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lassieposting · 3 years

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Vile and Mevolent, for the romantic headcanons?

Who goes to bed late and who wakes up first?

Both Vile, because he very rarely sleeps through the night. He'll go to bed whenever Mevolent does, but he has nightmares and a hard time switching off the hypervigilance, so someone coughing three rooms away or walking by at the far end of the hall or laughing in the gardens will startle him awake and he'll struggle to resettle. A lot of the time he gets up multiple times during the night, then comes back to bed once he's confident there's no threat. The sunrise, the dawn chorus, the fire in the grate burning down to embers (less crackly noise, more cold), and increased footfall in the hallways will also wake him up, so he doesn't normally sleep past when the servants start their work.

Mev, on the other hand, sleeps like the dead, and only gets up at a reasonable hour because he's got shit to do - if he's got the time to lounge in bed till noon, he'll do it. He sleeps through most of Vile's nighttime activity, but when it does wake him, he can usually calm Vile down enough to coax him back to sleep.

Who sings during daily activities (shower, cooking, etc)?

Mevolent. Some of the Faceless hymns are catchy. He's got an okay voice, so Vile doesn't mind. It amuses him how upbeat some of the tunes are for songs that are mostly about the faceless ones laying waste to the planet, though.

Who takes care of the other on sick days?

Mevolent. Not that he has to do it often - they're both incredibly tough, and sorcerers are immune to most mortal illnesses, so the only thing likely to bench either of them for more than a few hours is a Serious Injury. And? Mevolent is a sensible, rational man. When he has a Serious Injury, he goes to Nye, because Nye is by far the most competent surgeon on Mevolent's staff, and Nye fixes him up.

Vile is not a sensible, rational man. Vile is a torture survivor. He won't let Nye get within thirty feet of him, because Nye was the one advising Serpine on how much more he could take before it killed him. He's wildly unpredictable when he's hurt, because he goes into self-preservation mode, and everyone around him becomes a threat. And to make everyone's lives even harder, he has a tendency to mask an injury and try to fix it himself, because he's surrounded by the same people who tortured him and he cannot afford to show weakness. So once Mev wins his trust, he's pretty much the only person Vile will let take care of him when he's hurt.

Who gives unprompted massages?

Vile. Mevolent spends a lot of time sat at a desk, and gets the stiff neck/shoulders/back accordingly. Vile will come up behind him to look over his shoulder at what he's doing, and absent-mindedly do Mev's shoulders while he's at it.

Mev will give massages too, usually to make Vile go all drowsy and relaxed after a few rough nights of little sleep, but he asks first.

What activity do they do together in sync?

Compensate for each other's weaknesses in battle. For Mevolent, this means keeping an eye on Vile's blind side: usually, his magic does this for him and gets him around just fine, but a battlefield is so chaotic that it's difficult for him to tell his fighters' life energy and the enemy's apart. For Vile, this means being fast enough to hit anything Mevolent can't. For all that he's "slender", Mev is a big, strong guy; he's the tank, and his equipment shows it: heavy armour, massive greatsword. But the tradeoff for that sword's powerful swing is slower speed. Vile is smaller, faster and his armour moves with him, so he'll take out anything that gets too close to Mev before he has time to swing. They're a highkey unstoppable team in battle.

Who gives nose/forehead/hand kisses?

Mevolent. Vile is more neck/shoulderblade/wrist kisses.

Who gets jealous?

Both of them, but Vile is the one you really don't want to cross; he's lost everything he cared about before and it completely broke him, so he absolutely will not tolerate competition. There's a rumour that the real reason Serpine tried to pull off a sloppy assassination - when he's always been so meticulous about his schemes - and then fled the city is because he found out that when Mevolent asked what gift would prove his love, Vile asked for Serpine's head. It's also a popular theory that Serafina's death, officially a "tragic accident", was in fact the deliberate removal of a rival (although, the court is divided on whether Nef or Vile arranged it).

Mev is a lot more chilled about his jealousy. It comes with having the power to grind your rival's entire bloodline to dust whenever you feel like it.

Soft kisses or passionate kisses?

Both.

Who brings the other food at work?

Vile will load up a plate of leftovers if Mevolent is balls deep in A Project and misses a meal, and take it up to his office so he'll still eat something. He actually has a better handle on When Mevolent Last Ate than Mev does.

Who made the first move?

Lowkey both of them. It was a blazing row during a post-battle debrief-slash-dressing-down that unexpectedly became an adrenaline-fuelled angry fuck. Neither is really sure who pounced first.

Who won’t dress in costume unless it’s a couple costume?

Mevolent won't dress up unless it's like, a super fancy, elegant masquerade ball costume. Vile is an introverted antisocial buzzkill and won't dress up at all.

How was their first date like?

They went riding. Vile was at the point of recovery where he was climbing the walls with cabin fever, and short walks in the palace gardens weren't cutting it anymore, so Mevolent took him outside the city to let off some steam.

Who writes love letters/notes to the other?

Both of them! The early years of their relationship were during the war, when they'd often find themselves leading the offensive on completely different continents. This being the 1800s, they'd communicate primarily by letter; incorporeal visitations were a thing, but still in the very experimental stage, and Teleporters were precious.

Originally, Vile would send field reports, and Mevolent would respond with written orders. Professional. Brief. Succinct. Then Vile has his injury. They get closer while he's recuperating, and when he goes back to the front, his orders arrive with a postscript, more or less saying, "How are you holding up?" He adds a postscript of his own to his next report - essentially, "I'm fine" - and then, after a bit of consideration, decides that sounds too brusque and adds a little funny story about something that happened with one of his soldiers recently.

The postscripts get longer. They share little anecdotes, celebrate each other's victories, comfort each other after defeats. Vile sends Mev three scrawly pages of absolute filth, which is delightedly received halfway across the world. Mevolent spells Vile's name differently on every single letter, and somehow never manages to spell it the same way twice (Veighle? Vyle? Veele? Véle? Vile is ready to end him and his medieval approach to spelling.) They even send each other little trophies or souvenirs, squeezed in at the very end of a crowded parchment.

"V - Saw this and thought of you. M"

"M - You'll probably laugh at this as much as I did. V"

Who firmly believed the other was their soulmate from early on?

They're too bitter and jaded and scarred to believe in soulmates. Vile was the one who immediately thought Mevolent Got Him, though - "finally, here is someone who shares my appetite for destruction."

How much do they touch each other (PDA)?

Rarely, in public. Once Mevolent is fully established as ruler of the world and he can be open about his relationship without risking his crusade, they might dance together occasionally, or touch one another's arm to get their attention, or murmur in one another's ear. But they were a secret for over a century, and they very rarely interact publicly in a way that would be out of character for a lord and his general. Vile still usually enters rooms behind/"guarding" Mevolent rather than on his arm (with a few exceptions, usually when Mev wants to make a point). The main "PDA" for them is that they use each other's names, rather than "my lord"/"general", and Vile will look Mevolent in the eye, which isn't really permitted for anyone else.

Do they have cute nicknames for each other?

Vile is "V" a lot of the time.

How do they feel about Valentine’s Day? Do they go on a date?

Valentine was a Christian saint, and Mevolent only endorses the Faceless religion, so while V-day might still exist in Leibniz, it would only be in the homes of those brave enough to flaunt the laws around false gods and banned faiths, and would probably not be openly celebrated.

Public marriage proposal or something private?

Private. The first anyone else hears about it is when someone notices that Mevolent's changed his family crest. It's normal for sorcerers to either impale their crest (split the shield down the middle, with half your crest on one side and your partner's on the other) with their new spouse's, or include a nod to their spouse's crest in their own, by adopting one of their tinctures or bearers or something. The gossip circuit goes wild trying to figure out what prompted the change - nobody recognises the impaled crest, and Mevolent's shown no interest in any young ladies of good family since Lady Serafina's tragic passing. Rumours abound. Changing your crest is something that happens after you get married, not before - so at some point, their lord and master got secretly married and didn't tell anyone.

