jokes aside, I feel like I'm one of the few who actually enjoy this arc so, in my case, I'm really glad that we are finally digging into this. It has felt stagnant for quite some time, and for good reasons.

Like you said, it apparently has taken this long for Tim to realise how much in denial he has been… And my guess is, he's not the only one here. I appreciate that this is used as a way by the writers to explain why this conversation has been postponed for so long : after all, Lucy has never made a secret that this was the career she wanted and Tim has encouraged her all along (minus the hiccups at the beginning). He knew that when he said they were worth the risk. So they needed to come up with a valid reason as to why it would be a problem. One that wouldn't invalidate Tim's feelings or decision. And now that this is out in the open, we can hopefully focus on Lucy's side of the story. On whether she is in denial too. On her fears - because I refuse to believe she doesn't have any. I do believe that she loves undercover. But like she admitted herself, she has only done short ops. Ops that sometimes went wrong but without any lasting consequences. So while she probably missed her friends and all during those missions, it's entirely different from missing out on a whole year. I'm not sure she has allowed herself to be entirely honest with herself on the subject.

And that's another thing. Her life has changed quite a lot since she decided to pursue an undercover career. Back then, she was pretty much on her own. But now, she has a family. And she lost her closest friend. Things that tend to make you think differently. I don't mean that she can't have the career that she wants, just that these types of events usually makes one reconsider their plans. In a way, this dream of being a UC has been her constant through all of this. And as someone who struggled for close to a decade to find her dream job, I can understand why she doesn't really question it. Not to mention that time and time again, we have seen how Lucy needs to talk things out in order to process them… And she hasn't been able to do that here. Like when she was offered the spot at the UC Academy. She went to see Nyla but it didn't do much. She needed Tim but with all the baggage between them at the time, she barely got to open up about her feelings. He is her sounding board but in this situation, it makes things more complicated. Her feelings for UC and for Tim are so intertwined that she doesn't know how to unravel this whole web. It is so convoluted together. She always shows some concerns about how it will affect their relationship. But not how it will affect HER. Like in 5.20 when she brushed away Tim's question. That's why I like that Tim's feelings might be out of the way first, so we can dig deeper into Lucy's. She has been so focused on Tim that she has neglected herself in the process. And that's also why I loved Chastity's comment. Because it was thrown casually by someone who is on the outside, and far more objective than the team could ever be. And hopefully, this is what starts an introspection from Lucy.

I don't think the writers necessarily forgot about her wanting to do undercover in s4 : she was at the beginning of her P2 career so it made sense for her to focus on that first. But she was still behind two UC ops. The second one being the catalyst for both her relationship with Tim and her career in UC moving forward. It's also no coincidence that Tim has always been involved in her UC ops. Either on the lookout (3.06 and 5.07), as her case officer (5.21), as the one going undercover under her supervision (4.07 and 4.22) or with her (5.01). The only time he wasn't involved from the get-go was during her first solo op (3.14) and even then, he managed to convince Nyla to keep him in the loop. It gave them a sense of safety. So it would be good to see an undercover mission where they can't keep in touch at all. And IF he is really going undercover for a couple of episodes as we have speculated, it would be interesting to see how it would affect them both to be on the other side of the equation. It would offer them a perspective of what the other would go through. That said, I still hope Lucy get to experience herself what it's like to do a long-ish op before making any decision. This has been her storyline above all. But in any case, I can't wait to see where this is going. (And I'm sorry, I feel like I went off on a tangent here and hijacked your reply lol).

#ask & ye shall receive #the rookie #chenford #tim bradford #lucy chen #6.01

[virtual-luvr]

Get ready for an explosion

Pairing: Peko x Reader

Pronouns: Gender neutral; they/them

Warnings: mentions and use of cigars, swords, and explosives. Some curse words here and there and the use of the word 'murdered'

Description: peko and fuyuhiko seem to need some help with a certain entrance and they decide maybe some dynamite and an expert can help

Note: ¡important to note the readers ultimate is that they work with explosives!

I couldnt find an actually name for it sorry, also this was requested!! thank you so much for requesting guys it means so much

Sorry if Peko is a bit ooc😔

----------------

Monokumas taunting giggles rang through out the room

I look around, inspecting the people around me, still wondering how we even got into this situation

"Hehe how about you kids explore the island!!" Once again he erupts into a fit of giggles, his words going through one of my ears and swiftly going through the other

I really didn't listen to him

Everyone was wary of eachother, some more tense then others

After a little while of talking most of us slipped into tiny groups

While each group went to the beach or any other place to hang out i actually took monokumas words and explored the island noticing how most entrances were locked

I try not to stray from the actual path of the island but something catches my eye

I see Fuyuhiko and Peko talking, they werent arguing or anything but it felt off to see Fuyuhiko not spewing different insults at somebody for once

I slowly but surely try to walk past them, trying to act like i didn't see anything

But suddenly i hear a voice behind me, calling out.

"(Y/N) over here"

I look back and Peko is waving at me moving her hand in a "come here" motion

I walk up to her and Fuyuhiko mumbles something I didnt quite catch but guessing him it was probobly another insult

"So we found something and since you work with explosives i thought maybe you could help us out somehow"

We trudge through the sand in silence, it wasnt the longest walk but my feet were a bit tired from walking around the whole island already

Peko points at something and i look up

Near the shore i see a big entrance to a cave, but it was blocked just like all the gates

I tilt my head to the side, looking at both Fuyuhiko and Peko

"What do you want me to do?"

"You idiot, we want you to open it up so we can see whats inside" Fuyuhiko says angrily at me

"First of all, shut up. Second of all, i work with explosives and i dont see any nearby how in the hell am i supposed to pry this open"

Peko sighs and looks at me, "theres dynamite nearby"

When she says that my eyes lit up, its as if i were a kid about to open my presents underneath the christmad tree all over again

"Where are they? Where did you find them? Are there a lot? How good are they??" I look all around me jumping and sprinting through the shore trying to find the percious dynamite

Fuyuhiko would have called me a stupid puppy because of my mannerisms but Peko stopped him before he could do anything

"Jackpot!" You yell

The two hadn't even noticed you had left their side and were shocked that your yell could be heard from where they were standing

The dynamite was quite far away from the cave

Before they could even think about helping you they see a figure running back towards them, almost sprinting if it werent for the big dynamite on their back

Your muscles straining you pant and try to blow the hair away from your face when you get back to them

"How-"

"Dont ask" Peko stops Fuyuhikos sentence, deciding its not even worth it asking how you got back so fadt, ESPECIALLY while carrying dynamite with you

You show a big grin even though you were out of breath, sweating, and panting.

"So how are we gunna blow this baby up?"

----------

Peko stands beside you looking down at the explosives while explaining her plan.

"What we're going to do is you place the dynamite and i will use this cigar and sword to light the fuse" she says suddenly

You jump back, "woah woah woah where did you get that??"

"Got it from the shop, its pretty dull but a rock can go a long way, i sharpened it"

You were a little skeptical of what she was going to do with that sword but either way you place the dynamite carefully

You take a few steps back and let Peko do all the other work.

She first cuts a bit off the fuse from the dynamite to make it shorter and wont take as long to blow up, then she takes the cigar and lites the fuse

She takes a few steps back to right beside you and Fuyuhiko

You guys tale cover and then you hear a loud 'boom' and see rocks hitting the floor all around you. The explosion probobly alerting the others but you payed no mind to it.

You also didnt pay mind to the loud ringing in your ears now, you were used to it by now. Plus you were so excited to work with explosives you didnt even care at this point.

When you were about to enter Fuyuhiko's voice stops you all in your tracks

"Im going to stay out here, you guys go in"

At this point you thought maybe you were about to be murdered, monokuma hadnt even given the first motive yet damnit.

But seeing as Peko left her sword outside with Fuyuhiko made you think you were safe now even if she might have something hidden in her pockets

But you decided to trust them and grab a lantern that Fuyuhiko had in his hands

You go in, cobwebs and dust making your allergies come to the surface and smeezing millions of times

You brush it off and Peko helps you light up the lantern

You walk around, there wasnt much besides insects here and there and different passages running from left to right

Since the silence was killing you a bit you decided to start conversation

You clear your thraot, "Why were you and Fuyuhiko together?"

"Why are you asking?"

"I just didnt think Fuyuhiko would be one to try and be friends with someone, especially because of the circumstances we're in right now"

You suddenly pause and stop moving, the only sound that can be heard is the fire crackling and weird echoes from inside the cave.

"Wait, are you guys...dating??"

She suddenly stops in her tracks and looks back at you, a sudden laugh erupting from her

"Me and Fuyuhiko?? Are you kidding me?"

The sudden realisation of what you just said hit you and now you were just a tiny bit embarrased for saying something so absurd

A blush erupts on your face, painting your cheeks and ears red. You nervously chuckle and put your free hand on the back of your neck, rubbing it trying to soothe your now, very knowable, embarrassment.

'Well atleast i made her laugh' you say in your head

Peko notices your embarrasment and tries to explain, "no me and Fuyuhiko arent together. We were just talking about the entrance and how we could get in and then we saw you"

"O-oh" you stutter, still a little embarrased and lookind down

"Well, thanks for letting me help you it was nice hanging out with you, i wont lie about that"

She seems a little shocked at that confession but she just smiles and blushes a little 

You wont lie, you were a little scared of hanging out with people like them, Fuyuhiko and Peko, they seemed pretty closed off

But seeing Peko give you a warm smile and seeing her head tilt, you thought maybe, maybe this is the start of something good

[1353 words; august/2/2020]

#virtual luvr is typing #x male reader #x female reader #x gender neutral reader #x gn reader #danganronpa imagines #danganronpa x gn reader #danganronpa x male reader #danganronpa x reader #danganronpa #danganronpa x female reader #danganronpa oneshots #peko pekoyama #peko x reader #peko imagine #peko oneshot #penko x male reader #peko x female reader #peko x gn reader #peko x gender neutral reader

[thecringefailintherye]

Oliver! (1968) Live (re) watch!

i have already seen oliver!, but not in ages, so i decided to watch it again, enjoy

very long post warning

fuckin hell these opening credits are LONG

i love the fact instrumentals of songs in the movie are playing

i have chocolate popcorn, apple lucozade and oliver! on, life is good

yes i know mark lester is oliver ive seen this like 20 times can i watch the film now

OH ABOUT FUCKING TIME

god is love

IS IT WORTH THE WAITING FOR IF WE LIVE TILL 84 ALL WE EVER GET IS GRUELL

i forgot how much of a banger food glorious food is

LOOK AT BABY MARK LESTER 🥺🥺🥺

ads in middle of movie be like

its harry secombe!

AMENNNN

oliver gets bullied the movie

look at this poor kid

MOREE????????

oh yes oliver i love this song

O L I V E R

poor kid

without any bannister yikes

the one who named him........O-L-IV-ERRR

oh were outside now

olivers just been kicked out oh shit

but on the plus side he has a cute ass hat on

BOY FOR SAY AL

look at oliver 🥺 he deserves better

SOWERBERRY MORE LIKE SHITTERBERRY

theres a severe lack of thats your funeral and i shall scream

noah claypole more like noah clayprick

“perhaps... if i had a tall hat?” BABEY

HES GOT HIS TALL HAT ON YES OLIVER

oliver said dab on them haters from your old gaff youre a funeral advisor now and theyre still homeless

DONT INSULT HIS MUM FUCK YOU NOAH

YES OLIVER KILL HIM

yes stuff the nine year old in a coffin and sit on it well done

"OLIVAH ??" "Yes im here: ((("

ITS MEAT!

oliver deserves better man 

im gonna cry and were like 25 minutes in.

ik its not mark singing but whoever it is CAN SING WTF

i want to give him a hug

OH SHIT HES RUNNING AWAY

hes in the lettuce

LONDON YOU MADE IT !

yes oliver trains exist

DODGER!!!

whach you starin at aint ya ever seen a toff

the beak

look at lil jack wild

me more hintimate friends

cockney accent™️

the artful dodga

CONSIDERR YOURSSELF AT HOEME COSNIDER YOURSWLF OEN OF THE FAMILY !!!!!!!!!!

im sorry i love this song

look this scene is awesome, but it would be COMPLETE with charley oh wait he was demoted to extra and everything interesting abt him was given to dodger

he should have gotten the nobody tries to be ladeeda or uppity bit I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL

this cast is BIG

okay i am a Charger Enthusiast but do we all agree there is something oddly homosexual about oliver and dodger in this song

note how dodger is scared of the police FORESHADOWING

ive taken to this SO STRONGITSCLEARWEREGOINGTOGETALONG

how many extras is this ???? yall better be gettin paid

its dodga comin up

this set is sraight out of the book i love it

CHARLEY MATE IM SORRY THEY MADE YOU AN EXTRA 

“oh not again” does dodger just always show up with random workhouse kids 

ah yes fagin the character whos still a negative jewish stereotype

more and more big cast

THESE SAUSAGES ARE MOULDY! (am i going to freak out whenever charley does anything because i love him? yes)

stfu drink your gin

is this a laundry?? no fam 

THE BEST FUCKING SONG IN THIS MUSICAL

IN THIS LIFE ONE THING COUNTS

sorry if i dont add to this until pick a pocket or two is done bc its a straight banger

this song is EVERYTHING 

hard at work lol ok

did he make those himself??? no

couple a wipes

EMBROIDERED THEM??? no

petition for all oliver twist adaptations to refer to charley as master bates like the book and for him to have actual lines and not have his actor switched at least three times

i dont even now who charley is at this point because his actor is switched many a time im just gonna say purple blazer kid is charley

anyway charley bates supremacy

whos bill sikes??? NO

fuck bill all my homies hate bill

rum tum tum is a banger

go bed now

take your hat off in bed dodger

movie fagin has rights

fagin leaving where will he go

BET IS THAT YOU

FUCK OFF BILL NO ONE LIKES YOU 

NANCY NANCY HES HERE !!!!!! bet deserves everything and more ily 💖

NANCYYYY!!!!!!

its a fine life more like its a banger

wheres all of bets lines gone

bet 🤝 charley (being demoted to extras)

its not funny anyore bet.. bet girl please sing youre the best fucking thing about this song

such a happy song about domestic abuse

THERE SHE IS THATS MY GIRL BET I FUCKING LOVE YOU

bullsye rights!

i hate how this movie made fagin more symathetic but he’s still a “greedy jew” stereotype

oliver?????

at this moment fagin knew he fucked up

nancy you deserve better than bill

oh hi dodger forgot you existed

and the rest of you except oliver

ah yes charley “sausages” bates i missed you

THESE FUCKING KIDS THEY ALL LOVE BET AND NANCY MY HEART

im a regular gent i am. no dodger you arent

why is “permit me to assist you across the road” so fucking funny

pov dodgers back on his bullshit so you have to pretend to be a horse and cart for him

not “sir artful” 😭😭😭

anyfink for youu

WHAT FISTICUFFS???!!!

i feel sorry for the child extras man theyve prob had to film this scene like ten times

THESE KIDS CAN SING

 the boys dancing with eachother is too fucking wholesome i love this

again, movie fagin rights

weed riissk lifee and limmbb

you promised we could go see the angin!!!!!

ats on boys time were off

THIS IS MY FAVOURITE SONG

HOW COULD WE LET HOW COULD WE FORGET OUR DEAR OLD FAGIN WORRY!!

mate that aint single file did you not hear him

am i the only one who can hear london bridge is falling down in the back??

our pockets hold a watch of gold that chimes upon the hour!!! a wallet fat an old mans hat!!! the jewels from the tower!!!

WE KNOW THE NOSEY POLICEMEENNNN

dodger and charley (i am SURE charley is purple blazer kid even if havent seen this film in ages) are GETTING INTO THIS

oliver 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

movie fagin rights pt 27238227

DODGER OLIVER COME ON!!!!!!!!! alright dude chill

ARE YALL SEEING THIS SHIT, I WAS RIGHT, I TOLD YOU THAT THE LAD IN THE PURPLE BLAZER WHO SINGS “a wallet fat an old mans hat” WAS CHARLEY BATES AND GUESS WHAT HE FUCKING IS. I WAS RIGHT, PURPLE BLAZER KID IS CHARLEY YOU CAN LEAVE NOW

no dont were only an hour in

three kids on the back of the omnibus what will they do

dodger and charley said be gay do crimes

ah shit now look what youve gotten us into dodger

IT WASNT EVEN OLIVER IT WAS CHARLEY AND DODGER GO AFTER THEM

are dodger and charley straight up framing oliver for a crime they commited while also helping him escape

yes they are why are we surprised 

i hate to break it to you dodger but hiding oliver in a meat sack doesnt work

OLIVERS ON THE ROOF????

charley and dodger got oliver into this mess and they are not going to get him out

WHY DIDNT YOU LOOK AFTER HIM????? right calm down fagin

how could i help it :((((

no bill!

stan nancy

“two other boys stole it” no shit

BROWNLOW !

run bitch run

right intermission time now

AND WE’RE BACK!

entr acte

who will buyyy

strawberry girl is carrying this

oliver owns my heart pt 278983728938728

this is a banger wtf

okay its done now right

right?????