Eventually, someone points out that Mevolent took Lord Vile off to one of his summer palaces for a few weeks several months ago, ostensibly to renovate. That summer palace is small as palaces go, and quiet, and that trip could...feasibly have been a honeymoon, a newly married couple wanting some privacy. But if that's true...they've been married almost a year, and nobody knew a damn thing.

After changing the crest, Mev announces a month of feasting and festivities to celebrate. He manages his public image carefully, and he knows that the commonfolk won't give a damn that he's gone and married his heathen lover, if it gives them an excuse to get drunk and stuff themselves on his dime.

Vile, being an intensely private person, took forever to okay the crest change, but since most of the court is terrified of him, he only really gets questioned by a few people.

How long into the relationship before they had sex?

Their relationship literally began with a post-battle adrenaline-fuelled angry fuck. They hooked up long before ever developing Feelings.

Who drops innuendos at random?

Neither of them are hugely inclined towards innuendoes, but it happens for both of them occasionally.

Who makes romantic surprises without a reason to?

They both will, but the definition of romantic varies wildly. "I've arranged a showing of an opera you like" and "I've kept this prisoner until you got back so we can interrogate him together" are both under the umbrella of "romantic surprise" for these two.

How likely are they to have sex in a non-bedroom location?

Very. Mevolent's throne is a popular pick. The carriage, the bathtub and every flat surface in Mev's rooms are also A-OK.

Who said “I love you” first and when?

Vile really struggles with the big three. Everyone he's ever said that to, he's lost, usually in horrible ways. He's lowkey convinced himself that if he doesn't say it, he won't ever lose Mevolent.

So it's Mev that says it first, and it's kind of in the middle of a religious crisis. He's fairly convinced the gods would overlook him fucking a heathen, given all the good he's done in their name, but then one night they're in bed together, Vile is dozing off on his chest, and he's got this warm fuzzy feeling like this is How Things Should Be, and he's not really been in love before but he's pretty sure that's a much more serious sin. Vile mumbles at him to ask what he's all fidgety about, and "I think I might be falling in love with you and that terrifies me" comes out during the resultant conversation.

Who will sing cheesy romantic songs when drunk?

Mevolent. The cheesy romantic songs are from like, the middle ages. It's a bit like your older boyfriend trying to seduce you with dad-rock - cringey, but in a funny, I-love-you-but-god-you-suck kinda way.

#skulduggery pleasant #violent #sp headcanons #long post

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bondsmagii · 4 years

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I mean to ask this genuinely, no hostility, but can you explain how you correlate scp to being in a cult? I dont disagree, I just cant articulate the reasoning as to why I dont disagree, and would like to see where youre coming from with this. Also, could you tag it with cults or cult discussion or something similar, please? Thanks! Have a good day.

OK [cracks knuckles] I will try and keep this as short as possible, but you have to understand I’ve been observing the wiki in the wild literally since its inception, so there is a lot of stuff to consider. anyway let’s buckle up.

[EDIT: after finishing, this is obnoxiously long. sorry. I encourage people to read it though, because yikes.]

I base this theory on a set of guidelines set out for spotting if an organisation might be a cult. generally cults are religiously based; obviously this does not apply here. as far as I’m aware, nobody sees the SCP wiki as a religion (yet). because of this a couple of the points regarding spotting a cult are irrelevant (they concern things like separation from the Church which obviously doesn’t apply) but nearly all of the others (even some religious ones) can apply if we provide context. so without further ado:

Signs You’re In A Cult and How the SCP Wiki Literally Fits Into All of Them

let’s start with the most obvious:

opposing critical thinking

something that has long pissed me off about the SCP wiki has been its complete inability to think critically. staff will literally ban people for criticising them, and the parameters of “criticism” have only grown wider and wider over the years. anything that is the “party line” is sacred; nothing can be improved upon because it’s already perfect, and Staff Knows Best. any policy changes are law, and any dissenting voices are silenced – even among younger staff members (length of service wise, not age wise). I have seen staff put on probation or demoted for arguing against pointless or pedantic policy changes; I have seen people of all levels banned for arguing with staff. if this doesn’t happen right away, arguing with staff over their decisions will absolutely get a target on your back, and they will find a way to ban or demote you as soon as they can.

any criticism on the wiki is frowned upon unless it comes from the Major Staff Members – these are people at the top of the hierarchy who can do no wrong, and as you can imagine, they’ve done some shit. staff has always had a problem with elitism, bullying, and even abusive behaviour (blah blah blah #NotAllStaff, but the ratio is quite concerning) and any criticism of their behaviour or even pointing this fact out is dangerous if you want to remain on the wiki. hell, I know many people who are aware of this who don’t speak up because they’re genuinely scared of retaliation. a lot of staff are really nasty people, and because of this attitude they are beyond criticism.

isolating members and penalising them for leaving

the penalising them for leaving part isn’t strictly accurate, because as far as I know, nobody has ever been bullied or threatened into staying on the wiki. however, I do remember a while back (2011/2012-ish) when the Foundation RP community began to show up on Tumblr, and the wiki began to get a fanbase that wasn’t contained on the site itself. staff were not happy about this and to this day they still constantly try and get a monopoly on all off-site locations. they have an official Offsite Outreach Team (yes, that’s its real name) who “reach out” to communities on other platforms (YouTube, Reddit, Tumblr, etc) and set up an Official Presence there, and then they encourage everyone to use the Official Presence rather than the fan-made ones (which are often more established and better/more consistently run). there have been several off-site spats between staff and the fandom, because they arrive demanding the authority and respect they have on the wiki and get Big Mad when they don’t get it. just recently one (now ex) staff member, djkaktus, went absolutely primal on Reddit and banned a whole bunch of the community for daring to say that they didn’t like the new LGBT logo for pride month (many of these people were LGBT themselves and felt as though it was pandering/putting targets on their backs); several more years ago (2014, I believe?) I myself had a run in with the Outreach Team and it was one fucking hell of a headache that ended in a malicious smear campaign against me, so like. yeah.

as for isolating members, they do this via elitism. the above is an example of it (making everyone feel a sense of obligation or loyalty to the Official Presence), but a huge part of it has always been the elitist attitude prevalent on the wiki. the SCP wiki has high standards for writing (allegedly… I’ve seen some garbage on there tbh, same as any other website) and it uses this to bully and demean its users. criticism of writing is overly harsh but highly encouraged; anyone complaining that it was too cruel (which it often is) is ridiculed for being too sensitive. (staff have been working on this for years, but really nothing has changed; people have just gotten more between-the-lines about it.) this encourages a kind of desperation among new users to “rise up the ranks” and earn respect so they can be the ones dishing out the criticism instead; they will do so and then immediately act in accordance to their status, bullying others how they were bullied and sticking to their own “rank”. brief interruption: staff and bootlickers if you’re reading this and thinking of reblogging to defend yourself, the code word is yeet. if I do not see the word yeet in your reply I will know you have not read this thoroughly and tell me why I should then bother reading anything you have to say.staff themselves is incredibly removed and closed off from the rest of the community; they have a bunch of private chat rooms they hang out in, and inter-dating is common. they don’t tend to interact much outside the flock, and are the definition of cliquey. joining this rank is supposed to be an achievement, but really it’s probably the most dangerous place to be. I have seen so many staff members have literal, clinical mental breakdowns over the strain and treatment they suffer.

(there’s nowhere to neatly slot this in, so: I don’t know how many people have noticed this, but SCP fans, when you spot them on other platforms, are snooty. not casual fans, but those involved with the wiki? I can spot them from a mile away, because whenever the Foundation is mentioned, there they are, acting like they’re part of some cool club. some of these people are innocent (they’re just mimicking the behaviour of other members) but some of them really do seem to think that their site is somehow better than whatever site they’re on, and it’s really creepy to see.)

emphasising special doctrines outside of scripture

obviously this is religion-specific, but with context it can fit. if we take scripture to mean SCP lore, and special doctrines to mean differing headcanons, ideas, writing styles, etc… oh boy.

there’s something that’s often said on the wiki: there is no canon. buddy, there is. yes, you can write whatever you want technically, and you can disregard headcanons you don’t like and you can build on different things and theoretically people can just ignore your shit if they don’t like it, but that is not what happens. there is absolutely a canon, and deviating from it will get you downvoted into oblivion and even personally attacked. people will accuse you of the most ridiculous shit, like desecrating the wiki or betraying the universe or whatever. so where does the emphasising part of this come in?

why, it’s simple! if one of these special doctrines (headcanons or whatever) comes from staff or an Approved Member, it’s fine. go nuts. even if it’s something that anybody else would be absolutely slaughtered for, it’s fine if staff approves. there is no creative freedom on that wiki, and anyone attempting to carve a piece out for themselves will suffer for it. one of my close friends still gets hate for an SCP he wrote featuring heavy headcanons and building on existing lore about a well-known character, and some of this hate is because he didn’t set the fucking article out “how it should be”.

seeking inappropriate loyalty to their leaders

oh boy. staff are god on that website. they’ll deny it, but they know it’s true. many of them are arrogant and, in my opinion, some of them are pathologically narcissistic. they think they are hot shit, and they encourage people on the site to believe the same. a huge majority of users on the wiki are high school students, so 15-18 years old. the next huge group are college-aged, so 19-22 or so. several staff members are in their mid-20s up to 30s, maybe even coming 40s or early 40s now. when you’re in your mid-20s, it’s very easy to look cool to a 15-year-old. it’s very easy to look at a young userbase and convince them that you’re hot shit, and that’s what staff do. they act like it; most users respond to it, and if anyone dissents? see point one.

staff have always had double standards. from the very beginning of staff, they have gotten away with a lot more than the average user. staff have been allowed to bully, ridicule, harass, dismiss, shit upon, and target people with reckless abandon, usually only meeting punishment when other staff members feel too inconvenienced by them. a lot of the time when they’re punished, it’s a lot lighter than it would have been for an average user (a month ban rather than a permaban, for example). this is seen as almost a point of hilarity for a lot of people, who think it’s cool and just a right you get when you’re staff. you know best, you’ve seen some shit – who can blame you for slamdunking a 15-year-old’s first SCP?

the amount of respect and adoration these people demand is ridiculous, and anybody daring to criticise them ends up on a shitlist. staff show up in other areas (Tumblr or Reddit) and expect that same amount of respect, even among people outside of the wiki who might just be casual fans. they act a lot more important than they are, and demand that everyone treats them appropriately. I’ve seen staff members throw shitfits because they didn’t get enough upvotes for their articles, and many staff members’ quality of work declines when they make staff, simply because they know that they’ll get easy upvotes as soon as people realise it’s a staff member who wrote it. downvotes are enough to get you put on a shitlist.

publicly, their word is law. you are not allowed to debate with them in the forums if they put a “stop” on the topic; the same applies in the IRC chat. if staff says “stop”, you will be punished if you mention it again. you are allowed to discuss it with them privately, but I think that’s rather insidious, as staff have been known to twist facts and withhold information before. this gives them a public persona of always being right – and something else that cults do is silence dissenting voices so nobody who might agree can see other people saying the same things and feel encouraged/emboldened.

crossing Biblical boundaries of behaviour

again, we’ll need to contextualise this. if Biblical boundaries are things like sins and all the stuff the Bible says Do Not Do, then in this context these are the wiki rules. staff (and their friends) will constantly cross the rules, as previously mentioned, and they will get away with it.

the wiki rules say “don’t be a dick”. I have caught staff bullying people countless times, and no doubt there’s more I haven’t caught. even out in the open, staff are argumentative, dismissive, rude, intimidating, and oftentimes plain nasty. the wiki rules say “don’t coldpost articles; get feedback”. staff is just out there throwing their shit onto the wiki and expecting an avalanche of upvotes in five minutes Or Else. policies are made that set parameters and staff changes them whenever convenient – for example, the long-standing rule that things that occur off-site are not the responsibility of the Disciplinary Committee (yes, its name.). unless, of course, it’s someone they don’t like. a major staff member bullies somebody on Tumblr? “sorry, it was offsite, not our problem”. someone staff doesn’t like gets into a brief spat on Reddit? banned for harassment.

there are countless examples of this, from small things to major things like bullying, harassment, and even abuse (or enabling of abuse). staff will punish people for transgressions and then turn a blind eye to a fellow staff member committing a transgression that was ten times worse. they have even protected rapists and sexual predators in the past – another kind of behaviour common in cults, because that’s what happens when you combine narcissism and entitlement with total authority.

that’s the main bulk of it

but now the context has been established, here are a few more concerning things I’ve noticed (quickfire now):

cults shit on former members

and the wiki does the same. any staff member that’s grown fed up of the groupthink and the cliquey attitude and how nasty people are or who has been mistreated by staff themselves; any regular user who feels the same and vocally quits? shat upon. lauded as a bastion of whatever is wrong with the wiki. declared an Enemy and rallied against. it is so creepy.

cults use Us vs Them mentality, especially in language

broad declarations establishing a community and a community spirit in the face of adversity are common in cults. appeals to emotion and loyalty are used in a very manipulative way. catastrophising and fearmongering is common, too. I’m seeing this in how the recent drama with the legal issues is being handled. broad appeals to “defend the wiki”, hashtags being encouraged, emotional speeches from staff about how it’s a make or break situation…

…and this is being reflected in the absolutely insane comments people are responding with.

this is a fucking writing website. the above is not a normal reaction at all.

the attitudes of regular users quickly grow concerning

people very quickly get obsessed with the wiki and it defines their lives. they seem to feel as though they owe something to it or they need to serve some kind of a purpose; many people try and “get the word out” and become voluntary spokespeople. they go around practically preaching, and I do not see the users of any other website doing this.

cults want full control over how they’re seen by outsiders

and the scp wiki does the same. as mentioned previously, when the fandom grew and spiralled off the wiki to other sites, staff debated for weeks over what to do. brief interruption the second code is shrek is life.they were not comfortable with the idea of the wiki having an independent fandom, and for years now they have been in constant struggle with offsite communities, trying to gain the same amount of control they have over the wiki. it’s impossible to do so thoroughly, and it’s clearly an annoyance for them.

cult leaders will let “lesser” members do their dirty work for them

and guess what staff does? rather than wade in there and get their hands dirty with internet arguments, they’ll sit back and let regular users dogpile on dissenters and say all the things staff shouldn’t be seen to say in public. note how even if this would violate the bullying policies, they’ll just get a warning so long as staff agrees.

in conclusion

@ everyone on the scp wiki: yall know you’re in a cult, right?

#scp shenanigans #scp foundation #cult discussion #long post #like LONG post #anon #asks

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eldritchsurveys · 4 years

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880.

5k Survey VII

301. List 5 things you have not experienced that you would like to experience before you die. >> Feeling real human connection, skydiving, travelling abroad, feeling at home in my body and not being riddled with dysmorphia and dysphoria, therapy that actually helps and doesn’t make me worse. 302. Will you try to accomplish any of these things within the next year? >> I highly doubt any of those things can be accomplished within the next year. 303. What do you feel controlled by? >> The effects of persistent trauma. 304. If Jesus appeared to you and told you that the moon was made of green cheese would you believe him? >> Why would I believe one dude over all the evidence collected by many humans by a variety of methods (including actual visitation of said moon)? Doesn’t matter what his name is, he’s still got the burden of proof and if he doesn’t deliver, then his word doesn’t mean shit. 305. What is one thing you are sure of? >> I’m sure of nothing, really. I’m not even sure the moon isn’t made of green cheese. I just choose to believe the multitudes of scientists that have asserted otherwise, because that makes more sense than believing a questionable apparition from a religion I don’t even follow.