UHH BILL???? DODGER???? BITCH WHY TF ARE YOU HERE

have bill fagin nancy and the boys been stalking oliver???

NO SHE WONT FAGIN!

shit.

fuck bill

this scene is far more sadder when you think of how the boys have just seen the only woman they see as a mother figure been hit to the flo or, im not crying, you are

as long as he needs me :(

FUCK YOU BILL

rose maylie is that you?!

look at lil oliver!!

BILL FUCK OFF

i hate bill

“look at his togs! he’s got books too!” charley and dodger are my emotional support kids

anyway have i mentioned i hate bill, bc i hate bill.

I REALLY REALLY HATE BILL

even fagin aka the guy whos keeping these kids as pickpockets has more morals than bill

WE STAY CALM!!

no bill i havent heard a dying chicken

act one was just childish antics now we have THIS

fuck bill

YOURE TELLING ME THE BOYS WATCHED THAT????

jack wild is a banging actor. he genuinely looks terrified 🥺 

this film.. 

a mans got a heart hasnt he?? yes you do!!!

a full song dedicated to movie fagin rights?? did i ghostwrite this?? probably

banger

ithinkidbetterthinkitoutagain!

villains theives and nine year olds

MR BUMBLE?????!!!!!!!!!!

fuck bill pt72898376728909878199

bill youre traumatising him

cmon nance do something!!

also completely forgot abt this but uh does monks exist in this i forgot bc we have had no mentions of him yet

nancy tell him who bill is!!!

bullseye deserves better

uhm what is going on

bill sikes more like bill yikes

oliver what are you doing

BILL TERRIFIES ME

FUCK

omg oom pah pah????

leave oliver alone bill hes like nine

oh banger

OOM PAH PAH THATS HOW IT GOES!!!!!!!!!

just asking are nancy and bet lesbians bc they look it

COULD IT BE OOM PAH PAHHHHHH

god i love this song

IT SHOOOOOWSSSSSS

its the same oom pah pah

“She was from the country but now shes up a gumtree she let a fella feed her then lead her a long” foreshadowiinnggg

OOM PAH PAH! OOM PAH PAH! OOM PAH PAH!

nancy is so fucking smart

getting the whole pub singing and dancing to smuggle out oliver? clever

fuck

bill.. no.. bill.. bill????

FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKC

BILL GET OFF HER

NANCY NO

HE STRAIGHT UP COMMIT MURDER AGAINST THE NICEST CHARACTER

BROWNLOW DO YOU NOT HEAR NOTHING

nancy deserved a better death than to be killed by bill fuck bill

EVEN BULLSEYE HATES YOU BILL

ARE THEY ACCUSING BULLSEYE OF MURDER

FUCK YOU BILL

movie fagin rights + fuck bill combo?

youre telling me fagin had an ESCAPE ROUTE??? AT THE BOTTOM OF THE HOUSE THING??? THE WHOLE TIME???

BILL DONT KILL THE CHILD

BILL

fuck, well. #

“WHAT DO I DO!?” “LIVE UP TO YOUR NAME, DODGE ABOUT”

ten quid says dodgers been caught

oh no all fagins shit is gone

BILL DONT KILL THE CHILD PT 2

FUCK YOU BILL

GOD I HATE HIM

OLIVER MATE ARE YOU OK

never have i been so happy to see a character die

rest in shit bill

hi dodger thought you got caught n went to australia 

god, this film is so fucking good.

reviewing the situation 2.0 goes hard

MOVIE. FAGIN. RIGHTS!

FAGIN YOU CAN BE A GOOD MAN YOU KNOW YOU CAN

DODGER??????????

IM TOTALLY NOT CRYING RN

FAGIN NO DONT TAKE IT

FUCKING PLOTTWIST

IT MADE IT LOOK LIKE FAGIN WAS GONNA GIVE THE WALLET BACK TO DODGER BUT NO

once the villain you’re the villain to the end

i completely forgot abt this scene since i’ve been reading the oliver twist book and in that dodger gets arrested and fagin gets hanged but here they get away?

god this is bittersweet

I THINK WE’D OUGHT TO THINK IT OUT AGAIN!!!!!

thats where the film should have ended, i get olivers the main character but it ending on dodger and fagin walking out into the sunset is such a pleasing ending man

oliver gets his happy ending abt time

YES CONSIDER YOURSELF AND BE BACK SOON (THE BIGGEST BANGERS IN THE FILM) CREDITS SONGS!!

well.. that was a journey and half

#oliver! #oliver twist #oliver #oliver! 1968 #oliver 1968 #charlie’s comfort movies #oliver twist 1968 #oliver! the musical #oliver the musical #musicals #1960s #1960s movies #60s #mark lester #jack wild #oliver reed #ron moody #shani wallis #and everyone else in the huge ass cast

[bunnitears]

Nervous Habit

{ Reupload because I'm dumb.. don't ask }

Has your mom ever told you to never talk to people you don't know? "Y/N, you can never talk to strangers. You don't know what they're thinking." My mom would tell me that a lot as a child and I've always listened. Actually, it's now developed into a sort of problem.

I'm afraid of men. There. It's out in the open. And before somebody out there gets offended, I want to explain myself, without going into too much detail, that is.

I was hurt. I know, it's cliche, at least in my mind. "A young girl was victimized and was traumatized beyond repair." That sounds like the plot of almost every episode of Law and Order. But, it's my reality and I can't change the past. People tell me I can change the future, and sure, I absolutely can. But do I want to?

Not really… I don't see a need to try and conquer my fear. I'm not interested in dating or meeting a guy for any reason. And unfortunately, I'm just not romantically attracted to girls. Though sometimes I wish I was, I'm just not. And I don't want to try and date anyone I'm not attracted to. That's not fair for anybody involved. I'll settle for having close friends.

Speaking of close friends, the only one who knows of my fear is my best friend Maya. She's a Bengal cat shifter, and even though I'm a boring old human, we've been best friends for 7 years and counting.

We met in maybe 6th grade biology and bonded over knowing absolutely nothing about biology. And not really caring about it, either. We've been by each other's side ever since.

-----

12 Days Until Christmas

Maya and I have plans to go out for coffee and get some shopping done. We've decided to meet at the coffee shop down the street from my house around noon. When it's not too busy and not too cold as the sun is still out.

As I'm finishing getting ready, putting on a final coat of mascara, I see Maya's face pop up on my phone next to me.

"Hey hey!" I say cheerily as I put Maya on speaker. I'm really starting to get into the Christmas spirit.

"Hi…" Maya says. I immediately notice that she doesn't sound too good. Her voice sounds like the equivalent of tires rolling on gravel, just hoarse and crunchy.

"Maya are you alright? You don't sound too great." She starts to answer but is cut off by a coughing fit.

"Yeah… I'm okay. I just have a cold. I don't think I can go shopping today though…"

"Maya, of course you can't, you need to rest. Do you need any help? I can come over if you want." I tell her.

"No, please don't worry. Minhyuk's gonna come over after work. I'll be alright." Minhyuk is Maya's boyfriend. They've been together so long, maybe 3 years at this point. It's pretty incredible.

Seeing them together and almost nauseatingly happy, it sort of makes me yearn for somebody to hold. But, that would mean talking to somebody, and having social anxiety as bad as I do, that's not an easy task.

I can't even order coffee in person. I order online and pick it up to avoid talking to anybody. And before you say it, I do realize it's a problem, but it's easier to be alone. I can look for my Prince Charming later.

"Okay good," I start. "I'm sure with him by your side you'll be up and running by tomorrow."

"Oh yeah, I'm sure. He always makes me feel better." She says. There was an attempt at a laugh, but that just turns into a lot of painful sounding coughs.

"But Y/N, can you do me a small favor?" Maya asks.

"Yeah Maya, whatever you need." And I do mean that. She is my best (and maybe only) friend after all.

"Can you please, please, pretty please woth a cherry on top, promise me that you'll go outside today." I should've known.

"I don't want you cooped up inside your apartment all day long. It's not healthy." I realize Maya is only looking out for me, but I like staying inside and I don't think she gets that. Even after knowing me for as long as she has.

"Maya, it's not a big deal…" I say. "But for you, I'll go out and do some shopping, okay? I'll even talk to somebody."

Do I mean that?

"Okay good! Great! Thanks Y/N, you know I'm only looking out for you. I'll text you later, okay?" Maya says sleepily.

"Okay, feel better Maya. Keep me posted. Bye."

No. I didn't mean what I said. Do I feel bad for lying to her? Absolutely. But I had to. Maya is often my only reason for going outside and if she knew how mad my social anxiety has been these past few weeks she'd be disappointed in me. She may even be mad at me. It's just easier if she thinks I can still go out and function.

I even work from home as a freelance proofreader. I already have my dream job - I'm reading for a career. I love it.

I make enough to sustain myself and put something away for savings. I don't have a car to make payments on. I have no pets to care for. I'm not strapped for cash.

I'm comfortable. I hardly leave my apartment unless I'm actually craving sunlight, but I'm happy with my life.

Although, maybe a pet wouldn't be so bad. My aunt has three dogs and she just adores them like her own children. Seeing her with them makes me think it may be a good idea to rescue a furry friend to keep my company. I've never really had a pet before, anyway.

I think I'll look into adopting a pet of some kind. I've heard they are theraputic after all and I'm sure Maya would say I could use some therapy.

-----

Four Days Until Christmas

"Maybe a cat would suit you better, you don't do the whole… "outside" thing and dogs need to go outside."

Maya says as she takes a bite of her turkey sandwich. Maya is finally feeling better and she asked me out for lunch on this very snowy winter day. I haven't been outside since before Maya got sick a little over two weeks ago. Adding that to the 3 weeks before she got sick that I didn't go outside, I haven't been outside in approximately… a sickeningly long amount of time. I know, pathetic. But I'd never tell Maya about it. She'd get angry and frustrated with me. It's not worth it.

For her sake, I told her I've been out of the house for at least an hour every other day and that seemed to ease her mind.

"You know what, that's probably a better idea." I say before taking a sip of my hot chocolate. I look at Maya as her eyes widen to the size of dinner plates. I can practically see the wheels turning in her head at the revelation she seems to have stumbled upon.

"Actually, you know what!" She starts.

Staring straight into my eyes she nearly shouts,

"You should adopt a Hybrid!"

My own eyes widen at her comment. Adopt a Hybrid? I'm not sure about the social norms in your society, but in mine, Hybrids are tetering on the line between normal civilian and property. As barbaric as that sounds, it's just the truth of the matter.

While Shifters like Maya are widely accepted because of their ability to hide their animal counterparts almost completely, Hybrids are a different story. Hybrids have their ears, tails, scales, feathers, and whatever else they could have on full display at all hours of the day and society isn't okay with that.

And adopting a Hybrid is just not right in my eyes. No matter what you are, Human, Hybrid, Dragon, Goblin, you are not to be bought or sold.

"A Hybrid Maya? You know how I feel about that…" I sort of trail off my last statement because she does already know my views on this subject.

"I know, I know, but it's really not as big a deal as you make it out to be. Minhyuk was adopted and he has a great life!" Maya says enthusiastically. Minhyuk does have a great life. He was lucky enough to have a great owner named Jooheon who treats Minhyuk like he would a brother. But there's so many Hybrids who arent as lucky.

"I don't know Maya. The idea of "owning" another person is so… pre-Civil War-esque."

Maya sighs. "Y/N, I know that you know how badly some Hybrids are treated by their owners." She begins.

"But I know that you would never treat anybody badly. You're an amazing person once you break down those walls! I really think you should think about it. There's a lot of Hybrids who need help…"

She gives me a sympathetic smile and places her hand over mine. I know that there's thousands of Hybrids who need good homes. And yes, I know I'm perfectly capable of helping at least one of them.

I'm just afraid. I'm afraid of not being a good owner for them. I'm afraid of disappointing them. I just don't know if I'm a good enough person. But all Maya asked me to do was think about, so I guess I can give her that.

-----

Christmas Eve

Maya and I spent the rest of lunch that day talking about the pros and cons of adopting a Hybrid and by the end of it, I had made up my mind. I wanted to adopt one. But now that we're walking to the shelter on Christmas Eve, I'm even more depressed. It's freezing out, the snow must be 4 inches thick on the ground, there's people everywhere, and all I can think about is my book nook in my kitchen and the pile of books waiting for me.

Oh, and by the way, I had to make an appointment with a Hybrid Match Specialist at the shelter. They're supposed to help me find the right kind of Hybrid for me. Maya has been trying to explain the different species and subspecies of Hybrids to me as we walk to the shelter, but it's too much information. There's so many kinds! And they're all different in every way.

There's Reptile Hybrids who are better suited for people who like to explore and party. There's Dog Hybrids who work well with energetic, health conscious people. And Cat Hybrids who like someone calm and family oriented. And the list goes on and on.

Maya continues to ramble on about the differences and complexities of each Hybrid species as we finally reach the shelter in the middle of the city. The building in one of the tallest, it looks like nearly 40 stories. Why is this shelter so big, anyway?

I look up at the building towering over me and I'm frozen in my spot, not just from the cold, but from the events that will transpire in less than two hours. Maya continues walking into the building and all I can do is stare up at this building. I may end up leaving with a whole other person that I will be solely responsible for. And it's not just that, what if that person's a man? I really don't mean to be rude, I'm just not comfortable around men and I haven't been in a very long time. I'm horrified of walking into this building and it must show because Maya stands in front of me and takes my gloved hands in hers.

She tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and says, "Y/N? Can you hear me?" I'm still looking up at the skyscraper. Thoughts zooming through my mind like a Nascar race. She places a hand on my cheek and lightly forces me to look in her eyes. She flashes me a sympathetic smile.

"If you really don't wanna do this, you don't have to. We can turn around right now and I can take you home." She says gently.

I know I can go home, all of this is voluntary, after all. I'm torn, I feel like I'm at war with myself. On one hand, I can walk into this building and come out with an adoring companion who will be with me until the end of my days. On the other hand, am I willing to let this person into my home? My safe space. The place I cherish and the place I know I can never be harmed? What if this person has ill intentions? What if they just wanna get out of the shelter and will do anything to make that happen? There's so many things that could go wrong, so many ways I could get hurt.

"I wanna do this." I say with a heavy sigh. Maya grips my hand tighter and pulls me by neck into a bone crushing hug. She says she's proud of me, says I won't regret this. I don't believe her, but I'd really, really like to.

#bts polyamory #bts hybrid!au #bts jimin #bts tae tae #bts hybrid #bts hybrid au #bts hybrid smut #bts!hybrid #bts suga #bts taehyung #bts jeongkook #bts jin #bts namjoon #bts hosoek #bts hybrid fic #bts poly smut #bts smut #service hybrid au #bts service hybrid

[ua-monoma]

.03.07.

Session Two || Hakamata Tsunagu @ua-bestjeanist

[Listless and exhausted, Monoma makes his way into the room, hardly looking up as he slips into the closest chair. The dark circles under his eyes are fading but still noticeable, and he immediately bows his head so that his hair covers his face.]

MONOMA: ...

[Hakamata hardly catches a glimpse of the boy's face when he looks up from his notes. He knows the feeling well, the exhaustion.]

HAKAMATA: Hello, Monoma-san..

[Wasting no time, he takes a bento from his bag and sets it on the table in front of the poor boy.]

HAKAMATA: Here, eat if you're hungry

MONOMA: ... Thank you... 

[He nudges the bento closer to himself but doesn't make an attempt to open it up just yet, bleary as he blinks away his tiredness.]

HAKAMATA: I've brought my own, you won't have to feel uncomfortable being the only one eating.

[He sets drinks on the table as well, thinking it's best to wait until the young man has eaten before bringing up his tired appearance.]

MONOMA: ...