306. At what part of the day do you feel the most alert? >> I guess throughout the morning and early afternoon, before the mid-afternoon slump hits. 307. Have you ever played in a band? >> No. 308. Have you ever stared into the ocean thinking ‘early creatures crawled outta that’? >> I’ve never had that thought while staring at the ocean, no. But I can see how one would, and it’s a pretty fascinating thing to consider. 309. If not, what do you think of when you are staring into the ocean? >> It depends on what’s on my mind that day. The ocean doesn’t conjure any specific thought processes for me or anything. 310. Do you like the mental challenge of chess or other games? >> I don’t know how to play chess and I don’t care to find out. 311. Do you ever think of where your atoms were before they were in you? >> In passing, sometimes. More often I think of where my atoms will end up after I’m gone. 312. Do you ever think about where your atoms will go after they have been in you? >> ^ 313. If you didn’t know that people couldn’t fly do you think that you could? >> I don’t know if that’s what I would think or not. 314. Are you someone that others call when they’re having a problem and want to talk about it? >> No. 315. When it comes to literature, do you see beyond the writing and into the meaning intended by the author? >> I usually don’t, not without prompting, or without having prior knowledge of the author’s perspective on things, life experiences, that sort of thing. For example, I know a lot about Ayn Rand’s life by now, so when reading her books, it’s a lot easier for me to see what she was expressing and why she chose to express it like that. Whereas when I first read The Fountainhead, I mostly took it at face value and the political implications kind of went over my head in the beginning. It’s just not my skill set, I guess (and is a big reason why I failed high school English). 316. Is there anything you can take apart completely, and then put back together, and have no left over parts? >> I don’t know, I don’t usually do stuff like that. 317. What are your feelings about the death penalty? >> Sometimes I think it’s more humane than lifelong incarceration. 318. If there was a god and you could ask him/her one question what would it be? >> If I wanted to ask a god a question, I’d just ask him. I don’t see what the issue is, here. 319. Do you believe that life will be found on other planets? >> I think it’s highly possible and I wouldn’t be surprised if it happened. I’d be really delighted, though, because that’s a neat ass discovery. 320. What is something worth suffering for? >> I’m not sure “suffering” is the word I’d use for this kind of thing. I think there is useful pain and good stress, but the word “suffering” particularly implies a level of unnecessariness to the whole experience. Suffering, to me, is the stuff of life that no one should have to go through, that adds nothing of value to the world, that is mainly just human cruelty perpetrated on others. Suffering is “starvation in a world of plenty” or “chronic homelessness” or “child abuse”. Whereas what I think a useful pain or a good stress is, is something like “delayed gratification” or “strenuous exercise” when in service to a personal goal or ideal, or the pain of surgery to fix something wrong, or the pain of mourning or confronting a feeling that you’d otherwise try to run from. 321. If you could put an extra eye on your body anywhere you wanted, where would you put it? >> I’d have extra eyes all over. That’s a pretty good look, if you ask me. But they’d have to be tattoos or magical projections or something, because otherwise that’d just be a terrible nuisance. Eyes are way too sensitive and prone to injury to start putting them on body parts that generally have more contact with the environment. 322. Are you in touch with the earth and nature? >> I don’t know. The conditions of my existence have put me at a considerable remove from nature, I think, along with a lot of other urban-dwelling Americans. So now capitalism sells us things and experiences meant to “get us back in touch with nature~”, because this is a hell world. 323. Would you rather live simply or extravagantly? >> I think some measure of in-between is best for me. There are some things considered “extravagant” by other people that I think would just provide me and my neuroatypical brain with a better quality of life -- like having a big bathroom with modern fixtures, or a housekeeper to do the heavy cleaning. On the flip side, I don’t want to live in great opulence, or anything. I want aesthetically pleasing, well-made things just like the next guy, but not ostentatious things, not status-symbol-y things. 324. Have you ever been camping? >> Yeah, a couple of times. Would love to go again. 325. Is your heart open when you meet someone new? >> Well, see, I have never had open-heart surgery, so-- 326. Are you able to have conversations with and become friends with people who are not like you and are interested in different things than you are? >> It depends on what levels they are different from me. I can definitely have conversations with people of varying interests and life experiences. That’s how I learn new things and new perspectives. But I don’t think I could have any fulfilling conversations with someone who refused to respect the truths of my existence, or with someone who seemed especially impoverished in the open-mindedness department. 327. Are strangers more beautiful or frightening to you? >> Er. Neither? Most of the time, strangers are just inconveniently in my line of perception and I’m just waiting for them to pass out of it. 328. What stops you from doing everything you want to do? >> Coronavirus. *rimshot* 329. Can you think of three adjective that do not apply to you at all? >> I don’t think I can, really. There are some adjectives that might only apply to me incidentally, or only to a certain version of myself (who might or might not still exist), but that means they still apply in some context. 330. How do you feel about Jeremy Jaynes, who got a nine year prison sentence for spamming people with junk email (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jeremy_Jaynes)? >> I don’t feel like reading about this person. 331. Do you know who the current premier of China is? >> I don’t remember. 332. Are you very active? >> No. 333. Is there a city that reminds you of the landscape of your brain? >> Yeah, the Los Angeles of Blade Runner 2049. Ha ha. 334. Have you ever loved someone who has loved you back? >> Probably. 335. Is it really being 'in love with’ someone if the other person doesn’t love you? >> I don’t see why it wouldn’t be, but I’m the wrong person to ask about that sort of thing anyway. 336. Do you believe that there is someone perfect for everyone or that people just fall in love with who ever they are with at the time? >> I don’t subscribe to either of those ideas. 337. Do you know secret things? >> No. 338. Have you ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have? >> I don’t know what this means. 339. How do you overcome your fears? >> If I do, it’s probably because it went away on its own or something weird happened to dispel it. I have no idea how to overcome a fear on purpose. 340. What can you do better than anyone you know? >> Nothing. 341. Would you benefit from a wilder existence? >> No, I really would not. Unless you mean “wilder” in the sense of “wilderness” and not, like, “wild child”. In that case, yeah, maybe. 342. Does it seem to you like the range of socially acceptable behavior is getting smaller or larger? >> I don’t know, man. I try not to make any sweeping generalisations like this. I think some of the conversations we’re having as a society really need to happen, though, whether they’re comfortable or fun to participate in/observe or not. 343. Have you ever fired a gun? >> No. 344. Are people becoming more afraid of each other? >> As I said, I prefer not to make sweeping generalisations like this, I don’t think they’re useful or in any way accurate to actual experience. 345. If you had to choose the percentage of freedom vs. safety what ratio would you decide on (ex: 100% free 0% safe)? >> What. 346. Does safety stifle you? >> Some people’s ideas of “safety” do stifle me, yes. Other people’s ideas of it are life-affirming to me. I haven’t really given much thought to what “safety” means for me, personally. 347. Who or what needs to be stopped? >> Oh, you know. The planet, so I can get off *cue laugh track* 348. Are human beings becoming more domesticated? >> Isn’t that what the advance of civilisation is, and particularly advancements like technology and industrialisation? The process of increasing domestication, of separating Man from Nature, elevating that one above that other? Otherwise, I have no idea how I’m supposed to answer this question. 349. Do you follow the lives of the British Royal Family? >> No, I know nothing about them. 350. How did the death of Pope John Paul II (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pope_John_Paul_II) affect you? >> It didn’t. I don’t even remember when it happened.

#surveys #survey #5000 question survey

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networkingdefinition · 4 years

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Hamsters Quotes

Official Website: Hamsters Quotes

• A squat cannot be performed on a Smith machine any more than it can be performed in a small closet with a hamster. – Mark Rippetoe • Adrenaline kicks you in when you’re starving. That’s what nobody understands. Except for being hungry and cold, most of the time I feel like I can do anything. It gives me superhuman powers of smell and hearing. I can see what people are thinking, stay two steps ahead of them. I do enough homework to stay off the radar. Every night I climb thousands of steps into the sky to make me so exhausted that when I fall into bed, I don’t notice Cassie. Then suddenly it’s morning and I leap on the hamster wheel and it starts all over again. – Laurie Halse Anderson • And then the turbines generate electricity that goes into the whole town.” “You mean they aren’t powered by giant hamsters on wheels? I was misinformed. – Michael Grant • At school, our classroom had a small rodent zoo consisting of two rabbits, three hamsters, a litter of baby gerbils and a guinea pig. At first, I’d thought the teacher was raising snack food, which impressed me, being the first sign of intelligence she’d shown. Soon, though, I’d figured out the animals’ true purpose and left them alone, though I would never understand the appeal of petting and coddling perfectly good food. – Kelley Armstrong

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'Hamster', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '68', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_hamster').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_hamster img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

• But I just felt at one point that I was on a hamster wheel, you know? Just doing movie after movie and thinking so much about career related things and I think missing out on hanging with my friends and family as much I needed to. – Woody Harrelson • DNS is kind of the hamster under the hood that drives the Internet. – David Ulevitch • Even as a child I was fascinated by death, not in a spiritual sense, but in an aesthetic one. A hamster or guinea pig would pass away, and, after burying the body, I’d dig it back up: over and over, until all that remained was a shoddy pelt. It earned me a certain reputation, especially when I moved on to other people’s pets. “Igor,” they called me. “Wicked, spooky.” But I think my interest was actually fairly common, at least among adolescent boys. At that age, death is something that happens only to animals and grandparents, and studying it is like a science project. – David Sedaris • Girls were nice to me in the same way that they would be nice to a hamster. I fantasized about wild encounters with females but knew they’d never happen unless my own involvement could somehow go undetected. – Joel Achenbach • Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup-they all die. So do we. – Robert Fulghum • Have you noticed how the Republicans and Democrats try to copy each other at their conventions. Like at the Democratic convention John Kerry’s daughter told a story about how he once gave CPR to her hamster. At the Republican convention the Bush girls are going to tell a story about how when their hamster was bad, their dad built them a little electric chair. – Jay Leno • Haven’t had your fill of interesting events?” “Never. They are the spice of life.” She held up her half-finished hat. “How do you like it?” “It’s nice. The blue is pretty. But what do the runes say?” “Raxacori-Oh, never mind. It wouldn’t mean a thing to you anyway. Safe travels to you and Saphira, Eragon. And remember to watch out for earwigs and wild hamsters. Ferocious things, wild hamsters.” – Christopher Paolini • He was not used to the smell of dragon breath, which is best described as a combination of the stench of burning rubber and the stink of old socks, with overtones of a hamster cage in dire need of a cleaning. – Angie Sage • I always find cardio the most monotonous. Running on a treadmill shows me why hamsters are so crazy. – Luke Evans • I always see to the dogs first and leave the cats and the occasional birds and rabbits and hamsters for later. It isn’t that I play favorites, it’s just that dogs are needier than other pets. Leave a dog alone for very long and it’ll start going a little nuts. Cats, on the other hand, try to give you the impression that they didn’t even notice you were gone. Oh, were you out? they’ll say, I didn’t notice. Then they’ll raise their tails to show you their little puckered anuses and walk away.- Blaize Clement • I can’t shut my brain off. It’s like a hamster wheel.” ~ Justin – Richelle Mead • I could keep trying to do the same kind of comedies. You know how it’s going to go, and you can get an audience with it, but then I feel like a hamster on a wheel. – Vince Vaughn • I do not mean to be the slightest bit critical of TV newspeople, who do a superb job, considering that they operate under severe time constraints and have the intellectual depth of hamsters. But TV news can only present the “bare bones” of a story; it takes a newspaper, with its capability to present vast amounts of information, to render the story truly boring. – Dave Barry • I don’t believe in happy endings. Children have got to face death sooner or later. Granny and Grandpa die, dogs die, cats die, gerbils and those frightful things – what are they called? – hamsters: all die like flies. So there’s no point avoiding it. – Raymond Briggs • I don’t believe in reincarnation, and I didn’t believe in it when I was a hamster. – Shane Richie • I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. – Graham Chapman • I feel so agitated all the time, like a hamster in search of a wheel. – Carrie Fisher • I got ham but I’m not a Hamster – Bill Bailey • I know what the intimidation level of high school is. You’re on a hamster wheel, running, running, running, trying so hard to fit in. It’s all about how you deal with what you’re given, feeling OK with being the odd man out before you’re finally successful. – Drew Barrymore • I love running cross-country…You come up a hill and see two deer going, ‘What the hell is he doing?’ On a track I feel like a hamster. – Robin Williams • I love watching him think,” Maeve told Lily. “You can almost hear that poor little hamster running and running on its wheel. – Jim Butcher • I voted against Gerald Nabarro in my first general election, but my defiance made no difference. If you had put a Conservative rosette on a mustachioed hamster, it would have been elected. – Jeremy Paxman • If anybody felt worse than I did, it was Amos. I had just enough magic to turn myself into a falcon and him into a hamster (hey, I was rushed!) – Rick Riordan • If the sun were made of hamsters, the earth would be incinerated. – Michael Schumacher • I’m done with men. I have a hamster. That’s all I need. – Janet Evanovich • It’s fine to be on the hamster wheel, running and running, trying to grab the brass ring or whatever you define as success, but your relationships, that’s really all that matters when it’s all said and done. – Katie Couric • It’s for the hamster that I’m gonna buy! This is so perfect! (after opening a hamster wheel at Christmas) – Gerard Way • I’ve lived here … my whole life. It’s where I lost all my baby teeth. Where tiny hamster, gerbil, and bird skeletons lie in rotted-out cardboard coffins beneath the oak tree in our backyard. Also where, if some future archaeologist goes digging, they’ll find the remains of a plush toy: a gray terrier named Toto I buried after the accident. – Jennifer McMahon • Lissa knelt down, compassion on her face. I wasn’t surprised, since she’d always had a thing for animals. She’d lectured me for days after I’d instigated the infamous hamster-and-hermit-crab fight. I’d viewed the fight as a testing of worthy opponents. She’d seen it as animal cruelty. – Richelle Mead • Most of us are animal lovers. We insist that we love all animals equally – the hamster, the weasel, and the zebra – but if pressed, we will admit to being either a cat person or a dog person. – Nicole Hollander • New Rule: Gay marriage won’t lead to dog marriage. It is not a slippery slope to rampant inter-species coupling. When women got the right to vote, it didn’t lead to hamsters voting. No court has extended the equal protection clause to salmon. And for the record, all marriages are “same sex” marriages. You get married, and every night, it’s the same sex. – Bill Maher • No matter if you’re a man, woman, cat, hamster, you will get lost in Matt Bomer’s eyes. I don’t know what they are made of outside of dreams and rainbows and amazingness but it truly doesn’t matter. And when he sings. It’s like God gave with both hands and then grew a third hand and graced him with more. – Channing Tatum • One of my producers said this business is like a hamster on that little wheel thing that goes around and around. You may have a great day and get great ratings, but then you’ve got another show to do – whatever moment of success or happiness you have you’ve got to keep grinding it out for the next day. – Sean Hannity • Privately, I consider religion to be a load of bollocks, but when you have a sobbing five year old wanting to know what happened to her hamster, you develop an instant belief in anything that dissolves some of the heartbreak off her face. – Tana French • Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let’s face it, a hamster with Alzheimer’s could make those kind of numbers. It’s great work if you can get it. – Scott Adams • Some Poor grad student pressing on the flanks of a hamster and out comes a doctorate on the other side – Robert M. Sapolsky • Sung to the tune of O Christmas Tree O woe is me, O woe is me, I used to have a hamster tree, But it was eaten by a newt, And now I have no cuddly fruit, O woe is me, O woe is me, I used to have a hamster tree! – Clive Barker • The hamster called. He wants his home back. – James Patterson • The Hamsters really kick ass – Slim is one of your greatest guitar players – Walter Trout • The kid makes you sick. He looks the part, he walks the part, he is the part. He’s six-foot something, fit as a flea, good-looking – he’s got to have something wrong with him….Hopefully he’s hung like a hamster! That would make us all feel better! – Cristiano Ronaldo • The real slums are another matter. The bad parts of Tondo are as bad as any place I’ve seen, ancient, filthy houses swarmed with the poor and stinking of sewage and trash. But there are worse parts – squatter areas where people live under cardboard, in shipping crates, behind tacked-up newspapers. Dad would march you straight to the basement with a hairbrush in his hand if he caught you keeping your hamster cage like this. – P. J. O’Rourke • The thing is, we have to let go of all blame, all attacking, all judging, to free our inner selves to attract what we say we want. Until we do, we are hamsters in a cage chasing our own tails and wondering why we aren’t getting the results we seek. – Joe Vitale • The wheels are turning, but the hamsters are all dead. Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot. I learned long ago, never to wrestle with a pig, you get dirty; and besides, the pig likes it. – George Bernard Shaw • The world’s tragedy is that men love women, women love children, and children love hamsters. – Joanna Trollope • We sometimes feel like hamsters on a wheel, covering the same musical ground we did 20 or more years ago. – Bent Saether • Well, I’m an uncle now … don’t know if I’m a good one. My nephew asked me the difference between a hamster and a gerbil and I told him I thought there was more dark meat on a gerbil. – Bobcat Goldthwait • What if hamsters fought in the American Revolution? – Colin Mochrie • While I liked hamsters, too, the Habitrail cage was expensive. Even I could see that the interconnecting boxes, tubes, and spheres could easily bankrupt a family and lead to addiction later in life. Because, how would you know when to stop? How could you stop? An entire city could be built with a Habitrail. – Augusten Burroughs • Why shouldn’t it be that way for the rest of us? Why not just go with it? Just walk the dog and send the tweets and eat the scones and play with the hamsters and ride the bicycles and watch the sunsets and stream the movies and never worry about any of it? I didn’t know it could be that easy. I didn’t know that until just now. That sounds good to me. – Joshua Ferris • With boys you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane. It’s all there. The fruit flies hovering over their waste can, the hamster trying to escape to cleaner air, the bedrooms decorated in Early Bus Station Restroom. – Erma Bombeck • Wondering where Ranger was now, when I needed him. Why wasn’t he here, insisting on locking me up in a safe house? Now that my hamster’s cage was clean, I’d be happy to oblige. – Janet Evanovich • Yeah, well, don’t worry about it. I’ve never met a Daimon yet I couldn’t take. (Wulf) Guess again, little brother. You just met one, and trust me, he’s not like any you’ve ever met before. He makes Desiderius look like a pet hamster. (Acheron) – Sherrilyn Kenyon • You ignorant little slug!” the Trunchbull bellowed. “You witless weed! You empty-headed hamster! You stupid glob of glue! – Roald Dahl • Your Mother was A Hamster and you Father Smelled of elder berries. – John Cleese