[Figuring that the hero was going to keep bringing it up until he's eaten, he starts to pick up the chopsticks tucked into the bento after opening it, picking at the food with them before bringing a few small bits into his mouth.]

MONOMA: ... 

[He chews slowly.] 

MONOMA: It's good... [he mumbles.]

[Hakamata opens his own, handling his chopsticks with a shaky hand.]

HAKAMATA: ..I'm glad you like it, you can let me know if you have any food preferences for next time.

MONOMA: ... 

[He watches him struggling, already feeling sick again at the sight of it. He's still so weak... It's upsetting.

He tries to force himself to continue chewing, at the very least.] 

MONOMA: ... I will...

[Eventually, the hero just sighs and swaps hands. Bringing food to his mouth. He eats for a few minutes, letting the silence exist for maybe a bit longer than it should.]

HAKAMATA: Have you been adjusting back into class well? Your friends must have missed you dearly.

MONOMA: ... I suppose they did... [he mumbles, now picking at his food more than actually eating again.] They say they did. I don't know... mm.

[He frowns a little.]

MONOMA:  Classes are alright. I'm still catching up, so I've had a lot of extra lessons... and I haven't used my quirk much. Besides that, though, it's fine...

HAKAMATA: From what I can tell...your class is like a tightly knit family.

[After another bite, he continues.] 

HAKAMATA: Your quirk is "copy", right? Is there a reason you haven't been using it?

MONOMA: A little bit. Quite a few of us are a little more... estranged from our actual families. And Vlad-sensei is wonderful to us...

[He trails off, his bad mood soothed for the moment as he thinks of his beloved teacher, only to sour again at the next question.] 

MONOMA: Mm... It's complicated. It doesn't feel... right to, I suppose... 

[His voice drops in volume, almost inaudible as he admits it.]

HAKAMATA: I see...I won't pry further. I hope you can feel better about it soon.

[He picks up his drink.]

HAKAMATA: I can't speak for any of your friends, but your teacher seems to care for you greatly.

[Monoma nods slowly, his mood plummetting a little more at that. It's an awful contradiction in his mind, the relief that the hero wasn't prying but somehow feeling betrayed at the same time for it, like he or even the subject wasn't worth the effort. Distracted, he pries a piece of meat apart with his chopsticks.]

MONOMA: He... does. He's very kind to me despite all the trouble I've caused him... And he hasn't discarded me yet, though I'm sure he wants to...

HAKAMATA: I doubt he ever will, Monoma-san. People like Vlad King-san tend to stick in people's lives when they have that kind of relationship. A bit like a father, really.

[He finishes his own food, tucking the box back into his bag. He lifts some other things out first before placing everything back in, so they can be at the top, ready to be extracted later.]

[Monoma can't help but flush a little at the 'father' comment. Eyes flickering up quickly, he watches Hakamata packing his food away and hurries to do the same, setting his box away and placing it to the side for now.]

MONOMA: I, um. I suppose. I don't know. 

[He starts to fidget, picking at his nails as his cheeks continue to redden.]

MONOMA: I don't know... maybe...

[Hakamata notices the sudden shift of colour. Was he embarrassing him?]

HAKAMATA: I'm glad you have someone that important in your life...can you tell me about your friends?

MONOMA: ...

[He keeps fidgetting.] 

MONOMA: I don't know what to say... I suppose I'm friends with my classmates, mostly... And maybe a few in the other class, I don't know...

HAKAMATA: Is there anyone in particular you'd like to bring up that you're especially close with? I'd love to hear about the important people in your life. 

[He adjusts his legs, sitting more comfortably.] 

HAKAMATA: It helps me understand you on a special level.

[Monoma watches him move a little, feeling a little relieved at that.]

MONOMA:  ...

[Then he wilts a little as he thinks of the mess of his relationships at the moment.] 

MONOMA: I don't... know if I'd really want to bring anyone up, but I could, um... [He sighs a little.] 

MONOMA: A few of my classmates I grew up with... I supose I'm closest to my friend Kendou, but we haven't been talking. That's... sort of been the trend lately. There's Shinsou-kun, who I haven't been talking with, and Yaoyorozu, who I haven't been talking with... I do have Todoroki-kun, at least, and I talk to him, but... I don't... I don't know.

[He lists off a name Hakamata recognizes, but pushes the thought aside for later.]

HAKAMATA: I see...is there any particular reason you arent talking to them? Is it just the readjustment back into your life, or other reasons?

[Monoma shrugs vaguely.] 

MONOMA: It's the readjustment... or it's our schedules never quite lining up or it's... me, I suppose... I don't know. 

[He wilts a little, looking miserable.] 

MONOMA: I haven't exactly asked. Sometimes I'll have a few guesses, a few theories, but I don't ever really know...

HAKAMATA: Well..if they're your friends, then they must care for you. Remind yourself of that if it helps. Have any of your friends reached out to you in specific?

[He writes down the names, but nothing else.]

[Watching something getting written down, though, makes him antsy, especially since he doesn't know what it is from where he's sitting.]

MONOMA: ... I don't know. I don't exactly make it easy for them... Like, I know I'm most of the problem. I've had a conversation or two with... um, I didn't list them before, Kuroiro-kun and Tokage... And if it's obvious, if I make a grand show of my suffering and all, then someone is always bound to come rushing forth to help. But I've always thought that was more because... they're good people, that's what they do. It's hard to think that it's... for me... in any way.

HAKAMATA: I'm just saving the names of your friends so I don't forget them, don't worry.

[He decides to be upfront, seeing his reaction.]

HAKAMATA: ..Is it really a show if you're hurting, Monoma-san?

[Monoma’s eyebrows furrow a little and he purses his lips at that, falling quiet.] 

MONOMA: ...

MONOMA: Isn't it...

HAKAMATA: You've been through a lot, you're allowed to hurt.  It's okay. I like to believe that your friends reach out to you because they care...you said you grew up with the other ones?

MONOMA: ... Well, I'm not an optimist like you apparently are... [he murmurs bitterly before crossing his arms, frowning to himself.] But yes. Kendou Itsuka, I've known her since we were children.

HAKAMATA: ...I wouldn't call myself an optimist..

[Shifting again, he starts to think about his own experiences, but hurriedly pushes it aside.]

HAKAMATA: Tell me about her..?

[Monoma sighs a little, sulking now.] 

MONOMA: ... She's currently our class president at UA. And she's always been that sort of type, you know... responsible. Maybe a little too much, [he adds with a huff.]

MONOMA: We met when we were children and she was one of the first kids my age that would let me borrow their quirk. Usually, that was more of a luxury shared with me by the adults in my life... [he trails off for a moment, blinking slowly before sighing again.] She used to get into little tiffs as well. To protect me. She's the protective type.

HAKAMATA: So she's like a sister, then..from the sound of it, at least.

[He scribbles a star by her name in his book.]

HAKAMATA: You're fortunate to have someone like that. I noticed you brought up your quirk again....is there any way you would like me to help you with feeling comfortable using it again?

MONOMA: ... Something like a sister. I grew up an only child, so I wouldn't know...

[He's somewhat grateful for the change in conversation, though it turns to one that's that much more uncomfortable to talk about.]

MONOMA: I don't know. I'm not... not-comfortable with it. It's just... the process has been complicated, is all. 

[He thinks a moment.] 

MONOMA: ... I think there's a way that would help, maybe, if I may ask...

HAKAMATA: I did too, I understand..

[He nods, listening carefully. His interest is caught when he starts to suggest something.]

HAKAMATA: ..Go ahead

MONOMA: ... I want to do hero work again... [he mumbles before he raises his eyes, meeting his gaze.] I want to be out there, using my quirk for good. I was in an internship before I was taken, and I've been applying for more again, I just... I think everyone thinks I'm... That I can't. And I know I can.

HAKAMATA: ...You're asking to intern with me. Or someone I know. Is that it..?

[He thinks on it for a few moments. Letting the question hang in the air.]

HAKAMATA: ..Yes, I can probably arrange that

[Monoma just nods slowly, choosing not to answer the question since it's just... easier. Really, he'd take what he could get, and as much of it as he possibly could...]

MONOMA: .. Thank you, sir...

HAKAMATA: ...It'd have to be someone else. The public doesn't even know of my return yet. Unless you'd rather work with one of my sidekicks if you want my agency. Do you have anyone in particular you'd like to work with?

MONOMA: Not really. I just... 

[He frowns a little.] 

MONOMA: I wasn't allowed in this year's Sports Festival... and you know how important that all is in having heroes see you as capable enough to work alongside them. But... it was too soon after I'd returned and I wasn't believed to be stable enough. I think people still don't think I'm stable enough, really...

[He fidgets, but tries to keep his gaze even despite his nerves.] 

MONOMA: ... but... with your word, or your permission, or... recommendation, what have you, they'd have no choice but to believe I can still handle myself...

HAKAMATA: Alright, then. I can do that for you....but it will need to wait until my return is announced. Would that be alright? The word of a man many probably believe is dead wouldn't be any help to you.

MONOMA: ... 

[He nods slowly, sulking again.] 

MONOMA: Of course...

HAKAMATA: Which should be soon, don't worry. I can get you doing hero work one way or another.

MONOMA: ... Thank you... [he mumbles.] I just... really think it would help if I had something to dedicate myself to...

HAKAMATA: For now, I can ask a few fr....coworkers if they would be willing to let you join them temporarily. Would you like that?

MONOMA: ... I would... if you don't mind...

HAKAMATA: I can do that, then. I'll get started after our session and keep you updated.

[He worries a bit. They've not even started the heavier topics.]

HAKAMATA: Speaking of..[he sighs.] Your internship was placed immediately after that traumatic game, wasn't it? Aside from what else you've been through, do you think that horrible simulation has anything to do with the way you are feeling right now?

MONOMA: ... 

[He stills slowly, in a way he prays isn't noticible, his heart skipping in his chest at the mention of the simulation. Like all this isn't bad enough, now he has to remember that Hakamata was present for that horrible event, and he would have seen... so much of such an ugly side of him.]

MONOMA: ... 

[He feels sick. He wants to go home.]

MONOMA: Not really... [he lies, a quiet restraint in his voice.] If anything, that should be proof that I could... handle myself...  That I... [he trails off, trying to remember that internship. He'd been hospitalized soon after the simulation; had he even done much...?]

MONOMA: ... 

[More reason to feel like a failure, then...]

HAKAMATA: ....I wasn't present for the end of it due to personal reasons. That simulation was too risky from the start, I am sorry that I helped in such an awful project. It pushed you to your extremes by using your fear against you in an extremely unlikely situation.

MONOMA: I understood the point of it- [he starts with a rising panic, cutting him off some as he hears the hero start to apologize.] I understood why it was needed, I know what it was trying to teach us, I know it was necessary, it's fine. I'm fine. It helped me in the end, anyway. It's fine-

HAKAMATA: ...It's not fine...it's clearly impacted you...we can move on, if you would feel more comfortable talking about something else.

MONOMA: I don't care. 

[He curls in on himself, hugging himself tight.] 

MONOMA: You brought it up for a reason. If this was about comfort, I wouldn't be here in the first place... Just ask your questions.

HAKAMATA: I just want to know if it's somehow affected how you feel about your quirk, Monoma-san, that's all. If it hasn't, we can talk about something else. My job is just to help you..

MONOMA: It's just different, [he snaps.] Of course it's different. You use your quirk to hurt someone, it's going to feel different every time you use it. And I've never had that luxury everyone else had, [he continues, raving now.] I don't get to EVER understand things about my quirk. I don't get to know what power I'll have by the end of the day. And things change and I don't get to know what until it's too late. And I hate it.

[Tears pop into his eyes but he continues.] 

MONOMA: I've changed so much and I don't get a choice in the ways how and it's the same fucking thing with my quirk and I hate it. And you can't help me.

[Frowning, the hero reaches down to click something on his wheelchair before wheeling himself over to Monoma's side of the table. He doesnt say much of anything, but reaches to pull the boy into a hug.]

HAKAMATA: I want to at least try, Monoma-san

[Mouth snapping shut as he approaches, Monoma withdraws a little, but he doesn't resist more than that as he's pulled into a hug. He shivers a little, almost violently, and closes his eyes, trying to hide the way that he starts to sniffle.] 

MONOMA: ...

[A shaky hand comes up, petting his hair. He stays that way.]

HAKAMATA: You can cry, it's alright.

[He doesn't want to. He tries his damn best not to, but feeling that shaky hand against his hair, trying to comfort him despite all he's done, and intimately knowing every reason for every little tremor that goes through it- He can't. Monoma sniffles again, then slumps weakly in his arms as he starts to quietly sob against him.]

HAKAMATA: I've got you..

[He continues with it, occasionally rubbing the young hero's back with the other. He comforts Monoma much like he remembers his mother comforted him at a young age.]

HAKAMATA: ..You're a good kid, Monoma-kun.

[Monoma clutches to him, shaking his head once as his cries get a little louder, than soften into a quiet intensity. Under his hands, where he only clutches tighter, the fabric of Hakamata's clothes just barely start to unfurl and loosen under his fingers. He doesn't notice.]

HAKAMATA: Here.. 

[Also not noticing, and without letting go completely, he moves his hand for a moment to grab boxed tissues from the table. He sets them on the armrest of Neito's chair before continuing.]

MONOMA: Mm... 

[He goes to reach for one, hoping to clean his face off, feeling disgusting for such a mess he's making, and that's when he notices it, feeling the threads sticking to his hands as he pulls away from Hakamata's body. Upon feeling that, he lifts his head to look, and then immediately leaps back with a gasp of dismay, shaking his hand frantically to try and get the threads to stop clinging to him.]

MONOMA: S-sorry-- sorry, I'm- I'm not trying to, I'm sorry--

[Confused until he sees the threads, Hakamata looks down at the hole in his jacket.]

HAKAMATA: It's alright, you didn't mean it. It's a very tricky quirk..

[Gently, he helps hm get the threads off his hands, zipping them back into place once they're free.]

MONOMA: I didn't make that happen, I didn't do it on purpose... [he continues, rambling under his breath.] I'm-- I'm supposed to control it, I...

[When he watches Hakamata easily fix the damage, he finally falls silent, mouth pressing together like he's decided he's said something... forbidden, somehow. His hands lower into his lap and he bows his head a little, sullen.] 

MONOMA: Sorry... thank you...

HAKAMATA: It's alright, quirks can be activated with strong emotions. I'm assuming that's what happened.  You don't need to worry so much...

[Trying his best to reassure him, he seems to remember something.]

HAKAMATA: Ah, right. I brought dessert.

[Even with that, though, Monoma only continues to withdraw, flushing with embarrassment now, though he does perk up slightly at the mention of dessert.]

MONOMA: Um... did you?

HAKAMATA: I did, one of my favourites actually.

[He reaches into the bag again, pulling out two small containers. He passes one to Monoma.]

HAKAMATA: I do hope you like macarons..?

MONOMA: ... 

[He flushes again after feeling the automatic way he brightens slightly at the sight of one of his favorite desserts.] 

MONOMA: ...

MONOMA: I do, I really like them... [he mumbles sheepishly.]

HAKAMATA: Oh, good..! Looks like I made the right decision then.

[Inside the container, there's 4 little cookies, each a different flavour.]

MONOMA: ... 

[Monoma sniffles again. He wipes his face a little, scrubbing any lingering tears away with his hand. It's more than a little exhausting, going from so miserable to having this pleasant little surprise. The spark of happiness it gives him feels strange.]

MONOMA: ...Thank you...

HAKAMATA: You're welcome, Monona-san...

[He smiles at him, pleased to see him feeling a bit better. He hopes sessions after this will come easier.]

[Monoma returns the smile a little before managing another sniffle and wiping at his face again, now a little self conscious for his outburst.] 

MONOMA: .... 

[He fidgets a little, nervous again.] 

MONOMA: ...

[He looks concerned noticing his shift in attitude again.]

HAKAMATA: Are you alright..?

MONOMA: Just... y'know. 

[He shrugs sheepishly.] 

MONOMA: I don't... do that often, it's embarrassing...

HAKAMATA: I understand...it's nothing to worry about. Nobody knows but us, I'm legally unable to tell a single soul.

MONOMA: Well, that is comforting... [he says with a dry little laugh.]

HAKAMATA: If I do, you can sue me..! [He jokes with him a bit, feeling a bit better himself.]

[Smirking at that, Monoma manages another little laugh.] 

MONOMA: Oh, don't tempt me...

HAKAMATA: In all seriousness though, nobody will hear a word of it.