[clickbank-storefront-bestselling]

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jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'e', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_e').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_e img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

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jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'u', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_u').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_u img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

jQuery(document).ready(function($) var data = action: 'polyxgo_products_search', type: 'Product', keywords: 'y', orderby: 'rand', order: 'DESC', template: '1', limit: '4', columns: '4', viewall:'Shop All', ; jQuery.post(spyr_params.ajaxurl,data, function(response) var obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); jQuery('#thelovesof_y').html(obj); jQuery('#thelovesof_y img.swiper-lazy:not(.swiper-lazy-loaded)' ).each(function () var img = jQuery(this); img.attr("src",img.data('src')); img.addClass( 'swiper-lazy-loaded' ); img.removeAttr('data-src'); ); ); );

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equitiesstocks · 4 years

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Hamsters Quotes

Official Website: Hamsters Quotes

[clickbank-storefront-bestselling]

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shawnjacksonsbs · 5 years

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Does it die, or is it madness? 5-26-19

Never wanting to live in madness, means to truly accept the ever-changing terms and conditions of life AS they come. Forever does die, the thought of it does anyway, but at least heaven doesn't have to feel so far away in the meantime. In the physical sense of the word, forever is a time frame, that just sets people up to feel like they failed, like they didn't make it, or reach their goal. I still use it sometimes, but maybe I shouldn't. Dealing in absolutes means to be stand-offish towards change when it does occur. Nothing truly is forever, except time itself. A thing, such as love, can be strong, strong as hell, and truly unconditional, and can even last your entire life, but that's still not forever. Always and forever are very different things as well. Unless you start getting into faiths and beliefs, which there is absolutely no proof of. And so far, I have absolutely no regrets about this move back home. I doubt I ever will. A lot has happened in the last 5 months that could have dissuaded a lesser version of myself, but not even close with this newer me though. Weather, especially at the end of winter with snowpocalypses and polar vortexes, and now going into a miserably hot summer, scattered with flash floods and thunderstorms, would have normally been enough for me to cave in and get out, or fold it up and throw in the towel but those faint feelings never last more than a day, as I see any number of my loved ones face to face. And don't let them be my love, or my grandchildren, especially if they're smiling, talking about "paw paw this" or "paw paw that" then it ends up being almost exactly opposite, like feelings of regret for not moving back sooner. Lol I'm just moving with the punches and going with the flow and that is the only real way to live life anyway. While I'm on the subject, no real regrets about leaving Facebook either. At least the things I miss from loved ones I can catch up with once a week, and without all the hate, and ignorance interfering with my contentment. I did find myself in question a couple of times throughout this past week, like "What do you do when you're locked in a vacancy?" First you realize that you hold that key that unlocks it, second, and more importantly, once you're there, it's no longer a vacancy. Boredom lies right on the edge of insanity, but I'm telling you right now that the motivation required to make necessary "positive" changes are always within our grasp. If you really want something, or really want out of something then you'll decide to push yourself there, or through it, or whatever. Trust me. If you don't then you really aren't ready to be on the other side of it anyways. People who've quit drinking, drugging, smoking, etc. all know what I'm talking about. You may feel sincere, but when you're really ready, you'll just do the shit, no more talk or broken promises. Life before social media was less than entertaining, but life after can be less than satisfying. With all the good that it brought with it, such as sharing family moments, happiness, and positive memories, it also brought into light a way for hate to bleed all over us, even if, and mostly, against our will. So instead of constantly complaining about it, I decided to turn away that part of it. I may not know everything. Hell, I may not know anything for real, but I do know that I am my own creator. I get to decide how, why, what for, and when, kind of I guess. Maybe since it isn't sketched in completely, I'm my own architect. That makes more sense than my own creator I think. I help in the design of what I think I want my future to look like, and to feel like. If I don't like it, ok cool, change some shit and move on. Am I right, or am I right?! And don't turn the fact that I said "creator" into some nonsensical God thing. You should all know me better than that by now. I am, we are, our own gods/the whole universe. Gods of worldly religions, especially Abrahamic doctrine, actually pulls people away from living life with morality felt from the heart and straight into a place of being told by that religion what's right and wrong. For which they miss the mark on a lot of shit, like way off. That part is super fucked up to me, but whatever. To each his own I guess. Going to my Momma's today for dinner. It's the last Sunday of the month, so it starts today. Lol It's going to be nice to have a tradition to carry forward into our future. Various siblings with or without their families, as well as hit n miss members of my immediate family, like kids, and grandkids, etc will always know that the last Sunday of every month can be a place to get together with each other. Sharing real life stuff with each other instead of using diluted social media. I don't expect that all, or even most of the family, will be at all of these dinners but knowing that some will and can is just as important. It's not like if someone misses one then they're just out that time, like a once a year family reunion. They can just make the next one. Its going on the regular. It would be nice if it was everyone, every time, but that's unrealistic. I'll be satisfied if there are times where it's just me, my love, my Momma, and stepdad, and other times where its all of us. Just hoping for more every time, doesn't take away from the rest. I sure hope all of you are still sharing the love and the laughter that you've found in your life with the world around you. Don't forget to please, please, please be kind to every person you meet. You truly don't know what they have going on at home, or work, or life. It could save a life. At the very least be civil. If you can't be civil, then you are no different than animals in the wild. We are so much more and can be more than that. Until next week; "When you complain, you make yourself a victim. Leave the situation, change the situation, or accept it. All else IS madness." - Eckhart Tolle

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tessatechaitea · 7 years

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Kamandi Challenge #4

I guess Kamandi is younger than I thought. Is there actually an age where it becomes illegal to show a female topless? Or is it all dependent on breast development?