[Monoma nods, chewing his lower lip as he thinks about that.] 

MONOMA: ... Thank you.

HAKAMATA: You're welcome... ah, one more question actually. Is there any heroes you would like me to avoid asking to temporarily intern you?

[Monoma frowns. Immediately he thinks of Endeavor but... it's hard to deny just how incredible the man's influence and power is. So, instead, he just shakes his head.] 

MONOMA: I'm fine with whoever is kind enough to take me on...

[Hakamata nods.] 

HAKAMATA: I see, I've got some ideas, I'll do my best..

MONOMA: Thank you... It really means a lot to me.

HAKAMATA: It's no problem...I'll text you when I find someone.

MONOMA: Thank you...

HAKAMATA: Do you have any concerns, before our time is up?

[Monoma shrugs vaguely.]

MONOMA: ... Do you ever get sick and tired of the patients you see? I can't imagine this is a job that isn't... extremely taxing emotionally...

HAKAMATA: Your case is actually very unique. I don't typically see hero students...or teenagers at all, really. Its usually grown adults who have comitted crimes.

[He shrugs]

HAKAMATA: As someone who's worked here for years, I can't imagine how you ended up here.

[Monoma forces a humorless laugh.] 

MONOMA: Just my damned luck, I suppose...

MONOMA: ...

MONOMA: I don't have any other concerns, no...

HAKAMATA: Alright, then..! I do hope you enjoy your dessert, I am sorry that we could not talk longer.

[He ruffles Neito's hair slightly.]

HAKAMATA: I'll see you next week?

MONOMA: ...

MONOMA: Oh... 

[Not expecting the affectionate gesture, he ends up flushing again as he gathers his things, taking his bento and the little box of macarons.] 

MONOMA: Ah, yes, next week... Thank you for everything, sir...

HAKAMATA: Really, it's no problem-..  

[Another man enters, approaching Hakamata in his chair before realizing Monoma is still there. He looks embarassed and apologizes.]

MONOMA: ... 

[Monoma fights off a grimace. Instinctually, he just feels ashamed that someone else has appeared to bear witness to such a humiliating practice. Then, a bout of curiousity... Lingering for a moment, he fixes questioning eyes on Hakamata, hoping to get an explanation without having to come out and ask for it just yet.]

HAKAMATA: Ah, sorry. This is my caretaker, Gyakuten-san. He's used to coming in here at certain times.

[He gestures to the man, who looks like he feels awkward. He forces an uncomfortable smile.]

MONOMA: ... 

[Monoma politely smiles back, giving him a short bow as he comes to standing.] 

MONOMA: It's a pleasure, Gyakuten-san...

[Then, he looks over at Jeanist.] 

MONOMA: I won't keep you any longer, sir... Again, thank you for everything you've done for me today.

[He bows in return, then scoots behind the wheelchair.]

HAKAMATA: I'm glad to have helped. Have a good weekend, Monoma-san.

MONOMA: You too.

[With that, he takes his leave.]

#[[ god this is long ]] #monoma.log #best jeanist #rehabilitation.arc

[gal-liveblogs]

So there was another Homestuck 2 upd8, but I’ve been too busy to sit down and read it. Now I’m finally getting around to doing that!

Oh, so everything before this was prologue? Interesting.

Oh hey, it’s John’s house from Earth C! Is that John himself out in the garden? If it is that must mean we’re in the Candy timeline OR this is set before John made The Choice.

But wait, what’s that at the top?

Ah, I see, we are keeping the trigger warnings from the epilogues, but now they will pop up with each chapter, rather than all lumped in the beginning. If we’re dealing with Alcoholism then we must be seeing some Lalondes at some point.

But the denizens of this particular iteration of Earth C don’t know it. All of this is just business as fucking usual for a planet plagued by war, continuous inclement ghost weather, and the general malaise of being absolutely severed from canon.

So we’re definitely in the Candy timeline for now. I wonder if the only remnants of the Meat timeline we’ll be seeing in this story is Dirk and his crew while everyone else will be from Candy?

In the midst of this, a middle-aged man kneels in a garden. It isn’t his garden,

Not his garden? OK, so that makes me think one of two things. Either this isn’t John (because that is clearly his house) and instead might be an older Harry Anderson OR this is John, but he wasn’t the one to set up this garden (which makes sense because he never really seemed like the gardening type) despite it being on his lawn.

Plants, Jake has decided,

Oh. It’s Jake. I guess I did notice that little blob of black looked more like Jake’s hair than John’s three-pointed hair, but I was kinda fooling myself into believing Jake couldn’t possibly be here. Now that I am forced to accept this fact I do recall Candy Jake ending up staying with John after they both left their marriages.

And they don’t make increasingly inhumane arms deals and appear on talk shows expounding on the dangers of interspecies marriage. They have never, as far as Jake knows, fucked a clown.

Jane really has become the biggest bummer. Poor Rose, she’s a literal god in this universe and she’s getting slammed for her marriage choice. I would say there’s no way Jane has any sway given that they are both gods, but since Jane is also covertly (or not so covertly) controlling mortal politics she probably does have more sway over the popular opinion.

John has been an incredible pal, opening up his home to Jake and his son on such short notice, and even offering him a pair of pants, as well as a shirt that he has so far neglected to put on. John’s house doesn’t have air conditioning. It’s a charming little cottage, but it could sure as aces use some airing out. And dusting. And just general upkeep. The old place really has gone to seed since John’s been away.

So are we right where Candy had left off? No timeskip? This sounds like Jake being here is still a really recent thing. He doesn’t have his own clothes yet and the house is still a mess.

. . .

. . . . . . . .

Dear god, suddenly I am attracted to Jake English. HOW AM I SUDDENLY ATTRACTED TO THIS BLOB MAN? Shit, I finally fell into the English Allure that every single character in this story is victim to, it’s finally happened.

Aaaaaand immediately Jake gets sloshed. Attraction over. Guess the alcoholism mentioned was Jake’s.

Well that’s a neat little transition. Is this a booze induced dream?

The dream narrated Jake getting attacked by a monster, but a far different monster is approaching.

JAKE: So what youre saying is you arent my dirk.

DIRK: ...That is a whole ‘nother conversation that we really don’t have time for, pertaining to exactly who or what ‘your dirk’ actually constitutes.

HA! I can just feel the awkward tenseness behind his cool and laid-back tone.

DIRK: If you mean the Dirk that you fucked and then ghosted, no, I’m not your Dirk.

So. Confirmation that two teen-aged boys boned. For what it’s worth.

JAKE: Ahhh! Brain ghost dirk!

DIRK: In the ghosty flesh.

Ah, OK, we’re dealing with this Dirk. Not sure how I feel about this particular Dirk. He’s still a Dirk, but he isn’t the mega villain.... right?

DIRK: Until recently there’s been a shortage of ambient narrative relevance for Dirks, since one particular motherfucker has been sucking it all up like a thirsty little twink at his first interspecies rave. 

Oh good, I’m feeling better about this Dirk now. He seems real dismissive of Ultimate Dirk.

JAKE: I suppose ill just have to trust you!

DIRK: Yeah.

DIRK: Good luck with that.

HAHAHAHA! Man, that’s some good comedic timing.

Though this does make me question exactly what Brain Ghost Dirk is up to. Why rescue Jake from dream monsters, introduce yourself, and then shove him back into danger?

Consciousness hits Jake like a bottle to the back of the head.

Ah, that’s what he’s up to. Waking Jake up out of his drunken stupor. That’s a good plan.

In fact, the bottle is on the table, tipped over and sluggishly dripping from the mouth.

Excuse me?

The bottle is clearly still in his hand and not dripping at all. Me thinks the art department and writing department had a breakdown somewhere in production.

Brain ghost Dirk is still a thing even outside of dreams, which of course he is. He’s not Dream Dirk. So what’s the rest of your plan, BGD? Jake’s awake now, I assume there’s a part two to your sudden reappearance?

JAKE: And what side am i supposed to be fighting on? for jane or against her?

DIRK: Against her. Obviously. What the fuck, dude.

Yeah, Jake, seriously. Jane is full on villain at this point, I thought you were well aware of this fact by now.

DIRK: Yeah, I did. And every single one of them kicked ass. I wanted Jane to be the democratically elected president. Not a cake-slinging Jeff Bezos with a great rack.

JAKE: Jeff who?

Heh, as good a joke as that is it does make me question exactly how Dirk knows about Jeff Bezos. Was he a thing in Dirk’s history books? You know what, probably. Knowing Homestuck Mr. Bezos was probably one of those people that cozied up to Fish Hitler and helped her take over the world.

DIRK: That’s horseshit and we both know it. Jane would take you back in a second. She loves you.

JAKE: Psshaw. Not to be maudlin brain ghost dirk but jane hasnt cared about me in a very a long time if she ever did at all.

JAKE: I thought you knew everything i do.

DIRK: There’s a part of you that still hopes. You can’t help it.

You know what? I just really like this interaction.

Woah, I guess so montage of Jake getting his act together, or a drawn out sequence of Jake making plans and getting them done. We’re just jumping right ahead to Him being on the ship.

It’s then that Jake realizes that Jane isn’t mad because she’d never realized he was gone.

Well shit. That really does say something about their marriage.

Dirk is such a strange man. I can’t tell if that’s just how he’s comfortable waiting, or if he’s actively trying to woo Jake as Jane sobs on his shoulder.

DIRK: All according to keikaku.

Shut the fuck up, Dirk.

DIRK: Don’t know anything about stiff lips, dude. But that’s not what I mean. It’s not because you’re a man. You’re a god.

JAKE: Oh right. That.

DIRK: The world comes first, even at the expense of all your relationships and personal happiness. That’s what being a hero means.

Interesting perspective. Not surprising coming from Dirk. I mean, Ultimate Dirk seems to have given up on his own happiness to play Villain, so of course Dirk’s philosophy is that the same applies to Heroes. Also Ultimate Dirk is, like, an ultimate god, so it goes double for him.

DIRK: Think what you want about Jane, but at least she realizes that none of you can ever be normal, and she never bothered to try. Can it really be a god-complex if you’re actually a god?

I mean, that’s true, but is wanting a simple life as a god really bad? Also Just because you’re a god doesn’t mean you get exempt from making bad choices, and boy has Jane made some bad choices.

DIRK: People like us don’t get happy endings.

:(

JAKE: Is...is that really how dirk felt the whole gosh darned time?

Yes.

And on that sad note we end things. Hoo boy this was a doozy. I’m feeling more hopeful about how this story is progressing! Heh heh, hopeful. Get it? ‘Cause Jake? Heh.

#gal liveblogs #homestuck 2 #homestuck 2 liveblog

[johnnysnostril]

You’ve Always Been Mine

chapter 21

`nori

sitting down at the table, i noticed shownu and misun in the middle of a heated argument- across the room. as he tried to grab her hand, misun turned to walk away and i shot my gaze back at jooheon- who was sitting across from me.

“you okay?” he asked with a smile.

i nodded. 

“just spaced out a little, i guess.” i lied.

i wonder what they were fighting over. misun and i didnt really get a chance to talk on the way over here. she was too busy giving shownu the silent treatment, which involved all of us.

approaching the table, she took the seat next to me. 

“can i sit with you guys?” she asked.

jooheon flashed his dimples in her direction and chuckled.

“of course, you dont have to ask.”

misun tossed her hair off her shoulders before grabbing her napkin and placing it on her lap. she sighed then picked up the menu, taking a look. 

“i definitely need a mimosa.”

shortly after- shownu made his way to the table, with his head down. i gave him a small smile as he sat next to jooheon and slouched in his chair.

this was pretty awkward. they were both obviously upset about something, i just didnt know what it was.

not long after, a waiter came around and took our order- quickly bringing back the food and drinks.

we ate in silence for a few moments before jooheon cleared his throat. 

“well, this isn’t going how i pictured.” he chuckled as he wiped his mouth with his napkin.

misun didnt look up from her plate, not even once. i took a sip of my mimosa and smiled over at shownu.

“how’s your food?” i asked. he nodded his head and continued to eat. 

“sorry for ruining the mood.” shownu mumbled. “misun, sidebar.”

he stood up, making his chair screech against the floor before throwing his fork against the plate. i winced at the sound, looking at jooheon.

he whispered, “im sorry” then reached out for my hand. i laced our fingers together and shook my head.

`shownu

“why are you so upset?”

misun was standing against the wall, with her arms folded against her chest. she avoided looking in my direction, as she looked out the window.

“i dont think that you should be mad about a valid question.”

her head snapped in my direction.

“your question was invalid and stupid. i’ve never cheated on anyone, in my entire life. why would minhyuk even think about kissing me in the first place? this morning was the only time, that we’ve even had a full conversation.” 

i sighed, throwing my hands in my jacket pocket. 

“i dont know, misun. he was just really close to you and you looked pretty guilty when you saw me standing there.”

misun laughed and shook her head.

“you’re so ridiculous. im not entertaining this conversation anymore.”

as she turned to walk away, i called out her name but she kept walking.

“so, thats it?” i shouted.

misun threw her hand up, giving me the peace sign. “yep.”

`jooheon

“you’re a messy eater.” i laughed as i wiped nori’s chin. she was now sitting next to me, with one of her legs draped across my thigh.

“not all the time.” she giggled.

i loved seeing her smile. it made me feel grateful to even witness such a beautiful thing.

as misun came back to the table, her smile faded.

“im gunna go guys.” she said grabbing her purse.

“whyy?” nori cried out. “you didnt even finish your food.” 

“its okay, im not hungry anymore.” 

she leaned down and kissed nori’s cheek then cupped her chin.

“and do not, follow me. stay and eat.” misun said before making her way out.

a few seconds later, shownu came back to the table, sitting down and eating- like nothing happened.

after breakfast, we headed outside and waited for the car to arrive.

nori had her phone in front of her face the entire time, after misun left. i know she was worried about her. that’s what friends are supposed to do.

after awhile- i guess nori decided to give the misun situation a rest, as she slipped her phone back into her purse.

“so what now?” she sighed. 

i smiled down at her and wrapped my arms around her waist.

“do you wanna come to the studio with me? i want you to hear the new song i wrote.”

she looked down for a second and bit her bottom lip.

“oh. the studio? but, last time..-” nori mumbled.

i cupped her chin, lifting her head to look at me. 

“we’re starting over, remember?” i whispered. “that wont happen again.”

she slowly nodded, agreeing. “okay.”

“well arent you guys cute.” shownu said plainly.

i rolled my eyes. “way to ruin the moment, hyung.”

nori laughed a bit then lifted herself on her tiptoes and kissed my lips.

“shit!” shownu groaned as he looked towards the photographers, who were hiding across the street.. nori lowered her head into my chest and i helped to shield the flash from her eyes.

she wined and held onto me tightly. “its okay, i got you.” i whispered.

as the photographers swarmed around us, nori gripped onto my shirt. as expected, the word traveled way too fast and fans started crowding around us, screaming for shownu and i. he smiled and waved, trying to keep the attention on him- as i backed nori away from all this craziness. pushing her back inside the restaurant, i quickly kissed her cheek. 

“stay in here until the car arrives, okay? do not open these doors. understand?”

she nodded with fear in her eyes as she looked out towards the crowd. i could see her body slightly shaking as she clutched onto her purse.

making it back outside, i glanced over at shownu, who now had his phone against his ear- giving our manager the 911 call.

where the hell was the car? 

we both posed for photos and signed a few autographs, just to satisfy our fans. i forced a smile, never once forgetting about nori.

a few minutes pasted by and our car raced around the corner, stopping at the curb.

thank god.

i glanced back at the doors, and nori had disappeared. my body went straight into panic mood, as i searched through the sea of girls.

damn it, nori.

the driver quickly jumped out, pushing through the crowd and opening the door for us. shownu made his way inside and waved for me to follow. 

there was no way that i was leaving nori. 

just as i stumbled over back to the restaurant, i seen the top of nori’s head in the crowd. my eyes widened as i seen her get pushed around a few times.

“nori!” i shouted over the screaming.

suddenly, i didnt see her anymore. it was like she disappeared in thin air.

“come on, we have to go.” the driver said as he made his way over to me, pulling on my arm.

“no but-”

“theres no time! someone’s going to get hurt. let’s go.”

as i was pulled towards the car, i saw a few monbebe’s helping someone up from the floor.

it was nori. 

i snatched my arm back from the driver and rushed through the crowd, grabbing nori and pulling her to the backseat of the car.

as i helped her in, she was crying and close to hyperventilating. i slammed the door shut as she rested against shownu for the time being.

“didn’t i tell you to wait inside?!” i shouted as i pulled her over to me. i wrapped my arms around her and shut my eyes, squeezing her tight.

the driver quickly drove away from the scene, screeching the tires against the pavement as he pulled off.

“what were you thinking?” i exhaled heavily and kissed the top of her head.

“i-i just thought that if i went out the back doors, no one would see me..” she said breathing heavily.

i pulled back and cupped her cheeks. there was so much terror in her eyes. as i stared at her for a moment, she shut her eyes and her chest began to rise and fall at a faster pace.

her attack was beginning.

“i’m right here, baby. breathe with me.” i whispered.

i’ve never witnessed one of her panic attacks before. this was the first time.

i inhaled then released at the same pace- coaching her slowly. her eyes met mine and she furrowed her brows as she tried to follow my breathing pattern.

i glanced over at shownu as his phone began ringing. he turned the screen in my direction and our manager’s name popped up on the screen.

turning my attention back to nori, her breathing was finally starting to steady itself out after awhile.

“everything is alright now, you’re safe.”

i softly kissed her forehead then pushed her head onto my chest.

after the incident, i decided that going to the studio wasnt the best idea. instead, i joined nori at the apartment.

leaving shownu behind, we quickly made our way inside. misun angrily rounded the corner and furrowed her brows upon seeing nori.

“what did you do to her?” she asked, cupping nori’s cheeks. “you were crying!”

i shook my head and chuckled lightly at her actions.

“we just ran into a little bit of trouble, that’s all.”

nori wrapped her arms around misun and hugged her tightly.

“why’d you leave?” she mumbled.

copying nori’s actions, misun clung onto her bestfriend as she made eye contact with me.

“i just needed some time alone.”

i folded my arms across my chest and watched them hug each other.

`misun

i lead nori into the bathroom and quickly shut the door. her makeup was a mess and honestly, we both looked like the day slapped us back a few years.

grabbing a few makeup wipes, i started to clean her face.

“wanna explain what happened while i was gone?” i asked in a motherly tone.

nori pouted, grabbing a couple wipes herself- and began to take off my makeup too.

“what were you and shownu fighting about?” she shot back.

i rolled my eyes.

“i asked you a question first. why were you crying?”

she sighed then tossed the wipe in the trash as the job was done.

“a few photographers showed up, which lead to fans being all over the place and i kinda got trampled.” she shrugged.

i shook my head and stared at her for a moment. she met my gaze and blinked a few times.

“what?”

sitting on the edge of the tub, i looked up at her.

“is this really what our life is supposed to be now?”

playing with her fingers, she slowly made her way to sit next to me.

“i know this wasn’t what we expected. but, we both knew that this lifestyle would come with challenges. i guess we just gotta ask ourselves, is it worth fighting for?”

listening to her words, i started to think of shownu. i wanted us to work so badly, but his jealously was literally coming out of nowhere. i mean, minhyuk wasn’t flirting with me.. was he?

“shownu thinks minhyuk kissed me..” i blurted out. 

nori turned her head in my direction and parted her lips. she was quiet for a moment before she spoke.

“and did he?” she asked.

“if he did, you would have knew the moment after. so no-”

i ran my fingers through my hair then leaned my head against her shoulder.

“that’s what the entire trip to the restaurant was about. you know i would never cheat, on anyone. especially not shownu. i’ve wanted him for so long. why would i do that?”

nori nodded and leaned her head against mine.

“his jealously is a good thing though, misun. if he wasn’t jealous, that would be a red flag.”

i lightly shrugged then lifted my head, standing to my feet. 

“maybe you’re right.”

as i made my way over to the bathroom door, i opened it slowly- seeing jooheon in the kitchen. he was fighting with the coffee making with a puzzled looked on his face.

laughing, i waved nori over. 

“you might wanna go help ya boy.”

` an hour later

standing in front of the dorm, i hesitated before knocking. 

yes, i was swallowing my pride and going to apologize first. i rolled my eyes at my thoughts and tilted my head, waiting for the door to open.

as it swung open, minhyuk was standing in the doorway- shirtless.

“oh, misun. hey.” he said brightly.

lord, please help me.

#lee jooheon #joohoney #jooheon imagine #jooheon soft hours #jooheon fanfic #Monsta X #monsta x imagine #monsta x fanfic #monsta x soft hours

[sugarless--girl]

Day 7: Disaster — fem!Kuroken

Kuroo was a bit of a disaster around Kenma. The dark-haired girl was terrified that someday she’d slip up and it’d all come crashing down that she had the hots for her childhood friend.

Of course she fucks this up by making out with Kenma at a party. God help her poor soul.

Read on AO3

The party was an absolute disaster and everyone knew it. It wasn’t enough that cops were called half-way through the night, oh no—Kenma had to go and make shitty decisions in her inebriated state of mind. Remind her never to go to a frat party again.

When Kenma first woke up that morning, her hangover was painful enough that it left her cursing god and her dumbass past self. Why was she so stupid? After she finally managed to muster up the strength to sit up—trying not to gag a few times—Kenma looked around for her phone. But something else caught her attention—namely the fact that she was completely topless, no bra in sight. She wasn’t wearing pants either but at least she had her underwear. Small victories. She was also in her room, so she at least had enough sense to get back home.

Did Kenma get lucky last night or had she thrown up all over herself? The latter explanation didn’t account for the missing bra though. God, it was cold in this room. She slowly got out of her bed. Her sense of balance was worse than ever and the thought of even bending down to pick a shirt off the ground felt too much. Kenma just rooted around the closet until she found an oversized t-shirt to wear.

She went to the bathroom to get rid of the taste of alcohol in her mouth.  As Kenma grabbed her toothbrush, she took in her appearance in the mirror. Her hair was a total disaster—something she was not looking forward to fixing. She smelt like alcohol and sweat but the thought of stepping into the shower made her head spin. Her eyes traveled to her neck. It had a huge fucking hickey on it.

Who the fuck—?

Kenma pushed the thought out of her head. She’d have a mental breakdown later. She made her way to the kitchen, hoping to find Kuroo. Her longtime friend was standing at the stove with a look of intense concentration. Before Kenma could step closer, the smell hit her and it made her want to throw up right then and there. Luckily, she clearly threw up everything last night as she just gagged. But it did cause Kuroo to turn her way when she heard Kenma hitting the wall.

“K-Kenma! You’re up!!” She said, as she practically jumped out of her skin.

Her friend’s loud voice would’ve been comforting any other time but Kenma only felt, well, pain stabbing her head. “Kuro…..you’re too loud.”

“Ah, yeah sorry.” Kuroo stared at her oddly (probably staring at the hickey) but Kenma wasn’t in the mood to try and read the other girl’s expression.

“Aren’t you hungover?”

“No.” There was Kuroo’s easy going smile. “I actually watch my limit unlike you. Here, drink some water.”

Kenma took the cup and began sipping it. Drinking water was an ordeal itself. Why did she drink so much again?

“Oh, yeah I saw Shrimpy make out with that scary girlfriend of hers. Weren’t you hanging out with her?”

“Yes.” Kenma muttered mutinously, now remembering why she decided to suddenly torture her liver. Kuroo had ditched her to hang with Bokuto so she decided to find Hinata before the party got too hectic. But it hadn’t taken long for Hinata to get distracted by Kageyama, thus leaving Kenma to her own devices. She hated when her friends did this. Drag her to some random party, made her leave her 3DS behind so she could “socialize” and ditch her halfway through. Kuroo wasn’t too bad with leaving Kenma as the black-haired girl usually knew when Kenma was ready to bail but Hinata—despite being well-meaning—tended to get distracted easily.

God, what even happened last night?

“Uh, so you hungry?” Kenma just glared at Kuroo who laughed at her misery.

“You took me back last night, right?”

“Yeah?” Kuroo said, sounding weirdly hesitant

“Do you remember if I made out with anyone?” Kenma wasn’t the type to make out with strangers—not that she judged people who did, but it was definitely out of character for her. Drunk Kenma was more sleepy and cuddly than horny.

Kuroo stood tense at the stove. Kenma blinked as she tried to make sense of Kuroo’s strange behavior. “Was it—one of your exes or something?” That seemed like the only logical conclusion for the odd atmosphere.

“No, I didn’t see who the person was.” Kuroo muttered.

That explained it. Kuroo was doing her over-protective routine again. “Well, I’m gonna go shower.”

Kuroo whipped to look at Kenma. “Eat something first.”

Kenma grimaced. “After my shower.” She could feel Kuroo’s eyes on her and turned to look at the other girl. Kuroo just looked away.

Weird

Last night was a disaster. Kuroo was a disaster.

How the fuck was she going to live with the knowledge that she made out with her best friend? She was a godless sinner that deserved to be burned at the stake. She took advantage of Kenma when the other girl cuddled up to her. Never mind that Kuroo was just as fucked up as Kenma—she still took advantage of her friend’s trusting nature. Kuroo hadn’t gotten drunk in a while now so last night had been bad. A disaster even.

Kuroo had luckily come to her senses and stumbled drunkenly into the bathroom to throw-up the rest of the alcohol to sober up quicker. Never had she been so thankful for her gag reflexes. Of course, sobering up just made her feel worse.

Not to be dramatic or anything but she totally got why people became raging alcoholics. It was way easier to ignore your feelings when you were drunk out of your minds. But you made stupider decisions so maybe it wasn’t worth it.

Kenma knew something was wrong despite being massively hung-over. When she finally recovered she’d probably ask Kuroo what the hell was going on and Kuroo knew there was no way she’d be able to lie to her face like that. She hadn’t ever been able to lie to Kenma. She was just too perceptive. But the other girl knew when to give Kuroo her space so she hoped that Kenma would let it go this time. That was the only reason she got away with not spilling her guts about her raging lesbian crush on the other girl.

She looked down to her frying pan and sighed. It had turned out slightly overcooked during her self-loathing episode—Kenma wouldn’t mind but Kuroo hated making anything less than perfect for her.

Kenma stepped back into the kitchen, toweling her hair dry. She felt significantly more like a human being after properly cleaning up. Her hair—which initially smelled like someone dumped a shot of vodka all over it—was washed and she no longer felt like that one time where she stayed up three days in a row to finish Dark Souls. She did not finish Dark Souls in those three days as it was rather difficult to react fast when you were sleep-deprived. Who knew?

In the shower, she spent a good deal of time wondering who the hell gave her that hickey. Was it a stranger or was it someone she knew? She contemplated asking Hinata about it but figured going to Kuroo would be the best place to start.

Kenma sat down at the dining table and Kuroo placed an omlette in front of her. She was grateful it looked rather plain as the thought of digesting much else seemed like an ordeal in it of itself. Kuroo watched her as she slowly dug into her meal. Kenma’s stomach was beginning to rebel but she wasn’t about to throw up now.

“Good?” Kuroo asked

“Mmh.” Kenma looked up to see Kuroo staring intently at her nails. “Kuro? Aren’t you going to eat?”

“Ah, I already did.”

Something felt off. “Did you see your ex at the party last night?”

“No? Why are you bringing him up?” Kuroo asked with a frown

Kenma shrugged and continued to eat her breakfast. Kuroo’s breakup had been a messy one but not many people knew the details. Apparently Bokuto knew and that bother Kenma. All she knew, herself, was that it had something to do with her.

“Did you see me with anyone?”

“Well I didn’t see you much in the beginning of the party.”

“But you took me home, right?” Kenma pressed.

“Uh, yeah?”

“You didn’t see me with anyone when you came to take me back?”

Kuroo rubbed her neck. “No…”

Wait…. “Did I have hickey at that time?”

Kuroo looked everywhere but at her. Surely not…

“Kuro, did you give me this hickey?”

To Kenma’s mild horror, tears began welling up in Kuroo’s eyes. “I-I’m so sorry Kenma. I’m really sorry. You can—you can do whatever you want with me. I’m just—“

“Wait, wait, wait…so let me get the events in order: you called a Lyft or something and we went back to our dorm. And then we ended up making out on my bed I’m guessing. And then you got horrified and went to wallow in your room, right?” Everything was starting to finally make sense to Kenma. She always felt as though she were missing something with Kuroo. She knew that a kiss wouldn’t bother Kuroo that much unless it had weight behind it—Kuroo hardly cared about kissing Bokuto after all.

“Yes….” If the kicked puppy look was saying anything, then it was clear that Kuroo expected the worst.

“Kuro….how long have we known each other?”

“I-is this a trick question?”

“No—I mean, why would you expect that I’d get mad?”

“Well because you got mad at Lev…”

“You and I both established Lev is an idiot.” Kenma sighed. “I’m just surprised I didn’t notice this about you.”

“Notice what?” Kuroo asked, slowly looking up at Kenma.

“You liking me.” At that, Kuroo buried her hands in her face and groaned.

“I didn’t want you to notice, that’s why.”

“Why? Because I don’t like you?”

Kuroo mumbled something intelligible in her hands but Kenma had an idea of what she was getting at.

“Kuro….you’re the exception to a lot of my rules. It’s why the thing I’m most surprised about is that I didn’t pick up on your crush.”

“Yeah?” Kuroo asked, peaking up from her hands.

“Yeah.” Kenma smiled, “I notice you all the time.”

Kuroo smiled for what felt like the first time that morning and Kenma’s raging headache didn’t feel as bad as before.

#femslash february #femslashfeb2019 #day 7 #disaster #haikyuu #kuroken #fem kuroken #kuroo tetsurou #kozume kenma #genderbend #posted a day late but better late than never

[whatthepuck20]

Good Coffee. Awkward Conversation.

Who: Noah Puckerman and Abel Hayward When: August 27th noonish Where: Lima Bean, Lima Ohio What: Puck runs into Abel in Lima and they finally meet.

To say Puck was tired would be an understand. He already had issues sleeping due to some shit he saw overseas, but with Saph in town, it was fair to say sleep was the last thing on his mind. The recruitment office was usually slow around lunch time, so Puck decided to dip out and run to the Lima Bean for needed caffeine. His uniform brought about the usual stares, but he was used to it by now. Puck ordered a large coffee, black and stepped to the side to wait for it to be made. He accidentally bumped into the man next to him and muttered an apology before looking up. The man looked familiar, but he couldn’t place an exact name to the face. “Do I know you?”

Abel was thankful for his mom when she told him that she would watch Issy while he slept. Though, he couldnt sleep any longer and didnt want to grab something to drink at home. So he got dressed, grabbed his skateboard and headed to the Lima Bean. He was scrolling through the tag photos he was in when he felt someone bumped into him. He looked up and noticed that the other guy looked familiar. “Maybe? Lima is a small town and everyone knows everyone, right? Or has that changed in the past two weeks.” He pocketed his phone and took off his sunglasses to get better look at the guy.

Puck furrowed his brow slightly as he thought of all of the people he knew from Lima. Once the other man took off his sunglasses, it all clicked in Puck’s head. “You’re….Dani’s roommate, right? The ‘hottest male dork’ she knows,” he said with air quotes. Chuckling, he offered Abel his hand. “Sup, man? I’m Puck.”

“Arent you the guy who called me Captain Ab-merica last week?” Abel asked when he looked at the guy better. “Yeah, Im Dani’s roommate and that is me.” He chuckled as he shook his hand. “Not much, you? And Im Abel, its nice to finally meet you.”

He laughed at the accusation and shrugged a shoulder. “Yep. I mean to be fair, you had just posted a shirtless photo.” Hearing his name being called out, he turned around to grab the coffee and thanked the barista before facing Abel once more. “On a quick lunch break. Needed a pick me up…someone kept me up all night,” he joked before taking a sip of the hot coffee. “You wanna grab a table? I got like 20 minutes before I have to head back to the office.”

Abel raised an eyebrow when he heard Puck and pulled out money for a tip before he took a drink of his coffee. He did a spit take when he heard Puck and coughed. “Saph’s here?” He asked as he used the sleeve of his hoodie to wipe his mouth.  “Yeah, that sounds good to me. I got an hour before I gotta surprise my daughter but let’s grab a table.”

Puck raised an eyebrow at the spit take. “You ok, dude? Yea Saph’s here. Wait…you know Saph?” he asked as he made his way to an empty table and took a seat. “Yea Saphira surprised me at work last week. It’s been amazing even though Lima is boring as hell and there’s nothing to do here,” he added with a chuckle. “You have a daughter? How old is she?”