Is it ... semen?! The Jaguar God is just a big fuck puppet!

Kamandi is deep throated by the Jaguar Fuck Puppet which deposits her in the creatures semen supply bunker. That's also where a couple of regular Jaguar people are controlling the fuck puppet and enjoying the previous loads of semen. It turns out it's just an automaton! The Jaguar God is a big fake created by creatures in their own image. Just like every other god! Again, except the Hindus. Which means the Hindu gods must be real because according to the most boring thing anybody can ever say yet they still say it a lot anyway, "You just can't make that shit up!" Don't you hate when people say that? Because I can make a lot of shit up and usually the "you can't make that shit up" stuff is so boring and mundane that the expression should be "Why would you want to make that shit up?" So the "being swallowed whole" by a giant which was my stupid guess as to how this would play out since it's a basic comic book trope and James Tynion the Fourth fucking loves basic comic book tropes turns out to be the solution to the mystery. Of course there's a twist in that the giant is a robot. I guess. Maybe that's not a twist but just another comic book trope that I wasn't really thinking about. After Kamandi is swallowed whole and survives, her fuck plant is chewed up before being swallowed. That's because she's capable of regrowing lost body parts which Kamandi hasn't quite gotten the hang of yet.

A scientist jaguar?! Ridiculous! I mean, I get having a canine scientist. But a feline?! Pshaw!

I should create some kind of rating that scores how long I was able to suspend my disbelief while reading any particular comic book. Maybe put one of those dripping blood line animations that were so popular in the Internet's wild and woolly frontier days at the point I lose my suspension of disbelief. In this one, I'd have placed it right at that spot that a jaguar was a scientist. Totally ridiculous. Jaguars are sporty creatures! Since when has a person into sports ever been able to science anything?! Ridiculous! Since the jaguar is a scientist, he loves explaining things so Kamandi didn't have to get so threatening so quickly. To be fair, she was just gulped down by a giant fuck puppet god machine. I'd probably be a little bit crazy at that point too. I can't wait to see how Jimmy and Amanda say they would have solved this cliffhanger! I bet Kamandi and his fuck plant would have realized at the last second that it wasn't their bodies that were going to be sacrificed but their God cherries. Then they would have been, "Oh? Okay! I'm totally up for this!" Then there would have been twenty pages of fucking before the next cliffhanger where the condom broke.

Oh! This guy was just a freaky nerd offshoot of the jaguar sun cult. Disbelief re-suspended!

Kamandi forgets that she was just nearly murdered by Professor Cano the Sciencing Jaguar and is impressed by Cano's ability to fool a bunch of religious lunatics. She's all, "Oh yeah! That's what they deserve! Fuck those ignorant motherfuckers!" Then they all dance for a bit before getting back to the plot. Cano tells Kamandi that she won't be leaving because Jaguar Scientists are a lot like Nazi Scientists. They don't mind vivisecting people who tick the wrong box on the race, religion, sexuality, and anything that kind of slightly annoys the scientist forms. So Kamandi says, "I figured that would be the case. That's why I don't just keep a knife sheathed in my vagina; I also keep a gun holstered in my butthole!" Then she pulls out the gun and threatens to shoot some of the scientist's machinery. Cano curses having not spent enough time in jaguar gym or else he could easily disarm Kamandi. Instead he's all, "Oh shit I just shit my lab coat!" This paragraph is just for the Actually Nerds out there: I fucking know Kamandi didn't have the gun in her butthole. I know the fucking gun was Cano's and it was mixed in with the tea service or something. But what do you want me to do? Admit to the ridiculous truth of the comic book that Cano leaves his gun just lying around where any two year old jaguar can happen along and shoot itself in the face or make up my own ridiculous truth that goes along with the earlier ridiculous lie about Kamandi's knife? That ridiculous lie was told to obfuscate the ridiculous truth that the jaguars tied up Kamandi for a sacrifice without finding a huge fucking knife on her nearly naked torso. Okay. Back to the bit of commentary that's for everybody. Instead of threatening Cano and forcing him to free her, Kamandi shoots out the view screen which is the only way the professor has of seeing where the giant robot jaguar god is going. Great job, idiot! Why did the last human on Earth have to be such an idiot?! Kamandi and his fuck plant climb back out of the jaguar god's mouth while the jaguar king misses the perfect opportunity for a spit take.

Oh come on, James Tynion the Fourth! You don't mind stealing and using every other boring ass cliché in comics but you refuse to use the standard sitcom spit take in the most perfect spot?! Pretentious jerko!

As they're climbing down the front of the giant jaguar fuck puppet, fuck plant notices the plane hanging on a chain around the god's neck. "Do you think that is still mechanically viable and full of fuel and in proper working order after sitting unused for so long and then battered from hanging around the neck of a giant robot?" she asks. Kamandi answers, "Fuck yeah, bitch!" Then she moans orgasmically and says "Why haven't you eaten me yet, honey?" while chlorophyll drips down her inner thigh. Even though the fuck puppet's view screen was shot out by Kamandi, it still seems to be able to see them escaping in its bling. Kamandi gets in the cockpit and says, "Hee hee! Cockpit!" Then she says, "I hope there's still fuel in this thing!" And that's it. That's the only bit that a reader has to imagine needs to be okay with the jet. It just needs fuel! Don't worry about how long the fuel has been sitting in it or any other bit of maintenance that probably needs to be done on a plane that's been hanging around a fuck puppet's neck for who knows how long! Also, the fuel probably has gotten some semen in it in the intervening years. But no! The jet works and Kamandi and fuck puppet fly off into the sunset to live happily ever after! I solved the mystery! I think!

She's a plant, you idiot! You're going to suffocate her!

Kamandi blacks out and the jet crashes in the desert where, during his blackout, presumably, she walks away from the crash and collapses. When she wakes back up, she rushes back to the jet and realizes her fuck plant is drying out! Unless she's dead from being suffocated. I bet she just needs to be fucked really good! Kamandi has crashed next to a gigantic wall. That must mean she's in Australia. I think this is where the Kangaroo Mafia (or whatever they're called!) are going to be used as the cliffhanger. Before Kamandi can fuck his fuck plant back into consciousness, she's hit in the side of the head with a high tech boomerang. Remember, it's the future! So the boomerangs need to be high tech even though there isn't a lot that can be done to perfect them. Maybe put a gyroscope inside them? Being that this cliffhanger is, once again, going to be Kamandi about to fight something to the death, she and Fuck Plant (I might as well make that her official name since I refuse to remember that her name is Vila) get to choose some weapons and a vehicle which they'll be able to use against that cliffhanger I mentioned.

Stupid Australians! They're always so violent and ignorant! Which is why it's so strange that they actually have rational gun control!

That's it! That's the cliffhanger! How will Kamandi and Fuck Plant defeat the Kanga Rat Murder Society?! I hope they use sex as their weapon. This series needs more futuristic fucking. Bill Willingham is the next writer so I'm probably not imaginative enough to figure out what he'll come up with. Remember when he was famous for drawing fantasy pics in Dungeons and Dragons supplements? What a time to be alive! Jimmy Palmiotti writes the essay at the end describing how he would have gotten Kamandi out of the Jaguar God predicament. I bet it involves Kamandi being swallowed whole as well but with a comment from the jaguar kind about deep throating. A tasteful comment, of course! Jimmy lets slip one of the secrets that I pretty much already assumed anyway and said as much in this or the last commentary: the teams of writers and artists already knew what characters or areas of the world they would be writing about before they got their cliffhanger from the previous team. So Jimmy already knew he had giant bat people when he got the Kamandi falling off a cliff ending. Anyway, Jimmy would have solved this cliffhanger pretty much how James solved it: Kamandi gets away in the jet. Personally, I would have used the tank and had Kamandi commit genocide against the jaguar people. The Ranking! No change! I suppose this could have been a "+1" issue but why should I feel anything but petty after seeing what a bunch of despicable assholes are in charge of our country? Not that I didn't already know it. But watching them laugh and live it up while pissing and shitting on the people they're supposed to represent? Fuck them all. And fuck everybody who watches Fox News and doesn't understand that it's the capitalist equivalent to state controlled media. When corporations own your politicians, the corporate news channel runs the propaganda machine. But all y'all Fox viewers are all in on believing the opposite. "This one channel is the only one that tells the truth! I mean, this channel and all these weird backwater Internet sites that copy and paste bullshit from each other until you've seen the same thing in so many different places, it must be true. Also, how come nobody ever refutes Fox News and these shady sites if they're lying? I mean refutations from sites that I trust! Get that fucking Snopes bullshit out of here, idiot!"