Abel nodded as he cleared his throat. “Im okay, I didnt know that Saph is here and that, I do. We’re acquaintances, Saph asked me to write that article on Quinn a few weeks back.” He took the seat across from him and placed his drink on the table. “Yeah, but some of the people aren’t bad.” He casually said, took a sip of his coffee and placed it back on the able. “Yeah, um. Well, she’s still currently my goddaughter but Im in the middle of the adoption process and she’s seven, actually. She’s been visiting my parents for a month, that way she’s not in the midst of everything that has been going down in LA and in New York but Dani and I got a house this past weekend and we want to surprise her with it.” He paused for a bit. “I saw that you had a thing at the school, how did that go?”

Leaning back in his seat, he nodded slowly. “Ah I gotcha. Saph is awesome. Best partner in crime I could as for. You’re a journalist? That’s cool. I can’t spell worth shit to do that.” He sipped his coffee slowly as he listened to the other man speak. “Seven? That’s a good age. My daughter is eight. She’s a firecracker. I heard yall were moving. Are yall all unpacked yet? Moving is a bitch,” he commented as he played with the coffee cup in his hand. “It went well. Got a decent amount of interest. Just wanted to let them know there are options out there if college isn’t their thing, you know?”

Abel nodded when he heard the other guy. “Yeah, Saph’s one of a kind for sure. Im a journalist, Im also freelance artist at Cy’s comics in New York, model and Im also a voice actor who’s going to be taking acting lessons when I get back. That way I can get more acting roles since I love it. Thats why they have editors.” He said with a smile and nodded once more. “Yeah, she’s seven and it is, but Im worried since she’s already sassy enough, that she will be more sassier and a firecracker. For the most part, but Dani’s unpacking the rest and getting Issy’s room together. It is, yeah but hopefully we’re done moving for a while.” He listened to him, took a sip of his coffee and placed it back onto the table. “Of course, yeah and I wish I had that kind of information when we were back in high school, but I guess I had my calling.”

Puck couldn’t help but smile. “Definitely one of a kind. I’m a lucky dude,” he responded with a nod. “Shit, dude. That’s awesome. Sounds like you’re living the dream…and it explains the shirtless pic,” he joked. “She’ll probably get a little more sassy. I feel like the sassiness doesn’t stop until like teenage years are done.” He shrugged and took a sip of his coffee before setting it down. “Everyone has their place in life I guess. I didn’t think I’d be doing this when I was in high school. But I ended up loving it. Life is weird like that.”

“Yeah you are.” Abel agreed with a smile and slowly nodded with a chuckle. “And the bunch of magazines of me on the cover in the store.” He let out a sigh as he listened to the other guy, knowing that he’s right. “Yeah and even with that, it won’t stop. Her mother was sassy. Not only that, everyone around her is sassy.” He pointed out and knew what he meant. “Yeah, that’s for sure. One thing is happening and then the next, your life is changed.”

“Sassiness is genetic. You’re screwed man,” he joked with a chuckle. “Agreed. You never know what the hell life is gonna throw at you until you’ve already been hit in the face by it.” Puck took a long sip of his coffee before setting the cup down once more. “So how long have you known Saph? Got any secret insider information for me?”

“I’ve been screwed ever since she learned how to talk.” Abel chuckled as he shook his head at the memories. “Exactly and you’re never prepared for that either.” He leaned in his chair and hummed as he thought. “I’ve known Saph ever since April/May? During that time, things were fuzzy as fuck around those two months. Just, don’t get on Saph’s bad side or anything like that.”

Chuckling, Puck finished off his coffee and pushed the cup to the side. “Kids, man. They’re a handful.” He drummed his fingers on the table top and nodded his head. “Ah so you two have known each other for a little while, nice. It’s nice to meet people who know Saph who aren’t Quinn.” Puck couldn’t help but laugh at the bit of advice Abel gave him. “Yeaaaa I don’t wanna even know what Saph’s bad side is like. I’m gonna treat Saphira as good as I can.”

Abel nodded in agreement. “They are, but Im grateful for her.” He chuckled a bit before he shook his head when he heard Quinn’s name. “Yeah, we have and thank god, no.” He ran a hand over his face and looked at him once he leaned back once more. “You and I both.” He sat up a bit straighter before he gotten comfortable in chair and smirked a bit. “Speaking of that, we both know that Saph can handle anything. However, I started to care about Saph a bit more ever since the car accident.” He picked up his cup, twirled it around his in hand and looked at it for a bit. “Though, if I hear one thing about you upsetting Saph, in any form that’s not from happiness or hurt Saph. I know a bunch of guys who owe me a favor and I know that they’re not afraid to send you swimming with the fishes and I also know that they would make everything like an accidental kinda thing.” He looked back at Puck and continued to move the cup. “These guys, aren’t small, believe me. I wish I can say that they’re small and wouldn’t hurt a fly. However, I’ve known them for at least four years and I can at least name about, fifty guys who disappeared without a trace and the cops never solved their case. A bunch of cold cases.” He stopped the cup and placed the cup onto the table. “So, if you hurt Saph, I’ll make sure to be the journalist on that case and I will make sure Saph will be protected. Capisci?”  

He smirked softly as Abel spoke before reverting to the blank face he was trained to put on in the face of threats. Puck crossed his arms over his broad chest and listened carefully to what the other man was saying. “Heard and understood,” he replied. “But you should know, I care deeply about Saph. And I will never, ever, do anything to hurt Saph. Saph is the best thing that has happened to me in a very, very long time. I may be stupid…but I’m not dumb enough to fuck up what we have.” He leaned forward and offered Abel his hand. “You’re a good man, dude.”

Abel had to keep himself from chuckling after that, he couldnt believe that he went full Italian and he wasnt even Italian. “Good, if you do, I’ll let Saph deal with you then I’ll involve the guys.” He replied before he shook the other’s hand. “Eh, I try to be a good man, but thank you and you’re a good man too.”

“That’s fair,” he replied as he took his hand back. Checking his watch, he cursed softly to himself. “I gotta head back to the office. I’ll hit you up the next time I’m in New York, man” he commented as he stood up from the table. “See you around, Abel.”

“You better, or I would be hurt.” Abel replied as he watched the guy stood up and finished his drink. “See ya man.” He stood up as well and threw his drink away before he checked his own watch, knew that he needed to head back to surprise Issy.

#parawhatif #para #ah #gcac #hayabel

[bluebirdzykaysies]

5.14 - day before momma leaves

Goddamnit I hate to admit it but I’m already thinking and crying like a baby in my head once my mom leaves me to go back home to sf. the feeling is mutual like melissa said cause she’ll probably be just as a wreck and all this time I’ve been spending with her, I’m cherishing even more. I’ve never felt like this and Victoria said the same thing; expecting that while I transition. But everyone needs to experience this. I DO, especially. I need the time away for a bit to miss them and I already miss those interactions with my brothers too of just lounging in the living room watching NBA games all night, or youtube videos like its judyslife or ustheduo.

Our lives have changed already and itll be so hard as I am bawling my eyes out, sitting in my newly mounted dining table my mom and I put together, facing outwards my window with the Chicago sun, beaming through at a whopping 54 degrees.

This is my life now, I will be on my own and making decisions on my own. Ive told a few folks that I’m sad yet annoyed my moms time here was a bit much. But I know it was perfect for what it is. We’ve been tired each and everytime, her actions speak volumes and our conversations arent as deep as I want, but I know this quality time was one that will impact my life forever. Even though I hate to admit it or will say this to her face. i love my mom. so much, she means so much to me and my brothers. The amount of things she does unselfishly aka drive my freaking car with just her and hector for 5 days cross country. do what she did to make me help settle, there is no one like her. and I will forever appreciate her and love her.

She is opinionated and still felt like I couldnt decide for myself but this will be also a time where I speak up and use my voice. Saying NO.

ugh the tears keep falling down but some highlights from this past week were:

- Silly vlog videos that I actually may put together when I get the time

- 5/6; arrived - went to container store to buy my elfa shelving for my closet. Super nice lady that worked there Hector spoke to. Went to world market to check out their furniture and standing mirrors. TJ Maxx/HomeGoods and picked up some bathroom essentials, shower curtain, mats and beddings, Facetimed Yan/Ronz/Brent+Rick at night (10pm CST) 

Mom stayed with Hector at Courtyard Marriot til Saturday 5/8. So I wanted to stay at the apartment for the first time alone and enjoy the moment and soak it all in. Parking at my garage alone, randomly waking up to the SUNRISE at 545am and just being in awe of my new city... I could just cry

Didn’t get my wifi set up yet so the struggle was real a bit. The air mattress we got from costco has been tough to sleep on but eventually Ill get my mattress. Just have been torn with my furniture not being here since everything was rushed and happened so quickly. Learnings from the move thus far:

-Write a damn list, I DID NOT. Aka thats why a bunch of junk and unnecessary things were with my mom and hector in the car. All couldve been bought here. I ocouldve taken more clothes and shoes

-Alot of my clothes aka my favorite jean jacket and pink/mauve henley was left at home. My running shoes - I decided not to prioritize idk fucking why *rolls eyes* and alot of my other valuables. Brendan is nice enough to ship it. Its not worth to buy a RT flight and go there and take it all back with me... no. :( I would though tbh if I was in LA. lol make couple trips but I’m far enough that its like.... whewww is it worth but one day I will come back and visit. For now, its slated for Oct

5/7 Friday; I had it off started the day late at 12pm and booked my mom, hector and myself tickets to the skydeck. my mom was HILARIOUS, she was scared at first and thought it would be a huge platform to see under but once she saw its just a small piece of glass over 105 floors, it wasnt THAT bad. Her and hector are hilarious together and annoying a little LOL. but I guess they’re cute

Went to Wrigley Field while there was a game and that was an experience. Fans at the top of their houses, Security all over the block, streets closed, fans everywhere. Its such a historical building in the middle of a freaking neighborhood so it made itself unique vs att/oracle park being so secluded down in mission bay.

RPM Steak for dinner in River North. Valet’d the car and Hector treated us to a Missouri Steak? it was bomb though but I wanted Medium and he wanted medium rare... cream of spinach, mac and cheese, asparagus and for dessert topped with a Baked Alaskan. Whatever that is. (It was good) and my first time trying it.. me and mom. Our waitor was a nice lady in her 30s, gave me tori kelly vibes. Then another worker stopped by our table who looked filipino for sure (Rox’s ex Dennis look a like) but I already for got his name. He told us how he lived in West Town too and would eat at this bomb restaurant called “Uncle Mikes” maybe the ‘superstar’ of chicago :) hectors jokes were a bit much saying climbing up the coconut tree and asking if he can make halo halo in the back for dessert. No sir....

5/8 Saturday; Plan was to visit Macys downtown to check out furniture at around 930am. But they werent open til 11am. We checked out the Bean at Millenium Park and my mom got to see all the tulips and flowers. We waited in line for a while at Stans Donuts since Wildberry was just too WILD and packed, so we walked a block down and had ourselves some coffee and donuts for the day. After we headed to Macys and were greeted by a tall man name Hilary. he’s THEEE BEST. he knew we didnt have to buy anything from him at macys but he’s such a sales guy and has been in this business for so long that he kept tlaking about Quality of furniture and making yourself feel comfy and at home. Being in a small apt, or living out alone for the first time, separating each section once winter hits so you’re not bored out of your mind in the small place. He was so friendly and nice, I took his business card. Went to Ashley’s on the way to the airport and got gas. Feel in love with the small dinette table they had but the one I’m sitting on now I feel like is just perfect. Soletren couch will forever be out of stock and I will never let this go :( honestly dont know how itll fit in my door but i guess i will settle for something reasonable and decent in size

IVE BEEN SPENDING SO MUCH MONEY. . . . . . . I cant even. I got paid today so todays check will be sponsoring all of my credit card funds. Gna just pay it off in full so I dont have to deal with it. But going forward a budget will be set. and luckily some of the things I bought work can reimburse so I’ll do expenses sunday perhaps.

Saturday evening after dropping off hector, we did errands in the suburbs and went to a walmart. a bit ghetto lookin but its fine. Decided to go to costco after but had an incidentn with this white man who bumped my car and didnt apologize. I was going to say something but we’re so far out in the suburbs Idk what the hell he wouldve done to me. And if they’re racist out there. took the long way home and it was prob not through the safest neighbor hoods but my mom didnt have to know since traffic on the freeway was just ALOT. omg and the roads are just so bumpy, my poor car. Becca said she has a guy at a shop her family always goes to so hopefuully I wont need him but just nice to know the option is there.

Went to the costco up by roscoe village and bought food and more essentials like medicine i have a whole pharmacy.  again throughout all this, my mom is the MVP. I wouldve been like, Ill go get it when I need it vs mom stocking up beforehand. We ended up setting my living room with a japanese style seating using my elfa shelving as the table and a towel over it. Leftovers from RPM for dinner and ribs/salad from costco. (I keep eating, and we’re not walking alot so....... I’m def gaining wait and will need to lose this asap)

I’ll be back more to cover this past week; mothers day, ikea, seafood city, hanging with becca, azul mariscos, drunk at ross and dollar tree, pants falling (mom) unbuttoned pants cuz we’re so ‘stuffffffed’ hanging with the boys via facetime cause I do miss them :( I need to havea schedule with them.

kk toodles. time to go back to work. no more crying (maybe) then an architecture tour with my mom <3 and dinner at a steakhouse at MJ’s on Michigan Ave BYeeeee

[forethan21]

18/12/2020

To me love isnt about staying in a relationship or dwelling on a feeling. Love to me is bending but not breaking to compromise. It is the kind where you know when to let go in hopes to trust for the best to come, the kind where you empathise, showing vulnerability and completely surrender. (Remember when Jesus died for us in the cross? Diba he gave his all, his everything just so we can live. That should be a standard in our lives. To choose someone who would do anything to just be with us without questioning our worth. Never settle for someone who gives half of their heart. Its all or nothing.) The kind that is mature. Love is what you do despite of what you feel. The kind that fights for the good of someone else even if they never see the value or sacrifice that you did. (Thats what Jesus did. He never complained when he was on the cross. All the pain and burden he endured bc he loves us. And look at us now not even recognising how amazing he is. We took it this life for granted- some of us are wasting it, choosing people for our own accord and pleasure. Im saying this in general im not hinting it on anyone, but if the shoes fits then..) The kind that demands temporary surrender of security, giving up familiar bad habits and patterns, giving unrewarded works and efforts. The kind that challenges you in so many ways. Love wasnt made to be comfortable. It was made to show change and growth.

Not gonna lie tho i loved you for you and everything youve done. Those memories are dear to me bc i knew you tried no matter how difficult it was to love me in some days. Kaya gusto ko lng magpasalamat dun. Likewise, something i learned recently was that we should never question someone elses love for us regardless if it was inadequate. Bc i realised we should be thankful for the amount of love and care we receive from any person out there. Family, friends, lovers. That itself should be enough. Its not up to us how much love they should give to make us feel satisfied. That wouldn’t be love. The greatest love you could ever receive should come from you and the Lord not from anybody else. So i just wanna tell you that i take back those times i questioned your love. Bc what you gave was already enough.

Im sorry i couldnt wait for you to change. Bc i realised if you knew how to love me the very first time I wouldnt need to tell you anything. I wouldnt feel hurt bc im rest assured that you love me enough to know what to do. It didnt feel mutual to me.

When u came bck with your letter idk it seemed like there was something missing. Committment and plans. Maybe i was hoping that youd take me back but i guess it was the opposite. And maybe that was your answer after all. To tell me that you arent staying. I hope next time you go into a relationship po, you dont assume the worst. You dont jump into conclusions when it gets tough. Bc like anything can change if youre willing to do it. You need to trust the the other side will stay. It was the way your mindset was so fixed on the idea that I will leave. That i was making excuses. Ndi pow. I jst have standards. Oo tao ka lng, you make mistakes but how do i know tht youre not gonna make the same mistake again? Im jst protecting my heart po. I guess i dont wanna experience the same trauma again.

I hope someday na you will learn to see the good in people regardless if they did u wrong pow. (idk lng ha pero I dont think youve moved on sa ex mo pow. I feel like you havent fully forgiven her and accepted what has happened. I know it hurts to know that they betrayed you like that but your worth is not defined by them po. You did your best po and if she did not recognised that then thats her loss. This is partly what keeps u holding bck. Bc u didnt get closure. I hope you reflect on that and find the closure that you need po. Dont tell me you dont need one bc i know deep in your heart that it still hurts. Like bruh the fact na sure na sure ka na sa kanya u were ready to put a ring on her finger. You were hopeful and certain. I think it was meant to happen to test you both in your worst. You had your mistakes. She had hers. Dont you think you should close tht chapter of your life before starting a new one? Or more importantly, dont you think you deserve peace? Ill leave you to think bout tht). I wasnt trying to find something wrong jst to let you go. If i did i wouldnt put myself in a situation where I will lose my friends po.