#Kamandi #DC Comics #James Tynion IV #Carlos D'anda #Gabe Eltaeb #Fox News

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goats-and-coffee · 7 years

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Update 1: #NoDevelopmentWithoutFlipchartPaper

I’m sending my love to you from Timor Loro-Sa’e, also known as Timor-Leste or East Timor. Loro-Sa’e means sunrise in Tetum, in case you were curious.

It’s been a wild two weeks here (after a wild two days of travel). Unless you already happen to be near Singapore or Bali or Darwin, do not bother trying to get here. And if you do happen to be making plans to be in any of those areas after March, let me know and I’ll try to make something happen. But the planes fed me and the only difficult leg was DC to Tokyo with a window seat, a small bladder and two seat mates who were fond of sleeping. I slept like a rock to Singapore and we stayed in the airport’s hotel which happens to be and absolutely amazing. One last bit of posh luxury before being sent to squat toilets and bucket showers.

Training: The technical trainings we have been having are so enriching. Our lessons have been about Participatory Analysis for Community Action tools and keyhole gardening so far and have been both challenging and fun. The PACA tool we practiced with so far was community mapping, which meant having folks in the community draw out how they see it, what’s important where they go, what they use, where they don’t like to go and all sorts of other interesting information. This helps us get an idea of what kind of projects could be important and what the community sees as important. Somehow we lead this activity with about a week’s worth of language skills? I’m really proud of the work we did. One example of a project that might come out of that is a keyhole garden. A keyhole garden is one that is waist height so you don’t have to bend and has a wedge cut out to make it easier to harvest and tend to/add compost/gray-water to. The wedge and the compost bin make it look like a keyhole from above (kind of). What makes this Community Action is that the materials are all collected by the community and they are a part of the construction and tending process so they are able to sustain it. And they are the experts at a lot of the construction elements like turning the bamboo into steps to weave into a “basket” and chopping up a banana tree truck. Although... I did have great time getting a whack at splitting Bamboo for the fence and using the machete (katana). Somehow that didn’t make it into the safety and security training. The only thing I will say about training is that the other volunteers come from all different spaces and not necessarily the same type of spaces I’m used to from college. I’m really over microaggressions and slurs being thrown around. For a small example: gy*ped, "darkie", the r-word, ghetto/ratchet/gangster, so and so "is dressed like a lesbian” etc. On top of the constantly gendered language but you know, only so many battles. I feel we are so much better than this. And what really gets me is that I know so many great folks who could do some amazing work but wouldn’t even apply because of it being inaccessible and noninclusive.

But other than that training is great.

Language: We have been going at language classes for about ten or so days now and I am so impressed by how much my cluster and I have learned. Of course when going home and trying to make it through conversations with my families and neighbors, I am reminded how little I know, but it’s going really well. I know

the names for more fruit than I eat in the US (several of which aren’t in the US which makes it hard when you’re looking at a blurry grey photo),

almost everything I eat (and if I don’t know I ask in class the next day),

prepositions/directions,

greetings,

hobbies,

and other random words.

I’ve had my share of 4 hour classes and these ones really go by. The break for xá (tea) and hudi sona (fried bananas) and paun (bread) help. We’re also in a four person class in an open air classroom where our families and neighbors can overhear and know that now we know how to tell time and the days/months. But it is so extra that ten-forty-five is tuku sanulu liu minutu haatnulu resin lima OR Falta minutu sanulu resin lima atu ba tuku sanulu resin ida. And a lot of words in tetum that we’ve learned have multiple meanings. One of the worst offenders is “loos” : straight, right (like opposite of left), right (correct), very, and probably five other uses. We’ve also been teaching slang to our Lang./Cross-cultural Facilitators. You know, just to keep it even.

Homestay:

My home is great and my families are great. Really it’s just one big family since I don’t know who’s really Ama Tina’s and who’s Ama Ana Rosa’s (who is my actual host mom). I have a big room with green walls, they provided me with a mozzie net for my bed even though the PC gave us one, a desk that’s perfect for my water filter setup and all my unnecessary clothes (and the ones I’m learning are just not worth the hand washing). I eat so much and yet still never enough. It’s always “eat more” even when I’m overstuffed. The kids are great and the neighbor kids like me. When I’m walking to and from really anywhere I can hear a “Mana Jazmine!” from labarak sira. And wow do voices carry here. Our house is pretty big, with cement walls, and has an entry room, family/prayer room (with an alter and a tv) and a dining room/mini kitchen. The real kitchen is outside, as well as the bathroom (squat toilet and a tank of water to flush/shower with by way of a hand bucket thing). It’s a really nice place with really nice neighbors. One thing: the roosters and other animals start crowing at 3 am. Usually earlier. It’s a good thing I’m a square here and go to bed at or before 9, though I journal and read before bed every night (at this current point in time.

Culture and Food:

Okay so while the dominant religion (98%) is Catholicism, everyone here is the cool kind of Catholic who don’t care if you aren’t religious and don’t judge you for not going to Mass (it’s only an hour on Sunday contrary to what I was told. (note: this is not wholly true, this was just my experience at Dare) My family even didn’t have prayer at our house (it’s the month honoring Santa Maria) until through the language barrier I told them I was okay with it. I’m going to Mass anyway since it’s a nice cultural experience and I can’t disagree with anything that is being preached when I don’t understand what’s being preached. I went to this event last night that wasn’t a wedding, I think maybe a dowery type part of the process, like an engagement party? All I know is that it was a festa (party), there was representatives of the family having a meeting and they came to an agreement. (note: it was indeed a prenda, which is a cultural party that essentially is a formal engagement party where a dowery agreement is executed. If anyone has a better explanation, my ask box is open!) There was a horse and I think a cow that one of the other trainees was told by their family were going to be served as food later that night, a massive buffet of food, cake, wine that was popped in a very wedding like fashion followed by a night of dancing. I left at 11:30 but the music was going through the night and up until it was time for Mass. It was a couple houses down so I could hear it from my room. Anyway Ama Ana Rosa brought me because it’s “Kultura Timor” And it was really cool and a lot of fun.

In terms of food: breakfast is usually something like bread and coffee, sometimes with pineapple jam, might be talas (which are like potatoes) or bananas. Lunch is usually something like a salad, rice and veggies. Dinner is the same. Sometimes we have chicken or cut up hot dogs or fish with it. But we eat at least rice and veggies every lunch and dinner. I’ve eaten more fruits and veggies these two weeks than maybe in the last year. And I mean, there are like ten fruit trees in our yard. Last Sunday I was visiting a trainee down the hill, where we have our classes and we had just learned “hau gosta han ___” and her host brother was asking us if we liked nu (coconut) and he just climbed the tree and brought some down for us and her mom served us the meat and the coconut water. This is some true farm to table living. Also they have Mi Goreing noodles which are the top ramen of this part of the world (I ate plenty in Aus. and NZ). They call it supermi (a brand, like calling bandages Band-Aids), which is cool except that “supermi" is used for every type of noodle/pasta. The food is good and not very shocking at all. But let me tell you: green bananas boiled with butter and sprinkled with red chilies-so bomb. Oh and at the table, salt and pepper means salt and hot peppers!

That’s all I've really got for you. I'm in love with it here and the work I will be doing!

Ate logu!

Mana Jazmine

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