Ethan i understand you. I understand your fear of giving too much to someone who youre unsure of and thats fine. But you need to accept the consequences of your mistakes. You need to take responsibility of it and what you couldve done to fix it. (Reflection is very important.) Youre not wrong for not knowing that but again you need to reflect in every situation in your life. It doesnt matter if you were right or wrong. Its important to do this bc the next time it will happen to you, you will know what to do. reflecting really helps you to step back and understand yourself, other people and the surroundings. It helps with analysing your own feelings, emotions and as well as understanding the depth of your own thinking. You need to consider other people’s feelings too. Understand their point of view and why they did things that way. 

I told you yesterday that what happened in the past does not define you. You may have done them so wrong but i hope your realise youre not in debt to them. I remember your story about what you did to the girl. Yung trauma mo sa kanya you gotta let it go pow. You dont need to blame yourself every day for something that youve no control of. You did it out of anger. and she threatened you bc she has her personal issues as well. She was showing wat kind of person she was. It does not put a label on u. So far as I know you havent apologised to urself for what had happened and u havent forgiven her for what shes done. Whenever youre mad po dont let your emotions get the best of you. Give space and time. Step back from the situation and reflect. count to ten and reorganise your thoughts and feelings. What happened? what made me feel that way? what can i do to fix this? 

The way i see it lng ha pero it felt like youre pitying yourself. And i want o reassure you that i recognised all you did to keep this relationship. The fights where you communicated with me, the times where you waited for me to explain, the support you give, and how you made me happy each single day. What youve done until this day is enough. I cant emphasise it enough. Ndi ko yun binalewala lahat. I saw your effort. Thats why i fought for u. Bc alam ko ndi ka ganun na tao. Kc alam ko na they have perceived you wrong. I saw the good in you. I saw that youre worthy of change. Everyone does pow. That was the purpose of it all.

But ldr is frickin hard. Being in a relationship is difficult enough let along ldr. Jst thinking about the amount of trust u hav for ur partner dang.. you need to fully invest on trust yo. How to overcome and resolve issues esp if theyre like me haha. Its hard for sure to do tht kc even ako may trust issues but it is possible. But as of now theres many areas in your life that you need to fix alone. Im not saying that im right ha. I could be wrong in so many areas about you that idk of but this is based on knowing you for months. im not saying you have a problem internally cuz we all have problems po What im saying is that there are some things we need to learn from others as well. Its a matter of listening and comprehending what theyre tryna relay and teach u.

Also asking for help isnt a weakness. (Idk but i cud feel you were mad that I reached out to your mother. Bro i know na kaya mo nman maging independent and i know na ayaw mo lng maburden yung parents mo with your problems on top of theirs but its gud that alam din nla ang anak nla is struggling and needs emotional support.) Its realising that we are deserving to feel and be emotionally supported. so dont ever feel bad for reaching out and admitting that youre struggling. after all were only human.

Though i never said anything i lowkey promised that I would not give up on you (sinsabi ko sa sarili ko to) bc i wanted to show you what its like for someone to stay. You told me about your past and struggles and i did everything i can for that not to happen again. You told me what broke your heart and I nver wanted you to feel anything like that in the relationship. More like i ensured that my intentions for you are pure. But somewhere along the way i came to realise that we both need to grow seperately. Not bc i gave up on you but bc i decided to think about myself and what i needed. I dont wanna text you and talk to u bc i respect you that much to know that this isnt the right time for both of us.

Being the way i am right now is for the best. Were both healing and getting the peace we need. God knows what Hes doing with us and i keep you in my prayers at night. Maybe someday down the line well meet again, at the right time. God will decide tht for us but for now ill be supportive of you in the silence. I dont wanna be civil cuz i know itll jst hurt you more esp since you have strong feelings for me. Dont worry my love for you will remain unconditional. But one thing i cant promise tho is that idk if my love for u will stay. We dont know what the future will bring. We may find our happiness in diff places. We may find it together. But all i know is i trust God to dictate my life. Thank you Ethan. Kahit paano i felt your unconditional love din. You can text me anytime if you need anything. Ill be here nman pow.

[sakuurae]

any writing tips u can share?? i adore your work so much, just the way everythings described flows so nicely~

Mmmm, im not the best with this, but ill try ^~^ thank you by the way! Ehehe, it means a lot.This advice will go on like stepping stones, haha.

1. This is probably the most broad thing i can say, but just keep on writing. When i used to tutor creative writing (or english as a whole, lol) i met a lot of students who were so focused on sculpting their writing to perfection, and the purpose of it was lost along the way. This happens a lot, from what ive seen, in creative writing. I feel as if when writers are more focused on creation their pieces to perfection in hopes of it being acknowledged and seen, theyre not writing for themselves anymore; thus, this leads into the second piece of advice. Practice makes perfect. Everything that you will write you are improving in every single piece—even if you dont realize it. The things ive written two weeks ago make me cringe, but thats a sign of improvement.

Work with your strengths, and improve your weaknesses.

Go back and read your old work so you can see what you like and dont like—what you should improve on or keep doing.

2. Write for yourself. The value of your work is so much more when you write for yourself because it makes you happy.

Moving onto the composition work…

1. Vocabulary bank. It takes a while to build up a wide vocabulary bank, but its worth it. In my opinion, its more engrossing to read a piece with a lot of high vocabulary over the simple words. It bumps up everything, and if theres a good sentence flow then its a plus.

I studied word lists everyday, and i always do every other day because i want to keep on building up my vocab. They are always out there, and its a total helper!!

For me, id rather read an entire piece that was written like an SRI test over pieces that dont have that much high lexicon.

This also becomes the case for the word said. There are many words out there to use aside said, like drones, equivocates, gasps, jeers, etc.

Ex: “He wanted to tell her the truth.” ➝ “He had an urge to apprise her of the concerning verities.”

2. Sentence structure. Some sentences are far too shot, and some are really extensive (and do not have commas, semi-colons—oh my goodness). Now, sentences dont always have to be extremely long; there should be a variety. Itll make the paragraph flow more, and you can get the emphasis where you want on certain places.

Ex: “His eyes shined under the darkness of the night. The smile that graced his face warmed you from the heart. And it was not an everyday occurrence for that to take place.” ➝ “The smile that graced his face made his eyes crinkle into crescent moons, the glint evident in his two orbs. It warmed you from the inside—his beaming grin—and it was not often you felt this from another individual.”

Speaking on this, try to not use the same prominent word twice in one sentence.

Ex: “He turned the paper face down, turning his head to face his friend.” ➝ “He turned the paper over, tilting his head to address his friend.”

3. Being metaphorical. Im not really sure how to elaborate on this; i guess it provides more depth/character to the paragraph?? Aah, heres an example instead.

Ex: “The sky was a calming blue, the cluster of brilliant stars surreal to your eyes.” ➝ “The curtain of aegean draped over the muted sky, golden pins splaying upon the surface.”

4. Adjectives. It bumps up your sentences—trust me. With more details, it becomes easier to picture in your mind. Have you read a smut without adjectives, and another smut with? The difference is quite prominent because with one you can imagine the scene with more detail, and the other not as well.

Ex: “His member was twitching, the pleasure of being inside you unbearable.” ➝ “His stiff member was twitching uncontrollably, the overwhelming pleasure of being inside you borderline unbearable.”

or

“Sweat dripped from his forehead.” ➝ “Beads of sweat slowly dripped from his forehead.”

But try to not be heavy on the adjectives… i still struggle with this, haha, but i think many readers can tell if you have a thesaurus in hand or not.

5. Paragraph breaks. This might not seem like a biggie, and it is completely up to you when you decide to break paragraphs, but there are times that one must paragraph break… like with dialogues or setting changes, or when a new character is introduced. Please… avoid the block… oh my goodness…

6. This might be a me thing… but go into detail with the actions. To say this under a brighter light, imagine this: actions during a kiss scene. When you kiss someone, you and the other’s mouths arent the only thing that are moving, and the touch of the lips arent the only thing youre feeling. 

Ex: “He pressed his lips against yours, his mouth prancing to the melody of your heartbeat.” (and thats it) ➝ “He pressed his lips against your own, his mouth prancing to the melody of your heartbeat as his hands trace the outline of your body. You palm snakes up his back, only to place it on the nape of his neck to tug him closer. At such a closed proximity, you noticed something else: his scent. There was a swirl of cinnamon and vanilla that intoxicated your senses… etc.”

What im trying to say is that going into some detail, brief or not, about actions will add more sparkle into the paragraph—especially dialogue.

Ex: “’You’re kidding me,’ he groaned, flailing his arms in the air animatedly. He was in a disbelief at the sudden news, lodged at a crossroads on how to respond. ‘You’re fucking kidding me!’

You took a step back, placing a fist over your heart cautiously. ‘I-I’m sorry,’ you uttered weakly, tears pooling at your eyes. ‘I didn’t mean to.’”

Obviously the apostrophes wont be there in the final product, lol, it would perturb me if i didnt write that grammatically correct, ahaha.

Think of these composition levels as a pyramid. From letters, to words, to sentences, to paragraphs, the purpose of the piece, etc. The letters would be the bottom. So if you mess up at the bottom of the pyramid, the rest is disrupted. I read over a paper before where the first and second base were horrendous, and i was correcting it so much. The student came up to me and asked me what i thought about the message of the piece, but i actually paused and thought. I was so focused on correcting the mistakes—paying attention to the mistakes—to the point i missed the entire purpose of the piece. So, honestly, proofreading will be your best friend here.

All of this falls under the tab of your style. Remember, dont try to force out word after word to sculpt your piece into perfection. Work with your strengths, find your weaknesses and improve.

On the finding inspiration and keeping motivation side…

1. Work at your own pace. Do what makes you feel like your best work will be exhibited, and dont let other deadlines push you at your limit. Personal deadlines would most likely take the fun out of your writing process, and you might miss some particulars youd wish to convey—so dont rush! Trust me on this, lol. I made this mistake again when writing overrated, and im so hesitant to even hit that upload button because of how much i rushed it to meet my personal deadline. I keep re-reading and editing it, but i know that if i spent my time on it and pushed aside the personal deadline then it would be better.

2. Inspiration comes at the most random of times. I got ideas from waiting in the line in the bathroom and in the middle of my english class; they come when you least expect them too. If you force it out then it wont be that good (for me, that is). Of course, you can go out and find inspiration by walking outside or listening to music, but dont try to force out ideas—let them come to you.

You can write about real life occurrences that have taken place, or base stories off those. ‘Two Cups of Sugar’ is based off my friends experience of trying to get a guys number at an ice cream bar, but always failing so she went back around seven times—and only got his name in the end.

An upcoming fic i have is based off my boyfriend and i, and how we came to be. To be honest, all my fics are based off some real life experiences i had, or some outrageous stories my friends have told me. ‘Study Sessions’ was some real events, and a few scenes in ‘After Hours.’ What im trying to say is that those simple stories can take you a long way. The scene that started ‘After Hours’ was my friend talking about a bar. It was supposed to be a 4k bar scene, but after thinking about her experience and incorporating it into my own piece, it built its own way to 21k, and an ongoing series.

3. Keeping up motivation. Depending on what youre writing, you should focus on those elements. For example, im writing two fics—one of them being a basketball au and the other a soccer au. My motivation for that has seriously been dying, so ive been watching basketball videos and soccer games to keep my motivation running. Also, it helps when writing out action scenes, ahaha. I also talk to my friends that play those sports and ask them about how they feel about it and the rules of the game. Just kindle your flame with more information.

I know im not the best at giving advice… and there is way more in this whole writing sphere that im not addressing, but i hope this helps!! This is just what i think, what i go through, and my opinion—i really hope this helps you out. I wasnt sure what department you wanted concrete information on, whether it be the writing process or inspiration side or etc, so i briefly did all three :)

I know its a lot, so thank you for spending the time to read all of this ^~^

#Aaah this was great to type with my coffee ahaha #im sitting in the uni right now mortified at the fact i made a typo in my submitted work LOL #but yeah!! i hope this helps somehow ;; #rae rambles #writing advice #anonymous #messages

[fzhrrr]

Wedding stories

Ive been wanting to write about my wedding since, like 3 months ago. Somehow it got postponed every single day coz there’s always things to do. Life after marriage sometimes mean splitting yourself in 3 different directions. Your off days arent just yours anymore. That one off day per week that i got also belongs to myself, my husband, my family, his family, my dirty laundry, my books, my skin and i guess you can pretty much guess where along that list does my blog goes down.

Anyway, wedding stories. Disclaimer, rather than a dreamy- fantasize version of romantic fairy tale, my wedding is far far away from that.

Just last week, we had our sanding ceremony on A’s side. I was surprised that it was probably my favourite (most bearable) out of all three receptions. 

I think the reason being is that we learned a lot of no-no’s from the previous majlis. This time around we decided to wear a traditional ensemble, something loose, not too heavy and just comfortable to be in on a hot day. And i especially love how the pictures turned out. Honestly a teeny tiny piece of super malayness in me kinda dreamed of having this picture. Two pengantin on a simple pelamin, in a songket outfit, headpiece and all. Its the kind of picture you’d hang on your wall and hope to one day proudly show your grandkids. (and they’d probably laugh on how out of fashion we were)

But yeah, it was nice. In Muar I did my own make up, and was so happy with how it turned out. We blew 800 ringgit on make up alone during the akad and majlis in cheras and i was so cranky because it was so horrible. The one during akad wasnt so bad (it was how people deemed make up pengantin should be, but my eyes were heavy and i look jahat in all the pics), but the night time do was just, unbelievable. I was in such a bad mood the only reason i got out of the house was because it was too late, and we cant keep the guests waiting. 

I paid titi athirah, an old schoolmate to do my makeup and she so claimed it was at a discounted price. Didnt want to be so fussy coz apparently 800 is “cheap” for two ceremonies. I said i wanted just a basic look with deep red lips, she then insist on putting lighter foundation to make me look lighter coz its night time, then she had the audacity to put cheap glittters on my eyes and these tacky red gloss on my lips.

Pictured- annoyed me knowing she messed up, and knowing we ran out of time to fix things. Thick brows, tacky lips, orange skin,I look like a russian pornstar- and not the expensive kind.

I spend the whole evening feeling so ugly and embarassed. Yes, thats the exact words. In every picture my face was either grey from the wrong foundation shade or just sour, because i knew i look bad. I dont feel like myself, i was a horrible bride and A had to calm me down through out. I confronted this to titi, and she said to make it up, why dont she do one more service for free. That offer is just pure garbage coz dude, the damage is done and there’s no undo button to reset your wedding day. It is what it is.

I was so uncomfortable that i wasnt fully able to appreciate those who came to my wedding. I was reluctant to say hi, i dont wanna meet people, i just wanted it to end quickly. The crankiness outweighed my happiness of actually seeing friends and family who came to celebrate with us. 

So this was one of the biggest lessons and tips to all brides: on your wedding day you only have one job- to be pretty and pleasant. And the only way for that to happen you need to be comfortable. 

In Muar, there was some miscommunications which in the end lead me to doing my own make up. Oh people were just hogging around me- your eyes are so plain, your lipstick is too pale, your foundation is too dark, your base arent thick enough we can see your pores and human skin imperfections! The comments were so crude up to a point where i stood up for myself and said, can everyone just let me do my make up they way i want it. Because i feel like people can be so disrespectful when they want you to conform to their standard of beauty, without them realising it (cause hey, its only right for them to criticize and diminish the bride self worth on her wedding day)

I aint gonna be homeless-looking-russian pornstar 2.0.

And im glad i stood up for myself.

True, my make up wasnt perfect. Brows were crooked, there were shiny patch of oily skin all over my face. But A said i look nice and comfortable (like my usual make up do), and that was all that mattered. I was happy and glowing and excited to be bride of the day. And it obviously made me happier coz my man knows what i like best for me.

The kampung majlis was lively. Kompang and berarak and that whole shenanigan. Food was good and i ate like theres no tomorrow. The only problem was we didnt know how to pengantin, so after the formal meal we sort of just sat inside and mind our own business. We didnt invite our friends, and we knew <1% of the guests. A has always been the quiet guy and i was definitely not gonna muster up all my strength and bravado to go table to table and greet people. Took a few pictures with my family, pretended to drink water a few times and we went for an outdoor photoshoot with my brother. We really didnt know what to do.

The sun was scorching hot and we just wanted an out from the awkwardness of facing humans. You are the main star of a show people half heartedly come to see on your post postcall day. If there’s one principal i live by, its that you are an adult who can make your own good and bad decisions. You dont have to stay in awkward moments, you are allowed to make selfish choices. 

And we chose an outdoor photoshoot at 3pm. Here’s us, barely able to open our eyes, in a picture where there’s more semak than sweetness. (but at least we got out of the awkward pengantin situation)

Kudos to idi, because this time we didnt have to pay the photgrapher thousands of ringgit for a few good shots.

I feel like this post is getting too long, and i ran out of energy to continue typing. Point is, pae’s married now. Wedding both sides are done so if the stress can go away and let my period cycle, skin condition and blood pressure return to normal that would be nice.

Do take note that being married is magical. And a life filled with love is unimaginably more beautiful than anything you can imagine. My rant is about the wedding, the wifing part i do enjoy bery bery much.

Here’s some random wedding shots for keepsake. enjoy:)

[change-the-rules]

FROM ONE PIKACHU TO ANOTHER sidenote do they play pokemon in the au do they have fave pokes. also i can't wait for alex and maggie to meet and realize they're soulmates and to be like "ok but i'm still mad about the trex and feathers thing" and then forl ucy to come in like "guys theyve been dead for years"

oh oh dude okay so I hadn’t really thought about it in context of the soulmate au specifically so it hasn’t been mentioned and it probably won’t be but they totally do and on valentines day when Magie is like 6 she doodles a pokeball and some cheesy shit like I choose you to be my soulmate and it’s adorable.

Also that is totally like an ongoing ‘fight’ Alex and Maggie have, like Maggie actually took some paleontology classes for funsies and as an adult she actually thinks it’s really cool the kind of strides we’ve made in science and the hows and whys T-Rexes probably had feathers but then there’s the little kid nostalgia and Alex gets so worked about science facts so Maggie just ‘nope 15 years later and it’s still lame’ and they bicker endlessly about it 

And when Lucy is like ‘guys guess what? they’ve been dead for years, technically none of them have feathers anymore.’  

Maggie looks up at her with the biggest saddest eyes and Alex pouts because she was going to get Maggie to see reason this time but now look at how sad she is and Lucy is just jfc how did I end up with such nerds for soulmates and she has to go put on Jurassic Park 2 and cuddle with them(Jurassic Park is Maggie’s go to comfort movie but Jurassic Park: The Lost World  is Lucy’s ‘I fucked up by saying the dinosaurs were extinct to end an argument so now we have to watch a T-Rex rampage through San Diego to balance it out).

Sooooo….I got so carried away with various pokemon hcs that I had to put it under a cut….

I have so many poke hc’s for them in general but like I tend hc Maggie as a gamer, little Maggie growing up and she can’t afford to collect the cards but she loves the anime and eventually saves up enough to get a gameboy color. Her first game is red and she plays it so many times she practically wears out the cartridge. She’s the first person (and only for awhile) in blue springs to catch Mew. She eventually collects and plays all the games and she’s a complete expert on all the glitches and secrets. 

Alex was more of a casual fan she watched the anime sometimes but Vicky liked playing the games so Alex asked her parents to buy her a gameboy color and trading pokemon on the playground is probably the most social Alex ever was without alcohol.

She did really REALLY get into collecting the cards though and at one point Maggie and Alex visit Eliza in Midvale and Alex’s room is as she left it. Maggie is having fun poking around and teasing Alex for her Xena memorabilia and Dana Scully and BtVS posters(seriously Danvers, Faith is practically eye-fucking the camera in that one across from your bed how did you not know)  when she finds the three thick Pokemon card binders and freezes. Alex notices and grabs them like I totally forgot I had these and she starts flipping through one reminiscing and handing another to Maggie and Maggie almost shits herself because Alex has a first edition base set holo Charizard, she has all the starters, she has all the original 151 cards in various editions from different series and collections , She has holos, she has Japanese cards, she has shining cards. Kara ends up stopping by because I could hear Maggie’s erratic heart rate from National city and ‘holy shit is everyone okay?’ 

Alex’s attachment to the cards is more nostalgia than anything so she’s like you can have them if you want, Maggie almost has a heart attack. Of course she refuses those cards are worth more than she makes in a month but Alex brings them back to National City and they just kind of end up ‘Maggie’s’ anyway.

Lucy collected the cards too but she actually played the trading card game. Being an army brat could be isolating but pokemon in the 90s was inescapable and it was something to do on any base, in any school she ended up in for awhile. Lucy played to win and for keeps and she ended up with her own pretty decent collection of cards even though hers aren’t nearly in the kind of mint condition Alex’s are in. Maggie still hyperventilates sometimes if she catches sight of the 5 card binders on the bookcase(Alex organized Lucy’s collection from an old shoebox into binders of their own). 

For her birthday Lucy and Alex get Maggie an unopened special edition pokemon gameboy color from the yellow bundle. She cries because she had wanted that one more than anything as a kid but couldn’t afford it and they spend the night cuddled up together playing pokemon on their gameboys like the nerds they are. 

Maggie and Winn stay up all night outside gamestop for the 20th aanniversary red and blue 3ds bundle.  

Maggie’s ultimate fav is Bulbasaur she remembers watching the anime and wishing she had one to protect her from the bullies and eventually she gets older and decides she may never have a Bulbasaur but she can be one for others. 

She has a bunch of favorites though including pikachu (she will physically fight anyone who says something about anyone not being a ‘real fan’ because pikachu is too famous or popular a pokemon), Aerodactly, Kabuto(her first body on the beach she sees a horseshoe crab and has to try really hard not to lose her shit because she’s from landlocked nebraska, and she is looking a kabuto and basically it’s an effort to remind herself that she is a newly promoted detective that needs to get her shit together) Tauros, Nidoqueen, Donphan, Tyranitar(basically if it’s vaguely dino-like she has a soft spot but dragons can go either way stemming from her childhood belief they arent as cool as dinos), Mightyena, Groudon, alright I’m going to stop but she develops favorites in each gen.

Alex meanwhile is staunchly first gen and she and Maggie bicker about constantly. 

Alex tended to favor water pokemon but not exclusively some of her faves Lapras, Vaporeon, Porygon, Starmie, Dratini, Ninetails, Abra/Alakazam and Onix. She also has a secret soft spot for Togepi as well as Espeon and Umbreon who she thinks of kind of like her and Kara, sun and moon and argues that they still technically count as 1st gen because they’re eevee evolutions. 

Lucy is mostly only really familiar with the first gen and some of the second but she doesn’t really care either way and will choose sides based on maximum amusement for the moment. Some of her favs include Squirtle/Blastoise, Arcanine, Pidgeot, Nidoking, Machamp, Lickitung, Gyarados, Flareon.

And well Alex is a BIOengineer and she studies alien physiology and genetic engineering and if anyone was going to ‘accidentally’ create real life pokemon it would be her okay.

(mostly I just really think J'onn needs a Ditto…..)

And I was talking about this with nerdsbianhokie ages ago and they pointed out that Alex has seen Jurassic Park enough times to know to not create large creatures that can kill humans and would probably go with the mini-zoo variety and then they blessed me with the mental image of a tiny little Ditto riding on J'onn’s shoulder.

Vasquez would end up making obligatory pocket size jokes that they don’t even pretend aren’t about Maggie and Lucy. They’d only stop when Alex threatens to withhold the actual mini pocket monsters from them and even then only when They’re within ear shot of Alex.

The spacefam ending up with mini-pokemon protectors. Maggie gets her fucking Bulbasaur and everyone cries. 

And then my dude I have not even touched on pokemon go hc’s

Kara blowing an entire paycheck on upgrading her pokemon storage because she can’t bring herself to turn any of her duplicates into candy and she needs to catch every single pokemon she sees. She has like a thousand pidgeys at this point.

Nerdsbianhokie was like but Kara being upset that she flies too fast for the app.

And Alex/Maggie/Lucy? Pokemon go would be terrible and awesome for those competitive nerds. They have zero shame.

Lucy exploits her military contacts, her and Alex abuse DEO resources, Alex makes Kara fly her around the world to get the region locked pokemon. 

After Lucy came back from a ‘work trip’ in Asia with a Farfetch’d,  Alex made Kara take the day off and wouldn’t let them go home til she had multiple Farfetch'ds, Kangeshkans, and Mr. Mimes. 

Maggie tries to keep up but detecting only gets her so far. She does have a network of ppl who are the type to text the location of a Lapras at 3am.When Kara realizes the edge Lucy and Alex have she starts exclusively helping Maggie. 

Alex is completely overdramatic like my own sister, MY OWN SISTER pretending to pretend to make a huge production about loyalty. And Kara’s just like ‘I’m just being fair besides Lucy and Maggie are my sisters too at this point’ and Alex just melts. She also gets Winn to build her a long range Jet pack into the kryptonite suit in an attempt and get back on top of the game but she’s melty while doing it. 

Winn Mr.tech genius manages to get himself banned from ‘suping’ up his account and has to start over at level 21. He cries.

As repayment for not commenting upon the melty-ness during the jet pack building Alex takes his phone with her on flights since he had to start over. Of course, being Alex she doesn’t actually say this she just sort of punches his arm in thanks, steals the phone and drops it back into his lap later with a few eggs hatched, some new pokemon and a full items inventory.

Lucy realizes she’s the only one currently unable to fly which oh hell no so she starts scheming. 

‘Director Lane, did you requisition military resources for a video game?’  'Of course not, it’s an app.’ (via nerdsbianhokie)

Vasquez is the first to get the original 151….All of them… no one understands, they have no obvious hacks, seemingly haven’t left North America, Ditto is still a spoty rumor at that point and Mewtwo is confirmed as not yet available or even programed and yet… Vasquez has them. When anyone asks They deflect and says you should see my wife’s.

Erin is level 48 way too early in the game.She has a Mew. Everyone is kinda of scared of them after learning about it, the true power couple.

No one ever figures out how they did it. 

J’onn just wants his agents to behave like professionals and bans non-related phone use during working hours after seven agents ran away from their posts to catch a Charizard. He’s in the middle of lecturing them when Lucy and Alex stroll in like did you guys see that Charizard?!

(Kara downloaded the app to his phone and J’onn totally caught the Charizard)

James takes pictures of the gang doing absolutely ridiculous things while trying the catch pokemon and it becomes a meme.

There’s a gym (The D.E.O was also accidently made a gym what no Vasquez and Winn had nothing to do with that what are you talking about) accessible from Alex’s apartment and it’s a bloodbath because they’re all on different teams, Maggie-Instinct, Lucy-Valor and Alex-Mystic.

Just yea……uhmmm this all got away from me *shrugs sheepishly*

#yokothetypo #asks #skin canvas soulmate au #hcs #holy shit this ran the fuck away from me #director sanvers #pokemon nonsense

[breathtakingly-disastrous]

My Last Few Months Away from Tumblr    TW: Rape Mention

Okay, so I know I have been extremely inactive on tumblr the last few months but a lot has been going on. 

I finally left my ex Jose in November. His best friend of 5 years and his best friend’s girlfriend came to me and begged me to leave him for my own sake. I found out he had been cheating on me the whole time he was with me. He fucked over 30 women behind my back without protection (he refused to use protection with me and he was my first and I just wanted him to like me so I let him do what he wanted), including his ex. I found out that on Halloween (the last day I saw him in person, he left my apartment after sobbing in my arms for 3 hours and falling asleep next to me and fucked his ex that same night. 

I kind of spiraled into drugs and alcohol and partying for most of November and December. I was facing 5 blunts a day and my days off from work were spent getting drunk and fucking random guys I met at bars (I’m still 20 until the end of this month). I didnt feel good about myself unless I was getting attention from guys or absolutely shitfaced or high as hell. Smoking weed has so many health benefits when youre mentally ill, but I had let myself become dependent on it. I was spending money I didnt have on it, buying almost $80 worth of weed a week that should have been going towards my rent.

During my relationship with Jose I was raped by two coworkers. One of which was a manager at my job. The other continued to try and mess with me at work, trying to catch me in the freezer or the backroom, he even stuck his hand down my pants at work one night when we were closing up together. I never reported the rapes. I didnt want to face what had happened to me. I did however tell my general manager about the coworker trying to stick his hand down my pants at work but instead of being fired he was just moved to morning shift. Then for some reason the general manager scheduled me for a morning shift and told him he wasnt allowed to come in that day because our schedules would overlap and his sister came to my job to beat my ass. She never touched me. I had told Jose about the rapes and he told me he was “glad I was experiencing other people”.

Then in late november (while i was in the middle of dealing with trying to numb myself with alcohol and partying) I got a call from my roommate to get her from my friend Moe’s house. She was drunk as fuck so I figured I would help her out. When I got there I found out my other roommate who doesnt drink was there so i relaxed and had a beer. figuring she would be able to help me get my other roommate to leave. We started playing truth or dare and I had started drinking way more than I should have. I let Moe and my roommates pressure me into flashing my chest as part of the game as well as making out with everyone in the room. We finally started to settle down because my roommate and Moe had taken xanax while they were drinking and it was starting to kick in. my sober roommate and I were laying next to moe cuddling and she goes out into the living room for a moment to see if my drunk roommate is okay on the couch and the second that door shut and I was alone in there with him, he jumped on me. my sober roommate even came back in the room and saw him on top of me and just walked back out. I laid there for an hour telling him no before I felt I finally had to cave in just to get him off of me. I wrote it off as a hook up because I didnt want to deal with the reality of everything plus he was my friend, right? he wouldnt do that, right?

I started drinking and smoking even more. I didnt want to feel. I was going out to bars and clubs every friday and saturday night with the goal of bringing somebody home. If I didnt bring anyone back I felt unwanted.

In late december I decided I wanted to stop upping my body count and since I didnt want to get emotionally invested with anyone, I settled with finding a friend with benefits.

That’s when I met Manuel on tinder. Manuel is actually a celebrity who had his 15 minutes of fame in 2015 when he was featured on a song by Trey Songz. We were smoking and hooking up from New Years Eve (the first time we had even met we had sex) up until January 20th. January 20th is forever stained in my mind because that was the night he violently raped me for over 8 hours. He left bruises on my arm from when he got mad at me for refusing to buy him cocaine from my third roommate (the other two roommates moved out around Jan. 1st) and he slammed me against a wall. And he left huge deep bite marks on my neck. He would tell me to talk dirty to him and every time I did he would bite me and tell me to shut the fuck up. He wouldnt let go of my hair and he made me do disgusting degrading things to him even though I told him no. I waited a week to go to the police because, again, I didnt want to face the reality of what had happened to me. I was going to press charges but the police made me change my mind. They interrogated me and made me question my own sanity. I know I said no. I cried no. He just didnt listen. But  the police said I was lying. 

Sometimes when I lay in bed at night I can physically feel hands on my body. That is the scariest thing I have ever felt.

I am currently in counseling to deal with everything I’ve been repressing and it’s taking a huge toll on me. I want to just shut my feelings off again and stay numb. But I know that’s not healthy. I’m just concerned that all of this is going to ruin my current relationship. I told my boyfriend before we got together about all of this and he still supports me. But I feel like i cant get emotionally attached to anyone anymore. He is such a great guy and I want things to work but i’m not happy. Im just not happy with life in general. Part of me wants to go back to drinking, smoking, partying, and anonymous sex but I know it’s not right. Ive been in counseling for almost two months now and I’m starting to feel again. But I dont like feeling anymore. I still smoke every once in a while because, like I said, it has health benefits. It helps me sleep (insomnia), I can think clearly and my mind isnt always racing (anxiety), Im not always down and unmotivated (depression), and the flashbacks arent as bad or vivid (PTSD). But I am almost a month sober now. I figure if i do it in moderation or just when necessary it will be beneficial, and it has been. 

But yeah, that’s been my life over the last few months. I’ve been through hell and im working my way back. My counselor says Im a survivor but I still feel like im drowning, moreso now than before. But i guess this is part of the healing process?

#long post #personal #trigger warning #rape #drugs #alcohol #I dont want to feel anymore #but i know i have to #and im making the effort to get better